#569 - Choosing Our New Grandma

welcome back to the welcome back to the basement yard you're clicking your two pinky rings together them i click them oh you got a lot of rings these days are you gonna keep going you're gonna keep going up i don't know dude i i recently like met someone who has like rings on every finger and then sometimes on some of them too and i was like this is crazy where did you meet this person it's completely irrelevant but it's like it's so many rings it's just like i think this is a good meaty a good meaty meaty medium no i got you this ring this was a gift at the end of the show i know be fully honest with me and it's all right it's a gift yeah you will never wear that uh i've never worn a pinky ring well why not i don't give in dude give in to like the i'm not like a pinky ring guy i think you are honestly once you once you ring it up then you don't bring it i've worn rings before but it's like when's the last ring you wore um i was like in miami and i wore rings really yeah what oh you're wearing rings i got rings you got rings you're ringed up i'm with you rings are kind of the way to go dude because like this is all like cool and then that's a very nice bracelet but like sometimes you just need to like what's that just just be just be a loud hand haver right i actually separate them so i don't do that well this is the only one that i don't because it's just it's pinky ring size and i'm not gonna double it up were you crazy yeah this would be insane that would be crazy dude i would be worried about your your pinky it doesn't fit on any other i don't want to this makes me so nervous didn't you didn't you say that your dad had to cut a ring off his finger or something like that oh we had to cut a ring off of my sister's finger growing up have you you've seen the the like dental floss trick yeah that's scary but also like i think he was like a little handsaw and i was like i had to like like a dremel or something like that yeah like a dentist came in and was like oh i would be terrified of that yeah my brother had a you remember the silly bands like that were shaped of animals yeah of course he wrapped that when he was a child in the cafeteria around his finger and one of my friends saw like yo that kid's fingers just blew that bad huh yeah he almost lost it the people said like oh it would have been gone that was such a thing i remember with us like uh the scariest thing in a house as a kid in the 90s and 2000s was like window blinds because they all had the long drawstring you don't remember that i do i remember very clearly just being like my parents like barking at us like don't play with that you'll choke yourself really yeah because like yeah it would like it had like those big clunky pieces of plastic on the end yeah so if it got around something it would like kind of lock itself in and i i've imagined that tragedies have happened and it scared people into not doing it that's never i don't know i never like thought about that really something to think about when you have a house and you do window treatments like stuff like that is scary super dark but yeah it happens make sure my children don't hurt themselves well like window treatments now are just like you just pull it and push it i love that i love a good yeah i like that or like i like a crank because it makes me feel like i'm like i have a tower like opening the doors what are our house like there's a window that has like the old window treatments from the old owners and it has like the rope like i'm the fucking phantom of the opera you know what i'm saying i like that i have that in my apartment now i i don't i don't dislike it i hate this shit i feel like i don't mind that either i hate this shit i now they have ones that like it like folds in on itself because some of our windows have that but now the arm like folds so it's not just an arm sticking out like this oh then yeah you know i don't like the crank i'm cracking the window open i don't mind the crank i like it no i have nothing against it i do prefer the just up and down just a little up and down magic it does feel like magic have you seen the ones that like you can pull it from the top too yeah what are we doing now though oh you're not in what do you mean how are you on window like is that your favorite window treatment or do you have others that you're like a big fan of window treatment that's what they're called i know but it's just funny um i don't know i haven't put much thought into this the ones that you could just open bro you ever get a window bro i hate these fucking windows that we we're reinventing the window for no reason there's windows where it's like you crank it open yeah and the whole window can come in yo what are we doing that's these windows brother why do they do this they're fucking scary remember when i opened it and it scared me i thought it was fun yeah dude that was happening everyone there's no and no one in the history of the world is like i wish this window would just open this way so that i can get some air in here i'm just opening i'm sure there is a reason but the fake out is what fucking scares people because it's not like it's on like a piston it like it just falls it just falls down on you when you when you're the only one that doesn't know something's happening i feel like that's when you look the dumbest that's correct because he knows the window came out and he saw me go fully like oh you know i mean it's like i don't remember i've opened windows that have like it's like a handle and it's like if you put it this way it opens regular if you put it this way it comes down that way if you put it all the way up then it fucking like the the asshole pops out yeah just make it a simple up down just the door or or i don't i know you don't like a crank i don't mind a crank i'm fine with a crank we're just opening like a door and then shut it like what are we doing why do we need all this this is insane you know what windows i love you know like old-timey houses have like the like it's like a quarter circle a lot of like uh it's like it's like one of those windows and then they'll be like two in the attic so it looks like if you put them together it's like power rangers meeting in the middle i do with that a lot of like old-timey like long island houses that's where i saw it recently when we were on our way home from long island quarter circle yeah dude yeah this reminds me of like jumanji it's exactly what it reminds me you're like oh my god there's a big haunted 32 year old who lives in the attic or yeah like the amityville horror house you remember yeah it's like someone's dead but alive up there yeah yeah yeah i kind of love windows like that whenever i see those windows i always think like inside is this like old-timey old woman that's just a fucking or it's just like a uh an old dude who's just like covered in hair he's got like hair all over his face i imagine just like someone is standing in the middle and they're just going like this oh yeah oh yeah like they can like look out both windows at like to this day if i see an attic window i just stare at it because i'm like someone's gonna pop out we were fucking do you remember when we were jump scared by that old woman on 44th or something like that in astoria yeah bro though yeah bro first of all i don't know why it was like a girl it was like the longest it felt like the longest block in the world and i don't know why but at the corner of it there was this house i think it was pink right it was like a beige it was like a beige pink which is the hardest thing i've ever said in my entire life beige pink pink and we were walking down at night and we looked over and like jump scare like someone was like in the fucking window it looked like a girl from the ring with like a hair dude i don't like that and uh and i i i feel like that that turned me off to walking at night and like looking into windows i do like looking into the people's apartments from my apartment freak well i'm not like hoping to see them naked or something well then why do you like to look into it because i'm like what are they doing in there like what's their lives like i mean i think the hope and the like the enjoyment of looking in is the problem it's not like if you like if you like looking because you want to see them eating food whatever but like you like it because you want to see something crazy happen no i no not necessarily i just like seeing like um you're like look at these people they're all living lives this guy's working they're watching tv she's making dinner and then this guy's killing someone in his bathtub or something what he's doing that's some rear window shit that's what you're doing i don't know but that nice hotel that we stayed at in toronto right next to a building yeah and also the bathroom window yep so yes i'm in the shower and my butt is facing someone's living room i think though that had the the old timey like hunchback notre dame who's got that kind of time when you're showering i i didn't do it so you're wait so let me ask yeah you like kind of looking in and seeing like oh people are about and stuff like that do you keep your windows open for like the blinds open for that reason or do you like i don't want anyone to see in here in a hotel or home i mean there's not a building that's like super close to me that like they would they would be able to see in and see who it is like if they saw me from a distance they'd be like that guy's naked what would you do if you looked across and you saw someone with like binoculars i thought this guy's a freak just staring into your place you call him the five oh well i would just assume they're not looking at my apartment how do you know because there's a lot of apart i mean i don't know shouldn't the assumption be that they are so you