Imagine setting your makeup, then forgetting it's even theirs. Meet new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. Gel to mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all-day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue. Just plump, dewy hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Mavily New York. I want to let you know that I'll be doing a podcast, taping this podcast, before a live audience. It's the only time I've ever done that, and it may be the only time I ever do, I don't know, but that will be with the champ, Iron Mike Tyson, on May 5th in Los Angeles at the Wiltern Theater, as part of the Netflix is a joke fest, and after that it'll be on our channel, so you can see it there. You can get tickets at Theovon.com/tour. Today's guest is a stand-up comedian. He's an actor, and he's a dancer. He's a dancer. We've been friends for a long time, and it's great to finally have him in. His new special intrusive thoughts is right now available on YouTube. We've got a link in the description. Today's guest is my friend, Mr. Fahim Anwar. I don't mean it, I mean, I'm kind of strong, I was thinking about myself. And I'm saying over there don't even happen, somebody just said there were some fires going on. I remember when everyone had that fire app for like three weeks, and then we deleted it. Yeah, it hit it. Right? Like we just were all about that fire app, but like I deleted it. Yeah. I was trying to find out like what fires are going on in Oregon or something. Oh, bro, when people had that app, bring up that app. What was that? It was called fire. I mean, I think it was called something's burning. Was it just an advertisement for Berkweiser's podcast? It was a cross-pollination. What was that app? Watch duty. That was the app. You ever remember? It was like, oh, there it is. Oh, it's on the fire. It's like, oh, it's on Venice Boulevard, you know? Well, it was like, you thought you were going to die. So you just like, am I by the flames? Do I have to outrun it? Yeah. It just has run. It just pops up. Dude, that, that was it right there. I remember it in the flames that get bigger and something had air flames going by. And every now and then they would have this like, like a burning emoji, just run across the screen. They would have an icon of a guy setting fires. You're like, somebody take care of them. Why is he? Cops get on it. Yeah, dude. That app was crazy. And it was like, oh, leave your popcorn kernels out on your, uh, veranda. It's going to be a hot one. Yeah, it's crazy. They're like, oh, it's going to be, yeah, definitely. It's a great day to make some, it's a great day to get some popcorn going. Yeah. I mean, it was bittersweet. Like the developers were probably stoked. Yeah. That you never was downloading the app, but it's a shame that like this has to happen for the downloads to go through the roof. Maybe they're starting it. That's what I was saying. I wonder if they could find knowing what we know now, like I wonder if they could find like a connection between the developers with the ones starting the fires, because that's what you start to realize in the world. It's like, yeah, if there's a crazy app that comes out that helps solve a problem, the other side of the makers of the app sometimes are, they're in conjunction with the people making the problem. You got to create the need. Yeah. You got to create the need, dude. If I hear you, man, we're good to see you, dude. Thanks for having me, man. Oh, man. Same. Thank you. This is great. Yeah, it's been awesome, man. Thanks for your patience, too. Yeah. You have a new special that's coming out, right? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And what's the name of it? It's called, I'm blank. Shit. I'll help here. And this will help the name of it. How about I should know what it's called? Intrusive thoughts. Bro, there you go. I need some of them right now. Yeah. It's almost like, yeah, yeah, you could use one. That's just-- I'm doing a promo run. This is good to get the kinks out. What's the name of the special? Yeah. Yeah. Let me just do the biggest podcast and go, what's the name of the special? Yeah. But I want to hit every camera where I have a brain fart. Intrusive thoughts. Yeah. I think I was thinking of my last special and idea. And it's out now. It's out now. Yeah, yeah. Oh, nice, man. Congratulations. Thank you, man. And you also-- what's the show that you do? It's the fixing-- Oh. The work-- the working on stuff. Yeah. So it's in the belly room at the comedy store. That one's called, for him, works on stuff. And it's a weekly series I do. I work on material. And then eventually, sometimes it makes it into the set. So like this hour, I did. A lot of those jokes ended up making it. But if you like stand up and how it's crafted and stuff, that's a fun one to check out. Oh, so from the stage all the way. And then how they ended up in-- Well, just me trying jokes out. I have paper and stuff. And the way we write material, you get ideas. And you try it out. I just-- I film it. And then I put it up. And I'd love to have you do it sometime, too. I'd love to have you on the show. Yeah, man. If I'm in town, I'd love to do it. Yeah. Thank you. Of course. I thought he was, like, he works. And I was like, you fixing like a motor or something. Yeah. That's bad branding. Or like, I thought there'd be a carburetor. And that's on me. But I'm on the thumbnail. I'm doing this. There you go right there. But he works on stuff. And his friends drop by. That's great. So it's nice. And so you do. Nobody works on stuff more than you, bro. You are like-- you're the guy that's always done-- like, to me, that's always done it like a chameleon. Like a true chameleon does. If people have an idea of what that is, and everybody's ideas can be different. But if you had this idea of like-- Well, it's very flattering, man. Thank you, man. Yeah, I was expecting something like a carburetor. I was expecting something different. Or I just thought I was like one of the, like, Bert's Christchurch shows where if he like every other, you know, he always says that Bert fights a mole or whatever, you know, it's like, you know-- I'm working on a different thing every show. It's a skateboard one show, a BMX. And then maybe a Misshalla. Yeah, he's building. In the comments, what do you want me to work on that? Yeah. And then your wife's like, why don't you work on this marriage or whatever, dude? I don't know. OK, nevermind. I don't work on that. I only work on jokes. And yeah. Yeah, because what was that? You guys whip that up just now. Yeah. Yeah. Wow. If I remember working under the hood, always grease and bro. That shit's dope, dude. You're kind of black arming there, but-- They've given me bigger forearms. I kind of like that. Yeah, you look for-- I made me beefier off, dude. With that chastis grease right there, that can of-- I'm like, I'll they kept the apple watch. That's-- [LAUGHTER] A.I. is not cutting me a break at all. Bro, you got to have something on you to let you know when lunch is, bro. That's a thing. Should I do this? I look way happier doing this. I haven't smiled as much ever on stage, but I'm just looking-- it's like my child. Oh, that pride. That's great, dude. What was I going to ask you about? Oh, do you see that guy hit the jumbo tron or something? No, I missed it. What was it? I mean, this is way less important than your special, but let's veer off. Yeah, another view of the parachuter who hits the jumbo tron at the Virginia Tech Game. This is the problem now with DEI, dude. It's like they can't even get a good parachuter. Do we know the race of the guy who was parachuting them? He survived. I mean, but that's crazy, bro. Just another goon or getting too close to the screen, huh? You would think, what if the whole stadium just saw a guy die before a game? Do they continue the game? That's a great question. You do a half, at least, right? You do a half, and then out of respect, you don't play the rest of the half. You play half a game when a guy dies. Yeah, that'd be crazy. What would happen? Say that guy, who obviously was-- what was he doing where he got too occupied? Yeah. He was just like this. He was watching footage of him. He's like, well, I'm getting pretty close to that thing. Oh, man, it's just sad, bro. That gooning, dude. Those guys want to get so close to the screen, dude. They want to be-- Right there. It's not enough. We used to masturbate in almost what is considered now kind of archaic. Like pages? Yes. A 2D image. Like, kids don't know what that's like to-- that's jerked off to a shadow at this point, you know what I mean? Yeah, the only volume was you had to quietly turn the page. Remember that? Yeah, sometimes you would move it around and make it dance. Make it seem like she's really there. Now they're Apple Vision Pro. They're loading me up. They're loading up different chicks. They're having threesome. Oh, they're having eights and they're having you freaking-- they're like, one where an octopus will jerk you off, and if you guess the army's going to do it with, you win more coins or whatever. I'm like, what is it? That'd be cool if there was an orgy with everyone's wearing an Apple Vision Pro. But it's just like 12 people naked in a room. Y'all can be fucking each other. And they're like, the environment's better. And this is like, we're on the pyramids. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, dude, what are you talking about? We're on the Mayflower. What would I fucking my living room? Like some fucking, like some senior citizen when I could fuck on the challenger. But you only have 40 seconds to fuck. So it's like sort of like a bust contest. You have to do it under the clock or you blow up. You have to bust before you bust. Yeah, yeah. It's the same with the game. And you go, you died without busting. You know what game is this? Oh, damn. Dude, it's definitely getting-- It's free, but then you have to pay for the tokens. That's where they get you. The game's free. The game is free, but yeah, you get different coins, too. I know there's like the-- [BLANK_AUDIO]
is that one, I know virtual reality sex thing where they get, they're having sex on like, famous, like sad times that happen. I think there's one they're doing now. Palantir is doing one where you can just do it right in the Gaza rubble. They're offering that. - That's a new service. - Yeah. - If they're pivoting, it's sort of like, all birds, the shoe company went AI, and everyone's like, okay, yeah, that's like Crocs getting into like biotech. You know, and that's just the loud dude. - That's so funny, bro. Imagine Palantir actually, they would come out with something like that, dude. That's soulless group. Yeah, but that's where it's gonna get to. It's like, oh, well, oh, sorry. I would love to work out today, but I'm banging a couple of chicks on the trail of tears later this afternoon. I'm meeting up with a couple of friends. We're meeting up in an opioid crisis basement from like 20-22. You know, it's just gonna get weirder and weirder. - Why does it have to be like busting to sad stuff? It's just, it's funny. Those are the only levels. It can't be a meadow. It has to be like the worst part of it. - Why do you mean like a meadow, like a meadow from like the hills, like a-- - Like the sound of music. - Sound of music, yeah, that'd be nice. - Ooh, that'd be beautiful. Like in Stockholm. - Sure. - Is that what it was? - Bring up a Stockholm meadow, please. What is it like there? - Oh, that's nice. - Oh God, look at that. - That's like an XP screensaver right there. - And we're, yeah, that is. Remember that when the nicest thing your house would be your screensaver. - Oh yeah. - But you looked out of your real windows and it was just like a bunch of like, it was like two black dudes fighting like a crow in Baltimore or whatever. - Whatever, that was the screensaver. They sent to the hood. Like you couldn't even have the rolling. It had to be like, what's outside your window? - Yeah. - So it couldn't even be that. It was just like dilapidated cars. What is that place? Oh, go back to the previous one, Nate. Whatever you clicked on right here. Green Meadow at Arnson, Johagan. - But yeah, dude. You're right. I'm thinking of like negative things. - But it is funny. I do like that constraint that it's a pretty awesome video game, but it has to be in terrible places. - Yeah. - That's just the deal. - Yeah. - Maybe the patch will let you do nice places. But until then we're beta testing the terrible places. - Right. In the beginning, it's like virtual reality sex thing. - Yeah. - Okay. - Yeah. - But in the beginning, you only get to like do like, you can have orgies and meetups. You're allowed to have like six or seven friends, but you can't have like 40 friends join you. - Yeah, then you have to pay. That's like a paid tier. - Yes. And you get like, you unlock better places to be able to kind of basically jerk off in hypothetically. That you would never be able to go to because. - What do you think the ultimate unlock is? - Ooh. - Well, what are some second tiers even? Let's, if you don't mind. - You unlock movie theater, let's say, if you want to throw back, you know. - Yeah, movie theater may be like a porn theater back in the day. - Yeah, Jets game or whatever. - Sure. - Yeah. - Do you think there's a guy? I mean, that's terrible, right? But kudos to the guy who can do that. Who can bang it out to a Jets game, you know? - Yeah. - Like, football's going on. There's peanuts and popcorn, and he can still. Like, if there was a, like a talent scout for adult films and be like, that guy, he's going to do it on cue. - Yeah. He'd be looking at him for the second round. Yeah, we're driving. - Right. - Most people can't with like a few people watching. This guy does like a whole stadium. - Yeah, that's scary, dude. Imagine I would have dreams right, imagine like, it was like a big thing and yet a jerk off a mountain or whatever, like a village couldn't eat or whatever, and everybody's there cheering and shit. - That's a lot of pressure. - Yeah. - And then it's like eight more weeks of winner for your stomachs, bro. Y'all ain't eating shit, dude. 'Cause y'all made me too nervous up here. - You blame it on them. - Yeah, we have to. They're cheering. - Don't cheer. - It's like golf. - I need silence. I can't do this when you're wrapping in my head. Have to start over. - I had it and then I lost it. - Yeah, yeah, that's it. Can you get in the other room? - Oh. - But yeah, that's just sad some guy jumps out of, I guess he jumped out of a rocket or something. I mean, what was he even doing? - Yeah. - And then, yeah, what was some of the, yeah, what was some of the highest tears be? Like, okay. And you can't really tell your parents unless they're like, also-- - Unless they play the game, then they already know. - Yeah. - Then they see you. - 'Cause your gamer tag is on there. - Yes. - And your dad sees that. And you play too? - Yeah. - That's sad, dude. - Yeah. - And when the power goes out of your place and both you and your dad, you just hear each other like, "Damn, God!" 'Cause both y'all just got shut down and you're fricking from the goonosphere or whatever. - What are you bringing up? Let's, I want to learn more about gooning. - Do you know a lot about it? - I don't know. These young kids, you know, they have all these terms and then I learn about it way too late. So gooning, is that just like pining? Is that the new version of pining? - I'm not good. I think it's just like, you're into something. - Let's bring it up here on perplexity. They have to-- - I feel like this is overkill for AI. (laughing) This is like shooting a fly with a cannon. AI, what is gooning? - You have like Tony's star shit, just to explain. (laughing) - AI, what's two plus two? Perplexity's a sponsor. We're gonna pull up two plus two. Perplexity, what color's this guy? - My perplexity must think, I am a fucking dumbest guy in the world dude. We ask the most basic shit 'cause we don't know it. - This is the most of the y'all thing, though, ever. This is like quintessential to you. - Pull up AI, pull up gooning. Which is the most robust infrastructure for a miscellaneous thing. - We built all of this just to look that up. Dude, they need to do a remake of Goonies, but it's Goon. But it's gooning, bro. - You sold it in the room. - Yeah, yeah. - You sold it on name alone. - Bro, you tell me and they all have to get to one magic spot and they all jerk off in like a cup from like a senior citizen from like 2,000 years ago. - I just picture you in a suit at Paramount. Pitching this, like you're saying all the same things and you pitch it in a suit. What did you say? Quick definition, modern sexual meaning. In current internet slang, Gooning is a form of marathon masturbation and porn consumption where someone stays aroused for a long time. So it's basically like trying to keep the party going. - And also I think it's trying to keep your wiener up. So it's trying, there's like a level of like, you know what the, like get the fish thing when they try to get the dolphin like stay on its tail for a little while. - So Gooning is, yeah. - Is you been equivalent of a dolphin staying on the water? - Yeah, when they, yes. You have to make that sound when you're Gooning. - Mine sounds like I'm fucking broke down, gay dude. I just hold on. - It's pretty good. - Yours is like half and half human half dolphin like the blade. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Mine sounds like an Asian car that won't start, dude. (laughing) - So that's Gooning pretty much, huh? - Let's get a little more, sorry. - Is it like edging? Didn't, wasn't that a thing before? - Well, someone stays around for a long time, often hours edging themselves into a trance like zoned out state, rather than just quickly getting off. That's crazy, bro. So I didn't know that. I thought it was just, I mean, I guess, I mean, I knew that it was somebody like that was really locked in on seeing their penis and wanting to come or just being involved with pornographia, you know, or porno or whatever. I knew it was a lot of that, but I didn't know that this exists. Well, just the levels they're going to for it. Solo means non-partner porn driven off your multiple tabs, niche content, things on loop. What are you fucking doing? Are you like Reggie Watts or whatever? Like, you have a loop machine? - You're playing this, you're like a DJ. - What is this, the birth of hip hop? It's a new genre of porn. We're like, people would just play the whole thing, but I started chopping it up. (laughing) Now people come to my porn DJs, that's all the time. (laughing) - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah. - Yeah, the Coachella Mainstage. - And the beat drop, dude, and just fucking like fakes. Like, that's when the fog, I'm like, (coughs) or the foam, like an Ibiza. (coughs) - Yeah. - That's good, man. Dang, it's entertaining. Long before anything to do with porn, goon meant things like full thug or a henchman. The history roughly looks like older English roots, goony, goon. - Do you think old fashioned goons are upset that their word has been taken away? They go, "No, I don't do that, I'm a goon." - Yeah. - I'm a real, I'm a muscle. I'm a goon for the mob. (laughing) - I'm not, these Gen Z fuckers are, I'm a OG goon. - I'm a real goon, brother. I'm a real goon. Yeah, I'm not just jerking off or whatever somewhere. But it's just sad that like, this is kind of like our military now. It's like, there's enough of them doing it now. It's like, they have like meet ups and they have like, you know, they have almost like those dance of thoms or whatever where it's like. - Like it's like, what is it, faunzy? Like a sock hop or something? - Yeah, it's like, we're raising money for a testicular cancer, whatever. And how many kids are in the, like what's it called if people goon together? Is there a, there's gotta be something. That actually sounds like good for the community. - Well, you have to goon by yourself. Goon together, get the goon off. Yeah, don't look gymnasium. Winner of the goon off gets a hundial mantra. When people say goon together, it's typically referred to as a group gooning or participating in a goon session communal gooning. Often organized via online communities, like Discord, Reddit and adult platforms. Wow, huh. - Group sessions, okay. - This must be, I think this is a younger person's thing too. Like a teenage or adult, I mean like our college agent. I don't really,
- Yeah, I have the time to devote to that. - Yeah, it seems like a lot of time. I wonder if we're just out of touch. Like, do you think parents are like, I don't understand your goon. He's like, "You don't get me, dad." - Yeah. - And my friends are doing it. - The first two old. - Richard, he's in there gooning right now. - In there gooning. - It's like that weed commercial, like. - Where did you learn to goon? I learned from you. - You. - You. - Oh, that shit hit me, dude. I didn't even have a kid. I was a kid. I was a kid and I just felt all the pain of it. Like, God. Oh, man. - That's wild, dude. - Anyway, bro, good to see you, dude. - Same, man. Thank you for having me and I don't know if I told you officially, but thank you for having me on tour with you with those dates. - Oh, yeah. - Like, that was so fun to do. I'd never done something like that. So, like, I've been doing standup a long time, but I haven't played venues like that before. - Would we play in Seattle now? - No, no, we did the Midwest run. So we did Iowa, we did Minnesota, we did North Dakota, South Dakota. - Ooh, yeah. - But I've just never played venues that large before. So, I mean, the largest I've done before I came out with you is 7,000 at the Dolby's, 7,000 people. And then we did, some of these were like 18,000. I just want to do that for me, just like, what is that like? It's like big wave surfing, you know? - Yeah. - For real. It's scary, man, 'cause I met up with you guys in Iowa, I think at first, like tourbusters, the venue and all that. And then you look at the seats in the daytime, it's like I'd seen an interstellar. Where they see that giant wave. You know what I mean? Like your heart kind of sinks a bit. You're like, oh man, these are gonna be filled with people. But then you do one and you're like, ah, I know what this is. - Yeah, it takes some, it's like, I mean, definitely navigating some of that is different. And thanks for coming, dude. I appreciate it, bro. - Of course, man. - Thank you so much, dude. A lot of times it's like tough to get a lot of headliners to come out on the road 'cause a lot of them are working different weekends or something like that. And I know that was an off weekend for you. So thanks for coming out. - Of course. - Yeah, dude, we're at the place where that place in North Dakota was I think the biggest building I'd ever been in. - It was in Fargo, though. - Yes. - That was insane. - The buses were like inside and they were, and then there was a whole another inside where they had like a basketball court. - Yeah, we were playing basketball before the show behind a curtain. It was like two stadiums almost. The place was divided in half and it was, even with a divided in half, it was huge. - It was unbelievable. - And there was like, yeah, they set animals in here. They do everything in here. They churn it, they earn it, whatever. Like they had a whole shirt churning yearn or whatever it was like there. It was like kind of an amish thing. And then defeating like sexual sand or whatever. - Right, they do that. - But do you remember, I don't know if you told the story, my favorite, there's like two moments from the tour that are like, were my favorite. The guy's hat blowing off. Have you told that on here? - Oh, no, I haven't told that. Do you remember, right? - Yeah, it was like a wizard work. - Well, we were in Clear Lake, right? - Yes. - So it's cool about you, like, you wanna do stuff in the town. Back in the day, I would tour with Bobby and he just, he's like a vampire. He just closes and he's in the darkness until it's time for the show. But you actually wanna hang out. So we got lunch. We're in the tour bus, right? - He's like a Chinese vampire. (laughing) - He does Xbox or PlayStation until the show. - He's fucking gooning, he's probably gooning. - He started it, dude. He's data from gooning. - He's like, he's patient zero for gooning. - Yeah, okay. - So we get lunch before the show's and we park on the outskirts. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah. And then, so right before this even happened, we're gonna walk to the sandwich shop 'cause you're like, oh, it's rated pretty high on Yelp. So we're in the middle of no, we're pretty much. It's a beautiful town, right? That unbelievable nice, like a Spielberg movie or something, a small town USA. We're just walking down the thoroughfare and it's blowing, like, you're not supposed to be. They're so weird to these people. They're like, then there's this guy. This heavy-set guy, you know? He's like, what the fuck? Theo Vaughn, oh man, can I get a picture? - And then he came up, but we were kind of running late and he's like, you're like, sure thing, man. Just, we're running a little late if you can keep up with us and we'll get that selfie. He's like, you got it. And then it was really, it was like really windy so he gets up to you and the wind just blows his hat off. - Yeah, right when he got up, right when he got up to you. He's like, oh, oh, so then, and it was like, bad wind. It went like a block of wind. - It was bad wind, like, it was like, that's one of the reasons why we were trying to get like, it was like, dude, we're gonna be late where we're going. We would have been on time, but the wind was, like, it was uphill when you were just flat. It was the worst winds that I'd ever been in. And it was beautiful day in same winds, cloud-seating Israel, go on. - So the hat blows off. The guy gets it, he puts it on, he catches up to you. - And it blew far. - It blew far. - It blew probably. He's probably in zone two, trying to catch it. Like, his heart rate was up. - Yeah, yeah, it blew, yeah. It blew probably 60 feet, which is far on a windy day and it kind of went around the edge of a truck. Like, it blew far. - Yeah. - We're like, holy shit. - He tracked it down, put it on. Man, what are you doing here? I'm like, you, blows again. He runs, he repeats, he goes, he gets it. We're still walking. - And my feeling is starting to get ever heard a little bit at this point, because it's like, dude, look, that hat's gonna be here all the time. - That's what we were thinking of. - Like, yo. How often are you in clear lake? This guy's going, he's a bigger fan of this hat. - That's what it was. - Then he is a view. - Right, and he kept kind of, he's like, just wait. Just wait and we're kind of waiting but getting hit by the wind and like, okay, go on. - The third time, so it happens three times. He finally catches up with us, but it was just so funny. Like that whole day, we were just laughing about the wind blowing that guy's hat and then, like how absurd. - It was like, one of those moments you're like, this cannot be real, right? Like, it was just, hold on, you know, it was a cartoon. - Yeah, it was literally like a loony tune. - And we had to sit there. One point we sat on a bench for like a little bit and waited for him to go get his hat again. We're like, 'cause the hat, like he just, I don't know. I think he also wore the lightest hats. It's like, dude. - It was like paper mache. It was made out of a Kleenex and it would just blow off. - It was made out of Kleenex and he just sharpied New York on it. It's like a repurposed kite that Tom's is made and now they're making hats, you know? Yes, designed to blow off your head. - And then, we walked over to the surf ball room. Remember that? - Oh, yeah. - Where, uh. - The Richie Valens. - Where Richie Valens and the Big Bopper, where they played their last show, dude, before that plane crash. And it was still as intact as ever. It was like, going back in the past. They were so happy. We were there. They gave us a tour of everything. You got to see the phone where they called, like where he called his mom. And he's like, don't worry, mom, I'll be home. - Yeah, so much history there. - Yeah, then we got shirts, we got matching shirts. - We did. Thank you for that part. - I've worn mine too. - It's a good shirt. - We should wear on the same show sometime. - Yeah. Like, yeah, we've been there. - We'll go there. You know what we'll do, dude? We will go there and we gotta go there and do some shows. - It was so nice. I filed it away. I'm like, I should vacation here one time. - That's what I thought. - It would be a cool vacation spot. - And I wish we honestly, kind of wish we weren't even talking about because I don't want other people to know how great it is. But every yard there, everything, it was just kind of perked. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then I forgot what city this was in. But after the show, you do meet and greet sometimes. You know, you're really good about that. And so you're meeting your fans and then talking to them and all that. And then there's this girl in a wheelchair. Very sweet. You're talking to her. And then, and then you have this rapport with her and then you're very, you go, you know, if you don't mind me asking, like me, I ask what happened. - Yeah, how'd you get all wheeled out? That's my big question. - Because we don't know. - Right, we gotta know. And then she's like, oh yeah, yeah. I was a car accident. My car spun around and I got flung out of the car. And then, and then you go, now, now what kind of car was it? - You know how? - I just, like, no other person on earth would drill down on the foot type of car it was. And then she's like, oh, I think I think it was like an old mobile or something. And then you're like, now is that a nice vehicle? - Oh, I don't know. - I'm really, oh shit. I like to try to add context just so I know it's hard. - I know. It's like so you though. - It's hard to imagine a work if I don't know. - Yeah, no. - And you wanted to paint the story, you know? - Yeah. - And different cars I could see your body leaving out of it in a different way, like. - That's a good point. - If it's like a heavy older model car, you could probably slip out the window, side window. In which one of these new cars, these little bouncing baby buggies or whatever, you fucking fly right out of the front of that pit. - Yeah, just on a left turn even. - Yeah, yeah, just like, oh yeah. - Just a windy day because they're like a recall. - Are you aware that one man, every hour, every day is diagnosed with testicular cancer? - Yup, that's it. - In fact, it's the most common form of cancer among men ages 15 to 35. April is national testicular cancer awareness month. So check your twins, twin, man's gaped as partnered with the testicular Cancer Society. And they're donating 50,000 50 wrecks to help save lives and promote routine self checks. They also just dropped a special edition bundle that helps support an amazing cause. The TCS Ball Hero bundle includes the lawnmower 5.0 Ultra TCS Special Edition. I heard it's good in the quarter mile. Get your bundle while supplies last. And let's help raise awareness for testicular cancer together. Get out of my nuts Satan. 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That's qu.com/theo. Let's fucking quote. Bro, that sandwich shop we went to. That was great too. I want to think I noticed you about touring with you 'cause I mean, we've been friends and I see you at the clubs all the time. But then hanging out with you outside of the clubs is a different thing because everyone is kind of famous at the club because those are comedy nerds and everyone knows someone. But then you're like famous, famous. And I just had an experience that firsthand 'cause I always see you at the store or I see at the improv, you know? So we were, it would happen everywhere. Like that sandwich shop and then I remember dq especially we're at the dairy cream place. I wanted to get like a blizzard. Oh yeah. And then you're like, I'll come. If you saw Mount Rushmore or whatever. Oh yeah, yeah, yeah, Mount Rushmore. It's time here than you think it'd be. We did like a whole family worth of vacationing in one week. Like we're basically in an RV. It's like we were doing a family vacation and happened to do these shows. Dude, you guys went in the helicopter didn't you? I didn't 'cause I'm afraid of that. Oh yeah. You didn't, I didn't 'cause I, I didn't pay. I got a deal out of those people's house. Like they're fun, they're definitely. But Bizzle went, Lee went. I'm trying to think who else. Yeah, Lee Kimbrill and yeah, there we are dude. I always, I mean, it was cool. It was definitely cool and impressive. But I thought it would be bigger. There's a lot of, there's like you park, you walk up, they do a good job of making this. You can't see it till you get there. Yeah, yeah, yeah. There is kind of the big reveal. They have all the flags along the side of different countries, which I don't even know why they have that. And then the craziest part about Mount Rushmore is, there's another side to it where they were, they're making the face of a Native American. Oh, that's right. I think originally it was public and then it got kind of privatized and there was a man who was trying to do it with his sons. Just with the hammer by himself and an ex-acto knife and a sonic hair, a sonic hair. Do you think that's how they sold it to them? Like, all right, we're gonna do the present and then we'll get to the, like, ah, we ran out of dynamite. They just bait and switched them. You're like, you mean the stuff you used to blow up all of our villages and lives in history? You didn't have just a little leftover? We blew it all ironically, yeah. Dude, this is so great while they're checking out. Thank you guys for checking. It's fun to see this pitch because I just saw as a, you just forget, like, you just go through so many places sometimes and it's almost like it bums you out in a way because you, I think it bums anybody out when you're traveling or anything you're doing. It's like, you can only hold onto it so much, right? And then life gets going and life's so busy now for everybody, the way we interact and the way there's like, always entertainment, always something to keep us like, there's always like a seal with a ball on its nose, hypothetically, you know? And it's, we forget sometimes, it's just like the moments that we've had. I'm trying to be better about taking pictures. We have a phone in our pocket all times and I forget to, you know, I'll be at the store, there'll be some great moments or I'll be on tour with you and I got to capture these moments or you kind of forget about them, it's nice to go through your phone, go through your Instagram and be like, oh, that was a fun time, yeah, going