4 Incredibly Powerful Questions to Ask Yourself Every Day

It's whatever pain or frustration or upset or suffering you may have. It's like it's all internally created. We want to say it's the outside world. You triggered me. Yeah. You made this not a safe space. You'll never be able to control the external world to be exactly how you want it to be. You'll never be safe doing that. You have to create the safety inside yourself because you want the answers. Hey, everybody. It's Tony Robbins. Welcome to the 20 Robbins podcast. This is a really special and fun episode. This episode we're going to take you to one of our inner circle audiences. And you're going to see a clip with Sage and myself basically exploring all the ideas of how you can question use the power of inquire, the power of questions to get rid of limiting beliefs. And rather than just talk about it, we decided to do is, you know, bring somebody up on screen and work with them there. So we bring up this young man named Rasmus. I think he's from Denmark if I remember correctly. And we help him kind of question us. Let me believe so you see his transformation in real time. So I think you really enjoy it. So thanks for sticking around. Let's just get right to it and start with the power of questions. So I think what I like to do now is to finish it up. We're going to take one, maybe two questions. Some people that are out there. But I thought instead of hearing from me, you should hear favorite person, my favorite person on earth. Will you welcome my dear sage Robbins? Everybody give it up for ladies and gentlemen. Hi, and it's circle family. Hello, everyone. Thank you, honey. So we're at home here. It's still so special to be with you in our home. Yeah. Thank you for inviting us in your home and give you what ours. So let's take a question. I thought it'd be great. You know, stages, uh, which is my wife, but that's all you could say. I'm partial. Sure, the smartest and most spiritual, most beautiful humans I know on earth. And I've been privileged to meet millions, always tell people that, uh, you know, I think the gift that God has given me for helping millions of people is. I got this one minus my life and love and partner. So I thought it'd be nice to let her answer some of your questions and meet me on a little bit more on the outside. Yeah. Thank you, honey. And something I'd love to add to that, um, is just one of the beautiful gifts in this space between, um, our love, our relationship is we both, uh, have an other commitment to take responsibility for our suffering. And asking questions inquiry is a path through that bound stuck energy of an internal nightmare. We all know what it feels like to be stuck with an attrivial belief or a story of mind and they're running all the time. They're running. And as they run and as we attach to them and believe them, it disconnects us from this moment. It disconnects us from our beloveds. It disconnects us from the beauty of life. And so for myself, I have such a we both, you know, inquiry, manifest and and, um, lives in both of us and expresses differently and yet complimentary. Uh, for the simple fact that we're both so hungry, uh, for freedom. For inner freedom. And as we inquire, as we dig deeper, as we asked the questions, Tony was said so beautifully earlier about, you know, having mind and heart connected in that coherence. And, uh, through questions, if we have a willingness to willingness, it's all it takes a willingness to claim responsibility for experience of life. A willingness to claim a responsibility for our internal suffering. A lot of times so innocently mind is looking externally. You know, well, if he changes, if she does this when she does that, then I'll be happy. And yet, I don't know about you, but I haven't found a human being on the planet that I've been able to change yet. Through our love. Through our love, but not through the expectation or the demand that I need you to behave differently in order for me to feel more comfortable or at ease or to get over this resistance. That's crazy. That's crazy inside of me if I believe that and I have so I can say that's because it's human. This is actually where we all meet in this human journey. It transcends every religion, every race. We all meet in this internal experience of mind that can be beautiful and expanded and freeing or it can be bound and restricting. And so I'm passionate about this as much as this big beautiful man is. And what's so beautiful in real time, you're going to experience some different questions, questions that I ask questions that Tony asked. And then as well, questions of a very dear beloved friend of ours, this past called the work. And you can just simply try them, you know, and all it takes is your own. You wouldn't be here. That's the truth if you didn't have willingness. So Sage mentioned you know, we have a dear friend named Byron Katie. And if