#642 Ugly Sloppy Orca

hey mark fake banter for the intro that's all I know how to do great good to be here welcome to Tuesdays with stories hitter in the face of the surfboard and then the duck fell out of his bag surfed up and she didn't even flush knock knock who's there Mark Norman and Joe list yeah this Tuesdays with stories everybody that's terrible this is supposed to be cheesy we go look at that sunshine and out there all over all the garbage and the snow banks it's the Sun Sun mystical and how about yesterday by the way it was 31 degrees and sunny I walked home from so I was like this is a basking baby it's a beautiful thing because when you got you got the hellish eight degree you go to 31 you're in a hug him I know I was Josh basking in it I just I was skipping around I took my shirt off I my tits are all sunburned oh 31 31 and I'm going to Texas in a couple weeks I can't I can't wait I don't know if I can handle it me too I'm saying Antonio tomorrow but it just shows that if you if you have a horrible thing if it's a little better it's great exactly that's why you know I married my wife my last girlfriend was a tub of shit I mean she's a big fat so with now I'm making it up I didn't fuck a lot of fat ladies no better than my cock fat ladies were a lot of fun I mean they they're giving their appreciative it's like a crowd in the middle of nowhere they're like thank you for coming that's a fat lady yeah fat ladies are our USO shows oh and I say thank you for your service yes thanks for putting your chubby ankles in the air exactly I do one of these and say thanks for my privates well I try to do this as a bib but I guess it's insensitive I used to fuck almost exclusively fat girls and I had very low self-esteem and I had like you know metal wire glasses and four-head and crooked teeth and bad jeans so it fucked just heavy weights right people like I you got a real fat fetish I'm like no no I'm disgusted by them I have low self-worth right I think they're the grossest people on earth but that's all that will fuck me but if you were drunk enough it was it was a hoot I guess I was a hoot it was a toot I'm joking of course the gross people I love my heavy gals our heavy weights because there's plenty of we need your biggies buffalo sisters out there you go big we appreciate you I believe sloppy orca we appreciate you so this is getting whirling just 20 seconds in here no but I had sex with a lot a lot of big gals a lot of bouncy gals and then in the meat every once in a while I would have sex with like a very very hot woman it was exciting okay five tubs and one ten well here's the clinker is I feel like on some girl podcast like a collard mister whatever it is calling papa you can you can go I had a real prom I was drinking I was fucking all these short guys these guys were so short and they all go oh gross though you're fucking shorties yikes and they'll and then they're like now but the tall guy thank God I got my life together but I feel like if we do it it's meaner yeah we're perceived as meaner well we're also saying it me but I think they are mean it is more acceptable I think it's more acceptable I think because they get beat up and raped and everything and yeah so we're we're we're we're skating high over here but the lady is every one of them has been subjected to some kind of a dick in the face balls of the forehead sure so they get leniency right they say we'll be leaning on it you ever watch Blue Harvest the family guy Star Wars I think I didn't know the title of it it's called Blue Harvest they oh with the women joke she's the only other woman on the planet that's a different one I don't like it I don't like it that's a different one but the first one do yourself a favor watch family guy Blue Harvest it's probably on YouTube right to it's like you seen it it's amazing it's the first holds they do a whole Star Wars the first all three movies but the first one is the best one a new hope but anyways it's fucking amazing but they have the one seen in Star Wars where the two guys the big black penis helmets I don't know yeah I don't know Star Wars that well but they are sitting there and there's no railing it's where the torpedo takes off or whatever anyways in the real movie there's just it's just bottomless space I remember that there's no railing yeah it's a family guy that guy goes did I tell you I brought up the railing you know what they said they said would be leaning on it and it's very funny wow I love jokes like that it's so a lot of thing that no one else is thought of in history but you kind of you kind of go it the crazy you can just fall in yeah and he goes wow none of this will matter when we're famous singers it's fucking great every joke is perfect man and they do the cantina boop boop boop and he goes any requests play that same song okay same song there's not one he goes hop why don't they why don't they call it cold and he goes ooh he goes I'm up after the band it's great I gotta watch it it's a million jokes per second wow it's beautiful yeah hop is cold I love a bad joke that you can make good by letting everyone know you know it's bad right because they still thought of that joke by the way right that's fun I'm watching the show I feel like you I'm watching this horse shit show called his and hers oh I've seen the yeah it's like number one two on Netflix it's very popular we're like number two yeah it's so bad but you keep watching this one scene I don't like give too much away because you're gonna watch it later with your wife but this woman she's got to be 35 she's a news anchor on this big show in Atlanta and she goes into her childhood bedroom and she's going through the old boxes for a little nostalgia trip down memory lane and she finds an old camcorder and she goes boop and starts watching it it's a 20 year old camcorder the batteries fresh as a daisy right it just starts playing on a part that's relevant to the plot that's always that's a hell of a good time his and hers I've seen the poster it's a guy and a woman right his and hers isn't hers yeah it's about a divorce couple that are kind of going at it but this John Barrenthal burn thought he's got a great hairline and a big fucking schnauz I don't know you've seen him he's in service as a cario oh I know that guy's great and wolf a Wall Street yeah yeah yeah yeah he's good he's fantastic he's the rip guy the muscle guy yeah yeah but boy this is a real piece of garbage but it just shows it's number one two on Netflix so it's like this is what our country is enjoying right I just popped on the the Epstein doc again because I'm just all over the Epstein finals it never ends it's like Groundhog Day it's six more weeks Epstein this is good good stuff and the guy videotape and audio recorded everything and likes just telling us there's 75 Gero bites a terror bites are fucking buddy bites I don't know what a bagel bites tons of bites bite reality bites so there's got to be foot eventually I want the footage yes Bill Clinton fucking adult from behind adults come on give me the hard stuff they're gonna have Trump eating out twin girls and Bill gay I mean I fucking Stephen Hawking rolling over whatever yeah bring it on I can't wait Michael Jackson he he he's in there and Diana Ross is in there that that list it's like Adam Sandler Jennifer Coolidge you're waiting to see your name yeah you just scrolling like how long how much longer every Tom Dick and Adel is on that list well Lewis Gomez is in there Gomez Tom Hanks keep it going yeah couple other people I'm close with what are you gonna do but you wouldn't you wouldn't turn on a hang with Woody Allen's no well I remember hearing about the hang but I never heard a Jeffrey Epstein at the time so you're just like okay crazy who cares about that's the thing Woody's like a flare up in the sky when you a herpes flare up where everyone