3 Hours of Horrifying Reddit Threads

Hey, what's up, guys? And welcome back to the channel and today we're getting into three hours of some horrifying write-a-threads and oh boy, do I have some disturbing unhinged insane and just downright Freaky write-a-threads free eyes today I don't know a better way to say it, but you'll see after this first one because this first one is just insane and Like I said freaky, but anyways, please stick around and make sure you also like the video And subscribe to the channel the channel subscriber goal is one million subscribers before the end of the year So please subscribe. 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Yeah, I mean make sure you sit back relax grab a drink and grab a snack And without further ado, let's get into three hours of some horrifying write-a-threads My girlfriend violated my trust while I was tied up and I'm having trouble getting over it my girlfriend 23 female and I 24 male have been together for nearly a year We sometimes do some freaky stuff and she once told me that she has a thing for smothering her partner I didn't like the idea especially because I nearly drowned as a kid which I told her about About two weeks ago. We were having intimacy and my hands and feet were tied down to the bed She suddenly hinged my nose shut and pushed her hand over my mouth I struggled as hard as I could and I made noise, but of course I couldn't speak I managed to get a few breaths out, but once she was tightly locked on I could not breathe at all It felt like a little over a minute when she finally let go for a few seconds I gasped for air and screamed out the safe word and said stop and kept saying no She caught me off guard because I expected her to stop, but she just ignored me and did it again It's very emotionally draining trying to recall this to be honest And I know that might seem stupid to some who would enjoy this, but in the moment it really was terrifying Anyways, the second time seemed longer and when she let go I actually tried to bite her hand when she put it near me Then she started pushing down on my throat and pinched my nose shut again She let go when she was finished and I was literally in tears I begged her to stop and said please stop and let me go She started to apologize and said she just got carried away and she's really sorry I didn't care I just wanted to be untied, but she didn't even do it right away She kept saying don't be mad at me okay Like she didn't want to entime me until she knew I wouldn't get angry When she released me, I went into another room and later on I went out for a little while to clear my head She's apologized even more since then and I forgave her But I can't get over her apology seeming insincere When I was begging her to stop and struggling for air, she was just laughing And then as soon as she uh Finished she was suddenly so sorry We have not been intimate since this incident and things feel strained I know the strain is all on my end because I'm the one that's upset about this If I could just get over it, we could go back to normal But I just don't trust her the same way I used to This was really stressful and embarrassing to rights, but I feel desperate to ask for advice Do you think these feelings will go away? I'd like to stay with her, but how can I get over this? Thanks And now let's get into some of the top comments one user says Yeah, I could never have intimacy with that woman again Full on deal breaker She completely ignored your safe word so she could finish and she made you feel unsafe and very scared Three times in a row and then didn't untie you right away when you were crying F know I'd be done. I don't think you should push these feelings aside What she did is a very big deal Um, that sort of freaky stuff is all about consent and she just demonstrated that she does not care about your consent If she finishes and someone replies and says agreed completely It would be different if she did it once and then stopped and apologized after the safe word In this case, she essentially assaulted OP because once the safe word was uttered That was a revoking of consent which was ignored It's hard to let go of the people we love, but sometimes It's necessary And another user says bro This doesn't sound right at all It sounds like she freaking tried to kill you The purpose of the safe word is to use it when you are uncomfortable Yet she physically made you number one not be able to breathe Number two not be able to even say the word and she laughed She doesn't sound right at all And someone replies and says the safe word is a revocation of consent Full stop anything done after is an assault And someone else replies and says you don't even need the safe word That's just an extra step to make it abundantly clear And someone else replies and says yes exactly This is clearly something that had not been consented to from the beginning OP had explicitly said that this exact act was not something That he was willing to participate in This was an assault from start to finish It doesn't matter that the safe word hadn't been said immediately There had not been any consent given The fact that continued to violate OP after his lack of consent Was made extremely clear Just makes this even more disgusting And someone else says first of all I'm glad you're alive This gave me so much anxiety to even read I can't imagine how scary that must have actually been As you already know this is a huge red flag Bigger than a red flag even Everyone always says this on this subreddit but Run You need to get out now before this gets worse And the OP actually replies this one and says thanks I felt like I may have been acting too dramatic at first And I wondered if I was overreacting So I appreciate people putting it into perspective for me I've been thinking about ending the relationship But I really loved her So it's hard to make the decision without trying to fix things first I just wish this never happened And then the OP comes back three days later With an update And let's get into it This reads Hey everyone First I just wanted to say thanks for all the responses in the last thread I haven't felt comfortable talking to anyone in person about this yet So it really meant a lot It made me feel a lot better just to know that other people understood Why I was feeling the way I do And to know I wasn't being over dramatic It was kind of amazing because Like an hour after posting the original thread I went to take a nap And when I woke up The thread had already reached its limits and had been locked And of course I couldn't respond But I did read probably all of the responses So I just wanted to say thanks Anyways I'm not living with my girlfriend at the moment I decided I need some time away Which I was already thinking about even before making the first post She was fairly understanding but she thought I was breaking up with her I told her no I just had to be alone for a while And she obviously knew why I'm still having trouble processing this whole situation Of course I'm extremely upset that this happened And I can't understand how she could do what she did But part of me still feels like giving her another chance And I'm having trouble talking myself out of it The thing is Even if I definitely wanted to do that I just don't know how things could ever be the same again I couldn't trust her the same way again Because I don't think I'll ever get over the terror of that moment Anyway At some point she'll probably get tired of me acting this way And we'll break it off herself I wish this never happened so much So I'm hoping that being alone for a little while will help me feel better And maybe it'll help me feel more confidence about just breaking up with her. Well anyway, I'm rambling, so I'll leave it at that. But that's what's going on right now. And now let's get into some of the top comments. One person says, "I'm glad you're apart at the moment." What you need to remember is that she turned the fact that you almost died as a child into an intimate interest for herself. At the expense of triggering your trauma and making you think you were about to die. She ignored your save word, which means she are worded you. I'm so sorry. She enjoyed making you fear for your life using a childhood trauma for her own pleasure. There is something seriously dark and disgusting inside of her. You are not safe with her, emotionally or physically. And someone replies and says, jumping on the top comment for visibility. OP, sometimes the desire to stay with someone who has hurt us is our way of minimizing the trauma. Or try to turn back the clock so we don't feel so terrible. Trauma bonding occurs because we unconsciously believe that the perpetrator is the one who can take away the pain we are feeling. The pain they caused, that if they show regret and understand what they did was terrible, then we can move on. Unfortunately, the specifics of your salt show a succession then repeat of chosen actions by this perpetrator. An accident is a one-time slip. This was so, so deliberate as well as, I strongly suspect, premeditation. Please research trauma bonding and seriously consider accessing online or telephone support lines for SA/domestic violence survivors. The trauma from this type of experience almost always has ongoing effects and can really derail a life plan. I understand that therapy is expensive, so hotlines can be a good resource. There are also many books which can help you process this. You are doing really well. Please continue to prioritize your health and safety, you deserve care, and protection. And someone else replies and says, "Exactly. This was not a brief moment of recognizing the safe word was said and stopping." Half a second to realize your partner wants it to stop is human. This was deliberately preventing the safe word, then deliberately ignoring it. And it's a salt. And most assuredly, was premeditated whether days, weeks, or only minutes ahead of time. She had to consider how to prevent the safe word being spoken and then resolve to ignore it when it was. She knew OP didn't want to do this at all. This is not a person who can ever be trusted nor fix this deep wound from betrayal. And then another commenter says, "But part of me still feels like giving her another chance and I'm having trouble talking myself out of it." OP, for your own safety, please talk to a counselor slash therapist before you seriously consider getting back together with her. You were having intimacy. She didn't action that caused you great discomfort. You said the safe word, retracting consent from the intimate activity. She ignored your retraction of consent and continued the activity that is our word. It is clear that she doesn't have any concern for your autonomy and will violate it for her own gratification. Please, for your safety, seek professional help. And another commenter says, "You should probably get some counseling. What she did was a huge betrayal of trust. Made you fear for your safety and made you fear her as a person." That's traumatic and seeing someone to help you work through those feelings would be hugely helpful. And it's often a lot easier to open up to a stranger than people you know. In all honesty, you should have called the police when she did that. Once she violated your previously agreed to limits and then ignored your safe word, she crossed the line from a consensual intimacy to SA and battery. At the very least, you need to tell her it's over and tell her she needs to stay out of the freaky world because she's unsafe. Anyone who loses control like that should never be allowed to restrain anyone ever again. If she goes to clubs or community events or anything, you might even want to consider reaching out to warn them what she's done and that she shouldn't be trusted. And the OP responds and says, "I was thinking about a counselor too. It's just hard to imagine talking to someone about this in person. I'm embarrassed even to do it here and it's anonymous. I don't know why I feel that way. But I think talking to a therapist might help me work through different feelings at least. So I probably will do that." Thanks. And someone replies and says, "She didn't lose control. She knew exactly what she was doing. She even laughed like a psychopath. She enjoyed making you scared and violating your boundaries. She is a dangerous person. Break up with her now before she does something worse. This is abuse and it's no way to live. Counseling will help you with this. You deserve so much better." And we have never received an update from the OP. So I wonder if the OP ended up breaking up with her or what happened and if he ended up seeking therapy or counseling or something. But I really hope he's doing better now. My stepdad is acting very creepy towards me. I'm 19. I feel like I'm losing my mind. So sorry if this is all over the place. My mom got married to this guy around a year ago. But they've been together for around two. He wasn't weird until he moved in. Or maybe I just didn't notice. It's been little things but it's just progressively gotten worse and I don't know what to do. I'll give some examples. One time I went shopping at Victoria's Secret and I put the bags in my room. I left again a meatyly after because I went to hang out with a friend. When I came back he asked me why I would buy such expensive underwear when I could just get a pack at Walmart or something. I figured maybe he saw the bags when I got home. Then said I mean blue. Really? The color of the underwear I bought. I was immediately disgusted and embarrassed. Not only does that mean he went through my stuff. He also went in my room for no reason. Is that a regular occurrence and he just so happened to see the bags that time? I feel like if you see a Victoria's Secret bag you already know what's in it. So why would you have to go through it? I told my mom and she said he's just being overprotective. Another example is that I have a boyfriend and I do go see him often. Every time I leave the house he'll say off to see that little boyfriend of yours again. He never says his name even though I know he knows it. Or don't get pregnant or I'll kick you out. He always says he's joking after but is that not an odd thing to say? There's a couple more examples but I don't want to make this post too long. Anyway what made me make this post is something that happened recently that makes me very uncomfortable and grossed out. Him and my mom went out on a date night so I asked my mom if I could invite my boyfriend over. She has never said no before and this time is no different. He overheard and said we both know why you want him over in an angry tone. My mom brushed him off and said yes so they left. My boyfriend came over and we were in my room. We were watching TV but at the end of the day he is my boyfriend so we started kissing. He crawled on top of me and that's when my stepdad barged in without knocking and started yelling at us. We didn't hear them come home. I'll admit it did look bad but why does he care so much about my intimate life? My mom knows and is fine with it as long as I'm safe. He said stuff like I can't have intimacy in his house. It's my mom's and just saying controlling things. My mom calmed him down but for the rest of the night he kept opening my door trying to catch us in the act so my boyfriend just went home. I feel like I'm entitled to my own space because I do partially pay for rent but even if I didn't, is his behavior still not weird? The easiest solution is to move out but that's just not possible right now. I only work part-time because of school. I just feel stuck. I could try talking to my mom again, but with more details. But I'm scared of her reaction. I don't want to feel like I'm making a big deal of things again. Literally, any advice would be appreciated. Thanks in advance. One user says none of those comments are okay. Ask your mom to spend time together, one on one, so that you've gotten open and safe environment. Document instances of this as in dates, times, and instances to give you a proven breakdown of evidence of his behavior. Someone else says, "Oh, he is definitely a red flag, OP." He clearly doesn't agree with your mom's parenting. He does come off creepy. Is there another family member you can stay with? Under the same arrangement as your mom? Or maybe look for a room to rent? And the OP responds and says, "I do have other family, but they live too far away. I've been looking for places but have been unsuccessful so far." Another user says, "I highly, highly recommend buying an indoor ring camera or any sort of indoor surveillance camera to stick somewhere in your room. This guy is a creep and he's a weirdo. He's more than likely going into your room or maybe he even has a camera of his own in there." And someone else says, "He 100% knows what he's doing. This isn't normal. You're not crazy. You're not being dramatic. You're not wrong to feel like something is wrong. Your mother needs to step up and pay attention. I try to get some time alone with your mother and just be honest. Just start out with the fact that you don't even want to talk about this and then it makes you very uncomfortable and stressed. And then tell her exactly what's been going on. All of it. Tell her you don't feel safe. Tell her you're afraid of how he'll react. In the meantime, I'd find a way to lock your bedroom door. I don't know if you can change the knob without them knowing and freaking out, but maybe you can get something online to wedge it locked or push something in front of the door to make it hard to get in. I don't know. He just freaks me out. The underwear thing in the comments about your boyfriend are extremely inappropriate. If he cared about you in a normal, fatherly way, he would have told you gently to be careful and be safe and that you can always come to him if you need anything. He did not do that. He loudly told you not to get pregnant in a joking manner. That is not a joke and it is a weird thing to say to a young girl. He also hasn't been with your mother near long enough to have earned the father role. It's tricky and it takes time. You can't, as an adult man, barge into a girl's life and expect her to immediately respect you as a father figure. You need to earn that and it takes years. But that is beside the point. Just a small part of the issue here anyways. I'm sorry. This was a lot. It really upsets me to read this because I remember being a 19 year old. Trying to figure out who I was, finishing up school and not knowing what I wanted to do with my life. Being essentially broke and completely reliant on my dad. It's not easy. I'm 28 now in my god. I don't think I'd ever go back and do that all again. Life is hard enough for a teenager without a creepy man living in your home saying and doing weird creepy stuff. To recap, you are not crazy. You didn't sound like you were trying to make them sound better or worse. Your post was very matter fact plus how you felt. You are not dramatic or wrong. He is wrong. He