#276: Life, Death, and Pain in Between • The Work of Byron Katie®

(upbeat music) - Hello everyone, and there's a lot on this podcast you've seen, wants to know how to fill in a judge or neighbor worksheet, and Willie, he's reading "Living What Is" and didn't touch with the cause of suffering and how to end it, and he's believing there's more that he needs to be doing, and we work with all of that and bring a lot to light and Shannon, she has a friend that is born again and talks about new age as the devil and wrong, and then there's Melanie who is scared of death because it will take her away and she would no longer exist, and we work with that, and then there's Steve that works on forgiveness, and his dead mother, and how can he make that right, that forgiveness, with her dead, and there's always a way, and we talk about that, so simple. And then there's AR from Russia, who is working with Blaine and Shane around her sister, and I love letting her know that we have on thework.com, the worksheet in Russian. We have so many different languages up there for those of you who have friends that are not English-speaking. So, dears, welcome to this podcast. There's a lot, and I hope you enjoy it, and I remain "Living What Is". Let's do the work. (upbeat music) Hello, dears, what a privilege to be with you. This morning in California, not morning everywhere, but wherever you are, whenever you are, I'm so happy to see you. Why would I be happy to see you? Why would I be happy? Oh, I know it's what I'm thinking, but you're living about you, about the privilege I sit in, just what you give. It's just extraordinary. I don't know what the community and the world that, you know, the thing that's coming to my mind is have the courage to raise your hands to give us what you give. Those of you who knew to this community today, welcome here, and what we experience in this community is the courage and the ability to get still and notice what's running in our heads about him, her, them, it to get in touch with those thoughts and move them from our head to paper, and there they are, there they are, from here to here. I mean, what kind of magic is that to move our thoughts that are nothing? They're not even air. We can't even define them. We think they exist, but what? What a thought. Can you take it out of your head and look at it? You know, you can, you can write down what you think, but by the time you write it down, the thoughts over and the done, but what are you thinking and be living that brings on sadness, vengeful thinking, heartache, fear? So those of you who knew to the work today, we identify those thoughts. That's what we do in this community. We move them from our head to paper, and there they are, there they are, from here to there, oh my gosh. Stop, everyone to stop your head? Well, there they are, stopped on paper. Those thoughts that cause your suffering in any given situation, doesn't matter if you were five years old, remembering then some traumatic thing or yesterday, the year before, never too late, the ego offers them up. And if they bring depression or anger or frustration, we try to switch them, we do weird things with them, we try to relationship them down, drink them down, eat them down, argue them down. But what if, what if, like we do in this community, we just notice those of that emotional, and then there's a cause for that emotional, that hate or fear or resentment or what is the cause? It's what we're thinking and believing. That's where the trance lives in our mind's eye. So we move what we're thinking and believing from our head to paper. It's a respectful thing to do. Something that would cause something as crazy as identity, identity, I, I am, I know. Oh my gosh, it certainly takes the mystery out of life that I know I, I know there's no mystery there, I know. So to move those thoughts, those fearful thoughts from our head to paper to a judge and neighbor worksheet, always free on the work.com where you don't have to enroll, sign up, leave your name, leave your, just print, and begin the process of understanding the cause of your suffering and how to end it. Those of you who do to the work today, I don't know what, I don't know what your experience is so far, but welcome here, welcome here together. We all identify the thoughts that cause all our suffering. And we question them and some kind of magic. It really is the truth that sets us free. Would you want me by all that? Well, those of you who do to the work, hang in, you're welcome here. And I understand after listening to this mouth, why you wouldn't, but if you do, you know, I hope you, I hope you get what you came for this lifetime of way to deal with it. Eugene. Yeah, I have a question, I have two questions actually. So I realized when I'm doing a worksheet, the judge, your neighbor worksheet, that sometimes I don't know what's the reason that I'm upset, you know, 'cause it says I'm blah, blah, blah, because. And then other times I have one reason, but then it keeps switching, you know what? Sure. Yeah, the equals, the equals and trickster. But how else is it going to survive as I, I am this body? You know, just don't expect it. But to understand the ego, that's what this work is about. To understand the cause of our suffering and how to end it. So just expect, expect, you know, just expect it, but it's just, it's some, it really is helpful just to, and I'm assuming you already are, but to anchor in one situation, time and place that's running in your head, that's causing you some turmoil, for example, to anchor just in one time and place. And identify the thoughts you're thinking as you fill in the judge your neighbor worksheet and it's a guide and it is checkmate, one to six. That's the ego, one through six. That's it, that's it. And then the question, it may evolve and that's fine, right? Oh, yes. The mind is saying, that's why you're upset. Okay, new worksheet. Just keep going, work through the process. Yeah, so when we're upset, it's always about him, her, them, and the world. So then I did this thing where, 'cause I, you know how, in one of your longer sessions or two hour one, you know, we would write, I'm upset because it's a whole list. I kind of did, to use a strong emotion, I say, I