you haven't picked up some of her books, one of the first books was called the work. And what we have in common is we believe that the only way things change is by inquiry. In other words, things stay the same unless you question them. That's all inquiry is right. But byron Katie's just a beautiful, beautiful soul. So we're probably to a podcast with her, but you pick up a book, loving what is or the work. There are lots of great books. But the reason we bring it up is if you're, you know, feeling like a little overwhelmed by all the questions we're asking here. She has a simple process. She calls it four questions and a turnaround. And I thought I just put it in front of you just right now, just at its base. And then we'll take a question, maybe two, if we don't have time here, I'm just looking at the time, make sure we're supporting you on that too. But we want to go through all and it'll give you a structure that you could consider. So let me walk you through it for two seconds. And then I'll let Sage walk somebody through it. And maybe honey, you'll share your version because we all have our own version. Absolutely. But if you look at for something that's like the same every time you could go to when you're dealing with a challenge. Iron Katie went through this experience where she literally felt she lost her mind. Literally she was having a mental breakdown. And then she began to realize I'm only having these feelings because I'm believing these ridiculous thoughts. We all have thoughts. Who here is ever thought I'm going to kill that son of a gun. Who's ever had this thought in your mind? Anybody out there make some noise you've had. But that created a lot of smile. But you didn't really kill him, right? Cause you didn't believe that thought. It's when you believe a thought that it takes control of you. So in order to get beyond that and come up with a new thought, she came up with what she calls four questions and a turn around. So I'll give it to you real quick. You could review this later on if you want. You can pick up her book and it's just one more tool for you. Let me do it for you first. I'll just walk you through it. Well, throw it on the screen for you so you can see it. So the first question, by the way, I teach this in some of my business clients. So the first step if you're going to make a change besides getting enough reasons to do it. Having a big enough why enough leverage is you have to break the pattern. So you got to interrupt the patterns. If somebody says Susie's a so and so she and it's a derogatory term or John's a jerk, whatever the term is. Her first respond is response or I can't do this or it's impossible to grow my business. Or I don't have the capital or whatever limiting belief you have. First question she asks is it true? I go a little bit beyond that. Because sometimes we can't is it true people? Yes, it is true. It's just a reflex. So if we'll put it back on the screen. The first question you write down a limiting belief, a limiting emotion and you say, okay, is it true? Could this be a misinterpretation or misperception about Susie or about myself, about my business, about my resources, about the kind of whatever it is? Do we have all the possible information necessary to know exactly what this means? So do you really know what's going on with Susie? Do you know if she's having an illness? Is there somebody or family that's being heard? Can we really know everything to know that Susie's a B, you know, or Johnny's a A, whenever words you want to fill into those components, right? And if you keep asking this question most of the time, if you're honest to go, well, no, we don't have all the information. No, exactly what's true. It's possible to misinterpretation. The moment you see it's possible that a limiting belief is no longer true. That starts to break the pattern. How many follow at least what the intention of that question is? You do make some noise. So I got you out. Okay. Awesome. Now that we start to break the pattern throughout the screen for everybody. So they see how you can take a picture of it too. So if they want to is now we got to get what I call leverage, you know, just make a note. If you would change is never a matter of ability change is never a matter of ability. It's always a matter of motivation, meaning if you said I can't stop smoking and somebody came up from the mafia and said, I got a gun. I'm going to kill all of your children. You ever touch another cigarette and we're going to monitor you 24/7. Yeah. It sounds horrific, but I bet you can stop smoking. Right. There's no question about it. It's never can you. It's will you and the language you will. You got strong enough reasons. So that's the general principle that I live. So she has a second question and it's designed in my view to get leverage. And what she asks is, what do you feel when you say Susie's a bee or Johnny's an A or whatever