#555 - Hobby Horsing Around

This episode is brought to you by State Farm. Listening to this podcast instead of doom-scrolling? Smart move. Another smart move? Getting help from one of State Farm's 19,000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto. Bundling, just another way to save with the personal price plan. Prices are based on rating plans that vary by state. Coverage options are selected by the customer. Availability, amount of discounts and savings, and eligibility vary by state. Welcome back to the Bay. Welcome back to the basement yard. Frank, how's it going? I'm doing well, thank you. We're here, we're joined by someone in witness protection. Yeah, who are you hiding from? What the fuck are you doing? Signing sunglasses indoors. Is everything okay? I mean, you do that sometimes too, so don't point that finger too much. Yeah, but I do it when I get back from Europe. You recently did it. Did I? What do you mean? Did I do it? Oh, do you like go to Europe in your mind, in your home? No. Maybe. I mean, yeah, I'm sure I do. What's the most Europe thing you brought back with you for all the times you went to Europe? Linen. Oh, just a lot of linen. Yeah, I'm about that, honestly. I'm not going to argue against linen. A lot of linen. I'm really into soccer right now. That is a big European thing, yeah. I'm very in it now. I have an espresso machine, so I have espresso. Do you? Yeah, I'm like. You need to become one of those, like. I'm going to really get into Aperol spritzes too. Oh, that you could do without those. Oh, well. You need to become one of those people that does, like, the, like, espresso routine, where they, like, measure the beans and they spray them and then they do them and then they. Us, us, us. Yes, yes, yes. Bro, when people. Sometimes people make coffee on the internet and it looks very involved. Like, it seems like it's probably worth it, but I'm like, man, how long does this take? Especially with filming all of it, I'm like, bro. I mean, I get it. I think I've openly said this before because, you know, like, the making of certain teas can take a little longer than possible, you know, than normal too because, like, you have to warm it up and then you dump it out and then you put the dry leaves in and then you smell it and then you shake it. But it's about just, like, doing something for yourself. The process. Like, it's just. What the hell do you think this is? How comfortable are you getting? Look what you did. Look what you did to him now. Sorry. Are we boring you, sir? Also, you're drinking a brisk iced tea. What is it, 1998 and it's recess? God, I wish it was. I do too. Those are great. Those are good. Really good. But you're not allowed. You're not getting away with it. Frankie was just going on about teas and I just got thirsty. Do you see, you know, like, people believe The respect is dwindling, Frank. Clearly, they think that, like, I was, like, bullying you. You guys don't see when these cameras are off. And it's such a. Look at him. Your fucking father's going to hear about this. Wait till your dad hears about this. The legitimate lack of respect. I might have a smile on, but watch this. I smiled again. We saw it. My bad. What were you talking about? I don't know. It could have been the most important thing in the world, but fucking, you know, the nasty ice man over there needed to. Brisk. I do like a good brisk. Oh, my God. If I had a two liter of it, I could literally just keep drinking it. Do they make two liters of brisk? They did. I know they did because I had. The only iced tea we used to have in our house, you know this, was a Sissips. Sissips iced tea. You know Sissips? They had money. That's why. Yeah. We know he didn't have the Sissips. Sissips was, like, on sale always. Like a Lipton? It was like. No, it came in a carton. A carton of iced teas. It was a carton. It was. It was like milk. Like, it looked like. The carton looked like milk, but it was iced tea, and they were, like, a dollar a carton, and that's why my mom would get them. What color was the carton? Black. It was like. I do know that one. It was, like, black, and, like, there was, like, brown and yellow mixed in there at some points. You know? Can you pull up the Sissips iced tea carton? I want to see how they're doing. When I see this, I just think. No, no, no. Sissips. Who has Sissips? Sissips. Sissips. Are you listening to the Sissips? There she is. Yeah. Oh, what a beaut. That first one. That first one. That was. I probably drank more of that than water in my entire life. In my lunchbox, I would have these little. Oh, gray ones? Get out of here. He would have. In his lunchbox. You know what my lunch was? Whatever the fucking old lady at lunch was slopping on my plate that day. That's true. You know? That was our lunch growing up, technically. Old women hated lunch. I thought they loved lunch. They loved just throwing. And I'll be honest with you. I'll be really honest with you. Yeah. In my old age, I've learned to love it. If I was to ladle something, and I could say, and slap it on someone's plate, I would. What did they use to ladle onto our shit? Oh, like a mixture of. Ravioli. Yeah. Or fucking sloppy joes. Yeah. You know? But like. Even that little fucking medley of like broccoli and some other shit and water. It was. It looked like it was just. It was just steamed vegetables. That's it. There's nothing else to it. There was a lot of water, though. A lot. It was basically like. It would be melting the plastic of my fucking little plate. Yeah. It really would. But like, have you ever like just taken mud and just thrown it and watch it like. Thrown mud and watch it shit on the sidewalk? Yeah. Probably. It's so good, dude. Being dirty in mud is fire. Like, I would. Like, that's one thing that like rednecks have gotten right. Like, going out with your buddies and getting in a truck and really getting it stuck in the mud and going mudding with your buddies. I saw something recently. I don't know who he is. But there's a guy, he does like comedy stuff on TikTok. And he just has a fat ass. Do you know who I'm talking about? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, he's got a giant fucking butt. But he does like. Mad athletic shit. He does like. He'll be like. But he's got a fat ass. He'll do a backflip, but he's just got a fucking giant ass. Yeah, it's like, look at this guy doing a backflip, which is cool. But then he's got a fat ass and you're like, hold on. Dude, like. And like, I'm not. I'm not gay. But like, this guy's ass is fucking huge, dude. You know? Are you prefacing that because it gets you going? No. Why'd you have to distinguish that in the first place? We know he has a fat ass. I just. I want to like. I'm not like just. Like, what I was going to mention and like point out I can't take my eyes off that fat ass. And then he's going in like recently was at like a rave in a mud pit in. Hell yeah. In Florida. I know. He looks like he works for. You know that fucking ass. He's got a mustache. He's got a mustache. And he wears like a brown jumpsuit. He's got khaki shorts and there's just ass shoved into it. Dude, and it was like him at like a rave in the mud in Florida. With his fat ass. With his fat ass. I'm pantsed. His fat ass was pantsed. I have a feeling it's not real. Yeah, it's got to be fake. It's got to be a fake fat ass. Unless he got a BBL, which I respect. I don't feel any way about it, but you know, all the power to him. I would go in the mud and just get dirty. Yeah, man. Just get muddy boy. Get muddy. You know what my new obsession is on TikTok? I like. I've stumbled on this. Down this rabbit hole before, but I recently just stumbled back into the rabbit hole of watching. Like I'm obsessed with watching like pool boys do their thing. Let me reword that. Let me reword that a different. Let me. You know what? Let's strike that from the record. I got it. I got it. I'll tee you up. Get rid of that. I'll tee you up and then you. All right. I got you. So Joe, I know you've been watching a lot of pool boy videos. You think that's better? No, but like, you know, and like, I don't know what to call them because to me, they're pool boys. Pool. People who clean pools. Pool people. But dudes who like, they go to a pool and it's all fucked. It's like a swamp. It's like Shrek lives there and then they're like, oh, I got to shock it and they're like, they're dipping shit and they're like, the pH is off and they're throwing those pellets in and shit like that. And then they got like a bag on the side and then he cuts it open and it's like, yes. And it goes in. He's like, bro, this shit is about to be clean. I have never slit the throat of a bag but I would love to have a bag and hold the top of it and it's like, God. Yeah. And just fucking let it rip. You hold it at the top, you take the knife, you just go, yeah, exactly. Right through. Dude, I'd make a different noise but yes. What noise would you make? Not that one. Yeah, that one sucked. Like, no. That's a good, all right. That one's better. Top three noises you would make if you were to slit the throat of a bag of salt. Fuck you. That's what I would say. The first one would be an angry one. Yeah, like I would like, this is, you know. I like how you're also holding the forehead of the bag too. You gotta. You have to. You gotta hold it in place. I'm sorry. Yeah, yeah. Well, I asked him. You make me fucking do this. Oh, that was an intense one too. That was also slow which is bad. You gotta go quick. Yeah, you gotta. Not that I've ever cut anyone's head off. I've never cut anyone's head off before. Or, all right. So, the first one was fuck you. You made me do this. And what's the third