Speaker 1Hey, what's going on? Welcome back to the James Kennedy podcast. Thanks for listening in. We've got an important one today, guys, and we've got a brilliant guest coming up in just a bit who's going to be talking to us about the issue of men's mental health, and I hope you'll take the time to listen to the whole thing. Like you, I've got many friends who suffer with mental health issues. I've had many of those struggles myself and continue to do so in many ways. I suppose it's an ongoing battle. And sadly, like you, I'm sure, I've lost people as well who have been defeated by those battles and have taken their own life. Now, the statistics on men's mental health are not good. Seventy-five percent of deaths by suicide are men. Let me just repeat that. And this is even crazier. For men under 50, that is all men under 50, the single biggest cause of death is suicide. Now, this is something that we should all be concerned about and we should all know more about because with figures like that, it's inevitable. It's inevitable. It's inevitable. It's inevitable. It's inevitable. That this is going to affect your life in some way at some point. Now, there are many theories as to why this seems to be, at the extreme end at least, an exclusively male problem. But I'd like to state just at the start of this that I am aware that it isn't an exclusively male problem. Everybody has mental health struggles. And I will definitely be doing a more universal, non-gender specific episode on mental health, hopefully very soon. But today, we are focusing exclusively on the issue of men's mental health. Why is it so difficult for men to talk or acknowledge or confront their struggles? Why is there still such a social stigma around men having normal vulnerabilities? Why is it that we have those absolutely unfathomable statistics that I just mentioned? And more importantly, what can we do about it? Now, this is not going to be, you know, a bleak, depressing, morbid affair for the next hour, I promise you. The whole purpose of the conversation we're going to be having with our guest today is more about gaining some constructive, positive, and positive ideas about mental health. And I'm going to be talking about productive and useful things that we can all do to move ourselves more into the light. And I would urge everyone, no matter how desperate you might feel or how despondent or pointless it might all seem, please just spare an hour to listen to some of the brilliant information that's going to be in the following conversation. And if you're a relative or a loved one or a friend of someone who you know is struggling, please listen to it as well, because there's going to be a lot of good stuff here. And because this is so important, I'm not even going to do the whole preamble nag that I always do about subscribing to the podcast. We're just straight down to business. We are joined today by Luke Ambler, co-founder of the incredible men's mental health charity, Andy's Man Club. Founded in 2016 after the suicide of his brother-in-law, Andrew Roberts, Luke's brilliant work helps over two and a half thousand men all across the country every week and earned him the Queen's Award for Voluntary Service in 2021. This guy is changing lives and saving lives, and he's got a lot of good things to say. So please listen to the end, and please welcome onto the podcast, Mr. Luke Ambler. How are you, sir?
Speaker 2Luke Ambler: Yeah, really good. Thank you. Thanks for having us on.
Speaker 1Well, thank you for being here, man. And thanks for everything that you've done up until now as well, the brilliant and beautiful work that you've done. We're going to get into all that today, but I'd first like to start with what is Andy's Man Club and how did it get started?
Speaker 2Luke Ambler: So the what is talking groups for men, basically, in a very simple way to explain it. We have talking groups in a hundred plus locations all over the UK. And men just like us, going through storms, meet up, have a brew, have a chat in a real simple model and format, but that works. And we're attracting over 2,600 men a week now, so big, big numbers. So how it started was, why does it exist? My brother-in-law, Andrew Roberts, died by suicide back in April 2016. So I came up with an idea that we need to get men talking. So I approached my mother-in-law about doing it in his name, and she agreed. And then I then went and set that up alongside Elaine. And then about a month later, I started a campaign called It's Okay To Talk, which just completely blew up. You know, the Smarties had a start at one point and they had tech guys that had reached over a hundred million people. So yeah, we're trending like number two on Twitter at one point. And it just skyrocketed the awareness side of things, which I think, you'll probably agree, you know, this last five, six years has been a big boom. We're talking about male men a lot, which is amazing. I won't put it all down to that. I think that it did spark a fire that were already there in a lot of people. And then what I didn't want to do though, was just tell men to talk, just break down stigmas. I wanted to give guys a safe space and platform to do so. And that's what we created with Andy Mancler.
Speaker 1Absolutely incredible. And what were you doing for your work before that? But what was your life like prior to all this starting?
Speaker 2Yeah, so I was a professional rugby player. So I played professional rugby and also had a speaking business alongside, talking about mindset, motivation, mental wellbeing, which is what I still do now. So everything charity related, I do voluntary. So I don't work for the charity. We have 17 staff that do, who I directly, you could say, line manage. So I'm chair of the trustees, but I also sit as voluntary CEO and oversee the general manager and everyone else. So it's busy. But, you know, I would change it for work because it'd obviously be a lot nicer having Andy back and not having this. But I'm a big believer in, you've got to play the cards that you do have, not look at what hand you could have had. So this is the cards that were dealt. This is the hand that we've played and it's helping a lot of people, which is beautiful. It is beautiful, man.
Speaker 1I mean, what you've done is turn something so tragic and traumatic and dark into something so positive and helpful for so many people. And I know that you've changed so many lives. And is it true that you were awarded the Queen's Award in 2021? Is that right?
Speaker 2Yeah, we've been very fortunate with awards. And the beautiful thing about MCs is that we don't do anything we do for awards. And I think as a result, that's probably why we ended up winning quite a lot of awards. We've won the Queen's Award, National Diversity Award, Just Giving Awards, the list goes on. But for us, as we say, or as I say in any speech I ever do up there, as nice as it is winning this, it's not a reflection of who we are or why we do what we do. The only bonus of winning this award is because it might raise some more awareness and it might get that one man through that door, which is what we're all about, really. When you've got an organisation growing at the rate I was for six years, it's about trying to keep everyone's feet on the ground. It's quite easy to get carried away with the big stuff that happens. We've got a lot of partnerships going on at the minute, big, big name brands wanting to be all over us and collaborate with us. But as I always say, a team is, don't let success go to your head, but also don't let failure go to your heart. I like that.
