#542 - Fully Dressed In The Steam Room

pink panther is here coach and spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it grab your friends and head to the tabby tour hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists exclusive experiences and personalized products and discover custom playlists on spotify built just for you based on who you are and how you listen live your story with coach learn more at coach.com welcome back to the basement welcome back to the basement yard what are you congratulating yourself for i don't know i i i think about ways to open the show and then i started doing this and thinking about how stupid this is that people used to do this why did they do that in the 50s like i don't understand that's a way to say thank you to a crowd yeah like what is is that supposed to be like when someone shakes your hand they're giving you like a something so you're doing it to yourself like oh like you're giving like i am i'm awarding showing you a handshake that this is stupid i don't like it either yeah oh it's a white person thing and this shit the hand i like the hand i'm not gonna talk shit about the hand drive because i love greece the i guess i love the country i do like the material too how do you feel about the oil that's the material i'm referencing oh i love it i love those videos have you seen like the videos that like tiktok of people just taking it's like a vat of grease and you just fucking digging it and then you just slap it on their truck why are they slapping it on their truck like their chassis or something if they're like a truck driver it's not a word i'm familiar with you know you don't know chassis chassis it's like the thing that like the truck hooks up to oh like if it's like you know like one of the like a train yeah you know what i mean well not not not this but it's like a right it's wow hell yeah all right cool everything is sexual well trucks i think trucks are sexual in their like design are they not look at that that's what that is all right we're gonna get demonetized you keep doing that i don't know what's going on i'll go back we're all wearing black black boys no no no i'm gonna that's going in my notes that was on me it's in my notes yeah write that down let's also make sure we identify that we are not if we are we're wearing black if that's if that's not abundantly clear yes and we're all where actually the one time i'm not wearing a hat you're both wearing hats yeah but it's a different hat yeah what are what's my first beanie in so long maybe yeah i don't know i just i told you i walked here so i was like yeah i walked here yeah that's cold i don't know why i said yeah like i walked from fucking i don't even know like a mile mile and a half i walked from that the gym that i go to now so that was like so you walk probably like a mile you walk to the gym to over to here yeah you're getting over the river and through the woods to grandmother's house we go oh so you're freshly gymed i'm full gymed yeah hold on hold on showered in public you showered at the gym i there's a sauna so i'm not gonna like just be soaking with sweat and not shower i mean that's what i do that you're supposed to go home and shower and then what you go to the gym and sauna and then you go home covered in sweat i'm not even kidding i go home soaking wet like like in your car like your back's against your seat yeah what's wrong with that oh eventually it will soak into the seat no i mean car must reek fuck you my car smells great what kind of material is the seat is it like a it's leather that helps that does but it does eventually get through the you think it's gonna seep through the leather i don't think it's like surely surely will real leather i don't know it's not about the leather it's more of like yeah so there's there's like holes in it it's a kia so i'm not working with like italian leather leather over here you take your clothes off go into the sauna yeah do you take your clothes off see you guys don't even know you're fully dressed in the sauna you i'm being judged for my sauna clothing here i don't want to be those guys that go in raw dick to a sauna because that happens and that fucking drives me insane yeah i think that's a little european for me but these are just like white men from new jersey they're not like fucking they're not like the polish if i'm in swedish i'll dump dong but i'm in i'm in i'm in new york you're not yeah yeah you're you're if you i understand did i just say if i'm in swedish you did but we're gonna we're gonna move past it if you're in like fucking romania you're not you're not you're not romania that feels like something that you could do yeah dicks out for romania dicks out for finland finland dicks out absolutely certainly dicks for finland what was that why are you throwing it up why are you i was agreeing uh you ever been to finland you ever finish that's not bad that's pretty funny that's a good one i think you're gonna get me with something but no i've never been to finland finland finland these balls in your mouth finland finland my balls and dude until i come i'm not even kidding we'll get back to that i have been trying to get someone the way that you've gotten us so fucking bad but like it's the classic example of like i i was talking to my brother the other day or like someone in a group chat and they were like yeah we were talking about juicing i was like yeah normally i make a juice with like some lemon some celery some slobbenies and they just completely moved past it like didn't even be like what's that so we left just like waiting basically yeah like i was just sitting there waiting did you ever do this thing i did this the other day you know like when you're just being a fucking moron and you're like i'm gonna play a stupid prank you know i mean i know you know me i love no but like have you ever i think it's a problem i have here's an example of what i did and i'm certain you've done this but like you hear becca coming and you're like i'm gonna scare her yes but she doesn't come into the room oh so now you're you're just there and you're committing and the other day i i like nicole left the room and i got next to the bed in a way that if she walked into the room like if i'm low enough like you can't see me and i was basically face down ass up dude three real minutes i know and i'm like at a certain point at a certain point you gotta i gotta let this you gotta take the loss you have to take the l on the chin and i and i just started laughing because i realized i'm tooting it up i mean yes there are so many instances where like becca will like turn around or like she'll be like there or like not looking or whatever whatever the situation and i'll do something to elicit her funny response but she won't look so like then i'm just there doing it you know what i mean like then i'm just there doing it the example that i could think of the example i could think of do you remember a clip like i recently saw it on tiktok that came up and my algorithm was like we were at the old studio and you pull i pulled it in after me and i was pantomiming jerking off in my front seat in the parking lot yeah and i'm just like at the time it's like it's a funny joke haha he he's but like the chance that you're not seeing it that i need to live the rest of my life yeah that's someone else that didn't know me did see that and how long can you actually just be like exactly come on and like look at me yes um but uh that happens to me all the time yeah all the fucking time back to what you were asking though about my my sauna uh etiquette i take my shoes off i have a little thank god i was gonna ask that i used to not you would go in there with outside shoe yeah okay those must reek i think yeah those are stink ing but also frank you're going into a sauna with shoes all right i'll i'll i'll take that one but also publicly health hazard no my for some reason mine doesn't have signs that say no shoes it's a common currency your life is run by the sign i mean i'm going based on because i it's a little bit of wishful thinking there's no no no there's no police you can just do whatever well i mean different places have different rules yeah so i'm like all right like if i saw a sign that said don't wear shoes then i would never have worn shoes and right i was not barefooting it that's how you get a staph infection that's bananas so i got like only indoor slides that i only wear there uh and i just take my shirt off and i go in and i sit on a towel okay the hard the hard tile could hurt my bottom your bottom it doesn't did you tile did you say you took off your pants uh no those stay on wait you wear pants yes pants in the sauna yep and the steam room i so my my you get in the steam room with sweatpants on yeah dude this is like it's wait whoa why and there was a point where there was also shoes on uh yeah so you're in shoes and sweatpants in the steam room people must have thought you were lost like we got out he now he's in here now i go aren't you like in a steam room i feel like there's a lot of water in the air is your sweatpants just not filled with water like a sponge i will take a shower and i leave like i get home and my kids say why are you wet like not like again like literally maybe goes daddy why are you wet i'm just like oh i went to the gym it's a known thing now and like your ankles and your like shins are wet head to toe i'm dripping dude and then you get in the car and drive home what is the drive what is the time it's like i mean it depends all right then that's not true when i leave i every time i go to the gym in the morning i leave i stop at starbucks i get back a drink and then i get home so that's like seven minutes oh so i'm going into a starbucks soaking wet it's not a drive-through no i get out frank we gotta work on this this is insane now why is this