word you want to fill in there? What do you feel when you say I can't grow my business or the economy is out of control? What do you feel when you say I can never lose weight? What do you feel throughout back on the screen? Somebody gets it. What do you feel? What do you experience? You know, what do you feel like? What when you believe that thought? What does it do to you? And the person makes it. I feel pissed off. I feel frustrated or I feel overwhelmed or I feel I don't have I don't have space in myself to even feel alive. And what that does is it makes people find what they don't want. It gives them. reason to change. Third question. Third question you're going to be asking throughout there is you want to annihilate the old belief. And the simple way in what she does, this is she asked this question. She says, if that thought never existed, if you never thought Suzy was a bee, Johnny was an a that you could never turn your business around, you could never, if you've never had that that you never thought you weren't sexy, how would you feel if you never had that thought? How would you behave differently if you'd never even have the thought? What would your life experience be like? What would you be like if you didn't have that thought constantly in your mind or in the way or in the way of your progress or your business? And so what this does now is we've gone beyond leverage. Now we're starting to make a change and a person will say, well, I'd feel happy if I didn't think Suzy was mean to me or Johnny was a jerk or whatever. I'd feel like I didn't think it was impossible to grow in my business. I'd probably look for another way or to raise money. So it puts you in a state beyond the limiting belief. And then the turn rounds are simply what we're doing with these first three questions is we're taking those legs, those references and say, I'm not attractive enough Suzy's horrible. I can't grow my business. My my children won't listen to me. You know, I'm not beautiful enough whatever. And we're taking the legs out. And now that they're out, though, we want to make sure they stay out. So she does a turnaround and her turnaround is say the opposite or the antivit. What's the opposite of its impossible to grow my business? So it's totally possible to grow my business. What's the opposite of, you know, Suzy is a terrible person. And that's the second part. You do the opposite. So it can't be done. It can't be done. That's a simple turnaround. It must be done. I will do it. The negative belief, you know, Suzy's a bitch, right? Well, no, what's the, let's replace Suzy with either they, he, she, or maybe I, when I'm judging Suzy, how do I treat her? Well, I'm a bitch. I'm a bastard. I'm a jerk. Oh my god. That starts to really change the game. And then she asks you to come up with what are three ways that you know that you have been terrible to Suzy or three ways you know you could grow your business or what are three ways. And so it makes three ways you know you're you're truly attractive. Well, I love people. I love to please people. I'm whatever. And you come up with three reasons. And now you've built a new belief, a new tabletop. Now I've done that at hyper speed. But how many get a feel for that? If it makes some sense to you, make some noise. I know you're getting it there. And so you can do this whenever you have a limiting belief. And it's a really beautiful format. And it really works. Now again, I'm not going to try and take you all through it. And sage won't do it formally because one of the great things I love about my life also she has so many great questions. So maybe before we take a question, share the other day we were talking about all the questions that you ask. Yes. But why don't I want you one thing? If you've been to the day with Destiny, you learn there's one question you ask more than ever any other question. The reason is your brain links the most pain and most pleasure to it. So some people are always asking what's wrong with me. You know, some people are asking why can't I do something? Mine was, you know, how do I make it better? Constantly making it better. Well, that's helped my life a lot. Except when I was talking people didn't want to make it better. They felt offended. Right. So I had to see the upside down side of my questions. Sage's question has been one of the most beautiful things for her. It's always been, where's the good in this? And no matter what it is, once you can find the good in it, the pain disappears. So that's been her base. But why don't you share some of the questions I know you ask you to write them down the other day? Yes, of course. Well, honestly, coming into this, I recognize that, you know, there's certain questions that I find helpful. One is, okay, say if I'm feeling resistance, or if I'm feeling stuck, I'm feeling that bound feeling. And so this is in my inner dialogue. I'd be like, okay, on