42-A Vision for You

Hi, this is Carly, a recovered alcoholic. Welcome back to the North Star Big Book episode 42. I can't believe we're in a vision for you. I can't believe we're halfway done with a vision for you and that we got to where we got to. I might go a little bit longer today to make sure we can get everything in but I will do my best and I just wanted to thank you for listening because it means the world. I was really nervous when I first did this podcast that nobody would listen to it and I was just talking to myself and my sponsor told me that as long as one person is listening then that's all that matters and there was one person that always told me they were listening and that always made me continue to go but along the way I've heard from other people and it's been pretty encouraging and I hope that what has been given to me out of the book and what I get to share with you can reach to you and can help you help other people. So on the way back with 155 being intrigued however he invited our friend to his home sometime later I underlined and just as he thought he was getting control of his liquor situation he went on a roaring bender. The just as he thought I wrote mental obsession. For him this was I underlined the spree that ended all sprees. He saw that he would have to face his problems squarely that God might give him mastery. I bracketed the next paragraph and I wrote on the side June 10th 1935 which is why our Elgol Xanimus' sobriety date is June 10th. It's because it needed Dr. Bob and Bill W to be sober. And I wrote Dr. Bob does all nine steps. One morning he took the bull by the horns and set out to tell those he feared what his trouble had been. He found himself surprisingly well received and learned that many knew of his drinking. Stepping into his car he made the rounds of people he had hurt. He trembled as he went about for this might mean ruin particularly a person in his line of business. I wrote next to that made a man's. So he went out and literally drove to everyone's house in the area and made a man's. At midnight he came home exhausted but very happy. I underlined he has not had drinks since. I wrote in the side he took action. As we shall see by he now means a great deal to his community and the major liabilities of 30 years of hard drinking have been repaired in four and I circle the word four because it's showing that it didn't happen overnight or in a week or in a month. It took him four years to repair the damage to do his amends. I underlined but life was not easy for the two friends and I wrote above that promises and I put a star next to that to remind me that life is not going to be easy. The book promises me my favorite promise on page 14 and 15 that if I don't enlarge and perfect my spiritual life through helping other people I'm not going to survive with certain trials and little spots ahead. I underlined plenty of difficulties presented themselves. I wrote on the side have to continue 10 11 and 12. 10 11 and 12 is the only way it's my life raft. Otherwise I'm just treading water and eventually I'll just go under. I underlined both sub the must keep spiritually active. One day they called up the head nurse of a local hospital they explained I underlined their need and they wrote next to that went looking for an alcoholic so they actually knew they needed to help someone else but they didn't have anyone to help and we don't have that problem today and inquired if she had a first class alcoholic prospect. She replied yes we've got a corker he just beaten up a couple of nurses. I wrote on the side a number three so this is a number three Bill Dodson. This is a the man on the bed that you see in pictures. He goes off his head completely when he's drinking but he's a grandchap when he's sober though he's been in here eight times in the last six months. Understand he was once a well-known lawyer in town but just now we've got him strapped down tight. Here was a prospect all right but by the description none do promising. The use of spiritual principles in such cases was not so well understood as it is now but one of the friends said put him in a private room will be down. I wrote on the top no one has the right to stand in the way of another's relationship with God. No one has the right to stand in the way of another's relationship with God and the reason I have that there is because we were just talking about on the bottom that by the description he this person wasn't promising so if they would have gone on that they should have left him alone and what we're saying here is that we don't want to get in the way of someone's relationship with God even if we don't think someone's going to be able to get sober because we don't know we don't know what's best and so that's really important to remember. Okay so it says two days later a future fellow fellow of alcohol synonymous stared glassly at the strangers behind the side of his bed who are you fellows and why this private room I have always in a ward before said one of the visitors so this is bill double your doctor Bob I underline we're giving you a treatment for alcoholism and next to that I wrote the steps and I wrote spiritual program of action. Can you imagine if they would have gone of that guy and they would have said we need you to go to meetings and not drink and he would have laughed at them and said I'm not able to not drink I can't do that so they're giving them they're giving them a treatment. These steps are what we did