$30 Million Dollar Online Coach on How To Put Jesus First In Business - Katrina Ruth

[Music] Welcome to About My Father's Business. The podcast where Faith meets Purpose. I'm your host Holly Lockstone, and here we're taking a deep dive into what it really means to walk with God in every area of our lives, especially in business. Each week I'll be joined by inspiring guests as we explore how aligning with God's purpose can transform not just our work, but our hearts, our minds, and our relationships. If you're ready to create heaven on earth and your life and business, you are in the right place. Let's get to work. Our Father's work. [Music] Welcome back to another episode of About My Father's Business. I am your host Holly Lockstone, and today I have the absolute pleasure of having one of my beautiful mentors on to this podcast. Katrina Ruth, she has been instrumental in my walk with God, because as I was going through all of my stuff, I was watching so much of your stuff, Katrina. It was so just incredibly helpful watching you go through the process, and I was just sitting there going, "Oh, it's not just me. It's just me going through this stuff." So, you have made what is it? Like $30 million online in your online presence over the years? Yeah, a little bit more than that, I think. I don't know the exact number I stopped counting at some point. Not to be low, because I was sitting around on my powers of money. It wasn't big, honestly, it wasn't until like 15 years in that I was like, "Oh, I should figure out how much total I've made." I always at the time talked about how much I was making per month and so on. So yeah, around about 30 more. Definitely one of, if not, well, definitely one of Australia's most successful coaches in the personal development and business space, so it is just an honor to have you on. And let's just get stuck in this identity. What happens to your business when you've got a forward-facing business and you're helping people in a, what is essentially a service-based industry as a coach or a leader or an entrepreneur and you have this earth-shaking realization because you were always a Christian. We always knew that you were a Christian, but what happened there? Give us the run out. I want to know from the beginning. Did you know you're the first person to say that? Yeah, I always knew you were a Christian. Okay. Yeah, because I thought everybody knows that. Because to me, that was part of my identity as much as I'm Australian. Because I grew up in a really Christian home. I've always been Christian. I was born into Christianity. I then chose that for myself as a child in a child-like way. My grandfather was a pastor, my uncle was a pastor. And we were not just like church on Sunday Christians, we were like church, you know, morning, noon and night all the time. It was a huge part of my identity. So to me, I thought everyone knows that Christian because I thought it was obvious on Christian like that. It's just part of who I am. But it's just funny that you say that. I guess a lot of people who were maybe a bit closer to me would have known that more so. But even then, I know for sure some private clients definitely were not aware of that. And a lot of people over this past years, when I first really came back to God, which was at the start of 2023, I kept hearing over and over again. Oh my gosh. And now the new age coaches come to Jesus, Katrina Ruthis van. Jesus said of the new age, stuff like that. And I was shocked. I was so appalled by this, but I was taken aback. And I just thought I was never a new age leader. And then though I took a step back, you know, okay, you knew I was Christian, but if you look at what I was doing then, if you never heard that word associated with me, you wouldn't have called me Christian. Not by a long shot. Not by a long shot. Even though I probably mentioned often on over these going to church because it wasn't that I turned my back on God, I wasn't actively going to church all those years. But I went back to church from 2019, which was, yeah, like three, four years before I really got convicted and actually came back to Jesus' problem, or I will say for the first time in my life, I really got saved saved. Yeah, so if you, like I might have talked about church here now, I definitely threw the word God around a lot in my blogs, equally with the word, like, you know, with different curse words or more so the curse words than the God would. But the thing is in this industry, everyone uses the word God. Not many people use the word Jesus, which is a differentiation point, you know, but everyone uses the word God or just about everybody uses the word God. I mean, I look at my Facebook memories, I'm sure this happens for you as well, probably for so many people watching or listening. And once you get past the bit where you want to vomit in your own mouth, repeatedly at having to look at what you posted, like, for me, how I dressed. But then I'll read, sometimes I'll read the blogs and some of them I'm like, oh, I read one not like a go, which was something like, oh, a prayer for whatever. And I read it and it was just the most confused, lost, but really, like, demonically inspired. But I was speaking of, like, I don't even, you know, it was so messy. And people were just commenting on that, how beautiful it was and that sort of thing. And I looked at that and I'm like, that's not a prayer. Well, I guess you can call it a prayer because you can pray to whatever you want. But I never didn't have God in my life. It's just that by being increasingly along the way, God became an observation or somebody or being that I was aware of, rather than even anywhere remotely in the center of my life, let alone the actual center. So I don't even know what your question was, but that just really surprised me that he said I was always Christian because you're the first person in this journey to say that. Really? Because I think I think it was you talking about going to church and things like that. Like I've been a follower of yours for, oh gosh, however many years it's probably going on. How long you been in the game? 17 years? It will be 20 years this year. Long journey. 20 years in like June or July this year. Well, if you're not, Australia's most successful coach, you're definitely the longest champion. Maybe just about half. Yeah, it would have been 10 years ago that I first came into your stuff, went back when you had cut a lot of Ozo. Yeah. Yeah. Which is really, it's cool. I've been following your journey for ages. We were together at the start of 2023. And now I'm also in your secret garden group, which is a highly amazing group. Like I cannot recommend it enough. It's beautiful. But I digress. And this is the difference that I really want. I'm so excited to talk about it because there is a big difference between going to church, saying you love God, doing all the things between that and actually being fully submitted and committed. Yeah. Yeah, making the pillar of your life that everything else springs from. Yeah. I had Lisa Bevia once say, and this really spoke to me, she said something like she went from including God in her plan to realizing that he was the plan. And I think that speaks to a lot of people. But we have to look at the reasons, right? Like in the coaching industry. And if you're listening to this, you obviously have at least some sort of pull or interest to understand more of the things of God or you're already on that journey in some sort of way, you might be in the bit where you really don't want to be on that journey. And you're more like, I don't know what's happening to me, but I don't like it. I don't want to know about it. I'm never going to become a Jesus person. Who said that? Who said that? Lots of people said that, right? But I'm never going to be one of those people that's posting about Jesus all the time. Next minute is like the most prominent person on the feed posting about Jesus all the time. So in the resistance, if you're in that, that's very normal. Don't worry. You'll get through it. We'll see on the other side. But maybe you're just more like, why is Holly even talking about this stuff or who knows, right? Who knows why you're here? But I feel like in the coaching industry, you've got some people who definitely don't in any way think about, like, look to God or include God as part of their plan, what they think we can't be sure of. But as far as how they maybe put themselves in the world, they have all the different tools, all the different new age tools, all the different tools of self-seeking, success-seeking, finding yourself and healing and, you know, I meant right. And you've either got people who include God in that. And they include him as one of the tools in the toolbox, God, universe, source, healing, self, spirit, age of age, numbers, whatever, right? To either got people who include him or they're more active. entirely they just don't want to know about it and that might be for you know reasons of religion trauma or church trauma and that kind of thing and I don't know if we'll get into a conversation about religion but neither of us are pro-religient where pro-relationship and intimacy with Jesus and unfortunately a lot of people don't realize that these are two different things. I didn't. So yeah so I think it is an important thing to talk about or in some cases you've got people that it's just never like God has never even been on their radar. You know I don't think you've got anyone out there that's never like heard of God or considered he's there a God but the point that I'm getting out with all of this is it's so it's so heartbreaking from my perspective and I don't want to come off like earlier than that or something like you know yay me let me polish my halo but I just see who how lost I was and I was always looking and I was always searching for the thing that would finally allow me to be I guess bear wherever there was and there was always something more that felt like it was needed whether it was more should you success money frame whatever or it was the inner stuff healing stuff trauma stuff whatever stuff right different accomplishments validation etc etc and I thought I understood God I did understand God a lot more than maybe a lot of people maybe I mean I had you know at that point 40 something years already of Christian upbringing experience and yet I was