#574 - The Sauciest Episode Ever

- Welcome back to the. (upbeat music) - Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going, Chief? - I'm not a chief, I'm a jet. - Yeah. - Oh. - Don't do that. - Sorry. - I don't like that. - And for about seven minutes, you were at the top of your division. - Still there, dumb bitch. - All right. - Let's make that abundantly clear. - Well, we'll take anyone that we could get. - It's a time for New York sports right now. - It is, you know, honestly, everyone seems to be doing okay except for one team. - One team? - One team. - There is a team. - Over there. - With the New York metropolitan. - Well, you're there too. You're there by proxy. - First of all, I like the facilities. How you have been and supported the Mets more this year than you've been in support of the Yankees. - It's true. - I don't go there and cheer for the Mets. I go there and I like get the going in the cheering. How many games of baseball have you watched this year? - With your eyes, whether on TV or in person. - Oh, oh. - Yeah, it's not good for me. - Say like seven. - It's not good for you. - And how many of those on TV or in person have been? - Mets games? - For sure. I was gonna say the inverse, Yankee games. - So Mets are winning three-one at the moment. - Yeah. - I've only been to one Yankee game. - What are the other three that you've been to that are including neither team? - No, I'm saying three-one, meaning three Mets games in one. - Yeah, you said seven though. - Oh, I thought you meant TV too. - Yeah. - Oh, just like regular Yankee games. - I meant like in person. - Oh, all right. - Yeah, so all right. - I can't imagine like the rays playing some people. - They're guardians or something. - Some people will see that on and they'll watch it. - Yeah, I'm not that kind of baseball fan. - Can you really not call yourself a Mets fan when you have an Andy Chavez jersey? - That's true. It was given to me by you. - I will say that is probably like the coolest Mets thing that has come out of this year because everything else has not been cool. - Not good. - Andy Chavez jersey, yeah. - 20 years since that catch. Isn't that crazy? - 20 years? - 2006? - Good Lord. - Also, you see who's on this jersey, right? - Alpha Rez, I thought it was a Wink for Bet jersey. - Yeah, maybe it's in mind jersey. Is that like a brand new. - Yes, they gifted it to me. - Oh, no, yeah, they gifted it to me. But that's cool, they give you 80. - Did you ask for that? - Yes, I did. - Oh. - I was like, but they just, we guessed that, that's crazy. - They asked what numbers and I sent two. I said 80 or 85. - That's a sick jersey. - And they gave it to me? I'm not upset about it. - I will say I'm jealous of the green and white. I think it's mad, clean. - I kind of like, I don't hate any of the Giants jerseys. Like all the Giants jerseys, they're a little plain, but some of them are ass. - I like the blue and white. I'll tell you this. The ones they did a couple years ago that were like the throwback ones that were like brown and blue. - I'm all set on that. - Those are really bad. - Super awesome. - How do you feel about adult men wearing personalized jerseys? (laughing) Like, would you ever actually in your real life wear a Santa goto Giants jersey? Or are you naked? - No, no. - Why not? - I don't think so. I don't think so. Maybe for like an event. - What? - The Santa goto studios is different. That's a different jersey. - You goto. - That's different, that's the company. - Okay, there's the word studios is there. - Yeah, it's a studio. It's a collection of people. That's an actual team. - Okay. - 'Cause we've been gifted some personalized jerseys. If you ever worn any and you're like day-to-day life, yeah, but a lot of them don't have our name on it. Am I crazy? How'd they do, did they? - The only one that I think didn't was the Raptors jerseys we got and they just said basement yard on the back. But every other one has said Santa goto and Alvarez. - I will say, I appreciate that as a gift. There's no way in hell I'm wearing a basement yard on the back of a jersey that I was like-- - You might as well just put up a big knee on sign that says, "Hi, it's me, Joe Santa goto on me." - Hello, it's me and yes, I'm self-indulgent. - That's why I really don't ever wear any of our tortis outside of the house. Because I feel like if someone were to see it, they'd be like, "Oh, there's someone in that tortis. Wait a sec, that's him." - That's the guy that looks like he's on the tortis. - Right. - So I wear him around the house for little things here and there. - Yeah, it's like a nice, it's a nice tee. - So you wouldn't wear like a, if the giants were like, we really love Joe Santa goto, the guy. - Yeah. - We want to be, here's a custom jersey. - I would accept it and be like, "Oh, this is awesome, thank you." Like an official, but I would feel weird wearing that to a game. - Oh, why? - Because people would, I know why you're asking. - Yeah. - Because I just think that like, I'm there cheering for somebody. - But you're part of it, like cheer for me, we cheer for each other. Everyone's cheering together. - Well, I don't know that they cheer for me. - Maybe they will, if you guys all cheer together. - Yeah, I don't know. I don't know. - Like what if like you're walking on the sidelines when people see you and there's like, - Wait a sec, is that? - Are you just injured? - Yeah, you're not dressed today, because-- - You come out of the blue tent. - Maybe if I was on the sidelines, then I would wear my last name, so if people would be like, "Oh, that guy's probably hurried." - Just grab a helmet and walk on the sidelines with it. - Yeah, I'm just like shaking my name, like, "Oh, you know, that's why I'm not flying right now." - I think you should. I see nothing wrong with it. - I see a lot of, you know it's a good time for New York sports, because you see a lot of it on the streets these days. - I mean, and I don't know if we have openly talked about this, but I do legitimately feel like the Knicks did something for this city that no other sports team has done in a very, very long time. - It revitalized New York. - It like, I mean, I was gonna say I put New York back on the map, but it's New York. - Where the map? - We are the map. - We are the map. - But like now, everyone, like, New York culture is becoming like bigger and better than ever. You'll see, like, you'll hear of people like, doing like the New York outfit. It's like, tins and blue jeans and a Yankee fitted. - Well, I also just think like it's revitalized people's like, there's more of a chance that like, like people are like back into sports, 'cause everyone was behind the Knicks, and then they won and it's like, we wanna capture that feeling again, like, let's go Yankees. - Yeah. - Let's go Knicks again. - Yeah, let's go Knicks again, let's go Yankees. - And the ticket prices are also reflecting that. - Well, I mean, a 2B fare, a Knicks ticket has always been expensive. - Yeah, they're always the most expensive. MSG is the hardest place to get into as a sports fan. I think it's just because it's not that many people. Like a baseball game is like a lot. It's huge stadium. This is 19,000. - Yeah, you know, people like, I don't mean to kind of hurt our own case here, but like MSG is smaller than it appears on TV, you know? - It's so impressive. - Arena's and stadiums are different things, but even as like stadiums are crazy to me, because stadiums, it's a lot of people, but the field looks smaller. - Yeah. - Like you get there and you're just like, oh, that's a regular ass football field. - Yeah. - It looks so much bigger on TV, but like you see, and you're just like, you know, I could do that. I could get a couple yards. - Yeah, I could do it, which, no shot. - No, absolutely no shot. - With the right blocking. Yeah, with the right o-line. With like the o-line. - Yeah. - If you could hand pick. - And a whack d-line. - Yeah. - If you can hand pick your like all time offensive line, going up against a high school d-line, you might be able to-- - Oh yeah. - If we can get like prime Jeff Saturday under center-- - Or Jason Kelsey. - Kevin Muay, I was gonna say. - That's a good one too. - Then you have, who's the dude from the Cowboys, the left tackle? That's savage. - Don't look at me. - Forget his name. - I mean, we can go to Pukeshaw Ferguson, and you can get Nick Mangold under center too. - Yeah, and then you guys are on the d-line. I'm getting yards. - Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Hold on. You think-- - Frankie. - Yeah, I would be willing to bet that if you put Jeff Saturday today, who I saw in person once at MSG, he lost a lot of weight. - Yeah, he did. - As soon as the players stop with their regimen, they drop. - All right, this is a good question. - This is a really good question. If you put, let's say, Jeff Saturday, Jason Kelsey, Joe Thomas, Debrika Shaw Ferguson, give me one more offensive lineman. - I can't even. - I don't think they need another one for the question. - Day to deal. - If you take that, that all on. - Yeah. - Not in their prime, where they currently are in their athletic regimen. - Yeah. - You think I or you can't get around them? - No. - What, really? - Frankie, are you insane? - Seriously? - Yeah, it's like a, it's a skill thing. - But I think how much of that skill is lost with the passage of time? But what are you bringing to the table? What am I bringing to the table? - Where any of us bringing to the table? - I think. - We have never played on, like in the NFL. - I think I am in where I stand today. - Yeah. - Whatever day today is. - Yes. - I am currently in better shape than any of those five people in their current day right now. - I think you're wrong. - Really? - Yes. These are professional athletes. I'm sure they're taking