#526 - Spooky Season Is Here!

- Welcome back to the Bay. (upbeat music) - Happy Halloween, welcome back to the basement, you all. - Happy Halloween, everybody. - Obviously. - As we did a couple of years ago. They told me they were like, that was two years ago. Feels like yesterday. - It was last year. - Me too. - Honestly, I don't even know what happened last year. - What did we do for Halloween? - I looked it up, it was very new city. So that, oh, we're a little busy. (laughing) (laughing) - That's terrifying. - Yeah, I know. (screaming) - Oh my God, I have Voldemort. - You got it. - Dude, you're like Voldemort, if you're like, (screaming) - Oh, that kind of looks sick. - That kind of looks pretty sick. And how do I sound? Because it's a little difficult to speak with this. - Who did your makeup? - Yeah, someone else. - I thought I was coming in early to also get makeup done. - Right. It turns out I was not. - You had to let the artist in and then-- - Yeah, so yeah. - Yeah, they told me to come early. I thought I was getting makeup done as well. It was just to let them in, so I had to paint myself. - Right, yeah. - And it looks great. - Thank you. - And I don't know if I need that. - Frank. - I'm trying to eat popcorn. - Can you actually eat through that? - No. Where did the popcorn go then? - I got one, but I'm trying to get more. - I wish you guys could see what I'm seeing from this angle. (laughing) 'Cause it's very interesting. (laughing) - All right, well, you know, there's some, just so everyone's aware, our audio listeners, Frank's in a chicken costume and trying to eat off the desk and it's not going smoothly. - The guy said not to like move around too much. - And so they are-- - But I have not listened one day. - So far you've done that. (laughing) - Hold on, wait, we gotta-- - Yeah, there you go. That didn't work at all. - Not at all. I decided that this feels good. - Yeah. - All right, we're continuing the trend. Last time I was a lion, you were a cat. - Oh, it's just a cat. - It thinks so. - I like the, a little kitty cat. You're like terrifying. (laughing) You went from like, basically you, last time you were a devil and now you're just like what I expect is gonna happen you once you stop using sunscreen. - Now I'm Cardi V. First of all, I don't know how women deal with this 'cause this has been very difficult. - Does it, is it nice? - Can you clack any clack? - I can a little bit. - Woo! - So like, I'm afraid they're pressed on nails. They're not real. - No. (laughing) - You know. (laughing) - But it's been, (laughing) it's been very difficult to like, text on my phone, so I'm texting like, like I look like this like scary thing that I'm over here like. (laughing) - Very, very. - Do you now have a newfound appreciation for women that have long nails? - 'Cause before you said you hated them. - What did I say that? - Never, you never said that. - I will say that I think that what this has shown me, by the way, this looks really cool. Like I think that like nails look nice, but they're not practical. - I just, I don't know, I'm not really. - Yeah, I mean, I don't want them for myself. - Right. - Selfishly though, I want them just for the purpose of scratching my back. That's the first thing I ask you to do. - You want nails on your own hand to scratch your back. - No, like back or arm too? - I'm back, I'm back gonna have them. - I don't want them at all. - Yeah. - I also, I don't even know how I would wipe my ass. I feel like I would claw my fucking door into bits. - Like pantomime wiping your ass right now. Tell me what it. - Oh, I mean, I guess you could-- - You'd have the paper there as a barrier. - I can just go like this. - Like, no, what's that? - I mean, women are doing it. They're wiping their ass. - Oh, or, I mean, it's not just women that have long nails, get 'em. (screaming) (laughing) - I have to, like, because if I talk normal, it's muffled like this. So I have to, like, be out here. - Yeah. - And Bokak. - Yeah, you have to Bokak. - I need to Bokak my way. - What do you think Bokak means to a chicken? - I mean, it depends on the context, it depends on me. - We know Bokak. - We know Bokak-y. - Yeah, we know Bokak-y. - We know Bokak-y. - Do you think that came from chickens? - Or the Japanese. - I think the Japanese coined the term. - What does Bokak-y actually mean? I don't want you to look at it. - And Google what Bokak-y translates to. I'm gonna, I think it translates to just big fun time. Not for, not for- (laughing) - That's yourself all right? - Yeah. (laughing) - What does- (screaming) - Please. - For the love of Jesus. - Go ahead. - It means a sexual practice in which several men. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Don't read it. - We know what that definition is. - Yeah. - What is the actual like Webster dictionary definition of Bokak-y? - Is Bokak-y in the dictionary? - Now we're asking the hard-hitting question. (laughing) - You know what I mean? - We are journalistic entrepreneurs, okay? We are just trying to crack the stories of tomorrow. - What's the question? 'Cause it just means what it is. - Oh, what are you asking? - It doesn't, what are these, all right, how about this? - What are the linguistic origins of Bokak-y? - No, so what he's saying though, is that it's like, Frank thought that, oh, I also thought that like the word had like a, it meant something like the evil knight or something. - Got it, got it. - Yeah, like the creamy space. - Right. What the hell? My nail is coming off and I'm getting real sad. - It did originate in Japan in the 80s. - So the Japanese coined Bokak-y. I think they invented it. - Wow. - Innovators. - Innovators. Fucking-- - Pokemon. - Pokemon. Others. What else did they do? - Final fantasy. - Final fantasy, Bokak-y. - Bokak-y. - I actually did find something here. - Yeah. - It refers to the act of splashing liquid on something. In this case, a broth, 'cause they also have Bokak-y udon. - Dude, I went to a restaurant and I saw Bokak-y on the menu. I'm leaving that restaurant. - Depends on the price. - What? - It does depend on the price. - Wait, what's Bokak-y udon? - udon. - udon. - Like the food. - Like soup. - So it's like a Bokak-y soup and you order it and they come over and throw it all over your face. - Call, call, call, call, call. - You gotta dial a number, Joey. - I lost one. (laughing) - Take out that Bokak-y udon. (laughing) - What an episode. We're excited, we love, the guys that did the makeup also did it the last time if you wanna shout them out real quick. But I think we look really good. I love the animal thing I got going on here. - Yeah. - It feels animalistic in nature but I do think that there is a level of connection I have with the chicken now. - 'Cause you eat a lot of chicken. I eat a lot of chicken. - I eat a lot of chicken. You eat a lot of chicken. - Yeah, I won't be after this. - But you won't? - No. - Gobble me up. - Right, see that's why. - I'll show you my wings and my breasts. (laughing) - Show me your whizz, I'll split your wishbone. - You wanna spatch cock me on the fucking table. - I will fucking. - Oh, roast me up. - I will marinate you, you fucking chicken. - Oh yeah, shove a fucking skewer in me. - Brock? - Show you a bogey. - Yeah, you show me a bogey. (laughing) - Right in your dark meat. - All right. - Sorry. - See that's where, yeah that's where I go to. - You need a name because I'm just chicken. - Right. - You need a name that is appropriate. Are you, now hold on. - Yeah. - Are you a witch, a ghoul, a goblin, a troll? - You know, I think that I got a name for you. Marjorie Taylor Green. Topical. - I just spit in my mask. (laughing) - And now I can feel it. - Okay, so what's your name, what are you? - That's a great question. - Are