else can shoot out the other way if you're someone's like hey I had dinner with Woody Allen you're like what did he talk about Andy Hall did he talk about Bill Cosby did he talk about you know the movies crowd show yeah and meanwhile you got Epstein scurry and over that direction sure you don't ever notice it and you're in a mansion he said the food was amazing in the email he's like thank you so much for the food and all that and hang it with Woody I mean why wouldn't you go you don't know who Epstein is he's just an accountant to you he's a big Jew and in the upper west side well I think some people knew I guess I was in the dark yeah he had been arrested for soliciting child prostitutes oh yeah 2006 to those five I'm an idiot I you know people say all these day in Dershawitz I'm like I don't know that I'm out of scared Bootsie I don't know anything what was I about to say about something Epstein doc Epstein doc but the Epstein is kind of like when I went to Auschwitz and I was there and I was like ran a train which we making jokes about the you go there you're like this isn't funny we shouldn't joke about this yeah and it's the same when then of course you know three weeks later you're like who also time helps it's been a lot of time and it's far away sure well then I mean I'll Epstein I'm watching the doc and you're like I'm like 10 minutes in I'm like we shouldn't we shouldn't have done that show this is horrible it is this guy's assaulting children and meanwhile we're like buy it on punch up we'll make fun yeah and it's all shot in Freud we're all sitting there like who else on the list give me more files keep the dirt coming this is so exciting Meanwhile the ladies are getting no attention all the women who got railed are just like hello My vagina hurts so I can use some help and we're like shut up bitch I'm reading a file. Yeah, you forget but It is spicy, but the reason you want to see because you want to see these people go down. I will take you down Yes, you do want to see some some downage some down syndrome, so but yeah, it's a horrible horrible thing, but We know it's same with serial killers. Sure. It's it's it's you don't feel great about it, but it's entertaining It is entertaining, but the problem is a lot of these women who were killed are dead a lot of these women on Epstein's are still alive Right, so you want to hear her hear them out. Let's get her on the pod Yeah, there's a couple of them out there and Brilliant the first episode filthy rich the Epstein dog these artists. They're wonderful these doc guys They're they're very talented. I watched the Chevy chase and the Mel Brooks in like a two-day span and The stiller doc I haven't the stiller doc is one of the best movies. I've seen the last five 10 years It's I'm a comedian a married to comedian. I have a son. So it's made For me. I'm the target audience. I guess but you like comedy live in New York and I love stiller, but man How about this Jerry stiller in Ann Mira. They bought their apartment 74th and Columbus, I think okay. I know it 11 grand It's like three bedrooms. It's the size of this place 11,000 dollars. Wow What year? I don't know 1970 something like that I mean it literally would be more than 11 grand a month now. Wow. It's like a it's a sprawling apartment on the upper west side How do we go from here to here that quick? It's quite a jump. It just keeps going up Well, I mean you got to think that was 50 years ago now sure share I think it wasn't the upper west side I think it was nice, but it wasn't so gentrified. Yeah, I think there was a lot I mean they kind of allude that I think it was a little spicier than that's where you gotta go Spicey and let it blossom, but it's crazy because Oh, I had something 11 grand. Oh, it's a soon we're gonna be like Yen Yeah, or Leera 50 million leera for a fucking rental with a little key That's gonna be soon. It's gonna be how much you pay it 600 million dollars a month Yeah, that's like back to the future too when he's like going and buy a coke. Here's a 50 Yes, we're getting there whoa a coke is 450 now. Well, I remember when a coke was now We sound like a couple of boomer cleaves put a coke was you put 25 cents and Coke would fall out then I remember when it flipped to 50. That was a big deal 25 cent coke. Oh, yeah And then you got the dollar coke coke is a dollar even. Okay, we'll deal with that then it was a dollar 25 now I think a coax what 180. I mean, I don't know. I'm from Massachusetts. We never had no dollar coax Quarter coax quarter coke give it a go. They're lexington quarter coke quarter coke. I bet it flipped in 1991 I don't know about a quarter coke 50 cent coke. Maybe I definitely remember putting quarters in the thing Maybe they're going to a phone call phone call was 25 a phone call with that I never be a dime that a dime Remember a dime phone call. I went when it went from a dime to a quarter I said oh, that's what I started calling 100 collect and say collect call from pick me up at the school. Yes We did that too. I remember the dime. What do you got here Lexi? What do you got? No microphone? When did it go to 50? Be ditty Like 50 cents was about right but I was just talking about this the other day everything was like a buck when we were Even like when we were in our 20s. Yes candy bar a buck a Poland Springs a buck now a candy bar Who was I just talking on the phone? I think it was Derek or somebody bought a candy bar. It was like 260 260 per candy bar. What candy bar should be a single dollar bill same with the Poland Spring bottle Single dollar bill give it this yeah buck naked now. Here's a here's a thing I thought I've been feel free to kick me in the balls here. I'd love to okay So we got everybody's on ozepic now like half the population of America's on ozepic. Okay, not me. Not me either Lexi on ozepic all right. All right But Everybody's on ozepic shouldn't and would it kills your appetite. That's the whole thing. It suppresses your appetite So you're not hungry so you eat less so you lose weight. Okay, shouldn't we have excess food? If everyone's eating less, shouldn't we be oh Give their food to the homeless. Yes, that's what I'm saying or a third world country. See this is how you got to the top Well, if people are eating less, I have friends on ozepic. We got to dinner They're like one bite. Thank you, and I eat it all but they're on ozepic So I'm like, well look all this food is being not consumed so you must be ordering less buying less from the grocery when's the trickle down? Something deal economics. Yes, no new economics. Exactly. Well, but I'm going the homeless route You take all that food. You shove it in the homeless people's assholes. Yeah, maybe they don't try to scare me so much They're starving or we just give them ozepic Well, then they won't be hungry Yeah, that's not I mean they'll die they'll die, but they'll die how comfortable well I got to tell you a few homeless people kick it off wouldn't be the worst situation. We had 13 dial this winter Thank you Zora and we appreciate that Uncle Bob's out of my corner anymore 13 frozen solid. Is that right? That is correct like Nicholson in the shining lucky 13 13 going on 30 wow Yeah, so that's what you say if we're eating less we should have more food laying around yeah, it's a good point It's a point I'll take it because I you know I do cardio so give me the food. Yeah Now go to the gym. Well, I'm getting a little chubby myself, but how about this obesity is number one killer in America? Mako Zepic like a vaccine free Yeah, you can't say vaccine. These people don't care for that What? Well, I'm just saying the vaccine was free. You can go get it whenever you want Mako Zepic like that, but I think ozepics not like a one-time deal. You're gonna do it every week or something like that. That's a good What about the flu shot? Yeah, that's a one season