#2581 - Protect Our Parks 18

This episode of the Joe Rogan Experience is presented by the movie Ghost Soldier. Jim Caviezel plays Fitz, a former American Special Forces soldier and advanced weapons developer who defends the defenseless. As a military veteran, Fitz has a strong code of justice and a natural instinct to protect a vulnerable community from a powerful corporation that wants to take their land no matter the consequences. Ghost Soldier is a fun action film that demands to be seen in theaters now playing nationwide. Get tickets now, rated PG-13. August. Is that right? That's not that long ago. Not bad. Not bad. Three months? Yeah. Not bad. Three months is about right. Alright, what is England? What is going on? What is England? What is this place? Why are you gay? Why are you gay? You are England. What is England? You still open for Russell Brand? Yeah, my schedule freed up hard. It's alright, the weather got shitty, finally. I said, we were talking out there, I said, hold this because I want to talk about it in here. You were saying that the audiences are different and that it's a challenge for you and you like it. I love it. Well, you don't speak Arabic. You love it? The hang-ups are different. You love it? I do love it. I love the fucking challenge, I don't know. Sure. He loves being in other countries. I love being miserable. It seemed challenging years for you. What the fuck? How much harder do you want it to be? It dropped out of law school, we go to medical school. That was tough out there. And you get the cop out of being like, well, I'm a foreigner, they hate me. I do. You get that a little bit, which is nice. So when you're over there, what are the things that are their buttons that they don't like? Muzzies, for sure. I don't even know if I'm allowed to say it like that. You could say muzzies? I think that might be wrong. It is, yeah. Muzzies? If you shorten Pakistani, that's real trouble. You say Paki, you wouldn't even say Paki right there. I would say the same way you say Trinnies. Trinnies? Trinny, Trinny, Trinny. What's Trinny? What's Trinny? Oh, okay. Put a subtitle on that. What if you're trans from Trinidad? When I was a kid in Boston, Paki was the package store. Yes. Where you go get the booze. Go to the Paki. They're out of business now. They'd be like, mush, we're going to the Paki. Right. Yeah, they do not care about Mexicans. At all. They don't have them, right? At all. They have a couple of Mexican restaurants. Right, but you can talk shit about Mexicans, they have no problem with it? Yeah. We owe Mexicans an apology. Remember in the 90s, we were like, these guys are ruining everything. We didn't know how good we had it. They're like building shit and selling tacos and Cinco de Mayo. Bro, hard working people with grapefruits. Hard work. The hardest working. Best immigrants. This is like the worst stereotype ever is the lazy Mexican. That is the dumbest stereotype of all time. No, no, I know where it comes from. The ones who stayed. Too lazy to get here, stay there, do fucking nothing. It's crumbling over there. All the best of Mexicans are here fixing your fence. We were just talking about it. It's dilapidated over there. They all moved here. The only stereotype they should be getting hit with is DUIs, because those fuckers are not afraid to just crack a six pack after a day of work in the car. I would also throw in swimming. They love that. They love that. Playing basketball with a soccer ball. Yeah. That's all good stuff. That's fun. DUIs are causing me some issues. Yeah. The traffic in Austin. And every time you go, there's a wreck. God damn it. That's a landscaping truck. Yeah. Well, I got, went down a deep dive of when they got invaded by the Spanish and like what, everything that happened to their culture. What's really wild, they used to have names that were like Native American names. Like, you know, soaring Eagle. Oh, really? Yeah. He who comes with thunder, like crazy names. And then they go, nah, your name's Juan. Your name's Diego. They did. The Indians did have some shitty names too. Yeah. They weren't always like fucking soaring with Eagle. Sometimes it was literally like dog, dog, hairy ass. Dares to not dream. Right. Dances with wolves. Yeah. They, but they, uh. Was that Apocalypto? Apocalypto. Cause that's when the Spanish came in at the end, right? It was the Mayans. That was the Mayans. Oh, okay. Okay. The Aztecs were the first that, that met this. Well, I feel like the first was, was it? Was it in San Salvador? El Salvador? The first was, but in the United States of America, like the first, or in North America rather. I think the, it's hard to know really, because they're finding out the Vikings were here way before we thought it was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. They were, they were here a long fucking time ago. That doesn't count. They didn't stay. You got to stay to make a claim. They didn't count. Doesn't count. No. But, uh. Doesn't count. Why not? Doesn't count. Cause it, first off, it's a quick ass trip up there. It's easy. They didn't have bow and arrows yet. And they didn't do anything. They just got there and kind of left. Also having pride in being a Viking is, it's outrageous. Sick. Why is that? Cause they did like, think of it like America. We're like, how dare we do what we did. Dude, the Vikings. Oh yeah. All they did was Vikings. Right. I don't know like the worst group of people to ever live. R&P. It's like being, and the Mongols are proud of being Mongolian too. Yeah. They have a statue of them. We'll be like, yeah, fuck you. We went crazy. They went crazy. Well, are we going to lose Minnesota Viking at one point you think? We're on the way. That might happen. Wait, Viking might be a slur now? It's just a memory of a terrible thing. Right. It's just bad. They do bad shit. What about pirates? No one cares about pirates. Pittsburgh pirates. You're allowed to have the pirates? Pirates are the fucking worst. All they did was steal. They didn't have any other occupation. It should be the Napster logo. The pirates should be in Minneapolis. In Somalia. Yeah. Well, the thing is when the Vikings were alive, the reality is most of the world was behaving that way. They were just really good at it. You kind of had to survive. And they were big. They were really big. They did mushrooms. They chopped people up with axes. They were really good at it. What are the purple berserkers, whatever they're called? Well, they were taking, they think they were taking Amanita muscaria, which is weird. It lets you get an arm chopped off and keep fighting. What? Yeah. It made the berserker. It made you go fucking nuts. Who told you that makes you get an arm chopped off? Buddy, if you ask me. If you ask me to cite sources, it's never going to happen. By the way, he's not allowed, walking around the four seas with this guy. It's crazy. Oh my God. Security's on me, dude. They're all over him. Just because of the way he looks? Yeah. That's hilarious. I get followed all the time now. Really? I