#645 Wong Information

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hitter in the face of the surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfs up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there mark Norman and Joe list yeah this Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we're back baby we're here I haven't seen you in a month and a half it's been a while yeah we took a week off my father's still gay and it's still all pipes all right that's lunch well it lots changed my my kid is walking up and down like Mitch McConnell it was free wow but then he gets back into it that's exciting it's a fun feeling they walked they say things they're very funny it's got a weird ET wobble it's a good time he goes through my legs and he's like yeah it's all pipes Jerry they get silly and funny and they have thoughts and they're gay it's very exciting yeah he has weird urges he'll be like he's a big pointer and I'll point at the fridge and I'll open the fridge and he's like and then I close the fridge starts crying oh wow yeah so he's not just yeah I'll be a fat kid that's true they love the fridge I was a fat kid that's fun I hit puberty all went away really yeah it was like Royds no kidding yeah I was a little loomster all the way through nice skinny boy I like to eat mac and cheese burgers I'm thinking about moving to Austin I'll be down there by the fall don't worry about it I saw the fabletics or rocking fabletics that was the shirt you were wearing oh yeah well that was a whole thing we'll get into that but I'm down there in Austin the problem with Austin Texas is I walked about eight steps a day I got 25,000 steps I'm walking everywhere upstairs downstairs ramps running from hobos there you're just driving around and K so they handed to the temple it's unbelievable it's coming out of waterfounts you do set like here's your k-so right and then if you're like I'm a little k-soed out they're like well here's some brisket shove that in your ass yes yes busty ice cream I mean I don't know how you don't blow up like a fucking balloon in that town it's when you got to work out like Rogan that's why he works out nine times a day does two steams a hot bath and shoots an elk I mean I've never eaten so much salsa k-so beans rice I haven't stopped farting I'm just taking shit some mile long well my old joke was you don't need a portion here because you have a miscarriage every day my ships are like like Iran I mean I was just eating a bowl of k-so three three times a day literally and then I like my step count I'm not like 1200 steps because I'm driving everywhere it's in those those you see those guys in the protein those those big old canisters it's just k-so in there but you got juice land every five minutes I was drinking smooth so it was all k-so and spinach and blueberries I've been shitting out fucking brown babies it's just like they're getting the socks of my foot of engages it's just like baseball bats shooting out of my ass yeah but that's the thing if you ain't moving your body if you ain't getting the steps in the burn in the cowl you're gonna turn into a John Pannette I got a nice run in I went run in Hershburg I went down to Zilka Park along the river which is a river they're gonna lay that's the other thing I can't handle is that right it's lady bird like but it's totally a river I don't know that's all branding it's like when they say Williamsburg east no that's bushwick baby you get your head cut off out there right well they did that with Tribeca too Tribeca just keeps moving south that's right it's like fine like you're you're surrounded by big buildings and like well this is a nice Tribeca apartment I'm like this is literally Wall Street what are you talking hey good point yeah they know what they're doing over there with the wording nobody wants to live in the financial district but yeah that's where you know the Olsen twins live all right then you go I'm Kanye West fuck the Jews I'm ye now you know you gotta keep switching you should go Kanye east hey I'm Kanye East fuck this stuff writes itself I'm hot today he has risen by the way it's 10am so we're a little fucked up here oh yeah what are you gonna winter coat on yeah I guess so I was walking around outside I took the garbage in that way and then I did the part took the garbage in we can take out in on the can you got a chance garbage goes out cans come in whoa is Zoo Zoo Zeeway was Oro Zima Zoran he never picks the garbage up it used to be on a direct schedule and now it's like catches catch can you gotta put them out and just hope but I don't understand so what happened so they're are they on strike he just fired up what's going on I don't know I shouldn't blame him I don't know if it's all him but right when he got in the garbage was not picked up anymore on schedule I think maybe the the workers don't like them so they they're needling and they're trolling him oh I see I assume I don't know but it's it's been all off it's been all wacky since we went muzz but what about the snow removal you must have been blown away by that wait did they do it there's no snow anywhere I came home it was a big blizzard I came home there wasn't a second that's a pinch of snow and he gave civilians 40 bucks to shovel that's right that's good stuff I'm a communist now or whatever socialist whatever what's the one really give you money to shovel I don't know capitalism I think they gave everyone 25 bucks to shovel up the streets and yeah it worked he well he got so much shit for the no snow pick up two weeks ago then on this one he was like get that snow yeah I miss this was crazy so we had the big snowstorm whatever it was three weeks ago we were leaving we were on our way to the airport to head to Austin our future home we're all in the car and I made a comic because it was like 50 degrees in raining that day I was like wow that's the last of the snow not one yeah piece of snow left the snowstorm is all coming gone we fly to Austin the blizzard hits while we're in Austin that's nice which was nice because I'm knee deep in case so blowing my father got a cowboy hat on a belt buckle and my sister's tits a nice yeah so we come back the snow is back but the sidewalks were clear as mud yeah so I don't know what's going on you know mud very clear yes but yeah yeah no he he's he got he got right he stepped it up on the snow so we're back but the garbage is still an issue and that's why I hate the the the prayer or the whatever bullshit because I'm like just get the garbage right and a lot of people go what do you have muslimophobic and I'm like no I just just a little bit I don't care I don't want to I don't want a preacher in their white guy being like a Zekiel 912 just get the garbage get the garbage rush religion I need the garbage taken you know we need is that Chicago system they got the garbage underground over there what you know Chicago you don't see a garbage bag like it's all pipes I thought they had alleys they got alleys and pipes valley walls that it's it's good stuff I might have long information what bellies suction suction trash yeah they just suction trash they suck it right under there wow we got underground trash do it's called the MTA yeah I'm out of here I'm out I'm going to Texas these winters they're harsh they're cold bitter and and in Austin if you live in the right spot you can be eight minutes from the creek the have you been to black rabbit East Austin come to the city there's the two rooms at mother ship you got Metzger talking about Tom Hanks eating babies oh don't get sucked into that tractor baby you get it out but it's it's sunny it's brisket it's great and though the girls are thin and it's unbelievable yeah the lake lady bird lake not a river great to canoe down and paddleboard it's a beautiful thing well Sarah's like if you notice the women are all hot here I'm like I know you pointed out I guess I'll take a look there we go god damn those Austin bitches yeah you know it's also a weird one my wife through this one at me they these huge brothers they're blowing up with the hockey the two lists the Jews the whole thing Jews brothers so she was like oh he's dating some pop star in Canada and I was like oh good for him look at this you little hockey guy getting laid by a pop star and she goes I don't think she's that pretty what do you think and it's a picture her like you know it like tits out in a mini skirt doing all these dances then does a split and I'm like yeah not at all right talking about your tips are jumping around just doing back flips and being like I'm just a girl oh these