#564 - The Funniest Things We've Done For Attention!

Welcome back to the basement yard Hello to you as well and hello I've got a headache a little bit of one so I'm trying to Is it a hot headache because it's one million fucking degrees in here? It's a hot headache yeah hat might hat white hat might have been a mistake this hat is about to turn like ants pants after he saw me come and What does that whole thing mean? Why would your hat change color? That part was more important than I saw him come in what is that? Yeah that is coming like arriving not like that's what they call it Yeah that's what they say in Britain not like a ejaculate Oh like he saw like he saw my presence was nearing Near here his and what are you saying that is doing for him? I was gonna turn his pants into piss so like this will be yellow with sweat Having to explain it really ruined it I thought I actually was cooking there for a quick set unfortunately it made zero sense unfortunately I thought it was perfectly fine if you would let me get you let me get it out But the minute I bring up common you're jumping down my throat I heard it I heard it first of all I didn't bring it up I heard it Yeah I heard it and I apologize that's a minute thirty in what are you gonna do? Things happen things did happen bing bang boom I am I am asking it is that time I am asking for a update a dog out update Oh I had one yesterday have you guys been getting dogs out lately? I'm not how you ask it but I did have a hot dog yesterday Way to go wasn't real it was the fake sausage ones The slappy ones that Nicole makes that are like hot as fuck Well I mean brother we're allowing you to call it a hot dog we fully support your hot dog journey I definitely had one and and it was steaming hot and I didn't get a warning spit in your mouth I don't know if I have a sensitive mouth but whenever like Whenever I eat something I'm like oh my god I burn my mouth other people eat it and they're like fine Well you have a sensitive mouth things been beat up for years so I can imagine that it is you know It's like seven in a row yeah I mean that what you have to understand you immediately walked into them Let's just wait for the roar of the crowd to tie down before we continue If there was a crowd here and I made that joke I think they would laugh at it I would hope so You'd have someone laugh we're gonna find out on tour Well it's weird because you know if you think about it like you know how like people that like work construction They have calloused hands because it's what they do for their work and it kind of leads them to have you know There's there's personality to their hands Professionally you use your mouth and your throat the most so I would imagine that it would be less sensitive You couldn't even get that out without smirking it's the worst joke ever He's kind of cooking a little I'm kind of right Oh you don't care about your opinion either jerk Uh I just meant that was unnecessary That was rude he's hot he's hot he's hot and I get it honestly you're you're I will say you guys are now teaming up against me And believe me and I I will get physical Ooh which way would you go first What does that mean like who like let's say you have to take both of us down right now where you going first whoever talked last So you you were talking about yeah that's fine um you were talking about getting dogged out yesterday it was good Yes, it was we're referencing hot dogs everyone take it easy right you're obviously not gonna come on here and tell us about you getting Fucked in the butt this crank this can't be you could literally say anything but that And uh it would have been fine but sorry I'm sorry am I be honest with me am I being too much right now Uh not that you're being too much I think that sentence was all right all right we'll Back up a little bit obviously I know I'm not going to obviously we're not we're just going to take it again from the top No we're not obviously we're not talking about we're talking about hot dogs we're not referencing you um Getting um See this is the problem with you You don't think You're just going to start again and say a whole thing and you have nothing there and now we're starting over you want to start over again Let me guess right no yeah Anyway what's on your t-shirt before I freak out no was it a good hot dog This is where my parlay goes to die It's a grave parlay Wow my parlay sucks and it is 100 million degrees and you're wearing a crew neck and I thought it's making me hot I thought the AC was going to be working I but it's cold outside it's it is it is colder outside than it had been over the last 75 outside and also you know what I'm going to about to show the world your sausage and how it's made You were here before you put that on so you put that on knowing it was hot so you want to be a sweaty stinky little fucker over there I'm sorry. Yeah, that sounded horny. I'm not gonna lie You did the heat is too much you want me to go back and put on my swoop the no the heat is doing something to me It's making you turned up I guess but I had I had four hot dogs over the weekend. Thank you for asking four. Yes. Oh, that's low It was actually I kind of was that in one day. It wasn't one day I did I did also have a cheeseburger while I had that I was in a hot dog. How do you break that up? Do you do like hot dog hot dog burger? I started with the burger and my own words to you know just kind of prepare everything and Then I went just straight four dogs just back to back to back. Yeah. Yeah. Yes, sir. You said you had a hot dog in context Yes, I wait what I wasn't in like a legit one It was my my 13-year-old nephew was there and we were there for his little birthday get together and I was like Well, let's do a context and he was like Why I was like because I need this right and we both had four You couldn't beat a 13-year-old. I opted not to honestly. I was gonna let him have the last one because there's only like two more left I was gonna let him have it to win but he didn't want it so we both left having only had four You tied with a 13-year-old. That's crazy As like the hot dog guy I don't know if anything he's the embarrassing one for having lost to a 33-year-old Why is that embarrassing? He's only 13. He didn't lose. He tied. Yeah If you're not first your last baby, you know that. You're last. I know I know I fully agree. Wow. Okay, it is it is the burden I must bear now. Did you put anything on it or these balls? I mean, I was just catch up. They didn't have I didn't want to ask for sarcophagus. Catch up Yes, catch up though catch up right catch up everyone not catch up because it's not tag that we're playing here Let me take this again. Yeah Catch up. So I the only thing I put on it while you were getting dogged out in the butt Okay, I'm not left. I can't laugh Yeah, he's faking a laugh here. I've not figured anything Um catch up. Is that better? Sure. No, it's correct. Hold on I had my catch up while I was there was a photographer there and I was having coconut water Is that what you want for you to say? Where's that what you want? You want it? Yeah, let's everyone Let's let's let's be the version of ourselves that Joey wants us to be or else he's gonna go fucking you know, get mad at us Sound like you farted. How would I fart it through your butt? Oh How would I have farted? I don't know. He said it sounded like I farted. I was talking I Just heard it. It sounded like I do think that the the heat is making us all just a little silly today I think silly is I think we're all a little bit angry at each other. I think we should restart. Okay, all right And we'll we'll just be on like a good graces right now. Okay. Okay. Okay. I'm gonna refresh refresh. All right. All right No, no, no, don't say anything Don't say a word because you you're gonna do this whole preamble that we don't need. Let's just go from here. Okay Anyway, we should probably talk about Captain America's big fat dick. Oh Ha It's way there because I got I saw a picture of this before the show started and I don't I have questions and I know you guys have the answers to we do have answers So this is from the hit game Marvel rivals. Yes, which this is a video game. Yes, this is okay This is a skin of Captain America for the summer That is the most insane. Yeah, dude. Yeah brother that literally looks like someone put their foot In there and here's the thing looks like a shoe. It looks I'm not kidding. It it looks like he crapped his pants in the front Like if there was a human that like had some sort of irreversible condition where they shit out of their p-hole That's what it would look like that just looks like if I shoved my knee in it Like and and also this is a before and after because I'm assuming they dialed it back a bit. Yes still a massive mass I mean, hey man. That's America's cock and balls. That doesn't even look like what's his name Captain America? I mean, it's not it's not so it's not meant to Why is he wearing a bikini? So that it's like the summer thing. He's like a lifeguard, right? Is that the the skin? Yeah, I think it's like I think America's a lifeguard what happened? What happened to save in the world? We're watching a pull now. I mean, hey man. Sometimes the pool needs savings. Sometimes the world needs a savings So they're also saying that