insane because you look like a crazy person in the steam room with sweatpants and shoes on and then you're walking into a starbucks in public soaking wet i i refuse to think that i've done anything wrong here i don't i don't see i think of anything i'm being more hygienic than the people that are going in there bare fucking balls and ass if they i mean what would you take would you rather sit next to someone that's in sweatpants and slides or sit next to someone that's basically staring at you with their balls i if someone's completely naked that's a little uncomfortable i will say but i do think 10 times out of 10 if someone gets into the sauna and they're wearing sweatpants and sneakers i'm taking a photo of them going right into my group chat being like look at this nut job i mean when we used to go to the gym together like the times we've been to the gym together we would both wear sweatpants and shoes or shorts yeah shorts i mean sometimes a short shoot uh maybe then in that gym the gym that i go to now is like pretty new so i have but i have like slippers but i'm an adult well like i feel like chalk this up to being an adult i feel like you know i have like a little slip and i mean the slip on the so the steam room is tile i did raw dog at the first time i went in i'm not that's crazy that's but it's a brand new gym it doesn't matter because you're sitting on guess what you're sitting on balls you're sitting you're basically bouncing on someone else naked in there brother i mean not that i've seen maybe not the one that you go to the gym that i go to did you say there's a lot of old bags well it's it's predominantly like people that have retired and live in the area old bastards old fucking bastards dude and like that love to just talk about nonsense they talk in there and they wear they wear the fucking like sauna hats the the what do they look like they're like wool triangle hats come on i swear to god and they fucking sit there kicking balls in the wind dude and the other thing is they they shower in the gym which you do which we'll get back to yeah and they shower in the gym fully naked with the curtain open curtain open now you're asking for it they don't get a lot of people to look at that stuff anymore though but you know what that might be the reason because why why haven't i asked if you're not going to display it but why is it that old men at gyms need to let you know they're naked i think it's like an animal thing it's like when dogs pee and other dogs pee it's like when old dudes get to the gym they're like i'm gonna put my asshole out and like i maybe maybe i'm just uh because you know for high school sports and stuff we didn't have like we had a locker room but like you didn't like shower with your boys like on your team so like maybe that's just a part of life that i am the like exception to the rule here maybe i'm just weird and i don't i'm not crazy about that did you shower in high school no but when we went to uh like a sauna thing we all showered what does that mean it was like a a place that has a gym rec and sauna all that stuff but like i'm saying like high school sports did you not shower at school no no it wasn't like you know like the showers didn't work a giant room there was but there was a room like a prison did you do it i think i did but no one was naked actually there were a couple of kids that were naked because they're like big dicks well it's like it's not about big dicks it's like a joke like there's a couple guys on a team that are like jokers so it's like i'm naked and that's the joke gotcha i remember we all don't laugh you know yeah when i was in the gym this old guy was blow drying his balls and then he clipped his while he was like blow drying he clipped his like wean and it looked like it was floating like indoor skydiving for a second and it made me laugh how powerful was this blow dryer or fucking light as a feather was this guy's cock i don't know it's old better question how long were you looking well i heard the blow dryer so like i put the first part together and you saw a floating wiener and by the time i looked it was floating i i'm still trying to get over the fact that you guys think that i'm weird for wearing pants in a steam room and sauna i mean you know that's unorthodox i mean i stopped the shoes the shoes though because i made the decision what does that count for but don't you think you'd be more comfortable if you just brought a bag with a change of clothes and you took a shower i do bring a bag what's in the bag then just the slipper and like my like a duffel bag yeah it's a green duffel bag and the only thing that's in it is my my slippers my slides whatever you want to call them yeah uh my lock my little padlock uh-huh and my headphones right why not a change of pants so you at least don't have to wear a padlock to be soaking wet then i'm dirtying two changes of pants instead of that's not how you say the units of pants two changes two changes is also three pairs of pants that's a really good point two changes of pants i just i i don't i don't think like that logic is ridiculous like so when i like when i do laundry do you get nothing over here that's ridiculous no i don't think so sweat it's in the steam room first of all sauna okay steam room is legitimately psychotic i i will say that i do leave there like not like a little wet dude i mean you must be pouring i'm pouring and i know you you sit in there so yeah so how long in there you're in 20 minutes uh i do 10 and 10 10 and 10 10 and 10 the steam room has been hot lately so i had to jump out at six he's in there that's about all i can take it's about all my pants can take yeah he walks out of there and he's dragging his pants with him i also becca becca pointed to this uh i had no idea so it's i go in the mornings and it's been really really really cold so when i get to the gym like i get changed and i get you know i put myself in the locker and then i go in the steam room just for like 30 seconds to just warm up but she's like you're using it as a like a defroster for your defrosting in the sauna but i'm like in there and i'm going like this and she's like get your fingers ready yeah she's like you probably look psychotic yeah and i'm like why she's like because it's a big glass room and people just see you in there going like this like don't go in there the grabber's in there the grabber's in there most people do a warm-up set i'm just gonna do five minutes in the sauna and stretch my hands yeah i mean i think so dude also i didn't even think about that it's literally been like two degrees out and you're soaking wet walking to your car it's a miracle you're not sick i'll be honest with you about something i kind of like that like i when i leave the gym i don't put my jacket on and i walk to my car because i like seeing the steam rise off me you have a shirt on yeah of course it still rises okay he's let's not forget just making sure sopping wet right shirt is saturated sopping wet and i just two minutes earlier i'm got out of 190 degree sauna of course if i'm going in five degree weather i'm gonna be steaming like i'm straight out of hell i'm picturing like the people who work the front desk when he's leaving have a good day soaking i you know i will say do you have a towel i sit on a towel but do you would you i mean you do you like dry your hair and i put my shirt on and put my hat on what would be the reason to do that yeah you're right that's i mean stupid of me to even ask you if you have the pants on why sit on the towel uh it's for comfort the tile and the wood could be a little hard on my bottom as i as i explained before he's got a sensitive bottom got it um i'm like you pointing that out yeah i can point it out all right so you're saying yeah that i should go in well let me tell you what i do okay right i pack a bag like today i packed a bag i had to put my laptop in it don't love that but then i get to the gym and you go you go nice jim yes tell the people what gym you go to no tell them right now tell them right now no is it does it have like you have to bring your own lock or does it have like locks uh they're digital that's so nice yeah that's really nice um probably narrowing it down a little yeah you know care it's not a big deal but he goes to a gym in the bronx no i actually met someone there who who recognized me but i didn't know if they recognized me i they were just like oh hey i surprised i'm seeing you here or something like that and i was like yeah i was like do i know you because it was i almost like felt bad because i'm like i don't know who this is i thought it was someone that i knew and they were like no i was like okay i was like i thought i fucked that up i love the honesty that no no no no i was like oh all right but this is my first gym that i've gone to where uh people like film and do like workout shit like oh yeah i i hadn't seen that so you go you put your stuff in the in the locker put my stuff in the locker um i'll i'll usually wear like the shorts that i wear have like a lining in them oh for like running yeah but i'll use them for the gym too um and i'll wear sweatpants so i just take my sweatpants off today i i use like a different pair of shoes but like most of the time i'll just walk in like whatever shoes i wear at the gym but put those in there do my workout come back then i throw everything into my locker same and i take out the slippers put those on just have my shorts and my uh just just my shorts on and the slippers and then i go sit in the sauna wait a sec hold on so i'm being ridiculed yeah we do basically the exact same thing sweatpants is like and you're like socks and and shoes but i do it with shorts too okay that's different i think when i do it like this morning it was shorts yeah but like when i do it with sweatpants it's out of fucking control yeah i