still so lost and the reason that that breaks my heart is because if I grew up in the Christian world with Christian parents who met in a Christian church when they were teenagers who also both had Christian parents like legacy right if I grew up so immersed in that world my whole lens was Christianity honestly throughout my upbringing youth camps all the things and I still didn't get it and I was still so lost and I still was seeking fulfillment through modeling myself into something oh my gosh you know I mean sometimes that honestly like is it better or worse to have had the Christian background I mean it's a it's a moot point it doesn't even matter right it's a matter it doesn't matter at all but it still just kind of brings me to like a shock feeling every time I'm like I knew and yet I was so down the slippery slope of seeking really sufficiency enoughness in myself and in the world and the thing is on the surface of it depending where you're at right now you might think well that's not so bad you know like backing yourself sounds like a good thing I mean I used to teach on this a lot like back yourself believing yourself all this kind of stuff that sounds great but the thing is that that pathway cannot not lead to destruction and I don't know like probably the kind of people that would argue against that wouldn't even watch or listen to this but I for sure know how many people who you know friends or clients of mine from over the years people are knowing the online world from having played a big game in the Alonso for so many years who would listen to a statement like that and argue furiously that they are fulfilled that they have peace that they are satisfied and they would be furious because you'd be arguing with the demons in them that are arguing and you know raging at you that you don't actually understand that they do have it figured out and that they do have peace and it would be a spirit issue that you're arguing with so there's no point having that argument anyway but I would have argued that right like if I would have heard someone same if I would have heard someone or seen someone I know or maybe sort of know who then fully came to Jesus like fully laid all down I mean I understood that world but I saw that have been a couple times in the online space and I was kind of like you know I was like judging it really secretly from honest because I was like I was just taking it a bit far but I if I'm honest there was a fascination there and there was also shame you know which is not from God yes like God's not he being shame or condemnation on you as far as you know how how he loves his children that's not what he does it's not like bam bam bam but that's what I would have felt looking at it but I would have also raged I would have been like here no clue look at me I'm a multi whatever figure you know I've got it all figured out I have staff everywhere doing everything I want I never have to concern myself with money I can take time off in each time I want I can be exactly the kind of mom I want I totally wasn't mean I mean it was being kind of mom I wanted a time but now it just there's like wildly different you know leads me really who I thought I was being back then I don't even know what point I'm getting at but the thing is that path of self sufficiency it never ends it requires always more and the further down that path you go the more of the more you will want and the more of the more you will seek and the more of the more you will need and so there's always another pinnacle there's always another peak to reach there's always another pinnacle or there's another you know what piece of work to be done got to do the work do the healing work shadow work trauma work all the work so does either that pathway or does the success ambition measurements achievement pathway or obviously can be a mix for me I was more so the success ambition achievements milestone tick things off do what it takes no matter what it takes you know literally like run around the world three times install it feels before breakfast launch 18 things a week and I just did that relentlessly for years and I wasn't really caught you look that wasn't really my thing all the healing stuff and so not that I didn't have different things along the way where I saw some form of healing and inner work obviously I did but I wasn't fully on that side of it it was more you can be whoever you want you decide you decide you decide you create your own reality it was that side seems to me yeah and if anyone's qualified to talk about having it all and still having nothing as compared with what we have in Jesus it's me and the thing is I'm not only looking through my own perspective I coached the best of the best of the best female entrepreneurs and some men as well but mainly women for years for well over a decade now when I first came on lunch 20 years ago I was in fitness but I've been in the business side of things since 2012 and even prior to that for about 10 years in the offline world I was coaching in business but since 2014 I became quite well-known in fact I would say extremely well-known as they go through coach for the unapologetically you know wants to have it all make all the money female coach and not just coaches female entrepreneur so I have a unique perspective in that I was the best so to speak or one of the best and I coached the best of the best for years for years and I have been surrounded for years with women and men who had it all and I'll say firstly they really did have it all in most cases as far as from a well-defined perspective it's not a lie people are not I'm sure some people are but in most of the industry the past I've moved in people are not faking it they're not lying and they actually have attained what they might call alignment or piece or purpose or a value driven life in accordance with the lens that they're looking through so I'm not here to say oh everybody's an actual total mess behind the scenes no actually believes they are internally but what I mean is it's not like everyone's just shut hitting their hands you know hating their business and life behind the scenes they're not the people I coach loved it and they were genuine wanting to be of good service and that kind of a thing and they were genuinely seeking purpose or moment integrity you name it and yet though even in the midst of having it all even in the midst of being that grow get a person who would be by be adjust the next bit of their life into place and now it's getting in great shape and now it's the relationship and now it's whatever you know like let's have it all there was still always an undercurrent of there's something missing and if I could just whatever if I could just and for some people it's money for a lot of people it's money if I could just get that next money monster and they're not finally whatever for many other people it's not money necessarily it's thinking adjust their life so just a little bit more or get that next support person or maybe they need the next you know high-viving trip or another photoshoot it's just the seeking of more and the perpetuation of more and the reason I speak to all of that is because the way that you know you're not on the correct path is because it's never done it's never done there's always something more and you might feel like you got out of the I don't know like wrong like you might feel evolved out of that a little bit like I've evolved through it I've now evolved into the you know place of oh I'm only seeking flow and alignment and I'm not about money anymore and I'm not you know but it's the same you just dressed it up in a different love and light package and the devil comes You know, dressed in white and he comes his love and light and he'll work on whatever work for each individual person. It's not like he's out there wanting to turn every person into a debaucherous, you know, visibly infested with demonic spirits human. It doesn't need to look destructive or evil or messy through the world's eyes. So for some people, it will be self-sufficiency being the best she can be. The pursuit of your own self, the pursuit of finding yourself in yourself through yourself by yourself, which really sounds quite ridiculous if you think about it. So for me, the thing that makes it so clear is not going to be the way we all walk in relationship with Jesus because it's individual for each of us. It's not going to be how we speak about that or share about that or whether we all make a podcast or whatever it might be. It's going to be even though this person still has their human mess and, you know, uncertainty and whatever different things that are going on, do they know that they know that they know that they're now done looking. And now the only seeking and searching that's going to happen is further into Jesus because when you really encounter him and you find him, everything else in a heartbeat just becomes nothing. It becomes like ashes in your mouth, which is exactly what it is. It becomes like dust crumbling to the ground. I don't mean that it's easy necessarily to walk away from all that God. That's not what I mean at all. But you will no longer be able to stomach it, taste it, and it will no longer appear to have life to it because you have found the one who has true life and who is life. And as soon as you find real life, anything that's not life will be revealed as the kind of life, kind of life it was. So kind of it's spiritual here, kind of it fire of the Holy Spirit, demonic fire, kind of it encountering of the supernatural. It's all really what it is. There's a supernatural that's obviously real outside of God, but it's death. And it requires you to keep seeking more as soon as you find Jesus. Well, we'll talk about that. Everything might start to dramatically implode or blow up or you'll feel like you've got thrown in a supernatural blend of for about five months. That was made at least or for months on end. And yet you will know you're done though. You will know you're done. Yeah, I agree. And what, speaking from my own personal experience, because I've always been an avid seeker, right? I was, I've always been more spiritually minded. And I feel like because I didn't have that education or that grounding in Christ growing up. Not that it really makes a difference because I've met so many people that have been exactly your story, you know, educated, but