Marvel rivals sneakily did this they sneakily reduce the size of this you added a 10-foot long wiener to the video game and you wouldn't know if you made it a five-foot long, you think we wouldn't know? - Listen, that looks like that there is someone with just standing in his pants. Like Ant-Man is in there and he's growing. - Dude, you're gonna put this guy in a video game that children are playing and you have literally, this guy's dick looks like a crocodile's mouth. - Well, yeah, I don't wanna comment on that in regard to that, but it certainly, this game is also though, 'cause you, I can almost guarantee you've not played this game. - No, it has some questionable like design choices, like there are kind of very sexual, I don't wanna say sexual, to scantle. There's a scantle to them. - Scantily clad, some of them are scantily clad, some of the female characters, they got big, some of them. - And there's jiggle physics? - There are jiggle physics, not a term that I'm familiar with. - Well, you can imagine. - So you've played video games, correct? - You understand that those games are, you know, made with code and all that, there is code in those games to make body parts jiggle. - Boobs and butts? - Boobs and butts, dude. - And this is a game where they're fighting. - Yeah, so it's gonna be a lot of jiggling. - A lot of jumping, too. - A lot of jumping, a lot of flying. - A lot of getting hit, you know, like hit back and stuff like that. - You know? - You've actually got boobs flying all over the place. - I played the game when it first came out for like a week and then I stopped 'cause I was, you guessed it, dog shit at it. - Nice. - But like, they have some other like squirrel girl was a big one that was in there. - Squirrel girl. - Squirrel girl. - I don't know how that is, but. - She's a, she's, like a squirrel. - She's strong and she could like, hang out with squirrels. - Can she fly, like a flying squirrel? - You know, that's a really good question. I don't know if squirrel girl can fly. - But what's her, what's her like? - Strong. Talk to squirrels. - She can talk to squirrels? - I believe that's her thing, right? - That's her power? - I think so. - She's not one of those like super popular ones, but she's, but why are we bringing 'em up? - Because she was one that like, people like, the fans of the game were like, goon and over. - Oh, 'cause she had a, 'cause she was scantily clad. - I mean, this is the thing that video games do sometimes and I think people are starting to kind of not like, you know, when they do it. - It's not an anime thing. - To like, I don't know how to offend the anime fans 'cause they'll, - Be careful. - Oh, you're an anime fan? I'll think like, I'm asking. - What was question? - If an anime they like, do that sometimes. Like sometimes the women are like, she's got the huge boobs and she's got tiny little ways and she's in school, the fuck? - Very big. Well, usually the ones that are younger, they're actually 3,000 years old. They kind of get away with that kind of thing. - Wait, what does that mean? - Oh, where they look like school girls, but it's like, they're an ancient deity from 3,000. - Yeah, no one really vibes with that too much, but that's what they, let's tell you guys. - Well, I can tell you like, I know for sure that like in video games, there have been characters that have been depicted like overtly sexual. Like female characters, 'cause let's be honest, it's mostly the females. I mean, outside of Captain America's big ol' wagon. - I mean, that is a crazy thing. - That is a crazy piece. - Yeah. But like. - That's not all anime, by the way. I'm not gonna, I'm not gonna do that. - I don't wanna say that either, I don't, but, I mean, I'm asking a question. Joey would love Jeff the Land Shark. You know he'd play with Jeff the Land Shark. - I wouldn't play with, I had all the people in the world. I'm gonna play with a shark. He's like a little dog shark thing. It's kind of good. But, like this happened years ago with Mortal Kombat. There was a Mortal Kombat, I think it was Mortal Kombat 9. We're like one of the alternative skins like for Molina was just basically her with like tape over her tits. - Right. - And people are just like, this is guiding too far. This is gone too far. - It's, it's too much at a certain point. I feel like you can't just be, you know, we gotta play the video game at the end of the day. We can't be distracted by Jiggle. What was it? Jiggle? - Jiggle physics too, I'm sure I remember it somewhere. - Jiggle physics. - Jiggle physics. - I think people, like apparently that's gonna be a big thing in the new Grand Theft Auto game too, that like Jiggle physics are being added to it. And it's taking place in the game universe by city, but what we know as South Beach, Miami. So like, apparently the game is being modeled to have Jiggle physics. So people are like, if you could go to a fucking Miami beach or by city beach, it's gonna be crazy. - There's just gonna be a lot of butts. - I imagine. Miami was the first place that I ever went where I was like, wow, thong bikinis. That was the first time I liked because I was just up here, you know, with regular bikinis. I mean, I was a young man having seen Lida do a swan-ton bomb off of the ladder, so I had seen a thong before. Well, yeah, but she was wearing pants. Yeah, but I do like when pant and then it's like the thong is up there and you're like, whoa, this is underwear. Like when you're a young, that's like the coolest thing ever. You're like, I can see a little underwear string. I'm into this. - Dude early 2000s had like low rise jeans. - Yep. - And thongs basically pulled up to the shoulder blades. - Yeah. - And it was like getting out of hand. - Yeah, it was like Borat as a young man. I was not opposed to it. - No, I liked it. - As a now man. - Yeah, no, it's cool. - Yeah, but like, have you ever worn a thong? - Great question. - What's up? - What do you, great question to you? - I don't think so. I can't, I don't think I have. Ah, no, I haven't. - I don't think I've ever worn like women's underwear. I don't think I've worn women's underwear. I think, ah, no, I don't, I can't recall that. - So you're doing that and fumbling over your words? I know the answer. - No, I'm trying to honestly remember if and when I have. - What you're trying to do is black it out. It sounds like. Let me tell you something very clearly. If I have worn women's underwear and I recall it, I'm telling the story, brother. - You think I, I'm not fucking getting that out there. - Are you above a thong? - I don't think I am, I don't think I've been gifted by the gods to work a thong. - What do you need? - You got a good butt. - Captain America. - No, you don't need a huge hog. You can't wear a thong. - Brother, you put on a thong with a small, like you're, it's like etch a sketch. You could see it. - I don't know how that's like etch a sketch. - Well, I had an extra etch. - I just got you, I just got you, I just got you. - Yeah, what about a speedo? I don't think I have the confidence for a speedo. - Do you? - I would do it like ironically. - You need to go back to Europe like three or four more times to be like fully speedoed in. - I'd speedo in Europe. I haven't, I was at the gym at my building. It like faces the pool. And there was a dude out there in a speedo and I was like, I forgot. - I don't think it's for me, but I have the utmost respect for men that could pull off a speedo. - I think I could. I just don't, it's just not, it's tough. - It's just like, it is so, but it's also like, it's the hair. You know like you wear like the shorts, you can like wear that around. I would feel weird walking around on the, you know like if you go to the boardwalk or something. - I will say this, I know I gotta speedo. - I imagine it is quite freeing. - Oh yeah, I probably could run real fast enough. - Dude, I'm telling you right now, I think I would probably be able to like, wrestle an alligator in a speedo. - What does a speedo have to do with that? - It's just the confidence it would instill in me. - Oh. - I don't, I don't have it to either of them. - Do you think it would make you confident to wear a speedo? - I need a certain amount of confidence to wear a speedo. And then putting the speedo on would give me extra confidence. - How do we get to that confidence level? - Pay for me to get a wiener injection. (laughing) - A wiener injection. - Oh, so you would rather it be a big mess in there. - I mean, mess is not the word I would use. - A bigger mess is what I mean. - You still didn't specify the word that I said isn't the one I would use. Mess is the problem there. - To dude, wait, I think you were there. There was one time I was in the water in Miami. And then this dude came up behind us. And we were at like a certain depth in the water that it's kind of like near your waistline but a little lower or whatever. So when a wave comes, you're talking about probably him. But this guy's talking to us about something whatever. And then a wave passed and he was wearing a bright yellow speedo and I'm not kidding. It looked like this dude had a cat in there. - I'm sure. - It was insane. - I was like dude, brother. I'm telling you right now. - Brother, you're hiding a swordfish. I'm not even saying like, I'm not even saying that like everyone