knows it. Your mother likely has already noticed and is either making an excuse in her head or possibly also thinking no way he isn't like that. So I think talking to her and being honest about it all is key right now. Try not to spend time alone with him. He seems unpredictable. I know it's an easier said than done situation, but just do your best. Think about a plan B and C like if your mom isn't receptive. Who are you going to go do next? I know it's stressful, but you just have it in your back pocket just in case. Maybe a teacher or your boyfriend's parents might be able to help as well. Anyways, talk to your mom ASAP. Keep him as far away as much as you can. Don't ever feel crazy or wrong. Trust your instincts. They are there to protect you. One thing I wish I learned years ago was to always trust your gut. Being safe is better than being sorry. I'll be thinking of you. If you feel up to it, keep us updated. Good luck OP. And then the OP responds and says, thank you so much for this. It really helped. And then the OP comes back four days later with an update and let's get into it. This reads, "Firstly, I want to thank everyone for the advice. Just to address some things I saw in the comments of my last post, yes, my actual dad is in my life and our relationship is great. I haven't slashed, can't move in with him because he lives too far away. I also never told him about this situation with my stepdad at that time because I'll know he do something he'd regret. My dad is a good man but has severe anger issues when people hurt me. He's been to jail over it in the past. He went to therapy and is way better now. But I didn't want any chance of messing up all of his progress. As for my boyfriend, I have stayed over at his place many times but moving in permanently isn't really possible because he has a roommate of his own. So I'm not sure why people were trying to shift some blame on him. He's not a bum. He's not leeching off of me. He's simply also 19 and starting out his life. As for moving out in general, you guys must have been very lucky to have been in a better position than me at my age. I can't simply move out on a whim. I only work part time trying to get more hours. Plus I go to school. I can't afford a place of my own plus tuition. The cost of living is just too high where I am. Being 19 doesn't make you on your feet. It's only my first year at a high school. Just needed to get that out of the way. As for the actual update, I'm afraid it's worse than what I thought. As soon as I saw the first comment about a potential hidden camera, it scared me so much so that I immediately bought one of those camera detector things. When it came, I waited until he wasn't home to try it out. I found three. One in front of my bed, one above it, and one on my dresser. They are scarily small, but I feel so dumb for not noticing. Couldn't describe the feeling I had when I found them. I threw up and my mom heard and ran to comfort me. When I got myself together, I told her everything. Every action that made me uncomfortable, every comment he said that felt weird. I showed her the cameras I found. Her face immediately dropped and she started crying. She just asked over and over why didn't I tell her sooner, and it just made me feel that much more awful. It was my fault that I didn't tell her. She apologized over and over again and said she failed me. We had a much needed conversation and afterwards, said that she just thought it was uncomfortable doing us because it's a new adjustment for all of us. She searched the rest of the house for me because I honestly couldn't deal with finding others. She found one in the bathroom, then searched his office, oh my god this is horrible. He always told us we weren't allowed in it because that's where his work stuff is and he doesn't want us to mess it up. I waited at the door while she searched, and in the drawers she found random stuff of mine and an old phone that we didn't know of. On the phone, there are pictures and videos from my social media accounts of me sleeping changing and oh my god. Me being intimate with my boyfriend all in my room. This is a nightmare. She also found a couple pairs of my underwear that I didn't even notice when missing. A couple of my hair ties and after that I went back to my room. I couldn't watch any more of that. I called my boyfriend to pick me up while my mom called the police because I just couldn't say in that house any longer. He held me and I cried for what felt like hours until I fell asleep. I woke up and called my mom and told me the rundown of what happened. I don't know all the details because I couldn't bear to hear much. Basically he came home to the cops and completed owned up to put in cameras in my room. His defense was that he needed to know everything that's going on in his house. As for my stuff in the pictures, he claims he doesn't know how I got there. He's arrested but that's all I know so far. I told my dad and he's driving down now. I have not been asked to make a statement yet. And I don't know how any of that works honestly. It's triggering to even think about. But yeah, there's the update to the people who sent me hateful and hurtful things and told me this was all in my head. I hope you never have kids. If you hate privately, you should be called out publicly. Even if you are troll accounts, it's still insanely effed up to say the things you did to everyone who gave me an actual genuine advice. I wish nothing but the best for you all and thanks again so much. If it weren't for you guys, I'd probably think I was still being dramatic. I most likely won't update again. I already want to move on from this situation. I'm sorry if this has jumbled. Everything is still so fresh. But writing it out is somehow helping me process it, I think. And then the op makes an edit to the post and says, stop calling me lucky because he didn't do worse. I don't feel lucky at all. Here are just a couple more examples since people didn't think the ones my other post were damn enough. And to also maybe help someone else in a similar situation, see signs. Number one, he would always need to know where I am and who I'm with. I find this weird because he's not my dad. I am an adult. And I would tell my mom, my mom telling him wasn't enough. He'd say no, I want to hear it from her mouth. Number two, he would often open my packages if I didn't get to them in time. Very annoying and weird. I ordered the camera detector when the arrival time was while he was at work. So I got lucky there. Number three, always commenting on my outfits would tell me unwanted advice. And that I looked like an escort. If I wore shorts slash skirts slash anything revealing. Number four, would always ask me about birth control slash using protection. Stuff like, are you on the pill? If not, that little effort, my boyfriend, better be wrapping it up. He'd say stuff like this at the most random times, too. Number five, would always try to use my mom against me. If we got into an argument, he would make himself seem like the victim always. My mom would always say to leave her out of it. Number six, he would sometimes groan or say, you again, very annoyed when I walked in a room. It was over exaggerated to the point where he could brush it off as a joke if he wanted, but I knew it wasn't a joke. Number seven, if I bought something and came home with bags, he wouldn't teargate me about what I bought. The VS bag is the only time I have hard proof that he went through my stuff. Number eight, he was super weird about my boyfriend. He would never say his name, just that little boyfriend of yours. If I want to go see him, he'd roll his eyes and say, again, or don't you spend too much time with him? Number nine, pushing me to call him dad, even though he never even comes close to having that title. And number 10 would never even knock before opening my door, even though I told him to repeatedly, that's all I can really think of right now. One user says, sweetie, whilst your mom's reaction upset you that she was also upset, hold on to the fact that she 100% believed you. She loves you and has your safety at the center of her world. Stay loved and safe. And someone else says, the fact that three separate cameras were found is absolutely sickening and frightening. I hope this guy gets punished to the fullest extent of the law. So sorry to hear you have to endure this. It's very disheartening and wretched knowing this crepe that he could be sneaky and get away doing something like this. And finally, someone else says, "Hi OP, I am a former domestic violence victim advocate and I've worked with women who have gone through similar incidents and worse. I'm so sorry this happened to you. You didn't deserve this at all. You handled it perfectly and I'm astounded by your strength. Please wrap yourself in support. You will get through this and come out stronger on the other side. Take care of yourself. Please. And we have never received another update from the OP. And man, I really hope the OP is doing better now because this is truly, truly terrifying. And I hope that the stepdad goes to jail for a long, long time. He is just such a monster. I mean, who knows what sort of content he has hidden away on his devices? I mean, the OP and the OP's mom could only see so much in the short amount of time they're looking and they already saw disgusting and horrible things that he captured. But having three cameras in her room is just horrible, so scary. And like I said, I hope this guy goes to jail for a long, long time and I hope the OP can, you know, get through this and hopefully get with therapists or something just to process this horrible situation. But God, what a nightmare scenario. And I hope the OP is doing better now. Is someone messing with us? Or are we crazy? I think someone may be accessing parts of our house, but we can't figure out how. What explanations are we missing? My husband and I have lived in our house for a little over a year. And since we moved in, I have occasionally had the feeling that someone else could be in the house with us. I know that sounds dramatic, which is why I've never really treated it as a fact. One of the biggest things has been our stairs. There are times when we hear cracking that genuinely sounds like someone walking up or down them. We never had actual evidence of anything though, so we've actually always chocked it up to the house making noise, until the last few days. Friday, August 14th, around midnight. My husband had been downstairs playing video games. He came upstairs to our bedroom to go to sleep. About 5 to 10 minutes after he came upstairs, we suddenly heard two extremely loud bangs downstairs. They were loud enough that we thought someone might be trying to kick in one of our doors. My husband searched the house and didn't find anyone. However, downstairs he found a cabinet open. My son's headphones and a container of brownies that had been inside the cabinet were now on the floor. They had been sitting in the cabinet all day. Nothing had happened to them previously. We called the police. They searched and didn't find anyone or evidence of forced entry. They also didn't find footprints around the doors. We have cameras covering the outside of the house and none of them recorded someone entering or leaving. Saturday, August 15th, unexplained lotion. We were gone essentially all day for an event. We left around 9 a.m. and returned around 5 p.m. That evening, I went into our bathroom to shower. We have a shelf on the shower wall where my husband's bar of soap sits. Sitting on top of his bar of soap was a bottle of baby lotion that I had previously used for tattoo after care. I didn't put it there. I asked my husband about it later and he insists he didn't either. The last time he'd shower it was Friday. When we showered together, I can also account for him between that shower and when we left Saturday, our young son can't reach that shelf. Our bedroom/bathroom is also kept locked when he's awake so we can't just wander into that bathroom. So we don't know how that lotion got there. Saturday night/sunday morning, the spoon situation. This is probably the strangest one. Saturday night my husband went out and bought me baskin robins. I ate almost all of it except for a couple bites of brownie at the bottom. I left the ice cream cup on the floor beside me, between my bottle of apple juice and my water. Exactly where I'd been eating it. The pink baskin robins spoon was inside the cup. The lid was also inside the cup. Earlier that day, we'd eaten that Wendy's. My husband had gone chilly, which came with a blue Wendy's spoon. That blue spoon was less inside the Wendy's bag on the floor. I went upstairs and went to sleep. My husband stayed downstairs playing games for a while, and then eventually came upstairs and went to bed. Sunday morning, my husband got up with our oldest son and let me sleep. When I eventually came downstairs, my ice cream cup was still sitting exactly where I had left it between my two drinks, except now the lid had been removed from inside the cup in place on top. The original pink faskin robin spoon was still in/with the cup, and the blue Wendy's spoon that had previously been inside the Wendy's bag was now also inside the ice cream cup. It looked like the remaining brownie may have been eaten/touched with it. My husband says he did not do this. Our son, theoretically, could pick things up downstairs, but this would mean he removed the lid, left the original spoon there, went to a different location and got another spoon out of a Wendy's bag, used that spoon, put both spoons neatly back with the cup, put the lid back on, and left the cup in exactly the same place between my drinks. There also wasn't chocolate all over him or the surrounding area, which would be more typical if he'd gotten into leftover ice cream/brownie. The attic. At this point, we checked our attic. There's enough physical space that a person could fit/move around up there, although it's unfinished, insulated, and extremely hot right now. We did not see an obvious sleeping area, belongings, food, bedding, etc. The attic entrance is also directly outside of a bedroom, which makes the idea of someone regularly entering/exiting it seem difficult without us noticing. We also have a crawl space, but our exterior cameras cover the outside of the home, so we're having trouble figuring out how someone could regularly enter and leave without appearing on camera. What we're doing now, rather than assuming someone is actually living in the house, I'm trying to objectively rule things out. Today, I photographed the attic hatch exactly as it currently sits. I lightly outlined its current position so I can tell if the panel shifts. I also attached very thin sewing thread at several points around the hatch as tamper indicators. The thread isn't securing or trapping anything. It'll simply show me if the hatch has removed. My husband doesn't know that I did this, so we can't accidentally influence the test. I'm also moving one of our cameras inside our bedroom tonight so we can rule out the possibility that either one of us is sleepwalking or getting up and doing things without remembering. We already have exterior cameras. I'm not claiming that someone is secretly living in our house. That's obviously one of the more extreme explanations. And I'd actually love for there to be a boring explanation for all of this. But the combination of the footsteps such creaking, we've heard since moving in, two extremely loud bangs, the open cabinet and items on the floor, immediately afterward, the lotion appearing on top of the shower soap, and especially the second spoon being moved from the Wendy's bag into my ice cream cup has gotten strange enough that we want to figure out what's exactly happening. Police have already checked the house after the banging incident and found no forced entry. What are we overlooking? Could something structural explain the footsteps slash banging? Are their access points and houses that homeowners commonly overlook? Is there a better way to determine whether the attic slash crawl space is being accessed? And are there any completely mundane explanations for the objects being moved that we have not considered? I'm open to boring explanations. I'm open to being told we're overlooking something obvious. I just want to approach this logically and figure out what is happening. One person says, "Your husband was the last one upstairs before both of the downstairs incidents, and the last one to use the shower before the unexplained lotion. Seems like he might be the comet denominator here. Could he possibly be doing this as a prank?" When you move the cameras inside, don't tell him about them or their locations. Another commenter says, "I honestly think it's probably a combination of your husband doing things and not admitting it, sleep deprivation, old house, and possibly vermin. If you can, stop leaving food, trash, and drinks on the floor or around the house. Keep foodstuff confined to dining areas if possible. No judgment here on cleanliness or anything. You've gotten an infant in a toddler for goodness sake. But some critters are surprisingly strong and mysterious. And they are almost all more difficult to get rid of than prevent." Another commenter says, "Since I'm the first to comment, let me first say, you're on a Reddit subreddit where people will try to convince you that someone is indeed living in your home. The reality is that it is extremely rare and jumping to that conclusion is something you should avoid, especially since your cameras and the police have found no evidence." How old are your kids? Sleep blocking is very common between ages of 4 and 12, so is sneaking around at night and not admitting it? How old is your house? Floorboards and stairs, it definitely creak, especially during temperature changes. Floors like mice can be much louder than you think, and can move spoons around. Finally, and most importantly, do you have carbon monoxide detectors? While we're at it, do either of you do recreational drugs or take meds? I live in a 100-year-old house with two now-adult kids. We raise two boys here. Nothing you mentioned would have raised an eyebrow in this house. And then the OP responds and says, "I'm really trying not to jump to the conclusion that someone is living in our home. Our kids are 3 and 2 months old. Our 3-year-olds door gets locked because he will jump into our bed and party LOL, so they aren't sneaking out. I'm not sure how older our house is, it's definitely older. I know the stairs creaking is probably from the house shifting, or like you said, the temperature. We don't have any mice I know that for sure. Even if it was a mouse, it wouldn't be able to take a spoon out of a bag, take the lid out of the cup, eat some brownie, and put the spoon in the cup with the other spoon I ate from, and put the lid neatly on the cup. And we do have carbon monoxide detectors, and it's not that. Even gave it new batteries, and nope, my