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welcome back to the basement
welcome back to the basement yard how's it going frank what do the kids do i don't know but that
what do they do not any of that what do they do i don't know out here actually kid
what do you do kid i'm tangled in my wires
that sounded like a metaphor like oh this they do this right
you
yeah check pulse is that is it a check pulse or is it like that's ice in my veins so this is
checking pulse well this is checking pulse yeah this is checking this is what ice in my veins
pulse right i've never felt a pulse it's so hard to keep up with like what's in and out now i now
i understand why our parents hated us so much i don't think that was the reason i think there
were other things there were so many things that we had that like were like inside jokes
for us that like our parents didn't have you know like what uh that's a good question yeah there were
some there were some that like how we hate the kids do the six seven thing yeah i know that was
the first time that i'm kind of like oh god i'm so dude and it's like a universally hated thing
amongst parents six seven yeah like i was at a we brought ruby to a kid's birthday party and one of
the kids there was like his older brother and he went like six seven six seven and all the parents
in the room groaned and we like looked around and it was like that just makes it stronger and stronger
though but the kids didn't like i don't think they realized that we hated it that much but it was like
you were part of the groaning uh i didn't oh my god you're groaning i think i groaned yeah i think
i groaned a little bit but like there was a beauty in the camaraderie of the hatred of this trend
that's beautiful i know teachers hate it how do you know that all over the classrooms i'm well
versed in the teacher verse for what this is your job how and why well i know things this is
your job this is yeah like he's in classrooms i mean how do you know do you know teachers i have
my mom's a teacher my friends are teachers oh your mom so your mom tells you like man six seven is
out of control pretty much antonio what is this what's this antonio what's this what is this what
is he what's this no more margaritas for me what um are you drinking a red bull i didn't open it
yet oh but now i feel like now you have to i mean now's the time what i swear to god if you do that
in the middle of a conversation
what age does your mom teach these are really good questions you don't know so you know she's
a teacher you don't know whom she teaches young okay that is all of them that's all youngest
youngest like second second that's not youngest by definition that's not young the younger ones
so it's like very early yeah k through three sure okay sure is definitely not what i was
looking for all right if you could be a teacher bro and you could get paid
well i don't know what why was i saying that i don't know you'd be a teacher but you're you're
teaching k through three four through eight that ain't it or nine through 12th what are you doing
i know that the the brackets are all over the place but i just tried i think i would probably
go through like kindergarten through third grade only because i think first graders are annoying as
fuck bro fourth through eighth is probably devastating yeah that's a tough one and i'm
i don't know that i would know the curriculum that well
you look like robert de niro there a little bit
i know i know i know i should have so you said four through eight do you call do you
sneeze in your hand by the way no i i do you i i do i i sneeze into my elbow like i i have to
i like panic because sometimes i sneeze into my hand
and i'm like why did i do that yeah and i'm like but people tell you like cover your mouth
like don't sneeze like this when it's like a cute thing that i do i think i've told you this when
we're in the car and becker and i are holding hands when i'm driving i'll take her hand and
i'll sneeze on her yeah that's cute that is disgusting yeah let's be very clear about
something she does not like she don't like she does not you know she said like and like if i
have to sneeze in the house i'll like find her and sneeze in her hand like try to sneeze on her and
she runs away hey man motorhome
yeah this is what it is so you think fourth through eighth would be the most annoying absolutely
bro are you just trying to think about when you were the most annoying just anybody like i think
that's when i was the most disruptive and so were you is that is that puberty puberty is like six
seven seven i don't want that one yeah i don't want puberty either well six to yeah six and
seventh grade would that's in that bracket you know they say puberty is like oh when your hormones are
raging i never really felt like that
well first of all my nipples were budding yeah we knew what was going on with your nipples yeah
my nipples were like puffy your fucking your your budding nipples told the story that your body was
not writing i think i have a little bit of like the gynecomastia stuff not like like fat tits
yeah it's like you get a little fat nipples like i think i kind of know you had that when you were
they were way fatter when i was going through puberty puberous yeah i was i had puffed that's
your chest i don't think you know what ratings are all right maybe not ratings like the entomans
chocolate covered donuts you know how they're like kind of like rubbery those are so good they're also
like black brown so they're also dog shit they're disgusting i hate those yeah they're not good but
like you had like it looked like someone put like a lifesaver under your shirt yeah kind of it's
yo i'm not kidding like puffy and like the the area like the middle part of the nipple the areola
was like in so it was like a valley all right i don't have inverted nipples you did i i don't know
that i did i think that it was all just puffed out dude if if someone showed me your nipples
in seventh grade just like a picture yeah they would look like a pair of tits
all right my friend has inverted nipples yeah yeah is he insecure for other things probably
no i meant for his nipples he's an adult with inverted nipples what exactly is an inverted
nipple can we clarify i i would assume it's like a dimpled nipple like it's like it's like a like a
nipple is in there it's like like dimpled nipple dimpled nipple it's like a nipple but like the
dimple yeah wait is that yes yeah that's yeah a dimple there's not a joke in there i'll find it
i kind of have a feeling that like like high school has got to be way harder because they're
like fourth to eighth grade i can like bark at them be like don't cut it out yeah nine to twelve
there's a chance they might be taller and bigger than me yeah and they could fuck me up they still
listen do they you can kind of like reason a little more like someone who's in sixth grade
seventh grade who's just like you know just crazy i feel like it's harder like i didn't like
listening to any teachers i feel like it's probably harder to listen to any teachers
i feel like it's harder now with the onset of social media because like inside jokes are like
nationwide and worldwide now like when we had inside jokes it was like in a classroom i mean
bro this thing this was worldwide this was oh my god the hand pussy did that do you ever guys make
hand pussies yeah i've seen a hand yeah dude you were like you were like open it up whoa yeah guess
what it doesn't teachers would be mad too like hey stop the pussy they knew when they knew we
were making pussies at them you know make one you want to make a pussy
oh look in
let's be very clear doesn't look like that yeah no no i maybe i feel like the obgyn when they got
you cranked open maybe you know what i mean you're in the stirrups and they're they're opening you to
check everything maybe what are those things called that like open vaginas oh the clamp yeah
clamp no there's a word for them um opener open keep going i don't know you'll find it
does it does it look because i i mean i've never been i think it's called like a
forceps a speculum no that's not what i was thinking no that's not so i don't care forza
were you ever in the room for something like that like during childbirth stuff where they had to like
check her out yeah like do they i don't think i ever saw when they had to like mechanically open
it yeah it's like a car yeah i didn't see that like they yeah like they had to take it out of
the trunk tie the fucking you know he's taking the crank it's kind of a wild uh
it is insane what a compromising position what a compromising position and it's crazy what women
go through bro isn't it crazy we go to the doctor and it's like the doctor like hold your balls he's
like cough once that's the extent bro if i had to be like basically like in a rocket ship with my
legs up and the doctor's cranking open lay back let me get in like it's it's got to be wildly
invasive oh my god you know i could only i mean i i've been examined like in ways that the normal
man does not have to get examined remember
things let's make that very clear and like that's that's uncomfortable for me so i
could imagine it's just like a routine visit get up on the stirrups brother yeah like if it's if
if the way that you're going to the doctor is the same the way that someone like mounts a horse yeah
crazy it's probably uncomfortable yeah have you got a finger in your butt yet no me neither yeah
i guess we should probably ask no me neither um no i i haven't i mean i've definitely like
washed my butt pretty hard and like accidentally fingered your own ass holding it's crazy like i'm
not like my whole finger was in there that's not what i stop me stop me when it's gotten into your
ass realistically okay well you should start from the other side because it's only going to get
shorter like if you start at the top wait what well i'm not following you stop me and i'm like
