5 Ways New Moms Can Navigate the Chaos of Daily Life with Jenna Hermans

(upbeat music) You're listening to the New Mamas podcast. Hey everyone, it's your host, Lena Forestel. And today we're going to be talking about practical tips to help new mamas, that's you, navigate the chaos of daily life. I have Jenna Hermans on today to help share her tips. She's an author, works full-time, a mom of four and has a husband who travels a lot. I know what that's like. My husband doesn't travel a lot, but he gigs a lot. He's a musician and a music teacher. So he just is always gone. So she knows a thing or two on how to go from chaos to calm, which is relevant to always. I was just telling her. Jenna, welcome to the podcast. - Thank you, Lena, it's so great to be here. So let's dive right in. You mentioned that you had a huge breakdown after your fourth child came into the world and you had to build again from scratch or build, you put build me again from scratch. Tell us everything. - Oh my gosh, where to begin? So we moved from Southern California to Northern California. That was kind of step one in the process of losing me completely. And my husband had three children from a prior marriage. So in addition to getting married, becoming a mom of three and then moving to a whole new community where we had no friends, no family needing to start kind of life from scratch, from this new place, then we added a fourth child to the mix. And that was the icing on the cake of me just having no clue who I was anymore as any new mom knows, you have a baby and your whole world turns upside down. You become so un, like not in tune with you anymore because all of that energy is now being focused onto keeping a little person alive. - Yeah, what did that breakdown look like for you? - Oh, I started having panic attacks and anxiety attacks and I could not get a hold on my nervous system. It was like the body and the brain and all the things that are all connected were disconnected and couldn't get back together. And it took a really intentional moment that kind of hit me all at once to say this is not sustainable. You cannot keep living like this because my nervous system was just completely shot. And if the wind blew the wrong way, I'd be crying and overwhelmed and it was just all too much. - And what were the ages of all the children? Sorry, I should have asked that first. - Yeah, no worries. So the eldest, well, right now she's about to be 16 at the time when I completely needed to get reintroduced to hi, I'm Jenna, who are you? She was nine and then her younger sister was eight and then the third child was six and then newborn. - And then a newborn. That is wild, that's definitely a lot. And were you co-parenting at the time too with the children's mother or bio mom? - At the time, yes, she, yeah, a bio mom. She had moved up north as well after a certain amount of time so that she could be close to the kids. And then over time, she has absolutely made her way out and she lives in Europe currently. - Gotcha, so you're a new mom navigating all the things. And I think a lot of us can relate when you mentioned that your nervous system felt shot and that's where you felt so deregulated. I think a lot of us can relate to what that feels like because so many new moms have felt something like that on the whole spectrum of how severe it can be or how light it can be. So that's very relevant. And how did you start to build back? Because your book is titled "Chaos to Calm, Five Ways Busy Parents Can Break Free from Overwhelm." That's what we're talking about today. It also came out May 2nd. So wow, you just birthed this book like a couple of days ago, basically. Congrats. - Yeah, it's baby number five. - Baby number five. Yeah, I heard writing a book is super intense. So cheers to you, mama. And you break down five ways, right? That busy parents can help manage the overwhelm of parenthood, did those five ways were those developed from building you back up again? - Yeah, so I definitely, as I was on the process of building me back up again, I came to realize that these were things that were showing up to help me, to help support my mission of what I was trying to do of again, getting reacquainted with who I was or rather who am I now in this new iteration of who I am? 'Cause I am no longer that person from years ago. I am now a mom of four. I live in this community. I am now the co-founder and COO of Be Courageous our consulting firm that my husband and I have together. And so there was nothing similar in my life and externally and internally like it was prior to. So it was getting acquainted with a stranger that I'd never met before effectively. And so in that process, as I was trying to create the space for me to learn who I was and what I liked and the person I wanted to be and grow into, I was noticing that I was creating space for that through these five different ways, through these five pillars of calm. And I didn't know at the time that that's what I was doing. It was upon reflection and taking a beat to realize, huh, I'm doing something different now and it's making a positive impact, not only just as something as I was seeing, but as something people outside of me were seeing as well. It was getting noticed externally, especially after baby number four started going to school and was in preschool for the first time. You know, you're getting to know these new parents and these new communities and they were asking me, you know, oh my gosh, you have four kids, traveling husband, do you run this business? All the stuff, how are you managing all of this and not losing your cool