#58: Interviewed on My Own Podcast? w/ Grace Brown

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And we just went on a walk and we're talking about, "Okay, what do we want to bring to this conversation?" And Grace was like, "Can I interview you?" And I said, "Oh my gosh, that's exactly what I thought on the plane this morning." And so we thought what better situation than to just jump right into it. So Grace, welcome back to the fun. Thanks so much for having me. I know I'm also everyone's favorite guest. So happy to be back. And yeah, you guys are in for a treat because today I'm interviewing Kelly. So we're going to get into the nitty gritty. The questions that you guys want to know, the things you want to know about her. And where I want to start with you is like, what is your why right now and what is the big goal for you next year, maybe next two years? Yeah, what does that mean? What does that mean? What does that mean? Do you mean in relation to business specifically? Or do you mean-- For your life. This is something that I feel like changes through time. A huge driver in the beginning for me was-- I was in a really abusive relationship for a pretty decent amount of time. And it was only through doing the work and understanding myself that I was able to actually move through it and not hold it over my head anymore. I have talked about this before on the public. I used to think that I was a bad person. And I thought that I was inherently broken. And that I was always going to be just like sad and different from the way that everybody else was. And it was through deep acceptance work that allowed me to be able to actually enjoy my life and like have gratitude and really love my day today. And as somebody who grew up always kind of feeling like the black sheep are different from my friends. I want to create normalcy to the people who feel like that, to the women specifically who feel like that. And I mean the way that my program works is like, okay, phase one was body mastery, phase two was total self mastery. And it was through fitness, through showing up and taking care of myself that I was able to figure out. Okay, if I do that same work mentally, then I can do it physically. And so all to say the deeper why is I've been in the position that a lot of these people are in of not believing in myself or just constant-- it almost felt like I wanted to like rip myself out of my skin for a really long time of my life. And I know what that feels like and I don't want anyone else to feel like that. And watching yourself, like I jokingly say that I'm a witch in the sense of like manifestation and prayer and all of those things. And you know, speaking things into existence, I was so scared to do that for so long. And I've watched the power of that work be able to come to fruition. And even in the last six to 12 months, getting even more clear and allowing myself to believe in myself. I spent my whole life thinking I was not good enough that I don't believe in myself and switching it over to, okay, what happens if I do? Like what happens if I'm just nice to myself in this process and we see if it works. And getting to experience life from that lens, I just want to continue to give that to as many women as I possibly can, even more so and especially in relation to business. And like that's what we want to do through obviously like the program that we're creating is the depth of the work. And I mean, you and I talk about it all the time, but it's just not readily available. And I want to normalize it especially. I mean, for men to like our program is going to be inclusive to men, but just especially for women because I know what it does. And I lived the exact same thing, even when I started my business, I was hitting 10 to 20 K months, which is great. And it's amazing. And I thought that's all I was capable of. I remember sitting, this is so long and so long, but I remember sitting down in a business or at a business event. And there was a couple on stage and they were talking about how they had just hit 100 K. And that was just like, you don't even I won't say you I didn't even consider that a possibility for me in that moment. This month, technically, we had our first 100 K month, which now it's just like, okay, cool. I can genuinely do anything all through belief in myself and putting myself out there. It's like my why is it to me. I'm the most average person of all time. And I don't say that in like a self deprecating way. I say it in a if I can do it. Anybody can do it. Yeah. No, I get that. And I think two things that you said in that were the part around. Which I know a lot of people that you work with experience, they're not feeling good enough. And the question of, but if you did feel good enough, like if you did believe that you are enough. What do you think would be possible in your life? What would you do? How would you act from that place and almost start moving from that as like if I did believe it. I did believe I was enough. How would I start to act in my life? And eventually you start to do the work that naturally will bring up the triggers that you have to work through to then believe I am enough. But it's like, what can I do from this place? And it sounds like you did that of like, okay, if I did believe I was enough. If I did believe I was capable of these things. And I had the qualities to get here. This is what I would do. It's cool because a concept that I've really been utilizing and leaning into is like carry your backpack of disbelief as long as it takes. So it's okay that you struggle to believe in yourself. It's okay that you have doubt or imposter syndrome or whatever it is like carry that backpack up the mountain with you. One day you will realize it's literally full of boulders that you can set down at any point in time. And even I use the podcast as the example I was so on and off with posting so inconsistent for so long. It was such a representation of nobody cares what I have to say. Nobody's listening. Everybody has a podcast and like nobody everyone's like put the mic down like you don't deserve one. And so there were so many fears behind being consistent in that. And I committed a couple months ago. I was like, no, every single week. And even yesterday when I sat down to record and didn't end up recording for this week. I was deeply frustrated with myself because it's like, no, I committed to it. And I've watched the progress that it has created for my life by just committing to this one thing and relentlessly pursuing it. One of the books that I'm reading right now is the comfort crisis. And he basically just talks about like we are so comfortable in our day to day lives where anytime you don't feel like doing something, it's just like, you don't need to do it. I genuinely have so much fun doing this. And you're not always the most creative and the most tapped in. And so it's like really even just push having something in your life. I could give it any piece of advice to people would be like have something in your life that pushes you out of your comfort zone consistently to prove to you that you are capable of all of the things. 100%. I love the part to you talked about round is caring, caring it with you. Like you can carry the fear, the disbelief, the idea that you are not enough. All of that can actually come with you as you take action towards yeah living out the life that you want to have. It's like Kelly or I are not rid of these things like we are not fully healed. We do not have life fully figured out, but it's the willingness to act, including the disbelief, the parts of myself that are worried don't believe I'm good enough where the parts of myself that you know doubt or think what if x, y, and z happened it's like all of that actually gets to come with me. Right and not trying to be fearless get rid of it not have any doubt be perfect like yeah it's your humanness that actually makes this journey so much more worthwhile and like relatable yeah to like be able to coach then coach people. I think that's the piece that I see a lot of people misunderstand is oh if I'm a coach it means I'm not a human or I should be over this by now or I've solved this before why is this issue coming up again. And life is so cyclical in that manner it's like you work through it one time to be given it again to be able to handle it differently and I think that's where we can integrate is again just the humanness like you said I feel like I'll tie it back into my why or at least the way that I try to carry myself. This is going to sound slightly bad I never a lot of people say that their mission was to help people I never thought my mission was to help people I thought it was to be the biggest me to be able to show other people that it's possible. Like so for me it wasn't ever about the direct line of helping somebody else it was like I have this responsibility to do this thing to show people that they can do it too. And you said something around first starting the podcast of like nobody's going to care nobody's going to want to listen to me and I was having this conversation I'm curious your thoughts on this and how this relates to you I was talking to someone the other day about she was talking about posting online she's like what have nobody cares and I was like If it's about them right then the weight of what you do is always based off of like other people's reaction response to it if you can make this about you living in your truth living in your authenticity sharing your voice despite whether one person. is listening or 500 people are listening then it's