hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hitter in the face of the surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah this Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy hey folks we're here hey we're the monkeys we don't monkey around we're to say we monkey around oh is that what it is people are always saying they're mucking around oh I think so we're hey we're the monkeys uh people say we're munching around I think that's what it is Yeah it's been a minute we're too busy singing to put anybody down but I could be wrong because sometimes you have lyrics in your head for four years and then you hear it and you're like what yeah the my favorite misheard lyric of all time you know the journey song that should have been gone yeah Luke is Harvey remember Luke is he thought it was cinnamon gum boy wriggly that's big cinnamon gum is like one of the best because to sing like Steve Perry yeah I would always say ELO another douche in the night that's not ELO is that that's man for man oh sorry that's a spring steam tube I thought it was ELO for 25 years no ELO has another miss her lyric though yes I think it's actually spruce spruce spruce springsteen I'm so kind of spruce but it that everyone thought it was Bruce so now everyone chance Bruce I just read about this because I thought it was Bruce my whole life spruce I think it's spruce or doose or boost well the doose is the doose in the night yes another doose in the night whatever that means they take a shit or something well springsteen said that because that was his first number one hit was that song for man for man and he said the the big mistake I made was I fucked up my own lyrics because I said doose they changed it to douche and then number one no really so it is douche I mean the lyric is doose but they're saying doose it sounds like clear as mud yes yes ahead but I mean I think it's supposed to be doose it's doose I think I looked it up it is doose but it sounds like douche but you listen to it they're saying doose they were having a good time in the studio it's referring to like a 32 Ford yeah right doose got it so yeah he's a big car guy he loves cars just big hello okay how about you know surfing USA my beach boys sure that's just Chuck Berry song sweet 16 they just changed the words and then they had to eventually be like oh yeah Chuck Berry wrote this oh really yeah because when you listen to that Chuck Berry song you're like wait a minute this is surfing USA yeah so they just put surf lyrics to his song well they were so innovative you think they wouldn't be stealing shit right and Wilson was it was a genius what's he doing stealing Chuck well I think they credited him eventually I don't know if it was fall I think he listened to it was like I'd be fun to make this a surf song right and the record company probably back then it was all strings and yes puppet master puppets yeah and the dead a legendary dead evil guy you know like Joe Jackson the beach boy's dad he was beating the shit out of him and fucking him in the ass I wish my dad beat me or fuck me in the air either one I'd take both we'd be we'd be funnier yeah it's not about funny but more successful sure I feel like I got to get out there and give it I don't know I went full much oh man you got to get back to him snap into a slim gym but yeah a lot of these people were molested molesting either makes a Oprah or it makes us another molester was Oprah molested oh yeah and Robin Quiver's evidently and Tyler Perry well a lot of black molestation yeah I guess well plenty of white molestation too I guess we just named them like sure D.I. the great depolo joke Robin Quiver's you would too if you filed a finger fucked you when you were six oh that's real I assume it's real I just thought it was a joke I didn't know she actually got finger fucked but it would not be we could look that up but I just assumed Apollo's not just making up pulling up what Quiver's right there you go molesting I feel like it's eight of me I hope can I'll be bummed out if he just made that up I thought he did for like 30 years I've been like that poor gal because of the apology you didn't fact check no I just assumed but top of where you just assume pulling up I'd love to know if she got finger fucked by her uncle Robin Quiver's pedophilia not pedophilia well pedophilia also but what's that called incest the worst kind of pedophilia molested at the hands of her father when she was 11 oh yeah yeah I mean there's no way to follow it's just like oh what the hell throw out that she was molested man he's quick on Wikipedia back in 1991 whatever that was well he was around he probably listened to the show I mean if yeah we've probably mentioned it before but the highward Stern rose to Paula it's audio only me I mean he's got some whopper something I won't even repeat here oh yeah he had Tourette's if you know what I mean it was wild but the Colin Quinn has a roast of Arty Lang that is on on video oh that is that I think it oh wait is that the same one oh no it's video I'm sorry I'm giving you this has video and Colin Quinn crushes like the whole studios on the floor it's amazing yeah give it a good because Colin is also on the Stern okay as well it's crazy that those guys were all just on there in there like show is so different now I well of course the show transitioned it like took a 180 all right I never listened to the show back then I loved it and I very really listened to it now I never was a radio guy oh and a and Stern I missed all of that I did it later I did the e everyone's on e I watched a little bit of the e because he would be able to jerk off yes a little bit I would watch a lot of hookers a lot of retards you two favorite things and remember they had that opening where he would he was around the microphone and it was like shifting and doves flying for some reason it was really kind of gay but I think I only ever saw it like because back then he just clicked around the dial that's true Mitch I never saw the intro and you're like cleavage there we go right but oh and a I did on YouTube later and that was some gold because you see Patrice and Louis and Quinn and a boss and all these guys yuck it up yeah I've seen some highlights and stuff but there's some gold on there I just never I guess I was always listening to like classic rock radio I never had a radio team that I was like those are my guys no I never really had that either I did it later but I it's sad like how things I mean it's crazy how different things were like the attitude era Howard Stern just like the shit women went through it was insane in the 90s nobody cared but aren't we in the same thing now but what podcasts like people think about Legion of Skanks kill Tony us with that's a shame I mean like it's a crazy shit about women all the day I don't do I don't think it's the same he's got hookers on throwing cold cuts at their ass and seeing what sticks have you seen Legion of Skanks what's its audio I suppose video this video this video I mean it's not on me anyway it's not on you see it's certainly there's no cooperation that's a good point sheath and everything but yeah it's not like cutting away from I mean they have like yeah they're wearing blackface on there that's true like whoo whoo but it comes to a sheath commercial not you know general electric yeah yeah exactly and but I mean little stuff like a Budweiser and twins and then it's so too big tinny'd horrors holding the beer but that's what's great that's what's funny I think we've had a similar conversation because there's a lot you could do then but can't do now that's true can do now but couldn't do that that's true it's a switch a route like I mean they were saying the Edward on SNL right on the family and blackface but now you can do now you could say shit and fuck on fx right right like you're like literally turn like I'm essentially like fuck that shit motherfucker and they're getting I think I've seen tits on cable now is that right is that a thing maybe no maybe not but you know like in the fifties you could do a joke about beating your wife all day long but you couldn't sleep in the same bed right or you couldn't now you can't smoke in a