hate her become. That's good, so I hate her because, yeah, that's completely valid because it's what you're experiencing. That's valid. Okay, because I couldn't figure out what's, why, you know what? No, that's, yeah, I hate her because, and as you think of it now, there could be a lot of reasons you hate her, but just anchor in one, I hate her because, and a situation will come to your mind and your ego will say, oh, that's not it. And just think it for sharing, that's it. Just put it on your worksheet. Okay, yeah, you know, those things that just are, just mildly irritating, can honey, can blow your mind, but your ego will say that's not it, but just trust, just trust. move moving your thoughts from head to paper on anchored in one situation time and place, anchored there as you fill it in. And then also, you know, a thought would come to mind, and the mind would then say, "That's your shallow, go deeper," or you know. Yeah, just anchored for sharing, and you know, the eagle can be shallow. Okay. Just anchored for sharing, and right down that, what you were thinking believing. I mean, one more question is, so I started meeting with a partner, and we were both kind of figuring it out that some questions is weird to be asking all of them, you know, all six questions, or is it true? Like, we're trying to, at least I am trying to be like, you know, barricaded and reflect like I'm imagining how your sessions are, but we are a little bit just experimenting with the process if you have any suggestions or feedback on how to do the partner war. Yeah, you know, I've tested it, and this came to me on the floor, everything, the worksheet, and I could see the mind only does six things, and that's the worksheet, you know, from the floor, I just like, "Oh my gosh." And so that's the worksheet, and how do we, what do we do with that? Four questions, and three of those are superfluous. If you just said, and is it true, you'll have the answer to all four questions and turn arounds, but I gave, I gave everyone a stepping stone, just to hold you anchored in that situation time and place, because it will show you how you reacted, what happened when you believe the thought and why. And you were upset then, but you can never too late to straighten it out. That is not just transformation, that is enlightenment, you know, I'm enlightened to the cause of my suffering, and anytime I feel in a judge your neighbor worksheet until it's automatic, can you? It's automatic, and then that takes everyone to where I was on the floor when it was just like, God it, only it wasn't ego like that, it was like, it's describable, and how do you put indescribable into words? Well, yeah, I've noticed how if I have a thought, and then I have a counter thought, is it true? Are you sure? And I said, no, sometimes that piece is it enough for me to not be so upset, or yeah, if that's an honest know for you. Yeah, but so with the partner, if they're already as you know, we actually don't have to do all the rest of this stuff, like, you know, just just trust the process. Yeah, it's no, but to go back and how did you react when you believe the thought? And then you can see, you can see areas there that can just, oh, don't miss that part, you know, what we say, what we do to hurt other people, and the way we talk about them, and the hurt we do to them, and the envy we experience, and all of it, you know, don't miss one of those questions. Don't take you to places that you wouldn't go otherwise if you take shortcuts. If you're in a hurry, slow down all of you when you're doing this work. Okay, thank you very much. I love your question. I'm sure you're not alone in this, you know, we, if you're in hurry, just slow way down, because sitting in this work in these questions and filling in the worksheet, it's an exercise and stillness. It's an, it's, your ego's going to want to take you everywhere, but they're when you first start, just expected. Thank you. Go for sharing and come back to those four questions and turn around. All right, thank you very much. You're welcome, honey. Oh my gosh, it takes so much courage to do this work. And we always want to hack it. We want to shorten it, but trust trust those questions. Yeah, or not, you know, it's nothing we have to do. It's just, it's just, uh, get it. Willie, thanks so much for your generosity. Oh, honey, honey, honey, honey, honey. If this is generosity, everyone get generous. I'm happy to be here. I'm a new word to the work. But I've been reading your, your book and, and doing as much as I can over the last month. And one of the beliefs that I notice most often that causes me stress and suffering is that I notice throughout the day, or when I'm meditating, or when I'm so often is the, the thought and the belief that there's more that I need to be doing, that there's something else I need to be doing, kind of variations of that. And that's powerful. Yeah. More that you should be doing, Willie. Yeah. True. Can you really know that it's true? There's more, there's, who there's more that you should be doing. Just right here, right now, there's, there's more that you should be doing. We're just sitting here just saying, there's more than you should be, yeah, you should be doing important things. You should be, you know, cleaning the bathroom. The dishes are piling and this. Exactly. Exactly. That's the feeling. It's a true. I at least don't know. At least don't know. So notice your ego. We'll grab that one and it's valid. And look again, just in case you miss something, there's more that you should do. Can you really know that it's true that there's more that you should be doing? No. So rest in that a moment. Give you now what you already had. Notice who you are without the thought. There's more I should be doing. It's just notice. Breathe, feel the space. I feel present and alive and there's like a sense of beauty right here now when I don't have that thought. To notice your breath, there's more that you're doing than you could possibly imagine. Your heart is it's beating you. It's beating the breath. It's breathing you. You're not the doer. There's more that you should be doing. Experience. Who are you without the thought? Let's turn it around meditating in that same situation