Speaker 1Yeah. I'm guessing your background in motivational speaking and sport probably places you very well for doing a job like this. I mean, is that the case? Or have you done a lot of work? Or have you had your own experience and your own battles and struggles in the past as well to draw
Speaker 2from? No, I've definitely overcome quite a bit. Probably the main reason why I started on this man club is not because of Andy. There's already frustration there because I already had an idea to start something within the mental wellbeing space. I had a gym at the time and I had a room at the side that I thought made a great classroom. And I'd already started delivering workshops for disengaged youths, but not just youths, all, you know, young adults as well. So I think when Andy died, it was tough because I'd been through, you know, if we talk about just the major setbacks, you know, the short stories is eight-year-old parents separated. There's no uniqueness to that. Everyone's had separations in their life and we all deal with them very differently as well. My father was comfy eating, so you can imagine a kid, comfy eating, going to school, being a very, very big kid, very, very big kid. And then my dad would coast it in and my mum has a car crash, which leaves her with a severe mental illness, slight brain damage, and a mental illness where she has drop attacks. And she still has to this day. So my mum will just, her brain will just switch off and she'll lick the deck. First plant in, she can knock her teeth out, break her jaw, cheat, whatever she's done it. So growing up, understanding mental illness and then mental health, as a result of the most mental illness, I've had a lot of mental illness and I've had a lot of mental illness, mental health suffering. So she had anxiety that bad that she didn't leave her house for four years, not once. Depression upon being suicidal. So I understand mental health from a very young age. Right. You know, I've had my own insecurities and when I was younger, they called me a natural worrier. Now we've diagnosed someone with severe anxiety. Right. So yeah, I guess I like to tell the stories different nowadays. I used to, you know, there's been all sorts that's happened in between that. With my mum and getting let go from lead rhinos. I used to tell it in a very victim way. This happened to me. But if everything didn't happen how it did, I won't be doing what I'm doing now. So I think at some point, you've got to rewrite the story of what you tell yourself about what happened. Because cards are dealt to us all, all the time. And I think we've just got to get to a point where we can accept where we're at, whether that's positively or negatively, then build on that. And that's the only way we can get ourselves back up.
Speaker 1Such a great outlook, man. And I think because of that, and the story you just shared, you're not just someone who is talking about this from a motivational perspective, or, you know, something that you've been trained in. You do have that personal experience to draw from, from within your own family and from within yourself and your own struggles in your own journey.
Speaker 2100%. I think it's very rare that you meet anyone that I probably work with a hundred thousand people a year on a normal year and I'm yet to meet anyone from CEO level to prisoners in prison who I work with that have not been through some form of storm like you say the the level of intensity that storm usually comes down to a variety of things from how we deal with stuff and I know a lot of people use that sometimes as I get out like we all deal with things different my own parents will say stuff yeah but we all deal with different that's but I don't make it right you know if someone can deal with something in a way that helps them progress and someone deals with in a way that helps them regress and they turn to drugs and they turn to drink and they become depressed and anxious that's clearly not a positive way to deal with what's going on great point especially you know I think why Andy's Man Club works if I'm being completely honest is is I fucking love life and if you think of what the opposite to suicide is it it's life appreciation so I think I'm continually a walking experiment myself so I'm doing a lot of things right now and I'm doing a lot of things right now daily habits that I'm putting myself into more comfortable positions to see the overall benefits and hopefully then pass that back to people so it's not just that I stand up front and talk to people or I leave this organization and tell people what to do I try and hope that I'm leading by example each and every day oh
Speaker 1you totally are man Jesus um and I suppose we should probably address the elephant in the living room at this point as well is I mean I know the answer to this question but I'm going to ask it anyway because I think it opens up a whole lot of other questions around men's mental health specifically and I think it's a really good question and I think it opens up a whole lot of other questions around men's mental health specifically but why is Andy's Man Club only for men so in the
Speaker 2early days when we first started it was just that um all the stats were saying that male suicide was you know accounting for three and four suicides and then when the first night happened and we put it out for men to talk we never like we don't want women to come to Elaine came to that first session and then Elaine said to me after I think they might be more comfortable if there's not a lady there some guys would be more comfortable speaking to a woman but with some of the topics that I've been talking about I think it's a really good question and I think it's a really good question and I think it's a really good question and I think it's a really good question come up on the days and could be wrong about domestic violence in terms of the guy receiving that from his partner it could be something to do with some insecurities around his body or whatever you know the topics are so uh wider you know varying that we just felt at the time that that men were speaking better to just men to strangers so that it became this safe space for men yeah and
Speaker 1I totally understand that man it makes a lot of sense uh I think it's very easy you know when you have these invisible struggles to believe that they're only happening to you and you know sometimes the best cure I think is to vent it out or laugh it out with a bunch of mates over a drink and you know realize that actually you know we're all feeling the same way and it's almost like a normal part of of the human experience you know I mean god knows I've been through it man I mean I've done therapy I'm still going through it now in many ways you know I mean I cut out booze for three and a half years and then go back on it again big time something I'm trying to get a handle on again you know I've done a lot of things I've done a lot of things I'm currently working on um you know doing some yoga and some meditation and some exercise and changing my diet and I've recently discovered the the magic of breath work which has changed my life so it's an ongoing project you know you're never really at the top of the hill um so I can totally relate in my own way as well but unfortunately for many people these struggles and these battles can make them quite solitary or withdrawn or isolated or they just bury it away you know so that people around them would have no idea they were doing it or they would have no idea they were doing it were even going through it and all of those things compound the problem and just make it all so much worse you know and forms a kind of a feedback loop of negative self-confirmation or something you know so by breaking that cycle and getting men talking in a neutral and supportive space around other people who understand exactly how they feel I think it's so important to break in those cycles but why is it then do you think that there is still such a stigma around men's mental health and why is it still such a difficult taboo subject for men