women they don't know what hot women are they're like Sarah will be like oh yeah this girl she's so pretty and it's like a photo of Margaret thatcher something like right right yes and then other people will be like yeah she's not hot she's gross you know it's fucking Courtney Cox in 92 I know and then they do this thing we're like she's so trashy and I'm like are you expecting me to marry this retard I'm just looking at only fan she's like oh look she's so trashy I'm like what I'd love to blow a load on her trash he's good I love trash I'd like to pick up trash go around go to the bar and pick up some trash yeah underground trash I'm all itchy back here he ever got a haircut you didn't um but yeah so women don't know what's what well hot you think I always go what if peltro is beautiful I'm like I haven't thought about her since 1881 well I like peltro all right but Shakespeare love you see your nipple for a second by the way I went and saw send help have you seen this picture everybody's raven about ramie that's a hell of a Phil, Rachel McAdams is so hot, she's a good looking name. Can you see a nipple for the brief a second she's in a waterfall a nip. That's a that's a fun fun film I highly recommend horror. Yeah, it's like a horror thriller comedy dark. You know, it's Sam Raimi It's got some blood and some shit and some Stuck all right. I'll check it out. It's fun. Okay. Fun fun romp and I didn't want it to end off of your wreck I watch blue moon abloom it's fun. It's fun, but it's a real test It's like put the phone down. It's all dialogue. I told you. It's a it's a slog. It's a slog Jerry It's a it's a lot. I love Ethan Hawke. I mean Ethan Hawke's my number one favorite guy I wanted to be my dad. Yeah, he's a cool dude. Yeah, he's very cool, but he the movie is like just dialogue It's one location and you're just like Yeah, you got a power through like it was like reading. It's a yeah, you got to really tape yourself in I walked in a second time Jesus, okay, okay, but there's some great stuff great lines in there for sure Yeah, that'll get you well anyways, so what you doing in ATX boy did I love awesome so I went down there for a tennis tournament Basically and I did a couple podcasts. Okay, when is easy was down there? He's a good egg. He's okay. I give him two towers It was funny because I was talking to my friend who has a kid and I was like I have you the same age, but she has an older kid Maybe you've heard of her she lives in Cleveland and I was like, so wait, what's the deal with this potty training when do you start? When do you do it? I was like now my buddy told me you can do it in a weekend. She's like a weekend I don't know about that and I was like well, that's what my friend said, but then I realized I'm like well that same friend though I also said he was in the World Trade Center So what about you know Right, right boy that is a tough one No Jews in the potty, but ran as easy as the fucking man. He's such a great hand great guy It's one of those things when you're in Austin another city You're you're always feel a little off you're visiting and doing some we're doing we did a couple big shows together. We in a B&B Not with him, but yeah, well, no, no, we got a verbo. Oh, who what a verbo? Verbo that's like air B&B, but nicer. What a herd of verbo vacation rentals by owner you never heard of verbo Herbo's new to me. Wow, verbos my my go to what You gotta get on Verbo Verbo is like just how is it placed you can rent, but they're they're nice. It's like over black I got so we're still losing the house. Yeah, wow, because I've had a lot of problems with B&B that I think they've Yeah, they fucked me a few times. They they're weird. They're overpriced sometimes because B&B is different than air being that's true That's true. That's got that breakfast taken over, but yeah, maybe I'll try this verbo Verbo's greats verbo rules never have no problems with it. No, not a problem Be in Airbnb will do like the check in at five. You're out at seven. I like what I just got here and Airbnb too We did that in LA once and we were just in a lady's house and she was with us I've had that too and then she wanted to take us around I think I talked about this in the pod. She's like, all right, so I got a list of things we could do today I'm not even joking. She had a piece of paper with stuff written on it. Well, you should have gone show to your list and it just says threesome Wow, she was old in German By the way, the two's games have found The cook that offered us, of course they did every guy told Chuck to protect this lady's well-being Wait, what cook is this? Sorry, sorry. Remember the lady she lived across from Mrs. Doubtfire's house a full house house She's like come on. I have some gin and sex. Yes. Yes. Get in sex. Well, you go to her video 7,000 comments my father's gay. It's all pipes. Let me smell your pipes This is Doubtfire. Hello Try my two's games. So she probably I don't know. I'm probably gonna get sued I don't know, but her numbers are through the roof. Hey, can't argue with the numbers, Jerry I guess so but meanwhile I'm out here being like as lady often to blow me her grandkids are probably gonna shoot me Well, hey, you offer to blow a guy. It's gonna get out there. She didn't offer to blow I'm sorry. I think that's Spike Lee look at this fur coat big frame almost almost that's like limping Wow, okay, I was fully pimped out fur coat with a cane and the fedora that was spike Retard. I don't know that's a stretch Hey Lex liked it. I gotta get Mike Lex Mike. By the way, I think I'm not sure I think Chuck is what the kids call soft quitting Oh, three months. Interesting. This guy's never here. Also some guy message me being like you piece of shit You made Chuck get your coffee. You son of an onion piece of crap And he's like y'all he said you always you're always making Chuck get coffee Go back through. I think Chuck has gone to get coffee Under three times in the seven years. He's worked here. I'd say three. I'd say I'll give you three, but yeah, what are you talking about? He's just sitting there also soft quitting. He's just soft So is Rupert. I mean we've had we've had Lex five weeks in a row Rupert is still here. He can't get out of the doorway. Yeah, so it's like cool eight Chuck is out. Wow soft quitting. That's interesting and I don't hopefully he's paying you because I've never sent you any money for this I'm sending him seven grand a day. No, I don't get water my accountant and therapists both sat me down They're like you got to get rid of Chuck. He's bleeding you dry. Oh my god. Hey, what do you call that when you sit someone down? intervention like this is crazy. We're looking at the numbers the numbers are wild. He's very expensive and Chuck You could just quit. You don't have to soft. Yeah, hard quit. I mean I sent him for coffee and the people were Dive bombing my house. Wow. He's a cunt shit. Well, he's gonna hear this and and send us a birthday card a fruit Yeah, and a homeless man. He sent us a fruit cake Rupert Rupert ate it Well, there you go. How about that soft quitting? I had no idea. So anyways I'm I think he's making a movie. He's got a girlfriend. He's father's good. Whatever. I believe what I see it, but So I went to also I got this friend of talked about her here before and Becky Robinson give a big shout out to Becky. Hello, Mrs. Robbins. Husband is a big Hey that way hub. He's as gay as the day is long. So She works in tennis a few of the tennis tournament. She's in charge of content creation I guess there's some kind of content. I don't know what people's jobs are even when I watch them do it I don't know what it is. I have no social media director. What does that mean? Who knows? By the way, I don't know why every social media person's not 13 years old. Ah good point. I remember we made fourth of July. Louis and I interviewed a guy to be like the social media Cont whatever yeah, and we hope it was on zoom back then we opened the thing up and this guy his like frame was all crooked He was like 60 years old and it was like all empty frame and I just texted Louis like This isn't him. No, no. I'm like give me a 17 year old girl who's like hey, we Exactly with emojis that guy's gonna put you in the newspaper or in like the penny saver. Literally. He was fishy He's like, yeah, I think I can get you on you know, we just I think I got I got you the Jackpars. Right. We got to have it coming in. I put up a lost dog sign But I put your face on instead of the dog you're in baby. He's like milk cartons. What do you know about him? It was crazy. I'm like a 