movie or on TV you have to put a thing up smoking but you can say fuck so it keeps flipping what's offensive and what isn't it's all walkie but the stuff we get away with on podcast is pretty astounding sure sure but again we're on this dark quarter of YouTube with with a sheath ad right they're out there an NBC we're more popular than what's on CBS that's true that's true because that shit got cleafie and watered down yeah like whatever I mean I can't even name a sitcom that's on now but I think it gets less views than Matt and Shane's secret podcast thousand percent so you know so we want on the end absolutely you hope to think the cream jizzes the cream rises to the top yeah you hope to think it's like well Matt and Shane are funny they're probably funnier than the sitcom with 98 commercials for Valtrix I'll go with that cool now Shane has a sitcom pretty good good point featuring Matt I think a little bit maybe he's on it yeah I think he's a bike cup I've only seen a couple episodes but I saw him on there he was riding around as a bike good for him something's like do you ever confuse I've confused Gilly and McCusker because he has like these two big riders that are different things caves caves yes all gillis is gilly here you go so that shows you what I know he's gilly man is it mckiever mckiever mckiever mckiever mcks too it's mckiever he likes the Irish so it's sorry sit mckiever mckusker partner partner oh yeah that's true there you go he's got a thing that's there you know Helen Keller and Anne Frank Matt McCarthy better watch out he's gonna do something next with him he's good that man
He's a funny guy. Where's he been? I think he's an LA. I think he keeps a low profile out there But I think he I think he's working. He was one of those guys. He got every commercial Oh, yeah, you go in for a commercial audition and they're like, ah, Matt McCarty got it Oh, yeah, give him a goog. He's like the Guinness guy the the truck guy the the weed whacker guy He's everywhere. I think it was a cable guy for a minute. Yeah hilarious cable guy Yeah, funny guy great face really animated got a big mop of red hair. Yeah Yeah, big Mick that day that caratop came on the other day He's got a big mop right here. That will never not make me laugh. That's cold You ever heard that uh that point the top of the carat's green. Oh, yeah, you brought this up pretty good But I think what it means is caratop the top of you looks like a carat. That's true But I like stuff like that. I did too. It's fun. That's some of the prop blame once Oh, all right. Oh, all right. Tweet it. America's next prop comic You told me the idea. Danny Brabs. Danny Brabs got some good ideas Little retard. He's not autistic. I'm calling Bolshon all this autism Autism and non and uh, bye are the two big those are the two big lies in America now Lies sexual every single woman. Oh, yes. Yes. Watch out. This is my boyfriend Steve Exactly I want to blow Michael Jordan. I did what I was sick. I still do now. There you go. Bye-bye. Bye me. Can't buy me love you impulse buy Your buy because it's a cool. Are you doing that? No, that's pretty good. Hey, then you got right that down impulse buy I like life sexual as well. Impulse buy is good. Okay. That's good. Yeah, the other day I was at the supermarket no hot guy said he liked my comedy. I blew him. I'm impulse buy. Yeah I'm not by every time but it no in the checkout lane. I'm by that's where they put the the gum and the guys. That's a lot of gum Oh come there. Come and get some chewing gum. Yes Buffalo bubbles. This should be the show. Hey jizzy fruit. Hey That's your title right there. Jizzy fruit. Speaking of Michael Jordan. Uh-huh. How about this NASCAR? He's cleaning up. He's breaking records in NASCAR Michael Jordan. Yeah, he owns a bunch of cars or he owns a team or something. His team is killing it. He's out there with a cigar He's the only black guy for a million miles and he's just Toasting champagne winning every cup. I don't know anything about this. Wow. Yeah, so MJ has found a A new way to win. So how does he do it to hire like a good GM? I don't know much about car racing because it's so stupid I don't either. Yeah, they go in circles. You know how it started NASCAR No, oh That's fun. Uh, they uh, they used to be selling booze back in prohibition So they'd soup up their cars get away from the popo and they had all this you know moonshine at their feet And they'd be like, yeah, they'd go around selling booze. Oh wow. That became NASCAR And so somebody went hey The booze became legal and they said, well, we might as well keep racing around. Yeah, let's charge tickets Yeah, we got these fast cars everywhere all over the south. No kidding. What's the NAS? What's that? NASTY because it's kind of like NAS NASDAQs selling. I don't know. What is NAS? He's a rapper. I think NAS Rapper. Yeah, he's from Queens. I think I believe you're right national association for stock car auto racing Whoa, so the car doesn't even mean car the whole thing's an acronym. How about that good for these hillbillies That's mind blowing. Maybe that's where they got the circles. It's a drunk guy You know, he fell asleep and the wheel was cocked. I am blown away. So the car and NASCAR is just initials That's crazy. That's fun. Good for them. That's really that's clever stuff I've not these are a bunch of redneck retards, but they're pretty clever down there also race car Is one of the only words it works the other way palette drone. Thank you Something like that. I think that's the tech company Race car spelt backwards is race car a Toyota spelt backwards Toyota Toyota. Oh, fun Remember the first time you saw the guy do the yo That was big. Well, that was on toy story. That was the big toy story. Oh, it was going on in the 80s and then They had it in boyhood too And boyhood is very similar to toy story three and they have that connection the ending of it. Oh interesting Very similar the kid going away to college in the same truck as the other the kid Well, it's also funny because you'd be in the back. You'd be in a car and you'd see the yo in front of your driving and traffic and you'd go Yo, and that was entertainment Yes, that was like a moment of like oh something yo was here. There was yo yo yo yo MTV rap. Yes. Yo. Yo. That's all I can think of but uh yo yo ma Yeah, are yo yo ma Yeah, but yo was like here you say yo and where I came from if you said yo as a white guy it was like whoa Yeah, what do you think we're from fucking South sets? Yeah, take an easy wig. Yo, yo was that was huge Well, you know, it's fun and in the Brooklyn Museum right over here There is a sign like a big art piece. It says yo and if you go on the other side it says oh Hey, because it's all blacks and Jews out here. That's pretty good. Yeah, so they nailed both Demographics with one two letter word and that's what they're saying when they're walking towards if each other Yo, it is like oh, hey Yo can mean so many things you know yo yo yo like look at this right means look at this, but yo can also mean hey sure yo yo and then Italians go oh Yeah, oh H. I oh That's Ohio Whatever I'm bombing and since it had he I go oh H. They go hi oh, and I go I got out of that one my buddy I think it was my buddy Bart is a Ohio state a love Is it a buck guy? Yeah, he'll be wearing the thing. Oh, hey, she goes. I don't do that. Oh, it's pretty great He's 50 years old. He just turned 50 He's hanging out and he's got his hat on. He went to school. He loves the team. And you go oh, what? Nah, nah, I like these guys. They put the foot down. I says when away. I got to walk around you. Hi. Oh, like it's just like You know, it's too much. I don't need it. And it's like Larry David. He's he shot down the birthday song. He's like I'm 50. I don't sign that anymore. Right happy birthday. Do he's like I can't do that. What's like these Australians with oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, what is that? What are they doing? Oh, yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, I was born Yeah, all right, be everybody ever get a coke from jinx That's what you should have been like. I'm gonna be like oh shit. No, maybe some stickler assholes like