constantly? Getting asked that question enough made me think, huh, I really should reflect upon what it is that I'm doing now that I wasn't doing before that helped me bridge that gap from the nervous system being shot to me feeling pretty good, right? I feel like I've got this under control. I also know who I am again and or rather not again, but this new version of myself and who I'm evolving into. - Okay, I'm on the edge of my seat. Give us a spark notes version of these five ways. Like what are the five, your five pillars of calm that you mentioned, can you give us a little preview on what it is, what they are? - Oh yeah, so of course. So the five pillars are also the five core chapters of the book and the first one is efficiency. The second is habits, third is community, fourth is communication and the fifth is self care. And of course, I'll go into explaining each and every one of them, but first I'll ask you Lena, which one do you want to know first? - Oh, well, you know, as you were saying, 'cause I feel like I've gone through my own wild journey and I juggle a lot too. Like I have a farm, a podcast, I work full time. I have a son, a husband who's busy a lot, works a lot. And I feel like when you listed off those five pillars, I was like, yeah, that sounds about right. I'm obviously, I'm not, everyone listening, I'm not saying that I have it all together, but I've definitely have developed a flow state of like, we are okay, things are not broken systems. Things are moving, obviously there's always room for improvement, but let's talk about the first one, efficiency, let's get started on that. - Totally, so efficiency is how do we get done the things that we have to do, right? More quickly with less energy, with less time, energy waste, so that then in my opinion, that supports calm so that we can create space for the things that we want to be doing. So how do you implement efficiency into your life? It's time management, it's energy management. It's those two core elements that then can create that sense, like you talked about flow and understanding how do you use your natural flows and how do you navigate your natural energy flows as well as the time that you have in the day, right? 'Cause we all have the same minutes in a day, the same hours, but we all use them differently. And the times of day that work best for us to be able to capitalize on our energy flows is different person to person. So that's what the chapter really talks about and efficiency is all about is how do you get really great with your calendar, with the tasks you have to do and all the things that we need to be doing and how do you do it in a way that supports your calm? - Yes, because everybody, like you said, everybody gets energized and I think de-energized, what's the opposite of energized, like deflated? - Yeah, I guess like certain things deflate. So when I think of efficiency, and I want to hear one of the things you do. So one of the things I do, what I learned is that cleaning and organizing things really deflate me. They just murder my energy. So I've been able to budget our life around having a house cleaner that comes twice a month and deep cleans my house. And that's something that saves my energy, right? Because that's one of the things and then also time. That's time on Saturdays that I have time to spend with my husband and my son and the animals and everything. So that's one of my tips. Do you have like a one thing that you do that helps the efficiency of your household? - Yeah, so one, same twice a month, we have house cleaners who come in 'cause it is just a game changer. And it makes sense if you look at it on the budget sheet, right? It's like time spent versus how much you'd be earning during that space. And that is a topic that I get into more deeply within the book of our own delegation and outsourcing. But something that I do that really helped. And that was one of the first things that I implemented on this journey was the concept of meal planning. Let's, 'cause for me, the food, I mean, we're feeding so many human beings. So how much food we have in the house, what are we gonna make and how much do I need to make? And all of that was so overwhelming. Every single day, you know? 'Cause dinner, lunch, breakfast, snacks, they happen literally every single day for every single person. - And you're feeding six people. - I knew that if I got that under, yeah, so many humans. - Humans, right. - So many humans. So, and that was something that caused me a lot of stress and overwhelm was every day. What are we gonna make for dinner? What do I need to have to prep for lunches for tomorrow and making sure that there's something for breakfast for them to have when they wake up in the morning. And so that was the first thing I did was create a meal planning sheet and writing down once a week, what are the meals that we're planning to have and what are the course staples to have it in the house as well, that when I see they're running low, that's something we need to add to the list to get again. And so really getting that under control was the biggest step and launching point for me because that was one habit that we'll talk about soon that we got into a routine with, of asking everyone every Sunday, okay, what are the meals that you wanna have this week? And being the parent, I still am the one with the executive decision, right? Or my husband as well of saying, okay, you can tell me that you wanna have cereal for dinner, cool, thank you for your contribution. We may not actually have that, but I appreciate that you're sharing your intentions and what you would like