14 year old girl with pigtails. Yes to be like I'm gonna drop you on to Snitch and put you on twitch. Yeah and snatch. Yeah, that's what you want because they are always on there That's all they do so pay them absolutely. So anyways, Becky's the man or the woman. We need a thing I'm thinking about this. We didn't equivalent the man Women you're the woman That's never picked up. Yeah, I like that. Yeah, cuz you're the man. I said it to women. You're the man. Yeah What seems transphobic now that I think about it. Yeah, you're the cut the cut is good. Cut is good, but they don't like cut you my cut Something like that. You're my C C bitch It's always tricky with women. I know they're so sensitive. It's it's a whole thing and whatever anyways She's awesome. I'm gonna noodle on this while you talk. Let's noodle. So she message and said hey, I don't know if you're around But the ATX Austin open is here and I'm doing the thing. I could I could have you shoot some content. Uh-huh And it's one of these relationships. That's mutually beneficial because they get a big So I'm meeting these tennis players. I'm like over the moon. This is crazy. I'm hanging out with professional athletes It's not these people have watched on television. I'm now chatting with so I'm like I can never thank you enough And she's like what you're giving us content. This is great. So it's working out great So I go down there so I booked the whole trip around it. I'm like all right. We'll go down for the tennis match I'll book a couple big podcasts A big uh, you know, I can't say or whatever, but you know, yeah, you know the one Not Rogan okay the other one. Oh, which one is that there's a couple down there Well, it's you know the one that the guy says don't say anything about what happened because it's coming out in two weeks Oh, got it and he says a bunch of other stuff Uh, what's the other big fucking Austin podcast when it comes out two weeks later. They say don't say anything about the show Oh my god, I don't think it was a podcast. I think it was a show. So yeah, that's about whatever the fuck it is I'm saying you sigora Shane McCusker. Well, I did Shane's pie, but it wasn't there, but it's still huge still big Cuskers great by the way. Oh, he's a sweet sweet boy big fan of the McCusk. So that's what I was gonna say I had ran as easy down there. I don't know. I'm all over them. It's all pipes I'm all wacky and all crazy. I just got back. Yes, yes. I've been on two trips since the last time I saw you by the way is easy. I don't know if we should get into it, but I do think that killed his whole career. That's whole career. He's still working, but he was cooking. He was headlining everybody who's on a TV show. He would do Howard Stern. That's where he said the fucking thing. So he was Howard Stern level then. Yeah, which is crazy. Now that's like Bill Murray's going on there and some hooker. Well, seeing his house. I mean, he was certainly doing pretty good. I know you weren't there. I think you were supposed to be there. I did the show. He kept being like, Mark's coming. And I was like this. All right, two houses. Not a fair house. Oh, you should see this house. It's a sprawl. I mean, he's got a fucking, it's like the white house out there. That's what I'm saying, which I think a doc's quite a bit, by the way. Well, he's too far away to die. No one's driving out there. Oh, is it that foot? I guess Long Island. Maybe hold on. I got a fart. Well, he was, he's awesome. He's the man. So he was in town. Oh, hey, that was a real pusher. So I went down there. Oh, he's bolstered. I can't tell who's who, but there are the combos. I pushed out some fears for that last one. It's like Hitler and Stalin. You know what I mean? Right. Both bad. And then they both work at the same time. It's it's hell on earth. Yes, yes. King is gone and Mao. So anyway, so I'm going down there. I'm like, I had a, I'm very proud of myself. I had a perfect, I had a perfect, uh, Musa Stinky. You know, where you were going? Stinky. Yeah, man, stretch the Armstrong over here. Musa Stinky. You pause at the story. I was like, wait a minute. Is he having a stroke? No, you were, I came up with Musa Stinky. Musa Stinky. Musa Stinky. Stalin Stinking. Anyways, the point is I went down there. So I'm going down the test. I was very proud of myself. I had a perfect work play balance. Oh, yes, yes. I set up Killtony. A Joe Liston friends at the creek, which sold out like hotcakes a Sunday night. It was sold out like 10 minutes. Joe Liston friends and McCusker pod. So I had like a Monday morning podcast, a Monday night show and a Sunday night show, but I had Friday, Saturday, Tuesday with nothing. Oh, Friday, Saturday, Tuesday. Very nice. With just tennis and I had a fire in the backyard. This was great about Austin. You can live in a proper city in a city, but there's stars and a campfire. Oh, that was the other. I had about 48 cigars and four pounds of cake. If I moved to Austin, I'll be dead by it. 52 easily. Just smoking cheese. So I'm down there in the morning. I'm onto the stars. I'm doing the show and then ran as easy as in town. McCusker text is like, are you cool with ran as easy doing the show, which ran as easy as one of those guys? You have to be like, are you able to do a podcast with this guy? Well, you're a patriot because some people, you know, you got an eagle tattoo in your shoulder. You're going to be like, fuck that guy. Oh, yeah, or a friend we know. Yeah, I'm like, are you kidding me? Get get get me in there. And it's less, less work for you. Exactly. It's great. And now when I go to the comments, it's all, fuck this guy. He lied about 9/11. I'm like, normally, it's like this guy's a cock, bring up piece of shit, less socks. He's fucking blow of my dad. You can't fake ass piece of shit. Right, right. But now he sucks up all the hate and you're getting, you're getting engagement. I want to do all the shows with ran as easy. Everyone's like, this guy should die. I learned I don't like, but this other guy's worse. I want to do all this. My show's a Pete Hickseth. Fuck it. Let's keep it going. Who else do people hate? Bring in Ted Cruz. I'll do a show with him. Absolutely. I think that would get shine. No, thank you. You get Cruz, at least through March. That's the reason. But anyways, so Chevy Cruz, I got the fun thing set up. I don't know where I'm at in this fucking stupid store. But I did kill Tony with ran as easy, which by the way, I guess I shouldn't give too much weight because the show hasn't come out yet. This will come out. Oh, this comes out tonight. All right, perfect. Wait. No, but it comes out in a couple of weeks. So boy, these people are gonna be pissed about the teaser. They don't like that. Well, a funny thing happened. I'll tell you after I'll tell you off air. All right. All right. All right. Good news for our friends. But hey folks, Tuesday's with stories is brought to you by. Oh, they're back, maybe sheath. Yeah. Stop wearing old underwear with holes in it and get yourself some sheath. Sheath underwear is our favorite for so many reasons. Two pouches. One for your dick, one for your balls, coffee materials, and a range of solid colors and cool patterns. 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I want to be flying high. So no spit cups, no clouds, no trash when you're done. Nicknacks are great anytime, anywhere. Give it a try and enjoy nicotine perfected. Go to nicknack.com/tuesdays and use code Tuesdays for 20% off or use the store locator to find nicnacks near you. If you use nicotine, nicknacks is the discrete way to do it. Warning, this pradaq today is nicotine. nicotine is an addictive chemical. And so is my balls. So had a nice work life balance. Yes, yes. I'll work no play. Went to the tennis thing. Becky sets us up. I got to meet Peyton Stern. She was awesome. She went to UT. She ended up winning the tournament yesterday, which was so exciting. Got to meet her. She was met my son. She was so cool to Marty, which is sweet. I was like, Marty, this is a professional tennis. I felt like Kramer when he's like, that's going to be you someday. That's like, that's the professional tennis player. She shook his hand. He was like, hi, I love tennis. It was great. He did the cutest thing. I'll tell you later. It was so sweet to meet her. And then she ended up winning, which is exciting. I was about this Eva Jovic, who's like the new hot American, the future of American women's tennis. She's 18 years old. She sounds hot. And she's 18 in the world at tennis. 