good point Methadone daily. Yeah, that's a horrible newspaper Very thin paper Yeah, I don't know because but but people that are against the show. We're getting less vaccine So if you say ozepics can be a vaccine that everyone will stop taking it. All right, all right Which I didn't think about the political aspects so fascinating that everyone's like fuck you with the vaccine ozepic I'll take it. I know I know what that's how it shows what we really care about is our appearance and not our health right Well, we're the biggest beautiful. What are you gonna do? Yeah, I like big Apparently you had quite a run in the 90s. Oh my god. Did I ever I don't know there's much running going on But you know what I'm saying boy, I like to eat that fat pussy too. I like to lift fat to You know we'll be right back Little Adam Ray there Hey there folks Tuesday's with stories is brought to you by Quince your wardrobe needs a winter reset Quince is here to help you stay warm and look sharp and it is very cold out there and I'm trying to look better I'm trying to dress better. I mean right now. I'm not I'm wearing a bar still hoodie I wish I had my quince on from basics to statement pieces quince has it all Mongolian cashmere sweaters Taylor to Talian wool coats down jackets denim and leather outwear built to last I am loving this quince stuff. I'm really trying to make an effort. They sent us some stuff I think and it's beautifully got a great pants great jackets and it's warm and my wife is loving it She's like you got to wear more quince. 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They taste amazing with only three ingredients corn sea salt and 100% grass-fed beef Tello tello no mystery chemicals just real food because masa chips are made with real ingredients you feel Fuller longer and won't keep snacking all day masa chips coming six flavors like original lime and churro the other day Sunday afternoon I had a few people over Isabel and her husband and Matt Wayne and his wife and they sent us two boxes It couldn't have been timed better. Oh got two boxes of the chips opened them up We pulled out bag after bag every flavor these guys came over and it's one of those things where you go Hey, I got these chips sent to me. I don't know anything about them. If you don't like them. I'm so sorry We went nuts. We housed them. I mean they are awesome. We had dips and doos. I mean it was the head of the party And I swear to God everyone left going. I'm gonna get some masa chips. Everybody loves them. I like the barbecue myself That's my favorite if you have you already love masa check out their sister company Vandy Crisp and pick up some of their amazing three ingredient potato chips ready to give masa a try go to masa chips.com slash Tuesdays and use code Tuesdays for 25% off your first order You can also click the link in the video description or scan the QR code to claim this delicious offer Don't feel like ordering online masa is now available nationwide at your local sprouts supermarket Yes masa All right, well, where you been? What are you doing? I don't know why we're dressed the same either. Oh yeah, how about that Where the doos gaze uniform. Let me see. Where have I been? What am I doing? Couple of doosies here. Well, I was in Atlantic City AC Slater Vegas with AIDS I call it Anderson Cooper. Yes, Atlantic City is a fascinating town I'm about to I'm gonna find a book the definitive Atlantic City book Audio book and get in there because I know nothing about Atlantic City fix your hair up pretty and meet me tonight Hit it Atlantic City. Well here they blew up the chicken man in Philly last night So I went down there and you're driving down The Atlantic highway looking for a love getaway I'm going down the highway and you're like you start thinking like Atlantic City all of a sudden you're driving There's nothing. It's grass. It's dirt. It's sand and all of a sudden does just this big oh, yeah big little city Yeah, the water. It's like six inches off the water and it came in like 79 the 80s. No, it's earlier than that Pretty sure that's what the guy told me that lives there. Can we get a reading on that? You see all these old picture with Ladies with the big dresses eating taffy on the boardwalk in like 1908 Well, I think there was a tab but I think the casino gambling stuff oh the gambling Yeah, which is what we know at Atlantic City. Yeah, sure. I mean binopoly was way before Exactly whatever but the the Harris and Whatever the fuck hard rock and then Trump came in the 80. I think when was the casino Better become casino because it used to be an attraction You know you get the there was like a Ferris wheel and a merry go out and then the beach and you walk around by gifts and whatnot But I think it was like a short town not unlike as Berry Park and Delmar and Coney Island at all those places and then it became this Moby right alternative to Vegas. Yes, the Vegas of the east. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think that came after Vegas, right? 78 the casino world that's what the first casino went up before that. I think was wholesome. I think it was a little more wholesome Yeah, and I think the mob came in but it's just a interesting thing Because Vegas you have some idea of you know Sinatra the Sands and then Sam Rothstein and those mobsters And became a thing and then the game Disney land season palace. Oh, that stuff. So Atlantic City I just know so little about all we know we only know the city because it had a heyday I think in the early 80s it was bump it. Yeah, and you had WrestleMania four and five were there big fights were there Wow, that's right That's true Okay, yeah, see I should check that out I guess it's pretty good but Shemmy's in there and Scorsese produced Nick Novicki's in it I never watched it. I've never seen my friend in a show. I feel bad. You've seen billions. No, I never watch billions and It's funny because when I have a friend in a commercial I'm like, oh my god, all right look at him And that's ours in billions. I'm just like, yeah, well a commercial. It's a nice quick bagel bite You know, it's a sound bite. You're in and out on TV show. I got to get invested and watch the whole thing It's 30 minutes for well and you're watching something you want to watch and the commercial pops up. Uh-huh TV you're like, yeah, I gotta I gotta meet the characters and get into a world good point So I'll watch it eventually. I watch the specials. That's something but AC is a it's it's a real ship box Yeah, now it's a little hairy But I did the bargatta before a couple years ago and that hotel was it was in a weird neighborhood and the hotel wasn't great This time I did Harris, which is a nicer hotel Yeah, and a nice room the guy that runs it or manages it was a big fan of ours. Yeah, it was gay He was really He loves you. He loves slowly And you and the whole thing Anyways, uh-huh. It was a freezing day. It was like one of those eighth-degree days The heat in the whole end of the the showroom Broken It was 57 degrees if it was a foot. Well, if you're there there's no heat So everybody's that they got coats on blanket look at a Gallagher show. Everyone had blankets over their head Tops and shit And it was just it was frigid frigid air, but the show was amazing. It was one of those things where we're all in this together It's too cold. It's crazy. And of course it's a comic you love it because you keep calling back to it. Of course I go, oh my god. My dick just fell off my assholes frozen. I shit ice cream my sister's cold. Whatever Well, it's actually not a bad tactic because as a comedian you want the crowd to be a unit You hate when you're killing over here. This guy hates you. That guy's walking out. He's asleep. But this guy likes me if you do some kind of Fobia, but well, if you do some kind of like fuck up now the whole room's in on it. It