then still go off on there and willing and way and all of that. But for me, it really, it ripped everything apart. Everything that I thought I knew about the world, everything I thought I knew about spirituality, everything I thought I knew about healing, but it also gave me so much peace because I was like, oh, this is actually the end of that seeking. And what was replaced with the seeking was this incredible thirst to know him more. So really, like, swapping out my obsession for seeking all different other spiritual matters and all of that for, you know, putting, putting my undiagnosed ADHD to good use. And just really obsessively studying Jesus and God and the Bible and just wanting to have, wanting to know him more, wanting that intimacy, as we're talking about. But your, your business and my business, both very publicly experienced a transformation online we could say. See, the thing is when someone really encounters Jesus, they're going to have their own, you know, self-consciousness so their own feelings through their lives maybe of family, society, business, whatever it might be. Each person has their own ideas of when they might feel comfortable sharing that or whether it's going to be something that they would share or need to share or how it might, you know, in what we do. It's very hard to think that it can't not affect the business. But I know for me, when I started to really come back to God, it's not like I knew that that was happening. I mean, I did and I didn't. But my daughter and I was talking about this last night because she has had her own journey of coming fully back to God as she didn't share that with me, but at first. But I visibly saw it and it was so obvious, right? And I was like, I think she's, she's recommitted a lot to God. She just hasn't told me. She was so drastically changed. And I didn't want to push her on that, you know, I wanted to let her just come in her own timing and that sort of thing. And then just time kept passing. And I was like, starting to want your foot might get to like, she's giving me grandchildren and we still haven't discussed this. Because I just knew it was really important that I didn't push on her. Because there'd been a lot brighter that of like, you know, you want to raise a girl, especially, by any child to be independent, think for themselves and so on. And whatever people might think about me and my, I guess, forcefulness online, my daughter is like 100% so. So she was pretty much, I don't have to believe what you believe, you know, like don't tell me what to believe, which is totally fair. And not what I was trying to do, but I was probably doing it by virtue of my personality. So I was very conscious of that. And anyhow, we were talking about it last night and she was like, I don't have like an exact day, you know, when I will say that that happened. And she's like, it's not always perfect for everyone. Everyone has a perfect day or day written down. And I was like, that's not what perfect means. Like, there's no perfect, you know, way to find God. But I said, she felt frustrated because she felt like, I don't understand what she meant. And I said, that's exactly how it was for me when I came back like there's no day that I could designate. There was, there was some milestone things that happened. There was some significant encounters that occurred. There was significant significant things that I spoke out and proclaimed. But I didn't even know the power of that. And the most significant of that was that at the end of 2023. I had a six month relationship that was winding down to an M where I knew from at least three months into that. Short time that I knew I was choosing that instead of God. And I had been aware that I was running from God for honestly probably my whole life. But especially the five years prior to that, I just felt like I had a ticking bomb over me. I was continually trying to figure out why I had accomplished everything I had and everyone thought I'm so amazing and that I've got it all together. And I would continually try and figure out, okay, let me do exercises that I would give my clients like blank slate the whole thing, Teradol down, drop in. If you could do anything, if you had whatever money in the back and I was like, well, I did have the money. But anyway, I would kind of tear it all down and try and figure out, okay, let me just reset this whole thing, give my sub-commissions to do whatever I want, go wherever the flow goes, be whoever I want to be. And I would always come back to the same thing I'd already built. And I was like, well, that's awesome, like great. I have built the thing that I wanted to build that I believe that I was born for and it's not made in me. And I had spent enough time by that, I guess, had had enough years under my belt by that point of making a lot of money where I knew well, the staff, the toys or the first class trouble or whatever. That's cool, definitely appreciate it, but it doesn't mean anything, you know, and that's obvious. I guess I knew that before I experienced it, but it's very different to say that and then actually experience it. And so I just knew like I was getting to a point of being done and I feel like that's a reason that so many people are finding Jesus at the moment in the coaching industry because they're just done. They're done with another modality, another, you know, retreat, another experience, another whatever, the endlessness of it, you know, it's just never ending in the world you'll never be done until you're done done and it's too late, you're separated from God forever. But Jesus in him, it's done. It's finished. It's complete. And then you move from a workspace to life where everything is about striving to either survive or thrive or then to be even better than the best that you maybe already are and whatever you do. And you completely switch tracks and you switch from continually striving to get and you can label it alignment and purpose work and all of that. All you like and it can actually be that as best as it can in the world. But you're still needing to keep up, catch up, make up and keep going and you just totally switch tracks to where now he's taking care of everything he's given you the full reaches of heaven, the keys to the entire kingdom of the Lord, the vastness of the supernatural with the parent and authority of the greatest spirit of the supernatural, which is the Holy Spirit. And now all you need to do is actually flow with what you are here to do with your true right assignment and it's you're already provided for everything is already taking care of and you're operating from Greece, which is power. A live working power that comes from the whole world. spirit in you. So you can keep seeking the supernatural and you'll find it that a money version and it will just take from you and you'll get some level of power but you have no authority. You have no real authority which is why you're basically floating and flying in the wind and getting smacked on the face here there and everywhere and even if you somehow manage to convince yourself and everyone that you've got it figured in your old balance. There's fear and worry and anxiety and what if and just you know in LaSeeking beneath all of that. So for me how I started to come back to Lord I just said I'm 2023 I'm going to put God first finally and I said and this was pivotal I said now I'm going to be convicted and my word for the year is going to be convicted which I don't even have a word for the year ever before that because I hate to do things that everyone's doing but I did and I just said it and it was so clinically in my head that decision because you know what I was reading by all devotion was every morning for like four or five years before that I went back to church and got my kids into church and I actually got very involved in the church from 2019 I was in a small group I would serve in the church I was an active part of my church community from the day I walked in the dry made tons of great friends my kids have great friends that they met through the church I must them in and so I was already tracing all the boxes I was reading my little devotionals every morning when I said I'm going to put God for it first in 2023 and then when I said now I'm going to be convicted I honestly just thought yeah I just need to like give this up a little bit more just tweak a few things you know yeah totally just add an extra 10 minutes on to your prayer and I'd be here all day if I even tried to explain what happened after that because it was gradual you know and what we were talking about is the whole thing of like people find people find you Jesus if you feel like something studied to happen and God is drawing you true him well guess what he is because that's what he does he works on you from the outside true he's holy spirit to draw you true him and then if or when you accept his son Jesus and you basically surrender and that's you know for me that's how fat it was like I'm done here I'm reporting for duty I have done with pretending that I can figure this thing out like that I'm just done here I am right when you do that and you mean it and you whatever words doesn't matter but you believe in your heart and you profess with your mouth Jesus is Lord you want to be led by God you surrender your life you receive the Holy Spirit in you so now all of a sudden instead of going drawing your knee and working on you from the outside he's in you on the inside your spirit is now possessed by the highest power and authority in the entire you know beyond universe of God's creation and that's the Holy Spirit so any other spirit that might have been in your spirit just got booted out doesn't mean that you can't be demonically affected in your mind in your soul and soul and you absolutely kind of the Christian you definitely need to have deliverance when you're going to talk about that today and I think but anyhow when that happens when you make that decision when you surrender which could be public it could be a full prayer it could be a moment between you and God and it wasn't even articulated but it was real you will change and people around it will see it you don't have to tell them just like me with my daughter where I was like to my bestie I'm like I feel like it's going to be like two decades from now and I'm going to be like so which it's obvious