Speaker 2I think it's three reasons it's burden weakness embarrassment and I don't just think these are just for men because suicide in females is on the up because with equality and with you know gender equality um when you tip the scales um everything tips so females now are becoming more masculine and that is proven in the way that females are taking their life females I won't go into methods but females used to take their lives in a certain way which was considered more feminine um and there were a masculine way to take your life and that's um definitely turning and I believe that just look at roles uh you know so at one point my granddad might have gone to work now I might not mum might have started to go to work part-time or move for them and now my wife and everyone's most people's partners work full-time just like they do um and societally it's changing it's tipping right so the three stigmas are for both male and female majorly which is burden weakness embarrassment and you'll probably experience it yourself burden is that you don't want to tell someone what you're going through what's close to you because you don't want to put your shit onto them because you know that they've got their own stuff to deal with you don't need yours on top yeah burden is is bullshit because um I know from first hand that you know Andy taking his life left a far greater burden than whatever you're going through yeah the next one is weakness because I don't think this is weakness in the typical sense of what men are doing but it's what most people think I think the weakness comes because we live in a live in a success-driven society and everyone wants to be successful but yet majority of people don't know what success is and I speak to low-chip companies multinational companies and I ask them put your hand up if you want to be successful everyone in the room will put their hand up maybe by one stubborn person um all the person already believes that they're there and then ask them put their hand down and ask them to put their hand up again if they know what success is and six people have a room of three four or five hundred people might put their hand up right and I always find that that's crazy that we're all striving to be something yet majority of us don't know what it is so by giving away weakness we then are perceived weakness we then believe that we're not going to get to this idea that we're going to be successful and strong and masculine and you know and winners we're actually I believe that true vulnerability is strength and vulnerability is doing something that you don't know the outcome which is asking someone out on a date going for a job interview taking a chance in life going traveling whatever it may be opening up about your sexuality opening up about your mental health because you don't know but the problem you've got is is that you could open up about your sexuality to your dad who just may not understand it and he may reject the idea that you are gay or you know you want to transition your sex or your gender that don't mean then that everyone else in the world is going to accept that just like if you open up to one that you're suicidal or mental health's poor right now just because the first person doesn't understand it everyone else will so by being vulnerable more times than not it helps to create strength but I do believe that talking is only the start I believe that we can all sit and talk about problems all day long but unless another action comes from the talking so my theory now is that talking helps to get rid of the the bad stuff the darkness the actions that you do away from that then helps put the good back in there so you mentioned a few good activities earlier breath um natural sunlight getting outdoors exercising all these create the opposite to sitting and bottling up your feelings which is an increase in dopamine serotonin which will you know releases or decreases stress anxiety depression thoughts of isolation and loneliness yeah and then probably because as a result we'll be more confident more confident to talk to people and make friends and be around people so true strength is being vulnerable but being vulnerable to not only be courageous to talk about your problems but to deal with them and then to move forward with that baggage and the last one is embarrassment you know we live in a culture where um we don't want to give anything away about itself that could be used against us in any type of way by an employer by a friendship group so sometimes it feels easy just to keep that to itself but once you understand that everyone you know is fighting about you know nothing about yeah the embarrassment goes away because embarrassment is always something that's unique to you when you realize that everyone's going through that same storm everyone's been through that there's nothing to be embarrassed about but again it takes acceptance to understand
Speaker 1100 dude I agree with everything you're saying and I've experienced a lot of it myself within my own journey and amongst my peers and stuff than people that I've been around so yeah I completely uh I completely echo everything you're saying I mean action is the important thing isn't it I mean for me I've been in those ruts and they can last months or years and then eventually like I would say that my biggest reward for me is in life have come from those times when I've hit rock bottom when you get to the point where you snap anything actually now I'm gonna do something about this I can't wake up another day feeling like this anymore and that's when you do something about it and it's hard and it's difficult and it's scary and it's you know it's challenging and terrifying you know to confront some of your demons and to try and do something about it but when you push through and you come through the other side you look back and you think man that was the best thing that ever happened to me my life is so much better now as a result of dealing with that rather than just ignoring it or burying it under booze or whatever it might be you know um or just wallowing in self-pity you know some of some of my lowest points have been my my biggest awakenings you know so I 100 agree with that um so when people come to the club then what can they expect it's primarily a safe space where men can talk and be vulnerable and open about whatever you know amongst other people who are also going through similar Journeys that's the primary thing so what can people expect when they turn up on
Speaker 2day one yes could you you've highlighted that because there is a difference this one where I've got a claim between what I personally do and why she does right so there's a difference there which we might be elaborate on the difference later in terms of amc is a set model so you know the stuff that i do in the morning cold showers and all that stuff that enforced upon people i even recommended at amc is a very different too we're just talking about amc specifically there's two arms to amc one is the groups and one is like the awareness side of things and the breaking stigmas we're talking about the groups on a monday night what happens is a guy will walk through the door there'll be some some guys at the door called facilitators those facilitators over there to welcome you they're not paid they're volunteers their guys will walk through the very same door that you walk through at some point whether it's at that venue you're at or a town down the road and then they've come to their town and set up a group in their area so they know either what you've been through or they've been through similar come from the other side um you'll then get invited in to come in you know they'll introduce it you'll get through you'll sit down in a big circle you know and uh the facilitator the main facilitator will just give you the list of rules stuff we don't talk about which is like religion politics um that type of thing and then it'll just kick start off with uh just your name and a positive reason for being then you don't need to use your real name if you don't want right it's a made-up name because it's you know it's it's that you but just a positive reason for being there just to get you um comfortable in being able to open up then it's always how's your week been you know the second question around the third question always be is anything to get off your chest and it's up to you you can pass the ball on with a ball that goes around you can pass that ball on every time or you can share and then uh the third question is you can pass the ball on every time or you can share sorry the first question is is how's your first question is name and positive reason for being there then you'll get how's your week been then you'll get positive from your week and then anything to get off your chest right and then after that the fourth and fifth question or in this case fifth and sixth if we're counting the name and positive reason is that they'll change every week and that might be what's a goal you've got between now and next week quick fire might be someone who you're appreciative right now in your life why right and then that fires right just to give you them little seeds of hope that there is people in your life you can have a goal yes right you can have a little bit of inspiration and move forward next