can stop it what am i gonna do call the cops say hey there's someone in this building across the way from me that's looking into my apartment with a binoculars the next the building is like a couple blocks away i'm pretty sure they'll just go like nice yeah no they absolutely are they gonna do i mean they'll do something at least make it make me believe that you're gonna do something about it if the reality is you're not going to that's fine but at least like tell me you're going to be vigilant i'm less worried about that i'm worried about like your last house didn't love that your door i hated that oh like it was a big like it was it was mostly glass like someone who's like coming to your house is like could see in your house yeah i get it i mean we probably should have like we had we always had like a wreath on the front door so it was a little obstructed but i i hear what you're saying i stayed in an airbnb recently and the whole front door was glass i'm like i hate this yeah people could just walk up and just be like hey i'm a big fan you know what i'm coming all the way back on screens dude i'm back on the screen i'm back like a screen that slams dude i i well first of all we grew up with like the old-timey doors in new york that were like made of aluminum foil yeah and it always had that like horse and carriage on the front you know which one i'm talking about and they were loud loud and on just the strongest spring that has ever existed yeah it was the strongest spring that's ever been sprung it fucking slammed shut dude that thing when that when you let go of that thing it could have like i imagine like a cartoon like if i put my face where it hit there would be like an outline of my face in the door because that shit was strong we had one growing up like before like when i was when i was super young i remember home i don't even remember this door that's how old it is but i i watch uh old home videos and when we were in the front yard we used to just smack on the door to let us back in and just like car accidents that sound yeah that sound it really was very like it was like sheet metal yeah like i don't know how or why they produced doors that were that flimsy and thin yeah it was like a symbol you know drum symbol we just got um like on our our french doors that go to the backyard it's like a retractable screen so like we can throw the doors open in the fall and just have that bitch open retractable like it's like so like the french doors right yeah look at me yeah it's like rolled up on either side and you can close it oh and then when you're done you press a button and it just retracts back on its gotcha because i'm all about cross breezes baby yeah i'm all about like open a door there or window there window there and let that shit fucking come through yeah oh yeah burping your house that i that's something that we had previously spoke about i came home one day i think i told you that i came home one day and becca's like i'm burping the house i was like where are we now i mean i'm the one who's got to do that cold just let the fucking ac just run and i'm like it's cold it just dries you out it's all ac all day can't have this do you sleep with a humidifier no no i i've never but i know that i have but then like once it runs out of water i'm because it like wakes you up it does the point like the point is that it's not supposed to like if it runs out of water in the middle of the night it's going to be like beep beep beep beep oh no it wouldn't it wouldn't make it sound i'm just like i wouldn't refill it because i'm like i don't want to do also you got to fill it with the right water if not you're getting those brain-eating amoebas or whatever they're doing on a humidifier i think so are you breathing in it's in the air yeah you're supposed to use distilled water so you don't get like fucking parasites and shit like that i think that's only if you're like pouring it into your nasal like a neti pot because i've done that with not distilled water you told us i was very scared yeah i was convinced it was over also if you're a little thirsty you could just take out of the dehumidifier and drink a little bit that would be disgusting that'd be absolutely disgusting a little thirsty if you're a little thirsty you have a bottle of water next to the no well there's no bottle of water and you don't want to get up i always have water on my nightstand you do cup or bottle um i guess but i prefer a lot well i have like a resealed a lot yeah like a like one that i like take to the gym or something i'll fill that bitch up the people that used to like old time like where they would put like a glass of water on their nightstand put their dentures in it yeah well that was different that was like a cleaning solution yeah i guess i'm kind of not taking your teeth out at the end of the night it's probably so yo i was just gonna say i'm not against having those one day taking my teeth out if all like if i'm old and gray and like i got nothing like to fucking like care about my teeth for i'm cool with taking them out if i could take my teeth out i feel like that's better than taking your bra off you know like take my teeth out like i don't know they they make taking the bra off look very relaxing i think maybe if you got uh you know gigantic uh wombats then then then taking them off you're like thank god kerbangers yeah kerbangers if you had big old kerbangers but imagine like you it's like a long day of like talking and eating at the end of the day you're like uh take your teeth out you know it's funny because we can't or take your bra off and your teeth out now you got dentures and kerbangers that's why grandmothers used to sleep really well because taking out i mean what's more relaxing well no because grandmothers back in the day they used to take all that off to then put on a fucking like twill nightgown and shit like that it was it can't be a fucking comfortable nightgowns are pretty comfortable they look like they make you look haunted yeah but like back those old timey ones they had like collars and shit like that like there's no way that shit was comfortable at all yeah my my grandmother's uh my grandmother's nightgown was pretty complex like it had like lace it definitely looked like she could fly dude oh i like those actually that have like the lapels well that's what i'm saying they have like collars and shit like that like this yo i'm letting you know right now pick your favorite grandma right now oh that's it make this why did the picture i need to be able to take a look at these zoom in on these grandmas we're gonna pick our favorite grandma right now uh oh man so so the one in the pink reminds me of yaya frank in the back of them are pink no in the back pink that reminds me of yaya pink that does remind me more of yaya yeah and um i got one i i think i got one too i think all right so here's what i'm gonna go with your top two grandmas top two grandmas in this picture right now uh is the one in the back and like the brighter pink and um i don't i don't i'm cool with the one all the way on the right and the white she's got like she's got like a grandmotherly look on her very fair skin very i mean i'm not picking it because of that but like i just she has like uh oh you know yeah i think there's one right choice here yeah i personally my my number one overall draft pick in in these old women right now i'm taking shorty in the front in the pink on the right that's that's my number one because it just looks like she's like very loving like but see i'm getting more of like a she was like she looked like she could be a model she's gonna pull out an old picture and you're gonna be like grandma damn i mean she out of all of them looks like the one that is the closest to having have been german at a really specific time in our world's history all right you know what i'm saying these are nice ladies bro i'm not saying she was a nazi but like of all the ones that could look like it no she looks like a nice old woman she's an old woman for god's sake she looks like she could get down party my next pick no all them party they they do this they do this dance no this is like the the old have you ever seen the woman she's like a tick tock account where she like dances like a middle-aged woman yeah you know who i'm talking about they do that middle-aged woman dance the my my second pick would be the lady all the way to the left because i feel like she's not she's like speaking a slavic language that i don't know and she cooks like for real no see the woman all the way to the left a hundred percent was the one that worked as a librarian one million percent wrong with that nothing i'm not saying anything's wrong with that but i'm not getting like like old european girl i'm getting that for sure like she looks like she you know she really knows her way around the kitchen i'm just gonna say this first of all love all these ladies second of all the woman that i picked in the darker pink just looks like she'll she knows all the answers she'll your shit up if you get out of line she does look kind of like jersey and smug in this she looks like she's like i've seen some and i could bake the best casserole you've ever seen she looks like she just talked to a medium and she doesn't like what they said well she looks like her her grandchild that has green hair just came home with their friend and she's just like what's this relationship yeah you know what i'm saying she's she's feeling it out but those are some sick nightgowns dude wait go they got they got more we're just giving this etsy page just a full-on plug now we're talking are these are these them though are these like actual women who make these i have no idea i'm going to be honest yeah i mean shout out to them this woman this woman is like yeah she's she's my number two