#307 - Jaxson’s gambling confession

Hey, Ron, welcome back to another episode of Chasing Optimum. I have a very special guest here today. Jackson. Hello. Hello. Hello. So, we were talking yesterday and you asked, we sort of said, we were talking about your gambling. Yeah. And, yeah, go. And you said, would it be good to do a podcast on it? Yeah. Well, it's like, we've done podcast on it before and spoken about it, but I also have I feel like I'm not always 100% truthful about it, just because it's, I don't know, it's a bit shameful, like gambling, especially, like, because for me, it's usually like, if I'm sober, it'll, I can control how I act, I don't enjoy it as much, but like the second alcohol or party drugs come into play, it just goes out the window. Yeah. It's almost like you don't even think about any sort of consequences that it's going to come with. It's like sort of becoming like a real problem. Yeah. And I also like find myself making excuses to drink and party just to gamble. Yeah. And I, it's like I really need to get it, like kind of a hold on it and figure out how to take the steps to stop. It's like, I'm sure you get it, you understand, like addiction and the urges you get and like that feeling of that, it's like a scratch, you can't itch sort of thing, you can just constantly try to itch it. Yeah. For sure. But first, I want you to just, I want to say thanks for your honesty because you rang me yesterday. Let's be honest, you put two charges on my credit card. Yeah. Didn't you? Yeah. You put two charges on my credit card and you rang me to tell me because I wouldn't notice half a time. Nah. And then, um, but you rang me to tell me, so first congratulations on your honesty. Thanks. It's, it's, it's become a long way. Yeah. Um, but also, I do want you to understand that no one, pretty much, nothing anyone says is going to change you. Yeah. And who's, you've got to do it yourself. Doesn't matter what I say and it's probably harder for me because I'm your dad. Yeah. It's hot. It's, it's like, um, my words are less impactful sometime, but on the other side, there might be more impactful too because we know each other very well. Um, and it, it's just is what it is, you know, like it'll, it, there's no point beating yourself up about it. Yeah. It's like getting up, falling off a bike and saying, that's it and never going to ride a bike again. I fell off. Yeah. It's life. You know, so that's, so I think you've got to look at where you are now and you've come a long way, like from, you know, to give people a bit of perspective when you were 18. You were lying, stealing, cheating, this and that, all sorts of things. I didn't, I didn't care. Like you did it. I just, I did it and then because I was like a bit nice to people and wasn't like, it's rude about it, not all the time, but I, I didn't care. I literally, I felt no like remorse for it back then and it's like now, it's like I've kind of, I realized that it's a problem because of that, like, charging your car. It's so out of character for me, especially now. Yeah. And it's like, now I'm like, man, I really got to talk to that about it. So I think you've got to look at how fave come. So it's a credit to you. You've come a long way. So that's, you've got to give yourself a bit of, you know, 26 now, it's a long way from 18. Yeah. And you, you, you turn up to work every day, you do your thing. You got your house that we bought together, you know, got a great partner, you got a dog that you like. You know, you go to the gym every day, you're doing all that stuff. So you, you are doing really well. So I think you need to look at that side of it. Just waking up and giving life a crack is good on you. Thanks. I think that's good. Why, why do you think you gamble? I don't know. It's like, because you think it's to win, like for the win, like you're scushing that bit, like now it's, it's like at the point, like I could win three, four thousand dollars. And I don't even bet. Like it's just like, okay, call more, more ammo to gamble with. And it's, I talked to, I talked to live about it all the time. It's like, what was the second I start, like I can't even see that you, you told me all the time because I've been trying that kind of like drink responsibly, like I remember it's stuck in my head. You're like, you'll never be able to because none of us can, like you can't Logan couldn't, I can't, Paris can't, Phoenix is like sort of the only one who can, but the second it touches my lips, like I'm, that's all I think about. And it's like in my head and I'll sit out till the next day just going, going, going, going, going, going till there's nothing left. And it's, um, yeah, I don't know why, to be honest, I'm not sure I was just interested like, because of it, it's a feeling, you know, like it's a feeling, it doesn't matter what it is, whether it's cocaine, whether it's spade, porn, drink, it's all the same thing. It's just a feeling. So, you know, you go talk to psychologists and they say, you know, there's a six year old in every adult that's sort