and I was like dare I believe that God because I've been praying for that but it was just so obvious you know it was such a turnaround and by bit obviously that conversation comes from the service that's exactly what happens in the Christian world or for an universe so for me and I know you had your vision of this and most people do I wasn't like okay let me just spin my whole business and life around so that I'm the God girl at all I mean I was like oh I'm kind of the God girl already before that talk about God I just thought oh this is just like I didn't even know what it was I couldn't even understand for myself what was going on I felt like it was being turned inside out turning the tumble dryer trapped in the boxing ring having open hearts supernatural surgery screaming and landing on the floor is having to live in this left right legs so much stuff was going on but I was never thinking oh let me just drastically change my business at all and you know what for the first few months where I would have I really should go back and like look because for the first few months where I would have started to I don't know it would have started to come out in my blogs because I blog nearly every day right so anyone who follows me reads my blogs or some of them probably not all maybe never have time for your own stuff he just started to come out but that was never a decision or a choice I never tried to like plan a flag or take a stand not in that way at the start at least I'm definitely wanting to plant flags and take stand you know and that's the only way I want to live my life now but at the start it was just an overflow of what was in me there's a verse I love that's been speaking to me a lot lately which is in Psalms and it says out of the overflow of a man's heart his mouth will speak you know whatever you love whatever you idolize whatever you're feeling yourself up with will come out of you it just will so this is why you see girls and guys and so but you see a lot of girls in our industry who are very like love and light and beautiful and everything's flowing and vibing and alignment and purpose and so on and you'll see the snark you'll see the jazzy bell spirit now and then you know and I'm not saying that they're not kinds beautiful people in in a worldly way because some people just without God have a genuine heart for people and they have kindness and they have you know godly qualities and characteristics at all but you'll see it you'll see it now and again I'm also not saying being Christian means you're perfect and that you don't let things slip down then and you've got something that you've got to go and we're kind of out but you see it you see the spirit of my people whether it's in the way that they show what they have whether it's in an intonation it's in something that's said or it's in a lostness or a sadness or a piece that's missing which you might see if you get closer and so for those who start to see God yes they're still messy humans they still will have aspects of all that stuff but it is actually taken by God now and it's being renewed in him but what you'll start to see is you'll start to see God come out because if someone starts putting God in God's going to come out it's like the expression you are what you eat you know you don't need the person I mean I was in fitness and fat loss and you know hormonal sciences to do with female fat loss and how for years years years before I moved into what I do now and we always say like your body is your resume you know you don't like you don't need the person to try and tell you what they I mean you want the details I guess but you can see it already you are what you eat it's the same thing so it's never a question for us for anyone here of am I going to start talking about God and my is it going to affect my business is it going to affect my messaging is it going to affect what I teach is it going to affect my content all my courses is going to change or is my creative work going to change my relationships going to change yes they will and that's scary if we're real about it but it's way more exciting and magnetic than what it is scary but what it's not is something you need to worry about or figure out because it's just going to occur and God himself will cause it to unfold right let it's natural though to be worried or kind of like oh like what's going to happen so for me I don't even know when the moment was where people might have started to notice something had changed because to me I didn't I did not even think I was I just thought well I'm doing what I always do I always share the things that I'm currently going through at that time I don't think anything had visibly changed at all and then at a certain point I would have started to clock that a bit but I think by the time I did there was already quite a lot of people who obviously you know followed or beating my specific years who were like what is happening to care what an earth is going on and I started to hear a lot of that kind of thing and that would have been maybe a few months in and at that point I remember thinking oh I wonder if maybe like probably between three and five years from now I'll probably even have some courses that are about God that's what I thought and that was in like I will say roughly much of 2023 which was also a period where I was completely flat lining like I was like just in it with God I had no creative nothing was coming on me creatively I was pretty worried about that pretty worried from a monetary perspective I just didn't seem to be able to pick anything up or do anything I was doing bare minimum for you know my existing work but I was just like I cannot even do anything I didn't get out I was spending hours like in the night in the day just going through the vast trap of you know one-on-one coaching with the Holy Spirit and that was like March where I said I so clearly remember thinking probably three to five years from now I might even have a few courses that are about God things and then in April that year God gave me some specific instruction which resulted me to be going to a big Christian leadership thing which resulted in a massive breakthrough and outpouring and he gave me an idea like a monetizable idea which I put out and made money straight away. And it was just like a short thing. But then after that, I did a course called Warrior Leader that he gave me to do. And that was my first ever God led course. And I was so scared during that course. I was so nervous. I was so like, who would know if I think I am, but I did it. And since then, what's that less than two years ago, I've created a launch. I don't know, well, over, must be around 40, at least 40 different courses and so on. That goes, give me an, you know, I've always been a prolific creator. I'm not a one-course a year kind of a girl. So that's normal. The number of amount of it is normal. But it's all been God led. There's been a few that have been more where I was like, oh, no, oh, no. Let me make sure that I'm doing something fiery for the entrepreneurs, you know, still obviously as someone who's led by this rid of the Lord now. But just more like the entrepreneur side of it more obviously. And it just always kind of falls away again as God takes me further and further into being his voice, moving in, you know, the words he gives me, a prophetic writing, speaking prophetically, and being trained and discipled by him in the ministry that has given me, which is for sure for entrepreneurs. But, yeah, not through the lens it was. So once again, I have no idea what the question was. But I guess what I'm saying is if you're on this journey, you're going to end up talking about God. I mean, firstly, it's a biblical instruction. We're not meant to keep faith secret. But also, you don't need to worry about it. I would, you know, if I could go back to where I was then, I would just say something that I actually used to say to people through years, through my own understanding, but the words apply rightly, God, which is just surrender faster, just surrender faster. And honestly, I thought I was doing that. And I did surrender, but there's just a process that takes time as well, because there was so much where I thought I was in surrender. And I totally understood it might all need to fall apart. And I'll hope it's any job that did all fall apart, because it just wasn't stuff that I can put out into the world anymore. And so, drastically, it affects my income and that kind of thing and my life and, yeah, just my finances. It was a mess. But I still wasn't surrendering in terms of through all of that. I was trying to figure out all the time. What am I not saying? What just God really want me to do? What should I be doing for money? What should I be doing in business? Is that God or isn't me, you know? Yeah. And I felt so worried, like, I'm going to end up not taking care of or not safe with money. Or, you know, mainly that was my biggest fear, because it was the biggest thing that was falling apart. Same. And it's still-- It's like that fear of not having money is still money idolatry. It's just on the opposite end of the scale. Instead of chasing it, trying it and getting your self-worth and identity from the success that you've created, you're now on the other side of it where your scared of losing it, which is still attachment. But with money idolatry, but also breaking off a spirit of performance and self-sufficiency, like being a performer and the high-- you know, the doing spirit, I've got to do enough to measure up to God. That just takes time to break off. And sometimes God just still-- you know, sometimes Jesus just delivers us of something in a heartbeat and bam, it's gone. It's like he cut it right out. And then for other things, it takes time. And he gets to choose, you know, which things he maybe instantly just removes. I've had one major thing in my life. Nothing to do with business or money that I'd battled for years and addiction, that he just removed. I was like, bam, I didn't even notice for six months, which was kind of crazy because this thing had a hold over me for like 20 years prior to that. And it would be six months to notice, like, oh my gosh, God just took that. I didn't have to intercede. I didn't have to petition. I didn't have to go after it. He just took it. But then money idolatry-- and what's behind money idolatry for me and