for sure and now this is a grandma look at her hair bro look at her hair i bet you this woman was like a model she was like her hair was just like flowing it's thick it's thick did you see this yeah yeah i was a model yeah i was a beauty a beauty pageant queen she was miss from astoria miss astoria she was gloria from astoria we're just full-on plugging this etsy page yeah well that didn't have to be on screen i'm just seeing if it was them or not uh and who was your favorite mind yeah the and who's number two oh number two's hard man well you're gonna have to make uh quick quick quick green nice i love that she seems very sweet yeah honestly all of them she looks like she's literally three foot tall though so i came across a tick tock page one day which it got the waterworks going and it was a guy who's like he goes to like i think he started off at by himself going to like pride parades and stuff like that and he was his whole thing was just like hug a dad or play catch with the dad because a lot of people you know in the lgbtq plus community didn't have that relationship with their parents so he started a thing where it was just like oh i'm gonna go to these these pride parades and pride and i'm the dad and like you can talk with me i can just give you a hug we could play catch a little bit beautiful a service where like they just be a grandmother for you would be so sick we're like i call them and i just tell them about my day and they're just so proud of me and then they write me a check for 12 dollars that would be a good idea i mean at a certain point we stopped having grandmas unfortunately he's had worse ideas oh that's for certain yeah there's there's also a restaurant where it's like all the women who own it are like we we talked about this recently they made like a movie about it with vaughn or something yeah the restaurant every like week there's a different grandma cooking her home restaurant every week there's a different grandma cooking her home meal or something be honest if you hear that does that make you want to go to a restaurant more like if that's the gimmick yeah me too absolutely i went to uh an italian restaurant once in jersey and the whole thing was just like the chef the chef was just an old italian woman it wasn't like uh like a you know with like the pen and the thermometer in there it was just an old woman wearing a nightgown i like when things feel uh very simple and family-owned places too like the kid who's working the front is clearly 13 yes and this is illegal but like he's the guy's son or whatever the fuck and then the mom's doing whatever and she's you know what i'm saying like i like that that kind of place i went to a place actually when i was in switzerland and this is like a different type of vibe but i really appreciated this too it was known for like steak or whatever oh yeah and there was an open pit in the middle of this place and there was a guy there in a shirt that looks like he's been working there for a hundred years it's covered in like soot and whatever the smoke is pillowing right into his face and he cooks all the meat right there and like obviously that guy is is you know on a on the last yeah because of the amount of smoke inhalation yeah yes gets on every shift but i was like i like this you know like it's not hidden it's not in the back it's not 10 guys it's one dude just being like i'm a fucking there's there needs to be a place for that like there needs to be like don't get me wrong we've been to some like fine dining restaurants and stuff like that and and i love them and those experiences are great but i also love just like a restaurant that's just kind of like being held together by like fucking sticks and stones like it's just like everyone is just like they all are family they all know each other no one really gives a fuck about like you know too much but also they want you to have a good experience yeah when we were in it i guess it's a europe thing when we were in ireland there was a guy i went to a breakfast place and there was just a guy that worked there and he didn't do anything outside of just yelling at people someone's gonna do it he was just berating every single person like didn't he say you were gay or something yes he called me gay for ordering tea right yeah he did he very much so did that's great but like didn't like seat me didn't like get food for me didn't take the plate did nothing outside of calling me gay for getting tea hey man he's earning his paycheck i just went to a place where the waiters or the waitress's daughter was also in a little like waitress outfit with like the apron and everything and the bartender had her bring over one coke to a table and it was like everyone was watching and i looked at the bartender he went it's a gamble every time because she was like yeah he was like you also like if you go to a place like that and you become like if she drops that and you're just like you're a fucking piece of shit no one no one no one's gonna get mad at that no dude there are people that would get mad like if if that's the situation play play with it have some fun let them do it like let them take your order and you know like give in a little bit i was thinking giving this very little child the responsibility of bringing a full glass with like a little tray i feel like that teaches them a lot like what responsibility and like fear oh yeah when i was a kid i one time tried to bring the turkey to the table and i dropped that shit in the kitchen and i just put it right back in the place plan b is a backup birth control option that's there for you when things don't go according to plan it specifically works after unprotected sex and before pregnancy occurs by temporarily delaying ovulation plan b is available nationwide at all major retailers and through delivery apps like doordash no id prescription or age requirement it's the number one obgyn recommended brand of emergency contraception and it won't impact your future fertility that's freedom to be use as directed i was like i'll bring it i wasn't like super young like i was like 13 14 that's a little older than what i was i mean it was just like a full accident it wasn't like i wasn't like strong enough it just like was a slippery chick or turkey yeah absolutely shit hit the ground in the kitchen i was like well well it's it's like uh kids at a certain point love to like cosplay working like adults so like sometimes at the house ruby and mave will play workers so like if i'm like working on my computer they'll pull up their toy computers and ruby will pull up like both of them will pull up pen and paper and they'll sit there and they'll write stuff down and they'll type on their computer and then there's like oh you know fucking guy yeah and then like sometimes they'll like just like walk up to us and be like all right what do you want to order and like it's it's it's playtime i'm at a myles made me a cheeseburger once myles made you a cheeseburger ruby made me uh a french fried pie or something like that like we were at my in-laws french fried pie it doesn't sound awful that sounds incredible really a pie of like french oh i guess fry i was thinking like french toast for some reason oh imagine a french toast pie bro hold on hold on hold on hold on french toast pie sounds fucking incredible is that not just what regular pie like filling is not filling but like the topper because it's normally dusted in like cinnamon sugar i need more what about let me ask you this we're all over the place today brother that's fine stuffed french toast in out i haven't really gotten into it wow what does it get stuffed with i had one that was stuffed with it was like uh bananas and uh frosted flakes cereal and nutella where did you go peter pan what fucking place did you get that i forgot where but it was a restaurant i went to a breakfast spot once it was a real place it wasn't like oh myles made it it's like i have an idea no it was very real wait you went to a place and on the menu they had french toast that was stuffed with frosted flakes bananas and nutella yes and you said yes one of those yes i did that is outrageous why why is that outrageous it's a crazy order i mean that sounds delicious does it not i yeah yeah what would you rather me have gotten uh uh i don't know a protein omelette you know what let me not get anything with whimsy on this menu let me get one green omelette what was that a dr seuss thing a green omelette no like how they do like it's like an omelette stuffed with green bell peppers and broccoli and shit like that like oh a little whimsical dude you're not in on stuffed fucking i don't think so because sometimes they like stuffed shit like and it's like too sweet like they put like cream and strawberries and like i'm just like uh now it's barely the thing that i want now if now it's just i mean no i think you just do big texas toast yeah but also like that kind of thing even when you go to a place and they you order pancakes and it comes out and it's a fucking bed sheet of pancake i'm like oh what the who's this for yeah i'm not eating this yeah i got i get what you're saying it's too much pancake you want an even balance i want to be able to eat a pancake and not feel like i'm eating a cream with a side of pancake you know what i mean what was the thing that you got in vancouver it was called something panacokin pancokin well because first of all i don't know if we've openly told this story panacokin i don't know if we've openly told this story you want to get to the fucking ads first and then i'll go off about these fucking panacokin how do you spell that there's k's in there it's like a it's a chain how do you spell no there's k's there's k's k's it's like a chain in vancouver a panacokin that's there you go yeah yo this shit was fucking big like a