you asking me like my pronouns right now? - I absolutely am. I wanna respect whatever your pronouns are. - Okay. - Is it giving woman? - It's giving terrifying. - Yeah, it's giving scary. - What? - What? - And then it's giving scary. - It's giving scary. - I'll say that, you know, I'm kind of like a, it, mm-hmm. - Is that a pronoun? - So you're genderless. - Yeah, I'm genderless. - Gender fluid. - I'm like, I'm like ditto from Pokemon. - But not, but not that though. - But what can I, but I'm genderless. - I'm unisex. - Yeah. - I'm unisex. - Unisex. - What are you doing? - Unisex. - Yeah. - And Aunt, just to be very clear, you are Leonardo, the Ninja Turtle. - I am Leonardo the Ninja. - Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtle. - Hey, Aunt. - Yes sir. - Really depends on how we color grade this, because you can get in a lot of trouble. That's a little bit of a dark grade. - Yeah. You know what? - We're getting close. - Now that I'm thinking about whoever's editing this. - We're getting close in. - They got the power in their hands. - Yeah, 'cause they can really turn them into something that they can make with a little racer. - Uh-huh. Yeah. - And we don't, we don't, we don't like that. - We don't, we don't have any of it. - Exactly. - Support or like everyone. - I did, I'm just glad that you had the goggles. What do you do? - The goggles? - Domino masks, Joey. - What does that mean? - That's what it's called, a domino mask. - Wait, the Ninja Turtles were wearing domino masks? - That's what they're called, domino masks. Are those like, you know those are like the rich horny masks? - No, those are the ones that have like the wings on them. - They have like a stick. - And they got a stick because they can move it and be like, I'm a slut and I'm a dirty mask slut. - Why did, why do rich people go to parties like that? - I don't know, you know how miserable a party has to be for me to want to hold up a mask in my face, the whole time? - I would want to wear a mask instead of holding one, yeah. - I hate the ones that have like the, I'm sorry, but like the long like curled noses and shit. - Hey. - I'm right here. - I'm right here. - Fuck those noses, I hate them. No, but like they, you know which ones I'm talking about. - Are you talking about like the old, - Like the old like pandemic masks? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I think those are cool. - Nah, fuck them. - What are those supposed to do? - I think the idea was like there was, you could breathe, but like it was a long way from the breathing to your nose to like on the way the germs would go away. - That can't be right, I know. It's how I have to talk. (laughing) - Watching you eat is fucking great. I just laughed so hard that I got dizzy. - It could be, it could be the fumes. - Yeah, well, I can't breathe out of my nose. - Okay. - Because. And also like, this smells like a, like a raw dick. Like a chicken cutlet dick. You know what I mean? - Nope. - Right. - Like a, like a, like, here's what I mean. - Like party city during Halloween time. - Sure. - Like it's like latex and sweat and fucking cock. - You know what it smells like, wet white people. Ew! (laughing) - That's disgusting. - That's what it feels like. - Like a water park where like just the trashiest white people you know go all the time. - Try to you love water parks. You love them. - Yolte is trippin' trashed. (laughing) - Remember when we went to a water park and you got a tattoo of your nickname across your chest? (laughing) - What the hell are you doing? - Yeah! - Certain stories are meant to be dead and buried and left there, okay? - Ain't a lot of churros that day and got a fever. - Awesome. - I mean, yes, Aunt. - What was the nickname? - Facts. - No, by the way, he gave us this nickname to himself. - Hold on, Joe Mud. You used to do the same shit. - That's called a screening. - Yeah, so was mine. Mine was my screen name, but you actually would write like Joe Mud and your big fucking bubbly letters all over your fucking notebook. - You're the one who got in trouble for the bubbly letters. You have a selective memory here. - I don't have a selective memory! I'm being honest, I have a memory, you have none. - I have a memory, I've remembered. - You remember what you select to remember. I remember everything. It is the burden I must bear. - I bet it is, shit, man. - It is, yes. We went to Splish Blash, which was, or is, I don't know if it's still open. - Remember? - Yeah. - A popular water park on Long Island. - Yes, it sounds like the worst place on the planet because it's a water park on Long Island. Yes, my nickname and tag at the time was fax too. - We're having a fax, the regular. You moved on. - It wasn't even too, it was squared. So it was technically fax fax. - Right, right, right. - And I decided to get a chest, a henna, semi-permanent chest hat too. - Right, a henna. - Across my chest, that said fax too. - Right. - In old time, in old English, like New York Times letters. - And then you ate a churro. - And probably a couple hot dogs. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, definitely that. - Sounds like a day. - I mean, that is a day. That's what Splish is, you know. You pull up, you get in there, you have a churro, you gotta fucking, you know. - And you leave with a sinus infection. - So you're in the wave pool and then you see a kid in a diaper and you're like, I'm gonna pay for this later. And then you fucking get home and you have a sinus infection. - Yep. - You get a ear infection. - Yep. - You've had a good time during the part. - All those places also have like custom like mini pizza restaurants. You know what I'm talking about? Like, it's like a restaurant where you can get like a personal pie of pizza and it's just the hottest thing on the planet. - It's such a specific number. - It's just, it's just the hottest piece of pizza you've ever had in your entire life. And you have to let it cool down. - You know what I kind of, (laughs) - It's the most uninteresting story ever. (laughs) - You should do like a seriously like a scary thing. Like look at the camera and be like, I'm gonna get you or say something spooky so someone could use it as a clip. - No. - Please. Hide your cocks. - The cockabla is coming for you. - I don't wanna be the cockabla. - You just set hide your cocks. - Yeah, but I got confused is what I have. (laughs) - All right, so what's your name? - I don't need a name. - Yes, you do. - Not everything needs to be named. - It does. - No, it does it. - It needs a name. - It does it need a name. - I think you should be Shalas. - Shalas? - Yes. - I don't know. - Right. - It just sounds ancient evil. - I know. - Like, scrotum. - Scrotum? - I see what you're doing there. - Yeah. - It does look like a nut sack, let's be honest. A nut sack that's been freshly dragged through soot. - Frank, if you're a nut sack, it looks like this. We're gonna talk about a doctor's appointment after this. All right. And if you're a nut sack looks like that, you're fired. - Yeah, you gotta have good nuts sacks to work here. - Yeah, I check everyone's nuts. - Let me see the cockabla I need to see a nut sack. - I am not a cockabla. - You were the one that said you gobble cocks. And you're the, I never said you gobble 'em. - No, you're the buccacchi chicken. - Oh, buccacchi. - Buccacchi. - That's my name. I'm Frank, the buccacchi chicken. - Oh my God, this is insane. - Before, when I was in the makeup chair, yeah. You guys insinuated that there is a line for how many clocks I elicit. - Frank, we're well past the line. - Really? - Well, we're only, you know, a couple of minutes in here. Well, you're gonna blow the roof off, we're at 16 so far. - 16 clocks? - Yeah. - Well, I mean, we're not gonna