#541 - How's Your Algorithm

Flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the CFO sees them, that's bullspend. And marketers are calling it out in Dashboard Confessions. I remember telling my boss, it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow. Yeah, it wasn't. Cut the bullspend. LinkedIn lets you target by company, job title, and more. Advertise on LinkedIn. Spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit. Go to linkedin.com slash campaign. Terms and conditions apply. Welcome back to the base. Welcome back to the basement yard. Decked out in all white. There he is. Why do you say it like that? What? Decked out in all white like that. It felt, felt wrong, right? You try to make everything like a thing. I don't know. And I don't want to offend anybody. So we're going to pivot. Yeah, I'm going to have, CNN's going to come up with it. No, but it is really, really cool that, like, I do think, and this isn't cool. I do think, though, that, like, when we get together, your algorithm is, like, listening to what we're talking about. And I'll be like, let's send this. Because how many times have we talked about something, whether it be on the show or off the show, we leave here and then immediately a TikTok of it posts. Yeah. Like, it pops up in my timeline. Mine is, like, pretty, see, the problem is, like, sometimes I'll, like, what I really don't like, and this is why, you know, Twitter's horrible. Like, it's so bad. Everyone is, like, miserable on that app. And, like, TikTok, you can get to a point where there's a lot of just misery back and forth. And I'm like, I can't. Like, I will purposefully, like, get out of those and try to watch, like, nice stuff. Like, I just want to be warmed by the heart. You know what we should do? We should do a Patreon episode that it is niche. But we each bring in, like, our five favorite TikToks and we show them to each other. Just because, like, it's such a sense of camaraderie. Like, Becca and I will lay in bed, and I'll be like, you like anything for me? And she'll be like, come look. And we, like, sit there, and we go through, like, her TikTok. Oh, yeah, I do that. Like, I don't do it every day, but, like, definitely, like, there's a check-in of, like, let's see what we've liked. Yeah, let's see, like, what did you like? What did I like? Let's combine. Also, obviously, mine is the best, and you think yours is the best. I've never met anyone whose likes are better than mine. It's just a thing. I mean, I think I don't like a lot. I am very selective with what I'm going to like. Oh, you're trying to build a portfolio. Because I'm trying. Bingo. I'm trying to make it, like, oh, man, like, these are good likes. This is a good like over here. You know, a well-placed like. Yeah. I also get a lot of, I don't know if you guys get these, it's, like, TikToks of, like, not, I don't want to say poorly drawn, because that sounds disrespectful, but it's, like, it's, like, animation that, like, looks more. Sketch? Yeah, like, sketched animation, and it's, like, to my partner. You are my home. You are my life. What the fuck are you watching? It's, like, cute little, and I sent it, now they, I sent it to Becca once. Oh, I tell you. And now it's always, so now every time I see it, I'm, like, all right, I'll just send it over to her. Oh. But, like, it's, like, it's, like, a little drawing, and it's, like, you don't realize what you mean to me. But it's over, like, hand-drawn animation. And then you take credit for the words, and you're, like. Of course, yeah, absolutely. This is how I feel. My thought. Instead of me. Instead of me saying it. Instead of me saying it, I'm just going to show you a video of someone else doing it very well, and I'm taking credit. It's the equivalent of, like, a Valentine's card. You just, dear, dear babe, love me. And whatever's written in it, you're, like. You underline some words. Dude. I've done that. You do that? You do that? I don't, I've changed words so it makes sense. My. What? Like, as a joke, like, I'll cross it out and, like, do it. Like a word that, like, you know. Instead of saying love, you say hate. No. No, I'll change, like, some of the words so it makes a little bit more sense. Or, like, I'll put, like, an inside joke instead of, like, your hair is, like, the ocean and the breeze. Like, I'll, like, cross that out and put, like, something that. Gotcha. I, uh, my parent. I thought it was only my parents. Really, my mom that does this. We're, like, she, like, triple underlines the part of the card that she wants to, like, really draw home. You are the best. Yes. Yes, literally. And I was, like, that's just such a my mom thing, but I guess it's a your parents and you guys as well. I've done it. I've, like, underlined it. You've underlined. My parents. Or my mom. Yeah, not your dad. No, I don't. Yellow ain't giving you any cards. Bro, when we, me and Keith used to give my. When we used to get my mom, like, Mother's Day cards, Keith used to write Keith Santagato in the card. Yeah, we've got over that. Like, it's the most insane thing in the world. I remember I. You are definitely a huge card guy, right? Oh, big card guy. Like, no, you fill that bitch up. Um, I, yes, yes, I, I like to, like, write. Write a lot. You know, I do. I, I think that it's heartwarming, you know, we. Do it for everyone or just Becca? Um. Like, your brother's birthday, you're going to, like, give him a card? It's, it's gotten shorter on siblings. You know, now my attention is, like, going toward kids and Becca. Do you give your brother a card? No. I can't even tell you last time I gave, I gave my brothers or my sister a card. But, like, nieces and nephews, they get cards. Sure, sure, sure. You know, you reach a point in life where a birthday, like, is just, like, a high five. Yeah. Like, you know, happy. Oh, Miller Lite. Yeah. That's what we're. Uh, but I, I'm a big card guy. I have cards from, like, high school, middle school. Yeah. I have one that someone got me a high school musical card and you open it up and it was, like, when you open it, it sings. Nice. But the battery's so fucked that it's, like, everybody can freeze. You know what I've done sometimes? Like, sometimes, like, for a birthday or something, I'll just get, like, a happy birthday grandma. Or just, like, a completely separate card. Yeah. Just to try and make it work. We, my, my siblings and I used to do that for, like, birthdays, like, a 20th birthday. We got, like, a quinceanera card in Spanish. You know? Yeah. Because it's hysterical. Does your, do you get your dad cards? Uh, I haven't in a while because, again, I'm an adult now. Um, but when we did, like, he, he's one of those people where he has all the cards we've ever given him. Yeah, that's where you get that, I'm sure. And he's, like, I'm telling you right now, when you cremate me. I want all my Quaggian Day with me. He wants to be creamed? Your dad wants to be creamed when he dies? Cremated. Yeah, I mean. I mean, I want to make sure we're, we're establishing that as the proper way to say it. Yeah, yeah, he's getting creamed. Dad wants to be creamed. Write that down, exactly. Why must you write that down? Also. Just a note. Just to take a note. Also, first of all. Please don't. My dad will hear this. No shot in hell, dude. No way, dude. He's checked out already. He's