well it started the other side okay no no i'm saying like i i hear what you're saying but like
i would say a
like
all right i'm going up a third of the nail a third of the knit oh brother yeah i feel like
it would have been easier to start from the top yeah you can just say i didn't want to say stop
with me i know how fast he was gonna go i think i wasn't gonna go fast with my finger i bet you
weren't i was not um but yeah just like you know i meant by the doctor yeah no doctors never fiddle
around in my i mean fiddled is the non-medical way to say it let's make very clear the only fingers
that have been in my ass have been for medical reasons but they are fiddling by definition i
don't think with
fiddle has a sense of playfulness and joy to it yeah like when you well you gotta make it fun
no you don't it's nothing fun about it dude i'm not a doctor but i imagine it's gotta be a lot of
fun you are correct you are not a doctor you know you go to the doctor and they give you a lollipop
they're making it fun dude i if if that's happening boy all the doctors i've seen that poor
bedside manner real quick which which job has the no which which place has the best lollipops the
bank thank you uh bank lollipop those like i don't know why but they're italian to me the lollipops are
italian and it's like they have like random white in the middle they're like yin and yang but never
black and white they're always like yellow and white yellow green white orange and red sometimes
what are those bank lollipops dude they're kind of soft like what is that what is the act could
you buy bank lollipops i don't know is it like once you open a bank they reach out and there's
like listen we see you got a banky it'd be really nice if you had some lollipops that no other place
has on the planet i'll tell you what i vividly remember going to the bank and ridgewood i went
into ridgewood and i put in uh my paycheck which by the way not no joke 68 that's illegal we got
it joe you're making a lot more money now oh my god uh but i put but i put in 68 and then
they made a complaint that i didn't have enough in the account and like there was gonna be something
dude fuck banks dude i took eight lollipops i was like i'm leaving here with eight first of all
absolutely and i've taken pens from banks frank dude i'm not leaving without a pen i don't know
if banks are still like that if they are fuck you banks yeah second of all it was the same thing it
was just like all right here's my first paycheck and it's like oh you don't have this much in your
account to cover it so you it won't be ready for three months and then you're like oh my god i'm
three days and i'm like i only have 68 why do you want more from me well i'm already in a bad place
but not even but not even that it's just like they do the thing where it's like well you need the
the funds in there to account for and i'm sure there are people that work for banks that are
watching this that are just like i can explain i don't want an explanation no one wants to know i
have 68 to my name and you're telling me that that's not enough and i should be charged for
being poor already i am gonna we're gonna play a quick game of guess the shirt that i was wearing
i have a picture of my mom and dad and i'm like oh my god i'm gonna be like oh my god i'm gonna be
at the bank when she helped when i cashed my first like working paycheck like on the book's
paycheck i was wearing a graphic tee i'm gonna give you three guesses to guess at least in the
realm of which i mean it was marvel nope dc no sports joey you think i was wearing a sports
graphic tee i don't i mean i've i've i've exhausted my options here no there's other
there's other avenues was it like a pack sun type of vibe no was it a like a a cheeky like
no if you're reading this you're too close no like the man the myth yeah
uh no was it a spray painted shirt no it was a reptar let me ask you a question why did you
think that out of all the things that exist in the world that i was going to guess the dinosaur
from rugrats like were you that confident and i was gonna pull that out of my ass i thought you
would at least be able to say like oh it was something like cartoon related i was gonna go
to cereal box next because i know you had a couple i mean you're moving in the right direction at
least cereal boxes is going towards rugrats somehow in my head absolutely and do you know
who reptar is yes okay he's very tapped into like the original weird looking chocolate bar remember
the reptar chocolate bars it was like you bite into it and it was green and now you have those
dubai chocolate bars yeah those are gross can we talk about something dark chocolate sucks my
fucking little balls sure we can talk about that i hate that hate dark chocolate that's all i have
that's all you got it's just so like not milk yeah that is correct i was just ready to like
prepare a statement that uh dubai chocolate bars look like poop from a butt like they look i'm not
even kidding like i understand that there's certain food that looks unappetizing but then
you eat it and it's good we talked recently about oysters yep i can't even imagine a world
where a dubai chocolate bar tastes like anything other than the dog shit that it looks like
literally like it's like hairy yeah like people open up and it's like look at this and i'm like
i'm seeing hair i when people open it i'm like is like it looks like it's something that mushrooms
grow on you know what i mean like it's just like a filthy fucking disgusting poopy butt
a med loves it i mean i'm not like
a med loves it there's a word for it starts with a k but i forget what it is
but it's like it's it's something i just don't think the only the only uh dubai
chocolate bar that i've ever had was dark chocolate so i was already just not in a good
mood oh you've tried one i have yeah oh and what does it taste like the middle i know it's like
pistachios in there somewhere yeah and pubes i guess yeah and hair there's hair it looks really
good really stop does it not it looks like you're eating moss well i will say why does that look
good you never are you a deer i think that we're finding out what you know frank poops green pretty
apparently no but like tell me that doesn't look good i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't
know that doesn't look like shit i'm not saying i fucking like that no but you could see why i feel
like that is it's like guacamole i could i'm gonna give it a second shot when i had when it's milk
chocolate and i just can't get some dubai chocolate bars in here for the boy i can do that
yeah because i imagine frank eat the poop you know i mean but like when there's some that i've
seen that are just soaking wet wet yeah like the middle is just sopping soaking wet
okay just like yeah wet i get it have you ever seen a cooking show where they're making cakes
and all of a sudden they have this um it's like a not a spray bottle but it's like a
like an oil bottle you know what i mean or like like oil like in the
no i'm letting you go it's like a like a ketchup bottle but it's clear and they have oil and they
go okay yeah like a squirt bottle yeah like a squirt bottle but there's like two or three holes
and they like soak the cake in something you ever see
that oh when they wet the cake i love that i have seen that they do that a lot and like ganache
oh i love when they make i do like a ganache i do like a ganache the best cupcake i've ever had
was uh and i unbelievable was a uh irish car bomb cupcake follow me follow me follow me
where how and why it was a guinness like flavored cupcake so they put like guinness in it to make
the cupcake and then the ganache was a whiskey cupcake
whiskey chocolate ganache yeah and then the frosting on top was a bailey's cream frosting
dude it'll fucking take your ass and send it through the conveyor belt
what was it alcoholic like i mean all the alcohol was probably cooked off
well yeah but like it was good you that was the best cupcake you've ever had best cupcake i've
ever had in my life that's insane that's insane it's so good just like a regular cupcake regular
cupcakes are overrated i don't like cakes in places does that make sense dude when you go to
like homemade cakes when you go to like listen all power to like small business owners that have like
confectionaries and like you know make like specialty cakes and cupcakes if i go to a bakery
and i'm going for cupcakes if this is the cupcake there better be at most that much
frosting i can't when they do this i can't i can't it's like a cupcake it's like a cupcake
like i like how am i eating this yeah whom whom's mouth do i have i yeah like you want me to eat this
with a snake's mouth cobra snake you want that tiktok girl's mouth the one that's fucking giant
mouth bro why is that girl's mouth open up like a bat it's just like oh unclear it's crazy she looks
like gold bat tell me i'm wrong a little bit i watched her fit a full can of uh fosters in her
mouth in front of me in front of you you met you met the yeah i met her you met the mouth woman
yeah she came on she came on my
thing. Oh, she was on your podcast?
I've talked to her before.
Wait, what? Both of you guys
have met the mouth woman. I haven't met the mouth.
I did talk
to her, though. You heard what I said. She came on my
thing. What did she come on?
Don't say it. No, no, no.
Oh, okay.
I was trying to say it.
I was trying to. I was like, that's where I met her. You're a walking
billboard. It's over. So wait.
I imagine
that her life is difficult
because people just say, let's see
what your mouth can do.
That's her thing.
She's turned it into her thing.
We had her bananas
and other things.
Bananas, brother. Why did you say bananas?
We all tried to put different things in our mouths
together. We were bad at it. She was very good.
Can I ask you a question?