husband is army, so we both cannot smoke at all. And we are both not on any medication." And most of the other comments basically say the same things, and like the OP just said, they refuted most of those theories, so what do you guys think? Because unfortunately, we have not received an update from the OP, so yeah, I'm really curious to hear what you guys think, so comment down below, and let me know what you guys think. I really have no idea what it could be, but it's very disturbing nonetheless, but I hope the OP and her family are doing better now. Husband, 34-Mail, got weird about physical affection from me, 36-female, and things escalated very badly. My 36-female husband, 34-male, married for two years and together for five all together, used to be very affectionate with each other, in a way that was playful, flirty, and warm. A couple of months ago, he decided I was too clingy, and that he wanted to be the one to initiate all physical contact from then on. I do not think I was/am clingy. I initiated hugs and kisses a few times a day, with a few other casual touches, like a hand on the shoulder, but was very far from touching him every second. I know he has also been coming to terms with some issues from a difficult childhood at that time. Not physical abuse, more emotional abandonment/alienation issues with his parents. So I wanted to give him space and not make this about me, especially as he promised to continue being regularly affectionate, and he has done so, maybe a bit less than before, but we still have some very affectionate touches, initiated by him, every day, and more intimate activities a couple of times a week. Used to be more like 3-4 times a week, but again, I know he is going through some stuff. A few days ago, I found out at work I had gotten a big promotion in bonus. When I got home, I was so excited that I threw my arms around him, thereby violating his rule that he needed to be the one to initiate contact. He immediately pushed me away and got extremely angry. It was not a intimate and hug at all. More like the kind you see sports team members give each other when they win a big game. I tried to apologize but he started yelling about how I am an abuser and traumatized him. He asked me to leave. I quickly packed a few things and went to a motel not wanting to escalate things further. I understand from his brother that after I left he tried to go to the police to press charges but they said that a quick hug from one's wife, even if not really wanted slag expected, was not the kind of thing they were going to prosecute. He is now threatening to call my employer to tell them I am an abuser who engages in intimate misconduct in my personal life. I am not asking for legal advice about that here. What I am asking is, honestly, would he be justified in telling my employer about what happened? I did not make a terrible mistake even if it wasn't malicious. I believe people are allowed to determine that they don't want others to initiate touch and should have bodily autonomy. Just because I wouldn't be traumatized over a hug doesn't mean he shouldn't be. I am willing to accept that he may very well divorce me over this and that I may lose other important friendships and family relationships. But should I also lose my job? My job is working with other adults in an office. Not vulnerable people. I don't and have never initiated physical contact with co-workers except an occasional handshake or accepting a high five. One user says, your husband is a literal danger to you. He's trying to send you to prison and ruin your life because of a mistaken hug. His mental issues have advanced to a point where it is no longer safe for you to be around him. Please consult an attorney. If your husband feels someone safe around you, do him the favor of removing yourself from his life. Also consider a restraining order on him since he is harassing you at work. And someone replies and says, it's sad, but you are correct. Husband has obviously gone beyond the point where he can maintain health relationship due to his issues. The fact that he turned to violent behavior, pushing slash screaming is especially concerning. Another user says, appropriate reaction. Stepping back insane, please remember to respect my physical boundaries. I'm happy for you, but I still need space. Massively insane overreaction. Everything your husband did warn your boss that your husband is unstable. He is having some kind of mental health crisis and you are the target. Talk to a lawyer. He's trying to ruin your life because you hugged your husband. He need a lawyer to protect yourself assets and job. You also need to consider if he's a physical danger to you. This is incredibly unhinged. Another user says, holy hell. All this over a hug. You didn't do anything wrong. It's fine for him to be upset to remind you of his boundaries, but cops and threatening your job. Way, way, way, way over the top. And the O.P. response and says, thank you. I really do get him being upset if this rule is what he needs right now. I would have hoped though that in seeing that I just made a thoughtless mistake in a moment of excitement and did not purposefully violate his boundary and consent, he would have firmly slashed sternly reminded me of it. And that would have been the end of it. This was the first time I've made this mistake since he made the request a couple of months ago. And someone replies and says, you did not make a terrible mistake and it sounds like he's nuts. Sorry, divorce him. And tell your job about this ASAP. And the O.P. My employer isn't the greatest in terms of sympathy for personal issues, but I can probably go to my boss and HR tomorrow and let them know that my husband is having a mental health crisis and making paranoid accusations. I hope they would not hold that against me, whether or not he ends up calling them as he threatened. And someone else says, I seriously think your husband needs a 30 day inpatient admission to focus on his recovery and healing. His actions and behaviors are irrational. And he sounds like he is a mental health crisis right now. Please try to get him some help and then I'm sure he won't be trying to call your employer anymore about you trying to hug him. And the O.P. response and says, I had a thought about that. That this is a sign of a large mental health crisis. His brother came to stay with him after the incident, so he isn't alone. I don't think I should go back to the house while you're still there. And unfortunately, can probably only help at a distance. And then the O.P. comes back a few days later with an update and let's get into it. This reads, so things came to a head. But not in the way I was expecting. My husband's brother, brother-in-law, continued to stay with him while I stayed at a hotel. After a couple of days, I got a call from brother-in-law asking me to come home so that we could all talk. He assured me I would be safe. Turns out, my husband has been having an affair with an intern at his company, 21 female, and is deeply in love and wants to be with her. He told brother-in-law this shortly after I left. He wanted to make me the bad guy, so first started with the no-touching rule. Figuring I would get fed up with it, or that eventually I would make a mistake, and he could use that to claim I was an abuser. That this is what happened, so that I would be the bad guy. It was also a way to reduce intimacy of all times with me while he was falling out of love with me, and in love with his affair partner. So, he made up this stuff about trauma flaring up and isn't actually having a psychotic break, although obviously has some level of mental problems to do something so cruel. For what it's worth, he did apologize, sort of, said he was just someone love with the other woman, and couldn't deal with hurting me directly by leaving me right away, so he came up with this plan, and just got a little too caught up in the character. When I gave him the mistaken hug with calling me an abuser, making a police report and threatening my job. We sat down and talked about everything with brother and lies mediator, and agreed to a cordial and quick divorce. Dividing assets 50/50, thankfully no pets or kids. I know I could probably make things harder for him under the circumstances, but I really want to move on as soon as possible and put this all behind me. I have a good job/good income, and don't need anything from him other than my freedom. ASAP. I appreciate everyone who commented, and all who sent me messages, apologies for not responding personally to everyone, but was a bit overwhelmed. Even though things went in an unexpected direction, it was so helpful to see that what was happening was not normal, and also help me to prepare for the truth when it came out. Thank you, and now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says, "While he would deserve you absolutely destroying him, he is proven he's an absolute lunatic, and is willing to destroy your life to get out of an uncomfortable conversation, so it's way safer for you to just cut your losses and get out as soon as you can. Save everything you can in terms of documentation, though, and see if you can get someone to get pictures of him with the AP before the divorce." Just in case he goes psycho again. And the OP responds and says, "Thank you. That is a good idea. I will talk to my lawyer about the best way to document everything in case there's ever any question about the truth." And someone else says, "What a effing loser." "Wait and see, once this 21-year-old knows that you're out of the picture permanently, she'll probably dump them, lol, and it'll be well deserved." And the OP responds and says, "Yes, because she may be in love now, but pretty soon I think she's going to realize that she's won the grand prize of a man who A) cheats with someone at work no less, and B) who will make up horrible lies to avoid taking accountability for his choices. What a gem." And someone else says, "Dude, you are a better person than me. If my husband did this to me, I would want to hurt him. If he would have been honest about the affair from the get go, then I'd take your stance." But the elaborate ruse that he concocted, "No, he was trying to ruin you for his faults. He is the biggest POS ever. I wish horrible things on him. I'm so sorry for the mess you're in, and I hope you can find true happiness soon." and the OP responds and says, "Thanks, I'm not saying it's all 100% okay by any means and that all is forgiven, definitely have a lot of hurt/anger to process, especially since he did something so awful that could have resulted in criminal record or at least losing my job, but in the end he has to live with himself and I can go on to better things/people. I think the best revenge will be if, in the future, I hardly think of him at all, except as a joke/punchline/insignificant footnote to my 30s. And oh my god, that guy is just a psychopath and he really, oh my god, he's just such a piece of trash, but I hope the OP was able to divorce this guy quickly, we never received another update so I assume everything went well, but man, that OP's ex-husband is such a piece of trash. My 21 male girlfriend, 20 female, has a creepy box above the wardrobe. We have been together for just over a year and we have never had any issues apart from minor arguments that were easily resolved. Up until recently, I have never noticed anything strange about her behavior. A few days ago, she left her room at uni to go to a lecture in the morning and left me in there. Up until that day, I had never looked through her things as I've never felt the need to. She has this space above the wardrobe where she keeps boxes and stuff and I couldn't see inside them. The boredom got the better of me and I wanted to see what she was storing, so I found a box at the back which was like a tent, baker, cardboard box that a handbag had come in or something. And when I opened it, I found so many random things that I used to own. There were odd socks in there that she had taken, a toothbrush that I thought I had lost after a holiday, bits of hair from presumably my comb, toenail clippings, receipts that I assume she stole from my wallet, she even asked things like empty wrappers of food that were mine. There was a piece of glass in there, but I don't know where that is from. A USB phone charger, a half-used bar of soap, boxer shorts, used gum, a spoon, used plasters from God knows when, honestly the things in the box were so random, but I recognized a lot of little bits that I got missing over the past year. The most worrying thing was a used contraceptive I found in there. I don't even know how she managed to keep that. And a few empty contraceptive wrappers as well. I even found a little tablet in there that looked a lot like my antibiotics that I took from my tonsils before Christmas and I definitely remember losing one of my last dosages. I can't remember what else because I just put it back and left. She doesn't know I found it yet, my girlfriend behaves normally and this is the first time I've seen anything weird. She has never acted obsessively or creepy or anything. I don't want to confront her about it because she will know I was looking through her things. But then again, what else am I supposed to do? I love her so much but I am genuinely scared. I've been sat here trying so hard to come up with logical explanations as to why she is doing this. Any ideas? Update the other boxes just had her clothes in or were empty. But now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says it sounds like the female version of the stalker character in the show you on Netflix. He had used tampons, phone, teeth I think. Are you trolling? And the OP comes back and says, "I haven't seen it. She isn't stalking me. We spend all of our time together and always have." She would have no reason to stalk me. And then the commenter comes back and says, "Spoiler alert. She thought the same thing until he murdered her. If you're being serious and she has all that stuff, you just can't leave it alone." And another commenter says, "Was it by any chance a lecture in cellular biology and genomics?" She's trying to clone you and make GMO babies. Check her online searches, see if she researched eugenics and artificial placentas. And the OP responds and says, "Her degree in bio technology, ha ha." And the person comes back and comments and replies to the OP and says, "Homegirl is definitely gene splicing. You're a specimen of interest with a desirable pheno-typical feature. She's like F this dating BS, I'm gonna engineer my own man." And then the OP comes back two days later with an update and let's get into it. This reads, "My girlfriend is currently in the bath and I took this opportunity to take another look at the box. She has been completely normal and unsuspecting that I know about. A lot of people ask to see the contents of the box, so here it is. And unfortunately, the link no longer works. And the OP continues and says, "After reading the advice comments, I'm torn. I don't believe that my girlfriend would hurt me, but I don't know how to approach her with this odd behavior. I feel sick and afraid when I think about the box, but then I think of her cute face and I can't bring myself to confront her about it. I'm trying so hard to think of normal, rational explanations to tell myself this isn't weird. One person says, "Why are there three phones in the box? Whose phones are they? What happened to the owners?" And the OP says, "I don't know about two of them. The smashed iPod is my first generation iPod touch that I hadn't a box somewhere, didn't even notice it was gone." Another user says, "Also, that looks a lot like more than one dosage of medication." And the OP responds and says, "There was a single loose antibiotic that you can't see in the image. No idea where the other medication is from. Just like contraception, but she isn't on the pill as far as I'm aware." And the commenter comes back and replies to the OP and says, "Yup, had a quick Google and it is most definitely a contraceptive pill. But they don't look used, which makes this even stranger. And more pills, which can be used for a lot of different things, so you can say not everything in the box is yours." And the commenter says, "To me, it looks like a box of souvenirs. A normal souvenir is a greeting card, or maybe a found coin, a used Q-tip, or anything with bodily fluids taken without permission or agreement, that's abnormal. Worst case scenario, mental illness, and gone girl-esque plans to potentially frame/trap you if you leave. S case scenario, mental illness, and a problem with obsession and stalking behavior." Another commenter says, "The fact that the contraceptive, hair, and Q-tip are in wrappers, shows that she took time with these things, not just compulsively grabbing things of yours and stashing them away. If everything in that box is related to you, then you need to find out what those mystery phones have to do with you. I bet there is a video of you to effing or something, or some other stashed digital keepsakes." And someone replies and says, "The baggies are a red flag for me. She was very deliberate." And someone else replies and says, "Yeah. Someone else said that is a great kit for framing for a nice array of crimes." And another user says, "If I see an update post saying it turns out to be nothing, I'm going to assume it's something in that she has taken over your account." And someone replies and says, "Indeed, that's some sort of mental illness if I've ever seen one, and not one of the harmless ones." And then the OP comes back later that day, with an update, and lets get into it. This reads, "Thank you all for the advice, I really appreciate it. My friend recommended I post on here, and it really has helped. I told my girlfriend that I found the box, and she didn't seem bothered in the slightest that I found it. She is quite sensitive, so I expected tears, but got none. She kind of brushed it off like it wasn't a big deal at all. I told her that the gross stuff was unacceptable, and that she was wrong to take my harker pens that belonged to my granddad. She said that she had the intention of returning them to me. It was the best case scenario, compared to the other possible explanations. She said that she was keeping them because they made her feel close to me. I guess that I can understand that or at least try to because I love her. She said she will dispose of the things in the box. I am quite satisfied with that. We have agreed that in future she will keep things like movie tickets from a date. Things that are normal. She said that she kept the contraceptive and rapper because she thinks that she might be pregnant because she is late. She said that if the contraceptive didn't work and she is pregnant that she wanted to keep it as a memorabilia of when it happened. She said that she can see that it was strange now but at the time she wanted to keep it and didn't mean any harm. Thank you all for the