gone. Yeah. He's in Columbia. He doesn't give a fuck about this right now. Yeah. Oh, I'm going next year. Oh, you are going to Columbia? Yeah. Yeah. Medine? That's where my dad lives. Dude, imagine I accidentally went to your dad. You can hang out with my father. Can you? You better be careful. So, you're sitting here saying my dad is creamed. You're going to where he fucking. I know what you're going to bring up. I know exactly what you're going to bring up. He's calling 30. No, no, no. He's calling 30. I am. This is a real story. I am going to pivot before he tells the story. Because I get secondhand embarrassment from this story. I knew you were going to bring this up. It reminded me. It was so fucking bad. You often in life catch yourself saying something stupid and then it's like, that was so fucking dumb. I will allow Frank to fill in the blanks after I tell the framing, but we were younger and we were going somewhere. No, I'll tell the story. It deserves to be properly told. Joey had just purchased a fucking apartment in Long Island City. The place was sick. And it was for those of you guys that don't live in New York or no Long Island City. It's fucking awesome. It was like cool bars, cool restaurants before it became like cool to be cool. It was Long Island City. And my uncle had always lived in Long Island City. And when he got the place. I go, oh my God, this place is dope. Where is it? I'm like, oh, it's Long Island City. Oh, dude, we can hang out with my uncle. I said, what? I said, why would we hang? And I could see as soon as the words left his mouth that he was like, what have I done? And I was like, why? She was like, why would we hang out with your uncle? Like, it was just like, and it's funny because like, if it was like an uncle, I would have had an uncle that was like, I love my younger, like younger, cool, you know, like, I mean, I'm not getting crazy. He's a cool dude. He's a cool dude. But like, not like if it was like, I have an uncle that works for the NFL. We can hang out with him. No, he was an elect is an electrician. So like, hey, man, he was like, let's go hang out with my uncle. He's an electrician. Or if he was like 30 something. Yeah, no, 25 to late 40s, maybe even 50. Oh, dude, we can go hang out. I told my uncle, I said, I said it. And as the last syllable left my mouth, your brain just instantly registered. This is the dumbest thing that I've ever heard. I can also see on your face that you do like, it was almost like you didn't say it. It was like someone else did it with your mouth. And you were like, well, it was a prime example of like, I had the idea and the idea went from my brain out through my mouth at the exact same time. There was no filter. like people think like oh he's not filtered like he says fucked up shit no it was filled not filtered in the sense of like the idea should have stopped right where it was right in the throat it just kept going oh it was bad it was bad so fucking funny yeah dude we go hang on my uncle by the way we have we have we have not addressed aunt's sweatshirt oh oh dude first of all i was in my office he comes over and knocks on it and just goes look it's cool no the ant colony i will say you're leaning in you're leaning in i got though i will say leaning in you the from from greg's tiktok to that sweatshirt you expedited that process it was actually already in the works believe it or not before he made that really yeah i saw a comment on it i went like a while ago on an old episode i went doing that oh someone said the ant colony sue sue sue sue sue cease and desist leaned into it and then greg made that social media post and he named the ant colony i went and i sent them the this like well you know what design immediately it sucks since it was someone else's comment we can't sell it now so yeah too bad well they didn't make this it's true i mean why first of all why not just commit to just being an ant not being in an ant suit i am an ant no but like you have an ant suit on because you have human face he's always got sunglasses on yeah he's always got the sunglasses but like you're that's you're a human in an ant costume yeah why not just be an ant and there's an ant colony and there's little ants so what you're saying is that you are standing on on a fabricated ant colony so it's not real what are you even saying what are you talking real to me you know what i low-key liked a lot antiraj ant farms the ant farm like you know like the big the big glass oh you're actually like i thought you meant like the name of his like following oh no no i meant like an actual ant farm i mean i wouldn't want one in my house because oh but like i'd like i would love an ant farm in my house that's really that would be really fascinating be careful what you wish for buddy i'll get you a big ant farm i mean i think that would be pretty cool i you know what i like alien ant farm what's the other song that's the only one that i know no i mean obviously they covered that what was the alien ant farm song i think that's the only one you don't know that song it's called satellites or something i don't know i wouldn't even that's probably not the right song yeah i mean it's crazy they got big from taking a michael jackson song and doing a cover of it bro how about the dude in that music video used to scare the shit out of me because his eyes were like all black what you don't remember that i remember the guy who was i think the guitarist for uh definitely not led zeppelin limp biscuit yeah had like the white uh contacts oh i wanted those so bad i wanted those so bad too oh my god i wanted them so bad i thank god i didn't become the person i wanted to be in middle school if i had a had choices like if i didn't have siblings this would be so much worse yeah like i'd have flames going up my arms i mean honestly my sister who like saved you no she pushed me down the fucking worst parts of town um because she was the first person that put a yankee fitted on me and she was like yeah do it like that and i was like jay okay you know it's like you took the ball she may have been like here and you took that shit and you fucking threw the legs slammed it i did because frank was out here that is fair but she was the one that was just like you know don't listen to pokemon here's nina sky which to her nina sky to her credit a good pivot in some regards as i was growing up but like she was very supportive of you getting spray panted t-shirts that were way too big i don't know if she was supportive of that okay i can i can say that might have been the you know the fully created monster you know eventually frankenstein's monster broke out from the lab you know what i'm saying at that point you can't control you need the torches still big yes sir we're gonna keep the hat like that fair question to be fair unbelievable unbelievable amounts of disrespect how does he take off the hat and the hair looks good i don't know how do you do not on really i just it's not moving the sound you're making um but good for you i forgot i was saying so your your siblings like reeled you in from like making choices earrings i mean earrings wouldn't have been bad oh my god there's people watching this have been like joe sanagato had a diamond stud in his ear why i would have double earrings oh that's right because one of them you would have been