don't think so if anything also i wouldn't dream of going in the steam room like that why not it's if anything well i'm wearing also nylon shorts like a bathing that's like a bathing suit material almost okay i mean my my my shorts are like workout shorts or like basketball shorts which are yeah pink panther is here coach and spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it grab your friends and head to the tab. tour hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists exclusive experiences and personalized products and discover custom playlists on spotify built just for you based on who you are and how you listen live your story with coach learn more at coach.com i don't think that's crazy but like if anything i'm being more efficient in what i'm getting out of both experiences because i am i have clothes on that are trapping the heat it's like the people that go into fucking steam room and saunas and like like the rocky training montage sweatsuit yeah the efficacy is not the problem i think the problem is leaving the place and being soaked i mean who cares i like if anything well what about you you care why do you care if anything people see me they're like damn that guy he he had a good workout because look at how fucking soaking wet i'm sure they are thinking that because i do think that about people however if they left that way i'd be like what's going on well i'm going home i'm getting undressed what's wrong with the shower though like you just think it's dirty or something i just don't understand when i have a perfectly nice shower at home just to avoid the like wearing the sweat it's a car i'm not like driving a fucking maserati it's just uncomfortable being pouring sweat i thought i i personally it's kind of nice you like because i don't sweat otherwise like i understand like you you are steam room yeah you're getting wet like i do not sweat period ever so like the only time i experience sweating is when i go and i get it in the steam room so you want to keep it so i want to hold on to the feeling yeah you know and again people look at me like damn that's it now what do you do after though you protein it up what are you doing where when after the gym like when i get home oh you know what i actually just it's funny you bring that up there's a now we're really now we're in it down but like there there's a uh fucking what's it called like a smoothie place like not a place but like they have a smoothie bar and i was like let me check this thing out so i go and i see a smoothie it's got peanut butter uh banana you know some protein and whatever some other shit and i'm like oh that sounds good the name of it is naughty monkey why are you doing this to me okay can i please get the uh frank naughty monkey legitimately how i did it and i was like can i get the naughty monkey and she's like yeah and she's like what flavor uh protein i was like just vanilla whatever and she's like okay cool so i just sit down there's like no one there then all of a sudden these like four girls come in and they know the girl behind the counter so they're just congregating and then naughty monkey and here comes the naughty monkey and i'm like thanks and i get the fuck out of there i'm like this is what i'm trying to avoid you know what though see i kind of love that because i feel like that brings us together closer as a nation because the naughty monkey we are so much of like branding now is like like let me get the fucking like men's soap is like thick and you know like fucking barrel roasted like stuff like that the naughty monkey i don't that makes people feel more like connected if anything that makes me feel embarrassed and to be fair i would be equally as embarrassed to order like bullet blood or something i'd be like i don't need that either well i think what we need to do is we need to find the racist what follow me follow me follow me here we're following we need to find the most like racist per capita area in our country yeah and open a shop like that which one like the where it's like smoothie where it's smooth no no where it's all smoothies but the names are stuff like that because i feel like that immediately kind of lets your guard down a little bit it softens you up if you're going in and it's like jimmy john's give me the fucking double fucking stack sandwich of big muscles people are going to be like this is appropriating hyper masculine toxic masculinity but if you're in west bumble fucking fucking doot doot doot doot doot town and what would it be called it could just be called i'm saying what would like what are they ordering what's that it doesn't matter it could be any it could be smoothies it could be sandwiches but give them a fun cute name so people are just like you know what maybe the way that i'm going about living my life and seeing the world is a little too intense do you believe that the people who are turning off the halftime show to go watch kid rock perform at the same time are gonna be interested in buying your cute named smoothies because i don't believe they will be depends what the name of the smoothie is that's what i'm saying well i'm just saying in the in the example of naughty monkey if you will i think that would be a deterrent so then you know what you're right you are correct i should have thought of this sooner open it up with hyper masculine names for their smoothies you know lib to your lib to your banana chunk right and then get them addicted to it what or like get them like really into it like the the the people turning off the halftime show and then 180 then you name it something because then they're just like well i need my shake let me get the chunky naughty monkey all you have to do is get them addicted to it we'll slip nicotine pills into the smoothies i'm not saying physically like chemically addicted i'm saying mentally okay you know what i'll get back to you on that i have no idea how we're gonna go about that at all but i mean you could do it because now now everything is protein proteins and fucking everything now so like you could do it yeah you know protein dunkin donuts what bro do you even seen dunkin donuts protein drinks dunking donuts dunkin donuts what about it bro protein drinks bro when's the last time you went or passed by a dunkin donuts i mean i've passed by them i haven't gotten in a dunkin donuts in a while but they got great hot chocolate do they yeah i don't think i've chocolate by the way hot bro they got the hottest hot chocolate ever they deliver it's so hot listen if you there's many things you could say about dunkin donuts you're not gonna criticize their hot chocolate it is so hot i don't remember the last time i got a hot chocolate for dunkin don't i always tell people that where i'm like they actually have a very good hot chocolate and it's like surprising because it's dunkin donuts but like it's good i like it i mean but if you go or pass by or something next time keep an eye out big postcard protein matcha drinks protein coffee is what are we doing it's getting out of control can i can also you know what i'm gonna save this for after let's get to the sponsors i do have a thing that i want to say go get to them uh but this is where we're starting here folks uh we have square space all right square space is back and if i could find the thing then that would be great that ain't it here we go folks so so square space so you guys know square space um you know you're going to build your website on this platform okay so if you have a bunch of content or e-commerce business retail business you are going to need a professional looking website because that is your first impression with new customers and returning customers if they go to your website and it doesn't look great probably going to turn away you want it to look professional or if you're promoting yourself or something like that you do want it to look professional and square space is going to help you do that because they have these templates that you can use and it populates a website very easily and it's going to help you you just switch out the text and the photos it's very easy uh and they have made that whole process very streamlined and that's what you want they also have a ton of tools they're going to help you optimize your traffic and let you know um where it's all coming from and to keep track of all that and square space is the number one it's what we use for all of our landing pages anytime we make them we're making them with square space okay they're the best so go to squarespace.com uh slash basement offer code is basement and you will save 10 off your first purchase of a website or a domain okay that is squarespace.com slash basement and when you're ready to launch use the offer code basement and you will save 10 off of your first purchase of a website uh or a domain we also have seat geek okay seat geek is a ticketing app so you're going to buy your tickets there if you want to go to a concert or something i know harry styles is 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potentially over and then you know who knows louis shoot for the moon land amongst the stars you know what i'm saying so go check it out on a web browser too if you want to save yourself some money by signing up at patreon.com slash the basement yard if you use a smart app our tech overlord lizard people are going to take extra money from you so save yourself some bucks while you're doing it patreon.com slash the basement yard we love you we thank you we kiss you we spank you i don't know if we can say that um i didn't you get in trouble your last job for spanking too he told me not to okay what was your last job yeah wait that's a good question have you ever worked a job pizza delivery that was your last job before this yeah wow i went on me too look at that look at us trying to be me dude be you i tried to go on