like it's not it's like yes the byproduct of is it is it that people get to hear Kelly's podcasts and are inspired motivated you know by that but at the end of the day it's like you are meeting your edge stepping into your bigness yeah which is for you and so it's like it doesn't matter if one person is listening to Kelly or 500 people are listening to Kelly I'm doing this for me because me being in my bigness and my truth is what actually as a byproduct impacts people I think so yeah I see it so I have conflicting two conflicting thoughts about that one do you know who Leo Skepians okay I'm obsessed with his podcast and he storytellers and walks you through his thought process and his reflection and his experience which I find so valuable and which is why like group calls so much you can see someone else analyze their experience they have the emotion tied to it you don't have the emotion tied to it so you can see it and you can really okay I'm I also have parts of that or that triggers a thought within me you were even talking about a client earlier in her experience and it triggered something in me to be like oh my god I I had a similar thing and not just put two things together in my head and so there's a part to me like I love Leo Skepi because he does that and I learn as a byproduct from him just talking about himself and so I've always grounded that's the same lens I want to follow and then I see posts sometimes and there is a degree to which I don't want it to be about me and the reminder anytime somebody messages me that they had a breakthrough or they took something away from the podcasts it is those little inclinations to me to like keep going because I'll think oh I'm being selfish by just talking about myself I'm making it all about me I don't want it to be all about me because I really do love when it does help people so it's like the two truths at the same time yeah I think it is a both and of Kelly you living in your human experience and and sharing your human experience other people see that and witness that and it's like at the end of the day we are so much more like we like know that part like there's so many parts of the human experience that are so similar and it it is impossible for someone to share their human experience and for someone else not to relate to it yeah like impossible even you're just saying that it's exactly that I've felt alone like nearly my entire life and so to share my experience to make somebody else feel less alone is what it's about so yeah it is me sharing what I'm going through which is inherently me talking about myself but the purpose of me doing that is because when other people do that I realized I wasn't alone in the way that I felt yeah I this kind of leads me into wondering like what edges or areas are you working through right now like what's your edge one of the blocks that are coming up for you now that you're actively working through I would love to hear your opinion and perspective on that okay relationships is always one for me we were talking about it earlier and it's so embarrassing to like admit to I have an ego or sometimes I think I'm better than other people or I think I know more or I see myself in a certain lens and I don't like those parts more than anything else can I ask what part of that do you think is your protection and what is it protecting you from if I'm better than them then I can outsmart them and then they won't hurt me and even I love people who approach anything new just from a beginner's mindset or they're like everybody has something to teach you and I can logically say these things through and through you can intellectualize them and I have a really hard time fully feeling that to be true yeah a big ol ego yeah I think the ego gets I mean we were talking about earlier like sometimes I got to hate on my ego a little bit but it does get a bad rap in the sense that how I view the ego and most circumstances is there's something it's protecting it's just protecting it and maybe a way that's not super effective or no way that you would like and so it makes sense and tracks for you that okay there's this part of me that believes or thinks that if I'm better than somebody then I can never fully actually get hurt yeah because it wouldn't require me to fully open up expose my vulnerabilities and securities to them because I would always be one step ahead in some way if I know that I'm not as intelligent like let's say I'm getting mentored by somebody I'm okay I'm okay with not knowing more I'm okay with being underneath of them when I think that I am not and then they challenge me that's when it breaks because I'll go into like right coaching sessions or trainings or working with the coach and when that person's giving me feedback and I'm open and ready for it and I maybe pedestal them or just and like actively trying to learn from them I'm really okay with it yeah but I think of even recently got called out on a behavioral pattern by somebody who I didn't see it and them seeing it before me was slightly triggering where do you think that comes from like if you trace that back because my assumption is probably somewhere family system younger I feel like it's just being made fun of as a kid and it's kind of I mean you see it all the time with people if I can know it about myself first then it softens the blow when somebody else calls it out so it's like somebody who's overweight making jokes about how they're overweight or somebody who has whatever even like physical things are so easy to make comments about but they'll self-deprecate in that nature so that they can have ownership over it prior to that so I feel like it's maybe similar to that yeah where it's like if I self-analyze enough then maybe they won't think anything's wrong with me and I'll be able to see it first and I hate to say like manipulate my personality but people please know what it is change who I am to make sure that the environment's safe yeah and so then it's I mean for me I was just thinking as you were saying that I think for me there's always been this like I have to prove myself yeah and if somebody like calls me out on something that I don't see then there's like a oh I didn't catch something that I should have caught yeah and therefore I'm like belittling myself or putting myself down in that moment and so it's like a oh if someone sees something that I don't or calls me out on something that I don't see I am like oh yeah I don't like that because now I'm thinking that I'm not good enough or smart enough in this instance and so my ego comes online and like once to get me out of the situations like that which yeah we're working on and even you saying that makes me think of all or nothingness in relation to that where it's oh I must know everything or I know nothing so I'm thinking about it in the sense of like dating and how it can trigger wounds or whatever I see it as I want to protect to make this person think that I'm perfect and if they see that I'm not it means I'm not at all and I feel like one of the things I've come to in the last couple of years is me still having insecurities and weaknesses and parts of me that maybe I don't like or parts of me that I'm still working on does not discredit all of the goodness and all of the greatness and for a long time I really thought it did yeah where it was I am confident in so many ways but then I would feel insecurity and be like oh my god I'm actually not a confident person in my line so I'm not confident at all and then you like spiral down that versus even just sitting here having this conversation I am confident in so many different areas and ways and I am so proud of myself and there are moments where I'm not proud of myself at all yeah and self-deprecating insecure and anxious and whatever it is yeah the human experience is complex and we are complex and there's it's never all or nothing there's so much nuance and depth and complexity to it and I mean specifically with that within dating right it's like I mean I know for me and I don't know if this is for you but like the fear was can someone really fully love me for all of me yeah the insecurities I have the flaws that I have you know the weird mannerisms whatever it may be yeah for a long time it was like can someone actually really love all of that and so I would try to hold myself to a certain standard a pure certain way of like I've got it together yeah don't worry about me I don't know is that similar to your 100 percent I think we very much align in that capacity yeah what do you think the lesson in that for you dating right now is like how are you working through that or being aware of that as you date something I like to remind myself is I would rather have loved and lost than never loved at all and I've now gone through like two bigger breakups in my life and became increasingly more comfortable with myself on the other side and it's like I'm going to create more pain by not even like allowing myself to feel and access the love, then to feel the love and take the risk on it potentially not working out or being hurt in that capacity and maybe somebody does. Maybe they, maybe you figure out that you're not compatible down the road. And I think through dating I have really learned, it really just is, it's about them and it's like, it's personal and it's personal. It never really is about a lack of acceptance of the other person. - No, it's really their own work, their own triggers and that we project or they come onto the other person. - Yeah, for sure. - Doing a hair call out that I got recently and I want your analysis