one? Are you going with a classic like, I'm so sorry. He is. Yeah. He said that. I'm sorry. I don't know that I would do that. I think I'd do the like. And like the blood's like getting on your face. Yeah. Whatever. I don't care. And you're just holding them as they're like. Bro, I can tell you this right now. Yeah, it is. It's terrible. I can tell you this right now. If I was cutting someone's head off. Right? If I happen to find myself in a situation where I have to for some reason cut someone's head off. Nothing else to do but cut a head off. Right. So, I could be the angriest I've ever been in my life, which I would be. I'm decapitating a person. This is getting demonetized. And I did get any sort of blood on me. Oh, you would be. I'd be like. I'd be so angry. Which is so interesting because you're full. You're good to go in mud, but you're not good with the blood. You think just because they rhyme, they're the same thing? No, no, no, no. Blood is so different than mud. I mean, blood can carry, you know, like, disease and pathogens and shit like that. But, like, I'm almost more afraid of whatever bacteria is in the mud than in the blood. It's just dirt. No. You think that it's just a sterile thing of mud? Mud. You can't sterilize mud. You would rather. Let me ask you a question. Would you rather dump a pineapple with a pint of blood on your head or a pint of mud? Mud. But if I'm going to swim in it, I think there's an argument to be made that I'm more worried about the blood. the mud than the blood that is so i mean don't get me wrong the blood would be gross this is we have ultra demonetized this video we're gonna be paying blood we're gonna be paying what we're gonna be paying yeah yeah i'm just like i i i get i get why blood is gross i'm not sitting there i'm not like one of those people that like sees blood they're just like me neither i don't do that but like there's an argument to be made that i would be more concerned about the mud bacteria than the blood's bacteria have you ever gotten blood on you that you you didn't know where it was from like it was someone else's blood i've gotten somebody else's blood on me before yes do you know who you knew who they were yeah oh that's fine i mean no no because like i don't have a problem with that like if i got you so you'll be you'll you're cool with my blood i'm like i'm not cool with it i i'd like i would wouldn't like it i'd be like bro you and i'd like fucking wash my arm a lot but and you'd go to a lot of doctors i could tell you no i probably wouldn't do that but if i got this happened to me one time where i went to the gym and i got home and i don't know how this happened dude but then i like or maybe i didn't get home i was like in the locker room after my workout and i look at my hand and there was blood on my hand but i didn't have any cuts so someone must have like ripped one of their like calluses or something and they started bleeding on something and then i touched it i'll tell you what long day definitely traumatized the boy a long day i was in the fucking sink like going crazy on my hands oh have you seen weapons yet no oh there's a part in weapons that might get you i mean it's not as much blood but like the guy like puts his hand in a someone's pocket and fully gets pricked with a needle i can't even think about that like that would be bad i knew someone that that happened to they got hit with a needle yeah so they used to work at the i think it was the house of blues in boston and they had like talent there and they like the talent said like can you go get something for me in my bag or something like that and they put their hand in the bag and they got pricked by a needle oh no no and uh i remember speaking with her and she was like i'm on a cocktail like yeah it's like six pills three times a day for like six months i love how they call it a cocktail yeah don't they're trying you put all these these pills in a pina colada well first of all yeah i'll go out of my way to get sick for a pina colada i'll tell you this i'll tell you this why don't they make them in cocktail form like legitimate cocktail form what if like hear me out seriously if it was like all right i need i know i need to take my tylenol and you could get like the regular tylenol pills tylenol extra strength tylenol liquid gels tylenol pina colada or a tylenol margarita like a tie but like there's no alcohol in it wait hold on no well then that's that's where we draw the line no that's being incredibly irresponsible yeah but like if it were just like margarita flavored drink but there's just liquid tylenol in it instead of alcohol what's worse having to like if you're taking pills with an actual margarita that has alcohol in it or if you own something that makes drinks taste like a margarita but there's no alcohol in it but you just like the taste of a mark um you asked the question saying what's worse and i i'll be honest with you i didn't see anything in your description that was like a margarita but there's no alcohol in it but you just like the taste of a margarita made either significantly worse they're the same actually no no no the taking the medicine with alcohol is the worst option let's make that let's make that very very clear i feel like i may have done that in my life i'm sure we all have accidentally taken an advil at six and then at eight had a drink oh no i'm talking about washed the pill down oh that's not good when you're hung over you just grind a little advil into the beer hair the dog you're first of all that is a disgusting thing that's that's a legitimate thing i'm concerned about after you that sounds that sounds dangerous you don't like that huh well you do oh no i hate you want to hear your employee is a fucking don't do that pill popper i don't like beer it's a tylenol it's still a pill you're not a pill popper for taking tylenol i mean i'm sure people abuse tylenol and acetaminophen as as a fucking drug it's mfm that's what it's called he's dropping real real names on you i think he called you super feminine i think i did not do that i did not but if you were cool um yeah i think that would be like a good way to do it wait a sec pool boys yeah we just so you're obsessed with like just like these like young men shirtless working on pools you can't even see the men they are indeed men but they they are wearing like a gopro on their forehead which i always wonder how that looks when you're like going up to someone's house and you're wearing like a gopro on your chest or your forehead but then they just like film you know they slid open in and then they're doing or whatever and they're putting other stuff i'm like i fucking love this dude your favorite part of the year when if and when you have a house and if and when it has a pool your favorite part of the year will be opening that pool because you're gonna see if there's little dirt and grime in there and then you clean it out i don't like i don't like looking at it i don't like looking at the gunk in a pool i love did i ever tell you about my dad uh don't talk my dad i know my dad so i had a small pool growing growing up in my backyard no one in my whole neighborhood had a pool we shouldn't have had one we didn't have the space for to be honest with you it was more of a bath that it was a bath like it was cool we had good time in it you could touch every side of it like this like that's how big it was but uh we had a good time in it for sure but when we opened it one time it was just like fucked like it's green it's disgusting and my dad's like i'm gonna create a siphon so he cuts a hose right just like a piece of hose like this and he puts and it's a real thing that you can do but you put one hose in the fucking pool and then you have to like suck the other end and then for whatever reason the suction because the thing is like facing down it will just empty the pool so my dad's doing this with a biohazard pool filled with green shit and he's just going and he's going oh that was close god but but then like so i'm thinking about like what are the fumes that he's inhaling right now right it was it was possibly like petri dish levels of bacteria bro the fact that he's alive is outrageous like it's like a thing on the internet like be afraid of still water this dude was this episode is brought to you by state farm listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling smart move another smart move getting help from one of state farm's 19 000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling just another way to save with the person you love price plan prices are based on rating plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state actively trying to get it in his mouth basically oh that's crazy i don't think there's a disease on earth that they would turn the other way if they got to his body that that's i so he would that's how he would drain your pool he would yeah and he would do it and eventually like and it takes a few tries because you're not going to get on the first try you're not the best siphoner in the world you're not going to get on the first try you're not going to get on the first try you're not going to get on the first try you're not going to get on the first try you're not the best siphoner i knew people that did that with gasoline yeah they do a gas do a gasoline steal it out of people's well i i saw it because in like the at the lake when they would like winterize like boats and jet skis and stuff like that they would have to siphon out the gasoline because gasoline only goes it's good for like three months gasoline probably tastes good do you think like get like get in your mouth would probably be like not the coolest