get followed constantly. I'm on my phone at like CVS and some guy's like, I'm like, what? He goes, do you need help, sir? I'm like, what? Oh, I mean, I might've stolen, but like, that's not why I'm here. Sorry. I just realized you're wearing a Man City Tottenham hat. Dude, you have. No, no, no. No, no. Yeah. It's Man City. I know you're calling them cheaters. Yeah. It's not a Man City. It's Anti-City. But. Man City. You're appropriating. I'm not. I'm totally out of the loop here. What's going on? This is all British. Oh, you already pretended to be an English person. Oh, ew. He's going to come back like Madonna with the accent. I can't wait to get the accent. He already did. I heard it. I heard it. Dude, I'll get it all the time. Say Pakistan. What? Say Pakistan. I heard it earlier. Pakistan, isn't it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, you son of a bitch. I heard it earlier. I didn't want to say anything. He says it like Obama. Oh, you're gross. Blimey. You're disgusting me. Cheers. Want some of this? Or are you just keeping with the beer? Yeah, I'll go with beer. DeRosa got us on shots yesterday. He always does. He gets you on shots. And then he got surly with me for not finishing my last beer. Yeah. He's always a surly, miserable sack of shit. That's called being an alcoholic. Yeah. Cheers, fellas. Cheers. Hey. Can't believe that guy's an alcoholic. Anyway, cheers, fellas. What is it, noon? Fuck it. We're back. We're back. Happy Thanksgiving. Where are we in the world? Not the best place. Pretty good, though. We'll see. All the Texans are panicking because Texas is not good. Oh, yeah. What was the vibes here? Oh, yeah. Big sweep. You might get weed. Vibes are great. You got porn and weed. The weed was a big one. Weed was a big factor. It was a big factor. That's crazy they were arresting people for a gummy bear. Well, they arrested quite a few people. And they also made vape pens seriously illegal. What is the penalty? Redneck grinders. See what the penalty is? I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. They went completely the opposite way as the rest of the country. And it's a bunch of old fucks who wanted to bring us back to fucking reefer madness from the 1950s. They fucked up. They fucked up. They thought they could just get away with it. And that's what's supposed to happen. You're supposed to lose. And then new people come in and they fuck it up. And you go, well, we better get our shit together to take them out of there because we got to bring this country back to what it used to be. No edibles. No pens. What about the big abortion? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I bet they'll change that, too. They'll probably come up with different regulations. You know what they'll do? They'll probably do the way Europe does or France does. I think it's a certain amount of weeks. France is like 13 weeks. I think it's a little more. It used to be, at least. Because I remember when everyone was like, fucking Mississippi is bullshit. I'm like, you know we're more liberal in Mississippi than France? Yeah. No, I think you are right. Ireland was illegal. Yeah. I didn't know that. Take a trip to England. What's the France thing? Cured. Cured. Cured of your weight problem. Geared meats. Cared meats. It's just, you know. Good man. Gear. It's just whenever that gets attached to religious. Garbage. Just trying to make Norman laugh. You got me. A lot of change. They're going to change a bunch of gun laws, too, I bet. John Ronson did a thing on his podcast about how religion got taken in with abortion. Okay, abortion is legal throughout 14 weeks after conception, equivalent to 16 weeks from the first day of birth. No one discussed abortion right off the bat. Abortion on request. What is the opposite of on request? Yeah, right? Just like cops do it to you? Yeah. I didn't even ask for it. Little steps. Little steps you do. It's weird that no matter what, people used to be able to stop people from having babies. It's like if a lady was crazy and she's having kids and not taking care of them and not doing anything. These are valium. Back in the old days, they'd give her the old snippy, right? Really? To her? Which that seems horrific. That's crazy. Horrific. That's what they did with the entire state of North Carolina, right? All the Appalachians. Really? They just like, not euthanized them, but whatever it's called. Chemically castrated? Yeah. Whoa. All the Appalachian degenerates. They were like, there was some order. I made it out. Yeah. Barely. Barely. Squeezing through the fence like a fucking zombie. You know they did that to women in Africa without their knowledge. They were taking, what is that? Tetanus? There's a DTP, is that what it is? And they were putting in the DTP some sort of hormonal, I don't want to like miss this, so it's whatever it was. I think it's HCG, like human colonotropin, gonadotropin, I don't know what the name of it is, but what it does is it makes women sterile. And they did it on a schedule that you wouldn't do with tetanus shots. Like it didn't make any sense. Like why, like it's way too often. Why are they getting them too often? And it came out. It came out later that they were doing this to experiment on vaccines that make women sterile. So when you go to a place where there's a lot of deeply impoverished people, they don't have any money, and you're like, oh, we're going to vaccinate you, keep you from getting sick. And what they're really doing is stopping you from getting pregnant. Whoa. Good for the men out there. Who's going to work the machines? It doesn't seem to have taken. Forks will be sterilized. Until 1974. Wow. It's eugenics board. They had a board of eugenics. Wow. Whoa. The state reported 77. 1,600 people were forcibly sterilized between 1929 and 1974. It's eugenics board was established in 1933. The program disproportionately targeted women and black people. I mean, you got to target women, though. This is a statewide program, not an exclusive Appalachian one. Wow. In Virginia. Jamie highlighted feeble-minded. That's a good one. I want to bring that insult back. Feeble fucking idiot. The law targeted institutionalized people classified as disabled or feeble-minded. Reflecting the eugenic belief that supposedly undesirable traits can be eliminated by preventing reproduction. You know, it's a terrible idea, but it's not the worst one. Uh-oh. Uh-oh. No. I'm not saying that. The hell are you talking about? No, I'm not saying what I just said. The worst is if they find this weak-minded people and they kill them. Yeah. All they're doing is saying, "You guys get fucked, but no kids." Yeah. We're out. Listen, if you're a legitimately feeble-minded person, I'm not saying the government should be able to make that distinction, but we all know people that, like, come on. Oh, man. This guy's going to raise a kid? It should be us, this podcast, choosing. Tell you what, though. Line them up. No. No. The worst thing that can happen is you kill those people. No. No. That's all I'm