and this is how we got sober and that's what they offered. Hope is this was written large in the man's face as he replied oh but that's no use nothing would fix me I'm a goner I underlined the last three times I got drunk on the way home from here and I wrote above that mental obsession this person got drunk when they had no alcohol in their body so they couldn't have craved it. I'm afraid to go out the door I can't understand it and I wrote on the side lost the power of choice. Lost the power of choice. I bracketed the next little teeny paragraph and I wrote on the side chapter seven so this is explaining to us what they explained and working with others. For an hour the two friends I underlined it told him about their drinking experiences so they went over step one over and over he would say that's me that's me I drink like that and I wrote on the side identify and relating that's so important. I bracketed the next little paragraph and I wrote the word disease so that now they're explaining the disease of alcohols and which was probably never explained to him. The man in the bed was told of I underlined acute poisoning which is the physical allergy so what happens to our bodies when we put alcohol in it from what I underlined from which he suffered how it deteriorates the body of an alcoholic I underlined and warps his mind and above that I wrote mental obsession so they explain the physical allergy and the mental obsession. There was much talk I underlined much talk and I wrote on the side what we need to do we need to explain I underlined the mental state proceeding the first drink. How often do I go to meetings where nobody talks about the mind they talk about the drink they do leads about the drink over and over and over and all we hear is about the drink and we're lucky if we hear a mentioning of the steps we need to talk about the mental obsession. Yes that's me so the sick man but the very image you fellows know yourself all right but I don't see what good it'll do you fellows are somebody I was once but I'm a nobody now from what you tell me I above this I wrote after the first step I know more than ever I can't stop because the first that made it clear the first step is the last hammer the last nail in the coffin from what you tell me I know more than ever I can't stop I wrote on the side Bill D that's Bill Dodson thought he was doomed to an alcoholic death Bill Dodson thought he was doomed to an alcoholic death and I wrote just like I thought at this both the visitors burst into a laugh so the future fellow anonymous damn little to laugh about that I can see and I wrote on the side he get step one he understands that he can't do anything about this the two friends spoke of underlying their spiritual experience and I wrote about that through the steps they didn't tell them that they got a spiritual experience they're going to meetings and I don't know what and told him I underlined about the course of action which I wrote three through twelve underneath the course of action they carried out so where it says the two friends spoke of their spiritual experience I wrote gave him step two so first they explained the mental obsession of physical allergy that step one they gave him step two talking about the spiritual experience and how that was going to come about by doing the program of action which is three through twelve he interrupted I used to be strong for the church but that won't fix it I've prayed to God and hang over mornings and I underlined sworn that I'd never touch another drop but by nine o'clock I'd be boiled as an owl and I wrote on the side mental obsession the reason why he could never keep his promises was the mental mental obsession and I wrote on the tap talking about what he just talked about how he prayed I wrote faith without works equals prayer without action so this is someone who prayed but then do anything differently they just prayed I underlined next day found the prospect more receptive and I wrote above that desperate desperate is how he become more receptive he had been thinking it over maybe you're right he said God ought to be able to do anything then he added he surely sure didn't do much for me when I was trying to fight this booze racket alone I circled the word alone and I wrote powerless and bracket the next paragraph I underlined on the third day so they're telling me how long it took the guy he visited him once then he came back he said okay I think you're right and then on the third day I underlined he gave his life to the care and direction of his creator that's step three third day take step three and said he was perfectly willing to do anything necessary third day in the hospital his wife came scarcely daring to be hopeful though she thought she saw something different underlined something different about her husband already I underlined he had begun to have a spiritual experience remember a spiritual experience means we're changing the way that we're thinking or how we're looking at something. I wrote on the side, he did the program of action three through nine. So he made the decision, he got rid of the stuff in his hallway by sharing it, and he's going to begin to go on that path, which is how he was starting to change. That afternoon, he put on his clothes and walked from the hospital to a free man. He entered a political campaign making speeches, frequenting man's gathering, places of all sorts. Obviously, he's done all the steps because he couldn't have done that at all. Often, staying up all night, he lost the race by only a narrow margin. I underlined, but he had found God and in finding God, he had found himself. And I wrote on the side, found God through working steps one through eleven. One through eleven got him to the place where he had a partnership with God where he could go out and dare to dream and blaze new trails. And even though he lost, he lived. That was in June 1935, he never drank again. He too, I underlined, has become a respected and useful member of his community. And I wrote next to that 10, 11 and 12 is how that happened, right? 