384 | Executive presence demystified: a simple framework for standing out in the room

[MUSIC] If you work in a corporate environment, there's never any reason to dial back the boldness and leadership that you bring. So I really want you to think about it as your goal is consistency. You're deciding who you want to be and you are going to show up as that person so often and so clearly that you will undeniably develop that reputation. [MUSIC] Welcome to the art of speaking up. A podcast that helps professional women access the limitless potential that lies within them. I'm your host, Jessica Gase, and my mission is to help you find that spark inside you that has the power to transform your career in ways you may not have thought possible. I'm so excited that you're here and now onto the show. [MUSIC] Welcome to the Art of Speaking Up podcast. Today's episode is all about helping you have a stronger leadership presence in meetings. The way that you carry yourself when you are in discussions and conversations with leaders and executives at work has a really big impact on your reputation and ultimately on how quickly you get promoted into leadership roles. Now, I know this can feel intimidating if you are someone who struggles with self-confidence or maybe you experience imposter syndrome. I know it can feel hard to show up confident and be a steady assertive voice in those rooms, but that's exactly what I'm here to help you with. In today's episode, I'm going to be sharing a framework that is going to help you have a stronger leadership presence in rooms. This way, people will really be able to see the depth of your competence and the depth of your expertise so that you can be on a fast track to advance upwards within your organization. The framework that I'm teaching you today is one of my absolute favorites. It's a framework that I came up with very recently to explain a phenomenon that I was noticing with almost all of my clients. The thing that I was noticing is that the way that they were showing up in meetings, the way that they were speaking, the way that they were interacting, the way that they were carrying themselves, was being driven by the identity that they had walking into the room. It's almost as though they walked into the room assigning themselves a role like you would assign yourself a role in a movie or a role in a play. They assigned themselves a role and whatever role they assigned themselves was dictating how they were acting in the room and was impacting their executive presence. I had this huge epiphany that we all do this. We walk into the room and we've assigned ourselves a mental role and that dictates how we show up in the room. And often we don't assign ourselves a good role. We don't give ourselves the protagonist role or the leading role. We assign ourselves a crappy hiding in the background kind of role that doesn't allow us to step into the spotlight and share our voice and our competence and our thought leadership with everyone in the room. So in today's episode, I'm going to be teaching you the three types of roles that you can assign to yourself when you are in a meeting or in a discussion at work. And I'm going to help you figure out which of those three roles you are typically assigning to yourself and whether you need to change your role in order to have a stronger executive presence and in order to get noticed and respected for the skills and leadership that you bring. The three roles that you're going to learn about in today's episode are the roles of the listener, the builder, and the challenger. I'm going to teach you what each one of these is. I'm going to explain how you'll know which of these roles you are assigning to yourself. I'm also going to tell you which one of these roles you want to be assigning to yourself and how to get better at playing that role in the room. So without further ado, we are going to start with the role of listener. This is a role that I got very stuck in in the very beginning of my nine to five career when I was really struggling with self-confidence and imposter syndrome. So the way that you know that you're assigning yourself the role of the listener is through the thoughts that you have about yourself and what you're there to do in the room. So here are some typical thought processes that indicate that you have assigned yourself the role of the listener. Number one, you are focused on respecting the hierarchy. You don't want to talk over people who have more years of experience than you. You want to make sure that you are giving the spotlight to others and paving the way for them to take up space and speak. Another tell tale sign that you've assigned yourself the role of the listener is that you believe that there is a quote unquote "correct" way to participate in a work discussion. You believe that if people want you to participate, they will tell you. They will assign you a slot to participate or they will ask you a specific question. If you aren't asked or explicitly told to speak up, then you shouldn't speak up because you would be violating some sort of rule that exists in the room. The final tell tale sign is that you believe that the more experienced someone is, the better their contributions are. Therefore it is in your interest to stay quiet if you are not the most experienced person in the room because you would be taking up valuable airtime that could be used by someone more senior who has a more sophisticated perspective on whatever topic is being discussed. If you relate to these thought processes, it's a sign that you are assigning yourself the role of the listener. Because listeners have this belief that they need to respect the hierarchy and that there are correct ways to participate, they are typically quiet in meetings and conversations unless explicitly asked to speak and they will often defer to others. So a listener is not going to be super vocal and not going to be super noticeable in the room. Now the issue is, when you're acting as a listener, the leaders in the room don't get to hear your contribution. They don't hear you speak. So in their mind there is a big question mark around you and your capabilities. And when executives have nothing to go off of in terms of understanding your reputation, then it's really, really difficult to stand out because you're not giving them anything that they can use to shape their perception of who you are. Now if you get stuck in the listener role, no shame in that. This was a huge trap that I felt into before I became a podcaster and a full time coach. I had a 9-5 career. And the whole reason that I started this show and that I do this podcast is because I struggled deeply with self-confidence in the beginning of my career. And I would be a listener in every single room