#485 - Promoting Crispin, 1% Cats and We’ve Got Enough Sports

Hello everyone, the Ellison John Cinematic Universe is now available to all. Yes, head to patreon.com/ellisonjohn for Lords of Extra Content, including our brand new film series The Adventures of Ellison John, fully visualised podcast episodes twice a week and behind the scenes bonus content. So to watch shows, get at free episodes and come on adventures with me, Ellison Dave, head to patreon.com/ellisonjohn. This week on Hellpice, sex at my bus. So, potholes and pegging. Just going to be an title of my book. Exactly. There we go. Paul combined the two slippery win-wet. You might be banning the famous airport pint. Not bad, you get to airport and have an uppaint. I've been sitting on something for a while and I'd like to tell you. Are you actually? Yes. William Hansen, everybody. Woo! Oh, what a little wash them start! Listen and watch wherever you get your podcasts. [Music] Hello everyone and welcome to the Ellis James and John Robbins show and it's our yearly spooky show. Hi, yes. I'm John. Dave's come dressed as a rat. Ellis is come dressed as a ghost. No, I'm a sexy cat. You're a sexy cat, sorry, you look like a ghost. You look like a ghost of a sexy cat. And I've come dressed as a pumpkin. Yes. You looking good though? Yeah, looking great and I've swallowed a candle and cut holes in my chest. It's a rific scene, but I really committed to it. My son wants to go to Katrina later on tonight as Rumi from K-pop Demon Hunters. And we got in the outfit. And he looks like, like if Bradley Wiggins was a stripper cram for In a Wigg. Who's he dressed as? Rumi from K-pop Demon Hunters. I think a lot of people listening might need more information. What is the most extreme, just the most extreme Netflix show of all time? Okay, to children and their parents. Oh, what about the childless fraternity? The two, the banger's jar. The hell the me, what it is. It's bangers. Me feeling clueded. It's bangers central. What do you mean? The tune of the pop songs on it. Right. Which are very, very, very popular. That's what I mean. That's Rumi. Can I have a look? Yeah, of course you can. Well, you should have had a probably other look before you bought its costume. It shows how involved Dallas is in this process. I mean, that's not what he looks like. He doesn't look like they've Bradley Wiggins. Well, it's a super gram. What's his hair like? He's got the big purple wig. Oh, that's nice. He's been winning it all day. He's been winning it since 7.30 AM. He had his witter bicks this morning dressed like that. Yeah. Kids love Halloween. And what, what sort of characterisation is Steph bringing to the role? Does he do stuff as Rumi? No, but I say what he'll do though is he'll knock on the door with his friend and they'll say trick or treat and person go on and treat and he'll go, "That's great, but I don't like sweets." It has to be chocolate. Who can I do? Yeah, he doesn't like sweets. That's not bad. No, no. It's mad for a kid to not like any sweet talk. He just likes chocolate. Yeah. So when they're that age, it is very basic the characterisation. So what are you going dressed as? A podcaster? Okay. Spooky podcaster. Who's lost interest in Halloween? Never like this. But you were going to leave it? No. Okay. No, no. He was a skeleton last year by the studio. He's got slightly more agency. And is Betty going trick or treating? Yes, I can't even remember. It's something else from K-pop team and hunters. Is it really? The team and hunters is big. It's nice that they're both into the same thing, even as an age gap. They said they set much it together. Because my sister is quite a lot older than me. So we were never into the same things at the same time. No, I'm almost seven years older than my little sister. And it's the same. We never argued because what would an 11-year-old girl have that an 18-year-old man wanted? Yes. We never sort of bickered because we wanted completely different stuff. I wanted more time to raise my levels. She wanted to meet baby spice. Right. Different kind of different. They are really different. They are very different. They're so different. Yeah. Are you going trick or treating Dave? Well, we're going off to Clemen Crispin's house for our yearly house party. Where the townsfolk come and offer their tithes to Crispin for being a good landlord. He's a great landlord because I panicked that we've travelled just been away. Just because he is a landlord. He is a property owner. Yes. And rents that out. No. He's a landlord. So he's not a landlord? No, he's not. No, he's just, he's, when I said he's a, I just meant that. He's a host. He's a lovely host. I panicked that our new electric car wouldn't get us home from where we've been this week. You got range anxiety, Dave. I think I have a little bit because I thought it was fine. And because Hannah and I and the kids have been away to a lovely family forest getaway for the past week. Like we did that. And we now need to go from the family forest getaway to Crispin's. And he texted me this morning saying, "Dory Dave, I've got the electrician around this morning to install you an electric vehicle charge." Just for you. That's what I said. That's not just for me, is it? And he said, "There's plans in the future to have electric vehicles, so it's for everyone." Wow. Well, but that's that's that's generosity. That's generosity. Very generous because I said to him, I'm a little bit worried here, Crispin, that we've got all the way to the family forest getaway. There's no charger in the forest. Absolutely extortionates. And also we missed our We Should Have Books or Window. You meant a book, your car, and on the day you get that. Absolutely. It's a mess. It's a mess. The whole system is a complete mess. It's not. Why don't you just do it in a fast charger on a service? Imagine you've got a station. Book a diesel pump at S. So it would be absolute carnage. What? Why don't you just do it in a service station, Dave? Just let the world burn. No, Jonathan. Just give up. Here we go. No. Because I'm on Greta's side, actually. John, is she booking a slot at the forest getaway to charge her Tesla? Not sure how I describe this podcast anymore. Manavueid himself wants the world to burn. I'm not. Manavus trying his best not to say the brand name centre park. Or a waste. Well, Shvan has lost interest in Halloween. There aren't any others really anymore. That's the problem. You could use to balance it out with Oasis. Haven. Haven. They still exist. Sure. There's one in the cotswolds that my sister calls to. Great. We need that name. But I can't. Yeah. Final five, though. There's a whole made up game coming on. Something I did in the family forest get. I'll find just a set. I'll find out. We could do the name. By Tuesday's record, if that's all right. Anyway, Christmas got my back. Why don't you do it in the store? You're back. He's got my bads. Why don't you do it in a fast other fast challenge in a service station? There's loads of them. I'm just convinced that's 200 pounds for 10 minutes. Because people keep telling me it's so expensive. But I don't know what so expensive means. Google it. Yeah, I could do. I could just get my mates to install the charger. It's kind of. So he obviously is not going to charge you, is he? I mean, I'd be amazed. Financial sounds like I was making a joke. But financial, he's not going to ask. You're not going to fast charge at his house and then he's not going to say, "Right, could I have eight quid to please?" I don't think so. So that's all being taken care of as far as I'm aware. Halloween, we're going at what we do is we go around that. It's really hard because it's a big house. Yeah, I don't want to. You get around the house. Over the course of the evening, you get through at least 40% of the house. So the parents stand at different doorways around the house. So many doorways I've got in my house today. Three. I've got three