Bananas, at their girthiest, are
a half dollar. This way.
Oh, she can do it sideways?
That's crazy. Like the monkey phone?
What's that? You don't remember the monkey
phone banana? Oh, yeah.
Monkey banana phone?
Your mind.
The places it goes. Yeah. And her husband came in
and he saw all the things and he was like,
yeah, that's usually what people make her do. I'm like, damn it.
Yeah, no. I mean, you remember
the scene that I think of
is one of the naked
guns where he has the full
fucking watermelon in his mouth?
I don't remember that. He turns around
and he's like, oh, wait. No, that's not that.
That's not the naked gun.
That's in one of the movies. Never mind.
Oh, it's a movie called Mafia.
Do you know what that is? It was a
parody on, like, The Godfather and whatnot.
Oh, no. But I think
it was, um, I was about
to say Leslie Mann. That's wrong.
I mean, she might have been in it. She is a comedic
actress. Leslie
Nielsen? Yeah, Nielsen. Yeah.
It was him. R.I.P. R.I.P.
To our, as Joey calls him, White King.
When have I called him that?
What the fuck?
Definitely haven't called him that. Um, you know what?
Let's get to some sponsors after that. I mean, I don't
know where to go from there, honestly, but
we do have some sponsors. The first one being
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gift? Because the holidays is rapidly approaching more of us.
That's right. The gift of the basement yard boys. And that
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later, baby. Back to you, Joe. Bow. We love you. We miss you.
We do. We love you. And we miss you. Uh, in theory, what were
we just talking about before? It doesn't matter because there's
more pressing matters, which is apparently there's a black hole
that's like eating other galaxies. I heard of this. What's
a black hole?
Right? I don't know. What is it? I think, I think a black
hole is, it is like a break in the space time continuum that
just swallows light and matter and it just turns it into dust.
I don't, I think there's. Where does it go though? I think
it's a, there's another, a side. Like, you go through a
black hole. Cuz a hole needs a side. Hole needs two sides.
That's what makes a hole a hole. Yeah. Like, you gotta go, if
you're going in a hole, there's gonna be something in there.
But like, how do we know what's on the other side? You don't.
Dude, that's the thing. So, like, what's, what's it doing
with these galaxies? Where is it putting them? I don't know.
Like, your mouth is a hole and there's two sides. Now, you gotta
chill. I don't wanna talk about my mouth. Why not? Because I
know where this is going. I was gonna say, like, think about it.
Like, if, if, let's say a galaxy is a Twix bar. Milkyway? Or
something stupid like Mike and Ike's. Where are you going?
Your mouth is a black hole and it swallows the galaxy. Mike,
Mike and Ike's. It doesn't just stay in your body forever. It
eventually, it goes out somewhere. Frank, the, a black
hole. Do you know what a black hole is? Did you, like, look it
up or something? I'm just looking up some, keep going.
But a black, a black hole, from my understanding, you know what?
I don't have an understanding. I don't know. Did you? Does it
travel? Does it like? It moves. It's not just a hole. It's a
moving. How does a hole move? Bro. It's like those, like, Wiley
Coyote, like, when he, like, draws a hole on the wall. And he
pulls it? And then pulls it across. Literally. What is it?
I'll give this fact about it, which I didn't know. So, black
holes range in size from tiny structures comparable to a
human cell to giants and billions of times more than the
mass of the sun. So, you're whoa. Stop it. First of all, if
it's billions of times larger than the sun. We could be in a
hole right now. Deep in a hole. Well, no. If we got in a hole,
we'd be going. It'd be a big problem. It'd be a big old
battle. Why? What's what? Who's to say? I mean, we could be one
side of the hole. That doesn't mean that we're not in. But I
think they figured out that within the hole, like, it's like
it's a hole and then when it gets in there, it's like, you
get eaten up. It's like a sarlacc pit. No, it's not. It's
the opposite. The gravity is so intense in a black hole that
every, like, let's say, centimeter of your body gets
stretched. Spaghettification. You get spaghettified.
Spaghettification. I've heard about this. You turn into spaghetti. You will
become a bigger spaghetti meatball. Why do you guys know that term?
I've watched Loki. Science. You're. Also. Science. Also
science. This is your job. You're not science. I can't know
things. Also science. Yeah, no, spaghettification where it
stretches your body and you literally are shredded like a
piece of spaghetti. I think the it being the it could be the
size of a cell. What does that mean? Like I get like I wouldn't
know that I'm being that there's a hole. Yeah. Well, I get it
being big. I think a black hole the size of a cell is probably
not gonna swallow us. But how does it? But it's gotta do
to do something.
- How does it exist?
- Because there are things that are smaller than us
this world what does it live off of a black hole i don't think i think it's the it's the absence
of light and matter so like it doesn't live off anything and it just kind of consumes
yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah i think like i don't like black holes that's racist dude well i don't like
any holes right you know what i'm not doing yeah that doesn't that doesn't either but i i don't
know like obviously i've watched what's the movie i don't know interstellar that's the one and like
the black hole there it's like this whole thing and he's like floating in this weird purgatory of
if you found out that we could go into a black hole but we have like an 85 chance like you could
see what's over there and then we can bring you back 85 chance though you doing it
are you fucking crazy i'm not doing that
no
okay all right i thought the are you fucking crazy was like yeah no i want to see what art is out
there i want to see no what black hole joey's like i really don't want to be in a black hole
i mean but you could go and come out like you can go and like you just have an 85 chance that's 15
chance of day and yeah yeah 85 is pretty good those are good numbers watch they are good 85 15
you taking it he said he's gonna he'd go twice what if it's just dark no well you don't know
you don't know i'll do it you son of a bitch that's what i'm saying 85
do it 85 15 i'll take that yeah i just don't like the idea of of like a black hole just like
creeping like what happens if it gets wait is this one bigger than earth that we're talking about
which one the one that i'm talking about like there was a there's a there's one that's like
moving and it's like first of all it's eating a galaxy obviously it's bigger than the earth
we're doomed um but that's crazy dude i don't know like this scares me more than like the real
thing should scare me you don't like space i don't like space i don't like underground space
yeah um you which do you think you don't like more space or or the depths of the water depths
of the water because it's right here it's closer i mean space is right there it's right there but
water is right here like i can go and be in the in the problem yeah okay i get it but also i guess
like it's so much smaller than space like the sheer size of space scares me that is scary like
the idea of like sizeless
you ever seen you ever seen those things that are just like it shows like a person in time square
say and then it keeps zooming out yeah and it gets to like the milky way galaxy and it's like
not even a fucking pixel yeah that fucks me up it's and it's funny because sometimes i see videos
like that it's like oh you're you're worried about like how you are you're worried about being cringy
and then it does that and you're real and it's really honestly it helps because it puts it in
and i'm like what the fuck am i doing yeah you know like you're a little scared about doing
something you're worried about something and it's like i get it because we're all having a human
experience and it's like i gotta worry about this i can't think about the fucking the size of the
whole universe every time i make a decision but when you really get the perspective you're like
damn dude the chances what are the chances that you get to be born yeah it is like i mean i think
i think the astronaut that went to the moon said that like there was like something that happened
to them
where like they got freaked out because they looked at earth and they were like
everything about human existence is right there it's right there yeah and it's like that concept
is fucking freaky i feel like if space travel became very accessible not like travel but if
you were able to like uh get right outside of the atmosphere and like see earth that i feel like even
if i saw it i wouldn't believe what i'm looking at like i'd be like this is not real how are we
in a circle guy well there's a lot of people that don't think we're in a circle they think that we're
on a disc you know that too though i'd be like bro whoa flat i just yeah i mean space is fucking crazy
yeah i just don't know what else to say i mean like the idea of space that like
we're just floating like and we're just moving in like a predetermined path
and if we get off that path a little bit we're fucking toast bro also think about