18 is all ranked 18th. And I got to hit with her. They're like, it was last, but everyone's like, why are you wearing this outfit? I'm like, obviously, I wasn't planning to play tennis. I didn't put on dockers and a fabledics. Yes. Hoodie to play tennis. Right. I know you were sweating in the sun, because that thing is thick. I've seen that sweater. It's right there. That's the one. It's thicker than Rupert. Yeah. So she's got five minutes. I had no time to warm up. And the people are like, you hit like a pussy. You don't know how to play tennis. I'm like, I played tennis seven times in my life, with a professional 18th best player in the world. She's serving 110 at me. What do you think of me? I'm like, oh, she's 18 years old. She's in her presence. I'm over the hill. I'm over the hill. I'm under the bridge. I'm in the closet. I mean, underground trash. So it was quite a thrill. It was so cool. She was so fun. I got to interview her and Peyton and we were laughing it up and yucking it up. And then Bianca and Dresco, who was also Canadian. She won the US Open 2019. He's going all sound sexy. They were all very cool. I got to meet all of them hang out. I got to see set courtside for Venus Williams. I was in the media seats, like literally listening to the players talk to the coaches. I'm on closer than Lexus right now. Wow. Matter for Mars. We've been there from Venus Williams. So that was amazing. I met the guy running the tournament. He was cool. I had the presidential suite. All access backstage. It was insane. Man, it's easy to get into women's sports. I mean, I could I could I could have fucking coached one. I was like, give me the coaches box. What the hell? I have to say and feel free to edit this. I'm watching you on all your videos. I'm out on the road board watching you with my dick in my hand. And I'm like, this guy's playing tennis his favorite thing with these 18 year old smoke shows are all wearing biker shorts and clam out. I didn't notice the cable toes at all All this and I'm like this guy keeps posting about this then you're interviewing one and I'm like your wife's got to be going Alright, no, it's like her posting with seven black guys deep throat. First of all, that's my dream She won't go for it. I've been trying to get her to a fucking basketball team for three years that can go viral We can we can set that up. No she doesn't get their athletes chair It felt like they're just random women off the street. I know, but it's your exact type It's these cute blondes with tight asses and big old clits. I think she's okay She's a very secure lady. I'm a very trust worthy man over here. Where am I going? Well, it's not even the you're gonna bang one. It's just that like you're surrounded by all this sexy gash Well, she was there. She got to meet them all. She met she met Peyton and That's it. I kept her away from the younger ones part move No, I think I think she's I mean, it's what the profession if Sarah went out and met Hendrick Lunkquist who's like the hottest man in the world Oh, that's hockey. Yeah, yeah, I was retired now, but if she met, you know, Charlie McIvoy or whoever the fuck yeah, I mean, I post that picture I took off to it. So, you know, all right. I just don't like who's her number one. I think me. Oh What number one like hottest guy like her celebrity crush like who's the one? She's like that's my guy There's a lot, I think oh jeez. What are we talking Lex Chuck? Matt Wayne all the people you use. No, I think probably let me think celebrity celebrity. I know she like I think Oscar Isaac I think she likes Oscar Isaac. I didn't see that coming. Maybe he's a good actor And nothing like you by the way, that's always off putting. Yeah, I had that was back in my previous girlfriend We were like hanging out. I think I tried to do this a bit. She's like what's your type? She's like, I like a really strong long hair beard out Like sitting there with like wire room glasses like, oh, yeah My ex I was like, what are you into? She's like eat yourself. I'm like to dilute. Right. I'm trying to think of other She I Kurt Russell. I think she's like I think Kurt Russell got now. He's old, of course She is a Texan. Yeah, that's funny. Oh, what is that? At least hot girls is as hot as it gets. He's kidding me escape from New York. Yeah. Yeah, the thing overbore I mean, he's in a million movies. Yeah, I guess so back draft. Oh, yeah Tombstone. Oh, that's a good one that's Tarantino one. That's not great. Oh Grindhouse. Yeah, whatever. So what the fuck is it called? Eightful eight. Eightful eight. Yeah, that one's amazing. Also, fun. He was banging Goldie Hawn and still is. Yeah forever. All aboard. He's amazing great death. That's what it is. Yeah Wow, that's a hell of a weekend. Yeah, it was awesome and Yeah, KT was great. That was a hot one. And oh, it was good. Yeah, it was awesome. It was so fun And then we did Joe listen friends at the creek, which was great. Joe de Rosa came by and that's the part on he's a psycho It was all white dudes. I couldn't get any women. Well, that's Texas baby, but if you notice with Metzker You know, people have a safe word. Mm-hmm. He has a word Israel if you say Israel it it's the opposite of a safe word He just goes in for like nine hours and you're like you you can it's almost like a kid where you like just sit here and talk I'll be over here. Well, he's you know Charlie from South by Southwest. Yeah, so he was there and he was like engaging And it was eating babies and Tom Hanks and the stuff and I just Israel and I'm a side by the way the creek They let you smoke cigars and that green room Rebecca's fucking she's the content. It's just awesome. Yeah, that's what is it? We need to find the tits the tits. She's the tits because it's it's a term that means positive and they have tits That's not bad. I like the tits. So yeah, she's awesome. It was great to see her and the show was just packed and fun I had C.J. Landry on I was awesome and it was just a great great night. So yeah, you you go because I'm hogging here I have a disease where I cannot leave a green room. I will be in a green room for nine days like a bomb shelter Yeah, which is what I call my special you know what you don't have that I love a green room you get the cigar in there There's there's liquor and booze in the fridge. There's food usually well it depends on who's there in the green room That's just green room after a while. I was like, okay. I'll see you guys later. That's true. Yeah, you're doing like economic world forum in there. Yeah, but I mean it depends on the green room But I love a hang but also, you know, we got the baby at home I got the baby and then we're in central time. So he's waking up an hour earlier also he doesn't sleep well when we're traveling It's a strange. Yeah, so he's waking up at 4.30. So I'm like I got to go to fucking bed Like I have a feeling the green room feels safe to me like oh, that's out in the world But here we got a good hang. We got cigars. We got booze. We got talking. Yeah, so I think I have that thing where I'm just like don't leave Well, they got great green rooms and not another reason to move to Austin great green rooms. Yes, I can't sit at the seller smoking a cigar Good point Creek and and Freedom down there. Mother ship. You can smoke you can sit outside. Come on down. Let's go I like it and then you get out of that fucking cold air you getting that sunshine the sun hits your tits and you go Oh, I'm an American and the sun's set. It's low like just orange I know. I know. Oh my god. It's delightful and the cheese my godjerry the cheese and I feel like we appreciate it more because we've lived in this fucking Hawk for nine years and the best part of waking up This phone just in your cup, but it's it's time to go to the airport 13 13 and the Uber's six dollars. I flew from JFK three times in 10 days It's an hour and 10 minutes to get to my house. You're on the tipy top of the dick. I know six hour flight and you land and you're like I'm home and then it takes 20 minutes to have an hour and 10 to get home 125 dollar fucking lift ride Who and in Austin? It's literally 12 minutes. You can fuck the airport for six bucks a day. Oh What a goddamn state. Yeah, all right. Do we have to run by a guy in a wheelchair, but let me just say this So I had a wild action pack week tell me about well first of all my parents were in town and they came for 18 days That's crazy. Is that excessive? My parents literally come for 20 hours, and I'm not joking. I'm jealous So when they want to see the boy and they live so far away your parents are in the same Ecos that what you call that region region, but they don't