care of them. - They, I understand that they were professional athletes. - Now. - Have you seen Joe Thomas? - With him alone, you're not getting around. - I haven't seen Joe Thomas in quite some time actually. - I mean, he's still, I mean, how long ago do he play? Bro, also, this is a guy who like never missed a game for like 10 years. Look at him. Let's get the tail of the tape. 41 years old, come on now. - 41. - Come on bro. - That's not old. I mean, who's this other random Joe Thomas? That's just getting, I don't know. - Look, he's in shit. - So this is when he was on the team, right? And this is him, bro, now Frankie, come on. - Yeah. - This is fucking easy. - Look at him out though, hear me out, I'm hearing it. I understand at the time when he's like playing why I won't be able to get by him. I think I might be able to do a little shake and bake. I think you could do. - I think you're out of your mind. - I think you're downplaying your skills. - I think we both can't get by him. That's it. He's one of the best of all time. It's crazy how big these players have to get to play their position, right? - Yeah. - Also, where do you put your, [BLANK_AUDIO] Don't even know what to put your hands just just put your hands they got watch this watch this put your hands up Down dude, you know what? Yeah, you're just by miles. Yeah, you're miles Garrett He's hurt. I know you'd be able to get him right now. Not great. Yeah, I know he could probably miles Garrett right now injured will still fuck me up But make that very clear. It just made you feel horrific. What was that? What did you just do? He was grabbing? Oh, that was Closes we're gonna get on this show, bro. By the way this morning. I So I I like to sleep in like if I can like a pair of like sweatshorts no underwear You know just just so like just get some air in the thing you're playing with fire there brother I mean you're playing with fire what what fire am I playing with fire? What if there's a what if there isn't literal fire? Do you need to run outside? I have shorts on I run outside You're too exposed to go on the giblets were loose. Yeah Okay, so this morning I woke up and I'm like I Just was you know, I got up a little earlier than I usually do and I'm like I'm just gonna walk the dog now So I was walking the dog in these sweatshorts With no underwear. So you're walking the dog while your dogs are getting walked. Yeah, they're walking around too Like they're definitely not on a leash by any means And that's fine. I feel like I've done that before and not a big deal It's a little colder in the mornings in New York now. So now there's like a nice little fall breeze And my I'm walking my dog he takes a dump So I'm like okay as he's taking a dump I put the bag on my hand I'm ready and then I've been down in a way to pick up the poop and I'm like Is that a praise on me bro my whole Bing and bang is out I literally just the way that I bet I guess the shorts like rode up a little bit. You know, Bing and bang Bing like the frick and frack. Yeah, Bing bang and boom are just like I literally looked out of my dick and balls were like touching the pavement or touching the shit. No How low do you think I got I mean apparently low enough that they're coming out I'd like or you are weighing a short shorts They I think they just rode up a little bit and I and just like it was everything was kind of off to one side was a dark out It was this morning at 8.30 Not dark. No, and there was other people like plain fetch with their dogs and shit And I looked I like I was literally like my god. It's cool. And then I'm like, yo And I stood up real fast and I was like Looking around because I was waiting for someone to just be there like yo your whole cock-a-boss Cuz my cock-a-boss out so the world got a like what was the last time you were that exposed outside That's a great question. So your your tpd was outside getting a fucking burrizy. Yeah, dude like I've literally felt Literally, I think it is like moved with the wind because there was a breeze and I hit me take it easy. All right Moved with the wind. I mean if anything. I'm that means oh that means we didn't let me do that skinny little penis No, but I was like Dude, I just like looked at and I had dipped at it wasn't like fully like yo I mean, but but enough to kind of fucking, you know hear out and see if it sees its own shadow That's that's yeah, it definitely like poked his head out that that was that like did it? Are we getting an early fall or are we getting like three more weeks of summer and honestly it was something like that And I feel like it's gonna be an early fall. Yeah, yeah, like I think it saw its own shadow. Have you ever? Like accidentally like I just probably like accidentally in that situation like have you ever like Sad on them or something like that where they're just out of place Sad on my balls. Yeah, I've sat on my balls. Okay, there's not a pain. That's worse than that I just like you hit an ejector seat. I mean, you go to sit down and hit your balls. You're like, oh yeah I'm your bounce on that goddamn thing. Okay My friends dead that my friends dad did that once Your friends dad sat on his balls. Yeah, when I was when I was young and I'm like, how'd you even do that? Yeah, and then you grew up and had giant nuts and now you understand I understand the pain. You got long dangly balls No, it depends on the day. Depends on it. I mean depending on the day is still there. It's still impressive enough to weather thing I just I you you got to be careful because that's that's a perfect example of life You could have like someone is out recording their dogs and they look over They see josephanagato from the base video are kneeling down and then it what is he did he sit and gum or something and you're like No, that's his whole shit bang. I was thinking about like Someone like Harry Styles if that happens to him Like yeah, you just got to wear underwear if you're that guy because if you if you're out there and he's a he's like from you know You can you're up. Yeah, so he's got or are they out whatever they're from the like They wear a little shorter short. They go a little shorter. So imagine he's picking up dog poop I mean, I feel like it can happen to anyone most of the last time your winner saw the outside That's a good question. I don't know. I don't I can't think of you know you would pee out Well, yeah, I think like that was like at the lake like you know going behind the cabin and peeing in the woods or something like that It's it's peeing outside We're not made humans aren't made to use a toilet bathrooms are stuffy It's like a fluorescent like there. They tend to be smaller rooms and like the grossest stuff happens in there So like make it a bigger make it a bigger better well ventilated room. I agree like we don't need all like put some more Just better options for stuff in there, you know, I'd rather just pee on the ground. Oh, I just thought of an idea A toilet That has vents built into the toilet vents. Yeah, so it contains whatever is happening Like pipes. Yeah, what do you mean? Like because the let's you describe Let's look at the toilet, right? Yeah, it's got the pipe, you know That does its thing, but like what if underneath the seat There's vents with air constantly blowing Like an air conditioner not an air conditioner, but just like it keeps like you know How those the smokeless the the solo stove the smokeless You know bonfire things they figured out a way to get the air ventilation and just keep the smoke going out that way What if we do that for toilets Wouldn't it just be blowing around the room? No, you get it to like it has like a vacuum chamber and it could like blow through the pipes I don't know I'm envisioning yeah, sure I just think it's amazing. I'd rather be outside and pissing on to a tree like a dog I peed out the the back door at the Airbnb What what do you say at the Airbnb? We all share the second one Speed out the back door Everyone was everyone was going to bed and everyone was in all the bathrooms. I pee really bad Speed out the back door the back door was a balcony Yeah, I guess so you peed off of the balcony. Yeah, it was nice You're an adult human, but I had to pee somewhere and it was just grass. This isn't even our house Yeah, but it was grass. I peed in the grass. Yeah, why didn't you go into the Outhouse that was basically there was like a separate little there was a separate little guest house That's a far walking over by myself. What if someone is in there? But you're fine whipping your fucking bunch out. I'll tell you what we were so far deep into the woods that I don't think anyone would have seen it with a with the Hubble telescope First of all, you're dangling chum. You're chum in the forest there. Yeah people are see it and you get one wolf. That's just like And then it's you know, we're like a mosquito on that like what happens if a mosquito bites you're a wiener. I'm not peeing that long How quick you piss brother the mosquitoes work out. They operate very quickly. Yeah, I feel like it was pretty quick Everyone was in the bathroom. Everyone hogged the bathroom Thirty-sector are not pissing the back guard. I got to deal with an Airbnb host being like why is it smell like you're in a back yard? I don't know not us, but I got some fucking kid in the back yard pissing everywhere like he's at four. There's also also also Hold your bladder for 30 seconds. What do you mean when everyone was going to sleep? We all want to sleep at the same time What happened in knocking on a door? I did do someone in there And then all the bathrooms are in your rooms that all the doors were locked so I had to pee It was a bathroom near Frank's room It was occupied by whom because I know that all the other people that were using that area were already asleep myself Greg