3 Hours of Deranged Reddit Threads

Hey what's up guys and welcome back to the channel and today we're getting into three hours of some deranged Reddit threads and oh boy, do I have some insane Disturbing horrifying and just downright depraved Reddit threads for you guys today So make sure to stick around and I appreciate you guys done by it means the world to make you like the video and Subscribe to the channel the channel subscriber goals one million subscribers before the end of the year And I really think we can hit this goal, so please subscribe. I would love for you to join this community and Speaking of community these support on all fronts has been Unreal recently the comments have been beyond nice to me too nice to me and you guys just watching every single video Has meant the world and all the support over on Spotify and the support on Instagram has been unreal You guys are the best and so I just want to say thank you guys so so much you guys are the best community on YouTube Hands down and anyways back to the subject matter at hand today. We're getting into some crazy Reddit threads and you'll just have to stick around and see for yourself But before that make sure you sit back relax grab a drink grab a snack and get cozy because today we're getting into Three hours of some deranged Reddit threads My boyfriend and our circle of friends pranked me on my birthday and I ghosted them because of it Throw away because my co-workers know about my main Reddit account and I don't want them to know about this issue of mine I 27 male met my probably soon to be ex boyfriend Alex 29 male two years ago through a mutual friend of ours I never expected he'd be interested in me because when I first met him He had only been with women. He came out as buy to me and our friends not too long after that and that same night He hinted that he was into me. We got to know each other more and it eventually turned out into the two of us dating He is genuinely a sweet and awesome guy Quite introverted, but has a big heart and a real geek about the things he likes I thought he'd be the one I'd be marrying in all that But I'm thinking that's not gonna happen anymore Last Monday was my birthday and I went home early from work so that Alex and I can go out and enjoy ourselves I told him earlier that day that I'd be home early When I opened the door I was greeted by him laying on our couch while a woman I didn't know was on top of him They were fully clothed by the way. I was basically it paralyzed and could not react at all He eventually saw me and had a surprised look on his face But he also looked like he was trying to hold his laugh in The woman also looked like she was about to laugh as well I also started to hear chatter from the kitchen and in our bedroom Alex and shouted you guys can come out and so our friends come out of our bedroom and kitchen holding gifts party poppers in a cake I guess them shouting it's a prank happy birthday while turning the party poppers on snap me back to reality Because after they said that I just quietly turned around and left I didn't see the reactions when I did that but I could hear them saying oh god and wait and some other things I can't remember when I heard them trying to follow me I hastened my pace until I reached my car and drove away While driving my phone started to get bombarded by texts calls and messages from my boyfriend and our friends When I got to distracting I just turned off my phone and went to a hotel that's far enough for my place By the time I got to my hotel room and I just started sobbing on the floor I think I blacked out from crying because when I woke up it was already sunny outside I made sure to tell my team leader first that I'd be absent for a few days due to an emergency And she was kind enough to accept my request She probably noticed something was off with me because I was sniffling in my voice sounded weak Right now I plan on telling my aunt who lives near my area about what happened and asking if I could live with her for a couple of days Until I sort out my mind and know what I have to do next I am deeply heartbroken because I told my boyfriend and my friends before How I felt about cheating and how it essentially ruined my family growing up and my young mind back then My mom cheated on my dad and it broke our family and I got cheated on by my first boyfriend But at the same time I can't help but feel like I overreacted and that I shouldn't have just went with it all I still don't plan on opening my phone. So I'm using my laptop right now to type this I don't know how to phase and respond to them all after all that has happened Maybe some time away from them will help I hope and now let's get into some of the top comments One user says you told people you trust about your trauma and they turned around and used it to prank you You did not overreact. They were very cruel to think you will find it funny Take your time and deciding how you need to proceed with this information in mind Another user says so they know your stance on cheating and thought the best prank to pull would involve something that you hate Involving your boyfriend and a girl great plan these friends sound great They all know they effed up the second you left and they went to god But I thought like this should never have been considered and the fact that they thought this would be a good idea on your birthday The disrespect if I was you I would be done completely. It's humiliating towards you for a prank How you react in future when they bring this up as a funny story. That's not funny It's horrible that your birthday was ruined go see your aunt and let her know the situation You need a good support system How did not one friend say this isn't a good idea? WTF And then the OP post an update about a week later and let's get into it This reads hi there. I'm sorry. It took me a lot of post an update I've been busy and I also got back to working two days ago So I don't really have that much free time on me anymore But before I get started with the actual update I would like to thank everyone who has given me their advices and wisdom Along with those who wish me well in a belated happy birthday New folks really made me feel happy even after all that has happened I never thought internet strangers could be so kind LOL Normally I can find with my partners whenever I had a problem But since they somehow became part of that problem I thought maybe going here would be a good idea and I guess it was Truly thank you to all of you Although even if almost all of you had nothing but great advice and nice things to say There were some who were skeptical or were even harsh Specifically in the way I just ghosted my boyfriend and everyone at that surprise party Truth be told I could have done something more mature as some would say But really in that moment all I could think was remove myself from that situation Because I wouldn't know what I would do if I fell back to my old self Also sorry for any typos. I wrote this all on my phone For context I found out my mom was cheating on my dad at 14 years old I got home from school early and found that the house was empty I went upstairs to go to my room But as I got nearer to my parents room I heard these faint sounds of intimacy and it didn't help that the door to the room was slightly opened Curiosity got the best of me and I decided to take a peek inside and there she was My own mom cheated on my dad with his coworker I felt like I was going to be sick Like it was some sort of nightmare I froze there for a few seconds before my dad's coworker noticed me and immediately alerted my mom that I was watching them When my mom finally realized what happened she started calling me out and tried to follow me But I got to run to my room and locked it before she could catch me My mom was frantically calling out my name and knocking hard on the door, but all I could do is cry The realization that the person I was calling my mom wasn't the person I thought she was hit me like a ton of bricks Because I used to adore my mom She was always around while my dad was working full-time Which made me resent my dad because he was never around I remember hiding in my bed sheets and eventually falling asleep I was woken up by my dad knocking on my door and calling me to come out I had to comply of course and when I opened my door my father was standing in front of me With my mom behind me He gave me a tight hug and asked me about the guys who bullied me while I was walking home from school And I was confused when he mentioned that but then I saw my mom looking mad at me And basically telling me through her face that I should go along with it as much as I hated it I went along with it because I didn't want to hurt my dad Since then I've decided to fully ignore my mom unless it was for a chore or something important And when I moved out at 18, I made sure to go no contact on her and only talked to her when my dad wanted me to My mom and dad eventually divorced after I moved out Turns out he always knew but didn't want to do anything about it until I moved out because he didn't want me to live in a household Riddled with arguments and stress brought up on by divorcing couples It didn't really work but I appreciate my dad for still looking out after me even if he was hurting. Then, when I was 19, I got into my first ever relationship. We had a pretty nice start, and we were each others firsts. But when I found out he was cheating on me, things got really ugly. I know this is not an excuse, but I was young and didn't know how to handle that information when I got it. And knowing how much I hated cheating, I basically went crazy on him, and turned to destroying his stuff, deleting all copies of his thesis, and even went as far as doing this insane Facebook rant where I exposed his cheating and posted pictures of him in the guy he was cheating me with. And even mentioned his mom and dad in the post, and outing him without his consent. I deleted the post just two days after, but the damage had already been done, and my ex ended up moving away and living in another area because of my post. Obviously, I'm thoroughly embarrassed and ashamed of what I've done. And I still regret doing all of that. When my aunt found out what I did, she gave me a pretty stern scolding and insisted that I had to get checked by a psychiatrist, because what I did is not normal, and it's not. And I got diagnosed with severe depression, and the doctors also said I had some unresolved trauma, which confused my aunt. But after telling her what happened six years ago, she fully understood why and gave me a tight hug and cried after spilling everything to her. She felt bad because she wasn't able to do anything to help me before, and now it's extremely mad at her sister, my mom for doing all of that to me. Ever since then, my aunt has helped me get to the therapy and meds that I need, and essentially turned into my mother figure. My ex and I don't talk much these days, but we have made amends and we are all at good terms now. And then now that all of this stuff from my past has finally been laid out, for those wondering why I did what I did, here is the actual update. After I submitted my original post, I packed my things that night to prepare to go to my aunt's house, which wasn't that far, but still a bit of a drive nonetheless. When I finally got there, she was incredibly welcoming, and I thanked her for allowing me to stay in her house even just for a while. She gave me a tight hug, and told me I was always welcome, and that she will be there to help me when I need her to. She eventually led me to the spare bedroom that they have in their house and helped me unpack my stuff. She is honestly such an incredible woman, and I love her so much. She's basically the mom I have always wanted. Once I was done unpacking, I was again confronted by the fact that I haven't opened my phone for quite some time now. I've avoided it for so long that I didn't think I could open it again, but I knew I had to. The moment my phone booted up, hundreds upon hundreds of texts, chats, and missed calls popped up on my screen. Even if I was still hesitant, I decided to open my chats and looked at our friends' groups group chat first. The chats from the start were all very frantic in nature, with my friends asking about where I was or what happened, but after scrolling down a few more times, the chats turned into them apologizing that the prank happened, and that it was not on the plan at all. One of my friends even blamed the girl that was on top of Alex, my boyfriend, and thought she was untrustworthy. Finally, the chats ended up being them hoping they could contact me and wishing I was safe. I guess they knew I just read their chats, because as soon as I was done back reading, my friends immediately knew I was online, and asked how I was doing and where I was. They also started apologizing again for not being able to stop the prank from happening, and that they didn't know what was going to happen, and thought the original prank was going to be something else. At this point, I was thoroughly confused because they seemed happy enough to be there during that night, but I knew I had to apologize to them first for ghosting them, and asking their side of the story first before speaking about what had happened. Essentially, they were simply planning a surprise birthday party for me with Alex in a group chat that didn't include me. Then my boyfriend added a few more people into the group chat, saying that they were the college friends of his, and he wanted them to be a part of the surprise party too, since they also wanted to meet and get to know me better. As a suggestion, one of my boyfriend's college friends pitched the idea of them pranking me. The plan was my boyfriend is going to be on the couch with a serial killer, holding a bloody knife and fake killing my boyfriend, while the killer was on top of him, and while my boyfriend is bleeding everywhere. My boyfriend's college friends thought it would be funny to see my reaction, although my friends were initially skeptical. And just like as a side no, I'm just going to interject real quick, that is like the craziest prank ever. When someone's birthday, why would you ever think to do that? That is just seriously unhinged and just like what? That is like the most idiotic and just strange prank ever, like that is just deranged. Like why would that ever be funny? To like freak someone out thinking their boyfriend is being stabbed to death? It's not like a Halloween party, like even still if it was a Halloween party, like none of this makes any sense, this is like is completely just like crazy. Anyways, let's continue. They reassured him that it would be harmless fun, and that once my boyfriend and the friend who will be acting as the killer got their desired reaction on camera, they can just tell me that it was all a prank, and my friends and my boyfriend's other college friends would come out and surprise me with their gifts and stuff. My friends eventually agreed, so as long as they don't drag out the prank, and immediately reveal everything once they captured my reaction on camera. The day of my birthday comes, and everything they've planned seems to be going smoothly, with them waiting for me. My boyfriend's college friends assured everyone to hide while they set up the prank. And when it was done, they would hide too. When they finally heard my boyfriend say they can come out, they thought the prank was a success because I looked absolutely mortified, but they knew something was up when even after the prank was revealed. I was still looking shocked and almost teary eyed, until I finally turned around and left. They were understandably shook and confused, thinking the serial killer prank was too much, but knowing me, I wouldn't have minded it at all because I love scary movies, and an avid horror enjoyer. That was then, they realized that my boyfriend's female college friend was on top of my boyfriend, not wearing any serial killer costume, and not holding any fake knife. They then saw my boyfriend pushing his female college friend away from him, and chasing after me. Some of them also tried to follow me, while some were asking what happened to the original plan. Even my boyfriend's other college friends were wondering why their female friend was not in costume, but she was just silent. After a few minutes, my boyfriend came back to our apartment looking to stront and crying. He then tells everyone that they should all go and proceed to go to our bedroom. They wanted to ask him what happened, but he shut the door before they could. His female college friend then followed him inside, which really weirded them out, but after a while, they hear my boyfriend shouting at her, telling her to f off. She then goes out the door on the verge of tears, and leaves the apartment. They said everything happened so fast that they didn't know how to process all that has happened. Not too long after that though, they realized that I was missing and started calling and texting me. But I didn't respond to any of them. Eventually, I was unreachable. I turned off my phone, and decided they should just go home and wait for me to respond. My boyfriend's college friends apologized profusely to what had happened, and didn't mean for any of this to happen, but they basically just ignored them. They then followed their retelling of their side of the videos that they've recorded that proved their accounts, along with an apology, and wishing that I was doing well. After my friends told them what happened on their point of view, I felt really terrible and apologized again for ghosting them, and telling them that everything that happened was not their fault. I told them that I would make it up to them soon, but they reassured me that they accept my apology, and are just happy that I'm alive and well. They also pitched to have a late birthday celebration with me this weekend, and my boyfriend and his friends aren't included this time. I of course happily agreed, and thanked them for being such great friends, and that I really couldn't thank them enough for being such an awesome bunch of people. The morning of the next day, my aunt knocks on my door, and wakes me up, telling me that I have a visitor downstairs. She looked a bit mad, so I can already tell who it was. It was my boyfriend, Alex, carrying this beautiful bouquet of flowers in my favorite chocolates with him. Even if he looked amazing, his face was the complete opposite because he looked like he was crying for days. I asked him how he found out where I was, and told me that once I turned on my phone again, in app on my phone that we both have notified him of my whereabouts. It's basically an app that allows you and your trusted friends to share your locations in real time, as long as you have an internet connection in your locations is on. I was a bit frustrated that he actually came here to my aunt's house, but nevertheless, he was already there, so might as well just hear him out on what he has to say. Basically, reiterated what my friends told me. But he added in some more details that my friends did not know about. Apparently, his old college friends reconnected with him after he lost touch with them after they graduated. They found his Facebook account, through some searching, and wanted to ask him about his life after all those years. They were especially happy when he told them that he currently has a boyfriend because they secretly knew he was by, but they don't want to make assumptions or make him feel weird about it. Alex eventually tells them about me, and he mentions that him and our friends are planning a secret birthday surprise for me, and they immediately wanted to be a part of it. After they were added to the group chat, they started suggesting ideas on how to make this surprise much more fun. Until their female friend, we'll call her Anna, suggested that they do it pranked his surprise me. Alex's friends were immediately on board because they saw TikToks of it and thought it was really funny, but my friends were obviously skeptical. Eventually, they greeted what the prank is going to be, and that the prank wouldn't take too long. Anna volunteered to be the serial killer, since it was her idea, and they all went and did their parts of the surprise so that everything would be ready when my birthday comes. The day of the surprise party comes, and everyone prepares for my arrival, when