gay yeah gay well what was the gay ear uh the right the right one the right one and can you do me a favor and google which ear is the gay ear which which such a crazy how is that how did we assign straight ears was that i don't know was that in any reality like there was i'll tell you what in in queens there was a reality yeah there was a saying that was just like the left like like if you just get just the right or just the left yeah yeah yeah the right yeah right was the gay one yeah just make just you know that's my dominant ear though dominant you have a dominant ear i mean i'm right-handed i assume this is doing a better job than over here i don't think that's how that works i think you pick to be dominant in your hands that i pick right here i will say this thank god you did have a dominant ear have your siblings because i was probably the one that was pushing you down the path of just like yeah you would have made me worse too i mean both do you remember i mean i've had some tattoo ideas that were pretty bad none were as bad as yours yeah that was bad that was a pretty bad one i also like again we were big fans of need for speed underground too and i with every part of my soul being serious wanted to get like a souped up nissan 350z or a fucking neon lights on the floor a toyota celica with neon lights around you know i did too to be fair like the one where like the tires for some reason go out like that like i'm drifting what is that about it's a drifting thing it's gotta be is it it has to be i don't know i thought hydraulics were really cool i'm like yo get this car bouncing dude yeah because i'd be watching a fucking music video and i'd be like these are the coolest people i've ever seen in my entire life i still don't get hydraulics and like why that's cool like it's like i i think we have since come around to being like that's a little ridiculous but like you're gonna tell me if you're riding down the street and you got a car that's just fucking kind of fire you know what i'm coming back around on it back in put them on your car this is the worst time for me to get back into it because i could make these decisions now you could technically put hydraulics in your car what would you do if i pulled up here and i said look out the window and it was the the horn and then my fucking car is just i have like a 67 coupe and it's just bouncing down the street i would immediately be like how much money did you spend on flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the cfo sees them that's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions i remember telling my boss it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow yeah it it wasn't cut the bull spend linkedin lets you target by company job title and more advertise on linkedin spend 250 on your first campaign and get a 250 credit go to linkedin.com campaign terms and conditions apply and also you hate your children i guess because i know this costs too much money can you do me a favor and can you go to a website where we can build a car and i don't think literally don't do that i don't i would have to make the website just look up how much it would take to get hydraulics to make a car fucking bounce how much does it cost to make the fucking hood blow i'm just talking like i want this shit to just be fucking hopping down the street yeah like a bunny we should ask exhibit dude he doesn't know it used to exceeds ten thousand dollars i figured it would be around there that's a lot of money but you would need custom paint so look up candy like a pearlescent or candy paint candy paint green white candy paint white on top just look it up and shut up candy paint no post malone all right all right no i know i know look at the 24 inch spinning spree well rims do you remember they would sell like those as hubcaps and they were like the flimsiest plastic candy paint green cost i because i wanted to be green on the inside green on the outside oh my god it could be from 2500 to over 15 g's see well it depends on the it's the amount of candy the amount of candy green candy paint damn i might i might kind of want to like i'm not going to candy paint your car that'd be insane i would i i would like a cool color car that would be don't you have like enough candy in your car already no he's got piss no first of all both of you cut it out no you got seeds in there i got i got a lot of sunflower seeds i got a lot is there still like a lot of seeds in there oh yeah bags bags i mean i emptied the bags out yeah yeah but like i get about 10 bags every time i go that lasts me a couple weeks and then 10 bags of seeds yeah every time i come in yeah it's one bag i split it up so it's half on the way in half on the way out and it's those big bags too the 300 grams the tatum red where do you get them now i got my places i'm not gonna say where because then people are gonna fucking go and buy them no one's gonna do that you're the only one buying them by the tens there is a turkish uh supermarket in toms river that i frequent uh and then there is a very specific supermarket directly off the bqe in staten island i know i know that also has them wow and it's perfect how did you find have you are you just driving around to supermarkets and trying to find them i have my methods of finding things um i like my sunflower seeds you why are you making it sound like you're a secret agent and you could find things and well because we live in a time now yeah i'm not listening to this i'm not listening to that no i'm now you opened the canopy allow my baboon ass to fly out at you that was one of the craziest things and i actually love that one out of all the ones usually they're bad that was amazing open the canopy and let my baboon ass fly out at you makes that's insane oh man yeah we're gonna also i guess we have some sponsors to get to now uh right after the baboon ass um oh and good it's a brand new sponsor we've never done before isn't who i think it is kachava yep kachava good shit all right i'm sorry start again my bad it's really good they opened up the canopy too they got it let me show them uh kachava is amazing okay this is it provides clean nutrition to fuel whatever uh your day takes you to no fillers no nonsense no artificial flavors colors sweeteners non-gmo no soy no animal products uh it is amazing but two scoops of that is uh 25 grams of protein six grams of fiber there's greens adaptogens and so much more honestly when i found out that they were going to be a sponsor on the show i was very excited because they send you some free bags but i've been buying kachava for a year like literally the last like five years or something like that i like did research on good proteins because i there's only a certain types that i like that agree with me and this is one of them and they have everything it's it's it's really good um but they have really good flavors they have chocolate which is delicious i cannot stop drinking the chai the chai is unbelievable the vanilla is very good they also have matcha coconut uh acai and strawberry which i haven't tried the strawberry and i would like to um but you could try it risk-free with their love it guarantee um but yeah it's really good but they have all this stuff in it um like i said i you know they have six gram of fiber 25 grams of protein so it's really good so you