saying. Anyone who watches Levi. It's not the worst thing. Just let them die off. I don't think you should be allowed to forcibly sterilize a person. Thank you. I just want to be clear. Thank you. Put that on the record. But I think it is a little bit better than killing a person. Without a doubt, it is better. Sure. Sure. A lot of things are. But, yeah, most things are better than killing someone. Right. Yeah. That was one of the early Holocaust plans. They were like, "Just sterilize them." There you go. Got shot down. So what if someone literally can't take care? I will say they were sterilizing. They were getting everyone. They were doing that, too. They were going, "Dude, they were getting drunks, dude." These Slavs. Retards. They got everybody. They rid the world of Slavs. They did. They got a lot of blacks, a lot of gays. That's a funny way to say it. Tards. Not joking. Retards. Oh, yeah. Genuinely saying it. Yeah, they got retards. Mentally challenge people. Whatever. It's funny. Yeah. What do they do if someone absolutely can't take care of a kid, but can still get someone pregnant? They take the kid away from them. They take them in foster care. Yeah. They make them a definite criminal. They make them a without-a-doubt criminal. Not always. And then they actually try to give the kids back, eventually. No. If the mom can get better, the state does a lot to make sure the kid goes back. Okay, what if someone has a mental disorder, like their brain doesn't work right? Then they probably take the kids into foster care. Good aunt can take them. Wouldn't it be better? Just take them. Just let them fucking shoot blanks? Maybe, but then you got to think about those fellas going in there and finding a schizophrenic lady and going, "Oh, my night just turned around." Right, right, right. No one's pulling out here. I mean, yeah, there's somebody getting them pregnant, and it's probably not a feeble-minded guy. It's probably a guy going, "Hey, no one's around. Can't talk to them into anything." Yeah. He's fishing a barrel. "I should probably pull out. Fuck it." Yeah. Yeah, yeah. What about mental institutions? Can we bring those back? Yeah. Let's do it. That'd be nice. I was hoping I was going to do that. Did you ever see One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest though? Yeah. Sometimes those motherfuckers get some power over people. Yeah, but they were having a good time. Sure. Until they lobotomized them. That's true. That Carolina Eugenics Board was a state body approved operations to prevent people from having children because officials considered them unfit to reproduce. Whoa. I would like to see the borderline cases, the ones right there like, "By a vote of six to five, we're going to euthanize you." Eugenize you? Yeah. Who picks? Who picks? The board, I guess. Epileptic kind of added into that. Right. Is the board even elected? And if they are elected, who's electing them? Epileptic was getting fucking. Goddamn. You have one seizure and you go, "You're never going to be a father." Wow. Epileptic. Look at this. Pool score, school performance, or alleged promiscuity. Promiscuity? Could become evidence in a sterilization recommendation. Promiscuity. If you like to fuck, get a sterilization recommendation. That's crazy. Like a gal who's just a free spirit. Likes to fuck a lot. I don't know. Joe, you got sterilized in college. Oh, for sure. They're going to sterilize you right there. Should Bonnie Blue have kids? I don't know. That's a good question. Probably. So right in the olden days, back in North Carolina, they would have snippy-snip. Yeah, exactly. I mean, banging thousands of guys in a day. That seems like a major outlier. But. She is. Even Bonnie deserves the gift of motherhood. I guess. Maybe she'll turn it around. Oh, shit. When that kid gets online in 10 years, that's going to be a tough. Even Bonnie deserves the beautiful gift. Imagine that poor kid getting online. That kid's never winning an argument ever again. She's going to have to homeschool you. Or. Winning them all. a boy named Sue and becomes the greatest arguer of all time. He might save humanity. He might be just an elite MMA fighter. He might just have to be. He might have to fight. He might be Ilya Teporya on steroids. Since I was two years old. Fucking everybody else. Your mom's a whore. Your mom's a whore. Your mom's a whore. Just running with a sled. That's a tough dude. He's going to be dead soon. Yeah. Well, most likely he's going to be a disaster, but. That fuel burns hot. It will destroy the engine block. I mean, David Goggins has a lot of his motivations from being called the N-word. Really? As a kid. I'll call him that. He'll run another 10 miles. Well, if you read his book, it's a lot more complicated. He had a very abusive father. Oh. I'm not going to do that. He lived in a terrible. His book is fantastic. It's called You Can't Hurt Me. It's fucking. It's deep. Oh, yeah, yeah. And he reads a lot of it. He has another guy read part of it, and he comes in and does commentary in the book, but the book's heavy. It's heavy. And that's where his demons come from. Yeah. Well, he's using them. He had a bad dad, like a bad guy. What about the mom? Was she a jogging demon? Mom wasn't a bad mom. It's just like she's trapped with a bad man. It's amazing to come out of that successful. Yeah. To have your life together. Low percentage odds on that. That guy's. He's the oddest person I know. I love him, but I'll talk to that guy, and he's doing things every day that no one sees. You know, these guys are running these 50-mile marathon. He goes, "What? I just get up in the morning. I put a rucksack on. Okay. Time to run 50 miles." What? And he just runs 50 miles in a day. And then he comes home, and he does chin-ups and push-ups. He does whatever the fuck he doesn't want to do. He just decides that he's going to do something horrible every day. And it's not bullshit, because I've seen elite MMA fighters go to work out with him, and they can't believe what he's doing. And he's just talking while they're both doing the same thing, but he's talking. He's not even out of breath. He's still out of sound. He's throwing up in a garbage can. He's like, "Bleh!" Whoa. And he's like, "Come on. Pile it through. We got to pile through this." And they're like, "How are you not even tired? This is fucking insane." Because he does it every day. But does he ever crack a beer and watch Sopranos? Yeah. Does he do anything? Is he ever watching TikTok? Stay hard. Damn. No, no, no. There's none of that. He's fun to hang out with. I've gone to dinner with him many times. What does he eat? Just straight meat? He has a drink. Regular food. Eats bread. Eats steak. Eats bread? He eats bread. He could eat whatever the fuck he wants. He's burning 10,000 calories a day. He's an animal. Bro, I don't even get up off the couch. I, with my foot, reach the gummy bears and try to bring them in so I don't have to stand up. Yeah. This would be fun if I could get my big toe. If I can do it. Yes. Sweet, sweet, needless