that wears Speedo's looks like Captain America and Marvel Marvel's. You know what I'm saying? But they carry themselves with B.D. - Four. - Sure. - Yeah, if you're walking around a Speedo, you can't be like, oh no, I'm wearing a Speedo. - But where are that shit? - And like, you also like, I know this isn't the place to do this, like the beach. But like, I close my eyes and I think of a man in a Speedo. They've got a bunch of rings on. They've got a big gold chain on. - I'm not thinking of that. - They've got those like glasses, the sunglasses that have like the bar at the top that like Tony Stark wears. - What? I don't even picture this at all. - Really? What do you picture? Close your eyes. - I don't picture anything really. - Close your eyes. - Close my eyes. - Imagine a man in a Speedo. - Got it. - Yeah. - Why are you touching yourself? - I'm just, that's for our audio only listener. - Oh yeah, we're all dying, laughing. - I think that, uh, what? - You keep making like gate jokes at my experience. - Where did it mean to me today? - Me! - You're being kind of me. - We're joking around. - No, 'cause everyone's laughing. - Because you keep making the same joke at me. - That you got dogged out? - Are you there to go again? - I don't like how all this is being said with my face all the time. - What? - Well, I'm doing it this way. - Oh, yeah. - When you said cat, they're referring to his bush. - No, no, but seriously, oh no. He wasn't, no, it was just a, it was just a large, - He's got time. Small animal. He's got a tabby cat or shabby cat. Which one is it? What's a tabby cat? I think it's a type. It's like a tab Siamese. No, no, no, no a tab a tabby American tabby speaking of cats. Do you like those hairless cats? Only when they're kittens when they grow up they look evil, dude I don't know if I've ever even seen a kid. Oh, as a kitten. They look cute because they're smaller But then when they get bigger, it's like this is too big to have no fur or hair anywhere. I feel like all right Not now. Why are they hairless? Like that's my question. I think it's these don't look cute as a baby. It's like Mewtwo What a problem. What are the coolest looking Pokemon? This one looks kind of cute. They really they're really they're too not sassy for me. Yeah, they're very wrinkled I don't know man. That one's kind of cool though. The one with the blue eyes This that one is blue eyes too. Yeah, that looks like a cool one. I don't like I don't dislike my grandmother I feel like your grandma looks like that. That's how your grandmother looks like eyes your grandma's beautiful. I guess she used to look like that. Oh, she's dead This is the dead one. Oh nice. Well, she doesn't have blue eyes anymore. Not nice. Not nice. That's dead. Nice that she used to look like that Yeah, your grandma was hairless. That's what I pick. That's what I imagine so you don't know. What do you not know? Yeah, it's a hairless ish. Your grandma was bald Do you know anything about your grandma? What do you know about your grandma? Why did your grandma pass away? Years ago same question a few years ago Within five. Yeah, within five. So you should have an ideas to what she was like towards. You know, it's already getting hairless Do you know what did none that look like? Because I know that's what you called her. You know grandma. Really? Wow. You're one of those. Well one side's grandma one side's not okay So no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, man. We manjare with no, no. Did she pretty good? Was she Italian? Oh, yeah But like Italian but different Italian but like America's American Italian Italian Italian Italian. That's why one was grandma. Oh, got you got you got you got you was she was which one was she? American Italian, so she didn't hit you Both of them did not well. No, that actually American one a little more weird. It doesn't matter So if I so this is what your grandmother look so send this picture to whichever one of your parents lost their mother Yeah, and then be like look I grandma's here. That's probably not a good my mom just what what animal would you say your grandma looks like? I'm don't I'm not gonna even go animal but and I hope you pull this up. I will I'm not kidding You're gonna see this you had an answer to this cute up. Oh, yeah, okay my grandmother Looked like the grandmother from the early 90s show dinosaurs You get the reference You'd remember that show the one with grandma. Oh is that baby? God I love me. Is that the live action? Yes, wait Yeah, you know, it's crazy. Oh, yeah, you know, it's insane. He's right. He is so right click on the first one That's yaya, dude. That's yaya. That's great. That is so like her dude. That's so insane. Yes, dude Yes, yes, all right now we're gonna spend this whole episode Coming up with different characters from TV or oh my god, dude, that's your grandma. I know dude I need to see a picture. That was yaya. I mean it by the time it would take me a while to pull No, it's okay. Can I? Yes, will I if you want me to I mean well, Joe, you know, I don't don't don't give it away Don't give it away This is her legacy lives on better as the the grandmother from the show dinosaurs. Wow. That's extremely you're gonna You're gonna have to answer what your grandmother. Oh my grandma. What did she look like? She kind of look like a q-tip. Okay, like in a way she had like you have we had a picture of you looking like a q-tip Also, yeah, she looked like you know who your grandmother kind of look like the cartoon version of Egon from the early 90s Ghostbusters show This is gonna piss me off. No, no, it's the tall white hair. It's not that bad She wouldn't she had like a tall hair that was kind of see through it just looked like smoke like a cloud of smoke She had a good head of hair. I remember until yeah, um see what I'm saying like that's not awful. How are you doing that? How are you just pulling this out? Oh wait, this is accurate. It's not terrible. Not this one the next one This one. Yeah, do you know how much time kind of does look like my grandma there really had way worse legs though Yeah, that's a man. It's a man. Yeah, she does but her legs were like definitely I mean she wishes she had any legs right now because she has none. I mean she didn't have much legs at the end of it to be very I Have a lot of time on those long drives to and fro and you think about what our grandma's look like I just think of his random shit and this is definitely one of them. I mean I always told you when I think of your mom. I think of Oprah a lot of people have said that my mom like ruined like Oprah No, no, like the mid-2000s someone at work told her she resembled Like a cross between evil and Goria and like Fran Drescher and I was like well there it goes. Well, that's that was it was gone You know my mom around it reminds me of Sally fields. I I could see Sally fields with your mom a hundred percent. I could see the holes mom looks exactly like Sally fields by the way To me I saw on a billboard once dude. It was like I see I can see the similarity a hundred percent Now I gotta think of your mom God to think of your mom. My mom that's what my mom kind of looks like Sally fields. Yeah, I definitely I get a hundred percent city Okay, okay, you know, especially that picture with the glasses. Yeah with the glasses. That's your mom Someone once told me and I don't know if you had cosine this opinion that my father was a spitting image of Pedro Martinez Yes, that was me bro. I don't call your dad Pedro. I don't I don't think that that is the accurate in the slightest Yeah, his dad does look like Pedro Martinez I don't I don't see it at all Okay, I see it I said I spell Pedro like I actually see it here. Yes. I mean that's fucking I actually I actually see that at all Yeah, that's Frank's that I see it a little bit here the young one not really, but it's like more than the eyes like your dad has like Like Pedro Martinez eyes. Yeah, they're a little droopy That's what I see you're saying I'm trying to think who who would my mom I guess my mom had the big hair like Oprah. Yeah, she was missing Some key fat, you know, what's the word I'm looking for features. So this is Frank his mom Yeah, the hair to me. Yes, she gets absolutely like obviously Oprah's black and his mom's not black But she was darker skin. Also, because my mom during the summer gets a dark deep golden. Yeah, her skin is quite Dining that's why I was like she reminds me of Oprah and your mom has a very big personality because she's like Yeah, that you get a car you get a car, but like she was probably like, you know You're gonna get a talk into you're gonna get a talk into no, no, no, no We didn't get we it was we're gonna have family meeting. We're gonna have family meeting and then everyone's in trouble Everyone was in trouble during every family meeting family meeting just meant that everyone's getting screamed at I've been there, too. One time my dad was like get down here right now He was in the basement and I we went down the stairs and I slipped I slipped on a A walnut and did like a there was a walnut on the floor on I slipped on a walnut like a cartoon What fucking cartoon-ass world did you grow up and that they were just a walnut on a walnut on your step? No, it was like on the Bottom like by the basement like on the