Anna and Alex went into their assigned positions for their prank, he wondered why she still wasn't in her costume, and that her props were missing. But all she could reply was that she forgot. Alex offers to find the costume in props, but Anna insists that there's no more time, and that I was going to arrive soon. Alex at this point was extremely uncomfortable and wanted to get out of their position, but before he could do it, I've already opened the door and saw them. He admits that he effed up by laughing a bit at my reaction, because it was exactly the reaction he thought I was going to make, but immediately realized what it looked like, and called everyone to come out to save him from the embarrassment, and give context to what I was seeing. When he realized that it didn't work, he forcefully pushed Anna away to chase after me, but he wasn't able to keep up once I got into my car. It then sunk into him that he effed up big time, and that when I drove away, that's when he remembered my trauma about cheating, which made him cry while returning to our apartment. He tells everyone to leave and retreat star bedroom, not really knowing what to do. To his shock, Anna comes inside our room unannounced and starts comforting Alex. He repeatedly tells her to leave, and that he'll be fine, but what really sets him off was Anna asking him, so does that mean you're single now? That's when he realized she did it on purpose. Alex then shouts at herself and angrily asks her to leave, which she then complies to after looking like she just embarrassed herself. Alex is in tears at this point, and he tells me that he wishes he just didn't agree with the prank. He's cut off contact with his college friends for now, and is incredibly sorry about what happened. He then starts hugging me really tightly, and says that he loves me so much, and that he's scared of losing me. His words alone also made me cry because even after everything, I still love him deeply, and I do believe everything he said. After a minute or two of us hugging and crying, he lets go of me and tells me that we should get back together to apartment, but that if I still need time and space, he'll gladly give it to me. I gave him a kiss and responded to him, with me asking him to help me pack my stuff. Of course, I gave my aunt the warmest of hugs and told her how much I appreciated her for helping me. She was happy things got resolved, but also jokingly threatened my boyfriend that if he did something stupid or hurtful to me again, she'll personally whisk me away to safety and away from him. My boyfriend laughed, but I think he was just hiding his nervousness. Now I'm back in our apartment, and Alex even offered to throw away the couch that was used for the prank, but I declined since it's a pretty nice couch, and everything that has happened was something no one wanted, aside Anna probably. I've already made amends with my brother, and we've both forgiven each other, and my friends are happy that things worked out in the end. Alex is probably now invited to the weekend party, but I've yet to ask them. Don't worry, I'm also going to get in touch with my therapist soon and book new appointments with her, perthee suggestion of my aunt. This has all taken a toll on me, but I'm glad to have these supports of my boyfriend, my friends, and everyone who has read my post, and shared their support to me. Also, I realized that this update is probably not what most of you wanted to happen, and as much as I was close to just giving it all up, I never had a reason in the end, and I'm glad to hear their sides out before making any huge decisions that I might end up regretting later. And I do trust my boyfriend, and my friends, since they all sounded sincere, and they did have proofs to back them up. I think this is going to be my last update, since everything seems to have been resolved at this point. But I'll try to make an update if ever something happens, but I hope that's not going to happen. Once again, thank you, everyone. And now let's get into some of the top comments. One person says, "Can I talk to you like a mama? Because it sure sounds like you need one. Or at least an older sister. You need some good kinfolk around you right now. You have nothing to make up for. You suffered a trauma-based response, and that was to run. Some of us fights, some of us flee, some of us freeze, and some of us fawn. You ran. And that's okay. A simple apology is fine, and that's all you need to do. If they are decent people, they all understand, and give you grace. Let me talk about Alex for a second. He can bring you all the flowers he can buy and say all the right things, but his actions need to speak as loudly as his words. He needs to block Anon all social media platforms on his phone, his email, go completely no contact. She knew what she was doing, and this was an intentional move on her part. It's not necessarily Alex's fault for not seeing it for what it was, but he needs to understand her motives. And she wants him. It's absolutely fine to accept apologies and give apologies and move on. But remember that an apology is a verb. It requires actions, and not just words. Also, I'm with your aunt on this one. If Alex messes up again, I'm going to catch a felony assault charge. My trauma response is fight. Another user says, "Am I the only one who does not believe Alex and it just so happened to forget her costume that made up essentially the entire prank?" And instead of having the normal reaction of calling it off, he allowed her to climb onto his lap in normal clothes, no serial killer costume in sight and didn't say anything until she was already on top of him. And then in timing, that'd be fitting for a goddamn movie, OP walks in the door before poor Alex and get her off of him, and then he laughs. Come on, I don't believe that for a second. He agreed to make it look like he was cheating on his partner and only after said partner got upset that he realized he effed up and is now backtracking and trying to claim he was innocent and didn't know what was happening. He's pinning the blame on Anna because he realized too late how effed up it was, but his excuses don't make sense. He was in on it until he realized you would not forgive him. And someone responds and says, "I don't buy it. Even the killer prank was already beyond effed up. This whole situation is effed." And another user says, "And the serial killer prank is better how? How old are these people?" And someone responds and says, "Reminds me of that poor girl who's boyfriend and his male friends decided that he should stage a kidnapping as part of his proposal. He had his friends kidnapped her from the side of the road. While she was out walking, they threw into a van, tied her up and blindfolded her, and violated her, and she was irreparably traumatized by the entire experience. Absolutely the worst reddit story and updates I have ever read. And another user says, "I'm gonna go against everyone else here and say your friends and boyfriend are trash for even agreeing to the serial killer prank, and you shouldn't forgive them so easily. I don't care what people have to say to me after this. You say you love horror and all that, but that doesn't matter. I love horror too, but no matter how much someone loves scary stuff, if a person went home and found their loved one dead at the hands of a killer, it wouldn't be a funny prank. That's horrifying. It causes extreme distress. But then suddenly everyone is laughing and saying it was a prank? Someone should have said, "No, F this, I'm out. It wasn't a funny prank. It was psychotic and they're all effing idiots who panicked because he didn't find their BS funny. I 100% believe the killer prank is made up, and everyone agreed to do a cheating prank. Your boyfriend is a POS, and so are your friends. And I completely agree with the commenter here. Like I like horror and scary stuff. Like you guys know my channel, you guys know me. And I would like this would be like I would never want this like why that's not a funny prank. That's just a effed up prank that would like traumatize anyone who walks in on that like imagine on your birthday. Like I'm just laughing because it's so ridiculous, but imagine on your birthday walk. Walking into your apartment and your boyfriend or significant other has blood all over them and a fake knife like stabbing them or like a fake killer. Like that would traumatize anyone like that is just not a funny prank and that's just ridiculous and I don't know if I believe the OP's boyfriend here. Like this is just a weird and very disturbing situation but the OP comes back a few weeks later with another update and let's get into it. This reads, "Hello, this is definitely my last update about this mess because quite frankly, I'm tired of all of this but before I start this update, I would like to say sorry to everyone who thought my previous update was too long. I guess I was just overcome with joy. I feel stupid about it now. Talking about what happened that I didn't get to edit it much but don't worry. This update won't be as long. And thank you to everyone who had nothing but kind words. I really appreciate you all." So a few days after my previous update, Alex, my now ex-boyfriend, came up to me while sobbing and confessed that he hasn't told me the complete truth about Anna. Apparently, him and Anna were a couple back then. She was his first girlfriend and he did a lot of his first with her, first kiss, first date, first, intimacy, etc. Once they graduated, Anna broke things off with him because she couldn't handle long distance relationships and didn't want to be tied down yet. Anna breaking up with him caused him to go into a spiral and develop severe depression, along with SH tendencies, something he still goes with therapy for. It took a lot of work for him to get out of that hole and be a functioning human adult again, but things apparently did not completely change for the better for him until he met me. As I quote, I was quote, "the light at the end of the tunnel that he desperately wanted to get out of, but I guess goes from the past have their way of coming back to haunt you." A few weeks before my birthday, Alex's college friends found his Facebook and contacted him to reconnect. Things went well for them, until he was added into their group chat that had Anna in as well. As what he said, it definitely re-ignited some old feelings that he had, and it also didn't help that Anna was acting like nothing bad happened between the two of them. They agreed to meet to catch up. One thing led to another, until that one thing ended up being them having intimacy every day up until the birthday surprise, LOL. It only really hit him how much he effed up and realized that he was doing something incredibly horrible when he saw my devastated face after seeing Anna on top of him for the prank. That they supposedly planned for me. According to him, he was trying to bring back those strong feelings and emotions that he once felt back when he was with Anna. But seeing me look ruined and distraught, made him realize that what he had with me was incomparable to what him and Anna had. So I guess that's what led him to confess and be all remorseful. Both of course I had to hear him apologize and cry in front of me, and I did cry too. But I couldn't bear being around him anymore after hearing all that. I then calmly told him that I accept his apology, but that I didn't want to be with him anymore, and that I would be leaving the apartment and sort things out once we were both in the clear state of mind. He didn't like that one bit and sort of sobbing like crazy, and even when as far as hugging me, incredibly tight, just so that I wouldn't go. It was a struggle, but I eventually got out of its clutches by pushing him away hard enough. I ran as fast as I could, ironic, to get to my car and immediately head to my aunt's house. When I got there, I just sobbed into my aunt's arms and felt incredibly weak. She probably understood why I was crying that much without asking me why, so she started consoling me until I was too tired to cry and slept. Yesterday I got a call from a friend of Alex that he's in the hospital, after being found unresponsive. I didn't want to go because I'm obviously still heard about everything, but Alex doesn't have any family anywhere near him, and I'm the only one who knows about his medical history and details, and technically his closest family. So I had to. When I got there, his arms were full of bandages, and his face looked all puffy and red. Right now I am outside his hospital room, waiting for the doctors to give me an update or tell me anything or something that I should do. He also hasn't woken up yet, so embrace myself for what he does. Truthfully, I do still love him very much, but what he did just made it clear for me that we're not meant to be together. I don't know what I'll do moving forward after all of this, but I'll just let the universe take the wheel for me at this point. I just wish things didn't end up this way. Edit. I would like to just thank everyone who is stuck with me through this ordeal, and had nothing but kind words to say. You folks have no idea how you've helped me through all of this. I hope I get to repay all of your kindness some day. As for me, I'm doing mostly alright. I didn't want to stay in the hospital for long, so once I got to get the doctors necessary info and stuff, I left immediately. My aunt then helped me get all of my stuff from our apartment, and also called my landlord about our shared lease. Our apartment was full of liquor bottles, and was just an overall mess. So it took a while for us to get my stuff, and I also did some cleanup before I left. It was sort of like my final goodbye to that place. Even if my relationship basically ended there, I also had a ton of fun and happy memories there, and I will definitely miss it. Right now, I'm living with my aunt for the meantime while I look for a new apartment. My friends still don't know about what happened, and I think I'll tell them soon, but definitely not now. No, I just want to rest and sleep and hopefully wake up to a better day. Once again, thank you all. One person says, "Let Anna know he's in the hospital and let her take care of his care. No longer your problem, to be honest." Another user says, "He has friends, please do not stay there. He's just trying to latch on to you. Please, please, please stay away from him." And another user says, "I'm so sorry for all of this. I don't want to sound cold, but he knew your traumas and not only did them, but using as a prank. The version he told in your last update is BS. The girl was trying to break you up, but he was already cheating by then. He did this to himself, and has all selfish people do. He expects you to save him. Don't let yourself be dragged down. It'll hurt for sure, but move on. You have your support system. Protect yourself." And another user says, "Hi buddy, I read your post only today, and now this update. I just want you to know that you are not responsible for others' actions." This is not your fault, and I speak from experience. My ex-husband did commit S-word after threatening for months after we split. It was fake after fake until he did eventually. You need to, regardless of your ex's predicament, make moves forward for you. Get some counseling. Move out, and if need be, put your ex in contact with his actual family/friends and let them deal with this. This is not your fault or problem. This is the result of their actions. They need to live through it as, "Do you." Take care, and don't look back. It sounds awful, but your ex had a choice then, and does now, "What they chose isn't on you." And another person says, "Do not let him see you in that hospital. Do not go to that hospital." He is now doing extreme things after not getting what he wanted out of you. Which was for you to ignore the despicable acts of his and be fine with the whole situation. After lying to you about it for a good while, might I add. He is doing this because he is hoping that this will rope you back in. If you show him that this is a good way to get you to comply with him, he will do it every single time anything happens like this in the future. He will be using these extreme tendencies against you to trap you in an abuse situation. You deserve miles better. If you really had been the light at the end of the tunnel, he wouldn't have thrown that away and rubbed it in your face the way he did. Would he? He is manipulating you. Please get out. And this is the last update we have ever received from the OP. 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She is lean, tall, has short hair, and is just one of the boys in a lot of ways. This weekend was Alex's bachelor party. All four plus two other of Alex's friends went along. It was to a coastal town that's well-known for hosting bachelor and bachelorette parties, but there's no sort of adult clubs or anything. They stayed in a B&B and have scuba diving and kayaking plan. First night went okay. Dinner, restaurant, and nightclub and home. Last night was the issue. They did the nightclub and headed back to the house. Marcus and Daniel, who were both single, brought back two girls from the nightclub and got busy in their bedrooms. The rest were drinking in the living room, but things got a bit loud, and the two friends started complaining that they didn't go to go to a adult club and never got to see all the things you see at adult club. They were blaming their wives and calling them names. Danny told them to shush as it was ruining the mood, and they both thought it would be funny if they saw Danny's body unclothed to make up for it. The thing is Alex joined in and they took off her clothes. She was screaming loudly and Marcus and Daniel came running and rescued Danny and put her in the bedroom with the girls and had a fight with the three men. Daniel doesn't drink due to a chronic medical condition and the medication he's on, so they packed up and took Danny and the two girls and left the other three. Danny was hysterical and Marcus wanted her to the police station, but she wouldn't. She was afraid to go home, so they ended up dropping the girls off and taking Danny to her parents, which was an hour away. Marcus was at my door at 7am this morning and he told me what had happened, that if he ever sees Alex again, he's afraid of how things could go. He told me that if he can convince Danny to press charges, he will. Then he left. Alex returned about three this afternoon. He was acting normally until I told him Marcus had visited. He was very nervous and tried to play down what happened as a joke that got out of hand. I'm devastated. I heard him out, but he knew I wasn't accepting what he was saying. I told him Danny maybe going to the police and he got very panicked and pale. He said she had him blocked and he wanted to go talk to her. I told him she wasn't at her place as she was too afraid he or his buddies would turn up there. I asked him to leave and he didn't want to go but I insisted. He was crying, saying it was a prank that got out of hand. I heard him out only as a courtesy to our two-year relationship, but I'm done. I don't know this man. I don't know if I should reach out to Danny or just do nothing. Marcus and I have been in constant contact and he agrees that I have no option but to break up with Alex. I don't know where to start with canceling everything as the wedding was in five weeks, but it seems trivial compared to what Danny is going through right now. Marcus is convinced that Danny is going to the police after talking to her parents, so I think Alex is in trouble. I can't support him on this. Maybe I'm wrong as he was drunk and probably had taken other things but this was his friend from age four and he did this to her. I've not blocked Alex but I've not replied or picked up any of his calls and now let's get into some of the top comments. One user says good on you for being done. This isn't a damn prank. Everyone in the effing world knows better than this. I would reach out to Danny in person if possible and express your support for her. Knowing that people she cares about believe her and are choosing her in this situation instead of those who assaulted her is going to be very important in her healing process. Don't push her to press charges though. Let her decide that on her own and remain neutral on either choice she makes. The OP response says she's about three