as a society
as like a planet we have gotten like
like we're very intelligent life forms yeah on earth some of us more intelligent than others
some would say um but then like when you consider everything else you're like we don't know
literally anything well that's the freakiest quote that i've heard is uh neil degrasse tyson
which neil still come on the show i would love to have god neil we have so many questions for you
that we know you can answer
one being what kind of shampoo he is he's got good hair dude but also he said like we don't know what
we don't know and like yeah that's to me that's crazy because like you can look at something and
be like oh i i understand like that's a camera but i don't know how it works yeah but like then
there's things about the universe or physics or anything that we just can't our brain at its current
level of knowledge can't even comprehend understanding i'll go even lower bro
phone calls phone calls fuck me phone calls phone calls do fuck me up we're all pretending like
phone calls are just like phone calls it's it's become such a normal part how the fuck can i hear
you brother fuck that cameras what cameras cameras what the fuck bro cameras there's like a physical
thing though no no no no but like old-timey ones where it was like the big bulb that
flashed onto a paper or something i feel like that's way easier to understand no dude radio
like sound waves like radio radio and phones phone calls radio waves i don't bro how does a phone call
happen don't fucking say waves what's the waves that's my question you're telling me i'm calling
someone i'm talking to someone on the other side of the planet what yeah yeah or even better you're
talking to an astronaut in space how the fuck phone call get there i can i can understand
that now but in 1969 where they're like you know one small step for man one giant step for mankind
how are you they're up there brother dude we're here how am i why do i need to call collect in
order to fucking reach you know barbara three streets away and obviously like a phone call
figuring out how to phone call works is like i'm sure there's an answer whatever my thing is this
like how did someone be like we'll the we'll just put it and it won't nothing will be connected and
i know that how to say like we figured out a way to transmit a signal of you talking to a tower
which goes to another tower and pings to that person you said a bunch of stuff that i don't
have answers to and i'll be honest with you i've heard the answers still don't make sense to me
i don't think neil could really help us with phone calls well he's gonna get the question
he's not a telecommunication specialist he better be he but you know what yeah when you're that
smart and famous for being smart you better have all the answers and hank too bro hank green hank
probably knows hank probably knows and he'd probably put it in a way he does that he's good
and he'd put it in a way that's very easily digestible but also like fuck you hank why do
you need to know that you smart bitch i have such an did i ever tell you about how hank green like
will text me randomly did i ever tell you that i don't know hank green doesn't text me he will
randomly text me a picture of like a duck it's kind of cool and it's always just like you know
like it's just like so random that is so funny you know it's like months apart to like just send
pictures of ducks what that's just i think like that's such a smart person's thing to do why
because he's probably like the the cause the cosmic randomness that this animal exists on this
color palette with this gradient that's tricking our eyes into seeing and existing at the time
i think it's just a duck no hank's not doing it just for the duck i think he's just ducking it
my friend used to send me a picture of
his balls with lettuce on it every day at 12 lettuce yeah your friend i'm gonna say it is not
hank should be in prison every day every day at 12 p.m at a certain point 12 p.m were they not
working a normal job yeah what's going on well there's no okay they were lettuce dick yeah that
just balls on lettuce remind me no lettuce on balls sorry was it i'm gonna ask uh some follow-up
questions was it the same photo or unclear i think it was it was some different flavor sometimes uh
how long did this go on three months and at what point did you block his number it's just like why
you keep doing this it's really just more the question so what you're saying is you didn't
block his number i did not block his number no he was my friend yeah i mean was he after a while
it's like you can only see so many balls yeah i mean you didn't see so many you saw the same
balls that's true with you saw more lettuce than balls that's also true that's also true
well uh i can't say that's that that's not my experience with hank green it's just ducks it's
good yeah i mean i haven't gotten a duck in a while i will say that it's just bullshit when
was the last time you got some balls uh balls oh that's been years since i got a pair of balls
let me see the last duck i got from hank that seems like a smart person's thing to do to like
be so amazed by this is the last duck this was december 2nd so we're almost going on a year wow
year with no duck hank that's one duck do you guys want to see them is it a pretty duck
Well, this one's not.
This is a duck.
That's Howard, the duck.
Yeah, that's Howard.
I don't know who that is.
Then he sent this duck, which is a middle finger.
I don't think he was upset that day.
What else we got?
The first one, was it?
Oh, well, I was so-
That was a fuck duck.
That was a fuck duck.
Fuck duck, yeah, it was.
Wow, he sent you a fuck duck.
I honestly was so confused by the original duck that I just sent a duck back.
Oh, wait, no.
Well, the first text he ever texted me, he said, hello, it's Hank Green, and then sent
a picture of a sick duck.
Whoa.
It's a cool duck.
You know what?
I could see why you'd send that duck.
That's a sick duck.
That's a really good duck.
But then the next time we spoke, he just sent a picture of a duck coming out of a banana.
That's a good duck, too, honestly.
Yeah.
I don't hate that one.
Peel a duck?
At that point, I was very confused, so I sent something back.
It was like a koala wearing a hat.
That's not a bad one, either.
That's not what you send back.
Yeah, I mean, if you're responding to a duck, it needs to be better than a duck.
So that's what I sent back, and then he sends me a text three months later of a giant duck building.
So I sent a duck back, and then we had a conversation about just nothing, and then the next time we talked again, it was another duck.
It's just like a very, you know, it's just one of those things.
I feel like people like that, it's like, it's just a thing you gotta do.
I'm gonna send him a duck right now.
We have archaeologists and linguists.
We have linguistics that are still trying to decipher some of the, you know, language and text from ancient Egypt, Mesopotamia, other ancient civilizations.
This is what we're doing with our time.
Sending fuck ducks, banana ducks, orange ducks.
All this because we were talking about fucking black holes, dude.
There's something beautiful about it.
Yeah, there is.
There is.
The kinship that he must feel with you.
Like, maybe the people, you know what?
I hope he's not sending ducks to everyone.
That would make me upset.
Wow, yeah, then he's cheating on you.
I'd like to be the duck.
He's a duck cheater.
I'd like to, yeah, I'd like to be the only duck in his pond.
Now that's, I don't want to be that.
You can swim in his pond.
That's fine.
That's an okay way to say it.
Friendshiply.
Yeah.
Yeah.
Platonic.
Friendly is the word that I was going with.
Jesus Christ.
Friendshiply.
Maybe sending somebody else like turtles.
Yeah, but then again, if he is, but like, if Hank Green, we're doing 10 minutes on Hank Green.
I know, Hank Green's getting a day or time.
If Hank Green is sending you a duck, would you be insulted if he sends someone else like
a cooler animal, like a tiger or a giraffe?
Nah, nah, nah.
Bro, if he-
I may take a page out of his book, though, and do this.
Like, the next person that I give my number to, I'm just going to, like, send a photo
with every text and see how long it takes until they like it.
Like, what, it wouldn't hurt you if you found out that he has, like, a rank and file based
off of how much he likes someone based off of his favorite animals and he hates ducks.
I would certainly do that.
I would certainly be confused, because I feel like our interactions have been positive.
So, for me to get the negative duck would be very confusing.
Like, say you get a duck, and then he texts me, like, again, like a cool animal.
Right.
Like a gorilla.
Right.
Or an electric eel.
Right.
Well, how did your mind go there?
I'm just thinking cool animal.
You ever eaten an eel?
Oh, yeah.
Sushi.
Yeah.
It's all right.
I mean, it's been cooked.
Are electric eels electric?
Yeah, brother.
Like, they will, like, electrify.
Execute me?
Yeah.
And I'll get hurt?
Yeah.
Can I die?
Yep.
Really?
Oh, yeah.
Or is it like a little. No, they can.
You need a lot of them.
But are they, like, they're charged?
They're charged.
Don't let it rip.
Beyblade style.
Can they, like, shock me from where you are?
If you're in the water, if you're in the water, like. So, it's like Pikachu.
Yeah.