of what, what we're dealing with, you know, and same as with me, like I have things that we all do, everyone does. Yeah. And you, and you can look at your childhood and say, oh, you know, dad was too hard, mum was too soft, and there was like chaos in the middle, you know, you can do that. But I think you get to a point in life and you got to deal with that a bit, you know, as Logan's death is like, you know, maybe me being your dad's not the easiest thing in the world. Like it's like, there's always, there's all these things, you know, and you've, you've had to deal with a lot of stuff. But I, I'm going to speak from experience. You sort of got to deal with it, but you can sort of blame it at the same time. You know, that's, that's the part that I had, and I know there's lots of different views on this. And some people will be listening to this saying, you know, you need to see someone, you need to sit down and maybe you did, and under, I'm not a counsellor or anything like that. I just got a lot of life experience, but it got to a point in life where I was like enough enough, but then you got to build that muscle as well. All you're, you're doing is walking to the gym at that like a 50 kilo tip squeak saying I want to be Mr Olympia strength, you know, it's, it's not, you're not there yet. And that's why I think you, you got to be real about it. Look at why you do it and look at what triggers it. I think they're, they're the main things. The trigger is the biggest thing. And you can, you can't actually, that'll never go away, you're gambling. Yeah. Because you like it, yeah, let's be real. You like it. I love it. Yeah. I really, I really enjoy it. I'd speak to leave it at all the time. Like we've had the same conversation and I'm like, because I'll be, I'll go sober and I'll do this. I'll do that. And I'm like, I just say it. She's like, what if I'm like, I love it. Like I, the rash of it. I can't explain it. Yeah. I watch things all the time on how to stop, but yeah, it's, yeah, bad. Yeah. No, I, I can see it. Like you, you like it, but that's why people become alcoholics like I, alcoholics addict addicts at stuff or addicted to stuff. I was sitting in Guzman just two days ago with summer and Tara. All right. We, she wanted Guzman on the way home or I think we said, let's see, Guzman on the way home. So I get a vegetarian burrito bowl from there with no cheese, no nothing. Does that like that's about the only thing I'll ever eat out if Tara wants to eat somewhere. And I was watching this guy walk out of Dan Murphy's and he had two cases of Forex in a trolley. And he was, I could just tell the way I was walking back to his car. He's pumped. Yeah. He is pumped. And he just want, I could see he just wanted to, he was probably like well into his sixties. And he was like maneuvering that trolley like it was a formula one race car, getting back to his thing because it was, I don't know what was on that night. And I could picture him, cracking it open, sitting there. You could already see the enthusiasm just in his, I love body language. I love human behavior. And I was just watching him walk to his car and how excited he was, just in his walk. You know, but walking into Dan Murphy's or it's before that anyway, do you think he would have been thinking, I've only got four left at home, yeah, better go get two cases, hundred percent. Well, I like, it's all the way back there. And then, but he doesn't look at the inflammation that will cause, you know, the sluggy nush, the next day. What's he thinking about that first sip, that first exactly that first sip. That's the danger zone. It's the thought before that, that's the danger zone. That's why I don't put myself in environments anywhere that's a trigger. And over time, what happens is like you, you get this momentum that makes it. So if you started, if I said to you, Jack, how good is those pokies? Like, how good is that that we know, whatever you like, if it's dragons, the chain, the Chinese man on the pokies is 50,000 of them in the, in the, I don't know, called gambling area. If that's your thing, and I start talking about it, talking about it with you and going, oh, mate, there's like a guy, one 10,000 bucks the other night, got all the coins all lined up. And I don't know how they work. But it's like, what's your thing? What are you like? Online ones like on, on your computer, I'm on the computer, I was even, yeah, I was right there. So I said to you, Jack, there's a great online thing that's just come out and you start thinking about it and you're thinking about it in the day and then you're thinking about it and then you're talking to your mates about, you're building momentum, you know, and it's not real to say you'll never see it or never talk about it. But if you do that and try and resist it, you may be able to, like you may be, because you get into the next day, I'm so glad I didn't jump on, you know, I'm so glad. And you might be able to, and that's sort of how you build a muscle a little bit. You're going to try and avoid it, go through for