hours away from me right now so I may just message her tomorrow and tell her that I'm there for her if she needs anything and that I'm done with Alex. Like I said, she is a really sweet person and we have a good relationship. I'm still kind of processing everything right now but I've decided I'm going to ask my brother to come stay with me for a while. I've told my parents I'm visiting tomorrow and will get their help with everything that needs cancelling and another user says without the intervention of the friends it would have been a R word. No excuse. All the money you lost in cancelling the wedding is the price to not live with a R wordest. Another user says I would start by letting people know the wedding is off. Tell your parents and tell his parents so that they can field any questions from extended family. Have a standard explanation. I suggest Alex was involved in a criminal incident that caused the end of our relationship. Out of sensitivity to the victim we will not be providing further details. Please know that this criminal activity has been confirmed by several witnesses known to both of us and the victim and there is no doubt that he is guilty. Reach out to people via a text or email. Just check them off the list. No need to do individual conversations. Don't answer your phone from extended family/friends. If you don't want them to talk to them and hold firm to the explanation. Provide nothing else unless and until Danny blesses it. Let Danny know even if it's through Marcus that you believe her and you are horrified for her. The best comfort I think you can give is not marrying this man and supporting her by firming that it happened and that it was a crime. In the OP response and says okay thank you so much. I can follow this list and it gives me a plan now. I was really struggling at where to start. All I did so far was ask my brother to stay and he is on his way. This is very helpful. I truly appreciate this as I am a mess right now. And then the OP posting update the next day and let's get into it. The update reads sorry I don't know how to do updates so I'm posting this separately. It's been a terrible day. I can't reach out to my friends yet as I'm ashamed. I did tell my parents and my brother and they've been wonderful. My brother brought his friend with him when he came to stay and today both of them packed up every bit of my ex's stuff and took it to his parents house. Ex was there and just asked if that meant I was finished with him and my brother said yes and did he really expect any other reaction. His father intervened and told ex not to say anything more. He told my brother to tell me to contact him on canceling the wedding. I'm not contacting his father ever. My parents are handling canceling the wedding and my father got into my cousin who is a lawyer and he is going to help and advise me as needed. I have to disentangle myself from acts on leases, bank accounts, savings and such. Although my brother made me transfer all my money from joint accounts savings and daily accounts to my own account. It's just a mess. I tried to ring Danny but she isn't up for speaking to anyone so I just texted her that I was there for her and that I had broken up with Alex. She has not replied and I don't expect she will. She isn't a bad way of apparently. Daniel spent three hours with me today. There's a lot going on but I'm afraid to say too much for fear of damaging any court case. Just to say there are two videos of the incident. One by jab, one of the two friends. A lot of it is chaotic but the last part is clear and telling apparently. The owners of the rental house apparently have gotten involved and have footage but I can't say more. When Marcus left, me, he went to both those guys wives and told him what happened. Also sorry if this is a little bit choppy. The OP didn't add any sort of commons or anything so I'm trying to read my read this the best I can but let's continue. Jeb's wife has been very helpful apparently and she is split with him. The other guy's wife, too, has left him. Things are going how most of you want them to go. That's all I will say. Well, I will add, it was worse than what Marcus shared. Daniel told me that before Danny found her style, she had long hair and dressed feminine and was stunningly beautiful. And all three of them were in love with her as teens. Alex took her rejection very personally, apparently. And Daniel says he was angry and bitter for a couple of years, but hit it from her. The thought he had gotten over it, but Daniel feels this max of revenge against her, scary if this is true. I have and continue to receive hundreds of tax from Alex. He told me his father told him to stop texting me but he can't. I have no reply or blocked based on advice. This is very hard, and I don't know what way all of this is going to end up. Sorry about any mistakes and typos, I am not doing very well. If there's more, I will post again if I am able to. One user says, I'm so sorry. You're doing the right thing, and I'm glad you didn't marry him. You're doing the most right thing you could do to Danny and yourself. I'm just so, so sorry. There's nothing that'll make this immediately better, but I want you to know you're being a good, strong brave and moral person and you have dodged a bullet. You must be absolutely gutted right now. But how are you handling this is intensely brave and admirable and in due time? I think you'll just be glad you did not marry him and he will have his own consequences. I'm so sorry, people are so horrible. And it's so hard to avoid loving people who could do monstrous things like this. If I wasn't broke as a joke, I'd send you super something. It's going to be okay. You're a good person and no one can perfectly protect themselves from the infinite monsters out there in the world. Don't be ashamed about what happened because while he should be ashamed, you should be really proud of how you handled this horrendous situation. And another user says, I'm really sorry that you're carrying shame over this. This guilt should be on Alex and the other two abusers. You deserve your friends and they would want you to be there for you through this. Leave the shame for the people who did the wrong. Alex made a choice to do this. A choice to hurt his own best friend. You made a choice to marry him and broke up with him. That choice based on him showing who he really was. You can be proud of yourself. You didn't fall in love with an abuser. You fell in love with all the good parts he showed of himself. Now that he showed the worst of himself, you are moving forward without him in your life. Let your friends be there for you. And then the OPE posted an update about four days later and let's get into it. This reads, hi all. My last update was removed, but if anyone is interested, I thought I'd post the latest and get some advice. I got a call from Danny. Daniel has been ever present and I'm guessing it was because he knew she was going to call. There's a lot more to the story. The first night was normal, as I said. But in the Saturday, Alex, Jeb and their friend decided not to go scuba diving with Danny, Daniel, and Marcus. Danny was feeling very hungover and gave up after an hour and went back to the Airbnb. She walked into the living room to find all three guys engaging in intimacy with two women. Jeb shouted at her to get out as this was costing them a fortune. The women were escorts. She left and went back to the boat and only told Marcus what she saw. When they all went back later, Alex told her to not tell me as it was just his last bit of freedom. She told him she was disgusted with him and that he wasn't free. She told him she would have to think about what to do. Marcus convinced her to stay another night as he and Daniel had met the two girls the night before and were seeing them again that night. And if Danny wanted to leave, then Daniel would have to take her as he was her ride and there wasn't public transport in the tiny town. Again, the OP hasn't used any commas, so that's why the reading is a bit choppy, but let's continue. So Alex cheated as did the other two. Marcus told their wives that morning, but not me. He was going to do it in stages as he knew I was in shock. The actual assault went further than Marcus told me also. And while Alex hadn't actually done anything beyond pulling off her clothes, unlike the other two, he stood by and watched and did nothing to help her. She said she thought he had taken shrooms earlier but couldn't be sure. Marcus and Daniel did rescue her, but things had already escalated. She went to the police immediately and she got to tell her parents. The Airbnb owners had also gone independently when they saw the footage. All three men are facing the consequences of their actions. Danny told me she was sorry that she didn't leave or she didn't tell me immediately like she wanted to. She is very distraught still. I didn't want to make things worse for her. I don't think I'm needed for any legal proceedings so I finally blocked Alex and his parents. The wedding is canceled and I'm just starting to disentangle myself from Alex on bank accounts and such. Here's my issue. I'm feeling very angry towards Marcus. It feels like he didn't really care about me. He stopped Danny from telling me so he could continue to shack up with the girl he met. He apparently feels guilty because if they had left Danny, would not have been attacked. He didn't do me the courtesy of telling me that Alex cheated that morning like he did with the other two wives. It's not like he was sparing my feelings because my ex assaulting another woman was a pretty damn bad thing to hear. He didn't tell me the full extent of the attack. Danny is still unsure if Alex wasn't just waiting his turn or all he was going to do was watch. I should have been told ASAP and not from Danny because the conversation was incredibly difficult for her. Daniel didn't know about the escorts at all and didn't know Marcus hadn't shared the full story of what they saw when they burst in. Daniel has been my rock. I need some perspective here. Is it okay to be angry at Marcus? Is it misplaced anger? I'm pretty angry at Alex though and that's all I feel towards him. Can anyone give me a different perspective I'm missing? Marcus and I have been in constant contact. He's already back at work so it was messages/texts in occasional calls. He actually visited last night but I didn't open the door for him. Daniel is saying whatever I feel right now is okay but I think he's just placating me. I don't know who to trust anymore. I don't have any more contact with Alex and think the case will move along without me. I'm thinking of telling Daniel that I need a break from him and Marcus and that group of friends. Danny and I have said we will stay in touch but I can't see us being very close. My best friend who I really confided in thinks I should just step away from them all now for good and try to move forward. My parents agree and think it's necessary for healing. My brother thinks Daniel has been nothing but great and I shouldn't cut him off. But they all seem to be a package deal but without Alex now obviously. So I think it's probably all or nothing. What should I do? I don't want to be ungrateful but a clean break feels right and now let's get into some of the top comments. One person says girl I've been following your story. I'm so sorry for Danny, it's horrible. I believe it's best to distance yourself from them and cut Marcus off. He betrayed you the same way as Alex. He concealed and enabled. You don't need that kind of people in your life. Your ex is garbage and the OP responded and said thank you. I just want to put them all in my past now and wish I had never met any of them to be honest. I didn't know if it's just a hurt and anger talking or if I was right to be angry at Marcus. I've lost so much and that's not even counting what I've lost financially on the wedding. I feel like I'm overwhelmed and just want to be done with them all. And another user says I think it is okay for you to want to take a step back. I wouldn't block Daniel or Danny. Alex is dangerous and you three should share important information about him in order to keep each other safe from him. But I wouldn't go out of your way to initiate contact outside of that. It might feel wrong since they didn't do anything wrong but just because they didn't do anything wrong doesn't mean that continuing contact isn't harmful to all parties. Blocking Marcus does sound like a good idea. He delayed telling you and insisted Danny stay in place with three people who knew she could ruin their lives all so that he could get laid. And he even trickled truth to avoid it looking as bad as it was, probably as a solid to his buddy. No remorse for allowing this to happen. Good riddance. As for the others, let them know that you may want to talk to them later, but you need to take a step back for your mental health. Then go low contact. It is probably best for everyone. and I'm sure it has been said to you a million times, but it is. If you haven't, talk to a therapist to help you sort through your feelings. This is a lot, and you've been handling it great, but you will want to work on healing sooner rather than later. Good luck, we are all keeping you and Danny in our thoughts. In the OP response and says, "I'm going to seek therapy because I'm just so confused. I don't understand how this happened, or how I didn't know or see any signs. I don't even understand him cheating as his father cheated on his mother when he was a teenager, and it nearly broke the whole family. He still has issues with his father over it, and with his mother for staying. So I don't understand how we could justify doing it to me. And I can't understand what happened with Danny at all, or why it all led up to him taking part in the unthinkable. I desperately wanted to pepper Danny with a hundred questions just to try to get a clear picture so I could try to understand, but I couldn't ask her anything. She is so raw and upset right now. She also blames herself for drinking too much, which is crazy to me. She is not to blame for any of it, but she wasn't able to hear that. So I'm just totally lost. Two weeks ago I had a loving, funny, goofy guy who I was looking forward to marrying, and I don't know where that guy went or if he was ever real. And all his texts have been painful to read, and it took everything I had not to ring him and scream at him for destroying everything. He has hurt Danny so badly, and me too, and screwed up his life. And I know it sounds awful, but I feel like I can't be upset or heartbroken because Danny has it so much worse. And I need help with that. Sorry for rambling, thanks for your support. And then the commenter replies to the OP again and says, "I'm so sorry for you going through this. I want to share something I was told a while ago about Closure. I know that it seems so far for your mind, but it is something I want you to keep in mind for the future." Closure does not mean understanding the situation. You do not get closure from getting all the information and being able to piece it together like a puzzle. It comes from being able to move past the situation and not look back. Not forgiving or forgetting. But letting go and walking forward. You will get to that point. It is just going to take time and support. It sounds like you have both. Just be sure that if you get any more involved, it's for moving on and not to find answers that might never make sense. As for your statement about not being able to be upset because Danny had it worse, I can understand that feeling. It's part of my people pleasing tendencies as I wait to put my feelings on the backburner in order to take care of someone else. When my stepdad got kicked out of my house and my mom started the divorce process, long sad story, I moved in with her in my siblings to help take care of the situation. I didn't deal with my own feelings because I kept thinking my mom needs me, or I should make sure my siblings are taken care of. It took months before I realized I had serious feelings of abandonment and disappointment that I had left faster within me. My point is that while it is great that you feel empathy for Danny, you need to recognize that you are a victim of the situation as well, and that your healing is important to many people. This is why I recommend not cutting Daniel off completely. He recognizes that you need support for your healing journey as well, the fact that he stayed with you for the day so that he could make sure that you weren't alone when Danny called shows he is trying to support you, however he can. Apologies for the second novel, I tend to be a bit verbose, wishing you the best and sending big internet hugs. And then the OP comes back about 2 weeks later with an update and this update reads as follows. I have been putting it off writing this update, but I am back because I need even more advice and an outside perspective. The comments have been pretty helpful so far. Thank you. It's long, but I'll do my best to shorten it, trigger warnings for SA, drugs and violence. First of all, Danny and I have bonded. She and I talk every day and message constantly. I did not expect that, but it's truly wonderful. She says she needs a good straight friend right now, JK. And honestly, she is a great person and has been a huge support to me despite what she has been going through. I told her I posted here as I felt guilty as to tell my story, I had to tell hers. She was okay with it. She is thinking of waving her right to anonymity when the trial comes, as she wants everyone to know she was rewarded and by who. Danny has a quitter job, moved to her parents full time and is in therapy. She is just about okay. Live in, still rather than live aid but she is so strong and amazing. Just as moves slowly here, so there isn't too much of an update on the legal process. Marcus was told however, he would not face charges for assault for attacking the two actively attacking Danny. I went back to work and it was awful. I worked for a tiny startup, Oscar who works there as friendly with Marcus and my brother. We are all into martial arts and attend the same dojo, so I am getting a lot of pity. I have been okay with sympathy or empathy but being pitted sucks. Still it is better than being home all day doing nothing. Daniel gave me space as I asked and he is truly a good guy. There is nothing romantic there at all though. I am not in a fit state for anything like that and won't be for a very very long time. And he is just a good guy. No ulterior motives. We texted a bit and he is in a lot of contact with Danny. I got a letter in the mail from Alex. Said he held that hope while I hadn't blocked him but once I did he was just trying. He told me he doesn't want me to freak out by turning up in person and I know that wouldn't look good for him anyway but he just wanted to tell his out of the story. He said he was pressured into doing stuff with the escorts and he only got a BJ. The other two were really pressuring him to do more but he didn't and says he regrets even doing that. He admits he was angry at Danny because he told him he either told me about the cheating or she would but he knew he was totally in the wrong. He knew I would dump him for cheating so he took everything he could get his hands on. He's not even sure what he took and while he remembers pulling off Danny's shoes he doesn't remember anything else. So he was just peer pressured and drunk and drugged up and he did nothing wrong at all basically. I was just disgusted to read this. His total lack of accountability is just sickening. I'm not responding to him ever. Any future mail goes unopened into the trash. I'm in therapy but it's early days and it's not seen much progress yet. That leaves me with Marcus. He knows I've been angry with him and he has desperate to talk it out. I probably feel too much anger towards him but find it hard not to. He is still feeling very guilty over making Danny stay. I don't understand why I feel so angry towards him. It's not on the level of anger I feel towards Alex by any means but I'm still hesitant to talk to him. I think he may mistakes but in my heart I know he was dealing with a lot that morning but I just wouldn't have been there when Alex at home if I'd known the truth. I feel Marcus should have told me everything as I was the one who had to face Alex alone. I know I should hear him out but I'm finding