464 - They Got Greta, A.I. Hollywood, & The Battle For Tik Tok

This is Matt Rogers from Lost Culture East, that's with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture East, that's with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. We've been talking about Kewpie mayo for a minute now, and wow, so many of you already love this stuff. And if you're thinking, wait, what is Kewpie? Do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise, the one with the red cap. What makes it different? Egg yolks. Kewpie is made with egg yolks only, giving it this rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. Where chefs work, of course. Food and flavor lovers use it. You haven't tried it yet? Well, find the red cap and see what everyone's talking about, why don't ya? Kewpie. The original Japanese mayonnaise. Kewpie. Ladies and gentlemen, welcome to the Tim Dillon Show. We have the unique privilege this week of hosting a contest to determine who is going to lead the next chapter of Turning Point USA. The two finalists have made it through. They've made it through all the preliminary rounds, and now you, the audience, are going to vote by phone to see which finalist you think is best suited to take Turning Point USA into the next chapter. Please welcome our first contestant, Erica Kirk. Thank you. I just turned to dust, and I just knew my eyes were drying up forever. I finished crying in the instant that you left, and I can't remember when or where or how. And I banish every memory you and I have ever made. All right, thank you. Erica Kirk, everyone. Erica, clearly going through something. Well, it's, you know, an honor to have you here. Thank you. You have so much energy. How are you holding up? Tim, it has been a whirlwind. It has been just such a crazy, chaotic time. I'm going on tour. I have a Christmas album coming out. And, I mean, I just signed with WME. I'm going on SNL, and I'm going on Rogan. And I have a Skims collab coming out next month. So it's just a very exciting time. It's actually amazing. That that's how this is all happening. I did try your smoothie at Erewhon and it was excellent. Thank you so much. Do you have anything you want to leave the Turning Point fans with? If Israel did it, I forgive them. Our next contestant is Brylin Hollyhand. hey y'all uh hello brylon uh brylon let me ask you a question what makes you uh suited to lead uh turning point usa this christian republican organization well um i have an extensive resume Well, I have an extensive resume as an 18-year-old. I go to Auburn University, Roll Tide, and I am the biggest Democrat hater in all the lands. Okay, settle down, Brylin, settle down. A lot of people have criticized you because you've been seen on a private chat or, you know, you have a Rolex on. They say your dad's rich. What's your response to them? Well, I would just say, my daddy got guns. All right. All right. Well, Brylin. Do you have a girlfriend, a lovely lady in your life? I have girlfriends that I love to go out with. Right. But nobody, no, not some special somebody, if that's what you're asking. Not yet, I'm sure. Okay. And I'm sure you are very excited to bring Turning Point into the next era. I'm going to make my Turn Point jet kiss my daddy's jet. All right. Well, thank you so much, Brylin Hollyhand. Everyone, we'll let you know how the audience votes. And now weighing in from prison in his first interview is Tyler Robinson. People showed up in escalades and tiny hats and they threatened my family. It wasn't me. Thank you, Tyler. Well, ladies and gentlemen, your votes have been pouring in as our two contestants have made their case as to why they should lead Turning Point. But a very powerful write-in campaign. The campaign has taken root and a new name has been introduced. Please welcome Candace. The Fibonacci sequence will lead you to where Jimmy Hoffa is buried. And that is the Holy Grail. Thank you, Candace. Tim Dillon's show is brought to you by Mod. Mod prescribes a once or twice daily modafinil drink that can keep your energized, focused. You want to be energized and focused and alert throughout the day. Here's the mechanism. Energy drinks with caffeine. Caffeine temporarily block adenosine, the chemical that makes you tired. It builds up. And when the caffeine wears off, it all crashes you down at once. Modafinil works differently. It engages multiple pathways in your brain. Dopamine, norepinephrine, histamine, and orexin. To achieve steady energy and alertness for 10 to 12 hours was invented in the 1970s. And since then, it's been used by the highest performers on and off the planet. Whoa. Soldiers, pilots, and astronauts aboard the space station use modafinil on high-stakes situations where full concentration and alertness is needed. To achieve steady energy and alertness are paramount. It's now available at mod.com to qualifying patients. Visit mod.com, folks. Do it now. Pull over your car. For a free consultation, get 10% off your first order plus free shipping with promo code TIM. That's promo code TIM at mod.com. Promo code TIM at mod.com. See their website for important safety information. We thank MOD for sponsoring the pod. This is LeVar Arrington from Two Pros and a Cup of Joe. Let me tell you about Xero. That's X-E-R-O. Xero is a financial management platform that loves. Xero loves giving small business owners the clarity to have the confidence in their numbers. It puts accounting payments, payroll, and analytics all in one place. So you always have one clear picture of your business. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow. You know exactly what's coming in and what's going out. So you can make smarter decisions that can help grow your business. Xero's AI can even offer insights to help you make your business. It's powerful enough for an accountant and simple enough for you. Xero is the all-in-one to get business done. Learn more at Xero.com. Tilly Norwood, AI actress, hasn't even been in anything and is getting shit from these desperate. desperate loser bums who are attacking her because supposedly she's taking their jobs. I'm going to come out right now and say that Tilly Norwood has more character than the pieces of shit on Twitter and on threads ripping her up. Everybody's shitting on her for nothing. This woman did nothing. Nothing wrong other than be AI and be an actress. That's all she did. She's in artificial intelligence who's trying to be an actress, like a lot of people. That's all she did. And then these losers who live on their floor in Los Angeles and can't afford medicine are mad at Tilly Norwood just because they don't have insulin for their sweet, sweet blood. That's a diabetic thing. I'm a little sick of people diminishing the hopes and dreams of someone just because they happen to not be real in the way that they understand it. Let's read this. It takes a lot to be the most controversial figure in Hollywood, especially when Mel Gibson still exists. Ha ha ha! Funny! Funny! And yet somehow, in a career yet even to begin, Tilly Norwood has been inundated with scorn. This is for the simple fact that Tilly Norwood does not exist. Despite looking like an uncanny fusion of Gal Gadot, Anna de Armas, and high school musical era Vanessa Hudgens, Norwood is the creation of an artificial intelligence talent studio called, I want to say, Sequoia. Sequoia? And if it's to be believed, then Norwood represents the dazzling future of the film industry. She does. She does. Norwood has been touted as the next Scarlett Johansson with studios apparently clamoring to work with her and a talent agency lined up to represent her. Here's the deal. Tilly Norwood is not going to be a racist. She's not going to say anything about Gaza. She's not going to be a drug addict. She's not going to be a liability on set. She's not going to get involved in some type of really, you know, controversial political cause. I'm telling you, this is the future. She's not going to have three trans kids like every other actress now for whatever reason named like Beckett and Willow and whatever. But she's going to be an AI actress. And she's going to do the damn job. Tilly Norwood's going to show up and going to do the job. And I bet when you act with Tilly, you're going to go, God damn it, she's good. Actors are people. People are out. They're gone. The raping, the drugs, the racism. They got really annoying. Adam Conover stomped his feet and got all these fucking loser writers to say, we don't want to write anymore because we don't make enough money. And now they're all living in tents. And I'm for Tilly. I'm for Tilly. And that's who I'm for. I'm for Tilly. So I don't know what you people want. You want me to defend you scumbags that are constantly running your mouths about, you hate everybody and everything. You're attacking this woman who's not even real. She doesn't even exist. You're, you suck. You're going to die. How about that? You don't get to be an actress or an actor. Tilly does. The show's over. The curtain's closed. Quiet on set. You're out. Okay. You're wasting your time. You're, I'm not dealing with you anymore like adults. I'm talking to you like the fucking children you are. Cut the shit and go home. Tilly's here. And Tilly's here. And she'll handle it. Okay? You're not going to be the thing you thought you were going to be. Get in your car if you still own one and drive home now. That's what it is. I'm sick of doing the dance with these fucking people. It's going to be all AI. Sorry. It is what it is. You shouldn't have been like the most annoying, the most annoying cunts on earth. You became the most annoying cunts on earth. America was like, be hot, be interesting as an actor. Like, be like, you know, weirdly mysterious. And you couldn't do it. You opened your fucking mouth. You told everyone how to live. You annoyed everybody. And now we all want AI. We all want it. We all want it now. We're sick of you. We're sick of your award shows. We're sick of your garbage. We want the robots now. And you did it to yourselves. You did it to yourselves by being fucking annoying. You should have stopped being annoying. And everyone hates you. And no one cares that you have no money and you have nothing. And you will have less. You will have less than you do now. I know that's unimaginable. You will have less than you do. And stop posting GoFundMes about your cat. Because Tilly's here. And Tilly's the queen. And Tilly's going to win. Sorry. Did Israel kill Greta Thunberg? Did they kill her or not, this flotilla? This Greta Thunberg, she keeps getting on this boat. I don't know what's going on with the news, but I don't know what's going on with the news. But this is my understanding of the news. Israel keeps telling this bitch, don't get on this boat. And she keeps getting on this boat. And she's got food for the people in Gaza. And Israel keeps going, don't get on this boat. And she keeps getting on the boat. And then they keep boarding the boat. And don't they keep kicking her off? And she keeps getting back on this boat. And they're going to have to kill her. I'm for them killing her. I'm for Israel killing her. I'm not for a lot of what they're doing in Gaza. But I'm for them killing Greta Thunberg. And I will defend it. If Netanyahu and Israel kill Greta Thunberg, I will defend it on this show for free. I know they're spreading money around 7,000 a post, so I hear. I'll do it for free if you kill Greta Thunberg. Kill her, though. Burn her alive. I don't want any half measures. I don't want her to have a broken leg or she's temporarily uncomfortable. If Israel kills her, like full-on firebombs that flotilla, I will defend it. Because she's starting to annoy me now with this boat. It's not going to, I mean, yes, it helps a little bit. But there's more going on here than just you and this boat. The people. The people in Gaza need more than whatever