of it. I think I take a very neutral approach to things of if it works out great, if it doesn't work out, also great. And I got told that I was potentially negative or like viewing it from a bad, not a bad lens. Like the word bad wasn't used, but like why am I thinking pessimistically about it? Like why not choose to think that it's gonna work out and it's gonna work out great? And I see that, I love your face right now. I see that from the lens of that would imply that the definition of working out is the relationship working out. And to me, I see it working out as maybe the relationship does work out or maybe I learn and I get to love somebody and I get to be in somebody's life and we get to have experiences together and on the other side, maybe it doesn't and you still benefited in that way. - I agree with you and I also know you and so I know some of that is your protection, right? That like yeah, for you specifically and for probably a lot of people this listening, they approach dating with that mindset in order to protect themselves from what they actually want, which is, I mean, I could sit here and say with 100% confidence that majority of people unless they're a psychopath want love and connection and belonging. - Why do you think so many people struggle to admit that? That like I want a relationship. - I think we are in a very individualistic society that like over the past years, it's like you're applauded if you can exist without needing other people, which I'm just like that's bullshit. Because like first off, who works the gas station that you go pump your car at, like who's working out the grocery stores, you go like even if you break it down to those things, like you need other people and pretty much every single one of your interactions throughout the day. And at the end of the day, like we are human beings who need connection, like we are social creatures, we are mammals who like need other mammals, right? Like we're not, I love other mammals. - We are and so yeah, I think there's some, especially I think in our world and industry, like it is sometimes applauded or praise. Like I can do this on my own, I don't need other people, like look at me yada yada and it's like, I think it's great that you can do stuff on your own and also what is so wrong about needing other people, depending on people for things. I think this also this codependency conversation, it's like if you're in a relationship with someone, you actually do need them for certain things. If you have a family, you actually need your partner for certain things and we have this like dialogue running that that is bad or looks down upon and I'm like that's so silly because your protection, your ego, maybe your hurt burned in the past is telling you that you don't want that when I know deep down that you do. - Totally. - Yeah. - I think softening, I feel like my biggest transformation in the last six years has genuinely just been softening to the world, which, and I talked about it on my last episode of my relationship with my tattoos has changed because it was tough and independent and I don't need anybody and I can do everything by myself and I have softened so much to, I need my friends, I need my family, I want to be in a relationship like connection is so important and even from a leadership perspective of I need my team, I need every single one of them. I could not do a single thing that I do without them. It took said Emily the other day and I was like, dude, if you ever left me, I don't know what I would do. She's like, you'd be fine, you're totally good. And even just small things of having people in my life where I'm saying, I don't need you to do that, I can do that. And the response is, I know you can do it, but I'm gonna do it for you or I'm gonna help you. I'm not denying your ability to do it, you just need to let me support you. And I think it's kind of like the receivership which the hyper-independent protector part views it from the lens of like, no, no, if I let this person in, what if I become co-dependent or used to their assistance and then my thought process in that or at least a old part of these is, okay, and then what if it gets taken away? - Yeah, yeah, that's the risk. That to open myself up to love, there's always a risk that I get hurt. And I think I told you this a while ago, but something I always come back to, and I came back to a lot in dating was that the person reaching for the higher level of love is never a fool. And I was always afraid of like being a fool of like, what if I miss something? What if this person isn't who I think they are? And I would always remind myself that like, if I am reaching for the higher level of love in this experience or in this relationship that I'm never a fool. Like, why would I be, why are we fools for wanting love, desiring love, seeking love, being the one who cares more? And it's like, sometimes it's not gonna work out, right? Does it mean that you're a fool? It just means that's a part of the experience. And I'm sure there's a lot of people that are in your arena who would think that, right? - I remember my dad said something along the lines to me after I found out that like my first boyfriend was cheating on me. He just was like, you know you're a good person. Like at the end of the day, you can walk away knowing that you didn't do that. And I would always rather that than anything at all. - Yeah. - Do you think there's any, where when you think back about like your daily experiences and where you are now, how do you think your mindset has changed approaching dating? My all or nothing jumped in so fast and was like, it's worse now. And I was like, well, it's better at parts. So I don't think I think it's different 100%. One of the questions I feel like I often get asked is it more difficult because of my level of emotional awareness and ability of communication and understanding of all of these different things? And I think it is for me, this is the first time I'm navigating being this conscious and dating. And that's their parts that I really don't like. I almost wish I could be ignorant and just extremely present and in the active experience. And I was so unaware before. And I really see it from the lens of like, I want deep partnership and connection and I understand myself so much deeper, which makes me then be able to be there for somebody else. I was having a recent conversation with somebody and we were talking about that exactly. Like, this is the best I've ever been, doesn't mean again, like you were saying, I still have insecurities and hardship and navigate different things. And it is the best I've ever been and I still want somebody else. And I think it's so important to learn to be whole on your own. And I would say going into my last two relationships, I don't think that I was in that position. I had no idea who I was or what mattered to me. And now I know what matters to me. And I have a clear sense of who I am and what that looks like. And it's given me permission to not be picky but to know what I want. And I guess that is kind of being picky, but I had no idea before where it was almost like whoever gave me attention was good. And now it's, no, no, no, I have this very specific thing. Here are the things I'm unwilling to waver on. And I think it kind of goes back to what we were talking about earlier of while still understanding. I can't expect somebody else to be perfect. And I feel like that's a protection mechanism that I'm probably navigating and block that I'm navigating right now. It's like, oh, if that person's not perfect, then get away from me. - Yeah. - Which is, how are you working through that? - Live action, I still have a trial and error. - Yeah, literally trial and error. Noticing the thoughts, being called out on it is one. Like literally I got asked like, are you expecting perfection out of this? It's like, oh shit, yeah, I am 100%. And I mean, through talking about it, it's a wound of, then I'll never find it. But then, and we'll love your analysis of this. Then I feel like I reach this place of am I expecting a perfect person or do I have high standards and then I'm settling? - Yeah, I think, 'cause I have run into this. And I think that we're in a position and there's probably a lot of people listening who have high standards, but there are some standards that they hold that are unrealistic. And I've actually been thinking about this a lot, specifically around men and what women expect from men and almost how women, yeah, do expect men to be perfect. Have it all together. Like, not have, they're boat rocked, any. And it's like, at the end of the day, men are also human beings. And they do have emotions. And they do have their insecurities. And they do have their things that they struggle with. And I think something that I had to think about a lot and dating was, I can't expect him to not also be a human being, to not also have stuff. And I actually hope that he feels comfortable enough to bring forward to me the things that he struggles with or doesn't feel super comfortable with so that we can have those conversations together because I want that for myself. And when I started to recognize that, it actually made me more comfortable bringing forward the parts of myself that. I don't you know think are perfect or my insecurities I don't know where I was going with that, but what did you say about expecting imperfect? Oh, yeah, that I do think I Do think in some way women are harder on men and men are women. Yes 100% and I and this is coming from somebody who was a certified manator like I Hated men at