10, 11 and 12. I underlined, he has helped other men recover and is a power in the church from which he has long absent. So you see, there were three alcohols in that town who now felt I underlined. They had to give to others what they had found. And I wrote above that step, 12. And then in red, I underlined, or be sunk. So if I don't pass it on, I'm not going to be able to stay here. After several failures to find others, a fourth turned up. I wrote on the side, A, number four, and I wrote Ernie. And then I wrote, he married Dr. Bob's daughter, which is so typical A. After several failures, a fourth turned up, became through an acquaintance who had heard the good news. He proved to be a devil-made care young fellow whose parents could not make out whether he wanted to stop drinking or not. They were deeply religious people, much shocked by their sons' refusal to have anything to do with the church. He suffered horribly from his sprees. I wrote above that no human power. And then I underlined, but it seemed as if nothing could be done for him. And that's just the idea that it seemed that way, but that's actually not true. He consented, however, to go to the hospital where he occupied the very room recently vacated by the lawyer. He had three visitors. After a bit, he said, underlined, the way you fellows put this spiritual stuff makes sense. I wrote on the side, 12 stepped him. And then I wrote, ready and willing to do program of action. 12 steps, ready and willing to do program of action, 12 steps. I'm ready to do business. I underlined that. I guess the old folks were right after all. So one more was added to the fellowship. All this time, our friend, that's Bill W. of the hotel lobby incident, remained in that town. He was there three months. He now returned home, above return home, I wrote New York City, leaving behind his first acquaintance, which is Dr. Bob. So I wrote all these in there. So Bill W. The friend, he returned home to New York City, he left Dr. Bob. The lawyer, which is Bill D. And the devil made care chap, which is Ernie. So there's four members of AA. I underlined, these men had found something brand new in life. And then I underlined, though they knew, they must help other alcoholics if they would remain sober. So I circled the word if and I double on the word must. I wrote on the side must only way to stay sober is helping others. I have to give it a way to keep it. That mode of became secondary. I underlined, it was transcended by the happiness they found in giving themselves for others. And I wrote on the side, do you want to live life in the fourth dimension or not? So we only get to the fourth dimension by doing 10, 11, and 12, and 12 means I need to go help somebody else. They shared their homes, their slender resources, and gladly devoted their spare hours to fellow sufferers. They were willing by day or night to place a new man in the hospital and visit him afterward. They grew in numbers. They experienced a few distressing failures. But in those cases, they made an effort to bring the man's family into a spiritually of living, thus relieving much worry and suffering. A year and six months later, these three had succeeded with seven more. And I wrote on the side, taking others through the steps. They didn't have a book. They took them through the steps. Seeing much of each other scares an evening pass that someone's homes did not shelter a little gathering of men and women. I underlined, happy in their release and constantly thinking how they might present their discovery to some newcomer. And I wrote on the side, what our home group should be thinking of. What our home group should be thinking of. So we should always be thinking of, how can I present this to someone else? In addition to these casual get-togethers, it became customary to set apart one night a week for a meeting to be tended by anyone I wrote on the top open meeting or everyone interested in a spiritual way of life. Aside from fellowship and social ability, the prime object was to provide a time and place where a new people might bring their problems. The next part I wrote, Henrietta's house. So Henrietta was the person who helped other people by opening their home. Outsiders became interested. One man and his wife placed their large home at the disposal of the strangely assorted crowd. This couple has since become so fascinated that they have just dedicated their home to the work. Many distracted wife has visited this house to find underlined loving and understanding companionship among women who knew her problem and they're talking about Alan on. To hear from the lips of their husbands, underlined what had happened to them. To be advised how her own wayward mate might be hospitalized and approached, underlined when next he stumbled. And I wrote, if an alcoholic always will. This next part over here, next two sentences, I wrote in a big