Mikey, I think this is just bullshit, and you were just a lazy piece of shit He was like, oh my god. It's down the hall. It's funny because I went up the side door first and I went Oh now this is a patio and I went to the fact like I chose a different door It was just fun. That is crazy because it's disgusting It's the grass. There was no one no one no one is stepped in the spot. I pissed in 20 years. I promise That I don't believe that. Yeah, there's so much space. Who cares? Open space. That was a that was a nice Airbnb It was very nice now now you is this what like how I like touch the walls at some of the shows and stuff like that Is this going to be your thing now? You're like my territory. We're marking new territory with your piss everywhere Please don't do that. There's a nice place. We needed more bathrooms. It's only only critique He's he's complaining about the Airbnb. He stayed in for free It was fun. I didn't pee in the sink Yo, you know what happened. Were you there? What's Frank there? Oh, you were there When Pete opened a beer from the fridge. Oh, yeah, that was I've never smelled a beer like that Just for everyone out there if you're gonna stay in an Airbnb and you open up the fridge and you're like Oh, they have like a like a beer and two white claws or whatever We get to the Airbnb and we had our own like kind of drinks where we're kind of sitting there and playing cards or whatever And Pete goes to the to the uh and goes into the fridge and he he finds a white clause like oh they have white so he opened it and he's drinking it. Pete goes into the fridge, comes out with a pilsner, opens it, it smells like the sweatiest dick ever. - Well, I was gonna go with high tide, but like a low tide covered a covered dick with eggs. Like it was disgusting, okay. I didn't even know that could happen to a beer and he's like, oh my God, he's like, I've never smelled something this before. - I have never ever ever. Like legit smell, just like straight sulfur, like rotten rotten eggs. He's just terrible. And then as he's saying that, I just watch Ant, like his white claws right here, and I just watch Ant do this. He's just like, (laughs) just slowly starts staring at his drink. I'm like, yeah, that's probably-- - It was, yeah, it was, I wouldn't, I still think that Pete should have taken a sip. Maybe it was like it's gimmick, it's like it's the stinky beer. People love doing shit like that now. It's like beer brewed with buffalo chicken and stuff like that. Bear scat, like the one that you had. - Yeah, but that one just smelled and tasted like beer. Yeah, the confidence I had in my white claw once Pete's beer was essentially rotten, didn't really-- - Yeah, but you're also like a fucking psycho. (laughs) - Also, like there was two white claws, he finished that one and drank the other one. - Yeah, like you're the type where like you just be like, not whatever. - No, it's fine, it's fine. - It's fine, it's fine. - That's all right, I'll be okay. You know what it says, it's probably fine. You need to be more afraid of things. We need to instill the fear of life in you, because you're kind of just like going through life, and you're like, yeah, it's okay. It's more fun this way, I tell you. (laughs) - I don't know about that. - It's more fun this way. - I do not know about that. - Yeah, dude, I don't know, that's terrifying. - No, that beer smelled like apple. - That beer was like the craziest smell ever. It was just nasty. - Yes, not good. - What was the last time you smelled yourself and you're like, yo, I fucking regret it. - Every other couple days. - Really? Tell me the other day. Anytime I go to the gym and I come back, I'm astounded at what odors my body's able to endure. - Dude, I don't know what happened to me the other day, but like, I usually I don't smell. I don't really have body odor for whatever reason, but sometimes it just happens for me. It's like random. So this day, I was like, I put on shorts to go to the gym, and I was like, are these shorts dirty? So I take the shorts off and I sound like, no, they smell fine. So I think it was just me. - You want to just craft your body? - Yeah, like maybe my body's like, you know what, I'm just gonna shit myself through the pores. - Well, remember, Dr. Mike told us that if you're holding into any farts, I'm like, I thought like, come out through your pores or something. - I'm not holding in farts. - Yeah, those are coming out. - Yeah, that's right. You sat at the first air being made, we stayed at. You sat next to me and it sounded like you ripped a zipper. (laughing) I just, I couldn't believe it. I was so, between your farts and this kid's burps, I'm not gonna make it through these farts. (laughing) I'm telling you right now, because I'm gonna, it was already called a pig a couple times. You're getting at least one or two with it. - I'm sure I will. - Yeah, I will go to the gym and I'll come back and I'll just be like, is that, yeah. - And it is, and I can't believe it. It's a combination of like, going in the steam room and then just like, you know, sweat and then, yeah. - I don't know what it is. But like, so I was just like, I'm not gonna shower. I'm about to go to the gym and sweat myself. So like, I'll just be the stinky guy at the gym. So I did that. And then when I got home, like, I was like four steps into the apartment and it was like, what's that smell? And I'm like, I'm taking a shower now. - You know what's crazy is, and I'm not saying this, like, that is an untapped market. Like, you, Joe Sanagato, you could be like, I'm going to work out and then I'm going to wipe my bunch with a piece of cloth and I'm going to sell it. - I'm not doing that. - I know you're not gun up, but you could. - Joe stink candle. - But like, there is a way, like, people do, remember the girl we spoke to years ago that was farting in jars and selling that shit? - Yeah, she was making a killing. - I mean, you could probably rip a fart in a jar. - Joey, I guarantee if you did it, you would be making a good amount of side income. Not that you need it because we get it. (laughing) - We get it. - But like, that's an untapped market for you, babe. - I don't, I don't have it in me. - There was one time we were staying at an a, hello, there was one time we were staying at an Airbnb and we walked in and it smelled so bad, so bad that the only thing we thought happened is either a sewage pipe burst or there's a dead animal in the walls. And after an hour of searching, turns out it was Danny Shoes. - Shoes? - Shoes. - My dad told the story about that once that like, I was like, when I was like, during peak puberty years. He like, came into my room when I was sleeping one night and he was like, it smelled so bad and I realized it was my sock, he said it was my socks. - His own socks? - My socks, my socks. And he's like, I need, I need the bed, like on the floor and he's like, I took him and I threw him out. Those things were gone. Do you ever do that? Like sometimes you're like, yeah, this fucking, this is disgusting. I've thrown out underwear because they were so like sweaty after a workout, I'm like, this is so gross to me, I'm throwing it out. Yeah, you're not throwing shit out. - You think me, baby. You think me, I have pairs of underwear that are older than each of my children and like, they're like hanging on by a thread, but I have like a, like, it's like good for them, you know? - That's not that crazy, your kids aren't that old. - Miles is 11. That is insane, 11's wild. - Do you have certain underwear that's like, it's just barely hanging on, there's like holes there, like hold on to the left. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's it gets to a certain level? I will, like once I feel a rip, I'll just like, let it rip myself. Like I'll rip it myself, you know what I mean? - Okay. - But like, I do have one or two pairs of underwear that have just like, they're in good shape, they're sturdy, you know? Like they are still going strong, but then it'll be one and you're like, all right, it's time to go. Everyone has a favorite pair of underwear also. Like if you see it in the drawer, you're like, yeah. I order, I organize mine. I know that I need to do laundry once I get to like the pairs of underwear, like the least. What do you mean you organize? So like, I have my drawer where like my socks and my boxers are and I'll organize my boxers with my favorite on top, my middle favorite in the middle and then my least favorite on the bottom. So once I get to like the bottom, I'm like laundry time. - Yeah, yeah. I'm not wearing this bullshit. - I have two separate piles. I have my socks and boxers and my other stuff. Other stuff? - Yeah, like shirts and pants and stuff like that. - They're all in the same drawer. - What? Is that what you're saying? - No, my laundry piles. - Oh. - Yeah, so like it's like laundry for the socks and boxers and like that can wait longer 'cause I have more pairs of socks and boxers. We've discussed this already. - Yeah, I'm in the 20s or something. Maybe maybe 50s. 50s of underwear. - Oh, probably. - That is way more than you need. - Pretty big jump from 20. - 20s or 50. - You're not a lot of talk, Mr. Pissing out of the Airbnb. - That was fine. It happens. - Watch this. You think it's fine? - Certainly not. - It's not. - Well, unless it's that one Airbnb where the fucking guy was a prick. - Yeah, he was an asshole. - Then you could piss away. - Yeah. - That's the least of their problems. - Yeah, they don't even care. - They're pissing in, roaches. They're praying for piss at this point. - Yeah. - This would be a blessing at this point. - I know I'm talking to two people that never pissed outside. - I've pissed outside. I said I like pissing outside, but I'm on my own accord. - I guarantee I've pissed outside for cumulative time more than you