but like for a second you'd be like i don't like it's one of those things that probably smells better than it tastes should i get some no no i'm not one of those people that's just like oh i smell like gasoline really i am i am definitely not you like markers who doesn't like a good marker thank you who doesn't like a good marker i like something that like i don't like you know what i mean like i like smells that i don't like it could be like ill that's what i mean like i like i've said this before and i'll say it again i like my own stench yeah you like i like my own stink and my own funk sometimes when you fucking stinks but you're also like oh it stinks yeah like and then you're proud of it if no one's around you won't even say a word but if other people are like yo it fucking stinks but then you're like yo and i'm not talking like you know like the like sniffing your own farts i'm talking like sniffing i'm talking like you go to the gym and you come home and you smell like fucking absolute shit yeah and you're just like oh that means like like i worked hard stink but like yeah i'm proud of what i've done to give me this odor right yeah you know so i said that i'm with you there that's why i said that in high school i used to like my my football bag i would open it and it would stink like there's almost something better like i don't like a lingering stink i like when like he's winding it up i don't like a lingering stink i like when it's just like out of nowhere just like bang it hits you like when we used to go or elm jack when we played little league oh you could be at the entrance of elm jack and it doesn't smell in the gate like on the property you get hit with just fucking butt dude yeah the lowest of tides and and like it it stinks but like there's a part of you that's just like i fucking love it oh yes well i think if i could break it down from a scientific standpoint i think the reason we enjoy good stinks is because we also have bad stinks so like if there was not if you never grew up smelling good stinks then you just smell bad stinks those are your good stinks am i making sense there so like say you never you say you live in the in in a in a dump stir yeah your whole life you like the bed you grow and like that's home my home is dumpster and shit yeah but i i love the smell of horse shit but i didn't grow up around horses love is crazy but i do like nah i love horse and cow shit smell and is it is it just the shit or is it also the shit mixed with the hay it's also it's the shit the hay it reminds me of a field trip bro horses smell too like horses and big farm animals they have a scent yeah alpacas smell like shit dude i like it though stinky but fucking perfect for their brand would you yeah would you kiss a centaur a woman sure where are you a woman centaur yeah i thought okay i don't know would i do it yeah why why not i know but centaur is centaur is the one that has the horse back the fat ass yeah minotaur has the the head the horse mouth oh no the minotaur is are you talking about a human woman with a well horse's ass horse yeah you just meet in the woods no i think absolutely you have to i think tar the tar of it t-a-u-r has to do with it like of of like like toros like it's like a bull it's it's not a fucking horse no that's even better got a bull's ass that's minotaur there's centaur there's minotaur regardless the question is human woman with a horse body meet in the woods arrow she's got a bow and arrow yeah you have to it's even better do a hundred percent yeah i mean yeah i mean she got a bone out first of all what am i gonna do she got a bone out yeah oh i'm like making sure for like the purposes of this conversation riding that thing would be fun you know what i mean not sex for the purposes of this conversation yeah dude you got it you got it can you imagine like that's your wife it's like yeah i took my wife to work you get on the back of your wife she runs off you're like babe shoots a ball and i'm like let's go for a walk and then i just hop on her back and she just fucking gallops and every now and then leans back and kisses me that'd be so sick dude yeah like can they walk with like their bodies fully turned around and like we're just chilling but you're walking us you know what i mean that'd be nice probably really we're talking about now i'd like i've always said like there's no way i could love becca more but now that i'm thinking about her potentially as a centaur one day out of the year i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be like i'm gonna be she's got a horse body i'm fucking on board yeah i'm like one day out of the year there's a horse body like that would be like giddy up again that would just be extra that would just be good yeah you know what i mean like that would just be more good i still get her and i get the horse she's a horse i get to ride a horse who doesn't like riding horses that is that is a great great great point i mean have that has anyone rode a horse people who don't like riding horses and probably never ridden one right i mean i know there are people that probably don't like riding horses have you ridden a horse pony but i was small so it was a horse oh i rode horses like last year i remember yeah they got them all by us baby does it hurt your balls a lot i'll tell you this my inner thighs are hurting yeah i like it seriously like it's the price you pay yeah i mean i wasn't like complaining about it but like afterward i got off and i was like oh this thing i actually held the reins and they taught me they taught me how to like to kick to steer and everything so like i was taking advantage i would have such uh what's that called intrusive thoughts i just feel like well no so like there were parts where so what joey's referencing is a couple years ago for me and becca's anniversary we rode horses through like the forest and it was a beautiful day the leaves are falling i was unbelievable and like at one point the person that was like guiding us she was just like open her up that's crazy and i just like you kick the horse with your feet and he's like and it fucking and you're like yo you're bro you're going like i've never i've never like driven a like a motorcycle or like any like you know two-wheeled like mechanical vehicle that's the most like free i've ever felt riding a riding a horse wow maybe you're a cowboy dude maybe you gotta get you on a horse i mean i have a there's a steel horse that i ride oh my god just ask me i'm a cowboy on a steel horse jump by jump um jump on jovi let's get us let's go on horses i'm afraid to race them i mean i'm not saying race them brother that's crazy i know bro imagine being on a horse and then it jumps over a little fence get the fuck out of here dude well you you can't be like even you're too tall to be on a horse you can't be on a horse you can't be on a horse you can't be on a jockey you know what i mean like you need to like piece of shit you are you can get on a horse i know but like i wouldn't be on one to like jump over like pipes you know how they like have that thing where it's like and they go over it would you do that you ever uh see the videos of people like do the hobby horse and they just jump over shit hobby horse like you know like they got like a horse's head on a stick oh yeah they like put it between their legs and like a broomstick and they jump over shit and they like nay really loud yeah i i i mean you know some of them are athletes i saw this one girl one time and and she was getting over a 40 inch shut the fuck up bro this bitch was fucking flying pull up hobby horse videos bro they're athletes i don't believe that they're getting that fucking i could do it no they were getting over the fence it was outrageous no way dude i'm telling you i'm not going to believe anything you pull up because i will believe it's ai i just want to throw that out there that's the world we live in that's what we that's what no this one this one girl um she was i'm gonna put some respect on her name because i called her a bitch back there but she is a full-blown athlete with this hobby horse between her legs she was diving over this fence and i'm like bro this is crazy and they also like it's about like kind of showmanship well like that's like that's how horses flirt is they do that little like oh they they go back and forth and like they like trot and they like shoes yes look at my shoes yes and then like the female horses are just like this guy wants to fuck yeah yeah this guy wants to fuck he's looking at that guy's shoes he's doing his little fucking dance for me look at how much of a look how much of a here we go this is like hobby horsing look look look watch bro take it up there nah absolutely dude that's that's up that's up that's up to her shoulders i i don't look i mean yeah because she's four foot one and she's got a good stride ratio to body she's got bro look at this with ease she's not even breathing hard this is an athlete this is an athlete i'm telling you right now i could put me in one of these competitions and i'm blowing them out the water are you out of your i'm blowing them out the water bro look at this frank if i put you in front of that thing and you tried to jump over it i'd be picking your pieces of your head up off the floor i guarantee i can do that no shot that one was hot look at this one look at this one in the front watch when she comes towards us look at this what are we doing here frank no disrespect to this individual this this uh uh you know athlete i will say frankie you can't jump over something that's your shoulder height i'm not saying my shoulder height that course no but it's her it's it's it's ratio i understand