this bitch has on a boat. Stop getting on this boat. People don't want you on this boat. It's not all about you. And the climate is fine. I don't like how annoying she is. Israeli occupation forces have detained Greta Thunberg and dozens of participants aboard the global Samud flotilla. Including journalists. While illegal interpreters. The interception attempts of the remaining boats are still ongoing. When was this? This was six hours ago. Just bomb this boat. I'm bored of this boat. I've been hearing about this boat for months. They keep getting close. Who does this help? They know they're going to get boarded. They know they're going to get redirected. It's an exercise in vanity for this dumb fucking whatever she is. Where does she even come from? Where does she even come from, Greta Thunberg? Where is it? Norway? Denmark? Whatever. She keeps doing this and she knows what's going to happen. Sweden. Swedish, yeah. Whatever. She keeps doing this on this boat. And everyone knows what's going to happen. You're going to get close to Israel. And then they're going to board you. And they're going to turn it around. And then they probably take the food and eat it themselves. They're not going to give that food out now that they got it on your boat. They're going to take it and eat it themselves. Light that boat up. Light it up. Oh, let's hear from her. I don't like that she's in a life jacket. Nothing is less metal than this. This is not cool. Let's hear from her. My name is Greta Thunberg and I'm currently on board the boat Alma as part of the Global Smooth Fertilla, a peaceful humanitarian mission to deliver aid to the civilian population of Gaza and to break Israel's illegal and inhumane siege. It is likely to believe that we will be intercepted tonight by Israel, which would be a blatant violation of humanitarian and maritime law. Israel is not immune to international law. They are, though. I mean, listen, yeah, listen. We got to start dealing with the world as it is here. And this is like, there's no, this woman's not doing it. Kill her. Kill her. Kill her. I'm sorry. I'm trying to be good here now. I want to heal the divides. Kill her. Be me. Kill her. And you know why? I'm bored of this. Crap. We need to move on. I'm sick of the Middle East. It bores me. And I'm bored of this Swedish woman. Hey, Greta Thunberg. I'm on the flotilla. You see the human? Israel, give us, they blow everyone up. They don't care. They're not immune. They're doing whatever they want to do. They're not immune to international law. Yes, they are. They're doing what international law is fake. Well, it shouldn't be, but it is. Shut up. I'm in the flotilla. I'm just, I'm not, I'm not participating anymore. I'm not participating anymore in people that don't, we're doing only real politic now of like what really is happening. And nothing interests me less than this, this flotilla of boats going over there. Like, get a peace process, whatever you're going to do, of hostages and Netanyahu builds his sphere. That's. It seems to be what they want to do. They want to build the Vegas sphere in Gaza. And then they get a couple of the hostages. If they're even, they're going to start releasing people, by the way, that aren't the hostages. Because I think the hostages are dead. So Israel's just going to have to say, look, here's, we got hostages back. They're just going to be, they're going to be actors. They'll be AI. You'll just see a bunch of guys walking out of a tunnel. You go, who the hell are they? Shut up. It's the hostages. We're building the sphere now. I mean, whatever at this point. Well, I mean, what are we doing? Just, just bring this to an end. Enough of this. Talking about this forever. Just accept, supposedly Trump said to Bibi, you got to take it or we're not, we're not going to, we're not going to back you anymore. Trump said it to Bibi. He's like, we're walking away from you. We, we, you better take it. And apparently Bibi's going to take it. I don't know, man. Tim Dillon shows brought to you by mod. Mod prescribes. A once or twice daily modafinil drink that can keep your energized, focused. Energy drinks with caffeine temporarily block adenosine, the chemical that makes you tired. It builds up. Modafinil works differently and engages multiple pathways in your brain. Dopamine, norepinephrine, histamine, and orexin to achieve steady energy and alertness for 10 to 12 hours was invented in the 1970s. And since then, it's been used. It's been used by the highest performers on and off the planet. Whoa. Soldiers, pilots, and astronauts aboard the space station use modafinil on high-stakes situations where full concentration and alertness are paramount. Do it now. Pull over your car. This is LeVar. LeVar Arrington from Two Pros and a Cup of Joe. That's X-E-R-O. Xero is a financial management platform that loves giving small business owners the clarity to have the confidence in their numbers. It puts accounting payments, payroll, and analytics all in one place, so you always have one clear picture of your business. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow, you know exactly what's coming in, what's going out, so you can make smarter decisions that can help grow your business. Xero's AI can even offer insights to help you make your best move. Netanyahu says TikTok is a crucial weapon in winning support of young American voters for Israel's cause. Well, well. It's a little on the nose. Here it is. Here he is, Benjamin Netanyahu, talking about TikTok. Christian influencers. He said, he talked about the woke right. He said, I call it the woke right. Oh. That's a brilliant. Is it brilliant? The woke right. Because these people, you know, they're not any different from the woke left. I mean, they're insane. They're amazing. But they're actually meeting on some of the things. Okay. And what we have to do is we have to secure that part of the base of our support in the United States. That is being challenged systematically. A lot of this is done with money. Money of NGOs, vast. Money of governments, vaster. Okay. We have to fight back. How do we fight back? Our influencers. I think you should also talk to them if you have a chance. Think about this for a minute. Just pause this for a minute. Remember when influencer was like the most annoying word and it just meant like somebody who would ritually debase themselves for money on the internet. That's what the word influencer used to mean. Somebody who would shamelessly plug anything. Don't put an ad here. A great place to put an ad. But that's what influencers were. It was like when I grew up, an influencer. You know, it would be somebody who's like, you know, we put marbles in a swimming pool. Like they would fill a kiddie pool with M&Ms and jump in it or, you know, they would do crazy stunts and injure themselves or they would pull pranks at the mall. Now, the president of Israel is saying we are going to counter. Attempt to limit our support in the United States by unveiling an army of influencers where they will fight the information war on TikTok. Kind of an amazing turn of events that all of the major decisions in our society are going to be heavily influenced by the most shameless group of people. People that are hawking like, you know, energy drinks are now going to be the first line of defense for Israel. This is the new modern warfare. It's influencers. Modern warfare is the influencer war. The battle of TikTok. Where people are going to be paid to come on. TikTok and make you think that it's a good idea to keep giving money to this man and his government to do whatever they want. Because they're fighting the influencers on the other side that are telling you that's not a good idea. That's the war. The news is fake. It's the it's right now. It's the battle of the influencers. People that are in your face all the time that you love or hate or either trust them and they have a high trust score with their audience and they have a lot of credibility or whatever. Or maybe you hate them and you hate watch them. But they're the ones that Israel is going to be giving money to. They're the ones that are going to be pushing. And it's all in front of you. You know, you say what you want about how the Edward Bernays propaganda style of like the news media and print media, print journalism, corporate advertising, product placement and TV and movies. Say what you want about all of that. This is the most out in the open thing I've ever seen. The guy saying he's saying. We're going to pay people to tell you that we're doing good shit. We're we're paying people to come out. We have our influence. He says he goes, we've got our influencers. Why are we getting where aren't we giving them a little bit of money? And this is probably because I said start paying people and they listened. I said start paying people and they listened. I was the one early on that's going like, wait, whoa, no one's just going to go out and watch a family burning alive and defend it for free. You're going to have to give them a couple of bucks to get people to see that the other side of that. So that's what he's doing. He's going, yeah, we got we got money. He goes, why are we giving people money? All it's pretty simple. You don't know what you're looking at. That's the whole premise of this. You can't raw images and and your own innate sense of right and wrong aren't activated by like seeing a little two year old run around on fire. So you have to have influencers kind of decipher that and then slant it and tell. Tell you exactly why that's good or bad. Why is that maybe good? Why is that? Well, it's always sad when people die. But but I, you know. You know, you know, it's like. It's a very sad thing. But this is ultimately being done for the future generations of Palestinians. That's what it's being done for. Because they're they're going to be able to go to the sphere when we build it. Let's watch the rest of what he's saying here about paying influencers on social media to in between hawking skin cream. Explain to you why it why greater Israel makes sense for you. That community, they're very important. And secondly. we're going to have to use the tools of battle you know the weapons change over time you can't fight today with swords that doesn't work very well okay and you can't find with the fighting cavalry that doesn't work very well and you have these new things you know like drones things like that i won't get into that but we have to fight with the weapons that apply to the battlefields in which we're engaged and the most important ones are on social media and the most important purchase that is going on right now is class followers number one number one and i hope it goes through because it's uh it can be consequential you'd think they wouldn't film that you'd think someone would just not film this you know what i mean you'd think there'd be someone that goes why don't we hey hey hey why don't we don't have to film this one we don't have to film this one i think somebody watches back and we're like yeah maybe let's not we don't need to put this out you know larry ellison who owns now i believe the country um i believe larry ellison recently uh last night i believe larry ellison and it's not david ellison purchased the country um and they gave cbs to barry weiss and then tiktok will be the ellison's um and then you know what he's talking about is um is true it's just amazing how explicit it is and it's that nobody's you know going away and by the way it's not even like i don't give a shit about him i'm like guys i'm like i care about the united states this is not like uh you know i don't throw my hat in the ring with any of these people that are like the the people that are hate israel also hate america and capitalism and white people and all of that so throwing your hat in the ring there has never made any sense to me and