does one leak. Oh, we all talking about the leak. Now we're a unit Right. It's actually kind of a cool idea to get a crowd together. Right. Well, that's right. It's funny because there was maybe we've had talked about this before I'm all like so. I'm all jacked up on caffeine. So I remember when I was first started doing comedy when I was 18 years old. Yeah, I was talking to this guy whose name I forget He was an older guy comic veteran of the game. Janariario. I already January. Oh, that's the one. No, no, not him. Different guy. Okay. Doesn't matter Even if I said his name, you wouldn't know who it was. I could just make it up. Yeah, Steve balloon head She's good Big head his clothes was amazing. It was similar to Harry Mandel's I got pop so So anyways, he was telling me I went and I saw Jeff Ross at comic come home and Jeff Ross would used to do poems And he would say hey, can we turn the lights down and then nothing would change and go perfect And this guy was like explaining to 18 year old me is like well all of comedy you have to get people to come along with you They got to relate. It's all about relating and a joke like that 100% of the people experienced it. I love it. You don't have to do like you ever take a shower and it's you think it's hot But it's cold. Some people are like I never had that happen or like I was beaten as a kid We were all beaten right and then half the crowd's like we weren't right. Don't tell us what we were we weren't Right, so this one if you say turn the lights down. No one turns the light down. He's a perfect the whole crowd. Just experienced it That's great. Well, that's probably why crowd work can be weak But it hits harder because we're all in it. Well, and it's show it takes away the illusion of like maybe he's rehearsed these things So that's what stand up is about too. It's just like oh my god. Is he just talking like this? Is he just making this up? Right. We're crowdwork people think Oh wow. Did that read. Okay, great. He's snuck out. Lou Reed Yeah, your and crowd work. There's attention to it. Hey, look at this fat fuck. Where are you from Jersey, okay, you know, you get that moment that's tension that you get to pop it like balloon head Hold Billy balloon head. Yeah, what's his name Steve balloon? Steve was his kid brother. Yeah, he'll pull some strings But any parts so we did the show it was awesome, but then we get there and it's one of these gigs It's a casino so like security will meet you at the door. Oh, okay, I guess and you pull into the casino And they got like the two guys with the yellow things and the handcuffs and the radios and this thing And you feel like kind of a jackass because you're like I'm a just a smosh mark. I'm not Elvis. No, it's just like follow you think once behind you once in a while You're taking very seriously these guys. I know I know what you mean. Yeah, I'm like, okay, great. It's like We got the Eagles coming in pop up And that I go past the VIP line like all people are lying And it's like good fellows when they're walking to the cabana and they're like, why can't we get a table? I walk past everybody Get my thing. They walk us up. We go to the room for like 45 minutes because we're just killing time and they go all right We'll meet you outside the door Yep, at 710. This is like secret service these guys. It really is. So I'm in there jerking off email and Epstein And I can hear the security guys outside my door Yeah, we're outside the nest of the eagle and I'm like he's laying an egg. I guess I guess I'll go out there So I open the door. There's just two men with fucking things and guns. I'm like, hey, how's it going? Yeah, well the funny thing is too I've had the same thing and they come to your door and you walk it feels like you're walking for nine days You're going through every corridor. It's like Star Wars. I'm going through the trash compactor and the no railing You keep walking keep on you see like a Mexican guy doing dishes. You see an old lady fluff and a pillow, and then you're like Should I make small talk right so you go how about this ice and they go love it? You go all right or whatever it is and it's then you get the old elevator that has like a thing They pulled the doors shut like that not like that. Mm-hmm. It's a long ride. Well, we had everything exactly that The guy walked us through the whole casino and it's one of those things It's like we'll give you five million dollars to retrace your steps to get back to your room I would there's no way I would ever be able to do it. Thousand percent we walk through every kitchen Employees of the month. Yeah, and then behind the scenes at casinos is fascinating because you're in the casino It's all blinky and blankety and balloon-headie and there's old chairs and dishes piled up. There's all kind of ship back You go in the back. It looks like Gaza. It's just a box like fucking peeling paint and rubble Barney rubble Flintstones you go through there and then again, you make a small talk. What year did this? None of it. I don't it doesn't matter to me Oh, what's the deal with Atlantic City more like Pacific town and The guy's like well, man. We've come on some hard times now because the police I don't want to get one of these guys says I don't want to get political, but then just talks politics Yeah, I know she had a pin American flag pin of Trump with the fist. There you go in the thing So of course, I'm like, I love eyes. I love yeah, I love the whole thing you go with it So we go all the way through and then we're walking up We're on like the eleventh floor and you know, I used to work lost prevention at Sears So I'm no stranger to security. Sure. I like law and order as we're walking This guy comes around the corner and immediately I clock him because he's you know Black guy sure He's got you know paper towel shoes and he's got a fucking sports coat like Frankenstein It's ripped. Oh, you're outside. No, no, we're in the eleventh floor. We're in the hallway. What he's got a Walmart bag a pizza box And he's walking like, you know, a zombie. Uh-huh, and I'm like We got a bogey so Jim Crow so the guy I'm like this is weird I'm like, he must be like an uber dry. You try to give the men of the doubt you don't want to be an asset. So I'm like, huh Because we're up at the VIP Harris the sweet section. Yeah, how do you get up there? You need a key and he looks a little funky little funky town sure and this is not he looked like Not homie the clown who is the other one? You know the homeless guy. Yeah, I wrote big homes or whatever. Yeah scratch sniff smells like me remember that he scratched the thing These guys his own figures anyway, we don't play that This homeless guy would drink his own pee at a jar of piss. Yeah, it was it was David Wayans and it was before Dave Chappelle did the crackhead. Yes, they were very similar. Yeah, what was his name such as that Chappelle hates key and peel He's like they stole my show and I'm like, well, it's just a sketch to sketch show with a host. I don't really get it black host Yeah, I never got that either. Yeah, he's like that. It's just took my show like Well, you took us an L and it live in color it live in color and Fridays and SC TV here. I'll burn it Hey, Farts. Yeah, we love you Dave So so I'm like, that's interesting and then as soon as he walks by the guy goes Hey, we got a Billy Bogey Billy Bogey bed and they go, oh Billy Bogey beds back. Oh no, it's a known guy He's been kicked out 11 times like that guy's been kicked out 11 times He's like I would have tased him and fucked him in the ass, but I got you guys So I got my assignment, but they're on him Whoa, he said he's elevator and I just hear like oh my god. He's back. We got to get him And he's like he's always in that outfit. He's got they got eight tickets from this casino 11 to mac casino He's a bad ombre. He's whatever So uh that