where you are now. There's less. I should be doing. That feels very true. Yeah. Now notice you're not saying I think I'll start at my heart. No. There's less you should be doing. Notice. Notice in the breath. There's something breathing you. You're not the doer. You're sitting. Did you think the chair you're sitting on? Where's your gratitude? The breath. The breath. You're being breathed. There's less you should be doing where your arms are. Did you plan it? Notice where your feet are. Did you instruct it before? Something put them there? There's something. There's something beautiful going on. I have to do less to appreciate life as not the doer. Not I. There's less I should be doing to sit in the gift of don't know to witness life without the ego, the body. You probably even believe it's yours. I tend to. Yeah. My body. I will. This is such an important exercise when you're in the hospital and they're they're amputating your arm. Do you need it? I mean, not the doer. What a life. What a life. One armed, one armed life, there are advantages to everything in life, but the ego imagines you with two arms and you suffer, you know, so there goes appreciation for the one left, so much for that one, nothing without the other, the ego would attempt to convince you, but then life will show you different, differently. Life takes us to our purpose right here, right now. This is it, all my life born for this, right here, right now. The question is, are you good company? Do you love the company you keep? You know, this is the love affair with the self, meaning, ego. You have to love the little self to understand the big eye. There's nothing that it's not that. Notice the swan of your body, are you the doer? Notice you went, "Mmm, are you the doer?" You're smiling, did you do that on purpose? God, the arrogance of. I love that sound. I, that's original, but it's nothing without "M". Notice it's gaining weight. You can hear me. I own the one sitting in the chair, "Oh my gosh, oh my gosh, I'm the born right here right now." Not again. The first. I feel like you've left me speechless. Thank you, not Willie. Bring that thing that we call something here that doesn't make it true. Just noticing. Just that. Thank you, Willie. Thank you for present. Thank you so much. Hi, Shannon. Hi, Katie. Hi. I had a question for you. This sensation yesterday arrives that was interesting. My best friend came to visit the little babe and we're in the living room talking and. She's talking about, "Oh, she's born again and Jesus has come into her life and he's completely renewed her spirit." And then she said, "This new age, consciousness, awareness stuff is the devil and not of God." In that moment, I just began to question everything. I believe that I know you talk about the belief to be the non-believer. And I asked the question, you know, or I'll say not the doer. But I hope everyone's questioning that, you know, experiencing it in their own way. Yeah. And I just. And I was trying to understand and understand, like, you know, growing up Christian. And I believe in love is my religion and, you know, all of the beauty of all of the different religions around the world. And I just felt like a sense of separation in a way. But I don't know, I guess I should isolate what I thought I was thinking. Okay, so let's, let's, you be her and I'll be you. Okay. So, hi. Oh, I love you came to see the baby. Yes, yes, I just have to tell you, I had this experience. I went on this seven day fast and on the fourth day, Jesus spoke to me and I just. I broke down crying and I came back, I woke up for. I got up from my crying experience and I just was saved. I just am saved now. And Jesus is so wonderful. And I'm here to share his news around the world. That's what I'm here to do. Oh, my gosh, I love that for you. So save me. That's true, that's with him. That's what only Jesus can save us. Oh, my gosh, tell me about Jesus. That's, that's powerful. What I know of Jesus, you could be right. Yeah, I know I'm right. I know I'm right. He is the way the truth and the light. Well, I think you're on to something. Tell me more. That's beautiful, Katie. Oh, honey. Oh, my God, don't show. She was bringing something incredibly beautiful and your ego was. was just, you know, playing a little bit but knowing you, it didn't go too far. Yeah. Oh, my God, Jesus is. I don't know a lot about Jesus other than he is a symbol for good without all of us. Yeah. Great teacher. Great teacher. He said, didn't he say, "forgive"? That word in itself, "forgive" means nothing in the past could live as a negative. It, it, it's in you and that as intelligence. Yeah. Until it lives in you, there's no, no saint, no Jesus, no goodness without opposite. No. And don't be, don't be fooled. You know, he was a symbol of, of all of us and the, the, the ego would say differently. I think I just with the, with, with the resurrection and, and I resurrected this morning. I was asleep and I woke up and not only that, I walked to the bathroom. It walked. It was, look at its hands. What, what did I plan that? The hair, did I do it? Did I say be white now? Goodness without opposite. That's your life and it hurts until we get it. Yeah. That's, that's what's, but you know, that's how I hear life as a gift. And as to be the gift, no one has to know, lives like a secret. You know, if I said live like a secret, I'm a, you know, that's, that's not I. There's nothing that comes out of this mouth that I don't test as far as I know. That's so beautiful. And then you can call that person and just thank them for, for the enlightenment. Yeah. Even just one little thing, you know, that served you well and knowing you and what you'll do with it. Probably everywhere down to their mouth. Something beautiful. Most definitely and, and the other question I had for you, Katie, is I know we say think, you know, we think, then we feel, then we act, then we become. I think that's the order or not. Yeah. Yeah. We think and, and then there's an image that goes with it and that makes it like. It's the ego's way of holding us. And in this life, we call life, I think it's possible to have a feeling and then think. Well, there's no way to prove it. And it's like my, my, I'm sitting in this chair