what are what are we missing? What might I be missing right now? And usually, what I'm missing is the others perception, the others experienced. And once again, that question, if you're asking that question without receptivity, but if there's a willingness, it's like, okay, what am I missing right now? It's like, I'll give you an example. Say if I walked in, and Tony was really focused on something. And so his face is, you know, he's maybe less emotive, emotive, and I mean like a really loving, happy gesture. And I walk in. And as a younger version of myself, I misinterpreted. I would see him in a certain state. And I would think, gosh, he's upset with me. He's mad at me. And so at times, as life went on, and if I was believing that thought, then when I would see him, the next time that thought is like an overlay, it's an overlay on reality. I'm not seeing beautiful man who's walking into the kitchen. Hey, Han, hey, babe, let's have dinner. I'm not experiencing that because one hour earlier, if I'm believing the thought that he's upset with me, and so now I really just didn't real time. Is it true? Is definitely an ongoing? But and and another one, a complimentary one is, okay, what are you missing? Gosh, what am I missing? You know what I remember earlier today, Tony mentioned that his shoulder was really bothering him. What else am I missing? You know, he's prepping for this event. He's got 10,000 people. You know, for an event and a half hour, he's probably maybe a little stressed for time. Nothing to do with me. And so that question for myself, it helps me to walk in the other shoes, walk in our beloved shoes, and to see beyond the story or to see beyond the belief. Another one, an internal one, this is just for my own body. I'll ask myself many times today, I'll say, okay, how can I bless my body? How can I bless my body right now? So, maybe I might have a drink of water. Sometimes I might pop outside, and I'll ask myself, how can I bless my body right now? How can I bless my being? And my being is different than my body. My being a lot of times wants to slow down. You know, wants to, I might close my eyes. I call it like 60 seconds of grace. I'll just call close my eyes and invite my awareness, my attention inward. That's nurturing for me. I might eat something, you know, if I was asking how to bless my body, it sounds crazy, but sometimes when we get going and we're out here, questions invite our awareness, our attention back to ourselves. You know, Tony said something so brilliant earlier that, you know, that it's rather as a leader that, you know, we want to empower the other for the answers to come within them, same with ourselves as we ask a question with willingness. And invites our awareness and our attention. It's like, we tune in, say tuning a radio. And then we're able to serve the circumstance. And so, gosh, a few more. Okay, another one. If I'm feeling maybe a resistance or something inside myself, and if I'll see if Tony's maybe feeling stressed and I'll say, okay, how can I convey my heart right now? How can I convey my, my, my, a deeper truth? And so, that might be verbally, that might be in a touch, but I find myself asking like, how can I convey my heart in this moment? Because head is always efficient. Mind sees things in absolute. And it fixes reality. It distorts reality. And so these questions are tuning us to tune back into ourselves. Gosh, I'm trying to think of my other questions that I asked in my. - I'm expressing love or fear in those ones that you're asking. - Yes, and another one. Yes, is, so, and I'll, if I'll say, okay, my expressing love or fear. Now, that one's obvious, obvious, but not in a moment before you ask it. - Yeah. - And so if I ask myself in my feeling, it's not even expressing I'll ask myself in my feeling fear, fear feels like tension, fear feels like resistance. And so, if I'm feeling resistance, if I'm feeling a tightness, that's a, hello, something's going on. I have a belief and untruth that I can, you know, questions that I can come back home. We all know what it feels like to be out in the world and you walk in your home and there's that feeling of, "Hah, inquiry invites us home." Home inside of our heart. Home and so back to our essence that from that place, we have perception and perception is including. You know, perception perceives, it allows, it understands, it wants to understand, versus an opinion, which is a fixed reality. A judgment is a fixed reality. And those are usually overlaying somebody our beloved externally. And so, it is, it's freeing. It's freeing to know that, "Oh my gosh, I can shift the nightmare." And by the way, life is offering all of us challenges, health challenges, life challenges, losing jobs, this, that, the other COVID, all of the things that life is offering us, how we respond to that, how we react to that. That's each of our responsibility. That's our business. And so we can do it blindly, feels a little clunky. That can be painful to go through life asleep. And asleep feels like all these lenses, all these stickies over reality of a beautiful man. He's prepping. He's doing the best he can in a moment. I'll even sometimes say, "Honey, do you know what? I came in 10 minutes earlier and I saw you and I thought you were stressed in here." But they're, "Honey, what are you talking?" But I wasn't. And like, I know that. I'm sorry. It also allows us to tidy it up, to tidy it up. patty up the space between ourselves and our beloveds. 