through the best. Yeah, I think this is it, right? Yeah, the crazy horse memorial is a mountain monument under construction and privately held land in the Black Hills and Custer County, South Dakota. So that's a different mountain or whatever, right? It's not all the same, right? They are. Henry standing there, a Lakota chief and well-known statesman and elder in the Native American community recruited in commission Polish-American sculptor Korkzak Zialkowski to build the crazy horse memorial. In 1939, November 7th, Henry standing there wrote to the Polish-American sculptor who worked on Mount Rushmore under Gootsan Borglum. He informed the sculptor, my fellow chiefs and I would like the white man to know that the red man has great heroes too. Wow. So that's putting like that tweet out there. That's like tweeting back then. Setting a letter, just talking shit. Just being the Dremon Green of the Lakota nation. In June 3rd, 1948, Zialkowski detonated the first blast of the mountain and the memorial was dedicated to the Native American people. Work continued slowly over the next few decades since Zialkowski refused to accept government grants. Ah, so he probably didn't want to accept them I'm assuming because it was like, this is the government trying to put mining into pay, like just to make it look a little bit better for what they did. Instead, as he stated on a 1961 guest appearance on a TV show to tell the truth, he raised money for the project by charging 75 cents admission to the monument work area. The memorial started with a 75th anniversary of 2023 crazier says left hand was finished by 2024. What will it all be done? I don't know. Well, note here that the land is run by the US Forest Service and they were just defunded. So it's probably gonna, I think that affects how long it takes. Shit. Well, I've got the hand though. It's kind of nice. Yeah, I mean, it's like, at this point, I would pivot. Yeah, I don't know what I hate to say that, but. Well, you have the hand, right? Do they have an updated, what it looks like, here we go. It looks like Bill Maura, a little. Maybe that's the pivot. Yeah, that's it. Just real time shoots there. Okay. That's wild, dude. What if there's a huge mistake? They go, "Oh, we thought you wanted Bill Maura." They go, "No, this is Native America." Oh, well, I opened up this attach, I thought it was Bill Maura. It also had my tabs messed up. I must have had a different window open on my browser. Well, what do we do now? Well, I mean, we've blasted a lot of the mountain. Whose hand is it? I think it's Bill Maura's. It might be the other, I don't know. Yeah, maybe you go like Bill Maura with a Native American hand. That's a compromise. 'Cause you gotta do something or you just open up a ring shop and chisel out the inside of the hand. I don't know what you do. That'd be kind of cool. All they do is rings and it's inside of a hand. Yeah. I've thought about that before, dude. I, somebody had a great name for a ring shop, dude. Every day I think about what it was and I can't remember what it was. Okay, look him back to you. Yeah, thank you, dude. Of course. But yeah, the crazy horse memorial started in 1948, still not finished. Oh, there's a good video about it right there, huh? He's ripped. Look at that. The horse and him are ripped. That's pretty wild. It's kind of sent ourish a little though, the art. Yeah. Dude, sometimes when you look at stuff that's like going on in the world today, like it's kind of great. Like you kind of look at things like you're like, oh, where there's like people being abused, taking advantage of here, right? Like there's a genocide here. There's this like senseless like propaganda ridden, bombing and attacking over here, right? But then you look at also like that people like with that, that that happened in Native Americans. Dude, it's just like it's kind of like a tale is all this time, which is so sad. I know you think like, yeah. Who opens for a spade right now, Matt Kirshon? No, I love that guy though. Oh, Patrick Keen. And he has his joke. It's like, he goes, well, at one time there was like, Joseph Mary Cain and Abel, you know, and then Cain killed Abel. The Cain kill Abel? Proplexity, load up. (laughing) Proplexity, who killed? It's like a religious clue, the board game. That would always have it. But he goes at one point in history, 25% of the population were murderers. Which is just, for me, that was always like one of the best jokes, dude. He's like, there were four people and they couldn't figure it out and one of them killed one of the other ones. It's a hypersel. Just heartbreaking. But it's just crazy. It's like, sometimes you wanna get agitated about things, but then I'm like, but, you know, I don't know. A lot of life is suffering. Do you think that's true? Yeah, yeah. I'm trying to make the best of what's in front of you and do what you can do. But it's almost, I mean, I realized this later in life that a lot of life is like sim city. It'll never be perfect. You can get it as close to optimal as you can. But nothing will be perfect. You do something, then drug abuse goes up. You know, then you do this other thing, then the wait for the bathroom and the rollercoaster line goes up, you know? Just life is sim city. And there's not a perfect system, but like we're all striving to get there. And that's kind of hard to come to terms with. When you're young, you just think, everything should be candy pop, or, you know, gum drops and lollipops, but it's so hard to maximize utility for everyone, 'cause something's gotta give.
eventually, but we could do our best, you know? And it's nice that we have that drive to do so as humans. - Yeah, maybe we'll enter a new phase too, where we realize like, oh, all this capitalism, all that bull, it's like, it's not, nobody's winning with it, you know? All this like conquering, you would think that, like I kind of thought we're over like some of the colonialism shit. - Well, even just like untethered capitalism, we're seeing the cracks in it right now. We're like late stage capitalism right now, which is interesting, like it's just kind of funny. Oh, Mr. Beast has a chocolate, the rock has it to kill, you know, fiance has a toothpaste. (laughing) - You have to be, now all our products are just faces. It's interesting. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, cavities. Yeah, like somebody that they offered to come was like going with door to door, like we'll come and spray your bugs. You have any bug, you're like, I don't know, you're like, uh, bugs always attack people who don't know if they have them. And I'm like, they're just using, like they use like reverse psychology and stuff. And they'd be like, oh, be quiet, be quiet. And they'd be like, oh, do you hear that? And they'll make up like a bug or something, you know? - Yeah. - Like that's like a f***ing it wasp or whatever, you know, or some bug, it's like, and I'm like, get out, sorry. But yeah, you're like, that's like, uh, you know, they make something up. Like, oh, that's a f***ing wasp from Tijuana or something, you know? - Or those worse than regular wasps? - Yes. - Yeah, they are. - They're south of the border, they're smarter. - Yeah, they're smarter. - Oh, yeah, they're lost from home, they're angry. - Yeah, you're like, if they made it all the way up here, they're angry. - Yeah, yeah. - They want to go, they're lost. And the guy's like, we have to come and just spray tequila in your yard and you're like, what? - It's gonna be top shelf, they know. - They know the difference, yeah. - Oh, they know if they're getting the bunkshade. But yeah, they're just like, anyway. So that, and then that dude had merch. He's like, you want to get some of my merch? And I'm like, the exterminator had merch? - Yeah, like, whoa. And that's when I was like, oh my God, we've hit this crazy place where it's like, you know, you could have like, somebody's bleeding to death, an EMT shows up and neither one of them will have like, like an EMT won't help until you buy his merch. Like he, or as he's setting up doing CPR, he sets up a little merging by it. - Right, or like a wristband like Coachella, like what tier of coverage do you want? - Yeah. - All right, then the paddles are in this tent. - Yeah, like how, do you want to, yeah. Yeah, do you want the full paddles? You just want to breathe in here and you just want the hand. You want the hopeful hand. - Right, breathe this extra. - Yeah. - You know, you want one paddle or two. We give you like half a zap. - Yeah. - But if you want the full zap, that'll cost you. And what's the voltage? - It's a tiered program. - Yeah, this is tiered, man. We'll give you a trials app. - That's perfect. - Just a taste. Just give your heart a taste. Like, ooh, it liked that. I would upgrade. Seems like your heart wants that. - Hey, the heart wants what the heart wants, you know? And that's what his merch said on it. I'm like, that's great. It's just like, man, it's just gotten to be a crazy world dude. Dude, you're so funny, man. You're one of the funniest guys. - Thank you, man. - Well, the fact that it ever existed, dude. - I don't know about that, but. - Dude, you are, you're the guy that everybody goes to seat. That's kind of weird. I wonder if that feels, does that feel like pressure because that's a real thing. People will be like, - Maybe at the comedy store or whatever. I'm kind of, I'm like-- - You'll need-- - Dude, like, hopefully he's on, right? - Yeah. - And you'll go watch 'cause the rest of us are kind of like slithering a whole full fucking like, humor grifters, I think. - No. - But you're like, you always bring something new to the table every time. - I guess I just, I like new bits. Maybe that's a detriment. I remember when I was a young comic, I just, I loved new material more than crushing. So there were certain shows where maybe I should have been trying to impress agents or managers or execs, but I had a new joke that I wanted. I'm always itching to like, throw out a new idea. And when you're young, you don't really know how to navigate that as well. So, I've just always been wired that way. I just love new material. So, it's kind of nice that now it's caught up with me and it's an asset now where I know how to write a little faster. But yeah, I've just always been that way. I just like new ideas. - Do you think like a lot of your ideas? 'Cause you all, like, I'll say something to you, like, man, I'm not feeling well. And you're like, too, what do you mean you make it sound? Like, what if you work, like I have some sleeper power? Like, I go in some fugue state when you mention something and I go, in the papers, start turning up. What if, I have a complexity? I should mention the guys, I've been perplexity the whole time. Dude, you're like, yeah, I'm not feeling well. Like, dude, what if you weren't feeling well? But like, it was like a bunch of bad guys chasing you. But you have to not feel well and still get away from them, you know? That's kind of a horrible example, I think. - No, but you capture the energy and I guess, I'm kind of reserved generally if I don't know you, but like, when something tickles me or I feel like I have a good idea or like, we have a rapport, I've known you forever, and we're just having fun. And there's, I just love a good idea. So, I get excited and then, I'm like doing it and I don't even know that I'm doing it. Like, you know, that's what it seems like. It seems like this thing. It's almost like when you pour a beer and it's somebody, like, pours it too fast and it's just gonna come out of the glass no matter what. - Yeah. - That's how it seems like with you, whenever it's like, something like, it's almost like watching an animal get excited kind of. It's like, this, what about this? - Yeah, yeah. - And then it's like, you try to slot it in. And you always slot it in like the best places. And then you're, and you're not afraid to do act out to on stage either. Like you were not, like, I mean, I knew for a while you were doing, Lance can't stop. - Oh yeah. - Can't stop us the dance. - Yeah, like the dancing show was fucking crazy, bro. The rat tail, all that shit was breaking. - I had this weave. I did it the mothership, maybe like two years ago, but I don't do this much anymore. What's funny is I booked this, I did a video game. - Adam Ray's doing it now though. - Not Lance, he's doing a different thing. - Oh, I'm joking. - What'd it be great if now he's doing Lance can't stop? Let's do it. - Doing Dr. Phil as Lance. - Hey, what's your name? Are you, are you two dating? Check out these dance moves. - Dude, that's so great. But yeah, bro, just your ability to like, not be, like, physical, I've always been physically fearful, right? - Oh really? - Yeah. Like, I don't mind like, kind of like. - You move. - You move around. - You know, like, taking like, ownership of the space, but to act out like something physically that like scares me, bro. I guess when I was a kid, I, like, dancing was my first thing. So when I would do talent shows. - But what do you mean dancing? Like, who was? - I just love dancing. - Who was funding it? You mean Hezbollah, whatever, like, what even? - They're dance-wing? No, it was just, I mean, I grew up at Michael Jackson. I'm the generation that just like, he was king. And he was at his peak, like, the dancing and the singing and all the music videos. So I would try to mimic it. And that was my first kind of like, entry into, this is so old. - It is. - This is when I was working at Boeing and at Long Beach. Look at those pants. It's so old, those are in again. (laughing) - You look like Gary Manis. Bro, you're fucking vibing. - Yeah. - I love homie. - I mean, this dancing is not that great. I wouldn't have, I wouldn't have this as. - We're keeping the wasps. They want to stay in party, homie. - You're shooting is popping. - I downloaded Sony Vegas. And I'm just like, putting all these filters on it 'cause it's free. I think it's like industrial light and magic. Like, wait a minute. - Jake is out George Lucas. - When was this? - All the filters just like some hunter, like looking to a scoped really. - Yeah, that's the crazy part. - Now he has glaucoma, the hunter. Now he's in this. - This song is a bop though. If you watched on real YouTube, that song's a bop. When was that? How many years ago? - I don't know. So many years ago. - 18 bro, that's crazy dude. - Yeah. - That's wow. - And then I would go to a cubicle and do engineering. I think God, they didn't see my YouTube channel. How embarrassing would that be? - She were actually in organized dance? - Not, no. - That's so funny. I would just do it by myself. I would be, I would goon. I would dance goon. - Oh yeah. - I would do it alone. I would just like close the door, turn on Michael Jackson or any dance music and I would just dance in my room. I would dance in front of a mirror. And there was a currency to that when I was a kid. Like, to be the best dancer at school, you'd have school dances. And then everyone knew who the good dances were and then you'd kind of like battle. And there was social currency to dancing. I'm sure there still is. - That's a good point, but there was a lot of clout to that. It was like, oh, that's the dancer. - It's like being the fastest kid at school. Remember how that was such a thing? Like the hottest girl would be with the fastest kid in school. - Oh shit. - Yeah, I would go shit, Damien, fast. - Right. - And then he loses one race and she's like, yeah, it's not working out. - Yeah, or Damien gets diabetes or whatever he can't run as much. - That's gonna affect his 50 time, right? - Yeah, the sugar got him coming up short. - So I was just into dance. So I guess that's my foundation. So I'm comfortable moving my body. And then when I got into standup when I was like 18 and then when I'm on stage, like if I have the idea, I just, I just do it. I don't even think about it. I don't have a fear of moving. - Wow, that's crazy. - And also it's an extension of the idea. If I have a bit and I'm in it, I don't even know that I'm doing it, honestly. It's second nature. - Dude, that's pretty great because it kind of gives you two instruments, it gives you the verbal instrument and then it gives you this whole other instrument. I do notice if I do yoga a good bit and the more that I do it, the more my body shows up in certain bits. And it's like, sometimes your brain will be like, oh, you can do this because you've been flexible. You've been keeping active, like you're keeping, you're like, you're blowed up, you're vibes up. Do this, you know what I'm saying? And you're like, oh, that fits. And it like, it is interesting when you can, your ideas can use your whole instrument. - For sure. And then you realize how much of comedy is nonverbal even. It's really cool to have a great joke and people are laughing and then you can get another laugh on a movement. You haven't even opened your mouth. It's just a look or a walk. That's kind of exciting. Then it feels like, oh, I have new colors to paint with, with comedy, you know? - Yeah, do that. I mean, that's, I don't know it as well. I know what you're talking about. And there's moments, like there's some moments in my comedy world that I feel that way. - I've seen it. I think it's older but used to do the meeting Brad Pitt. - Oh yeah. - You would do it with that. I mean, you still do it. - You still do it. - I'll still act out the thing. But I'll be like, I don't get into, I don't know, you get it?