I'm sitting here to like it that coke. I'm never gonna go anywhere. I never got one coke in my life. That's true. Buy me a coke So it was something. Yeah, we said oh me a coke. Oh, we said bye sexual It's a myth. Um Anyways, this is fun. Wait, we were talking about a way to make a living by the way good give the NASCAR a goog if you want because he's cleaning up Jordan. Oh, Jordan. It's fun. I believe you He's out there. He's got the cigar out of his ass and he's just ear to ear. He's having a blast with all these fucking Yokels. Well, I love MJ. I can't see that far. What does that say? That's his car. Jeannie, is that you? Mm-hmm Anyways, Jordan's the man. He'll be granted anything he does except for The Wizard didn't he own the wizards? Are they still on the piece of the wizards or my gay grand wizard? Well, maybe it was the Charlotte actually the bobcats he didn't play with the wizards. I thought they were the hornets. They played on the hornets Then they went back to the hornets They were the bobcat they were the hornets and then the bobcats then the hornets moved to New Orleans and then the Charlotte hornets came back Yes, then we get the pelicans That's gay. Yeah, by the way hornet good way to catch a prostitute a hornet. Yeah You know like a dog catcher. Are you doing that? I got to write down impulse buy hold on impulse buys big Lex wrote it down text it over here. I had a fun when a black I was like hey you can't say the end where I can say I was like all right you got to get out of jail free card But I was real jail He didn't care for that. Well in this city who knows you can you can do whatever you want I stabbed a guy mom Donnie took my side How about this one let me throw another travel story. Yeah, please now this one You tell me I need a judge and jury and executioner executioner. Well, I don't want to execute anybody but all right A couple people don't join the force. So anyway, so I go down there. I'm flying back from Where did I just go over junior beach? Oh, I was that went down to Virginia Beach Well, first of all the greatest weekend ever in your life because they do one show Friday two show Saturday And I got Chad Daniels to thank for this what I bumped into Chad at the airport C.D. That's a great bump into big bump because a lot of times you bump into a guy at the airport and you're like go fuck me There's And then you like oh my god. He's saying hello and you got to go. Oh, yeah, that's great. Yeah, that's funny But Chad you're like I'll beat off in his face. That's how much I love him real stand-up guy. He's a man Very masculine. That's a man down there and funny that very I mean one of the one of the best if you don't know I'm sure you do. I think he's blown up in the last few years, but if you don't know him check him out Dad Chaniel's great album great special walking on the moon. I believe is one Was that right? I walked the moon's a Brian Regan. Oh, shit walking the moon's a little close to the moon moon dance moon Warren peace Warren peace moon moon
- Hi. - Moonshadow. - Moonshine. - Nascar. - Moonshadow. - Footprints on the moon. - Thank you. - Sorry about that, shit. - Oh, yeah. - Also, rescue mo brothers, which I take very fondly. - Wow. - Yeah. - What was his name? - Shane Moss. - Classic. - Hey there, folks. Tuesday's with stories is brought to you by my new favorite thing in the world. - Fabletics, baby, we love it. I heard it's Kate Hudson's company. I love Kate Hudson. I hope she wins the Oscar. I don't think she will. She's amazing and almost famous. She's amazing in songs. I'm blue and she's amazing at making clothes. These are Fabletics pants. - Same. - I love Fabletics. They just sent me a whole new box of stuff. It's unbelievable. - It's too much. - No one's ever sent us this much stuff to underwear. I'm wearing their underwear. They're sexy. They fit nice. - Hot snug. - And I love the shirts. I love everything they've set. I have every pair of shorts I have, every pair of warm-up pants, track pants. I'm loving them. Sign up now as a new VIP Fabletics member and get 80% off everything. - Hotchy, muchy. - This gotta be a typo. - This motherfucker, this is a typo right here. - Yeah. - This gotta be a no, this is a typo. 80% after that, the membership is about 70 bucks a month. - Yeah, damn. - Your monthly membership includes a credit you can use toward a full outfit or bundle up to 100 bucks. - Yeah, damn. - Skip any month you'd like. Fabletics Reminders, Fabletics Reminders mean there are never any surprise charges. That's great. They send you a little reminder. They send you through the best. Everything is so great. They got zippers on the pockets, which I love, 'cause you'll exercise in them. You put your keys in there, you put your wallet in there. - Yes. - But while it's gone, they got awesome shorts, awesome pants. They fit perfect. It's like they're tailored for me. I'm absolutely loving my Fabletics. You gotta try it out. Fabletics already has incredible deals, but we have got an exclusive offer just for Tuesday's with Stories fans. This is not a mistake. Get 80% off everything. When you sign up as a VIP, just head to fabletics.com/tuesdays. Take a quick style quiz. And be sure to select Tuesdays when prompted to unlock 80. - Good lord. - 80% off. That's fabletics.com/tuesdays. Easy for me to say. - Yeah, hey folks, Tuesday stories bunch by Blutchew. Spring is almost here. Get up and grow with Blutchew Goal. Blutchew Goal is a foreign one tablet that dissolves under your tongue with ingredients like oxytocin to enhance the brain, body connection. Take one and be ready for action in as little as 15 minutes. Blutchew is the shit. It's the best. Sorry for my French, but you get rock hard. You go for hours. You know those nights where you can't get it up. You gotta start juggling. Tell a story. It's fucking humiliating. Not with this. Keep it in the pocket. Be ready to go and get in that meat pocket. Love the Blutchew. Oh shit, my screen went away. Make life easier by getting harder. Discover your options at Blutchew.com. We've got a special deal for the Tuesdays. Get 10% off your first month of Blutchew Goal with Tuesdays. The code is Tuesdays, promo code Tuesdays. Visit Blutchew.com. For more details and important safety information, time to check out Blutchew Goal. Hey folks, Tuesdays, story's brought to you by Hule. Hule. Hule is the easiest way to get all the nutrition you need in one right in a drink bottle with 35 grams of protein, six grams of fiber, and 27 essential vitamins and nutrients. Hule's black addiction. Black addiction. Addition. Black addiction. My wife had that in high school. Black addition. Ready to drink shakes coming chocolate vanilla. No sugar added, no artificial sweeteners or flavors. Ready to go and less than five bucks per meal. Wow. I love Hule. I'm always on the go. I need nutrients. I need vitamins. I'm depleted. I'm malnourished. I have AIDS. Hule saves your ass. It fills your right up with all the good stuff. All the stuff you need and we run around. We need something portable and they got it with these shakes. I love the shakes. Supercharger day with their new daily greens ready to drink. Each daily greens can have can has 42 vitamins minerals and superfoods, four grams of fiber contains only 25 calories and one gram of sugar. Wow. Hule daily greens coming blueberry apple or peach. It's a perfect pick me up later in the day. Get Hule today with our exclusive offer of 15% off online with code