could stick with your wellness goals go to kachava.com and use the code basement for 15 off that is kachava we'll spell it for you k-a-c-h-a-v-a.com slash basement uh to get that 15 off but go check it out there's you know you'll see all the nutritional facts on the website you'll see how much it has to offer but really good kachava.com uh the code is basement okay and sorry we also have hello fresh uh hello fresh is going to bring the joys of you know cooking right to your doorstep uh to make it easy for this time of year um you can choose from more than a hundred recipes every single week including cuisine cuisines from around the world and meals to help you beat the winter blues so you go onto their website you pick out you know what you want they also have categories so if you know you want to do a mediterranean type of diet or um you know protein friendly or low calorie things like that they can have the food for you but um they have seafood and 100 um antibiotic and hormone free chicken okay so you can go check it out go to hellofresh.com slash basement 10 fm to get 10 free meals and a free zwilling knife which is 145 dollar value on your third box okay the offer is valid by supplies last three meals applied as a discount on the first box new subscribers only it varies by plan but again that is hellofresh.com slash basement 10 fm to get 10 free meals and a free zwilling knife which is 150 dollar value i've used hello fresh numerous times before my mom is a massive hello fresh fan so uh it's awesome go check it out yeah you know what else is awesome patreon patreon.com slash the basement yard i tell you about how awesome it is every week all right and i if i have to say it again i'm gonna be mad about it but you know what i'm not gonna be mad about it and i am gonna say it again you want more of us go to patreon.com slash the basement yard take a look at those tiers that first tier that'll get you these weekly episodes one whole week in advance that's right you'll get in on the jokes you'll get in on the baboon ass you'll get in whatever you want to get in on one week before everybody else and the only other people that have it are our patrons are incredibly loyal fucking amazing patrons so fine thank you and also that next year you get exclusive exclusive episodes every single friday patreon exclusive episodes and if you join you can see all the previous ones if you're brand new or if you were gone for a little bit whatever you miss you'll see them so every single friday morning you'll get the opportunity to get an exclusive patreon episode that'll be right into your eye holes baby so go check it out patreon.com slash the basement yard thank you guys we're approaching 40 000 patrons are you fucking kidding me this is incredible you saw you saw how passionate i am about it are you gonna get friend to commit commit to what 40 oh i don't know about that but uh go check it out patreon.com and while you're doing if you want to save yourself some money go do it on a web browser if you use the patreon app they're going to take extra money from you because they have to pay our tech overlords that are going to enslave our minds one day so until then go to a web browser patreon.com slash the basement yard sign up we love you wow so really quick i'm sorry i know please just give me 10 seconds to explain what i wanted to say before sure we are in a society where people aren't gatekeeping cool things anymore we need to be better at that gatekeeping yes so like i am not telling people where i get my seeds like everywhere i get my seeds because then they're gonna get it and they're gonna take it from me so it's the same thing with like if people find like a cool like niche restaurant they like i have to tell the world about this no no keep it amongst your small group other people will find it naturally but like we gotta we gotta gatekeep cool things more yeah if you think your sunflower seeds are that cool i got news for you they fucking are okay just like our fucking patrons uh i got something oh boy so i found this guy on tiktok that plays a note on his keyboard and he asked you what does it sound like more this item or this item what are the items well one example is one time it was either gushers or olive oil and he plays a note and you have to think what does it sound like most to you i feel like gushers would be like no it's like musical it's like the sound of gushers it's like then it would just be gushers can we have an example olive oil would be like oh this looks like sean william scott a little bit like sean william scott and diplo so okay so for example does this sound more like windshield wipers or an etch-a-sketch i don't even know that's how you say that okay do you think this looks more like windshield wipers or an etch-a-sketch this is easy the fuck is that the first of all that sounds like a video game but but which one does it does is it sound or taste he said looks he said looks i don't get it i just was going all right so then do it again close your eyes i'll close my eyes let's go so do it again does this sound more like you think this looks more like windshield wipe close your eyes or an etch-a-sketch i mean that's that's that's easy that's an etch-a-sketch obviously like it's the it's the you can hear sand it's sandy it's a sandy game frankie you were listening very intently what do you think it sounds like i i would say etch-a-sketch it felt like shifty like yeah yeah i would say did you get that yeah all right yeah that one's easy i feel like that's like is that all this is it's not like well i mean but all right do you think this smells more like roasted garlic smells chocolate dipped ice cream oh oh oh hold on smells more so he's going off of smelling now so we're gonna have to close our eyes we're gonna have to sniff frank do it the first time please no do it do it again go you guys are gonna close your eyes close your eyes all right i'm closing my eyes do you think this smells more like roasted garlic or chocolate dipped ice cream you fucking bitch i heard you coming over to try to scare me i got him i got him all right seriously do it again i'm not doing it a third time no no i i i will actually close my eyes this time why don't we try something different try something different okay all right do you think this smells more like campfire smoke or copper what is copper do you think this i well i don't even know what the fuck copper smells like like a penny to there you go that was to me that was aggressively copper oh really i got smoke on i got smoke too it's like it's like it's like airy yes yes it's like you know what i'm saying it's like this it's like that and it's like play it again play it again and watch me it sounded like metal but okay i'll watch it watch you think this smells more like campfire smoke or copper you think this you know we both were smoke on that i was smoked too but it still felt like copper to me sorry just a laugh snuck up on one more one more okay okay okay okay give me a taste give me a taste i don't know there's one right there it's got he's got his tongue out oh there is a tongue oh tonguey listen closely pause it do you think this taste what the hell was that okay listen closely do you think this tastes more like smarties or an ice wait pause it it was what was he saying i don't know the smarties suck