because it felt so terrifying for me to take up space and be a voice in the room. Now luckily I was able to change my confidence levels. I was able to grow more confident and find my voice and pivot into playing a more productive and powerful role in the room. And I believe that you can do that too, which is why I want to talk with you next about the role of the builder, which is a more powerful role to play in a work conversation. So here is the mindset of a builder. When a builder walks into a room or a discussion, their thought is we are all building this together. And my role is to help us build. So a builder views a work conversation as if everyone is taking a brick and laying down bricks in order to build a wall, which means a builder knows that even if they don't have the entire answer, them contributing even just a little bit is still valuable, just like it's valuable to lay down a single brick even if you can't build an entire wall. the mindset of a builder is that they want to help make progress and that they they don't need to be perfect in order to help do that. They feel a sense of responsibility to play a role in doing some of the intellectual work of solving problems and moving projects forward. As a result, builders tend to speak up much more frequently than listeners, and they're not going to stay quiet just because there are leaders in the room, because they know that they can still help, they can still help build, they can still add one of those bricks. So they don't wait to be invited into the conversation, they grab a brick, and they add it to the wall. They come up with suggestions, and they speak up, and they share those suggestions, and they help everyone in the room build towards a solution. Now, in order to move into middle management roles, you have to transition into the role of a builder. People who are builders will typically be found in middle management roles. The amount of participation that they demonstrate shows leadership in an organization that they are invested and that they are capable of moving things forward, and that gives leadership the confidence to promote them into middle management roles. Now, that being said, builders can get stuck in middle management roles, and this is something that I see very, very often when I am supporting my clients. Not all of my clients, but many of my clients are in a middle management position, and they're trying to break through to that next level. Now, there's one element of being a builder that makes it challenging to break through into those bigger executive leadership roles, which is that builders hold the belief that their value in the room declines as they get farther and farther outside of their area of expertise. So they come into the room intending to help and wanting to add bricks to that wall and help build. But if the conversation starts to veer into a subject matter that feels unfamiliar to them, they stop contributing and they stop building. This means that it's challenging for builders to really shine in rooms where they're at the edge of their expertise. They will also struggle if leaders push back or disagree with them because their thought process is this leader must know something I don't know. I must be lacking expertise, and they will often allow leaders to dominate the direction of the conversation because of that feeling that they are lacking the expertise and that they are outside of their comfort zone. So if you zoom out and look at the behavior of a builder, they're going to really excel and speak up a lot in rooms where they feel comfortable with the subject matter. So in those rooms, they're not going to hesitate. They're not going to wait to be invited to speak. They're going to jump in and they're going to help build. But when they're in rooms where they feel less familiar with the subject matter or when they're in situations where executives disagree with them, they're going to become more passive. This means that a builder can do great in a middle management position but will struggle to break through to those bigger leadership positions where a deeper level of self-confidence and assertiveness is required. And that brings me to the third type of role that you can play in a room. And this is the role of the challenger. This is the role that I recommend you aspire to be. And this is the role that is going to help you land a position as a high level leader. So a challenger possesses all of the positive traits of a builder in that they want to help everyone make progress. But they also possess a couple additional traits that builders don't possess. So number one, they believe that their biggest value in an organization comes from challenging themselves and others in the room to aspire to something better. And number two, they believe that everyone in the room has roughly the same intellect and the same capability regardless of title. They're very hierarchy neutral. So because they hold those beliefs, they will tend to be one of the most vocal participants in a room. They're unafraid to share strong suggestions. They're unafraid to pressure test. Other people's suggestions. They're unafraid to delve into topics that are outside of their immediate domain of expertise. They're unafraid of being challenged. If someone above them in the hierarchy challenges them, they're not going to immediately agree. They're going to dive into it and figure out what they believe is correct. And as a result, challengers very quickly develop a very strong reputation when it comes to their leadership capabilities. As executives observe challengers being assertive, challenging the status quo, pushing hard to make progress, contributing even when they're not strictly within their domain of expertise, executives begin to realize, oh, this is the type of employee who I can trust. I can give them something messy. I can give them something complicated, and they won't get lost in it. Just like they can handle this challenging, high level conversation that we are having in the room, they will also be able to handle the most challenging, highest level projects that exist within our company. And because executives have this thought process about challengers, they feel safe and comfortable to promote challengers into those higher level leadership roles that require that level of assertiveness and that require the courage and confidence to be willing to push past the status quo and be assertive and navigate disagreement and work through challenging problems and conversations. If you want to move into executive leadership, you have to practice showing up as a challenger. Now, the good news is, even if you're introverted, even if you don't identify as being super assertive, you can 1,000% become a challenger. I know because that was