concern messages. We have talked and worked through this and are excited at the possibility of a pregnancy. One user says, "Nobro, don't tell me you buy this story." She had a damn box filled with your hair and toenail clippings? WTF? Run while you can. And then someone replies and says, "For her to be normally emotional but suddenly not, that sounds like a true sociopath. Man, listen." And someone else replies and says, "Yup, it's scary how it plays out. Normally emotional woman suddenly calm and collected talking about weird stuff. She let in a creepy box." And someone else says, "She must be really effing hot if she was able to talk away a box of nail clippings, a used contraceptive, a used Q-tip, rappers, random phones, broken devices, grandpa's memorabilia. Man, you're going to think back to this moment in 10 years and actually slap yourself because the cringe is just too much." And someone else says, "Wait, how could she go back and get the contraceptive to save when she was late? Wouldn't have been thrown away by then? Opie, you are in danger." And someone replies and says, "This, the average time to realize your pregnant is approximately two to three weeks if I'm not mistaken. Think about that. I don't know a single person that keeps a contraceptive for this long, other than your batshit crazy girlfriend. And unfortunately, we have never received an update from the Opie. So hopefully everything worked out because that is very, very concerning, obviously. And even one person comments and says, "Oh, he dead." And some replies and says, "Dead, dead." And yeah, what do you guys think about this? Do you think this girlfriend was just keeping weird, honest keepsakes? Like, she actually found some sort of emotional value and his toenail clippings and hair and that sort of stuff. And she just didn't realize it was so weird or is she a psychopath and is the Opie now dead? But I'm curious to hear what you guys think. I moved into my boyfriend's house and I have been able to sleep well for three weeks because he doesn't let me. I had a breakdown last night and broke a lamp. I'm going to stay in a hotel tonight. Am I the asshole? I moved into my boyfriend's house. He owns three weeks ago. And it's been really hard. We have been fighting a lot. Many of our fights are because he doesn't let me sleep. I work 95, so I have to wake up at 8-ish. He works whenever he wants to, so he doesn't have a set sleep schedule. I used to go to sleep at 11 or 11.30 pm prior to living with him. I compromised to 12 to 12.30 am. But there are nights he goes to bed at 4 am, 5 am, 6 am, 7 am. There is a master bedroom and a guest bedroom. I was sleeping in the master and he would go in and out, disrupting me, so I've yelled at him. He tells me, "Give me 10 minutes on all being bed." Hours go by and he is still not in bed and making noises in the kitchen or living room. He told me you can go to sleep without me. There is a lot of noise when he comes into the master and he says that's where all his things are, so there he needs to go in and out. I tried sleeping in the guest room, does not have a lock, but when I do so, he comes into there and disrupts my sleep instead of just going into the master. I've only been getting 5 to 6.5 hours of sleep for weeks now. Very broken. Yesterday evening, I told him I have a doctor's appointment at 8 am before work, so I have to be up and ready at 6.30. I get ready for bed at 10 pm in the guest room, and was watching TV on my computer with a plan to go to sleep at 11 pm. I put a note on the door saying, "I have to be up early. Please be considerate." I fell asleep at 11.30 with my eye mask on, fan on for white noise, always use this, sleep podcast, and he came in three times while I was sleeping and woke me up. He was drunk, turned on the light, pulled up my eye mask. I begged him every time to let me go to sleep because I have to be awake early. Then he started making a lot of noise in the hallway, saying he was having 8 escorts over, making intimate noises in the bedroom. I told him, "I'm leaving. I just want to sleep. Why don't you just let me sleep?" I was on my hands and knees on the floor crying, and he said, "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I was just playing. I'm a jerk. I told him I need to go get some sleep and my plan was to just sleep in my car. It was now 1 in the morning. I left, and he's calling me, telling me he is sorry, and he's in bed. Can I come back and we can go to sleep? I come back and he is not in bed. He is in the basement, getting laundry. I said I want to go back to sleep. I tried to sleep again and he then comes in and starts cuddling me, telling me he loves me and he's sorry. I asked him to come to my appointment with me tomorrow, and he agrees. I said I have to go to the bathroom. I go pee, and when I come out, he is in the bathroom. 10 minutes go by and he's still in there. I start screaming at him to come. He says he's peeing. Then I go and open the door, and he closes it before I can get in. He tells me he's taking at night quill. I just freaked out. I go into the bedroom and pull off everything on the dresser onto the floor. I then turn over the lamp nightstands, ended up breaking one. He pushes me onto the bed and there is a necklace that he said he can't find. He is freaking out and I'm scared so I tell him I'll help him find it. We find it. It's past 2am now and we go to sleep in the guest room. He is on my side so I just go into the master and sleep there until my alarm goes off. I wake him up and he starts getting ready and he notices his front veneer is gone. It was there last night. He accuses me of taking it. I said I didn't. I tried to help him but I have to go to my doctors appointment so I say let's go and I'll help him find it afterwards. He says he wants to find it so he stays. On the way there he texts me. You don't care about me. Get out and leave me alone. You were one of the most selfish individuals I've met. I don't respond. Then he calls me saying he found it. I go to my appointment, get back home and I have to work at 9 to 5.30 pm today. I WFH, he is sleeping as I type this. I'm going to get a hotel tonight and look into moving out this weekend. I feel horrible for throwing stuff on his dresser on the floor but I can't take this constant lack of sleep. Am I the asshole? One user says he's in mature and reacting poorly to moving in. How old are you to and how long have you been dating? And the OP response and says I am 32 and he is 35. We have been dating since February 2024. Another commenter says WTF did I just read? Did you never sleep at his house before moving in? Are you all on drugs? This is very dysfunctional. Leave. And the OP response and says he just bought this house a month ago. I slept at his apartment before I moved in. If he didn't let me sleep, I would leave and go to my own apartment. It wasn't to this degree. If I had to work, he would come to bed by 1 am to 2 am the latest. I don't have my own apartment anymore. He uses increased amounts of alcohol to sleep. Not sure about other things. I drink socially a few times per month and I don't use any other drugs. And someone else says this dude is a psychopath. And someone says that this all sounds like a crystal head. And another user says, "Get the F out and be prepared for some wild love bombing trying to get you back." You've tried to set perfectly reasonable boundaries, and he repeatedly ignores them. The man needs professional help, and you can't be that. Have a friend or relative help you pack. Don't be alone with him. Block all calls/texts. And then the OP comes back, with an update a few hours later on the same post, and it reads as follows. Thank you to everyone for the responses and for opening my eyes to the reality of my situation. I feel as though I've been in a days, doubting myself and questioning my own sanity. Absolutely do not recommend not sleeping. I logged off work early saying I wasn't feeling well. I checked into hotel, not the closest one because I think he may look for my car there first. Going to sleep now. And then the OP comes back with a second update, the next day, and it reads as follows. The OP starts this by saying context. This is a different relationship than my last posts. I started dating this guy in February of 2024. He actually proposed me at the end of May 2024 after a few months of dating with a stunning engagement ring. I said I wasn't sure because it was so soon. Wart for a day and gave it back. I said I wanted us to know each other better, and lived together before that step. I accepted a contract, start up position in July with my job, halfway across the country, and was gone for weeks at a time. He asked me to move into his apartment before I accepted that position, but I told him I wanted to see it through. I would come back for one to two weeks at a time, and we would stay together. He always stayed up later than me until 1 to 2 am. But he would put headphones in, turn off lights, be quiet, slash respectful when I was sleeping. It was only after I moved into his house, mid-November, that things started to escalate to me. He told me he wanted to put me on the deed of the house, however, I declined. There is a safe in the house where he keeps cash, probably drugs too, maybe a gun. He was quite dodgy about answering this. He asked me if I wanted the code. I said no, I didn't want to be accused if ever anything was missing. The red flags were there, and my intuition was trying to warn me. I should have listened to it sooner. But I slept for 11 hours, yay. My parents live 5 hours away. I was planning to see them Christmas Eve, I called and told them everything, staying with a friend tonight. My dad offered to pick me up tomorrow, and I'll be there for a few weeks at least. I will be breaking up with my boyfriend, but I want to be a few states away before I tell them. If he shows up at my parents' home, we're going to call the police. My dad and my brother said they'll come back with me later on to get the rest of my belongings. I don't know if I even want to go back there to get them. I just know I can't do it right now. Thank you all. And then now let's get into some of the top comments. One person says, "You are an example of what woman should do in these types of situations/relationships. This guy was trying to break you so you'd do whatever he wanted. Too many women allow it to happen though these signs are glaring. My only complaint about your post is why on earth you pose it here. Do you really think you're the asshole in this scenario?" And the OP responds and says, "I did. I felt like the asshole at the time of this post. I have never had a situation where I barged into the bathroom when I knew someone is in there, screamed and yelled at them while banging on the door, tossed someone's belongings off their dresser, broke lamps and damaged someone else's property, and their house nonetheless. I have never been violent before. I know I said most nights over the past three weeks I was sleeping five to six and a half hours and that's true. I had realistically slept max four hours the night before I posted this. I am someone that needs eight to nine hours of sleep. Maybe that's what makes me the asshole. But you know what? I'm okay with that." And then the OP comes back the next day with a third update and it reads as follows. I broke up with my ex and he's been calling me leaving voice messages. He accused me of coming to his home the day after Christmas, sleeping in his bed until 2pm, stealing $10,000 as well as a green bag. I have never stolen from him and I was hours away in a different state. He is adamant I was there. He has a ring camera, which would show that I wasn't there. I went to a museum with my family, went out to dinner with friends. I have eight people who can verify I was with them. Voice messages of him saying he had thought about committing S word on Christmas because I am a selfish person and left him alone. Voice messages of him saying good luck finding your clothes. Voice messages of him accusing me of cheating on him. I have friends who told me that he has been saying I am a escort because I stay at a hotel. I still have not gone back to get my stuff. I want my things but I don't even know what's left. The thought I've seen him again makes me feel like I can't breathe. I want him to leave me alone. I have thought about getting a restraining order but I'm afraid it's going to be denied because he has more money and resources than me. And this is the last we have ever heard from the OP and I really hope the OP is doing better now because this is a terrifying situation and that guy sounds unhinged. And before we get into this next one, if you're enjoying today's video, please consider heading over to my Patreon and subscribing for just $5 a month and you get next week's videos today. Every single video I release early access and I'd love to see you over there and yeah, anyways, onto the next one. I'm worried my husband's sister might have been trying to hurt or even kill me. Three days ago, my husband and I went to his parents' house to visit for the weekend. His sister is a college student and was home for the summer as well so we got to see her too. Since they have a lakefront property and the weather was very nice, a lot of our time was spent at the lake this weekend and some very weird things happened. For some background, I've always gone kind of an off vibe for my husband's younger sister. When we were dating, it seemed like she would use any excuse in the world to avoid me. And when we did interact, I sensed some hostile undertones pretty much every single time. I brushed it off as just me maybe not clicking with her or misinterpreting her. Still, when we got married last year, I included her as one of my bridesmaids. And low-key, she was a huge pain in the ass for that entire experience. My other bridesmaids told me, she made snide comments to them that made them quite uncomfortable. Was Huffy during the bridal shower and wedding rehearsal? She weird faces at the decorations and pulled weird faces when she ate the cake too. I still brushed it off as maybe just her personality and left it at that. At the lake though, a number of events occurred that kind of unsettled me. On the day we arrived, my husband's sister had invited a number of her own friends from college over and the group of us spent some time together in the water. At one point, we all decided to have a big chicken fight and at first it was quite fun and light-hearted. Then a bunch of people, including my husband, broke away to do their own thing and his sister turned to me and said, let's do another round with her other two friends left in the lake and asked to get on my shoulders. I said sure, knelt down under the water to let her up, but instead of getting on my shoulders properly, she got on top of my head and wouldn't budge at all when I tried to move her. I couldn't get her off of me or even get my head up to breathe for what felt like a long time. My head was being squeezed between her thighs and I was seriously panicking by the time I managed to dislodge her and bring my head up to the surface. What's weird about it was that the other two weren't even paying attention to any of this or even participating in the attempted chicken fight at all. My husband's sister didn't say anything to me when I came up to the surface. Just kinda gave me this weird snort chuckle and got out of the water. I was noticeably shaken and tried to catch my breath, but I assumed maybe this was just some sort of accident? So I tried to act fine and didn't say anything. My husband's parents. Parents have a see-do that they let those of us with a boating license use. I don't have a boating license, so it was mostly just me riding behind my husband with him at the wheel. My husband's sister offered me a ride though, and I didn't want to say no, thinking maybe this was a chance to bond with her. So I agreed to it. I told her this see-do still made me quite nervous though, so take it easy if she could. She definitely did not take it easy. She took any and every opportunity she could to jump the see-do off the wakes of the votes that passed a spy, was doing sharp turns at high speeds like crazy, and I found myself having to cling to her for dear life throughout the ride. There were points where we both nearly fell off the see-do with how wildly she was driving it. Again though, I didn't say anything about it's enacted fine because I thought maybe she didn't realize how fast and crazy she was going. Later my husband's dad yelled at her for attempting to splash my husband with the see-do while he was in the water. Their dad told her it was dangerous to try and ride close to people in the water like that because she could have run him over. After about an hour or so, it was just me in the water with my husband's sister on the see-do and she drove that thing within a couple of feet of me just to turn it and splash me with the water. Way closer than she ever got to my husband when she would do it to him. I laughed it off again because I was freaked out. That brings us to yesterday at dinner. As everyone in the family has been made acutely aware of by my husband, I have a serious dairy allergy. To the point where ingesting even a little bit of it can risk causing anaphylaxis. My husband's sister contributed a big pot of tomato rice and told me there was no dairy in it so I could have some. I trusted her and helped myself to a portion of it, but shortly after eating it I had to excuse myself because I started to feel extremely ill and wound up spending the rest of my night puking my brains out. I felt super faint and it took a lot of effort to breathe. Thankfully I had my ebby pen if things got bad enough but still the whole experience was just awful. The explanation I got later was that my husband's sister finished the tomato rice with butter to make it creamier and then forgot she put it in there before serving it to me. Sometimes again it could be an innocent mistake, but given the combination of everything that happened this past weekend I'm starting to feel suspicious that it's more than just that at this point. I don't know if I'm overreacting or just being a paranoid mess because this is a huge accusation. But I can't help but feel that suspicion that maybe my husband's sister genuinely meant to hurt me. I feel like I'm effing crazy and now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says, "Stop trusting her and laughing this stuff off. Tell your husband about everything she has done and stay the F away from her psycho-ass. If she does anything else, start calling her out loudly." Another user says, "Stop being nice to her. She hates you." The next time she tries to pull some stuff like this, turn around and ask her, "What the F is wrong with you?" Your husband also needs to pull his head out and tell his sister to knock it off. Avoid her in places where she might be. If you have to be in her company, just avoid her. Walk away if she