doorways in my house and you can see them all from them all. Um, I have a front door. I've got a front door. Oh, show off. Back door. Yeah. Actually, I've got two back doors. Yeah, I've got two back doors. And then I've got a side return. Have you? Jeez. But you couldn't get into the house that way. You could get into the garden. All right. You lucky lucky lucky boys. You've got a friend. I got a front door and a back door and a back door. That's it. How did you get into it? Have you got a side return to the garden? Just walking side. I've never heard it called a side return. It's like you lost your way. You're a lucky boy who's lost his way. It's like, um, it's like a passage between, because we live in on a semi-detached house. So there's a semi-detached house to a right that's actually part of this in building. There are people on Geogessa who now know exactly where you live from that information. And then there's a semi-detached house to a left and there's a sort of passage between those houses. But you can get. Like a secret one. Like in five-go to Smugglers' Top. No. That's a great point. But then there's a door to that. And then you can get into our garden that way. And how did you get to the stables? We haven't got to district out of that garden. Yeah. So parents will stand at the various doors, about eight different doors. Okay. So he moves around. He's like a drug dealer. Where is he now? I would imagine he works in a lot of places for 18 months. No, he's done very soon. He's been chief executive in New York Times. He's been chief executive of the BBC. He's now with the UN. He's an ex-debit millibund. He's high up in AI these days. Right. So he's about to be replaced. He's been in tech. He's been in tech for a long time. But what's small world actually when Hannah worked at the Hanford Dean Tesco's for seven years, he worked there as one of the managers. Well, Hannah was there, but she just never knew Chris Been work there as a manager of Tesco back in the day. How old is Chris Been? Like we've been fascinated by this, man. I was at his 50th about four years ago. How did you know someone was 54? I guess. I'm cool. And age doesn't define me or my friends, actually, John. No, but it's unusual. I've got friends in their 50s. Yes, I've actually. Good. Well, one of my eight friends is in their 50s. How did you meet the CEO? He's married to a friend of mine who is our age. Ah, the money again. (LAUGHTER) Well, power, generosity. I wanted to say that, but I could think of what if we get kindly. John just got in there. No, the very, very, very generous family and we all have such a nice family. Halloween slash. You know how far you know how to promote products on this podcast in order to get sent them? You're promoting Chris Been in order to ensure you get invited back and continue to be in his orbit, Dave. Is this how it's very handsome? Is this how it's closer to yours that you could just charge it to his house sort of permanently? With an extension lead. Well, no, no, that wouldn't work. No, that's enough. That's enough on Chris Been. But he's. Trific. He's great, isn't he? He's terrific. And that's 10 more years of you going round on Halloween and getting your car charged for free. And you can't put a price on that. And Tim, Dave, he can't touch you. There's nothing he can do. No, it's not a brand. He's not a brand. He's not a brand. He's not a brand. He's not a brand. He's a man. He's a generous man. Yeah. I've had a lot of nature in my week. Yeah. So this is how to a bit of a disastrous time, Dave. I have you. Went bird watching on Sunday with a friend of the show, comedian Joniuri, great sword grieve. My son loved it. Took my son bird watching. Yesterday I'd been given misinformation to interpret a nature reserve that had been built yet. And I got to apply a man in high fangs that I needed to come back in two years time. How did that happen? I remember when I told Izzy, oh, there's a really good place down in Croydon in Beddington. I was like, oh, well, I've got the afternoon off. And that's not too far. I can take a nap. It's in Google it. Well, it shows up on Google Maps. Permanently closed. We just said that. Wow. We just said Beddington nature reserve. So I've got a bit of a lizard in the family. So I'll try. As we got there, this doesn't look like a nature reserve. It looks like a building. And that's what it is. But where birds there? Yeah, but we, you know, you weren't allowed to park in the car park that the building for all of the bird watches in two years time. OK. So I drove back. However, the day before that, my cat sprought in not one, not two, not three, but four mice. That's four mice. Four mice. No. So in the morning, I heard a scream from my daughter's bedroom. She said they've brought a mouse in. I went in armed with Tupperware. I am like an injured when it comes to catching mice and rats. I am very, very good at it. So I took the Tupperware in. Have you got good because you've had to do it so much? Yeah. I wouldn't have thought it was possible until I had cut. Now I do it probably. What's weird is it tends to happen a lot in a day. And then it wouldn't happen again for months. So our day was first, it was Wednesday anyway. So I get the mouse under the Tupperware because he's. There's no small feet though it does have small feet. Yeah, yeah. So I got them in the Tupperware. Because they usually go behind cupboards and stuff. Yeah, I find it very hard. It's sold time consuming. Anyway. So I pushed under a copy of the new statesman and always the new statesman. And this is set Princeton from the one that happened last week with the new statesman. I've got a lot of new statesman hanging around the house. And they're the perfect size for the Tupperware. And that's not a reflection on the writing. But I do check them out once I've used them because obviously germs. Right? Anyway. So I've got him under there and then I dropped him and then he's run around behind Betty's bunk bed. Now, it had taken so long to get him under the Tupperware. And it's so awkward because you've got to get the cat at the house because obviously they're desperate to find it. Because I dropped him, you know the bad swirwood that you never seen from children. The man city of swear words. Yeah. You know this one. The new man city of the, the comparison. You know, there's one above the real Madrid of swear words. The really bad word. The champions. The main swear. The biggest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But there's one above the biggest. Oh, right. No, that's not the biggest. That's the biggest. Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's the one you don't see in front of kids. I would, it would never even, because the, the effort slipped out. Yeah. It would never even cross my mind to go for the other one. Have you ever caught a mouse when you were in a dressing gun? Because I have. No, I was. No, I was. And also it was a big mouse and I was not sure at that point if it was a rat, but I've got to be a bit more. I was going to photos in. It's sizeable. Yes, it is. It is. You saw mouse number three. This one was the biggest one. Anyway, as I dropped him, I thought the whole process of going to start again, that word slipped out. Is he said, okay, who heard the bad word? Like I'd said Macbeth instead of the Scott play. My son is too young to know what it means. And obviously I hasn't heard it before. And he said, not me. Betty said, I certainly did. I thought I was like, nice one. Good. Now there's going to be an inquest into my language. Nice one. Anyway, I got him back. So are you calling the mouse the slow? Yes, I'm right. And myself. Yeah. For beast life. And for life. And for life. Anyway, I got him back, released him, wall up, job done. I then went, I was like, okay, that had taken a long time. I said, I'm going to put it across. Let's go for a lunch. We're not going to cook in house. That's taken too long. We went for