one point. I had I Had Not very many great experiences with men like across my entire life, and so I I had this mindset and dating and that impacted who I dated and so When I started to do my own work through that it changed the way I saw men and changed the way I approached dating and that's changed the quality of Person I was finding. Yeah, and even you saying that I feel like it's important for us to note Have friends who have healthy relationships with men Even just sometimes I'll use droppin somebody's conversation and to hear the way they speak about Men or the way they speak about themselves, and it's kind of like relates into the maybe you're doing something different than your friends And you're grieving the relationships that you know you're out growing the people who you surround yourself with is so Absolutely vital to all of these things. Yeah, like it's not Cute to hate on men or to tear them apart or to believe that there are no good men in the world or whatever it is and like When I actively started to shift those beliefs even people that I would go in dates within it didn't work out great men Like great people. We just weren't compatible at the end of the day. I think it's so important That like you said when I started changing the work within myself The people that I was picking and the things that I was even allowing myself to show up and be present for were Conscious good considerate people despite again, just not being compatible. Right. Yeah, so I think have high standards And also let men be human beings. Yeah, like if you are a woman Let the men be human beings like they're not perfect and From even working with men This is a psych caveat, but I think this is helpful even working with men in the work that I do Their internal world sometimes they are so fucking hard on themselves and it's like Calling themselves failure if they don't get something right also believing that I will never do enough Like there's never anything that I can do the whether that would be enough for my partner because she's always gonna Knit pick things or always point things out and I can never be enough for her or just across their life because you think about the culture around Men and like what a good man is and it's like brother. You got to be Crossing your teeth on your eyes Every single day. Yeah, and it's like a actually you can be it like I don't I feel like there's so much content around Being a good man, but not any about being a good woman. Mm-hmm. I even feel like I've talked to quite a few men about that Specifically about like okay. Yeah, we see all of the time of right eat girls one guys to open their door and pay for everything And whatever and those are just like obviously very surface level things We don't often see it about we don't women and so even just asking guys like what do you want what what's like signals to you that a woman Is a good woman and again, it doesn't just necessarily need to be Oh, I'm a good woman in relation to dating Mm-hmm, but even like I feel like I could be help I know younger women or even older women listen to this of like what do you think makes a good woman? In a relationship or in general we'll do both do in a relationship in general so I'm gonna give you guys my two cents from being couples therapist and Again a lot of the times the narrative that runs in men's internal world is I'm a failure I'm never going to be good enough or like I will never have reached a point where it is enough whether that's for her or in my life and so women oftentimes will come to their partner and nitpick of like you didn't do this you didn't do that and then there's like more evidence that I didn't do enough So it goes it's bigger than just like you didn't do the dishes and because Usually the woman is coming at hand with frustration and anger Because her sign is if he didn't do this for me he doesn't care about me Right, which is not true, but in our emotional minds. That's what we make it mean And so I think in a relationship like for women like check on your man Check on him like how are you doing? Do you feel like he's maybe not emotionally tapped in? Yeah So he doesn't know I think that you can ask what are things? I've done in the past. I've made you feel appreciated or supported by me Yeah, and usually they'll be able to say oh I had someone say one time My partner told me the other day that she was really proud of me and like that she saw how hard I was working And I can't tell you how much that meant I literally got this and I'm like that That's not hard to do. Yeah, like so it's out the things that you probably think in your mind But aren't saying out loud because people want to be acknowledged for their work They want to be acknowledged for how hard they're showing up people who are dads or are Yeah, working full-time jobs that are maybe long hours and they come home and maybe their exhaustive Like I'm so proud of you for how hard you're working for us, you know, right? What about for a woman who I got this question asked on a support call the other day? I can't stop nitpicking him and It was they saw themselves doing it and they're frustrated too So like obviously if you're in a happy healthy relationship, it's so easy to be like cool I'll tell my partner. I appreciate them easy right what happens when their emotional needs are not being met like as a woman What would you recommend if there's a one to do in that case? I think sometimes you like her being aware of that is great And I think she can name her frustration to him say hey, I've actually been having a really hard time Supporting you appreciating you and I know that I've been nitpicking you a lot This is where it's coming from I felt frustrated because XYZ. I don't feel like you prioritize me What I usually hear I don't feel like prioritized me. I don't feel like you care about me I feel like you'd rather be anywhere else other than with me Which when someone's nitpicking that much usually the guy does want to get away from that because he's like I don't feel Good and I wouldn't want to get away. Yeah, I don't feel good about myself And it doesn't have to do with the fact that he doesn't want to be with her Yeah, it's like he doesn't want to be around an experience that makes him feel worse about himself. Yeah Anybody could say that right and so for her to realize that hey It's the nitpicking probably for him goes deeper than just like being the nitpicking that probably hits on some internal narrative for him of like Damn, like she is never gonna think I'm doing enough for her. She's never gonna. It's never gonna become a point where I've got got it right I can't I can't ever get it right. I feel like that's the line that like I've I've heard before is like I feel like it's never enough It's not gonna be enough no matter what I do Mm-hmm and so for her it's recognizing what is it about him that triggers the frustration or anger in me That I'm not communicating and the way I'm communicating that is through the nitpicking Yes, never about the nitpicking. No, or something else is going on. It's frustrating her making her feel hurt lonely not cared for not prioritize Yeah, and that's what she needs to communicate because then he can be like oh, I can help solve this. Yeah nitpicking He's like I'm never gonna be perfect from a couple's therapists standpoint All right, I've interviewed you know, no, I jacked this sorry From a couple's therapists standpoint one of the questions. I feel like that enters my inbox 90% of the time is I'm on this journey. I want my husband to be too or I keep asking my husband to work out with me. He doesn't work out with me so Watching almost this like divide happen and as a fitness coach even I've seen it time and time again and then I've experienced one of two things happen it either ends in a breakup because they no longer align or it ends in her I mean, I guess there could be a third option in heap regressism Happy healthy relationship, but the second option is She regresses and stops taking care of herself because it pulled her away from her partner, which then abandonment wounds, triggers, whatever it is It's really difficult to leave a situation like that and right now I have like literally a few people on the top of my mind of watching them Revert back to who they used to be that I watched them fight so hard to move out of To be able to maintain a relationship with somebody whose values they don't align with anymore and whose habits they don't align with anymore And I don't know if you have insight or advice to someone who's experiencing. Yeah, I think my first thing that comes to mind is People usually try to change their partners from a way that's not productive. Yeah, right? It's like your approach to that does matter if I'm trying to shame the guilt trip Control my partner like that's never going to be effective and any category of your relationship And so when it comes to the health stuff, it's like what how am I trying to like motivate my partner to do it to do this with me? Yeah, how am I trying to get them involved in this and am I Like having people tune into their emotional experience when they approach their partner And am I approaching my partner right now from like a place of like he has to do this with me Like I need him to do this with me. I'm gonna be really frustrated. I'm gonna be pissed off at him if he doesn't do this with me Yeah, if someone's coming to me and they're like if you were to come to me and be like grace I'm gonna be fucking that at you or really pissed off if you don't don't I don't mean like I don't want to do that with you