to have. So come, roll around 4.30 every day. That stress has been lifted, that pressure on what are we gonna do and what do we have in the house and what can I create has totally gone away because we made the meal plan on Sunday, I got all the groceries on Monday and everything is set for the week. And so I just look and it's like, oh, tonight's enchiladas, perfect. Let me grab all the different ingredients that I know I already have and throw this thing together. And it has been the best launching point for me on that efficiency journey. - Ooh, I love it. I think that's next on my list. That's one of our areas of improvement because right now 4.30 rolls around. Like you said, and my husband calls me on his way home from work and we both have the dreaded. It's only, we can hear it in the tone of each other's voice. So what are you thinking for dinner tonight? It's like a loaded question because then one of us goes, I don't know, I don't care. Like, let's just have something. But then it's like, it's stressful because you also don't wanna be getting takeout every night. We're also, it's expensive and we're sick of all our options around where we live. So that's an area of improvement. I love that tip. Let's talk about habits. How is that kind of different than efficiency? - So habits is creating different intentional moments that you want to cultivate for yourself and doing it in a way that it just becomes instinctual, right? These routines that you enter into your life that you know benefit you, or at least that's the hope, right? That's the hope. And for habits, for calm, it's knowing, okay, if I intentionally bring this routine into my life, bring this little act into my life and create a structure around it and an infrastructure that supports it, that then that will enhance my life in all the ways, right? So exercise, for example, right? Building a habit around the concept of exercise, being able to create triggering. So you do it at the same time every day or maybe you have someone who shows up with you every time that you do it, right? That there's these different elements that then you can put around the habit to support one, the creation, and then the maintenance of it as well. And so in addition to all of that, I talked about in the book like, let's say you want to start a habit of running, if that's your exercise or your self-care, whatever it is. Starting small also is so incredibly important. I like to say if it's too embarrassing to say out loud, then you know that you're on the right track because that's how small you have to start in order to ensure that you're going to be successful. If you go out and say, all right, I'm gonna train for a marathon, great, great goal. How are you gonna get started? I'm gonna go and start running three miles right now. You're so busy, you're already complaining about how busy you are, you have no time. All of a sudden you're gonna go out and run three miles every day, like when are you gonna find the time for that? It would be my first question, but rather it's understanding that starting small and not, 'cause as soon as you get overwhelmed and you're like, oh my gosh, I made this commitment, I'm gonna run three miles, but I don't even have five minutes right now. You've already put yourself in a failure position. You have not set yourself up for success. So creating that infrastructure, telling people around you, ensuring that you have the right time that you've associated with the thing that you're trying to do. And again, creating triggers and other elements around it so that you can ensure your success. - Ooh, okay, so what's one of the habits that you've implemented that has worked and has elevated your life? - Well, one exercise has been huge, especially we had a child going through a health crisis and I realized I was giving so much of myself to our family in this big, big way, more than ever before. I mean, we already give all of myself. And so I was giving even, I was exhausting every bit of energy I had inside of myself. I wasn't putting enough back in and I was just giving, giving, giving. And I realized I needed to give more to myself so that I could pour more out of my cup, right? So how did I fill my cup? And one of those ways was that I found a gym that was close by that I could drop off our youngest and go straight there. And the classes were 30 minutes in and out. Somebody tells me what to do. I don't need to go and figure out how am I gonna do this and what am I gonna do once I'm there and what's the amount of time I'm gonna spend there and all of that. And adding that 30 minutes right after school drop off before I go home and get into the day was a game changer for my energy level. And because I did it consistently, I would do just one class. It's the same community that pretty much goes every single time. So I had accountability with the people there. I remember getting COVID and I didn't go for 10 days or whatever it was and I get a phone call from the gym. They're like, girl, where you been? What's been going on? If I don't show up for a couple of days, I get a text message, where were you? It's a beautiful thing. And the way that that started though, before I started going to the gym, I just started doing squats. I'd get out of bed, do three squats. Okay, let's move on to the next thing in the day. And I found that in that cycle of, let's just do three squats. And then, oh, maybe I did some more. Maybe I went and did a plank for a minute. And maybe I did something else while I was there, some stretching and other exercise that when I committed to just doing those three squats, that