some interviews in finance and i went god this is awful oh really so then i started youtube did you get any cool questions like what's your best quality yeah no i really didn't you didn't get so it was so entry level it was right out of college that it wasn't anything crazy did you did you get the job i didn't go back for the next interview i just didn't want to do it they invited you back but you said no thanks yeah wow did you get any of those like questions that are like they're meant to be like critical thinking questions no it really wasn't like that it was just personality higher you know oh you think you were the personality you probably would be the personality higher interesting i got one of those i'm sorry you wanted to say something about protein you were about to go on a rant i felt it brewing i just wanted to say that like i think we need to cut it with matcha like i think we need oh god fuck i think we need to cut it out this is way worse than i could have expected i and and i'm okay with it existing i but i think we need to dial it back i it just feels like it's gotten out of hand it's gotten out of hand because you go to some fucking you know a fucking underground basement speakeasy uh fucking bdsm coffee shop in brooklyn where they're just like we can whip you with this whip and we can give you a coffee it's brewed out of the asshole of some fucking you know guatemalan person like it it is getting it's been bastardized you're proving my point you're right but that's what i'm saying is that it's like it's like it's a little too much for me well has there been anything that we could think of that like became a huge trend and then died i'm sure we could one thing i just want to fit in about the matcha nope tastes like shit no tastes like shit dude i all right i'm bringing in matcha next time we record and i'm making you a stupid cup of it great ask me my opinion no you don't there's no way in fuck i can almost imagine what do you do you like it no it's awful thank you god fuck have you had it i have what does it taste like the ground but bad yeah oh my god no i've had ground stuff that tastes good ground but this is bad you guys have not had good matcha dirt tastes better i i want to cry and throw up and piss on you at the exact same time you love matcha like that when's the last time you had matcha yesterday really i have it often and plentiful it's so like listen i will i will do this i will i will and i will give this up the popularity of like matcha is not what like real matcha is that's like someone saying like i'm wearing a fucking you know sweatpants in a steamy fucking don't do that no but that's like someone saying like you know oh i'm wearing a watch from fucking mcdonald's all watches need to chill like uh no because i know that you get into this thing and i hear it a lot too it's ceremonial grade and i'm like what does that mean one that's just the level of quality but does that mean it's it's appropriate for ceremony i don't know i don't know i don't know ceremonies so the japanese and the chinese i say that like i'm gonna offend them i'm like a hard j and a hard c japanese and the chinese like take it you know i'm just gonna hold this just it's smart to have that just call and say it stand by just saying a hard j and a hard c the the japanese and the chinese have tea ceremonies right that's like a whole thing that they do i think the ceremony ceremonial grade just has to do with the quality of it because below that you get like restaurant grade which is what is used in baking and cooking and and desserts and stuff like that got it so it is a significant quality like as someone that has had a lot of matcha it's a significant quality jump once you get and then you're just like oh shit like this is have you ever had something that like people talk about and then you have like a good version of it you're just like oh shit that's not that that's like if you're having fucking franzia wine and you're just like all wine is this no you know i've never had franzia consider yourself lucky it's a hangover in a bag well and a box yeah who thought of that it's crazy put it in a box dude good matcha has such a variety of flavors because you're getting what is it by the way it's stone ground japanese tea green tea got it so what they the the japanese sorry i'm worked up now you got me you got me worked up the japanese again i went with a hard yeah i know they make they process their green tea different than the chinese process theirs the chinese roast their green tea to keep it green the japanese will steam it or they'll in sweatpants and then what they do is they take that tea yeah and they put it in a big stone mill and they fucking grind it into a very fine powder yeah i see people where they got the thing and they're like yes i actually like watching people make it i love watching people make stuff like that also oh you don't like when you get if you get matcha at like a place does that like automatically come with milk no i mean you could get it with milk if you want like a matcha latte but like normal matcha is just water and matcha powder right and it's like a size of an espresso i'm assuming no more it could be more so like i have it in bowls that are like this big that's a lot of matcha but it's not like you use like a small scoop of it because you think about it like the amount like look at like let's use this tea as an example that looks like a lot but when you when you fucking grind it into a powder it's nothing so you use a little bit of green tea like matcha powder because you're drinking the whole leaf you're consuming the whole thing not just an extraction sorry my voice just came up i don't know but dude i i hear what you're saying and if you've had bad experiences fine just think you gotta chill i don't think that was a long lesson for something that tastes like that it's a long lesson for something that tastes like shit i didn't i didn't say that's what you said but i'm i want to strangle both of you right now because i don't like matcha and i think it's gotten out of hand i mean i'm being hyperbolic for the sake of our show nonetheless if you don't like it whatever if anything it does me better do you like matcha latte i prefer not to have them that way it's i don't like any really bastardizing it is you're you're it's it's like personally if you like it good for you fine i'll make it for you if you want i prefer like to drink it the way that it's supposed to be drank which is by itself the way that the way the japanese the chinese the chinese have laid out for us okay japanese what's your coffee order are you a black guy that's two two in one episode it's crazy yeah um milk skim milk and uh one sugar skim by the way when i was younger i thought skim milk was breast milk like i i like skin milk i think that's why i thought that i i i when someone's like oh i'm drinking skim milk i was like is that your mom's like i literally thought it was like a tit milk it it looks like just water and milk like i don't even know what it is i i'm sure there's a difference but is it like it's like whole milk two percent one percent skim maybe i'm thinking one percent then i also could be wrong how do you not know you don't order coffee ever i do but it's just i think it's one percent i get one percent you tell me give me one percent i want one percent can i ask why like what's the difference between that and two percent well you are a whole milk guy like i could actually love milk i love it but how is there a big difference between those things i haven't had a cup of one percent milk since i was four so i can't sit here with i don't know if i've ever had exactly two percent i used to i used to let rip let's do a taste test oh i can't for reasons we can't get into i drank too much milk recently yeah me too and i don't want to see another cup of it for a very long time yeah that was a lot of milk i don't want to see another cup of it that was a rough one so you just do your coffee black yeah you do i'll get a cappuccino like six times a year oh with whip whip whip cream on it whipped cream yeah or just like cream no whipped cream on top like a like a like an ice cream sundae no no do they do that is that a thing yeah where i hop i mean i've been to places i've been to places where it's like they bring a cappuccino and they put a little whipped cream on top oh i mean if that's the case i am not familiar with that i've only gotten it when it's like you know because i want to see what they can do you like to see do you like those tiktoks that are like people that make like espresso like in their home like they have like the whole grinder i actually love watching that i feel like it's great the spray is wild but like i i do enjoy watching it but if i go into a coffee shop that i've never been to before and the girls behind the counter are wearing beanies and glasses then i'll get a cappuccino because i'm like let's see what these girls can do because they look like they can do you commit to like the hipsters do have the best coffee places or like um i think that they care enough to be good at the art at least but i don't know i don't i don't like i'm not well we'll never find you in like uh i don't seek out coffee a starbucks i i would go but i i don't seek out coffee i was talking to greg the other day i know you'd get a kick out of this i went and got becca a thing of like cold brew yeah from this place near us but i didn't realize it was cold brew concentrate oh dude so i gave her a cup like this frank of cold brew you're trying to kill your wife she had it and she's like my stomach is not feeling well no your stomach check your heart rate dude she had quite a bit of it oh my god i i just uh i i i can't do i can't i can't do the matcha slander i understand why you why it's gotten to a point where it's just like all right