tell you what it was. - Okay. - I can't, yeah. - I imagine that's the line. - You haven't passed it. The line is, I'm gonna say 21.5. There's no way I would, like, I mean, I would take the over on that easily. We knew you were gonna buccac. - Well, when you're chicken, you be a chicken, right? - I agree. - I commit to the fucking bit. - Are you gonna do something like Ninja Turtle-y? - Like, do a flip. - Can you flip? - Yeah. - I cannot flip. - Can you strike me as someone who could, like, nimble and ask me, yeah, baby. - Can you do a cartwheel? - I can do a cartwheel. - Let's see. - No, you can't. - Let's see it. - I do an Ninja Turtle cartwheel. - I used to be able to do a cartwheel, I guess. - How long ago? - Seven minutes. - What? - Am I, is this, do you think we're dumb? He does. Please do a cartwheel? - I can't do a cartwheel. - Can you do a, you know that, what's that thing when you lay on the ground, you get up real cool. - Oh, I get up. - It definitely cannot do that. - I did one once in high school. No one believes that. - What? - Nobody believes it. - Why would I make that? If I was you-- - Why? - I'll tell you why. - Why? - Because you're always making up stuff on your-- - See, I don't like that. I am not making up shit. I just remember shit and you don't fucking, you don't remember it. You think it's just a lie. - I remember, I was in my room and it was so cool. I did it and no one was there to see it. - No, I did it in, I did it in gym class. And our-- - It's always gym class. - Well, that's where I was dared to do it. - Dared. - When they were taking-- - Oh, dare devil! Stand up real cool. Fucking idiot over here. I could probably get pretty close to doing one now, but I'm not going up 'cause I got all this on. Maybe after I take it off. - But do a cartwheel, dude. - I don't want you to 'cause you'll break your arm, I think. - No, it'll just look awful. - Well, probably. - He broke his arm doing a cartwheel once. - Keith has told us he's broken every bone in his body. - He has said that and it's so not true. But he has broken his nose, he broke his arm, he broke his neck, I know those two for sure. - I know he's broken his nose. - Okay, that's three bones of the 206. - Yeah, like fully breaking your neck is a crazy move. - Yo, crazy that he broke his neck. - And he played football with it. - He broke his neck, went to the doctor and they're like, oh, it's probably whiplash. So he wore like, he didn't have like a neck brace on and like lived for another couple of days with a broken neck. - He lived for several more years. He's still alive. - He's still alive. - I'm not like he walked around without a neck brace on and then finally went back to a different doctor and they're like, your shit is broken, my guy. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah, it was pretty nice. And then he wore a neck brace. That was one of the giants when they're super bowl. - Yeah. - So we went to the parade and there was a bunch of drunk people around or whatever, we were mad, young. And he's got a neck brace on. And all of a sudden some guy looks at him and goes, this kid broke his neck to be here. And the whole sidewalk was like, yeah! What fucking crazy. it was awesome. Dude, do you remember us throwing people in the air at the Yankees Parade? Yeah. That was fun. No one was safe from being thrown. No, what we were literally like you ever seen in like the shows where like people will get together and they're like, "Huh, too." And they throw them in the air. There was like 15, 17 year olds doing that. And we were tossing people like 15 feet in the air. It was. It was a fun time. You know what, that was back in the day. Back in the day when kids could be kids and we had a good time and none of this hyper left wing woke. Woke didn't exist. I love that you're turning into like drunk uncle chicken. I'm turning into what fuck horn like horn is. Yeah. Woke, I say I say woke is a minute. It is a minute to society. I say, I say, I say the libs are trying to poison our youth. This is freaking me out. Honestly. It's freaking me out. I say, I say, if you believe Biden won that election, you're put on a problem. Problem. I should just commit to being fuck horn like horn. Yeah. Erasist cartoon chicken. Is he racist? Close enough. What is close enough? I'm not. He's a chicken from like fucking Florida. You're going to tell me he doesn't have a racist bone in his body. He's from Florida. Maybe. I might have made that up. That's a big detail. He's Southern. So all Southern people are racist? No, no, no, no. But there's some stuff. Have you seen some of the old looney tunes cartoons? No. I didn't see them when I was younger. There's some stuff in there, brother. Why are you watching cartoons from the 20s? I put them on for the kids. 1920s cartoons. Yeah, it's cool. I like to show to them be like this. They came out before your grandfather was born. So if I walk into your house, your children are watching black and white cartoons. Sometimes. But those are there. There are some good ones. There are some ones that are just overtly racist. So you are showing them those? No, those are they don't exist anymore. And I wouldn't show them if they were there. You're showing them. Just to be very clear. They're indoctrinating your children. I absolutely am not. I say I'll say I'll show them in a good old times. That's what Falkhorn Leghorn would do. What a name. Foghorn Leghorn. Where we hammered coming up with that name? We were in hammered. We didn't come up with it. I know. It was this for letting me know that. It was Mr. Looney Tunes. Who is that? Who made the Looney Tunes? Mel Blanc? Who's that? You're right about that. I know. Mel Blanc was the name. He was the voice of uh of Bugs Bunny. Mel Blanc sounds like a liquor. And they were probably all drunk. Hugh Harman and Rudolph is. My god, a guy named Rudolph. By the way, if your name's Rudolph, guys pack it in. Your name's Rudolph. Like your name's after the deer. That's so interesting that you say that because you just had dinner with Giuliani. That's not even a good joke. Is it? Oh, his name is Rudolph. But still. Yeah, that name sucks. Rudolph. I know bottom five. I haven't spoken to him in a while, but I know a Rudolph. Do you? Yeah. Come Rudy. People call them Rudy. Yeah. You can't call him Rudolph. You know naming your a baby Rudolph is bananas. I mean, all names are crazy. Do you think about it? You can't call him Dolph either. Dolphi. Yeah, you call it Dolphi. No, it's people I think his name is Adolf. Yeah. No, because I need calling Addy. Well, I wouldn't do that either. Well, I just wouldn't name him Adolf. What's like a really? What's like the top five worst baby names? Rudolph is up there. Rudolph got to be up there. Gertrude. Okay, let's just do men first. Okay, Rudolph. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. Kevin. I think it's neutral. It's not horrible. But it's so neutral that like it there it has no bearing on a on a name. Can you google that top five worst boy names? I'm trying to think of like an old oh like a Anfernee. I was close to a lot of things of my name. No, Anthony. I know that there are people that have named their kids. I know what I'm saying. Like I think I'm not a big fan of Eugene. Oh yeah, Eugene sucks. Eugene. Eustace. Oh my god. Eustace. Eustace. That's an old skinny man. That's their old skinny southern man with that hat with a can't go not a king. You're just you're just talking about the guy from courage the cowardly dog. I am. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You just moved your hand in a piece of popcorn flew out. So you have a lot of fun with this episode. What do you got? They're just so ridiculous. Give me. It's like Colin. Felony, but it's about. Are we in a place where we could do like Colin. Colin would be a shitty. Colin. Colin. Colin. Idiot. This might be Colin actually. Colin. Wait, is this not Colin? It was Colin. I think he's dead, right? Bro, is it not Colin? No, it's Colin. I went my entire life calling him Colin Powell. Your fucking mean. I didn't know his name was Colin. Dude, he was in the news for several years. You should know it's Colin Powell. Colin. Wait, now hold on. Now I'm staying in it and it doesn't sound right. Look up. Colin Powell. Colin Powell pronunciation. Look at his name. The request that we had for you to google so far has been out of control. It's Colin. It's C-O-L-I-N. That's Colin. That is blatantly Colin. And I am blatantly wrong there. That's good. Well, I thought his name was Colin. You were wrong. Thank God I didn't meet him. I'd be like, how you doing, Colin? No, you wouldn't even. You'd go first name when you meet him, Mr. Powell. And he'd say, please call me Colin. And he said, please call me Colin, which would be crazy. Please call me Colin. Are we moving into a place where like modern like boy names like Jackson and stuff like that or did those suck yet? That's on one of these Jackson and Braxton. Yeah. I know a Braxton. I don't hate Braxton. I don't like I don't mind it. I like Braxton. I think it's nice because it's Tony. Tony Braxton. Tony Braxton. Yeah. I mean, you can't go wrong. Todd is on here. Yeah. Todd. You know what I don't love? Fred. But it's shortened for Fredrick. Like Todd. What does Todd stand for? Short for Todd. Todd Toddman. That ain't it. Todd Todd or Todd Rick. Todd's worth. Todd's worth. Our names are also, well, your name's not Frank, but like Frank and Joe. I mean, but Joseph is biblical. People will give you a pass. Francisco. I think it's a great name. I love my name. I like Francisco. Thank you. Francis is bad. Yeah. Franklin sucks nuts, too. Oh, there's a dog in my building named Franklin, and I like it for dogs. Yeah. Just like I like the name George for dog. I agree. George Albu- Albert for like a fat dog. That I like. Yeah. I'm okay with it. Um, trying to think of other just miserable boy names. What about girl names? Well, we went Gertrude sucks. Uh, Beth. Beth. Uh, right? Beth, how do we feel about that? And it's like really staying quiet because he doesn't want to offend anyone who has these names. Is that your mom's name? Kim. Kim. I like, I like Kim. It's just a class. It's like a classic white woman. I like Elizabeth Elizabeth. What about Ruth? That's how I chicken things. Ruth? Jerry's out on Ruth. I need to meet a bad Ruth to make me hate it. And I don't think I've ever met a good Ruth. I'm thinking of red though. Like a red haired Ruth. Ruth. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. See that. What about Dorothy? I kind of like it. Dot. That's the nickname. Dot. I kind of fuck with that. I kind of fuck with Dot. Dot sick. Dot, dotty. Damn. Well, that's old Dottie over there. Who? Dot. Dot's a sick name. I knew an old bag named Dot back in the day. Really? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Never knew a dot. I knew old bags. Never knew a dot. My grandma's name is Catherine. She was an old bag. That's an old bag. My grandmother was Gloria. I like Gloria a lot as a name. Gloria is an old woman's name. There's like that like golden era of names that's coming back. Like Barbara. Barbara. Gloria. Ruby is kind of of that time. Pearl. I love Pearl. I kind of like Pearl. Rose. Rose. An honorable mention for bad names. You have to throw Karen in there now, right? Yeah. Karen. That's a tough one. If it's 2025 and you're naming your child Karen, you know what you're doing. You know what's a you know what's an unfortunate one too? Carol. I don't mind Carol. I like Carol because it reminds me of Christmas. Christmas Carol. Have you ever gone caroling? I don't think So have you caraled no I went caroling once and and nothing happened I will say that you sing like the religious Christmas songs are the fun ones. We saying Well, it wasn't a real caroling. I was at I was at Nappy's house I'm really concerned with great and like a bunch of us just went because we thought it'd be funny I mean just like rang his neighbors like on his block all their doorbells and we would sing Christmas songs But we don't know all the lyrics to him hysterical we was it. I knew whatever I said you would say that because you're a mean chicken And I'm gonna spatch cock you. Oh Yeah, I'm sweating. Are you oh, yeah? Oh, I mean you're wearing it. I mean, you know Well, I'm in a jacket and about 40 pounds of makeup and glue. Yeah, you're in I mean all the feathers the feathers the feathers are not helping Yeah, what are you gonna do about it? You want to say something like With the book I think I'm it. Just give me something. Just give me one good book Like you want me to just let a dog fly I mean just just fucking rip one just rip a book up riff and fucking dip, right? It's like please move the camera on the mic that just rip a good one and like look up do it Time you spend around chickens that you're able to do that dude. I'm a good chicken. I'm a funky chicken, baby You're a good chicken anyway, we have some sponsors for today I'm gonna try and read these Don't do that. I'm gonna do it through the ass. Please. I'm gonna do it. All right. I'll try not to laugh all right Don't do a lot of it. Okay. I also have to get these up All right, this podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. I almost broke my nail This podcast is sponsored by Squarespace. Squarespace is gonna be the website where it's gonna help you build your website Because your website is your first impression So whether you have an e-commerce business or you're selling stuff on this thing or you're making content And you just want it to be you know a good website It's gonna be your first impression people gonna go there and they're gonna be like, hey, is this guy for real or not? 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We love you. We miss you. We're excited to see you In the interest of spooky season, I wrote a scary story. Okay, I'm from the mother of gun. I wrote a scary story. That's gonna send shivers down your spine, Joey. And it's going to stick with you for all eternity. I'm sweating Ah, yeah. Are you you're pitting? Your armpits are a little brown, which is concerning. Why is that concerning? Why would that be brown? Who's the sweat? All right. I'm gonna take off my claw. Yeah, so they're talons, I think. Ah, thank you. Counting that is two. So I wrote a scary story to send shivers down your spine because I know That it's the season and Joey loves spooky things. So I wrote a story. Kailer to you literally just said the same thing five times. You wrote a spooky story meant to scare you. Are you ready? Yep. Try not to be scared. I have a feeling this is gonna be not scary. It was a muggy day in the swamps of Florida. Oh God. Joe was staying at a motel. I don't like this at all. With Charlie and he knew it was time to start his day. Wait, what? Your scary story is me and a motel in Florida. It's very muggy. Oh, right. He opened his door. He opened his phone and he wanted a door dash coffee but ah! His phone was dead. Is this good? Okay. Huh? So Joe had to step outside and 95 degree humidity and bring Charlie on a walk to get coffee. That's not how he is 95 degrees 95% humidity. Are you scared yet? Is this the whole it's gonna keep being mundane things that I are mildly inconveniencing? As Joe steps outside he's hit immediately with the scariest thing he could experience a level 14 on the UV index. What did you say? Level 14 on the UV index. Oh, I see. That is pretty scary. Is that even possible? I don't know. That would be scary. Joe Pannex. Yeah. The