it very hard. How can I get past this? I want to clear the air with him even if we are never friends and me cutting him out is really having a terrible effect on him. I know he rescued Danny and has been constantly checking up on her. I know he can be a good guy but part of me feels like he wasn't all good that weekend. I don't know. I haven't touched this in therapy as we are just starting and are talking about Alex. I needed advice on how to deal with this. I wanted to get him at some time but Marcus mental health is pretty poor and maybe by not meeting him I am just making him worse. How can I find it in me to just do it and hear him out? Why am I so angry with him? How can I move past this? I don't want to be angry at him. I'm so exhausted from being angry at him and Alex and I want it to stop at least towards Marcus but it won't help. I'm visiting Danny for the weekend that should have been my wedding. We are going to have a L-O-T-R's marathon or Lord of the Rings marathon and her mother is making a cheesecake. My own family has been wonderful in every way but Danny is truly why I am still standing. At it, forgot to say it wasn't an Airbnb. It was a privately rented house. I just assumed incorrectly it was. One user says, "I'm a big fan of honesty and what I would do is just lay it all out in the table with him so he knows how to feel." No Marcus, I'm already hurt by the fact that you didn't give me the full story straight up and also that you allowed Danny to stand this awful situation just so you could get freaky. I don't know how long he'll take me to get over this if ever but that's how I'm feeling right now. But at the end of the day, you don't need to interact with anyone if you don't want to. And the honest is not on you to forgive Marcus for how you're feeling. He should give you space to process because this has been a very hectic time for you, and Danny, so it's understandable that you feel some sort of way. That being said, I'm glad he did the right thing in the end. Although Heinzai is 2020, so he probably didn't expect the other boys to do something so heinous. PS, wish Danny well from us. It sucks what happened to her. And the OP response and says, "Thank you." I haven't spoken so much about what Danny is going through right now. As she has asked me to keep it between the two of us, I'm only trying to speak now on my own experience, unless Danny says it's okay to share specific stuff. Dad said, "I'm pretty sure this is my final update. I am coming out of the initial shock now, and I'm grateful Reddit was there for me at my worst. The rest I have to do privately, I think. Danny will be delighted with your good wishes, though. And I will happily pass them on. I'm actually thinking of using your suggestion word for word of Marcus. It sums it up pretty perfectly. Thanks again." And someone else says, "Marcus not telling you about the cheating was a bad move, but not telling you about the R word is unforgivable. He knew what Alex was capable of and didn't tell you. Then you had to confront Alex alone, which could have put you in danger. I could probably forgive not telling you about the cheating immediately if he thought it'd be better to hear in person, or he thought Alex would tell you. But hiding the assault is a much more serious problem." And then the OP comes back about five days later with a new update titled, "My ex whom I broke up with because he SAID his girl BFF just bought my wedding dress from me in an online auction. And let's get into this update. It reads, "I've only just broke up with him in the last three weeks. Please see my profile if you want the story. Alex, my ex and I have no contact since the morning after the attack. He's currently going through the legal process as a consequence of his actions. I gave my wedding dress and shoes to my own best friend, Millie, to sell or donate or just get rid of. She has lots of sellers accounts on different platforms as she buys and re-sells collectibles a lot. She put my wedding dress veil, shoes, and other accessories up for sale with a view to me getting some money back. Canceling the wedding meant me losing a lot of money." Anyway, it all sold immediately at a really great price, and when Millie looked at the buyer's info, it's my ex's father's business account. We are assuming it's Alex my ex who bought them and not his father. Millie wanted to know what I wanted her to do. Does she pack up the stuff and send it to him? Or do I want to confront him? I asked Millie if she could cancel the purchase, and she is checking that out, but even if that is possible, I wouldn't want to damage her sellers rating online. I'm unsure why he would do this. I know he still wants us to get back together, but that is never happening. Should I just let the sale go through and ignore it? It feels weird and upsetting. I feel like he is still torturing me, and this is just a way of getting my attention, and I have had zero interaction with him. Any advice is welcome. Edit Alex knows Millie's selling accounts. He even bought stuff from her in the past. He hasn't ever seen the wedding dress or any of my stuff. We are assuming he knows it's my wedding clothes on Millie's accounts. One user says he wants to hear your reaction. If you protest or Millie backs out, the of the sake he knows he's bothered you, let it go through. Ignore him wanting a reaction. I've read your other posts and he's not taking any accountability. He was drunk, he was mad, he was peer pressured, he was drugged, he doesn't remember etc. He wants some modicum of control, and more than likely feels this is the best way to get it. So I reiterate, let it go through and give him zero reaction. It may be a benefit to bring it up in counseling as well. And another user says, "I'd lean towards letting him have the dress, but Millie needs to thoroughly document everything to protect against any false accusations." At a minimum, take pictures of the dress before it goes in the packaging. In the packaging of the sealed packaging of the address label and tracking number, and once delivered, save a PDF of the full tracking history. I would also try to dig out the receipt, or at least the related banking transactions, checking, credit card, etc. For the original purchase, to be able to show the net loss. Now as for why, from where I sit, you know you'll never wear that dress no matter what. If Alex has this grand plan in his head to bring it back to you, you know it's a wasted effort because your farm will likely to burn it, then you are to even want to touch that dress again. Laugh at his idiocy of thinking he can save it for the future. Alternatively, maybe this is Alex's way of giving you money to help offset the losses you're taking on the cancellation. That's part of why I suggested keeping the original receipt with a proof of shipping, to show that even this effort doesn't make you whole. I suspect that dealing with the legal side of his problems, he may have been told that he needs to make an effort to compensate people affected by his actions. You need to be able to show that his efforts are feeble and significantly lacking. If you reject the sale, he gets to say I tried. If you accept the sale and prove that it was deceitfully done, i.e. via father's accounts, not openly, and was still less inadequate, you can show a continued pattern of improper behavior towards you. At least that's where my head goes. And another user says he wants a reaction. He's desperate for it. Please forward the letter. And any following to the prosecutor and Danny's lawyer, they'll have a field day with this. And the OB response says don't worry, anything and everything I do, I always run it by them first. I'm anxious to see justice for Danny done as soon as possible. And then the OB comes back about a month later with a final update. And let's get into it. I wish this was a better update, but it's as close to closure as I can get I think, or I hope. Danny has just crashed. All her bravado and fight is gone and she is seriously struggling. She is with family and getting treatment, but has cut everyone off, including me, and I get it. I will respect whatever she wants. My therapist says it's probably for the best as our journeys are not the same, and healing separately right now anyway is not a bad thing. I hope we can reconnect in the future. I will miss her a lot. I decided to speak to Marcus. It was emotional for both of us. But I got answers that morning after he told me and went on to the other two wives he fully intended to come back to me again after two things happened. Jeb's wife was logging into their cloud to see if she could get picks or evidence in case Jeb tried to lead in and Marcus was helping her. They called the police and they were there and Marcus was caught up. He left to go home to shower quickly and then intended to come to mine. At his place, the police were waiting to question him for the assault on Jeb and the other guy. They immediately had made statements to the police but omitted their assault on a Danny. So he gave a statement and questioned further. And he knew Alex was back by the time he left the police station. Marcus has done some pretty significant damage to both those guys and Marcus is basically a martial arts expert. He even did boxing and MMA style competitions in his teens. He didn't know if he would be charged or not at that point. He knew Alex was back because Daniel told him. At the time, he didn't think much of that. But he says he wasn't afraid of Alex hurting me as I too have been doing martial arts with my brother since we could barely stand. Our dad got us into it. So Alex doesn't do anything like that so Marcus knows I'd be able to defend myself. I had taken down a guy trying to rob me last year very easily. He admits he didn't really think of the emotional impact so much at that stage but he was dealing with a lot and he really was. He didn't tell me any of this when we were texting in the early days and was genuinely trying to be there for me. I forgave him for that morning as I was wrong. I didn't know but now I do. He also told me he is dealing with a lot of guilt over Danny and convincing her to stay and some guilt towards me too. Because of Danny and Daniel left, he wasn't intending to go with them as he was really into the girl he met the night before. He knows now that would have basically been condoning Alex behavior if he had stayed and they left. He said he didn't but that he really liked the girl. The girl really didn't want any further contacts with him after what happened, so I can. guess he got some kind of karma there. He did have a bit of a bombshell for me. He says there are rumors Alex is looking to get a deal where he would plead guilty to lesser charges and get probation. And it seems like he may get that. It's early days though so it'll probably be several months before that's confirmed if it's true. He also says that there are lots of snippets of info about Alex floating around and he thinks Daniel has never cut contact with him. He's pretty sure in fact. He says there's no way some of this stuff could be known unless it came from Alex and it's Daniel dropping these snippets of info apparently. He said he confronted him and he denied it but he says he knew by his reaction he was lying. So he told me he is likely feeding information back to Alex too and to be conscious. He told Danny's mother this too. They have all cut contacts with Daniel as a result so I did too. I feel I don't know who to trust. So my old university friend reached out to me and we talked. She got me an interview in the company she used to work for and I've been doing virtual interviews this week and just heard I got the job. I started two weeks. It's in another European country so I don't need visas or work permits. I'm going to crash on my friend's couch until I can get a place to live so I'm leaving at the end of next week. I have to. I feel like lateral damage here. I'm afraid I'll run into Alex and it feels like people are avoiding me. I just want to grieve the relationship and betrayal and need space to do so. I lost the future I had planned and the guy I loved. I'm mislooking forward to that and I missed the guy I thought Alex was. It's hard. I've got a dilemma. I didn't sell the wedding dress. It wasn't Alex who's buying it but his father. He reached out to me and said he was trying to let me recoup some of the money I'd lost by buying it. He then offered to cover all my losses with the wedding and financially. I won't lie. I would like this money to help me start my new life. I spoke to the police. I'm not really needed for this investigation. I know nothing really first hand. It's all been second hand and what I know seems to change anyway with more second hand info. The statement I gave about Alex getting home that morning is all they need and they can't stay for certain but doubt I'd be needed to give evidence. So if I took the money, it's not going to be seen as a bribe or hush money. So I'm in the clear from that aspect. But morally, is it right to take this money? It feels like it's dirty money. I'm torn. The money would help a lot getting a car and in my new country. But I don't know if I could bring myself to take it. The second thing is he asked me to have one last conversation with Alex on the phone if need be but he says Alex is just desperate to talk to me. The money is not contingent on me speaking to Alex so I can say no and still get the money. This is very hard for me because I want to tell him how much he has destroyed me and I want to know why he cheated on me and most of all what in hell went wrong in his brain to do what he did to Danny. But would it help? Would any of what he says make a difference? I don't think it would. I can't ever be with him again. I don't want contact with him and nothing he could say will make it better. So why am I still tempted to talk to him? I would never do in person as that's way too hard but a phone call? Please talk me out of this. Regardless this is it for me. I'm hoping for a new start and leave it all behind. I know I'll bring too much of it with me though but with space maybe I'll learn to breathe again and the pain will go away. The last six weeks have been hell. I want to wake up from this nightmare. Wish me luck. And now let's get into the top comments. One user says number one, take the money. Number two, give the letter he wrote to the cops. Number three, tell him to put all of his thoughts and questions into a letter which his dad can send to you. Then give that letter to the cops as well. I understand wanting closure but I can't imagine what he could possibly say to you that you don't already know. He will say he doesn't know what he was thinking, got caught up in the moment, drunk, etc. At least if he puts it all into writing, the prosecutor can potentially put it to good use. He already admitted to participating in the attack in his first letter. Right? In the OP response and says cops already have the letter he wrote to me. They didn't dismiss it but didn't make too much of it. And another user says, hey there, been reading along with your posts. Poor poor Danny. She will be scarred from all of this and needs the time to take care of herself now. Take the money. It's the least the family can do to help you out as you prepare to move on with your life. If you're going to talk to Alex one last time, don't do it alone. Have his father on the phone as well as a support person on your side. This will be a supervised conversation so it does not get out of hand. But you do not owe him anything and there is nothing you need from him in terms of closure. He treated Danny horribly and you are better off without him as he showed his true colors. Take care of yourself as you move forward with this. Be well and we wish you well in your new life ahead. And someone else says, I commented on one of your previous posts advising you to keep Daniel as a way to keep tabs on Alex. I'm so sorry that I didn't think the reverse could be true. If the money is not contingent, I would say take the money and don't talk to him. In the end, neither you nor he actually gained anything from this final conversation. He's not desperate to talk to you for closure. He's desperate to get you to be on his side and minimize the damage his actions have done to his life. And you will never get the answers you were looking for. There is nothing he could say that would have you walk away and think, I guess that makes sense. You will never be able to understand as you will never be able to follow the logic his brain has made. Just take the money. Now as you should not be financially penalized for something you had no control over and walk away. I know my advice might not be the most helpful as last time. So take what I say with a grain of salt. I've never been in a situation even remotely close to yours. So I can't begin to understand what you're going through. But I think you are very smart and brave for what you have done. It takes a lot of courage to change everything in your life and start over in a new place. You are stronger than you give yourself credit for. And I think you are going to rock this new job and thrive in this new place. Just know this internet stranger has been keeping an eye on you and wishes he had even a tenth of the courage you have shown. And the final comment will read, reads as this, the money isn't dirty simply for the following facts. You are also a victim in the situation, not to the severity of Danny, but you have still suffered. Your move and all that entails is due solely to Alex being a pig. You wouldn't need to recoup any losses if you had been the person you thought he was. Alex's dad sees these things and is ashamed that his son has done all this, offering you the money is his limited way of helping you. He didn't commit any crimes and he also wants to help mitigate some of the damages and you should let him. He didn't tie any strings to the money showing that he really wants to help you. You deserve to be compensated for the money you've lost, along with the fact that your life has been turned topsy, turvy. And the OP made one final edit to their post, which reads as follows, I've decided not to talk to them at all. It's time to move on. And so we don't know if the OP ever took the money, but this is the last update we have ever received from the OP and just oh my god, what a horrifying situation for everybody involved for the OP and Danny. I mean like it's just such a disgusting and horrible situation and hopefully Alex and all of his other friends, you know, go to jail for being complete monsters, but oh my god, this is just, you know, nightmarish. Wife has almost completely stopped taking care of our two toddlers. I'll try to keep this as short and to the point as possible. I work a nine to five all week. My wife is a stay at home mom, two or two children. We have a three and a half year old son and a one and a half year old daughter. An important thing to note is that we barely have any support of family. Her parents are not in the picture and my parents live two hours away. My wife has been diagnosed with postpartum depression. She refuses to take her medication. She says that she doesn't need it, but she does. Our son is potty trained, but our daughter is still in diapers. She always has a severe diaper rash due to my wife not changing her. She only changes her when our daughter leaks through instincts, or when I remind her when I'm at work the house is a always mess, my wife barely cleans, I do all of the laundry, cleaning, grocery shopping, bathing of our children and their teeth brushing, did I mention that I also work full time? I'm sure that they don't get a proper meal the entire day when I'm at work, they don't eat meals unless I make something, or if I order takeout. Our kids sleep with us because my wife refuses to sleep train them. I hardly sleep despite working in 9-5, I'm mostly bitter about the lack of sleep. I don't know what to do anymore. I can't turn to family. My wife thinks that she doesn't have a problem. Our kids run wild all day long and when I come home, it is even worse. Has anyone experienced this? I love my family but this has to stop. She doesn't share her part of the workload. One person says, "This is an emergency situation. Your wife is having a mental health crisis and your kids are being neglected. You have to take action." Call whoever prescribed the depression meds and explain the situation. They