crepe looks like a tortilla it was like a mix of a crepe and a pancake it was fucking big panacokin all right but we do have some ads uh and this podcast is sponsored by better help but better help is online therapy so if you want to get some therapy you can with better help i suggest everyone 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we're going to do a lot of more audience interaction because those cards that we did during the first two rounds of shows were so fun we want to do them again so we have gone uh and used the website again the basement yard.com slash submit if you go there you'll be able to put in what show you're coming to what night you're coming to and then you can submit a picture it's going to be a visual representation of what the cards basically were so if you go you submit a picture out of context crazy kooky banana whatever and then you add some context if you want you add your name and then you add your name and maybe we'll choose it maybe we'll talk about it to you with you about you doesn't matter we want them to be crazy and fun because how much fun we had doing the cards the first time so go check it out right now the basement yard.com slash submit patreon.com slash the basement yard so much coming up so much going on we love you we appreciate you we'll get right back to you what was i gonna ask before i said like let's get we'll get to the ads i said some i said something it was like we're gonna get to something we're gonna get to something we're gonna get to we're gonna get to the ads the last note i have is stuffed toast that is french i can't believe that fuck i forgot it i was panicking oh yes the panic panic i didn't write that down because i couldn't spell it yes we did the show i don't know if we publicly spoke about this i know we joked about it at some of our shows but we did the just for laughs comedy festival in 2025 at uh the the queen mary theater i think that's where we're doing the show again this year right or this just go around queen elizabeth queen elizabeth forgive me different queen i don't want to upset anyone one of them's a ship but mikey our videographer and video genius extraordinaire uh he lived there for a little bit didn't he and he said like where could we were like where could we go for good breakfast and he told us a place but like we didn't know it was like going to like ihop it was like the ihop of vancouver it's called the dutch the dutch and greg took a video and you like pan and you see like you know mikey gets his avocado toast and everyone else gets a seemingly sensible breakfast and then you pan toward me and it's just a fucking pan of coke and it's a pan of coke and all right yeah but it was on like it was a big plate there's a big pan of coke it was big but whatever yeah we had a good time there was fresh fruit on there so that was my healthy part of it right you know and there was a lot of uh whipped cream on there i certainly i didn't skimp on the syrup that i put on there either you know when if you're gonna coke in pan of coke and you know what i'm saying that's the uh tagline for them i think so yeah have you ever not finished a meal oh that's a good question no yes the answer is yes i can't tell you when like once or twice i don't i'm not counting that like 97 like what percentage of meals do you completely finish um i would say a good over 90 easily over 90 over 90 i'm finishing the meal and like not just the like the main of the meal like the sides as well wow it's very rare that i don't very rare i mean fair yeah you've said that numerous times that you're like i don't want to waste the food that's on my plate yeah i think i i think it's a it's just it's a combination of my insatiable appetite and i like feel like i paid for this i'm gonna fucking eat it all right there you go is that crazy no it's just aggressive really you said that yeah is that aggressive i feel like leaving a side is fine what is the average percentage of a meal that you finish let's do that oh over 80 over 80 80 of each meal yeah yeah okay i mean at a restaurant yeah have you ever like because i think i saw that you had posted when uh you and nicole were in portugal you were like if i had no pride i would lick this plate how many finger no how many plate licking meals have you had oh no i mean that was because it was like this dessert and like whatever thing it was sitting in was like unbelievable and i was like oh my god really like if i was home i'd be licking it like a fucking cat what would what would have to happen for you to do one of these oh not much oh you're yeah i'm not above that i've been talking about like putting this thing up to my face like i just want wimbledon and just like you know what i mean would you do i mean i guess if you didn't do that for that dessert in in portugal you're not going to do that for anything else yeah i mean licking a plate in public's crazy it's a tough look is it yeah all right maybe you don't bring it up to your face but like it's worse is that worse i think it might be worse really she called let me smell that i'm not even saying that like just be open about the plate licking is it a bowl because if it's a flat plate your nose is hitting the plate you can't have you can't have your brother you could put your tongue out further than your nose you can't no yeah you could you could put your tongue out further than your not can you do it turn your head turn your head not that far that's too much you're curling up yep that's further than your nose brother oh cool absolutely look yeah but how far let me say you're down you gotta go straight also turn your head more for the camera your shit is so curved oh yeah you're fine all right all right i'm worried about getting stuck out there was that curving up a little bit you were like it was kind of like a wave oh i got a big ass nose though too i guess if i could i hold it are you saying it really does look like a piece of meat i mean we eat beef tongue cow tongue what is it called have i eaten that i don't know if i have yes we have we had it together in ireland it was me yeah oh you ate one side of it i ate the other yeah that's the joke no they like they like prepared it on a plate at that restaurant we went to in in dublin oh yeah yeah yeah i forgot about that what does that taste like it was good whatever is like very quite made with quite tender you're not in um where do we go from there that was a stretch you had said something before we about the most romantic cities in the u.s yes so forbes i believe it was forbes recently did a study about the most romantic i i haven't and you wrote frobes i did i did idiot idiot idiot idiot frodo um they did a study and Apparently, they revealed the most romantic cities in the United States, per a Gillis report. I don't know what the hell that is. But there are five destinations for romance-inclined travelers looking for a domestic holiday. I'm going to give you—honestly, there were two on here that I was pretty surprised by. Two that I'm like, all right. One that I was just like, huh. But there's two that I was just like, what? I couldn't get it. Can you think of any romantic cities in the United States? Nothing, like, stands out to me. The only thing I'm thinking of is, like, New York. Okay, yes. New York was the most romantic city in the United States. Okay. Now I'm fresh out. They earned the top spot in the study with over 212 romance-related searches per 100,000 residents. Earned high engagement across all categories from romantic walks and hotels to couple activities and date night ideas. Making it the ideal spot for planning a proposal, anniversary, or whatever memorable vacation. You want as a couple. Chicago? Chicago's on there. It's four. Okay. Chicago, that's a good one. But, like, I can't— They have a good food scene. So is it just, like, good restaurants? Big cities? It's, like, dense cities, I guess? Because, like, I could see—I could—I guess I don't live in Chicago. And we've only been briefly and twice. Or at least I've only been briefly and twice. And it's—I don't know of anything romantic there. Unless, like, you love Wrigley Field. I've done a— Like, near the Bean, there's, like, a—like, oh, you could do, like, a walk. It's, like, a nice little walk there, I guess. Yeah, and there's—I mean, there's that big river. What's the— The Green River? The Green River. Well, for St. Patrick's Day, they turn it green. Whatever the name of the river is. Couldn't tell you. Could you do, like, a cute little boat ride on there? Oh, sure. But I can't—and even in New York, I guess we have Central Park. Yeah. We have, like, you know, boat rides around Manhattan. I think it's called just the Chicago River. Okay. That was going to be my guess. I mean, forgive me for not knowing, and— Oh, I didn't know it either. I'm not—I'm just saying. But, okay, so you got New York and Chicago. I will be honest with you. If you get these next three, I would be very, very surprised. San Francisco. No. Good guess. That is a good guess. No California cities in the top five. I would imagine, like, you would see, like, a California—like, but I guess not L.A. because L.A.'s not known. Can you give us an area? None of these are on the West Coast. No West Coast cities, which is surprising. Providence. No. I haven't been to Providence. Or have I? If I have, I remember nothing about it. Would Boston? Definitely not Boston. They're romantic up there. I don't know. At least you have sweet ass. Come here. Suck your cock. What is—wow. Bozeman. Is that in Ohio? Montana. Or Montana? Yeah, I don't know. I'm just, like, trying to name weird places. No, no, no, no. Seattle. They're popular cities and nothing on the West Coast. That's West Coast. Popular cities. Mount Rushmore. That is not a city. Oh. Also, I don't know if— It's in North Dakota, I