one, that was doable. And two, I always ended up doing more because you're already there. Might as well do more in the psychology of exercise. And once you're already in motion, it's so much easier to keep going. But the commitment was always three until I realized, oh, I think I'm ready to move into this gym scenario. So that was one of the habits that has really improved my life because I, as we all know, exercise is incredibly important in mental health and physical health and longevity and releasing dopamine and serotonin, all the happy hormones to set you up for success for the rest of the day. - I love that. I did, like, just like you, like after the drop-off because that was something that was consistent every single day I do drop-off. So I have that little pocket in the morning between drop-off and starting work that I can hit the gym. And same thing, I go to Peer Bar. That's my workout of choice. But same thing, I show up. I don't have to really think about it. And even on days that you don't feel like going because we all have those days, it's, I just, I sort of just forced myself to go in terms of like, this is a non-negotiable for me because it's medicine. It makes my mind and my day better. It's not, like, I really do view exercise as medicinal in some ways. So I love that. Habits are, habits are important. I think your next one was-- - Community and communication. - Community! Yes, okay, I was thinking about community as you were talking exercise because you almost kind of mentioned your community. Tell us, I think community is a loaded word because a lot of new moms go through this transition of kind of a friendship transition where a lot of their old friends might not have families or have kids and they fall out of touch with them. They have to find a new community of people who get it. Can you walk us through a little bit what you talk about in your book? - Yeah, so community is the antidote to isolation and to feeling like you're in this alone, right? And as a new mom, the way that our society is set up and our cultural norms is to isolate new moms. It's like your home, by yourself, your partner is back at work. You're distant from your family. You don't have just those immediate people around who would naturally be there if we were in our tribal societies, right? We've got the aunts and the grandmas and the cousins and the nieces and nephews and all the people around that they're flowing in and out to be there to support you. And we're all so busy now, right? That even the people who wanna show up for you, they're working, they're with their families. They've got so much going on and as much as they wanna be there and show up for you in this time, it's really hard for them as well. So our system is set up to fail moms and by being able to intentionally choose and activate on the concept of community that really helps support new moms and moms who aren't just new anymore, but that are in that transition or have transitioned out of, okay, like you said, relationships shift and change in the desires of who you have around you naturally shift as you have different priorities and different values now on what's important to you in your life. So the key concept here is actually around the intentionality and how do you intentionally go find and first actually before you even go find them is intentionally choose who are the type of people you wanna have around you and then to go and seek those humans out. - I love that. So almost like a reset of, okay, what am I looking for in a friend? I think like we can all sit with that question and think about the top qualities we're looking for. And maybe these are really different than the friends we had in our 20s or in a state which I know for me it's very, very different than what I'm looking for in my 20s. And then here's a million dollar question, Jenna, are you ready? How do we-- - Oh yeah, bring it on. - Here it is, here it is, ready? How do we find those people? So once we've set the intention of the kind of people we wanna surround ourselves with, where do we start? - I would say there are various different ways to go and meet the people that you wanna meet. So I know for me, I went coming to the Bay Area starting fresh, having nobody around. I had that very, the opportunity was right in front of me. Who do you want to hang out with? And so first thing first, as a new mom, I wanted to meet other moms. And so I was so grateful that there was this community built in already in my neighborhood, really. There was a pre and post-natal yoga studio that existed at the time, which unfortunately COVID took it down. But it was so cool, oh my gosh. I met so many amazing women through that space. And I know that there are other places like that around, right, that bring moms together in different phases of motherhood. I also did an Instagram search at one point. I don't know how I went down this rabbit hole, but I found one person who highlighted a local female founder and being a founder myself. I really wanted to be in that space. I wanted to meet other female founders and that because I appreciate women who are going after their dreams and going after what they're trying to accomplish, whether that's in their own business or in an employment situation, that's a community I like to be a part of. - Hey everyone, it's your host, Lena Forrestle. Taking a quick break from this podcast episode to ask you to support the show. I do this show because I love it. And as a self-funded creator, your support can help me pay for things like podcast hosting and an editor. So here's how you can help. Share this episode