and, and my knees were doing this. And it's so fluid and everything and, and, and then I became aware of that in our discussion just now. And that was going on. And it certainly answered your question. You know, I, I didn't say I think I'll do this with my legs now. And they're still doing it. Gosh, you know, what am I going to do? Stop it. It'll stop on its own. No need. It's not going to stop on its own. And so when you say you wake up, you, you, there might be evidence that you got out of the bed. There's pillows and blankets moved around, but that doesn't mean that you got out of the bed. Yeah, I didn't, I didn't plan it. You know, it picked up the toothbrush. And the ego said what likes to think or the ego will tell us that we are the doer. things have did. Yeah, and I don't want to stop that. The ego has a right to life. It's just not real. The ego isn't something we can prove. Mine, mine, fighting for life as I, physical, mind is not body. And all of you, you know, you can hear me, like, you can hear my words as Shannon and I talk. But, um, test them for yourselves, test them for yourselves. And life is the test, earth, school, and privilege, born to it. It seems. Yeah. Thank you, Katie. Thank you, honey. Thank you for being. Oh, Elena. Hi. I'm just like very grateful, Katie, I'm very excited because I had a sort of a, this is probably one of the best meetings I've ever been to, even though, of course, who can say, um, thank you. Thank you to Willie because that, uh, that really helped me of like, you know, there should be more, I, you know, I should be doing more, there should be more because it's all I'm not a body, uh, experience is just becoming stronger and stronger in my daily day. And it's the freedom is just, and the love in that, in that I'm not the body, uh, not as a, you know, because I, I'm an advocate of fan and, you know, I love the dam, all that, you know, so I know the theory, um, but, uh, to actually experience it, it's pure freedom and, and love. I still, my question is, though, that I still have, uh, you know, sexual, I've been single for over four years. I have a son and I haven't been with, you know, I left his father and, um, uh, I, I work with, also with pregnant women, I created a, um, a voice approach because I sang, I gave birth singing and so now I, I helped, oh, honey, beautiful, beautiful, yeah, it's great, um, and, uh, and so I'm aware of like how the, you know, women ovulate and, and, and that's how we have a baby. So when I'm ovulating, I notice that my body is, the, the energy is, well, the body is anyway, I still sometimes, so I'm working on that, but, but is it the body that had, I mean, why would we even have sex really, you know, well, um, let's see, you can answer that question. Why do you, why do you look back at when you were having sex and there's your answer? Why do you? Well, I had a moment before I started doing the work regularly, I was doing a course of miracles and Jesus came up today as well as this is why it's my favorite meeting ever because, you know, the whole thing about the course of miracles is forgiveness and it says, you know, your work is done when you see there's nothing left to forgive. So when Jesus said forgive them for they know not what they do, um, and so while I was doing that, I had, I was having sex with my ex-partner, the son of my, my father and my son and I had, I literally stopped in the middle and said, oh, I'm just having sex with myself. Like, is that, but anyway, I guess I need to inquire, I don't even know how to inquire into this. Well, just notice, notice, it sounds like you had on some kind of really wonderful, um, awareness in that. But why do I still feel attracted to people to, you know, I still, I, anyway, I guess why not? Yeah. I mean, answer the question, make a list, why not? But then the yearning or the burning or is, is ego, though, is, is ego hoping for completion through that. But then you know, what you're describing is something you can give yourself. I mean, you can, you can easily give, take you to orgasm with, I mean, what you just described. Yeah, but that's masturbation. That's like, isn't it? That's an, oh, me and me thing. It's a bit weird. Like, I misunderstood your goal. Ah, goal, my goal is God. I mean, I've had experiences of like divine ex. I think, I think orgasm is, it's like where the ego is vacant and there is on, there is a kind of ecstasy that at the same time is painful, but you wouldn't see it as painful. It's just beyond you. But I think a lot of people stop that before it goes that far and then beyond, but I have experienced that, that, that, that, that of that oneness and that melting and that death essentially. It's a mind, it's a mindless state of experience and then the mind takes it over and does something with it and there went that. Okay, thank you, Katie. Okay, specifically for what? Still, just, just live out whatever that is and, and, and let us know. No, I just, sometimes I don't know, I don't know, with the body, why these pulsations come up, but it's, I guess it's, I don't know, I don't know, it's nothing without the mind. The ego does something with that. Right. Yeah. It will take you to two places that, that don't matter to the body, the body is a servant of mind. Right. Exactly. That's what I, there is like a, still, yeah, needing to satisfy something so that's yeah. Enlightenment is, you know, meaning understanding what hurts and what doesn't, that's as much enlightenment as, you know, understanding what hurts and what doesn't. Exactly. Exactly. Yeah. You know, that's why a life of, how can I help just a life of, how can I help and it's not looking for people to help, it's just walking in the early morning light, where, you know, how, how can I help or I can walk around that, that insect. I can appreciate the beauty of a tree I did nothing for. I looked up and there was, it's like magic and, you know, just the, just noticing, noticing, what a scene, look at, look at these silly hands, you know, what, what is that? Well, okay, I'm shaking so much right now. Isn't that, yet, honey, it's truly something beautiful, not the doer and so then you appreciate everything because you're not in the, you're wanting it to be any, how you think