can help guide you to next steps. In the meantime, try and get your kids into daycare or with your parents. In the OP response and says, "I would have to agree. She needs to be on her meds first and foremost. I will be calling my parents to see if they can help for a week or so." One of the users says, "I had post-partum depression when my daughter was born and I was neglecting her and refused medication and basically everything your wife is doing. What my husband did was he gave me a three day notice to do something or he was going to have to step in. This was his exact words. I didn't know what that meant. I was angry at the world so I called his bluff. I woke up on the third day with my eight month old daughter gone. All of her and his stuff and the notes on the door saying, "Bills are paid. There's groceries for two weeks in the house. You can call me if you need anything." I quit my job and took our daughter up to my parents house and need help. Let me know what I can do to help you and we can fix this. That was all I needed. I snapped back, took my medication, went to therapy. Three weeks later, he moved back in. That was almost seven years ago and now I may stay at home mom to two kids and love every minute of it. A parent's first job is to the kids. Everything else is second. And another user says, "When I was suffering from postpartum depression, I had to be hospitalized and forced to take my medication until they started to work and I was able to rationalize and feel and probably take care of myself." As soon as I was in a healthy mental state, it was much easier to understand what was wrong with how I was living. The hardest part was just taking the medication every day until I reached that point. I had to be forced. She might have to as well. It is an extreme measure but hormones are horrible and PPD can be really scary. I hope everything works out. And the OPE responds and says, "Thank you. I will have to force her to take her medication." She already has the prescribed meds at the house. And then the OPE comes back a few days later with an update and let's get into it. Things were horrific for us last week. I genuinely believed that my wife wanted to commit S word. She would talk frequently about it and how it would be so much easier than continuing living. It freaked me out and rightfully so. I called my parents once and for all. I told them everything that I wrote in the post and more. They talked to her and demanded that she take the PPD medication or else they would come down to our house. Mind you, my wife's parents are not in the picture. She said that she actually wanted my parents to come down to our house. They agreed. My mom can be very brash but it was effective in the end. My parents came down two days after I made the call. They called their doctor and made an appointment for her while they watched the kids. She was prescribed more depression and anxiety medication at a higher dosage. My wife has been taking her new medication for a full week now. Before anyone asks, I made sure that she takes it. She is 100% medicated. I can tell a clear difference already. She is more relaxed now, it's helping tremendously. It took a day for it to kick in but she seems healthier and happier so far. The house is cleaner and the kids are well taken care of. The weather has been nicer and she takes the kids outside all day when I'm at work. They all love it. Some more miscellaneous things have happened. Both of my kids are sleeping in their own bed. To my dismay, neither child fought sleeping in their own room that they share. The first night was rough, late last week, but they both understand that they have to do it. Our daughter still wakes up once but everything is so much better than at night. I love that we have our bed back. My parents paid for my wife to have her nails and hair done. They also watched the kids so she could have an entire day off. My parents bought the kids tons of new toys and books. This helps because they've been more entertained while my wife recovers. My parents arranged for my wife to see a therapist once a week. They are paying for it and her appointments are after I get home from work. Her first appointment is tomorrow. My parents have left but they're in contact every single day. My wife is embarrassed but she says that she feels better. It's only been a week and I don't know what the future holds. I think that's it. Please no negative comments. I don't know if this is the perfect solution that everyone will agree with. This is what has happened. It is a daily battle. We will get through this. My wife knows that my parents and I will always love and support her. Also keep in mind that it's only been a week. Progress has been made and is being made. Addited to add. I'm pretty sure the comments were just locked on this post so I can't respond anymore. Thank you so much to everyone. I appreciate every single comment and message. I know going forward that there will be good days and bad days. There has already been a very bad day since my parents left but we got through it. I'm trying to establish a long term fix. Not just a bandaid. I plan on updating to get in the future. Thank you to everyone again. One user says you have great parents. Thank you for not giving up on your wife and doing all that you can. I hope she feels better soon. In the hope he responds and says thank you. We're doing well. It is a daily battle and it's going uphill now. And another user says you took the first steps for her to feel better. That's all you can do. Well done. And finally another person says totally random little piece of advice. Would your parents pay for a YMCA membership? Your wife could have some me time swim or exercise or whatever she wants. All the kids are being watched at the YMCA child care. This would be down the road, of course, when she is more stable. And then the OP comes back a few months later with a final update and let's get into it. It's been several months since I've last updated it on our situation. I left off with our lives being on the upswing. My wife had started taking her PPD medication and my parents offered their help to get our family back on the right track. I last posted an update in October. In February, my wife found a man online and moved into his apartment. There was no warning. When I was at work, she moved all of her things out. She brought the kids back over in his car after I got home from work. She could not even look me in the eye. She explained that she wasn't happy. She said that she has never been happy with me or the kids. She told me that I could have full custody, but she was sent us money once she gets a job. She also begged me to not take her to court. Luckily, my work was forgiven enough to give me a week off to figure everything out. My mother ended up moving in with us to help me avoid child care costs. My father visits on weekends or whenever he can. One while, my student BX wife is having the time of her life with her new boyfriend. Before the pandemic, they were going on vacations and bar hopping. I'm sure they're having a wild intimacy that we haven't had in years. They've been posting pictures online about how happy they are together. I've never seen her smile so much. He funds her child-free lifestyle, so no wonder she's so thrilled. He has a child that he doesn't have custody of either. What a classy guy. It hurts so badly that I'm numb. I don't feel anything anymore. I have cried every single day. I'm sure I'm depressed, but I'm keeping it together for my kids. My parents have been my rock, but I feel terrible asking them for so much help in raising my children as a 34-year-old man. I don't know what to do at this point. I'm an essential worker, so I thankfully still have employment. That's the only blessing in my life, aside from my kids. I never imagined my life would be this effed up. It got so effed up in a matter of months, I never saw it coming. Thanks to everyone that gave me advice previously, I don't think anyone can give me advice to get through this one, but I wanted to get my thoughts out. Stay safe out there. Oh, my God, man, I was not expecting that final update. That is just heartbreaking. Oh, my God, but let's get into some of the top comments. One user says it hurts a lot right now, and that hurts will be there for a long time, but it does get easier. You'll build a new life with your kids, make new, happy memories, they'll good to have a close relationship with your parents. They will learn what it's like to grow up in a household where love and respect and kindness and caring are in abundance, and they will feel safe, secure and happy. Someday you will feel a different kind of sadness, not for what she did, but for all that she left behind it missed out on. My cousin had something very similar happen. His wife announced that she had never been happy and left the next day. For night he became a single parent to four girls, four-year-old twins, a two-year-old and a five-month-old. We circled the wagons because that's what friends and family do when they care about you and your kids. If you're worried about the childcare duties being a burden to your parents, start building the network of other friends and family who can help out. I'm not going to lie. The next couple of years were almost impossibly difficult, but one day he got the chatting with a parent from his middle-daughters dance class. She was widowed and had one daughter of the same age. A few months passed and he asked if she'd like to get a coffee. 18 months later, they were married. They're about to celebrate their 10th anniversary. Their five daughters have grown into wonderful young women and they've built a happy life together. The ex-wife has come in and out of the picture but hasn't maintained real relationships with any of the girls, and all my cousin can say is how sad it is that she'll never know what she missed. Good luck. And the OP comes back in response and says, "Thank you for sharing this. I am nowhere near ready to start dating again, but one day, I will be. I don't know how the next year will pan out." Another user says, "Definitely get a lawyer before she backs up on her word. I've been through a similar situation without kids involved though. And I can tell you now that she has shown her true colors and you're way better off without. Of course, it will take time to get over it, but you will get through this." Another user says, "Oh my goodness, this is terrible. You need to get an attorney ASAP for two reasons. Number one, you need to file for a full custody before the guilt sets in and she wants to steer her kids more, you would not believe how these situations can 1.80 in all of the sudden you are losing primary custody and you are paying child support." In most states, the family law courts strongly favor women, almost blindly. Number two, you should go ahead and file for child support even if she cannot pay. That way, she can start racking up the back child support for when she gets the job. She is garbage. You deserve so much better. And the OP comes back and responds and says, "My parents are pushing me to get a divorce lawyer. We're worried that she'll come back and try to do damage control." And finally, another person says, "Getting a lawyer doesn't mean you have to go to court. You can work with a mediator and come up with a parenting plan. Have the lawyer ride it up, legally binding. You can have custody without court." From experience, court is lengthy, scary of course, whatever will work for you. I wish you the best of luck. And the OP responds and says, "I want to avoid actual court. I would love to do mediation with her, but I don't know if she will cooperate." And that was the last we have ever heard from the OP and man. I mean, right as things were looking up for the OP, it just all came crashing down in the worst way possible. I mean, it's so heartbreaking how she just walked out the door randomly one day after he spent weeks and months and months helping her and making sure she got better and made sure she was happy and then she just leaves and says, "I'm not happy. I've never been happy with you or the kids." I mean, how, you know, that is just the most horrible thing to say to someone. In the OP, like I said, spending weeks and months trying to help his wife and that's all she has to give him in return, so, so sad and like I said, this is the last we have ever heard from the OP and so I just hope for everyone's six. The OP, the OP's parents and the OP's kids are doing better now and this was posted six years ago, so I hope things ever since have been uphill and everyone's doing well now, but man, I know it's a hard fight to, you know, recover from all of that. But hopefully the OP fought and fought hard and is now doing amazing and so is our kids, hopefully. But yeah, man, this Reddit thread was just a punch in the gut. This was so, so sad, but yeah, I hope the OP's doing better now. Abusive grandmother took my friend's child. I apologize as I'm typing on behalf of my friend who is too frantic to time. I will try to include as much information as possible and answer any questions needed if I forget anything. About 4 hours ago, my friend's abusive mother showed up with the police, handed over paperwork for a suit affecting the parent child relationship and restraining order and took her child. The paperwork was real, I call it the local police department. It states no information other than a suit affecting the parent child relationship and restraining order has been granted by the judge. No investigation was done. Apparently, it was filed under a emergency duress with drug use being listed as the reasoning. My friend has never used drugs. They told her that they cannot test her until tomorrow and she cannot have the child back until the 17th when she is to appear in court. The grandmother who currently has the child has several different aliases she uses. She has charges for neglect and child abuse from my friend and her sister as well as many animal abuse and neglect charges. You can actually find her many lawsuits in neglect cases in various news articles. She has a history of fleeing states to avoid persecution and changing her name. We have page after page of various Facebook grants she has posted regarding to my friend as a godless bad word and asking for prayers. We think she utilized a local church group to pay for the lawyer who filed the paperwork. Shortly before this happened, my friend left her abuse of marriage and moved into apartment of her own with her child. My friend's sister came down to help her get situated and the grandmother somehow found them. Followed them into an eye hop and started screaming bible verses at them until the police recalled. She also admits doing this on Facebook. As of right now, mutual friends and family, including the grandmother's sister, are very worried for the child's safety. The grandmother has disappeared with the child. We are looking for any resources and advice on what to do in the situation. Also curious if this is a typical move by the court to grant temporary custody with no prior investigation or serving of paperwork. We have no idea how this happened. The grandmother has never had the child in her care and my friend has never lived with the grandmother with the child involved. According to the grandmother, she quote "ran away to be with the devil" at 17. Any help would be amazing. Also once again, I apologize for any missing information. This happened very suddenly and everyone is quite frantic and emotional. Edit to add, "The grandmother is not a resident of Texas. She currently has a listed resident in Colorado. She is being funded by a local church group in Texas however. We tried to contact the group finding her and they discounted me as godless Satan worshippers. Edit. I will post screenshots as some proof, names censored of course, but I'm not sure on the rules for that. If a mod could let me know that'd be great. Update. We have currently been informed that the grandmother is no longer the hotel she was checked into. Once again, we just found out that she is not a resident of Texas. CPS has been called and a check is being initiated. At this point, we are wondering what the legalities of posting her face on Facebook for people to keep an eye out. Update. We just spoke with the police chief. The woman I spoke to earlier to verify that the officers who shut up were real was mistaken and no officers were sent to the scene to help take the child. We were able to discover that the man who went with the grandmother was a friend of hers from the church. They lied about being police. The order was not granting custody, but rather a notice of custody change. Right now, we have no idea what to do or who to say. To speak with, the police say we cannot do anything without an address for the grandmother and she apparently gave the lawyer an address to a local church. She is gone. We have no idea what to do. Police are being no help and telling us that they cannot do anything without information. Update #2. The police officer basically treated my friend like she was a lunatic and told us there was nothing we could do. He wouldn't let us speak and as he spoke to her, she became more and more emotional to the point that he asked her if, quote, "She needed him to take her to the hospital if she felt unsafe." We are lost. Thank you for everyone for your help so far. Update #3. We are calling the local FBI field offices now. We have more information that we are not going to post publicly at this point. Thank you to the person who gave me the numbers to call. Probably radio silence from this point forward until we have a word of an ambulance alert or something along those lines. Update #4. Thank you to everyone for the help our last update for the night is that I looked over the paperwork that she served to my friend. It is not completely filled out. There looks to be a blank template page in it and it is stamped with copy on the top. The grandmother used the ex-husband whom my friend was trying to escape to get evidence of abuse in the household. The ex-husband is now working with us to try and get the baby back and none of the local law enforcement is helping. We don't know why other than they keep using the ex-husband that this is a civil legal matter and can't be involved. My friend is tired. She sounds empty and lost. Once again we have a ton of proof that this is real and will provide it to moderators if need be. It sounds so insane but I promise it is really happening. A church helped an abusive woman abduct her grandchild and in the last 10 hours has by all accounts disappeared. We don't really know what to do. At this point, but we can make a ton of calls tomorrow morning in ASAP. If anyone has any more information on resources or anything, please let us know. Update number 5. No word from my friend this morning. We will be going around to lawyers as soon as they open today if things did not change for her last I spoke with her. The last I heard in officer from a different police branch was sent to investigate the claims for abduction. I'm sorry I can't give much more information than that as this time but we'll post another thread when we can get some clear answers. Final update until we speak to the lawyer. We finally received word from the police that the grandmother did give them an address. This address is several years old and was the address for an old horse farm she used to be affiliated with. It no longer even has a house on it. They did not check the address and apparently will not check the address. We were informed that this is a matter for the courts so we are just going to do that. We have given word to the state bar about the lawyer involved and they are looking into it. The judge has given us confirmation that the paperwork filed was not served and was not in order granting temporary custody. The paperwork filed was a motion for a hearing for temporary custody to be heard in court on the 17th. We are basically hinted at that a lawyer specializing in lawsuits may be in order. And then we get an update the next day and let's get into it. The post got muddled and this will most likely be my last update for a bit as this is now an active case. My friend was able to speak with a lawyer. We are currently gathering funds from friends and family for the retaining fee but we are covered in terms of gaining legal help. I'm going to put what we know officially in bullet points to