the exact journey that I went on in my corporate career. I started out shy. I started out super hesitant. I was always a listener. And then I practiced speaking up and gradually, I became a builder. And then I started to challenge myself even more. I challenged myself to intentionally feel uncomfortable so that I can act as a challenger in the room. And I was able to land my first ever executive position and thrive in it. And it's not just me that has gone on this journey. This is a journey that I have supported over 150 professional women on. It is absolutely possible to cultivate the confidence and leadership skills required to go from listener to builder to challenger. And in the second half of today's episode, I'm going to give you some advice on how to make that transition. So we're going to take a super quick break. And then when I'm back from the break, we're going to talk about how to make this transition. If you want to develop a reputation that gets you promoted, you have to demonstrate something called bias to action. Bias to action is a fancy phrase that gets used in the corporate world. All it means is that you are someone who is always looking forward and helping everyone take that next step. Employees who demonstrate bias to action are perceived as better leaders, and they tend to get promoted more quickly. I want to help you demonstrate bias to action, which is why I created my free bias to action worksheet. In it, I guide you through a step-by-step process that will help you demonstrate bias to action when you are running your next meeting. If you are ready to show people that you have what it takes to lead, grab this worksheet for free by clicking the link in the show notes or going to [email protected]/biastoaction. And now back to the episode. OK, I am so excited for the second part of this episode because I have some very important advice to give you to help you transition, either from listener to builder or from builder to challenger. And one thing I'll share is that it's very normal to identify with multiple different roles. So what is most likely to be true for you is that there are some meetings where you are a listener, some meetings where you are a builder, and some meetings where you are a challenger. But the goal is for you to always be a challenger, and always bring your best self and your boldest leadership into the room. That's what I'm going to help you do. And the first piece of advice is something that I often talk about when I'm coaching my clients, which is to aspire to be the same version of yourself everywhere you go. I really want you to think about what type of leader you want to be and what you want to be known for. And I want you to make it your goal to show up as that version of you always, as opposed to showing up differently, depending on what type of environment you're in. Something that's super important is if you want to develop a reputation as a leader, you have to consistently show up as a leader. Imagine that there's someone named Bob and Bob says, "I want to develop a reputation for being ethical." And 70% of the time, Bob behaves ethically, but 30% of the time, Bob steals or hurts someone or does something really bad. Bob is not going to develop a reputation as being ethical if he's being inconsistent. Now Bob might say, "But I'm ethical 70% of the time." And to that we would say to Bob, "Yeah, but that's not how building a reputation works." The way you build a reputation is by deciding who you want to be and showing up as that person always. So the same is true for you. If you want people to think of you as a leader, as someone who has very mature communication skills, someone who can hold their own in a room and handle difficult things, you want to be that person always. And I think so often we forget that and we show up as that person 60% of the time, 70% of the time, 80% of the time, and we get stuck and we aren't sure why. And I see it over and over. The reason people get stuck is because of that last 20 or 30%. They're still not showing up as a challenger in those bigger, more intimidating rooms. If you work in a corporate environment, there's never any reason to dial back the boldness and leadership that you bring. Now, the second piece of advice is something that I spend a ton of time working with my clients on. And I have a ton of podcasts that dive into this if you want to go deeper. And that is you have to build confidence. Being a challenger isn't easy. And I think a lot of times we think that it should be easy. And we think that all of the grind and all of the hard work should happen behind the scenes when we're cranking out deliverables. And somehow we assume that being a voice in the room should be like this much easier thing that doesn't challenge us, that doesn't require us to really step up and dig deep within ourselves. But just like you have to do hard work to execute your deliverables, you also have to do emotional work to be a leader and be a strong voice in meetings. And where I see people get stuck is they assume that it should be easy. And if it's not easy for them to have a voice and show up as a challenger, it means something is wrong with them. They must be missing some sort of personality trait when actually the truth of the situation is that leadership is hard. That's why leadership roles pay more than non leadership roles because it's more difficult to take up space. It requires more boldness. It requires more emotional labor. And just because it feels hard and just because you're feeling that friction doesn't mean something's wrong with you. The women who follow my work and my clients especially often have a habit of jumping to the conclusion that something must be wrong with them. I would caution you if you are jumping to that conclusion because typically the struggle to speak up and lead boldly isn't a result of you being broken. It's a result of you stepping into your next level and that next level requires the next level of effort. This is normal, nothing is wrong with you. This is part of the growth process. This is why so many high level leaders who are already high up in the organization work with coaches behind the scenes because they have to do a deeper level of emotional labor to show up in their jobs. They are not just breezing by easily. They are also having to do the work to figure out how do I hold all of this? How do I show up in this bigger way? The third piece of advice that I want to share is to question and really try to attack your limiting beliefs. One of the biggest limiting beliefs that gets people stuck in listener mode and then stuck in builder mode is the belief that people higher up in an organization are smarter than they are or no better than they do. As long as you believe that is true, it