266-The Empathy Dojo!

Welcome to its all about connection. NVC with Dr. B. All right. We are going to talk about how, yeah, just why we named my practice sessions, the empathy gym, and just how similar this work is to truly working out. Yeah, so well, first off, what is what we call it, empathy gym, right? And so we were kind of talking about this before the session and Cindy was comparing it to working out, and I was comparing it basically as a skill that you have to develop, right? Yeah, you said you're developing a habit. And I just press pause for a second, because I just in case some people are new to us. So with the big B method, we offer two services. One is an intro class, which is eight weeks, and it gives you the foundations and basics and concepts of NVC. But the reason why we would have this conversation today is that I believe and have experienced that you don't learn it in a way where you can truly implement it and own it in those eight weeks, it requires a lot more immersion. And so we developed an ongoing practice group that allows you to level up, and we call that the empathy gym. And yes, Ryan and I were just about to get into a little bit of a debate, I think, about whether you can fully get this and own it and implement it, even without staying in the practice. I don't think you can. I think, I mean, I, well, okay, let me back it up. I think it is similar. I was thinking about when you work out, you know, if you've gone to the gym most of your life and you know, you get strong and your muscles build out and yeah, you're in that way. But then something happens and you don't go to the gym for whatever, a few months or six months or even a year. And you lose, you lose your tone, you know, you start to lose what you gained. But yet, if you go back to the gym and you start working out again, you actually will gain back that what you had pretty quickly, I find like, you know, your muscles become strong quickly. Yeah, muscle. Correct. So it, to me, it's a very similar thing in NBC and because I have people come into the empathy gym, I have some people that have been empathy gym members going on for years now. But sometimes they'll, they won't come for a long time, you know, it might be months before I see some of them. And then they show up and they're like, wow, I've forgotten like, you know, like this is so helpful to actually be here and doing this because yeah, I find that I've lost some of my skill or my consciousness around this without staying in the process on a regular basis. So that's kind of why I was thinking. And I know that that's true for me too. I mean, it's, it's a big reason why I even teach this and still enjoy going because even for me who I think I am, this is my judgment pretty skilled in NBC, it's easy to not have it be kind of front and center as I am moving through things. Now one last thing I'll say about this where I think it might be different is, and I don't know what the analogy would be here. If I'm in an argument with someone, I will pull out my MV, I know what to do in those moments because I've been doing this for a very long time. I know, I know the skills that I want to bring and I can't, and I do bring them in those moments and I don't have to think too much about it or work too hard at it to have those come online. So I think that if you stayed in the gym long enough, you will have that. So I'm just going to pause to see what you're hearing. Yeah, so I'm hearing you're drawn basically a relation to working out, right? And in the sense that if you don't use it, you use it, right? If there is also some component of being able to develop it back quicker if you have, you know, a history of practicing it. And then at the end, you said one thing that maybe doesn't parallel is if it's going to be a difficult situation, you're going, you have, you're like, I don't think that in those circumstances. Yeah, I don't. Can you explain that because that's what I'm having? Because I took it as basically like that being like, you know, you're, you're at a really, maybe it's like a really tough workout. So like if you are more conditioned, then you are more effective in those moments. That's a good way to think of it. But it's was a really good workout that lasted for your life. That's the difference. I don't think a really good workout lasts for a lifetime. Yeah, I mean, you might have some residual positive impact from a really good workout, but the difference I think here is if you've trained really hard in NBC and you've come consistently, eventually there are some things that I think click in so that when you are in a moment of stress, you can bring it on pretty, you can bring those skills back. That's different than, you know, if you, if you're in the gym and you have been working out for a long time, but then you don't for a while and then like, you know, a car brushes you. You're not able to like push that car off of you as easily just because you had, you know, some muscle built up six months earlier. I don't know if that's the best analogy, but that's where I go. So there's, you're using the analogy and saying there's limitations to it. Correct. What I think is like, well, there's limitations to working out at the gym. That don't carry over forever. Two day analogy is what I'm sorry. Okay. It's not a perfect one to one. Correct. Yes. Yes. I understand like you're developing a, you're developing a skill. That's why you have to continue to practice it. But to me, you know, the difference between that and working out is like, to me, this is like an operating system, like a way in which you interact with the world as you learn it. Yeah, I think it would almost be like more comparing it like to learning how to walk or something like that, right? Like, because it's in when you're talking about communication and not just communication with others, but communication with yourself and with your thoughts and with your emotions, like what is more human than that? Like outside of breathing, what do you do more than interact with others, interact with yourself, notice your thoughts? Well, yeah, that's true, but I don't think it's the same as walking because like once you attain the walking skill, you're doing that every day, no matter what. Like in this situation, I think, once you attain the skills of noticing your thoughts versus your observations and being able to communicate and bring on empathy, listening to needs of others in yourselves. Like all that's still in there for me right now. And I don't think that I don't think I use those all the time the way once I walk, I'm going to pretty much walk all the time. I think so. It's a little different than that. I think it really helps you pick and choose when to use them. Well, I pick and choose or I forget even like if it's not a crisis situation, I will still forget to use these skills. Unless I am involved in some kind of a group where it's on the forefront of my, I'm remembering, I'm talking about it, I think. Maybe we should have called it the empathy dojo. The empathy does that. Because this reminds me of like someone learning martial arts skills. Yeah. I think they're not giving them, but they're never if they're ingrained in it, but they might not always use it until it's a, what'd you call it? A necessary situation. Crisis. Crisis situation. Yes. That would probably be more, more in alignment. That's my guess. Yes. That's very so. I mean, I think the point of this is to first let people have an awareness because I think when people have frustration with NBC, first of all, it's a steep learning curve, I think. It doesn't come easy to learn it. And then it's hard to keep it. And the key to all of that is staying in practice. It's just staying in practice, staying in practice, not wandering too far from it, being in groups or being surrounded by people who know it and use it and talk about it. Building it into daily routine, whether it's just checking in with yourself for a breath or however many and seeing where you're at, mostly what your needs are in that moment or maybe something that happened earlier, just developing micro habits, right? Sure. But I think that being in a group and being committed to something like empathy, Jim, helps you to continue on with those micro habits, right? Which I think actually is a great point anytime you learn something new is like they say, they say, I hate when people say that and here I am saying it, but what I've read, which is no different than saying they say, but anyways, is that in my own personal experience, is if you want to learn something new, you and grain yourself in a group where it's the norm. Yes. Right. And again, the difference here and I'm going to unfortunately, I'm going to have to go because I'm out of time for this, but I think the difference here is there are certain things you can immerse yourself and grain yourself into a group to learn it. And then you've learned it and you've got a good, I think here, if you really want to stay with it, it requires like, you know, you can hurt your temple or wherever every week you go, you go because it's a process. It's not, there's no end to it. It's a process. Right. It's a process, but it's a process where you also are learning some skills. It's the two things combined. Anyways, I hope people will join us in continuing on with their process by joining the empathy gem. And if you want more information, you can always call us at 850-7060-488 and as always, we thank you for joining us today. You've been listening to It's All About Connection. NVC with Dr. B. For more episodes and guest bios, please visit us at www.thebigthymethod.com. That's www.the-b-i-g-b-i-e-m-e-t-h-o-d.com. And remember, empathy first. [BLANK_AUDIO]