but i don't care bro you're not a hobbyhorser you could never be you'll never hey look at me you'll never be a hobbyhorser nice try this is what you try to do with the whole running thing to get me to run fucking five k's and half marathons i don't need it working here i don't i don't need you to run a hobby up up i could definitely be a hobbyhorser hobbyhorsist hobbyhorse hobby heist hobby heist i don't know hobby writer hobbyist it like i good for them i'm not saying that that doesn't work for me i'm not saying that that doesn't require training and athleticism clearly i just think that i innately have the training that they trained for you think you're innately a horse i mean no can you jump over something as high as your nipples that's so high that i know it's like she that was up to her shoulders where she was jumping over i probably could are you i can't right now full transparency right now i'm unable machine should we get into no just like forward or to the back no no just like right now and physically unable to if you were to give me a a month where i feel like perfect health ready to go i'm limbered up and everything i could jump i could do that hobbyhorse uh routine sure no shot i think i could dude you think i won't get some fences in here and a horse head i think you will not really i really believe you will not and yeah i got you get the fuck that's easy we can set up right here and we set up like two good ones yeah yeah see if you could jump over i mean i will ask you to set it up on here because it's carpeted and a little more padded than the poured concrete that we have over there but if i go down you're not gonna go down you could jump over it with ease you're right you are right we won't even put it up to your nipples we'll put it lower okay you're only helping me here yeah i think you're underestimating the stick of the horse you might hit some rings there and it's also not the horse's fault then yeah it's also not just like hopping over because you got to hop over it and then you hop over kind of like a sideways type of thing you gotta get that like they're they're kind of doing it like a like a hurdler i have my own confidence and that's all i need i respect that all right i'm on it we do have some uh all right before you hit i don't know how much those things cost i mean it's it's it's horses for god's sakes so let's just keep it easy i imagine they're expensive probably uh we do have some sponsors the first one being how you doing magic spoon okay this is the magic spoon cereal a lot of this in my house these days starting to enjoy it a lot okay they are crispy uh they have they have also uh protein bars which we had a bunch here that maybe we were going to display but i ate all of them to be honest with you well frank took some too but i ate basically over the course of the month sue me they sent stuff that was good so i ate it they we it was good so we had them don't um but they're they're uh they have uh the protein pack snack bars 12 grams of protein seven grams of fiber zero added sugar two to three net carbs and certified gluten-free but they also have this um cereal okay so if you want cereal you miss the golden days of cereal because you know it's not the greatest thing to eat in the world but this is good cereal here okay they have it's high protein keto friendly gluten-free grain-free soy-free wheat free naturally flavored uh but it's delicious and like chocolate one's really good the fruity one that frank has is really good okay those are really good and 13 grams of fiber uh in a serving size i mean sorry 13 grams of protein two grams of fiber really good stuff so if you want a substitute there and you want to make sure you're getting more protein and you know you're a little bit more thoughtful about what you're putting into your body magic spoon's got you covered and like i said the protein bars they're good and i don't even love protein bars like that but these are these are good ones um but they're easy to find just look for magic spoon in your local grocery stores uh and they just rolled out uh treats nationwide at 7-eleven so now you can go to 7-eleven and pick one up but you can go to magic spoon.com slash basement uh and you get five dollars off your next order uh including the pro steam the protein pastry so go to magic spoon.com slash basement uh to get that five dollars off but enjoy that folks okay and while you're surfing the interwebs go to another website that's gonna be fun gonna be a little crazy and uh not well it might be a little dirty what are you thinking i'm thinking patreon oh you thought i was talking about porn no i'm talking patreon man patreon.com slash the basement yard it's the service that we offer uh partnered you know with patreon to give you guys more of us and these weekly episodes one week in advance so go check it out go take a gander go look listen graduations are coming up uh some birthdays are coming up if you give any gifts for memorial day or whatever if you're in the united states i don't know but patreon is a great gift to give and if you go and you sign up for that first year you get these weekly episodes one week in advance that's not bad right that's pretty cool right and then that second tier not only do you get the benefits of the first tier you also get exclusive episodes every single friday what yeah a whole additional episode where they're a little all over the place on the last one joe uh sat on a cucumber just to see how far he can get it up and you know we're not going to tell you how far you're gonna have to go check it out at patreon.com it's not there it's not anywhere so uh go check it out uh we want to thank you guys the support has been overwhelming and we are so grateful and appreciative and uh we want to thank you guys so patreon.com slash the basement yard go check it out and if you want to save yourself a couple extra bucks while doing it go do it on a web browser if you use a smartphone app they're going to take some extra money from you so if you do it on a web browser it's going to be a little cheaper and guess what all those weekly episodes that we do are the the exclusive episodes on fridays if you sign up today and you've never been a patron you can watch all the backlogged ones there's hundreds of episodes there for you and things that that exclusive extra videos too it's all worth it trust me patreon.com slash the basement yard thank you so much let's keep let's keep on going with this show i also wanted to bring up something else so i saw this on tiktok and it got me thinking you're having a big tiktok week i know i'm like the week i when i see these things on tiktok i'm like oh i gotta bring these up but i saw this video of a guy in a bar and it's like you take a shot and like the bartender like throws water in your face and like slaps you in the face like there's like a bunch of these like yeah would you guys ever do one of those no i would do one if i could wear a helmet i've seen one where they're wearing wear like world war ii helmets and they take a shot and the lady like slaps them in the head or something i don't know but like why see alcohol used to be like not gimmicky like why does this need to happen now because like then what do you mean you love gimmicky stuff like what the the one one gimmick shot i like i guess i mean i wouldn't even call one of them you made skittles shots it would they were just shots though i wasn't like all right you need to take them and you need to go fucking jerk off a leprechaun first of all you did do that i did make skittles vodka and i that was a big mistake i'll tell you right now i drank them as if i thought they were mixed drinks they were just straight vodka yep yeah yeah yeah um no i i i just like wait what's this one oh is this all right so i have a i have a couple examples of what you were talking about i think the hurricane shot is it this what you meant right the hurricane shot yeah so you take the shot they throw water yo yo dude first of all i'm not signing up for that no fucking way back yo she slapped the hell out of him i mean honestly the water in the face and then getting slapped i'm not entirely convinced that guy didn't deserve it for something however or he's into it i have i have a couple i would be so angry and the only gimmicky shot that i like was like i'm not talking like skittles vodka is not like a gimmicky you like irish car bombs i do like art so i like two okay so it was the other one irish car bombs and i like haircuts haircuts yeah haircuts was a big one during college you know haircuts you don't king of alcohol and this kid loves it a haircut so a haircut is just in reference to the way that you take the shot but when i was taught it it was a specific shot so like you sit in a chair and you tilt your head back like you're getting shaved from a barber and then they pour in peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup and then they and then you swallow it so the haircut only has to do with the it's the way in which you are receiving it but like that's the same that i could walk around parties with syrup and the bottle and be like who wants a haircut and and it was the greatest fucking people liked it okay people loved it people liked it they liked it tastes like it i mean peppermint schnapps it just tasted like peppermint no no i know i meant like what was it supposed to taste like oh i don't know i didn't know if there was like a specific like it's supposed to taste like this candy or something okay i think someone offered me that at a party once and they're like get on your knees i'm like you know what i don't know yes yeah that's crazy like but those ones that you're