Speaker 1week providing a bit of balance to what you might be caught up in in your
Speaker 2head you know 100 so you've got the positives you've got a big negative and then you've got a couple positives to finish to help to rewire some of them thought process that
Speaker 1you've been having love it yeah that's such a brilliant thing man um and you said there's a difference in the official kind of amc model um compared to um some of the things that you talk about personally i mean you've got a lot of things that you've got a lot of things that you've got i mean i'm guessing with your background in sports and motivational speaking and things you've probably got a lot to offer that might not fit in with the um the amc talking model so i'd be interested to hear some of that in case it's of use to anyone listening who's going through some
Speaker 2of this stuff no so what we're trying to say is is that some of the stuff i'm talking to you about today and the way that i approached them um isn't it so amc is a model yeah there's a model that works so each facility i'm going to sit and talk to you about or be as blunt as i am they're there to listen right they're there to guide where my approach is maybe a little bit more you've got to deal with what's going on amc it's not really um necessarily like that in in that sense it's more of a um a softer love so it's more of an arm around your shoulder uh let's talk about how we feel which is amazing and the questions do that process and then that brother road that's often banded around is created where you can go on that journey with people then and either you can go on that journey with people and you can go on that journey with you come for a few weeks and you leave and you get back on your life or you might become a facilitator yourself and you might start a group in your area you know we have over a thousand facilitators now across the country uh who are all volunteers and that's not including the tens of thousands of actual volunteers that we have to do events and raise awareness for us so it's
Speaker 1incredible man such incredible work you're doing and and still going strong as well you know going from strength to strength if anything i mean it must be amazing to see it blossom into what it has um i mean the figures you quoted there speak for themselves i mean it's it's it's it's it's it's but i'd be interested to know what effects on people have you actually seen in the field as a result of attending andy's man club so first
Speaker 2flight agency won't work for everyone but it is there for not everyone's going to come thriving and i have to say that because sometimes i think that it's always this podcast and if it's coming my saving grace and it turned up it's not quite for them right but also i'd say those people is give it a few weeks give it a few weeks don't just come once and think it's not for me because i can guarantee if you go to your first pt session you're probably not going to like it either yeah you've got your first cold war session your first yoga session yeah but once you get into it and you start to understand the benefits it's having hello well i could give you thousands of stories of people their lives have gone from survival mode to thriving mode you know from not wanting to be here anymore to suddenly getting job promotions and seeing the kids or being a better father uh being a better human being being coming apart of our facilitator team and helping other guys and then maybe even now working for the charity you know so the list goes on of those people one story always stands out for me of uh we get thousands of emails saying the group said my dad's life my brother's life my uncle's life and they don't lose impact but because the words on the screen it's very different when you actually see like i did recently last year a dad dropped his kid off at school uh in the class down from my daughter's and he approached me and just said you know the andy's man club guy said yeah he says um i um i said thank you i want to drop my daughter off today so when times like that happen it's pinch yourself yeah this is why we started this is why we cast yeah
Speaker 1no it's it's it's amazing work and you know i salute you and as i'm sure all of the listeners well i personally got friends i was introduced to andy's man club by some friends of mine who'd been and they said it changed their life and now they are and i can personally vouch for the fact they're in a much better place now they got rid of all the habits and the bad behaviors and the things that they were attached to uh that's all gone they're living much better lives much more fruitful lives and yeah so we we all thank you for that so i can say for myself that i i know people who personally benefited from it um so yeah it must be an incredible thing to to to see blossom from you know from your own tragedy into what it is now um you mentioned that you have a much more direct hands-on approach i'm guessing that comes from a background in sports uh what would your i mean this this is completely different from what you're doing right now i'm guessing that you're completely i'll say unconnected to the amc model this is this is luke ambler talking as a person uh what would your personal uh approach be you said it's a bit more a bit more forthcoming
Speaker 2no i won't mean by that it's not like uh army style i just mean i i believe that the talking helps and what you do after that what you do in the six days that you're not there is as important as the one hour that you are two hours that you are there so for me the minute i'm i'm i'm reading a lot and i'm learning a lot i don't have to worry about it i don't have to worry about it i don't for the last 10 years but they're implementing it so like I eat a whole food diet right I think the diet is so under valued in terms of our mental health I believe that we live in a society where it's like one won't hurt me but we'd never have one because we're extreme so when you say about going for a pint with a friend it never ends up just being a pint with a friend unless we've got that self-control most people when they're struggling they'll go out for a big session that session might take two or three days good point and then you've got this constant ebb and flow there's never a middle path as we call it in Buddhism a middle path along the line right for me I've developed since Boxing Day a real stringent routine if I get up every day I do three rounds of breath work get a three minute cold shower and the cold shower like this morning where I'm living which you can't see but it's snowing up here it's minus three degrees so the cold temperature coming this morning was horrendous but I feel amazing now I do simple stuff like I take magnesium before bed every night because the studies around magnesium in terms of physical and mental health are astronomical in what it does and then I exercise I'm obviously quite an extreme character I'm training for two Ironman this year potentially a third down in Wales depending on how I do so I've got a real stringent I'm doing something so I did a Porsche yesterday so I'm doing a challenge where I plan to stick to a series of things for a full year without falling that's awesome it's normal it's normally called 75 hard so it's normally 75 days of this challenge which I've done before I decided after doing Boxing Day and New Year's Day that I