with a mom friend, caretaker or soon to be mom friend. Leave a review on Spotify or Apple podcasts. And if you wanted to throw me some coins, you can donate to the show at buymeacoffee.com/newmamaspodcast. Any little bit helps and I appreciate your support. Finally, give me a follow on Instagram @lenaforrestle. I love meeting my listeners, so definitely send me a DM and introduce yourself. Now let's get back to the show. I love that, I love that you used Instagram. I feel like that's my always my top tip of like how to find people because actually I just suggested this to another mom. Like hashtag like San Diego moms or I'm in New Jersey. Like our hashtag is like NJ mom, NJ moms or even like New Jersey bloggers. Like even if you're say a new mom and you're kind of scared to reach out to other moms because it's still like it can be weird. I get it, meeting people on the internet. I'm used to it because I've been blogging and meeting people on the internet for so long. But a lot of bloggers too, like mom bloggers are so excited to meet people in their area and become friends. So that's another tip that I have but I love the prenatal, like postnatal yoga. I actually think I'm gonna do that because I'm always looking to meet new moms in my area and I love that idea. - Oh yeah, that was amazing. I made so many wonderful friends that way. And then another one was, so my son, he wouldn't latch. And so I exclusively pumped for 15 months. And I found a Facebook group for exclusively pumping mamas. And to that, even though it wasn't in person and I wasn't physically in space with these women, having a place where I could go and share my stories and what was going on and feel heard and understood as they were going through their own troubles around that or their own process around not being able to, breast to mouth. It was so wonderful to be able to have a community to turn to, to talk about that with. I remember there was one time specifically where I had just pumped. I had an amazing number of ounces that had come out of me. I put it down and next thing I know, I turn, I look at it again and a little fly had just straight into my milk. I was like, bam, took a picture, took the fly out and posted immediately on the group. Ladies, what do I do? Do I feed him the milk? Do I not feed him the milk? What do I do? So what was the verdict? It was a mixed pack response. OK. I actually felt stress when you just told that question. I was like, wait, I feel physical stress because pumping was hard for me. So pumping a good number, I know that feeling. Oh my gosh, I was not in a happy place when I saw that fly. The responses were very mixed. It was very 50/50 of some women that were strongly saying, no, you do not feed him that milk. It is contaminated. No, no, no. And then there was a whole another group of women who said, who cares? It's natural. Like they eat so much other yuckiness through the world that what's a fly in it for two seconds is going to do. And this was my first baby. I aired on the side of caution and didn't. But I wonder if he was my second baby or third, then I'd be like, yeah, whatever. It's just in the pacifier, right? It falls out. You look at yourself and shove it back in their mouth for the second, third, fourth babies. But for the first one, you're like, no, sanitize it. We got to get it all cleaned before you give it back to him. Yeah, I still don't know what I would have-- even if it's my second baby, I'm like, I don't know. Because I'm such a germaphobe too. Not like a super germaphobe, but yeah. I love-- that's good. That's like a good-- I feel like that's a good debate. Like put it up on your Instagram, like a poll. Like what would you do? Like that would be-- this is like a good debatable topic. Yeah, it was a funny one. So then your fourth way to minimize the overwhelm and the chaos is communication. I think I know how this one goes, but you tell me first. Like how are you describing communication? So communication, as it relates to calm, is how do you speak, as well as how do you listen so that you can get the support that you need. And so a part of that is being proactive. As soon as you know that there is something that you're going to need, or before it gets to our natural cycles of we ask, we ask, we ask, and then we ask because we're not getting what we want or what we need. It's calling that out. It's being very honest and transparent and saying, here's something that I need, whether it's in a month or next week or later today. Getting ahead of the ask before the need is needed and saying, hey, there's this thing showing up, or I'm feeling really tired, especially tired today, or this is what's going on at work, and I'm feeling really drained, or I don't have time to make dinner later, would you be able to step in, or should we order take out, or something like getting ahead of the overwhelm that we know that we'll be later if we don't get that taken care of is a huge helpful factor in communicating our needs so that we can get those things met. It sounds so simple, but I also feel like as women, we are not-- we haven't been at least a generation of women. I'm a millennial. I wasn't conditioned as a young woman to speak up and communicate how I was feeling, especially if those emotions were considered negative. So I think when this generation becomes moms, communication falls through the wayside because we're not used to saying, hey, I'm really tired. I don't feel like cleaning up. Like, that's just the truth. Let's want to order a pizza tonight. Like, it's almost shameful. Like, it feels shameful, even though it's not. But a lot of