floor. Did you Gettimently went up in the air real alone landed on my back and then he forgot because he laughed so hard me went upstairs Sort of oh you got lucky because you were gonna get your dad was gonna let you have it probably probably Trying to think who your dad would look like your dad always reminded me a Fred Flintstone Yeah, he looks like that. He he's got like the like thicker features a bit a strong nose Fred Flintstone is so funny John Goodman one or no just the cartoon. Yeah, just the cartoon Yeah, that's my dad my dad is Fred Flintstone I'm telling you right now like the way that like people have like found Shrek sexy It's only matter of time before they refine Fred Flintstone Fred Flintstone was a cool guy was he? There's some stuff in those cartoons that are a little you they had dinosaurs running around I mean it's more of like that time where it's just like I'm the man I'm gonna set the rules and you're gonna listen woman, you know like he was yelling at her like that. There's some Yeah, there's some shit. I watched the movie recently and I was like, ooh some of this doesn't hold up And who do you mean the man in prehistoric times wasn't as progressive as 2026 and who does you who do your parents look like my dad Got a Johnny Bravo a lot when he was young Speaking of not holding up I would say that the only thing that your dad and Johnny Bravo have in common is they both have worn black D-shirts and the fact that your dad ever in his life looked like Johnny Bravo. I Want I will show up my butt minus the blonde hair minus a blonde hair So minus the thing that makes him Johnny Bravo. Yeah. Oh, mama like that. Also this guy big creep. Oh, yeah Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that one is not held up as well That one health has probably held up the worst. Yeah, I think any any other like heart like or like fictional characters in our family could resemble we we joked around and called Keith Harry Potter when we were younger Yeah, he looks like Harry Potter. That's an easy one. Edna Flintstone Before you go anywhere go back to Edna was it Who's this smoke she was uh she was like one of the uh no she wasn't it was at a sister is mom I don't know actually cuz Fred's fenced on she looks like Fred's yeah, it must be a sister or mom mother Yeah, Fred's wife was Wilma. Yeah, and then there was Barney and Betty And bam bam bam bam was Barney and Betty's son my mom gets this a lot At no mode. Yeah I don't see your mom looks like that. I don't see it. She's have a bob. So we call her that And she wore glasses see it um see it either But I'm also not Yo, my I'm not kidding. I think my shin is sweating That's bad. Yeah, you're all right. Also, I Your mom reminds me of my high school Italian teacher. I Don't know the reference. Well, I'm just saying like when I saw your mom she's a teacher She she like reminded me of her and I was like, oh is that I've only met your mom twice Imagine and I I can't I can't like pinpoint Who she reminds me of but she wrote it's like one of those things where it's like it's on the tip of your tongue like people She does look like someone Famous but I can't for the life of me. Yeah, I'm not exactly who it is. And that's not a bad thing I don't know. I mean, I I asked my Italian teacher. I don't want fucking Johnny Bravo to beat me up You actually Italian teacher to prom. Yeah, really? Yeah, how'd that go? Uh, I didn't go with her Doesn't mean she said no, she had just gotten married, although I don't think that's why she said But she was like no and I was like joke. I mean, I was joking But if she would have said yeah, oh, well now I got to figure out. Yeah, there's not really a chance that no no no Also fired. I mean also Yeah, she said no, I think that she may have been at the prom though I was like I used to do that where the teachers would go and they would shrap around and just make sure no, you know Nothing crazy with business. I had a teacher once come up and separate me and a girl from dancing One time I had this girl This girl this is the first time I've ever heard this term But I was dating this girl and her grandfather died and I felt really bad, but she lived all of me in Jersey So I asked my mom like can I take the car and go visit her and whatever and it was kind of late at night I think I remember who this is and she was like she was like no, and I'm like why her her grandfather just died Like I just want to let go there and like kind of comfort. She's like no. I know what this is about. This is hanky Panky I mean be honest Joey it wasn't beyond your grandpa died Have you not seen wedding crashers? It's a movie. I mean some people live by that show. She was very upset. You were going to be honest if if all right, so Let's play this out. You're you. I'm the girl. Yeah. Okay, and you're coming to see me because my grandfather died. Okay. Yeah Hey, sorry that your grandpa died. Do you want to like fuck right now? You can And seen That's not how it would go All right if this girl if you had driven there not the point the point is you're making up a dead relative you want to go All right, your mom is wrong. Your mom is wrong correct for for not believing you correct, but if hank if if your Panky was gonna get hanky. Yeah, would you have denied it? No, so your mom was right Wrong you might not have been going with the purpose of panky and your hanky, but you definitely were welcoming a hanky That those are different things. I don't think so. I was saying that I was going there to be comforting and you said to your mom No, no, what I said was what the fuck is that? I'm person your mom Field actually was mad at her that night because I was like, why are you assuming that I'm lying and I'm trying to That's fair. It like whatever, but Hanky-panky I truly had no idea what she meant by that. I don't think I don't think there's something to call Sex that would turn me off more than hanky-panky. How about you come over a little bit and we have a little bit of hanky-panky I'd be like bro. I'd be like you need to grow up a little bit. How old are you? Right, I would be like concerned like let me check your birch certificate Yeah, I was like 20 at the time. I think oh, it's not patient I wanted I was the first thing in my head was like should we look up different like terms for I mean, it's not patreon, but I already like a like a midnight rumble. Yeah, so I'm like actually look back seed like Backdoor I'm a blast and I heard while you look it up. I heard one calling it um, bashing cuts. Oh That's two. That's that's it. That's too like visceral. Yeah, what are we doing? You know what? I'm gonna do some Before we get into these I do we have do have some sponsors the first one being square space Okay, square space is going to be the website where you build your website if you have Ecom business or you make content or anything like that a website is very important It is the one-stop shop it is the first impression where people are gonna come and check out and see if you're legit or not So if you have a bad looking website, maybe they'll be turned off by that and you know, that's not good But a square space makes it very easy for you to build a professional looking website in a short amount of time because they have templates You can choose from a bunch of different one pages of templates and you'd find the right fit for you that fits your content Or your needs whatever you need and you just switch out the photos and the text and now you have a professional looking website It's great. 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So it could be worth it. Thank you guys. We love you and While I'm here, I might as well tell you we're going back where back Huh back on the show live show groove. I messed that up. Who cares? I don't I Don't know what tickets are still available full transparency But if we're coming to a show near you or you want to take a trip somewhere and there are tickets available at some of those shows go to the basement yard calm Take a look at what's there. We are really really excited. We're putting together a show that's going to be unlike everything We had done anything we had ever done before live shows. So go check it out at the basement yard calm and you know what? but I got it third one for you. SantaGatoStudios.com is over there. SantaGatoStudios store. What is it? - SantaGatoStudios.com. - SantaGatoStudios.com, we got new merch options up there. That's pretty fun, that's pretty cool. Go take a gander underneath the beautiful umbrella of merch that we got here at the studio. So, SantaGatoStudios.com, thebasementyard.com, patreon.com/thebasementyard. So much to go and peruse. Thank you, we love you. Back to it. - Yeah. - Also, what the fuck website is this? - I don't know, I was just trying to find a bunch. This is the one that listen to the door. - That looks like a good door. - Okay. - So we have them broken up in the classics, one word, food related and then just a random weird ones that happen. - Just go to the random ones. - Yeah, right. - Yeah. - We got, well, hold on, the food related ones are pretty. What are those? - Oh yeah, what's that? - Can you zoom in on the page? Because some of us, some of us are older than others. Baking the potato, buttering a biscuit. I've heard that. - I've heard that one. - Buttering a biscuit, I've heard. Putting the bread in the oven, but that's like a pregnancy one. - Yeah, it's a bun in the oven. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It's still like insinuated. - Getting one's kettle mended? Who is this John Snow's getting railed? (laughing) It's like, oh, listen up. Oh, hey, you need your kettle mended. - That's fucking David Beckham. - Yeah. - Horizontal refreshment? Don't like that at all. - White, wait, refreshment. - Yeah. - Bam in the ham. - That's a cake. - That's a good one. - That's a really good one. - What do you say? We slip into the bedroom and bam, bam in the ham. Bam, bam in the ham. - What does that mean? - Ham, I'm pretty sure is in reference to a vagina. - A vagina. - It's in fresh ham. Like give them the fresh ham. Isn't that a butt? Ham? Is it? I'm gonna give you a ham. Like when someone, give them the fresh ham. It's like they pants them, right? - Oh, I've never heard of that one. - I've never heard of that one. - Who was a ham in a movie? What movie was that? - Sandlot. - Toy story. - Hey, I mean, that's the, yes, that is. - The great ham, Bino. - Planting the parsnips. - Yeah. - Also taking that. - I like that one a lot. - Yeah. Feel free to use that one. - You know what I'm saying? - I mean parsnips are not like, I don't wanna, parsnips are pretty big. - Are they parsnips are a larger carrot? - Whatever. - All right. - Sending out for sushi, disgusting. - Yeah. - Tossing a hot dog down the hallway. That one I heard is like, it's a disc. - It's a disc at someone where-- - So you got such a cavernous vagina. - Yeah, so it's like tossing a hot dog down the hallway. - Yeah. - Yeah, so that one seems mean. - Also your corn ground? - Excuse me. - That's a butt one for sure. - For sure. - The butts. - Corn is butt? - Yeah, I've always heard corn is like a butt thing. - No. - Like he's corning. - Huh? - Oh, I got it. It sounds so gross. I'm not the only one that has heard that before. - A corning? This one. Groping for trout in a peculiar river. - What planet? - What that means? - I don't know if any of the food related ones that I've heard so far, like if any of them were used, it would be a conversation. - We're not going to do what you want to do. We are going to talk about why you use that phraseology. - You ever see the videos of them trying to catch fish or catch fish in the river? They shoved their hand in the hole. - Yeah. - That's called noodling. I like that. Speaking of noodle, bringing an al dente noodle to the spaghetti house. (laughing) I guess the vagina is the spaghetti house. - Yeah. - Of which I love spaghetti and you love a house. - So I'm not opposed to that one. - Also, al dente noodles are the best way to cook them. - I would say that an al dente wiener, if I were to be into wieners, would not be the way that you would want one. - How would you want one? - I imagine that wieners are considered best when they are fully erect. - Oh, raw. - So it would be an undercooked or just raw. - Or just yeah, an uncooked wiener. - It's fair. - Doing squat thrusts in the cucumber patch. - That one's kind of looking good. - That is quite divisible. - Also, wait, squat thrust. - Yeah. - Isn't that like the air squats? What's a squat thrust? - It's like a, oh, so like you go down, oh, a hump, okay, I got you. - And now for the, what the fuck version? We have bedroom rodeo, I think that's like. - I think that's a fair one, basket making. - Doesn't make any sense to me at all. - I don't know, I mean, basket making. - Yeah, I can't imagine also what would, why, you're not making anything there. - No. - Outside of, maybe a child. - Doing the devil's dance? - I can guarantee you that was said at some hardcore church down south version. - My CCD teacher probably said that to me. - Yeah, hot yoga. - You doing the devil's dance? - Hot yoga is a, you need to be careful with that one, because-- - Exercise class. - Yeah, because if someone were to, if Becca were to ask me, you wanna do some hot yoga? I'd say, fucking ill, no, but if she meant, if she meant engage in sex, that would say yes. - If she, if she, you know, yeah, if she said that, but she really meant groping for trout in a peculiar river, then you'd be like, yeah. - It's just too long. - Yeah, it's just, why parallel parking? - Parallel parking, I guess 'cause you're both. - Parallel. - Go forward and back. - I don't, I-- - You've made it more confused. - Yeah, I don't, I don't particularly enjoy parallel parking. - Rolling in the hay, I like that one. - I've heard that one before. - Hey, we're gonna go roll in in the hay. - Although having sex in hay sounds miserable. - That sounds like a farmer thing, like that, that's it. - Oh, we met in the hay house and we roll, we had it rolling in the hay. - I mean, if I lived on a barn, I would definitely like get in the barn and go crazy sometimes. - Brother, hay is sharp, it is sharp, sharp. - Yeah, that's gonna fucking, ooh, that might end up in places you might not want it to be. - Wedding the willy? - Okay. - I don't like that one. - Matrimonial polka. - Maybe if I hated sex, I would like that one. - Poka, bumping up at least, I've heard. - We've heard that one. - Yeah, that one's a good one. Chesterfield Rugby? - What the fuck is that, Chesterfield Rugby? - That just, that sounds. - Who's calling it this? - Dancing the goat's jig. - What? - That sounds like doing the devil's dam. - And that's pretty much the same as that. - Because goats aren't they like symbolism. - Black goat, yeah. - For the devil? - Yeah. - For like, for that stuff. Two person push-ups? - Going heels to Jesus. That's fucking hysterical. - Heels to Jesus. - Jesus is up. Get those heels up. - Have you ever heard of one that you haven't seen on here? I've heard of wearing ankles as earrings. - No, but that sounds like going to heels to Jesus. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Putting the wand in the chamber of secrets. - Well, that one, honestly. - Oh, no, I mean, I hate that one. - You ever gonna? - This one just says, "Seeing a man about a dog." What the fuck is that? - This has gotta be picked out of like, they're just like, oh, what are you doing tonight? I'm just going to see a man about a dog. - I mean, I mean, I imagine someone said that in the context of like- - I'm sure that it's been, like I could see that one honestly more than Chesterfield Rugby. - Like we're out and you're like leaving a place. I'm like, you're gonna go see a man about a dog. - Yeah, I could see that being one for like, you know. - I could see that being one for sure. - And then lastly here, we have taking old one eye to the optometrist, old one eye in reference to the wiener. - Two. - Pean has one opening, most of them. - But. - I got jumping bones once. - Jumping bones, I've heard, knocking boots, I've heard. Oh, heck, he's up there. - Thank you, thank you, sucks. Tapping ass. - Pro clapping cheeks is so fun. - Clapping cheeks, that's one that I love a lot. - So amorous, Congress. Why the fuck is that in classics? - You literally could convince me that is a branch of government. - Yes. Jumping bones, I've heard, knocking boots, I've heard. Funny business. But see, funny business was not just sex. It was just like everything of, like, it was anything. - It was horse and a round. - It was anything, like, you know. You and your friend, what are you guys doing down there? No funny business. - Yeah, did they mean something? - I mean, you know, now that you say that, maybe your parents thought we were hooking up. - No, Frank, they did not. - So then why would they say it? 'Cause it probably doesn't mean that. - I'm using urologic against you. - I'm not. - There's not much. - What? (laughing) - I'm not. Wait, I actually just remembered something that I wanted to talk about. - Love? - Love when Joe remembers something. - I feel like, it's gonna take a while though. I feel like. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait. - We need something. - What do you need, what do you need? - No, no, no, no. I mean, like, I want to do it, but I think it's gonna be a funny conversation because it's such a Frank thing. And I just remember that. - We got time, time, time. - No, I know, I know, I know. I'm just debating whether to wait until after the ads and then to do it. - Just do the ads early. - You got it. (cheering) - That was a good idea from me. (laughing) And we've got angry orchard right here on the table. This is bold, delicious flavor. Okay, this is a hard cider. This is angry orchard, hard cider. We always talk about this sexy tree on it. Which is a cool looking tree. But they are 5% alcohol. This is crisp apple flavor. And there is two apples in every angry orchard. Okay, and every cider, two real apples in this thing. But it is delicious. It's refreshing. It's not too sweet. But it's got a bold taste to it. And it's really good. And it's available at bars and restaurants and retailers. If you've never heard of angry orchard, get your hands on. You've never tried something like this before, okay? It'll blow your mind, but it's very delicious. 