fear sets in. He forgot his hipster Brooklyn hat that has a picture of a llama on it. He runs. He grabs his sunscreen. Oh, no. It's empty. My sunscreen is empty. Yeah. So far. I'm in Florida taking my dog to get coffee in the sun's out. So now. Joe has to venture out into public. And find a coffee shop. But ah! It's not a local small business. It's a Starbucks. That would be scary. I don't like Starbucks. I know. That's why I put it in here. Joe in an instant. Just asked for coffee and was handed an ice coffee for his travel. Nice. Joe while on his walk takes four sips. Thank you for doing the sounds. But oh, no. After his fourth ship, he begins to feel a rumbling. And it's Tommy. Oh, this is going to start pooping my pants. what's gonna happen. Joey looks at the cup and Charlie begs to find a tree to piss on and then Joe realizes his worst the nightmare has come true. Oh no he was handed a nitro cold brew with whole milk and what state do you have to be in to write something like this. Joe's IBS begins to flare up and he's running with Charlie. Charlie is shitting uncontrollably and then there are hissing cock shooting. Why is the dog shooting uncontrollably because it's a nightmare okay and he does even during the day too. Your dog shits all the time. Charlie shitting uncontrollably and then hissing. Cockroaches fall out of his butt. Who's butt? Charlie's. That's scary. That is right. Yeah I tried to write this thinking of what you are afraid of and the what your dreams are normally like. What I'm gathering is that you don't know me at all. There's more Joey. I bet there is. The cockroaches are crawling up Joe's white pasty legs which are beginning to get sunkissed. I feel like the adjectives weren't white pasty. However with just enough time to spare Joe finds a done done done. Public bathroom. This isn't nightmare now. I think I've probably had this nightmare with no stall. What would you be in there? Oh just a urinal. Well I can't. I'm not going to shitting the urinal. Unless I was alone and desperate. You are. Did you not hear about your IBS flaring up? You were right. Joe enters clutching his Tiffany stamped Patek Philippe. I wish this is no longer an nightmare. This is a dream now. He sits on the rusted toilet seat and feels the rust scrape against his bottom. Why do you get British at the end of that? His bottom. As on the toilet seat he begins to relieve himself and takes his phone out of his pocket. It wasn't dead. Oh it turned on. Yes son. He stares at his phone as he several miss calls from his financial planner. Uh oh. He let this do a voicemail and he hears. Bitcoin is tanked. I don't have that much Bitcoin. Ethereum. I don't have that much crypto. I mean I have a decent amount of crypto. It's tanked. Right. And all his watches are fake. Now we're back on the nightmare. Now we're back in the nightmare. Wait until Patek Philippe was fake. Yeah. No. A cold sweat comes over Joe. He now realizes that the market has crashed and he is in potential financial ruin. Yeah. Joe gets up. No toilet paper. He runs as fast as he can sprinting and he looks down to see he's wearing no pants and his crap himself all over again. Where are we going with this part? But as Joe is running he realizes he's not running fast at all. He's moving in slow motion. And now the worst part of his nightmare has come true. He has lost the ability to run. At this point I'm very confused. Now sweaty and sunburned. How is there more? How? How? Frankie. How is there? Joe is covered in shit and has to make it home for the F1 big race. A quick change of clothes is required but the only place available that's open is a thrift store. I've shopped at thrift stores. He opens the door to the thrift store to see that there's a mannequin with only three clothing items available. It should be good. One, a minor league baseball hat. Two, a loud patterned shirt. This feels like a fantasy of yours now. And three, this scariest item of all. Cargo shorts. So it's a combo between the two of you. He must accept that he has to become what has always scared him. A person who wears clothing that aren't minimalistic in design. He must have lost your hat. Is that the end of it? It's still going. Okay. Joe, we use his credit card to buy his clothes and he's maxed it out because he's in financial. Oh, because, yep, the market. Now finally, he's heading home. Phew. He avoided a real nightmare and disaster. Which did I avoid? Joe gets back to his place with Charlie who has spray shit the whole way home. Thank you for adding that. And he finds a room of smiling kids as he opens the door. That's terrifying. And seemingly very illegally. They hand him an espresso martini, but oh, no, it tastes like it's been pre-made. And with cold brew coffee again. Oh, now we're back. Joe has to kick the kids out, but more and more of them keep arriving. He doesn't know where they're coming from. He doesn't know what to do. Finally, he turns on ESPN and the big F1 race is starting. Right. One by one. The room gets more crowded with creepy smiling kids. But Joe stares at the TV to avoid eye contact. But oh, no. The cars can't drive fast. I'm going to wait. You just tip your cap. The F1 cars can't drive fast anymore. What's he going to do? How is he going to be happy? When will this nightmare end? He thinks maybe ordering food will help. Frank, how is there more to this story? This is way too long. There's not that much more. How much is it? How much is left? We're on the last couple. Jesus Christ. He thinks ordering food will help, but his chicken wings turn into little buffalo flavored penises. He chews on them. What? That's it. Joe's had enough. He's too terrified. He knows that leaving the room will stop this nightmare. But in order to leave the room, he needs to say bye to every person in the room. I can't Irish exit. Is that where it ended? The end. That's where it ended. Got it. When did you write that? I want to know about the setting in which I have a lot of time to myself to think on my car rides too and from. Let's just say that the creative juices were flowing the other day. I thought what could be the scariest scenarios that I could put you in. Right. Having cold brew coffee with whole milk from Starbucks. Terrifying. Why is that terrifying? I mean, the cold brew. You tell me. I mean, the cold brew would just make my heart go crazy. Yeah. Having a knot Irish exit. We don't have to go through all the way. I understand what you're getting. You got it. I wrote that other things. That's scary too. Having to wait in the general TSA security line. Having no pre-check. At this point, that would be very scary. I just I thought I could make something that would really scare the tits off. Well, I'm just color me teller. Teller. Teller. Teller. Was that scary? Charista. What's your name? How do you tell me? You said that earlier. Did you like it? I hated that. Absolutely hated that. Why? A child handing me an espresso martini. It's been pre-made. That was actually the first thing I thought of. The only thing was if a child came up to my door and offered me an espresso martini. First of all, they're in my house, apparently, right? Yeah. Right. I just met it in life, like in real life. Yeah. If a child offered me an espresso martini at my front door, would I take it? Yes, you would. I don't know. Stop lying. What does I don't know? The answer is certainly no. I would not. I would confidence can say no. Can you? Maybe if they take a sip first. I'm not worried about them poisoning me. I'm worried about this. So you not only want to accept an alcoholic drink from a child. Do you want them to consume it in front of you? That's a good task. You're adding. You're adding. It's good. Fine. You're adding criminal elements. Yeah. I