lunch. I had a doctor's appointment. Went for lunch. As I'm on the way back from the doctor, he called me and said, you'll never guess what? I'm going to put it across. I didn't have a possum. And then I just saw it. And I was like, right, everyone freeze. So I got another pint glass this time, a fancy and about German football. - Yeah. I'm very embarrassed to say, right? I have a cleaner. - Do you fell in love with it? (laughing) - You have a cleaner? Why are you embarrassed to me, Barrett? - That's okay. - Because my grandmother was a cleaner and she would turn in her grave if she thought I had a cleaner. - Why? - Because she was like, you should be doing it yourself. - No, even though she did it for a living. - Exactly. - So she was thinking that every second of her working life of all the people she was working for, she was thinking, you should be doing this yourself. - Well, she did it yourself. - She did it in a psychiatric unit. - Fair enough. - Like, I can't necessarily do it themselves. - Yeah, exactly. Anyway, so the cleanest said, I shouldn't love, but listening to you tried to catch your mouse is hilarious. (laughing) It is the funny thing happened for months. - Yeah. - Anyway, all four of us, 'cause I, you know, I'm trying to trap it. There was, I trapped it eventually between the order of service from a funeral I'd been to about three months ago. - Not of a mouse. - Not of a mouse. - They go straight in the deathbed. - The instructions for a microphone I use for the sort of, she doesn't sports bar. And eventually with the aid of some peanut butter, I got him in a pint glass. And I rescued him as well. But I was, I think I was 50 minutes late for something. Because I, because I cannot bear the idea of them dying. And the cats will just play with them, which is horrible. So anyway, I got him in the end and I rescued him. I released him, is he released him? We have now bought an AI cat flap that can tell if the cats have got something in their mouths and then it won't let them in. Because they used to be worse at, and this is a tech bro day. - Yes. - Because I googled these and on the website, the cat flap sends you videos for the cat. - To your watch. - I'm hoping you could disable that. - Well, you need to check whether it's working. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But they do look very chilling. - Yes, it's not great. - Yeah. - One of them was a cat with a big frog day. - Cats have never brought in a frog. - Am I, when I was growing up, my cat ceased to, it was frogs was the problem. - Was it? - Frog's scream. - Oh my God. - Which you don't know until a cat brings a frog into your life. They scream. It's outrageous the sound they make. - So you'll know if one of your cats brings another cat home as I could romantic date. - Yes. - If they want to do that, best of luck to them. - Yeah. - Yeah, well, sincerely hope my cat gets his leg over. - So I'm aware that having heard this, a listener may well bombard you with solutions. - Yes. - Let's just go through the things you've tried. - The bell. - You've tried the bell. - It sounds like you're recording it. Christmas single and a stuff movie at the same time. - So that doesn't work. - The bell. Whoever is spreading the bell propaganda. That is missing. - I think it's more for birds, because birds have much quicker reactions and just fly as soon as they hit. - Birds are slow and thick. - Okay. Birds are initially, they brought in a pigeon on the day. Film rule, and I was about to leave the house. - I was about to pick a pigeon in my suit. - So you've tried the bell. - Yeah. - Have you tried keeping them in at dawn and dusk? - Right. - Okay. - We have got a special microchipped cat flap. - Mm. - So it's got four settings. They can come in, but they can't come out. They can go out, but they can't come in, et cetera, et cetera. They can't, neither in or out. Anyway, according to the website, 1% of cats are clever enough to override these. Our cats are in men's sir. - Okay. - They are in the 1%. It took them about six months, but if you push it down and then, oh, if you pushed down the mechanism and then, I don't know how they're doing it, but they can do it. And it's extremely annoying. - So you can't. - That solves the issue, 'cause they tend to do it most at night. So you would wake up in the morning and they'd be in the kitchen. - They can't lock the cat flap totally, keep them in the evening. - No, they can override it. I don't know. I can't-- - Can you not just put some wood in front of it? That's what we started doing now. - Okay. - Yeah. - So you tried that. - Yes. - Have you thought of just keeping the mice in like a cage for the kids to have his pets? - I don't want mice. I have. - That's not my encourage is more, 'cause there's not a fine egg in the room. - Well, then then the cats would just be staring at the mice all day in the mouse hutch. - No, they'll just go, this is great. Let's go and get some more to add to the party. - They think that they think they're bringing you a gift. - Yeah. - A book about cat psychology. They're worried that we're panting catching mice. Rat, a cat will look at a human, be like, "He is rubbish." I've not seen him with a mouse in his mouth once. - Well, what if? - What if? - He is bad. - What if you get lots and lots of mini toy mice and stitch them onto a cloak of mice that you wear around the house and the cats will look at you and think, finally he's got the idea. - Yes, they've got a toy mice. But if you're gonna have out door cats, which we have, it is an issue. I never had cats growing up. I didn't know this was part of the deal. - Oh, big time. My, when I was-- - The frogs has never happened yet. - When I was a teenager, our cat, who we were always called Kitty, found a bowl hole entrance and she would just sit all day. And as soon as they came out, she'd bat it. And they'd be like 20 a day. - I know. - So she just found the sauce? - Yeah, yeah, that had, there was a most nest in our backyard about six months ago and it was, so when does the AI cat flap arrive? - Frustratingly one to two weeks. But Andy, my friend, is ready. He's primed. He is gonna, I think he's installing a kitchen or something. He will drop everything. - Yeah. - But yeah, that it's wood at the moment at night. The problem is every time they come in, I'm nervous. It's like it's like we have an unruly teenager as a kid. Oh God, well, they brought back now. - Is there a point where the cats just need to go and live somewhere else? - 'Cause there's a continuous problem here. There's a kind of a, there's a constant. - Have you got out of your cats? - Yeah, big time. - So do they do this? - Nope. - So what's wrong with your cats? They just win. - They don't live in one of the most rat and mouse infested cities on earth. - Well, they live in Manchester. - No, they live in the church. - Actually, I mean, actually. - Okay. - They would be far fewer round where you are than where Alice is. - Well, we're back onto fields. So they live there. I think maybe field mice are slightly less. - Yeah, I've got to cafes and restaurants. - I live next door to a rat. I live behind us. (laughing) - I was 40 when I was a student. Got it. (laughing) - And there was a rat there. It was on Woodfield Road. It's no longer there. It was called the Peppermint Lounge about 25 years ago. And I saw a rat around the back of the Peppermint Lounge. It had shoulders like a rugby player. It was massive. - Like rat again. - Yeah, yeah. - From the great. - It used to show the bargeau of Buck door to try and get it to try and get in. It was an awful thing. - No, there's none of that going on in Cheetle Heem. - Well, yeah. - No, I'm very fortunate. I think maybe 12, I don't know. Well, they're 12 now. Maybe four times over their whole life. - That's why he's at it in a day. - I know, it's mad. I'm very happy because I know. - There might be a mouse nest in your garden. - I think that's what's happening. 