for a lot of us, I think, is the self-sufficiency, performance, perfectionism, proving that I'm enough, that I'm worthy, that I'm willing to do what it takes. All the things that we channeled, in our own strength, to be successful, that took us as far as they took us in the world, there's a spirit behind all those things that needs to be broken off. And then the other part of it was learning, oh, well, that doesn't mean, though, that he's-- that me and God means super-let quiet and, you know, like this or something. So I kind of went through this whole like all, let me be a whole different person, things like, OK, well, you are a whole different person. But he gave you entrepreneurial ability. He gave you a wealth of money. He gave you the characteristics of being like, do-do-do-do and highly creative and so on. So don't worry, the baby out with the bath water. But what I've experienced and what I've witnessed is if you've really built something up in your life, as he says, an idol, and you build it fully into your identity, you're going to need to fully be OK with laying that thing down so completely. And it won't be restored the next minute. It won't be restored the next day. Because if God would do that, like, if he would have taken me from, you know, worldly success to huge platforming him and making tons of money the kingdom Godway, I would have just thought it was me. And the idolatry would have still been there. And I would have never learned what I needed to learn about truly depending on him. And I will say for me, I don't even think I'm done. But there has been a significant shift this year, which is a full three years of my journey, where I got to, like, the third or fourth week in January. And it was kind of like the other thing where I say, like, I didn't notice for six months it was gone. This was quicker. But the third or fourth week in January, I was like, "Huh, I feel like I left money worry behind in 2024. I just don't have-- I can't even try to worry about it if I try to." And if you would look at, like, the somewhat turmoil that's still going on in my different investments and finances and so on, I definitely should be worrying about it from a worldly perspective. And I actually was a bit worried about not worrying, like, "I'm just going to forget to, like, it's-- 'cause I keep forgetting about the whole make money thing." Like, I'm just like, "Lady, darling, living my life." I'm doing my business, obviously. But I was always like, you know, knowing what needed to come in, concerned with where it was going to come in, backing myself, getting higher my own supply to make it come in. And then the last two years was worry. And just desperately trying to handle over the god and recognizing the idolatry, breaking it off, breaking agreements. You know, you name it. I've gone through the training. I've done the ministry. I've had all the deliverance. There's still some things that just take time. And that real pursue, like, I will not let this go, God. I'm not going to go back into who I was. So if it takes 10 years, 20 years, whatever it takes, I'm going to believe that it's now. But I will see if it takes another, you know, 10 years worth of now. So be it. I'll keep handing it over to you. But this is the, this is where the true freedom lies. Right? We don't want to be beholden to anything of this world, anything outside of Christ, money, status, ego, whatever. That's the part that I love the most is that, and I'm going through the same journey with the whole financial stuff. He's breaking this idolatry off me still. Like, I've come a long way. No. You know, anything between when you're really on this path, when you're truly submitted to God, and you're like, "Yep, I am 100 percent fell way deep. This is, I'm following you." Anything in between you and him is on the chopping block. Yeah. Right? And you've got to be prepared for that. And it's, it looks really uncomfortable because I like living in a nice house. I like driving a nice car. I like being on the floor groceries and doing the things that I do in life. Yeah. And I just, I had to, and daily, still giving it all up. I mean, I'm, I'm on a 21 day Daniel fast at the moment. We're doing it in my God's God membership. We're doing a combined Daniel and Isaiah fast. And it's been monumental, but the first week of that fast, God's like, cool, now you're going to make your membership pay what you want. And I was like, oh, okay. Yeah. Even if that's nothing, even if that's a dollar, the purpose of the mission is more important than anything to do with my, you need to let the money thing go. I've got you. Don't worry. Yeah. And that, that was a really profound decision and moment. But I want to look back to a couple of things that you said, because there's so much in this that grief, one thing that I want to discuss with you, because I know that you've been through it. As you start letting go of the world, as you were talking about it, and what does that actually mean? Can you, because you're so good at articulating this stuff, can you break that down a little bit for the listeners? Because there is so much grief that comes with it that I don't feel like a lot of people are talking about. Like that, that giving up of the desires that you had for yourself, that's all a tree and all of that. Yeah. That's a interesting question. I don't think I've had anyone talk about that either. For me, I was so, honestly, I was kind of over a lot of it already for a long time. But if I look back, I mean, I pursued, I spent years pursuing serious fame, whatever that means. Like I thought I'd meant to be really famous, like mainstream worldwide famous. And I could have gone further down a path over pursuing that a couple of times and I got connected to extremely high up people and I spent a serious amount of money on it as well. I mean, people pay for their fame mostly. - Well, you can have a TV show at one stage? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I had a book deal with an agent in the US which was really difficult to secure a space with him as his client because he has a 100% success rate getting clients onto the New York Times list. So he only takes you on if he's, you know, you're not gonna really use 100% success rate. But you still pay for all of this. You pay a lot of money, like hundreds of thousands of dollars. People are not just rolling onto the New York Times list or any real stage of fame without paying for it. They might pay with a warranty video or they pay with literal money to, you know, publish their book and have, you know, enough people buy the book to get it to the right numbers on the first day and that kind of thing to get into the right rooms and so on. So yeah, I spent a lot of money through him. I ended up dropping the whole thing all of it which included a TV show. And there was like a bunch of people that were on my team that were very high up, I guess, in the celebrity industry in the US. So there was this whole plan of getting me a full, you know, US based talk show, a big timeline and being this wild fiery Aussie. And I had red hair at the time and they were very on this angle of like the red-haired fiery Aussie who curses all the time and that Americans will love that. Which they probably would have if we would have really pursued it. There was a massive fame plan behind it. And I walked away from it 'cause it just wasn't sitting right in the end and there was a couple of key things that was said that would happen that were just completely out of the line of me. You know, and for all that I pursued myself and I pursued the world, I still had my values that I had at the time. So I ended up walking away from it. But I actually spent like the time you would have known me or most people. I had a lot of shame throughout all that time because they felt like what's wrong with me that I wasn't more well known. Even though I know it's very well known in the coaching industry. And I was kind of like the go-to coach for the female ones who wanted to, you know, get the highest highest time in famous clients and so on. But I always felt shame like what's wrong with me that I'm not running massive stadium sized events and I should be like a household name by now and that kind of thing. And I beat myself with that stick for a long time. But the treaties I never really did that would fully through work to make that happen. And I guess I had some level of, you know, well, like I said, values are a moment to do with myself 'cause it would have required me to really like spend it in order and amount of time away from my kids. To me out from the US doing that stuff. And I already did spend quite a lot of time away from my kids, you know, and was absolutely not, you know, at all remotely the mother of the God designed me to be during that period. So I pray it's gone for a illustration in that area. But yeah, I felt shame mostly. And I still idolized it and I thought it was my destiny. I really thought it was my destiny. Like I meant to be famous. That's what it was born for. My writing is meant to go out to millions of people. My writing, am I speaking? Now, you know what's funny is I know, and I knew since I was a little girl, that my writing and my speaking is meant to impact millions. And I knew that like fact, right? So I believed it so fully. And I built my whole empire and taught everyone, you know, to do their own version of that based on really harnessing things you've always known to be true. And then refusing to put them down. What's funny is, and I think I'm only realizing these now as I said is it's true that my writing has always been meant to impact and my speaking and my writing is meant to impact millions. But not for my own fame or glory, and not through the vessel of me. And of course, just like the just like the Lord has a plan for our lives and for our destiny, the devil has a plan for your destiny as well. So he will give you a kind of a version. You know, if you're someone that wants to pursue self-destruction and obviously, the way you'll let you go down that path. But if you're the help people, personal development, build yourself up, be the one percent within one percent, he will support you in that. And he will continue to dangle the next bit of thing down that path, you know? And so the frame thing was big for me, but the thing is that when I came back to God, I didn't