have in your entire life. You bitch. - I have donated way more piss than you to the earth. - Yeah. So I was trying to contribute. I was trying to contribute. - You do it not on someone's property. - It was. - You do it on the side of a highway. - Do you think you can do it? - Do you think you've pissed enough to fill a pool? - No. - In your life? - In my life, certainly, right? - No. - You think so, dude. - What size? - Kitty pool? - Olympic pool? - No, let's say, let's say a-- - Olympic pool. - Do you know how big an Olympic pool? - Yes, it's massive. - That's why we're not saying Olympic pool. - I would say like a pool. - So like a four foot deep, like your pool you had at your house. - I think so. - Four feet deep. - Oh, we're talking about 34 years of me just straight, ripin' piss. - I'm feeling a pool. - Dude, there were some days, like those like heavy drinking years, pissing for like a whole hour. - Brother, I've lost maybe probably in a day, like an hour of piss time. - Without a doubt. - Like, and like a, like not like little trickle pee, like a lot, dude. - I mean, you probably pissed like, bro, you gotta piss like a half gallon a day. Maybe more. - I mean, you probably pissed at least a court a day. Some people don't pee as much as us. You might be a little bit more hydrated. I know we recently looked up how much we pee. I can't remember what the information was, but I feel like you probably piss enough to a day. I could fill up a pool with piss. A week, you could fill up a sink. - This kid's backtracking. You see him upset, he looks, he says you know that we crush pools. - It says over a lifetime. So you got some years on you still. - To fill up a pool? - To fill up a pool. - How about this? - It's everything doesn't know me. - Google this. If I'm 34, how much have I pissed? - Sure. - Let it spit something out. And let's see what it says. - How much have I pissed? - How much have I pissed if I'm average? - On average, 34 years of pee. - Or whiz as the New Yorker. Maybe he's pissed like crazy. - Yeah, but baby piss doesn't count. It's not as like. - It's not as like pits. - Yeah, I can do the average person. I can't do a Frankie piss. That's fine. - Okay. - Well, you can add a couple gallons on there for me. - It's about 8,000 gallons. - Dude, that's a lot. - You can't fill up a pool with 8,000 gallons? - I can. - I guess you can, because I'll tell you right now, my pool at my house is 13,000 gallons. And he? - He's got a big pool. - And I got a big pool. - He do have a big pool. - 13,000 gallons. 8,000 gallons. - Ripping a fucking pool. - Yeah brother, that's a lot. - That'll smell real bad. - It might. - Did you see the disgusting? - Did you guys see, it was Jackass? Oh no, maybe it wasn't Jackass. It was like Steve O's own show. So Steve O does like, he's touring. And he does a stand-up show. And in his stand-up show, he has bits that he filmed at our too gnarly for the other thing. One of them that he did is, he wanted to, I think it was like, have a record, or maybe it wasn't Jackass, but it was like, hold the record for swimming in the largest urine pool or something like that? - Of course he does. - He got, he got a brother. He had a pool of piss. - Oh. - And like, it was like a golden amber. It was, I'm sorry. Talking about it makes my state the yellow piss. - I kind of respect it more than regular ass piss. - I do too. Like when I have like a clear pill, I'm like, you're not gonna piss. - Like if you're going to like cartoonishly draw or imagine, close your eyes. - Yellow piss. - Imagine piss. - See yellow. - There you go. - What are you gonna say that? - If, every time you pee, it tasted like a random liquid. - Hmm. - How often do you taste it? - Bro, I'm going like this to the stream, giving it a sniff. - Oh, don't, I mean. - You're gonna face it up, eh? - If it tastes like-- - But you don't know, it's random. It's like, you don't know. - I mean, as long as it doesn't taste like piss, I'm fine. - Well, one time it will, it's random. - All right. - One time, there are countless amounts of liquids on the planet. Even if we narrow it down to a hundred, I'm taking those chances that one time it might be here. (laughing) - It might be. Those are good odds. One percent, have you ever accidentally gotten pee on your hand? - Ah, piss. - No, no, no, no. - No? - It's like, I don't know, change in a diaper, maybe? - No, I never change in a diaper of a boy. I hear when it gets to boys, that's when it gets a little dangerous. - Yeah, it starts firing. - Because it starts, it's like a hose, you know, like a fucking, that's shooting out all over the place. - Right. - But, well, well, if they make, they call them PPTPs for changing boys, they're literally cultural appropriation, by the way, so I'm gonna throw that out there. - They, it's like to be put over when you're changing a boy, so you don't get pissed on. - I got fired on. - Yeah, you've probably got to be changing my brother. - No, no? (laughing) I don't think my mouth, but, I don't know, one of those crazy Airbnb nights, 'cause it's been like a, whoa, whoa, whoa! I think that's on you. - All right, let me ask you, if, yeah. You could cycle five different liquids. One of them has to be pissed. - Yeah. - For your pee stream. What would the four be? The other four. - Can I give an answer to that? You'll probably hate. - Is it gonna be like kombucha? - No, first of all, you're the kombucha queen. - I love kombucha! (laughing) - Dude, every morning. - I was gonna say water, just in case it's like your desperate. - Let's go outside of water, because are they pissed with just a different taste? - No, you'll be pissing, you'll be pissing the thing. - Oh, I mean, I wouldn't do water. - That's why I said no water. Like, imagine you're living your current life. You're not like stranded in a desert. Like, you're living your current life. But like every now and then, I'm telling you this is like the next round of like luxury is like, we could alter your body, so now you piss. - Proof on you, I'm good. - Now that is a cosmetic surgery, I would probably get. - Yeah, I would say. Ooh, some kind of like soda. - Hmm, that would be hot coming out though, brother. - You think the carbonation would feel good? - No, that's what I'm saying. - No, I don't think so. I'm not imagining the feeling. I'm imagining it feels like piss, but it tastes like something else. - So, uh, soda. - So some sort of soda, maybe like a strawberry milk? Oh, my God, this stuff. - Holy. - Just like a childish kind of drink. You're like, oh, strawberry milk today. - Oh. - What, first of all, what are you up for? - You're making me piss. - It's a little thicker than piss. - It's a little thicker. - We're not going with the feeling. - I didn't think you'd go to dairy. - Yeah. - Ooh, then you got to really clean your pee pee hole. - Yes, I smell like milk. - Yeah. - This isn't, how it was presented to me. (laughing) - All right, so you're going with a soda. You didn't specify the soda. - I didn't. - It's just like just a Coke. - Vanilla Coke. - Vanilla Coke. - Oh my God. - Grow up Peter Pan. (laughing) - I would shoot you, but I don't have a gun. I would say Coke. I would say, ooh, can I get like a-- - You could get whatever you want. - Blue Gatorade. - Oh, okay, that's also appealing visually. - I just got a fire idea. - Yeah. - A Guinness. - Here we go. - Now we're talking. - Get it, you'll imagine. Imagine you're at the bar and you're drinking Guinness. And you're like, yo, I gotta go pull on. - And then you're going to the bathroom and you're like, "Hold on!" She's like, "Let it settle." - Yeah, I gotta, it's like buddy hurry up. It's settle. - You gotta like pour it the right way and then tilt the glass the other way. - Yeah, like, bro, if you could piss out, I mean, you would say so much money. So I would go Guinness. What'd I say? - So you have a Coca-Cola, Blue Gatorade Guinness. - Guinness, and you get one more. - One more? - I don't know. - You can have your milk. - Yeah, you're gonna have your milk. - You're gonna have your milk. - Don't want strawberry milk or like chocolate milk. That's too brown. - Oh, chocolate milk, I think. - Give me chocolate milk. - Oh, chocolate milk. - Now we're talking. - Yeah, now that's a good fucking talk. - That's a good piss. - That's a good piss rotation. - Yeah, let me tell you, okay. - What are you pissing out? - Should we get to the ads before I get mine? (laughing) - I was looking at, I was like, "Let's meet real life if you have to do that." (laughing) Well, listen, we do have some sponsors. The first one being Squarespace. Squarespace, this is a platform where you're gonna build your website, so if you make content or you have any commerce business or whatever, you need a website, you need to be, you need to look professional and you need it fast. 