was fun. We got to see so did they take him down to the apprehent the perp Well, we had to keep going, but then the whole time we're in the elevator and doing the maze walk We just keep hearing updates. Okay, he's in the salt tower. I got him on camera So I got to hear all the fun surveillance stuff and then of course we got the political part Like we just give him another ticket. He never pays it They got to rest him and the old days they used to you know shoot in the head with a fucking cattle prod and suck the deck of throwing in the ocean I think that's one of those cop things now. They give unless it's a gun crime. They just let you out. Yeah So Billy big boy or whatever his name is balloon head is uh he's Roman the streets willy nilly so but I don't think he's uh I think he's like a casino criminal. He steals Dexter cards or something. I don't know. Wow. That's crazy because the casino. They don't fuck around I mean you get caught counting cards or or riding fences. They will Don Rickles will take you out of there and put up your head in the vice. Let's say I want to go in to get one of the sandwiches. I like Otherwise the the gig was fucking awesome. You got to do that room if you haven't done it Harris. I'm down. It's uh It's great 1200 seats. Well perfect. I love it It's uh it was really nice. Matt Wayne came. The show was great. My manager came down who he's great And I felt bad because he's like I'm going gambling. I was like I gotta go home. Yeah But it was well bad news for Billy Biggie because he I think he died. He was one of the 13 out here possibly I mean actually you think you do is put about a bus ahead him to the next beach town That could be the problem. One of the big problems with AC is it's just seasonal You get a boardwalk for three months or four months out of here and then it's you got to just shut it down Whereas Vegas is just 24/7 baby. It's a great point But you can still go get because I never thought of this because I like playing poker But I'm like I was there and I'm like I only lived two hours from here I could go down if if Sarah and the baby were out of town which they never are But I'm like I could take a two-hour car ride play poker all day in a real casino. Yeah Not some fucking yonkers shit. Exactly. I don't know if there's a poker room anywhere closer But I think they're building a casino in the city. I don't know you think just look at that those back room poker rooms So those were yeah pull a guy head bust and a shelf opens up and there's some fucking Russian guy Smoking with a bunch of Wall Street cleaves back there. I think the stuff like that I know a guy who owns a place that has a league of car game in it. Oh, I think I know it too. Yeah Yeah, yeah, yeah They went there once and there was a couple of fat Mexican ladies showing their tits. Oh I'd like to see that. Yeah, well, I guess the lady upstairs Mexican Guineas. I did a weird gig. I don't want to say what but I left and I guess they had flipped the room And these fat guys were playing poker and there was all these Brown ladies behind them with their tits and the two guys go not bad. All right. I got a pair of threes over here You know, whatever and that was the game Wow, by the way speaking of which remember at the Skagfest there was one of your sales reps from bodega bodega. Sorry space cat. She came and rubbed her tits on my head Remember that right? I believe that's right. No, that was just a random lady. They put stickers on. Oh really? Yeah, I don't know her Oh, cuz she came up with the stand and was like hey nice to see you on the tits lady I thought she was clothed that I was like who were you? It's very awkward situation. Yeah to have a lady come out with tits and stickers And shake him and go hey, here's some bodega cat. Yeah, of course you get a hard on for the whole pod And then you're in skank mode so I got a cowboy hat on a mom on blow on that boner It's the same standing on the table. I'm whipping fucking whiskey pouring whiskey to people's mouths. Yes, yes And then you're at the stand at work with you know jeans and a tie on this lady's like remember me. I put my tits in your face And I'm like bitch my family's here I saw her there too and it's weird because yeah, you this is why my rep is good He saw this blonde lady with her tits out and he goes hang on coachy And he puts two bodega stickers right over her nips and shoves her out on camera. I was told 20 bottles off that So the rep is good and she was great, but then you see her in the in broad daylight you go Ah the mark of the beast. Yeah, it was weird and I didn't recognize it because I didn't look at her face at any point But I worked I mean, too. I bought a six pack of whiskey. Yeah, I have a poster of you would say I'm above my bed It's crazy let that put us in the black Um the right good reds bad. That's good Now black is bad red is good. I don't know. We're in the red. Well one's a black guy and one's an Indian Reds bad. We're in the red. We're in the red in the black is good Okay, got it. What's even even is no color? I don't see color. Yeah. All right. Well a bit throw this at you. Please take over I'm tired. So I met the stress factory this last weekend. What? Yeah, that's Vinnie's deaf great guy great club. Love Vinnie, but here's the thing You go hey no flight. Sleep my own bed every night. We drive in our drive 45 minutes on some days This is gonna be a cakewalk. Yeah Every day we got stuck in traffic. I had to go up to Queens to get my opener. He would drive us over there So that's open to pick you up He would drop me off at night. That's feel like that's the rule. Okay. Or that's the uh the deal all right So because it's for him to come here with me a whole another thing and then we got to leave from here as all it makes it worse. So leaving from Queens to get the RFK, you're right in Jersey. I suppose I don't want to, you know, but you can tell from here you take the verisade yourself. You're further south. This is much stress factory is south of here. That's true. Queens is north of here. Well, he's got the car. So I wanted to, I bent to him. All right, bent the knee. We love your garage. He loves you. I'm so so. Okay. So a garage. So we go out there. That's good. We go out there and every day it's like, okay, it's 5, 540. We'll get there in an hour. We'll be there at 640. You can have a cupcake. Look at your notes and have a jerk. And then you go, uh, that ETA is really climbing, huh? Now it's 608 and it says, oh, we'll get there at 658. All right. We're still there early. Now you're getting there at 704. Now you're getting there at seven, oh, seven. And then now you, once you hit seven, 10, you got to call. Yep. You got to go, Hey, patty. We're going to be a little late. She goes, it's fine. We'll put video on. He'll do an hour and a half. Then Rosy go on and do 30. Then you do 10. So you go, okay, great. And that's, so every night was stressful. It is the stress factory. Every night, you're like, we're barely going to make it. Then you pull in. So how about this? Night, we pull in is that we're driveway in the front that all the people walk up. Yeah, I just said pull in here. Put the car in park. We're running in. So he goes, all right. We put the car in there. We get out. He's grabbing his camera out of the trunk and some lady walks by and goes, uh, you can't park there. Tell you hate this woman. Yeah. You don't know what the situation is. We're comedians. We're on the show. Yeah. I'm the headliner. We're going in. Damn right. Also, all we're going to do is park the car there. Go in, say hello. And Raj is going to do a set. He comes out. He moves the car. So I just hate that lady. She just hurt me all night. You can't park there. Yeah. Like we don't know you can't park there. Thanks a lot. Karen, whatever. Karen was there. Yeah. You wish. So we do the shows. Shows are all