us just have been conditioned to not speak up. Yeah, absolutely. And I think that you call out something so important that generationally, culturally, that generation after generation, women have not been in a position where they have felt comfortable to say, I need support here. We need to just carry it all and carry it well and not let anyone know that we're having a hard time. But the tides are changing in that, right? Like, the upcoming generations, even the younger millennials, I see this differently because I'm an elder millennial. So even the younger millennials and the Gen Ys and Zs, like, the communication that they have is a lot more different. And I'm not sure if that's because there is more sense of entitlement or the way that we're all being raised by different generations. But I do see that tide is turning because I have these older kids and the teenagers and how they're behaving. And by me intentionally saying, this is how I'm going to show up at home, I also know that I'm role modeling for them, how they will then show up in their homes and with their partners and with their kids. And so as I go about how I show up in my home, I'm also constantly thinking about what I'm saying and doing as role modeling for them of what they're going to think is appropriate and what's OK. And I'm granting them permission, saying, you can say I'm having a hard time. This is too much. I don't want to do this right now. I'm going to prioritize my self-care and I'm going to prioritize my mental health and my body and being able to put myself in a place of recovery instead of just trying to power through, power through, and then burn out. Burn out, exactly. I was just thinking that because literally if you look at the week as like a full battery, like let's look at your whole week and you have a battery throughout the week. And by Wednesday, you're like, I cannot do another round of dishes in a dishwasher like we need to order out, like getting ahead of it instead of, OK, maybe we usually do pizzas on Fridays, but I think we're going to move it up to Wednesday because I'm exhausted and that's OK. It's funny how you mention about generationally how younger women seem to be speaking up more. I have noticed that as well. My sister is Gen Z. She's 25. And I've definitely noticed a difference between us. We're 10 years apart. So I've noticed like a decade in terms of her being able to speak up for her needs. But even better is I have a young woman who's young in career. So this is her first job and we work together. And she doesn't have a problem saying, hey, I'm feeling a little overwhelmed this week. Like, can we move the deadline? And I think that's so awesome because when I was early in career, I never felt like I had that ability to say I would just say, yes, of course, let's do it and like stay up till midnight or later and burn out. So I love to see these changes. Again, I agree. I don't know if it's entitlement or if it's just that there's more dialogue or that we're actually moving towards a more like gender equal society in terms of women in the workplace. But and it's funny because I actually do relate like women in the workplace and women at home like very similar because we are working at home also. It's like the lines are so blunt. I mean, there's no difference, truly. Right, like you work in a team if you work at like work in corporate or you say or stay at home mom, you're all you're still part of a team. Like even if that team is small and it's just you, your partner and your child, if you're a team of three or you're a team of six, like Jenna is, you're still a team. So you do have to work together as such and communicate. So the last one is self-care. Yes, so self-care. I love self-care. I have no limits to what I will do for myself. And that is a very new thing for me. Let's talk about self-care. I feel like the entire book, all the other chapters are in service of self-care, that everything with building the efficiencies and the habits and getting your community right and your communications on point is all in service that you can take care of you so that you are nurtured, that your mind, body and spirit are cared for. Because then when you're cared for in all these different dimensions, you are a bad ass. You're a bad ass and you can accomplish anything. And especially as a mom, you know that you can literally take on anything. All you need is for your cup to be filled. If you're taking care of it, you can take care of everyone else because you are a magician, a full on witch and capable of so much. But so often, mothers feel tied down and that they can't because they're not taking care of themselves because they haven't built an infrastructure that supports the caring of themselves. It's like I see everyone else around in my household taking care of them. And I'm the one going, no, but you have to do this and you have to do that. And I'm frazzled and doing all the things. But for them, they're in their world taking care of them. And I'm like, that's great. And I also need to take care of me because if I don't take care of me, everyone else is going to suffer because I'm going to be raging, raging Cruella Deville on all of them. Yeah, I mean, that's just the reality. And I think so many moms can relate. Just you're shorter tempered. You don't have as much patience. And that sucks. I feel like we've all had that feeling of this is not the person or this is not the mom I want to be. I've definitely had those feelings. But it's so interesting as you're talking. You literally feel the difference between that dysregulated nervous system over