believe. And would that be romantic? Hey, babe. Let's go look at the presidents. Let's go look at four old fucking white men carved into stone. History buff? I don't know. Atlanta. No, that's a good one. I thought it—honestly, when I heard, I thought Atlanta would be on there. Atlanta was not on there. Is there any— I'll give you one. Is there Georgia? No. There is a Texas city on here. There's an ob—I would think that there's an obvious one. Houston? No. Dallas. No. Austin. Yes. Austin, Texas. Apparently. Big, big romance scene. Okay. It's cute. They got a lot of, like, spring— Twinkly lights and places and stuff like that, which is cute, I guess. They had a lot of, like, parks, like, floral gardens and stuff, whatever, like, botanicals. Did they have that? They had parks and stuff. I guess it's nice. I think they had a big botanical. So, Portland? Well, hold on. Before I—so, number three was Austin. Wow. 200.1 romance-related searches per 100,000 people. This city particularly stood out for date night ideas and romantic weekend trips, showing that Austin's reputation— —for lively cultural activities and outdoor adventures have preceded it. So, it's also taken into account, like, nature. I'm going Denver, then. No. That's what I was thinking. What the fuck? No. So, we're missing two and five. Boulder. No. Are we going too far west? Yes. Got it. Yes. It's—I'm not even— I'm just gonna name random cities. Well, hold on. Try to use some fucking—like, try to use your brain for doing it. Absolutely. Drill them. Nashville? Yes. Nashville's number two. Number two. That is the—that's one where I was just like, huh? Second place, 201.5 searches. Best known for its music scene, but research shows it has a lot of soft spot for romance. Combination of live entertainment, nightlife, and southern hospitality makes it a great destination for couples looking to spend quality time together in a laid-back but vibrant atmosphere. Okay. I didn't get that at all for my one time going to Nashville. Laid-back? I wouldn't describe it as laid-back in any capacity. I mean, it's—to be fair, I've only— It's only been on fucking Broadway. It's laid-back in the sense of, like, you've drank enough and then you have fallen backwards. Like, I can't—that place was an amusement park of alcohol. Yeah. I mean, if you like country music, that place is probably the most romantic place on the planet. Really? I think so. Oh, let's go to Luke Bryan's bar. Like, you just name a country singer, let's go to their bar. That's kind of cool. Have you guys—have you guys stumbled across the guy on TikTok who just makes songs? Like, sounding like how Luke Bryan's songs sound? Yeah. Peanut butter on my butt. Peanut butter on my taint. Yeah. Taint and doo-doo finger paint. Or there was one where it was just like, God gave us fingers and God gave fish wieners. Now what are we supposed to do? We can go to the park, jack them off. And it's all, like, dubbed over, like, Luke Bryan, like, doing, like, an awkward shimmy on a stage. Um, okay. All right, so there's one more city that legitimately blew me away. Orlando. No. Is that warm? Is Orlando warm? No, no, no. Is that close to where the city is? It's closer than any other city you've named? Yes, it's close. Miami. No. It can't be Miami. It can't be Miami. Well, I mean— Oh, let's go out for a night of romance at fucking 11. On Ocean Drive. Yeah. Yeah. Let's go see the brightest neon lights you've ever fucking seen in your life. What is it? Is it— Is it, uh, Charleston? No. That would have been— I thought it would have been, like, a Savannah or a Charleston where it's, like, just kind of, you know, like, a little slower. Is it— Am I— Are we northeast? No. Nothing in the northeast outside of New York. Well, you said Florida was warm. Baton Rouge. No, I've never been. I thought that was in Europe. Baton Rouge? Baton Rouge, Louisiana. Sounds European. Uh. I think— Well, it is French. Baton Lounge. Um. So it's a little Midwest-y? No. Where is it? All right. You might get here better if I just told you— Louisville. The least romantic places you could think of. This would have been on my, like, if I would never— Newark, New Jersey. No. Hey. Well, I mean, that's fair. Yeah. But, no. Because people, like, that close to a major city are just going to go to New York for romance. Okay. The least romantic place you could think of. D.C.? No. You're just—you're spinning your wheels here. Do you want me to just help you? Virginia. Duval. Jacksonville? Jacksonville, Florida? Apparently! Yo, if you had told me to name the five most non-romantic places on the planet, four of them would have been Jacksonville. Jacksonville is a—okay. I mean, I've never been there. I—so I have family there, and I remember a very different Jacksonville. So it says that the only Florida city to make the top five records 187.9 searches per 100,000 residents. Thanks to its waterfront restaurants, outdoor spaces, and stunning coastlines, the city boasts strong interest in romantic attractions and sunset cruises in particular. Maybe—I mean, I've never been to Jacksonville, but it didn't strike me as that, but maybe it is. I mean, the pictures we're seeing on Google here. If I were to ask you— That looks pretty. It does. That does look pretty. That doesn't look like that's Jacksonville. That's a—I mean, that's a fountain. Someone took a picture from the point of view of a fountain. Fountains are romantic. You ever see when people get on TikTok and they're filming, like, they're in Bali or something, and they're like— This ain't Newark, New Jersey. Or just be like, oh my god, Sunnyside, Queens. Have you seen the—I think it's like a temple in New Jersey. Temple? It's like a—I don't want to offend the religion, but, like, it's like a temple. Look up crazy-looking temple in New Jersey. I swear to god this is a real thing. Like a Jewish, like a synagogue? I don't think it's a synagogue. It is a religious— You just typed up crazy temple in New Jersey. Yeah, dude, I think that's it, that first one. What the fuck is that? In New Jersey? I think—yo, I'm not kidding. Yeah. Yo, that's in, like— fucking like oh it's hindu it's like above 96 million dollar hindu temple dude that's it like people like i saw that i was just like okay the headline says opens amid accusations of forced labor what's going on i mean i can't speak to that but like whoa that's like in new jersey robbinsville yeah second largest in the world wow this looks very pretty it does it looks beautiful i had no idea there was a giant hindu population i mean i guess but like it's just funny because like what you're saying where it'll be like the amalfi coast and it'll be like this ain't fucking woodhaven yeah yeah you know and then it's just this the scale of this is gigantic that's why it's like insane that it actually exists in of all places new jersey elephants are so sick i love elephants dude but yeah dude jacksonville florida is one of the five most romantic cities in the country that's wild so so we're going to jacksonville us three to do what going on a date yeah let's go find out why let's go let's find out let's go who's telling what could happen i i i mean i i would i always just thought it was just like high humidity and marlboro reds down there and the jaguars baby yeah uh we do have some more sponsors uh we have door dash okay you guys know door dash door dash you get on the app you can pretty much get whatever you want you get something from a convenience store you can order some food you can get some food you can get some food whatever you kind of need there but a lot of people don't realize you could also use door dash to be a good friend all right this is like a social aspect to this as well something i like to do with door dash sometimes you know your friend is either studying for a big test or you know they just uh you know something bad happened to them you could send them some flowers or you could send them their favorite treat something like that it's a good way to connect not only just buying yourself whatever you want which you can use it for uh 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member fdic cash app visa debit flex cards issued by sutton bank member fdic and the bank corp pursuant to a license from visa usa inc c terms and conditions for the sudden prepaid card sutton debit flex card and the bank corp debit flex card all right so go check that out get yourself some cash app ladies and gentlemen say that five times fast cash app cash app cash app cash app can you say blue glue gun five times fast blue we did a video we did didn't we do a video doing that blue glue gun blue glue gun blue glue gun blue glue gun blue glue gun blue glue gun blue glue gun i think i did okay it became a glun it's like 72 percent um glue glun and you had a thing about pizza i did if you want if you guys were getting hungry i am very hungy tongues right now so it is a hungry tongues yeah what's wrong with that honky tonk i wouldn't say honky tonk spend six dollars on these pizzas i mean right off the rip hold on cheese at one dollars a steal duh wait is pickle pizza a like is that something that actually is eaten uh no i love pickles don't get me wrong but like is that like something people order now i've never heard of that in my life also truffle mushroom at two that's crazy well are they using truffle oil are they using real troughs i don't know if i would want a whole mushroom pizza i like mushrooms i do too but not like that i like mushrooms quite a bit low-key a veggie pie i'm into i i mean i i don't i don't dislike it it just makes it you feel full the only one on here that like i kid you not if i was like with someone and they like let's get a pie and they asked for hawaiian i am rearing back and i am fucking like jumping out the nearest window dude hawaiian pizza we will be those people