'Cause when we're believing a thought, you'll come to see through this process. We don't even recognize what, we know what it feels like internally. We don't always see what it conveys externally to people. It can be less pleasant. And so in our own relationship, it's so beautiful 'cause it's two human beings taking responsibility. And if there's a confusion, if there's a distortion, it's, "I need to know, I'm so sorry, I've just, I've been stuck in my mind right now." This is what it looks like. I've been stuck in my head right now. I was believing this. I know it's not true. I thank you for just hearing me right now. And then I might share or he might share. And thank you for being with me in this moment. Thank you for holding space in those compassion. 'Cause it's hard to, it's not hard as we're, to connect to heart with our beloveds when we're believing that he doesn't love me. He's not paying attention to me. He's upset with me. Why isn't he romantic? Why did he talk so loud? Sound familiar? We could flip it, by the way, I'm not saying you. I'm just saying, I'm making it up right now. (laughs) Truth left probably thought it all at some point in time. But it's human, it's not personal. It's human 'cause mind is always offering up these beliefs different than what our heart and our consciousness perceives, which is greater than the limitation of mind. - We have, I mean, listen, the questions you're talking about here. Let's throw them up on the screen for people. - Helpful. - Quick picture here to some of the questions. - That's very helpful. Thank you. - So, you know, what's missing in this situation? Am I defending anything in this moment? - That's a big one. - What's the gift? What's the lesson? What's the blessing here? - Yes. - What's the experience? What's this offering me? - Yes. - And then I'm resisting and why do I feel tension? And I'm like, let it go. My pressing lever fear. Well, this is when you do a lot. And you call the spirit, can I invite to this moment? More kindness, more love, more curiosity, more gentleness, more patience, more connectedness? - Playfulness is another one. - Yes, very. - Playfulness. - Huge one. - 'Cause that's a game changer. Being in a circumstance and it's just, you know, we, life in our busyness can feel efficiency doesn't always convey, efficiency does not convey our deepest heart. And so for myself, it's like, gosh, you know, it's playfulness or I want to get curious about what's going on or sometimes it's patience, patience to be, hey, hello, you know, my, what, Tony's involved in something here. I'll pop back in a half hour if I'm wanting to connect in a moment or say, honey, do you know what? I just want to dog. I know you're really crazy busy. I'll come back after you're done with this. That, it creates a language of love. Because through the, through our heart, we're able to express our deepest needs and our wants. But it doesn't sound like you don't do this. Why do you never say this? It's which is blame or defending. What are you talking about? I love you. I, that, that defense. So defense has a quality that's really obvious. And I'll ask myself if I'm having a misunderstanding or a, or feeling that disconnect with somebody in my life, I'll be like, okay, what the frick am I defending right now? Because there's always something, something. Eagle mind is so seductive and it moves so quickly. And so these questions cause us to pause. It invites our attention inward. And then what's so extraordinary on being our own consciousness so perfectly shows us the answer. From my own experience, especially when we write it down, it really assists me to answer the questions and to write out the answers. I want to emphasize that if you just answered verbally, you may not stay with it. Yes. But we both are journalists. We both take it and write it down for yourself too. Because when you see it on paper in front of you, it loses its power. It's no longer stuck in your head. And you don't have that circular thinking. We ask one question that your brain asks another one, that type of thing. I really encourage you to write it down. It makes a big, big difference. And one asked the last one is, what is the good, the gift, the blessing in this? That is always, once again, it's always hindsight that mind is revisiting. Our suffering is not here now. Our suffering