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Get that 10% off of your first purchase today, folks, OK? All right, I'm sweating. But I wanted to bring this up because I'm like, I saw this TikTok, and I'm like, this is the most frank thing in the world. But I, hold on, I saved the TikTok. So I have to just, I have to pull that up. Because the original one is also hilarious. But it was a girl talking about when she was in junior high. These are some things that she did. Are you fanning your wiener? No, under my shirt. So this girl posted a TikTok, and it says things I did in junior high to get attention. And then the first one, she said that she put her fit bit on her ankle so that people would think she had an ankle monitor. And I'm like, yo, that's hilarious. So I was laughing at the video already. Then I went to the comments. Some of these are so good. I've never had a fit bit. I cannot imagine I would have done that. No, but these things in general are-- I know. So I like how he started by Frankie would love this. You know what I'm like? No, because I know what he's referencing. I was in middle school, like one of those kids is like, my uncle worked for Nintendo. But he gasses it up to a point where it was like great. No, but some of these are so funny. So I screenshot some of them, and this one says, I wore colored contacts and would tell people, my eye color would change with my mood. Damn, that's-- Oh my god, you remember mood rings? Do I? They were big when we were in school. I would wear it. Like, you had one? Well, I would put someone's on. And I'd be like, oh, it's red, because you're in love. Yeah, or something, I don't know what red would mean. I remember my middle school girlfriend had one, and I would like look at that shit. I'm sorry, I have a question. Yeah. Color contacts. When I was in high school, I walked up to-- this guy walked up to me and was talking me. I'm like, yo, dude, your eyes are so blue. Like, random compliment. The first time I'm talking to this guy, turns out he had fake contacts the entire time. When do you tell somebody? Immediately. I think it's an immediate thing. I think if you wear contacts that change the color of your eyes as an adult, that's a little crazy. It was in high school, but like, how do you not tell me, like, right there what I'm talking about? If I had no plan to talk to you ever again in my life, I would let you think it. It turns out he-- Oh, OK, that's fair. I would tell someone that I'm going to have to see it again, but I'm not going to tell a random person. He was dating one of my pretty good friends. I talked to him about that. I will tell you that I fully in middle school said this out loud and planned on getting the contacts that made your eyes all white except for the black dot. Like Ray Mysterio? Exactly. [LAUGHTER] Exactly why I wanted it. I used to want those two. Because you'd come out and just look sick. And I'd be like, yo, that would be cool to have. For the other ones like Limp Bizkit, we're trying to turn it all black. Oh, the guitarist, the bassist for Limp Bizkit. Speaking of Limp, this one says, I would Limp around for no reason. Maybe someone would ask if I'm OK. I'm sure I did-- I don't think I-- I definitely, if I had an excuse to Limp, I would take it. If there was an ace bandage in my house, I was wearing it. And it was-- Oh, I got hurt catching a touchdown for the championship. Yeah, yeah. Like, oh, well, my elbow hurts because I hit a walk off grand slam to win the World Series. Oh, and we won money. Did that ever work? Sure it did. You get attention. Yeah, like you know what I mean. There's no end goal. Oh, I thought the goal was like, I kiss someone's-- No, because that would be way too far. Yeah, I just wanted attention. Yeah, whoever would think that far. You'd definitely why you're doing it. I wasn't always like, oh my god, I'm so hurt. I'm trying to get some ass right now. I just wanted some pity. Well, you should be. But the pity would be, you're so cute. I could take care of you and kiss you and touch your butt. I mean, I thought of it more as like, not that I'm hurt, but I'm fine. Well, that thing is like, you would prove like, oh, I'm tough. I've been fine. I'm tough. Like, I've brought this up before. But I remember years ago, I found like, remember how you could save logs of conversations on aim? I found one where I was talking to a girl. I was just like, you know, like telling you I like you is the scariest thing. And I'm not scared of anything. I've been bungee jumping and steered a rabbit raccoon in the face. Yeah, it sucks. You wrote that? Yeah. Yeah, dude. And that's just what we remember. That's yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This one says, I never did anything outward. But alone, I'd act like my crush could see me through hidden cameras in my house. I also act like factory boys calling me up on stage for my favorite song to dance with them. Oh, I would do the whole like laying down in the shower thing. I would like, I was doing like waking up like, yeah, or like, you know, like I was in like the burn music video. Yeah, you're like kicking the water like I'm shaking the water and, you know, have you ever pretended like your crush could see you through hidden cameras in your house? Ooh, that's a good one. No, I don't think so. That's a good one. That is a good one. Oh, I'll like, if I throw something and it goes into the trash man, I'll toss like a to nothing. Oh, what? I'm like, oh, you saw that? Like, yeah, like, I mean, I was never a big, like, Kobe Bryant fan, but like, I wouldn't hit Kobe, you know, on anything, like I just be like, oh, Kobe. Oh my god, do you see the video of the little kid going, I'm not Kobe, I'm Steph Curry. No, God, I was adorable. Loved it. People, times are changing. People probably do the Kobe thing and don't even realize where it came from. Probably some people. This one says, I wrote about myself on the bathroom wall and cried about finding it. That's a bad, that's a good one. It's like Sarah's a slut. It's like, who the fuck is that? I got accused of that. Of what? Of, like, something like that. Of writing something about someone else? Or writing something about me? I was in college and in, like, the school newspaper, someone wrote, Frankie Alvarez, you're so cute. XOXO, your secret admirer. And my buddy, Sly, sent it to me and he was like, yo, this is you. I'm like, I swear to God, it's not. He's like, I'm not going to believe it's not you. So someone was flirting with you via the school paper? Yeah, that's how old we are, dude. Good Lord. They put it in, like, the, like, what was the place on the, like, the newspaper back of the day where it would post, like, you know, like, that's how you'd find jobs. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like, the movies that were coming out that week, the movie times. That used to be a thing on Craigslist. It would be misconnections. And it was like, I saw a girl on the whatever. Me and Greg, when we first started OPL, we were trying to reach out to people. And we would go through misconnections. And sometimes you read some crazy shit, like someone being like, we, you were in line at Starbucks and you farted. And like, you said, excuse me. But I like, I love the smell of your farts. Like, legitimately, that was one of them. Oh. Like, who knows if they're actually, like, legit and real? I mean, but here's why I would think that they are because they're posting that anonymously and they get nothing from it being-- That's fair. Like, they get no attention. Like, it's not like it's like, Joe Sanding got a wrote that. Yeah, this is a good one. I went on vacation to Disney World and met a girl at the pool and told her my name was Dragon. That's fire, dude. That is so sick. Told her my name was Dragon. I think I didn't really go on many vacations when I was younger, but that feels like an easy one. Like, if I was on vacation, I'd probably lie about everything. I went on a vacation and I lied about my age, my job, all that. You're just, wasn't, weren't you on a vacation when you, when you were lying about sleep talking? Yeah. Yes, I was. Yes. So what if I like her? Yeah, it's exactly such a good story. Don't cover your face with your face. I was-- it was around middle school time. I went to see my family. I have family in sunny Jacksonville, Florida. Oh, yeah. And my cousin took me to a party. And there was a girl there that was cute. I thought she was cute. And I told her I was a 19-year-old actor that drone. and escalade from New York City. - Frank, you drove an escalade from New York to Jacksonville, Florida. That would cost thousands of dollars. - What are you saying? That's the funniest part. My idea of immense success at 15 was being a 19 year old actor driving an escalade. - That's amazing. How old were you actually? - I must have been 15, 14. - That's great. - Around that time. This is a good one too. - I said, I had to ask FM. Do you remember that? Like, you remember form spring? - Yes. - Where you can just ask questions. - Economously. - Yeah. - People would ask you questions, you just answer them. So I had to ask FM and post a link to my Tumblr, Facebook, Instagram, so people could ask me questions anonymously. I would ask myself questions about my crush and Loki's cyber bully myself and answer them defending myself with witty complex. You know what? That's amazing. - I feel like that's something that probably happens a lot still. - A hundred, first of all, I had a form spring and of course I was asking myself questions. - Oh, really? - Yeah, about