it is not it's fucking garbage dude i've never had it but i'll also say a mac and cheese pie i'd be like what the hell are we doing i don't know what's a lot dude what are we doing here a mac and cheese pie what was like the most i know you you used to do barbecue chicken but like what was the most like like over the top pizza that you would have a chicken bacon ranch hell yeah keith used to get that hell yeah brother classic one i was like a lot though like i can eat like one slice of that i can never eat two i was a big penne slice guy used to rip penny slices the portobello penne slices this thing was like it weighed six pounds my order was always a penne slice and a chicken roll i see i would always do a penne slice and a rice ball okay you seem like pepperoni bites kind of guy oh yeah what's pepperoni bites what's that wait why do you say that like disrespectfully i don't think it was disrespectful i imagine he's talking like a pizza pocket they're like talking about it's kind of like a garlic knot but it's pepperoni it's like oh i haven't had that but i'm in oh like a pinwheel yeah but it's smaller even i am still on my journey to find the world's perfect garlic knot i thought i had found it i brought this up recently but i'm open to suggestions you're going to be garlic the garlic knot guy i love garlic knots dude really i love like the the portobello what percent of garlic knots do you think are good oh um i don't think it's that high 12 oh wow that's lower than i thought it was gonna be i've had bad garlic because it's such a fine line yeah such a fine line it needs to be the perfect amount of garlic can't be too doughy it needs to be a little crispy crunchy portobello's they set the standard and i've yet to find the perfect one those were good ones sometimes you get garlic knots and you're like this is a dry freak show i used to get there was a place i used to get up in connecticut that like they would do garlic knots but like they would do them in a pan covered in sauce and baked with cheese on top which i don't hate but like i didn't want that yeah now we're getting soup soup brother you were getting basically uh just like a deep dish pizza yeah and then you're like oh my god i don't want that i don't want that i don't want that yeah yeah which i didn't want no i'm here for the knots i want a side but you're making a full god so good so if i gotta spend six dollars here also loaded tots what does that even mean i don't know but it feels good it feels good think of loaded tots you got tater tots you got bacon chives cheddar sour cream no chicken bacon ranch on here is kind of wild yeah that is it would be a four i mean you got a buffalo chicken up there which is huge also you got a barbecue chicken which is low great meat lovers is crazy high too by the way i mean i guess you're paying four dollars because you've got the whole 10 pounds of yeah if you put it any lower just price value you got to go meat lovers yeah i mean i'm going one i'm going cheese duh pepperoni yeah and now i have three dollars so i'll probably you go puppy chicks i would either do barbecue chicken or deluxe yo deluxe is too much dude because deluxe is everything all of it all right now it was a great movie um i but that's what kind of what i like about it is that like you can eat one and you be pretty satisfied i mean i would not only eat one but like i can't back as uh parents do like deluxe it has like everything on it and it's just like you lose you it's no longer pizza it's everything it's just everything so like you're eating more of the toppings than you are like i feel like it needs to be a good balance honestly i'm super cool with doing buffalo chicken and pepperoni i'm fine i love pepperoni i'm such a simple little boy but you're a buffalo chicken guy buffalo chicken is unreal it looks like it's good Looks like it's drizzled with a little bit of blue cheese. Of course it is. Blue is the way. All the self-respected ones are. What would you do? Me? I think you've got to go three pizzas here. I feel like getting two, you're wasting your money. It's $6. You're getting a deal no matter what you fucking get. You only got two pies. A pie now is like $30. Buffalo chicken pie will get up there. I would say barbecue chicken, give me loaded tots and a cheese. I don't know what loaded tots is, but I'm willing to try. I'm not a fan of pepperoni. Really? You're not a pepperoni guy? No. Interesting. I love when they're little pepperonis and they're curled up so they become little bowls. Those I like. That's pepperoni. Yeah, but it's not though. It is though. It's a different thing. Like a thick cut little cup? You know the little tiny ones? Yeah, that one's good. They curl up. God, I love pepperoni, dude. I saw this video one time of this place. They had a bunch of pepperoni and they bake it in the oven. Then they take it out and there's a bunch of juice. The oil. They put that into a plastic squirt bottle with some sauce or whatever and they mix it up. Hell yeah. Then they put mad pepperoni and then they put that on top. Hell yeah, dude. Absolutely hearts going to absolutely cease to exist, but that's a great pie. That's when you get a slice. If you get a pie of that, what do you think that is calorie wise? A pie, a standard 18 inch, not good. Fucking 5,000. It might not even be the calories. It might just be like what it is. Oh, just like the saturated fat content? Yeah, you might as well just like put your lips around the fucking exhaust of your car and rev the engine. Yeah, that works. Also, I'm not against going veggie pepperoni barbecue chicken because as long as there's some of the stuff going on there, like the. I like a pie that has a lot of different things on it. Really? Also, if you're going to get two pies, do barbecue chicken and deluxe. It's just a better value. I mean, I guess, but like I just, I like the taste of buffalo chicken. I like the little spice, hence why I like the pepperoni. I don't hate the buffalo chicken. It's got a little like, it's not spicy, but it's got a little like, it's flirting with spice. Yeah. You know, it's in the name, pepper. Hawaiian in the three. What's that about? That's bananas. No one's taking that. I'm telling you right now, Hawaiian doesn't deserve its place in like, there should be a fake pizza place that like when they take orders, they say, I don't like it. They say like, all right, I'll get a Hawaiian pie. Like, all right, we'll be right there. And then they just egg their house. I need to try a Hawaiian slice just to see what all the hype is not about. Can I build a pizza for you quick? What about this? Bacon, pineapple, jalapenos. What about that? You lost me at the pineapple. No, but you get spice and you get the sweet and the salty. I don't like cooked fruit. We just did a whole episode where people yelled at me because I kept saying how much I hate fruit. What if it's not cooked? You just throw pineapples on it. Like a rug, like a cold. Yeah. I'm cool with like a, ooh, there was the plate. There was a place at the old studio that did like, they drizzled like hot honey on it. Now we're talking like a, like a, like a spicy pepperoni, like a super spicy pepperoni with hot honey. I like the spicy soppressata pizzas. Yeah, dude. I'm into that. You know what I do also like? White? Yeah. I don't, I don't mind white. It's all right. But I've had a bruschetta piece where it was just like loaded with bruschetta. Bruschetta? Yeah. What is it? What is that again? It's tomatoes, garlic, onion, oil, and vinegar. I thought it like, seems like it's just tomatoes. Well, I mean, it's mostly tomatoes. Bruschetta? Yeah, it's like tomatoes and like. There's cheese in there too? Oh, yeah. But like that on top of pizza? Yo, balsamic glaze? Yeah. I, I like love it. I love that shit. Dude. I love balsamic glaze. I sent a picture to Dylan the other day. For like breakfast, I had Becca's sourdough toast with, she's been growing fucking tomatoes out of the garden and they've been incredible. Sliced on top of there with some shaved Gouda cheese and balsamic glaze. Ugh. Dude. Balsamic glaze. It fucking punched me in the mouth, kissed me back in the mouth, and then punched me in the ass. That's good. I, I love balsamic glaze, dude. If I could like submerge my body into something, it would be that, I think. It's gotta be good for you, right? No. Any glaze. Anything that tastes that good is no shot. It's not. It's a lot of sugar. Uh, medium take. Bruschetta? Sucks. One, one of the worst things you've ever said. I, I, it's not a hot take. It doesn't suck, but you can fuck it up if the cracker is impossible to bite. I hate that they put it on the hardest, like, pieces of bread. I don't know what to say to either of you guys right now. You like that? I like Bruschetta. I just don't like when they, they put it on this stale ass piece of bread. I'm not saying stale, but like. Like, if it's a piece of, like, melba toast, I'm in. I don't even know what that is. Don't know what that is. Melba toast. It's like, it's like the little, like, crackers that you find in, like, trail mix. If you have to make up different toasts for this to taste good, that's not. No, no, no, no. But I'm saying, like, if it's, like, the perfect biteable size and it's crunchy on top of everything that you get, you know melba toast, dude. No, see, this is the kind of shit I don't enjoy. Get the fuck out of here. I, I'd rather it be, like, an actual piece of bread, not just, like, fake bread. This is, like, you know. I mean, it's a cracker. Eh. You want it, wait, so you just want it on, like, a piece of fucking white bread? No, no, no, no, no. I want it to be on, like, the little pieces of bread that are like this. Like a, like a baguette. Like a baguette that they cut at an angle or something? Yeah, and that's, like, a little toasted, but