added a couple extra things like the breath work and culture and I wanted to try this for a full year to see what are the benefits of committing just one year of your life because I've committed the other way and I've had junk food for a year and drank for a year and not exercised for a year but what is it like when you truly commit and then what I put at the end of the post is regardless if you want to do an extreme challenge or not if you can just drink more water with electrolytes read slash educate yourself daily maybe it's five pages of a book whatever it may be eat a majority whole food diet and get outside and exercise in whatever form that may be whether you be going for a walk daily whatever that may be you give yourself a much better chance of progressing in your life and going from what I like to call coping strategies which is what we get called to thriving strategies because what I want to get to a point is is where mental health is spoken about in terms of anxiety and depression it's spoken about in terms of self confidence self belief being patient being calm being present because a lot of the time we speak about poor mental health and I don't think there's enough talk on positive mental health and then people will often say you don't know what it feels like to not be able to get up like I don't know what that feels like they assume I don't know what that feels like but I also know what it feels like to constantly ruminate with your thoughts and feel heavy feel like you don't have no motivation feel like you don't want to move forward with life life so doing that cold shower which for three minutes as an example is horrendous at that moment i know the benefits that gives me for the rest of the day okay i know that drinking a certain amount of water which might have to force down um although supping two three pints is easy most people get two three pints of water and it's very hard but once your cells are hydrated it gives you more energy and if you actually just sat here on a very simplistic model and thought where's my mental health when my mental health suffering where's my energy levels very low what sort of activities am i doing drinking maybe i'm sitting around all these are watching tv i'm spending time on social media i'm consuming in my thoughts all those are energy taking activities energy giving activities are things like breath work hydrating your body eating whole foods going out and exercising in any capacity that may be and all these are energy giving activities and i believe we could start you know doing more energy giving activities which take more energy to get started as a whole society will start to feel better no i totally
Speaker 1agree man i mean i recently read a book which changed my life it was called the body keeps the score by a guy called bessel van der kolk and uh it's all about how trauma kind of manifests itself in your um physiology as such so you might not be consciously aware of it but it's there in your body it's there in your immune system it's there in your fatigue it's there in your tension it's there in your headaches or your agitation or your fidgetiness or your inability to sleep or you know what whatever it is it's almost like it leaves an imprint on your physiology and your nervous system and this doesn't have to be you know war veteran level stuff this can just be childhood shit you know what i mean just like the environments that we're raised in whether it's at home or in school or wherever it can just be a thousand micro events add up to the same net effect as you know one matter of fact and you know what i mean it's almost like it leaves an impact on you you know what i mean it's almost like it leaves an impact on you you know what i mean it's almost like it leaves an impact on you you know what i mean it's almost like it leaves an impact on you you know what i mean it's almost like it leaves an impact on you you're able to read the signals then of what your underlying kind of tensions may be the complication with that comes in when you're someone like me who who dealt with things by kind of numbing themselves which is why i guess alcohol would be my drug of choice and stuff like that you're actually numbing yourself into what your body or your brain is telling you which is the reverse of what you should be doing if you're able to tune in between those two things you're able to tune in better to to what your body is telling you and and realize hey man why is my chest tight you know i'm just watching a movie you know why am i gripping the side of the sofa or grinding my teeth when i sleep you know well why can't i sit still you know all of these things it's kind of we're used to it so we don't notice it but as soon as you're able to become aware of it and tune into it you realize oh actually yeah this is like some childhood shit that i'm dragging through my life with me it's absolutely fascinating read man and he goes on to explain how to break that with your physical sensations and tune more into it um and the way that you can do that is things such as like i mentioned earlier you know yoga exercise nature um breath work and the breath work i gotta be honest man like i hold my breath a lot i don't even realize i'm doing it i've been doing it so long and that affects everything it affects your heart rate affects your lungs it affects the oxygen get into your brain you know your brain fog all that sort of stuff and i i often you know hold my breath for like most of the day it's kind of like an underlying tension that i just haven't been aware of like the first 40 years of my life so doing breath work has been an absolute game changer for me just like breathing deeply and slowly and controlling my inner kind of tension it's fucking hard work but i'm telling you man the results have been absolutely mind-blowing in a really short space of time so i'm i'm i'm hooked on that shit that's you know for me that's been a game changer but i'm very new to all this stuff i mean i only read that book like a few weeks ago so i'm still kind of digesting a lot of it but you said yourself that you do breath work as well and i know that you're a lot more um further down the road with all this stuff than i am so i'd be interested to know you know what kind of breath work do you do and can you share any tips for the listeners
Speaker 2brilliantly said i think there's a variety of way of doing breath work um mine is um the whim off model so it's more about oxygenating body so um to give you a brief example i do 30 breaths which are quite powerful breaths so you're you're breathing quite hard so three months was like then you just let go you're breathing quite hard so three months was like then you just let go okay like that as an example on the 30th breath you let out and then you hold your breath until it gets not too uncomfortable but until you can't anymore then you breathe in and you hold that breath for 10-15 seconds then that's round one and i do three rounds of that wow there's a there's a lot of uh studies you know i know we must and a lot of studies on this um so i i've followed buddhism for a long time so i've understood the breath and grounding and being present but this is more to really oxygenate the blood relief stress um and it just sets me off the day primes me really primes me and fires me up i guess um because it gives you a big surge of oxygen 100
Speaker 1yeah and i didn't realize how much difference that makes because like i said i tend to hold my breath and breathe very shallow and um yeah i get like heart pain and chest pain and all sorts of things as soon as i started oxygenating myself in the morning and throughout the day i'm just more mindful of my breath now i feel so much better and everything you've said i can vouch for because i'm currently doing it myself hydrating more you know i i was previously hydrating myself with bourbon and whiskey which i still love you know they're the fruits of life got to enjoy yourself too you know but i don't do it every night now and i tell you one i tell you one thing for definite since i've not been drinking every night i've just been hydrating and going to bed early and getting some routine and doing breath work and doing yoga i've been sleeping like a baby feeling yes a million times better just as a result of doing that you know i mean and and then that doesn't take away the demons and the challenges but it makes me a bit more able to to see them for what they are and gives me the strength to confront them because i got i got the reserve in the tank you know what i mean