a walk, do something else, go to the gym, whatever. But if you got home and you sat there and then watched a show or something, how to be, it's going to happen. I jumped straight on, straight on, for sure. Yeah, because all of your willpower and all of your strength just goes, like I think alcohol is like a kryptonite to a Superman. Alcohol is, if you've seen kryptonite to Superman, it takes away all these power. Yeah. It's the same thing. That's why I'll never drink again. It's not the cocaine that's to drink for me. You know, it's, you can have all the best intentions in the world. There are so many people in jail because of drink, so many, so many people that are dead because of drink. Your brother's one of them, you know, it wasn't just because of drink. He started inhaling deodorant cans, as you know, as we've talked about before. Yeah. And then it was that. And then he started chasing the, the feeling of that. And it's the temporary feeling. So you've got to decide, do you want long-term feeling, good feeling, long-term, satisfied. You started this podcast saying it's shameful. Yeah. Yes and no, but see the emotion of it though. Yeah. But if you had 10,000 bucks in the bank plowing your mortgage down, car paid off, going to work every day, building your personal brand and super fit, how would you feel? A lot less stressed. Yeah. I feel good. You'd feel good when you're, yeah. If you wake up tomorrow, like yesterday, you even went to edit something, you said, oh, my head's all fuzzy and all this sort of stuff. So, but if you wake up tomorrow and you spent all of your savings today on gambling tonight and you had a full day of work in front of you tomorrow, how creative would you be? Not at all. Not at all. And how would you feel about yourself? Terrible. Yeah. So, that's the key to this. And I'm not saying that's as simple as beating addiction. It's more than that. But it is managing the choice, it's managing the choice and the emotion in the moment. That's, I'm pretty strong now. If you put a bag of cocaine on the thing now, I wouldn't even come into my mind. I know I've told you that before. Go back 10 years. I'll forget about it. Don't worry. You wouldn't see me for days. Like, not even, not even like, a consideration. Doesn't matter what time of the day, doesn't matter what appointments I had, I'd be gone, all finished, gone. I'll be running around somewhere, disappeared at all cost. That's like it. Like you're saying. Yeah. For sure. But you're way better than used to be. Yeah. But I can sort of feel it creeping back in. Yeah, it can. Yeah. And it's like, it's almost like in the, in the moment, it's like you don't even care like about the house or you don't care about the bills coming up and you don't care about like, I've got my red jar, I've got to pay and like all these things. At the time, you don't care. And then when you feel so bad the next day, because you've lost it all when you've done this and done that, it's like you literally just want to curl up into a ball. Can I ask you a question? Yeah. Do you find adulthood overwhelming? Not as, I don't know, if overwhelming life, to forget adulthood life, you find it a bit overwhelming. Yes. I think a bit overwhelming. Boring? Boring. I think more boring is the one. And then like, I sort of feel like I need a, I don't know, I call some chaos and yeah, like I'll tell you what that is, because life becomes linear, you know, like, you know, then it makes like just like this. Yeah. And I actually read this many years ago somewhere, I don't know, some books somewhere and it's a linear pattern. Like, my life's very linear and I just do the same thing. Because I find that that's where I'm steadiest. And the funny thing is when, whether it's that or whether it's food, if you eat, say linear, so you eat alkaline food, that's all pretty boring and simple, you know, like the whole foods and things, you eat all that, you'll be super healthy, super healthy, low information, low inflammation, energised, everything. So that's where the reward is. But if I eat like this, so I eat doughnuts and then I go and eat hamburgers and then I go and eat lollies on the run because I need a bit of energy and I have a few energy drinks, you'll actually end up unhealthy. Yeah. Because you're, it's this spike in all this stuff. It's the spikes that you need to avoid. It doesn't mean you can't be excited, excitement about being boring is what I've learned to translate it into, but same goes with you. So if you get, if you get to learn to love the linear, like the, just the zone where life goes pretty good, you'll have a, you'll have an awesome life because you'll start, you know, vibrationally, you'll be in alignment all the time because you'll feel really good. But when you get up and down, everything goes up fast, it doesn't sound fast. Faster, faster. Yeah. It's the thing that it's like, it's kind of, I've been thinking about is you know how like you say people get used to operating, say they've got $500 in saving, they get more and then they spend it back down