Yeah.
They are Pokemon in real life.
Wait.
They can throw electricity at me?
Not like, like, you would have to be within close proximity.
That's what I mean.
Or touch them.
Yeah, like. Well, if I touch them, that makes sense.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
So, they just have it coursing through their bodies.
Is this a real thing?
Yes, dude.
They have to, like, let it go.
They have to, like, bzzzt.
I imagine, like. So, it's like a porcupine?
Because they can, like, kind of shoot their shit.
No, porcupines don't bzzzt.
No, they don't shoot.
They actually just kind of, like. It just comes out.
Let me do one of those.
They, like, arch their back and they get, like, all whorish.
How many electric eels do you think it would take to power a house?
Average house.
Oh, brother.
200.
No.
Hundreds of thousands.
16,000 eels.
Yeah.
I, I. What planet am I living on?
I was right.
Honestly, if my answer was correct, we could just. Yeah, but we wouldn't because of big energy.
Right, exactly.
Big energy.
We would just start killing eels.
I mean, we could. We could, like. It would be not right.
Wait.
So, does that mean can I get hurt from an eel?
Like, it, like, would really fuck me up if I touch an eel?
It could.
I mean, if you took your, your home power, you went to your box and you fucking jammed
forks in the side, you'd. No, no, brother.
16,000 eels.
Do you want a single eel fact?
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Would that be nice?
Um, a single eel can produce up to 860 volts.
That'll get you, brother.
I don't, I don't know volts.
Right.
So, so that's why I was going to go into nearly four times the voltage of a standard plug
socket.
They are that electric?
Yeah, brother.
They'll get you.
Boogie, woogie, woogie.
Nah, good job.
Good job.
Can I talk to them real quick?
Just tell them, tell them what I'm going to say.
Shit!
Um, that is way more electric than I thought.
So, like, there are people, like, that'll, they'll get you, dude.
Yeah, I mean, that, that will, like, literally put you down.
If I put you, it'll fuck your day up.
God, that's scary.
I don't, can a, can a, like, a wall socket, I know it can harm a human and it can give
them burns.
I don't know if they could kill them, though.
I mean, I'm pretty sure, like, if your heart gets, like, jumped a little bit, you could
go down.
Yes.
Yes, absolutely.
Did I ever tell you a story about how my dad got electrocuted?
Yes, you have in the garage, right?
No, no, no.
He got electrocuted because he was, like, holding it.
We were doing, like, a construction job and he was holding on to, like, an end of a thing
and accidentally, like, I guess forgot what he was holding it and held this and he went
and the light turned on.
Like, that's how much electricity went through his body that the light turned on.
I had to be resuscitated.
I was laughing so hard.
I've, I've, I've gotten an electric shock.
I don't think technically I've been electrocuted because I think the cute part of it means,
like, it means that there is a death.
It's not so cute.
It's, there's death involved.
Yeah.
Um, I've gotten shocked a handful of times.
Nothing, like, crazy.
From, like, an outlet?
Dude, I used to do, at my old job, I, I responded to a couple cases where people, like, had
third degree burns up their arms.
Oh, my God.
Because there was one in particular.
It was in the basement of a construction project in Manhattan and it was a guy just, something
blue and he was right there while he was working on it and it fucking, like, it, it was, it
was bad.
Yo.
Also, while we're talking about this, like, phone calls, whatever, electricity?
What the fuck is that?
That one makes more sense.
It does, but, like, what?
Because they can just, they can send it, they can make it and send it places.
Yeah, but, like, what?
But, like, and it's, like, kind of, like, a physical thing.
It feels yellow.
It does.
Well, that's, that's, that's because of Pokemon.
But, well, also.
That's because of Pokemon.
And, like, light bulbs.
Light bulbs.
But, like, electricity feels yellow.
It does.
It's a yellow, it's a yellow thing.
You know?
I think electricity makes sense because that's all, like, hardwired and you see the wires
and everything.
What's about, adjacent to electricity is how you could just, like, put your phone down
on something and charge it.
Dude, does it make sense?
Or you walk into.
Does it?
There are some times you walk into a room and the room can charge your phone.
Don't know what that means.
What?
I've never heard of that in my entire life.
That's, like, a thing going around.
Can that be good for you?
No, it can't be.
Probably not.
Absolutely not.
No, we're dying tomorrow.
Now, the whole place is fucking charged up.
So, now, that part I don't understand.
I don't, like, I never, I've never seen it, but I heard about it where it's, like, this
magic thing at JFK where you could, like, walk through and, like, it'll only put up
your information on the screen and, like, someone stands next to you and they walk through
at the exact same time, but they see theirs and not yours.
This is some Harry Potter shit.
It really is.
Like, I kind of, like, I want Harry Potter to stay in Harry Potter.
Oh, I don't.
I would love to be a wizard.
Really?
Yeah, dude.
I would love that.
I mean, I would, too.
Who am I lying?
Yeah.
Oh, no!
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All right.
What are you whispering?
He whispers things into my ears sometimes.
That's like the worst.
That's the worst time to play a prank.
I mean, but you can't hear it.
It's the edit.
If you're doing it into a microphone, it can make it into the episode.
Yeah, but they cut my audio out.
Hope so.
I mean, that would do.
I said something, and he goes.
Jesus.
Pranks.
It is pranks.
Good old-fashioned fucking pranks, Joey.
Jesus Christ, when's the last time you pranked someone?
Be honest.
Exactly, dude.
1999, Frank.
Live a little.
Live a little.
Live a little.
Live less.
We could get. He wants me to die.
We could get swallowed by a fucking black hole tonight.
And you're going to die thinking, oh my God, I'm turning into spaghetti.
I should have pranked people more.
It would have been more playful.
You're saying I could get swallowed tonight?
I mean, I don't know, by a black hole, you know?
Yeah.
Yeah.
And you could turn into spaghetti.
You're just like, oh.
So what's the word?
Spaghettified?
Spaghettification.
Spaghettification.
That doesn't sound like a bad way to go out.
I imagine it hurts her a little bit, though.
Getting stretched thin?
Yeah, I would.
But, like, it probably happens so quick that you won't feel anything?
No?
I imagine, like, Jumanji, where he's like, oh, and his hands get to the game.
Oh, my God.
Good movie.
Yeah.
Good movie.
You ever seen Jumanji?
I have seen Jumanji.
Get the fuck out of here.
No, you haven't seen shit.
Not the original.
Yeah, we're talking, you know, welcome to the. We're not talking welcome to the jungle.
We're talking, you know. Something.
We're talking the original, baby.
Robin Williams?
Alan Parrish.
Yeah.
I got it.
Put some respect on his name.
Yo, those bugs in that movie?
Nightmares.
Those bugs are bad when he gets stuck in the floor and the spider's coming toward him?
No, no, no, no, no.
And he's like, what?
Legitimately my nightmare.
Like, legitimately the last thing I would want.
Could we, like, get you in a room with bugs?
We have.
I held a. No, no, no, no.
Like, I want. Let's prank Joey.
Let's get him one day.
We'd be like, yo, we're doing, like, a filming for, like, this watch company wants to give
you their biggest watch.
I can't.
At, like, oh, we could say, like, yo, Rolex wants you to be, like, their spokesboy.
Spokesboy.
You gotta go into this room, and he goes in the room, we shut the door.
He'll either fire me or, like, we'll have to throw hands.
Yeah, if you guys did that, like, I'm not letting it go.
Like, realistically.
No, I am not letting it go.
I'm being serious.
But, like, realistically.
I'm being serious.
If you came in here, right, and you, like, had a tarantula, and you threw it on me, and
you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on
me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw
it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you
threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me, and you threw it on me,
there will be a reaction.
What would the reaction be?
Something that I know you will hate.
And I don't know what it is right now, but I will get creative.
Oh, like pranking me back.
That's okay.
I'd take a prank.
You can call it a prank.