it should be and sort of gift, yeah, thank you. Oh, you know, right now my hand is holding my head, I didn't plan it and it's just kind of moving and rocking, it's just what a life, what a life, what an amazing life. If I don't compare it to Pastor Future Presence, oh my God, the gift of life and then there's life imagined and that's a beautiful thing, all life is imagined. Thank you and Lena, honey, thank you for you in the world and all of you, all of you. Melanie. Hi, Katie. Hi, honey, you have a judge your neighbor worksheet filled in? Yeah, I'm scared of death because it takes me away because I no longer exist. So death takes you away, what you would that be, death takes you over, it's true, what you is that, it takes you away, what is, what is that you, death takes you away. And in that, you no longer exist. Well, intellectually, I don't believe that, but, but I must do because my ego says it's true. Well, you could be right, your ego could be right. How do you react when you think the thought, death takes you away and you no longer exist, if you no longer exist, where's the problem? Yeah, but if they problem, well, we solve that one. It's still, I still get a bit of fear in me when I, when I think about it. Well, you know, when, when you were a baby, just a, a, a little, you know, when you look back at your first memory, your first, your first memory, your first memory. thought and notice how old you were in that time and notice that time and place. Are you born of body or mind. So prior to that you were three years old, five years old, six years old, all of you just meditate in what is your first memory. You know, and that was that was the moment you were born, the moment you came into this life. Don't believe me, but test it for yourself. Did you exist prior to your first memory, your first I am I am wanting to go outside with my sister and I'm like four years old. Prior to that, I'm open. I'm open. First memory, that's first born. So with born of mind, not body. Does it matter, but I can't recollect much of my childhood. I can't recollect my first memory. I can't think I can't put a time in a place where my first memory was. I just have pictures and well, you know, my first memory, I'm just guessing, you know, and that's my first memory until something else shows up. My mother and sister, you know, they may him father, they may have, you know, they can show me my baby pictures that that was that was there. That was theirs, but that's that's not I. I was born of mind and my family holds it differently. And the moment I believed, doesn't make it true. We're guessing. I am, I guess what I is that I, you know, I recall saying, not I, you know, well, that's a good one. Where's my proof. It's a state of mind. So death is going to take you away. When you're asleep at night, you're not dreaming. Is there a problem? No, I'm in the death. Like they I'm fine. Yeah. Yeah. And you no longer existed until I walk up. I am awake. I'm late for breakfast, whatever it is. I need to breath my teeth. I, I, I, I, but I don't try to stop the ego. I'm in love. Don't fight child fighting to exist. So I don't do war with that. I just had the thought I love. It doesn't take me away. But I just had the full. I love that it takes me away. Now, when you equally love, I, I see the tree through the window right now as I sit here with you. When you love that equally, that's the point of self inquiry. Did your world write it down? Ask for questions and turn it around. It's an exercise and stillness. It's an invitation. Thank you, Melanie. Steve. Yeah. Thanks, Katie. I just, you said something earlier and when the person was talking about Jesus Christ and you said, Jesus made it that like nothing in your past is wrong. Well, the word, the word forgiveness. But I think that that's for all of us to understand and to understand is the forgiveness. When I look at Steve, what I was thinking and believing in those times where I said what I said and I did what I did, you know, you know, to question that, you know, to own that, not trying to self-con myself out of it. Yeah, I said it. Yeah, I did it. Now, how can I make that right for any harm that may have come of that? And that's a life well-lived. Like starting over like no breadcrumbs behind me. Well, you see no breadcrumbs. Well, it's like no one left behind in my head. Forgiveness. Yeah, nothing that's causing you suffering, right? Right. You know, no one would harm another human being if they weren't locked into a state of mind. So are we guilty or are we trance? And we try that right. We can wake up and make it right? Yeah. Never too late. Never too late. You know, that's been that's been my thing that it might be too late, you know. Even if that person I wronged is deceased, you know, I can still make it right. Yeah. So when you say that someone has been to forgive someone or forgive myself, someone's been caught a while. My immediate thought was my mother died in 2008. And I remember right before she died, she said to me that like mine, I wish I'd done more stuff. So I'm somewhat to that like I didn't. And I just remember our communications always, I was clear of loving. I never ever doubted it. You know, but stuff I never said to her kept. And the idea that I do feel remorse of stuff that I didn't get to say to her. Oh, it's never too late. Oh, my goodness. Just write it all down in a letter to your mom. And then just just turn it around and live it. Yeah. The forgiveness. Yeah. I don't think I'd be talking about my mom. Oh, my God. You know, unfinished business is the ego's favorite food. Isn't that so? All the stuff I could have with her. Shoulder. Yeah. You with you. Oh, my God. Good. Yeah. Potentially a lot of tears. Yeah. Let it go. Let it go. Let it go and start again. Let it go. Yeah. Remember, I used to sometimes feel angry. My mom put things in. Stuff that she was you can wish you had about things different. Right? Yeah. Write them all down and see a few and see them differently. See the wisdom in your mother's words. Yeah. What an exciting journey of her. I mean, the way she would maybe complain about you or something, you know, maybe that's what you wanted yourself and to win and losing to to understand. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Exactly. It kind of just gave me a sense of humor. Yeah. Funny that like laughing. Yeah. You said that. I won't talk to you. Wow. Okay. Okay. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you for the open mind of yours. Lori. Hello. Hey, Lori. What a what an odd day today that we're sharing this morning. Megan, it's magnificent. Oh. Oh, I'm I love that. I love that you see it that way. Beautiful. The beauty. Yeah. The stillness. The bliss. And if there's still time, something has the courage to do a sheet. Let's do it. That's okay. Um, so the situation is, I am standing in the kitchen, which is adjacent to the office. And my daughter and husband are in the office on the speaker phone. They're having a conversation for my daughter to get into a mental health institute. Uh-huh. Because of her mental health issues and her addiction issues. Uh-huh. And so I'm standing in the kitchen and I can hear some of what's going on in the office. And my daughter has asked me to not be in there. And so I'm doing my part. your listening. However, I'm listening. Some things listening. They asked you not to be in there, so you took your body away, but that was all. I'm still not in my business, apparently. Oh, under you're we beautiful. Yes, oh, so precious. So I hear my daughter, she is they have a time where they don't let them have technology. And I hear her asking for the use of her laptop during that time for special reasons. So she wants to go into this this facility and she's talking she's talking to them and wants to take a computer in or she's talking to her father. She's talking to them and wanting to have special circumstances to use technology when they don't allow technology. Hey, she's so precious too. Yeah, it's number one. Well, for one, I have I am angry and sad with her because she's asking for special circumstances. Okay. So she asking for special circumstances specifically to take her computer in things like that. So she is asking for special circumstances. Is it true? Those of you that are new to this work, the answer is what's honest for you. It's if it's yes, that's the right answer. If it's no, that's the right answer, but get really still because you may have believed it for years, but when you sit in this work and you really get present in it, your answer could be quite the opposite. We don't know when we sit in the question, is it true? That's why we're asking, is it true? We're we're testing it. We could be wrong in any situation. She's asking for special circumstances like her laptop and the recovery facility. Is it true? No. Oh, really? What did you see? She's asking for control or power or something. Those may have been her words, but I can see that she's already trying to arrange where she's going. Yeah. She's asking for something beyond that. Yeah. Yeah. So how do you react? What happens when you one think the thought she's asking for special circumstances? I'm so great. I want to shake her and I'm so sad. And there's a tightness in my bag and the top of my bag and in my chest and I'm powerless and hopeless. And how do you treat her when you're experiencing those in that emotional that you just described? I have abandoned her. So be there now in that situation. How do you treat her when you think the thought she's asking for special circumstances? Look at your body language, get in touch with your words, your attitude. How do you treat her? I treat her like her thoughts are less important than mine. I treat her like she's an idiot in my thinking. I treat her like she can't live or be well or be good or be right or anything without me because I'm the smart one. I treat her like I should be in that room. I have, I'm in her business trying to fix her. Look at you through her eyes in that situation. Just look at you come in at her. Yeah. I mean, she asked me not to be in the room because I'm the monster. In her eyes, I might say something not right. Like I'm thinking she's saying something not right. Well, in her eyes, I might say something not right. I might undermine her. I might treat her like are you? Are you? Yes. Yes. I am. So not might, but I would. So look at you through her eyes. Look who she's look, look at you in that situation where you're thinking that thought she's asking for special circumstances and you're coming at her with your idea of what a good mother does. She loves me and she's scared and she's already got so much going on that she doesn't need me on top of that. She's she must be terrified. Of course, I should not be there. I'm coming at her. She's scared. She's so innocent. She's precious and scared. And look at you through her eyes. She has a right to be scared. Yes. I see that. See the mother she's looking at? I see. I see the monster. She's asking for special circumstances when it comes to her in that situation. Turn it around. I am asking her. I'm asking her for special circumstances. Yeah. Like listen to me. I'm the horrible monster. That's ridiculous. Sweet little egos. Now listen, get still. Look at you from her eyes and listen to you from her ears. Get a distance. Look at you. Look at her mother in that situation. Desperate. Asking for special circumstances. Asking to be heard. Or demanding. Demanding to be heard. Why did I have to be the one to catch you on that? Demanding. Yes. Thank you. Demanding. Because I wanted to be in denial. Because it wanted to be in denial. It didn't want to see that. It's not blame. It's thinking. I'm believing my thinking. I'm demanding. Because I believe. And she's asking because she believes. I'm demanding. Quit asking special circumstances. You know, she has to go into treatment. Look at her teacher. Look at her mother. Oh, yeah. That's what she's surviving. It's a part of what she's surviving. Yes. Look at her. You're strong. She can't get far with you. Yes. Let's look at number two in that situation. What did you want your daughter to think, say, feel or do in that situation where she is demanding special circumstances from I want her to do what it takes and follow simple directions. Okay. So be there listening to her in a situation she wanted to be alone in. She's on the phone with him. You weren't in the room. But you're listening anyway. She didn't