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You guys have been so wildly supportive over 53,000 of you. You guys are helping us grow and grow and grow and get closer to the top of those Patreon rankings. So genuinely from the bottom of my heart. Thank you so much. If you wanna sign up and you wanna save yourself a couple extra bucks while you're doing so, go on the web browser. Type patreon.com/thebasemanyard. If you use the smart app, it's gonna take a couple extra bucks from you 'cause our lizard tech monster people overlords are going to. to take some extra dollars from you. So patreon.com/thebasementyard. Now, we are back on the road. We are back doing our shows. We have had some shows already. They've been a ton of fun. And one of the most fun parts of those shows are the picture submissions. I mean, if you go to the Basementyard on social, you'll see the clip of the-- I don't even want to give too much away, but the girl was telling us that she was part of a human trafficking ring, which sounds dark, and it is, but it was also funny. So what you can do is go to thebasementyard.com. Check out if there are any shows that there are still tickets available for. And if we're coming to your city or somewhere you want to take a trip to, we highly, highly encourage it. It's been really fun. Also, if you are coming to any of the shows, go to thebasementyard.com/submit. What you are going to do is you are going to submit-- you're going to let us know what show you're coming to-- submit a picture from your camera roll, add a context crazy bananas all over the place. You add some context, and then Joe and I might pick it. We might talk about it to you, with you, about you. It has been really, really fun so far. I'm really excited to see what the next round of shows keep giving us. So go check it out at thebasementyard.com/submit. And last, but certainly not least, the boys modeled some new merch. And you could find all that new merch at SantaGatoStudios.com. It's beautiful, it's incredible, it's fun. There's tote bags, there's hats, there's sweatshirts, there's shirts, the designs are awesome. They're really good quality shirts, really great materials. So check that stuff out at SantaGatoStudios.com. So just a quick recap, we got patreon.com/submit. Thebasementyard.com, if you want to see if there are any tickets any live shows, thebasementyard.com/submit. If you're already coming to a show and you want to submit a question, and SantaGatoStudios.com for the new merch. We love you, we appreciate it. Now let's talk more about my piss. Right. So I think for the sake of the argument, I'm going to pick different ones. Because I would love to have Guinness as my coming out of my urinal, urinal tract. What's it called? Your eithro. That's it. If I could have that, I would be a very happy man. But I need to be honest, I will go Coca-Cola. That's a tough one because that's a really good soda. I mean, do you pick that? No, I want to be different. I want someone to make a graphic that is Joe's piss rotation and it's your choices. And then it's my piss rotation and my choices. So I'm going to go, I'll stick with his soda, but I'm going orange Fanta or a crush. Whoa. Dude, can you imagine, first of all, the carbonation will get to me a little bit. Yeah. But it's what you got to do. So what? It's going to hurt a little bit, but the sweetest of fruits have the juiciest of nectar. Every rose hasn't thorn. I don't know what I'm trying. Not that. So I'll go orange soda coming out of my p-hole. Boy, I have to stick with tea. I have to be on brand. You're going to piss some tea. A little bit of tea. Which tea? Oh, man. I mean, depends on the type and what time of the year it is. Depends on the type. That's what we're asking. I know. I would love a really good bug bitten oolong. You know what I'm saying? I don't know what I was expecting, but a really good bug bitten. A good bug bitten oolong. Does that mean that bugs chew it? Yeah. And that does what to it? It actually, first of all, it's a very sought after tea, because-- You know, am I going to regret asking? You might. Yeah. What do you want it? Sure. Here it is. It's just-- it's just a-- it's like a sought after tea. That's really it. I don't want to get-- What kind of bugs? I don't know. But like-- so caffeine is an insect repellent for-- To my understanding, I could be a little wrong here. I'm sure people are going to fucking punch me in the face. Caffeine is given off by plants as an insect repellent. So when bugs bite the tea, it makes it more caffeinated. Ah. So it's good. So I got-- orange soda. I got a bug bitten oolong tea. OK, OK, wait. See that? A bug bitten oolong tea, oh, man. Let's go with-- I want to switch it up a little bit. OK. I want to switch it up a little. I love fresh, pressed juices. OK. So like a beet, ginger, apple, carrot. What the hell? You know what I'm talking about? I mean, I don't like beets. I feel like ginger coming out of your p-hole. My dad's going to set you ablaze. Brother, it's going to be hot. Yeah, it's going to come out good. It's steaming. It's going to be hot. Oh, imagine pissing out ginger. Yeah, no, it ain't good. No, it's good. But you know what, that would be really good for me. It's a-- well, yeah, I mean. It'd be really good for me, sure. And then last but certainly not least, I'm not doing any favors here in the sound. Make myself sound like not an elitist piece of shit. This is going to be a good champagne. No. I've really been-- man, I need an alcohol in there. I need an alcohol in my p-hole. Let's go just to the fucking absolute run of the mill dragged through a swamp dirty martini. Oh, wow. Yeah, like I'm talking like this thing is basically more olive brimed than vodka. It already tastes like this kind of then. But it needs to be cold. So like, yeah, yeah, I'd make like a thing. So like, I pee into like a nice loose. A very cold dirty martini. Yeah. Was the point of this to have people want to drink from it? I don't really know how this started to be honest with you, but we're here. Because I don't know if I want to drink any of Frankie's pee. First of all, you'd be honored to drink my urine. You wouldn't want an orange crush? No, I don't like orange crush. You'd be like, yo, anyone want to get this? First rounds on me. No, that's Joe's piss. That's right. And it's frothy. You'd have to drink Joe's piss. You don't like orange crush. It's like genetically modified to for humans to like and be addicted to it. Yes, I don't kill. I don't like when things try to be different fruit, except for peach snapple. That's coming out of my piss. Oh, so you're going peach snap, peach snapple, for sure. I like that. I mean, I like regular snapple more, but it's your piss. I could toss a lemon snapple in there too. Be like, oh, you're a double snapple. You have two, you have two fun, like, honestly, then let's just do half and half snapple too. Let's just do all snapple. Oh, that's snapple. Oh, mojito, nevermind. Oh, and then you're gonna piss a mojito. Yo, the mint is gonna hurt. He's gonna fuck your pee hole. He's pissing ginger and beets. Yeah, that's gonna beets, not that bad. Ginger, yeah. Beets will make you concerned, but it doesn't hurt. Yeah, but just look gross and now it hurts. That is, he is honestly correct. I didn't think about the, the objects of my urine. If you told me that I could piss out like a Guinness and it's gonna taste like a Guinness, everything's gonna be Guinness. That's what we're saying. No, I know, I just don't think I could get over the fact that I'm pissing out. Like, I don't know if I'd be able to drink it. Yeah, I mean, there is that part of it. I'm drinking a beer from a dick. Yeah. At the end of the day, that is part of it is that it is still coming out of a wiener, a peanut. Which doesn't make it like ideal. No, I'd rather have come out of a draft. Would you rather drink a beer out of a wiener or a butt? That's a good question. Tendix. Over a butt. Tendix. Who's butt? Any butt. Any butt, yeah, brother. Bro, think of the hottest butt you could think of. Yeah. And then a match issue to your Guinness. But this is our show. But it is Guinness. What are we talking about? The kind people like Guinness are gonna see this and be like, what is this? We're technically being nice. But I just wouldn't out of a butt. What we are saying, out of a butt's great. We're saying what we are saying is that our ideal biological makeup would be us being able to at will piss Guinness. Yes. And but not shit. Yeah. No way. You would never let a beautiful drink like a Guinness anywhere near my butt. To be fair to Guinness, we are saying that it tastes so good we would drink an add of a penis. I am saying that. Honestly. I am on that as well. Also, if Frank was the one who pissed Guinness, I would say no, like the first three times. The fourth time I'm gonna take a step. After your fourth Guinness. After the fourth Guinness, it makes you more susceptible to want to try. Yeah, I five Frank guys pissed one over here. This is a little bit, you know. What the hell are we doing? It was pretty long on paper, probably. Yeah, that was a huge thing. Who cares? It's a big piss episode. That's what the title is going to be. I don't know how Neil is going to like that on YouTube, and I don't know if our sponsors are going to be pumped being like the big piss episode brought to you by Squarespace. Yeah. I don't know. Speaking of piss, I have something. Okay. It has nothing to do with piss. Oh, come on. Come on. I was excited to keep talking. You're in. I have, how would you guys do your breakfast? You know, there's different ways to do it, different kind of cooks on toast, different kind of coffee. Okay. How are we talking about this before? Unclear. I don't think so. Oh. Not like so, maybe. I mean, you know me. I'm a black coffee guy. Yeah, it sucks. Let's start a coffee. Okay. I mean, let's, or let's imagine it's tea for me. Do you put anything in tea? Nothing. Those bug bit new lungs don't need it. They're already bug bitten. Yeah. But every now and then, I'll fuck around and I'll make a match of latte for myself. Oh. Sometimes. Yeah. A little bitch. It's the whole milk. Oh, I, I mean, I, I, I, I, um, and we don't have whole milk in our house often. Okay. I'm the, I'm the whole milk guy. Yeah. Uh, but yeah, I think we could both with confidence, say, whatever A would be with this nothing. Yeah. And where are you at? Because you're a milky match. Yeah. I like milk, man. - I mean, I'm E. - E. - Yeah, I'm E, dude. - That's what the point of having coffee. Well, 'cause they pick up a taste good. - To your credit, not your credit, your defense. - Milk? It's like a splash makes it pretty light. So it doesn't take much to get it to E. - A splash would be like C, that's a splash. - Really? - Yeah. - I feel like a splash would be D, maybe D, but