'Cause what happened? They seem to have a bit more than the rain. - Right, right. - The little mice come out 'cause they hear the pitta pitta. - Yeah, but like they would do it for three months and then they'll do it loads. But I am incredible a catch in my centipoeia. - Well done. - Good stuff. - Good skill. - Right. Now it's time to dive into your correspondence. And what are a lot of different topics we have to cover today. First off, this was on from Valerie on inappropriate film viewing, which talked about some time ago now. Valerie says, "Listen to your chat about parental controls "and what let your children watch. "I wanted to share a childhood trauma "that still haunts me today 50 years later." In 1975, Jaws was released in the UK with an A certificate, which was equivalent to a PG today. That seems mad. - Oh, I racked a phobia with a PG's, we've mentioned. - I'd say Jaws is worse than a rat. - Jaws isn't easy. - Jaws isn't easy. - No. - It wasn't A, I've never heard of an A. - Well, that's how they used to do this. It used to be done by letters. - Did it? - By some we were kids, it was age groups. - Meaning children under 14 could see it. My parents took me and my older brother who was 12. I was five. And even though I screamed most of the way through it, we watched it right at the end. At the time my brother and I shared a bedroom. That night in bed I had my first Jaws nightmare. I was in the water far out to sea. My brother was passing nearby in his luxury yacht. He was still 12 in the dream. So by rights he shouldn't have been skipping a luxury yacht. And then the fin appeared. The massive killer shark was heading straight for me. My panic and started screaming, "Creg, Creg, let me on your yacht." - He ignored me. I swam towards him and started to climb the ladder and to the yacht still screaming, "Creg, let me on to your yacht." At this point my darling brother started to kick me back off the ladder, shall it get off my yacht? And just at the point where the shark opened its massive Jaws, I woke up. I was on the floor next to my brother's bed, clinging onto the covers. Well, my brother kicked me shouting at me to get out of his bed. My mom now. claims she never took me to see jewels at that age. It did happen. Parents are hilarious like that. They will offer them a completely white wash history. There'll be, there's a lot of parental revisionism when they will be done to make terrible. You're like, "Jumbo, when you did that, man, then I know." That wasn't me. It is to the PG in the US. It's a 12A in the UK now, but. It still feels. It still feels fair to get jumped in art. The final scene is awful. It's a horrible bit of business. I should say as well, I really do apologise, and I'm not proud of the word I said when I was trying to catch a bat in time. I'm really not proud of it. No, it's not great, but it's in the heat of the moment. It's in the heat of the moment. Every permanent will start every. You're in a dressing gown. Yeah. And there's a rat that loosens in your house. I think you'll have solidarity from most parents on that front. Not from Izzy. Okay. This is from Sarah Allen. Dear lovely lands, I feel to compel to write in a program as Friday in the discussion regarding large thighs. My son-in-law, a lovely short Welshman, already long-safring, having married into an English family, over six footers, was asked by his wife, my daughter, to sit back on the sofa. "I am," you replied. "No, just sit back," she replied. And then the revelation, his shortness was due to the length of his thighs. This was then repeatedly tested and repeatedly tested, and demonstrated some effects to each other. Knees lined up like circus freaks, to various groups of friends and relatives to peels of laughter. His short thighs became the butt of many jokes and then on with anything, and every misgiving being blamed on his short thighs. Oh, bloke! It's a show. As a fellow short of short thighs, I really do have the thighs. So I think one of the main things about Welsh thighs is their shortness, not the circumference as much, but the length. My son-in-law's blamed it on competitive skiing for many years, as my husband suggest, evolution of generations of mining in an adequately sized tunnels, kind of guards, been over the shore for many years, Sarah Allen. But Welsh people are not much taller than used to be. Same for everyone. Yeah, yeah, absolutely. I think we. Dramborellis claims that everyone's a foot taller than they were in the '80s. No, not a foot taller. Not a foot taller. My grandfather was like, he worked underground. He was only two foot taller. When he was like five foot three or five foot four, all is made to the same from Ivan Polin, which means Ivan, who's as tall as a pole, and he was five foot eleven. Oh. And they were like, wow. And my uncle also worked underground. Once looked at my cousin who's six foot and said, teen's hall or doll, which means he also told it's actually a glee. Oh, he's six foot. He's six foot. He's six foot. No, he was a juk. He was like, does the sound of the light heart? A body shane going on. No, no, it was like, like, oh, he's awful. It must be awful being that tall. It's like light hearted humour. He could take a short shot. I should have said you're so short, it's ugly. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, but best people don't want to be short. But six foot. Six foot is an eyesight. Well, I don't know. My sister's quite tall and she gets people going, "Oh, you're tall." As if it's like, you wouldn't go to someone and say, "Yeah, you're fat." Yeah. What do you mean you might do? And that would be awful. I was once in a pub with Humphrey Carr, who a lot of our listeners were recognised and welcomed to rex. And he's six or seven. Big man. And we'd done a gig together and we were having a drink and a guy came up to me, came up to him and said, "I've got to say this. You're tall." And he said, "Yeah, thanks." And he went, "No, but you are. I've just got to say it." But it's also nothing that he's done to. No, but he's been tall. And he's been tall. He knows that. Osamangueta, and Stephen Merchand gets it as well. I bet this guy was just like, he couldn't get over how tall I'm free was. And he just kept saying, "Sry, I've just had to come up with him." Because you didn't know, did he mate? No. Because there's no real response to that. It's not a thank you, because you were just born to be that tall. Yeah, yeah. It's like a lot of people, if I ever kind of offer my information, because Masterman's quite a unique surname. And the amount of people go, "Oh, Masterman, that's a great surname." And I don't want to say thank you because I've done nothing to him. But you also don't want to be like, "Yes, I know it." Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's an odd thing where you've, through no kind of actions, people are just kind of stating things about you. But there were lots of lankilads in my year at school. Yeah. We definitely get in taller. I'm like a throwback. I think my room. I think my room. Pretty much, I've read a bit of a lot of people. Yeah, I think we've five, seven. Yeah, but I think my body shape should be as infigrants. Well, on this, M says, "Hello, baby, C2s. 59cm, 3 is at 1.7 meters height is nothing. Try being 1.48 meters." What's that in feet? Come on, man. That's about 4 foot 10, I think. Try being 4 foot 10 with 66cm, thighs. So, bigger than mine? Yeah. Bigger than mine by 4.5cm. Okay. Tell me how should one react when the doctor says, "I've never seen legs like it. They look like chicken drumsticks." Wow. My god, the doctor can't say that. And then they continue their email by lying about how good they are at Wordal. Come on, read it out, John. Also, a quick post about Wordal because my competitive streak is forcing me to share. Recently, my average solving score was 2.8 feet. I don't believe you. It wasn't over 14 days. Okay. I only accept 14 days stats. As per