want you in the room and you're listening anyway. You want her to do what it takes and to follow the simple directions. Whose directions hers or yours as you sit outside listening. Yeah. You want her to do what it takes and follow the simple directions of the facility administrator, whoever she's talking to. Is it true? No. Now notice how you treat your daughter when she comes out of that room when you're believing that you want her to do what it takes and follow simple directions. questions, and you have heard her ask for special circumstances. You've been listening. And how do you treat her when you think that I want her to do what it takes and follow simple directions? Now the world would tell you that's good mother-in-law, but they're not you. Looking back now. No, it's selfishness. What is she seeing? What is she hearing from you? When you want her to to do what it takes and follow simple directions and she wants her computer. Well, I, I leave the space because I don't want to say no because this is self-inquiry. This is not justify your thinking and believing. This is self-inquiry. I, I leave the space and your attitude when you leave the space. Notice your body language. You know she's watching. I'm making myself small, trying to be tiny. I leave before they come out. So she and her father come out of the room and how do you react? You leave the space, but notice what follows. Well, I think I'm upstairs writing a sheet at that time. Okay. Yeah. So let's turn it around. I want, I want me. I want, I want me to do what it takes and follow the simple directions, which is to stay out of her business, to stay out of the room. I want me to do what it takes for her and follow the simple directions for her, which is stay out of that space, not be the monster. And I want me to follow simple directions and do what it takes for me. I think she, I, I want her to do that for her health and happiness. And I want me to do it for my health and happiness. You know, honey, I think that you don't need to sit in this inquiry sheet with me. It sounds like you've already worked through it. You've done some really good work with it. What could I do the number five part five and six? Sure. It's really, it sounds like it worked as a head of time or you're working it out. I am talking. It's, I feel like I've done a lot of sheets on her. Yeah. Kind of like she's my guru. She's my mother. Right. Um, it sounds like you did really well with it that it's not a problem. Okay. Yeah. Let's look at five. Okay. Um, what do I think of her in this situation? Hmm. She's ignorant, drug owned, insane, pathetic and idiot. Yeah. So she is. So in that situation with my daughter, wanting her computer to go into that facility, wanting special treatment circumstances. In that situation, I am in that situation. I am ignorant. Yeah. I am, I am so ignorant. She is, she's, she's my daughter. She's over 18. She's adult. She's done this before. Hmm. So I'm ignorant to her knowledge. And in that situation, I am drug owned. I am she's, she's my drug. My fear actually, that my fear, my, the thinking, the thinking is my drug, the thinking that's putting her in bad places and death and all those things that thinking is my drug. And completely, I'm just like that. And I'm insane. Obviously, I'm insane. I'm not sane. I'm not competent. I'm not capable of adulting, mothering, standing, I would say, and pathetic. So, so look at it. You're insane with worry. I'm, yeah, with fear. I'm insane because I'm believing my thinking. And I'm believing that my thinking is more important than hers. Yeah. If she's drug with her drugs or alcohol, you're drug with your thinking. Yeah, intoxicated. Yeah. Tranced. Yes. In that situation, my thoughts about her are pathetic. And that situation, my thoughts about her are pathetic. And yes, my thoughts about me. Yes. And insane. And, you know, my thinking, the thinking, it's an idiot. It's idiotic at that moment. In that situation, the thinking is idiotic. And I would not trust myself to make decisions for her going into that place. And I haven't heard you say that she was desperate when she's asking for her, for those sort of special circumstances, can she bring her computer, et cetera? No, I haven't heard that she was demanding or desperate or, you know, I'm not hearing that she was a capable person that's been there before and asking, you know, yeah, asking obvious questions. Can she bring her computer? Asking for what she wants. This, this thinking. She's curious. Yeah. Is making up so many stories. Yeah. So listen again, she's getting really quiet, Laurie. Thank you. They're now outside the door. Listen to her, ask the questions that you consider to be ignorant and pathetic and special circumstances. Just listen to your daughter, literally. She's in there with her father. She's going into treatment. It could be she's just getting everything squared away. So she has what is allowed or not allowed when she goes into treatment and can focus there. Notice is she curious? Is she efficient? Is she begging or pleading? Is she? She's clear. She's clear in her thinking. So there's your daughter, Laurie. She's knowledgeable. Clear thinking. Asking intelligent questions. When she's in treatment, she's been there before, you know, there's probably no contact with family for certain periods like where you bring me my computer mom. Yeah. That's my daughter. Not the one. Not the one I imagine. Not the one I project upon. And Laurie, you can take some credit for, you know, where are you like that? Efficient. Being informed. Coming here. Asking you for help or support or presence. I'm asking you to look at, you know, look at her mother up to that point. And maybe that's where she gets her efficiency. You're her teacher. It could be true. And she's brave. Can you see? When you look at what you were thinking and believing then, why she wouldn't want you in the room? Why she would treat her father? Absolutely. Yes. I see that. Well, rather than talk about it, just be there and consider. Okay. Slow down. In your powerful woman, it's really something that she would also not want you in the room taking care of herself, because you're very quick to jump in. You can look back and see that you weren't necessary, so