have grief. I was kind of done with it all anyway. Now I did have some grief around the money stuff, I guess, because I was totally like, God, take what he's taking, break what he's breaking, shake whatever can be shaken. And I had long periods. And I mean, I still don't know where God is taking me in that area really. But I had long periods where I thought, well, maybe I'm never going to make that kind of money again. Or maybe I'm going to be like actually like fully like penny to penny or something for the rest of my life, because it really seemed like that could happen. And I had to be OK with that. So I guess I had a sort of, and I was OK with it. My flesh was not maybe OK with it, but I just didn't want anything other than God. And I just walked deeper and deeper and to trust that whatever he had for me, if it didn't look like what I thought, I knew like I believe the Bible, it's going to be better. And you know, that's not just something we say. If you're listening to this and you're like, why would you even believe or think or know that? You know, just because there's words in a book that say it, we're talking from a perspective of God writes his words into you, they are written in his spirit. And when you accept his son, Jesus, you receive the Holy Spirit in your spirit, you become born again. You literally become a new person. You don't do anything to make that happen. You just accept a free gift. So you agree. That's what you do. You come into agreement. But you don't make it happen. God is rewriting you. So you actually have his words written inside of him. You'll be coming the epistle of the Lord. I love the word epistle. It's a fancy word, but I just love it. But it means like the power and the rhythm piece, right? You becoming the walking, talking vessel of the Lord. So your desires will change. Your outlook will change. So when I say I was fine with it, I really was fine with it because it was him in me. That was like, I don't want anything that is going to take me outside of the will away of God. And I want the fullness of what he has for me. I'm just done. I'm done with the endless pursuit of more and self. Being there done that got the 18 Jesu belt T shirts and I don't need it again. If anyone doesn't know, Jesu Bell is a demonic spirit that really does have quite a stronghold over the coaching industry. And let's just call her, she's a boss babe spirit in a female incidence over aggressive ferventism. Yes. Yes. The doctor is being your own provider. Many other things as well, but anyway, that's why you prefer to that. So. And she is right in the coaching world. I can't even like, oh yeah, my face all these days without seeing it. And I'm just like, oh man, I repent for ever being a part of that because I definitely had that for such a long time. Of course. I mean, you know, and it's an I mean, deliverance is an ongoing thing like cleaning house anyway, but once she's been classed out, she's out. But the grief thing, you know, I don't even know. I just feel like I'd put it down so long ago already. I know some people have a more head over heels like when their experience of finding God and they didn't kind of maybe necessarily have the lead up time that I feel like I had lead up time because I was so weary of it all for years already. But then I think everyone I speak to was weary of it for years. And I still speak to you many of my previous very famous clients from these some praise a lot who found Jesus and some who haven't. And the you know, people are out there flying kind of making a lot of money and doing cool things. But I'm telling you, they are weary in some sort of a way and whatever they were. And they just kind of like, her, but then because they're really good at what they do, they just kind of like get it together again and go into the next one until the next minute of the year and the next year and they've hired themselves up the way they know how. So that's what I did. But I was ready to put it down. I would say maybe the biggest grief I had in a way. But yeah, sort of was more to do with the relationship side of things because in my process of surrendering to God and willingness to handle everything over to him, I had grief around, I guess, well, looking back at who I'd become and how much I'd, you know, destroyed that error or allowed the devil to destroy that area through who I became and the choices I made. But I also felt like, well, what if the God, that's not God's plan for me and I need to be willing to put it down ever having a relationship again, because of course, I wouldn't just have a kind of like, these seems like it could be a vibe relationship again, you know, which I did do, you know, in whatever different way I did when I was single outside of God. But even then, it wasn't a real grief because the thing is, it's hard. I find the grief thing hard to talk about. So I might not even be the best person to answer this, because I just think whatever's so difficult for us to let go of or put down Christ is shining in front of us and in us so much more brilliantly that it's not even a comparison point. And so we might have a moment of struggle. Can I honestly tell you this is going to make me seem so like vapoured for a moment. But probably the hardest thing for me to do in all of this, like the biggest actual grief I had, if I'm really honest, was cutting up my Balenciaga Graffiti handbag, because I cut up about 30 gram worth of Balenciaga and Gucci, because of pedophilia behind those companies. And by the way, I've been taking a vanator YSL in the end I got rid of 60 to 70, $1,000 worth of designer stuff, and I destroyed it. I cut it up, and in some of it was very hard to cut up. They're very well made, so I poured green paint all over it. But I had this graffiti Balenciaga hammock, then I had dored it, it was so brown for me, and it was so sad cutting that out, which I did in this room actually. But it wasn't, you know, it was like, I got the scissors, I knew I had to do it. I had that moment where it's like you're being over the top, you've gone too far, you've just pulled them way off the cliff now. I knew, though, and I had this, there's like a moment where I was like, "Oh, and then I just started cutting." That was the hardest grade for me. Because to be honest, it was a pretty thing. I don't want pretty things for demons on them, thank you. And I don't want to be branded with pretty things for demons on them. But all the bigger things that matter more than that, the life things, the more that we're looking to God, yes, we might have paying discomfort, confrontation or grief in our flesh. But as soon as we look back to Jesus, it's just like it's not even a comparison. I know that whatever His plan is for me, this area is going to be better. And He puts that knowing in His Spirit, and then as you get into the Word of God, you're eating the Word of God, you becoming what you ate. So it just is like, fact that's inside of you and it's bubbling up from over you. And you find a heart, you cry about it, you hand it over to the Lord. And even the thing that I said before, like, I got scared, you know, "Oh, well, what if God doesn't want me to be in a relationship, "boiled and be married again?" Okay, I would have to accept that. But then as I started to learn more and really walk with the Lord more, and it took time for me to really feel like, I come back saying this and he's like, "Okay, say, like, is it biblical?" Well, I started to learn and understand that He gives us His desires. Like, our sanctified desires are His thoughts for us. And He does give His truth and the desires of their hearts. And whatever we ask for in His name, He will give it to us. So, bit by bit, I got this theology, the learning and the Holy Spirit illumination to understand that that was a true desire that God has funded in me. So now I can say with certainty, I have zero doubt. I know God is bringing me my husband. I don't know the timing. I mean, like, if the dogar rings, we're done here this minute. But, you know, sorry, is he? I know. (laughing) I know with certainty though. Whereas it took like the first year I would say, I was like, "Well, I don't know. "Maybe it's not God's will." Actually, we can very easily find the will of God, including things like it's not directly written in the Bible. You will have a husband, obviously. But you can absolutely determine the will of God for your relationship life, or for anything else. It also took a while for me to kind of understand that and start to walk with it internally. And then I went through to be at like with money where I was like, "Well, it's on me." And I got to figure it out and who do I need to be and what do I need to do. And that was the whole thing. And yeah, that was two big things that occurred from it, so I can see one of them was, I realized any kind of concern or worry for where money's even coming from or even remembering that I'm meant to do anything about where money comes from, just disappeared. And the any concern to do with the relationship is to have disappeared. And I heard God say I'm bringing him to you. And it just left. So I have certainty. And the thing is faith is the currency of heaven. So when we have maybe grief or worry or insecurity about something that we had to let go of, we gotta just keep heading it over. We do gotta find the script sure I know. We can't just try and theologize, you know, on your heads because we will start to get a different gospel. And it will be, if you haven't had deliverance especially then you begin getting twisted theology from demons. So you have to be actually reading the word. You have to be eating the word of God. And you've just gotta be letting the Holy Spirit guide you every day on your journey as to what you're actually doing or learning or flowing with and not get overwhelmed with. Oh my gosh, now I've gotta do this and have this and learn all these anythings and join all these courses. Like try not to do that either. It's like the high achiever God version thing which I think we've all done. And just start to find that daily flow with him and bit by bit you will realize, oh, he's actually got me all the time. He's giving me that griding soul to try and so if there is something that's really hard to let go of or something new comes along, that's really hard to let go of. Or we feel like I can't give that up or I don't want to