stimulated versus when you're fully aligned and you've taken care of yourself, you can really feel the difference. It's so fascinating. What is one of your like self-care things that you do for yourself? Give me one big one and then give me like a little self-care thing you do every day. So one big one. I'm actually going to tell you five very quickly. Oh, heck, yes. I mean, give us all of them. It's because I open my brilliant basics. Do it. I'm going to give you all of them. And it's the most unsexious list you've ever heard. I can't wait. Unsexy. It is what I call the brilliant basics. And there are five of them. And so the first is sleep. It's just getting enough sleep. And as a new mom, that's really hard to do, yes, and understood in that it's temporary. And that won't be forever. But whenever you can, you get that sleep. You fit it in literally whenever you can. Because if you are rested, then you can be, again, a better version of yourself. So sleep is the first. The second is movement. Getting out and being able to move your body. You don't even have to leave. You can just do some jumping jacks. You can have a dance party with yourself. Put the baby down, blast some Lizzo, and just dance it out for two and a half minutes. That's movement. That alone is phenomenal. The third is connection. Being able to feel like you're a part of something bigger than yourself. So often, especially as new moms, you feel like your life is so small. It's just the baby and you and your family, and that's it. But when you can feel connected outside of yourself and that you belong to something bigger, then that brings so much connection into yourself of feeling like I'm not in all of this alone. You're part of something. The fourth is food and hydration, making sure that you're nourishing yourself, that you're hydrating yourself, putting proper nutrition in your body so that you're eating and you're drinking. Because again, so often, new mom, you forget to do those things or to do them in an intentional way. You're just grabbing whatever is close to you and shoving it in your mouth. So that's number four. And number five is nature. Looking at green, getting fresh air, getting outside. You can take the baby outside, get out, open a window. Even if you can't go, if you don't live in a place where you can go and walk the street so you don't feel safe or whatever, open a window, look at the horizon, look at the sky. If you can get a plant, put it in your home, get some access to green and nature 'cause that is grounding, so grounding. And we forget that we are creatures of nature and that we need and should be within the energy of our natural elements. - Yeah, no, the last one, especially, I know this is gonna sound hokey, but being barefoot in the grass, even for just like 10 minutes, feeling the vibrations of the earth. Guys, I know it sounds really hokey, but it's so true and it does work. It is re-energizing. I love that list of your five basics. What would you call them, the beautiful basics? Wait, what did you call them? - The brilliant basics. - The brilliant basics, yes, sleep. If you have to go to bed with your children, like if they go to bed early, like I'm still in toddler stage, right? So my son goes to bed at eight. I go to bed with him. I know that does sacrifice some time with my husband, unfortunately, but I have to prioritize sleep or I just, the flow of the week, the week doesn't happen. If I go to bed at 11, it just doesn't. So I love that. Okay, so with our remaining time that we have left, let's say we have some pregnant soon-to-be-mamas listening, what do you think is the most important thing new parents should do to be proactive and get ahead of the overwhelm? - I'd say get your food situation sorted, 'cause again, every day, multiple times a day, you have to eat, you have to do it. So it is so important, have snacks around, have dried fruit nuts, whatever, the things that make you feel like, "Okay, I get some good nutrition in me. They're easy to access. I don't need to prep. I don't need to do anything." So when you are hungry, you have something that you can just grab and eat because it's so hard sometimes to prioritize that time, especially when you're just so tired that you don't want to make anything. So to just have some staples around and buy a bulk, get them ready for yourself, that's a huge one. And I'd say connecting with those around you and saying, "Here's, I don't know what kind of help I'm gonna need yet, but can I call on you if I need it?" That's a huge proactive tip that I remember doing, especially with my friends who don't have families yet. I'd say, "This is so new for me. I don't know what's gonna happen. I love you if I don't respond for like a month. It's not you, it's me." And when I do write you and say, "Come over with takeout and be ready to fold laundry," like that's me saying, "I love you and I wanna spend time with you." And I also need you to help me out in this moment probably. So getting proactive with friends, with family, and getting them set up for success as you set yourself up for success, knowing that things are gonna be different. They just are as much as we all wish. That's like, "No, have a baby, everything's the same, no problem. I'm gonna go and hang out with my buddies and go day drinking or go like do my exercise classes and just bring the baby along." And it's like business as usual, no, it's not. It is not. So setting yourself up for success by letting everyone know that you don't know what's gonna happen, but you do know that it's gonna be different and that you love them and that you'll be in touch