yo i think they're super underrated i think they are appropriately rated no i like smarties the like they're just i used to love them as a kid and then i grew up and i stopped wanting to drive a nissan 350z with blue neil's on lights underneath allegedly i i think they're good also canadians smarties is different yeah it's called like we ussies no they call the smarties rockets they're definitely not rockets no they're definitely not rockets all right what do you say i probably have to listen closely do you think this tastes more like smarties or an ice blue gatorade first of all whoa i that woke something up in me i was like uh i'm going gatorade like a blue gatorade i guess so because smarties to me would taste like all right do it do more do more do more okay one more what's that no do like 10 more 10 more why not all right all right all right listen closely do you think this looks more like a cracked phone screen glare or fireflies flickering oh you know i was on fireflies in the beginning i swear to god i was on fireflies but then i was like it's too fast to be fireflies fireflies would be like yeah it's more like it felt more like a across the screen glare like oh yeah it felt like if like yes yeah that's exactly right i can't say it better than that yeah no i would say yeah when was the last time you saw oh you probably see fireflies yeah we get it we used to get we not used to we get them like all like a lot that's a cool animal they're also cool because they let you catch them they're slow so like you can catch them and hold them and then you look and they're they're willing to hang out in your hand they hang out and then they fly away and it's cute and they're not really gross they fly like this kind of no they don't they have wings oh dude yeah but it looks like no it's out of their butts they open their ass and yeah their ass opens up into wings it's just a lightning bug yeah okay yeah they kind of fly like that no they don't have wings where do they have wings where do you grow up they do they have like hands but it's on their ass their wings are on their ass yes brother they're like but they're they're and their ass is they're they're like quadropods what you're referencing is like bipods like if they're bipedal well i don't have wings so my hands aren't the bugs hands these are the bugs wings but they don't even do they do they're more back here they're back here and they go like this like this is like a firefly see i'm a firefly yes not this this is is nothing that seems almost kind of this is nothing but aren't they butt down when they're glowing they're like this dude this is a firefly you see this he's right that's what a firefly is very right and why does their ass light up like a christmas tree i think it is like a communication mating thing you know like oh like look at my hot look at my look at my sweet ass come fuck it that was so aggressive oh yo you are you gay like if you are i wasn't talking for me i was talking for the firefly i'm just saying this in conjunction with like you know because because i said fuck my firefly ass when i'm not the firefly i'm not the firefly careful i just want to look if you are i want you to know i love you and support you no matter what thanks to attract mates you got it oh so it is like that so you're right bro and it's every night in the summer so they're horny bro they're dude dude so horny and like a lot of horny you know what i mean like imagine if you all at one time too because you're like yo there's a hundred looking out at like time square and like someone was doing everyone was doing something where people were doing something to indicate they're horny i guess that's actually a bad thing because there are people doing illegal illegal yeah i think it's illegal but i'm saying like bro look at a crap like look at a field and you just see horny yeah are does it do they both light up if they're doing the d what is a female lightning but i guess well what what do the different yeah is there mating patterns of lightning bugs do they just look at what a male lightning bug is like looks like and a female lightning bug what they look like they both light their butts up do they have a lightning penis give me a second you guys could you would think that would light up if i were to pick anything on my body that can illuminate at will it's my penis they both light up and they often use their light different for mating males flash as they fly to attract females who respond with their own specific flashes from a stationary position oh so it's like a horny light morse code it's like it's like that's exactly it's like a horny flash tag yeah it's like sos but like come fuck me yeah yeah yeah like s d t f d t f instead of sos d t f isn't want to be like d t l down to light no no dude they're fucking down to firefly down to down to firefly yeah it's a good point or or lightning what are they insects oh my god dude you think that the the male lightning bugs are like i'm a lightning bug but i'm bringing the thunder no i also what do they eat um probably leaves their herbivores that's not the word herbivore i hear herbivores i i imagine leaves like what else could they eat ants really earning his paycheck yeah um they eat snails slugs worms other insects snails slugs and worms bro these things are half the size of all of those i feel like a snail could kick the shit out of maybe like a decomposing one some do like pollen nectar oh okay that makes sense females eat other fireflies that's like very common that's a common thing in the bug world they'll just be like i'm gonna fuck you and then i'm gonna rip your head off oh and the women are like i'm just gonna eat the body well i think isn't that what praying mantises do like praying mantises i those guys are crazy dude have you seen one like in the wild i don't know why i went german what was that yeah i was like have you seen like one in the wild uh yeah i saw one upstate once it was in a tire dude first of all big bugs i thought they were poisonous my parents were like get away from it i was like well they are protected from what i was told that maybe maybe someone was just making shit up but like we saw um like at our old house we were like i was like mowing the lawn and i saw a bunch of things crawling up the fence we had like the white privacy like pvc fence and then i was like i stopped and i looked and it were baby babies praying mantises bro hundreds of them were they praying mantises bro hundreds of them were they praying mantises bro hundreds of them were they not there yet they weren't there well maybe i couldn't see because they're so small uh but then i saw like they're like i imagine parents people were like yo stay away don't fuck with them like they're protected like you don't want to like get in trouble for like killing them which how the fuck would anyone know but yeah they're sick yeah i mean my uncle's friend convinced me that those red ants the very tiny ones suck blood and i cried why do you fire ants because it was on you because they were on me a little bit i don't even think they're technically ants i think they're like spiders technically you know i'm talking about those really like dot red ones very dot red yeah yeah yeah yeah oh i thought you're talking about like fire ants no no no no fire ants are like yeah oh you want to talk about