it's blowing up in popularity that needs to fucking chill but at least acknowledge that like you haven't had the good stuff i'll try it but like if i i'm gonna give you an honest opinion i'm not gonna try to hate it either but that's what i'm hoping for is it not weird that we order coffees and some of them just taste like shit like they're so they tear their taste is so in come on now what happened over there i don't know you shoot your pants the taste of coffee is so different at so many different places it's not like if you order a you probably know what it's going to taste like but i feel like coffee is so different everywhere well why is that if you're yeah if you're getting like espresso drinks you know the way that i have a coffee machine now and it is a nightmare um like getting it right is like impossible that's what i'm saying but so i yeah i don't know it just depends isn't that kind of the beauty of it isn't that kind of nice that like every single uh brew or whatever you're making it gives you a different there's different notes in there sometimes you're getting some fruity sometimes you're getting some earthy sometimes you're just getting garbage right now we're not getting a variety we're getting all dog shit so that there is no variety yet but i agree i think that like different beans tasting a certain way and a dark roast and a light roast and the fucking blah blah blah that would be nice um but you know we have it's gonna take some time to dial it in go go commit to being a coffee snob i'm more of like a drip guy just get that drip like a pour over sure just commit in the summer i'm iced coffee easy oh you you change with the seasons yeah i gotta i gotta i like a nice ice cough that makes sense i mean it's hot out here you know what i mean i i get so you it's to cool you down but i can't have an iced coffee outside it's two degrees right now my hand will freeze and just commit to being a coffee snob i don't like it enough just do it i don't like it enough just fucking commit to doing it no why not i'd rather just be like a wine snob even though i haven't had like yeah you've not been very long you've not been drinking so like coffee you could drink and not feel guilty about it yeah just just just fucking commit to it i don't know that i want to be the like i'll hook up but i gotta do then it's it goes and it crushes and it grinds and i click in them and then i slap it and then and then i'm blowing hot air into my milk yeah and then i'm and then the thing sucks it in and then i'm look look look but guess what guess what morning it's a little moment for you that is a job i am a barista in my own home this is a prison that's okay i don't know something for you guess what that's a form of self-love baby that's a form of being able to sit down and just be like i'm gonna tinker over here and i'm gonna do over here and you're making something for yourself you're putting kindness and heart and passion into it yeah i just don't think the payoff is like i i agree that i think the notion is like that's nice i don't know that the payoff is worth it yet just do it buy all the gadgets and just fucking fully commit to it i'll tell you the part that i do like pampering oh when they stamping shit is fire like just stamping you know like a stamp or you know what's fire i know what you're gonna say i know what you're gonna say wax yeah bros i should be writing letters i don't know who i would write them to but i should write letters but i'll get some fucking wax and then you go or even cool if you get like your thumb in there i mean you're talking about you're not gonna be incarcerated dude but that's what you do when you get arrested i mean you're not gonna get arrested for writing a letter to i'm not worried about being arrested i just think that like you're fine you know what i mean i would rather stamp oh it's got like a what with like the one that yeah like it has like you know j and s and then you yeah i'm telling you wax doesn't get the love that it deserves as as an entity i like and i don't like when wine bottles have the wax on it i'm like this looks so fire but then when you try to open that bottle oh my god i like wax because like i feel like i'm like a whittler like i can like whittle you know people how they like whittle wood i can't do that so i do it with wax and i feel like this is it just sounds like you're saying little pink panther is here coach and spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together and they want you to be part of it grab your friends and head to the tabby tour hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists exclusive experiences and personalized products and discover custom playlists on spotify built just for you based on who you are and how you listen live your story with coach learn more at coach.com wood in an accident in an accident it's just a widow wood you're saying it in an accident i used to do it all the time my mom used to yell at uh my brothers and i because we would always take forks and just carve into her candles and carve into the candles that's what what was her can't like a yankee can she would have candles like decorative candles for christmas that they're raw yeah they're just like raw there's out and then there's just a this kid walking to his house it's like it's the cat the cat got it it's so fun to play with wax though dude i didn't enjoy wax dude i like tape i'm a tape guy i fuck with tape tape's a good one i can't talk shit about tape i like taking tape and wrapping it around my hand and then looking at my hand all flat you know what we should do an episode because i did that episode i'm saying covered in tape you should do an episode yeah if you like tape down your nipples it like your nipples look different why do we got to go with nipples brother i mean you tape down your nipples that day i i did i know i did but like it was it was a lot of tape too i think i i say tape tape's fantastic rank these in terms of bestness okay tape yeah wax that's another one i want you did this without a third just the ones we've talked about already tape yeah wax yeah rope oh the string let's do yarn oh yarn tape string is so ass yarn though like i'm like a kitty cat like twine get it the fuck out of here but yarn baby go to hell um twine pretentious i love yarn i love yarn wait what am i doing wax based off tape wax is number one wax is cool you think wax is one i like wax but tape tape's got a place what kind of tape oh we've we recently talked about tape didn't we did we i think we said like the tape that like shits its pants when you open it yeah yeah i'm into it but i don't like that i gotta try and find the edge because i fucking accidentally like it's impossible yo low-key electric tape that shit is dope yo i would i'm not kidding chew on electric tape like bubble gum you chew on it i would have you not recently probably but you know in your life yeah yeah you chewed on it what about that blue thumbtack stuff that shit is that don't make it look like gum if i can't chew on it you know that's that's that's how you know god's real because that shit exists that fucking what's it called you used to love that thumbtack yeah thumbtack i used to collect it dude yeah huh i was a kid you used to collect it yeah i've told the story what is collect oh you had like a wait why why did i know this because you say are you putting your pants i know i like i like put it on my chin and i would go like this and it would wag back and forth and it looked like a dick yeah yeah and i i brought it to my sister's play and got in trouble probably yeah i did get in trouble i did love that stuff and they were just coming like the little packs and i would just ball them up and then well that's how we used to hang up posters our posters used to hang up posters still a thing yeah our bulletin board's a thing in schools yeah poster no i don't your mom's a teacher yeah she's got a bulletin board i assume did she go by like her first name or something like is that something they're doing now yeah is it miss yellow or is it or she's just like yeah just call me ann or whatever no it's last name okay it's mrs priscoe okay mrs priscoe mrs priscoe that's such a teacher that's such a teacher name i did like the teachers i would just be like call me by my first name yeah call me steve mr steve we had a teacher oh yeah well mr yeah that's fine well his last name was impossible it was the exact same as our teacher's last name oh shit that's right yeah who am i thinking of then i don't know you know one time i saw the payroll at that school oh should i say that what are they gonna do right now you're a school sweetheart it was 20 years ago but i i saw the payroll and i was like wait you were you were a 13 year old kid seeing the payroll um and you thought it was rough back then no no no no my mom worked there i no no no you don't need to i know why i'm bringing her down with me you're going down she didn't like show me it was like on her computer because she was a secretary and i like came to see her one day and i was just like sitting in her chair and i was like you know when you're a kid and you're like i'm gonna start throwing stuff around and then i looked at the screen and there was like i then i noticed that it was a payroll because i had teacher's names that i like whatever and i was more fascinated by finding out these teachers that i had their first name because that was like but then i was like let's see what they pay let's see what they pay what are these numbers yeah let's see what they pay in rent not good no i think i think one of them that like was tenured had been there was making like 92 that's a lot oh yeah that's a lot for fucking and that was a while ago 2006 that's why i was like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm six that's why i was just like damn bro damn i mean