the New York Times app, if you send me a screen grab of your 14-day score and they average 2.8, I will send you a pound coin. So you'll be getting vicious. But you'll be getting some in two if your average is 2.8. Yeah. But you'd have to be getting you'd have to be getting 10 in what would that be? 10 in 3 and 4 in 2 over the course of two weeks. That's pretty. I'm someone's going to do it because that's how extremes work. But I would be delighted to see the screenshot please. No, you wouldn't. You'd be devastated if you saw that. That was pretty. But it's something to work towards. Now, this is from Will because I. You know you're a tech pro. Yeah. And Dave, you know you're a. Yeah, sorry. We'll get you. A tech pro. A tech pro. No, I think you're tech pro-adjacent. I mean, I'm sort of a Christmas job is. Oh yeah. I mean, I'm in bed with tech, bro. I have become a cliche. Go on. But I'm going to read Will's email and then talk about it. Will says to our heroes of the airwaves, I like John and many others have been thoroughly enjoying the new Geese album. And John's ticket chat a few weeks ago brought back to the surface and personal geese related shame. I've loved the band since their first album and have seen them in 2022 at a festival in France. So I immediately bought tickets there 2023 tour seeing the better 200 capacity venue and notting them where I was studying at the time. After the gig, the band were milling about in the smoking area. So I seized the moment and said a quick hello. I met up with my pals from the support band back in the venue's bar who had tried to convince Geese to come out with us after the show. Oh yes. They had politely declined. At this point, an acquaintance who worked at the venue said, "They've already gone mate. I was disappointed not to have more of a conversation with these very talented lads, but was more intrigued by her next statement and they've not touched their rider. You're welcome to it." As a student living in the middle of a cost of living crisis, my eyes lit up. We piled in to the dressing room, hands darting for two 24 can crates of lager. "Ooh." Our pockets were filled and we sat down with two cronum burgs and a can of red stripe in the pocket. We all felt very pleased with ourselves. I'd seen a band I loved and now we were drinking free-beard courtesy of Cameron Winter. The night couldn't get any better. It was then that I saw Mr. Winter and his band members walked towards their dressing room. My stomach dropped. An irritated Mr. Winter enters, deep in conversation with a member of the venue staff as I slowly rested my cans underneath his table. It turns out Geese did want their rider. Friend and I slipped out of the venue unnoticed by the band or staff and have had many great nights there since but I do hope our indiscretion didn't ruin the band's experience of notting them. I would love to have seen them in that venue and I'm not that first of all. But I have become a Geese cliche Dave because they're now the sort of go-to internet meme about men who want to appear cool in middle age by saying they listen to Geese. And I have seen memes of guys saying I listen to Geese repeatedly. They've entered the mainstream. But no they haven't. But they kind of have. Well it's because I think a lot of their hype has been online. I've heard a lot more about Geese and not just from you just in general. I hear the name of the band. Well I didn't used to know who they were until nine months ago and I hear about them a lot now. I think it's interesting because they're very very cool. But that coolness has expressed itself on social media through other people. Not the band. The band has just made an amazing album. In fact I would say Cameron Winter in the past year has released two of the best albums ever made and he's 24. Is he 24? That's pathetic. Oh my god. Hi Hans, so he was born in 2001. He was. No. People weren't being born after familiar to millions. I'm pretty sure he was like he might have been born after 9/11. No one was. Let me google it. Oh dear. So for you born after 9/11? I was born in 98. 98 is fine. 98. - Fine, right? - Yeah, he was born October the 13th, 2001. - Hee-ch. - And he released an album last year. - Which I think there's an argument for saying might be the best album ever made. - Can't be. - It's 24. - Well, well, Marissa was 24 when he made "Ustra Week". - And the Beatles were all young. - I know. - But Marissa was 24 when he made "Ustra Week". - Yeah. - I think it was spammed his 23rd and 24th year recording that album. And there's something about. - I was tempted when I was studying. (laughing) But I think there's something about being young. You're not sort of weighed down with influence. - Absolutely. - And but it was, it was, it was, it was, it was. - I was tempted. - But I find it interesting that you sort of got a, maybe like a six week period where you could say, that this key album's really amazing. Without becoming part of a sort of. - Yes. - A joke. - But it's also. - Because it takes away from what they've done to be like, oh, now they're the new band that people say they like if they want to be cool. - But just, I would just, I would A, I wouldn't be bothered by that if I was as intergeeks as you are. I think you just need to see it as a compliment that their music's good and it is entering the wider conscious of the music, of the music "Effesion Ardos". It was nothing wrong with that. - It's just good. - It's good. - So when you're good, you get bigger and more, you know. It mainly think if the next thing they do or he does is of any value, that's an enormous achievement. Because once you become the zeitgeist, if you're able to sort of somehow keep your creativity away from that and not get sort of caught up in everyone telling you how amazing you are, then you've done something many people fail to do. And it's interesting that you mention the Beatles because that's one, I'm not big Beatles head, but I think that's one thing that they were exceptional at was continuing to make incredible music, regardless of the fact they'd become debilitatingly popular. - Yes, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It would have been very easy. - Oh yeah, once they've stopped being able to do one, let's do more of it. - Yeah. - Well, they did the opposite, amazing me. - But that takes a lot of discipline, I think, to be able to not just become rubbish. So like Van Morrison, I think it's really useful for him in the astral weeks and think about the velvet underground that they weren't actually that popular at the time. - Yeah, of course, yeah. - So you don't suddenly go mad even though he did go mad, but he sort of went mad in the early 90s for some reason about contracts. - So how would you relate, 'cause I'm curious about your take on your perception of the band geeks, right? Who you love at the minute. What if their next album is so popular that all of a sudden they're on Radio One and Radio Exoplanum and I'd love them. - Would you like, would you genuinely? - I would as much. - I would as much. - Good music in the form. - Wouldn't mind it's for as possible. - Because it would bring people to, but my concern is this is not very good. I don't care how popular it is. I don't think they're good 'cause they're sort of underground. I think they're good 'cause their album doesn't sound like anything else I've ever heard. But it also sounds like a lot of stuff I've ever heard. It's like they've listened to all the music I like, then forgotten it and recorded an album. - Yeah, yeah. - So it's like there. There's a song on that album called Half Real, which I think might be the best song ever written. It's insane. - That's what I was saying. - How good it is. - Just good though. - You're 43. - Thanks. - But isn't it great that you've discovered your favorite song ever now? - Yeah, and from someone who's 24. - That's not true. - But most people become stuck in a loop of listening to the