talking about where they like take the shot and they're like oh my god i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know what they're talking about but i don't know i don't know i don't know what i'm talking about smack him in the face i think it's running water we have this one as well oh she's on the bar this is bad news yeah she's on the bar oh she's gonna oh no oh hell no god oh oh she gave him the one two that was quick i didn't know that was part of it yeah yeah yeah so this is too much wait oh also the bar is empty maybe it's like a florida hurricane shot or something yeah yeah that's insane dude i wouldn't do that why are i i don't know because oh someone's spitting the shot in your mouth this shot that that's getting me really i can't explain why and then there's a classic uh just uh one more here so straight up like first of all this lady's gonna oh dog what there's a baby there's a baby it's really just the beginning part i think but this one is a true wind up yeah why why do people want to do that ever i don't want to be slapped in the face i also remember the ones when we were younger they had the um blowjob shots how do you take those yeah frankie how do you i've never taken a blowjob shot what i understand it was like liquor in a shot and then they would put whipped cream on top and it's like you need to put your hands behind your back put your mouth on it and shoot it back oh i wouldn't be able to do that i have to close my mouth in order to drink oh do what the shot or the blowjob did you see how did you see how like happy he got when he was gonna make the joke which one the beach remember uh body shots remember body shots i do remember body shot i don't think i've ever done one i did one at your house off one of our friends who's married now who was the guy the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy who was the guy that's a weird one because like like i'm just gonna suck on your belly button yeah i took a jello shot off someone once after problem how was it delicious it was yeah i think it was grape or strawberry that doesn't matter what part of the body so belly button stomach oh i guess yeah like that was a was it a dude though it was a dude that was a big thing in like 90s early 2000s movies where it's just like take a shot off my body and it's like that seems like like then it would just be like added like salt do you ever see where it's like you pour a beer down some girl's tits and you're drinking it out of the bottom i'm like that's probably insane i i i don't get all that gimmicky stuff like when we did like drinking heavily it was just boobs i mean and belly buttons it's just it's just a weird way because then this person's gonna be all sticky yeah have some fun both of you we had me i said we had plenty of fun sorry i didn't take a body shot off of chris yeah hairy belly button you're licking chris's belly and then fucking gargling his nuts too while you're at it that's crazy too much i i i did one so - Oh, so he's not approved, he's no fun. - No, I'm, I'm definitely, fun i'm definitely fun forgive me for my level of fun is not you know taking a body shot frank was more frank was more uh well first of all you were very gimmicky when it comes to drinking what are you talking i was gonna say gimmicky with like equipment yeah you were prop guy he was a prop comic it was like oh we have the bongzilla oh we have the shotgun frank would walk around a party with a helmet that had the two beers with the thing yes drink out of it yeah my dot i drink out of my das boot i was very fucking fun the only one of these like like shot experiences that i can remember ever doing was that time i went to vegas you remember when we went to uh the fuck what was the place in remember that the story of like i went in there with uh one of our old associates and like they were playing and they were playing like rock music and we like messaged you guys where was that coyote ugly coyote yeah that was the only place i'd done one of those where like it was like did you i told you this where we went and they were all like we're not going to some fucking redneck hick bar and i was like yo it's all classic rock if you know classic rock you're gonna have fun we went in and they were like playing like fucking acdc and like all the classic rock hits and i said to the guy that we were with i was like yo all you need to do is sing the lyrics do the devil horns and like point at them and there was there were girls walking the stage that would point shots poor shots in people's mouths and i did that and i must have drank a whole fucking bottle of whatever they had because i knew all the songs fake back share my tear me okay yeah literally walk up to the stage dump it right in his mouth yes yes and this episode is brought to you by state farm listening to this podcast instead of doom scrolling smart move another smart move getting help from one of state farm's 19 000 local agents when you choose to bundle home and auto bundling just another way to save with the personal price plan prices are based on rating plans that vary by state coverage options are selected by the customer availability amount of discounts and savings and eligibility vary by state and ever and the reason i also remember that was because remember there was like a guy who didn't tip well yeah who's a small little yeah you got a small dick yeah there was like they like stopped the music and they were just like okay where's stephen and there people are looking around they were like stephen t or whatever his name was and he's like me and they're like come here big boy and he was like you know clearly a piece of shit he like walked up and they were just like stephen and they did that thing where they like you know scratch under their chin and they're like if you ever buy a drink and not tip us again you limp dick motherfucker i'll fucking kill you yeah they said something like that and then you know and then they pulled another guy on stage and they wrote bitch across his forehead and lipstick and i was like you never heard of coyote ugly i i have heard of it i never stepped inside it's like girls dancing on bars and shit like that but it's vegas so it's like an experience i mean they had one in new york they did uh they also made a movie remember the coyote ugly movie i think that's where it stemmed from maybe i think it stemmed before that and i made a movie on it but i do remember that before he was coming up to the stage every five minutes well the joke was i wore a white t-shirt there and i looked like i was left and like this was all covered in like red yeah it looked like he was bleeding out of his neck i'm like jesus christ i don't i don't like these like but you wouldn't like if if i could wear a helmet i would do it like if they were like oh we're gonna take out a little mallet and we're gonna slam it on your head you're not just getting hit for a fun little by a fucking like a fun little thing i mean these girls are nuts they first of all they're winding up and they're hitting you with everything that has ever happened to them in their entire life yeah as soon as someone hit me with the you know i was like i'm gonna hit you with everything that has ever happened to them in their entire life yeah i probably you can't go like you can't be flexing your shoulder yeah i ducked out what was the other one that people did they did it like mardi gras where like they put shots in test tubes do you remember that and they would like the guy would like take the shot in the test tube and then the girl would like suck the back of the test tube like do you remember that what does remember that mean like i've never i've seen videos then you know what i'm talking about suck the back of the tube yeah that would be insane that was i i saw someone like like not i saw a video of what like someone we knew that that did that and i was like that's crazy yeah because like it's why yeah you're right there you're right there brother yeah yeah like what is going on you know what i do like i like drinks that you order or something and then like or i don't know what when you're at a bar and they have a bell and they ring it for some reason you know what i mean like why do they do that some some bars are like oh it's like a i don't know they like ring a bell i was like i like when ring we're ringing the bell i'm still on a quest i'm still on a quest i'm still on a quest to go to a bar that has like an old wooden bar like bar top and they just throw a stein of beer down it and i could catch it and drink it like that we could go there we could throw a rock and hit one really probably yeah i mean is it like a thing they still throw beers there's a very old bar near where i live i don't know if it's i mean i mean it is old i don't know how old it is but they have like little booths and stuff and that they have like little saloon doors and like that's they could toss a little beer down yeah now that i'm thinking about it like bars and movies and tv are way cooler than bars in real life what do you mean they have like breakable furniture that you can like hit people with and like an old saloon they have the saloon doors you see the wild west you want to be in the wild west you're gonna tell me that if you had the opportunity like westworld style to go to the wild west you wouldn't want to just go to a saloon for a couple hours where i'm going get into a fight having the ace up my sleeves and shooting someone right in the chest and i want the piano player playing during the fight started you know that's what i want i just watched uh jango recently and in the beginning of that movie he goes with jamie foxx to a bar and like he