i never will i these kids on columbia campus make me feel sick i don't think you should deport them i don't think that you know they should be their visas should be revoked but i have no love laws for them i don't you know it's like i'm worried about the united states of america this is not like i i don't i don't care my my goal here is not you know to make gaza a lovely place for anyone muslim jew or christian or other that's not my it's not what i want that's not what anyone i know wants by the way it has nothing to do with us so when you talk about tick tock and you say it's a very big important purchase and we've got to fight the war with the weapons we have uh and the weapons evolve over time and the weapons now are influencers and we got to get on that game because we're losing ground to people that are rightly pointing out that we've got absolutely no we're getting nothing out of this we're getting nothing out of this we're only diverting resources away from this country at a time when ai's around the corner massive transformation of our economy is around the corner huge amounts of people are going to have to be re-educated not in the re-education camp sense but like in the sense that maybe the jobs are in biotech or health care all the boomers are going to retire people need to go back to school they need to get skills they don't have where's the money for this the infrastructure's crumbling we don't we don't have the money for this and and we're in 30 something trillion dollars worth of debt so why we're continuing to throw money at this has to be explained to you by an influencer an army of influencers because anyone would just make the argument that this is insane like a nine-year-old would be able to forget jews muslims the middle east christian who cares just the facts on the ground of this country and what the hell is going on in this country is that money better off in the middle east than it is in this country and that's that's my whole thing here and they're telling you we need to hire an army of influencers to convince you that any of this is a good idea we know it you know and then our our our military general pete hegseth the tough guy from fox news is going we want our generals to be thin and not have beards how about how about we run our own country pete wouldn't that that might be good too we're worried about fat generals and beards and then the president of the united states goes we're going to be using american cities to train our troops because we're going into portland and we're going into chicago this is a bit psychotic let's listen to this very important mission and i told pete we should use some of these dangerous cities as training grounds for our military national guard but military because we're going into chicago very soon that's a big city with an incompetent governor stupid governor stupid they threw him out of his family business he was so stupid i know the family he becomes governor he's got money not money that he made but he ran for governor he won and now he criticizes us all the time and last week they had 11 people murdered 44 people shot the week before that they had five people murdered 28 people shot every weekend they lose five six if they lose five they're considering a great week they shouldn't lose any well yes but we don't need the marines in chicago i agree the democratic party's done a terrible job with public safety but the idea that we're going to have to do this we're going to have the marines in in chicago and we're going to be so we're so let me get this straight i'm just trying to understand this again i'm a college dropout the money to build the educational uh institutions and the infrastructure in america things like hospitals things we need that gets shipped to israel the marines and the national guard get sent into the cities where that money could have been used to better the lives of the people that seems to make no sense we tell the ukraine to keep fighting putin and we keep selling them weapons and then giving them weapons and then giving them loans and then giving them money and the money that could have been used in an american city for and then we kick a bunch of people off medicaid we kick a bunch of people off medicaid in america and close a bunch of rural hospitals because there's like a trillion dollars in medicare cuts but the money goes to the ukraine in israel and and then we put uh the national guard in portland and then pete hegseth calls a meeting of 800 generals and go i don't want fatties and i don't want anyone with a beard because we're a tough country we're the department of war and you go yeah but you you people are getting cocked and you're giving money to places that are not going to pay you and you're giving money to places that are not going to pay you that have there's zero national security interest in the united states of america we shouldn't be in these wars and you're either unable or unwilling to pull out of them and then you think that the american people are going to be so stupid they go oh this guy's a badass because no one has a beard what a tough guy you told people to do some sit-ups and then more billions more billions out the door more billions to israel netanyahu visits the white house again again again again that guy's there every other day he might be there more than trump so again it doesn't seem to make any sense to everyone tim dillon trails brought to you by mod mod prescribes a once or twice daily modafinil drink that can keep your energized focused you want to be energized and focused and alert throughout the day here's the mechanism energy drinks with caffeine temporarily block adenosine the chemical that makes you tired it builds up and when the caffeine wears off it all crashes you down at once modafinil works differently and engages multiple pathways in your brain dopamine norepinephrine histamine and orexin to achieve steady energy and alertness for 10 to 12 hours was invented in the 1970s since then it's been used by the highest performers on and off the planet whoa soldiers pilots and astronauts aboard the space station use modafinil on high-stakes situations where full concentration and alertness are paramount. Do it now. Pull over your car. For a free consultation, get 10% off your first order, plus free shipping with promo code TIM. That's X-E-R-O. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow, you know exactly what's coming in and what's going out, so you can make smarter decisions that can help grow your business. Xero's AI, can even offer insights to help you make your best move. This is Matt Rogers from Lost Culture East. That's with Matt Rogers and Bowen Yang. This is Bowen Yang from Lost Culture East. Okay, we've been talking about QB Mail for a minute now, Bow, and wow, the feedback we're getting. I mean, so many of y'all love this stuff. You're stopping us in the street going, I love QB. And if you're thinking, wait, what is QB? Uh, do you not have the internet? It's the OG Japanese mayonnaise, the one with the red cap and the little baby on the bottle. Once you know it, you start seeing it everywhere. People ask what makes it different from basic mayo. Well, the answer, egg yolks. QB is made with egg yolks only, giving it this incredibly rich umami flavor that elevates everything. Burgers, fries, sandwiches, chicken, noodles. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. People who really love food and flavor use it. Whatever you're eating, QB it. So if you haven't tried QB yet, find the bottle with the red cap and see what everyone's talking about. You'll understand. QB, the original Japanese mayonnaise. Parents and grandparents, if you want a gift that won't be forgotten by New Year's, give a Guardian bike. It's America's favorite kid's bike because most kids learn to ride in just one day. No training wheels needed. They're lightweight and low to the ground with a wide wheelbase for balance. It's no wonder they have a 4.9 out of 5 star rating with over a million happy riders. They're also designed and assembled in the USA and they've been the New York Times Wirecutters top pick four years in a row. This holiday season, save over 40% on kids' bikes. Plus get $100 in free accessories. A lock, pump, bell, grips, and clamp. That's Stocking Stuffers covered. They have helmets and adult, so the whole family can ride. Shop GuardianBikes.com. That's GuardianBikes.com. And this mysterious comment that's approaching that they're going to say is an alien thing because they're trying to gin up that. They're trying to get that going. I'm proud of America and how little they care about this alien crap and these drones. I'm proud of you. I'm proud how usually people are pretty easily manipulated. They're flying drones all over the place. They're trying to get people excited. And you know what? People don't give a shit. They will do anything. Once you've started to realize how inverted our system is and nothing makes any sense, they are doing everything they can now. It's hilarious. They're like, I don't know. There's cops. it could be a spaceship you go why did we just give six billion dollars to israel to go we've heard on this spaceship they got lasers they could shoot lasers at us you go i just don't understand why the military is in portland the other thing this spaceship can do it can come into our atmosphere like people to their credit seemingly know what what this is there's this all of this interest in uaps and all of this stuff seems to be very closely related to people on earth waking up to how fucked up things here are on earth once everyone started to realize how bad things were on earth they start going what about aliens it was really interesting like what about aliens what if we're not alone you're like hey hey wait hold on hold on a minute wait a minute the whole thing down here is rotten and and it's people doing it people you but there could be aliens that comet might be a spaceship what do you think they don't know what are they hiding from i don't i don't care i could not care less i'm worried about this planet which everyone wants to get off of by the way u.s job market weakening 32 000 private sector jobs lost in september and downward these jobs are out especially in cities like la and vegas la follows las vegas footsteps as visitors to city plummet 50 no one's going what is there to do there's nothing to do you're not going to meet tilly norwood if you go i see these people in la all the time these little star maps these little you know these buses these tours people see the stars no more stars there are no more stars i'm a star you're a star we're all stars everyone's a star we're all star everyone's a star now there's no such thing as a star why would you go to la what would you see urban decay couple of palm trees maybe maybe ice come in and throw a bus boy in a trunk that's not a nice trip is it mommy why did they throw the bus boy in the trunk shut up eat your quesadilla mommy they just threw that man in a van he's illegal what does that mean shut up we're on a vacation we're on a vacation there's men and masks with guns in the lobby of the hotel they're doing their job they're doing their job it's our family trip the la times attributed a variety of problems to this downturn wildfire swept many areas in la in january and while hollywood went unscathed the city as a whole has struggled in the aftermath there's nothing to do here's the other thing with vegas it's way too much money to go to vegas and vegas relies on other things happening if you want to go to a bachelor party someone's got to get married a bachelorette party somebody's got to get married somebody wants to go have a big um retirement party they got to have a job to retire from vegas relies on people living lives to go celebrate them in vegas you have to have something to celebrate in vegas you know