letters in that blank space after stumbled. What answer are we offering? And I have the word answer in quotation marks. So that's an important question to think about my home group. And my home board is a big book meeting. And we are constantly talking about the book and the steps and how this is the only way out. And we're offering a time before the meeting and after the meeting to work with others. But I read this out loud usually before I begin my lead. When I begin my lead, I'll read this part. I underlined many a man yet days from his house will experience a step over the threshold of that home into freedom. So that's a promise. And then I underlined and put a star. Many an alcoholic who entered there came away with an answer and I circled an answer. And I wrote on the side that the 12 steps will solve the alcoholics mental obsession. That the 12 steps will solve the problem. It will solve the alcoholics mental obsession. So it's a reminder to me when I read that, that my job, my obligation that night when I'm leading, is to provide an answer. And that the answer better make it really clear that the steps is how I no longer feel the way I do or think the way I do. He succumbed to that gay crowd inside who laughed at their own misfortunes and understood his. And pressed by those who visited him at the hospital, he capitulated entirely when later in an upper room of this house, he heard the story of some man who's experienced closely tailated with his own. I underlined the rest of the paragraph. The expression on the faces of the women that indefinable something in the eyes of the men, the stimulating electric atmosphere of the place conspired to let him know that here was underlined Haven at last. And that's what it needs to be. It needs to be a place where people feel electrified and excited when they leave. We'd never want our home to be a place that's gossipy and clicky and doesn't welcome the newcomer and doesn't constantly talk about the solution. I wrote, I'm next to the next paragraph, Model for Home Group. So we're getting a lot of good ideas about how we want to look as a home group. I underlined the very practical approach to his problems, the absence of intolerance of any kind, the informality, the genuine democracy, the uncanny understanding which these people had were irresistible. That's how I want to be in my home group. And I actually believe in our home group, which has been six years now, we do that. We offer that and that's so important to me. He and his wife, underlined, would leave elated by the thought of what they could now do for some stricken acquaintance and his family. Above that, I wrote, we need to walk away thinking of what we can do for others. We need to walk away thinking of what we can do for others. They knew they had a host of new friends. It seemed they had known these strangers always. They had seen miracles and when was to come to them. They had visioned at the great reality. They're loving and all-powerful creator. And I wrote next to that through working 12 steps. Now this house will hardly accommodate its weekly visitors. For the number 60 or 80 as a rule, I underlined, alcoholics are being attracted from far and near. And I underlined the word attracted, because that's what I want to do. I want to attract people by how we live and act. From surrounding towns, families drive long distances to be present. A community 30 miles away from Akron. And above that, I wrote Cleveland has 15 fellows of alcoholics anonymous. Being a large place, we think someday it's a fallishable number of many hundreds, which is funny because we have over 1,000 meetings a week in Cleveland, just in Cleveland. I underlined, but life among alcoholics anonymous is more than attending gatherings and visiting hospitals. Cleaning up old scrapes, helping to settle family differences, explaining the disinherited son-dos, irate parents, landing money and securing jobs for each other when justified. These are everyday occurrences. I underlined. No one is too discredited or as sunk too low to be welcomed cordially in a circle if he means business. I wrote on the side, if he doesn't mean business, don't waste my time. Which goes back to work with the willing. Social distinctions, petty rivalries and jealousies, these are laughed out of continents. Being wrecked in the same vessel, being restored and united under one god, with hearts and minds attuned to the welfare of others. The things which matter so much to some people no longer signify much to them. How could they? Under only slightly different conditions, the same thing is taking place in many eastern cities. In one of these, which is New York City on the top of 162, there is a well-known hospital for the treatment of alcohol and drug addiction. So this is Silkworth they're talking about. Six years ago one of our number was a patient there. Many of us have felt for the first time the presence and power of God within its walls. We are greatly indebted to the doctor in attendance there. I wrote above that doctor Silkworth. For he, although it might prejudice his own work, I underlined has told us of his belief in ours. I love love that. Every few days the doctors suggest our approach to one of his patients. Understanding our work, he can do this with an eye to selecting, I underlined, those who are willing and able to recover on a spiritual basis. Many of us former patients go there to help. Then in this Eastern City, there are informal meetings such as we have