is in the story and it's about the past or a projected future. And so what's the gift in this? Cause if we're experiencing pain or suffering about something that happened in the past, it's been my own experience that there's always such a beautiful gift. Some of the most painful, clunky, awkward, brutal circumstances in our lives have the deepest gifts, have the deepest levels of growth, the most beautiful, magnificent opportunities to learn. And yet we can miss that if we don't contemplate and pause and reflect, and that's the beautiful, unbelievable power of inquiry. Is it causes that, doesn't cause us it invites us to reflect, to contemplate, to notice, to connect to and from that perspective, it's so stunning. It's so stunning to revisit, sorry, honey. - No, no, no, say, but it only works. The reason it works so well for her and for me, is because you're taking responsibility if your own feelings, or beliefs, or suffering. In other words, whatever pain or frustration or upset or suffering you may have, it's like, it's all internally created. We want to see it's the outside world. You triggered me to finish. - Yeah. - You've made this not a safe space. - You'll never be able to control the external world to be exactly how you want it to be. My wife is so beautiful in wanting to see what she's not seeing within herself. I try to do the same thing. And that's why we go in with the purest intent to get to a deeper truth, 'cause we know that'll give us freedom. And that, for us, the love more, share more, create more and be closer to each other and to everybody else that we love in our lives. - And Tony's so beautiful saying, "I'm beautiful." I don't know even now that it's beautiful. I'm selfish. I'm completely selfish. It serves me. I want to feel unbound. I want to feel free inside myself. And then life boom will offer something else. Hey, wow, feeling that resistance. And so it's such an unbelievable, powerful tool to notice, to appreciate. And to just uproot what's clunky and what's no longer serving and to transcend and to transform that to the power of inquiry. So I believe we have a gentleman. - How many of you, by the way, are now getting on the service questions or the answer? Who came? How many getting the power of questions, if I can change everything? - Yeah. - I'm gonna say the questions, right? - Right. - Right. - It's such a simple tool, it's the most powerful. So we're already at two hours, but if you'll stay with us, we want to do one or two questions. - Let's take one at least. - Beautiful. - And then, say, why don't you take them through the four questions you're talking about. So we have Rasmus. Jacob's in is gonna join us here from Denmark. Let's give it up for Rasmus. - How are you? Thank you so much. - So letting me be here. I'm so good. I'm so, my heart is pumping, but I'm trying to turn it into love and to openness. (laughing) - Give my hand. - Yeah. - Yeah, I love to feel you out there. - And Rasmus, I'm pumping is love. That's right. Rasmus, I understand you've only been part of us for about three weeks. I know you've not, I understand you've not been to unleash the power within. So you don't have these deep experiences yet. And you're gonna get them. You're just beginning this journey with us. But why don't you share what sage, what has been your limiting belief for challenge? I understand that you are musician and you're having difficulty putting it out there. Tell us a little bit about what you're dealing with, what the limiting belief is. And let's see, let's have her take you to the process. - It's not only in the music aspect of my life. It's every part of my life. I feel like I put a clock on myself and I don't express myself the way I want to. I don't say the things I believe. I don't tell people about the things that I do in my life, the things that I'm working on, my body, my mental state. I think somewhere deep I'm scared of failing or saying something and then getting proven wrong or them telling me something is wrong with what I'm doing. - Yes. - So one quick thing when I mentioned them, I have sage to do through it for everyone. We all the brain, not your heart, not your mind, not your soul, not your soul and your heart spirit, I should say, but the mind or the brain tends to do three things. You should all jot down. We all distort our brains delete and we generalize. And what that does is this connects us some reality. When you're no longer proud of reality, it's hard to change your life. So a distortion is, but you take something and make it worse than it is. Or you make it, you know, if you delete something. In other words, in order to be really angry, you have to delete all the things you can be happy about. There's so much to be just stopped and look around. I have my health, I have friends, I have whatever. So we delete things. We delete our relationship. Well, you always do that. That's the third thing.