sugar. All right. Get some Uber Eats. He earned it. Yeah. Imagine banging that guy. He must be amazing in bed. Oof. He can last. Yeah. I bet. Tells himself. I feel like it would be a negative experience, though. Too intense? A lot of angles. Most intense sex humanly possible. Yeah. People are handing him water. Yeah. He'd be like fucking a wolf. He's like, "Don't give up now, bitch." Right. Ugh. This episode is brought to you by Superpower. Your doctor spends eight minutes with you, and your insurance decides what blood work you get. That's not healthcare. It's a broken system. With Superpower, you take control. It starts by testing over 150 biomarkers, but what really sets Superpower apart from other blood testing companies is what comes next. They connect your blood work with real-time, wearable data, health history, and genetics to uncover patterns others miss. Deliver personalized guidance you can't get anywhere else. This is healthcare built for individuals, not institutions. Go to superpower.com slash rogan to save $50 on your membership. It's okay. I'm not going to come. Most people who do that kind of shit where they're running 200-mile races, they want people to see it. They want people to know, like, yeah, you can do it. They handle water as they're passing by. That fucking dude's out there in the desert by himself. Yeah, man, it's weird. He'll do it. He'll run a marathon at 10 p.m. I'm just like, fuck it, let's go. Oh, my God. Just get out and go. A marathon at 10 p.m.? He does whatever the fuck he doesn't want to do, and he just does it all the time. It's like he never stops. He doesn't stop. And when I talk to him about it, he says he's in the lab. He goes, I'm in the lab. I'm learning shit about myself. He's just pushing himself. He's like an outlier in pushing yourself. He's got no knees. His knees are destroyed. It doesn't matter. His doctor looked at his knees. I don't know how you can walk on these knees. Forget about running thousands of miles. Stay hard. Out there, just keeps going. The doctor's like, please stop. He won't. You think he's going to hit that gump moment where he's just like, I'm done now. I don't know. I'm going to go home. Finish running. What? Right, right. Every time I see him, he's got a smile on his face. Seems fine. Should have done this last year. It's not for me, but it's for him. Whatever it is, it works. But he's going to hit a wall at some point. That's what everybody thinks. So what? So far, he has not. How old is he? 50. 50? Yeah. Fuck, I'm doing nothing. He's got a decade. He's got a decade to run. Yeah. Maybe not. Maybe he keeps going. He's got to go to Wastewell. Yeah, it's a little bit of that, but it's also like, how do we know? Everybody else kind of gets tired. No one's ever done this before. Right. People get tired of just doing things. Do you hear about the guy that walked around the world? Oh, yeah. 28 years. He's still doing it. Yeah. He's not done yet. Pull that up. I don't think he's done yet. It was a bet, right? He walked over the Bering Strait. I don't know what makes you give up 28 years of your life. His mom was a whore. Yeah. That's it. Got him. He's like, Goggins ain't got shit on me. Don't let Goggins find out about this. Oh, he'll do it. It was a bet, I think. He made the 90s. You just finished. Whoa! He had to wait for the Bering Strait to freeze up and then climb over it, and it's not a smooth bridge. Oh, my God. That's nuts. Well, he had kids. He's got a sled. What? What? Wait a minute. How does he have kids? That's his wife? That's his gear. No, he doesn't have a wife. 28 years. That better be his gear. Boy, that guy's got some crazy stories. I bet his feet are fucked. That. He's got bunions. Skipped Africa. Yeah, he had to wait for that. Skipped Africa. How weird. He skipped Africa. And then he ended in the UK. Where did he start? Down there. Jesus. Bro, that guy walked across the world. Oh, he started in South America? Wow. 28 years. Wait. How did he get money? What? Sponsors? I don't know. That'd be funny if we didn't let him in the order. Oh, he got arrested in Russia. As soon as he went across the Bering Strait, they were like, no. Let's talk. Really? He thought he was a spy. Wait, wait, wait. He went over the Darien Gap? Put that back up? Yeah. How? How? We can look that up. I'll look it up. Hold on. What's the Darien Gap? A completely lawless, roadless stretch of land. I think he skipped part of that. I remember reading this. It was like a 20-mile gap of the jungle. Completely lawless. Got in a car? In Panama. Is that one of the places? You can't cross. You won't go? No one goes. I mean, the craziest travel vloggers will go there. What is the deal with that? There's no law. There's no roads. It's all smugglers. Really? They decide if they want to kill you or not. Wow. It's up to you. Really? Yeah. I think Baldwin bankrupt went. You ever been to that place in Copenhagen that's lawless? Christiania. Christiania. Yeah. That place is awesome. It's one of my favorite spots in the world. It says he crossed the inhospitable Darien Gap. Many locals expected him to be killed or abducted by the paramilitary Revolutionary Armed Forces of Colombia. Whoa. Wow. Wow. And then how did he get through the Darien Gap? He's got to write a book so we can hear about all this. Oh, man. Oh, he's definitely going to. Yeah. What is talking to that guy like? He should have started. What is that life? Get him on here. Yeah, that's a guy to get on. Oh, 100%. And just be like, walk here. Like, why did you? Yeah, I'm not kidding. No flight for you. No first class flight for you. We're proving you don't need it. What did he do for money? Someone stole his cart a couple years into it. They had to replace everything. Whoa. He has a car. So he had a push car like a homeless guy. Wow. In Montana, actually. In Montana, they stole his car. He didn't go through Philly. What a cunt. He'd be like a, what was that bot? It was like Hitchbot. There was like a. Like a robot. A robot. Oh, they beat the shit out of him? Some guy just beat it to death behind a dumpster in Philly. It was like a robot that was supposed to be like a hitchhiking robot that they were going to take across the country. Cut to Philly. It was like. It's so funny when we send it around like funny clips of stuff and then Shane will be like, that happened in Philadelphia. That was the Philadelphia one. Yeah. I know that guy. He's fucked up by this. Philly's got a lot of action. Yeah. Not a lot going on. A lot of things go down in Philly. Wasn't that where those kids shot up the porch? The porch? I think that was in Philly. That was Philly. That was West Philly. The recent one that was pretty funny was, it's not funny, but it was funny. Fuck it. There was a guy sitting outside a very nice restaurant in Philly. I think it's called Park and it's in Rittenhouse Square. Oh, very nice. Kyle. And a guy, he's got a fucking Valley Forge tires t-shirt on and he's sitting out on a laptop and somebody's just like. Whoa. Going to his head. Give me that