pours himself a beer and i'm like just the tap in there like looks really cool it just looks more beer than real beer like when it's like foaming and like coming over the top oh yeah i've had i've had plenty of beers at bars i've never had one that looks like that you know that's like a it comes over the top and it's foamy yeah like just like foamy around the fucking rim yeah what are you what are you snickering at i didn't do anything i'm just i'm just trying to figure out how to monetize this episode no it's not i mean it's way gone way talking about cutting heads off cutting heads off dropped a hard p over there which was a while ago what i said porn oh i said porn yeah yeah yeah corn corn corn corn uh what do we say about unalive unaliving how do you say the top how do you say decapitate but in internet lingo and decapi uh like decapi they're not italian why are you saying it de decap removing of the cap yeah headless i feel like that's a bad one really i mean that's pretty the headless horseman huh you ever afraid of any of that bloody mary oh oh i still won't do it we'll do it right now that's not how that works isn't it like you have to it's like at night in the dark in the mirror i heard i'm kind of afraid of that i heard it was just like at night in the dark i didn't hear like it had to be oh no i heard in the dark in the mirror i thought it could happen during the day how can it be in the dark you can shut the door to your bathroom usually there's a window not that i have one yeah i was gonna say that uh it doesn't always yeah um i could see you like the the candy man was the one that really scared me because they made that whole movie i don't even know who who or what he does what does he do you don't know the candy man no he said it twice now careful how many how many do you need oh that's right damn i'm pretty close three of them three yeah i i will say that's a good one i'm pretty sure that's a good one i'm pretty sure that's a good one i'm pretty i think it's also a mirror though i will stop it's a mirror i think so what is with that like say it into a mirror and they'll appear you ever play with a ouija board yeah when i was a kid i never did we did once i know people that like really swear by some shit that happened with ouija boards i've never and i refuse to believe anyone's stories especially if they were a kid yeah also you can go in to toys r us at the time and buy ones like i don't trust that one i need one in an attic it's dusty like yeah i need to hear it like jumanji yeah this is like blood on it someone died on top of it or something yeah so i need more like that i can't go to toys r us and buy one yeah i i knew people that said they did it and like the person that was there their handbag caught on fire and i was like sure get the fuck out of here sure but i'll tell you this i don't care enough to try it yeah i'm not gonna play i'm not gonna play at all if it is if it is a mass marketed monster toy yeah like i also i've aged out like can you imagine being a monster toy and being a monster toy and being a monster toy and being a monster toy being somewhere and they're like let's play a ouija board i'm like i'm 34 like i'm 34 i'm not playing with a ouija yeah i don't want to play with a ouija board pull out katan katan's fire though i haven't played katan in a long time although that is funny you got two sheep yeah i have you ever played katan no i've yet to play we i gotta come over one night and we gotta play yeah it's a good game i'm just gonna like call you at like 8 p.m one night and just be like i'm on my way i'll tell you this right now open the katan you don't even have to call me if you start to begin to say the word to espo he's playing espo and i played so many board games together as a kid so that makes that that tracks really to katan really i mean i don't blame him it's a fun game but i know like it's gonna be the thing where i i play with him and he should be like oh you didn't properly prioritize your iron and then i'm fucking gang banged that's what it is yeah i uh have you guys done i i could see picky boys during halloween doing a ouija board episode no nothing like that are you guys scared oh no you're a horror guy i'm a horror guy yeah horror guy doesn't necessarily mean he's a ouija guy but i'm a i'm a big like you know just in case are you brave or are you a bitch oh wow i mean i'm a bitch depends on the scenario like i don't want to go into a haunted house like they used to go explore abandoned buildings like no no i'm good there was that place what was the name of that place on long island that everyone talked about it was like an abandoned amityville no no no no amityville was the house oh blood manor there was another no that was like a haunted house like yeah i think there was a hospital there was a it was like an abandoned hospital that people would go to and they would go to a haunted house and they would go to a we're gonna go break into it and explore oh i never heard it was all it was on long island like not far in long island though like closer to like fresh meadows dude they went and like just explore abandoned hospital essentially yeah the elevator was like it's dark the elevator just had no elevator like the shaft straight down it's like what are you guys doing in here no i remember that was like a thing when we were kids like people would say like around that time of the year they'd be like a couple of us are gonna go like and hop the fence and explore it's like what is this the in this the 90s were basically the 70s of their time or it's like i dare you to spend a night in the cemetery that's like what yeah i i get why that's creepy but i wish cemeteries were actually as foggy as they look in like yeah i'd be a lot creepier i i there is that a certain appeal to cemeteries that is lost now like now everything is like polished and like nice looking back in the day where it was just like fucking dumb looking headstones yeah and there's like yeah well the distance in between the cemeteries is like a lot more than the distance between the cemeteries in the 70s and 90s is shorter than the difference between the 90s and now i know oh yeah 20 well in some case 11 years fucking ancient that happens we are we are pretty fucking old that's crazy dude when did that happen i mean the 70s we were not alive during the 70s so like i imagine if we were alive during the 70s we would be like damn when we were in the 90s but now we're alive today and we can look back on the night thanks for that math frank uh i don't know what to do with that but we do have some more sponsors i get through here so let me do that the first one is c geek c geek is where you're going to get all your tickets okay you want to go to a baseball game which i'm going to three baseball games in this month alone all the tickets i bought from c geek so they have all my money so there it is uh but that's where i buy my tickets you go on c geek you download the app and you can see uh the prices for the tickets in the game that you want to go to or whatever you want to go to there's concerts there's whatever and they will show you whether you're paying a good price for your ticket or a bad price for your ticket based on the color coding and yeah i like the transparency and i think this is the best place to get your ticket so there are more than 70,000 events on c geek at any time so a lot to choose from and listen the summer is right around the corner it's starting to warm up get out there experience the outdoors you've been inside for too long okay so go check out c geek go download their uh app and use the code basement 2026 for 10 off of your next set of tickets on c geek all right so go on the website or download the app put on that code basement 2026 and get 10 off of your ticket and you can see that you're getting your tickets with your next thing all right so uh you know whether you're going to concert or baseball game whatever you might as well save 10 put in that code basement 2026 and enjoy that uh and lastly here we have liquid iv liquid iv these are pouches that are going to keep you hydrated okay there's electrolytes in them you open up you open it up open it up you open it open you tear it open you put it into a glass of water you put it into a glass of water and you mix that up it's got three times the electrolytes uh three times the amount of electrolytes of the leading sports drinks plus eight vitamins and nutrients all in a single stick and it's got b3 b5 b6 b12 it's an excellent source of vitamin c but it's on the go hydration so if you're going to be exercising a lot or sweating a lot um you know when i if i know i'm going out for a long run i'll take a a liquid iv with me and i'll dump it into some water like halfway through and you know get myself some electrolytes and like keep hydrating myself but they have really good products and they're really good products and they're really good products and they taste really good they also have sugar-free versions of this as well that do not uh contain any artificial sweeteners so you can uh try those out but they are delicious so if you want to try them out they have white peach rainbow whoa the i haven't even tried these yet the rainbow sherbet i've never tried the white peach i've had pretty good strawberry watermelon unbelievable crazy but there's a lot of flavors they're all good i haven't had one that's been bad but you can go check them out go to liquidiv.com and get 20 off your first purchase with the code basement at checkout at liquidiv.com so go get them folks all right i had a question and i'm hoping you guys can help me out here at least help me get to a line of logic that's going to