or it's too hard or I've got my reasons why I shouldn't have to. I mean, at the end of the day, he gives you grace for whatever he's calling you to do. So it's not even your strength or your energy or your know how that's needed here. You just keep agreeing with him. And he knows as well if it's causing you pain off a day like maybe it's a relationship, you know, that it has had to end. I had friendships end. A lot of people have friendships end and in some cases, they have, you know, they have to break up with their boyfriend or the girlfriend or whatever it might be in that kind of relationship. And that's, you know, that's a big, big thing obviously. But God knows, you know, the pain that you're going through, he knows the cries of your heart. You just keep giving it to him and you try so that he will lead you to the right decision in the right way with the right wording, the right timing. But sure, there'll be moments where you have to open your mouth and say the hard thing or you have to put your fingers to the keyboard and, you know, do the confronting thing. Yeah, absolutely. It's, there's so much to it, but it's the most beautiful purpose filled loving journey. And it just puts a whole, it's, because I've been in the healing world for a really long time. My, your stuff is more about business. I was more about the mindset and the healing behind having a successful business. Because I, like we said at the beginning, some of my clients were, you know, 15 million dollar businesses and up. And they were still unhappy. Yeah. They achieved all this worldly success and it didn't fill them in any way. And so they had to start, they had to go back and figure out why they still feel share about themselves. Knowing what I know now, I would have approached all of those clients in a completely different way. But the, the whole point of this, this whole thing, being brave and courageous in your work with God, I truly believe that once you've really fully submitted and surrendered your life to Christ, you can't not talk about it. Yeah, you just, you, you have that fire within you because you know, if people are coming to your clients, friends, family, strangers, whatever, they're telling you their problems. And you know what the answer is. You can't tell where it will double out of you. It's like that versus under the overflow of your high, your mouth will speak. It will. And I know for me, and I think we've spoken about this before for you and lots of people, there was kind of like at first like, "Oh, okay, well, I've sort of got my clients at a not-crisional. They don't want to know about that." And like, is that okay? Should I sign more people up if they're not Christian? Well, what if they have such and such kind of a business? Like, I can't actually do that. But then what about in the courses? And it feels really like being confusing and trying to navigate it. And I know for me, I kind of at first, there was a few instances where I had client conversations and so on where I was just like, I thought beforehand, I can somehow just keep this only focused on business, right? Like, okay, it's fine. We're just going to talk business. But you know what I mean? I don't even just talk business anyway. I'm really mindset and the inner and alignment and identity, anyhow, like if I talk marketing, I'm really talking identity. And it just became so difficult. And I think there was one or two times where I got a foe call and I was just like, "Oh, I feel like I was doing like, twist it with my mind to try and not dishonor God, but also be of service to the person in a way that we're in a container together." And it just got to where it was like, "You just can't, you know?" Because God is realigning you and bit by bit. It's just like, "Yeah, I can't separate this. Like me going, oh, maybe in three to five years, I'll have a few God the courses." And then a few months after that, I was like, "Okay, well, cool. I guess I'll have like just the business of and that's for anyone who wants it and then I'll have the God the God the God the God stuff." And I do have stuff that's more entrepreneurial century, but bit by bit it just became very like, it's all Holy Spirit led though. Now, anyone can buy my courses that they want to buy my courses or join the Secret Guide in my membership. But I definitely wanted to sign up a private client who wants me to help them build their demonic business so they might not know his demonic. So I just do have a line. And it just, again, it all happens really beautifully in God. You know, this moment of confusion on this moment swear we're like, "Oh my gosh, this is like, how do I figure this out?" And he just aligns us and the more you keep hanging out, he means, "Okay, God, this is all new." You know, the scripture says, I think it's first Peter 5.7, cast all your cares on him for a case, so the verse says to do it. So God, I give this word to you. It's your concern now. It's not my concern, how I'm gonna have a conversation with this person or address this thing or put down this thing. That's it. So, you got, you cause it to happen. I come into agreement. Thank you that you'll put the words in my mouth, you know, and you'll give me the exact guidance. And he does, and he also ranges it really gracefully. Like I never had any issue of anger or upset between anyone. And I also had to let go of a lot of staff, mostly to do with how my finances and business, not my business was, you know, including before God started to rebuild it. And I just, I had blown it out like everything. I was more and more with everything. So I had 24 staff, which in online business, even if it's made from military art, you just didn't need that. But they were lovely people, you know, like they were like family. So I was so distraught how I'm going to have these conversations because people have families and, you know, that kind of a thing. But also, it was also an awareness that I can't really keep going. If in a few cases there were people who have really different beliefs, I just can't really actually have that in my business. But how do I say that or what do I do about it? And even in that area, God just lighted all up like in every single situation with every single person, which was like a fairly significant number of conversations I had to have. He just lined it up so that it was so win-win, like it was so aligned for the person. And in each case where I actually had to tell someone you're losing your job, like that in a few cases things just came along where they came to me and God just like orchestrated it. But there was, I don't know, at least see it through I had to say you're losing your job. And every single person thanked me, every single person immediately went into gratitude for the time together. And I guess just what they'd witnessed in me. And no one was worried or fearful. Everyone just recognized the end of a chapter. And I just saw how often can you just fire a bunch of people really or not fire, but your job no longer can exist. And they thank you. And that's their call, you know, Heart Plus Chart. And that was a God thing. And also, I think God just has those qualities, these planetiness from the get-go where whatever we did in our own strength, like for me, I look back. And there was a lot of beauty and there was a lot of God in what I did build over the years. And I think the way that I built my team was one of those things. But then it was just infested, you know? And the spirit behind it wasn't right. But yeah, he just restores everything. So I think wherever there's adjustment needed, something's falling to the ground. Friendship still was a few hard moments for sure. There was a bit of hurt that occurred. And I just had to be really honest about, I'm just like honestly, I was not even capable of speaking to anybody. It wasn't even like I was trying to reject people, but it came across that way because I was like, I couldn't even talk to anyone. Like I can barely even drag my head off the floor. It's not just you, but then it also was a practicality in a few cases of, I'm not going to be close to this person in the same way anymore. I'm just not. It's not possible. Maybe one day in the future, something really, you know, Alliance, but that was quite hard. I was so consumed by God and you know, that anything that was hard or is still to this day, anything that is hard, you know, there's still times where he asks for something that I really am like, that's surely not necessary and it's hard, but you just go, okay, well, I want more who I am in God and who God is than what I want this thing. And I also, I'm quite pragmatic about it. I'm like, if I really don't want to put something down, I can see for me that it is good to put it down. It's not good that I have that attachment to it. Yeah, the more resistance you have to, to putting it down, the more you need to essentially use a really important thing. Gosh, I've been through that so many times. There's a trap door to that surrender. You think you've surrendered something? Oh, wait, no, I actually still have attachment to this thing. Oh, no. I was telling you, like, don't say, I hope God doesn't take such a such thing. No, I mean, it's not just, it's not really the problem, it's just the most innocent thing. But if you have something in your life that you really don't want God to take, that could or should be okay, God, right? Lucky if it's your demon statue. Sorry, too bad. But for me, I was really scared of what if you want to take my fitness habit because I love fitness. I love it so much. And it's a discipline. And I never, ever miss a workout. I'm just on it, right? I love going to the gym. I love working out in general. Spend a big part of my life for 28 years now, lifting weights. I was like, oh, no, what if fitness is an idol? What if he tells me to stop going to the gym? I would hate that. And I'm like, well, you know, God wants this to be healthy. We're not talking about tarot cards and whatever, right? But I recognize, well, I was like, I better make sure real quick that I don't have fitness as an idol and tear that down myself so that God doesn't have to tear it down. But I'm getting ahead of it. I tell you what he asked me to fast that I really was like super, super grumpy about because I don't mind fasting. I've fasted off an on-fears in fitness. So fasting in the lot is very different. If anyone