you can also see in that that's some good mothering as it turns out. She knows how to deal with you, and she trusts you enough that it's not going to ruin your relationship, not having you in there. I'm guessing that a lot of this. I wasn't there. I don't have it, but this worksheet, it's a powerful worksheet, and what I would just, I'd love the idea that you would sit in and get really quiet with your answers and not choose the right answers, but to choose the answers that you're shown in the silence in these questions and turn around. This is not about being right. It's about witnessing yourself from this safe distance from that time and place where there's room to allow that experience to grow you, to enlighten you, to wake you up to. And how courageous and right she was to exclude you from that room and time and place. It isn't that what you would want for her, getting this clear view of who and how you are sometimes, not all the time. These are just facets of who we are sometimes, and waking up to the causes why our children would not want us in their lives full time, which is a good thing. They're a good thing. They're giving them what we aren't wise enough to give them ourselves, but our children raise us. She's instrumental in growing you, enlightenment. Thank you, Laurie. I loved when you began to slow down. It's like, oh, there she is. I can see her now. Thank you, sweetie. You're very brave. A.R. My current situation is my sister. And after all that, I blame myself very much and very strong. I shame myself, blame myself. So the situation was, I've been blaming her. For old things that in my mind is she made to me when we were children, but we have to socialize from time to time. And I can't stop blaming her in socializing because that pain comes in current situation. And I start to do that. I can suppress it, press it, and not to tell anything. And today I did it. I told her not very good things. I blamed her. And after that, I blame myself very much. Yeah, guilt. Well, honey, you know, you can apologize to her and make it right where you can and start over. I'm afraid. Yeah, yeah, yeah, that ego wants to be right. It wants to be protected, but you just wait until you're able to and until you're ready. And A.R., you know, you can write a worksheet on your sister and find a time and place that comes to you growing up where she did, said or did something that you blamed her for. And you childhood and felt guilty about. You can go to one of those places and write a worksheet on her that judge a neighbor worksheet. And hopefully we have it available in what language do you speak? My native is Russian. Okay, so Russian. There's one in Russian that you can fill in, sweetie. And then you can come back and we can work it together. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. And you're very brave to pop in and you're not, you're, you know, with this and you're not alone. I have to be brave. That's there's no choice. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And you don't have to be brave, but goodness, that goodness is you is certainly inviting it, inviting you to it. Yeah. That brave, free it takes. And you don't have to share it with her. You can just do your work. And then those, those living turnarounds, you know, they'll, they'll support you on how to move with your sister in the world. You know what I mean by living turnarounds. Yeah, I can understand what it means, but it's not, I don't leave it really. I can do it in my head, but not in my heart to see. When you see how you react, what happens when you believe the thought, then it prepares you for this, this work. It's, it's, it's, you know, just trust it, you know, just fill in a worksheet. You don't have to do anything with it. Just filling in the worksheet will enlighten you. Just that, just that much. And then you're always welcome, sweetie, to come back here, and we can work through it. Thanks a lot. We're here to remember Tuesday and Wednesday. Okay. My heart. Thank you. Thank you, sir. Okay. Cheers. I Heather. Hi, Katie. Hi, Heather. This is so grateful for you. Oh, thank you, sweetie. I want to speak to Elena first. And I just, this orgasm thing is just, I think God gave us this body and then us humans make up all these ideas about it. And I can't seem to find the guilt in having my this is great. What are they talking about? You know, with the mental illness, like I've had that in my life since I was like two, right? My, my mom, I'm not about, and I was sent away. I have it with my son. And he had a computer and he took it and they locked it away. But I just wanted to say what I did was on my computer every day. And he was there for just about in hospital, at least, for about six months. It was a long stay. I every day sent him an email about this is what I see in you. It's so beautiful. Every day I thought of something different and I got up to a hundred. My, my, my. And when time went on, he got his computer. And then he would talk to me before he wouldn't talk to me. It's to keep my joy up. Well, he was in hospital. Then later he was two years on the street and the terror of it in Canada because you know, the weather was like minus 30 and he would not go in a place. So just love of life and love of, I had to work out always because I, otherwise, I was just in my self. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Our children do push us to some kind of. Oh, my goodness. Love is the power. Isn't it, Heather? Yes. It is the power. It is. It's the power. Oh, honey, thank you for sharing that with us. That's so meaningful. That's so beautiful. All of you, thank you. Thank you and Lori Honey, your work really, really beautiful today. It's a beginning and thank you all for something beautiful and for your focus and your very open minds. And thanks to your contributions, we're here every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday, same place and thank you for that. By the way, everyone, if you enjoyed this podcast, please give us a five-star rating and review on iTunes. It really matters and thank you for that. I love enjoying the every Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday from 9 to 10 and a specific time. Until with Mk.com, let's do the work.