comes up to you. Don't engage and for F's sake, do not go anywhere alone with her. That someone responds and says, "I almost can't understand how OP didn't say that. My sister jokingly slammed my ankle with a shopping cart and that pissed me off so bad because it hurt that I had to walk away before completely cussing around the middle of the store." But not before a, "What the F sister? Never mind someone literally trying to drown me." And the OP responds and says, "I wasn't having the easiest time saying anything at all. By the time I'd caught my breath, my husband's sister was already out of the lake and I didn't quite know if I even had a right to be mad. Accidents happen. I thought maybe she'd been sitting on me wondering why I wasn't lifting her up already. I didn't have that same level of familiarity with her as I would with an actual sister. If I'd have called her out, it would have been more of an issue if that makes sense." It all happened so fast. In hindsight, I recognize now that I absolutely should have said something to somebody about it, but yeah. And someone else says, "Stop giving her the benefit of the doubt. You gave her like three more chances to kill you after she almost drowned you." And someone else says, "Info, did you even get an apology from the sister about the butter in the rice? What was your husband's take on it? He needs to stop laughing at every time she tries to kill you. Reading this was like watching a horror movie where you're the character that gets killed off in the first scene. We are all rooting for you. Time for you to fight back. You could even have a one-to-one conversation with her and record it on your phone. You could say something like, "I wanted to talk to you about something that happened recently." I felt hurt by what occurred and was wondering if there was any intention behind it or if there might be a misunderstanding. This approach opens up the conversation without being confrontational. And the OP response and says, "Yes, I did get an apology from her about the rice. My husband was pissed at her about it and went off on her about being so careless. But he seems to think it was just a really dumb accident on her part. I'm going to tell him about the other incidents though." And then the OP comes back three days later with an update and let's get into it. It reads, "First off, I'd like to extend my most sincere gratitude to the redditors who took the time out of their day to give me advice. I wasn't expecting so many people to come to my support and confirm I wasn't being crazy or overreacting. I definitely needed to hear it. And in retrospect, I think this whole situation was really the wake-up call I needed to be more assertive and confident in my assessment of situations. A book I noticed a lot of redditors recommended to me was Gavin Daybecker's The Gift of Fear. So I gave it a look and have now begun reading it. So far, I found it really insightful. Thanks for the recommendation. Anyways, here's what's happened since my last post. So I did end up talking to my husband about his sister's behavior toward me last weekend. I was planning on sitting him down and just point blank raising my concerns about her. But her name came up organically in conversation so I ended up using it as a springboard for telling him about last weekend's incidents. As I went through each sketchy incident I had with her, my husband believed me and was angry on my behalf about what happened. He also supports my wishes to keep more of a distance from her going forward. He told me to let him know if she ever pulls anything up like the incidents in the water slash, see to again, the dairy thing he still believes to be a genuine accident, apparently she was in tears over how badly she felt about that. Apparently my sister-in-law's behaviors last weekend weren't 100% out of character for her. After telling my husband about my incidents with her, he explained to me that she's had a history of crossing lines and testing the limits of people's boundaries like this. I'll believe never this egregiously. Until college, she struggled making and keeping friends due to constantly crossing peers boundaries. My husband even had to come to her aid in grade school due to her pissing off the wrong people who were ready to beat her ass. He thought she'd gotten better in recent years, which is why he was so taken aback when I told him about these stuff she did last weekend. Apparently she's been in therapy for a very long time now to treat some mental health and behavioral issues. My husband was/is pissed at her for what she did to me, but he genuinely doesn't think her intentions were to "kill" or "mame" me. Just to test my limits and haze me. I'll bleed extremely recklessly. I'm inclined to agree with him, but my guard is still up in case it's anything more than that. His theory is that because I'm quite shy, she figured I was less likely to put my foot down with her, and that's why she did stuff to F with me in particular. It's not anything I did or said. So going forward, I'm going to try to keep brief any interaction I have with her at future family events and stuff. I'll still be back. polite of course, but no way am I going to be alone with her anymore. And my husband says he's on board with this arrangement, and will intervene if necessary to make sure it stays. It sucks to realize I'm probably never going to have a good relationship with my sister in law, like I'd hoped I've never had siblings before, so I was excited by the idea of having someone accept me as a sister and having that sort of a relationship. Well, I get along with the rest of his family, and I have enough kick-ass friends in my life who are like the sisters to me in their own way. One user says, "Glattie's got your back, but I mean, she did try to drown you, so don't know why he thought she didn't try to kill too, but okay, it does suck, you won't have that relationship with her, but at least you know it isn't anything you've said or done." She clearly has unresolved issues. What happens in the future when you have children? Do you leave kids at in-laws while she's around without you being present? Just make sure you clear all this now with your husband before you have kids. And then the OP responds and says, "My husband thinks she wasn't trying to drown me. Just rough house." I am 50/50 on that one to be honest. And my guard will remain perpetually up with her in any future interactions. Neither my husband or I want kids, so that's a non-issue as far as I am concerned. And another user says, "I'm so glad your husband believed you right away, and that he's got your back from now on. I don't know why, but I find your sister-in-law's behavior scary makes me curious what her mental health and her behavioral issues are. Please stay vigilant with her, even if she tries to make up and win your trust back. Also, it's okay to let people go. Not all relationships are worth it, even within families. Please do whatever you need to keep yourself safe. Take care." And the OP responds and says, "I'll preface this response by saying I don't judge anybody for going through mental health issues. I have plenty myself. And I don't want to further the stigmatization against my sister-in-law's disorders when I mention them. From what I remember my husband telling me, she had some sort of conduct disorder as a kid, then got diagnosed with bipolar disorder and ADHD. It's possible she has autism as well, which would make sense considering a lot of her family members, including my husband, have it, and so do I." None of these disorders excuse her behavior, and I don't want anyone walking away thinking these disorders inherently make people behave the way my husband's sister does. And someone else says, "There's no goddamn way this woman, after forcing her underwater, taking her on intentionally dangerous sedu ride, and coming too close to her with the sedu, was not only very aware of the butter in the rice, but absolutely put it there intentionally. Crocodile tears mean nothing. OP needs to stay the F away from her sister-in-law, or she's going to be hospitalized, or worse." And someone responds and says, "This 100%, I had to Google 'C-Do' when it's a bloody Jutsky. People have died by getting ridden into, or been grievously injured. No wonder Father-in-law had a go at sister-in-law. What if the family is going to do when sister-in-law does injure or kill someone? Every incident they let go gets her one step closer to an irrevocable incident. Then there's the allergen issue. I wish OP a long and happy life. No contact with sister-in-law. I usually think people read too much into things I can be explained, but this one creeps. And we have also never received another update from the OP, so I hope the OP was able to keep her distance from this deranged sister-in-law. Roommate cut my hair without my consent, ended up doing something horrible to herself, and threatening to call the police on me. This just happened maybe five minutes ago, and I'm scrambling trying to figure out what to do before the police are called. I'm living off campus with a roommate that I was paired with through our college. We had a disagreement about her paying her portion of bills and rent on time, and her boyfriend basically living there without our landlords permission, which violates our lease. Well, everything seemed to be fine later on, so we're hanging out in my room and she asked me to braid her hair. Afterwards she offers to braid mine. She goes to grab hair ties or something, I'm not paying attention as I'm on my phone. So apparently she actually grabbed scissors and decided to cut my hair as revenge for pissing her off. I'm expecting her to braid my hair. When suddenly, right next to my ear, she cuts a huge chunk of my hair off. I freak out and instinctively turn around while batting her hand away. Her hand flies into her face, and the scissors end up slicing her cheek quite deep. They are expensive sheers I guess, so they were very sharp. Now she's saying I salted her and threatened to call the police. I told her I would give her the money she wanted, and we didn't have to call the police. But I had to pawn some things so I needed a minute to gather some stuff to sell to get the money. I just did this to buy some time. I'm not giving her anything. Do I wait for her to call the police and explain when they get here? I considered calling the police first, but I don't want to incriminate myself. I really didn't mean for her to get hurt. All I did was turn around and push her hand away before I could even process that she had sheers in her hand. Either way, I don't want to live with this psycho anymore. Is there anything I can do? I have a copy of our lease that I'm going to look over. We're on one lease, but she's just a co-signer as she was 17 when we signed the lease. But as since turned 18, our lease is up in August. Also this might sound stupid, but she ran off with my chunk of hair. Can the police make her give it back to me? It's very long, and I'd at least like to donate it. Because I'll have to cut the rest of my hair to match since this psycho had one third of my hair in her hand. Thank you. Update. Jack shit happened. I called the non-emergency line right after I posted this and they sent out two officers. I made the mistake of telling my roommate that I had called the police and that she had committed assault. She must have realized that it looks pretty bad and rethought her strategy. She disappeared into the bathroom for a while until the police got here and when she came out her hair was cut, but like a real haircut instead of a hack job she gave me. The officers separated us and got our sides of the story. She told them that we had agreed to cut each other's hair and that she pulled a little prank and decided to cut my hair a bit shorter than originally planned. I got freaked out and that's how she got cut. She convinced them that she had apologized but I was looking for a way to get her out of the house and was lying. She showed them our text where she just asked if I wanted to do her hair without specifying what we were doing and all the earlier texts when we were finding about money and I threatened to get the landlord involved. She even showed them the hair in the trash can. I guess my story sounded less believable with all the evidence against me and in the end they didn't seem to give a shit. They said this was a civil matter and as long as she didn't feel sulted then they were done. I didn't want to press my lock and get arrested so I kept my mouth shut. So I was treated like a criminal and now this insane girl is outside my room threatening to destroy all my stuff. I recorded some of a rampage through the door and I'm collecting any messages that sound even remotely threatening that her and her boyfriend have sent me. I'm taking pictures of all of my stuff in case she destroys my property. The office for the apartment just closed so I can't go to my landlord till tomorrow and I don't have any way to contact them directly. What the hell do I do now? When I go to the police station and file a report even though the police just came here and decided to believe her. One user says she assaulted you first. Call the police and explain your situation. It likely is very noticeable. hair is cut. But you can also go to file for an emergency order protection against her outside of vacating the premises on your own. And then another user says, so she assaulted you, lied about it, and then threatened you. And you are wondering if you should file a police report. And the OP response and says, well, the first two officers didn't believe me. And pretty much said I was lucky I wasn't being arrested because my roommate is the one with a huge gash on her face. It's pretty discouraging. The evidence is on her side, except for a short audio clip of her yelling and freaking out. And another user says, close and lock your door, call the police, explain the situation, talk to the landlord after the police show up and handle things. And another user says, regarding your edit, you're doing exactly what you can do. Take pictures if she damages anything and record everything that they say. The police probably won't be happy to come back out if all she did is slam some doors. But if there are holes in the wall, broken furniture/dishes or recorded threats, that's a different matter. But use your judgment. And if you feel unsafe, don't hesitate to call them again. Until she does something actionable, just for now avoid her and do not under any circumstance escalate the situation with her. If she escalates again or turns violent, leave immediately and call the police. As far as what to do tomorrow with the landlord, it's really up to him. He can choose to let you guys out of the lease so someone can move. But he's not going to get involved in roommate disputes, and a single police call with no action isn't really grounds to terminate the lease. Realistically, unless someone gets arrested, you probably have to find a way to occupy the same space, even if you don't like each other. And someone else says, I'm not a lawyer, she assaulted you, you acted in defense of yourself, file a police report, then file for an order of protection. This woman is not safe for you to be around. And then the OP comes back a few days later with an update and let's get into it. It reads, I just wanted to thank everyone for all of your help and advice. If I hadn't posted here, I probably would have waited for my roommate, referred to as Jane from here on to avoid confusion to call the cops, which almost definitely would have screwed me as Jane turned out to be scary good at line and manipulating. So yesterday, I got off Reddit and got to collecting evidence and making a script so I knew exactly what to say when I went to talk to the police again. My neighbor that we share a wall with came over after hearing Jane flipping out and I explained everything. Neighbor offered to watch my cat and said she'd call me if it seemed like Jane was going to do anything crazy while I went to the station. I packed all my most valuable things in my car, took pictures of everything else and then recorded a quick video of me telling Jane that I was going out and she did not have permission to go in my room or touch my things. Just in case she wrecked something and said I did it or something, I don't know. I told the police about everything and brought my copy of the police report, showed them harassing messages that Jane had sent in the past, messages proving we often braid each other's hair, probably unnecessary, but I was trying to prove that I agreed to let her braid my hair and I never let her cut it and prove that I'm a cosmetology student, freelance makeup artist and occasional hair model. So I would never let someone who isn't trained cut my hair. And it's an important part of my job slash hobby. The officers I spoke to this time surprisingly took me seriously, but before I could even finish talking to them, my neighbor texted me a video of Jane tossing my open train case onto the corner and stomping on some of my very expensive makeup as it all falls out. I'm an idiot and forgot the one thing that is important to my livelihood right now in the bathroom, but I was in a hurry and grabbed my personal makeup without thinking. Alls aside, the crazy lady tossed out thousands of dollars worth of my property. Two new officers escorted me back to my apartment and when we got there, Jane immediately turned on the waterworks. Surprisingly, she was cooperative and left with one officer to talk at the station, I guess, while the other helped me scare away the vultures trying to steal my makeup off of the street and bring it inside. I noticed my prescribed pills and my other pill bottle were missing from the bathroom. I know stupid place to put them, but who the hell steals pills and the officer said they would question her. So I didn't hear anything after that, but this morning I looked at the public records for my county and saw Jane's mugshot with charges for assault with a deadly weapon and malicious mischief. I guess she had been booked late last night, but I checked Facebook a bit ago and Jane had posted a truly classy selfie, middle finger and all, so she does that mean she's posted bail. Anyways, I brought all of this info in the police reports to my landlord this morning and he pretty much told me tough shit. He said that I still need to have the full rent payment and that if Jane wouldn't willingly move out, he couldn't have Victor without evicting me too since we are on one lease. Do I just need to pay for everything and then sue her in small claims court? What do I do about all of my damage cosmetics? The police are aware of Jane damaging my stuff, but I haven't heard anything back. I'm totally lost as to what happens now, will this go to court and will I need to attend? Are the police going to get back to me as to what I need to do next? They took my statement, but that's it. The good news is that she isn't