E is the F is too much. - Obviously. - F's been F's. - I will tell you right now, my father drinks coffee if there was an H on that coffee one. - Really? - Because it is mostly milk and mostly sugar. - Ugh. - E, I want to just enjoy it. Black coffee just tastes like ass. - It doesn't. - But cold brew, black coffee, actually tastes good. I don't know what that's about. - That's even more, that's more coffee than coffee. - Yeah, I don't know the magic. All right, so I'm going A here. And then for toast? See, this is what's tough about toast, because what are, what are we assuming that we're just eating? How am I like my toast and my bread for breakfast is different? I think I can with confidence say five and six need to be brought behind the shed and never seen again. If someone's gonna eat six, like, what are we doing here? Six is danger, six is dust, it is danger. You bite in its dust. It's basically just like pure carbon at that point in time. - I'm probably, I'm a little too guy. - Whoa. - That's crazy. - I mean, light toast. - Yeah. - I'll be honest with you. If I'm getting, like, it depends on what I'm eating. I'll eat with just like one, I'll eat, like, I mean, if I'm eating like meloni, I'll eat that. - No, I'm saying like, if I have like eggs and hot dogs, I'll take a one and I'll just throw it in the soft bread with a little ketchup. Oh hell yeah. How often do you have eggs and hot dogs? Couple times a month, well. - I'm two, what are you three, four? - I'm probably in between four and five, honestly. - What? - You're a filthy bastard. - I like a crotch. - No, I don't like that. - Oh what? - A crotch. - He likes a real big crunch. - I love crunchy food, but I think the crunchiest I'll go is four, I'm in between three and four. - It's toast, it's supposed to be crunchy. - Mine, I'm like three is like my max. - Here's my thing that really pisses me off though. If you're giving me toast, give me soft butter. If you give me toast and then you give me ice cold butter in this little packet, so then I put it on there and it makes a crater in my bread, I'm gonna fucking lose my mind. - I hate spreading butter on shit for that reason. - When I go to a restaurant and they have warm butter, I'm like this is an establishment. - I'm not kidding, I wanna like take a picture and show it to other restaurants. Be like fucking do this, you dumb bitch. - When it's those little ones in aluminum foil, like oh don't get me started. - I hold them in my hand. - I do that too. - What people do is they say hold them in your hand to soften them up, but I have to like do work to get butter. I need to like peel it's fucking top off and then I need to like scoop it. No, it was something sexy about it. You undress the butter a little bit. - I don't like it. - One time, just have sex with a woman one time. That'll satisfy that. All right, let's look at bacon here. I might be a hot take here. I'm cool with E. I like my B, extra crunchy punch. - Oh my God, I like it. - No, I like it. I like biting into it and it's just like I fucking just bit into a building like on Zilla. - Right. - What? - D is like, I mean E is like you bite it and most of that is dust. - Yeah, it turns to nothing. My mom likes F, dude. - Your mom, your mom likes F? - Yeah, it's bad. - Your mom probably needs to go for a checkup because that's also probably dangerous thing. - And she's the one that cooks the bacon. So like, obviously if you're cooking it, you're gonna do it how you like it. - I mean, just fair. - And so no one likes the bacon. - Yeah, I mean, she should just eat the coals in the grill. - I'll tell you right now. First of all, no one's grilling bacon. Who are you, Joey? - I just meant like that's what it looks like. It looks like coal. - Yeah. - I love crunchy bacon. I'm fine. I'll eat bacon at any level except for A. - My dad loves A. - Oh. - My dad loves like you put it on and it's still kind of white. And he's like, ooh. Well, because I think, unless I'm wrong, bacon comes cured. Like real bacon is cured. - You can't just rip bacon, right? - No, I think that's turkey bacon. - No, I think like bacon bacon is cured. So like, it's kind of okay to eat at that level. - Well, I mean, he survived so far. - It's like prosciutto. It's not as cured as prosciutto, but it's kind of there. I don't know. I remember though, my dad would put it on the pan. And as soon as like, it would start to bubble and like, you know, like kind of lifts up a little bit. - Yeah, like it starts throwing a task out. - He'd be like, all right, that's done. And I'm like, hey, leave mine on me. - I remember those mornings, 'cause your dad would ask if I like my bacon and in his words, snotty. And I wanted to fucking lose mine. - Yeah, that's what he would say. - Also, don't eat raw bacon. (laughing) - Do not eat raw bacon. - It is cured, but it's injected with just water and flavoring, so it's still raw. - Ah, okay. - Don't eat it. - Okay, so good to know. So my dad's beating this, whatever this would cause. He's beating it. - I'm not kidding. Your dad is a walking scientific anomaly. - It's a wonder, honestly. He is, you know, eating basically raw bacon for 50 years. - I'm gonna go see here. I think see is like a good, like, it's got a crunch to it, but it's still like bacon. It still tastes like bacon. It doesn't taste like the pan. It doesn't taste like volcanic ash. Like the rest of them. - I think see is the correct answer. - But I'll say this. If I'm at a something and there's a plate of bacon, I'm taking mostly seed, but I'll throw it in there. I like, I mean, I think we can meet in the middle and say D 'cause I like he, I love he, but I'm cool with D. - D, I would throw a D in there. - It's also bacon, brother. I'm gonna eat it no matter what it looks like. Let's be honest. - Yeah. - I mean, it needs to be basically ripped out of the package for me to be like, nah. - It's tough. - A is bad. - A is disgusting. - A is actually probably danger. - A is bad. - B also, I'd be like, this place is like, it doesn't know how to cook bacon. Here's the, do you want to be, it looks like burger bacon, you know, it's sometimes a little soft, burger bacon. - Here's the thing about bacon. Bacon is one of the rare foods that it is an incredible thing and it's like almost universally liked, flavor-wise, 'cause people get upset about like, you know, the ethics behind bacon. Flavoring? - Natrocious. - Nasty, I don't like that. - Absolutely atrocious. Like bacon flavored anything? - No, disgusting. - No fucking way. - I only want it like bacon. - What about it, have you ever had chocolate covered bacon? - No. - Me neither. - Oh, were you with us at the time? Where were we? And I got a, I don't know if this was on tour, but we, I believe we were in Denver. We went to a place and they had bacon flights. Were you there? - I mean, I was with you in Denver, but I don't remember a bacon flight. - Maybe it was the different time that I went, but we went to this, this brunch place and they had a bacon flight. So they did bacon like four or five different ways. So it was like candy bacon. - Which is fucking stupid. - Okay, stupid. - It's just like, it's sugar and it's like sugar, and then it was like maple fuck ass stuff on it. - Well, I don't think that's crazy. - They didn't call it, they didn't call it fuck ass. - They didn't call it that, but it made me say it. - Yeah, I've had bacon in a Bloney Mary. Very onboard with that, sure. Very much so. - It's just a good, how many pieces of bacon, by the way, is that gonna appropriate amount? What is the terms of this question? Appropriate amount for what? - Because I will be honest with you. I can eat a whole pack of bacon, but I won't. - Yeah, yeah, I know. - I won't. - So let's say. - But I could. - Let's say, so if there is a, let's get two answers. There's an unlimited amount of bacon, and you're going up to like a buffet essentially. How many pieces of bacon do you think you're gonna put in your plate? - Four. - That's a respectable answer. I think that's a respectable answer for like the other question, which is gonna be like, there is a fixed amount. There's other people around. - Oh, you're going with like, how rude I'm going to be. All kindness in my body goes away with bacon. Well, I'm just saying like, what is an appropriate amount? Like, I feel like, it's like serving size three. - Is like two or three pieces of bacon. - Yeah, yeah. I am, I'm very okay doubling that serving size. But like, six pieces of bacon. I feel like that would be fucking crazy. Yeah, who would do that? - Really? - Six. - Brother, I'm not kidding right now. If you had cooked to de-perfection a plate of bacon, I'm putting down 10 pieces without even coming back to life. How many do you do usually? I don't think you realize how calorically dense bacon is. I don't, you can have a lot of bacon without realizing it. Gross, 10 pieces of bacon is probably like 15,000 calories. That's too much. It's like 2,000 calories. - 10, it's like 900 calories. It's like 90 a piece. - No, I think they're like 100 calories. - It's crazy, 'cause it's so-- - Now, it's still, that mess still wouldn't work. It's like a bite and a half. I think one more piece than how ever many you're putting on your egg sandwich. So, if I make an egg sandwich, I'll put two pieces of bacon on it and I'll have one little side piece of bacon. So I could have more bacon, just in case I need it. - I fucking hate that answer. - Yeah, you gave us a riddle. The answer that you wanted was three. What could be four? - Depends on the size of the sandwich. - So it's all about how your sandwich is made. So if someone makes it with 8,000 pieces of bacon on it, you'll have 8,000 in one? - Technically, yes, by that math. (laughing) - Before we get to the egg portion of this, I have other sponsors here. We have rocket money. 