think I'd take it. Just so they don't it obviously it's like you're married it yeah good I'm here yeah that's spooky for you did that give you goose bumps Joey good gravy lady Margot we do have more this is it's very hard for me to function with the nails I feel like I'm gonna break them at any second we do have some more sponsors here we have Zock doc Zock doc is you know it's a platform where you can book doctors it's a free website an app where you can search and compare high quality in network doctors and click to instantly book your next appointment so when you go on this website you type in your insurance and then you can find you know whatever doctor you need in your area like a primary care physician you want a dermatologist or something like that they will pull up the ones in your area and they're next available appointments and most of the time it's within you know like one to two to three days so it's a pretty quick turnaround but this is what I used before they were sponsored on the show just to find out like which doctors in my area I honestly have to go see a dermatologist soon because I haven't done my checkup I mean look at you yeah thank you and I have to do a checkup soon so I will use Zock doc I will try to find the ones that are in my area so stop putting up all you so stop putting up stop putting off those doctors appointments and go to Zock doc.com/basement to find an instantly book a top-rated doctor today that's ZOC DOC.com/basement all right so get yourself some Zock doc and also lastly here we have hymns hymns offers convenient access to a range of prescription hair loss treatments with ingredients that may work including choose oral medication serums and sprays okay Dr. Trusted clinically proven ingredients like venesteride and menoxidil can can stop further hair loss and regrow and as little as three to six months okay so there's no hidden fees no surprise costs it's just personalized care on your schedule okay so think of them you know as your digital front 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you have the folks um i think we have an incogell incogell i was going to say a question of the day here is that oh no a toilet in your house becomes sentient it could talk to you it could speak to you oh no but it absolutely hates when you poop in it there isn't a question there but yeah that was supposed to be an incogell yeah go ahead your and where's the question so the question is are you still pooping in there first of all know you're fucking wrong and shut your mouth toilet you know you know what you're there for bitch you're going into a screaming argument with your toilet no i'm just going to treat it like my little bitch but it's your toilet yeah yeah what if it just pleads to you while you're on it like please stop shitting no i hate this no no more poop first of all it's poop related i hate this question you know that and well then you know you have to do just be an adult and you'll be fine i think i'm not an adult i'm a chicken braah okay but it does like piss if that helps i mean it does like it yeah oh my god this is some good piss well the only good the thing is that does usually happen at the same time oh so maybe you can bargain with it say i'll drink more fluids if you let me crump in here once crump take a big fat one take a drum if it if a what are you doing i'd probably have to bargain with it now if it's is it like every toilet speaks because then i'll just get it now i'll use another bathroom for crunk every one of your toilets in your house so i have to go outside of my house you have to go outside your house what if i hell no what if i wore headphones and i couldn't hear the screams you muffled the screams that's so fucked up please stop shitting i have to you know what if it's for some reason this is reminding me of human centipede which sucks which it does remind you it well that makes sense that movie sucks all three of them which which one would you rather be the front oh if you couldn't what kind of question is that actually that's an easy question i guess you might as well be the middle might as well that's the worst brother actually is it the worst yeah what do you mean is it yet is at the end you're just you're just eating shit yeah and in the middle you're eating it and you're fucking getting your shit licked that's what you say it was getting something out oh so you're taking it like someone's eating your shit i mean i just don't know which which is better obviously the first is what you want i i i mean i don't want to be anywhere on a human centipede thanks let's make that abundantly clear brook i would rat if i had to though i'd be the front yeah yeah but you i'm saying you can't be that one obviously that's so miserable maybe the last one is the best because you don't have your butt sewn i mean then you're eating how many ever people are in front of you's crap dude should we just kill the guy who thought of this yeah i'm just trying to fucking insane we should haunt him haunt haunt i mean i can't or can i that was really good you like that that was really good i'll i'll give him bad eggs can i make eggs yeah do chickens make eggs not roosters not rooster though i am not a cock right you're just a just i'm just i know it's hens and roosters hens and roosters so what's a chicken is that i think that's the genus the that's the braille that's the brand so it's it's yeah it's that's the model now that's the make the model would be hens or roosters right you know yeah chickens like the Ford i'm falling apart over here what do you mean i'm in pain why i'm hot i am uncomfortable you're hot than you code yes then you know you're in and you're out you're up then you're gone what's that song that's the song about Katy Perry oh no that's a different one where she's like i was making out chicks that's i kiss the girl and i like it yeah that was her second head hot and cold yes and knowing in out up down wrong right black white fight break up kiss make up right yeah that's a great song because it's opposites it's oh yeah because she's saying like well i can't read you dude Antonin's if you don't i can't read you Justin Trudeau right what's that yeah that's her guy now yeah they're dating that's good good for that good for that people are like they yeah people are like do they like Katy Perry again um they hated her for something i did see if they didn't like she went to space oh yes she did go to that she was like every night she really went to space oh boy oh boy i don't know that's what we're doing that's what we're doing here i did see a video of Katy Perry recently at her concert she tried to do like a running slide didn't go anywhere oh yeah oh no uh oh i dislocated a nail pull it off she tried to she tried to hello she tried to uh do a like a not a baseball slide but like a like a soccer slide like on your knees oh wow that's and her knees just stopped and she used to what straight forward yeah that's bad i don't know why like people were like all in on Katy Perry and then i think like ever since the Super Bowl people were like no i thought they fucked it at the Super Bowl after i'm saying after the Super Bowl oh and then they were just like no no no Katy Perry i don't know and now people don't like her all right nothing against Katy Perry i that was like one of my biggest crushes grown up california girls my god i was a man after seeing that you became a man after you yeah she's got strawberry shortcake tits and she's shooting cream out of them i mean how is this even a loud on tv yeah it was basically soft court porn soft i mean i tell you you went hardcore you went hardcore on that i did oh come on come on you're you're you're wig is starting to fall back don't you're good you're good uh yeah and