out there is like what I was, or as like, I got it, I've been fasting off an on-fears. It's wildly different. The structure might be the same. The experience is one of the different. I mean, I'm in the middle of a three week one. Yeah, it is so different. Yeah. But then with the most recent fast, he told me to fast coffee because I would have many times fast food and I'll just have my black coffee. I'm like, I don't mind. I can go all year with just coffee. I'm just like coffee coffee, right? Like, I've said, I've definitely said out loud multiple times of these. I will never, you know, not drink coffee. So he told me to put coffee down. Oh, that's like so harder than food to me, psychologically. And also the actual physical impact of cold turkey putting coffee down. But it's another example where I was like so grumpy about it, but I wasn't even a question, you know. And then when I did, I recognized pretty quickly, well, look how just what is me you are because of not having coffee. Like, you're truly flatlining and feeling like, sorry, well, quite sorry for yourself, not a bit and finding it hard to really, you know, do the things that you need to do. And I just felt like he was saying, what, where's your dependency in the mornings? What do you, what do you delight in the mornings? I delight in my coffee in the mornings, I do. And I always make my coffee and read the Bible and I pray. But I really look forward to my coffee in the morning and I delight in it. And is he my first love in the morning or is it the coffee and then my argument of like coffee with God? So if he just highlighted that dependency and joy and satisfaction. And I noticed on that first morning as I was driving along, I was feeling almost like, what's even the point of the whole day, if I have an account, feel like so much dramatic. Right? Like the drama around the coffee. And I was like, wow, you know, like God really does my best. He's not telling me to fast coffee just to be a meanie. He sees that this is something that I don't even understand the dependency that I have that I would justify, you know, to eternity. But I'm obedient. So I won't justify and I'll be obedient. And I read the most amazing quote this morning. I don't remember exactly what it says. But it said something to the effect of it's not always a joy to do the things that God, like it doesn't always feel like joy to start to do what God instructs, but it's always joy after. And I thought that is so true. It's always joy after. But sometimes man, you're like, come on, just tell me to burn my entire closet of shoes before you take the coffee. I kind of really wanted to do that another. I already tried so many shoes with the brands. So beautiful. Yeah, they just on that note. That's how I actually started training my spiritual discernment was really listening and being in prayer meditation and asking God, what do you want me to do with my business now? Because I can't do, I know I can't do what I was doing before. I was teaching manifestation and witchcraft literally. Yeah. Yeah. The healing component maybe a little bit, but they even that has transformed in such a dramatic way, which is just so much more powerful and doesn't, doesn't drain me anymore. But the, you know, I didn't want to burn my business down. I didn't want to rebrand my podcast. I certainly didn't feel equipped already to start a membership, but that membership, I love it so much. And I, and just watching the Holy Spirit unleash in people's lives and me not really doing you know, I'm just there. I feel like I'm not doing anywhere near as much work as what I used to because it's, it's so much joy and love. Praise God for that space that he's given me. And for the beautiful people, like I love all of them. They're so incredible. And, but I didn't want to do it at the start. Yeah. I didn't want to do the membership. I didn't want to do the podcast, but I, those are the two things that I had so much resistance to doing and they're the two things that I love the most. Yeah, interesting. Yeah, he always knows, you know, and even if we come back to like sometimes a thing for are not happening like, okay, I thought if I surrender and I mean it and I pray and I you know, seek the Lord then such and such error my life should be sorted out by now. And you know, what am I missing and that kind of a thing? And then you just eventually get to the beat where you soften and you actually stop you know, concerning yourself with it and bit by bit you walk over that line to where you genuinely trust God and you might still look forward to or anticipate the promise arriving. But when it does or even before it does maybe and you're kind of like, wow, I really thought that you know, like I wouldn't still be in this situation or this thing would have been sorted out by this time. But now you just recognize like, man, I'm so glad that God has given me that space or I'm so glad like I'm so glad with the money stuff that he let me and he you know, was there with me to just go through the endless layers of the stripping off of self-sufficiency and being the one who has to you know, fight for it all and make it all keep working and doing a pretty good job of convincing myself that that's what I wanted to do. But just really restoring me and like I said, I don't think I'm done in that area or in any area, you know, the stripping office continual but some pretty big stuff to where I now I'm like, man, I mean, it just I would have missed out on so much if he would have just gone, okay, there you go, have your business rosary, I acted to millions God version in the first year or something, you know. And not just say that that couldn't happen again, it really just depends on the person and where God is leading them and building character and and you know, it also depends on to what degree they have made this thing an idol, I think, and to what degree they fully actually give over control of that, not just the desire side but the control side as well. So this is a lot better. Yeah, I'll also point out that those two things that I love the most make me little to to no money. Oh yeah, I totally get that. I mean, you know, I've done so many pay what you want courses. Yeah, I've made so much less money than what I have done in absolutely years but I have satisfaction and I also have the hopes of a teenager of God's ongoing provision as well as wealth, you know, and I believe that he is restoring financial wealth for the glory of the kingdom to me and to a lot of the women who are coach and not because a lot of us are carrying a wealth, um, anointing but you're not going to walk in, you know, you're not going to be manned to do something, you don't want to be manned to do something before you have the character for it and before you can stew it at 100% yeah, such an incredible night too. We'll finish up here because otherwise we'll hear for another three hours I'm social. Yeah, we can yeah, right? Yeah, God gave us the power to be able to speak and that we love doing it. Thank you so much for coming on. I know that this is just going to be so incredibly helpful for so many entrepreneurs because I speak with them. There's so many people that reach out to me and they're like, I'm curious. I'm seeing this wave of coaches yeah to Jesus and like what is all this about? And so I have these conversations in the DMs and if anyone is struggling with this sort of stuff feel free to DM me or cat like we're both our win boxes are always open. We'd love love talking about this stuff because it's a it's a journey that I believe that every single person on this planet is on whether they know it or not and the Holy Spirit is rallying people. He is doing a clean sweep of the coaching industry because we are we are the leaders we are the people helping people with their healing their business their personal development. I want to just say as a last little thing before I get you to prayers out cat if you're okay with that I love listening to your prayers but one of the biggest lies that I ever subscribe to in the world of personal development and business is that no one is coming to save you and it's a lie. Yeah she's so good. Yeah he already did you just got a surrender to it so would you can't a prayer out that would be amazing. Oh Lord I just thank you for this time together I thank you for your daughter Holly who you have anointed and appointed for this time to bring this podcast and to share your word through the voices of your sons and daughters through the voices of those you have called home and are calling home. Lord I thank you that we can just trust that every word that we spoke today goes out with you on it to the person for humans for anything that was not needed or is not relevant it just you know it doesn't even it just falls to the ground you just cause this to be a unique and perfect message to each person here so we thank you that that is the case Lord and I just say eyes open in the name of Jesus for those who are listening maybe feel you know curiosity but maybe also a tradition on certainty perhaps even resistance I just say eyes open to see the truth the power and the glory of who God wants to be to you and it's the freedom purpose alignment and right heart that he has to be you and I just encourage you if there's any pull any inclination to do so to just say God I'm willing to surrender show me how or you might say I want to be willing to surrender but I'm scared will you show me how or maybe you'd say something like God I want to know more but I don't I don't even you know where to start I don't know if I want to surrender but I do want to know more I want to understand this more so help me with that so I just thank you Lord that you give the right words for each person for where they're at I thank you that you do me to swear we are God and that you never leave or for the sake us and in the name of Jesus I just speak peace love freedom and a certain knowing that your father in heaven has a plan for you and that it is a good good plan it is a plan for you to have life and life abundantly not just in heaven beyond this earth but on this earth as well in Jesus so amen amen that was beautiful thank you so much thank you for having me I'm letting my rambles rambore I love them I love them I knew we would have some good good chats so I never know how to end podcast I'm just gonna press the stop button so