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You can do so with these products These are prescription strength ingredients like finestroid and minoxidil They can help prevent further hair loss and regrow hair and as little as three to six a month So this is what you can do and you find the right regrow treatment for you with flexible subscription options Access to 24/7 provider support and yeah, you can get a free For simple online access to personalized and affordable care for hair loss ED weight loss and more visit hymns.com/basement That is hymns.com/basement for your free online visit Future products include compounded drugs, which the FDA does not approve or verify for safety effect in this equality prescription required individual Individual results may vary see website full details restrictions and important safety information So there you go folks All right, so this last part of it is the egg and I'll go out here and say this when it comes to eggs I Think scrambled, you know actually I used to think scrambled was the was the ultimate. I'm getting into I don't know eggs the what's the one that like it kind of runs Well, like sunny side up. Well sunny side up is when they don't flip it at all And it has like the like the cartoonish looking egg. Yeah, where they flip it and then they basically take it off after a couple of seconds It's over easy over easy eggs. I think are the superior egg. I fully agree. That's how I cook my eggs Crispy sourdough cold slice of cheese over easy egg and it kind of it pisses a bit, right? Oh, that's son of a bitch pisses. Yeah, you could do like an over medium where it's more of like a Two or three consistency, but I like a runny yolk. I like to like pop it and this thing is just Yeah, I love that it's like oh, he's bleeding If you're getting into over easy eggs get a bacon egg and cheese with an over easy egg It's like it comes with its own dip. I know I know I love it. I get that And I'm just like oh, and then I fucking it spits everywhere. I'm like cleaning it up Well, I'm a wet eater like when I eat shit. This shit needs to be soaked I need to dip it. I need to be like fucked up like I like that now we're talking like a saucy who eat shit without a sauce Don't get me fucking dry food hit this. It's so stupid. Get a wet fucking sandwich, dude You haven't lived until you just had a stoppy disgusting wet face because there's your egg roll We're all like yoke all over the whole of the foods that make you look like a filthy bastard are the best like ribs It's all over your face. It's on your shirt. You look like an idiot, but it tastes the religious. I your you are You you and I could not be more lined up on this. I love food that comes with a mess Like it's just like oh you ready like I remember there are old like restaurants I haven't been to one but I imagine it's pretty cool They give you like a fucking big and a seafood restaurant going out here. You're getting and you're gonna get dirty Come here. You're fucking baby sit out and we're gonna fuck a hundred crab like you're leaving here And we know that you're just gonna get fucking lost in the sauce. I love that type of shit. Messy food is the best Yeah, you know, I love when they just dump it on the fucking table. Why are you why are you guys smart like that? I agree He's got a smart like dry food No, then you know people who just eat fries like fries. What the fuck are you doing? Yeah, no sauce in here. So sauces Just like all just make it as sloppy and fucking disgusting as possible I also if there's if if sauces are watching right now I just want to say I think that you're so integral to the food experience I will go as far to say is a dish is not complete without a sauce Yeah, and there that has to be true and and big sauce is listening, which I hope they are I Am I have yet to find a sauce that I hate as much as mustard and honey mustard. I hate all mustard You know that honey mustard is good honey mustard is good, but like a barbecue sauce Anything orange I fucking love Oh, like Buffalo now like a Chipotle male Chipotle male was insane. I guess that is technically Or like the orange like between thinking orange, but that anything that any sauce that looks like I'm gonna like that one also a fucking a Holy I have a hard time understanding what you are exactly, but I'm fucking homework Yes, I'm with you like it could be literally dog shit a holy I'd be like well I'm getting it and I like when like you know a sauce like evolves using a firestone into a dip I love that like it's like dig evolved into a dip like they add a little bit of thickener So it's like now it's like a full on dip, but you could still use as a sauce. Yeah You know, but like now it's just like it's like when you watch fucking Haunt. They're going to gang are you're like This is somehow just as good if not better. Yeah, you know what I'm saying. I also am not afraid of of Integrating dips that don't even make sense just because I want it that way give me that give me give me like if if This happened yesterday Nicole made these like a snack wrap type of things and there was like a sauce in there Oh, yeah, and I was like I'm still gonna dip this bitch in barbecue sauce anyway because now I got two dips I love when I love when places also like I've not had enough to be able to crown it the king of sandwiches But a French dip is such a confident fucking prick like the absolute confidence to be like not only you get in the sandwich I'm giving you a pool for this thing to fucking swim in yeah, like that is such game dude like the only thing better than having a Side sauce is a side pool to drown my fucking sandwich like it has secrets Fucking bitch, and then you eat it. Oh, I get a French dip now. Yeah, I I couldn't tell you I think I've only had like one or two in my life and they don't They've not they've not been great. I put it like really they've not been great friendships got to get in line Getting like or like BD at tacos. Oh I that I'm holding under literally. I'm telling you right now They there's a place that I've gone to that gives you BD at tacos and it gives you like a Fucking like Trenta size and I'm going in with my wrist. Yeah, I'm coming out and I want my hand to look like I just shoved it in the heart of someone in mortal combat Yeah, I fuck and if it was if it was deeper than that It's gonna look like I put my hand in a horse's ass like it's so tough because like There's only one way to do a bit of get taco and basically I won't be content until I'm swimming in it with the tacos in my hand I also fuck with the fact that those tacos are like get we dipped the bread in it then the second bread We dipped that fucker to and it's got more sauce on it and we're gonna give you more sauce This is I mean that might be the iconic. It's a triple dip. It's a triple dip They dip it from the start to the end. I mean like there are so good like baptisms need to take I will get baptized whatever religion you want tomorrow if they're dipping me in be the yeah Don't pour this little water on my head that's blast dip me in some fucking house. I want to go and they're just like you know But you go about that a little bit and then they just fucking bang just like the beer sauce in my fucking mouth. Oh my god Dude hang me upside down and dip me in there. Can you just for for for me and can you pronounce what we have been saying? Beer yeah, beer. Yeah, but say it but roll your arms say it with the R rolling because that's how you're supposed to have an example Be the idea. Be the no you're saying be the idea be the no no no you're saying be the Italian. Be the area. No no no no be the area be real be real Yes, I mean that one be real no it's not if I say it fast. I still know it's like be the video be the video be the video be the attack I was a little too much flat. I love it. Do you like yeah? Yeah, like I love a rest like I love a nice restaurant that's like the food is Intricately made and everything and it's good for but then I love you go to some place and there's like fuck you Yeah, we're gonna just fucking throw this into that old like that that checker paper You know what I'm talking about and this dumb idiot is gonna spit in your face or if they bring some out in a basket I'm like let's go baskets, you know, but don't do the but don't do the millennial burger place thing. You've seen those online, right? People making fun of clowning millennial burger joints. - Yeah. - Where they're like, they call 'em handhelds instead of burgers. Guns back. - The gun is back. But I like when, also, if you're gonna put a side dip or a sauce, I'm dipping everything that shows up to this table and that. I will put my foot in this thing before the sauce, like the sauce will be completely dried up. It's a really good point. Everything goes in the dip. As far as these fucking eggs go. I don't really like this type of egg. I don't fuck with a heartable egg to be honest. - Do you eat ramen? - This is more like a ramen egg. - Oh yeah, and when it goes in there. But I've eaten it, but I don't like it. I just don't like the texture of the egg white. - Yeah, I just, I will tell you. - I'm eating an eraser. - I have found this stuff, it's called chili crisp. Have you ever seen it or had it? - This host. It's like in a jar and it's like chilies and garlic and it's like kind of crunchy. I'm telling you right now, put that over one of those bitches and you'll be flying high. - Frank, if I put that over my own ass, I would find a way to get back there and chew on it. - That's how good that chili crisp's fucking shit. - It's so good. I got like an extra crunchy version and it has like edamame and chickpeas and stuff in it. - Yeah, baby. - I'm fine, honestly, like I know people clown on E and F. I'm fine with any version of that. - Oh, you're talking about five and six? - That's