to 500 because they're used to operating in that thing. It's like, I've gotten used to operating where it's like, I've got no money and I've, like I just, I somehow get through it and build it just, but it's like a sort of, when I have all this money, like if I've saved for a while or whatever, it's like, I just, just all these things I can do. And then I'm back to where I am. Like almost like I feel comfortable, sort of like I'm used to it in a way. People operate where they're comfortable. You are comfortable there. But that's exactly what you said there Jackson is exactly the solution to the problem. It's the whole thing. So what you need to do is start to like acclimate. So you need to start to change your comfort point to, and money is a good, a good thing with that. Fitness and money. So fitness, so operated in your fit, so you know, push yourself in the fitness area, get even fitter and then get your money at a point where you're comfortable with say 10 grand in the bank. Yeah. And that becomes uncomfortable if you're less than that. So whatever it is for you, and then you got to get used to operating there. That's why I say you got to do it slowly and get used to it. So it just could be today, you do your thing and be consistent and then get used to the feeling of being consistent and then do it again tomorrow. You know, sometimes people go, oh, I'm never going to gamble again and I'm never going to do this again and that's good, but they actually forget the feeling of it later. It doesn't work. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. And then that's why it's just today like what are the wins today you could do. And what is today, what is it, what does a 10 out of 10 day look like for you now? Because a 10 out of 10 day for you at the moment is probably like going to work, getting through that, doing your thing, having a beer, then gambling, like that's probably where you feel most like, give you a bit of energy. Yeah, like, like on the weekend for sure, where it's like now, as you can even say it, like on my trainings, like pretty much depleted. My diet's been all over the shop and once you start doing one thing and you let that sleep in the like, oh, just eat this and I'll just half train today and I'll just like go on a bed later and all that things is like, but getting it all working in alignment. And then one thing pops out and then the whole car breaks down. Yeah, that's why I stay disciplined because I know the other side, like I don't want to, I don't, I keep it all caged up now. So like if the monster is caged up, it's like it's in maximum security. I have no interest at all, even dealing with it. But I think just to sort of, you know, in this part a bit is like, you've got to decide on what you want. You have to decide on what, what do you want, like what is your life look like? Do you want to get your house paid off? Do you want to get your car paid off? How much money do you want in the bank? That needs to become your north start. It's not just financial. It's just also, you know, what do you want to do? Where do you want to go to there? No, next year you're saying for two weeks and you've got to have these things that are driving you that become more exciting, better than the instant gambling thing. Doesn't mean you're never going to gamble again. That's be real. You're probably will. Yeah. But when you've got a goal that's worthwhile enough like your purpose, like you're waking up every day working towards something and then you fall off again, it becomes a little easier because you're like, yeah, I don't like that feeling now. And then you start building that muscle in yourself where you're like, and you'll almost start reading the after effects. That's why people who beat an addiction or whatever, they start to go, I don't want the pain of that anymore. I don't like it. I really don't like it. And they can read it before they've even gone there. That's what you need to start doing. It's as simple as that. But when you put more meaning on the pain than you do the pleasure, then you'll beat it. Because all you're doing is leading into the pleasure. People make a decision in everything they do on pain or pleasure. When you go to the gym and yesterday you didn't want to work out and you went to walk out the door and I said, no, no, no, just two exercises, three sets, I minimized it for you because so I could see that you just wanted to go, I said, well, don't go, just do a modified version. When people let themselves off stuff, they choose the pleasure of comfort. They're not choosing the pleasure of the win. So I was only thinking this morning, the shower, there's not one day I go, I'm so glad I'm going to do burpees today, not one day because I hate them. But after them, I actually sometimes go, I reckon I could have done a few more because I feel great because I did it. That's the whole thing, Jackson. You can blame childhood, you can blame circumstance, you can blame anything. But at the end of the day, you haven't got a purpose that's driving you hard enough