Like I would not I don't want to hang out with you now You know what I mean? Yeah, and so it goes back to like these basic things that I get why it's emotional for them Like I get that this is really important to you and also The way you the way that you approach those conversations really matters And if I'm putting my partner down to try to get them to come up with me chances are they're staying now. Yeah That's not gonna help. What if they don't want to come up? What if there's like oh, yeah, I'm not doing that then I think that's the conversation where you have with your partner of I think we're going in different directions and at the end of the day this hurts me because I want you to come with me like I want nothing more than for us to work through this together for us to push each other and become the best version of ourselves together I don't hate you for this but I it is killing me that you're not coming with me and I can't stay in this relationship with you if that's the way that it's going to be so I think you do have to then approach the hard conversation and also I think the other thing is be curious with your partner instead of approaching it with you have to do this you have to do this be curious like hey is this ever something that you have wanted to do have thought about doing what is it like to watch me do this right and if my partner says oh I'm I actually feel really bad about myself but I don't know how to like interact and have these conversations with you then that opens the door right to then be like oh we can work through this together like this doesn't have to be a I leave you in the dust situation like we can have a hard conversation then yeah I said this the other day on one of our like group support coaching calls I believe and this is gonna be our controversial opinion potentially that divorce and breaking up should always be on the table I think as a society we have like shame to divorce even though what the rate is like very high very high at this point in time and I was listening to like that divorce lawyer guy and he was saying and then insert the amount of people who stay in the relationship but don't want to be in the relationships probably another 20% on top of that I think it should always be there because it requires you and reminds you that they can leave and that you do need to be intentional and like we all have seasons of hardship like I've never been married so I am sure there will be times of raising children and like there are seasons and that's a very different thing than to say we've been through multiple seasons we've given this our best ever and best shot and at the end of the day we are meant to change through time and therefore their relationship must change too and you either grow together or you grow apart and I don't think that it means that it's a failure by any capacity and again maybe it's the protector part that's saying like but I think it needs to be to require everybody to be an active participant yes I don't think you can ever stop being an active participant or I don't think there's ever a point where you just roll up your sleeve and you're like this is yeah I'm in this a relationship out of the relationships are hard work yeah relationships require effort it's like a muscle if you stopped like okay I got this bicep now the rest of my life I don't have to work my bicep and it just stays like yeah maybe a little bit but like not to this extent the O Vaughn recorded a podcast I just sent it to somebody he's like I can't wait to get married so I can get fat and then get divorced and the whole comment section is like yeah that's exactly how it goes now yeah because they require effort and I think another thing too even back to where we're talking about before is people don't I think women sometimes think if I have to work in a relationship if I have to put like a certain amount of effort in then this is too much like he's not doing enough or yeah this is not the match for me it's like girlfriend they require effort I don't know who told you they did it but they do I'm always like I don't feel like I'm doing I mean and of course it's a theme but like I don't feel like I'm doing enough because sometimes it's so easy so she when you like genuinely love and care about somebody and you like being around them you just want to inherently do things for them yeah you're like sometimes when it feels so natural of like oh I'm making dinner so I'll make you dinner or I'm doing this for myself so let me do it for you or I know this thing really matters to you so let me show you it matters to me sometimes that feels so easy that it's like wait I don't feel like I'm doing enough for this person even though there are things being done it's just not hard that's I mean if you meet someone who you align with that's the easy part of dating I think you're like this yeah I think that's the easy part of dating if you meet someone you align with and then the things that you enjoy doing they also want to do with you and I think that's so much fun yeah my last question around dating do you think there ever becomes a point where dating is less scary not if you're doing it right agree yeah not if you're I think the definition of vulnerability to me is the ability to get hurt and so again it's kind of like the layers of I have protection I have things I know about myself I have things that are okay sharing whatever it is but you will eventually reach the edge where now I need to push it a little bit further and I'm more comfortable like I've gone on my fair share of dates at this point now I really just like getting to meet people in that capacity and it's still when you really like somebody the chance of like or the possibility of rejection or the possibility of this triggering my attachment wounds to me is very there and very present it's just do I view triggers as an opportunity or do I view them as if don't want to be around this and want to let you know I think that's actually something good to talk about too is triggers and dating aren't necessarily bad yeah look at all yeah and in fact a good person that might end up working out with will trigger you you'll be more triggered in a healthy relationship it is harder to have a conversation for somebody to say something and maybe it's not met in the exact way you thought it was then you're like whoa whoa whoa but to say like no this is what I meant like actively have somebody who talks with you through it yeah I feel like as a conscious person it just I it becomes more difficult but more fun I agree like there are aspects of it that are like I hate it I can genuinely like fully one honors I was my whole heart say that I hate it oh dating yeah yeah but I hate it and I love to hate it because it brings up like the deepest thing for yes because me too money good body good like all of these different areas I'm like yep got that cool and it's like that it's like no yeah I got none of it dating was old dating was always the hardest avenue for me yeah when I had done a lot of personal development work and then I was like started I was like damn yeah I thought I did a lot of work I'm 10 steps where I thought it was yeah so just activate stuff I can't remember who I was talking to about like pretty much that exact thing of there's only so much work you can do on your own and then you do need to be with somebody who is willing to do the rest with you and it's just that part of like being able to communicate that of hey I am showing up to this and I really like who I am and I understand that I'm entering an endeavor with somebody where I'm gonna have to figure a shit out and you're either somebody who like problem solves and figure shit out and understands that the other person is also a human being having a very human experience something that I've noticed that I do and I want to know if you do this because of I think coaching and even just like being in therapy and all these different lenses is when I'm having a hard conversation I'm so conscious of the other person's experience so I will have a hard time saying my truth because I'm so conscious of their experience and I don't want to hurt their feelings or have them shut down or anything in that realm so I feel like sometimes specifically in relationships having really hard conversations maybe I don't say the 100% truth because I'm so conscious of their experience that makes sense and I would say lead with that then lead with I tend to really think about other people's experiences and these moments more than my own because I'm worried about how my words are gonna land on you yeah I'm telling you this now to challenge myself to be really truthful with you and know that like this is coming from a place of I want to work through this with you and this might be hard and land on you in a hard way yeah can you just stay open and be curious with me so that we can work through this together because again the thing is like in dating and relationships sometimes the other person is gonna mess up or I'm gonna mess up and I have to sit with the fact that I might have hurt them in a moment I mean my boyfriend were having this conversation the other day of like I actually did something that was like not nice and he brought it to me and I at first was like having a hard time having it like I really was and then I sat back and I was like I'm gonna hurt him too like I'm not I don't get out of this scot free like it's not just that like sometimes he hurts my feelings so I can be disrespectful or like not be kind to him in moments and I have to be okay sitting in the ik oh that doesn't