[email protected]/tuesdays15. New customers only. Thank you to Hule for partnering and supporting the show back to the pod. Anyway, so I bumped into chess. So evidently he told the booker like, hey, stop making us do these late show Fridays if we're not selling them out. Yeah. Just cancel. I don't want to be working on that for a bunch of drunk maniacs a ton and go, woohoo. And they are drunk in VB. So they made it a local show. So I go down there. I'm flying down Friday. I have one 7 p.m. show. Now do you find this when you have one 7 p.m. show? You start drinking immediately. I'm stressed out with what I'm going to do at that time. Ah, yes. It's like when you have a babysitter or your wife's out of town or you're like, should I get a hooker? Should I go to a strip club? Should I do coke? Should I do math? Should I do heroin? Should I watch a movie? Should I read a book? Yes. I'll be a coke. I'm like, I'm going to be done at 8.30. So I'm like, let's go to the movies. No, let's go to dinner. I'm like, I'm going to be a coke. I'm going to be a coke. - Man, and he's like, you're obsessed with the show Seinfeld, which is the equivalent of the 60 then. He's like, you're hung up on some clown from the 90s. - Oh, I run out. - Very clever, nice job. - He didn't send me that, I'm hurt. - Well, what can you do? He didn't send me my camera back either. - I'm waiting on that footage. I got one from Jason Katz, where it was in 2025, who knew my whole life would be content creating, and it's Jerry and George of the diner going, what is this? What are we doing? This is what we're doing with our lives, and George's like, don't I know it, I know it, you know, that scene, and it's content creating. - I see, it's not my clip. - Can I tell you, all the Seinfeld now, if Seinfeld was on a modern day? - I've never enjoyed one thing, I don't mind it. - There was another one that 300 people sent me, it's like a guy at the gym, I didn't even watch it, it's like created by Seinfeld, and if modern Seinfeld, if Seinfeld were a thing now, just let the show be. - I see. - Let me, the show, this is the show. - Sure. - And we're not changing it, that's how I feel. - I like it, 'cause they know it so well, they know the characters so well that they can implant them with an Instagram DM, or a Snapchat moment, or a Zoom joke, you know, it's got a fun. - Yeah, I suppose so, maybe I should give it another chance. - Give it a shot, they're clever. Some of them are like, wow, that would be a great episode, or damn, you fucking nailed it, every character. - Right. - All right, maybe I'll be more open minded to the show. - There you go. - So how's VB when they, 'cause I got heckled for three days in that place. - They got some rowdy, - It's a balcony. - No, that's a new club. - What? - Hoping to month ago. So the one other time I've been to Virginia Beach was way back, and I think 2008. - Wow. - I got booked to Ompford Day of a Tell, and it was one of these, - Wow. - I drove my car down there, my neon center, one of the fucked Dodge neon. - What was that, eight hours? - Nah, I think it's like six, six and a half, maybe. I drove all the way down there, and it's one of these ones. You show up, and they go, "Oh, Dave brought his own guy." He brought Big J, and Dave Smith came along. So the show was me hosting Dave Smith, Big J, David Tell. - He let everybody go on. - Oh yeah. - Let us sweet drunk. - So, and then this is the first time I hung out with Jay and Dave, and I've never seen this before. They brought their like PS4, whatever it was. - That was big, that was big. - I've never heard of anyone doing that. To me, I don't know if you're like me. I think you are. - If I plug something and get it set up, I've never touched that again. - You know me too well. - The idea of unplugging any kind of system, and driving with it. - Yeah, wrapping it up, forget that. - I'm not trying to be funny. I legitimately mean this. You know, I think about moving to a house, or to Austin, or to Tacoma, and I don't think I ever will, because I got my cable set up. - I'm with you. - Changing my Wi-Fi, redoing passwords, calling the cable car, I got a new house, I can't do it. I'll stay, I'll die here. - Exactly, I'm like, I'll just live here. We have three more kids. We can't fit in the house. - Same. - I can now unplug my television. The other day, my son hit HDMI or something. - Oh! - I think I'm gonna get them. - He's found it, I fucking ducked him to the wall. - Yes. - You fuck face. - I know. - Get tennis back on my television, or you did. - I am with ya. I'd rather build a new house, then set up the fucking, what's that red one? And then there's the yellow one, HDMI, and this guy, that weird one with the needle on it, that goes on the wall. I hate all of it. - I can't do it, I fucking pay the cable guy. I'm like, I'll give you 50 bucks, and you can fuck my wife in front of me. - Oh yeah. - Oh yeah, I'm with you. Some guys just know how to do that shit. There's that one guy I grew up with, he's like, I got it, and he would start doing that shit, and it freaked me out. - No, that's like cable guy with the fucking, with the other remote. - Yeah, yeah, exactly. - I can't do it, anyways. I can't see Peter. So anyways, they brought the video game system down. We all smoked weed. - Wow. - And it was me, Big J, and Dave Smith. Imagine Big J featuring, isn't that wacky? - Crazy, crazy. I'm sure he looked the same though. Probably long hair, the jean shorts, the wall chain. - I think so. And then I was never a big weed guy. So they, you know, they did the, (blows raspberry) and they hit me, and they're like, do you wanna play? I was like, I couldn't, I don't know how to play a game anyways. - No, no. - And I just sat and danced. They probably thought I was retarded, or I'd just take a, I don't think autistic was a word, but I just sat, stared at them playing Mega Man, or whatever fucking Nintendo game they were playing. (laughs) - Paperboy, site bike, I don't know. - Skater guy. - Yeah, but I do, I nothing besmurched the guys. It's kind of a good way to stay out of trouble. You're probably drinking less. You're not flandering and getting hookers and blow. - But I think he's still flandered. - Okay, all right. But you're going on the road. I don't know, get, leave the fucking system at home. It's too much. It's like bringing, like, oh, I gotta bring my pillow, and my VCR, and I gotta, it's too much. You can't be away from your video game system for two days. - Well, now I like to, I like to go with you on these things. - Liz, push back, but now, the equivalent now, this is 2008. The equivalent now is like, what do you gotta bring your phone for? - That's different. - That's different. But it's similar, 'cause it is like, this is how I'm gonna pass, I mean, the phone you need, I get it for messaging, whatever. - Messaging email, you could get on the plane with it, you know, GPS, but you're not just using it for that. - Sure. - You're still looking at Instagram tonight. - Sure. - So that was the equivalent of Instagram back then, I feel it. - I hear you, but the phone is portable. I can be looking at my phone and still be at Virginia Beach, walking and seeing the waves. - All right. - I can take photos of the sunset. I can go out to eat with the phone. - You know, this is just planted, how they'd express eight hours. - Yeah, I get it, it's just something to do, I guess. - Sure. - I've never been a video game guy, so it's hard for me to connect with it. - Yeah. - But, you know, I bring a book, so I'm reading a book. - You can bring a book to the beach. - That's true. - And the bar. - And, but now you can bring a video game to the beach. - That's true. - To play these kids play, whatever the hell they're playing. Candy Crush and. - I just think, hey, you're going to Buffalo? - Go to a bar in Buffalo, meet some Buffalo guy, get a wing. - I hear you. No, I like to live it up, and that's why I can't have video games in my house in general. - Same. - I just, I already feel like I'm struggling to focus without a video game. - Yeah, here, here. It's hard enough. - I'm with you, Fertie. - So, anyways, we had the early show Saturday, surprisingly, there was a six, it's a six, this is another beat, but. - Six. - Six, 30. - Oh. - And. 9/30. - I'm like. - If you're gonna have a six, 30, make the second show, 9. - Yes. - Yes. - What's the point of having a six, 30 show if we're gonna wait around for an hour and a half for the next show? - Exactly. That is brutal. So, then you end up walking around. - Well, we're just standing around like with our thumbs up, our ass, but they had Amazon. We watched. We had a nice little trio, we had Lebowski and DeFargo into a simple plan. - Damn. - Which is damn fun. - It's a Cohen marathon. - Cohen, well, Ramy, but Ramy and Cohen's, they're all. - That's true. - Yeah, yeah. - But anyway, so the early show, six, 30 p.m. show, I haven't had a show like this in