soon. And for them to reach out to you too, if you're an extrovert like me, I'm an extroverted introvert. I love being with my people, but I also very much need my alone time. So me telling people, "Hey, I love you. I would really appreciate you reaching out to me and just checking in on me would make me feel really good." Was something that really benefited me. So again, I didn't feel so alone. I didn't feel so isolated that like I have a baby and now no one thinks of me. No one's thinking about how they can help or that I even exist anymore. I'm now in my own baby bubble. So reaching out to saying, "Hi, I'm thinking of you. How can I support you? What can I do? Can I come meet the baby?" Whatever, something like that. - Love it, love it. Now, let's say that a family is going from one child to two or two to three, I guess, or three to four, whatever that is. Let's say we're going, we're adding, 'cause I feel like zero to one is super different than adding like once you have, I don't know. That's a whole nother podcast episode, I think. But let's say we're adding a one more child to this family. What are some practical tips or systems to implement to have daily life flow more calmly? - I'd say practicing having your flow as much ahead of time before the baby comes to try to get the rest of the family on board with that as much as possible so that when baby comes, you can try to keep some sort of routine and semblance of normalcy for your prior children, your older children or child, so that they understand and maybe even, again, getting them set up for success telling them, "I love you. You're gonna have this new baby and it's our baby," or whatever your language is around that, but letting them know that things are gonna be different and you're not gonna be as available, but you're still there and that you love them and that you're still gonna have these moments together. And that's something I think is actually really important if you're adding another child to the mix, depending on when, how old, you know, baby number one it is. 'Cause if they're, if you're doing the like Irish twins thing, maybe not so much, but most of the time, letting the child know, like we're gonna do this thing together, that you have an anchor moment that even with all the chaos of having another baby in the mix and the family, that there's something that together you and your other child or children do that is protected. That is time or an activity that you always do together, whether it's once a week or every day or whatever cadence that it is, that you have something that is completely protected for the two of you. 'Cause then they feel anchored and safe and know, okay, mom is still here, she still loves me, we still got this, even though everything else is uprooted, not that they're hopefully not questioning your love for them and that they're not even capable of thinking about that yet, but rather that they have an anchor, they have that anchor of like, this is something that we always do together, that special, that's just ours, even though now that there's this new being in our world that everything else is shared, but this moment's ours. - Love that. Jenna, your book came out May 2nd. Tell us where everyone can find your book. Is it in-store, online, e-book? Tell us everything. - It is everywhere books are sold, especially online. You can find it at Target, Barnes & Noble, Amazon, Indie Books, Bookshop.org, all the places on Audible. As a busy mom, I listened to a lot of books. So that was so important to me when making this book, that as soon as the book came out, that the audio version came out with it. So the audio version is on Audible, ready to go, and you can keep up with more information around Calm, with programs that I'll be developing around this, one that's coming out in the fall, called Own Your Calm, through my website, jennerhermans.com. And you can see all the places that the book is sold on jennerhermans.com/book, and it'll give you tons of information about the book and where you can find it. - Awesome, and I'll make sure I include all of that in the show notes, so everyone listening can easily find the links to the book, and your book is titled again, Chaos to Calm, Five Ways Busy Parents Can Break Free from Overwhelm. Also makes a great gift. If you're going to a baby shower, you wanna put it in there into the basket. I feel like that's a good baby shower book. - And Jenna, tell us where everyone can connect with you. - So I'm on Instagram at JennaZHermans, and I'm on Twitter and Facebook and LinkedIn, all Jenna Hermans. - Easy, you kept it easy for us to find you, awesome. - Oh yeah. - Everyone, thanks for listening, and as always, I'll make sure I include everything in the show notes. Catch us back next week for the next episode. Thanks, Jenna, for being here with us today. - Thank you, Lena. - Bye. - Thanks for joining us this week on the new Mama's Podcast. This podcast was created to help first-time moms everywhere navigate this new stage of life, and talk about the honest and the raw moments in motherhood. I'm your host, Lena Forrestal. I'm a working mom by day, and a blogger, photographer, and podcaster by mid-afternoon. And as a first-time mom myself, I'm on this journey with you. I hope you enjoyed this episode as much as I did, and if you did, be sure to subscribe and leave a review on your favorite listening platform. You can donate to the show at buymeacoffee.com/newmamaspodcast. Stay in touch by following us on Instagram at newmamaspodcast and Lena Forrestal. Thanks again, and stay tuned next week for the next episode. Bye. (gentle music)