great. Little towny, little, little rowdy out there. They'll give me the, the what for. Yeah, they're funky. If you like there, they're that kind of crowd. They're just like prove it. Mm hmm. You're funny. Earn it. There's no grace or leeway. You just got to like bang it out. You can't take your foot off the gas in that room. Now, did you get victorious? Who's that? That's Vinnie's wife that owns the Italian restaurant next door. I got chicken bar. And I got a chicken noodle soup and it was lunch double chicken. Oh, yeah. Raj got the salmon. Good times. So then we're going back there on Friday. Now this is where I spaz. I'm a pretty even keel happy go lucky guy. But there's one thing that will fucking make me go in a full dad mode and have a meltdown. Tell me about it. So we're back on track. Salah Qs goes. Oh boy. I'd love to come along with you guys. Oh good. I'm lonely. And I found the last poo poo platter in America. This is Salah Qs. This is the most. Salah Qs thing. Exactly. He goes. Look at this Instagram. It's an Asian guy with a seafood tower full of egg rolls and the top of it's on fire. And he goes, this was a staple in America. It was a huge fad. And they all closed. That's the last one in Linhurst, New Jersey. Wow. So I figure with my dumb head, I go, oh, stress factors in New Jersey. Pupu platters in New Jersey. Sure. Should be pretty close. Can't miss. It's a whole state. Yeah. So this time I got all right. Well, Thursday was a shit show. We barely made the show. This time, we're leaving early. And Salah Qs goes, why don't we leave for my house. And Raj goes, well, that's going to cut us into Midtown. Then we're going to have to leave to the Lincoln tunnel on Friday at rush hour. It's going to be hell. And Salah Qs goes sleep for my house. So we leave from midtown. I know. So poor Raj. He's like, all right, I'll be there at at 530. All right, I'll be there at 580. I'll be there at 620. Like it just kept going up because he's just inching from Queens to Midtown. Right. I don't want to get to into the logistics. No, no, it's horrible. We finally get out there. It's giving me anger, actually, not anxiety anger. Poor Raj pulls up on 11th app or whatever it is, we jump in. Salah Qs is a giant bag. The size of a Gibraltar in Greenland. We get out there. And we got to hit the the poo poo. So now we go to all the way to Lindhurst, New Jersey. And we have our poo poo platter. The waiter is very nice. He's a super agent. The place has been there since the 50s. It's own by the same guy. He's on his deathbed. It's a teaky place with drinks and waterfall and all this stuff. Give it a goog. It's called something Hawaiian. Joe's Hawaiian or Bob's Hawaiian. Joe and Bob. It's not like, you know, these Asians, they changed the first day. That's why me the guy named Ken Huang. Right. You know, it's like Mike Nguyen. You know, they get the first day, man. Right. So we get there. What is it? Lease Hawaiian. Lease Hawaiian. Not Joe. Lease. We get the poo poo platter. I remember they go, well, you want anything to drink? Thick, thick Asian accent. Salah Qs goes, you got Coke zero. The guy goes, oh, no, no, no. And he's one of these guys. You don't understand anything. So he just says, yes, you know, you go, uh, how's the, how's the poo poo platter going? Yes. Yes. We go, is it good? Yes. Yes. What comes on it? Yes. Yes. We go, we'll take it. So we get the poo poo platter, whatever a couple of drinks. We hide, tail it and I look at the ETA. We're going to make it for 658. All right. All right. So why? And here we go. We're hootin and hot. We're just laughing our heads off in the car, like a bunch of school girls. Raj goes, uh, I missed an exit. And I look at that ETA recalculating, rerouting seven, twenty five. Oh, it's the worst feeling in the world. The worst feeling. And you want to go just, just go reverse. I can't handle it. You know, because those exits, they're every four hours. So Salah Qs, like being the crazy guy, he is goes up there. There's a break. He's a break in the highway. Oh, he's sucks. What are you doing? He's over for cops. So we're going 80 in a Tesla. And he's like, there's a break up there. I know it. I know it. So I'm so desperate. I go, take the break. Take the break. So he goes, we flip over eight cars. You know, we got three lanes cut over. He puts the hazards on and Raj is like, he's like a little Indian guy. So he's like, okay, okay, okay, okay. Oh God. Are you sure this is okay? Thank you. Come again. And we take the break. Eight four wheelers are coming to 18 wheelers. 18. What's up with the four wheelers? What are you doing? You know, it's like plane straights. We get off on this thing. We're off the highway. Now we're on the service road. Say bags. It's. That makes that exit. So we still have to go the old 20. We go all the way back. I'm texting Vinnie's like, what are you doing? You're killing me? I'm like, I know he goes up. Doesn't hour. We walk into Vinnie's shitting on me. He's on stage killing going, this fucking guy's in diva, his whiskey sucks. His podcast sucks. His partner's ugly. Whatever it is. He's trash. And I come in and I go, Hey, the crowds go on nuts. Whatever I tell Raj, you're doing four seconds. I go right up. Yeah. He walked on stage. I lit him and we got the hell out of him. That was Friday. So it was a stressful weekend. Now Friday night, we get a selfie film at least or something. I think it took a photo. Does he know how to film? What's he doing? Raj even said, All right, I'm going out there. So you can you push record. And Salicus said, couldn't find the button now. So I knocked the camera over. Well, it's the same man. By the way, Matt Salicus our boy. We love you. We love you, Sally. The same guy. I bought a $5,000 camera for myself. He doesn't own a camera. This guy. So he borrowed my camera. He's like, I borrowed it. He's the first one to open it. He cut the cell phone off the fucking thing. Yeah, opens the camera on the gimbal takes it. Yeah. The gimbal gimbal. Right. Gumball. He takes it. And then he texts me and goes, Hey, can you meet me at the stand? So I can give you the camera. I go, what are you talking about? I live in battery packs. And he goes, I'm going to leave it at the stand. I got some things to do. So I never got it back. What? I mean, in fact, I got it back because he went and got it. I was like, you gotta go get it for me. He's like, I'll just drop it at this place. That's good stuff. He's a nutcase. He's a nut. We had to get the poo poo platter. We had to get the lease Hawaiian. Whatever we had it. We had some good laughs on the way. Now we're driving home. We got to drop Salicus off right at his doorstep. You know, white glove service. I get home at 3 a.m. I get a text from my mechanic. Now this is the whole of the bag of hammers. So buckle up because this is a whole not a tangent. Remember months ago, my car broke down on the Lou Jersey turn bike and I had to leave it at a guy's house that I didn't know pick me up and I had dinner with his family. Yes. Well, it was a big to do. So then remember the guy I had dinner with his whole family. And I leave his house and he goes comedy. He was playing the whole time. Right. That guy is a sweet angel of a man. I forgot his name. Banger. Yes. Angel Salazar. So I get my mechanic who put the beamer together back in the day. And he goes, I'll go pick up your car. My shop is in Philly. I'll bring it to Philly. I'll fix your car. I remember that when do you want to come get it? And I go, I'm a lazy cut. I'll pay you to drive it to the stress factory, which is not that far from Philly. Maybe an hour. I'll buy your drinks. I'll get your free tickets. You'll have a fun show. And then I'll drive it home. And he goes, all right. And that sounds like a nice day. So he brings a friend. We get him great seats hot show. I meet him after. And he goes just want to let