a long time. It was a lot of. Putting out fires. A drunk guy over there. - Yeah. - And a lady yelling over here, a hooting and hollering there, and then checks and loud and noise. - Yes. - You get no work done in that way, because you want to just be able to roll and get momentum to see what joke is cooking, and this is just like, "Hey, shut up. You guys good? What are you guys talking about? It just kills your whole momentum and your whole set." - It was wacky, and it was the show, first show up in a long time where it felt like non-fans, outnumbered fans. - Ooh. - It's like old school. Do you have that thing where you're like, "I'm a pro. I've been doing this for years. I had more non-fans for years and I've had fans. I can get these cleaves." - Yeah. I mean, it was still a good show, still a very good show. It was just a different feeling I haven't had in a while. It was like. - Yes. - It's worth. - It was the whole season and then the last game that coach was like, "We're playing zone, right?" - All right. I'm playing defense, but this feels funky. - And it's like trying to bang your wife versus banging a stranger. - I would love to bang a stranger. - Well, of course, that's all we think about, but with your wife you go, "You know what's up. You know where I'm at. You know what my dick looks like. Here we go. It's the same with a fan. They know you. They know you're a good guy, a queen, an anal, a Jew, a gang. But then with the new people you got to go, it's like you're trying to get laid. You're like, "Hello. Well, let me open song. Let me ease in your asshole. I can't go right in like my wife." - Exactly. But it was really fun. It was fun. It was a good weekend, solid weekend. We sold out a merch. There was some real Goku fans. One lady was fucking hammered. She was talking to a story about you. "Oh, Mark said this on the thing and you're like this. What are you saying?" - Oh boy. - It was just all tuned up. - That's my people. - That's my people. - The security guy had to be like, "Okay, ladies. It's okay, sweetie." And you feel bad because, and I've done this in my drinking days, she obviously is a huge fan. She's pumped for the show. She loves us. She loves the stuff. And now you're not even going to remember. - Oh. - And even during the show she was like, "Oh, no." - And you're like, "Well, now you're all excited. I've come to Virginia Beach for the first time in 75 years. You can't wait to see me. You got the shirt on. Your eyes are in backwards." - You're blacked out. Now, did you get a photo with her? - No, thanks a lot. - Oh, not even a keepsake. She's just going to go, "What the, who did I see?" Maria Bamford? What was that? What did I do, Saturday? - Don't hear this and be like, "He's talking about me." I know it. Actually, probably like four women that are like, "I think this is me." - Oh, a lot of them. That many drunk bruts. - Yeah. - Damn. - What can you do? - That's a drink of town. But that beach has a bit of a AC vibe. It's got a Atlantic city vibe where you can tell I had a heyday, and now it's just covered and dinge. - Yeah, there's a lot of dinge and some cooks, but it was wonderful. So then, we go to the airport Sunday morning, and here's where it gets a little funky
do proofs. I don't know what that was. We go in there. Hey, look at a stroke. I put my suitcase through the thing and this happens all the time. Now you know me, you know you. Where veterans of the skies? Yes. I fly every week for 20 years for God's sakes. Dustin Diamond. And it's always these small towns, Norfolk or Columbia, Missouri. Right. It's fucking wider back there. Oh, yeah. You go to JFK, LaGuardia, SFO, LAX. You can have a bag of dynamite, a double-sided Dildo, three cans of cocaine. They go. Keep it moving. Yeah. Fly in. Go in. You can have a skateboard, a machete, a knife, a child for sex. Oh, okay. Keep it moving. Nothing to see here. Yeah. You go to Norfolk. Do the thing. Oh, yeah, great. Come over here. There's like six people down around the fucking X-ray. Yeah, here we go. Yeah. What is that? An eraser? Yeah, we got to open it up. Well, now this is the thing. I don't unpack my bag ever. My bag is just sitting in the floor. You come to my house. There's a big suitcase. I'll show you mine after the bus. It's next to the door sitting there. My wife hates me, but I'm like, why am I going to unpack all the shit? Of course. So it's that. And I don't add anything other than a pair of panties and a new Dildo. Dildo. So, so I've been flying. I flown 350 times. Yeah. We'll have us in there. I've flown from every fucking quarter corner with it in there. I don't even change the underwear. So they go, okay. Oh, and they're talking like this. I can't hear what they're saying. You're like, all right. Here we go. Matt Wayne is like, what's going on here? So I'm like, I don't know. They got my suitcase over there. Okay, whose bag is this? They're finally ready. They've been huddled up. It's like, I'm Pires. You want to call? Exactly. Click on the microphone. Okay, ladies, gentlemen. Whose bag? It's my bag. And you want to be like, I'm here more than you are. I know. So they put the lady pulls the bag over. It's a suit. It's a regular black to me suitcase. The most packed, known suitcase to man. Yes, yes. And she goes to me. You got a, you got a torch lighter in here. It's not a to me. I go, okay. No sweat. And again, it's been in there literally for a year. Sure. Now, you're not allowed torch lighter. So I'm not, I'm not saying, hey, I'm in the right. I will say I've gone through 750 security machines without being a problem. You want to shame them a little like, well, tell your friends they're slacking because this has been in here for a year and a half. Exactly. But I'm trying to, you know, you got to stay humble. It's an illegal thing. I'm complying. And I don't care about the light. I haven't used it ever. It's like, I think I used to smoke once and I just, it's in there. Get rid of it. So I don't care. So she goes, all right, you got a torch lighter. I go, oh, no problem. And she goes, well, do you want to check the bed? And then he goes, hey, can't check it. You can't check it either. Okay. Well, yeah, throw it away. I don't care. They love the power. So it's hard to see what about my suitcase. So that she opens the front zipper. There's like a little button. You know, there's pouches everywhere. Ah, too many, like a kangaroo. She opens the pouch. I go, oh, it's, it's not in there. I don't keep anything in there. And she's like, well, it feels around in there. She's like, that's not in here. And I'm like, yeah, it's not in there. Now, the suitcase is a fancy pants suitcase. It has like a lock on it. They have like a compartment that is locked. So the TSA people can't get it with the safe. Now, it's been broken for like a year. I don't know how to open it. I set the code at one point. Oh, no. I have no idea how to open it. It doesn't open. It's never been open. By the way, the lock and the suitcase thing, that's up there with the TV and the wires. That shit, I don't mess with. I don't know how to use it. I never used it. Same. I don't even do my taxes. So it took me a moment to figure out. Oh, that's not true. You got a lot of stuff here. Yeah, it takes them zip tying. Oh, my God, I was kidding. Thanks for shooting. So by the way, if anyone's wondering, the check from R.U. Garbage, I haven't been listening. I found the check. That's a whole other bag of hammers. I said, Craig, our investment guy, a large sum of money. The check was missing for like a month. Oh, my God. I got it. Anyway, so there's a compartment with the master mate. I don't know. It's locked. And she goes, what's this? What's the code here? And I go, oh, it's not in there. I don't know how to open that. And she's like, Oh, here we go. We got a live one. Because what do you mean you don't know how to open it? I go, it's not in there. Now, let me just give you the punchline. I didn't realize it's a misconnection. This lady is a little slow enough, I guess, she thought the suitcase doesn't open at all, because I don't know how to get the lock. Okay. So that's what that's the misconnection here. So I think I'm telling her that one little