feel good like I don't like knowing that I didn't get that right yeah but I think so for you going into that of that other person has to be willing to like be open to hearing he hadn't appreciate that or and I don't know if that's what you were referring to but like I know sometimes I can filter myself because I'm worried if how it's gonna the other person is gonna respond to me yeah and can they actually hold the fact that they've hurt me yeah because my fear was always they're not gonna respond to this they're not gonna like it and you're not gonna actually meet me with safety and curiosity in this so I'm not gonna tell you my whole truth yeah you'll like this one this is something I'm working on that you'd say not drew this up I have it with men specifically with my girlfriends I will word vomit on them I will say anything and everything I'll just start talking I don't need them to prompt something to me I'll just go into a story time with men I won't I avoid answering questions about myself I literally will avoid answering questions myself and I said this to somebody I was like just we're giggling about something and I said all do this funny thing where you'll ask me something and I'm just not gonna answer and I'm really good at it I'll just shift the conversation ever so slightly and then ask another question to them because we're good at question asking it's what I do I do love to learn about people and I also do want to talk about myself but then there's the belief of like same with podcasting they don't care about what I'm saying they don't actually want to know and like I think curiosity is a love language 100% so it's so important for me to do that and I said that to somebody and then I did it maybe like three days later and they're like no no no no no go back and I was like look that's what sometimes you need yeah to call yourself out and ask and I think that's something that's really cool to watch myself do is say hey I know I'm gonna do this and then to be met with somebody saying okay and I'm gonna see that and then yeah help you not me I can watch that for you yeah I can challenge you on that I love that I'm like I got chills I love that yeah okay I wanted to pivot a little bit because I know there's a lot of coaches that listen to you have their own businesses and talk about the success wanting to be more successful I'm curious how you define success my definition of success has definitely changed over time I was somebody who within 48 hours of leaving being an assistant coach I hit a 10k month so it was never thank you it was never difficult for me in that capacity and then that very quickly as I worked through I maybe had three months of like working through scarcity kind of being half in half out maybe get a part-time job should I go back to work because I didn't know if coaching was what I wanted to do and having my own business and once I like put two feet on the ground was like okay this is what I'm doing I'm in scarcity was never something for me that really did it and I also learned that money wasn't ever the definition of success although money is great and I can genuinely only say that because of my ability to create income and have a business and do these things and so I understand that there's like two sides to that coin specifically the older I get the more important spending time with my family is even if we are so different from each other and like family is one of the most triggering things in the entire world and it's so important to me like when my sister goes to have kids I want to be there I want to be an active participant I want to be and I want to be around them one of the things that I had said to myself specifically as the business has really shifted in last six months is there's nothing more important to me than friendships and I called myself out because I kept saying that and I wasn't prioritizing texting people back calling people back making plans and now I start my week it ends up being I'm up a lot earlier it's inconvenient times that I'm hanging out with them it's things that like I probably could be getting more hours of sleep but I'm way more fulfilled when I can be a human being and just be present with them and so I would say like success to me is community and aspects of both of those but the number one driver for me genuinely is like following through and what I say I'm going to do that is through and through my definition of success I have built a business that I I don't want to say luck did it but I wasn't proud of the way that I was showing up I don't feel like I earned it and then I've had two feet in doing what I love showing up doing all these things feeling really good about the way that I was showing up and not always meant more to me than anything else the like feeling of being proud of myself because I know myself so I know when I'm half asking something I know when I'm not going all the way in I know when I'm allowing limiting beliefs to show up and for lack of it it's fuck it up for me dictate what you do dictate what I do so more than anything like success to me is being proud of myself yeah I see visuals when people are talking and like as people as you're telling me this and going back to what you said something in the beginning around just like there was a part of you didn't believe in you in the beginning of when you were doing this and like setting out on this journey and it's almost like the little Kelly gets to see you and gets to see like all that you are doing also for her of like I'm doing this for every younger version of me that didn't have the belief that I was capable of doing big stuff that I was capable of like standing tentos down and really blossoming and growing and evolving as a human being through business or in just life in general and so it's like oh she's so proud of you that's literally like the coolest thing to me like feeling proud is definitely a newer experience and something that I was even somebody asked me the other day they're like do love what you do I was like I have the coolest job in the world by far I would never in a million years ever trade off what I do like of course it's hard and I'm so grateful for that and I think sometimes when we're in the day today and clients pissing us off or we got a credit card issue or contract issue or I'm having to have a hard conversation with somebody on my team or whatever it is it's like yeah this fucking sucks and I got too comfortable with the blessing of that like what I do yeah yeah I mean like that's sick I think I've achieved I got to achieve success at the age of fucking 22 of yeah doing this which is pretty cool which is so cool so what do you think you would say and I think everybody obviously is entitled to have their own definition of success but you know you talking about this in the sense that being around your people being connected like almost having more of the freedom to have the human experience live your life beyond just your business it's like yes your business is incredible and it gives you access to things and it gives you financial freedom and there is also so much more to life than that and what I'm hearing you say is I love that the success I've created for for myself has allowed me to also live has allowed me to also be around my people yeah and I think we're around a lot of people who get so wrapped up in their business and that this is my life and you know what would you say what would you say to that person or maybe even like that was you a few years ago yeah this whenever my business stops being fun I start making money simultaneously so I know if I run into this feels like a drag I don't want to do this content sucks whatever it is it literally do windows down and that's something that's like a huge marker for me and even when I try to sit down and record the podcast yesterday it literally felt like I was ripping in half because I have this part of me that said I was going to do this thing then I have this part of me that's like yeah but not right now and as an entrepreneur and I'm sure people fucking experience this all of the time where you're like I know I should be creating content I said I was gonna commit to it I'm not being creative right now really navigating and figuring out that ebb and flow for myself has been really difficult I will also say seasons more than anything else of like I have gone through seasons where I don't prioritize any friends I'm all in on my business and that's what I'm doing and then you have maybe a season of like okay it's a little bit more relaxed and you kind of have flow between the two of those connection community these priorities and success in your business are not mutually exclusive anytime I've been more present with my friends even like us one sitting here doing this going to what we're going to this weekend we're going to running man which is super hot so just like fun you don't get content ideas by sitting in your apartment you get them by having conversations and going out into the world and being present in that capacity and I've always just been like okay work harder do more but going back to what I said in the beginning me having life experience is the driver of this entire thing I started posting on Instagram because I wanted to post and wanted to share my journey it was never to help people it was never to be an online coach it was never to make money off of it it was always because I wanted to share what I was experiencing and anytime I get too far away from that it backfires in my face and so I would say like yes simultaneously I'm prioritizing these things