I'd take a prank.
I mean, I'm talking about a reaction, like, it could be, like. What are you going to do, like, fucking, like, put a bomb in my house or something?
Put a bomb in your house?
Who am I?
I don't know.
You're saying, like. The Punisher?
That would be pretty cool.
The absolute, like, max that I would probably do is, like, smash your windshield.
I'd take that, honestly.
I think that's a fair trade.
Like a, just a. I'll give up a windshield if it means that we can get you in a room just, like, head-to-toe
and bugged.
I mean, I held a tarantula.
I'm actually very proud of myself.
I'm proud of myself that I did that.
I'm proud of myself.
I, like, held that tarantula in my hand.
And, like, thinking about that now is not good.
We also held. We held a couple bugs.
We should get the bug guy back.
Let's see if we can. And let's. We still got the bug guy merch.
He had merch.
Yeah, we still got it.
Ryan the bug guy, I think his name was?
I don't know.
I don't know, but it made it over in the transfer of studios, which shocked me.
Yeah, yeah.
Well, we respect the people that come in here, Ant.
Let's not. Yeah, well, sort of.
It was on the rack.
That's why I made it.
Made it.
Speaking of rack, did you see that. I was like, how are you bringing. What are you talking about?
Did you see Tom Brady cloned his dog?
What does that have to do with racks?
Nothing.
I just thought of a way to move on to something different.
Yeah.
Yeah.
I'm going to do it.
Stop.
No, I'm not.
First of all, what. I imagine that costs a pretty penny.
Tom Brady's doing it.
It's Tom Brady money.
Well, there's a conspiracy that. Not a conspiracy, but he's, like, on the board of the. The company, so it's, like, a fucking PR move.
Oh, I mean. It literally sounds like Hagrid is driving around.
There comes that black hole.
Yeah, right?
Like, what is that?
I don't know what that is.
But he's on, like, the board of this company that, like, clones things, I guess.
I don't know.
Oh, wait.
We're doing cloning now?
Apparently, yeah.
Like, we're in cloning.
Didn't we clone a sheep, like, 20 years ago?
Am I making that up?
Yeah, and people were pissed about that.
They did not like that.
Why?
We need wool.
They were upset about that.
We need wool.
Yeah, but there's other ways to do that that are not cloning.
There's definitely ethical conversations to have around cloning.
Is cloning not ethical?
I imagine it. I have no idea.
That's a clone.
All right.
You don't have to treat them like not real things.
Well, that's the issue.
That's the issue, that people are just like, it's not real.
The original's the real one.
That's just a clone.
Whatever.
I mean, if we were running out of wool, I think, like, cloning a sheep. There's other ways to do it.
To do what?
Birth them.
Yeah, I'm just saying, if you can't. Like, have them. Have sheep fuck, and then you get new sheep.
I mean, you could argue that that's not really, like, forcing two sheep to. No, they don't force them.
They don't take one and, like, the other and bash their shit together.
They, like, put them in a fucking field, and they're just like. It'd be crazy if you guys, the only known sheeps to exist on the planet, had sex.
Yeah, they put on, like, some Barry Manilow, and they're like. But it. Barry White might be the music we get.
Barry Manilow's not really love making music.
I don't know why.
That's more. I'd just say Marvin Gaye.
I mean, that's. And, like. Barry Manilow is more like, I'm 50 drinking a Cosmo at Old Vegas.
You know?
Old Vegas.
At the Copa, Copa Cabana.
I just found out, by the way, that I was talking about this place in the neighborhood.
You remember Just Arthur's?
It was on Steinway and 21st Avenue.
It was on the corner.
Steinway and 21st Avenue.
Just Arthur's.
Yeah.
Wasn't that, like, a restaurant?
Yeah, yeah.
It was, like, a restaurant bar.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
I just found out. It had the stucco.
Stucco.
On the outside.
You can go ahead.
Just go.
I don't know.
But I just found out. It's, like, across from that salon.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah.
It's on the corner.
Yeah, yeah.
On the corner.
Yes, yes, yes.
So it's the opposite corner of that.
But, like, I just found out that my grandma would go to church every Sunday, and then
her and her friends would go right there.
Dude, that. And they would just drink Manhattan's.
First of all. Sunday?
At 12.15.
Having a Manhattan?
That's where. That's where. Praise God.
Praise God.
They were. They were.
Yeah, they were praising something that day.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's, like, a well. That was, like, a well-known place for people outside of Astoria.
Really?
Yeah.
Like, I knew other people that were just, like, oh, we'd love to go into Astoria because
of Just Arthur's.
And I, like, I had to do, like, a triple take.
I was, like, that place?
Yeah.
Like, I've never set foot in it.
I don't know if it's even still there.
No, it's not.
I mean, it, like, it. It left, like, years ago, and then it was something else, and now I don't even know
what the hell's there.
I think it's, like, a store.
Not a store, but, like, a place of business or some shit.
I don't know.
Like. I think what you're referencing is Ditmars.
That's not 21st Avenue.
I am thinking Ditmars.
I'm sorry.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Yeah, I am.
Because I was going down more, and I was, like. Yeah, yeah, those are delis.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, I was thinking Ditmars.
You're right.
But, yeah, I just found that out.
I was, like, what?
Because I remember. I was, like, what was that place?
Like, I remember being in there, like, once or twice when I was younger, but it was, like,
a bar slash whatever.
I saw Santa Claus there.
You know what I mean?
They had a Santa Claus.
What?
What was he doing there?
He was. We know he was there to see your grandmother and her friends.
You'd watch it.
I'm. Okay.
Do you remember the first Santa Claus you ever saw?
No, but I do remember that my grandmother and her friends had a place, too.
Grandparents?
Where?
The. The place that your grandma used to go.
No, that was where she worked.
Oh, she worked there?
I thought that was, like, an old Greek hangout for ladies.
It was an old Greek hangout, but, like, she also worked there.
What'd she do?
Something.
What did they do there?
I don't. Honestly, I don't fucking know.
I'm not even. I think she, like, did the books.
She was an accountant?
I don't know.
Your grandma with dementia was the accountant?
By the time the D rolled in, she was way out of there.
Yeah, then she. She had retired, and then that's when the. Then dementia started to, like, really show.
That's when that D train came into the station.
Take it easy.
I don't like how you're talking about my grandmother.
All right?
I'll talk less about Santa and your grandma if you start to. Stop talking about my grandmother and the D train.
All right, no problem.
But, no, she. I would go there, and she. You know why I know it had something to do with, like. like keeping records or books or something,
she had so many of those rubber fingers.
I love them.
I love them so much, I'd turn them inside out,
and I'd look at it inside and shove my finger in it.
I would kind of do the same.
Oh, yeah.
And, like, my grandma had one for, like, just turning pages.
Yeah.
And then also, like, sewing.
That would make no sense for sewing, because. Well, it's to protect your finger.
That's a thumbnail.
Thimble.
Thimble, that's it.
That's what they were, the metal ones, the caps,
that would go over your finger.
Oh.
Yeah, thimbles.
Thumbnail is not that.
YouTube.
Yeah, YouTube.
Always work on the brain.
Yeah.
Yeah, it's always, I'm thinking about work.
Can you buy those rubber fingers?
Can you look up?
Can you look up how much you think,
do they sell them by, like, the hundred?
Probably.
Too much.
Watchmakers have them, too.
They're, like, little ones, though.
They, like, only come up to here.
Well, those that you, like, roll down,
they're, like, finger condoms.
I've seen watchmakers with those.
These were, like, it was, like, a full hood.
Yeah.
Are the ones you were speaking of ribbed for your pleasure?
Yes.
Got it.
Costco, we can door dash it right now for a pack of 12 for $4.
12 for $4?
It feels like that's expensive.
It's kind of crazy.
This one says 12 for $6, so I feel like we're getting a deal.
Whoa, dude.