into this space where it's like, yeah, you're just this kind of thing that's kind of happening. I would love that as an intro, like this next guy. He's kind of a thing that's happening. Not like in the trades word, like right now, energetically. He's a gentleman, but he manored. Yeah, that's kind of, I just come out. Oh, it definitely dude. For one of your specials, you have to do somebody comes out rubs a lamp three times. And then I come out. It's called, the specials called career suicide. Or you're just like the janitor that comes tonight and cleans up around the lamp. I think you start to create this energy in this dream. That would be more like you. Bro, we have two movie ideas this pod. We got the goonies idea and then we got this. Yeah. Dude, there it is. Gooners, dude. That's so great. That's awesome. Yeah, dude. Yeah, man. Do you feel like, 'cause you've had, I mean, like, yeah, I think if people picked out like some of their favorite comedians, especially at the comedy store, 'cause that's really kind of your home base, what you say? Yeah, yeah. 'Cause I'm an LA comic and that's sort of like the place to be. There's three showrooms. I like working out there too. Yeah, yeah. Oh, it really is. There's no better. If you can go to one spot in a night. Yeah. And especially once you're allowed to park in the back. Oh, it's the best. Oh, that changes everything parking. It's like I got in a stand of just for the parking on sunset strip. Yeah. You always hear people say comedy and LA is changed. LA is like the scene is dead. The scene is different, right? Maybe not dead. I think you just hear different. Yeah. How have you seen it change? Like probably since COVID into now. And what do you think of like just where things are? I mean, we were in the heyday of the comedy store and we didn't even know it before COVID happened, you know? Like, Rogan was there. So he'd be here. Yeah, it was just juggernaut after juggernaut. These linets were insane. Tom Cigarra. Or Christchurch. Even on the two summons, Eliza Sussinger. I mean, and that was it. That was just like kind of people that were just there. You in the you'd have awe. But I was I was Smith. I was like middle of the pet like these guys are fucking like Titans. I was just kind of it was kind of cool just to share that space. I'm still unknown, but comedically and artistically, it's cool to be in the mix. Like Louis drops in or Burr and then I go up after him. Oh, that's the thrill of the store that like at the end of the day, it still is. It's like being good at something like a really good saxophone player. It's like jazz. You'll see somebody who's just like huge. And then you get to take the stage and you're there for a reason and you have to like survive. Right. You get to learn how to survive when you're younger, but then you get to hold your own. And that's cool because like audience members get to be hip to you. They were like, I came for Burr, but then I discovered these other comics. And that happens now at the store too. There's like young guys who are super funny. Yeah. They come because like they come to see you and then they get to see everybody else on the lineup. So we were in the heyday back then, COVID happened. People go to Austin, some people go to New York, some people just like go to Vegas or Nashville even, you know, so it's not as big as it used to be. It's paired down a bit, but it's still an amazing club and the shows are still really good. Sure. It's just that was insanity. And we didn't even know it at the time. Right. We didn't know it. Do you think what things do you feel like you always hear like people denouncing it kind of, not denouncing it's not certain, but you hear like, like it's over. LA zone. Right. Is that okay to say that we hear that? We do hear it. Okay. But what do you, but it's also every time something's over, whatever that is, there's always something new that's starting to. Yeah. So like, what do you see that's like kind of the new things because I'm sure for like a lot of guys that couldn't get stage time. Yeah. Like, it was probably a hectic time for them. Guys and girls that couldn't get stage time like, fuck, you know, it's like, yeah, you have all these guys were able to sell tickets and they get all the, all the like the top eight spots or whatever. And it's, I'm sure that was kind of like a clog in the system. Yeah. That's right. But I think there's a life cycle for everything. It's nature. I mean, these guys, I even saw it with you and some of like my other peers, like, we're kind of middleing comics or whatever. And then you see everybody get really big and then they're on the road. And that's awesome because they're getting popular. They're making money on the road. They're becoming more famous. And then that just naturally clears up stage time for this top tier at the comedy store. Because like, you're on the road, so like someone sells on the road, like, so girl, whatever. So now, now these guys get to get those reps in and then they get really good. And then they blast off. So there's this natural order of things. So when everybody went to like Austin and all that, it just kind of cleared space for the next tier. And now they're getting really good and stuff. And then hopefully they will flourish. Yeah. I'm sure. Yeah. Yeah. I think there's always something new that's starting. So I guess. That's why I was kind of wondering. Since I moved away, I was wondering, yeah, what kind of, like do you feel like there's like a new thing that's happened there over the past few years? Just new shots for like younger guys. And also L.A. will always be L.A. New York will always be New York. It'll ebb and flow from like how popping it is. But like, you know, dual leap is in the crowd for Sabrina Carpenter's and the, you know, like these things happen. It's still L.A. Yeah. Same thing with New York. Make that away from it. And yeah, it's everything's cyclical. But then I also, the recent development I think is just as cool as that is digital is the most important place to be before you had to be in New York and L.A. Now you just got to be on phones. So it's kind of cool how it's, oh, it's democratized comedy. Now you can be a funny kid and clear like Iowa or anywhere and just talking to camera. And you have just as much of a shot as like me at the comedy store or some other person the at the mothership or so it's really even the playing field which is kind of cool. The most important place is digital. But if you're talking about just stand up the craft, I think L.A. New York, Austin are still great. Yeah. Meet new groupie setting mist from Maybelline New York, Zelda mist technology locks in your look for up to 24 hours with flexible all day comfy grip. No tightness, no stickiness, no residue, just plump, dewy, hydrated skin that still feels like your skin. Try new groupie setting mist from Maybelline New York. Maybe it's Maybelline. You know what's a pain in the as a website, not just getting one built but keeping it updated, fixing the issues, the debugging, chasing somebody down every time something breaks and gets old fast. That's why I use modify M-O-D-I-P-H-Y, a fellow that I grew up with actually started this company. And so I'm grateful that I get to work with him still today. At modify, you get a real team, a dedicated designer, fast response times and they handle everything so you don't have to. They can even get your business showing up when people ask AI for recommendations. They've got that ability. Sort of modify.com/thio and get 50% off your website build. That's M-O-D-I-P-H-Y.com/thio. There's no F in there because they don't F around. Who's one of your favorite people that you've seen just being at the comments room and sometimes we'll get to see like celebrities or something will come in there? Yeah. I saw. Tarantino Knight, you were there. Oh. You got to talk to him, didn't you? He's in, I shot that special hat trick at the comedy store and then the person who's shooting me had the camera's rolling so I have it on film, me and Tarantino talking. And then I was going to clear it with him but I don't want him to say no. So I'll just put it out there. What if he was saying bad stuff like yeah, I'm eating babies, right? I'm eating that. I'm eating their life force. I'm like this is great. Keep rolling. No, just super nice, super complimentary. It might have been the night you were there too. I think I was there. I tried to go up and I kept getting pushed to a different room. So I think you brought me up in the OR and had a good set and it was just so surreal Tarantino comes out and he's like, I want to talk to the cool guy and he points to me. What? And then we're just talking and all these other comedians come and he's holding court. He's talking about Pam Greer and Jackie Brown because he's just a fan. He's a fan of comedy. He's a fan of cinema. He just has this child like exuberance to him. So we're just talking and he's in the thing and we ended up keeping it in, but it was so surreal. That was probably one of the bigger ones. Tarantino. Yeah, I don't remember even the wake of that night. He's here. Oh, and Jim Carrey was here. That was a crazy night. Was that when they were trying to cast for I'm dying up here? Yes. And that's how Santino got cast and Eric Griffin. He saw, he saw them that day. Yep. It's kind of crazy. Somebody could just see you and then something like that happens and they end up on it. Yeah. There you go, dude. Yeah. Those were great. I remember when Louis came in years ago and he was like in the hallway and he was worried. It was like after like the him, him, the academy awards or whatever and he had on a suit and I was like, dang, Louis. That's so crazy. And it was like, I saw Travolta one time in the park and a lot really dude just hanging with Tommy Lee. You know, Tommy Lee, I, I've seen him a few times. Yeah. So it's cool. But I've been accustomed to it. So I'm jaded with Tommy Lee, but every now and then Tommy Lee will like a real of mine. It's just so surreal. I'm like, whoa. That's dope. What world is this? He never just texted me that day. He's doing real well and is like so we were talking about our recovery programs. He's fucking what a life something or would have just interesting existence. But the highs and lows of it all too. Yeah. You know, Dre, I saw Dre one time in the park and I saw Dr Dre. Who's the biggest you saw? Uh, or you saw Andre with dollar. (laughs)
(laughing) Yeah, that's what I tell people. I said, "Dray." Take a holy shit. Take a dollar. (laughing) I'm the only person who calls him "Dray." Other than his mom, maybe. I call him Dr. Dray, just, 'cause I think he's a doctor of basketball. Yeah. (laughing) Who's the biggest person you saw at the store? I mean, John Mayer, when I would see him, someone, that was always interesting, 'cause I've always had such an esteem for his like word, like the way he does words, like, you know. I saw him walking down one time, 'cause he would go to roast battle a lot. Yeah, and he'd be like him and Jeff Ross to close his stuff. And so I know it'd see him over there. Oh, I ate shit in front of John Stamos one time. Ooh, that would hurt. Yeah, it was late at night. This is when I first got passed. I'm getting super late spots at the comedy store. Probably going up at 1.30 a.m. I think Jeff Ross is hanging. He comes with Jeff Ross sometimes. Jeff Ross and then Stamos and maybe they tied one on, I think they had been like, maybe they came home. Yeah, yeah. So he's eating chicken fingers and it's his back. So I'm not even getting full Stamos. I'm getting back Stamos. Oh, and then I would get this every now and then. And then back to the finger. I'm like, uh, uh, uh, uh, hey guys. Oh, you ever notice this? Bro, that's crazy. Damn, at least he checked back in. That is nice. Someone's gonna sit a blind, gotta say money. They'll sit a blind guy by the side of the stage just facing away from the stage shit. Like, sometimes they do that shit. At least point him towards you. Let me believe you. Yeah, dude. Let me believe you. Checking me out. Fuck, he just sent me like a broken compass over here, dude. I'm trying to think of who else that I saw there. Oh, dude, I remember they said the guy. I remember that show, uh, Family Matters. Yeah. Remember the cop? Oh, Winslow. Yeah, Karl Winslow. Karl Winslow. That's not his real name, right? That's his character name. Karl Winslow. They said that his, uh, grandson, like his, Rhea, Reginald Vell Johnson, uh, they said his grandson was in the audience one time. And people were like, lose in their shit. I'm like, and I was so nervous. I hadn't, I had like, to not so funny. I did not notice over the Family Matters cop being in the crowd. His grandson. Oh, his grandson though. And so, but it was like the first time I was in the audience, dude, fucking RVJ's grandson is in the crowd. And the first, I was like, who the, yeah, I couldn't figure out RVJ, you know? I thought I was just somebody who was dumb who was trying to talk about a politician or whatever. And then they're like, no, Reginald Vell Johnson, dude, the cop from Family Matters, his grandson is here. And I was like, fuck. I'm gonna fuck it. And I was pacing backstage. We had so fun. Just like, I just couldn't handle that. There was like somebody who like knew somebody from TV that was in the fucking crowd. And I fucking, I blew it. You go, oh, no. Oh, I bombed, dude. My favorite moment that ever happened, one of anyway, spade telling me that he thought it was something was really funny, one time was awesome. But one time Damon Wayans was there. Oh, wow. And senior. From in living color. And I grew up left. Same here, man. Just like, he has this one, like, it's a laugh sound that he makes. It's like, only he makes it. And it's not even a laugh, it's just like, oh, oh, oh, something like that, it sounds like a fucking a bird that's like semi-interested, right? Like a beautiful bird that's semi-interested. But during my set, I heard him make that laugh that I had heard him use as a character from when I was a kid. And bro, it was crazy to me. Like one thing I said, he laughed, or he made that sound at it. And that was enough. That's such validation. Because we grew up with these guys and they were everything to us. Even just being on a show with Spade or just talking to Spade, that was my era of SNL. Spade, Sandler, Farley, that's why I got in the stand-up comedy. For real, I love that show so much, SNL. Everyone can make it on social media now. Everything's fractured so much. But back in the day, if you wanted to do anything in comedy, you had to touch SNL. Yeah. So that was everything. That was TikTok. That was Instagram. Anything comedy was SNL. That was Mount Rushmore. And I go, I want to do this. I want to work in the space. How do you get on SNL? I fired up my modem. And I unspooled it like fucking dynamite to plug into the wall. Yeah. It was a controlled demolition to get on the internet. And you applied to Boeing. Right. You're like, I'll show them. Oh, pretty much, though, because I researched, I go, how do people get on SNL? And I saw that they came from one of two camps. They came from improv comedy. So second city, UCB, groundlings, you know, yes, and creating these scenes. Or they were stand-up comedians like Kevin Neal and Sandler, Schneider, Spade, Eddie Murphy. They're all stand-ups. So then I researched all the improv schools, like UCB and second city. I'm some kid in Seattle. I'm like, what are these schools? Okay, they're all in LA, New York, Chicago. I'm not there. I