fucking a butt are they around not here i think they're indigenous to africa amazon yeah or maybe south america yeah i think i remember watching an episode of wild boys and there was a tribe that steve-o and ponies visited that like in order to like become a man you had to put your hand in this glove and the glove was filled with fire ants bullet ants i think well i think bullet ants would kill you no it just hurts really really bad damn i kind of want to get bit by one it's the worst bite on the planet it like really bullet ants are the worst no no they it's like it's an ant what about a shark that's gotta hurt yeah duh but they're saying like in terms of like stings oh they say that bullet you guys never saw coyote peterson hi i'm coyote peterson and this is the sting zone the bite zone the the bug zone i don't know coyote peterson is a crazy name for a human he just got he did a tier ranking bro pull up the animals have you ever heard of a uh type in coyote peterson i'm serious he did like a a series of videos he he does it like educationally where he's like i'm getting bit or stung by these things in order to like tell people how to deal with it if they come across them or shit like that he has a ranking you said yeah and there was one that was called an executioner wasp skews there are some that it's like yo the tarantula hawk what the fuck is that yo yo once you see this thing you'll be like bullet ants number three bro that's a that's crazy oh i always thought pain lasting up to 24 hours i'm good then there were some that like a stonefish they have some of the worst venom on the planet and this guy like gets stung by them to like show you what happens and then what just takes a bunch of antidotes well he like shows you how like what happens like how your body reacts if you need like some form of a anti-venom so tarantula hawk is a big wasp yes but look at the size of it like i wish they could show you it in comparison to something i'm getting really uncomfortable looking at this stuff sorry i got you i don't like it no no keep showing oh yeah i'm okay he got bit by a fucking snapping turtle maybe on hand on hand oh see that makes this makes me uncomfortable oh no no no dude look how big look at that thing why are they all spread out like they're getting a massage dude isn't that crazy yeah those are disgusting i think that's the video where he got stung dude because he holds he holds them with those forceps by the abdomen he said it's very disgusting oh yeah brave brave wilderness yeah brave wilderness coyote peterson why don't we get him in here we get bit by a couple things does he like just eat it he's like no he's like and he like rolls around on the ground can i see a picture of this guy yeah it's bald white dude yeah i mean coyote coyote peterson that is such a crazy name dude try to pull up a tiktok where you can it's kind of horny that's coyote that's coyote peterson yeah this guy looks like a guy who stings himself oh would you excuse me is this like what am i doing here the snapping turtle they're big dude oh they'll fuck you up when i was younger i wanted a snapping turtle like stupid i wanted like a big cage and like put a snapping turtle in it one of my earliest memories is at the lake house um there was a snap because that water the lake there's snapping turtles there and there was one that like i'm trying to explain to you this will make no sense to them but like you know where my doc goes out yeah and you know that like the family next to us has that little cove right next to us and then there's a tree that little island that little island not not not an island it's like attached i guess it's technically a peninsula but it's a lake but like right in front of that big rock underneath there a fucking snapping turtle a big snapping turtle i remember like one of my earliest memories of seeing my father and our neighbor wrestling to get this thing out of there and it was giving them hell brother like can you just pick it up you could if you get in the right position but like they could be huge bro they could be huge they could be huge they could be like this big so cool and they will take your fucking fingers clean off i gotta go to the galapagos and get in the water with like a like a tortoise that's different my guy that's a sea turtle i'm talking like a like a nasty fucker a like louisiana bayou snapping turtle i want to do that too like fan boating boat fanning whatever that's called where you get a boat with a big fan no that'd be cool no way the only thing no fucking way come on let's go to louisiana and do that oh and then we'll eat some like jambalaya crawfish and stuff are you done no absolutely not and how can we bribe him let's get a bribe going yeah you got a bribe here comes oh my god he's gonna sting himself bribe him it's just i mean physically you would need to monetarily pay me a lot of money to do that do you want to see him get stung by this sure hold on does it have an accent no he's a white guy he's a person oh that sucks look at that look at that stinger oh yeah flowing ad budget on metrics that look great till the cfo sees them that's bull spend and marketers are calling it out in dashboard confessions i remember telling my boss it'll be good for the brand when leads were slow yeah it it wasn't cut the bull spend linkedin lets you target by company job title and more advertise on linkedin spend $250 on your first campaign and get a $250 credit go to linkedin.com slash campaign terms and conditions apply by the way the audio on this is off that's not what he sounds like yeah it's it's slowed down i guess so we think someone could post it after the sting paralysis just let's get him let's let's sting the boy a stinger bite from anything here it is god damn shaking you guys all ready oh yeah i'm ready oh yeah show him the goods baby i don't like the feet i hate the feet and i'm about to enter the sting zone just go already coyote one two oh watch watch watch bang here's the thing pause it here's the thing bro first of all you know what i thought he was gonna do fucking slap this thing dude i thought he was reaching for someone who's gonna smash it it's it's like now that i see it because i watch it like with my kids but like seeing it now outside of that context like he's just writhing in pain on the ground rolling god that's gotta hurt like hell bro and he's done it with like other shit like crazy shit too like the stonefish just pull up a picture of that bastard it's got blue venom coming from its fucking pussy get venomized what's that called poisoned venomized yeah what the hell is that yeah you think it looks all fun and game show them those fucking those are them baby dude what a crazy guy shouts a coyote dude the ocean is just disgusting so gross blood worms i don't know copper they got copper teeth i think what the teeth are copper you never seen a blood worm it can't have copper no i believe their teeth are made of copper i'm sure how's that pop okay i don't know while you're pulling that up on let me get to these these i have more ads here more ads here uh we have better help this podcast is sponsored by better help uh better help is online therapy so if you want to get connected to a therapist in a clean fashion you can do so through better help um they have a bunch of licensed therapists that are going