tiny compartment with a lock on it, I don't use ever. She thought somehow I was saying, I don't know how to get into this suitcase. I just care about a suitcase. I can't open it. Exactly. So I don't realize she's thinking that because it's stupid. She doesn't realize I'm thinking this because she thinks that's stupid. Got it. So it's not in there. She's like, well, I'm looking and it's right here. I know I'm like, I know, but it's in the main compartment. It's not, I don't know how to open that. And she's like, well, what do you mean you don't know how to open it? It's your suitcase. And I was like, I know, but it's broken and I don't ever use it. I'm sorry. And so she's like, this weird tension. She's like, I don't understand what you're saying. And I was like, I'm saying it's not in there. It's in the other part. And then she brings over the lake. Now here comes the supervisor. Now this lady was being very sweet friendly. Okay. Here comes the supervisor. Oh, no. And she goes, what's going on here? And I go, there's a lighter in there. You're welcome to throw it away. I just, it's not in there. And she's like, he doesn't know the code. She's like, how can you not know the code to your suitcase? Welcome to Tuesdays. Well, it's broken. I've never used it. I don't use it. And she's like, well, what do you do? How are you going to get your stuff out when you get to where you're going? That's a fair question. And I'm like, well, I don't keep stuff in there. So again, I'm not really, I assume they know there's a larger compartment that is openable. Got it. Got it. So that's why I'm like having this disconnect. I'm like, what do you mean? I'll unzip it. That zipper right there. And she's like, don't touch it. Don't touch the suitcase. Kind of a who's on first here. It is. And I'm like, well, oh, so then I realize I'm like, oh, no, that's the zipper. The main compartment. And she's like, what are you? What are you zipping? I don't know. This went on for like so long. I found that grab the zipper. I was like, no, no, you open it here. And she goes, don't touch the suitcase. Tell her how to do it. And I was like, I did tell her how to do it. She can't figure it out. Oh boy. Which is true. And the lady was offended. Okay. Okay. I'm good. No fuck. So I'm like, okay. Well, open that zipper. And finally, she unzips it and opens it. And it's like this moment of like, here you go. And this lady, and I said to Matt, I turn it on. I'm like, this is insane. She's like, hey, don't talk to her. Well, don't do that. And I was like, what? It was crazy. And then the original lady goes, this is the craziest suitcase I've ever seen. This is what I'm like suitcase. It's literally the most common suitcase. Yes. Yes. It's a black to me. By the way, Norfolk. I can't even name a second brand of suitcase. It's like the gold fucking standards. It's the number one. It's like the store in every airport. It's like the like literally a few months ago, me and a guy mistakenly took the wrong suitcase. Right. Because everybody has this suitcase. I'm like, this looks like every suitcase. I'm like, it's not that crazy. Yeah. Too many tunes. It's a big super zipper that you open. And it fucking folds out. Craziest I've ever seen. It's a layer. You know, there's seats. I've seen some wacky suitcases out there. This is who case. A kid sits on the roll. Yes. That's why it's a roller blue. I was at the same suitcase. It's a Tweety bird that with wheels on it. I mean, there's camouflage. There's fucking accordion. Of course. Shuffle bags. She bomber. So I was like, yeah, it's just standard that she finally opens it. The zipper is sitting in the air. But she's like, what do you want to do with it? I'm like, don't away. I don't care. I don't give a shit. Yeah. But yeah, she was like, I've never seen a suitcase like this. Woo. Thank God you shoved in the airport nine hours early and you're going to talk to Susie Q for nine weeks. And by the way, the original lady, she was like, thank you for being so patient. The only one who's a big seawater at me. Sure. She's like, so patient. I was like, seawater bound. No problem. And she was like, don't touch it. Just tell her how to do it. And I'm like, I told her how to do it. You got to dip shit here. I'm sorry. She's not an unzip a fucking thing. Well, that's a crazy suitcase. Anyway, but I'm like, but I get I tried to, you know, I try to see like it is weird to hear there's a code that I don't know. Sure. But she just didn't figure that that's like one small compartment. Right, right. So it's a miscommunicate. You've had two airport fanatles. Fulfill. I was like to say it was three days apart. The fuffles. But she's like, this suitcase is nuts. Yeah. It's got fucking four wheels and a handle. I know exactly. It's the, it's actually too common. You're going to like trouble with it. It's too be common. There we go. Don't come in. Yeah. But again, like afterwards, I realized where we were disconnected. Man. Oh, man. And I, you know, I tried to see things. But I'm like, of course, there's, it does open. Yeah, of course. How you gonna open your suitcase? I mean, I'd be like, if there was like, I'm trying to think of like an example, like a restroom. That's like, oh, it's out of order. And you're like, well, what do you do? You shit on the floor. Right. No, we'd have a different place. Different toilet. Yeah. Something like that. What can I say with what's interesting about you? And this is a, this is a big, deeper conversation here. Please. Well, the airport is TSA. It's ego. It's security. It's power. They're the authority. Right. We're the TSA. We stop terrorists. Blah, blah, blah. You are very logic based. You're very factual. You're very truth based. I try to be. And that but heads with their power because they've got their way of doing everything. And it's again,
I always say it's a microcosm of what's going on. You're very logical. So you're like, but this is this. This is the priority lane. I'm in the priority lane. Sure there's 50 people in the wrong lane, but I'm in the right lane. You're wrong, but he doesn't wanna give you the wrong 'cause he's got the power. - Right. - So he thinks he can outrank you, even though you win factually. - And I did what he said to do. - I know. What's the deal with people? - I don't get it. So yeah, it's just kind of, it's a frustrating way to live because you're going all logic and they're going emotional. - Right. - And that's why I think that's kind of where we're at in the world. - Yeah, it was funky due, but I guess, again, I was making assumption. I should have been more clear. I should have said, oh, that is one small pocket. - One small step. - Giant pocket for men, guys. That's one small pocket. The big giant zipper that goes the length of the entire suitcase is how you open the fucking suitcase. - Exactly, man. - But that's the thing, too, that happens is, and I've talked about this at Starbucks, sometimes you assume the person that works at a place knows the most about the place. - You think. - But in reality, you're experiencing it more from different perspectives. - Yes. - Like this lady works at TSA. So she's like a luggage TSA lady. - Yes. - But it's quite possible. She flies once every three years and has only ever owned one suitcase. - Of course. - And it better be not wacky. - So she's like, what the Christ? - Sure. - It's kind of like at Starbucks sometimes, I'll be like, hey, let me get a chocolate brownie or something like, we don't sell brownies here. - That might go over there for 30 years. - Well, I've been to every Starbucks in America and half the Starbucks in Europe. That's a weird example, but you know what I mean? - Yes. - Well, you know what it also is, like, another analogy throughout you. Going down on a woman or dating a woman, women, most straight women don't know what it's like to date a woman or go down on a woman. So I actually have more experience with pussies than you do who has a pussy. - Yeah, more diverse. - Of course. - Well, I'm ubiquitous. I've got Asian, black, Hispanic, dirty, clean, ugly, moms, dads, you name it, of pussy. And they've had one. - Yeah, that's a great point. - It's a point. - She's like, this does