help break down and give me an answer you guys took two paragraphs i was laughing at him oh disrespect yeah no never mind no no no no absolutely not never mind now oh i want the question he did that not me i won't listen fair i'm with him you have to answer for him he is your employee at the end of the day that's i mean he's right what if i fired him no way well as they were on board you're not fired but no bonus that's worse no i was gonna ask because you guys have been bullying me into doing some form of athletic training event and uh whoa did that work like i can sign us all up no no no no absolutely not what about a 5k i mean the closest you're getting to me right now is me doing that thing for the infinity wallet oh bro it's 100 miles it's more than that it's more it's like kind of closer to like 500 to 600 miles because you need all of them to get the infinity you need oh yeah yeah yeah yeah if those of you guys that don't know there's this app that i learned that ant uses it's a thing called it's called like the conqueror or something like that something like that yeah and they're like like virtual races races but you don't need to do them all in one shot and you can kind of like add them up so if you go to the gym you know 10 days this month whatever you do for your cardio the mileage will add up and you'll complete one and they have a bunch and if you do a bunch of them you get an infinity infinity gauntlet and there are other ones that you get little gems for like in other medals that's the closest you're getting me to it's a pretty good incentive it's not bad they also have some star wars ones that i thought were pretty cool too once you get toys involved we got them yeah i gotta admit honestly like i am like that is me i am that the toys are in baby it says on the thing that it's like mileage and distance that you need to complete in order to get this stuff how many humps in a mile because hear me out hear me out hear me out hear me out when you're jogging in place i.e on a trail treadmill or something you're creating a sense of dense distance that then could be added together to show like okay you ran for this long and it's a mile how many times because if it's physical exertion that people want okay so you're asking how many humps equals a mile yes how many inches would you say is a hump that's a personal question you brought it up also what are we talking about but like so instead of having to run or jog or cycle a mile can i hump a mile i could do the math if we have how many inches is a hump average how could we possibly know that i mean how many inches is that don't even do that please stand up don't do it again stand up you stand up no give me one hump go ahead you're gonna yeah you're gonna you're gonna you're the one who wants to do this and we'll i prefer to jog like a like a sex hump i'm referencing sex what would be the other kind i don't know and dry humping doesn't count actually none of this counts it might count more because dry humping are you saying you do want this metal this infinity can me engaging in my healthy sexual life that i have with my wife contribute to mileage to get me metals and toys so so let's say this is the hump if you go this far back and this far forward what's that distance that's all i would say one hump is equivalent to let's say two feet two feet because i'm pulling back no twenty four inches of hump but i think because you have to measure from tip of penis to but it's getting harder this is this is crazy no think about it i i don't have anything all right so i would draw i would draw there's details now that i know so twenty four inches per hump that's what you're getting that's what you're saying i would say a typical hump is a twenty four inch extravagant that's a preposterously long hump but i don't even know how we got here where we're going from now also i couldn't i couldn't possibly guess what you're doing right now with your calculator uh. well there's sixty there's sixty three thousand three hundred sixty inches in a mile and uh. fifty five thousand two hundred and eighty feet in a mile - And we need inches 'cause we're in inches per hump. - No, no, no, per hump it's two feet. doing feet per hump so if if you have are you doing feet per hump i will do feet per hump feet per hump so two feet per hump ridiculous yeah that's an outrageous hump so how that's a crazy but i i hope you're gonna measure you don't think because you have to measure the pendulum swings both ways you have to measure going that way a foot and that way a foot oh i see oh yeah you think it's like i'm pulling back two feet and then i'm fucking ramming two feet i don't know i just hope she's okay really okay so frankie for you to hump a mile at two feet per hump wait it would be it would be i mean 5 280 divided by two yeah is you would need 20 26 he's done the math let him read the math you would you would need 2640 humps to hump a mile so 2640 humps 2640 humps to hump a mile google google what is the average like number of humps number no no no the average length of sexual encounters in the in the united states in minutes i don't think it goes up to minutes really i don't think there would be a way to even yeah i can't do that all right so let's talk about you you're trying to hump the mile yeah this is all right so really we have to divide by two again because what is it 30 sec how long dude you nailed me absolutely nailed me because you the insuation insinuation is that i had fucked for 30 seconds i i don't even have much for this that's your guy over there but so what did you learn my question is yeah for you what do you think the average sexual encounter is no no that's not your question that's my can't back out of this now i can't we're already here buddy i'm i'm i'm here it's you how long it's yours no no we have to go average why it's you like you're the one who we're talking so let's say it's you know hour and 20 minutes i mean come come on come on what are we doing no um okay so 500 5 280 so we need humps per minute i have my head hurts i feel like i'm taking the lsats right now so if it's 2640 yeah humps in a mile how many humps how many humps per minute do we need to figure out how many humps per minute you think you're getting i would say just do day let's make it easy i would say per minute sorry uh let's say let's say like 40 40 too much 40 pumps in a minute 40 humps 40 humps in a minute at two feet per hump that's a lot of feet so then what is that that's 80 feet a minute 80 80 feet of humps a minute so you need you're you're telling me you're humping a mile in 33 minutes get out of here oh that's so so hear me out i don't even how what am i how do i hear i'm hearing you in math is fun so 33 minutes of a sexual encounter is a mile with no stopping humpage right a constant rate of humpage at 33 minutes will give you a mile of humping yeah that's what the math says so if i ran or or cycled five miles and then at home i humped another mile could that help yeah if you'd like if you'd like if you're gonna count that if you're gonna do the math he's so mad i'm not mad he's so mad right now i just i yep you need to understand something yeah i'm the people's person on this episode what's that mean i am the one that has to speak as a representative and for the people that watch this show as you sit there with your with your your your your billion dollar silver spoons that someone needs to have a connection to the real world that's my purpose here you with the two-foot hump 40 40 per minute 40 40 humps with a two-foot swing per minute like a grandfather clock i think it's faster so the point that i'm bringing up is not everyone likes to jog not everyone likes to run not everyone likes to walk but most people like to fuck yeah so if there is a way to rewrite these rules that you made for physical exercise you brought this up is there if there is a way for me to help speak for the people to rewrite the the the script on physical exercise i'm going to do it i also didn't say that you had to do anything you brought this up you made you made you set the parameters i it's not my company yes it is it's called senegato studios no the company that makes these medals but i'm saying you're part of a bigger problem oh okay somehow i'm to blame yes and you doing the math to figure out that you could cut a little corner and put a mile in here because you've had sex that's helpful if you have sex twice a day for 33 minutes each time you're running two miles how am i wrong we're saying you can do that we is like like it can happen right yeah you think about it there are corn stars out there that are basically ultra marathon runners it's too late for corn it's literally too late way too late yeah we're soaking wet with demonetization there's no need to put on a raincoat um but are you saying that you are going to attempt to get these medals is that what i'm hearing i'm the closest i've ever been because the medals are a huge part of it and now that i used science to figure out that sexual encounters can math yes yes that too i use both what is math if not just science with numbers and philosophy i see yeah wow um you have nothing to contribute here how could i i would think it was it would be easier just to get out there and walk it well doesn't your heart rate increase when you're engaging in sexual encounters okay so what's the difference between jogging definitely zone two right there if anything it's better what's your vo2 max during sex joe not yours i'm just the general oh i don't think that's how that works it's just what you what it what your vo2 max is it's not like it is consistent like what you i think we broke ground on a new way of like