can't do that. You have to pay money to do it. My parents already don't want me to be doing comedy. It's like clown college. They're already against it. I can't say I'm going to pay money to go to clown college. And then stand up and go, oh, I'll do that because I just got to show up. And I get as much as I get out of it or I get as much as I put into it. And I can count on me. I don't need improv partners. I can just, yeah, you get everything as a stand-up. Whatever you put in, you get out if you have the aptitude for it. So that's why I got in a stand-up because I wanted to get on SNL. So it's so crazy to be at the store and then just talking to Spade. I know. I remember being a little kid sitting cross-legged watching the TV and thinking, "Spade lived in a box." Spade lived in a magic box. Yeah. And now he's writing down notes before going on stage and then bringing me up in the OR and it's not lost on me. It's crazy. It's timeline that we're on. Yeah. You know, it's hard to, it's hard to like, it's such a good reminder to think about, yeah. Just also that all the humor that's come before you, all the, or whatever line of work are you in, all the things that have come before you like, like whether you're a mechanic or you're using like a new type of like ranch or some sort of new piece of equipment or something like, people were mechanic for years doing that and got to that place or like some machine that makes your job easier or some new way of doing it or like, I don't know. Yeah, it's just you forget that like all these people have gone up over time on stage to try and say something or whatever to try and get somebody to feel something or you, or them to feel something or you to feel something. Yeah. I don't know if any of that makes sense. Now that you're all part of this timeline, you're all part of this and they happen to be a generation or so above and then you don't know at the time when you're a kid but then you do the same thing for long enough and then you become a part of that fabric and they were just people like you were at the beginning at a different phase of their becoming a butterfly where it ever it is. And what's mind blowing too is these guys that I just thought were titans of comedy and could do no wrong and were blowing my mind to learn as you get older that they were afraid of being fired a week to week on SNL to hear Spade talk about that or or norm would talk about. Oh yeah, we thought we're going to get fun or even Sandler, they thought about firing Sandler, you go what? You're a Chris Farley, I mean, yeah, just that any of them will sat in that place like that they were having self doubt like that during what I thought was just the pinnacle and peak of comedy. I thought they were crushing it so hard and they were worried. That's mind blowing and then almost validating for the feelings you have because I have that sometimes and I go, oh that's just a human experience. You think that they're celebrities and everything's gravy because that's the packaging. That's what you portray. That gets jobs, but then everyone is having a human experience inside of it and it makes you feel less alone like, okay, even Spade and Sandler felt what I'm feeling right now. Right. Even they were taking a breath like, what do I do next or what's going to happen now? Yeah. Am I going to get fired? Was that good? I hope people will like it. Yeah, same exact three things, it's like, yeah, there's questions I've asked myself since I've really joined the workforce at 14. Really? What was your first job? Well, my first job, I saw hamsters, but my adult first job was working in Italian, pizza. Ah. Worked at pizza. Worked in pizza for a while. What was the name of it? Huh? You know the name? DJs? DJs? Yeah. Wait, the chain? No. This is a different DJs. We were like an outlier DJs and it's supposed to so it's supposed to so for black jacks, but people would get drunk in there and just start yelling, blow jobs at us kids who were working the counter, right? And we make up fake orders for pizza deliveries like Danny Glover once a pizza because our guy who delivered was a born again Christian, he didn't watch television or any movies. So he didn't know any celebrities at all. So he'd make up like Danny Glover once a pizza, I don't know, military road. So he'd go deliver that bitch while he was going to just drive his no way from the fucking connection. That's what he's gone. So for 30 minutes, he's gone. We'd be deep frying. Fucking beer. Dude, we would poor beer. Deep fried. Fucking eat it. We'd get hammer, dude. And he'd come back and be like, couldn't find the address. You know? Mmm. Oh, well. Oh, well. But anyway, we're rambling. Here's an old lineup for the comedy store. Oh, yeah. Here's just a great lineup right here. Thank you. Hello, Adam Ray, Argus Hamilton, Owen Smith, Jeff Ross, who is we should black that out because she it's a super famous person who doesn't use their real name. So let's maybe black that out when we yeah.
And if you black it out and if you if you if you do black it out and I want to put a name over it. You could put Allie Wong Who else we got Rick in the room Andrew Santino You and me right there Dude, is there anything like kind of scary or funny or like just all of it whenever like you get to bring you like Like when you're set over it's kind of like a relief moment and then you get to bring somebody else up It's like it's like getting out of the pool and drying off and knowing you peed and uh-huh, you know Well, that's a skill you have to learn because not a lot of places do tag team like this. So when you first When you get past there you have to get used to it because most shows have an MC and your time and the MC comes up And then brings up a next person. This is all you go up bring somebody else up They bring the next person up. So you have to get in that mode of like my sets over now. I've got a turn in the host mode It's like agent Smith like all right this next guy, you know, you do you do your last joke and you go Everybody doing fantastic. Let's show. Keep getting better and you don't know how to do that when you're young Yeah, but then you've been there so long now you finish it. You're like all right this next guy's hilarious You're gonna love him for him and war and then it's just very cool to go up after each other. Yeah Yeah, dude, it is magic industry gets to be in a place where you see other people and stuff like that You know where you see a lot of people and see what's going on. Yeah, it was like a place to be too at night It was like it was like, okay, I don't I don't need to be at a nightclub I never knew any of the night clubs that were popping or any of that stuff. Yeah, cuz I just didn't know it was like Anav that that's where I'll be and it's so weird I know like the nightclub scene I never went and it's weird because I dance so people think like you must go to nightclubs all the time Like I don't it's so weird being good at dancing and then hating going to a nightclub I have a private relationship with dance. I want I want to dance in my room. I don't want to go to some like laser place Yeah, and like dance. That's not fun for me. Yeah, I like dancing by myself. Yeah, well some trans male man Drops something and you drink, you know, I was like, oh, I got an overnight for you. Yeah, I mean that looks like fun But I don't I don't want to do that. Yeah, good for John Hamm But that's not really my speed Dude, so I don't forget how much how great was it though Michael Jackson bro growing up during the Michael Jackson area. Yeah It took me a while to realize what song you were saying I'm like this is a Theo remix me too because I don't remember I remember like a little bit of all of them though It's like Like a white. Yeah, bro. We're black or white. He was like early a.i. Black is white. It up. Yeah, yeah, yeah, bro. That shit was so good dude. I remember those videos coming out too It would be like a movie coming out the world premiere of black or white sitting down from the TV Wasn't McCulley Culkin. He like got it going like yeah, bro Black or white. When did it premiere? Let's look at it Michael Jackson biopic Michael first reactions. That's oh, that's coming out in April 22nd. Yeah, that just came out Oh, it just came out Did we do better than it at the movie theater this week? It wasn't for this week. It says plus boys crush We did best for like I saw congrats man. I saw the the weekend put that out there to people or like put out like this is how much we did for the week or whatever I think just Showing what it is and being like blessed like, I mean, it is really cool that the fans showed up like that Never make our money back. No, I think you will on streaming and stuff because that's pretty good I read it was pretty good for an independent like perscreen. It was fourth highest of all movies last week and perscreen Let's go dude. I didn't even know that Michael Jackson's black or white music video premiere November 14th 1991 as a massive global event Directed by John Landis the 11 minute short film aired simultaneously in 27 to 69 countries with an estimated 500 million viewers bro, man people forget that was when we hundred we were all like it felt like every you could meet somebody from another language Even somebody that was in a coma and you could at least you both knew. Yeah, you knew Michael Yeah, you couldn't speak the language, but then you like grab your dick and he goes oh me too Me too. You me and then he would lean. Yeah, you too I love watching old Michael Jackson tour footage Because it's just so fun to watch and the cuz he was the biggest thing on earth and you'll see like European 35-year-old men fainting like yeah, oh my god. Oh my god Literally getting gurneyed out Did this guy this guy went by himself he went with this bro? Like I would have to get a new job or something his brothers waiting in the car problem. Yeah, like yes. Yeah, there it is right there. Who's doing this to people today? Nobody maybe Bieber Yeah, but but I mean not to this degree not like no one's doing that and look how old they are Bieber is they're younger These are like 40-year-old they have a family This is someone's grandpa and he's just standing there. He's just standing there in their fainting Like they imagine paying all this money to go see Michael Jackson and he's standing like a statue and you you wake up in the hospital You spent you spent all that money and then go where's Michael they go Michael left. He's in Barcelona now I saw him remove his glasses and that's all I remember Well, he did all his songs and he glided. I miss it. Yeah, you missed it again Every time he's like I swear I won't faint this time His whole family won't faint. He wears something like a like a neck brace Yeah, something to keep his blood like in the like clockwork or I taped his eyes open He's like not this time. He has to like three mortgages to pay for these Michael Jackson tickets that he always faints through Dude God Michael Jackson was a thing and that was one thing at school that all the kids could do like It was more about the dancing kids weren't trying to like out Michael sing each other. We weren't like It was more about the moonwalk. Yeah, we didn't come to like recess like Dude, yeah, the moonwalk my shit was a little bit more like the Pluto fucking shuffle boy Had a limp and hell but a swag in it. I got her I just heard the story It was like a second-hand story that one time Mike Tyson and Michael Jackson They went out together like just all they were going out on the town and Michael had a bunch of chicks with him Michael Jackson a bunch of chicks with him and Tyson was like, hey, which one of these girls is with you just so in case I'm flirting with one or whatever and Michael Jackson told them uh, they're all with me get your own bitches For real, that's what I heard and I really heard that Wow, I heard it. I actually heard it today. I just love hearing that story like through the filter of his voice They're all with me get your own bitches And it's funny. They both kind of have similar falsetto voices. Oh, yeah, Michael How many of these can I I don't want to step on any talk? They're all my bitches Get your own iron Mike That's on call for Mike. That's on call from Mike Whatever Mike. This is the battle of falsetto mics Bro, you didn't even have to have any friends. I bet when you're a kid, dude You're just fucking doing your own Well, I get the idea, but I mean I don't I don't eat breakfast that I'm just like talking to myself in the like this is fun Because we're just like riffing and shit, but I'm not eating Cheerios. I'm like what if What I'm such a Cheerios. I'm eating. Do you notice so you like so you so your imagination must be pretty active? You probably have an active imagination. I think it's the same Do you notice those things that kind of dim it kind of or do you notice you've ever noticed certain times or in your life or Like kind of periods like that you've gone through or even like things you've like or activity something you've engaged in every time You're like that. I noticed that that takes away like it kind of dims like my brain's ability or medication Even I'm just asking is curious because we never think about like what we do and how it affects our imagination Yeah, yeah, I mean I'm I'm very Personality and energy based like if I feel comfortable and safe. I can have fun and be These ideas will come to me and I feel comfortable sharing them But if I don't know someone as well, I'm I just find it's happened enough times where I'm like kind of reserved and I go in and I'm not I'm not so forthcoming with ideas or whatever. I'm just kind of like in myself So I have to have because I think at the end of the day I am an introvert even though I do stand up So it's kind of weird if you're at a party and they're like you're a stand-up. I'm not really talking or anything Yeah, but in my mind. I'm like I don't I don't know you You know it's just I maybe some people have a stereotype of what a stand-up comedian is where they're at a party and they're like How much does a polar bear wait wait enough to break the ice? I'm heaming. I do well got your nose You know, I just kind of lay in the cut Because I don't know anybody And I'll latch on to whoever I know but I'm not like a social butterfly and I'll observe and all that but I Can't have real fun unless I am accustomed to you and I know you and we have history. Yeah, there's some comfort ability Then my creativity can think came come out so I just noticed that Yeah, so it's kind of like energy-based even doing Rogan like Rogan's so awesome He's afforded me a career like you and me so many of our peers