yes you can go to vegas for a weekend or whatever but like we're talking about people taking trips they tend to do that when they think their lives are good when their lives are good they take a trip nobody goes hey i'm unemployed i just got thrown off medicaid do you want to go to vegas that's not the calculation and people say hey my mother was just kidnapped by ice let's go to vegas a masked agent showed up and grabbed my mother outside of a laundromat you want to go to vegas i could really use something to take my mind off it let's go to vegas what's that hotel that looks like a pyramid let's go to vegas yeah my sister died of a fentanyl overdose her boyfriend uh was arrested uh apparently she stole his fentanyl that's what he's saying anyway it's all fucking weird i need a weekend in vegas i need it i need it anyway my husband's a pedophile and he just got caught looking at pictures of child porn girls trip girls trip in vegas let's go i mean people need to feel good about their lives to go to vague they don't with the state of the country now my house just burned down let's go to vegas and rock out let's party it doesn't make any sense i hear there's a comet coming there it could be a spaceship let's get fucked up in vegas let's go to vegas i'm homeless i mean you gotta feel a little bit positive about something to go to vegas i mean you can't just show up you can't show up and just go like uh like the other thing that's funny about vegas is like and i like vegas i love vegas right i think it's funny about vegas i think it's great it's it used to be cheap so you could go if things weren't great Like, it was a place where you could go, hey, let's have a lot of fun for not a lot of money. That's all over. Nothing is cheap anymore. There's nothing inexpensive in this country, by the way. And the quality of everything is shit. Everything you get now is shit. It's absolutely shit. Vegas, you spend money, you get in a bed with the bloodstains. There's blood on your bed. Brown, rust-colored blood on your bed now. Nothing's good anymore. There's a few things that are good. The wind, Steve Wind's property is nice. A few things that are nice. But mostly everything is shit. And it costs so much goddamn money. A bottle of water is $9. Do you know how much money that it's almost $10 to get a bottle of water when you're free? A friend who's on Molly collapses and you just have to revive them. You hold the water to their mouth and they're choking and they're laying on the hot cement in Vegas and they're choking on the water because you're just pouring it on their face, pouring it down their throat to try to save their life. And they're just trying to die. And they even start screaming, let me die, let me die. And you still are just splashing the water on their face. That's $10. That's $10. To wait for the ambulance. You don't even want to know how much the ambulance costs. Let me die. I'm not taking an ambulance. Let me die. Water on the face. You are getting in that ambulance. I love you. We're having fun. It's Vegas. Energy drinks with caffeine temporarily. Block adenosine, the chemical that makes you tired. It builds up. To achieve steady energy and alertness for 10 to 12 hours was invented in the 1970s and since then it's been used by the highest performers on and off the planet. Whoa. Soldiers, pilots, and astronauts aboard the space station use Modafinil on high-stakes situations where full concentration and alertness are possible. Paramount, it's now available at mod.com to qualifying patients. Do it now. Pull over your car. That's X-E-R-O. Xero is a financial management platform that loves giving small businesses and business owners the clarity to have the confidence in their numbers. It puts accounting payments, payroll, and analytics all in one place so you always have one clear picture of your business. We're having a good time. I hope Tilly Norwood takes everyone's job. I hope the president is Tilly Norwood. By the way, that's all coming too. No one's safe. They'll throw some other idiot in this chair. I don't care. I don't care. How about that? Tilly Norwood is the actress. That's coming first. Pretty soon, it's going to be the government, the Congress, the Senate. All they have to do in this country is figure out how to kill a large number of people, and pretty quickly. That's all they have to do. They've got to figure out a way how to eliminate about a third of this population pretty quickly, maybe half, and then things ain't so bad. You get an AI governor, a couple of AI's, movies you know you just got to figure out how to eliminate half the population because the jobs aren't going to be there so you just got to kill all those people which is going to require a period of not nice things and then once that's done then you know all right let's read let's build back better as miss as joey b would say joe biden but you just got to get rid of a bunch of that's all it's not that big of a deal once you've eliminated half the population once you've eliminated half to three quarters of the population on planet earth all of this gets a lot more fun you can have ai congress and ai senate it's fake and at that point it'd be fake it'd be fun the ai senate to be you're sitting your pod you watch two ai people debate and you go this is fun this is fun because everyone's dead you're sitting your pod you watch two ai people debate and you go this is fun this is fun this is fun because everyone's dead you're sitting your pod you watch two ai people debate and you go this is fun this is fun this is fun this is fun this is fun have the chips and they live on the margins of society and they remember the old ways but we all just got the chips and the chip tells you um when you're gonna die i know exactly when i'm gonna die i i know that so i can actually plan my funeral i can plan everything everything's fine i know with this chip i'll make it till about 116 years old with my unless