music they're like when they were teenagers or in their early 20s. - Well, a lot of the sort of naysayers are older audio-filed weabs. - I don't worry about it. - No, no, no, I'm not worried, but I just find it interesting when I saw this meme. And it's a guy in a field shouting to a girl, I listen to geese. I listen to geese. I listen to geese. To try and impress her. It gets increasingly more angry. But it's like, oh, they've already become that thing. - But the national had a bit of that. Like they were the six music dad band. It's dad rock. The national kind of almost invented dad rock because everyone was saying it's that midlife crisis band. And then all those descriptions of a band that I thought were pretty cool for. And I still think of cool 'cause I still think they're fantastic. But they've definitely shifted from this quite cool underground band to being a bit of a not a joke band 'cause they're still impressive as well. - And they're massive. - But it is very much middle-aged dad still trying to grasp onto their musical kind of passions. It's how they perceive, which I think is a bit unfair. - Because I think a lot of people as they get older, they discover new stuff that they like, but that it might be very old. So you get people who've like dindy music frame and they get into their 40s and they discover jazz or something. But to like something that's been released very recently, at your great age, John. - Why do you make that? - I think that's an electric. - I felt a bit like this with Carseat Headrest when they were out 'cause they were very cool. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. But their sort of coolness was quite present in, they clearly thought they were cool as well. - Yeah. - But I think this might be the first time I've worshipped someone younger than me creatively. And. - Oh, that's a good question. - Because all of my other heroes are older than me. - I'm non-take. (laughing) But like, - What do you wish on to eat, bro? - And like eat, bro. - So the footballers say when I was into football, when I was a kid, were older than me. And then I guess my last era of being into football, they were like my age. - Yeah, Gerard Sixman's older than I am. Michael O'Inn is like 11 months older than me. - The musicians I like are either dead or mad or my age and older in their 50s. - But what about golfers? You must like some. - I don't like, I don't worship them. - I don't like my other. - You're a young, - If Rory Mackle Roy walked into this room and he's about my age anyway, but I wouldn't go like weak need. - You're younger than Ronnie. - Or so? - I'm younger than Ronnie. - Looked Hitler. - I don't really watch Darts. - But you love Darts. - I do love Darts in 2000s. - Yeah, I never watch. - I'm gonna take Eric Bristol. (laughing) - But it's weird to sort of think I would put his poster on my wall. - Would you? - Yeah, I would put a gig poster. - Oh yeah, I get that. - I would put a gig poster on my wall when I go to see them. - Yeah. - I don't think there's anyone younger than me whose poster would ever be on my wall. - Interesting. - That's a very interesting point, actually. I'm trying to think, well, the people I admire. - Can you imagine if you were 70? - A lot of sports people. - Yeah. - Who were younger than me? - But would you put that poster on your wall? What would he say? If you put a sort of 18 year old football as opposed to your bedroom wall? (laughing) Who's the exciting new talent at Swansea City? - Yeah, if I had Liam Cullen's poster on my wall, it'd be a bit odd. - I guess as much as I like Liam Cullen. - I guess if you have kids, it's different because their heroes become part of the fabric of the house. So you might, you know, like Betty might have a, live your Rodrigo poster. - Do you know what? I really, really, really admire your Rodrigo. - But would you have a framed poster on that? - No, no. - You wouldn't. - But they might be knocking about the house. - Oh, they're knocking on the house. - But you don't want to be her, do you? - Yes. (laughing) No, I'd love to be Mark Cavendish. - I sort of want to be Kevin. - I think I can go to bed, I think. - That's fine. I don't want to be a Rodrigo. She's too famous. - Yeah, it's my head didn't be that famous. - Well, there you go. Anyway, interesting bit of chat. - What, sorry. - I'm a little old. - I'm a really old schooled girl. It's such a great lyric. - What's she home schooled? - I'm assuming so she's been famous and she was little, y'all. - 'Cause what's interesting with getting into the younger acts and younger music is the live experience then. 'Cause I mentioned Royal Otis, so I love her the minute. But I can already tell the music that they play. If I went to one of their gigs, I would feel quite old there. - Oh, I'm quite old. - Because they will be 20 year olds or going to that gig. - They're a great band who are actually going on hiatus apparently. Their last London gig was last night. But they're young. And what was interesting with that was 'cause they make such a great, I went to the Seattle Wight in H likely with the lovely Robin actually. There was people, it was a real range of ages. - Oh, that's good. - From, you know, I would say teenagers two people in their 50s and 60s. - When I saw Kasi headrest at the roundhouse, I was the oldest person there. - Oh yeah, I'm surprised. - I'm quite surprised at that. - I was the only person who knew they opened with the Lou Reed song. - Right. - And I knew it from the first chord. I've told this story before, but it's one of the favorite moments of my life. They played one chord as they walked downstage. Everyone was silent. I lost my mind 'cause I knew it was wave-safere by Lou Reed. And they played it. And I was the only one who knew the song. - And I felt good. - And then at the end of the song, you know, I knew what that was. - I knew what that was. - I knew. - Does anyone wanna hang out with me? (laughing) 'Cause I know stuff like that. And I like it and I own it in its original form. - Yeah. - So it's got feelings in it. - It's getting bigger than me. - Fail. - Yeah. - Not by much though, surely. - Ten years. (laughing) - What? How old is he? - He's a very old young. - He did. - He did. - I'm not going to, so it's not 34. He is 35 I think. Is he? July 89. he was born. Flippity. The drums is boxed in day 90. He's 36. But still surprising. What is it now? What year is it now? 2020. Yeah, yeah, he's a little bit. Right. So there you go. I will report back from the gigs. Because I'm going to, I'm going to see me in December. Yeah. Where are around. You can say it with a normal mouth. But I think someone can think on the guest list for 100% sure. That's fine as well, John. I'm not 100% sure. Oh, no, you need to work that out. I know. I can't say enough of your names, not down. Okay. Okay. Right. Let's take a break from the emails to have little chitter chatter, pitter patter with Dr Adrian Child's PhD. Okay. So to be clear, they got a home game and they win that tonight. It's four to two. So they take the world's ooze and if they don't, they get another crack at it tomorrow again in Toronto. Yeah. So everything crossed for tonight, migrates the start. Well, you've got my juices going. But then again, I'll have baseball anyway. Let's see if it let's see if it works with Alice and John. Are you, we've got buy-in from you, Alice, John? I wish I cared more about baseball because I want to hear people talk about it. I think it sounds great. I love to put the hours in. You've got to put the hours in and suddenly. But you've got to put the hours in, I'm afraid. Yeah. That's the thing. You just need a Welsh. Colin did that. Yeah. You just need a Welsh player. If there was a Welsh baseball player, Alice would know everything about it. And it would be like, yes. He would travel tens of thousands of miles. Sport doesn't exist outside of wheels for Alice. That's why we love him. He's got me. Bung to