not, like, hard, like, I'm eating, like, a dry cracker. Oh, man, I love it when it's crunchy on a dry cracker. But then I take a bite, everything goes everywhere, there's tomato all over the ground. No, if it's the perfect bite size, you could fit the whole thing in your mouth. Open your mouth! Oh, I'm not going full bruschetta in my shit. Why not? Because you need to take two bites out of it. I said, but, like, if you, if it's just the perfect amount of it, like, look, look, perfect. You know what also I'm a big fan of? When people have a dish out, and it's just, like, a fresh fucking freezing cold tomato, and then a piece of, uh, of, uh, mozzarella cheese, and then you got the balsamic. Oh, yeah. Oh, my God. Oh, yeah. And then you throw a little fucking prosciutto on there. Yeah. You know what I'm talking. Have you had prosciutto on pizza? Like a fig, uh. Hell, yeah. Like a fig. You know what I'm talking about. Like a pizza glaze. You know, fig jam. Arugula. Fig jam's fucking crazy. Yeah. Oh, I, God bless the person who found that out. The Neanderthal that invented that. I don't, I think it was a little later. Probably. They weren't fucking with figs. Probably not. They were just hoping they didn't get mauled to death. So. Yeah, it was a tough time. Um, but fig jam, my God, unbelievable. I love that stuff. Yeah, I'm in on fig jam. I'm in. I'm clearing out the fig jam. I'm putting my finger in the little glass jar. Yeah, you're licking it? If it's at the end, yeah. I'm telling you right now, there's like the, I don't know what brand it is, but it comes and it like, it looks like it has like folded paper on top of it. And it's like, I'm in dude. When it make it look like it's like by like a pioneer woman. Yeah. It looks like it's just like, yeah, I know what you're talking about. You know exactly what I'm talking about. It's got a little dress on. Yes. It's got like, got all dressed up for daddy's mouth. Yeah. Fig jam. I know. I gotcha. That's great. Fig jam. Yeah. Fig jam. Jam it in your mouth. Yeah. That's a great tagline. Fig jam. It's not, I mean, it's not great. It's definitely like risque. It's out there. You would have to like sell the board. I mean, but I think that like, that's what everyone's doing now. Like fucking Tom Brady's just like, here, have some of my good nut. So like. Yeah, it's wicked. Santagato Studios fig jam company, where it's just like jam this in your hole. Jam. Jam this in your ass. No. But see, if you specify ass, then you've narrowed down to a very specific market. It's a legality problem. Yeah. You could get sued if people do it. Fig, what would we call it? Jam. Fig, figgy time. Fig. Well. Figgy time. Jam it. Figgy time. Jam this in your hole. Can. Hole jam. No. Fig jam. But we spell it like hole. Like, like a. Fig jam. Yeah. No, like hole jam. Like. But you spell it like the hole of something. Yeah. Like W. Like, so it's like, oh, the, it's like a hole, like it's a whole jam. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or if we get like silly with it. Like. Like whole foods. Pump up the jam. And it's just like, remember that song? Pump up the jam. That's the song we used in the commercial. Oh, okay. I'm sure. No, that has never happened before. It's happened. You know. Pump up the jam. Pump it up. While your feet says dumping. How do you feel about like strawberry jam or grape jam, whatever that's in the plastic squirt bottles? I'm fine with it. Really? I despise it. I do like the sound. It's like an ASMR sound of like the, the fun. Yeah. Like the fucking butter knife hitting the glass. But then I got this like, it's like I'm making a fucking, a fucking peanut butter and jelly and this thing's queefing all over me. I don't need this thing. I like it. But like, I don't like when I like let go and it like. It sucks back in. Yeah, it's butthole. Like that. I don't like when it like re sucks in its own jelly. Yeah. I don't like that shit at all. Also ketchup. Figure it out. It's a little wet. What is that? Even when I shake it sometimes, it's like, I still got a little pee. I'm like, bro, come on. I think. It's ketchup. It's the hole for the ketchup opening on a ketchup bottle is too big. We need to go back to the older, like more like narrow squirt bottles. What? Like when you have like a thing of Heinz ketchup, the hole that this ketchup squirts out of. Yeah. Also make it universal. Are you having the rubber around this hole or are you just going to not? Because sometimes I think there's rubber and I go like that and there's ketchup everywhere. And then sometimes I do a little one and I have to like squeeze until I'm shaking. Yeah. No. Well, I only really use the squirt ones these days. But the squirt ones, some of them are like bigger mouths and they don't have. have any like sealant like rubber sealant on the inside oh and then there are other ones that do have that right they need to make it universal i use the one that like has the like it has the seal press it but it does come out fast i'm just saying like that hole whether it be on the ceiling one or the non-ceiling one too big yeah go a little go a little a little smaller well the one that i usually get like you have to like really press it for the ketchup to come out and this thing's coming out violently like mad quick i listen i know i'm gonna upset you here i do think that design wise and bottle wise we peaked at the easy squirt green and purple it's the same bottle no it's not it's got like the twist top and it's a smaller hole at the top twist top um well the one i have is twist up really yeah so you it's twist top and it has rubber on it wait what twist out what do you mean by that we're like it's like you like take it and you twist it like that and it kind of like opens up and you're like oh my god it's like a little bit of a twist top and it's like a little like nipple in the bottom like sinks down no no like a sports drink now like a sriracha yes exactly sriracha bottles right right right sriracha i don't like those because they always get so like there's like shmegma on the top of them yeah there is oh that's bad there is oh my god it's like it always get like there's certain bottles where you're like bro i just pull back a little bit and wipe it off well like that happens whenever i have like frank's red hot bottles pull it back a bit and wipe it off yeah i i we know who's who's not circumcised yeah we know what you got going on no i'm chopped you're rolling with a full chop you're chopped i'm chopped yeah on in the pants where else would you have been chopped chopped is also a thing for like oh yeah you're ugly yeah i'm not doing that yeah oh chopped used to be so chopped yeah chopped used to be high oh yeah back in our day it was like when you were chopped you were zooted you were sauced sausage drink drawn i mean tomato potato yeah either way i encourage my ketchup to pee first and then i'd be fine with that and then i'd be fine with that and then i'd be fine with that i mean just one of these sometimes doesn't work i also get i don't know about you guys but i get unnecessarily angry when i go to like put ketchup on my plate and the thing hasn't been opened yet i'm like god kidding me like it's like the most complicated thing in the world i get so angry where i'm like how's this not open i got more angry because i just got like mayo and i opened it before i tried and it was already open so it's like that one doesn't have the top i'd prefer it the usage of this ketchup that i am using and i'm not even saying at home i i've also been to like parties where it's just like they you know i was the first one yeah i i just i would rather that be the case yeah i i mean i get that makes sense but i i don't know why i just i'm like oh my god yes sir does that make sense that he would rather be he feels safest being the first that like he's the first one what do you think people put in there i don't know but i just would rather feel safe because also there are people that like i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know we'll take a catch up and they'll like get a little too close to whatever they're putting it on and it'll get like some of the residue on the top oh my god who are these people psychopaths criminals bad people i'm like that with water fountains i'm like who put their fucking ass and mouth on this thing dude a good water fountain huh they don't make them like they used to remember when water fountains used to have like different tips like by us they were like rocket shaped tip yeah and they were good yeah then you could put your finger on it and squirt it so like if you didn't want to get your mouth too close to the thing you can squirt it so it would squirt into your mouth so it would get it would be whatever this whatever it's kicking up from the spout and then your dirty finger as well double whammy you know now that you said it i just also the next time you go definitely dirty you're putting your fingers all over it like a park water fountain i've drank it from the water fountain at the park a lot growing up brother park water fountains was the most delicious water i've ever had in my entire life i don't even know what you're talking about i've never had anything like that in my entire life i've never had anything like that in my entire life i've never had anything like that in my entire life i've never had anything like that in my entire life i've never had anything Yeah, I don't know. You're asking – wait, wait, wait, wait. I'm asking you about – After everything we've talked about, you think I'll be able to provide insight on how mercury in a thermometer works? How did they figure that out, man? I don't know, man. Also – What? I was just debating, like, man, it's not worth it. You know what I think about? Like, back in the day, the thermometers, how they just were, like, they