let's make this remember miss franco god damn bro i don't know i don't even remember what she was making i mean i imagine they were paying her in fucking like two dollar bills this woman was so old bro yeah she was so old yeah i'm convinced that she had the fucking tony stark thing in the center of her chest keeping her alive because i'm like dude you know you're dead i mean let's make sure we say this teachers are criminally underpaid for what they have to do yeah we have to end like who signs up for that i don't know dude there are times where i've done cameos where people are just like oh they're so-and-so's a teacher and i'm like what a thankless job bro my god you're signing up to get screamed at by children you must want like want to educate the youth so much and and like you have such a passion for that and i respect that so much but my god if i had to go to fucking work and deal with these dumbass kids all day and then i'd be at home and grade 30 papers about abraham lincoln i'd blow my head off how much you think they're actually grading at those though that is a fair question how much you think that they're actually grading a fucking book report on well our friend tim growing up he's a teacher and i used to talk to him about that exact thing and he's like oh i can grade it and then you have to also lesson plan for the next day it's it it's never ending that is crazy and then now i gotta go online and pray to god someone can help me with my amazon list so that my kids can have shit and i can actually teach them what the fuck are we doing yeah it doesn't make any sense what are we doing out there why'd your mom get into teaching uh i think it was a family thing like my grandma taught siblings taught so you should teachers i think so your grandma was a teacher i believe so she mean one probably why she mean she's a mean grandma no but did she ever give you money she's fiery yeah she gave you money yeah a lot of money no oh you're hesitant no because i was like no okay but my grandmother used to write me checks for $20 imagine giving a child a check the fuck do i do yo i used to get checks for like like birthdays and stuff i remember just handing it to my mom be like what the fuck do i do with this yeah i mean i you know what did you do with it i gave it to my parents yeah and they figured it out i don't understand by the way i've never seen a dollar of that money like my checks that that disappeared they spent yeah something you'll learn when you get uh to have kids is you their money is your money you know like but my money's not their money i'm kidding it is but i like don't think i ever saw that like i didn't like get to a certain age my parents were like here's the bank account that we have for you i was like oh shit i gotta go to the bank and get a bank account really i think i think they had a bank account for me like a savings account and i have ones uh for the kids but i don't think it was like it was because it was like you get like $40 in cash for your birthday yeah but it's years of that yeah but what are you making well no i don't $80 a year for 20 years well my extended family would send letters to the house and those would have checks in it okay but so you're maybe getting how many a year i don't know dude maybe like it's um maybe you're also in fifth grade i won an essay uh writing contest right he did that was 500 bucks that went straight to the internet i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know electricity bill really probably i mean i never 500 bucks jesus christ you i've you're rich what was the essay about 9-11 truly about 9-11 yeah okay say it say what you wanted to say nothing i think it was worth the 500 probably got a little more yeah i mean i knew what i was doing he was he was playing it up he was prime for like winning that his dad was a firefighter you kidding me they were it was it was like uh the the theme was like what do you think a hero is and i was like i'm tying in 9-11 if they don't give it to me they forgot and never forget never anyway we have ads uh look here we have rocket money okay rocket money is an all-in-one personal finance app that is going to put the money back in your pocket how are they going to do that fantastic question but first they are going to find and 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delicious through the winter um but yeah so they always have these things it's always fresh it's not frozen it's ready in about two minutes there's no prep no stress so it's easy go onto their site and go check it out um but it's great i mean i've had a couple factor meals i'm like i don't know how high my expectation is for this thing but it was fantastic so go check out uh factor and uh you can head to factormeals.com slash basement 50 off and use the code basement 50 off to get 50 off and free breakfast for a year eat like a pro this month with factor new subscribers only varies by plan one free breakfast item per box for one year while subscription is active and yeah dude if you want to eat like me go try out factor all right um but yeah what were you talking about someone's grandma or something teaching and shit like that yeah that's different i don't know what so what do you think is the worst grade to teach seventh that's a tough one that's when i was the worst that's a tough one yeah everyone was the worst also like that was like i was a little worse than sixth but seventh is like where a sixth i was in a new school so i was on my best behavior i was definitely forging those reading logs like crazy though dude my teacher miss gross that was her name ugly come on i don't understand i remember we used to get those reading logs that had like the smiley face it was like you read this this page of this page put a smiley face for how you like it fuck that i i don't know that i've ever read for my reading log i know i did there's like i've read the harry potter books i've read the chronicle of narnia books i've read a series of unfortunate event books if i wasn't reading one of those for those reading logs i would have read the chronicle of narnia books it was fake yeah i mean it was i would make up titles to books i'm like they're not checking this oh yeah it was but this was early early internet that you think they're gonna check the name of what do you know every book yeah no i'm making up a book i don't care do you make up and do you remember any of the ones you made up no it was probably like you know the biography of michael jordan or something oh yeah you were probably writing those i was just you just like heard your dad told you something about clyde drexler and you were like i read that from a book yeah and then i you know made up a reading log of that can we move past like the traditional like reading things that kids have to read like catcher in the rye hatchet all the other stupid ones all my bones what's that called the fuck the lovely bones the lovely bones you had to read that as a child that's about murder and like we read that in high school did you read that no i read in your guys's high school that was about like lovely bones yeah wasn't it about like assaulting a child and then murdering her uh there was definitely a dead woman's bones i've heard it's very good but i just watched the movie yeah i mean the catcher in the rye i completely bullshitted my way through those tests somehow i'm not kidding what the fuck is that book about see i wish i knew the answer but i didn't read it people are just like holding caulfield is a martyr oh yeah that's his name what the fuck does that even mean of mice of men that's another one that one i read and i remember liking that one because i felt bad that he yeah whenever i think of of mice of men i think of this one english class that i had in high school and i and we were talking about the book and i remember that teacher had asked me a question i hadn't read anything and then the bell went off so i just got up and left and when i walked down to the hallway there was a girl coming down the hallway and she was like this and throwing up through her hands so whenever i hear of mice of men i think of that throwing up girl my english teacher her whole like thesis was on the great gatsby and she hated daisy i don't know if that's too diva cut she hated this character i mean i i've never read the great guy like just every time she spoke she's like unlike daisy like like she like uh an enemy from the past i understand listen i'm not sitting here and and like not advocating for books because i do think books are cool but like read the read the watch the movie do you guys think this is weird so i've been reading a lot lately and i'm reading this book now it's fucking 550 pages but it's fantastic but is it the mushroom one no no no i actually put that down um and i'm trying this different book but i i noticed because i tried to do audible like recently where i'm like i'm gonna get on the treadmill and i'm just gonna listen but it's like hard for me if i'm doing something else like i can do audible if i'm just sitting and just like listening uh but i can't do it while running so i was like all right i'm not gonna do it while i'm running i'm not gonna do it while i'm running i'm not doing audible and then i was like i'm gonna read the physical book and then i would get distracted doing that too but then i do i listen along to the book and i follow along on the actual book so you're double paying for the book yes but i have credits i mean i got i got 12 credits for for christmas so it was free i mean i was someone else paid for it but yeah so yeah i'm paying double for books so that i can read them so you're i'm listening and following along on the pages brother but i feel like it helps me retain the information like a lot better i just just like double read the single book double read yeah like i my issue with