then and it was your first like crush oh no Christina reach you i'm talking about Christina routine Casper uh give me all of them like growing up i mean Tristratus was in there pretty early on okay uh a lot of wrestling ones early on Tristratus - Let's skip those. - Okay. Uh, man, I mean, Kimberly, the pink Power Ranger. Ah, you know, she was up there. Uh, Katy Perry was there at a certain point, you know, she got there eventually. I remember you liking Taylor Swift, I think. I did, I did, I like Taylor, so I think she's a pretty woman. I think that you said to me, I can like recall you saying to me, uh, you were like, she's very, she's such a pretty person. Yeah, I fully, I still stand by that. I remember that. I think she's a very pretty person. Did you get who you're celebrity crushes? Natalie Portman was up there. Ooh, I like Natalie. I like Natalie Portman. I think she's a very good looking woman. Um, Evela Vene was very, whoa, skateboard. Evela Vene, that's a, that's a different one. Yeah, and then um, they like the girls that wear ties. It was cool and checkered, checkered socks. Yeah, and just like, I'm gonna give a fucking fuck. Yeah. How many times, how many times do you get horny going into a hot topic? Oh man. Probably countless. A couple of times. Yeah. You were walking in and you were just like, on your birthday, you went to Paxon. Yeah. Or just Spencer's. Anyone who worked at Spencer's essentially? Yeah. Frank? That's Frank's dream location. Hold on. Hold on. He tried to book a Spencer's for his wedding. I did not. What is it? Oh. I like Spencer's when I was a teenager because they had a lot of prank stuff. Yeah. And as a young adult, because they had a lot of drinking paraphernalia. Oh. So who else? And um, I think Spy Kids 3, the Alexa Vega? Is that the one that's in the game? That's not spoiler. Not real. Like the, this guy's spoiling the Spy Kids 3D. That girl? I've never seen Spy Kids. Do you know who I'm talking about? Emily Osmond? No. I don't think that's Emily Osmond. I think she's in Spy Kids 2 or 3. But you liked a digital woman? I guess it's too deep of a cut. Oh, it was a real person. But it was like in the game, it turns out she's not a real player either way. Oh, so they did like a six-sense thing? Yeah. The fucking Spy Kids? They did. They did do a six-sense thing. Wow. Did you cry? Like, was this bad? It did make me think like, oh, all right, well, I might as well not now. Because she's not like her now. She's not a real person. Yeah. Oh. I was confused. Yeah. You saw no value in her because she was not a real person. Right. Got it. Well, if I can't have her. I have her. What's the point of even like the point of even giving a fuck about this fake ass woman? Yeah. Well, that was your kind of your introduction to anime. Hintie? Technically, yeah. Yeah. What was? Fake, whatever. Well, it was like a real actor. No, I know. No, we know. Okay. But you immediately saw no value in them because you couldn't see yourself with them. She go. She go. Hell, yeah. Okay. Kim Possible. Guy with taste. That's right. Well, so who is the one from Danny Phantom? I don't know. I know you're talking about. That was also kind of gothy. Yeah. I guess you were into the goths. I was really into rock, sand, from Goofs and movie, but yeah, that's I thought that's bass level. Like that doesn't count. That was like my dream. Yeah. I mean, that's everybody. I mean, I'll tell you this. That's a nine-year-old boy first time I watched who frame Roger Rabbit. Holy hell. Come on. I mean, I was just. That woke up a whole new side of me when I saw Jessica Rabbit. Jessica Rabbit though, I was kind of like, I could never handle that. Like, that's old. You were thinking that way? I was thinking that like, that's so much woman she'll fucking kill me. She'll probably never like me. I remember like on like the special features of that DVD. It was like, oh my god. She was drawn to like, be able to not walk like she like physics would not allow this person to walk. Uh. Yeah. What about Tinkerbell? Is that weird? Um, it is because I think technically it's a child. Well, they all were child and we were child. No, I think Tinkerbell. I don't know. Roxanne wasn't an adult. Well, she was in high school, I think. It's fair. It's very fair. Very tall. She was older than me though. Oh my god. Lola Bunny. Yeah. Lola Bunny in space jam. I mean, damn. Joey saw her fucking hit one three pointer and he was all in. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. I would have to like really find one of the first Patreon episodes that we ever did together. We went through like childhood crushes. Did we? Yeah. It was old, old, old. We might want to revisit. Have you ever hear the thing about that? Hear me out. Hear me out, Kate? Yeah. We never did that. I was about to ask if you guys have ever done one. No, we can do it. Hear me out, Kate. Do you have any that you're like, oh, this is probably a weird one, but I liked them. I'm sure if I sat and I really committed to coming up with something I can, the only one I could dig off the top of my head so we don't give it away because we'll do it for a Patreon episode. The dragon from Shrek. That's a good one. She had crazy eyelashes. Those hips, dude. Hips. Oh, she does shake her ass. She fucking wags that. wags that shit. She kinda does. She's got a fucking full, crapped in diaper of a butt. Is that good? Buh. That must be good, then. Mrs. Puff. Mrs. Puff? Mrs. Puff? That's a crazy one. Oh, you're horny. That's a good one. That's a good hearing. I don't. Yeah, you know what's kinda crazy? Joey's gonna come up and hear me out, that are just like drawn, good-looking characters. Like, they need to be like, hear me out. This might seem a little crazy. Alright, so, I mean, is this a crazy one if I say Sandy Cheek? Oh! Buh! No. No, I don't think it's crazy. Like, would Nala. that's a lion. No, that's an-ah! It's a lion, you know, so that's a good hearing. No. That's an obvious one, dude. Nala, when she does the eyes, like, she looks at Simba. What? I don't know. That made me laugh. You're referencing a specific point. Hear me out. We should do it. We could do it. Hear me out, Kate. Yeah, let's see. Hear me out, Kate, Pete, trying episode within the next couple of weeks. Mine? R-I-P, by the way. Mine used to be Diane Keaton. Not that she's like, I hear me out. Yo, you know what's crazy? Is we. Back in the last night, watch First Wives Club. I was watching that movie. Diane Keaton reminds me a lot of your mom. Damn, don't tell me. She's got like a regal, like, royalty to her. Diane Keaton or my mom? Both! The regal? Yeah! I think your mom has like a regal beauty to her, and so did Diane Keaton. Wow. Well, now I feel we were talking about how I really liked her in, uh, what's that movie? Yeah, I didn't help that it was just hear me out. Yeah. I mean, it's okay. It's not my hear me out, because I think that she was a great looking woman. Right. But I, as a young person, I saw what's that movie called with her and Jack Nicholson? Something's gotta give. Or as good as it gets. I was like, I'm attracted to this woman. Yeah. But a fly. There was another one that I was really into. An older woman. And I was like, God. I think Susan Sarandon is a good looking woman. Suzy C, that's another good one. No C, anywhere in her name. Suzy C, we're in, we're in, Frank. You're not listening. You know, I like Maggie Smith, Dane Maggie Smith. Oh, that's mechanical, RIP. Yeah, like fucking Seeker Garden, dude. I was like, too. You wanted her to go in your secret. - I wanted to, well, what's that mean? - You wanted her to eat your butt. - Oh, I wasn't necessarily thinking all that. - Yeah. - Not the deets of that, but not, not, not, you didn't get that far into