figuring out health and exercise this feels like a superhuman are you and are you still in touch with rfk jr can you get a can you tell him what we discovered here in touch with rfk jr i don't i don't i can't even begin to know what that means he'd probably be on board with those numbers i think so yeah all right it's misinformation so i mean we used as much that was good that was really good he would like it yeah yeah yeah okay what that was really i like i like what we just did there you know a lot of people talk shit about us do they and they say that like these guys know nothing do they i mean there in this situation though we just use real who said we weren't going to use math you keep saying stuff like that i don't think anyone's saying it to be honest with you but oh i think it is working um but and are you gonna go for the gauntlet uh i'm working on the scooby-doo metal right now that's not what's that one it's just i see it i want to see the scooby-doo one does it look cool what's scooby-doo it's just like the mystery gang on it and everything but like what but what do you have to do i mean oh it's 350 miles 350 miles accumulative well because you could you could join a team and people from like on a team no oh wait so i can get the gauntlet with like 10 people on my team dude that's sick you're gonna tell me that's not sick joey look at that how do you not like that that's awesome i haven't even said anything pull up the infinity gauntlet ones those are cool dude those are fucking rad this company is gonna be hype look and each of those stones are jet yeah oh so that's how it works you have like between 70 and 100 miles so like 600 miles it's a lot of a lot of work for something frankie's not gonna do uh-oh there he goes oh there he goes i don't like that i hate that i really do i don't like that i hate that i really dislike what you just said there i am currently at 114 miles we did the math the other day i'm basically at over 50 if we come you're gonna cycle if i cycled i'm beating that in three weeks cycling feels like cheating it's still i mean it's still harder than you think like biking 100 miles would take a while um it would take like i mean going at an average rate of like 12 miles per hour let's say 10 just to make it easier so it'd be 10 cycle sessions yeah that could be that's two weeks of working out i mean it would be worth it to like cycle 100 miles it's like it's still 100 miles yeah they have a route 66 um metal that's like 2260 it's the all of like the length of route 66 probably cycle where does 66 go across the whole thing oh okay even numbers even numbers go across odd numbers go up and down so what's this one 91 that goes down 95 95 95 91 would in essence go north and south yeah i didn't know that you learn something new every day you're writing that down i am gonna write i mean it's i believe it's for interstates i don't think like all roads are like that like county roads or anything yeah you know but so we're gonna we're we're getting out there the boys are miling up i mean now that i saw there's some really cool hardware not like a i did the nyc marathon or like you know i had why do you think i did that the metal also the next year the metal was way cooler really yeah oh like mine's like cool i guess can you trade it in no you can't i wouldn't be like can i get the new metal that just came on sale i'm just gonna probably end up doing it again do people say i'm gonna get the new metal that just came on sale i'm just gonna probably end up doing it again sell their metals on like ebay or something who would buy it it's not solid gold i'm not saying for the the expensive part of it i'm just saying it's like i don't want it anymore see if anyone wants it i don't know who would buy it are there like vintage marathon metals that would be cool that would be cool yeah but you didn't run it who cares who cares not yet no i'm saying the vintage one like you can't never run that now not ever i don't think in my lifetime i'll do a marathon or a marathon we'll see we'll see how good the metals are but i'll sex a marathon you know what i'm saying no i don't i'll hump a marathon i'll hump a marathon right you and you start a marathon and i'll i should probably stop talking about this right why didn't you guys cut me off sooner me you were full steam ahead like a locomotive engine train i was not much ahead not much can get in the way of me when i have an idea it's just choo-choo right down the track isn't it so are you what are you oh so you're doing 350 miles yeah well my team is are you gonna how many people are on this team there's only three so far oh is it people you know are strange it's uh people in my like discord oh nice it's like a little oh damn you gotta get out there then i know i can't let them beat me i know there's like there's like 20 people in my group are there people that not like fall and get hurt during the marathons and like are unable to stop unable to fall like when they're doing it like they like trip and like fucking fall over themselves i'm sure that probably does happen i don't think it's like typical but what do you mean can't stop like i mean can't continue that's what i meant i'm sorry yeah that does happen 99 of people finish the marathon though it's something like that it's like it's like high 90s percent finish the marathon i would be so afraid to like fall over and like where you get like you like hurt your hands you know what i'm talking about or scrape knees or something that's such a weird fear of the marathon you're not afraid of that you're getting my hand scraped no scrape knees but like you're not like running so hard that you would like you never know i mean i i i it would happen to me didn't you say you ran on cobblestone i'd be running like yes i did but there is no cobblestone on the marathon i mean his had one it made no sense out of half yeah that was weird but that was kind of crazy i just you're worried about your hands well not i'm just i'm using that as reference like it would be hard to fall bro it's not like pat when's the last time you like scraped your hand or scraped your knee or something i scraped my knee recently i hate it it like it hurts way more than we give it credit for i so my the under my bed has like these two um drawers that's sliding in and out and the way that the comforter lays over the bed sometimes it's like hidden and i don't know that it's sticking out a little bit and my shin hit this thing like the corner of it the other day and i just looked back on my bed and just went you yeah just like that and like i just i was it just uh it's the worst feeling in the world when you scrape your shin oh my god i'll be honest i have spoken to inanimate objects with such disdain and anger that if it comes out that they have a soul i'm gonna have to repent yeah you are i've i've said some things to some i've yelled at like cabinets drawers lamps cabinet bro i yelled at my dishwasher like two months ago i hate that thing bro the corner of my like kitchen island hit me on the waist yeah and i almost fucking tore the thing out of the ground because i was so mad and i feel so bad for my dog because when i do yell he comes over and just like is everything okay and now i'm just mad at him because he's around yeah that's a living that's a living thing i know yeah i don't in his face if he's like peed on the floor when he was a puppy and be like bro oh so you didn't yell at him you just like just like complete like demean him it would be like you're a filthy little fucker aren't you no you do stuff like that to whom you're like laundry didn't you say that you do that like you'll drown you slut or something i don't know you say you yell at people on your laundry or something i am out of context no one knows what i'm talking about yeah yeah yeah don't worry you don't need you didn't get clarified you don't need everything but it's fine you don't need it you're fine um maybe we'll just leave you there that's what frank yells at his laundry no wait what well you can't do that don't you i'm you fucking idiot that's what i say you're a fucking dumbass or i yell at myself a lot oh i talk to myself a lot if i do something stupid i'm like you're literally worthless yeah i just call myself and i would be like fucking idiot i am what was i thinking yeah i do that what was i thinking i'm a i'm an idiot yeah i really becca like one time sat me down and she was just like it's concerning yeah like how you talk to yourself and i was like what's wrong i'm like nothing's wrong i'm just a fucking moron i hate myself that's what yeah i'll just be like who's the idiot here this dumb fucking idiot that i look at in the mirror every day moron like it gets to a point where she's like all right chill chill me that's how we start every day look in the mirror and you go you and then i go about my day i like wake up going like yeah and i just keep walking and then i just keep it yeah i brush my teeth um that's all for this week's episode of the basement oh we're really stopping yeah why not right where can they find you frank um i got nothing for it the frank alvarez everywhere go check it out add it and at aunt prisco whatever yep basically on patreon and you guys go follow me at joe san diego go follow the show at the basement on tiktok and instagram and that is all see you guys next time on any journey using uber it helps to know you're getting into the right car pin verification adds an extra step to make sure your ride is your ride before the trip begins your app gives you a unique pin just tell it to your driver and they'll enter it in their app and you're good to go 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