nothing for me. I'm like, well, it did something for Susan, Michael and Michelle. - Yeah, and Don, yeah, exactly. So. - Don Kelly? - Sure. - He's good, Don Shelton. But yeah, so it's always weird when a girl's like, you don't understand women, but I'm like, well, I've dated and fucked and been in love with and all this more women than you. - Yeah, you're not all women, you're this woman. Maybe I understand 300 women, but you don't understand you, you fucking cuckoo goose. - I've got a focus group with experiments I've done and all this and you've done it done. - That's a great point. - It's an issue point. - Yeah, well, you're full of good stuff today. - Ah, you too. - Well, thank you, great band. Well, they're okay. - Good stuff? - Oh, you too. - I see. (laughs) - Good stuff, great band. - What you two did that rape album forced? - Oh, they put it on Apple music. - Put an album on my phone, I was like, don't consent? - Yeah, very strange. - Strange, ballsy move. - Yeah, we do. - You're comedy? People throw their phone away. - Yeah, I would love to have my comedy in more phones. I feel like if more people heard it, they'd be like, yeah, this isn't bad. - Sure. - That's what you two is going for, I guess. - I guess, but I never cared for them too much. - That's a couple of things I look. I love Octang, baby. That's my favorite album of theirs. It's great. - Octang, what, huh? - Octang. It's just German for attention, I think. - Ah! - You see those things? You're going through the airport in Germany. It says, Octang. - Octang. - Octang, or warning. - You should see. - You're gonna get a reading on that. I assumed it was attention because it's Dutch and A, but that might be-- - Boy, that's an ugly language. - Attention, watch out, careful, or look out. - Ah! - There you go. - We got it. - Let's pull! - I know you know it's nine, nine. But what is yes? Da? That's Russian? What is yes in German? Nine is no, I think. - German, I don't know much German. Other than Octang and-- - Shot and Freud. - Michael Fassbender? - Yeah. - God, it was yeah. - J-A. - J-A. - J-A. - Yeah! - Jaja, ja, ja. - All right. - What else is German? Natsi? - Reich. - Reich is big. - Mine comp? - Yeah. - Was that mean? - Mine, June? - My plan, I think. - Oh! - My struggle. - Yeah. - That's big. - Lex really had that locked and loaded up there. - Yeah. - Too quick there. - I did Natsi that comic. - My struggle, yeah. Boy, he really laid it out there, that Hitler. - What did he have a struggle? - He was killing it. - Well, I think he was, you know, Austrian, I think he was whatever, I think he was a boy, he was an artist, he couldn't get into college or art school or whatever. - That's the other thing is he's Austrian. And I feel like Germany gets all the heat for the Natsi shit. - Well, I think he was leading Germany when he did the thing and they got behind him. - I guess so, when it's like when people go, hey, Sidney Crawford's from here. And you're like, well, she's actually from Indiana, but I think she grew up here. - Uh-huh. - That's bad example. - That's right, Sidney Crawford Hitler. - Yeah, I mean, I think he was, yeah, I think the Germans really did the stuff. - Okay, so he moved to Germany and then got big. - I think he got big, yeah, he ran for Chancellor, President, he killed the minister. - He killed a couple of heads of state. - And Jews, yeah, six million allegedly. - But, and then he got the mustache because he loved chaplain. - I know. - How about that? - George chaplain. Imagine if Maduro just started rocking a Red Sox hat and weird glasses. - Yeah, that Hitler was a son of a son of an onion, huh? - And here's the question. Who did we compare politicians to that we hated before Hitler? - Well, I think there was other people, it was a long line. Probably, you know how gang is con or-- - Conny. Con artist. - Rad the con. - Yeah, con man. - Con's films festival. - Yeah, cons. - Cons. - But whenever I go to Amsterdam or Paris, I always just picture and visualize and think of this sound of like. - Oh. - But the Nazis just march it in there. - Do stepping. - Terrific. - It was like in front of the Eiffel Tower hiling. - It's like crazy. - And imagine if it's just a group of men just came up the street right here. - I know. - I know, it's ours now. - Yes, yes, and like, you think about Amsterdam. Those cute little canals and those cute little houses with the windmills and then Anne Franks just like, "Oh, here they come." - Yeah, it's not good. - Not good, whatever happened there. - Well, luckily anti-Semitism is dead and buried. It's over now. - Never see it. - Messages me horrible things about the Jews after every episode. - It's almost like a Jewish. - Impressive how people can spin. They're like, "Ah, I can't get it up." Look at Israel. Let's be the Jews, can't get it up. - Yeah, that's a little funky. - Yeah, and the Jews get no oppression points, either. - Maybe one thing if you got oppressed, like black people get oppressed, but then they're like, "Hey, that guy's a racist." You're like, "All right, fire him, get rid of him." But if you go, "That guy's anti-Semitic." People go, "Shut up." - Right. - They get no points. - Yeah. - So it's a double, double nag. - Now, what's a brownie point? What's that exactly? - That's when you know black guy. No, brownie point. - What's that come from? Is that Girl Scout cookies? - It's gotta be, they're called brownies. There's cup scouts and then brownies are the girls. - Right. - And then there's Girl Scout. - Yeah, brownies are below, so boy scouts, below boy scouts is Cub Scouts. - Yeah, below, below Girl Scout is Cub Scouts. - Brownies. - Yes, yes. - So is that brownie points? - But then it's weird 'cause they're brownie, which is a delicious pastry, and then there's Girl Scout cookies. So they're all sweet based. - Yeah, why don't they sell Girl Scout brownies? - Yeah, that would make more sense. - Well, I think brownies don't stay fresh as long. - Ah, you can't get a box of, like a box of tagalongs will stay fresh for a month. - I always like the thin mints. - I was a Samoa. - Oh, really? - Yeah, a Samoa, man. - Oh, I think you meant you were a Samoa, folks. I don't know. - Ah, I'm not that big. - What's he gonna do? He's a Samoa. - Samoa, was the chief in Cuckoo's nest? Was he Samoa? - No, he was Native American. - Native American chief. - Yeah, hey, how are ya? Hey, how are ya? - That chief, he was something else. Like, giving Indians casinos is the funniest thing to me. Hey, we killed ya, we gave you smallpox, we raped your daughter, here's a sloppy sheet, your piece of shit, we'll see ya now. - Yeah, well, it's working out great for like eight of them. That's the name of Native Americans. There's like 30 that are trillionaires 'cause they own casinos. And then there's like 75,000 that are just poor and living on the side of the highway. - So I did Flagstaff in Arizona and it's apparently a big native area. - That makes sense. - So I'm at a bar drinking after the show and this kid, this kid looks like he was like 11 years old. He's like, hey, how you doing, Mr., how you doing, Mr., he's sitting at the bar. He's gonna white claw and he had sunglasses on and he looked like like Dayton Passett but Indian or Native American. - Right. - And he was like, hey man, well, where are you from? And I'm like, I live in New York. He's like, wow, New York. Would you flew here? I'm never been on a plane. I'm like, yeah, yeah, it's crazy. And he's like, wow, that's crazy. And then people are going, hey, comedy, comedy. He's like, what's up with that? I'm like, I'm a comedian. And he's like, wow, oh my god. He goes, you ever seen set it off? And I'm like, the movie? He's like, oh, it's my favorite movie. He's like, that's your favorite movie? He's like, well, it's the only tape I own. And I'm like, where do you live? And he's like, I live on a reservation. - Oh. - And I immediately feel like I bought all his drinks. - Wow. - I felt so bad for the kid. He was like, he got out. He had no money. He was just meeting people. - No kidding. I don't even know, set it off. What's that? - It's like Wayne Latifa joint. - Oh, he likes it. - Oh, he's got a point. - Wayne Latifa. - This poor guy.