will slow down your path to becoming a challenger. I really want you to ask yourself, if you were in a meeting surrounded by executives and you knew that they weren't very smart and that you were smarter than they are, how would that impact your contribution in the room? For most people, it's going to cause them to speak up more because now they feel a sense of urgency. Now they're thinking, oh my gosh, if they're not smart and I'm the only one who understands how things work, if I don't speak up, this isn't going to move forward in the best possible way. Something that I want to share with you that is really important is it probably feels really true to you that these executives are smarter than you. They are not. Maybe some of them are, I don't know every single executive that works at your organization and how smart you are and how smart they are, but the point is this default assumption that they must be smarter is usually wrong. You really have to ground yourself in the reality that you know what you're doing that you are highly intellectual. The women who listen to this show, like when I meet my clients, these are some of the smartest, most introspective women I have ever encountered. I am not just saying this to blow smoke up your butt. I am saying this to share what I believe to be the truth, which is that you are probably highly intellectual and high functioning and highly capable if you listen to this podcast. I have met hundreds of you who listen and the trend is undeniable. And when you look at executives across corporate America, they're at all different levels of intellect. Some of them are really smart, some of them are less smart, some of them got ahead just because they're confident and loud and know how to take up space. So you really need to understand that you have intellectual horsepower and you might have more than other people in the room. And the sooner you realize that the easier it's going to be to move from listener to builder and builder to challenger. Okay, the final piece of advice that I want to share with you is to learn how to challenge people gracefully. So a big obstacle that I see that keeps people stuck is they're a builder and they know that they need to become a challenger in order to get promoted within their organization. But they don't view themselves as assertive and they feel like if they step up and become a challenger, they're really going to put people off and step on people's toes. And one of the biggest things that will help you feel fearless to act as a challenger is to realize that you can challenge people in a way that feels collaborative. And that you don't have to be adversarial or aggressive in order to be a challenger. One of the biggest mindset shifts that will help you with this is to think of yourself as fighting for the business instead of fighting against your stakeholders. So let's say your boss asks you for something that is going to be very difficult for you to deliver and you need to challenge it. Instead of thinking to yourself, how can I fight against my boss? I want you to think to yourself, how can I fight for the business? And that puts you in a state of mind where instead of just pushing back for the sake of pushing back, you are now pushing back from the perspective of creating even more value. So you might say something to your boss like, hey, I want to make sure that we get this done in a way that is really going to get the result we're wanting. Can we talk about the direction that this is going in and can I share some thoughts with you on a redirect that I think would really help? That is an example of challenging someone gracefully and being a challenger who is fighting for the business. As you learn to do this, you become more persuasive because organizations tend to have a lot of people who are challengers who don't know how to be graceful. And when you learn how to do it, how to challenge gracefully, you become the most valuable type of person within a company because not only are you a challenger who is seen as assertive and bold and strong, but you are also a challenger that people really like working with and who people genuinely respect. So in summary, if you want to get promoted and if you want people to see you as a leader, you have to make sure that you are pivoting from listener to builder and then from builder to challenger. This is what is going to help people really see you as the capable leader that you are. And a few tips that will help you do that is number one, decide who you want to be and try to be that person everywhere you go. Number two, realize that it's normal for it to feel difficult to be a challenger. Don't blame yourself. Just treat it as hard work, just like you treat any other form of hard work. Number three, question your limiting beliefs. And question the idea that other people in the room are smarter than you, spoiler, they're not. And number four, as you become a challenger, practice challenging people gracefully instead of fighting against your stakeholders fight for the growth of the business. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode. And if you want to work with me to go from listener to builder and builder to challenger, this is what I will help you with inside my signature program, the Art of Speaking of Academy. Inside this program, I help you build confidence so that you have the courage to be a builder voice in the room. And I help you learn the foundations of good executive communication so that when you speak up, you know how to be compelling and persuasive. Like I mentioned at the very end of this episode, when you know how to be a challenger and you know how to do it in a way that has people liking you and respecting you, that is when you really begin to differentiate yourself within an organization and radically speed up your path to leadership. If you are ready to do the inner work to build the self confidence and the skills building work to help you speak like a leader, then I want to invite you to join me in the next cohort. The absolute best way to get a spot is to click the link in the show notes and add yourself to the wait list. The last two cohorts filled up before I had the chance to open them publicly because those on the wait list always get offered first dibs as soon as I open up another cohort of the academy. So the absolute best way to join is to get on the wait list and when you join the wait list, you will qualify for wait list only bonuses which can include bonus workshops. Sometimes you get a private session with me so you don't want to miss signing up for the wait list. I will drop the link in the show notes or you can go to jeskazekoaching.com/academy. Thank you so much for tuning into today's episode and I'll catch you in the next one. Bye!