like my crush, so that she would see it. - Oh, really? - Yeah. - Oh, you sleep a little bit. - Like I would sleep a little bit. - See, and then he, I'm glad you admit that because if you were to ask, that would have been me, but no, I would have been the one that wrote a letter and be like, it's facts. This is a tear because I was crying thinking about how beautifully you look. - Right, yeah. - The diabolical and middle school in other ways. - I would definitely haven't cyber bullied myself and like, you had witty complex to a cyber bully. I don't think I cyber bullied myself, but like, people do that with like burner accounts and shit like that. - Yeah. - I do not have the time or the care to have a burner account. - Bro, the form spring days were, it's crazy. - There was another one that was on my collar, oh, also, I would be in other girls's form springs asking mad questions. - Yic-yac. - You remember? - Oh, yes. - That was like a college campus one. They had it on my campus and it would just be like, oh, R.A. Frank is so hot. And I'd be like, who the fuck? - And you would do it? - No, no, I would be, but I'd try to like figure out. I'd be like, ha, ha, who are you? (laughing) - Oh, under a burner? - Yeah. - Ha, ha, ha, right. We should meet up. - Uh-huh, let's meet up and talk about how he is. (laughing) - Who is this? - At the dining hall. - That is some pure diabolical shit. - I've done that though where I've gone until like other girls is like, ask FM's or whatever. And I'd be like, do you have a crush on someone in your class? - Oh. - I mean, I was notorious in middle school, Furby and like, you know, not seeing the girl and not talking to her, getting the screen name, talking to her online, and then it's like, let's play 21 questions. Yeah, you know, and it's like question one, what's your favorite color? Question two, what is your favorite song? Question three, how far have you gone? - How far have you gone was such a question? - Such a ridiculous question. - How far have you been looking back? - You know. - Or what do you think about me? You know, is it like that? How do you feel about Greek and Colombian men? - If you were to say like, you prefer Greek or Colombian or criminals, who would you say? - Criminals. - Yeah. But yeah, there was so many good ones. - I remember in high school, it was like to like, try to get people to like you is like that you partied. Like I remember in high school just being like, yo, we'd get so fucked up. - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - It was a big one. Or even in like the early years of college, where it would be like, yeah, you guys party? Not like us, we get so fucked up dude. - Yeah. - We drink so many beers. Like someone's gonna see that and be like, ooh. - Yeah, when you thought it was just like so cool to be drunk and you're like, you have one drink and you're like, I'm not a fucking feminist. - Yes, like honestly, I'm fucking like already, like this is the most drunk I've ever been. - I'm already feeling it. - Like, that was not attractive in any capacity. - This feels like a frank one. It says, I used to wake up and tell myself, I'm not gonna talk today. Just for attention, always failed. (laughing) - Yes, I'm not talking. How's that? - There were, I remember, I did this a lot as I was younger and honestly sometimes I do it now. Like I just, I go as long as I can in the morning without talking. - Yeah, you said that. But also in my middle school, they had a day where it was like, don't speak day. And it was like, it was, you'd sign up for it and it was like a, you'd get a laminated card and it was in support of marginalized communities, men and women of color, people in the LGBTQIA plus community, like to support them, you opt not to speak today. And my school was like, the school, baccalaureate was like super progressive and they like really honored it. So I would sign up for it every year. So I'd have one day where I didn't have to do any work. I would just, I'd be like, oh, so they would just be like, you don't have to talk. - Yeah. - You didn't have to do work that day. You didn't have to do group projects. You basically had a free day and you just didn't talk. - That's kind of cool. - The tea, Frankie comes in with the land here and every teacher goes, yes, thank God. - No, I wasn't, I wasn't getting in trouble for talking. I was just getting in trouble for existing. It's kind of a bad ass honestly. I got in the wild. - Yeah, I got in a lot of trouble. - I got in a lot of trouble at school. - We had detention, I was there for sure. This person said, I would trace drawings and pretend I drew them. (laughing) - That's a pretty good one too. - That's a good one. - I would do something like that. I don't think I ever, I can't remember anything that I did like that, but there was a lot of like, trying to get attention via pity. - I, like, if I get a black eye, I'd be thrilled. I'd be so thrilled. 'Cause I'm like, oh my god, look like a, you know, whatever. And also I could lie. Well, that's why when we were younger, like, down to a fight with eight guys, we would do like, those like, jackass-type stunts. And I was like, I hope my girlfriend's coming around to see us do this where I get kicked in the balls, 'cause I'd be so in pain and I, ugh, but I'm okay. - You know, like, there was like a machismo. - Yeah, there was like a machismo. - Look at me get hurt. - And look at me get hurt, but I'm fucking, I'm good. And like, oh. - It's so dumb when you think it's cool. - It is so dumb, dude. - Like, when you're a young, you're such an idiot. - It's funny because if I had listened to what like the older people said was stupid, like, it was stupid. - Yeah. Like, it was not like, it was like, no, actually, that was pretty sick. - Also, do you remember how fucking much you thought that a brand new pair of sneakers would make you just infinitely faster? - Well, that was like, like Mike did a whole number on us as kids. - It was like kind of later, I feel. - Like Mike came out to, I think like 2003. - Really? - 2004 maybe, look it up. - I remember, I remember there was this kid on my blog, this kid Omar, and he was like, I could definitely beat you in a race, and I had just gotten a new pair of shoes, and I remember saying to him, like, in these shoes a no shot. - Really? - Yeah, like, I remember vividly being like, not in these shoes. - I mean, I think though, like, that has been proven. Like, certain shoes are made for running, so they're lighter, they're bouncier. Like, they are going to help you. - I'm wearing basketball sneakers. It's not like running sneakers. - Yeah, but like, there is a difference, 2002. - Wow, so we were not a 10 years old when I came out. - Fifth grade? - Wow. - Actually, it was fourth grade, going into fifth grade. - Oh, that's right, yeah. - We were like, like, I remember to play kick, whenever we were playing kickball, I would specifically wear my boots, my Timberland boots, 'cause I convinced myself that kicking a kickball with Timberland boots made it go farther. I mean, maybe they're heavy. - Like, the logic's there. - I mean, I know, but as a 10-year-old or a 12-year-old, it shouldn't have been there. - Yeah. - It's better than flip flops. Break a toe. - Did you ever do any of that stuff? I was trying to think this entire time. I'm sure I did. Nothing really comes to mind. - Did you guys have, like, screen names that you were big on that? - Or no. - I don't really. - I don't really. - I don't think they were just after AIMs, like, popular. - Like, AIM was only popular for that long. - AIMs, I remember it dying down around 2009. - So, you were, like, 11 at that point, 12? - Did you have BBM? - I had a sidekick slide, so probably. - Well, that's not-- - That's not-- - But I'm talking about, like, blackberries. - Like the phone. - No. - No? - I don't think that was-- - That was, like, the biggest thing. - I don't think I had a black car. - That was even older, bro. - Yeah, and the next cell was 100% older. - I had, like, Samsung phones. Before the iPhones were cool, kind of. - Oh my God, Samsung's. - I had, we had AIM, and then we had, I had next cells. - I remember sprint, 'cause sprint bought out next cell. So, like, they incorporated that into their phones. - I never had a phone that did that. I was furious with my parents. - The reason that the next cell was cool is because you would press up on the volume button, and it would play your ringtone. - Yeah. - And I made my own ringtones, and it was just the full song. - Right. - So, I would just sit there and play the song that I wanted to play. - Everyone would do that. They would play the song. - Yep. - In my white tea. - Yep. - Yeah. - And then also the talk, it was like a walkie-talkie. You could just hit your friends like, and then you'd say everybody, and you think it was bleep bleep, and then your phone would just play someone's voice. - That's dangerous. - Yeah, that happened to me in school, like once or twice. And they'd be like, "Yo, what's up, penis-licker?" And I'd be like, "I'm sorry, Mr. A." - Yeah. - Damn, that's such a stupid feature now that I'm thinking about it. Like, I could literally just hit you at any point. Well, I think it would go, I think at a certain point it would go off like a call is incoming It was it was called PTT