Speaker 2that's the the big one and i think what people don't understand is is and the other one i meant to say when i was talking about the things that i believe in is sleep so i had a friend text me uh last night actually so i used to be a really um get up and go early morning guy and it's not until i've truly understood sleep that um so i'd be a guy that get up at half four and go running crazy in it motivational speaker type let's go again come on guys yeah and then i realized um you can type in actually type in um your followers and listeners won't be seeing me now but if you type in luke hamler uh sorry andy's man club on youtube it's a lab bible second video there's a video of me in fact what i'll try to do is i'll try and show you for a little bit for all you can't i can't see it but um can't share screen you could see the difference in how they're all dying look there okay and loads of studies that weight gain comes from lack of sleep because of the increase in cortisol your voice uh stress mechanism thinking that you're not gonna get enough sleep so it protects your stores what what energy you've got and it holds on to it uh it's also uh aging so pro aging rather than anti-aging so i make sure now that i've got a watcher track so i'm getting at least eight hours a night and i have a really stringent routine before bed around a hot bath and uh you know getting some sort of form of heat at night i'm very lucky that the gym i go has got a sauna so i either go for a sauna at night which i'll do tonight um and then i always believe you know from the studies i'm reading it's cold in the morning heat at night right your body needs a natural temperature drop two degree temperature temperature drop to better get a good sleep so okay for me it's magnesium it's heat and then i read my book as i get in bed and i've got 10 pages to read every day and i'm when i'm on page six i'm already nodding off yeah and then i'm asleep but also other stuff that people don't talk about which helps get to sleep is by getting sunlight okay so you actually go and get sunlight during the day it actually helps beat insomnia so if you figure out what most people do are tired they stay in house all day in their house we're actually going out and getting an hour of sunlight a day so it's where people say oh yeah nature really helps me you way more ways than than what you think right so you go out and even look towards the sun you've got a natural defense mechanism called blinking so you don't look directly at it but around it there's a great doctor out there called dr hubberman uh and he's doing loads of studies on this he's putting all sorts out there um also increasing salt intake a huge one where we get told to decrease salt intake but all studies have been done by people with hypertension which is why you should decrease but those with um normal regular uh regulated bodies should be increasing salt and electrolytes so that they're well hydrated well hydrated means they're at night as well so sleep's the key like i i love sleep me too
Speaker 1me too i i undervalued it for so long i actually prided myself on being a guy that got four hours sleep at night it's like you know i was getting shit done as you say as you said earlier subscribing very much to that model of success and the modern man of having to crush it all the
Speaker 2time you know yes
Speaker 1all i crushed was my fucking self i tell you now i'm crushing it way more now i'm
Speaker 2sleeping dude honestly 100 and i it's an energy energy giver in it what we're talking about
Speaker 1100 i think what's coming through loud and clear here dude is action you know you've just given the listeners a ton of actual stuff that is easily achievable by working it into your daily habit a little walk around the block for some people who literally don't get out the house for the reasons you've mentioned that in itself is a massive fucking start you know what i mean just just getting out of the house take a walk around the block it make you feel better you know make an effort to drink a glass of water in the morning you know rather than before you reach for the coffee or whatever you know these are small actions that people can work into their daily habits that I think would make a massive
Speaker 2difference. difference even at your dinner time um at work instead of just you know just sitting and eating just bring you bring your lunch on the road with you go out for a 30 minute walk yeah you know it's uh there's lots you can do and i think it's just about actually going and doing it that's the
Speaker 1hardest thing i think is actually starting and doing it but it just starts with that i've said to people in the past then they get caught up in oh but i can't do this and what if that happens i said it's don't worry about it it starts with a decision to change you figure the rest out after that you just say tomorrow or today i'm just going to start and you figure it out as you go
Speaker 2that's it it's that it's that action it's that i think sometimes our people can struggle to do that if they don't have a plan right if you have a direction you know you're aiming towards whether that be you know a goal to feel a certain way or whatever that may be and then an acceptance that it's going to be stumbling blocks along the way right that things are going to change um and things are going to set you back but that's fine as long as you stay on that path and that why is strong enough whether it's to be you know a better human being for your community or to be a better parent you know because because parents you know one thing that we often uh neglect is is the skill of patience right we all wish we could be more patient but doing things like breath work and and getting outdoors all these slow activities that where we don't distract yourself they create uh the skill of patience don't they yeah yeah 100 i've personally benefited
Speaker 1from i'm the biggest stress head going i'm a thousand miles an hour guy um i don't have kids so i fill that time with extra guilt laden stuff you know like right i better do this that or the other instead then you know and i yeah i've personally benefited from it and i think um like you said earlier you know it's difficult to to get to the action phase if you know if you haven't figured out entirely what it is you know you're trying to get from this or what your demons are or whether they are you know you're trying to get from this or what your demons are or whether they are you know you're trying to get from this or what your demons are and that's why i think what you're doing at andy's man club is so essential because you can't get to that action phase until you've figured everything out so i think being in that safe space where you can talk to other people who've been through similar things or going through it with you um it helps you figure it out it helps you realize that you're not alone and that you can do something about it so it's absolutely essential i think what you're doing um so for people listening to this who hopefully are going to be fully signed up and want to want to come along to their local group how do they get started where do they find their local group have they got a register or can they find their local group and they can find their local group and they can find they just turn up what do
Speaker 2people do oh so the beauty is is that we don't have a referral system we don't have a cap on numbers so what you do is there's two ways one if you're not got a group in your area so firstly if you go on our website andy'smanclub.co.uk there is a link where you can click and it gives you a postcode you can put your postcode in or your address your town and it finds your nearest four or five clubs um if that for any reason isn't working because i know about some issues just purely data how many people have been finding their nearest club it's put a huge demand on that system right we always have a backup which is to email info andy'smanclub.co.uk and the ladies in the office will get straight back to you um that's it really but we do have online groups as well for people who don't have one in their area or for whatever reason they're not comfortable leaving their house we do have a uh inside um sessions as well uh inside sessions online sessions as well and we do have a lot of sessions as well inside your house brilliant