allowed on campus at the college we both go to until this is settled and if she returns I'll transfer to another campus nearby. Also, she hasn't attempted to come back to the apartment and if she does, I have a friend here with me. My landlord said I have to let Jane in if she returns though, even if I get a protective order. That sounds like BS and I have an appointment on Monday to talk to a lawyer who will hopefully help me figure out what to do next. I'd like for it to be sooner, but it's free legal consultation through my college, so I guess they're busy. Anyways, sorry to ramble, I'm just not sure what to expect until I can speak with a lawyer. And now it's getting into some of the top comments. One user says, "Based on the arrest, file for a restraining order." Jane is still responsible for her half of the rent, but she won't be allowed to go there. Also take the evidence you have including the mug shot and restraining order if you get one to the school's roommate pairing people. Ask them to find someone else to share the place with you. Let them deal with reassigning Jane to a new roommate. You'll be on the hook for full rent, along with Jane, but good luck collecting until you can find another roommate in a range for your landlord to modify the lease. It could go to court, or she may take a plea bargain. If it does go to court, you will probably be called as a witness. This could be months from now. Take some pictures of your unwanted haircut, just in case it does go to court. Save the video of Jane at Trashing Your Makeup, save everything, basically. And the OP responds and says, "Thanks for the reply. When I went to discuss everything at my school, they immediately got me into contact with another student who needs a roommate and can move in ASAP. Plus I have classes with her, and she seems normal. But my landlord is saying there's nothing I can do. He said he can't kick Jane out unless he evokes both of us. And that the only way someone else can move in is if Jane sublets her room out. Either way, I don't know what to do with her stuff. My landlord just kept talking about "bamment" or something. And now he has to hold on to her property for a while, even if she abandons it. And someone else says, "You could also file a small claims lawsuit for the property that she trashed. The cost of a cosmologist to fix your hair and her share of the rent if she doesn't pay." And then the commenter quotes the OP when the OP says, "My landlord said I have to let Jane in if she returns, even if I get her protective order," and the commenter says, "I believe that your landlord is in error." A court order from a judge to stay away will override any rights she has under the lease. If you get a protective order, and she returns, call 911. Jane, who is arrested for assaulting me with a deadly weapon, and against whom I have a protective order, is trying to get into my residence right now, should elicit a relatively rapid response. I strongly recommend that you get a protective order ASAP. And someone else says, "Get a protective order ASAP no matter what the landlord says, if Jane violates the order, you can call the police and she will be arrested." And someone else says, "Your landlord is in a tough spot. He can't legally kick around without evicting her, and would probably have to evict both of you. He also can't keep around even if you have a protective order because she is a tenant." Luckily, that doesn't really matter to you. You can, and should, get a protective order ASAP. Then if she comes back, you call 911, and tell them that someone you have a protective order against is trying to enter or is in your apartment. Police will come and take her back to jail. You can also break your lease due to domestic violence. Your landlord pretty much has to let you go, and then figure out how to deal with her. You should do that and find a new place with a different roommate. After you're settled in, you should contact the prosecutor's office and see if they have a victim's advocate or something similar. Talk to them and see about having restitution. Her pain for everything she broke slash stole, included as parts of her sentencing or plea deal. Make sure they know you're willing to be a witness if it goes to trial. And then the OP comes back with another update, and let's get into it. This reads, "Well, this isn't a very interesting update, but I figured you guys would like to know that justice was sort of served. I just wanted to thank everyone for all the responses on my first two posts. It helped me a lot, especially to the people who advised me to be proactive and persistent in contacting the police. And to the person who mentioned renters insurance, which I didn't even realize I had, thanks dad. So everything happened much quicker than I anticipated. And it's all pretty much settled. Also, I'm not sure how much detail I should give since this all just happened, but Jane took a plea bargain, not sure if this is the correct terminology, and pled guilty to misdemeanor assault and destruction of property. It's a bit upsetting that she pretty much got a slap on the wrist with the sentence and finds she received. But I suppose it's worth it because she cooperated and breaking our lease. I filed for restraining order against her and filed a claim with my insurance company for my damaged and stolen makeup, which was thankfully covered by my renters insurance. Jane's parents moved all of her stuff out of the apartment yesterday and gave me a little money to cover portion of the rent that she owes me. It wasn't nearly enough, but they seemed like surprisingly nice people, and I feel bad that they have to deal with such a nutcase of a daughter. I found a new roommate, and we're signing a new lease this week. So aside from being flat, having broke now, and getting an unwanted haircut, everything turned out all right. And I agree, that was the best case scenario for the OP, and like they said at the end, they had an unfortunate haircut, and they are broke now. At least, you know, everything settled, and everything isn't going to be ongoing for a long, long time. That's great for the OP, and I really hope they are doing better now. Dumped my girlfriend over a joke, and I can't tell anyone, or I will look like a psycho. My 23-mail, X2's 25-female, and I were together for just under eight months, and like we clicked, got along like a house on fire from the moment we met. We had a lot in common from our morals, to our goals, to our taste and music. My family loves her. Probably more than they do to me. Mom wanted a daughter so badly she couldn't stand it growing up. Four sons before she gave up. It was probably three months ago now that we had been on the couch while I watched a movie, and she scrolled TikTok. Not a TikTok hate post scrolling can be fun, but I'm just more of a YouTube guy. Speaking of show him new videos, she showed me one of a man holding his son and dancing to a song. She laughed and said something about how good I would look as a dad, which was pretty weird, considering as far as I knew, both of us were child-free by choice. God knows I am. I tried to take it as a joke and mentioned that it was too bad so sad she would never know. I thought she would respond something about how there's nothing sad about avoiding it or something. She has never given me any indication before that she wanted children. And she started giggling this like evil giggle and said something like, I don't know, it only takes one broken contraceptive. In this like sing song voice that I'm not even joking, it gave me effing goosebumps. The implication was clear in her tone, like was she making a joke about poking holes and contraceptives? To me? For real? I tried to laugh it off, but it made me so effing uncomfortable, like skin crawling levels of skewed the f out. And after that my intimate interest for her was entirely gone. It's like I processed her as a threat or something. To be entirely honest, my libido, in general, is entirely effing gone. Still hasn't come back. It feels like it's hibernating or something, until the scary lady is gone. I know what you're thinking. Why didn't you communicate? And I tried, like a couple of times, but when she said, oh my god, I was kiddin' you big baby. But never denied that the joke was about that. I dropped it and stopped bringing it up. I didn't think it was worth the fight at that point. Because while I do still care about her, like Malat, I do not feel comfortable even going to sleep around her. And there is no way that it's gonna mesh with a healthy relationship. If there's no trust, there's no relationship. That's how I feel, right? So, I broke up with her. And when I told her, I said it was because I really needed to focus on myself. Didn't see a point in telling her then. It would have just pissed her off. As is, she seemed to take it and stride. Not angry or concernedly upset, so that's good. My family is more harbored than I am, and I haven't been great. They are begging me to reconsider. Not that I would, especially considering there's no way in hell I'm telling them anything. My mother would be beside herself. Think, "Grandchildren, please son, give me grandchildren." But more than that, I know even my dad who doesn't care about grandchildren, and recognizes that he's more likely to get them from my younger siblings would call me out for overreacting. So they got the same story she did. It's frustrating because I know it's no big deal, and a joke, but it had also been upsetting, or sad. I know I'm overreacting, but in the moment it felt like my only option, and I really don't want to take it back even if I am. I know you may think I'm paranoid, and I probably am, but I just could not stop thinking about it. After she told that joke, I think it was going to end one way or another. So I'm glad I ended on decent terms instead of trying to stay and fix everything until I hated her. Sorry, I'm talking a lot, but like I said, no one to talk to about this because being unreasonable in real life is like a criminal rest and I'm trying to avoid another of that particular black mark on my reputation. Anyway, off to research vasectomies because I will not be entering another relationship, or becoming any kind of active with anyone until then. One user says, "Get a vasectomy and go to the required check-ups. You don't have to explain yourself to anyone or even have a valid reason to break up with her." It's your life, and the OP response and says, "Yeah, a vasectomy is the plan now, or the life of a monk if I don't. I know I need to, and I'm gunna, but I don't love the idea of surgery on my balls, regardless of how non-invasive it is." And one user asks about the OP on his ex wanting kids, and he doesn't, and the OP says, "I was clear from the very beginning, and from what she had told me she was on the same page, I would never dated her for eight months if I thought she wanted kids, because I wouldn't want to waste someone's time like that." If she wanted kids, she could have just said so instead of whatever that was. Pete comes back two months later with an update and lets get into it. This reads, "Well, I never ever thought I would have an update, but I have one, LOL. Like I thought I had lost the password to this account and everything, but it was saved in the notes on my laptop. This isn't much of an update, but I can say that I did end up telling my friends more about the breakup. Where I found out my ex is trying for a baby with her new boyfriend, also her ex. Also I wasn't stalking her to get this information. I live in a small town and two of my friends came to me and told me. They said they didn't want to find out from someone else, but I didn't really care outside of the relief that now I was sure that she wasn't pregnant during the breakup. Something that had been giving me nightmares. They calm down. Apparently, both of them thought I would react badly to the information and spiral or something. Whatever. I know a lot of people said I had taken a joke and overreacted, was a cruel-hearted and evil massage and is trying to control her body and everything else, but they just confirmed it to me that she was never joking. I mean, it's been a little over two months since the breakup, and she's trying to have a baby. I'm not angry at her anymore. Not at all. In fact, I'm happy for her because if this is what she wants, good for her. I just wish she could have told me sooner, so I asked her not to waste either of our times. I've been working on getting the vasectomy, but as of now, it hasn't happened yet. But as I mentioned in the last post, I won't be intimately slash romantically active to any degree with anyone, but my hand until that's completed. I think I'm lightly traumatized. This is a joke you can laugh. What else? Uh, I'm thinking about getting a new dog. I have nothing else to add here, but thanks anyways. I woke up to my husband having intimacy with me. I'm a long time redditor, but this is the throwaway as I don't want it tied to my main account. For some context, we've been married for 10 years, together for 14. This is the first time in our relationship this or anything like it has ever happened. I've read tons of posts about women in similar situations and I know how stupid I sound when I say that he really is an amazing guy. They loving and respectful husband and a great father to our kids. A couple of nights ago, we were having intimacy. It was all normal, good, happy endings all around. That sort of thing. I'd had a couple of drinks and it was very late and I fell asleep shortly after we wrapped things up. Sometime later, I genuinely can't gauge how long because I was sleeping. I woke up to him having intimacy with me. It took me a while to kind of understand what was going on and I was very disoriented from being woken up to this. I didn't react at all. I wasn't fully awake but was not asleep at this point but I pretended to be asleep. I was hoping he'd stop. I froze. I didn't want to confront him. I know this sounds incredibly stupid too and I'm angry at myself for not reacting more in the moment. It went on long enough that he just readjusted my position in a few times. But he did stop and I don't believe he finished. After that woke me up, helped me get dressed and got me tucked into our bed. We haven't spoke about it at all. Here's the thing. I was a worded by a friend earlier this year. My husband knows this and it's been extremely difficult and traumatic. I meant therapy. I have an appointment for tomorrow. I'm doing better than I was but this experience with my husband has me feeling all kinds of things. I feel like this was a miscommunication or a mistake between my husband and I. I don't want to lump him into the same category as my awkwardest but I'm feeling gross and violated and I'm really not sure how to bring something like this up in a conversation with him. It's a weird slash, hard enough situation without even considering my past assault. I'm just out of loss here. I don't know how to talk to him about it and I don't know if I should feel the way I do because I know he wouldn't intentionally cause me harm. At it, hopefully I'm allowed to add something here. Different subs have different rules. There are too many comments saying the same thing so I'm just going to write it here. Number 1. If you and your partner have an agreement and consent to do this, cool. Love that for you. My husband and I do not so please for the love of God, stop saying I should be fine with it because in your partnership, you're fine with it. It's not the same. Consent is key. Number 2. He was awake. He woke me up after, which implies he was already awake. And number 3. He does not have intimacy somnia. If he did have intimacy somnia, it's still assault because of lack of consent. And updates have been posted. But before we get into that update, let's get into some of the top comments. One person says, "I have a question not to discredit anything that you're feeling. Did he absolutely think you were asleep the whole time?" And the OP responds and says, "Fair question. To the best of my understanding, I'd say he either thought I was asleep and went ahead with it, or he knew I was awake and wasn't into it." But he kept going anyway. I was also faced down, not sure if that matters. This situation is extremely out of character for our relationship, so I genuinely don't know what to think. And another user says, "He needs consent before having intimacy with you. Without consent, it's called spousal r word. It's not a miscommunication. If he was asleep and didn't know what he was doing, he needs to see a doctor because there's something medically wrong with him. You need to not make excuses for him and realize you are a victim. I don't understand why so many people think it is okay for a husband to assault his unconscious wife. You are all making excuses for SA." And someone else says, "Did I read that right? You were SA'd, your husband knew, and he also SA'd you." That's so incredibly effed up. I can't even imagine the thought process one must have to do something like this. This would be immediate grounds for divorce for many people, I think. You should at least confront him for what he did because like WTF. And the OP responds and says, "Unfortunately, that's correct. I cannot believe this is my life at the moment, and I have no idea where to go from here." And then let's get into the update the OP posted the next day and it reads as follows. I'm not even sure why I'm doing an update, only that I have no one to talk to about this. My friends are all friends with my husband. Their husbands are close friends with mine. I don't even know how to talk about this. I was able to see my therapist yesterday, who was lovely and helpful. She gave me some good ideas for how to talk to my husband about it and help talk me through my feelings. One thing she said that stuck out to me was something like, "I'm reacting like this because I'm meeting you, where you're at with this." Not because I don't think this is very serious. She said it much better than me. The gravity of it is setting in now, which I was anticipating given my recent history. I talked to my husband last night. I think I did quite well and was able to get the points across that I wanted to. In a way I wanted to. I never felt unsafe or threatened. I started by asking him how many times we'd had intimacy that night. This look flashed across his face and something in me went, "Okay, here we go. I'm not sure how best to format this so I'll do bullet points." He said we were talking after intimacy the first time. When I challenged that repeatedly, he said I was making noises in my sleep. I asked him if he was touching me intimately. At that point, and he said he didn't know. He said he thought I was willing. I asked him why he didn't stop when I wasn't reacting, participating or engaging with him, and he didn't have an answer. He kept saying he thought I was into it. I asked him why he thought I was willing when he had to keep