right now, like you're comfortable. Look what comfort does, Jack. Comfort destroys people. It destroys their health, it destroys their drive, everything, but you're comfortable. If you had nothing right now and you were like, you had to make it happen, I don't think you'd gamble. No. I honestly don't. I think you would be like, I really got to do it like when I had no car in real estate, like I was a drug addict, but I was like, I've got to do something in my life, like I couldn't get to the bottom anymore. That's what I'm saying, comfort destroys things. But when you flip it around and say, yeah, I want to be comfortable, but I also want to be great. And what are, what's the steps to get there? And maybe you don't know the steps right now. Maybe you're like, it's not really shooting for anything. Meaningful. So like the Vietnam, you were excited about that. You need to start saving for Vietnam, maybe make that a bit of your North Star. And then say, what's my daily steps so I can have a day that I feel accomplished, I feel like great. And I'm working towards something that I know I'm going to get in 12 months time or whatever it's going to be. What are those steps? Because now you're accountable. I've got so excited I kicked the whole power board, turned all off, but I was saying Jack, accountability is powerful. When you're accountable to something, you tend to sort of stick to it because you've got a target and then you got steps. That's why coaches are good and stuff like that because they keep you accountable. And you know, there is other stuff going on inside of you, which I, you know, you do need to recognize. If you're still hurting from Logan a bit, I think you're still like that's on your mind a lot. You know, that's the part where maybe you do need to see someone and sit down and talk it through and not bottle it up, you know, maybe we can explore that as well. But at the end of the day, you've got to be accountable for your actions because every day life just doesn't stop because your brother died. Life, you know, or you had a messy childhood, stuff like that, life's still got to move on. Doesn't mean you've got to pretend it's not there. It's like we've got to look at what else can we do to help that help accelerate your healing or whatever that is, you know, there's, and I really understand that so maybe we can look at that too. At the end of the day, today's today, you've got to say, are you going to live a day that's going to be healthy and in line with where you want to go? That's why your target is good. You've got to have something you're shooting at. Purpose every day, you're getting up because you don't have purpose, you're shooting at nothing. Yeah. You're going to tend in bowling with a curtain over the pins and hoping, well, that's not fun. You can't even see what you hear. That's exactly the same thing. I think you need to get really clear on what you want out of life, even just next six months, 12 months. Doesn't need to be these big, huge goals, but set something that excites you a little bit. The excitement of that's got to be bigger than the gambling excitement. Yeah. Then you're a little bit on your way to, yeah, actually, I want to stick to that because you're going to be challenged, Jackson, many times with this gambling. Yeah. You're going to be challenged many times because the universe is going to say, let me see how much you want this, Jackson. You're going to walk into a bar and there's going to be pokies or your mates are going to ring you and they're like, hey, come gamble with us, but that's your gym. People pay to go to a gym to stress themselves, to grow. Why? To get bigger and stronger. Yeah. They look better. You can't look better without the stress. That's all there is to it. If I sat on this chair for 10 years, I'm not going to grow at all. I'm not going to get fit, but when you see a person walking down that's done the work, you can see it. You can actually say, it's impressive. It's like, wow, that person, yeah, they must have really pushed themselves because they look healthy. When someone gets looks unhealthy, doesn't take much to do it, same amount of time there. I got to eat Doritos every day and sit there and eat Oreos and do nothing, and you'll look really unhealthy over time. Just basically blob out. Same amount of time, different decisions, and I think that's where you're at now. You're going to invest the next 12 months somehow. Do you want to live with nothing in your bank in what you said at the beginning, shameful? That feeling of chaos and whatever, or do you want to say, hang on, what am I capable of? You've got to know the steps, though, Jackson. What do you think step one is? Step one. Pick something that you want. You're a great partner, Jackson. Yeah. You live in a great home. I think Vietnam is a very healthy goal to have, and how much is it going to take to go to Vietnam? How much do you want in the bank? I like it. A bank account. How much do you want to get in the bank, Jackson? 10 grand. 