write, sir. What about you, John? You're more of a romantic, I think. John, I think. Yeah. I think if you think I used to watch the baseball when I was a kid and try and understand it because there was baseball where my dad was, but it was sort of a odd way of trying to connect with him as a child when he was a lot of miles away. So I'd stay up late watching baseball. So that is quite a sort of melancholic reflection. But I guess more broadly, I don't feel any to import sports. I think we've got enough. I think we're sort of up by the way. Yeah. I lived there. Therefore I have that connection. So you have like a vested interest in it. I think it's hardly as well. Yeah. It's hard to fully lose yourself in a sport. You don't have any sort of connection with, but that's not to say it's not very exciting. I watched the women's semi-final the cricket yesterday and that was one of the best sporting occasions I've ever seen. Oh, it was absolutely incredible. So I'm sort of full of the sports I know at the minute. It's harder than rugby head around a completely foreign sport. I have just I've just asked a well-known AI tool. So have there been, have there been, as a well she would never played Major League Baseball and it's happened thrice. Jimmy Austin from Swansea played in the MLB from 1909 to 1929. I mean, how can anyone forget Peter Morris born in Riddland played one game in 1884 in what he's now recognised as a Major League and then there was Ted Lewis from Moncliffe also made it to the Major League. Well, the Welsh, the working class summer sport in Cardiff and Newport and in Liverpool for decades was baseball, but it was a specific kind of Welsh baseball with slightly different rules to me. You're making this up. No, no, no, no, and it was, it was televised. Mark Ring, the rugby player, the Welsh and Tas rugby player was a very good Welsh baseball player. What were the rules of Welsh baseball? They were slightly different. I don't, it was a very Cardiff in Newport. Things I didn't play it because I grew up from Carmarthen had no such truck with these. No, but and then there'd be a combined Cardiff in Newport team they'd play Liverpool and it'd be called England versus Wales, but it was a docks. It was a docks kind of baseball that was played in Cardiff in Newport. Amazing. A conversation has taken on an usual turn. We'll be we'll be looking at this. I'm sure you've dreamt this. You've been on tour for so long. You're tired. I've commonly known as business. No, no, no. A particular kind of baseball. I only played, I only played in Swansea and in Cardiff in Newport. It was a docks thing when I did my Welsh also a very Catholic thing. When I did my. When I did my. They were coming off ships and they'd seen it in America. When I did my. Well, Welsh, Catholic, baseball. Only in South East Wales. It's going. Now, we're. When I did. It's sadly in Cardiff. You still see it played a little bit but it's gone out of fashion. It used to be massive. In the sort of 60s, 70s and 80s, it was very, very popular. But yeah, it was. It was. A lot of the top Welsh rugby players played. So Terry Holmes and Mark Ring and David Bishop would all Welsh internationals and also players like John Toshach and Terry Ollath played it because it was that specific thing. It's right. Look, we're going to we're going to go into this in great a bit. It's a lot. It's a lot of. Ellis, quick cue. What's better than listening to or watching the Ellison John podcast? Oh, well, listening or watching to anything lovely bit calippo. No, it's experiencing it live and this summer we're taking the podcast to the world's biggest podcasting party crossed wires. Yes, on Saturday, the 4th of July. We'll be taking to the stage in the great city of Schifffield. And we won't be alone. Across the weekend, you'll be able to see Greg James and Alice Levine, the screen-rot podcast, British scandal and loads more. Yeah. There are two entirely free BBC sound stages, outdoor bars and after parties, including one from our very own producer Dave, who's going to be hosting all more FWINS after our live show. To get tickets and to find out more head to crossed wires dot live. Adrian, a soothing balm on the irritated skin of Britain. I recently got some. I got sold a crock by Instagram. For your face. No, for my. I've got a tiny patch of X-Maramide chest, the size of a 10-punch coin. And it's the only part of my body it occurs on. And I saw this thing saying, "Us group of mums got sick of not being able to find a cure for our children's skin conditions." And I was like, "Well, of course, if mums have taken matters into their own hands, they will have solved this problem and medicine has not been anything to get rid of." So I bought this tin of green. Yeah, I love green. Green putty. It doesn't bloody work, does it? So E45, Equeous cream. It's. I need our old friend, Humavate. But the mums got together and worked out how to get 18 quid out of Johnny J. That's what they did. And I don't hold high hopes for the soap bar for your hair. Soap for your hair. Yeah, you've been. They saw you coming, I think, is the. They did. Are there any. Do we want to reference any vague maths emails in this episode? Oh, yeah. Oh, God. Dave, you take these. No, I don't think I've stunned them. We've had lots of emails in and around Anna's email from last week, which I poured quite a lot of scorn on. I enjoyed it. Alice enjoyed it. I've. I scorned it. Disliked maths at school and I'm willing to hold my hands up and accept other people's better judgement when it comes to maths. And I was. I got a beachy sissy, Dave. Me too. Yeah, well done. But I disliked every second. I was keen to stress, and I'll stress again, Anna did make clear in a amongst the email that there were a few assumptions knocking about. And I poured a lot of scorn on those assumptions. You did. So this is to do with Alice's com reconnection percentages. And Anna's thoughts that in general percentages would be around about 22% success rates. So the fact that Alice is knocking on the door of 50% is sensational. Though I'd like Anna. I like Anna. I like Anna. You hate Anna. I don't hate Anna. I don't hate anyone. Let's take someone. I don't hate anyone. I don't hate anyone. Not that I know. No. Oh, yeah, I hate sort of des spots. Yeah. And lots of sort of big figures. Yeah. I don't hate anyone who emails into the Sherbelt com reconnection. That would suggest a slightly petty mind. So we've had responses. You need to op your therapy to three times a day to the email. I'm low. Some of them are very long and quite technical. So I'm not going to read them all. No, it's a little bit hard to follow. I just did a very little of them, but accept that I am great and John is bad. No, not true. Most of them are sort of halfway between. Yeah. But this is from quite good and John's also quite good. This is from Ahmed Ahmed says, after hearing the earliest statistical attempt from a previous emailer, I found myself agreeing with John's assessment that some of the assumptions behind those numbers were a little wide of the mark, which Anna was clear on. While a few of the points were absolutely on the right track, others needed tightening up. I'm not a qualified statistician, but I do work with numbers. Have you cherry picked the email you're eating? I'm reading the first one you've good. - Flour. (laughing) Qualified statistician, but I do work with numbers. And in recent years, I've become rather handy at prompt engineering. So I've used an AI-assisted number cruncher to arrive. But what I think is a more robust estimate. - Ah. - I've included the prompts at the end of the email. So John, all the producers can replicate this. Headline assumptions used in the calculation. Welsh population of 3.2 million, ONS, mid 2004. - Interesting that you chose this one, because this piece is-- - I'm gonna read the rest, you-- - They're saying. - I'm reading two emails at once. - That's too-- - That's interesting