that's true. That's 250 miles. Wow. Yeah. Well, so they're like, okay Here's the deal. We don't want to annoy you too much. We are your parents after all. We're staying with a friend for the first Eight days, then we'll come to you for 10. I'm like, all right. That's better. Yeah, buffer So I was like, all right. Thanks. Thanks, mom and dad. So they fly in. I got him first class the whole thing I told you they missed the sign. Uh-huh. We did that already whatever they get in they go to stay at the friend's house and One day in they go we're gonna stay with you and I'm like whatever to the buffer and they go we realized we're in New York We're just sitting at this other person's house. We want to see the grand kid and I know it makes complete sense But I had the buffer head. I had the mentality. I had the buffer in my brain. Right buffer brain buffer brain So buffer fish. So now I'm like my whole thing's ruined because I had or I have this and then that's gone Yeah, so they came over and but it's weird that it chucked them being there to realize I know what I know So then a blizzard hits so now they're at the house with a blizzard so now, you know, they leave once a day Maybe to take a little walk there elderly, but now it is full on Shining we are sitting right here for 18 days, fatty. Wow boy. Oh boy. Oh boy. Let me look this benefits They won't they'll wake up with the baby because they get up they cook they cook they cook Jared, but my wife cooks So now there's the mom wife Attention, and that's fun. It's like a chopped in there. It's fucking it's like Some nightmare was a nightmare's kitchen. I don't know kitchen nightmare. Thank you. I'm dyslexic So that's a Gordon Ramsay show where they'll get hot and bothered and then kitchen for all the fighting, but It was it was a tense long day, and I eventually was like I am leaving to go do the road See a wife and I was got out of there like a chop rat a nom and I threw a grenade behind me now How does she handle it? How does you I mean the idea of me being home in my home Yes, my wife sleeps and my children come and play with their toys Being at home and my mother-in-law is in the home with me all day I'd rather chop my dick off shove it in my ass and and eat it's not for a week She's got a couple outs. She works from home So that's kind of like a hey leave me alone. I've got important business to do door closed Working from home in the separate room. That's big. So that buys you eight hours Then she'll be like I have a spot tonight or I have a gym to go to so that'll get you out of the house So she has some moves, right and we had a little powwow where I was like this is what my parents do This is what they get up. This is what they want to do. So avoid this avoid that and duck and roll Wow, this is fast. I mean, I just cannot imagine my parents staying in my house and being like I'll see you guys later I know it's very it's very odd. It's odd baby So I Go well. I got a skid at all on Wednesday to go do club Shay Shay What's that one again? That's a big black pod with the one where cat. Yeah. Yeah. Just say Shannon Sharp. It's club. Shae Shae. I keep thinking you're to got tassels on your nipples. Yeah. That's gonna pull. It sounds like it. It is a very gay name, but it's like saying I killed Tony versus Tony Hitchcliffe. Right. So I'm going to do Tony Hitchcliffe. Shae Shae Sharp. Sharpie. So I get out there and he goes with I'd like to do it at 2 p.m. on Wednesday and I go, geez, that cuts into my whole day and I got a flight of Vegas and he goes for fly the day before. I'm like, I can't do the day before you're already cutting my Wednesday. Right. So I go, I'll just get up early, fly out first thing, get there by like noon and go straight there. Flight's delayed. I don't know where you're at on this and I won't take too much time on it, but I'm here. United. I don't mind the comfort part. I don't need the first class. Obviously it's ideal, but I don't need it. As long as I can do this with my feet, get it under the seat. Oh, I see. But I booked a eight A wall. See got this. I hate that same with one. You get first, sometimes you get upgraded to first class and people are going to go, oh, these guys can play in my first class, but they upgrade. I have a good seat. I'm in comfort plus aisle. I can stick my feet out. I love it. I love it. Get out of the chair. They go, we've upgraded you and you go, great. They go, you're in one A and you sit like this. Like this guy. Exactly. Exactly. I'm like, give me a downgrade. Give me a downgrade. I had the seat. I wanted you upgraded me to a worse seat. You know what I do when I get upgraded to first class, like a couple days before you go, hey, I got the upgrade. I go in and make sure I'm not on a one. Well, yeah, you're trying to do that when you can. Yeah, you can't. Yeah, you got your feet up your ass. And I'm six three. But you're doing this when you're trying to like get some stretch in, but I had the fat guy next to me. Second hand fat. You know, I hate that. So now you're doing the weird thing where you're up on the wall, trying to get. Now you're not even got with the feet on the wall, trying to stretch out. And it's a five and change flight. It's such a long flight. But whatever we get there, flights delayed. So now I'm the white guy who's lucky to be on this big podcast. And I got to get a rental car. So now you're late. You get out. You go find rental car. Oh, it's Vegas. It's a shuttle. Oh, it's a shuttle. Then you got to wait for the shuttle. Then we get to Avis and we do that weird thing where everybody's on the rental car shuttle. And then right when you land, you're like, of course, you try to get out first, you know, yes, yes. It's very frustrating. And then all you're thinking is, I was on here before that guy. This guy. Yes, yes, exactly. And you know, it's going to be a long lines. It's Vegas, whatever. Another great thing about Austin, by the way, rental car right in the airport. They keep talking about renovating and expanding that airport. I'm like, don't do it. It's perfect. But so you're run through Avis. I finally get the guy. And he's like, you know, as I always say, it's such a primitive system. Just, just let me walk up. Go, there's my ID. You know, I am. I reserved, reserved online. Here's your key. Yes. But they go. You want the gas? You want the insurance? Are you suicidal? Have you been drinking? What's your dad's name? And you're like, give me the key. And then he goes, you want an upgrade? You want to go to a 12, 12 panel van? You're like, no, you want to even 18 wheeler? No, I want the fucking Chevy cruise. And now sometimes you do it, they give you the thing finally. And then you go downstairs, you go down the window. You give the guy the fucking envelope. And he goes, you want to break it back full? And I'm like, I just know. I just did this. Well, here's even worse as well. Never go Avis again. Fuck you Avis. I'm all Alamo all the time. Remember the Alamo to it. And this week I'm going to San Antonio Thursday. I'm renting the Alamo and San Antonio. What's up with that? Clip it. Oh, David Crockett. Here I come. There's no basement in the Alamo. So who's David Crockett? Was he good or bad? He had the coonskin hat. Watch the language. Easy. Black issue months over, baby. So I go, he goes, go, okay, here's all your stuff. He goes, finally, he goes, go down to G eight gate. Yes. So the gates of hell. So I go down there. I go, okay, G eight. And you expect the car to be right there? I go, okay, Chevy Trailblazer, black, four, nine, two, 18, whatever, license plate. And I wait in G eight and they go, they'll bring it around to you. Try to guess how long that took 12 minutes, 20 minutes. So you're just sitting in a parking lot like a twat going, is that my guy? No, no. Oh, and then I'm like, how long you guys been waiting? They're like, Oh, we just got here. I'm like, I'm going to go to club Shay Shay. Oh, man. This is brutal. So I'm texting Shay Shay. And I'm like, I'm so sorry. The flight was delayed. The avis thing too. I'm waiting for my car. And he's like, he's getting a little peeved. And also I hit the lounge. But I couldn't resist. I needed that free coffee. But the lounge I was there like eight minutes in and out. And so finally, G eight rolls around to give you my Chevy Trailblazer. And I just, I go right to Shay Shay. He's annoyed. And we went right in there. And that guy is a hell of an interviewer. Really? Oh my God. It was like a real studio. He had a full crew full set up. And he sat down. And he does that. Does that weird thing? You ever had this on a