that really do matter to me and I still work so much and it still is really stressful and I think even just like sitting down and having conversations like this to be like yeah but I wouldn't try this stress for any other stress that I could yeah when you talk about the ebbs and flows I think that pieces also so important people probably to hear that is you are going to have ebbs and flows as a human being but also within your business and being able to navigate that with some sense of like being level headed of rather one day and go to kill your business no even a month two months is not going to kill your business and yeah I'm speaking to that of I'm sure there are so many people listening who are like I should be able to do this right now you being sitting down the podcast at trying to podcast yesterday part of your brain and it's like I need to do this another part of your brain is like I'm not feeling creative right now being able to discern actually me being a little bit flexible here it might actually be my advantage now look at us we're sitting here we're recording in a podcast studio in Atlanta so it actually worked out and Kelly's benefit that she wasn't creative yesterday maybe in some ways so being able to ride the ebbs flow also discern what I need in a moment versus am I like I always go like are you having too much of a stick up your butt right now like do I need to be a little bit flexible in this moment yes and I think in that moment I didn't know I was like am am I being too flexible am I being too chill am I trying to rush to this next thing versus if I sat here for four hours could I recall could I've recorded a podcast probably or right and I like okay I got three hours of sleep the night before there's other things that I have on my mind right now just not super present in this so one in that moment I couldn't tell and it luckily thank the heavens we're gonna a really good way and ebbs and flows are also seasonal everything in life is a season like literally nothing can be in bloom all of the time nothing is permanent and I view it from the lens of like I in July hit a hundred K on both Instagram and TikTok which is super cool and I've like kind of mellowed out my posting since then because I pushed so hard for three or four months like relentlessly pursuing this goal that now it's like okay integrate so like okay make sure I'm good check in on myself not force myself to post three times a day which I was posting three times a day like I was relentlessly pursuing this thing and that's something that's new for me is trusting myself to run the marathon not sprint all of the time and I remember I was in this business container and they were always doing these like 90 day sprints 90 day sprints and like if we're 90 day sprinting every 90 days we're never sprinting and so for me and I think this is maybe more of the like feminine energy side of things because like men just only work different it is so important for me to not always be so relentlessly pursuing and instead okay integrate the same thing hit a record month in business my first thought is never oh sometimes it is that would be a lie my first thought ideally is not how do I make this happen again but how do I create this to be safe in my nervous system and make sure my people are taken care of I want to know that all my client experiences are great how are our systems working can we improve something and anytime my view is that lens to just make sure I'm really deeply serving and proud of what I am serving we end up hitting another recommend on top of it I love that and it reminds me of like growth isn't just in numbers like what are the other ways that you're growing within your business and you are in such as like numbers at centric how many followers you got on Instagram how much money are you making how many clients do you have that it's like at the end of the day actually what other ways are you growing as a as a leader as a human being within your team your clients like can I also look at that and not just be driven or tied to my metrics so much like yes you want to pay attention to your numbers but also there are other ways to grow I think like can I just retweet that 10 times literally I could not agree more and and understand people are number driven so using metrics helps them understand the purpose of those things and it's the same thing of like if you're always chasing a lower number on the scale what are you going to keep losing weight until you're 50 pounds till you're zero pounds it's like not how it works or same thing if you are like oh money is going to make me happy and you're not clear on like those feelings or what you're going to do with that money or how it specifically impacts you you will just chase more and more and more and more and more versus understanding exactly what you're saying like can you celebrate to me my articulation my commitment to podcasting my leadership my inability or my inability my ability to try new things and put it out there are much greater than anything else and this mic continues to drop lower and lower and lower hopefully you guys in here yeah hopefully that's I literally have watched it just go like this um me crushing my own train of thought if my business were to fail I trust myself to create success in another way because of the non numerical things that I have been able to grow I love that I love that period retweet well I don't want them to ask you some fun questions actually before we get into fun questions I would really like to know what how do you view money what's your relationship to money just because you're talking about it this is a good question because I don't think I've like revisited it in a while it's something that there is a beyond abundance of and I love being I had a conversation with a guy and he was like yeah I want a 50 million dollar a year business like coaching business and I was like I was like a part of me was like yeah right and then I'm like check it clock it like you know what hell yeah I've never even considered to think that big and it's the same thing of like hitting a 10k month to then hitting 100k month is it never I'm still the same person through and through and so it comes back to like that being really important money is a tool it's an amplifier I was friends with a person who and I didn't realize this till the other day when they started making money our friendship changed really aggressively and I think I had this view of I want to make sure I'm not somebody who I earn more money and it changes who I am and I earn more money and it changes who I am I think when you are somebody who works so hard and spends like I my business and my and me are we are one like I am integrated with that like my body the way I show up like everything about it is that we're so many people because I was like with my family over the past weekend and they all have they go to work and who they are at work is one thing and they come home and they are different to me my business comes with me everywhere I go because I am my business my social media is what I do it is all of these things so I think there's a level to which I do have to think about money more consciously I also have a team to pay I also one of my coaches just quit her job so it's like I don't have I don't feel pressure around that but it's more of a privilege of I got to do this thing for myself and now I get to do it for her and give her an opportunity and so I like it I like the pressure of money I like it being top of mind and there's absolutely moments where I'm triggered and it's also like it was whatever I don't know how much it cost to rent this I'm like okay and that's to me something that I like to celebrate yeah is it allows me to say yes to more which I need to leverage that and even like travel opportunities or if I'm ever stuck in something or more recently have really been pushing myself to like if I go out to dinner with my friends like I'll just pay the bill and that's something that was like really scary for me for a long time and I want to make sure I'm not around people who are just using me for the money too not be stupid with my money because how you how you stay rich is by not stupid least but your money learning about money changed my relationship with money I used to have a financial planner I took over all of it myself I'm not telling you to do that but it was really important to me to know it and to do it myself and to see it and to touch it and to move it myself versus I used to kind of like turn a blind eye to it and just kind of like cross my fingers and hope and pray versus now I want to know where it's going and maybe I'm not the smartest fucking tool in the box and maybe that's a little stupid but I remember Kendall Strample had posted something and she was like what's the point of you making all this money if you're not investing it or you're hitting all of these months what do you have to show for it and I remember I watched that story and I was like I was like I don't know I don't know what I have to show for it I'm not conscious of my investments I'm not learning these things and again by no means am I saying I'm the smartest person in the room when it comes to that it is something that I feel more empowered with the level of knowledge that I have and it makes me feel safer in that capacity and I feel like I recently hit a number that I was like okay and first it just clicked in my brain to consciously say that that was my safety number because I didn't want to get caught up in well it could it could be double it could be triple it could