push to talk. Yeah, and it would say PTT Frank because you had to have a separate number for PTT Oh, so like I would need like your PTT number in order to do that But you can't stop me from talking. I think I Fuck I can't really remember now, but I think they put it in so like it would be like incoming PTT And you'd have to answer it. Do you remember people used to like customize their shit like my sister had a case That like lit up. Yeah, bro, they had like see through red ones. Yes, I remember the one that they had that I had It was the first one that had a camera on it. You hit a button and it fucking this shit flew open and it could have knocked someone's teeth out The i570 look it up the next tail i570 No, my god, this guy you got to type next tail any X T.E.L Hell yeah, now we're talking These things look insane what that's what it was it was that that's it was like a giant phone Dude these films are so fucking cool, right remember the razor. Yeah, I saw there was a bunch I remember there was the the chocolate you remember the chocolate was that the brown one it came in red and white I think there was a brown color. They had the chocolate the juke remember the juke no the juke looked like an mp3 player and it's slid open Okay, I Had like a pretty cool phone my first phone was like all of my phones were first my sisters. Oh really? Yeah, they were always shannons and then she would give them to me like my phone number is her old phone number This was the this is what I later version this this what I had this is a later version the first one the sidekick one and the sidekick two were like iconic. Yeah, those were so cool. There was one that looked like this and you do you click it like this and goes Yeah, yeah, that was this that was the sidekick. Oh, yeah. Yeah, then there was the Google phone the phone and the screen would open like this Oh, I also had this one. That's the is that the Google phone? It looks like a sidekick slide Oh, that shit is that phone used to be for fucking cool, dude God see why do you bring up nostalgia now now phones are all just the same They're just the same and they don't look cool anymore It's just a screen in your pocket. Let me touch a button. This thing does a fucking gainer in order to open It's have you held a blackberry recently? No, but I had the blackberry storm bro the a blackberry I like picked one up in a store once like recently How we were able to type on that is beyond me. Well, we had little baby fingers. That's why I mean just adults have them I'm getting I'm being honest. I'm getting to the age where I'm not able to type on my iPhone anymore What does that mean like my my fingers are too big for buttons? And I'm pressing like the wrong button or two buttons at once Frankie like 34. Yeah, I don't know what you're talking about Oh, who cares? Like what do you talk? You're not old. What are you talking? I'm getting there and I'm 33 Do you think that when you get older your fingers blow up like what are you talking about? I mean as keyboards stay the same size our fingers and dexterity becomes bigger and worse Bro put that true Frankie at 33 types like if you had your hands in the snow for a while. Yeah, like I honestly do like I'm not really good at it Um, sometimes I type like this Like I'll put my phone down like if I'm texting. No, you won't I Where to go send you put your phone down and type. Go ahead. Send you I'll be like this. So I'll I'll pull you up Send you a full text. Okay. What do you want the text to say hi Joe? Good morning. I'm Frank You do this. Yeah And see my fingers are too big. I just put it's cuz you're typing like a I Do that sometimes, but it's just because like this is like I'm just like my finger if I'm going for F and G like Yeah, what are you typing We don't know what he was typing What the fuck a missing letter on his hat Stop that Hey is hot. It's gonna hot in here, huh? Hot or now. I bet it's gonna be hot and hell you see that episode is sunny where they're doing the The the times up episode where they're in the the the hotel and then they do like times up They're like, whoa, it's getting it's getting hot in here Now I know Frankie say I'll text you back. It's cuz he he can't he can't pick up his phone I've got nowhere to put my phone down to type Look at what other like I had the no key or brick was my first. Yeah, that was my first two do you remember my my the My keyboard like ripped off so if I had to text people I had to or if I had to type of Like a phone number. I had to use a stick from the ground to poke my number These are cool phones do you know because you know what made it cool is that it looked like a phone? Does that make any sense? Nope, huh, all right I one time for Christmas. I was like, oh, I asked for a phone for Christmas and I was like looking for my presence And I went looking and I found two of those phones and then I was like let's fucking go there for Keith and Shannon I didn't get a phone. Wow. I was tight. I was tight only reason I got a phone was for seventh grade because I was gonna be taking the train Two and from school. Yeah, so my parents were like if you're gonna take the train you need a phone just in case and Smart I don't know that I had a phone. I Think you got one in eighth grade if I can remember maybe yeah, I think I want just when like when a majority of people had one It's fun. It's when I got one but you grew up like your first phone was probably a smart phone Does miles on the phone? Yeah, yes, he does Like an iPhone. Yep unlimited It's dad-paced for that one. No No, so he only is allowed to use it for texting and calls. Yeah, and when he's home He doesn't use it. Yeah Is that a picture of that one? That's so funny But yeah, I guess I don't know what other phones were cool. I also did you ever have anything that had parental lock on it? My parents never did that. I Not only did I not have that I had where like anything I did on my phone I was worried they were gonna see it like you remember the anxiety of accidentally opening the internet and it was like the rumor was like every time you open the internet It's 30 bucks No, you don't remember that no, but I have let it rip on the on the On the internet and cell phone before and I got in mad trouble I got in trouble because remember this is before Wi-Fi was like super available. Yeah, so like You're using the internet on your phone brother. It was expensive and I got in trouble once because there was a website called 3G for free and It was ringtones, so like I would download like 12 ringtones But the amount of time and data that it took I got fucking barked at dude more than once When I was in high school the bill. I put it up to like 300 bucks. Yeah, my bad parents were so mad at me My dad shut off me and my sister's because one month we both had a $300 bill and in 2005 paying $800 insane. I mean now paying $800 for cellular services crazy, but like then it was even crazier That was when you had to and I know we've spoken about this before and like we sound like boomers, but like It mattered who your mobile carrier was you had to like so if you had sprint I had sprint. I waited until after 6 p.m. Nicole you. Yeah, that was the reason I have sprint because it was free calls after six Other carriers it was nine so like if you had singular it was like nine p.m. You had to wait to call someone You and I thought about the other day that I'm like, you know, it's kind of wild When before caller ID that was in our life Pro I remember the first time that's insane. I remember the I remember my family getting the caller ID. It was a separate Yeah, machine. Oh my god that you had to hook up like in between the the phone cable and your phone and it went in the middle Yeah, and like I would be like who's calling and it'd say like Santa Gato. Yeah, and I'd be like oh fuck Joey Oh, fuck. Yeah, but dude, that's so crazy. I was thinking about that. I'm like, yo in my lifetime There were so many things that like happened and your life gay people couldn't get married. There was no caller ID Brother issues is bigger than the other fucking. Yes Yeah, and also the Universal rights for gay people to get married was like 12 years ago Yeah, that's like not long. That's not long dude. That's so funny. That's like a blink of a knife That's insane. That was yesterday basically. Yeah, what a crazy time. Well Caller ID text messaging the gays can get married. Yeah, what a world world we're living in here weed is legal. Yeah, that's another one Honestly, that's that's pretty like I remember thinking like that'll never happen I don't know if I ever really thought about it, but Once it hit medicinal it was all about time Yeah, you were like 10 the fuck do you know? Sorry, I'm hot. I think I was right. Let's get out of here before we start sweating. I'll leave it more Thank you guys so much for watching. Don't forget to subscribe. You can What am I saying right now? Yeah, do that like it subscribe mash that like button smash it kick it smash the bell take that little bell and fucking ring it For you guys you go follow the show at the base me art on tic-toc and Instagram Frank you know it and Press yeah, all right there, buddy You guys go follow me. I just gonna go follow sure I take this guy said that already but it's time. I'll see you guys next time. I swear name You