to help you through whatever you have i am a big proponent of therapy i think everyone should be in it and uh it's amazing i've been in it for close to six years i think at this point um but yeah they have over 30 000 therapists it's the world's largest online therapy platform having served over six million people globally and we can save you some money and i know that therapy can be super expensive i've been there um and better help is more affordable than most in-person therapy so you can sign up and get 10 off at betterhelp.com slash basement yard that is betterhelp.com slash better help uh slash basement yard sorry b-e-t-t-e-r-h-e-l-p.com slash basement yard you will save 10 off of uh you know your 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feature products include compounded drug products with the fda which the fda does not approve or verify for safety effectiveness or quality prescription required see website for full details restrictions and important safety information individual results may vary based on studies of topical and oral minoxidil and finasteride all right show me the stone what am i seeing bloodworm you got one uh i was more looking up if their teeth are made of copper it just looks like a worm but it is it's like how we have a little bit of copper in our body at all times they have a high concentration in their teeth yeah i the hard way you did you did you did it's amazing we benefited greatly from my stupidity well i guess that's what the whole show is i mean we our individual stupidity has only for some reason done well for us and then our combined stupidity now we're talking about now we're talking about madison square you know what i'm talking about now we're talking like imagine being so dumb so stupid so fucking absolutely stupid that you dumb your way to the top and you get nominated for fucking i heart podcast best comedy podcast best ensemble podcast what a time it's a really good thing to be stupid sometimes sometimes but we're also kind i think that's the difference between us and the rest of the world kind of stupid are you bullying is that what we're doing no i was clarifying to be to be clear he's bullying your father ever see oh my god it's like the clip of us talking about you he did he actually he was pissed he talked to me about it and i said this is what they want please stop well does does he know what you recently did this can't be what so i i invited aunt and uh you know to come to to my daughter's birthday party and i was there i didn't see him no no the one that you will not be yet oh the one coming up yes the one that you can't make uh and and aunt said to me he goes do i need to i said well no man i'd like for you to you know if you want you know no pressure and he goes how can i be less supportive of you and i said i mean this is starting to border on the line of and then he pulled out a picture of you and spit at his own phone what was the picture for to show that he disrespected you too oh okay i did ask him one time to come to my birthday and he said how much does it pay i was like this it's just my birthday it's not part of your job yeah and he was like he just kept going like this he's like what's the brass tacks with this whole like are you are you getting my uber what's well when i asked him to come he's like could we post a tiktok in your house and i said why and he said optics i'm only coming if it looks good which optics which is fucked mr prisco i want you to know that we are inviting your son into our lives are like our home our personal life yeah now i gotta pay for that ten thousand dollars that's what that's all he charged you would he charge you joe you're blowing up the spot right here what are you 12 000 i thought i could get a little that's insane what'd you think that he was he wants to be your friend more well he paid it he paid it oh god well we've not yet been asked by a billionaire to do a party just want to say that yeah i mean i would rather not shut the fuck up what do you mean if a billionaire calls you tomorrow and says i'm gonna pay you and your dumb ass hispanic friend 250 000 cash each if he used to show up to my party if he's used that language you're gonna say i'll take it for free it's like uh what the fuck you and your dumb ass hispanic friend hold on serious situation do your elon musk impression wow glad i asked doesn't elon musk look like if you shoved a baby into a water bottle he looks like when you watch a horror movie and you see someone's face in a jar he looks like if you sneezed really hard in slow motion and someone got like a screenshot of it at the perfect time do you remember the original x-men movie do you remember when senator kelly like becomes a mutant and melts into like a blob yeah you said this that's what he looks like yeah oh have we done this have we talked about elon musk a bit what do you think he looks like mashed potatoes that's a great example i love mashed potatoes i do too i like when there's when they're more creamy though when when they call it not mashed potatoes yeah they call it like whipped potatoes whipped garlic potatoes whipped potatoes can take me across its knee and whip me whip you okay right in your right in your boy potato right in my fucking baboon red ass until it's red as a baboon there you go i also do you ever go to a restaurant and they bring out the like co2 can of it no they have like a batman they have like a metal can and they come why am i getting small but they have like a metal can and they come over and just go and it's whipped potatoes and then you taste it and you're like ah i've figured out how to make restaurant style mashed potatoes this is serious butter uh also apparently if you're watching this and you're like oh i'm not butter uh also a potato ricer that too yeah i have that and let me tell you those mashed potatoes that i've been making is that good yeah so as i was saying a billionaire calls you up yeah you know hey joe it's me um a billionaire billionaire it's me the billionaire yeah you and your buddy i'll pay you guys a quarter of a million dollars each come to my house i said buddy he wanted buddies sure you can come too but you don't get the money we're an ensemble honestly i'll come and not get the money that's fine you're right he's charging me twelve thousand no no if they said like a billionaire it's like you and your your buddy and the the guy that bullies you off camera yeah come to my party i'll give you two hundred fifty thousand dollars each cash you'll walk out with a briefcase walk out with a briefcase you're not fucking doing it of course oh and and the party is in manhattan why manhattan okay you can think of a different but not a single other place dude did we ever tell you this that in my pool growing up i had a small pool and we had this like uh it was mad heavy and it was like a rocket and you could throw it underwater to each other and we would go in the pool and sit on the bottom of the pool and throw it at each other and we would go in the pool and sit on the bottom of the pool and throw it at each other's penises and you weren't allowed to block it if it hits you in the penis you hit you in the penis this thing hurts was solid rubber like dense solid rubber and it was bouncing off of my wiener as a young boy and hurting me joey also had the like the flapper in