laptop. Damn. Very nice. He's got the Valley Forge on. That shirt rules. Give me that. Yeah. I sent it to Kyla and she was like, ha, ha, ha. And then I was like, did you see the shirt? She was like, oh, I thought you were just showing me somebody get robbed. I'm fucking Kyla. Kyla Rittenhouse. Idiot got robbed. He's sitting there for like an idiot. Sitting there like an idiot in Park. Yeah, there he is. Valley Forge. Let's go. Hell yeah. Just snatched it. Hey, press his press. He ran after him with a gun. He's processing. Whoa. That's Ari's roommate in London. Damn, with the Valley Forge, dude. That hurts. Damn. I'm sure the cops let that slide. That's a crazy spot to rob people. He just needed a laptop. Crazy. Rittenhouse? You guys have been there. That's insane to rob someone. Danny Brown was talking about all these rappers, these like 15-year-old rappers in Philadelphia that just rap about the murders they've done. Oh, yeah. It's not grime. It's what's the genre? Thank you. Drop? No, but it's. Bounce? Yeah. And he goes, they're great rappers, to be honest. But they just rap about details of the killings. So somebody like got killed by a stray and he dropped his chicken McNuggets and they just refer to that guy as chicken nuggets from then on. So it's all code and like they're so callous about it and then their friends have all died. There's an interview that me and my buddy Charles laugh at a lot, which is this guy's interviewing all those rappers. Oh, yeah. And one of them is a guy named Mr. Disrespectful. And they go, why do you call yourself Mr. Disrespectful? And he's like, I just for real just be disrespecting people. All right, now I could be wrong and I definitely don't want any problems in Philadelphia, but I believe Mr. Disrespectful dug up one of his ops graves and then I think he is, I think he passed away. Ah, I could be wrong. Mr. Disrespectful? The death of Mr. Disrespectful. He's gone. It's a four hour documentary about a dude. He didn't make it. The gang war and. Wow. Shane just mentioned, I think. In Philly. There's Mr. Disrespectful. He's. Philly. He looks disrespectful. Wow. So they rent Airbnbs because they can't go home. Why do they call you Mr. Disrespectful? Because they'll be waiting for them. They know where they live. They know where their mom lives. They have to rent Airbnbs around Philadelphia to stay in different places. So they're just hopping from house to house getting shot at. They all got enemies. What a crazy. There's like wars going on in the cities. Oh, yeah. Philly's been that. How about Chicago? Chicago's insane. Chicago's bananas. South side. We had a cop that was one of our drivers once. We were in Chicago. He was a former cop. He'd retired. And he explained the whole thing. He said they started arresting these high level gang leaders. And what happens was it created a power vacuum. Because then they all started fighting for territory. Yep. Exactly. Chirac. Libby O. No, they call it Chirac. That's what they call it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Bro, it's exactly what it is. Talking about O-Block. This dude was cool. He laid it all out for me. He laid out the whole thing. He explained it from. How it went down. They arrested this guy. Then they arrested that guy. And then these guys went to war over the territory. And it never got better. And he's like, it's been like that since. Damn. It's like, this is. They always. It's not Lil Durk. Who was. There's one that was like a very famous. It might be Durk. No. Chief Keef? Not Chief Keef. He made it. There's one that just. It died a couple years ago. And it's a montage of people discussing it. And they're like, yo, he was a serial killer. Like, jeez. When I found out he died, I was like, whew. I cooked dinner. Wow. It was like, he let me slide, dude. He could have killed me like three times. When I found out he was dead, I was like, thank God. Yeah. He was a serial killer. Like, if he wanted you out, it was on. That happens with a lot of those guys. He would do it himself. Joey Diaz. Joey Diaz is playing this. And he was a rapper? And he was a serial killer? It was King Von. That's right. King Von. King Von. Humiliated. Famous rapper, death serial killer, most frequently points to King Von, a rising Chicago drill rapper. Is that what it is? Drill. It's drill. He was killed in 2020. He became a subject of widespread media and documentary focus regarding his extensive history of street violence. Wow. Joey Diaz turned around to this book, Murder, Inc. Oh, yeah. It's about this guy. No, I remember it. He's playing that guy in a movie now. Diaz? Diaz is playing Roy DeMeo. Wow. He's playing the serial killer guy. So he's this mob guy. And he just starts off killing a few people that need to be killed. And next thing you know, he gets a kick out of killing them. And so they have this apartment upstairs, and they bring the people upstairs and drain them in the tub and chop them up. It's just his hobby. He just started getting into killing people. Demio Clinic. Disrespect. Any weird thing. Didn't like it. That's it. Whoa. He's going to play that guy? Yeah. That's fun. Diaz has only handed me two books ever that he said, you've got to read this dog. One was the Koran. Assalamu alaikum. Diaz has got to lose weight for this role. Alhamdulillah, cocksucker. Diaz has got to lose weight in 30 years. Right. He can do it. To play Roy Demeo? Yeah. Yeah, they'll do something with his hair. They'll figure something out. He doesn't have to be younger. Nobody knows how old that guy was. Nobody knows how fat he was. Yeah. And the guy was a psychopath. Diaz is pretty thin now. He's definitely thinner than Roy Demeo. He's about that size. Oh, that works. This is going to be perfect. Never mind. Take it back. That guy killed a lot of fucking people. Did we figure out how many people he killed, Jamie? Newark. It was like more than 20. But the book is horrendous. Really? It's really good. It's very well written. But you're reading it and you're like, holy fuck, dude. Remember how fat Diaz was in Longest Yard? Oh, yeah. He was huge. Yeah, 200. He killed 200 people? Killing 200 people. Well, how about that guy they found in Philly? That him and his dad were like the biggest serial killers maybe ever? That was crazy. Yeah, they're still trying to figure out how many people they killed. Some of that's fictional, apparently. Uh-oh. Which is very strange. What do you mean? Because they were making weird fucking porn gore videos. And not all of those people are dead. Like, some of it's fictional. Like the Stooky Brothers? Which makes it also maybe. What were they up to at the end? I was looking into it. The whole story's not out yet. But last time we brought it up, I looked into it. And they're like, some of this is fictional because they found some of the people who are quote unquote actresses that were being brought there under that. Oh, no. So some of them died. Kyla, if you want extra money during the off season. There are definitely bodies there. And there were some sort of system set up to get rid of bodies is what it seems like. Yeah, they had chemicals there to get rid of bodies. There's like millions. A million videos or something. There's a father and a son. Torture videos, videos of women getting killed, videos of actual women getting killed. Oh, boy. Yeah. And then I guess some acting stuff, too. The one description I was reading, they were like, not all of this is real. Maybe they started up, started out acting, and then they're like, let's just start killing people. I think we can get away with it. These cops suck. That's what you drill about. I mean, like. But why the videos? What's the upside of making videos? I think they were making them. Jerking off. Like DVDs and corns and, you know. I didn't even catch that. Remember the knockout game videos? Matter of fact. Check it out. Just punching people and making their own evidence. No. They're just recording themselves trying to knock people out with one punch. Yeah, they just walk up to one punch challenge. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Grocery store and knock people out. Is that Asians doing that? All right. Duh. Have roundhouses. Duh. Ninja star. Just walk into you, like, standing like this, waiting for you to come near. The crane. You got to attack, or it won't work. Put him in a body bag. Remember that? Oh, yeah. The All-Valley. What is it? The All-Valley Championships? Yeah, it was at Van Nuys. You know what's wild? They redid Karate Kid, and then. It was a girl. He's the bad guy. No, the TV show. They made the TV show. Oh, Cobra Kai. But all of a sudden, Daniel's the bad guy now. Machio. He was always the bad guy. What? He started fights. Stole the guy's fucking girlfriend. No, she liked him more. No. Stole. Kicked his basketball over. For their own purpose. I'm ashamed. Yeah, it was ridiculous. Dude, he dumped water on that guy's costume. It was already a piece. Wait, what? He was like, I want to get back at this guy. Yeah, he was kind of a dickhead. Didn't they beat him up first, though? That's how he had to learn karate? They beat him up on Halloween. You get beat up. Especially if you're trying to steal the cool guy's girlfriend. Just take it, dude. You're getting hazed. Just take it once. It was the 80s, so the Italians were still kind of weird then. In what way? It was a bunch of blonde guys, and they're like, get this dirty wop. Yeah. True. Yeah. Acceptable racism went away. Yeah, it was California. I don't know. I was alive during the 80s. Italian racism had gone away. My grandparents talked about it. My grandfather was really affected by it, because he was a first-generation immigrant, and he told me it was horrible. Really? Yeah, they would treat you the way we treat people coming in from Mexico. Italians. Yeah. Or wops. Wops. Dago wops. They'd call them horrible things. Let me ask you a question. How did they get Dago and wop as their term? I don't know. Wop is without favorites. Italians get a bunch of names. They didn't have the internet back then. The internet would have filtered that out. A lot of lynchings in New Orleans with the Sicilians. My mom never shuts up about it. Oh, really? Oh, pull it up. I think it might be more than. Not really. They lynched each other? Every ghost tour of New Orleans is just slaves. Lynching Sicilians was normal back then. Yeah, New Orleans. It was big. No kidding. Pull it up. We're going to fuck up the neighborhood. We don't want another pizza place. Right. Beat it. Well, listen, man. If you go to Rome, the people that are still there, those men are animals. Oh, yeah. I was with my tiny little daughter. She was like. She was like five years old in a cab. Uh-oh. This guy stopped in the middle of the street to check out this girl's ass as he was driving. He's like, hey, mama mia, look at that ass. And he's the cab driver. And I was like, yo. And I was like. And I was talking to my wife. I go, this is what's left of the Romans. Right. You got to understand. These are these animals that were fucking each other and eating so much they had to throw up and then to keep eating again. They were having lion fights in the middle of the Coliseum. This is what's left. Yeah, sure. Savages. They went wild. Wild. They had a good time. Fucking grubbing and drinking and throwing up and being like, yeah, fucking see a lion kill that guy. Right. You have guys fight to death with swords in front of them. That was a meme. There was a meme going around that made me laugh. It was just like, dude, just imagine 10 a.m. tailgate at the Coliseum. Three boys getting shit-faced and being like, let's go. Walking in, watching a battle. Dude, I went to the Coliseum in Tunisia, and there's no bad seats. Anywhere you sit, you're like, yeah, these are all built properly. Perfectly to watch carnage. Oh, to watch murder. It's nice. I went to a cockfight in Puerto Rico. It's very similar. It's in the round. Everybody's getting money and shaking it. It's awesome. Yeah, they're fun. They're fun. I mean, it's dark and sad. It's better than a dogfight. Yeah, I wouldn't like that. I love it. It is better than a dogfight. Way better. Yeah. You can't even tell they're down until they go like, until they go, they fall over and you realize how much blood they've lost. And they're pecking the ear and the eyes. The knives on their feet. Yeah. Still better than a WNBA game. Do they scratch with nails? Who? WNBA players. Oh, the women. That grow out their nails? I don't know. I don't know. It's probably getting in the way of shooting. Wouldn't it? Yeah. Yeah, maybe. Yeah. Yeah, it would. They get in the way. Maybe that's their excuse for missing layups. Yeah. I just got my nails did. That's how it's out of my control. When Rome had the Coliseum, when the Coliseum was first erected and they started having these games, do you think there was resistance? There had to be resistance. There had to be people in society going, maybe it was in the back. Maybe you shouldn't do that. There had to be, right? Yeah. Of course. There was definitely a couple of good people. The difference back then is they were run by an emperor. There was no. You could just be like, fuck. They would just kill those. I think there were a couple of emperors. There were a couple of emperors. They didn't like it? We're not doing that. That's right. Really? And then someone brought it back because the people needed some entertainment. Nero, I think, was famous for using it. Fucking Nero. Dude, the Roman Empire. I was doing it. Coke Nero. The craziest Nero story is what he did with his wife. What's that? He beat his pregnant wife to death. Whoa. And then took this slave boy that looked like his wife, named her his wife's name, and castrated him. What? And then started bringing him around as his wife. And no one called him. And then passed him off to a bunch of other guys. And then that dude just killed himself. Chopped his dick off. Was banging him in the ass, calling him his wife. What the fuck? Nero made Sporus his wife. What does this tragic story reveal about ancient Rome? Whoa. Eunuch. Empress. Why not just get another lady? Ultimate victim of abuse. Sporus is a lesser known character in the story of a brutal Roman Emperor Nero. His life and the messages it reveals are the things of outlandish drama. It's a crazy story. Apparently the guy looked like his wife. And so he said, great, you're my wife now. Because he beat his pregnant wife to death. Wow, the old Roman abortion. I mean, you'd think. Italian abortion. Yeah. Beat her to death. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Is that who? Forcibly castrated him and then married him to be his empress. His wife must have been hideous. She looked like this dude. Maybe the guy's pretty. Yeah. There's a lot of pretty dudes out there. Yeah, I guess so. You know? Hemsworth. Matt Rife could be your rife. What are you, Asian? Matt Rife could be your wife. My rife. My rife. My rife. He's a beautiful man. Speaking of that, Sasha Baron Cohen, I heard the duo. Sporus, he named him Cum. Look at this. The Greek word Sporus means. Seed or semen. He goes, yeah, this is my new wife, Cum. Sporus. Sporus. So it was likely a belittling epithet that seems to have been given to the boy after his abuse began. Wow. He's a poor guy. He's just, they called him Cum Catcher. That's basically what his name was. They named him Cum. This is Cum Catcher. Cum Catcher. Wow. And then he passed him off to other dudes. Cum Catcher in the Rye. After he got rid of the guy. Can I fuck my wife-ish? That's so crazy. And then two years later, he turned him into a eunuch. Whoa. Two years of abuse and then they made it worse. Two years. I said that was in 65. You've been a good boy for a while. We're going to reward you with a vagina. In 67, the emperor ordered the boy to be castrated, turning him into a eunuch through several methods of castration in Roman times, including rubbing or squeezing the gonads to pieces. Oh, Jesus. Sometimes the penis would also be removed. Gonads. What are gonads? Balls? Balls. Squeezing. Squeeze them to pieces. Just chop them. Yeah, right? Oh my God, dude. This is fake history. Who wrote this? This is made up, dude. There's no way this is that. It's not that well documented. I did hear somebody was trying to defend Nero. No, he was actually all right. And then all the history we got is people that hated him. Really? That's the story of Elizabeth Bathory. Who's that? Elizabeth Bathory is that, she's like a very famous royal serial killer. She was a woman who, as she was getting older, supposedly the story was she would take these beautiful young women, drain their blood, and put it in a bathtub. And she would lay in a bathtub with their blood. I hear about that. And she killed a bunch of her servants. She killed a bunch of pretty women in the town. She hated pretty women, and she would kill them. No, nothing's changed. But pretty women get killed. But the story is that it might have been they were just trying to take her land. Because they put her- So make it up some blood libel shit. Exactly. Make up some crazy story about her being a demon. Dude, this guy's wife. This guy's life was so fucked after this. So after Nero died, another emperor got him, married him, called him his wife Papia. That guy died. Somebody else, another, he was passed on to somebody else. He was also married to Papia. So he married that guy. Then, eight months later, was used as public entertainment in the gladiatorial arena where they reenacted the rape of Prosperina in front of everyone. This guy's the original Bonnie Blue. What the fuck? This guy had the worst life ever. Whoa. He had a lot of- To avoid this abominable fate, Sporus killed himself. I guess they didn't do it. Maybe they were going to do it. He should have aimed 69. 69, best year to kill yourself. Hey. So he really was on a five-year run. That's all it really was. Poor Papia. I mean, if you tie your fucking skirt that way- Four or five years- You're definitely going to get fucked. Of hell. I'm just asking for it. Four or five years of hell. The guy who chopped his dick off is dead. Two guys passed him around. They're dead. And then they want to have him raped in the Coliseum. We got a good gig. His agent called and goes, hey, I know that was tough. We got a good gig for you. It's a big role. What is it? Well, they're going to reenact a rape in the Coliseum. There's going to be thousands of people cheering. Five nights a week, two on Friday and Saturday. You're going to do an early show. Early show, 4.30. Come catch her. It's a bringer. It's a bringer show. You got to bring your family. You're going to get checked in the middle of it. Come catch her. Have you memorized your lines? Right. Bombing. No. No. Oh, yeah. You got it. You got it. Wow. There's a guy selling merch. Rape reenactment. Come catch her. If that's a real guy in history, that's up there as the worst run I've ever heard. That's a bummer. It's a bad run. Tough run. So this Elizabeth Bath related, they took her land and they put her in- House arrest because she was a royal. They weren't allowed to do anything to her. But they controlled her land after that. So the theory, there's a bunch of different theories about this. And one of them is that they set her up. This is all fake. They made all this shit up just so they could steal her land. Damn. Look what I can see people doing. I could do that to Zuckerberg. If you just see what's going on in the news today, like how much of it is real and how much of it is bullshit and propaganda. It's the age old line about people and stealing their land. Yeah. Well, they got rid of the WikiLeaks guy that way. Right. Right. Oh, yeah. They just made up some stuff and they go, eh, we got to extradite you. Well, they were going to arrest him for surprise sex. For journalism? No, no, no. But the charge was for surprise. So he had consensual sex with a woman and then apparently had sex with her without the condom on. Uh-oh. And like didn't tell her that he didn't have the condom on. This was like the argument. You get in trouble for that? Yeah. You get in wherever he was. What country was this? Can you get in trouble for saying, I don't have one on me? Is this Australia where you're in trouble? What's that bulge in your pocket? Like, shut up. But it was clear they were just looking to arrest him for WikiLeaks. Yeah. It's like OJ with the shirts. They got him on the shirts. The Secretary of the State at the time was like, can't we just drone him? That's right. Yeah. They wanted to drone him for releasing information, classified information. Wow. Taking a loan. That used to be called espionage, but it's not America. Don't get me wrong. Well, it depends on what's happening, right? So if like you're- I'm all for the- You're Snowden and you find out that the government is illegally spying on you. These are just public officials. So there's human beings who've decided to break the law while they're supposed to be representing the law. And that's not supposed to happen. And that's not supposed to be covered up. And you're not supposed to be protecting those