Oh, so much to him like I'm able to tour and like you make a living and stuff and it's awesome But I I just I don't know him as well as I know you and that show is so big and stuff and I feel like I can't be as me as as I can with you. Yeah, he's also an elder. He's He's a few generations above me and stand up So I feel like I can't be as silly as maybe but then you're a silly guy too Well, yeah, I mean Joe's probably he's probably one generation ahead of us and maybe that Yeah, but he likes information and he's like what's the figure things out? Yeah Joe's like a learner. Yeah, you know like the rest of us right The rest of us are most of the time out. You're kind of goon in a round of the South American was Yeah, what's your name come and but Joe's like a he's generally a curious dude like he's like super cure And he really is and it's guy he remembers everything that's gotta be almost I wonder if that's almost hectic sometimes it's a retain all that information I'm so envious of guys like like Rogen who know so much or Dave Smith or Tim Dylan. They're so well-read and worldly to And I'm like it'd be funny if some guy fainted on a Michael Jackson. It's just I feel so dumb But it's just different, you know, yeah, we need Joe to like you need somebody that was just gonna interview everybody like I'm gonna talk to every single person. Yeah, I'm not gonna have too much say so in and or anything You know, um, I always think he's done a pretty good job of staying unbiased about stuff like and then sometimes he steps and when he feel like You know, he tries to like like we all do like say this is really how I feel about something um I was on a show like a whiskey when people were giving him a hard time online About him like not being supportive like about antidepressants or something uh and um And people take a clip and make it like a big deal But I didn't feel that way at all like in our conversation, you know Yeah, so sometimes it's so weird the the things that people clip I think it's so big and it's so singular that people like adding their spin to whatever it is You can take any clip and add Text to it and then you're funneling people's viewpoint into that so much of what we do is just the clip version of it Yeah, there's so much agendas I think I was very about the shows that it breathes for three hours and it have all these different people and then people to kind of decide for themselves But the whole clipping on X is kind of That's like a game genie is cheating. Yeah, it feels a little cheating sometimes Yeah, but people were like yeah, he's not supportive and stuff and I've never felt anything in fact As I've gotten to know him better over the years, which is which is he's such a busy dude I think like imagine like I look at my phone It's like my mom's text to me, you know she's she's like also send me some emojis that aren't always most positive and some of them I think means things that she doesn't even know they mean So a couple of veggies she sent me. I'm like, this is yeah eggplant mom. You should never be Don't tell me you're making eggplant Just say eggplant Yeah, just make it dude. Just make it don't even bring it up or she's just like that open mouth emoji all the time And I'm like what are the tongue out? She's like it's kind of crazy. She's like it's so hot today. It's your fucking squirt squirt It's so hot today squirt squirt So hot today. I'm gonna make a couple eggplants and I'm like dude, what are you? God, she's just she loves gardening So it's just like, you know, it's just navigating shit like that but imagine your Joe Rogan you open your phone up It's like Elon Musk is probably text to you, you know, like the some guy Like some guy's name you can't even read from like another country who wants to come on your podcast They're like beg, you know, and then your wife also want stuff your kids or ask you just like He's like a thoroughfare for humanity You know, he'll still text us back. It's crazy. That's crazy And then even the book is show. He's like how does he does it? I know he doesn't I mean not to call you I mean you have a producer. I love you But like it's fine to get everybody else that's producers Rogan is like hey, how's how's this day sound? I know that's bananas Yeah, dude, but sometimes let's like we don't watch the whole episode and people don't know things Yeah, well, we live in a hot-take society. We do. It's kind of crazy Well, there's money in it. So there's money. There's attention. There's views. So yeah, you just have to pull back And try not to be so susceptible to it like as you get older just realize okay Yeah, I think sometimes it's like I don't know But yeah, I felt yeah, I mean in that instance or with that specific thing with Joe It just felt like man. I wish this isn't what I felt like happened, you know, yeah, and Yeah, and he's just he's been super sporty. He's always kind of checks in over the year Like he's gotten a little bit more real check-in or inviting out to dinner with his wife and his kids like little things like that It's like why I know it's hard. It's probably hard for him to even be around a lot of people a lot because it's just a lot of energy You give out I remember we went to dinner and Austin one time it was It was him Tony Lex Friedman. I'm trying to think who else it was a bizarre You're like what is this life, you know Where's the Italian restaurant and then he changes the gravity of a you're so big you forget it's again It's one of those things of like I see him at the comedy store all the time and I just see him as a Comedian. I know him is that but then you enter the real world and you kind of see How everyone else reacts to the same person? Yeah, so we're just eating dinner and then This pasta would hit the table every now and then and then we look up and there's like a 45-year-old woman Just like throwing pasta to get his attention. She's like hi And he's like yeah Yeah, I just you know just want to say hello and he's like Why don't you come downstairs and say hi like a normal person okay, I want to bother you If we're throwing pasta is way worse than just I don't know what was going through his lady's head But she was just throwing pasta on the table that's Italian emails brother That's all it is wrote his home in warm pasta and your rodent's table. That's fucking crazy email. Um But yeah, anyway, I think it yeah, I think it's had to be I don't know some of you think of what is it like to be him because he's he's an interesting guy There's a question. I want to ask you can I do that? Yeah, sure. So okay. We were doing one of the shows and then I don't know if you've even heard it You're on stage and then some random person was like Talk about road rules. Oh, yeah, and to me it's just so absurd because you've done so much past beyond that Yeah, you're kind of like you're like is anybody even remember that How do you take it that part of your life and then what was that kind of fame because that was MTV was huge That's what like what TikTok is now or being a streamer like good point I never thought about it in a correlation like what that's what TikTok is now. Yeah think about any young person Whose famous MTV was that for us. That was like the vessel. Well, it's probably we're Michael Jackson premiered on him Guess in that it probably one of the networks that it premiered on because I think TV was sent my universal at the time Yeah, that was our TikTok pretty much like if you wanted anything young it was that yeah, and I also have to stop too like Young people today have it so nice that The entertainment they watch is made by young people when we were growing up. We were watching like balding 30 year olds Try to be in high school on TV shows We were probably touching the kids they were working with maybe We don't know but all that there's a pretty good chance that that was happening But we were watching an approximation of youth. Yeah, you know like that's because that's all we had We're watching yo mama. We were watching Wilmer Waldorama host Different factions of yo mama groups. Yeah now if you're 10 you can find a 10 year or like or now if you're 20 you can find it You can find like oh you speak to you right that's a good point. I ever thought about that exactly because even Like I'm trying to think like yeah MTV. It was like older people at what people who were watching though were 12 or 13 It's landed younger, but you had to watch I got these are the youngest people I see on TV, but they happen to be 20 or 25 like 902. I know how old were they during shooting that they were probably 26-ish. I would bet Maybe like one of them was full on like balding Why didn't he was in high school like this isn't the teacher? They gave a teacher a backpack Bro, remember that. Yeah, those were the shows who would sit and watch us Oh do 90210 was like it was the show with for my family And then I'll get back into your question too, because I don't want you to think I was trying not to answer it It was that was the show for my family. We were like we were all At a Shannon Doherty, Jenny Garth Torrey spelling Bryan Austin green Jason Priestly Luke Perry Ian Zering Gabrielle Cartaris 29 years old Yeah, I mean some of them are young. Yeah, some of them make sense, but some of them are stretch and this is when it started too So by the end they were all mid 20s Right But dude, yeah, that like that show was the show where like are like Probably I'd watch with three of my siblings and we were all like two years apart So we all had like different like one of us was watching me It was like cool about school one because it was cool. It was at a high school and one of us was watching because like You know, we hadn't gotten here about things that like older kids do or anything like that and then One of us was just watching to see like if there was any blag showing right there a little bit of Sexy time or something, you know But yeah, dude that was a fucking juggernaut How many people watch that show I wonder so many. I'm sure it was unbelievable Luke Perry passed away a few years ago, didn't he? Yeah, and Shannon Doherty. Oh Yeah, that show was wild dude. Uh, yeah for the road rule stuff. The crazy thing for me was Sometimes I can't even remember it. It's that long ago. It's that long ago I think and I think I've just had like you know We get bizzier and like with comedy. You're doing a lot of stuff like you're performing in a lot of like, you know You get up almost every night and so So I think that starts to take you know That starts to take over a lot of space um One thing that was I think in in hindsight a blessing about that experience was that I kind of got to be like you got a level of popularity there But you didn't like with doing road rules beyond MTV, but you didn't have any money, right? So you had no and you had no uh the only way you could get like any like
kind of you had to keep going back to them to if you wanted something else you know you just had to be in their world and and part of it was a blessing and stuff like that you got to do cool stuff not complaining but um but but one thing was I realized at that time that like there wasn't a like being popular was cool but there wasn't like a ton of value to it like for years I kind of thought like oh is this cool thing but then I was like well what is it for like where does it really you know like you know I'd end up having a long conversation with drunk dudes at a bar somewhere some fucking monster that corners you and you're like trying to look over his shoulder like hopefully hopefully some woman's giving you eye contact you're sitting there just just stuck fucking inches away from some dudes non deodorant you know but yeah I think I realized that there was wasn't a lot of that fame had like there wasn't a ton of value to it well especially monetarily it wasn't there right so you just had fame but you didn't have you didn't really own your fans right you're like every like oh look at that motherfucker damn he's fucked up you know he's at the you know he'd be at the bus stop at school just normal shit that's totally normal you're in college so just give you a bunch of conversations you didn't want to have to be in or yeah well maybe look at the values of popularity like well what value is this like yeah it's valuable to me in the sense of like if I'm gonna be out in a or if I want to get help getting in a nightclub or something but I don't really have a voice for myself I didn't really have anything to show for you didn't make any money so it was um you know you had some fun experiences but then you were also left with a lot of people who knew you who you were and no way to hide from it you know like I remember I was even after that I was sleeping on my buddy's floor for like probably a year you know so I don't know it just it almost felt like I don't know it just gave you a look at what popularity was in the values of it and the non values of it I think so then like I started coming in the 10 years later I had this whole other experience and most people don't even know about the first one or they just didn't put it together I don't know what happened yeah so I'm so rarely here about it such a deep cut yeah sometimes I wish I remember like I think I was just had a young plate like I was just at a place where you just energetic and frenetic and shit you just trying to get laid and trying to just jerk yourself off or whatever and tell them lie to people say you got laid or something like this now people because you were glomming on to this other thing that was kind of bigger than the pieces who are part of that show so it almost feels like you're renting that fame or you're just a part of the assembly line yeah I felt like I didn't have it it didn't represent me like it and it felt like I didn't they can edit things the way they want what you're fine but it's not my I don't get to be the I don't get to be the be all in all of me right yeah like I don't get to say exactly how this is this is for me right but I don't know it was cool that I got this one thing I think I mean someone's kind of grateful to God about it is that I got this like trial run at what it was like to have some popularity and so then whenever it happened again I think I've been able to navigate it differently from myself yeah not always great but I've definitely had a different perception of it and and a different understanding of the potential values of it in some spaces right maybe does that make any sense no it does because the even true people have an idea of what fame is and but there's like levels to it as well and you think you want it I think especially when you're young just because the things that you want fame will unlock immediately yeah but those are kind of primal wants once you get past that you realize okay it's not as great but it's great when you're 18 or 20 yeah if you're just trying to be common or whatever get meals or whatever yeah yeah common and meals it's great you know common or meals is famous great for that I mean that's like why am I here it's harder if you want to bust and have like Pad Thai it's famous awesome you'll do those for free but if you like you know what are these relationships are they built on lies it's harder for that yeah it's harder so I don't know but um but yeah sometime off to the next time we do an episode we'll have to go down some of those roads or even those roads of like shows that we used to watch and shit thinking about some of this fun um so you started that in business you worked at Boeing what were you doing over there I was doing engineering so I was doing stress analysis at Long Beach so the Boeing out in Long Beach that's what I went to school for I did mechanical engineering and but I knew I wanted to do stand up when I was 18 I was very young and and then I just applied to jobs and so Cal and then I got a job at Boeing and Long Beach so and what is a mechanical engineer just so people know there's different facets of it you can go into you can do like HVAC that's that's an industry you can go into just like heating and cooling you can go into something to work at Toyota or with cars and then aerospace is a big employer of mechanical um just think about anything mechanical there's going to be mechanical engineers like Tesla just you know anything mechanical um so then yeah I got my degree and then I knew I wanted to stand up and as a stand up back then there was no internet really