keep it shorter and concise. And let's get into those bullet points. They read my friend technically gave the baby over of her own free will despite being manipulated to do so which is an explanation as to why the police and other authority figures have not responded accordingly. They basically chocked this up as a civil matter and will only do further action on a legal request. A lawyer has been retained and has taken the case. We were informed that the paperwork we are given is technically legal but was not what the grandmother stated it was. The judge should have also never allowed the paperwork to be filed in the first place. The grandmother gave falsified information in the documents and to the police including their address and location. We do not currently know her or the child's whereabouts. The grandmother is being helped financially and possibly in other ways by a rather large church organization who was known for this kind of stuff. They are incredibly radical in their faith. We do not talk to them and have been advised to steer clear of them entirely. Think um more extremist type people. We are fighting against the legion. The lawyer is going to be doing all that he can legally to get the baby back. I will only update once we have the child back in custody or an official alert has been issued. No further investigation or information will be shared. We are still open to support kind words, prayers or whatever. We just cannot share much more details about what has happened now that the lawyer is involved. We want to thank everyone who has helped from the bottom of our hearts. The fact that this can really happen is horrifying and we hope that this gets resolved and this can help anyone who may have this happened to them in the future. One user says surely she didn't give the child over of her own free will. If there were men impersonating police officers and telling her that the documents they were giving her were enforceable. Thanks for keeping this opposite O.P. thinking about you, your friend and that poor baby. And someone responds and says pretty sure impersonating a cop is a crime, no? And yes it is a felony, someone says. Another commenter says call a reporter. The police will change their tune really fast once they are dealing with an investigative journalist who keeps asking them why they aren't investigating an abduction. A parent can revoke permission of anyone having their kid, even if it was originally a free will kind of thing, which it was not. Someone refusing to give back your child and fleeing has abducted them. Put the cops' feet to the fire through a reporter. This is insane. And another commenter says it has been previously ruled that a statement made under duress from police or in this case impersonated police is not freely given. If she honestly thought she was going to be arrested, if she didn't hand over the child, that is not of her own free will. I hope the grandmother and everyone else involved in supporting her is found, arrested, charged, tried and convicted, and that the baby is soon home with its mother. Also, while the police may have been behaving legally in their actions, there is no way they were behaving ethically. Their job is to help people, not say it's not my problem, you're crazy. And someone else says I hadn't thought of it until this post, but what does your congressman have to say about this? I've seen a fair number of testimonies from Reddit, who called up the congressperson for one reason or another and really helped move the situation along. In Texas, I can't imagine a representative would think too highly of wacky and fraudulent government overstepping that led to a mother losing her child. Now that there's a lawyer involved, maybe you guys can see if they think it's a good idea. If so, maybe some power of using heads will roll. And then the OP comes back the same day with another update that reads as follows. This will be short. It will not have a ton of information, but I want to post to at least let people know that the baby is alive. The grandmother has been seen. This has been confirmed. I want to make it clear that she has left and has been confirmed seen. The baby has been confirmed to be alive. We have a lawyer. We are currently taking all necessary steps. I must be very clear that I cannot divulge too much information at this time over public channels. The baby is alive. Grandmother has taken him. Many, many people are on this situation right now. Thank you so much for all your support and help. We cannot thank you enough. Right now, we fight. And to add, we have things under control and being taken care of by the property authorities. No amber alert is issued at this time for a reason. Nothing personal to be shared publicly until we have a permission to do so. We have to be careful that she does not get spooked. Thank you everyone. And then the OP comes back about a week later with another update and let's get into it. I've gotten quite a few messages, so I'm going to update with the little I can. There was a hearing today. Grandmother still has the baby. She did show up to court. Court ended for the day and will reconvene tomorrow. I cannot put any details of the hearing or anything along those lines up yet as much as I want to feed the drama llamas with enough feed to fill them for a year. I also have been asked to not divulge any details in PM for now. We are all kind of in a limbo right now, so we just ask for good thoughts and happy vibes. Thanks everyone for the continued support and care. Once all is said and done, we shall annoy to our lovely God warrior with a nickname just for brevity sake. And then the OP comes back the next day with a final update, and let's get into it. I'm waiting on confirmation of what kind of extras I can post, so this isn't going to be as detailed as I wanted it to be. When I know the rules on centered screenshots and stuff like that, oh man, I'll be posting the epic tale of God Warrior kidnapping grandma, the picture book. Until then, here is a smaller update and happy ending. We won. We won. The baby is back with his mother and GWK grandma has been sent packing back to Colorado where a warrant for animal abuse awaits her, not related to this case, but still hilarious. The hearing was absolutely insane. The wicked stepchild of Judge Judy in a televangelist, GWK grandma actually yelled praise Jesus and jumped out of her seat whenever something went her way. Her lawyer tried just about everything he could do to win. He tried claiming we faked the drug tests. There were three different types that my friend had done by an accredited office. He told the judge that my friend's witness should not be able to testify because they are Satanists and practice intimacy rituals, I wish I was making this up. He actually said that the testimony of grandma's eldest daughter shouldn't be taken into account because she is a polygamist and her father is transgender. The eye roll, the judge made it was beyond epic. It was just ridiculous. My friend was gorgeous. She wore an amazing little blazer and looked absolutely angelic, I'm so proud of her. The entire support crew that showed up for her was so well mannered and nice. It was just fantastic. Grandma actually showed up to court on the first day with the baby completely soaked through his diaper, everything in a horrible diaper rash and tried to blame it on my friend. She actually told the judge she didn't have enough money that my friend didn't give her enough diapers and my friend was failing as a parent for not having this nine-month-old baby potty trained already, okay. During the break, our side went and got him fresh diapers and took care of his poor body and sent her with a 48-pack because she gets to keep them overnight. Someone asked me why I wish I knew. She showed up the next day with the baby still in the same dirty clothes, another soaked diapers, and no extra diapers. We all wonder what she was doing, but considering she posted at least four posts every five minutes on her Facebook all the way up until the moment of the trial, I can imagine she was doing that. Either way, this is over. Restraining orders are being handed out like candy. She threatened us sort of by saying evil people will die and know the Lord soon or whatever, and she's going to be in jail soon. My friend just wants to never hear about or from her again, so she's leaving at that. The judge admitted he made mistakes in this case. The lawyer had supposedly given him several good reasons or whatever to cause him to act as he did, but he still admits he should have looked further into the situation. As for the lawyer, kind of trying to talk my friend into reporting him, he has the shadiest, slimy as human being I have ever seen in my life. There is no way he's even seen the code of ethics. Anyway, for now, this is the last update we all needed. We are going out to celebrate and cuddle with a freshly washed baby. And I just hope that the OP and the OP's friends and the OP's baby are doing better now. Because this situation could have been a lot worse. The crazy grandma could have just left the state and disappeared for a long, long time, and obviously she wasn't taking care of the baby. The baby wasn't being washed properly and just was dirty. It's just horrible that this lady was treating the baby that way. And who knows if she was feeding the baby properly or doing what, but I think this went as good as it possibly could have been. Because like I said, this lady could have left state lines, disappeared somewhere, and possibly hurt the poor child or didn't take proper care of it and then it got sick or something like that. And so I think this went very well considering the circumstances, but still unbelievably scary. I can't imagine how scary it would be in the OP's or the OP's friends position to not know your baby is and know that your baby is with a crazy woman who's doing God knows what. And so like I said, I just hope that the OP, the OP's friend and the OP's friends baby are all doing better now. I slept with a girl and it ruined my life. Eye male was at a party the other night and I myself got drunk. And one of my best friends, female friend and another female was there. While she was there, they got really drunk, really, really drunk. To the point she passed out and vomited on me while I was trying to take care of her, but at some point I left her with some friends to go and drink some more because I was still sad about other things and needed the break. Eventually, the party ended and everyone was leaving. Even in my drunk state, I noticed she was going home alone using a taxi app and nobody was going with her. So I decided to be safe for someone, even if they were drunk, come along to accompany her and I intended to book my own taxi to get back home myself. So I assured my best friend that I'd bring her home and drop her off. In the car ride, I spent the time trying to book a taxi to the destination. So I had an immediate ride out of there. The only issue was, in that area, nobody was accepting my request. No drivers available. I thought about just heading for the streets, but I had a backpack with all my belongings with me and I didn't want to get robbed or worse. I have been awkward before, as I was in a vulnerable state as well. So I asked if I could crash at her place to which she said ok. She snuck out of her house so the only room available is hers. When I entered a room, I didn't have any intentions of doing anything. I knew she was dating somebody, so when I laid down, I made sure there was space between us with my front facing the ceiling. As I was trying to pass out, she started getting closer to me, putting her head on my shoulder, pulling my hand and huddling up to me, and she put my hand on her thigh, and I took it off because I told her, "I don't think we should do this because aren't you with someone?" And then she told me stuff like, "No, we're not. We just see each other, but I don't see a future, and it's just for fun, so it's not cheating." And then she moved her head closer to mine, and that's when things escalated. Before anything happened, I remember saying, "Are you sure you wanna?" And she kept saying, "Yeah, don't worry, I'm sobering up." And while it was happening, she kept saying, "Don't worry, it's consensual. It's consensual." At some point though, I remember my brain kicking in and stopping because I moved her to the side and said, "I don't think we should be doing this." And she said, "No, it's ok." And she started kissing me again, and went on top of me. And because of the state I was in, as well, I didn't think about it further, and I just went with it. I should've just rejected. I know it's my fault for not stopping. I know I should've just said, "No, but I didn't." And that's where my fault lies, and I regret it so much. When I woke up, I instantly felt dread. Later on that day, I ended up telling my best friend what happened, and she was furious I went along with it. I tried explaining that I was sorry, and things just escalated, but she had none of it. Before I knew it, I was branded an "r" wordest, and the story was that I saw an opportunity with a drunk girl and went with her home with the intent of having intimacy with her when that was so far from it. Everyone hates me now. I lost my friends, my reputation, my dignity, and I have been S-H-N. And I don't know what to do. I know I had my faults with this situation, but branding me as this opportunist predator just broke me. And then the OP makes an edit and says, regarding the taxi situation, okay, just so it's clear. My plan was to drop her off with the taxi that she paid for, and then book a motorcycle taxi service that's cheaper than a regular taxi in my country. The reason I didn't use the taxi that brought us there was one. I genuinely just didn't think to ask. Number two, I couldn't afford the trip back unless it was from that motorcycle service, which usually works where I'm from. And number three, usually the app gets instant bookings once one's ends. So even if I asked, it wouldn't matter. Edit. I think it's GG's guys. Apparently the girl said when she woke up, she didn't remember anything, and she unfollowed all the people from my school because she didn't want to be known for that. My friends don't want to hear anything I have to say. They see me as a disgusting hypocrite. I think it's over. These are says did the girl you sleep with tell people you were an R-Wordest and the Open your spawns and says, "No, my ex best friend did to people in my school, but the girl herself ended up blocking me." Another commenter says, "So she yelled it out without proof that wasn't confirmed by the person who was supposedly awkward? You could probably sue for defamation of character." And the open your spawns and says apparently, this best friend said, "Her reason for getting mad was because she doesn't care who sleeps with the girl in question. The girl just has a habit of doing stuff while drunk, and regretting and staying quiet about it later, which is why I feel so crappy and I should have said no, but in the heat of it all, I didn't, but the fact I'm being called a predator for this is tearing me apart." And someone asked how old the OP is and how old the girl is, and the OP says, "Just turned 18," and she also is 18. And another commenter says, "You know you could tell your side of the story right? If she was able to do that to you, then she was aware of what she was doing." And the OP says, "I've been blocked by this best friend, and she's already telling everyone about what happened. I'm already being ostracized by my close friends, and the ones that do want to talk don't wish to be seen hanging out with me, and just a silent in my defense. People are already making their assumptions, and whatever I say, people will just think I'm lying." Another commenter says, "Couldn't the taxi you were already in bring you home? That whole story is weird." And the OP says, "It's an app-based taxi." They usually have cues lined up, and even if they didn't, I was too out of it to ask, and the OP was severely downvoted here. And someone asked the OP why he couldn't sleep on the couch, and the OP says, "Like I said, she snuck out of the house, so the only room available was her tiny bedroom. Believe me, if I had any other room, I would have chose that." And then another commenter says, "Why couldn't you use the taxi we're already in? Why didn't you sleep on the floor and away from her? If you were so worried, why did you even agree to go home with a girl who snuck out of the house?" None of this adds up. And the OP responds and says, "Okay, for context. In my country, I had the equivalent of about $20 on me. My plan was to drop her off and take a motorcycle taxi service about $2 to have enough money for a cheap hotel, where I originally intended to stay for the night for about $15. If I took the same taxi, it would have made me pay about $10, which I couldn't afford. Her room was too cramped. It was the size of a closet. I didn't intend to stay with her that night. I just went with her because I figured it's safe for that way that there's two people." And then we don't hear from the OP for a very long time, but two years later, we finally get an update, which is titled, "The Girl Who Accused Me of R-Word In Her Apologized Two Years Later." And let's get into it. I've been wanting to let this out for a while, so here it goes. And two years ago, I made a post on a now-deleted account titled, "I slept with a girl and it ruined my life," which you can still find. Context, in essence, me and this girl were both drunk and I tried helping her get home safely after a party and ended up staying in her room because I couldn't find a ride. I'm from S-E-A and we have motorcycle taxi apps, which means it's Southeast Asia. While I'm in bed, she kept initiating physical contact and repeatedly reassured me it was contensual, and her boyfriend at the time just being a casual partner. We eventually started having intimacy, and at some point I moved her off of me and told her we should stop, to which she just got back on top of me, and ultimately I went along and it passed out. She then woke me up to tell me it was time to go and kicked me out, all of which led me to feeling regret throughout the day. I eventually told my best friend about the situation, which escalated into me being accused of taking advantage of the girl because she didn't want to be labeled as a cheating girl, and I was labeled a "orwardest" by everyone. I didn't get a chance to defend myself as before I knew it, I was blocked before I had a chance to say anything. Ever since then, I lost my friendships, my reputation, struggled emotionally, and overall, my dignity was effed over. Fast forward to a couple of days ago, I reactivated my Instagram today to find four messages and exactly two years from when this took place. I don't know if this account still worked but hey, I'm sorry, for the past, I can't contact, I don't know if you're still alive, but I'm sorry, I truly apologize. I didn't respond to her at first as I needed time to process, but eventually I asked her, what specifically are you apologizing for, of which I have yet to receive a response. Honestly, at first I felt happy, I finally had some semblance of proof of my innocence, then I got angry, the hate, the pain, the rage. I thought of all the things I wanted to say to her if I ever had a chance again, but the one emotion that won out of all was sadness. I realized that no matter how much proof I have now of my innocence, it doesn't change the damage done, it doesn't change how many people I lost, or how alone I was. What do you guys think? Edit, I sent you a message yesterday at 12 p.m., I've been left on delivered. What should I do? One user says, "If she responds correctly and emits, post it publicly, and be done with her." Her apologizing privately doesn't mean anything if she caused a very public backlash against you. And the OP says, "Does her apology count as an admission?" Another commenter says, "Never forgive and never forget." And the OP responds and says, "I usually keep my Instagram deactivated, but I've left to activate it in case she responds. Should I even be expecting a response?" And another commenter says, "I think she's apologizing only because of the terrible guilt she feels. Maybe she seeks forgiveness so she can heal from the regret of having done something so terrible, but you have been through more than