reading is like i'll read a page and then i'll be on the third page and be like oh fuck i don't remember a page and a half ago so i have to go back and reread it well this is the thing you can save time if someone's reading it and you're kind of following along you're getting it in two ways at once that's how it feels so double penetration say it the book the book is dp yeah yeah yeah but i'm i'm getting gang you're getting my information you're getting gang banged by words dude and i and i but and that's the thing and the and i'm yeah yeah i'm getting dp'd by this book and the information is sticking i think i might start picking up reading again but like reading like classic pieces of literature like i might start reading some some shakespeare just to fuck around and you know smarten myself up you know i don't know how much you're gonna get from that i mean probably not a lot but i think it's a good way to just keep the brain moving right and you will get a lot from learning how to read see i fucking read so good are you a good reader i think i'm a great reader put something in front of me watch how good i read it look up a random random set of words no you fucking did this now i'm pissed look up a sentence of words and i'm gonna read it so goddamn well a sentence of words yeah that already we're at a hot start here he didn't say he was a writer he's a reader i'm a good i'm a good reader dude any are you gonna read a louder any sentence you pull up i'll read it fucking perfectly not a sentence we need we need something here all right just read that i mean i can't see that that's fair frank's blind we gotta pull this in no we need more we need more all right how much am i reading i'm gonna read a sentence of words and i'm gonna read it so goddamn well a sentence of words and i'm just this first this i don't even know what this is but this first thing go okay strange bedfellows lamented the title of a recent letter to museum news in which a certain harriet sherman excoriated the national gallery of art in washington for its handling of tickets to the much ballyhooed van goes van goes exhibit honestly you got it that's crazy you you hit i like that that was correct i didn't even know they were gonna throw three of those kind of words i mean i saw excoriated what i got through that i was like i'm i'm coasted do you even know what that word is i don't know what that is is like when you like attack something or like tear it apart i was impressed with the ballyhooed yeah you can't ballyhooed all right give joey another one of those uh the second one joey do or the third one the last one the last one that's about the same length come on joey let's text let's see your good the last one all right last one right go joey what am i doing read that ethical appeals notwithstanding great art with increasingly devolve into big business just that business oh no business firstly great art can only be certified by its market value moreover the world at large hasn't that why am i sounding like i'm on the news i love moreover the world at large hasn't the means of acquisition only one museum currently has the funding to contend for the best pieces the j paul getty museum founded by the billionaire oil man the art may disappear into private hands but its transfer will disappear into private hands but its transfer will disappear into private hands but its transfer will disseminate disseminate one's static fortunes into the hands of various investors collectives occasionally the artist yeah i mean he's we have a better reader amongst us there's been better but i think sorry back to the pizza shop i'm just good at reading dude you're a good reader i thank you so much i do love those tick-tocks that are just like pretend to like follow along like you're a newscaster you're a good reader you're a good reader i thank you so much i do love those tick-tocks that are just like pretend to like follow along like you're a newscaster and it's like tonight at nine you know that's tough i think i think we would be good newscasters hey news are you watching no i'm not i'm not good that well why you've been saying that you've been applying for jobs with fox news why don't you just show them what you could do well that was good you know it good whose side are you on now i'm confused i don't even know whose side oh wait can we quickly do the 6 12 18 24 sure 6 12 18 24 you have to do so wait keep those numbers in mind and it's jerks or rubs oh like jerking off yeah gotcha oh you donuts beers and miles so how many of those you do in a 24-hour period you have to assign one of those to 6 12 18 and 24 oh my god yeah let me write this down so it's it's donuts beers just master masturbations yeah and miles miles yeah holy fuck i mean i don't think anyone can crank their fucking hog six times in a day you'll come out looking like i mean i could if i had to i would put that one at six there's no way i'm going at 12 i can't imagine i can't imagine that even me neither i think the beer got up there like three four times when i was like in like eighth grade i think the beers would be 24 now hear me out because 24 donuts is gonna kill me quicker than 24 beers is it probably not but i would enjoy one of those significantly more 24 beers is probably more doable over the course of an entire day than 24 donuts that would hurt me think about it like this if you drink one beer an hour for an entire day you're gonna kill me quicker than 24 beers that would hurt me think about it like this if you drink one beer an hour for an entire day you technically don't get over the legal limit so like you're not gonna be like drunk to the point of like oh my god i also would be drinking a beer and like shotgun and a beer and then like not drinking for like a bit yeah drink three in an hour don't drink for three hours do that again yeah something like that so that's probably doable 24 is probably right so we're gonna go jerk six beer 24 now we have 12 and 18 and what's left miles and well donut miles and donuts so i mean miles has to be 18 what i was gonna say half marathon and then what am i saying donuts oh fuck 12 donuts is probably not hard over the course of a day brother i think just the thought of eating that much of anything in a day you'd rather run 18 miles who said run brother i can walk while i eat these donuts and drink i can walk the whole day start to front face to ass start to front that's the same spot not if you start in the back yeah yeah yeah start to front i i think that if you walk at a at a rate of three miles per hour and you walk eight that's walking for six hours straight you can do that dude okay you could i mean it's gonna be tough don't get me wrong but you could definitely do that i guess you could walk and chug beers don't you think jerks gotta go into 12 or 18 dude your penis would be rush fuck dude dude your penis would just like it would look your dick would look like the where's my chocolate lady from yeah the punch bob it looked like someone crocheted it i think you gotta put it in the 12 12 what would go six then you could do 12 maybe donuts and then six donuts 18 miles and brother six donuts let's make it hard i can eat six donuts easy right but you can't jay 12 times correct yeah so that makes it hard oh fuck you yeah That was disgusting. He said the question. I think 12 J's, and then six donuts, 18 miles, 24 beers. No shot. I can't imagine. 12 J's is wild. You wouldn't be able to breathe. How are you? Yeah, he's an autorotic asphyxiation. Never going to say that. Never going to get that right on the first try. I mean, I think that 24 has to be beers. I think the 18 is miles. I'm aligned. I'm aligned. I think the 12 is donuts. Yeah. You know, because you can bang out three donuts. Is this a bad day also? Like, am I not enjoying this day? This sounds awesome. This is going to be an interesting San Diego Studios video. This sounds miserable. I mean, I think that part of the day would be fantastic. I think once you get into the wee hours, we're going to have some trouble. Yeah, no, this sounds awful just because, bro, you're going to feel like shit. You're drinking all day. The only thing, presumably, the only thing you're consuming is donuts and beer. That's why I want to bring it down to six donuts. Dude, a couple donuts, a couple J's, a couple beers in the beginning of the day. Yeah, we're off to a hot start there. It's a good day. It's a good morning. And then you go jog some miles. That sounds miserable. I think I have an easier time. A beer and a donut? Yeah, that doesn't sound like a good combination. It doesn't have to be combined. Frank, what are you talking about? Last memorial. Last memorial day, you had, like, 13 beers. You had 11 hot dogs. Oh, that's a better combination than beers and donuts. Beers and hot dogs or beers and donuts? I'm not done. Why do I need to defend this? Espresso, martini. Stop what you're doing. Taco Bell, probably. Two burgers. It was a couple burgers. I'm not sitting here and saying that I don't have the capacity to do it. What are we talking about? Why are we talking about something you ate? Oh, when I went to Jersey Freeze with the kids and Becca, I ate everyone's food. Listen, I acknowledge that I. A donut is not even food. It's butter and dough and sugar. How many donuts are you guys eating? Twelve. I'm saying twelve. I think that'll ruin your day more than the other things. Twelve J's? I wouldn't. I can't imagine your dick working after. I don't. Yeah, I don't think it hap. I don't think I could. It would be tough. It would hurt. Sure, there's a little bit of pain, maybe. But I think Joe eating twelve hot dogs would give him some hurt, too. Wait, hot dogs are in here? No, no, donuts. I'm kidding. Oh, okay. I'll say that. All right, what if it's not donuts, it's hot dogs? Twenty-four hot dogs! No, realistically, in a twenty-four hour