I mean our social media you had to go to New York or LA and I'm like I'm my parents are in Seattle I kind of want to do entertainment as well TV movies so I chose LA so then I just applied to jobs in LA and then I got a job at Boeing and Long Beach and you hadn't started with stand up yet no I did I was the summer after I graduated high school I was 18 and then I just started going to the comedy clubs in Seattle did you see Adam right was either he didn't start yet oh so I think I met Adam right yeah moot moot was there Jeff die actually started a few years after me maybe like two two or three years after me so there was some funny people coming out of Seattle um but Adam Adam didn't uh I met him before but he didn't start in the scene there he started out here in LA he went to USC but he wasn't at the mics or anything like that oh god Adam right yeah yeah yeah um yeah so that's how I ended up in LA and working at Boeing I was there for like four years and then I quit was it cooler there like is it like a nice space you guys have like a launcher like a community area like what's that it was so quintessential like office spacey at least I was envious because tech was having this boom with Microsoft Google people are on razor scooters jumping the ball pits and shit you know what I mean yeah like tech looked so fun and then it did but just here somebody said that it just shows you how people are so different in different places where they grow up yeah yeah yeah I mean like nobody ever around from has ever said tech look tech looks so fun you're saying no one in Louisiana said tech looks so fun yeah I don't think so you were getting a lot of kids saying that no it's okay though but it's cool though it's just like fun places are different um and did with your parents like a lot of pressure do you have a lot of pressure yeah yeah what is your what ethnicity where your parents from Afghanistan from Afghanistan yeah so they came here from there and so yeah there is that stereotype that what is that stereotype like is it a real stereotype and is it just for Afghanistan or is it for a lot of immigrants just like you know oh it's immigrants it's an immigrant thing if you leave your country you come to America you don't want to hear your kid is hitting the mics yeah you don't mean like we evaded the Russians for you to try this new bit you know like you don't understand this joke has legs just let me do it three times and if it bombs all I won't do it anymore yeah mom it's about waymo's dude it's about we just got waymo's a Nashville too yeah and people are fucking you can see people I don't like them well they're called I'm not saying they're out there yelling you know shit right right they're called momos or just like you momos get the fuck out it or wagers they're calling wager I'm like that's insane to be what's happening yeah it doesn't even know a slurs being thrown at it is it's trying to get it's people to where it's got to go yeah dude what I saw you did this reminds me of you had something oh you're like the drive the car started complaining or it was having a bad day was it you saying oh yeah it was like a waymo I forgot how what you know it's I mean maybe I have it on my Instagram somewhere but like I think you had some tech guy on because my buddy hit me up because you mentioned me anytime you name check me I've you know huge friends who are huge fans of the pod and they're like oh they'll talk about you and and I saw the clip and you're talking to some tech guy he's like you know if you hear him out or and he has no idea and you're telling him the waymo joke and he's just like staring at you like paint drying but you're just telling him my joke and he's like yeah that's great if he was Alexander Wang yeah yeah was it uh huh oh that's great dude oh yeah maybe this is the one yeah let me see this bro this is fuck forgot how it goes I got to take one recently I get in there's no driver and the waymo goes this isn't my main thing I wrapped and it was quiet for a while the ride is pretty quiet and then I don't know where the waymo went we need to build a wall it was like a mago waymo I guess then we hit a guy we hit a person this fucking fool over the car and then the waymo went oh fuck fuck fuck you gotta help me what do you mean they got to help you it's like you're a part of this now how do you even help you it's like chop it up in a smaller pieces from the parts in the back you know this has happened to waymo you're a car you're a car he's like put in my charge porn yeah let's go to the car wash and strip loves from waymo I mean I was like doing a screenplay for a Pixar movie about a waymo dude that's great bro everything you but that's like I feel like you do like a million of those every single time it's just like what about this and it's like some new thing man it's always so novel you're one of the people that when I see or like it just makes me like I don't know it's just like it's like the purest thing it's like this is something funny let me see how it goes
- That's so cool that you've noticed that or appreciate it because that's honestly the whole reason I do stand up is I think of something and I think it's funny and I wanna share it and I hope that people validate what I, this idea, like does this idea work? Does it have legs? And when they do, it's the best feeling in the world. Whenever I do stand up, it's just I hope you think this is funny too. Like I don't need them to laugh or whatever, but I'm like, I thought this was a novel. Do you guys find it a novel? And there's just such joy in that. And when it works, I'm the happiest in the world. So I'm chasing that. - Yeah, why is that, you think? What is, I mean, obviously wanna make people happy. Like it's fun to make somebody laugh or something like that. Like there's something so perfect about it. I get it, it's like there was nothing here a moment ago and now like you're laughing or we're both laughing. Like that shit's pretty dope really. - For me, when I have a bit that like I know works, I get less of a rush 'cause I know it works. I know the joke works. So it almost feels like there's a, it serves its purpose like when you do the road and you're celebrating those bits that you got to that place. But if I'm just working out in town, I'm like, I already know the joke works. So it doesn't scratch the comic itching me. But if I can get something that's mediocre or a brand new thought to work, that's when I get all the dope of mean and stuff. I'm like, what a rush. That's like catching a big way for me. So I'm just, yeah. - As a mechanical engineer, do you think that, 'cause we've been talking about things that are black and white, we've been talking about Waymos, Michael Jackson. But yeah, in the spirit of continuing to talk about things that are black and white, do you think that we went to the moon? - I just caught it right now, Jesus. That's so funny. You just like kept on drilling down, and I finally got the black or white thing. - Yeah, do you think that we went to the moon? You're a mechanical engineer, dude. And you left the business 'cause you're like, oh, they don't, why did you leave? - I was finally doing well enough in comedy where I could. So that was the goal the whole time. But I mean, most of us had to double life it until you got to the point where the art was doing well enough to abandon ship. - Did you have a last day, do you remember? - Yeah, kind of. Oddly enough, I had booked this MTV show and they needed me for three months. And I didn't even want to leave, I didn't even want to quit. I just, I wanted to do a leave of absence 'cause I planned on returning after shooting this MTV show. I'm like, yeah, can I come back after three months? I have to take this leave. And they're like, no, you can't do that. You can't take much time off. And then I read that you can only collect unemployment if they fire you. So then, so then I just sent an email. I go, I will be leaving on this day and I plan on returning this day just to let them know that I plan on returning. And then I just, I left the office, you know? And then I wouldn't answer their calls or emails or anything. I was just waiting for them to terminate me, right? - Right, 'cause you can get on employment. - Then I get on employment, yeah. Yeah, I'm playing 40 chess, yeah. There's levels to this thing. So enough time, I'm dodging them, I'm dodging them, then finally I get a voicemail like, well, okay, well, we've terminated you. (laughing) I'm in my shitty apartment that you just saw where I'm dancing with Jinko jeans. And I'm like, yeah, I guess. Free at last. - Free at last. - That's what you gotta fuckin' put on Almosta, the soundtrack and just fuckin', put on your favorite ballet boots. - So that's why I left, I finally was able to, it was still dicey though, even though I left. I wasn't making tons of money or anything, but it was too big of an opportunity. I'm like, this is an MTV show. I should do it now, disaster date of all things. - Oh, that show is. - Do you remember that? No, I remember a limited date. - A limited date. I remember that too. I remember third wheel. Remember the theme song for a limited date? You were like, "A limited date." - Yeah, bomb bang, bomb, bomb, bomb. A limited date. I'm bomb bang, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb, bomb. They would have time cards. I think I was, was that a limited date? It was like, why don't you have a 30 minute timeout? - Yeah. - I'm like, that bitch gave me a timeout. And then she'd be with her man. - Yeah, the best. One of them, whatever one was that they had a dude who slipped off and did a bunch of fucking, yay, and came back. - Really? - Yeah, that dude was bagged up when he came back. And it was the best, bro. And when they had like three or four people, and they had a pic who'd have let go, and sometimes you'd be shocked, that was good. That was a limited. - Oh, okay, okay. - When they had like three or four of them, or I think four or three, and then each time they would let somebody go and then they had to pick the last one or whatever. - Then there was one called fifth wheel. There was on the bus or whatever. And then-- - Did you get to be the deity? - So the premise of the show, oh my god, I'm so young. - It was yesterday. - You would just be a terrible data. So friends would set their friends up on the date, and then they would see how long they could last on the date, and you're just acting wild. And however many minutes they last, they got a dollar a minute, which is like nothing. Why would anybody do this? So if they set through-- - We could be Somalian and make millions, too, you know what I'm saying. - Yeah, so not worth it. Remember Jeff Keith was on it. - Oh, I think I remember this. It was like boiling points for dating. - I remember this. Was this with Sally. - Yes. - So the late four, nine, five productions, and their big show was Jersey Shore. - Yes. - And this was the red-headed stepchild that nobody watched. - Got it. - 'Cause Jersey Shore was like fucking cute. - Yeah. - And I remember there was a rap party for, I had two seasons of this. Like we did a rap party, four, nine, five, and Jersey Shore was there, and then we were there, too. But like nobody gave a fuck. We were like the, the team-oo show. - Disastered. - Snookie was there, Mike the situation was there, in the heyday. - Yeah. - I have an old picture of like me and Snookie and me with the situation. And he's doing this, like, very on brand. - He's like, he dude. - He has aviators and he's like. - And I'm like. - Bro, that shit's so great, though. - Yeah. - What I was gonna ask you about. Oh, do you think my, oh yeah, but on the engineer side, do you think we went to the moon? Like does it, 'cause a lot of comedians have a good sense, I think sometimes of like bullshit. - Uh-huh. - Because they're making a lot of bullshit. - So it's like they know, you know, how much is on the scale at times. What do you think happened, man? - I'm not as smart as people think I am, just 'cause of the title. I think we did. It's tough 'cause like, yeah, I worked at Boeing and I was an engineer, but then people think that I'm way, I just did a bunch of school. I was good at these formulas and I did it, but I really don't know a ton of stuff. But I think we did go there. You did? - Well, look at the footage of the iPhone, that was kind of cool. - That just came out? - Yeah, the astronaut was in there, it was pretty cool. - Let's take a peek at that. Who's the first wigger in space do you think? Have they done it? - Like test their blood to see. - Yeah, not just like, just like bona fide. Send a real fucking Jason Williams up there, you know what I'm saying? - Just for science, like we want to see how their body reacts to space. So we're sending Jason Williams up. And he's elbow passing to other astronaut. Do you imagine the passes he could do in zero G's? - Pro. - But that looks, come on. If we get to unlock Jason Williams on the moon, that would be so sick. That looks like a sperm going to an egg kind of. - That's true, that is true. - Dude, this is crazy. So that's a picture of some guy that's took on his iPhone? - One of the female astronauts took that. Probably her man being like, where are you? And he's like, bullshit. - Yeah, she goes, space, I told you. - And then she sends that back. - Uh-huh. - She proved it. - Yeah. - It's a nightclub, I've been there. Yeah, I didn't speak in a space and wiggas and everything. But that's a crazy statement. That sounds like a comics unleash segway. Speaking of wiggas in space, that's so viral. And he was like, tell me about that. He was like, oh, sorry, your mother died. What else is going on with you, Tommy? And it was just like, keep it moving. - There's an art to it. Congrats to viral and they got that new time slot. So yeah, good for comics unleashed. They give a lot of screen time to younger comics and stuff and more people see. - Let's see. - The sandwich one too, yeah. - They've done a lot of that for people. Yeah, and since we're on the subject of space and wiggas, let's, they just had a marriage proposal. - It's gender reveal. - Oh, I'm sorry, it's, yeah, this is gender reveal. No matter what gender that baby's gonna be mixed, that's just wiggin' now, Max, homie. - You ready? - What if they do an ultrasound and the baby's like, (laughing) - He's just like his dad, he's like, - Pop, lock and drop it. - You see you walking in the womb. - Do, yeah, they don't. - Wiggas was everything when I was a kid, man. - I mean, I feel like you used to be able to say it freely. Some people get tense about, like, are you allowed? - To say wiggas? - Is it still, can we, is it back? - Yeah, it's back. - They never left. - Dude, half the NBA. - I feel like they're euro though. We used to have, - Well, bring up a couple euro wiggas if you can. (laughing) - This is at the new term. - I guess it is, I mean, that's a great question. Who is kind of a euro, a euro dove? - They're mostly euro dubs. - You think? - We used to have homegrown dubs. - Yeah. - Now we have these foreigners. - Did they have a lot of dubs up there in Seattle? - Seattle. There's every middle school has some dubs, but they're not real dubs. - We thought that rain up there, a lot of damped dubs. - Dumped dubs. - There's some damped dubs. You know, it's funny. University I went to, UDUB. - Ooh, ooh, ooh. - University of Washington. (laughing) - Dumb nation, dude, panics, bro. How could, if you're a wigga, how can you even get married? Like, you're already married to the streets, I feel like.