you give you a couple things here. And Raj's like, we got to go. We got to go. I go let's get the hell out of here and I'm like hold on this guy goes okay your gas cap is frozen This is a summer car. I drove it here. I'm a professional driver. I do track laps all this shit He's like this thing was a bitch to get here in the in the winter This is a summertime car. I had to feather the throttle the whole time it barely starts every red light You got to rev it you got to put it neutral you got like ride the wave on this thing also your gap cast is Gap cat gas cap is frozen. So you can't put gas at it right now unless you have a heater and you just blow it on the gas cap So I put enough gas in it for you to get home and that's it So how did he get the gas cap off? He's done it before he did before he's a mechanic. He's got all these heater tools shop vac you David Gadgets. Thank you Spector so So he goes all right tomorrow I go I'm gonna drive home tomorrow. I've been drinking and he goes all right. I'll leave it in the garage So he leaves in the garage and he goes just remember you got enough gas to get home Gas cap is frozen feather the throttle Meanwhile, I have no registration no insurance. I'm riding dirty. Now what the fuck is feather the throttle just tap it Just don't let it die. You know keep it idling. I see it idling heavy because that thing will just turn off It's too cold for that little cleaf of a car So I go all right next night comes around. We have a great two shows Vinnie won't let you leave He talks your ear off. You got a tip everybody. You got to take a photo with the staff Finally I go here it is We're doing the car. We're driving at home. It's already 1 a.m I've been drinking all night. So now I'm drunk. I have no insurance no registration the gas cap is frozen the cars in a garage And you got a feather the throttle. So I go up Drunk I look at that car say it's me and you fatty. We're doing it. Let's go. There's no one on the road It's icy cold outside. I get it. I'm freezing. I brought a blanket gloves and a thermos a hot chocolate Because I knew with the excursion. There's no heat. Does he even work in this guy? No heat I forgot to mention that there's no heat. No heat. It's like your casino show No heat wonder why Christmas missed us birthdays was the worst days now We sip champagne with what Thursday, so I get in the car And the guy goes you're gonna have to run it for like 10 15 minutes just to get it heat up heat it up It's like a late-night set. Yeah, so I get it I'm the only guy in the garage. It's one of the morning garage baloney and I just good Boy and and Raj is gone. He went home Okay feather feather Big poop of black. It finally starts up. Okay, here we go. Oh the people last row was good Well, I just kicked it off It was cooking. Okay, so I think I had a dead cat in there I don't know what it was but I finally pull out and now I'm at the beep beep I'm trying to get the arm to go up got you while feathering So feathering I'm trying to beep beep and it's going credit card not accepted I go come on you motherfucker That's the worst the worst that when the grossing won't open. Yes, I always want to fucking sit on it with my fat ass I know and like I get cards. I'm tapping. I'm swiping. Please insert card. Do not pull out card now pull out card Credit card not found credit card not accepted. I'm like Black smokes everywhere. I'm hyper ventilating try to get this thing So fine, I pull out a card from 1988 until it's a diner's club I got that to work that all the arm opens and I'm on the highway. I'm out there. Okay, and now I'm shivering My hands are frozen to this fucking steering wheel. I have no power steering. No heat. No, it sure. It's no representation so I'm just barreling down the highway and this little tin can it doesn't really go that fast Also, my needles are doing this shit. They're going full Parkinson's needles like from back to the future Yes, needle park is the gauges are all old and I'm just And just cars are wow, they're looking. You know when they drive by and they go Of course, yeah, I do that all day. I'm like, ah, yes. Yes. Yes big coat. I just keep barreling barreling. It dies Oh, I'm on the turnpike drunk in two in the morning just sitting there in a freezing cold tuna can The car's just sitting there and I can't it. I can't eat it So I'm going. Please God. I'll ask Scientology herpes. Whatever it is The feather feather here we go dot not feather rush. Oh my god Finally, I have to like 20 minutes. I get it started and I just go I put the whole thing down to the metal. I pop it in the first and I just Peel up So then a cop pulls up So I go well this is it Hey, you're never going to see me get me to insurance plus the vodka plus the whiskey nice behind you Well, a cop pulls out in front of me lights on like oh pulls out in front like stop behind me. Uh-huh So I go fuck what am I going to do? I got no seatbelts in this thing. This thing ain't Street legal. No, so cop wow, wow, wow. It's like the full brigade You know like the the flashes the rollers everything Yeah, all that shit and I go and he comes through from the other side like that in the break in the break So he flips through and he's in front of me now like right in front of me and he's looking in the in the rear view And I'm going try to look normal. I'm like hello captain. How you doing top of the morning to you and he goes And just peels off. Oh, thank God. I don't know what that was about But it was great. He was an inch ahead in front of me. So then I just say all right. I gotta get home I just keep going. It's a 45 minute drive probably took me I don't know two and a half hours. Got home Pull into the garage right over here. Thank Jesus. It's three in the morning Go to the garage. I have a ticket for that garage or a card boop Card not found so I'm like So I have to stop the car. I go up to the gate guy the the booth and he goes Yeah, we're having a problem with the system So I just I'll open it you pull it in I go. Thank you. I pull it in The smoke all in the garage now the whole place is ruined. It looks like Cheats and Chong. I get out of that car I slammed the door Toil the key went home the wife goes what happened? I go about a thing go to bed So it's in there. It's in there. I got it. So what do you do now? You just leave it in there until the summer? Yeah, I think so Get a car. I want you to get a car. I'm gonna let that gas cap melt a little. Yeah, you got him I can't gas in it. Well, I got to 31 yesterday. So it should be all Frozen true. That is fucking crazy crazy that car. I mean having a Classic car in New York is a the kid is easier. Right Well, I mean, I don't know what to tell you. I've been telling you for years get a Honda fit or a Chevy spark or my sister's ass I mean you can go buy it with half a gig. Well, you're you're citrus and on ice, isn't it? Well, so I got to update the people. By the way, how long are we in here? Cause I want to make sure we have Oh, 52 okay perfect. So I want to update everybody on my vehicle. Please. So you remember a few weeks ago months I don't know when the fuck it was my Subaru Boo. I'm not Subaru. Nissan Centra Subaru Boo is the next car. I'm getting I'm gonna get a lesbian car a less baroo. That's a good car. Honey Boo Boo. Well, I might buy one soon because my car I drive the Nissan Centra as you remember. I'll just refresh you. I drive it all the way up to New York me. Sarah the baby. It's New Year's Eve. We go up cars running fine. My dad goes. This is my love language He doesn't say this. He just does it. He's like I'll go vacuum the car and Whatever the fuck he does. I don't know what the hell he does out there. He hates the family. So he just goes outside sure sure He's fixing door knobs and putting up basketball hoops and trimming the tree because he hates everybody. I get it So he's out there