pod where I go, Hey, how you doing? And he's like, good, good. And we're sitting across from each other like this. And he's like prepping. I guess he's in his gets in his head. So there's a good eight, nine minutes of him. Just like, Well, he's an athlete, Jerry. He's like, uh, he's all cracked up and ready to rock. It's all mental. So then I'm like, how you doing? He's like, good, good, good. Like kind of like, let me, let me work here. Let me think. And I was like, Oh, okay. So we're sitting there in silence for eight, nine minutes. And it was the most weird awkward. He's dressed in Lulu lemon. He's eight foot nine. That's what I don't care for. It was scary. And then he go right with it and action. So Mr. Norman, funny man. What's shaking? I'm like, where did you come from? And, uh, it's one of those things. But man, that guy is a great interviewer. He did his homework. He's like, tell me about New Orleans. Tell me about the bed wetting, talking about Enis, your crant near cross dress and nanny. This guy was on top of it. And then if there was ever a lull, he would go, so I pulled up some, uh, some tweets you tweeted that are really funny. Please explain that tweet. So you've never dulled moment. We talked about everything and it got awkward once. Oh, I can't wait to hear. I made a million black jokes. He's cool as hell. You know, these athletes, they don't get offended. They're they're a locker room people. Yes. Exactly. It's all inward. This and then word that exactly, which is what I said, I have Tourette's. But, uh, I was like, he's like, what do you think of the Chris Ross? Sorry, the kid rock national anthem. And I was like, I thought it was weird. It was, you know, like a weird vegetarian option at a restaurant, you know, and he was like, that's crazy. And I go, I think the black national anthem is kind of weird too, which I do. I'd rather us all come together. I don't know. There was a kid rock national anthem. He made his own national half time show. Oh, I see. I guess it's what he thinks going at once. I got you. So I said, uh, I think the black national anthem is kind of, isn't that also an alter a weird alternative? And he's like, well, we've been through a lot of like, of course, I get it. But so it's kid rock. Also says he didn't work quite a bit. But my point is let's find a new anthem. We can all get behind because should we do an Asian anthem, a retarded anthem, a wheelchair anthem, a Hispanic anthem. You want an all encompassing anthem? Yeah, because I think it just divides. Sure. And I don't mean it like for these black people with their, but I say, let's figure out a way to have one. Well, we have a national anthem, but they don't like it because it came out while they were the bad shit was happening. I see. So I was trying to get that point across, but I'm arguing with a black guy on black history month about a black anthem at the white guy. So eventually I had to be like, yes, sir. Oh, I agree. Right. But it was, it got a little tense. Oh, boy, I can't wait to see. Yeah. I'm sure they'll clip it and it'll be. It's not going to look good. It's going to be like, white man to be by, but no press is bad press until that to Bill Clinton. Well, but then they said, wait, he's doing just fine. I guess. I mean, feeling every 10 seconds. It's like, hey, Bill Clinton fucked another kid. And he's like, seeing hell. No, I didn't Teflon bill. Is that good? No, I didn't. Hey, that's not bad. Hey, there folks. This week's episode of Tuesday's with stories is brought to you. Massa. I think I say it wrong. Mass cassa, cassa, cassa, massa, massa chips. Massa chips are the way to snack healthy. Massa chips taste amazing with only three ingredients, corn, sea salt, 100% grass-fed beef, fallow, or tallow. I don't know. My eyes are going. No mystery chemicals, just real food. Let me get to the part where it says personal endorsement because this is the part that matters. They sent us a big giant box. Actually, two boxes of these chips. I happen to be having people over that week. I set them up, put them in balls. I did like a Pepsi challenge with these chips. Just put them in. And literally, I'm not just making this up. Everyone was like, where'd you get these chips? What are these chips? These are delicious. They're perfect. They're perfect for a queso. They're perfect for salsa. They're perfect on their own. They rule. I still have some. It's our go-to chip. And my wife from Texas, alright, and all I eat is Mexican food and Mexican women. So, I love it. We love it. We're giving a resounding thumbs up, two thumbs up, two boners up. If you already love that, then also you can check out their sister company, Vandy Crisps. and pick up some of their amazing three ingredient potato chips. Ready to give Massa a try? You should be. Go to massachyps.com/tuesdays and use code Tuesdays for 25% off your first auto. You can also click the link in the video description or scan the QR code to claim this delicious offer. Don't feel like ordering online. Massa is now available nationwide at your local Sprouts super market. What are you drinking? I got a little water when I put some some some semen in it. No, no. What do you call that? Fuzz. Well protein powder. Oh, it's all free shit. I don't know if it's any good. Protein's good. There you go. Protein. So I was Bill Clinton, even Joe. So yeah, so I do it. And it's one of the things after you do it, you know, when you do a Garogan, you're like, oh, my God. That was two hours of just freight train. I won't do it anymore because of that. It's like three days coming down. I'm like, sitting a deprivation tank. It's a lot. That's a lot, folks. So of course, I'm in Vegas. So I landed. I got the Avis. I did all my work. I did Shay Shay. It went well. I'm out of there. Shay Shay gave me a free bottle of cognac, by the way. Thank you. Sharpie. And I was like, get this cognac, got a rental car. And I'm in Vegas. You know, you walk out the studio and it's like, right, let's big city. You know, and I got the hat on. Woo. So young blood, text me the other day, and he goes, I see you're going to Vegas. Oh boy. I got some problems. Why don't I set up a show? And I go, oh, I got the night off. So he sets up a show at this rock bar, like a rock and roll club, sells out. We do the show and got shit faced and stayed up till 630 gambling, which in New York time is 930. Right. So I just, I woke up with a baby in New York. I was snowing, flew to Vegas and just stayed up partying till 630 in the morning. I don't know how you do it. That's insane. I'm hurting. I can't. When was this Wednesday? I don't know what day it is. What's today? Monday. Oh, okay. Save had a little time to recover. Well, then we went drove the next day. We drove to Flagstaff. Did a little theater there. Got drunk there. The next day we drove to Tucson and, uh, hall to song got drunk there. Damn. So, uh, wild, wild weekend, but all the shows are great. Arizona is, it's so pretty to drive through. We drove, we're driven nine hours in Arizona. God damn. But Flagstaff, what a gem. Really? Oh, my gosh. This is cute little mining town from the 18, whatever. And it's just like a Patagonia crunchy university town. So what you end up doing that's that because I remember we talked about this last time. The routing we were trying to figure out. So you went Vegas drive to Flagstaff. Yes. Which was about four and then drove to Tucson. Yeah. Wow. Which was about five. So you had young blood. That's nice. That helped. That helped. We we chatted. We laughed. We drank. We ate. No, how long period are you going nuttuck? 