had the mercury in them, and you would just put that in your mouth. Yeah, dude. They had glass thermometers that they would put in a kid's mouth and be like, let's see how you're doing. You ever – Or downstairs. Have I ever done that? That's still a thing. You ever get a thermometer in your butt? I'm sure I did when I was a baby. I'm sure I did when I was a baby, too, but not as an active adult. Is that something you have to do when they're a baby? I think it's just easier to get a more accurate reading from there, you know? Yeah, but now they do the ear. Right. Well, they have, like, the guns now. It's like you're scanning them like they're bananas or something. Yo, when that fucking doctor would put that plastic thing and, like, shoot it off in my ear, you know what I'm talking about? No. Just, yeah. You know what I'm talking about, right? Shoot what? It was like they would take a gun, they'd go and get, like, a reusable ear thing, and then they'd fucking, like, cock it and put it in my ear and then, like, press something, and it felt like they were shooting my ear. I know the thing that has, like, a light on it. No, but, like, the doctor one was not that small and cute and quaint. This thing had a fucking, like, tether. It was tethered to the wall. This thing was brolic. I thought it was like he would just, like, look with, like, light. I didn't – I was getting shot in my ear. I don't know what I was getting shot with, but that shit was, like, basically, like, it felt like he was cocking back a desert eagle in my ear. Whoa. I felt that way about the fucking eye test. I hate that. Wait, what eye test? When they would, like, puff the air in your eye. Oh, I don't remember that. Yeah, I hated that part. You know, when was the last time you got an eye exam? A couple years ago. They didn't do the – I don't remember that. It's for, like, glaucoma. I don't remember that, no. Oh. When I needed my new prescription. You never seen the thing where it's, like, you look down and it looks like a – It's like a hot air balloon, and it would be, like, out of focus and then in focus, and then it hits you with a puff? Mm-mm. I don't remember that. Oh. I remember that giant fucking thing they put in my eye where they're, like – One or two. One, two, one, two, two, two, three, three, three, two, three, two. I love that. Let's go to the eye doctor. What is it like? Let's get an eye doctor in here. We got Dr. Mike, but he can't know everything. What the fuck does he know about eyes? He definitely doesn't know the fuck he's talking about eyes. No fucking way. He might know medicine, and he might know general stuff, but, like, eyes? No shot. The fuck? Fuck you. What do you know about the optic nerve? Optophthalmologist. You're getting on my optic nerve. Fucking Dr. Mike. Oh, this guy now, he fucking – he can't tell us about fucking hand, foot, mouth. Yeah, he's not an HFM. What is it? I don't know. Like an HFM specialist? You ain't got a specialty in fucking mouths. What is it? Ear – oh, EMT. Ear, mouth, tongue. HFM. I don't know what that means. It's hand, foot, mouth. Oh. Is that a thing? I mean, it's a thing. It's a thing. The last time I went to the eye doctor, they actually didn't do the puff, and they did some other shit, and then after my exam, she was like, do you want to see your eye? And I was like – I got that shit, too. They showed me, like, it's like a map of my eye. Yeah, and she's like, look. And then it was, like, fucking Tony Stark, like, building, like, a fucking car or something. She was like, look. And it, like, turned – like, on the computer screen, it, like, turned my eye all the way around. Really? I was like, oh, my God, it was my eye? Yeah, I think I had the same thing. And it shows all of your, like, blood vessels, and she's like, your optic nerve is good. Yeah, it shows, like, how, like, light travels, and they're like, it looks good. It looks like a good eye. I'm like, I fucking hope so. Yeah. These things ain't getting – they're just there. Yeah, I can't really – can you get another eye? I don't know. I do not know. I don't think – I don't think so. You could just, like, get a, like, let me get a different eye. Because I feel like they'd be doing that. I don't know. But I do know that you see everything upside down, technically. Because it, like, the light comes through, and, like, when it gets to, like, your optic nerve, it's upside down, and then your brain converts it into red. Right side up or some shit like that. Whoa, is that true? I know fucking more about eyes than Dr. Mike. Well, we haven't even confirmed that, though. Fuck this guy. I know – I know eyes. He knows fucking everything else. Hey, Dr. Mike, you know about upside down sight? No, you don't. Probably not. He's probably – because you wear glasses. The fuck do you know? The lens in your eye projects an upside down image onto the back of your eye. However, your brain does not literally flip a picture back over. Instead, it processes the signals and maps them to your body. Well, I don't – the rest of the sentence is outrageous. Like – If you – you know how there are some glasses that, if you wear, you can flip, like, your vision upside down? No. Okay, well – What the fuck are you talking about? My point is, those exist, and if you wear them long enough, eventually, your brain will just be like, no, and fix it back. Huh. Fuck off. I – How long? You did it? No, but I am – I'd have to ask Dr. Mike, but I'm, like, 40% sure. Your eyes play tricks on you. I bet Dr. Mike didn't know that. Technically, you always see your nose, but your eyes just get used to it and don't count it. Bro, you – You ever see one of those things and be like, these images are actually the same size, and I'm like, no, they're not. Yeah, yeah. I mean, I do the thing where I'll, like, look at them, and I'll be like, oh. Or it's like, these are actually not getting smaller and bigger, and I'm like, they are. Well, there's those ones where it's like, it looks like a graphic is moving, but it's like, it's not moving at all. The ones that fuck me up where it's like, you can – Well, these aren't the same size. There's no possible – The ones that fuck me up, it's like, if you look at this thing spinning, you can trick your eyes into making it spin the other way. Yeah. That one gets me, because I'm just like, no fucking way. Or it's like, look right here. All the lines disappear. And I'm like, oh my god, they're disappearing. I mean, those just look like the same size. Oh. I see the same. They actually don't. That is kind of wild. That's nothing. Perspective is so awesome. You remember the Museum of Moving Images? Yeah, that was cool. I liked that place a lot. That was pretty cool, that place. I love, like, tricks. Not tricks. What's that? You hate pranks, but you like optical illusions? Yeah, optical illusions are cool. Interesting. Maybe we'll have to set some up. Bro, I went to Halloween Horror Nights once, and they had a Beetlejuice house. And the beginning of the Beetlejuice house, it's a giant room that's like the hypnosis black and white spinning. Yeah, I know that. And then it just spins, and you have to walk straight. I've been in one of those tunnels. And it feels like you're spinning. I know. I was like, fucking, like I'm on a drawbridge or something. Not a drawbridge, whatever. The one that I went to was at Lake Compounds, and it was like, you walk over this, like, metal-graded bridge. Yeah. But it's like a tunnel of light spinning. And, like, you feel like you're going with it. So, like, people fucking drop to the ground. The other one that's really cool, I don't know how they did this. It's a room. It's, like, not a room, but it's, like, a tunnel. But, like, the way that they make the light reflect, it looks like the light is, like, making the room get smaller. But the reality is, like, the tunnel is still the same size. So, once you get through, they have, like, a night vision camera, and you could see the people walking. And they're, like, people crawling, because they think they're, like, getting closed into this room. But it's just a normal-ass room. The brain. The brain is tricky, man. We've got fucking, Dr. Mike doesn't know about that, either. No shot he knows about perception. He doesn't know his eyes. He's got glasses. We can't see. He can't see. He doesn't know. He knows, maybe, about. He knows about, like, fucking, like, cyclospora. But he doesn't know fucking shit about illusions. Cyclospora. Damn. I feel like he might know. Yeah, he probably does. Oh, yeah. He's way smarter than any of us combined. Yeah, he's got information, for sure. Well, that's all we have for today. Thank you guys so much for riding with us until the end. Frank, where can they find you? The Frank Alvarez all over social media. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. Go check out TheBasementYard.com slash submit if you're coming to any of the live shows. And, yeah. And? And Prisco on Instagram and TikTok. Ooh. He's got a TikTok now. That's right. He made a TikTok. Isn't that what you said you were going to do thirst trap videos? That'd be awesome. If I'm scrolling and you pop up and you're hitting a dance. That was on my other account. We should do a bet one day, and that's the punishment. And then he needs to. You've got to learn a TikTok. Why just me? No, it's everybody. We'll be on the bet. No, no, no. You. No, no, no. You, brother. What am I betting? So, you asked us on an episode how many likes to get you to do an intro for the episode. Yeah. If in 30 days you don't get that many likes, that's what you have to do. You gave me. It was way too high. I don't think it was that high. All right. We'll see. Well, and you guys follow me at Joe Santagato. Go follow the show at The Basement Yard on TikTok and Instagram, and that is all. See you guys next time. Yay.