enough already. Take the apology and stay silent. Let this haunt her for the rest of her life." You should not engage with her at all and do not give her any access to information about you, your life, your emotional state, how you were affected by her lies. Do not even trust that this is a sincere apology. You don't even know what she is apologizing for. She was super vague because she knows better than to admit to perpetuating a crime against you. Don't believe this is real. For all you know, she may have an ulterior motive, trying to get you to admit to something she can use to support her earlier lies. Do not discuss that night with her or any details of the events that happened. Do not give her any ammunition that could be used against you. Even innocent remarks can be twisted. Keep copies of her messages. Try to get on with your life with your head held high. You did nothing wrong. You may want to call a criminal defense lawyer also to seek advice about interacting with her. There is a lot that could go wrong for you by engaging with her. And the OP just simply says, "Fair assessment." And then another commenter says, "It really seems like based off this account that she SA'd you more than the other way around. I mean, you try to stop it and she just got back to doing it. Ridiculous that two people can drink and hook up and even if there's no saying or sign of her wanting to stop, we're not doing it. The girl later can do whatever reason and cry foul and the guy is the only one that get in trouble." And the OP says, "Funnily enough, the people who I've told this story to have said the same thing, as disgusting as that sounds. I'll take it on the chin." I just wish she didn't have to spread things about me. And this was the last post we have ever received from the OP. And hey guys, quick interruption. I hope you're enjoying today's Reddit threads, but I just want to let you guys know that you can watch next week's videos right now on Patreon. Every upload is available early, completely at free, so you never have to wait for the next upload for just $5 a month. If you'd like to check it out, the link is in the description and the pinned comment. Now let's get back into some Reddit threads. Husband's browser history destroyed me. For context, I am Alexis, female 36, and Zachary is 40 male. We have been married eight years. We are incredibly happy. Don't get me wrong, we have had a lot of hurdles, infertility, have three wonderful kids now, and I had breast cancer 2019, chemo, and radiation and multiple surgery scents. So we've gone through some of the toughest things together. Our connection is rare. Everyone always says to me, "You guys are the real deal. That love is rare. I married my best friend. My ride or die. It was effortless to be together. We are in sync. We rarely fight. If we do, they are more spat about who is getting up with the kids or emptying the dishwasher. Nothing big. Ever. I've shared all of me with Zachary. I am a see-through person. I don't hide anything. On Tuesday this week, I awoke with our kids and Zachary got to sleep in. He had left his phone downstairs and I looked through it. I checked his browsing history and found him looking up freaky, spa massage parlors. The date coincided when he was in New York for a week in August. I didn't think much of it but thought I'll bring it up when he wakes up. I honestly thought he would have some story or some excuse as to why that was on his phone. I brought it up to him and I knew by the look on his face something had happened. He told me he didn't. He explained what it was, how effing stupid he is, how he is broken. In that moment, I felt like I broke. This man who is my home. My world paid to have another woman give him, you know, an HJ. I asked have you done it before and he said once before we started dating. But he admitted to being addicted to adult videos. I should say our intimate life is great. I had zero complaints. He started therapy Wednesday for adult video addiction and this. He cried a lot when I confronted him. Was transparent in that he has been struggling. Try to explain it wasn't me. It was him. He is showing remorse and wants to change. He said he can't believe he did this to me. Well, Zachary, I can't believe you did this to me. I can't sleep. I can't eat. I can't breathe. I have to mom all day to my kids and I barely feel capable of brushing my teeth. I guess I'm wondering can relationships ever come back from this? I love him so much. He is an incredible dad and partner. I want to stay together. I don't want anything to change. He made a mistake. Can we survive? Right now I look at him and I want to cry. I'm just trying to survive the next 10 minutes of this new life that is apparently mine. One user says any direction you go from here is not going to be easy. I'm so sorry you are hurt and I hope you're able to heal from this over time. I suggest group therapy and personal therapy to acquire any tools that slash outlets to handle this road. And the OP response says thank you. I'm already in therapy so I will definitely add this in. I have never done group but I will look into it. And another user says divorce him. If he loves you he wouldn't seek another woman. And then the OP comes back one year later and let's get into it. This reads I wanted to give an update as over a year ago I posted about how my husband's browser history destroyed me. You can click my profile to see my original post. First I want to say that this past year was anything but easy but I'm thankful for the growth from it. My husband and I talked for what felt like days at a time when all of this went down. He was transparent and honest about everything. There was no trickle truth and nothing else was uncovered. This provided a baseline for us. We knew we both had to work on things primarily him. He started with addiction therapy as this all started as a teen and adult video habit. I was already in therapy for all I went through with my cancer treatments, IVF and R word as a teenager. My therapist helped me work on my spirals and panic attacks. My husband went back to his teenage years to focus on when and why he started using adult videos. Then when it turned into a coping mechanism why he chose to do it over meeting women and all the way through to what happened with us. All through our individual therapy we would be transparent about it all but also allowed each other privacy if they didn't feel like sharing everything. We both opted to always be an open book, lots of tears, but through these moments we found each other, we chose each other, we learned more about each other than we ever did before. We became closer, our intimacy on every level got better, intimacy communication, emotional spiritually, across the border got better. Now reading that it seems all sunshine, rainbows and sprinkles it was not. My body keeps the score and I have a huge scar from what he did. There will always be pain when I think about the day and what he did, however I have forgiven him. I realized that the pain I feel for what he did which is minimal now would be so significantly less of the pain I would be in if we were not together. We have so much great in our life and I, we feel lucky to be with each other. This past August with the kids help he repurposed to me, our 10 year anniversary is in 2024 and we plan on renewing our vows. From this I am signing off wishing all of you happy holidays. Thank you to every single person who took the time to respond to my original post. One person says I'm surprised that the addiction to adult videos had manifested itself after that long into the massage and only once during their marriage. Here's to hoping that the OP heals enough from this. And another user says their relationship was absolutely perfect but he had a crippling adult video addiction that she knew absolutely nothing about, not even an inkling, sure. But someone else says so she randomly goes through his phone, even though there are no issues. Huh? And that happens to be the time he cheated, huh? Just that one time and she caught him, huh? And he was so guilty about it, he didn't bother to tell her until she caught him, huh? And it was conveniently caused by his adult video addiction he managed to hide for a decade? Huh? Now it is all fixed and they are better than ever? Huh? Man, a year from now when she updates again about their pending divorce, when she finds out all the information he managed to hide regarding his usual intimate worker use and infidelity is going to destroy her a lot more than that first browser history revelation did. And we have never received another update from the OP. fiancé, 35th male, compared my 28 female antidepressants to booger sugar and wants me off them. I have the loveliest, most charming and attractive fiancé. We had a whirlwind romance for 9 months in which he proposed over quarantine. He is everything I want in a partner and I love him deeply. The last 3 months were up for me. I had a car accident, started a small business and had a family member pass away. My fiancé and I weren't getting along because I was stressed, crying and had to enter a serious therapy to deal with the effects of the accident. I was unhealthily dependent on my fiancé and would call him nightly, just sobbing my eyes out. I started taking a low dose of antidepressants. Finally, I'm not fixated on the accident, I'm happy and go lucky, I'm back swimming again my favorite activity, calling friends and my businesses doing well. I admit, I have less time for my fiancé. I am much less needy, sometimes I can't get to my phone in time and miss his calls. Even before I couldn't leave my room and needed to be connected at 24/7. My fiancé sat me down and expressed his concerns. He told me he loves me, but he's noticed a change in personality. He said he spoke with a few doctors and antidepressants can even be compared to booger sugar and that I could be doing lasting damage to myself. He said I can support you through all the pain and messiness, I love you, and I want you in my life forever. He said I should call my doctor and request to come off. I kind of balked and he didn't take it well. He requested that I at least respond to his messages in a reasonable time, that he knows me well, and this new personality isn't the real me and I'm moving too much. I'm kind of concerned with other behavior from my fiancé. He wants me to wear bag of your clothes at the gym and wants to be involved in every decision I make. When it comes to meeting new clients, he wants to know who they are, otherwise he says it seems shady. I have a possible comment. contract that would take me out of town and he expressed concern telling me I need to stay close to family I love him, but every conversation turns into him telling me that I have to work harder so he can trust me Besides counselling, what else can I do? Edit just want to say I have no plans of getting off my medication. It is non-negotiable And now let's get into some of the top comments one person says, please do not marry this man I won't say break up with him because it sounds like you're nowhere near ready to consider doing that But please just hold off on marriage for the time being You seem like you've got a pretty good head on your shoulders and like you recognize that these red flags for what they are At the very least would you consider going to therapy with him or taking him to see your doctor? The most charitable explanation here is that he doesn't understand and side of presence So maybe speaking to a professional about it I don't know what the hell kind of doctor he was talking to before, but it sounds like some major BS to me would help Also, congratulations on digging yourself out of the emotional hole that can come after a traumatic event That's not easy and you should be proud of yourself for using the tools you needed to and the OP response and says Thank you so much for the lovely response. It means a lot I suggested five months of pre-marital counseling because I want to make sure we are on the same page He is hesitant, but willing to make it work I asked him to seek therapy on his own and he said it's a possibility So I have to take my time and see Another commenter says do not come off medication do not give him access to your medication He will tamper with it. I'm not joking He is lying about speaking to his few psychiatrists and anti-depressants being like booger sugar He wants you off them so that you are dependent on him again This man wants to control you. That's what he's interested in Why wouldn't he be happy that you're doing so well? Your whirlwind romance started with love bombing and now he's panicking because you're happy and less dependent on him Keep an eye on your medication at all times. He does not love you. He wants control over you and The OP response and says I was a sobbing mess off of a medication. It was not stable He's been testing me lately and I'm not as reactive. I just don't understand why someone would want that It doesn't make for a healthy relationship and someone responds and says he doesn't want a healthy relationship He started it with love bombing and now it's on to control This is also textbook abuse early warning signs. You might as well be riding a horror movie script and someone responds again It says I can't be the only one thinking this she has an accident six months into this relationship with this guy Who seems like he wants to control her through his own care like he knows better than any professional? Is it just me? I'm skeptical of this accident especially because he's upset. She's thriving so well after it and Another commenter says he's been testing you. What does that mean? Look you are doing incredibly hard work and doing well coming off incredibly hard things This guy sounds like he wants to keep you suffering so you're dependent on him So he can be your savior so he can keep control of you You've known him less than a year and he's telling you that he knows your real personality Have you talked about him to your therapist and about what he's doing and saying and the OP response and says He said that I sound too happy and that I must be dating someone else as I said in another comment My medication helped me shrug it off where previously I would have become upset cried or pleaded with him. I have spoken with my therapist and she advised me to proceed with caution and Another commenter says that's because your therapist is highly trained and can see the signs of this abusive controlling unhealthy situation you're in. Let me guess your fiance doesn't think you really need a therapist, right? That he alone can help you through everything You need to take a huge step back in this relationship so that you can recognize the patterns of Abuse don't get married and don't stop taking your meds and the OP response and says yes He said I could come to him before the doctor and then one person asked how long did the relationship did the fiance propose the OP and the OP says He proposed at three months, but I want a long engagement and Another commenter says red flags of coercive control here. He likes you dependent on him I am positive. He did not find a few doctors who said anti-depressants are like booger sugar and can lead to brain damage This statement would be laughable if he wasn't so obviously trying to control you Lovely, charming and attentive. It's how these types usually start out. It's called love bombing Start being strong and independent refusing to play his games and see how long that lasts though Proceed carefully because I've seen this turn ugly and then someone replies and says there's actually a name for the tactic That some abusive partners use to control the other partners mental health including their mental health medication It's called mental health coercion the national domestic violence hotline did a national survey on it a couple of years ago And many callers reported various forms of it partners hiding their medications demanding they do not use medication Impeding their access to therapy gaslighting them telling them they deserve to be abused because they had depression or anxiety et cetera Substance use coercion is similar and is also a type of domestic abuse and the OP response and says are you serious? I'm at a loss for words My fiance isn't at the point that he's hiding medication But he told me he is extremely concerned and would advise me even if he was just my friend He believes I need to face my problems and that he could help me work through them As if he could be my coach. It's a very weird situation where he likes me being his little project But the truth is I'm doing a lot better. I have healed and grown I guess it is a way to be controlling and then the OP post an update 10 days later and let's get into it Hi, everyone Many many many of you commented advising me that this was an emotionally abusive relationship I admit I am naive and didn't want to believe that was the truth I spent some time with my fiance on the weekend and he continued with his pep talk about the antidepressants He said I should taper them off to a few milligrams and gave me a timeline for doing it I had only been agreeing with him so we didn't have to argue But secretly I continued with them on my own After this weekend, we had a wonderful time He tells me he has hopes for our future that he supports me going through the pain etc etc on Monday we were talking and I brought up a pretty big issue in our relationship I won't go into the specifics. He is at fault though. That isn't involved My fiance went ballistic For the first time he screamed at the top of his lungs with his face distorted and spit flying everywhere He told me I quote didn't have a brain big enough to change and that quote All I do is sit there and smile with my ethane medication and that quote I'm a pitiful almost 30-year-old woman who is pathetic and if I quote want to see real trauma He could show me. Oh my god that escalated quickly He said quote you're an evil person who is deliberately hurting the only person who loves you and how dare you bring up these issues When you know I am stressed because I was stoic he became even more enraged until I had to pretend to cry Yes, I had to pretend to cry because that's the only way he would calm down I do feel guilty because he stressed he said quote if you believe I've overreacted Delete me, but if you want to listen with your heart to put everything on the line and be a ride or die team I'll come to your place tomorrow. Suddenly he told me quote something has come up. Let's talk in a week and he has completely Disappeared slash gone offline Because he was screaming at me in front of my family members. I think he may be committed to a psych ward I don't know. I finally found the courage to just block him immediately It hurts like hell, but it's the only way and now let's get into some of the top comments One user says I have to tell you it is very unusual to conclude that because someone shouted They have been committed to a psych ward. That is just a really dramatic notion Why didn't the family members present intervene when he was screaming and spitting at you and the op your spawns and says It's not because of the screaming it's because of his unusual slash manic behavior that's become increasingly worse the past four weeks he is hearing and seeing things that aren't happening. He was telling me I was evil and that I had to wake up. There are many other things I did not include in this. Another commenter says, "Sounds like bipolar psychosis," which is no joke. How absolutely ironic that he'd be screaming about you being evil and stupid for treating depression while he's having to break down. You deserve to be in a healthy relationship with someone empathetic. He's not it, and the OP response says, "Let me tell you it is absolute hell." And someone says that the OP has been brainwashed by the fiance, and the OP says, "I am beyond brainwashed. He calls me every day for 40 minutes to 1 hour to tell me everything was as wrong with me, and that needs to be changed. Over time, I've started to believe it. I've lost myself." Another commenter says, "I think he said something came up and went silent because he is trying to still manipulate you. If he is unavailable, then you are supposed to be trying to get a hold of him and chasing him. I'm so glad he didn't. Keep him blocked because eventually, he will be coming back and trying to "love" on you again." And the OP responds and