Speaker 1that's amazing so i'll plug the links to stuff after but just to just to reiterate it's andy'smanclub.co.uk there's a ton of stuff on there as well resources and stuff like that it's a great site uh social media you guys are on twitter and instagram andy's man club uk and facebook at andy's man club so you're easier to find and uh and linkedin as well yeah who uses linkedin though really um so that's amazing so it's basically find your club and turn up essentially is that what you're
Speaker 2saying right turn up um we've had guys who've sat in the car for weeks and then but yeah you just turn up and uh you know just just get through that door we always say the toughest thing is getting through that door but once you're through that door you know just know that what i'm saying is that it's okay to talk and that's what we promote within that session and you know and if it's not for you that day try again we'll give it a few goes and if after three weeks it's not for you go and find your thing what might be for you um but hopefully it will be you'll find that brotherhood you'll find that camaraderie with people who've been through those storms like you and then who knows you maybe be you might end up being the lighthouse on the shore in someone else's dark time like um someone in that room will be for you love
Speaker 1it love it it's a beautiful thing man and how do you guys stay afloat are you i'm guessing you're a charity so i'm guessing you survive by donations from the public yeah
Speaker 2100 yeah we're just uh quite unique in the fact that we never ask for donations um if people want to donate they can that's that's completely fine we're awareness first organization we like to raise awareness of our groups um it's probably in some senses a very poor model um to always promote awareness first but we're doing all right this far we have 17 staff who are banging the drum uh we don't apply for any central funding we don't ask anyone for money uh people kindly donate uh whether it's through businesses for individuals to help keep this movement going and we'll keep the original values as we are and we'll keep the which is always awareness first guys first families first and then if anything comes up the back of that to help us grow it's just about us
Speaker 1amazing so if people listening to this are in sense to want to donate can they do that through the website as
Speaker 2well uh yeah i would recommend emailing him findersmanclub.co.uk and the ladies will take care of it
Speaker 1awesome okay so that's info at andysmanclub.co.uk if you can spare some shekels please send it their way dude thank you so much for joining us today man this has been such a fascinating and brilliant chat thanks for sharing your story with us and all of these great tips and everything that you've gained from your own personal journey as well um and thanks for everything you've done to help change lives and change the narrative around men's mental health i mean you know this this is this is huge man i mean addressing this issue will have a massive positive effect which will reverberate through all of society so on behalf of all of us we salute you and we thank you man i mean what a huge achievement and an incredible thing to have done you know i i hope you're proud of it dude and long may it continue to grow thank
Speaker 2you so much man and uh as you said i hope for a long way to continue to grow and because i still genuinely i'm not saying this in a humble sense believe me i can scratch the surface yet so let's see what's to come you know in uh on his fifth birthday his goal was to have opened 10 groups and we opened 50 on his fifth birthday wow and since that point we're just coming up to our um seventh birthday in june and we've now got by that point probably 150 clubs so if we can keep growing at the rate we are i'll be happy to keep growing at the rate we are and i'll be happy to keep growing at the rate we are and i'll be happy to keep growing at the rate we are
Speaker 1that's absolutely incredible think of the lives you've saved man and the lives you've changed that must be such a rewarding feeling there's still a lot to do yet ever the sportsman hell of a lot to do well please keep doing it brother because you're doing great things luke thank you so much for joining us today man this has been a fascinating chat and i wish you nothing but the best and hopefully we'll see you soon take
Speaker 2care man thank you so much see you later
Speaker 1guys luke ambler ladies and gentlemen what a dude seriously what a thing to have achieved man i mean you know i think about what i've done with my life you know i've made some music and wrote a book and done a podcast and taken lots of selfies and all kind of stuff that revolves around me basically uh and luke took something a life event that happened to him that was so tragic and traumatic you know the loss of his brother-in-law by suicide it's what what a horrific thing for a family to have to go through but this is what luke ambler turned that experience into he set up a charity in his brother's name that sought to help him and his people in a similar spot before they got to where his brother got to and now as he mentioned you know he gets over two and two and a half thousand people through the doors every week and that is fucking incredible i admire the hell out of that shit man honestly that is taking the dark and turning it into light if you're listening to this or if you know someone who's going through a similar spot you know tell them to get to andy's man club.co.uk they can find their nearest branch as luke just said you know you just turn up and just get through the door as soon as you're through the door i think their tagline is come and have a brew and a chat you know it's literally that and just that one first brave step could be the doorway literally to changing your life so please if you're struggling go and do it if you know someone that's struggling help them to get through that door and for everyone listening you know regardless of your mental health situation you know you might not be in that dark place or that rut but some of the things that you're going to be able to do is you're going to be able to do it and you're going to be able to that were mentioned earlier by luke and by myself if i can claim some credit from what i basically regurgitated from a book that was written by somebody else um definitely please do check out some of the techniques that we talked about such as breath work meditation yoga going for a little walk around the block hydrating yourself chilling out on the booze a little bit trying to get some better sleep i can personally tell you 100 from my own personal experience that i'm going through right now in the past few weeks that all of that makes me feel better and i'm going to be able to make a massive massive difference you don't have to have you know a bad mental health spot to be going through to benefit from that stuff these are things that we will all benefit from and i've been told those things for years and i'm the guy that always resists it because i'm like oh stupid hippies what do they know about anything you know yoga meditation yeah okay pass me the whiskey baby you know that's that's me you know what i mean but i got to a place where like i was getting these migraine headaches and vision problems and i had driving anxiety and all this weird shit and i was like i gotta try and do something about this man you know and my mother bought me this book um the body keeps the score for christmas just gone 2022 um and i just literally finished reading it a few weeks ago and it was absolutely mind-blowing i would recommend everybody to go and check out that book as well if you want to learn a little bit more about how trauma stays with you even though you might not know it's there it's kind of snugly nestled away