'Cause I feel like nine hours eventually you just run out of stuff and then you're just and we're hogging you in sharp. So we wake up early because you got five hours of driving. So you kind of can't sleep in. You love to sleep till noon. But it's a little risky because you want to eat in the middle. Sure. Uh, so it's a lot of like in the beginning. It's a lot of this. Because you're so hungover and you just right, you know, 10 and 2. And then after about like 45 minutes, you start going, should we get coffee? What kind of coffee you like? Oh, you go black. Oh shit. I go, I look a little cream. It's a little bitter. And he's like, oh, you like cream? Which to me is the best conversations. Yeah. Just getting to that nuance, nitty gritty bullshit. I don't want to talk about what I ran. Sure. I want to talk about bullshit. Manusia. Now, which is my ex girlfriend's name. Who was black? Horse Manusia. So, uh, and did he win any money? Lose any money that young blood. I worry about this man. The drinking. He's all vice. He's a vice president. Thank you. Who's that, uh, JD bands? Oh, yeah. What's the movie might think of? Who's the other guy that nerd? Camp Dan Quail? No, no. Sean Camp. Not camp. Uh, pets. Pets. Mike PEG nerd. Uh, uh, uh, it kept the fish. Sean Camp is a play for the supersonic. Yeah. It was good. That's the beauty of this show. Pull some shit out of the back of your brain. Uh, so I go downstairs after I was like, I walk in, young buds at the casino gambling. And we're sticking some fucked up casino. And I come back down. I go, I'm going to go shower. I'll come back down. He's like, I'm up for a grand. I was like, holy shit. This guy's on fire. That'll last. Then two days go by. He finds a casino in Tucson. I don't know how this guy's up $4,000. That's probably what he's going to make all weekend. What'd you say? Is it probably Google? Yeah. So if I can see no Tucson, I go, hey, I'm going to take a nap or something. I'm so I'll go over. He goes, I found a casino. Ten minutes away. I'm going to over there and gamble. I go, all right. Have fun. You weirdo. So he goes and gambles and Tucson. And he can't get an Uber because it's, it's like in the outskirts. He can't get an Uber. So he's like, oh, I found an Uber. Ah, it's going to be in 45 minutes. Well, just gamble till it shows up. The Uber took so long. He lost everything. Oh, the Uber fucked the Uber fucked him. That's what it was. He got the Uber. The guy's like, how are you? Johnson. He goes, how am I? You fucked me. He yelled at the Uber driver. So if he had 150 grand that time, would he have hugged the Uber driver and said, hey, this is 10%. I think it gave him a couple bucks tip and maybe three stars. Andrew, you call me if you need any help, my friend. He's a mess. He's these vice squad. He's got every vice in the business. Vice president is funny, though. You know, the president of vice. I like that. That's something. That's something. Vice principal. It's a way that words have multiple meanings. I don't know if other languages have that. I think that's a America thing. Well, poor K means why and because. And so the fish and aloha means hello and goodbye. So I take it all back. Remember with affection. Huh. Also remember with affection. What if I don't affect? Well, then you don't use aloha. Well, then what do I say? Hello, you say remember. Ah, it means all three of those things. So if you remember, yeah, like so I think this is according to screech from the state by the fellow white special. This might be right. I don't know. All right. But I think it means like, hey, you could say aloha means hello, but it also means see later, but also means like boy, that was a great time. Aloha. Oh, I like that. You're not like, hey, why are you saying hello? We're middle of a conversation saying, no, I'm saying remember with affection, dickweed. So you make out with a girl you have sex and she goes, all right, I'll see you later. You go, aloha. Yeah, but that could be goodbye too. But how do you know which one I'm to say in? I think by context, context clues. Context lenses. Remember with affection to say it? Fuck. I've never heard that either. That's just from saying by the bell. I don't know. Screech died. Maybe it wasn't Screech. Maybe it was Zach. I can't remember. I believe I believe if he says that. He's a watch for Filipino. Who? Zach Morris. What? He's Filipino. No way. Mark Paul Gosler is a Filipino. What? He's as Asian as the day is one. This changes everything. Ellie Wong. Wait a minute. Tell you he's Asian. He's Asian. Look that one up because if he's Asian, I'm moving to Canada, 50,000 dollars. Mark Paul Gosler is Asian. I think we've had this exact dialogue on here. I don't know. I would remember him being Asian. Love and fellowship. Love and fellowship. Okay. By the way, a comedy club in Hawaii, aloha. It's right there. That's where you. That's how you got to the top, baby. But ideas like this, Rob Schneider, half Filipino. Is that right? Put that in your Filipino. So Rob Schneider and Zach Morris, you can buy them. You got a full Filipino. Nurse Filipino. Haley. What do you got? What is he? All right. I can, I can sleep. Japan. Korean auto Thai. No, not Philippine. What's the other one? Vietnamese. Laos. Cambodia. Fiji. Charlie. The bush. Chinatowns. Half Dutch. The other half is what you're looking for. Half Dutch. Wait, it's not Filipino. It's not Thailand. It's not. We're going to go. Mark Paul Gosler talk is getting me warm up. Indian. Japan. South Korean. Philippines. Indonesia. Indonesia. Right next to it. They're all islands sprinkled next to each other. Indonesia. Indonesia. That's where you can remember stuff, right? Indonesia. Indonesia. Half Indonesian. Where the fuck is Indonesia? Right next to the Philippines. Is that right? Yeah, I'm telling you. So it's an Asian province or country. Philippe Indonesia. And there's Indochina. Indianapolis. And there's a Indonesian. Right. Smack. Next to the Philippines. Look at that. It's a hopskip in a jump. What do those people look like? Because it looks like. Exactly. It doesn't look like a snitch Asian. No, you don't. You look at. He's got yellow hair. Easy. He's got, you know, blunt. Yeah, he's got a little bit of an eye situation with a white man as a conqueror. So the white conquerors, the Indonesian. Well, Dutch is so white. Dutch is white on rice. He's got wooden shoes and a windmill. I mean it's hiding in Frank he's yeah, he's he's very Dutch. Yeah, and then go and Dutch Is is you split the money? Yeah, is that real? Why is it the based on the Dutch and who are the Dutch? I don't know Interesting that's chocolate. Yeah, Dutch the at Harris, but not at Paris. I don't know. Yeah, there you go It's Ethan Embry How much time we can I tell another tail. Oh, sorry Okay, let me tell you this because this one This made my blood boil and maybe I'll be the content to say everyone. Oh, what an asshole, but you the cut these people That don't go this is the greatest quality to person is oh shit my bed. Oh, that's rare Hard is that to do that. That's getting more and more rare by the day. I think so there's no shame anymore No, we shame we shame all the time. No, but people don't have the Yes, we will have the shame and I think that's I think it's the reason we shame is because no one feels shame Everyone felt shame. Yes, all of it wouldn't have to shame Shame is very big on shame. So anyways, so shame we're boarding the flight in Austin we're getting ready to get on the plane and it's me and Kramer the baby in the butler and now this baby He's two and a quarter now and he's a big. So he's heavy So I'm holding this son of an onion. It's like a 35 pound weight on my forearm for a long time while you're waiting to board and You know, we got upgraded to first class. We're in first class. It's very excited zone one. Whoa zone one bomb Donnie So it's Delta pick up the trash. So it's Delta We're waiting to board. Yes, and of course they do the anyone want a pre-board and then of course without fail Bunch people walk up. No lamp. Yeah, they just go. Oh, yeah, we're pre-boarding. That's the problem and everyone go Okay, yeah, you get to go and you're looking. They're like 40 years old. Yeah, not too fat. Not too skinny. Whatever. No integrity Just I'm getting on All right, so they go on and you got your military Then you get your fucking anyone with Down syndrome hop on the plane With fucking colorblindness get on the plane right right so we're waiting now you know they have There's the sky priority line and there's the general boarding lane. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah, they split it. So The big sign that says sky prior. It's red big bright red sign sky priority. It's got an arrow pointing to the right side I know what one of the bank Divider things. Yes. Yes, yes, divider. So and this is how human culture works So now as we anticipate it's almost time to board zone one everyone just lines up They jump in line. They love it jump in the line. So they all get in the wrong line They get in regular general boarding line like six people. Okay, and he goes all right boarding through the sky priority lane only zone one So now I see Now, maybe this is where I'm an asshole everyone's fucking up everyone's in the wrong line So I'm like do I jump in line behind everyone that's in line or Do I go in the line that we're supposed to be in that he's asking us to be it do the other thing So I go be a lot of loner. All right. Well, it says general it says general boarding over here. They're all in that line Oh god, it says sky priority over here. So I'm getting in the sky priority line because that's what I was asked to do I'm a rule guy. Yeah, I love rules. I follow rules. You rule. So I'm holding the baby. I Got a backpack. I got a diaper bag. I got the baby Sarah has a stroller with the backpack We're going to get on the guy at the thing I don't need to describe it doesn't matter. Oh God. He goes he goes. Oh, oh, oh Tathers are after zone two now. Tathers are after zone two. Wait. Well, that's a new rule. That's pretty new Yeah, it's new ish. I go. Oh, no, we're in so much. So I'm already I don't like the First of all, he opens Harsley. Yes, yes. Now he's accusing me of trying to jump the line and do some tether thing when I am in fact in zone one And he's judging me by my club. I got stains. I got glam. I'm a fucking piece of shit white trash asshole. How can I be in zone one sure? Sure. Well, I dabbled everything and it paid off finally in my 40s. You have fucked face So I go, well, I'm in zone one and he goes well, there's a line here. You got to enter the general boarding I know you got to enter through sky priority Sky priority and he goes, hey, there's a line of people here pal. Oh He's like this whole line of people here and I go, okay. Well, I'm waiting first of all I'm waiting I'm not cutting in front of them by the way. I'm literally standing here while these people go Yeah, and I go, well, I'm in the sky priority lane. He's like, no, no, this is the sky priority lane This is big and now at this point a guy has joined behind me. Ah, another zone one power numbers And I go, well, I'm zone one. I'm waiting for these people but this is the sky priority lane and you said to get in the sky priority lane and he goes, no, this is the sky priority lane I go, I got it. Sir, I'm not trying to be an asshole. Oh boy. There's a big red arrow sitting and then this guy chimps And he goes, yeah, this is it. Yeah, like the guy doesn't go. Oh shit, I'm an asshole. Oh, yeah, he goes. Oh, okay. He's like, oh really? Okay And I go and then he just scans in all these people. Wow And I go this is a guy saying I say I go so he saw he knows what this is good man right here the guy does this and he goes listen Everybody lands at the same time. Oh now it matters and I wanted to fucking fist fight first of all I'm not trying to land earlier. Right. I'm following the rules. Yeah, that you implemented and I'm holding it All I want to do is put down the baby. Yes. Yes, it's very heavy and he called me pal twice No apology and then he just is passive aggressiveness. Oh my god. Everyone lands at the same time I'm like, yeah, that's not even the issue. That's not what we're talking about. You told me the wrong place Yes, and you've come at me twice as an asshole. Yes, and this isn't some guy this guy's like in uniform working Right. What kind of fucking professional are you? This is a microcosm What happened to you is a microcosm of the whole Country right now and that you did the right thing He fucked up and he can't come back on it. He won't backtrack, and that's that's part of the problem and he judged Judged me Jerry That was just him being like I need to win right. I need to move here just being a dick Yeah, and no ability to be like oh shit. You're right. Sorry, and You're in a professional setting. You're in a business like you're a customer He's a proprietor or whatever you want to call it so you should be extra helpful, and why don't you? Should on all these people now like you aren't even me shit for boarding at the wrong time being in the wrong line Now that you've discovered they all got in the wrong line. You should shift that animosity to all these Exactly, but he can't shift because he doesn't want to lose hate the shift He's gonna walk away from that going. Oh, that guy was a fuck he was difficult, huh? Like no, no, you're difficult and you're wrong. You're wrong Jerry. Oh, that is fresh. I would have fumed the whole flight I was fuming and Sarah's like all right. You got to relax and then the other guy I was like so you knew the guy was like, hey, man So the one guy was quite helpful You're just you're going ladies gentlemen, please through the sky priority lane. Yeah, just to give me the hey Todd There's yeah, my first class motherfucker, but you just want to stand there the whole beep beep time He's letting everyone in go. Hey, remember that with the lane. Yeah, you were all I remember had the baby and you called me pal twice Yeah, you just want to sit there and and needle him because you need a little bit of a Oro repribution or you call win recognition. Yeah, I need a little acknowledgement Validation. Yes, because you need some closure on the argument because you were right But it also shows you that that the majority even as wrong as it can be Can win because people go. Oh, there's six people online. There's two people on the six must be right. That's how I think is everyone just follows It's the same with traffic in New York like pedestrians one guy starts walking Yeah, everyone just starts walking exactly exactly that's you know, that's who we are as people and I get it because you're like Well, if you were gonna get on and it's I hate when people do the passive aggressive like whoa Why are you gonna rush to get on you're like well also because you fuck heads. There's a limited space I know you will run out of space and then your bag is so it actually does behooves you to get on of course I agree but also it's like I Have a fucking town. I just want to settle in of course You just want to put them in his seat and put them down and be like okay, we're here So the whole thing was I was very frustrating see that's such a minutia story, but it's that's so much deeper there Oh, I was I was boiling baby. I don't blame it if you had just gone. Oh shit. That's it the Knowledge man. That's all I need and if you're gonna be a cut about it. You better be damn sure Pointing we got that right pal pal. I like it pal. No pal. I wouldn't be your pal Palestine pal spelt backwards is lap lap dog lap Band-rooper Laptino's all right. Well, where are you gonna be? I mean I don't know Delta. Here's this what's that the Austin Delta? Austin Delta. Yeah, I'll be here this you fat quiff and you change a tune something a good quarterback name Austin Delta under center Yeah, or the seal team sick Austin Delta one Where am I this weekend I'm in San Antonio left out loud Just what you thought you got away from the case so they pull you back I know back to Texas which I like 90 minutes from outside. I didn't realize how close though. Is that right? Yeah. Uh, anyways, uh, San Antonio, I got some big stuff. We added a London show. May 21st sold out four months in advance. God bless you. What a cool sense. That's exciting. Well, the teeth over there, they recognize we got Glasgow. We got Dublin. We got Belfast, all those in May, big UK tour and Dublin. And then I got Providence Patriots day weekend. I got Fort Lauderdale going to be down there for the Miami Open in a couple of weeks. And uh, what else? Kipsy is in a couple weeks. Then I'm doing a whole Ohio run. Uh, Niles, Ohio, which is youngstown, essentially, uh, Niles, Ohio, Toledo, Ohio, Columbus, Ohio, bunch of those stopping by Cleveland to see a trend or whatever. But anyways. And, uh, that's it. All right. I mean, sorry. Oh, the July that's July 2nd and 3rd. I think they just went on sale. Is that the club? Yeah. Empire. Oh, I hear great thing. I'm going there as well. Oh, it's awesome. Um, at the vet's theater in Providence, Rhode Island, uh, the Indian apolis Buffalo Spokane, uh, the Lexington, Kentucky. I'm going all off the dome here. Get some bodega, get get on the Patreon, but do a bonus right now. It's humming. It's cooking. It's never been better. Never been bigger. He had never been bigger, but it's never been better. That's true. I got better. But it's very good. It's very good. Uh, it's lunch. I got to eat some money. Yeah. Please love a Christ. We're, uh, March. Well, I've spent the long pig chuck who's soft quitting. Yeah. All right. Yeah. Thank you very much. We love you. Hold on. Oh, the live pod. Oh, no, it's fat nuts. It's just a way. It's made better. I don't know. May 6th. Fifth or six. Seventh. I think it's the seventh. I think it's a six. It's at the your improv. Melrose. Oh, no, it's the Tuesday. No, May 6 is my show. I have my own show there. May 7th is the night of my show. May 5th is the, uh, May the 5th be with you. Okay. May 5th at the improv. Oh, is that Cinco de Mayo? We'll be live. Yeah. We'll be live there. May 7th. I'm at the improv. All right. See you there. And Cinco. Thank you. [Music]