his pool would come down and we would make whirlpools and they fucking caught me on the back and shit her like a bastard yeah used to have a little deck that my dad built and then we broke that down by accident jumping off the railing well keith did it keith we have videos of keith oh one of the keith video movies oh he jumped off the top deck show that dylan has number two he sent me a picture of it recently have you been in my mom's backyard no well no you don't have you have to pony up and pay him if you want him to get him oh yeah sure okay so expensive to get in places um pony up but he john keith used to be a fucking nut job he would just jump off of shit he's that kind of guy used to jump into bushes bush diving we all did it well yeah i was yeah i did it because he was doing it we all did it wasn't my idea i told the story to miles the other day when like because it snowed and we had snow everywhere and like how they would put like on the corners and in astoria they would do like the big mountains mountains and i like was cool and would run and try to dive through them and the last time i did it it was solid ice yeah and i was trying to do it and i was like oh my god i'm gonna do it trying to do it to impress a girl and he was like did it work and i was like no miles no it didn't no it didn't do the only thing that i took away from that was shoulder pain yeah yeah shoulder pain it hurt and he had amnesia and it made him think that he's the michael phelps because he jumped in a pool i drink tea i'm a good swimmer i'm around water all the time i'm sure that's another part of it do you think i am water do you think if you pee while you're swimming you get a little bit of propulsion i feel like yeah that's a great question and i feel like it has to be yes i feel like even if i wanted to not try it i will you ever pee in the water and your penis is like no no no no no and then it finds like okay you know what i mean go ahead just take that out just take it out no my the times that i've peed in bodies of water my piss is like cool but apparently that's dangerous to pee in bodies of water they say that like worms can swim up your cock it's in like specific lakes and places you'll never go yeah like the amazon or something i think in connecticut you'll be all right i've ripped many a piss in that pond brother i've probably pissed in that lake more times than i have in a toilet up there i've peed in the lake and the woods more than i have in a toilet at my lake house honestly probably probably me dude nothing was cooler than having a night of drinking and then just ripping the fattest fucking piss on a tree what's better than taking a piss outside you know taking a piss outside in the woods with a beer in your hand now we're talking about fun you know like and a cigar and you're hanging out of your mouth well now you're pissing in the woods you got too much in your hands brother well you know you're drunk you gotta smoke a cigar hey by the way what are you talking about like two years ago a beer in this hand with a cigar like this and you're just taking a pee not even touching your wiener just going like this and letting it hit the wood not having to care for where your stream goes is so cool like we have to like be careful of the seat and like not pee on the floor you know like i'm talking like let this piss fucking rip and who cares what you get if i'm peeing outside i will actively try to cover as much surface area as possible i'm like i want to feed all the plants and i will try to pee as hard as i can i am convincing myself that my piss stream is gonna break through tree bark i bro yes or i want to like i'm gonna shoot my pee so hard into the dirt that's gonna kick up a bunch of and if it's a little chilly outside and you see the steam rising from your piss i love that i love Dude, piss steam is so cool. Oh, I love piss steam. It's so cool. It is so crazy that our body operates at 98.6 degrees all the time. So then when you piss and you see that hot piss, you're like, pretty cool science. Yeah, you're like, yo, I'm a fucking demon. I am a demon. I'm pissing hot. I'm pissing so hot. I'm pissing hot. I'm going to burn the earth with my piss. Scorched earth. I imagine like Devil Went Down to Georgia playing in my head. And I'm fucking seeing the steam rise from my piss. Yeah. Did you know? I was just enjoying here. Did you ever pee outside? He doesn't pee outside. I peed outside. Yeah, he doesn't. I think it'd be a cooler sensation if it was cold pee. Shut the fuck up, dude. What the hell? It's the opposite of what we're saying. What a stupid thing to say. Freezing cold pee coming out of your penis. Your penis would be so cold. You suck. Your piss sucks. I feel like it'd be cool. Like, imagine feeling cold pee in your bladder like a- You suck. Your piss sucks. How about that? I feel like that wouldn't feel good. That would make my penis go, no. Yeah. Yep. He's right. It's true. Yeah. You can't have it too hot, though, because then you're like, yo, what's going on? Well, yeah, if you piss too hot, then it's- You gotta hit the doc. Then you gotta go talk to the doctor. Like, I'll piss it too hot. But if it's, like, warm, that's good. Yeah. Sometimes when I have a fever and then I'll pee, I'm like, yo, my piss is hot. Brother, my- Fever pisses are crazy. Fever pisses are fucking insane. Yeah, I'm like, yo, the water's gonna boil. It feels like I'm- I'm pissing. Yeah. Like, I'm pissing lava. Yeah, dude. I'm, like, looking at the bowl. I'm like, yo, I don't see bubbles. And it's also sharp. You know what I'm talking about? Yeah, sometimes it comes out. I'm like, what's going on? I feel like, like, maybe that there's, like, rocks in this, which I- Kidney stones? No, not those. Like, safer rocks. Uh-huh. I've never had a kidney stone knock on wood. Oh, my God. Oh, I just drew on my pants. We're talking about pissing ourselves. Yeah. Well, not peeing ourselves, but peeing. Toughly. Yeah, peeing like men. Being in the woods so much, you ever get in a tick? No, and that's a big fear of mine. No, never got one. Me neither. All right, well, I guess we can end the show there. Congratulations. That was the ant question of the day. Don't put a fucking ant question graphic over that. You ever get a tick? No. That scares me to death, though. I'm not even kidding. Ticks are terrifying to me. I wouldn't want to. I wouldn't want one. Yeah. Anything that could burrow in me, I'm good. Yeah. Yeah, I'm good. Anyway, Frank, where can they find you, bud? Frank Alvarez everywhere. Go check out Patreon. Patreon.com slash TheBasementYard. We love you. We thank you, and we'll see you next week. Ant. Ant. Prisco on Instagram. Ant. That's the ant colony. Go follow me at JoeSanagato. Go follow the show on TikTok and Instagram at TheBasementYard, and that is all. See you guys next time. Feeling short on smiles? Does your frown need to be turned upside down? We got the perfect dose of comedy. 30 Minutes of Scrubs. Zach Braff, Donald Faison, Sarah Chalk, and the rest of the gang at Sacred Heart are back for a brand new season. We play medical doctors who are besties. Just like in real life. And we'll definitely be up in each other's cases. Scrubs premieres tonight on ABC. And stream the next day on Hulu. Side effects may include laughing, cheering, and lots of high fives. Hello, Superman.