period, I can eat twelve hot dogs. I could do that in twenty-four hours. I would not be happy, nor would I. It wouldn't be easy. We still need to do the pigs in a blanket, how many we can eat in one episode. We didn't do that. We talked about it, and we just. Just the max amount? Dude, I could fucking ruin some pigs in a blanket. Like, I don't know what it is about them, but, like, just that combination. How many do you think you could eat in an hour? If you were, like, paid per, you know what I mean? How much are we getting paid per? Now we're talking. Now Ant perked up. You saw that? He was like, oh. Well, whatever, whatever. It's a thousand dollars per. Tax-free? Yeah. Ooh, a thousand dollars per. Hold on. Yeah. One thousand dollars per pig in a blanket. Yeah. And it's whatever I can eat in one hour. Yeah. And I can't throw it up? Uh, no. For how long after that hour? Just the hour. So, as long as I don't throw up. It could be an hour and one second I throw up, I'm good. Yeah. I think, realistically, I can eat thirty-two. Thirty-two? Yes. Is that even high? I thought that was gonna be way higher. I think I could eat thirty-two. Really? Thirty-two? I feel like when I'm at a. I feel like when I'm at somewhere that has them, I eat, like, over ten accidentally. Alright, you have to eat one every two minutes, essentially, at that rate. This is very simple. Which I don't even think. I think that's harder to do. If I have to stop myself and eat one every two minutes. Dude, we should do the power hour. This is a very easy. You could get fifty. You think so? I believe in you. I feel like you're thinking of it like popcorn, when you should think of it like, you know. Oh, you're thinking of it like a dirty bastard. Yeah, like, you gotta eat dirty. You gotta get dirty. No, dude, you gotta respect the blanket. This is a thousand dollars a dog, baby. And we're also dipping it. Yeah. Sure. So how much ketchup do you end up having, too? Yeah. And I also sprinkle a little sauerkraut on it. Do you? Yeah, I like to. Why not? Wow. Treat it like a full dog. So what if you did just put it in a bowl and, like, mix that all in like a salad, and then you were just shoving it like a pig? Yo, that sounds incredible. It does. That sounds honestly really, really yummy. There's just ketchup and sauerkraut and dogs. I wouldn't be able to do. Like, at a certain point, the ketchup needs to fucking chill. I agree, yeah. Like, because then you'll just. Then you'll fill up on ketchup. So if we're doing this, I'm doing this no ketchup, because I'm saving as much room. You know, if there is. Hold on, listen. Follow my math here. Okay. Pink Pantheress here. Coach and Spotify are teaming up to bring music and style together, and they want you to be part of it. Grab your friends and head to the Tabby Tour, hitting cities around the country with live performances from special artists, exclusive experiences, and personalized products. And discover custom playlists on Spotify, built just for you based on who you are and how you listen. Live your story with Coach. Learn more at coach.com. If there is. My God. The first one. The fourth of July episode is going to go insane. If there is a fifth of a pig in a blanket amount of ketchup per pig in a blanket, five of them would be an extra pig in a blanket. So 10%. 10 of them would be 2, 15 would be 3, 20 would be 4. What? Am I supposed to know what that means? They get what I'm saying. So that's potentially 10 extra pigs in a blanket that I'm missing out on if I do catch up on every single one. Oh, okay. So I think if we do this, no catch up. Maybe one just for like fucking. You'll have a dipping. You can dip or not dip. It's up to you. You're saying the catch up would take up dog space. Correct. Got it. Correct. Locked in. A hundred per dog. A hundred per. How many? How much money are you walking away with? 5 G's? 4 G's? 3 G's? I think just to be safe, I would say 3,500. I think I can with confidence. If it was just like a. Am I bugging? I feel like. Isn't that crazy? The time will get you. The quantity, sure, doesn't sound like a lot. Brother, you think about it. I'm eating seven in like no time. Yes. No time. Yes. But then your brain catches up eventually. Like then your brain is going to be like, oh, should I just hate seven doggies? Oh, what am I talking about? No. You could definitely get 50. Am I crazy? Now I'm thinking about it. 30 is probably a lot, but not when I'm going for it. I think collectively we can easily do 60. Also, you said 30. Like, oh, yeah, yeah. 60 collectively would be insane. No, no, no. Between me and you. I'm not choosing him because I'm still mad at him. What if it's like two people, so you're competing with someone, and to get the money, you also have to eat more than the other person? Who is it against? I have an idea. I have an idea. When we surpass 40,000 patrons, we each get a plate. Of 40. Of what? Of 40 pigs in a blanket. We each do that, right? And for each one we eat. We'll donate the money to something. But we have to figure out what the amount is per. I don't think that's for me to figure. Well, I think if we're doing 40 for 40,000 patrons. 40 each? 40, 40, 40? 40, 40, 40. Yeah, but we would have to finish all of them. It's only the ones that we finish. Yeah, so it would be whatever we finish times. I don't want to. This is crazy. This is a lot of money. I don't even know if I want to eat 40 pigs. And is there a hot dog charity? Now it's for charity. So if you don't eat it. Is there a hot dog charity? Listen to the words you say. Charity. Wouldn't it go to the animals or something then? If that's what a hot dog charity would be? Hot dog charity. I'm not saying that's where it's going. I'm just saying that sounds closest to a hot dog. Like a dog charity. Yep. So first thing that popped up. What? You're twisting your head like a German shepherd. Sorry. There is apparently. There is apparently a charity called Hot Dogs That Help. Hot Dogs That Help Incorporated makes fundraising simple and profitable. We partner with schools. Free plug, by the way. Also, we're not a school. They sell their signature hot dogs and fresh squeezed lemonade. Goals to keep the profit to fund what matters. Oh, lemonade. Hell yeah. I can't even tell you the last time I had a lemonade. Me neither. That sounds fantastic. But if some toddler was selling it on the side of the road, I'm getting it. You know what? I see videos of sometimes people make lemonades and this girl had like, there's like girls working there and they have these machines where they like cut a lemon in half and they put it in like a little mini bucket. Then they throw sugar in there and then they put the lemonade in and they shake it up. And I'm like, that probably will put me in the hospital, but it probably tastes good. Yeah. These look like good fucking hot dogs. Yeah, they do. That's a good looking dog. So between the three of us. That's a hundred. We assign a number. It's 120 hot dogs. Hot mini weenies. Hot mini weenies? If it's 40, 40, 40. Don't call them hot mini weenies, by the way. They're pigs in a blanket. What? Did I say hot? You said hot mini weenies. What am I saying? Did I say that? Yes, you did. Run the fucking tape back. You could have. I feel like that wasn't the first time I heard it. Mini weenies, for sure. I said that. I don't know if I called them hot. I don't think I attributed any attractiveness. Well, I was thinking more like temperature. Oh. Yeah. Well, see, now it sounds like you did. You did attribute an attractiveness to them. All right. So, what? A hundred mini weenie? That would be. That'd be a lot. That'd be a lot. Like six Gs or something? That's not. That's. Yeah. Doing math. For 40. Yeah? You're locking that one in? Do I want to eat all that hot dog? That's $12,000, by the way. Is it? 100 times 120. That's a lot. I don't think. I don't think you'll be able to. I don't think you'll be able to finish as much as you're thinking. That's true. That's also assuming we all eat them all. That's true. Yeah. I don't think there is a reality. We should do it. I like that idea. What about if we do 40 each? Like 40, 40. We keep it all 40. That's what. That's what we said. No, I mean like $40 per dog. Oh, yeah. That makes sense. That's cute. That's cute. Like 40 for 40. It was more and now it's less. Well, I'm trying to. I'm trying to be realistic in a. Yeah, I know. I know. I'm down. I'll eat for charity. Oh, I'll eat hot dogs for anything. Okay. Also for charity. Well, there you go. 40,000 patrons. If we surpass 40,000 and we get to 41, then we'll make it. We'll do 50. Like every thousand will go up to 50. If it does. I don't know. I don't know if there's going to be a rush. I doubt it. But. Oh, you mean by the time we. Yeah. I don't think people are going to see this and go. We. Fucking. We need. I thought you were saying we're going to do this for every thousand. Oh, no. That's not what I'm saying. No. I. How many hot dogs can one person eat? Well, it's mini weenies. Can we get that many fucking mini hot dogs? Dude, they come in Costco packs of like 50. We'll be good. We'll be good. All right. Well, I like that. We're going to flush that idea out. But like 40,000. We'll make it happen. All right. Anyway, Frank, where can they find you? You know, I was almost going to say chomping on. Wieners. But I. I. Chomping on little wieners. I did. I didn't. I didn't. I don't know. Patreon dot com slash the basement. The Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go. Go check it out. But he took up a lot of my time. What's that? I think he took up a lot of my time there. Where can they find you and find me at Ant Prisco on Instagram? Wow. You let him get it. You let him slide in there. Nice guy. Go follow the show at the basement yard on TikTok and Instagram. And that is all. See you guys next time. Bye. Learn more at coach.com.