Costco, I mean, Costco pretty much has the best deal in the nation.
Yeah.
It's a free plug for Costco, I guess.
There you go.
But back to Tom Brady.
This is weird.
Right?
I would do it.
Would you, like, know how much it costs?
To what?
To clone a dog?
To clone your pup.
Let's give a guess.
Is this with insurance?
Insurance doesn't cover this.
Yeah, I mean, I'm sure Tom Brady insurance covers it.
Maybe, but there are different prices for dogs and horses.
Clone a horse?
Oh, forget it.
The next Triple Crown winner.
Yeah, it's going to be like, this is a clone of fucking American Pharaoh.
Yeah, Secretariat.
We can't name, Seabiscuit, name another horse.
War Horse.
That was just a movie about a war horse.
Oh.
Which one did you say?
American Pharaoh.
And then I said Secretariat.
Right.
No, I said.
Oh, Jack's Revenge.
That's a real horse?
I don't know.
It sounds like it.
Pie-oh-my.
Sopranos.
You like that one?
Frankel.
You're just looking them up now, you cheater.
You're an absolute cheater.
I would say, for a dog, since we're talking doggies here.
Mm-hmm.
Buck 20.
120,000.
Mm-hmm.
I'm so below that, it's not even funny.
What are you below it?
I will say 12 grand.
That seems, see, that seems, if it's that high, that low, that seems crazy because then
more people are going to start doing it.
I haven't heard anyone else do this.
I don't know if anyone has the answer to this.
Do you know how much it costs to do IVF?
No.
Not cheap.
I know that it's expensive.
I just don't know how much.
I don't know the exact price.
And maybe it's similar to that.
I don't know the exact price, and I don't want to sit here and even try to guess because
it would be. It can range from 15,000 to 30,000 for IVF.
Oh, okay.
Oh, you looked up IVF?
I just did a quick. That's expensive.
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, crazy.
But I imagine it's probably a similar price range.
And if it isn't, what are we doing?
It's $50,000.
50!
50!
And to. To clone a horse, it's 85.
Dude, those are huge animals.
I don't love an animal enough to pay $50,000 to get them.
You know that the people who own, like, racing horses are going to do this.
Well, because they're multi, multi, multi millionaires, like fucking Tom Brady.
Yeah, bro, 50 Gs to clone a fucking dog.
I'll be honest, even with pet insurance, like, a dog surgery, like, on a leg could be 12 Gs.
Like, it can.
Yeah.
So, like, once you rack up a couple surgeries, like,
I'll just clone my dog and start from a pup, get a new one.
I mean, again, you have to think. No one's doing that.
You have to think from the perspective of Tom Brady.
Tom Brady has fuck you money.
He has. He. He. I think. What was his Fox deal?
Like, $300 million?
Yeah, it was like $350 or something.
Oh, $350.
Okay.
A fucking 50K is. Bing!
A drop in the barrel.
It's probably nothing when he's on the board.
They're like, yo, just do it and, like, let the paparazzi take photos.
When are we gonna. Listen.
Listen.
Tom Brady, I. You know, I've been slighted by Tom Brady as a Jets fan.
Okay?
When are we gonna admit that outside of football, weird dude?
Why?
Weird dude.
Why?
Kissing his adult dad on the mouth.
Yeah.
Didn't he do that?
Yeah, he Super Bowl kissed him.
Kiss of a winner.
Dude.
If my father even tried to kiss me on the mouth right now. Which he probably would.
He will at MSG.
What if he just won the Super Bowl?
I mean, we're doing MSG.
That's the Super Bowl that we're. That's the Super Bowl that we're getting to.
That's true.
That's true.
If my dad tried to, after the show, come up to me and kiss me on the mouth,
I would say, I'm not kidding, I never want to see you or speak to you again in my entire life.
Oh, my God.
I'm gonna literally get in his dad's ear and be like, yo, kiss Frank.
It won't happen.
You won't even know it's coming.
I absolutely. Now I know if my dad comes up to me that he's gonna try to kiss me.
You won't remember.
I'm. It's my dad!
He's gonna kiss you.
No.
Don't kiss me, Daddy.
Whoa.
That feels like an invitation if I've ever heard one.
Yeah.
You ever kiss your dad?
On the lips?
Yeah.
I don't think so.
Maybe as a child.
Yeah.
When my kids were real young, they'd kiss me on the lips.
Yeah.
But. When did you stop?
Like. Like, Ruby turned, like, three and stopped there.
She stopped or you?
She.
Okay.
Full transparency.
Like, she's just like, I'll be like, can I have a kiss?
And I'll go like this and she'll just give me her head and I'll kiss her on the head.
Oh, she got sick of the. Yeah.
I think she. I was the problem.
She's like, all right.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
I'm cutting you off.
Yeah.
I was the problem.
To have the wherewithal.
Oh, you're gonna be kissing your kids until fucking puberty, probably.
I know Joe.
Joe is gonna love his kids so damn hard.
Because it's not like. Like, you're not. It's just like a. Like. You're gonna kiss your kids.
And you're gonna too.
I will.
You're gonna name your kids like. You're not kissing my kids.
Twisted T.
Oh, true.
No.
And you will too.
I will.
You're gonna name your kids like Twisted T, Jameson.
You ever think about what you would name a child?
Yeah.
Like, is it Antonio?
It's my dad's name.
What's his name?
Ferragamo.
Neil.
Neil?
And yellow, technically.
Neil?
Yeah.
That's what it would be.
Neil.
Neil.
You would name a kid Neil.
Isn't that your brother's name?
It is my brother's name.
Oh my god, he's Neil's.
Well, he's junior, I think.
Wait.
What was the other one?
Wait, wait, wait.
So, your younger brother was named after your father?
Yeah, we ran out of like. That's how it goes.
It's like. After the grandfather, then yourself, and then your dad, then yourself.
Oh, it was like a traditional. Yeah, that's how it goes.
I'm gonna go the route of they liked your kid brother more than you.
No, I was named after my dad's dad.
Oh.
And then I would name my kid after my dad.
It's like alternating.
Like, my grandfather's name is Antonio.
And what was the other name?
And yellow is the actual name.
Yellow?
Yellow?
Wait, hold on.
Yellow?
Is that what you said?
And yellow.
Like A-N.
And yellow?
Yeah.
The way you said. Wait, hold on.
What am I hearing?
What are you saying?
And yellow.
And yellow.
Yeah.
Oh.
And yellow.
Yes.
Angelo.
It's a great question.
It's Angelo, brother.
It's not Angelo.
But like. The way that you said. Neil?
Neil?
But yo, and yellow.
Yeah.
I thought he was saying Neil and yellow.
And I'm like, what?
Neil and yellow?
Such like a classic name and then yellow.
Oh my god.
Is and yellow like an Italian name or something?
Neil, apparently.
Was so fucking funny.
Neil?
This is not a name you hear.
I had an uncle, Neil.
My dad's gonna see these TikToks and get very upset.
Is he really?
No disrespect to your dad.
He's a cool guy.
I met him.
He could probably whoop the shit out of me.
And according to you, he's like a trillionaire.
Who said that?
There is something funny about. You have a beautiful child and you're just like. Neil.
I mean, listen.
My name's Joe.
Like, it's not like. I'm not defending or arguing either way.
Well, I'm just saying.
I wasn't expecting that.
Wait, so you're gonna follow the, like, naming my children?
You gotta do it.
Yeah, it's very possible.
Okay.
What about, like, do you think your brothers and sister, if they have children, they'll do the same thing?
It's very possible.
So, like, they'll just be, like, five Neils running around?
And Antonio's running around, yeah.
That's crazy.
What's. Where did you get the other name?
Which. On yellow.
That's, like, the name.
That is his name.
That's the Italian, like. We call him Neil.
Like. Oh!
That's his name.
Bro!
You got that?
Yeah, a hundred million percent.
Your dad's name isn't Neil.