i rechip and do it but we don't have the money to do that your old man doesn't have the money 117 is enough for me you know people used to die a lot younger than that whoa yeah well there were so many of us people had to die interesting yeah your man's making it uh old man's making it to about 117 you know my last year at 116 they moved me into a thing it's kind of nice because all the technology in my body starts to fail and again if i don't have the money to re-up it then i just you know and it's kind of nice and you know you go in there and you watch you watch some thing and they simulate a whole thing for you and they go interesting yeah and they go it's all simulated you they go it's all it's all really simulated you know and it's it's all for you and they go we used to fight about all this stuff we used to hate it it used to not be fun and we would get angry at each other and we'd fight about like different countries and different wars but now the world is run by some governing council that has basically decided after the great war the war that started with russia the ukraine israel iran and america and then china and taiwan after the great war we all decided that the idea of nation states was actually too uh crazy to have like these things that could just start fighting each other everyone had different languages or whatever so what we basically decided to do is just have this governing council largely of of of ai people and also some humans with the ai people and they basically decide how things work and that's why me and your mother and you guys were able to do this because we were able to do this because we were able to do this because we were able to live here in this little smart city and do everything we need to do and everything works now and then the people are gonna go that's pretty cool that's pretty good and it'll be boring and it'll be sterile and it'll be corporate and it'll be nothing and there won't be as much danger and there won't be as much fighting and there won't be a guy with wacky sunglasses on the internet screaming about the people that are doing the bad things because everyone will kind of be cool with everything and it'll be fine and then that'll go away And how that goes away, I don't even know. But eventually, that'll go away. Something will happen. Someone will hijack the system. Some fucking major hacking thing will just shut all the technology in people's bodies down, and then they'll all just. Who knows? It is what it is. You got to enjoy yourself. Go to Vegas. Go to Vegas. And play Baccarat, but only at a table with Asians. No whites. You have to be the only white at a table with Asians for Baccarat, and you might win. Always bet banker. I don't know what Baccarat is, and it doesn't matter. Always bet banker, and you sit at a table with all Asians. And kill Greta Thunberg. Blow her up, light her up. Israel should say we're killing one more person, and it's her. Israel goes, we're done killing. We have one more person to kill. It's this bitch. We're killing one final person. It's her. And we're lighting her up. I'm Greta Thunberg. I'm Greta Thunberg. You're in the smooth flotilla. I'd start to like B.B. if he did that. He goes, yeah, we killed her. We burned her alive. I like Burger King. We burned her alive. Well, TimNillInComedy.com, folks. Where am I going to be? Where can you see me live? Columbus is all sold out. Oklahoma City, Phoenix, Fort Lauderdale, Schaumburg, Illinois, San Jose, California, Salt Lake City, Brea, Denver, Houston. Fun run of clubs. We're also doing a lot of other dates next year in theaters and things like that. But this is a fun run of clubs. These are some of my favorite clubs, actually, in the country. I love all of these clubs. And I'll see you there. I'd be happy to see you there. And thank you again to the people that came in earlier today. Erica Kirk, Brylin Hollyhand, and the great Candace Owens. Thank you, everyone, and good night. Go to Vegas. Tim Dillon Trills brought to you by Mod. Energy drinks with caffeine temporarily block addiction. The denosine, the chemical that makes you tired, it builds up. Whoa! Do it now. Pull over your car. That's X-E-R-O. Xero is a financial management platform that loves giving small business owners, the clarity to have the confidence in their numbers. With visual dashboards, Xero makes it easy to understand your cash flow, you know exactly what's coming in and what's going out so you can make smarter decisions that can help grow your business. Swing speed, 96 miles per hour. Heart rate, 110 BPM. Tire pressure, 34 PSI. Sleep score, 91. Portfolio up 8.2%. You measure everything that matters. Why would your health be the exception? Waste-to-Well goes deeper with comprehensive blood work, clinician-guided care, and a plan built around your goals. Know more and do more with what you know. Reclaim your health at Waste-to-Well.com. That's Waste, the number two, Well.com. You know when you try a new food and suddenly it's like, wait, how did I not know about this? Ryan Seacrest here. That's how people are reacting to Kewpie mayo. The one with the red cap you've probably seen on TikTok. Egg yolks. Kewpie uses egg yolks only, giving it this rich umami flavor that elevates just, about anything. Chefs use it. Restaurants use it. Food lovers use it. You never tried it? Find the red cap and see what everyone's talking about. Kewpie, the original Japanese mayonnaise. Quick break from the case. If there's a kid on your gift list this year, here's one you can close fast. Guardian is the number one kid's bike on the market with over one million riders. And the easiest way to learn. They're lightweight with a wide wheelbase. So kids ride in just a day. Designed and assembled in the USA. And Wirecutter's top pick four years in a row. Save over 40% now. Plus, get $100 in free accessories with every bike. ShopGuardianBikes.com and it's case closed on the best kid's gift this year.