10 grand. Is it healthy goals? You don't have to have 50 goals. Have two. Vietnam and 10 grand in the bank. But then when you get to 10 grand in the bank, you're going to be careful because what's going to creep in? Party and gambling. Yeah. All the bad stuff. Laziness. Yeah, it's right. There's a great saying. You don't use it. You lose it. It's great saying. Use it or lose it. And what people do is they get comfortable. Look at comfort again, Jack, comforts. They get comfortable and then they start to go backwards because they're like, yeah, I'm comfortable. But the discomfort got you there. That's the, there's so much power and discomfort every day. I had a nice bath before I come here. And I like, I don't like getting into minus one. But every time I go to talk myself out of it, I'm like, I'll feel better. My skin will be tighter, I'll, you know, blah, blah, blah, I can have 53 Jackson. People are talking about retiring when they get to my, you know, I can live in a retirement village in two years time. I can. I'm eligible to, but I'm 53. My mind is not at a retirement village, Jack. I can tell you that right now, nothing wrong with them. My mind is not there. My mind is like, I'm going to just sort of half starting this thing. We're bringing out chasing optimum. We're doing all this sort of stuff. I'm like, what can my body do? You know, tweak, tweak. Let's see where we go. Get in that ice bath, you bitch. Yeah. That's what I say to myself. You're the same, Jack. You know, you're stepping into life's gym now. You want to be an awesome version of Jackson, you got to earn that thing. You need to gambling does not belong in the gym. You might have a win here or there, but you're going to lose that life. I'm telling you, Jackson, gambling, win here or there. I will guarantee you you'll lose that life. And that's something you need to decide for yourself. Not because I say it. It's what do you want, but unless you've got a North Star that's giving you purpose, and then you say, well, for me to get from here to here is this, this, this, this, this from what I know now. This, this, this, this, this. Every day, I'll have a bit of a day that looks like this, so I'm one step closer to where I want to go. You do that enough? You'll get there. Guaranteed. That's it. You've got to be consistent. And a lazy mind will not be consistent. I'm telling you, it all starts with thought, Jack. That guy that went and got the two cases of Forex at Dan Murphy's, I will guarantee you he just didn't think about it five minutes before he went there. So he was planning it and thinking it and running out of the other one, Dunlala, it all starts with thought. You're going to think thoughts that are going to take you to success or think thoughts that are going to destroy your life. Same thing. Same amount of time, same amount of choice, different choices. Why do I not take cocaine anymore? Because you know where we're going to end up. Yeah. I just don't let my mind go there. It's taken time though. I've fallen off many times because I know the cost, and I'm not talking about the cost to buy it. I'm talking about the life cost. It will destroy your life. There's good choices and there's crap choices. Crap choices will do what? Create a crap life. See, that's our guy's life is a mirror. Life is nothing more than a mirror of your choices. Jackson, I think you're well on your way to success. I do. Even you sitting here talking about it today is fantastic because I can see you want to work this out, but it's not going to be easy. It's not going to be easy and you are going to stuff up, but that's how you learn. So you're 26 now, and I've said to you for eight or 30 is just around the corner. You'll be 30 in no time, and you said to me other day, gee, I'm going to be 30 cent. I've said it to you for the last few years. You will, and you've got a choice right now to be an incredibly, an incredible 30-year-old or 30-year-old that's limping through life, pretending, lying, stealing, you know, stealing, pretending, gambling, fraud, you know, unhappy, hurting inside. No, I think you're on a healing journey. I do. It's very hard losing your brother, hard losing his son. Difficult times. That's difficult, and I think part of what you do does alleviate some, you know, maybe a bit of pain inside, whether you know it or not, you know, it's natural. But you're a good person. Thanks. You are a good person. And I think you've got an amazing future ahead of you. You've just got to be a little easier on yourself, and then just pick something you really want to do, work out what the steps are, and then stick to them. Sounds easy, but sometimes it is that easy, like, oh, it's usually more simple than you think. It is a little bit more simple. We all get choices every day. It's what choices we make are determined the outcome of our life. Sometimes the comfortable choices are good in the moment, but they're very painful in the long run. The hard choices in the moment, the difficult ones, they're usually the ones that are going to create an amazing life. Keep going, Jack. I'm here for you.