described to you where you may now see scores of members. There are the same fast friendships. There is the same healthfulness to one another as you find among our Western friends. So the idea is that everywhere that a blossoms, there's going to be the same principles and traditions and program, but everyone's going to have different ways that they approach it and how they carry it. But at the core, when you don't focus on the differences and you focus on the similarities, they're all the same. There's a good bit of travel between East and West and we foresee a great increase in this helpful interchange. Someday, we hope that every alcoholic who journeys will find a fellowship of alcohol because anonymous at his destination. My experience, except in East France, when I was there in like 2001, and I could not find a meeting even though I know that they had them there, I've always gotten to find an A meeting when I've traveled. It's one of the joys of traveling, especially if you're with family. You need to make it a priority that you go to at least one meeting while you're away. It's so amazing to show up and to carry the message and you never know who you're going to meet and who you're going to affect. So some extent that is already true. Some of us are salesmen and go about little clusters of twos and threes and fires of us have sprung up in other communities through contact with our two larger centers. Those of us who travel, dropping as often as we can, this practice enables us to land a hand at the same time avoiding certain alluring distractions of the road about which any traveling man can inform you. Thus we grow and so can you, though you be, but I underlined one man with his book in your hand or woman. And I wrote above that book contains directions and solution. Book contains direction and solution. So they're saying even though you're just one person with a book in your hand, I underlined we believe that's the first 100 men and women are telling us this. They've never met us, but they believe if we use this book, we believe and I underlined and hope it contains all you will need to begin. And I wrote next to begin spiritual journey. It's just the beginning. This is the skeleton of my spiritual program. I never let it go and I add on to it. We know what you are thinking. You're saying to yourself, I'm jittery and alone, which is exactly how I felt when my sponsor would tell me to write notes in my book. I was like, why? And she'd be like, you're going to take girls for the book one day and I would laugh at her. I was like, no one on earth is going to ask me for help. I couldn't do that, but you can. You forget that you've just now tapped underlined a source of power much greater than yourself. And I wrote on the side, what we can do together with God is beyond what I can do alone. What we can do together with God is beyond what I can do alone. To duplicate with such backing, what we have accomplished is only a matter of underlying willingness, patience, and labor. Always got the work. We know of an A member who is living in a large community. The community they're talking about is Cleveland. He had lived there about a few weeks when he found that the place probably contained more alcoholics per square mile than any city in the country. This was only a few days ago at this writing, 1939. Actually, I think it might have in Pittsburgh. No, Philly, I mean the brotherly love. I don't know. Fact checked that and sent me a message. This was only a few days ago. He got in touch with the prominent psychiatrists who had undertaken certain responsibilities for the mental health of the community. The doctor proved to be able to and exceedingly anxious to adopt any workable method of handling the situation. So he inquired what's it our friend have on the ball? Our friend proceeded to tell him. And with such good effect that the doctor agreed to attest among his patients in certain other alcoholics from a clinic which he attends. Arrangements were also made with the chief psychiatrists of a large public hospital to select still others underlying in red from the stream of misery which flows through that institution. I, if I wasn't dead and there wasn't AA, would be in an institution, I would be institutionalized. So our fellow worker will soon have friends galore. I underline in red. Some of them may sink and perhaps never get up because that's a part of the reality when people don't do the work. I underlined, but if our experience is a criterion more than half of those approach will become fellows of alcoholics anonymous. And I wrote next to the word approach. I wrote with the 12 steps. If you approach people in AA and you just welcome them, they're not going to recover. But if you approach them with the 12 steps, they're saying at least half of the people you approach are going to be willing to do the work. When a few men in this city have found themselves and have discovered the joy of helping others to face life again because that's really what this is about. This is not, life does not get just automatically better because you're sober. Really hard, emotionally strong, like challenging some of the worst things you can imagine can happen sober, but we get to face it. There will be no stopping until everyone in that town underline has had its opportunity to recover if he can and will. And I wrote next to that willing to do the work. And I need to remember that I was given the opportunity by people who I didn't even know