that you chose this piece. - I'm reading them from start to finish. - He's going from S to S. - You were to read a word of each. - Yes. - I was like, me, you were trying to catch that mouse. - Go on, John. - Average acquaintances per adult, 611, based on social network studies. - Great. - And on. - And this is acquaintances estimated at 3000, reflecting his public profile and career and broadcasting comedy and football. Now that's interesting. - That's a new detail. - Because Ellis will have more friends and acquaintances than most people. - Yes, 'cause he's a popular man. - And he works in various media. - And you know, I just glow. - And he will not end a conversation. - No, he's been of a good-- - No, that's not good, that's a lovely thing. - Well, my stage door was amazing. - Well, share of acquaintances, what does that mean? - 70% for the average Welsh person, 60% for Ellis and the rest with the rest UK-wise. - Yeah, okay. - So they're skewing you slightly more non-Wellish connections because you've left your hometown. - Yeah. - So you've gone out into the big wide world. - Yes. - You will have more connections from, let's say, London, than anyone who still lives in Wales. - Yeah, but I've got a lot of Welsh connections. - I know. - Now a word I've never seen before, homophilly/clustering uplift. - Homophilly, I applied to Cymru when that by election. - What? - Cuffilly. - Oh dear. - Oh, Michael's loving it. (laughing) - Well, there's an opposite to the good radio bell, though. - There's no other stage. - Model used, simple, simple, "Quass on overlap, approximation, fish." - Anyway, I don't understand any of this. Here's what the robot suggests. The average Welsh person has roughly a 16% chance of knowing a random Welsh caller through one mutual acquaintance. Ellis James, broadcast a comedian cagull enthusiast, should statistically have a 46 to 52% hit rate. That means Ellis is about three times more connected than your average die on the street. But, this is by key point, his results are also spectacularly, perfectly, gloriously, average. - Oh. - In other words, Ellis isn't smashing the numbers, he is the numbers. Statistically, he's doing exactly what Ellis James is expected to do. If you're a football club, he'd be Swansea finishing 12th. - Right. - And all of that remains gloriously, mathematically true, until he factor in the Navelli protocol. (laughing) - Oh no. (laughing) With this factored in for the average Welsh person, the probability of a comery connection drops from around 16% to around 2.2% to 3% because the Navelli protocol cuts their effective network size from roughly 600 down to 200 or fewer meaningful contacts. Smaller network equals lower overlap probability. For Ellis, the probability falls from 46 to 52% to roughly 10 to 15% because while his total network is much larger, around 3,000, the pool of people shrinks dramatically too, down to about 1.5,000. That still gives him a clear advantage versus the average, but the mathematics of overlap means that when both sets are smaller, the chances of a shared connection fall steeply. And honestly, that makes the 46% he actually achieves even more impressive. It isn't just about mathematical odds, it reflects years of real connections, conversations, and moments people actually remember. So yes, the numbers are fun. But the real story is that Ellis is genuinely good at this. Yours in probability, prompt engineering and playful precision, Ahmed. Thank you, Ahmed. I don't think that was a million miles from Anna's. If I'm being honest. I think it'd be a bit rough for all of them. If I don't understand any of it. No, but to read them. No, no, no, no, what I'm saying is, Anna just presented that email to us in the layman's terms, I think. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. With a little smoother edge here and there. My email proceeds in three parts. First, I correct a conceptual misunderstanding of Johns about proportional versus uniform distributions. Second, I refute the nature of Johns criticism of Anna's modeling assumptions. Third, I reflect on what statistics may deepen our understanding of Ellis's company connection performance. And this is a long email. That's from Nicholas who is doing a PhD in economics and it's four pages long. And I understood so little of it. Yes, very good. You're not going to read that email. It's so long, but basically. See, just going to cherry pick. Oh, yeah, yeah. I think that's what you can do. I'm going to do it. I didn't do it. I read an email that was positive to you that you clearly haven't read. We haven't got time for a four page here at this stage. I'm just going to take a little-- I'm just going to lift a little bit at this email day. Just be quick. This is from Roland. Roland let's say some-- Yeah, I'm not sure about Roland. It's interesting that you didn't want to read Roland. I read Roland's last night. Instead, let's address the issue everyone's been avoiding. Ellis is ongoing. Ellis is ongoing, cognitive decline. Week after week, Ellis fails to connect again and again and again. That's not true. That's not true. Or more accurately, again, they're not again, then again. This is a man who invented a game. He cannot play a man who refuses to take advice on tactics, refuses to take notes, and insists on relying on instincts that appear to have retired several years ago. Roland is my enemy. One has to ask why. I was funny that you didn't read this one. Why subject yourself to this bi-monthly humiliation? Is it pride? Is it delusion? Or is Ellis simply forgotten why he's doing it at all? Like a modern-day deadless as he is trapped by his own creation. Given his recent performance is all three are possible. My analysis then is simple. The statistics don't lie. Ellis is terrible at this game. He misses open goals. He falls at the first hurdle. He double faults. Do we admire him for his tenacity? His raw well-shed grip driving him to go on and go on. And keep trying to connect? Do we believe in him? Believe he can do better and achieve more and reach the dizzying heights of Cymru connecting glory? No. As I said, stats don't lie. And he's bad at this game. Kind regards, Roland. Ending with kind regards. Feels like a bit of a-- Kick in the teeth. Oh, Roland. Well, there's a broad spectrum of interpretation. Absolutely. Absolutely. Let's say goodbye. Right, then, bye, everyone. Bureau back tomorrow on Saturday morning. And is it a special one? No. But there's a special one coming up. There is a special bureau on the way. Much? Yeah, weeks, weeks away. But we're just getting it in the bag early. Yeah, we're recording it today. So I'm looking forward to that. Yeah. We need to wrap. Ellis, do you want to-- Yes. Thank you very much, Lissnay. Goodbye. I'm Mike Bebins. You might know me as Tony Mamath, and my BBC sitcom, "Mamath." I'm Ellis James. You probably know me from the Ellis James, the John Robinson's podcast. And I'm Seth Guerrero, and you probably don't know me at all. Together, we make the socially-distance sports bar. A podcast about sport may leave a people who like sport and oddly, who don't like sport. James, podcasting from his study. And you have to say that's magnificent. Refreses right there. I said he can't do that, Ref. He said to me, f--king off Mario. The other guy on the back, nick my hat, a man up with it. If you like funny stories, low expertise, and strong opinions, you'll probably enjoy it, the socially-distance sports bar. Listen, wherever you get your podcasts. That was a podgon, but like Sasha and I were in net an a billion each a month. Yeah. [LAUGHS] Thanks for listening to the show. And if you enjoyed your listening experience, did you know that you can now watch highlights of every episode over on our YouTube page @ellisonjohn. And you can find all things EJJ are, including links to our Patreon, our social accounts, our merch, and much more by heading to ellisonjohn.com. We'll see you next time.