what I mean, sorry, five and six. Yeah, for the eggs. - I mean, yeah, I mean, five and six just don't look like real things. - I feel like a six egg. Sometimes, you know how some people when they eat, they can eat chicken nuggets with the kidney wings because it reminds you you're eating an animal. Like it's like, oh, it's a bone. I feel like the six egg, it's like, it reminds like, oh, I'm eating eggs. Does that make sense? - Nope, like a, like a, yeah. - Like you realize like, oh, I'm eating eggs. I don't know if that makes sense. - It doesn't, no. - I promise it. - But I'll help you. - 'Cause it's just like, I'll help you. - I don't know. - But it's like the furthest from the form in which, but it's the closest to the form of the animal. - Like consistency, why? - Yeah, I guess. But that's also a dumbass thing to think, so. - All right. A dumbass thing. - Well, I'm too. - Probably. - Yeah, I think I would probably go too. - When I make mine, I aim for a two or a one or two, but they come out three, four, I'm not upset. Also, like, hard-boiled eggs, it just reminds me of, like, Easter. - Yeah, with me. - Oh, well, no, that's traditional Easter with the Easter bunny, but like the Greeks do the game, where they're like, Cassetti got buddy, you know? - Who? - Can you throw that into the, and then they bang the eggs together? - Oh, yeah. What's with that? It's like, good luck if you-- - Oh, it's like, the person that wins, it's like whoever doesn't have their egg cracked. - We every year get the, uh, with the bread thing. - And you have to find a coin? - Oh, yeah, the Vasa Lofita. - Yeah. - Love that bread. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, the bread's fine. - I'll say it's very hit or miss. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - If you go to, there's a place on Steinway in Dittmar's called Victory Sweet Shop. - Yeah, in between Dittmar's and 21st? - Yeah, yeah. - That's the best. That's the best. It's the best. And then afterward, you use it, the French toast. - It's a good bread. - It's a good bread. - You don't know what bread we're talking about, right? - I haven't been paying attention. - There's a good consistency of the bread, and I've had good ones, and then I've had ones I'm being like, what is that? - Yeah. Oh, good. - It just tastes like I'm eating baking. - I haven't had that in so long. I wanna get one now. - I don't think I've ever found the coin. - I got it one year, like 2010 or something. The last time. - You know who it was? - We used to buy 'em for us, Ms. Argy. She was Greek. - Yeah, yeah, she would get one for our family, so that's how we got into it. - It's interesting. - But, that's funny, 'cause you lived significantly closer than she did to that. - Yeah, I agree. - Yeah. - What were you just talking about? - Eggs. - Did you guys have pizza day in school? - Of course. We were getting from this one pizza spot, sometimes I don't know what you've unlocked in me, but, and the pizza was so good, and then we switched pizza places, like four years in, and everyone hated the pizza, everybody. And the principal, the new principal came up to me, and out of everybody, asked me how we liked the new pizza. And it was all on me. It was all on me, and I-- - Like an assembly? - Yeah, it was just like in the cafeteria. It was all on me, and everyone's looking at me, and every single person hated the pizza. And I went, tastes good, and I ruined it for everybody. - Oh my God! - I ruined it for everybody. It was so much pressure on me. - That really sucks. - Was it like a microphone situation? - No, it was just like, they just came up to me, hand on the shoulder, I was like at the edge of the table, and they just asked me. - So you-- - I ruined it. - You were responsible. - You spoke for your peers, and you led them down the path of destruction. - Wow. - Yeah, I knew what the people wanted, and I couldn't do it. - Classic politician. - I love, you got his own interest in mine. - Yeah, he's sort of a bit-- - Not the voting body. - And I've learned from that, so I'll speak up for the people. - If I was in your class, I would have been really pissed at you, and probably done nothing, but I'd been mad. - Yeah. - Yeah, I used to love that. Or like the day they'd be like, "All right, today we're not teaching, "we're rolling out a TV," I'd be like, "Yes." - Yeah. - Oh, I mean, we've talked about it, pretzel day. - That was every day. - No. - Oh, Friday. - It was like one day a week, whether it be Wednesday, Thursday or Friday. They would, during lunch in elementary school, they'd, the oldest looking woman rolled out the oldest looking box of the oldest, weddest, coldest, giant pretzels you've ever seen in your entire life. - There were so many. - And I'll tell you right now, they were the best pretzels I've ever had. - I think that was the best bang for your buck on the planet back then. We're talking like the year 2000. - 50 cents for the greatest pretzel that was like at the bottom of the Mariana's trench. It was like also like, it was, it was clammy. It was wet. It was wet. It was like kind of clammy and whatever, but they were good, man. - God. And they were so salty. - Yeah. - Like, and even like the parts that didn't have salt on them, you'd lick them and it's like, "Yo, this is salty, brother." - I fucked with pretzel day. - God. - Pizza day. - They're having a pizza party. Well, pizza day was tough because for school lunch, they had pizza days and they had either the round ones that were unbelievable or they had the long ones that looked like a slipper and they sucked balls. - I'm gonna have to back up here. I kind of like the pizza boat. You like the slipper pizza? - Yeah. - Oh no. - The only thing is, I will say, slipper is a good name because there would be times where you would bite that and the whole cheese would just- - That's why I hated it. At least the one that came like this, first of all, it had pepperoni options and those pepperonis were great. - They were, they were thick cut pepperonis. - They were thick cut pepperonis and like, you could bite it and not lose everything. - Yeah. - I actually don't know what you're talking about. - As you went to a fuckin', you went to- - You went to like Catholic school, right? - Yeah, I went to Catholic school. - So they had either like these round pizzas, but then they also had these pizzas that were like, kind of like oval like this and like, yeah. And they were like pretty saucy though. I fucked with the fact that they were pretty saucy. - Look up, like I know we joke about what I tell you to look up. - No, yeah. - Look up 90s. - School. - School lunch pizzas. - No ways. - No ways. - No. - I think that's why I see it. - Yeah. - Those were not ours. - So that top one. - That's the top one. - This, that's the slipper, bastard. - That's the slipper. - And then there's the round one. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, this one? - Down. Where the guys doing the salute? - This, I don't know if it's a video. - No, like this one? - Nope, no, more like this. More like that. - Oh, here we go. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - More like that. - So they had those or they had the slipper, but I fucked with just the slipper. - Yo, the slipper sucked because it was also like, soft like just a raw bread. - Yeah, it was. - It sucked. - Also the lunch lady knew our moms. So when they would serve pizzas, sometimes they would run out of pizzas. So by the time you got up, 'cause it was all a free lunch. And when you got up to the front, sometimes they'd be like, "All we have is like a cheeseburger or like a fucking. " - A cheeseburger that came in a plastic bag. - Crazy. - Oh my God, it was so bad. - For the peanut butter and jellies. But then we would get up to the front and she'd be like, "I saved you guys pizza." And she'd give me pizza. I was like, "Yo, thank you." - Ms. Donna? - Yeah, Ms. Donna, that was my lady dog. - Yeah, I was hype. That was my, that's the best nepotism you could possibly get on the planet. - Yo, nepotism was sick in the '90s. - Nepotism was what was happening to you so far. - Yeah, I'm so sick. (laughing) I hate it when there's other people. - I'm fine with it when it's like something though. - Yeah, I would like nepotism. - I think my free pizza nepotism, I'm in it. - My parents have given me bad cholesterol and possible anxiety. (laughing) - Come on. - Yeah, no. But that was the best back then. - God damn, that's fun. - The American dream is to make your children nepot babies. - I mean, yeah. - That's it? - Technically. - That is it? - It's probably some other stuff in there. - Yes. - Nope, that's just that. - It's probably one out of this life. But yeah, I guess that is all for this week's episode. - Hot episode. - Not episode. - Hot saucy episode. - saucy episode. Do we call it the saucy episode? Do we call it the, we got to go saucy. I don't know if we could put piss in the title. - Yeah, we can't say, oh, drink my piss. I have eating it sloppy. We're definitely not making it that. - Oh, I mean, not only would I not make that, I wouldn't trust our graphics guy with that. - Yeah, eating it slop style. (laughing) Fucking hell, I don't know. - What the fuck was that? - Oh, slop it up. (laughing) - It was sloppy, sloppy steaks. - Well, that's my bad. It's all good. - Well, thank you guys so much for watching. Frank, we're getting to find you. - The Frank Alvers all over the place. Go check out the countdown to Avengers Doomsday podcast on Disney. Go check out patreon.com/thebasebandyard. The basebandyard. all over the socials, we're everywhere. - Yep, if I'm at antprisco on TikTok and Instagram. - Ooh, and you guys, you'll follow me at Joe Santagato, everywhere, go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at the basement yard and that is all. See you guys next time.