doing whatever and he comes back in. He goes how long's yours check engine light been on? I go. It's never been on. I don't know what you're talking about. He goes what's on now then he does the test. He puts the electronic thing in it. Oh, he's got one of those. Oh, he's got everything. That's big. He's a mechanic. Oh, I didn't know he's a mechanic. Well, he's an amateur mechanic but he can fix the stuff. So he's like we got to take this to the the vet or whatever Takes it to Subaru Boo. They're like you need a new transmission. It's gonna be seven grand A question you can for seven thousand. So that's all just on the previous episode all pipes So eventually I had to rent a car. I rented the A5 Whatever the fuck it was out of Audi Audi, which was wonderful. I don't any. I got 750 messages like don't buy an Audi Suck break down Which fascinated me because everywhere I walk around my neighborhood everyone's driving outies rich people so I'm like Someone has an Audi. Yeah, a lot of people said one. Yeah, these people's lives all destroyed because I don't get it Yeah, yeah, but anyways, I'm not buying an Audi anyways, but Sometimes we say things on here Oh my god, I'm buying an Audi. Everyone's like you can't buy an Audi. Yeah, I'm not gonna buy an Audi It's a $60,000 car right by the car. Anyways, so I leave the car up there my father attacks goes great news that because they were given in the runaround as they do they're like Subaru fucking whatever it's called Nissan is paying for the transmission Wow My currently at 55,000 miles on it. Hey, Tranny fluid. I bought it five years ago. I never drive the fucking thing It's all highway miles and they've been whatever sued and recall cuz of transmissions redacted So they're like We'll cover it so I'm like great Problem is not gonna be ready till Tuesday. I'm back here. I'm working here. I live here Yeah, well what can can you get the I bet you if you do some smooth talk and you get the rentals covered Cuz you got the rental because the trans is out Maybe I think the rentals covered if you get a get a guy on the phone a real man Maybe that's that's that's not bad get pooch on the phone. He will A black woman. Oh black woman. You'll get a free car. I got to meet a black woman though. Yeah, it's tough Yeah, they're tough to come by you know a Bobby Binko Baloba. What's the the AC guy call it? Well anyways, so car is now paid for, but my car is just living up in Massachusetts. So I got to get it back at some point. And then you don't think because here's the thing about New York City living. My car just lives in a garage right in my driveway. I don't walk by it every night. I don't drive it to Wendy's. I don't see it. It's just in my garage. So I forget that my car is not in the garage. Sure. Because usually I live my life. I'll go 12 days without driving. I know it's safe and secure in the garage. I'll go get it. Of course. So, you know, you not thinking a gig comes up. I'm in Long Beach. I'm doing Ryan Reese's gig for a car. I go, all right, I'll drive out to Long Beach. Wait a second. My car is in Massachusetts. Bless your mother. I got to rent a car again. So I had to go rent a car to go to Long Beach. And then I was doing a gig in Atlantic City. Right. So it's like, I need a car for Wednesday night and I need a car Saturday. I lost two car opportunities. Yes. So, I'm like, I guess I'll rent a car, but I'm like, I don't want to rent a car, return a car, then re-rent a car. Right. So I just rent it for five days. Oh, that's not cheap. No, it's like 400 bucks. And then I'm not driving Thursday or Friday. So for Thursday or Friday, I'm having four a car that's sitting there. This is on Nissan. It's Subaru. The car is just sitting there. So now I'm just eating. So then I'm like, should we go on a date trip? Should I drive to New Jersey for fun? Should I get a poo poo platter? Should I get a pee pee platter? Get the money's worth. So I'm like, where are we going to go? But then I'm like, I have a podcast. I have this. I have that. I have the other thing, the car seat, whatever. So I'm just paying for a car to sit in the garage that I'm paying for. Right. Well, this has been a hell of an episode. This has been one hell of a party. It took it for the party. It up. It's the piss. Anyways, let me plug this thing, plug it up in my ass, which I want this plug comes to the PSA. We finally released Lex's favorite podcast of all time. Two girls, one cuck. We recorded this podcast, meet Karen and Sarah when they, when I first moved down there, we started recording the podcast. And then I realized, I can't keep this up. Not to mention the two women they gang up when you got two bitches just trashing you and you're like, all right, enough of this. Plus, I thought we're going to have a threesome. It never happened. But anyways, we finally released it's five hours video audio podcast. It's on punch up. It's six bucks. If you want it, if you don't want it, I don't give a shit. You don't have to buy it. You don't have to tell me you don't want it. I got 50 people. You piece of shit. You motherfucking Jew fuck. And I'm like, the paywall, you mean? Yes. And I'm like, guys, I put out one guy and he's like, you're right. I'm sorry. You're totally right. He's like, you run ads on this. You fuck face. I'm like, there's no ads. That would be crazy. Wow. Awesome. Like we, we would I put out an hour podcast for free once a week for 13 years. Yes. Clips. There's four specials. There's a million. Joe list does fucking crowbar. Joe list sucks. Every single thing I do is free, except for my live show and the pod. And this five episodes of Karen Sarah and I talking about talking trash. This is where Alan would go, but they want it. You got to look into that way. They want to hear it. They just don't want to pay, but they want it. They like you. That's very nice. But it's got six bucks. Yes. And by the way, a beer is eight bucks. Good point. I fucking my cup of tea in New York City. It was just four bucks. Six bucks. Yeah. You own it forever. Yes. Anyways, it's very funny. Check it out. And a couple hundred people have bought. I got to always be like, no one's going to buy this fucking thing. Well, tell that to the 230 people that bought it the first day. Anyways, I got that going on. Check it out. Two girls, one cock on punch up. And where the fuck am I? San Francisco this weekend. That thing is selling like hotcakes. I think the late shows have some tickets available. I got Virginia Beach at the end of this month. I've got. Oh, I suck. I can never remember my god damn dates. Virginia Beach. You doing cops, right? I'm doing cops. Yeah. What else am I doing? Fuck. I got Ohio coming up Toledo Columbus. I think Dayton, maybe Levittown, Long Island is coming up. Why am I fucking spacing? Dublin, London, Pellfast. We're adding Bristol. Whoa. Glasgow. Glasgow, Dublin, Bristol, the whole UK. Go check that out. You gay. And that's enough. I don't know. Fucking I can't remember my god damn date. San Antonio. San Antonio is a big one. No one's got knows about that one. Hell yeah. Thank you. All right. I'm in Tulsa. Never been there to perform in my entire life. Oh, wow. I'm kind of pumped. I hear it's a good club. It's the brick town folk. Very pumped. Then I'm going to Arizona. Oh, I did that Tulsa club. It's good. Yeah. Flagstaff, Indianapolis, Buffalo, Portland, Maine, Lexington, Kentucky. Love that room. Fort Lauderdale, and Raleigh, Spokane, and Philly Helium and Milwaukee. So a lot of fun dates. Get some more day. Get on the Patreon. We're about to do a bonus. It's always a hoot and a holler. Best Patreon going. Oh, yeah. And that's when we really get spicy. We really get gay. It gets nasty in there. Yeah, it's a fact. It's a reverent. We say language. We say language. I'll just say that. Yes. So we'll see you in hell. Thanks for listening. I'll wake it up. [Music]