be 10x because it can and it will but I don't want safety to be on the other side of that I want it to be created within me I love that I also just thinking as you're talking that people's relationship with money will mirror relationships and other avenues of their life and I definitely still it's kind of what you're saying of like turn of line I to money yeah like my just like for my family system I I in some ways became the kid that like wanted to avoid like an intimate relationship with money really understanding it I was just like I don't want to be controlled by it all these things yeah and now I am in the work of wanting to understand it more wanting to be more mindful of it yeah wanting to just like have my hands on it because it is really empowering and it is not empowering to avoid it no it is so it's so empowering and I'm not perfect by any means my operations manager page I love you you're phenomenal and hiring somebody who I deeply trust inside of my business to know all of those things also like freeze my capacity yeah so much and so having the right people in the right places creates also safety for me to continue to expand and that's just like random side tangent of being somebody who opens up an opportunity for more success is it requires putting the right people in the right places to expand we would not be able to have the roster we have without her like literally me and it's like that's something as somebody who was oh I do it myself no there are people who are way better at other things. Girls, on top of it, she's so diligent, so organized. So I trust that I can go do the marketing and do all of these things and she'll let me know what needs to happen and I can just execute. And it's like, I love that. I was listening. This is kind of, it goes along where you're saying really quick tangent. I was listening to a podcast with Chris Williamson and Cody Sanchez. And she was talking about how she, when she goes gets into a business where everything is based off the CEO and like that person's making all decisions. I feel like we have to have their hands in every single area. She was like, that business eventually will come to like a standstill and fail. - Yes. - Because they're not willing to kind of set their ego aside. I'd be like, actually, I need people who are better at X, Y, and Z, than me to be on my team. I don't want to be the one that is good at everything. Actually, like let me bring people in who have more expertise in this area. I love that you say that because they do think there's a lot of business owners that almost it's rooted in like my business needs me everywhere or else it's failing. It's like if that's the case, if that is the case and you can't set your ego aside, then probably so. - Yeah. I've heard people say you're an employee if that's the case or your business owns you, you don't own your business. - And obviously, I'm still so involved in the coaching and I'm in the marketing and all those things. But I could be recording podcasts instead of doing back-end organization which I'm fucking terrible at anyway or building a JGL page that. I don't know. Everyone's like, how would you build your page on that? I'm like, "Page did it because I don't know." And JGL, no. - Or like just outsource outsource 'cause then you can expand. And an old version of me would never ever have a lot to hop in. - I love that, yeah. - She's growing. - She is. - Okay, really quickly I wanted to add on some fun questions. - Okay. So that people can get to know you. - Okay. Kelly, what's your go-to coffee order? (laughs) - Iced almond milk latte with honey. Quad shot, don't judge me. - Kelly, how many coffees do you drink in a day? - At least two. And sometimes pre-workout on top of that. And no, my heart is not okay. - She's a caffeinated girl. - What is your favorite sweet treat? - I used to, this is like going to show randomly deep. I used to literally need one. And now I just don't. - Really? - Yeah. - I'm not there yet. - I know. - It's, I don't know. - You think it's like a logical? - Yes. - Okay. - So deeply, so deeply psychological, I used to think so much about food. And genuinely thought, I was like, how the fuck do I was like no way people eat this meal part of every day. You guys are insane, you're lying. And then I love my food. Someone asked me the other day, what's your favorite food? I said the food I make in my kitchen. Genuinely like love my meals. Love what I eat every single day to the point that I'm like disgusted by anything that's like processed. I like going out to eat in dinner, obviously. But I have the most joy in the food that I make, I'm excited to do all of those things. And not that I like don't have chocolate every now and then I used to do like every single night. And you can still have a great body and a great relationship with food again. I just like recently have been. - Okay. - Yeah, I don't know. I literally don't know. - Oh my god. - Mine's a chocolate chip cookie if anybody wants to know. - I mean, yeah, like they're good. - I love a chocolate chip cookie. - They're good. - Love one. - I'm not a hater by any means. - It's chocolate chip cookies. - See? - Whole foods brown butter. - Brown butter, what? - Whole foods brown butter, chocolate chip cookie. - Oh. - Yeah. - That's good. - Okay. - What time do you go to bed and what time do you wake up? - 11, 30. I should be in bed by nine. But 11, 30 typically. And 6, 15. And so I know this is less. I know, I know. - I know. - I thought she was about to tell me 10 o'clock, 9.30. - I know. I need to be in bed by 9.30. And then I need to be awake by 6, that I can get however many hours to sleep that is. That's how many I need. - Okay. What is something really weird you used to do as a kid? - I used to collect giraffe statues. - Okay, why? - I don't know. Like my family would go, they would either take us to like Arizona and hike mountains like as kids or to tropical beach vacations. Like I don't know what my parents were doing. And whenever we would go to Jamaica, they have all those cute little stands. And so I would collect rocks. You know, there's like really soft colorful rocks I would collect those. And then giraffes statues. - Do you still have them? - They might be in my dad's basement. We need to call time and see if there's giraffes in the basement. - We might take a picture and put it on your desk to work. - Hey, here's the giraffes that are in the basement. - Okay, last question. What is the thing that you are most looking forward to the rest of this year? And what is the thing that you are scared of, afraid of or like has some like, ooh, nerves about the rest of this year? - This year I'm really excited for the for me retreat that's happening in October. Because last year I wasn't present. And I was going through like a hard time with my own body. I was 25 pounds heavier. I had just gotten back from Europe, which was mentally just really, really hard time for me. I was burning the candle at both ends of the stick. It was really hard for me. And so it really made me sad how unpleasant I was. And so I'm really excited that I'm a lot more grounded now to be able to go in and enjoy that. And just like it to be present and have the experience with you guys. Something that's like super important for me was to be a part of it too, not like be a leader, but I want to inherently be a leader and also get to do the things just like girl bond. And I feel like that's something that sometimes this is side tangent. Business owners tell you to do is like make sure your clients like respect you in all these capacities. I think my clients respect me because I'm a human and I'm walking the walk with them. And so just getting to like have girl time and be seen and like build relationships. We talk about like building relationships all the time. And I think that's so wildly important. Something that scares me. I don't know. Like anything you have nerves about or you know like we'll stretch you. That you want to do, that you want to push yourself to do or you want to invite in, but you know it's like gonna be a stretcher and edge. I think continuing just to lean into podcasting and specifically potentially being like on other shows, inviting people who I don't know to have conversations and have relationships. But it's a great way to network, a great way to meet people. And sometimes I just don't do that. I think I really want to continue to build a brand that allows me to be in conversation with other people 'cause sometimes I feel like you just kind of get grouped into the oh fitness side of things. I want to be somebody who has sought out to be a thought leader, to have just sit down conversations with people because I love to do it. And so I think putting, I will put myself out there to do that. - You will, you heard it here first. She's gonna do it. - Yeah. - Okay, you guys, well, if you want more interviews where Kelly's getting interviewed, let us know. - Crazy. - Thanks for coming on the show. - You're welcome. - Grace and you're gonna go be girly pop smell. - We are gonna go be girly pops and be besty girls. And you know what's crazy, guys? Is I met Kelly for the first time in October of last year at her for me or a treat? - Isn't that crazy? - And we really, like really known each other for a year. - It's really crazy. And I almost didn't go on that. - I'm so happy that. - And I'm so happy I did 'cause now I got my besty girl. - I was literally thinking about that earlier today. - So crazy. - I love this dress. - So good being with you guys again. - From the third time. - Literally. - Bye guys.