says, "He made me promise we would talk every day, no matter what. Together forever, yada yada." And I have to understand, these are all lies. And someone asks if the OP is living with her fiance, and can she move out? And the OP responds and says, "We do not live together. Everyone in my life is aware. I've been very upfront about everything. He was so angry. I honestly do not believe he's coming back to me." And then the OP post an update six months later, and let's get into it. It reads, "Hello. I wanted to take the time to thank all of the lovely commenters. It was hard to hear and understand at the time, but you really helped me see how effed up that situation was. Thank you for all the resources, which I had to read over and over in order to try to understand." My ex fiance and I are no longer together, and we have zero contact. We had a terrible breakup, in which he threatened to traumatize me. I spiraled into a pretty bad depression, and continued with serious therapy. I took a two-month trip abroad and entered a healing retreat that was out of cell service. I basically spent seven weeks crying, vomiting, and healing in the jungle. The good news is that my anxiety has lessened to the point that I no longer take any kind of medication. I lost 20 pounds. I bought a new apartment, started a new job, and slowly started dating someone new. I made a lot of new friends, and I'm actually allowed to see them now. My new guy is about 100 times better, and has never tried to control me in any way. I have bumped into my ex fiance four times, and honestly, I kind of recoil at the sight of him. I have no idea how he was able to control my life so much at one point. That was a really dark place. It'll take me a long, long time before I love anyone again, but that's okay. I'm giving myself a lot of time and space. Things aren't perfect, and I'm still processing, but things turned out much better than I hoped for. So thanks again, Reddit. One user says, I'm curious if he was ever diagnosed with anything as you suspected, or his family suspected, or maybe it was just the commenters who suspected? Was he institutionalized that and he had to go away? He sounds like a freaking psychopath. I'm so glad you're safely out of the relationship. If you run into him again, you may need to consider that he's stalking you, and the op he responds and says, well, his parents still enable him and hide him away from the world, so I doubt he will ever be properly diagnosed or get better. From what I've seen, creeping on his social media profiles, he's thoughts and beliefs have become more outlandish and strange. And no, he has not been institutionalized. He was just ignoring me, like an A-hole. My new boyfriend lives four blocks from his house, so seeing him may be unavoidable. And another commenter says, wow, this was a major red flag controlling jerk she was with. Antidepressants likened to booger sugar? What a devious creep. So glad she got away. I want to know more about the healing retreat in the jungle out of cell range. That sounds glorious. And the op he responds and says, hi, I went to an ayahuasca retreat in Peru, out of cell range and eating a no salt slash spice slash red meat slash alcohol slash caffeine diet. And then we don't hear from the op for over four years. And then four years later, the op comes back with a final update. Hey reddit, five years ago, I posted about my extremely toxic fiancee here. I almost forgot about the whole ordeal, but I started thinking about it because I'm engaged. It's okay, a lot of trial and error, but I'm a lot happier. When I think of my ex fiance, I'm honestly shocked that I couldn't imagine that life would be good again. So dramatic. It's been a wild five years, but I moved to New York, went back to school, and I went back on medication. I did find love again, except this time, my fiancee supports and encouraged me to grow and understands that I'm stubborn about my independence. Hence why it took six months for me to leave a toothbrush at his place. Anyway, I've learned that love is about understanding and respect, which is not something I thought I deserved when I first posted. OP comes home from month-long trip to find her roommate has switched their rooms, turns out rumies, abusive boyfriend, forcefully moved himself in and made the switch. Hi there, I'm writing this on a throwaway because to be honest, I never thought I'd need to post here, but what can you do? So I moved into this flat about eight months ago. I met Lana online on a roommate website, and we clicked well. She's a bit younger, but seemed mature. We quickly agreed to be roommates, both of us were under time constraints to find a place to live, but have gone on really well so far. Up until this. Our flat is a two bedroom, and to be frank, my room is clearly the better one. It's bigger and has built-in wardrobes. When looking for the flat, I found the place first on my own and put down a deposit to take it off the markets while I found another roommate. The flat was perfect, cheap rent, and my aunt manages the property, so I was keen to snap it up before anyone else did. The area it's in is popular, so I wasn't really worried about not finding someone to room with. Because of the above, and that I was there first, I took the bigger room, naturally. When showing potential roommates, including Lana around, I was sure to show the smaller room and say, "This would be your room." We moved in about eight months ago, and it's been happy families. Never heard Lana complain about a room because I have about six times the wardrobe space that she does. I told her she's welcome to store her offseason clothes in there, or whatever she wants to store, as long as she's not popping in every morning to get dressed. She was happy with this. Just over a month ago, I went traveling. Now, I'm not the biggest fan of having people in my room, but I told Lana if she had someone stay, her sister, friends from home that they could sleep in my bed. She said thanks, and as she's been such a great roommate and rarely has guests except her boyfriend, I didn't worry at all. I came back yesterday. I was exhausted from the flight and traveling, and just wanted to shower and sleep. As I walked in, Lana was in the living room with her boyfriend. We said hello, and hugged. Had a very quick catch-up, blah, blah, blah, blah. Then I dragged my suitcase to my room, opened the door, and found it full of stuff that was not mine. I kinda yelled, "WTF?" and briefly thought I was so jet lagged, I was confused, and opened the door to Lana's room and saw all my stuff. I walked into the living room and asked Lana what was going on, and she said, "Oh sorry, I forgot to mention, we put my stuff in your room just because it's bigger, and you weren't here, and you said I could use it." I was honestly so tired I could have passed out then, so I probably wasn't in the best state, and told her to move it all back immediately. She said, "They were in the middle of making dinner, and I looked so tired so I should have slept." Her boyfriend then said, "And anyway, you pay the same rent so it isn't fair, you both get the big room at some point." I was getting really frustrated, and could feel tears welling up, hysterical from lack of sleep. So I just said, we'll deal with this tomorrow and it's getting moved back, and then I went to sleep in not my room. I've woken up now, and I'm so pissed, long as it works, so I can't talk to her, but what should I do when she's home? I feel like this is going to turn into an argument. I don't think it'll be as simple as, "Okay, let's swap now your home." At it, I've taken the advice of most people on this thread and moved my stuff back. It's taken hours, and I'm super tired, but I think if I left it another night, it would be a real problem. I sent her a text when I was almost done, in case she kicked up a shit storm and came home. To say, "Hi, Lana, hope you're having a nice day at work, just to let you know I'm moving my stuff back into my room." Didn't want you coming home and walking into the wrong one. Yes, I'm petty. I'll be talking to her when she gets in because this is out of character for her. To the point of it being bizarre, she has never been anything but a "model" roommate. So I'm going to give her a chance before we're done so. If she wants to be reasonable and have a chat about rent portions, I'm happy to do that. She's never had a problem with the rent before. And honestly, I have never had uneven rent amounts in any place I've ever lived, whether I had a bigger room or smaller room. But a lot of people here are saying it's the norm, so I'm open to talking about it. If she's not ridiculous. At it number two, Lana should be home in a bit. I will update when I can. At it number three, hi everyone. I've got about a million messages asking for an update, but last night was a bit mad. And I'm still pretty jet lag, so sorry, but I went to sleep. Anyway, here we go. So as you know, I text Lana to tell her I moved my stuff back. She did not reply to me. Fine, whatever, but she didn't kick off, so I figured we were okay. I told my aunt what had happened, who was as baffled as all of you. And I told her it was probably all sorted, just keeping her in the loop. I also told my boyfriend, who works about five minutes down the road. He offered to come around in case Lana's boyfriend came around. But I told him not to because then we're ganging up on Lana. He insisted on going for a coffee with his mate a couple of roads away in case we needed backup, which is a bit ridiculous, but very cute of him. So I did get myself a glass of wine while waiting for Lana. Not because I was nervous, I just like wine. And she came home. I was sat in the living room and gave her a very cold hi when she walked in. She sort of froze, bag in hand, and her eyes darted between me and my/not her/our bedroom door. She blurted, "Did you do it?" and I said, "What? Move the rooms back?" "Yeah, of course." And her eyes went all wide and she dropped her bag and ran into the bathroom. I could hear her talking on the phone, so I was like, "Yippy, I guess Tom's coming around fun." I heard the door unlock, and I was about to go full hulk on how psycho she is. When she came out of the door and stood between our bedrooms, their doors are adjacent, and she just stared between them both. Breathing heavily, it was really odd. Then I noticed she was crying and getting a bit panicky, so I asked, "What was going on?" She burst into tears and said, "OMG, he is going to kill me." And just sobbed, so yeah, it was the boyfriend's idea completely, as a lot of us suspected. She's honestly always been a perfect roommate, which is kind of why I came to the sub. If she was generally a A-hole, I would have known how to act, if you know what I mean. Anyway, Lana has a bit of a breakdown, and it turns out P.O.S. Tom has always been a bit of a P.O.S. Very jealous, which I always saw hints of, but Lana never mentioned, so I didn't. And his amped up his P.O.S-ishness, while I've been away. When I left, he just finished school and basically moved in unannounced. And when she'd mentioned he hasn't been home in days, he'd given her the, "What, don't you love me? I treat you so well, you're so selfish, blah blah blah blah blah." And refused to move on. She showed me the text he sent her, absolutely horrific stuff, things like, "Ring me in the next five minutes or we're over." Send me a picture of you at your desk with something showing today's date, so I know you're at work, just abusive stuff. On to the room. As we guessed it, he moved it. He did it while she was at work, which is actually a bit gross thinking of him going through my stuff. And I'm considering it somehow implying I have crabs or something, he could catch just to make them squirm a bit, but I'll work on it." Lana came home and said, "What are you doing?" He made it out, was just a temporary, and that I wouldn't mind, such a gentleman speaking on my behalf. And he would move it back, and he was doing it to her and she was so selfish, etc. When I got a few days before I came back, Lana suggested moving it back. And he completely denied he said that and told her it was her idea to move it, and he only did what she told him but it's staying now or she'd be sorry. So basically, Tom is horrible, and Lana sobbed and apologized and cried, and I fed her wine. She didn't want to see Tom, who obviously assumed he lived there now, so I text him from her phone saying our landlady, my aunt was coming round for an inspection and staying for dinner after with my family and he couldn't come over tonight. He sent a lot of begging, whiny texts, and then went on the offensive and called Lana a liar. So I rang my aunt, explained everything and had her write us a fake landlord email, mentioning the visit and how she was looking for the fajitas, because she's an absolute babe, and I make good packet fajitas, which we forwarded on to Tom. He left her alone for the rest of the night, apart from a few texts. I'm not entirely sure what we do about Tom. Lana sounds like she wants to break up, judging from her crime and screaming. I hate him, I hate him, I hate him, and to her wine. I think she's scared too though. I checked with her, and he doesn't have a key, so that's a relief. I've told my aunt everything, and she said she is happy to ban him from the flat, but Lana would need to break up with him first and get all that sorted. Thanks everyone for the advice. I know it wasn't the most popcorn the update, but hopefully Lana will be okay, and we're going to be doing some girly stuff this week and avoiding Tom. And yeah, God knows what will happen. One user says, oh my God, this is a new different level of abusive POS OP. I recommend you call the cops and ask them what you should do regarding Tom, given his behavior and such that he might just turn up and demand entry or forces way in. Also, with regards to Lana, suggest you go to a therapist to talk through what happened. She needs it, I think. She's been in an abusive relationship. Number two, tell her to send Tom a message saying they are over, and that she's blocking him on everything, and then block him on everything and/or get a new number. And that if he comes near her, she's going to the cops. And then if he does, go to the cops. Also, get your aunt to officially say that he's not allowed in the apartment. That way, if the police can't do anything beforehand, you would be able to at least try to get him on trespassing charges when he, eventually given his boundary stomping behavior, turns up at the apartment, edit to add. Also, OP, given Tom is an abusive POS, you and Lana should go through a apartment and specifically look for hitting cameras. Also, if you left any electronic devices, laptops, tablets, wipe them, reformat and reinstall operating systems, if you had any accounts autologged in on these devices, change all the passwords and put on two factor authentication immediately. And now let's get into the next update, which was posted a few weeks later, and this reads as follows. Hi everyone, it's been a busy month since my last post, and I logged back into this account out of curiosity and saw quite a few people messaging me, requesting an update. So here we are. Sorry, it took so long, but things have calmed down now. So shortly after my last post, Lana broke up with Tom. She was quite scared to do it because he's a psycho, and it took two weeks between the last post and the actual breakup. During that time, she didn't let him come around or see her. Luckily, she remembered that Tom had never had chicken pox as a kid, so we pretended my nephew had caught chicken pox and had to stay with us because my brother's wife had never had it and couldn't risk getting shingles. It worked luckily, and he stayed away. She told her family and close friends about what he'd been like, in case he contacted them to get in touch with her and lied about what happened, and then text him saying she wanted to break up. Well, he blew the F up, called her every name under the sun, switched back to apologizing and saying she was the love of his life, then said she'd never find someone like him, then he would die without her, then he wanted to kill her, then they were soulmates, it was insane. He started messaging me too. Telling me I was an evil bitch who had ruined his perfect wife. LOL, okay then, and as predicted, her family and friends got messages too. We both turned our phones off to ignore it and just watched TV. Later I briefly switched mine on, where I had a lot of messages from my friends telling me to block some guy on social media. He was Tom calling me every imaginative combination of the C word. He could think of all over my public Instagram. There were even a few racial slurs, which was odd because we're both white, but okay. Lana had already blocked him on everything, but silly me forgot to make my Instagram private. The next day he rang Lana's office. She was so embarrassed, it was awful. To tell her he was driving down to our flat, she rang me. And I rang my aunt, who your member manages the property, who told us it was time to call the police. We filed a report about Tom and they said to update us on the situation. In the UK, you need to go to the court to actually get a restraining order, so we haven't as such, but the evidence is all there and documented if we need to go that far. The police rang Tom at all request. People to him, they'd seen the messages and to turn his car around because if he turned up at our door, he would be arrested. Police officers here are amazing, can I just say? Tom managed to crap himself hard enough to not show up after that. So we were fine for a week, then the post came. Tom started sending letters, threats and soppy I love you shit, flowers. And a pizza that we had to pay for, we were actually hungry so we ate it. He signed us up to a magazine subscription. It was bizarre. We went to the police again. They filed everything but Lana didn't want to go to court, I don't blame her. She was incredibly stressed by the whole thing. So two weeks ago I took my aunt and mother out to dinner and I told them both about the situation and my goddess of an aunt had an idea. She manages about 30 properties, not just the one we live at. As had a few that were unoccupied now with school finishing, she told me she would show us around all the two bedrooms she had and we could live in any of them for the same rent we pay now. And just transfer over our deposit slash fees as long as there were no damages to deduct and we helped do a deep clean to get it ready for the next tenant. We found one within a five minute drive that's just as lovely and to anyone concerned about the previous rent dispute has equally sized bedrooms. So we moved on which is why the last two weeks have been manic and we are settled in now. Tom has now been informed that we've moved because the stuff he sent since has been returned. Lana and I are completely no contact with him and anyone who visit us is sure not to pass on our address at home. Also I apologize to Lana about the issue with paying the same amounts of rent. She said she had never had a problem with it and said that's how she had always done it through uni and with other roommates. She refused to take any money from me but I've decided I will be funding the weekly flat wine sessions for the future. It's been a long long month and even though my traveling tan has faded, things are great now. Thanks for all your advice before guys, even the ones I didn't agree with and let's all pray to baby Jesus that I have a calmer living situation from now on. One user says wow, what a fantastic outcome for everyone involved. I mean obviously trauma from Tom's idiocy and harassment but now that that guy is on a police notice you and Lana have a nice new flat with equal footing and it sounds like you formed a real bond over this. Whereas your previous post was typical roommate entitlement issues combined with a horrible boyfriend. They both escalated and got better. Much luck to you and Lana living in the future. You've been a great friend to her. Your aunt definitely deserves some good wine sessions too. And this was the last update we have ever received from the OP. And all right guys, thank you so much for watching three hours of some deranged Reddit threads. This was a long one and would you like to see more long videos like this in the future? 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