repositioning me. He didn't have an answer. Trigger warning for the next bit I guess as I elaborate on the repositioning thing. I'm sorry, but I think it'll clarify things. This actually makes me sick to my stomach to type out and think about. I was faced down flat on my stomach, usually during intimacy in that or a similar position. The receiver is bracing themselves, pushing back or whatever. because I was not doing any of that, I kept sliding forward on the bed and he'd have to pull me back into him. This happened three to four times. He says he's very sorry and didn't know it was not consensual. He feels creepy and gross, which is where I said, yeah, well it was creepy and gross. Like he broke my trust and doesn't know how to fix it. He asked how I was doing and I said bad. He said I should know he wouldn't do anything to hurt me and I had to keep point out that well. Yes, he did. In the moment, I didn't believe he thought perfect, she's vulnerable and I'm going to arward her. I think he wanted to have intimacy and didn't assess/realize/respond quickly to the fact that I wasn't awake. I really don't know where that leaves me, to be honest. I almost wish it was just purely intentional because then I wouldn't feel so conflicted and like I'm making him into this bad guy. If you made it this far, thanks for reading. Not sure I'll update again. Also, I didn't realize I wasn't allowed to post a link to my previous post, so it's been removed. Edit once again, so cool that you and your partner have this dynamic that you discussed and both consented to beforehand. Not crappy on anyone's interests. My husband and I do not have this arrangement, so please stop saying I should be fine with it because you're fine with it in your partnership. One user says, "I'm just so proud of you for holding your husband accountable. Regardless of how you move forward, I think you handled this well. You even confided with your therapist first. That takes patience and maturity. Also, I'm not going to lie. I think your husband deserves to feel bad and creepy for what he did." And the OP response and says, "Thank you so much." These nice comments mean the world to me at the moment. My husband is now mad that I waited a couple of days before I talked to him, so I deeply value the assurance that I did the right thing. It felt like the right thing to do at the time too. Another user says, "I've been a husband for 20+ years. Never in my effing life have I not been able to assess/realize/or respond to my wife's body language. Telling me she's not in the move for intimacy, let alone awake. That is BS. You would have to be effing strangers, and even still there is no excuse and you can tell if someone is conscious." And then the OP comes back two days later with another update and let's get into it. This reads, "Thank you everyone for all of these supportive comments. I wrote my first post just the yelling of the void and didn't realize /expect anyone to answer back. My husband and I have had a few conversations. The first one went well. I outlined it in my first post. The second one the next day did not go well. He got angry and defensive. Maybe I would too if someone accused me of awkward. I don't know. He asked over and over and over again why I waited so long. Three days to tell him. I told him I waited so I could process my thoughts and feelings more and so I could talk with my therapist. He told me he didn't want this to fester and for me to get to pressed over it which felt so dismissive and hit me like a slap in the face. I said I feel like this because I feel like you are worded me. He didn't take that well and kept saying he wasn't that kind of person and that I should know him better than that. He accused me of being too drunk to remember things properly. I had too light beers over the course of four hours which is not at all a problem for me. I asked him how much he'd had and he said he didn't know. The conversation was getting heated and I asked for some more space. He was headed to bed anyway so I was waiting for him to leave. He didn't like that. I was ending the conversation and I had to ask him maybe five to six times before he finally went to bed. That whole conversation made me feel very stressed and panicky. The third conversation was last night and I kept it short because I wanted to be alone. He apologized for how he reacted. He said sorry and that he'd never intentionally do anything to hurt me. I thanked him and explained why I wasn't happy with how he reacted. I asked him how intimacy ended because I realized I actually have no idea. He said it was over when he finished so that was horrifying to me. He reiterated that he thought I was awake and that he has no explanation for what happened. Frankly, I'm insulted because you're telling me I usually f like an unconscious person. That's a joke. I'm actually crying. I read a comment on a Reddit thread yesterday that said, "Sometimes genuinely messing up has genuine consequences." I felt a lot of relief reading that because even if it wasn't accident, I still feel traumatized. I don't have to forgive him or sweep it under the rug because he said it was an accident. Thanks for reading it. Thanks for the support. I don't think I would have had the confidence to challenge his version if it weren't for you guys. Add it once again, just because you have a free use or CNC dynamic in your relationship does not mean I should have it in mind. F right off with that. Someone says, "I've been seeing your pose these past few days and I'm so sorry this is happening to you. It must be so confusing after feeling so secure with him for years. I'm sorry that this reaction is anger to telling him he hurts you even if it wasn't supposedly his intention. I hope you get the strength to do what is right for you, whatever it may be." And another user says, "He thought you were awake and didn't think to ask you. You weren't popping yourself up or helping him reposition at all. He didn't say a single word to you start to finish. Is that normal for you guys? Feels deflective and not willing to take accountability because he knows how bad it is. He just didn't think you'd remember. Yuck. So so sorry OP. And the OP responds and says, "Those are the same questions I kept asking him as well." And he keeps saying he doesn't have an answer. That's not at all normal for us. It's the complete opposite. At the very least he should have noticed something was off and checked in. I just don't think he noticed or cared enough at the time to question it. And then the OP comes back four days later with an update titled, "How to fix my marriage after my husband crossed intimate boundaries." And it reads as follows. I 32 female and my husband 34 male have been together almost 15 years married 10. I'm going to try to keep this concise, but the whole thing is in my post history. Last week he had intimacy with me while I was asleep. He believed I was awake and participating consensually. He's very remorseful and upset at himself for having misinterpreted the situation and having hurt me so badly. I was awarded earlier this year by a friend and this situation with my husband is bringing up and compounding a lot of that trauma. I know how this all looks on paper. Up until this point he's been an incredible husband and father. Loving, caring, supportive and we had an active intimate life. The problem is that this has shattered my trust and if I'm being honest, some of my love for him. I look at him and I feel angry and disgusted. I'm sad at what happened and sad for what I feel like our relationship has lost. I want him to comfort me, but I can't be touched by him. I see a therapist regularly, but he does not. I'm reaching out hoping that someone can offer advice or has been through something similar. And then the OP adds some additional information in the comments that reads, "I'm really hoping to hear from couples who've experienced a similar situation or miscommunication. I don't think he meant to hurt me. And now I'm in a situation where I have no one to talk to and no one in my life who's experienced anything like this. Do you think I can talk to my couple of friends about how my husband accidentally ordered me? I'm looking at the end of my decade-long marriage and being a single mom. I'm grasping at straws. I'm not going to apologize for trying to find answers or words of wisdom." And now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says, "Why did he believe you were awake and participating?" And the OP responds and says, "I've asked him that question dozens of times and he can't answer it, so I'm not really sure. All I know is that I woke up at some point during it." And someone else says, "I believe you and have no idea. This is a tough one, alright? But I'm keen to know, truly. How can someone start having intimacy with someone in their sleep? I find that quite perplexing. It sure happens as I have heard about it many times, but if my husband even started going anywhere near me while I was asleep, "I would wake up immediately. I'm sure of it. I'm not meaning to sound stupid or disbelieving, but I'm just a bit confused as to how this can happen." And the OP response and says, "I didn't have anything on. I'm not on medication." It was really late and I had an active couple of days, so I was exhausted. And then the OP comes back a few months later with an update. And let's get into it. This reads, "We're getting divorced." That's the classic Reddit update, isn't it? Now it's my turn. The attention my story got was a bit overwhelming, but I read every comment and saved so many to reread when I got scared or doubted myself, so thank you. A lot has happened, so I will try to keep it brief. Over the last few months, my now soon-to-be ex-husband has been pretty crappy to me. For the first six weeks after the event, Violation Assault, whatever you choose to call it happened, he barely spoke to me, and when he did, it would be short, snappy, and rude. He often dismissed or minimized what I was feeling. Things got progressively worse between us. I'm not at all saying I handled it perfectly, I'm sure I didn't, but I can look back and say that I really did try my best to be empathetic and talk to him respectively when I tried to get him to understand what I felt. I remember this turning point for me when I said that I understood he didn't do it on purpose, but I was so hurt that he wasn't paying enough attention to me in the moment to realize I was asleep. He sighed and rolled his eyes and said, "I do pay attention to you." That's when I realized it didn't really matter what I said or how I said it. He wouldn't hear it. It was around Christmas, two months after the event when I finally asked for a divorce. He cried, then agreed. It was sad, but I felt a weight left. The next day, he told me he'd had some time to think and realize he'd been kind of shitty to me. He was sorry. He'd been guilty of all of Gotman's forehorsement of the apocalypse. He'd been a bad husband and I deserved better. I was pretty frustrated about this because all it took me asking for divorce for him to acknowledge his partner in his behavior. I stayed firm on wanting a divorce, but didn't feel like we were separated. For maybe one and a half weeks, we didn't fight. He was on his best behavior until he wasn't. He asked me why I was still mad at him and surely it wasn't about the October event. What was all this really about? We started fighting again, but worse. He got meaner, but denies ever being cruel or unkind to me. We fought about everything and it made me miserable. There were two serious fights about childcare and how he was content to let me do all of it and one firearm safety incident that left me rattled. But again, he dismissed my concerns and wouldn't listen and roll his eyes. While this was all happening and we decided to try a couple's therapy, unfortunately she was the worst and told me it wasn't our word because he didn't intend to do it and he wouldn't be charged in a court of law. She had me continually reassure him, I didn't see him as an our wordist and then asked what I needed from him to be able to have intimacy with him again. My soon to be ex-husband agreed that she wasn't a good fit, so we didn't go back to her, but now he blames me for giving it up couple's therapy too quickly. One morning last week, as I was getting the kids ready for school, he didn't like the order I did things in, which is to brush teeth before breakfast. I know it's not the best, but my kids are young, and struggle with transitions. He said, "Don't you know how stupid that is?" I cried in front of them and when my sweet five-year-old daughter gave me a hug and asked if I was okay, I thought, "Never again, I was done." That afternoon, he came home from work for lunch. We started arguing over how he spoke to me and I told him I wanted a divorce. It was happening and I didn't want to do this anymore. The timing wasn't ideal, but the opportunity was there. He started blaming me for everything that had ever gone wrong in our relationship. Every tiny mistake, every time I didn't clean or do enough laundry or help him with tasks, for all communication breakdowns, for feeling too much, for not sharing my feelings with him enough. He said he'd have rather done all of it by himself, than have me around because it would have been easier without me. He said there was something wrong with my personality, and that's the only thing that explains the last 10 years of our relationship, that I have BPD, and I do not, but hearing him be so sure scared me, and I believed him for a minute, that I'm not the person he married, and he's been battling against me something inside me for a decade. That he's been miserable for 10 years and it's all my fault. After that conversation, I dusted myself off and had less than an hour to prepare for a job interview I had lined up, and I nailed it. I'm really proud of myself. I've had to set some boundaries about what we can discuss. He wants to rehash the past and tell me more about how I should have been a better wife and caretaker of the house, and after a few nights of fighting, I just will not do it anymore. We'll never agree, and it just causes more tension. Now we only talk about our kids and how things will work in the future. One of the most destabilizing things is that we seem to have completely different perspectives on what was said during our arguments. I've often accused him of saying things I truly don't recall saying, like calling them names. He also tells me that I'm wrong a lot, that he didn't say that or he didn't mean it like that. I offered to record our conversations for both of our sakes. I'd send it to him, but so far, he does not want to do that. As of now, we still live together in separate rooms. I don't know how or when we'll be able to live apart. Financially and logistically with kids, keeping it vague, but essentially have high order multiples. It's an absolute F-tun to figure out. Most importantly, I got a job after 10 years out of the workforce. I can't believe I managed to pull it off while my personal life literally crumbled around me. It'll be hard work, but it pays well and I will feel like I'm gaining my freedom. It's crazy seeing it all written out like this. In this isn't even half of it. It seems insane and I can't believe this is my life and this is my story. It's going to get better though. Thanks for reading guys. One user says, I'm glad you're standing up for yourself and leaving this piece of shit. Don't fall for his gaslighting. Because that's exactly what he's doing when he tries to convince you that you said things you don't remember saying. And his resistance to recording conversation doesn't lend much to his argument. Write everything down after talking with him. That way you have an accurate report of what he's actually been saying and how he treats you. Be careful with how we try to convince you and probably others that you're mentally on well. He may try to leverage that in court for custody or to discredit you if you bring his abuses to light. I'm sorry you're such a tough position right now. Wishing you all the best and hoping things improve for you soon. And the OP response and says, thank you so much. I spoke to my individual therapist about that as well because I'm worried you'll paint this picture of me as an unfit mother. I'm going to go to my family doctor and see if I can get some sort of official confirmation that I don't have that diagnosis. And someone else says that couple's therapist was a joke. You should report her to her licensing board. May not come to anything but they will have to investigate her. And the OP response and says, I couldn't believe she'd say that. I actually did report her. The board says they try to resolve reports within 130 days but I'm not sure if I'll get informed without any decision they make. And then the OP comes back a while later with another update titled, starting the divorce process, scared but relieved. And it reads as follows. After 13 years together, 10 married, four kids under seven, I asked for a divorce. Things went horribly wrong into two clear parts. Things got so hard when we had kids. We had high order multiples and I love them so much but I never in a million years would have chosen this distribution of kids. I feel like I barely survived the early years between the pregnancies, lack of sleep, meeting the needs of my children in the day-to-day demands of running a home. I did the best I could but things like housework and laundry fell through the cracks and I wasn't able to keep on top of things as much as I should have. To be clear, it all got done and the house wasn't disgusting or unsafe. We all had clean clothes, healthy food and snacks, clean dishes and bedding as a stay-at-home mom. "These were my responsibilities along with day-to-day care of the kids. My soon-to-be-ex-husband holds so much resentment for the things I couldn't do. I explained why. I'm exhausted, overwhelmed, pouring from an empty cup day after day. In my tasks, no matter how hard I work, are never, ever done." And it never felt like it was enough for him. Now that the kids are in school, I'm accomplishing so much, but he's so, so resentful of the years where I wasn't as productive around the house. No matter how much I apologize and how much I do now, he can't get over my shortcomings from the earlier years. I think he wanted a woman who reveled in the role of mother and wife. I want to be something outside of that. I love my family in those roles, but I do find it constricting. I want an identity outside of being a stay-at-home mom and wife. He doesn't understand why those things aren't enough for me. Last October, he violated me while I was sleeping. It's in my post-history. I'd rather not rehash it. Everything exploded. Every single issue in our marriage was brought to the surface and magnified. I'm not saying I handled it perfectly, but I really did try, and I feel confident in saying that I did the best I could while dealing with a traumatic