it. - No, no, no, but I was thinking about gardens. I love that movie because they have one of those old keys. - I love old keys, dude. - And like, look at my hand, like imagine I had my hand on a key and I was able to lift like, turn. - Dude, that's terrifying. - I know. - That's a really scary picture. I do wish we had a very old key that you could just hold. I wish I had a key or in a lantern What are you doing here? You kids, you know, that would be scary dude. You're actually scary. Yeah You're actually really scary. Thank you. You're like not like most girls. You're like really scary You're really cool. You're like cool, but also like really spooky. The thing about me is that like I actually like football Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my god Beer please beer please buffalo wings make them filthy make it Give me a make a little ultra and get me a golf club in my hand. Yeah, um, excuse me I asked for lots of relistics not a salad, sir Lots of you're hungry. I am very hungry very very hungry that popcorn did nothing for me. Yeah, two pieces of chicken What a chicken's eat. - A grains, worms, worms. - Yeah. - I look like a eat worms. - You look like you live with the worms. - I honestly would eat a worm, I think. - Not at? - No. - And, no. - You can't be saying that. - I think like, no, because when I, I've held worms and I'm like, I like this. And like, they look like they would have a juice. - You know what I'm saying? - I mean, I think you can, if you cleaned up an earthworm really good, I think Joey would eat it. - Bro, wouldn't existence for worms, what is that? - Circle of life baby, they eat the dirt, they die, they supply the dirt, and they die, and they eat it again. - That's probably not how the circle goes, but the same with us. - Yeah, do you ever hear those things that's like, people die and then they use their body as like fertilizer? - Yeah, there's things that you can do when you die, you get put into like a pod and a tree grows from you. I think that's pretty cool. - I think that's fucking fire. I think that's really cool. - Yeah. - I heard Neil deGrasse Tyson say like, you die, you get cremated, the fire that is used to burn you, energy goes out into space and your energy is one with the universe. - Is that what you said? - That's fine. - I want Neil deGrasse Tyson to talk at my funeral. If he makes it. If he makes it. - Dude, we should get Neil. - Do we get Neil in here? Neel! Neel the grass Tyson. Neel get in here. Bra! Neel! Come on, Neel. Neel, in fact, Neel get down here. I say, I say Neel, come in here and tell us about the stalls on the planet. Neel, don't make me tell you again, get fucking down here right now, Neel. Neel's from the Bronx, so he might come in here and just start being like, "Yo, don't fucking talk shit about me, bitch." I'm not talking shit, I want to get fucking Neel in here, bring a little bit of time. I think, "Yo, Neel, call Neel. Neel!" Neel! You look like those women that do like the husband calling competitions that like the Iowa State Fair. Robert? Robert? Robert! Robert! Who's going in there? He's competing and who's putting it together? Iowans that have nothing better to do. Is it Iowa? I think it is Iowa. They're also the ones that have like the pig calling one. Those are great. They're good. That one woman was great at calling things. Good, but also I get such an X-ing nose. Wee, wee! They're like, "sure, su-cee-sure!" Yeah, yeah. And I'm sitting there as a chicken, like, "Call me, bitch." Yeah, like, fucking no one's calling the chicken. Fucking call the chicken, man. Like, call me over. Damn, do you do like a little fucking. I can do it. I can do it. I can. I can. Melodize. Melodify? Melodify dies. Melodize, Melodize. What is it? It ain't any of that. Call in the chicken. All right. Give me a song. No. Any song. You're gonna sing it like a chicken? Like, if I'm calling a chicken. So, like, burned by usher. I mean, I mean, if this isn't the most talented and the most unbelievable. You don't know what talent you got until you use them. That's the chicken head. That's the chicken, too. Yeah, you ever stare at a pigeon and go, "What is that?" What the fuck are when people do that? When they hold a chicken and they do that and they head. I love it! I love that their head doesn't move. Do you think you could hold me like that? And I won't move my head? No. I do sometimes we'll stare at pigeons and I'm like, I don't. Like, they need to relax. Like, why can't you just. Chickens are too worked up. Move your head like this. Chickens we know. Maybe we should feed them like CBD. Ooh, give chickens like weed. I was talking about pigeons. Oh, sure, yeah. Chickens are mad aggressive with the way that they eat. I fed a chicken before and it hurt. Yeah, it's like, bro, fucking, you'll get it. I'm right here. They're a little worried, Joey. They don't know. They're also. They're mean. They're also, aren't they like, famously stupid? Chickens. Yeah, like, famously dumb animals. I don't know that. Yeah. I don't know any animals being smart except dolphins. Dolphins? Elephants and gorillas. Yeah, octopi are also, I believe, very smart. Yo, do you remember that fucking documentary? It's a guy who wanted to fuck that octopus. So the octopus teacher, everyone talked about it for like a year and no one realized this guy was just horny to have sex with an octopus. This guy wanted to rail this octopus. He was like, oh my god, I'm spending so much time. Everyone's like, oh my god, this thing is, it's teaching me so much. Yo, his cock was hard the whole time, dude. He literally would go every single day into the water and spend like four hours. Dude, no one spends that much time with something if they're not trying to have sex with it. He literally had a whole family and was just leaving his family. To go and like, watching an octopus move in the water. Yeah. And like, I think that octopus in the water and in their natural habitat are really cool. You change like colors and they kind of, you know, whatever. But my god, go watch my octopus teacher on Netflix and you tell me that guy is a fucking idiot. Tell me he's not caked up for an octopus. Yeah, I mean, absolutely. Yeah. Bricked like a fucking, did the octopus die? And then he was like sad. I don't remember. But probably left his wife, he's like, he'll never be an octopus. Yeah, he probably got home and he's just like, honey, put this on. And it was just like an octopus costume. And she's like, why? And he's like, it's for work. You have six less arms than I'm comfortable with. See you later. Crazy. Anyway, you know why people get, sometimes we like animals. Why did I say that? Yeah, also we. You completely took ownership of that. Yeah. Whatever. There you go, folks. Hope you had a great Halloween while it's coming up. Halloween season is treating you well. We hope that our outfits, our costumes, you guys like. Yeah. Denenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenenen Denin' in it, Inspector Gadget. That's not a Halloween song, like, wait, is that it? I mean, that's not the words, but that is a song for Inspector Gadget. Oh yeah, yeah. Yeah. I haven't seen that in so long. I got excited. What am I thinking of? Oh, the Adam Stanley. I'm gonna lose it now. But yeah, guys, thank you so much for your support on Patreon. Go to patreon.com/basemeyard for that. Go follow the show at the Basemeyard on all social platforms, Frank. And pizza. Oh my god. Oh my god. Good Lord. What am I doing? What am I doing? Oh my god, over the day. Oh, Calabunga. Damn it. Pizza. Yeah. Pizza. It's Calabunga. I'm just. You want to give it one more turn? No. Okay. I don't deserve it. Well, that is all for this week's episode. Folks, hope you enjoyed. We'll see you next time. Fuck.