No.
It's on yellow.
I just didn't think. I didn't want to cause this whole yellow.
But the Americanized version of it is Neil.
Oh!
I didn't want to cause the whole yellow thing, which we caused.
What about a girl?
It's Aniela.
It's Anna.
Anna.
Aniela, and it's Neela.
Neel?!
That's crazy, dude.
Yeah.
I mean, I would definitely stick with it.
cool version oh which one's the cool version i'd go with a different name not neil
different names yeah on yellow that sounds like a fucking like hispanic name almost you know
so we're close oh yeah i mean italian and spanish it's close is you know right there
they're neighbors on yellow you know they share a fence neil and yellow i was like
those are on different planets those things
that is my pipes tiktok like the way you said neil yeah i i yo i just i was not expecting neil
whatsoever i don't know yellow you were you were that was such a who's on first moment
it really was absolutely like you were so gone and yellow yeah you were just on another planet
i also thought there were two separate names for the longest
you were just on another planet i also thought there were two separate names for the longest
that's fair but i get you i'm sure it's gonna be a lovely child well thank you that's all i'm tapped
out yeah yeah all right if you had another kid do you have a backup name you know i've had enough
names that i suggested that becca was just like let's try something else can you tell me a name
that you thought of that becca was like are you out of your fucking mind um out of my out of my
out of my fucking mind or just like no like an immediate no yeah um i honestly don't think
there were any like that okay uh there were some that we came up with and like talked about and
were like this is gonna be it and then as the reality of having another child came in we were
just like all right we're not gonna do that right yeah like this is not a joke these are three names
that were actually like in contention okay for both of my
daughters and daughters and daughters and daughters and daughters and daughters and daughters
yeah or before we knew the the gender uh loki was seriously on the table i knew there was gonna be
one uh thanos was seriously on the table shut the fuck up no you were gonna name your child
thanos yeah what would you call him her thanos oh thanos it was on it was considered it was
in contention what does it feel bad for laughing at an idiot thanos is bananas and
uh uh valkyrie i remember valkyrie for some reason well it was because the summer of 2018
um i had played the god of war game
and i then read a book on uh uh norse mythology and i was i was captivated by it i loved it so
much and valkyrie i thought was just such a cool name because you can go with val you can go kairi
you know
you know
you know
so valkyrie was you have a daughter named valkyrie and you call her kairi
so valkyrie was seriously on the table for and then literally as we like found out
that becca was pregnant with both ruby and mave it was just like okay we're not doing valkyrie
how
thanos is so is that are you
serious i swear to god frank thanos is so funny i swear how like what was the thought process so
you think it just sounds cool so loki thanos and valkyrie you were just watching thor one day he's
watching endgame i mean well no i explained where valkyrie came from loki i think just sounds cool
i like loki loki sounds cool and also like the god of mischief like it could be like a little
he could be like a little prankster yeah i like loki i think that's like a popular one and then
uh thanos i think just sounded sick that's it's just a giant that's a tough one i mean
fuck you neil you can't compare those neil yeah neil and thanos it's my son vortex yeah i mean
there are people that do that yeah i didn't i didn't i mean i think it's like those people
that do like this is my daughter kalisi you know and it's just like a blonde hair blue-eyed kid
that was born in 20
16 yeah you know
that's a prettier name than thanos and there's also greek meaning behind thanos
i think it's the like it everyone is going to think of a giant no it's like a god of something
it might be now that i think about it might be a god of death which is why we might have pivoted
away also because it's the god of death too like oh what does your name mean it is the god of death
right immortal and and the person font the
personification of death of death yeah yeah that word beat me wow that's a rough name yeah
there was other like we looked to mythology for like i think um at one point we looked at like
venus venus was on there athena i think was on there at one point um i think i had suggested
scarlet but then becca was just like we're not there's only one scarlet and it's scarlet johansson
we're not naming our daughter after scarlet johansson scarlet fever that is the fever were
there any name suggestions that
had nothing to do with marvel
well they're they're named they're they are ruby and mave i guess nothing to do with marvel
there are others i think those are great names yeah i think i think a vera i love ruby what is
ruby ruby what ruby willow oh fucking incredible i mean yeah and and it's just such a ruby mave
robin robin oh you snuck one in there well well no that wasn't even done
it wasn't
he's like oh mave bruce wayne
mave poison ivy he's like oh it's mave james gun
no that wasn't even done for that reason that was done because um like we we were going back
and forth becca is very much so like i need to like we can have the names figured out but like
once i hold the child yeah the feeling of the name is going to be like this is a ruby right yeah
neil you know yeah so she uh i think
i think um at the time we were going back and forth on a couple from well ruby because um
well miles is miles robert after both of his grandparents both of his grandfathers were robert
um and then uh ruby willow was our becca and i bonded over like we love willow tree willow trees
like weeping willows and when uh when she was pregnant we went uh on we went to like uh
lancaster pennsylvania we drove by and we found it was literally like out of a fucking hallmark
card it was like a bench under a beautiful willy willow tree we pulled over we sat under it and we
were just like willow's a nice name we thought about it for a first name and then mave was mave
robin because at the time we were watching a lot of uh like robin williams movies and it just brought
a lot of joy to us and we were like oh my god we're going to be like oh my god we're going to be
into our life and then uh miles one day had like he was like learning to read and he had a book on
birds and it was like oh this is a swallow this is a dove and he's like it got to robin and we're
sitting in bed and we have a picture of him holding up the book because we were like we couldn't
believe it and he was like robin that's a really nice name and that would go he said something like
it would go good as a first or middle name and we were like well that's the end of that yeah so then
after that it was like it's it was either robin as a first name or middle name and we went with that
nice it's cute it's cute names they're good names great names man i'm really glad you didn't go with
thanos be honest yeah no i probably like my reaction would kind of be like no it isn't
no you know until becca introduced them i wouldn't believe you i wouldn't either like i think he's
yeah not even if i sent you a picture of like the birth certificate no that's like i wouldn't do it
this has been doctor yeah i wouldn't do it by a doctor thanos thanos iron man alvarez yeah like
i mean where do you even if you said that your kid's name is thanos i would i i wouldn't i don't
know i wouldn't has a list in her phone i wonder if she still has it she had it definitely of like
potential names she was in on thanos i think i think that was one where she was just like
she's trying to be nice i don't know i don't know about it yeah well let's just like think
of others and then we'll come back yeah yeah exactly like okay we all have ideas here
you know let's open up all right no idea is terrible
but like we we tried to go with like v's and r sounds because they work really well with alvarez
you know like yeah yeah so uh you want it to be phonetically yeah we liked it so like santa gato
like is going to be like t's and g's and s's you know yeah you got to think of like the the punchier
letters in there prisco p's would be good like priscilla that'd be a nice name for a girl so
prisco
it's too close really priscilla pri pri that's tough uh it's like julia gulia okay what's that
excuse me oh wedding singer i thought you would get that yeah wedding singer i pulled that out
of no no i know i'm right i know what you're referencing i'm just saying like excuse me like
you're fucking shooting down priscilla take it easy on priscilla only when it's close to
prisco would be like prisque so pr's and c's would work best i'm confused with this system
catherine prisco would be nice catherine neil
a yellow
A yellow
A blue
Oh man
Well
That's all I got
You said that twice now
Yeah I did
We got more in you
Let's squeeze some more out of you
That's
Kind of crazy
It's all you
No
I'll watch you
Huh?
Jesus
Alright well
Frank where can they find you?
Leave Frank Alvarez
On all forms of social media
Go check out the Patreon
Patreon.com
Slash the basement yard
And yeah
We're happy
Yep
You can go follow me
At Joe Santagato
And go follow the show
At the basement yard
And
You can find me at
Ant Prisco on Instagram
Yep
And that is all
We'll see you guys next time
Nice
He got it in
I'm always
Like the
Pink Panther is here
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