event. I feel that he did the opposite. He got mean, hurtful, and dismissive. Our communication fell apart. We went to the worst couples therapist and it made things worse. My soon-to-bex husband said that I sabotaged therapy, but when the therapist asked what my soon-to-bex husband needed to do so, I'd have intimacy with him again. I knew it wouldn't work with her. He has said some horrible things the last few months, and it's so hurtful, but at the same time makes it easier for me to feel like I'm making the right call. I can't forgive him for what he did to me, even if it wasn't accident. And I can't forgive what he said to me, including saying that he's been miserable for 10 years, and it's because of me that he'd rather have parented our children alone, rather than have me there. I worked hard and after so many years of being a stay-at-home mom, I found a good job that pays well. We're going to have to cohabitate for an indefinite amount of time, and I don't know how to survive that other than taking it one day at a time. That's some of my story. I'm sad to be here, but also on some level, I am relieved. And we have never heard another update from the OP, and I just really hope they're doing better now. One of my boyfriends, 21 male, best friends, who's 22 male, families, pregnant wife and toddler, house burned down in the California wildfire, and are now coming to live with us in our small apartment. I did not agree to this, and I, 21 female, am feeling extremely anxious and panicked. First, I just want to preface this by saying that I am fully willing to support their family through tangible means like buying them food, supplies, furniture, etc. I just don't think our apartment is a viable option. My boyfriend and I live in a two bedroom, one bath apartment in a very expensive area. Rent is around $3,000 per month. And we're both stressed out college students. This guy has been best friends with my boyfriend since high school, and they regularly keep in touch and drive to see each other. My boyfriend and I live in North Cal, where they live more south. The friend has not been in a good financial situation for the last two years. He dropped out of community college after he got a girl pregnant, and they ended up getting married after she gave birth. She is now seven months pregnant with their second child. My boyfriend and I usually go down to visit them together, and we always pay for meals, and I always try to buy a couple of toys for their two year old. We have been in contact with them since last night. They were able to safely evacuate and bring some essentials, including their car, but their house was burned down. My heart aches for their family, and I really want to help them by transferring money, or even calling some of my friends who live in SoCal to see if they're willing to take them in. But during a phase time called this morning, my boyfriend immediately, without any hesitation or asking me, offered up our small apartment to them. They were very, very thankful, and at first said it would be too much for us, but my boyfriend insisted, and they graciously accepted in the end. I was in the background fairly silent the entire time. After my boyfriend hung up, I asked him why he just extended the offer without even asking me, and he acted shocked and said that he thought I would 100% support his decision. I told him that I would have in any other living situation, but we are two poor college students living in a small ass apartment in an expensive area, and it is definitely going to be more difficult to accommodate his friend, his pregnant wife, and a toddler. My boyfriend said that I was being a bit selfish, and that they just lost their house, and that I should be more understanding and sympathetic, and don't get me wrong. I agree that I am being selfish, but I'm also being reasonable in trying to think rationally. I may be a bit biased since I'm in the middle of preparing for the MCAT, which I'm taking in January, and I really, really need to do well on it. And dear God, is it not an easy test? My boyfriend and I are both in very stressful majors that require a ton of hard work and studying on top of that. He and I both are working part time. I feel like I'm already so stressed out right now with school, work, and everything. I look forward to quiet time in our apartment that we get to spend. I digress, but I can't help but think of how this changes everything. Of course, this is probably temporary. Even though my boyfriend said they could stay as long as they need to, but right now is really not the time. My boyfriend and I argued over this for an hour, and I ended up just heading out for the day. My boyfriend is sticking to his plan, and he texted me saying that he's sorry, and that he knows it'll be hard. But to remember, we're doing a good thing, and supporting our friends in a time of crisis. I couldn't help but think that it was really his friend and not ours, but I might just be being bitter. They're planning to drive up tomorrow morning. I'm just so worried, stressed, and my anxiety is through the roof. I came home around two hours ago, and noticed that my boyfriend has already set up a mattress in our second bedroom, which is our office/work area, and set up the couch. I burst into tears and almost had a panic attack. I just don't know how to deal with toddlers. Also, I don't know how to support and take care of a pregnant woman. My boyfriend comforted me, but I can't help but feel a bit resentful right now. He agreed to do this without asking me and I can't fight back now. I would seem like such a horrible person. I'm still crying in our room as I'm typing this, and my boyfriend went out to stock up on groceries. God. I don't know what to do when I feel so panicky. What can I do at this point, Reddit? I'm at a complete loss. Edit. Pretty relevant piece of information that I left out because I did not want to impose any unnecessary bias. Now I see it's relevance. To be honest, I'm not the biggest fan of their family. From what I could tell from visiting them with my boyfriend, they do not have their stuff together. While we visited them around three months ago, the wife regularly went out and partied while pregnant and their toddler is extremely unbehaved. While I was there last time, I had to help change the toddler's diaper while the wife was out partying and my boyfriend and his family were playing video games. One user says number a does he know the significance of the MCAT? Your feelings are so valid. I can't even imagine being put in this position. My boyfriend just took the MCAT and he wouldn't see me some time for long periods of time because he needed to stay in the zone. B, there should be no obligation on you to help out whatsoever. This needs to be temporary. For the good of your future, your relationship, and your mental health, this kind of decision was not his to make on his own. You both live there. C, is this even allowed per your lease? I'm in Massachusetts but my lease has a clause prohibiting visitors for over a week, I believe. Maybe you can use this to your advantage? In a subtle way to hopefully avoid another argument? D, if they stay longer than a week, you should consider putting yourself first and moving out. MCAT needs devotion and routine. And if you value med school acceptances more than or equal to your current relationship, go for it. This is important stuff. And E. Spend as little time at your place as possible. Find small ways to help out that don't take a lot of time and energy to avoid arguments and help keep the peace. Do those small things and then leave your place for the day. Move some stuff to a friend's place so you have a backup plan if you've had a super stressful day and just need a quiet place to crash. And then the OP response and says, "He knows the significance of the MCAT and still chose to make this rash decision without so much as to even consult me about it." Yeah, I looked up our lease this morning and it says that no visitors for over one week too. I think that's usually the norm. I will definitely be pulling that card as leverage. Thanks a lot for the advice. I really hope that this will be temporary. Another user says, "Do they really have any other options?" Honestly, my boyfriend would do the same thing and I love that about him. It really, really sucks that this is during such an important time in school. But if these people have nowhere to live, I don't see how turning them away isn't a little heartless. Of course, you might need to stay at your friend's house to get study and done, but is that such a horrible trade-off or helping a family with no home? And the OP response and says, "I think they do have options." But decided to turn to us because their family would be harder on them. Push them to pay for themselves, get out soon. They both have family nearby. In fact, the husband's rich family lives not far from us. However, they have already housed their family for a year and a half after she got pregnant at 18 and according to my boyfriend, they were pissed at how they acted during that time and almost kicked them out. They finally caved and actually bought the house that they lived in so they could get out. I just can't deal with irresponsible adults and addition to a toddler in my small apartment. As others have pointed out, they can get support from FEMA or even stay at a local shelter. Hundreds of people are doing this. If they need money or food, I will gladly send it to them, but I can't offer up my space due to many reasons. I'm sorry if you see this as heartless, but I get the feeling that you'd feel differently if you were actually put into my situation. And then the OP comes back the next day with an update and let's get into it. I never thought I'd be updating so fast, but everything was resolved in one of the most hectic and stressful nights of my life. Shout out to all of my supporters out there. You guys made my day yesterday. And to those of you calling me heartless because I don't think offering our living space up is a good idea when I've said that I'm willing to support them in any other way, F you. The pregnant wife, husband and toddler arrived at our apartment last night around 9.30 pm. They had already told us on the way that they're toddler contracted some kind of food poisoning and was not feeling well, which is what delayed them. Me and my boyfriend go down to greet them and we realize that they have so much luggage. There were two large suitcases, a duffle bag, and like four trader Joe's shopping bags filled with random stuff and happy and food. Okay, cool. That's going to be fun lugging up the stairs. So my boyfriend and the husband starts to bring up their stuff. While I stay back and have carried the pregnant wife up the stairs because she feels too tired and nauseous. We get upstairs and I ask where Jake the toddler is. And the wife freezes. She forgot to unbuckle him from the car seat and left him in there. She asked if I could go down and grab him. I wanted to say not my forgotten toddler, not my responsibility, but alas, I decided to try to be gracious at least for the first day. So I went down and unstrap the toddler who looked visibly sick. There were literally two bags of vomit next to him, which I removed from the car and threw in the trash because it would have been forgotten and became a severe health hazard. I tried to see if he can walk and he started crying and started dragging himself on the ground. So I picked him up and carried him up the stairs. I set the kid down next to our couch and lord almighty, this kid did not look good. His cheeks were flushed really red. There was dried vomit caked on his face and his breathing seemed quick slash rapid. I feel his forehead and it feels really hot to the touch so I run to the bathroom to get a thermometer. While I'm digging for the thermometer, I hear again, are you effing kidding me Jake? So I rush out and indeed effing hell the kid has thrown up all over our carpet. I wanted to cry. I run to the kitchen to grab paper towels, but the pregnant wife was already using some sort of napkin slash cloth to stop it up, but she was smearing it and making it worse. I came to help her and the kid is now screaming at this point while she is yelling at him to shut the f up. My boyfriend and the husband that came over to help but the wife told them to go away because she got handled. The wife asked if he would mind taking them to the bathroom to rinse them and the only reason why I say yes is because I'm seriously worried about the kid. I strip them and run warm water in our tub and put them in it. Then I put a thermometer in his mouth and lo and behold he has a temperature of 106 degrees, not a good sign at all. That paired with symptoms of vomiting, rapid breathing and looking really lethargic is a combination good enough for the yard. So I yell for the mother to get to the bathroom and ask her where she thinks he got the food poisoning from. She says she doesn't know and that he's just eating fruit for the past two days. I'm freaking out because the symptoms are consistent with meningitis. Poor kid keeps grabbing his head and crying so clearly he has a headache too. I ask her if she's gotten him the shots for meningitis and she said she doesn't think he's been had any shots at all. I'm going into a panic now. I feel Jake's neck and try to ask him slowly if he feels like it's difficult to move. He just cries more. I ask her to call my for my boyfriend and husband and explain the situation to them and the husband confirms that the baby has not gone any medication for the mening vocal box so it's a no brainer at this point. I tell them how life threatening this infection is and that it may leave Jake paralyzed. The wife person to tears and gives the okay so all four of us plus Jake get in the car to drive to the ER. My boyfriend is driving and I'm in the back cradling Jake and checking for rashes on his arms and legs with a cell phone flashlight. The wife is still crying. I am close to crying. We finally get to the ER and I tell them there's a two-year-old boy the symptoms blah blah blah blah with no medication for meningitis and we suspect he has it. They immediately bring him in and ask them if I was the parent and I said no and pointed to the wife who was trailing behind me in tears. They brought her in with the toddler and told me to stay in the waiting area. At this point I take my first breath. Five minutes later the husband and my boyfriend come rushing in and I tell the husband to go talk to staff so they can bring him in. He does and my boyfriend comes to hug me and eff it. I just start bawling my eyes out. He keeps telling me he's sorry that it's all his fault. I'm still crying into him. He calls the nubber for me and tells me to go home and get some sleep in that he'll handle the rest. I'm too tired to resist so I get home at like 12 a.m. Brush my teeth and just crash after I got a text saying they put them on antibiotics and are waiting for blood test results in the culture but that he was stable. I wake up the next morning at like 10 a.m. and the apartment is like super quiet and my boyfriend isn't in bed next to me so I get up and walk into our living area and see him sleeping on the couch and not a single luggage bag or pregnant wife in sight. I nudge my boyfriend awake and he tells me everything that happened. The toddler is in the ICU and my boyfriend managed to get a hotel nearby for them for half price after telling them what had happened. He paid for a week long stay for them and then helped move everything out of their apartment and to the hotel with the husband while the wife was at the hospital. He kept saying he was sorry and that he didn't take anything through and for me to forgive him. I said it was okay and hugged him. It turned out to be one hell of an experience I don't ever want to relive again but I'm glad Jake is safe and I'm glad they won't be living with us. Also some key points that people keep missing. The pregnant wife husband and toddler chose to drive over 600 miles to live in our two bedroom, two bath instead of living with the husband's wealthy only around 200 miles. away, family, who were also the ones to pay for their house and house them for two years. I have my suspicions as to why this is the case, but you make your own judgments. And finally, the pregnant wife's behavior is no different than normal. I've been to their house multiple times, and I can confirm that she curses at her child, drinks while pregnant, and is unable to adequately care for the child. One user says, "Cudos for catching on that Jake was sick. I'm glad he's on the mend. Probably was a good thing that initially they did go there so you could catch it. Probably saved the kid's life." And the OP responded and says, "Thanks, I'm really glad it happened too." And someone responds to the OP here and says, "Man, you are a effing hero. I started a crime just reading this. I live in Alberta in a couple years ago, a couple here killed their son by ignoring medication and medical care. He had meningitis. It was heartbreaking and is still going through the court system. This couple literally owes you their son's life." And then the OP responds and says, "Thanks, but I'm not a hero. But yes, please make sure to get medication." And another user says, "Sometimes things happen for a reason. It seems like this happened to you so you could save a life. Bad experience for you. Good for the kid." And the OP responds and says, "Yes, I'm thankful that I was able to catch on to a few of his symptoms. I'm no doctor by any means, but meningitis is an incredibly scary infection. I'm glad I urged them to go to the ER. But I must say, I lost a lot more respect for the family from this experience. And all right guys, that wraps up three hours of some horrifying red threads. I really hope you enjoyed today's video. If you did, make sure to like the video and subscribe to the channel. All of the support means the world and every single subscription counts towards the big goal, the big one million. And if you're still watching three hours into this, I just want to say you're amazing. And all of the support is just unbelievable. You guys are the best. I truly believe we have one of the best communities on YouTube and Spotify. So thank you guys for making this possible. And also make sure to comment down below, which you thought about today's video. Would you like to see more videos like this in the future? If so, like I said, please comment down below. I read every single comment. So yeah, all of the comments are greatly appreciated. But um, all right, that's enough yapping. I've been sitting here for three hours talking to you guys. So if you'd like to hear more of me talking, please check out some more videos on the channel. I'm sure you will find them entertaining and love them. But um, all right guys, thank you guys so much for watching from the bottom of my heart. It truly does mean the world. And this was Snook and I'll see you next time. Bye.