in your physiology and when you read that book and he gets to the later chapter where he explains why things like meditation yoga and exercise and going for a workout in nature and hydration and getting better sleep and chilling out on the booze and eating healthier when he explains why all those things work it's just undeniable and i read it the biggest cynic the biggest stress head of the world read it and i was like oh shit that makes a lot of sense so i started doing it and i feel great i feel great you get a good night's sleep you feel like a king honestly and i tell you one thing as a whiskey addict i hate to say it but the thing that gives me the best night's sleep is not drinking and now there's no way i'm giving up on the bourbon dude i gave up drinking for three and a half years and then came back with a big grin on my face you know i i love nothing more now than you know a nice neat whiskey but i tell you man during the week if you want to wake up feeling like a champ lay off the booze or don't have any like if i don't have any now i i sleep better which means i've got more energy to do exercise and i want to eat better then and hydrate the whole thing comes as a package man honestly if you know if you're in a rut and you're in a tough spot just find it within you somehow to just break that link in the chain to just do whatever small habit or small action it is to try and break that cycle and i think that's what i'm and trust me the rest of it would all just fall into place now i'm not saying i'm a completed work yet far from it dude you know i had i started having therapy like i don't know 14 years ago something like that thinking i was a done deal when i came out of that because i felt great i did therapy for a year and i skipped at the door thinking i'm fixed life's always got some more surprises for you man you know i don't think you ever get to the end of the journey i think it's a constant work in progress but as long as you're working in the direction of progress then that's all that matters being stuck in that cycle of bullshit and darkness and self-doubt and self-loathing and self-beating and just you know being completely at the mercy of our demons and our insecurities and our childhood bullshit it's such a waste of a life you know and there are things you can do there really are things you can do and if you really don't feel like you can do it by yourself or if you are too far down that tunnel please go to andy's man club do it i know it takes a lot of courage to to actually admit that you need help or you've got problems and it takes so much more courage to get in the car or walk to your nearest andy's man club and walk through the door and it takes a hell of a lot of courage to talk about your problems or your vulnerabilities or your weaknesses or your demons or your fuck ups or whatever it might be in front of a room full of strangers man that takes courage that is not a weak man doing that takes strength and courage to talk about your problems and your beyond measure that is not the sign of weakness or vulnerability that is the sign of strength and courage and it will be the best thing you ever did because it will be the first thing that will start your life in a whole new direction i promise you and i'm right along with you man because i'm going through all this stuff too you know we all are i'm not saying this stuff as a guy you know who's been through it all come out the other side and i'm now levitating above you on a silver yoga mat up in the clouds you know that's that's not what's happening here i'm going through it right but but i think the difference is like said is you've got to do the work man you know and if you can't if you're too scared or you don't think you can or you beat yourself up too much you don't think you're ever going to be able to change then you need to go to andy's man club get talking get some strength get some solidarity get a support group and build your confidence and your strength up to the point where you're able to do these actions because ultimately it's action and change which is going to change your life and unfortunately for many of us the only person that can actually change our intention is the person that can actually change our intention is the person that can actually change our intention is the person that can actually change our intention is our self and that takes a hell of a lot of courage man you know it's easy to be the big shot running your mouth off a high volume about what a legend you are but you know those people are normally the most damaged and the most in need and then they're normally the ones who will find it more most difficult to do this stuff because they're not willing to accept or confront the fact that actually they're not confident they are vulnerable they are scared and they are they do have weaknesses and things that they want to work on but they're still at that point where they're burying it under own volume rather than actually saying actually i got some shit that i gotta confront when you get to the place where you're able to say actually i got some shit that i need to confront and i'm gonna do something about it you're on the home stretch at that point you just gotta start like i said you just gotta start man you just gotta decide that tomorrow or today or monday or whatever it is that's the day it's gonna change and then you figure the rest out as you go it all if things start to fall into place as you start walking down that road man you haven't got to worry about all the detail and the specifics you just gotta start walking down that road man you just gotta start it just starts with a decision so if you're really really really in a bad place make the decision that monday i'm gonna find where my nearest andy's man club is and i'm gonna march through that door and i'm gonna i'm gonna wrestle this demon until the fucker bothers me no more i would love to hear your stories about mental health journeys you know anything that you tried tips and advice or if you just want to share your story please put them in the comment on the youtube version that's the only reason i put these things on youtube i mean there's no video i don't know if anybody even listens to it on youtube but that's why i put them on there so that you can you can engage in the comments and you can leave your thoughts or your opinions so if you do have a story that you want to share if you've been through this place and you've come out this side please share it in the comments because it's great for other people to see that they're not alone other people have been through this and that it's possible to come out the other side and if you currently attend an andy's man club in your area please let us know how it's you to go and join one or to start your mental health recovery journey please let us know as well because we'd love to hear from you and stay in touch and trade tips and anything that can be of use to anyone else on this journey as always thank you so much for listening i hope you enjoyed the episode please give me a subscribe and please share this episode and help me to get it out there because you know the social media platforms don't make it easy to promote stuff anymore they don't like you putting links in your posts you'll notice if you follow me on facebook or twitter that if i do anything i'll be able to get you in touch with me and i'll be able to get you in touch with you that has a link in it like literally nobody will see it have you seen it no you haven't did you see the picture i put my breakfast this morning of course you did so all i can do is rely on you guys to help me share it to get it out there because if i try and share this episode nobody is gonna see it if i put it on facebook because mark zuckerberg doesn't want you to have useful information mark zuckerberg and all the rest of them just want you to be tied up in mindless pointless content arguing amongst yourselves and looking at adverts so i need you guys to help me push this out there and share this incredible work that luke and others are doing i hope everything's been great with you have an awesome week and boy have i got a good one coming next week so stay tuned and subscribe love you
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