who gave it to me and I need to be willing to give it to other people. Still, you may say, but I will not have the benefit of contact with you who write this book. And I'm 19 and a half years sober and I never got to have contact with the 100 men and women who wrote the book, but I can still carry the message. And this is why we cannot be sure. God will determine that. So you must remember, I underlined, that your real reliance is always upon him. I underline he will show you how to create the fellowship you crave. And I wrote on the side why we have to do 11. If I just inventory and I help others, I'm not going to be able to hear the message from my higher power. Our book is meant to be suggestive only. And I wrote above that, but not the steps. We suggest this is what you do. If you want to do the program of alcoxonomists, which is a suggestion, then this is what it is. And it's the steps. The steps are not a suggested part of the program. It's the only part of the program. It's the program. We realize we know only a little. God will constantly disclose more to you and to us. So that's a promise. And then I underline the rest of the paragraph. Ask him in your morning meditation, what you can do each day for the man who is still sick. I wrote on the side in your 11th step. So they're pairing 11 and 12. I need 11 in order to do 12. So if I'm not meditating, I'm not praying. I'm not reading 86, radiated. Then I'm not really effectively doing 12. I underline the answers will come if your own house is in order. So obviously the opposite of that is the answers will not come with my hallways of mess. I underline, but obviously you cannot transmit something you haven't got. So I don't know why I think of cookies, but if I live in a great neighborhood and if the neighborhood kids knocked on the door and they said, "Carly, do you have any cookies?" And I went to my cookie jar and it was empty. I would be like, "I'm so sorry guys. I don't have any to give you." And I couldn't give them cookies if I don't have them. So I have to do the work. I have to bake the cookies. I have to go grocery shopping. I have to get a job. I've got to buy the flour and the chocolate and the eggs and all that jazz. So I've got to always do the work in order to be able to give something. I underline see to it that your relationship with him is right and great events will come to pass for you and countless others and a circle that word will. I wrote steps and then I made an arrow to God. So the steps give me God and then I wrote God and I made an arrow to self. God gives me me back. And then I wrote self and an arrow to others. So it steps to God, God to self, self to others. And I wrote as a result of 10, 11 and 12, these are the great events that are going to come to pass. So I underline this is the great fact for us. So it doesn't have to happen down the road. This is happening now. Abandon yourself to God and underline as you understand God. It's not how anyone else understands God. It might your faults to him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. So they're talking about clean up your house, clean up your hallway. I underline give freely of what you find and join us. The first 100 men or women are saying we shall be with you in the fellowship of the spirit. And I just for the first time in my whole sobriety realized that they're telling me that even though I don't get to see them, that they are with me when I'm sitting down with you and I'm doing big book. They are with me. They are clapping and cheering when we are carrying this message when we are courageously speaking the truth that needs to be told to help another alcoholic. I've never ever thought about that, but for now on I'm going to invite them and feel their spirit. And he will surely meet some of us as you trudge the road of happy destiny. I used to use the word "trudge" like it was like I'm in the snow trying to get through because that's what I thought it meant, but in the 1930s the dictionary definition was to walk with a purpose and direction. To walk with a purpose and direction. So they're telling me as you walk with a purpose and direction, this is the road of happy destiny. And I circle the word "of" and it does not say too happy destiny. This is happy destiny. I wrote on the side we are on that road if and I wrote the word if big and underlined it. We are on that road And if we are doing 10, 11, and 12, may God bless you and keep you until then. I wrote a couple of things on the next page and then we're going to stop. So I wrote in order to effectively carry this message, we have to be living it ourselves, which is something I have somewhere else in my book, but it's just a reminder after this reading. In order to effectively carry this message, we have to be living ourselves. And then I wrote, if not living it cannot effectively carry it, if not living it cannot effectively carry it. I can still carry it. It's not going to carry it effectively. And then it says personal stories, how 43 alcoholics in a circle, the word recovered, and I wrote from a seemingly hopeless state of mind and body from their malady. And so the rest of the stories in the back of the book are supposed to show how each member recovered. Thank you guys for your time. I cannot even tell you how humbled I am to be able to carry this on in this medium. And I can't wait to see what the future is going to hold for us. And I hope you carry this on to others. Thank you. May God bless you and keep you.