Boy they must be queen lechip over there go get them another set of films get the get the godfather or what for the kukus nass for God's sake Leaf Latina or last the mohikens something with this board kid. He was poor and I met another native and I go He's from whatever reservation goes what? Oh, that's a rough spot. That's got to be a tough kid No kidding. Wow now is he shirtless with six pack abs and a cloth now when he had a Tomahawk did he have one feather? No, the little ones get one feather and the big one they get like 50 or something. Oh, is that right? I believe so That's a feather dress a feather in your cap Yeah, but nice kid sweet kid and he was not doing great. Wow, that's too bad. I think it was 22 years old You know loves the Native Americans Phil Jackson bring it back to Michael Jordan. He's a big native American guy Well, he's part and I have an American. He's from Montana. Wow Maybe Wyoming Wyoming the emptiest state and yeah, he's he's got he loves the neighbor. He brought all that stuff into the basketball Is that right? Oh, yeah, he brought an Eastern philosophy American they were skin and bowls and skin and frogs in his Montana. Yeah, huh and Fascinating guy big big son of a bitch. He's a tall cup of jizz his book sacred oops. It's a nice read. Oh really I read the other one too 11 rings now. He took Montana. I did two gigs there and Billings and Helena, I believe sure. Those like what's the capital Helena Troy? It's a capital Montana. Come on. You know this. I think it's Helena. Okay. Helena Troy. Yeah, it's Mozilla also hell is a nice place. That's the college town. Yeah Mozilla battle heads. Okay, battle heads. That's fun. That's a guy who loves big bun. So I did Montana the only states I've never been to Wyoming Alaska and the two Dakotas. Yeah me too. That's exact. Yeah, except I got to add Mississippi. I've never been to Mississippi They get stuff. Yeah, you know the the GPD what are they called gross GDP GDP domestic product in Mississippi is is more than Germany So just in Mississippi like a poor Southern shit state Is making more money than Germany. Wow. I never know what GDP I don't know what do they go that they think it's a channel or it makes combined. Yeah There's more money and product coming out of there than Germany. Wow. Well Germany. I heard it also has no Population there's a sink ship no one's fucking over there because oh boy fucking has just Fucking's out fucking is out. It's crazy. I know I fuck last night. I put a pair of shoes on her and put those ankles right in the air and I fucked away for a good Six seven minutes. It's free. That's good boy. Fuck it's free. Well, not if you don't if you fuck it up It can be quite true. That's true. It's either big. It's like a lifeguard one day one second could change everything. Yeah, so wait is that right about Germany? Oh, I was googling gross domestic product. Oh, okay. Yeah, I'm gonna be explaining. I'm not gonna get it You will. Oh, okay. The total monetary value of all final goods and services produced within a country's borders in a Specific time period, okay, yeah, that black. So but like don't doesn't Germany have Porsche and Mercedes and they must have a pretty good Adidas. I mean, I fucking what do you call it? Mississippi's not pumping out luxury cars, are they now they got old myths? Mississippi state. I think I can see nose galore Loxy tourism. I guess there's some tourism. Yeah, I think it's some slavery still. I don't think they do good grades there No, early 2025 Mississippi's GDP per capita is approximately $49,780 oh god, which Germany's is $2,000 per capita whatever that means I mean, I know a per capita means but I don't know what it means in this context. Yeah So I guess I'm German each German person is putting out $50,000 worth of stuff. That's that's a good hooker. I mean, that's Well, Mississippi is the poorest U.S. State the economic output per person rivals Europe's largest economy all right I'm on to something. I'm in the ballpark. Yeah, that's pretty that's fascinating. That's pretty good for us. If that's the poorest state What's the richest? Well, California's got to have a hell of a GDP over there. They're pumping out oil and booze and cars and trains and Yeah, I think they're losing a lot of it. But yeah, like Spielberg left Zuckerberg left Where's Spielberg go he moved he flew the coop. He said the taxes are too high California's GDP. Oh GDP. So that's so so Minnesota. Well, Mississippi's was 49,000. This is I think we're losing everybody here. This is not per capita. This is as a whole as a whole as a whole Whole entire state 350 million. I'm gonna go billions Trillions Wow, no one of this so cocky over there $4.3 trillion last year. Wow. Wow, but what was it 10 years ago? All right now I mean this is where I know this is this should be a bonus. This is crazy. Yeah, you're right But 10 years earlier, you know, you got to do the the curve conversion rate. Yeah, yeah, you're right All right, they're going up. They're going up. Everyone's going up good. I'm moving to Texas. What do you think? How much of that is only fans? I wonder They're making a lot of money for the country Yeah, you're moving to take I believe what I see I'm going to change the HDMI baby. All right, well, we got to wrap it up I'm going down there. I got a I'm going to get a yard and a fucking stars and a campfire and a cigar and queso See that's what's good about having money is those little things like the TV wires. Hey, I got to do that Yeah, if you're broke, you got to do it yourself. He's broke, but it's so that's a good lyric. Okay. That's okay Oh, that's a good furniture. It's broke, but it's oak. I like oak. You know, you said oh, it's okay You rhyme if you say okay, you say okay, you say oh, that's fun. That's like a hip hop lyric Well, they're very similar. They are the rap back because they you know, they had their hat crooked to the side They were showing off the bling they had babes. They're up all night. Yeah, they were singing. They were cool. Who's still or to who? Raptors rappers and the rat pack. Oh the rat pack. Yeah, they all bitches. They're all together Right, my boy. This is my other boy is Sammy is Dino. That's true. And then there's like no limit death row rat pack They all have little names. They'll have like a crew name. Right. That's fun. I think we I think we came up with something There you go, but only one black in the rat pack. That's right. Hey, he was Jewish. Oh, how about that? Yeah Well, where are you going to be there, Fanny? Where aren't I going to be? I'm gonna be all over that shuffle board core Tim the big UK and I live in trip. I got Dublin Glasgow London we added a show Bristol which became a lot of Bristol and I think I've sold about four tickets. It's a cute town Glasgow. Where am I forgetting? Belfast never been to Northern Ireland. Very excited. Belfast Dublin London Glasgow What else have I got Fort Lauderdale improv? I think is next week. I'm going down to the Miami open gonna be all over that tennis court Hell yeah, I got Pikipsi. I got what else? Oh big Ohio run Toledo, Youngstown, Columbus Then Providence Patriots Day weekend Providence Comedy connection and of course all the specials are on YouTube Tom Dustin Portrait comedias on punch up if you haven't seen it What do you wait for it six bucks for a film got to do it? Wait, when is this UK? We got a we got a schedule around that. I know I'm going to five countries in two weeks 15th I think okay first we got some time. We got some time. We're doing the live app in LA So that'll count as a show plus yeah, by the way people were all upset. We released the pod 12 hours late We said we were going to people like you motherfuckers you dirt bags But then if we can't it up a so they're like you bitches a shit you get so We're trying we're trying the love of Christ. It came out on Tuesday for Christ's soda legs, but yeah, it's still Tuesdays Meanwhile, Matt and Shane Shane's done three episodes the last four years Good point. I think they're pissed about that too But I'm just saying we're getting them out for God's sakes. We're doing our best You can't have your cake. You need it too. It might be four hours late. Oh, it's gonna be canned here here. We're traveling I know we're trying to we haven't missed it up in 17 years also. How about a life life for that? And if we did zoom You go what the fuck would that's all hate people hate a zoom? Well, we'll do zoom when I'm in Texas. All right Well, I'm gonna be in a Buffalo Spokane Seattle You're in Spokane every three weeks. I swear to God Lexington Kentucky Chattanooga Tennessee The vets theater in Rhode Island love that theater come on out as part of that little Rodi festival Which is the worst title and yeah get some more day. Okay, get on the patreon about you a bonus It's gonna be humming. We're cooking gdp. We'll see you in hell
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