good point. Maybe it's like polyamory. Like are you are you open to an open relationship? You in the streets? Will you share me with the streets? Yeah, yeah. That's an open-minded. Oh, I'll let the trenches to get you and let's go back together. Yeah. Oh, I love that idea. It's almost like that movie with Robin Williams. Which one? What dreams may come? You say wet dreams? Yeah. Wet dreams may come, dude. Of course they may. Bro, there's nothing kind of shadier though in like like there's nothing kind of shadier when you get wet dreamed or whatever by God or whatever because it's like it's like sometimes you like if you especially if you're going through a time period where you do not want to be ejaculating or whatever. Right. And then God like wet dreams you or whatever you're like. Oh, damn. It's kind of a gift. It's like thank you. Kind of dude. Oh, yeah. One of our previous producers is Kid Rally Mow. He used to pray that yeah, I would touch him in his sleep. So he'd be able to because he didn't have any. He'd never ejaculated and would God answer. Yeah. He said he would. But that shit was just damn like you ever have it happen where you're like not at home and like now this is tricky. That's not ideal. Like an away game. Like you're sleeping somewhere when you're a kid and like you're somebody else's how you like this is. No. Now you're like Dexter. Only. I don't get rid of it. Or am I just crusty? They're just of drywall. I don't I only come local, bro. That's me. But you're you have no control over your brain. Sometimes it does that you would never have it happen. I don't think so. I wet the bed a lot of people's homes. I wet the bed. I feel like that's more acceptable. It kind of is which is crazy and it's way more liquid. It's yeah. Yeah, it's kind of crazy. How if you wet the bed at somebody's house. So like that's fine. Let's help you out. You know, but you ejaculate in your sleep at somebody's house and they're like, oh, get out. I could have wet the bed. Yeah. Yeah. Damn, that's different dude. What else we got? What's popping guys? Some of the robots. I love that robot dog in the Atlanta apartment complex. Oh, yeah. Let's see that, dude. Yeah, especially since you worked in tech, bro. Listen, I want to get let's get your viewpoint on some of this tech dude. Oh, did you ever get to meet Bill Gates? No. What if I was like, I was at Epstein Island and I got to meet him briefly. I was trying to ask my windows. But he said that he had to get to a room. I thought that was odd. I was trying to troubleshoot my my Dell, my Dell PC. Do you ever hear rumors about him or anything like? What was he like? Oh, I mean, I had no idea. I feel like a lot of those fuzzy like, what this person? Who would think that Bill Gates is doing? Yeah. Did you have any idea? Yeah. I think money, you know, gets so much power. You get it. I could understand why these people, but like nobody would throw a dart and think it would hit Bill Gates. That he would be involved in some of that. Yeah. When I was a kid in the 90s, this guy talking about windows. I think he's going to be on a Epstein Island. And it's crazy to think how they, like they made everybody out there like Michael Jackson is a pedophile or whatever, right? And who may or may not have been, we don't know. But there's also evidence out there that he was getting with a lot of women. Right. Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson will attest. Here's Bill Gates right here. Let's see what happens. Oh, yeah. He jumped over a chair. Why did he do it? Just to show that he could do it. This is like impressive back in the 90s. He's sitting on Connie Chong. She's married to Mory Povat, right? This fucking chung jumper. Jump for chung, dude. That'd be a good, uh, that'd be a good Asian olympic thing, wouldn't it be? Jump for chung. And it's a fundraiser. Right for the family. People jump as far as they can for Connie Chong. I would, yeah, I would jump jump for chung. How much money can we raise for that? Um, have you seen some of this text and she was a tech guy, dude? And she worked up for so long. I'm the resident expert. And I'm just, you just anointed me as the resident expert. And I'm kind of dumb. Let's take a gainer at this, dude. Not they got the motherfucking robot doll in the motherfucking hood. Put your own department. What the fuck's up with A.I. She did it. What the fuck? He's like, he from the bike away. Yeah. Hello, baby. How are you? How are you? Where are you at? I'm good. This is a person I want to hear. So when we talk about the robot, don't get here first. To watch the people on the screen. Oh, sorry. So we're actually like the robotic security dog here. So what's I got to tell you? I look as I alien. Everything's been monitored in record. Hi, hi, too. A lot of black boy, they didn't want you to say what's up to them, bro. Once they said, hi, bro, everybody was chill. You know, what about the robot? Dapting up and stuff. Oh, shit. The robot's wearing like a couple of chains of shit next week. Dude, they're going to fucking fix that thing up. Pop in, bro. They're going to get that thing in a little suit. It's going to look like fucking level Crawford in a month. That's going to be dope as hell, bro. They're going to get that thing pop in, bro. It's going to be beautiful. That's crazy. What do you think? What? Okay. I don't know if I could be a cop, man. I don't know if I could be. I could be a dog like a cop dog or just want to be a dog that lives outdoors or the old school dogs like when I was growing up, that dog that lived outdoors. And I remember the first time I ever saw a dog that lived indoors, I went to my buddy's house and a dog came around the corner and we were inside. And I was like, whoa. And it was like a blonde dog. It was like beautiful. It looked like Susan, Suzanne Somers. Remember her? Oh, yeah. Beautiful. By master. Yeah. I mean, just fucking beautiful. This thing came around and it lived inside. And I could not even believe it. It blew my mind. I was like, you gotta be kidding me. But it was so beautiful. It deserved to live inside, right? Like I'd seen a lot of dogs that hadn't had missing teeth, missing fucking eyebrows or whatever, missing all kinds of shit. You know, just dogs that we had a dog that couldn't go forward or whatever that bitch was always so he'd fucking he was something his shoulders, his front shoulders were calcified or whatever. So he had a fucking, so we had to go backwards. It was like, damn this motherfucker. But he would still get you. You know what I'm saying? So that'd be crazy. At first you like this motherfucker and get me. But then bro, two minutes later, you'd have you fucking cornered somewhere, bro. What is that at all? He'd have you cornered with his dang asshole. And he's you still hear his voice, but it's going the other way, bro. And that's the kind of shit I grew up around, bro. But yeah, what do you think, man? You think you could be a dog? You think you could be a cop? I don't, I don't know if I could be a cop. If you were dancing cop though, theme, and well, now you've sweetened the deal. You, you buried the lead, man. Maybe that could be a way to recruit a lot of people who normally wouldn't be cops. You lead with dancing. Yeah. You might get some Broadway folk in there. You might get me. Yeah. Can I like twirl when I apprehend you? Do you know whatever you want? I think there's a cool if hit the cops on hit to hit the cuffs on them, you know? Yeah. Like what song do you want to listen to while you get arrested? That sort of thing, you know? Do they choose or do I get to choose? I think you guys each get one. It could be like Miranda, right? So you could choose whatever song you want, played while I arrest you. Yeah. And they go to their Spotify. And then while they're slammed against the car, it's like a Kendrick track. She's like, Dan, it's the experience better, right? Yeah. It's just a mystical. Keep cool. What was his biggest song? Mystical. Did I do that? No, that was that was ergo. Yeah. Mystical, I think he sampled that in his own. Yeah. Yeah. What does that? He was one of a kind, bro. What he was cousins with Master P. Yeah, they was some black people love to be cousins, bro. This is true. I'm talking about they do brothers as well and sisters. Why do people don't love it as much to be cousins? Why people? That's a good point. Yeah. Cousin is an umbrella term. Yeah. But I feel like even like Afghans will use cousin loosely. Really? Cause sometimes there's a family friend that's so close that just saying friend doesn't quite describe it. And then cousin is almost like honorary cousin. Yeah. That's fair. And your family changes as you get older. It's like people will come into your life and they really represent a lot of something that's very meaningful, like a meaningful connection. Yeah. Sometimes friend isn't really, doesn't really do it justice. And then sometimes those people kind of leave, you know? Right. If you grew up with someone from the age of four and you still know them, I almost feel like they feel more like a cousin than just a friend. Yeah. Yeah. That's kind of cool. Tell them like you've been upgraded to Cous. Yeah. You get like a, like a text and automatic text. Yeah. What is it going to ask? What is this about? Oh. Yeah. I'm going to buy you a weed thing. Sure. No. I must have said she comes in your closet. I don't know what I got. What's the worst of what? Look dad. It's not what you get it. Answer me. Who taught you how to do this stuff? You are right. I learned it by watching you. Parents who use drugs have children who use drugs. And to think years later are our own country.
would be forcing us into drug use, you know? And profiting off of it, like just kind of crazy. - Yeah, it's gotta be in a pill farm though. - Yeah, it's gotta, you gotta bottle it up. - But dude, that was crazy, that was hard hitting. - Yeah, back in the day. - Or when they had the thing in your high school, remember when they had the, don't die like this, and it'd be like, if they got like, if they always did it around Halloween, 'cause that extra like blood in the area or whatever, and they would, somebody was like, hanging out of a burning car, and they'd set the back of the car fire, and it would all happen like out on the football field, and you have to go watch it. - Yeah, just sort of like a scared straight. - Yes. - They would make an accident scene and be like, this could be you. - It's kinda gruesome. - Yeah. - We probably shouldn't have been seeing that that young. - Of course not. - Yeah, people like, it was crazy. And then they'd always hide about a coke on a kid, or something like that drug dog could find it. And then people like, oh shit, William got coke on him. And then for the rest of his life, people were like, damn, William got coke on him, bro. - Yeah, just to make an example out of a kid, even though he never did it. - Just ruin his life, like, you don't wanna be like Daniel, huh? - No, no, no, you got that bait. - It's so sad watching these videos, 'cause our childhood is in 360p. That was two pixels. - I know. - That was just two blocks. It's so sad if you're dating a younger chick or whatever, you go, oh, check out these highlights of Sean Camp Dunkin' and it's 360p, it's so grainy. Our childhood isn't in high death, like these kids today. - But it was clear to us back then, that's what's crazy, bro. - I feel like it was just hard to get the fidelity of, it didn't look this bad back then, did it? - It had to, what do you think happened? - VHS isn't great, but I feel like it's better than-- - I think broadcast TV is a higher resolution and they couldn't translate it to digital, yeah. - Your new special that's coming out, intrusive thoughts. - Truce of thoughts, yeah. - This is your third special? - That's my fourth, I think, that's my fourth special. - Damn. - Why am I at the point now where you kind of tour for a year and then you gotta hang the painting somewhere. You kind of get it tight from city to city and then you gotta, I'm done with these jokes. You gotta film it and then put it out there and then move on. So it's less about putting a special out and I'm huge. That used to be the thing back in the day. - Yeah, it means you feel some type of way. Now it's almost just like closing the diary. - It's a picture, it's a stand-up picture. This was me for the past year when I was on tour. Here are the jokes. 'Cause everything's so clip-based. 'Cause everything is sorry, can I fix this? I'm like garbling with that. - Yeah, you're fine. Also, everybody's retarded. - Thank you, thank you. The fact you put together like 11 senses is way better than most of us in the world are doing, dude. 'Cause everything is so clip-based and that's great, but it's nice to show that you can do a cohesive 45 to an hour. It's sort of the difference between breaking a vase into a million pieces, but I'd like to see the whole vase. This is what I was doing on the road. Here it is and hopefully people like it. I want them to watch it, but now I get to move on and that's kind of nice. You just dump all those jokes from your head and then who am I now? And let's talk about that. - Yeah, dude. Intrusive thoughts, that's awesome. And where can people watch it right now? Is it gonna be on YouTube? - Yeah, it'll be on my YouTube channel. - And will people be able to pave there for it too? - If they want, you know, but honestly, just the super things, a thumbs up, comment, share it with a friend. I just want people to see it. That'd be the best. - Awesome, dude. Yes, send me a clip that you really like or something that you want. If there's someone that I can help re-share something or if there's some stuff on TikTok, let me know. - Okay, yeah, definitely. - You will let me know. - Yeah, I'll let you know. - Okay, yeah. And thanks for being so supportive, man. Like, taking me on the road, having me on this pod to get the word out of the special, it means a lot to me, man. - Oh, thanks, dude. I appreciate it, man. I had one other question I wanted to ask you. Like, I feel like in my lifetime, like a lot of people that are from the Middle East have gotten like a bad rap like in, or they've gotten negatively, possibly, negatively, like branded by media kind of. When I say that, does that, because you always hear stuff like, you know, these people are g-hottest or these people are like, even the term Muslim to some people makes it seem like that. That person is like a person with a bomb. Or like, do you think that that's a real thing that's happened? And then, and then, what can you say about like people from that, like, do you think people from some of those areas like hate America? Or like, maybe don't have to go that far. But just like, can you take me out, if I say that kind of stuff, does it make you think anything? - I mean, you're not far off in terms of the branding of Muslims over the past couple of years, especially post 9/11, you felt it, if you were that. - Yeah, y'all took the L for that, huh? - Yeah, for a while. - Did y'all do it? - I think we took the L, and inadvertently, just Muslims in America. - But did you guys do it, do you think? Or, but did, sorry. - That'd be funny, just the whole podcast is leading up to, did you do 9/11? I'm like, yo, you know me. You brought me up on the store. You know I didn't do 9/11, Theo. - You're right, my bad, too. - This has just been like a honey trap the whole time, just to get to this. - Yeah, sorry, dude, I gave Candace someone who was in my like, we're remote control, she's got me today. No, no, but do you, yeah, what is that like? Just like, even having any like, your parents are from like the Middle East, right? Your parents are from Afghanistan. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, what is that like, I don't know. - You know what it's like, it's kind of, I mean, I had this joke about it. - Okay, so how can we change it if it's not true? Like if some of that's like, I don't know, I feel like it's not, I don't know. - I think it is changing. With the internet and social media, you can't paint people with these broad strokes that you used to back in the day because there was only certain channels that you can get information from. And it could be controlled very easily. And people would just buy into a narrative that like be scared of Muslims, be scared of Latinos, be scared of, but then there's TikTok and there's so much information now that people can form their own opinions. But yeah, it was dicey for a while because every time there was a, you know, post 9/11, the temperature was, if you happen to be that, you felt it. You know, I would fly, I would be secondary search and I grew up a boy meets world in TGIF. I'm just as American. I watched, saved by the bell, but you just happen to look a certain way or and there's nothing you could do about it. I always say, it's, I used to have the joke where it's being a minority is kind of like having an away jersey you can never take off. That's kind of what it feels like because I'm sure people Americans and white Americans have been to say you're a Rams fan and then you go to, I don't know who the rival is. - Probably Seahawks. - All right, yeah, then you go to a Seahawks game in your Rams jersey. You're gonna get some flack, but you're still you. You're still dug, you're a nice guy. You're dug from accounting and they're spitting on you and you go, no, I just, I like, I just happen to be wearing this right, I can't take it off. It's bolted on. - It should be a saw movie, just you can't take the Rams jersey off at your rival team and they just beat the shit out of you. So you're just a human in the pure soul and all that but you happen to have this coding that gets taken a certain way. So I don't know, maybe that's how I perceive it. - Yeah, yeah, I think I'm just curious about that sometimes and then yeah, did them, does it feel like the media like made it like these people are bad people kind of? - It's definitely a tool, I think it's leverage for some agenda sometimes. But I don't automatically just need your go to. - Go to that, yeah. - Yeah, you're right. - I think people have are generally pretty nice people and but. - Yeah, for sure. You know, I'm just kind of curious 'cause sometimes you just like, you start to think like, I think you look back at the world like you're a lifetime, you're like, what things are like, did we land on the moon? What things really happen? I think a lot of people are like a serious, the most space I've ever seen in my life. Like people are coming up to me and like movie theaters and shit and fucking like asking me about shit about fucking Nepal or like to bed or whatever. It's like, what? - Well, we all have to be experts now to create, there's so much information and then we're learning, we've been lied to in so many instances. And then you go, you'll go down a rabbit hole. - Right, it's like if this, then if this, then what? And then you keep on, you see this tweet, you see this video, you see this TikTok and then the Epstein stuff that's still going on and then all birds going AI and then this shorting the stock and all that stuff, what's going on? These time things with the stock market, your brain gets overloaded, there's so much, how can I know, you get paralyzed, but yeah. And then you try to calm down and then you fucking, it's hard to get away from the intrusive thoughts, dude. - It's true, man, well, full circle. - Full circle. - If I him, dude, thanks so much, bro. Yeah, I hope you just continue to obviously do it, you were obviously built to do, bro. There's nobody that doesn't like you and, yeah. I hope people love the new special intrusive thoughts and we'll make sure to share stuff about it. And yeah, to thank to your patients, dude, I appreciate it. - Oh, of course, man, yeah, anytime. Thank you for having me. - I'm glad we got to do this. This is fun, dude. Sorry if I talked about too much serious, sir. - No, not at all. You know, just trying to be alive. - For sure, doing our best, you know. - Yeah, while they let us, bro. BLM, dude. ♪ Now I'm just floating on the breeze ♪ ♪ And I feel I'm falling like these leaves ♪ ♪ I must be cornerstone ♪ ♪ Oh, but when I reach that ground ♪ ♪ I'll share this piece of mind ♪ ♪ I found I can feel it ♪ ♪ In my bones ♪ ♪ So it's gonna tell you ♪ - Imagine setting your makeup.
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