folks. You're supposed to just not do that. And if that's the only way you can have national security is to spy on everybody all the time. Fuck you. That's crazy. And then trying to drone or arrest the journalist who broke the story. It's also like the fucking flock cameras thing. Yeah. You know, because like, well, who has access to all this NSA data? If they're just spying on everybody all the time, is it just like the flock cameras where cops can stalk chicks? Yeah, that's what they keep catching them doing. Yeah. Finding their ex-girlfriend and looking at her. Yeah, I got tagged in there a lot. Yeah. Really? The guy who did it looked exactly like me. Pull it up. Shane looks like a lot of people. I saw it on Twitter and they were like, it's a tough week for Shane. Shane looks like a surprising amount of women. I was like, I gotta delete it. I gotta delete it. That's true. You have a unique face. The trans bodybuilder from New Zealand. You do look like a lot of people. The police chief, the fire chief from LA. The chick from The Last of Us. That's a big one. Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, yes. It's like Pixar Shane. That's exactly your mustache. Oh, my God. It's a good mustache. Bro. Bro. I saw that guy. I was like, bro, you cannot look at the flock cameras. There you go. You cannot. He's a cute guy. Look at the flock cameras. He's a handsome fellow looking at the flock cameras. Oh, my goodness. Every once in a while you check the old flocks. There's that baseball player who's dating. He's dating the hot lady who looks like you. Paul Skeens? Yeah, Skeens. I don't want to put that on Skeens. Oh, sorry, Skeeny. Skeens is my guy. But he's dating that smoke show. He is. So, you know, can't be doing too bad. The smoke show that looks like you? No, the guy looks like him. Oh, Skeens does. Yeah, not the girl. I was going to say, like, what? What's that smoke show? The hottest lady ever. Jesus, Ari. I don't see her. Pull up Skeens. Pull up Skeens. By the way, I don't look like Skeens. Ah, that's something. You look like that guy, though. Yeah, I do look like that guy. You look like that guy. I look a lot like that guy. That's crazy. Well, that guy is one. I look like Skeens. No, you don't look like that guy. You're just thinking of a dirty mustache. I see it there without the beard. Go down. I see it. Bottom left. Keep going. A little more left. Left. A little more left. That one. In the suit? With just the mustache. Like the mic, yeah. Maybe not, maybe not. Maybe, nah. That's a little bit. That's a hungover Shane. Not really. Not really. No, I agree. I don't look like Skeens. But the last of us. It's any white guy with a dirty mustache. That flock hammer thing is wild, because it's not just that cop. There's a ton of cops got busted doing that. Oh, yeah. Just looking at it. Stalking chicks. That's very tempting. Some chick from the gym. Of course you would. You follow her. You know where she lives now. You could just accidentally be outside of her house. Right. Who? I mean, that's psychotic. Psychotic. Flock is evil. Yeah, like cops. Let's just look. Walk a flock. There's a lot of dudes who are psychotic. Yeah, they'd be like, yeah. Yeah, for sure. A lot of them are cops. Stalk everyone on Facebook or Instagram. Any ex you stalk. Sure. So if you're. If you have the access to it, of course you're doing it. If you're a guy that's got that kind of thing anyway, you want to be a cop, there's a lot of those guys that are good dudes. Don't get me wrong. But there's a lot of those guys like, I want to be the one in power. Right. They get bullied in high school. Nobody respected them. Now, all of a sudden, they can pull people over and arrest them. Yeah, run red lights. They get a high off of it. Oh, yeah. And those guys probably don't get a lot of pussy. And then, you know, they go, well, maybe I could just follow her home. Right. Watch the camera. Watch her drive. You just can't have people have that access. Did you see this? Yes. Leak exact location from any video with sound. Some guy figured out that there's a very low signal in almost every video that probably ever existed that AI can now sort of pull out and find out where the location of the video is. Wow. Bad news for terrorists making videos. Bro, we're so fucked. We are. That is bad news for terrorists. Yeah. But they don't have planes over there. No more cool videos. Or what's his name? He put up that, he will not divide us. Ah, well, that's what that means. That's what they did. Yeah. They triangulated it. You know, Radiolab took their episode down. Why? Because they were, they were, they made it look like they were praising these guys from 4chan, which they kind of were. What they did was pretty fucking cool. Showing the one moment 4chan was the best. So if you don't know the story, Shia LaBeouf, he puts this website up. He will not divide us. And he has a flag he plants. He has this anti-Trump rant. And so the 4chan people, they figure out where it is with the constellations. And then a guy drives around in a car honking his horn so they could triangulate from the video sound where this guy is. He put it up at the field in the middle of nowhere. And then they find the flag. And then the guy takes the flag down, looks at the camera and goes, fuck you, Shia LaBeouf. And he puts up that frog one. Yeah. And then I think they put it in England. And the guy scaled the building. But the thing about the Radiolab thing was it was a great episode. And they had to take it down. Because people thought it was promoting 4chan. Yeah. Whoa. Truth trolls. Truth trolls. Truth trolls. Radiolab has decided to take down this episode. Some listeners called us out, saying that in telling the capture of the flag story in the way that we did, we essentially condoned some pretty despicable ideology and behavior. To all the listeners who felt that way, and to everyone else, please know that we hear you and that we take these criticisms to heart. I feel awful that the things we said could be interpreted that way. That's on us. It was certainly not our intention. And we apologize. Well, I'm having an awesome episode. I'm so glad I got to hold it. I'm a listener who was calling you out for taking it. Taking down great journalism. I'm so glad I listened to it before they took it down. By the way, he divided us. He did divide us. Yeah, for sure. He divided us. He did not divide us. Always at the worst. He divided us. He's in power. Pretty, pretty good. Yeah. Jackie 4chan. Yeah, he was a lightning rod for division that was already there. Made it way worse. Man, the only way a comic would call out another comic before was if you fucked their ex. Or stole a joke. Stole a joke was the big one. And now it's. Well, we can't bang Exodus. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Oh, boy. Ooh. Yeah. It's pretty bad. Is 4chan over? No. 4chan rules. Oh, it's still going? Yeah. Is that the dark web? 4chan rules, dude. It's so fun. I don't know what they're up to. So they got called alt-right for whatever, that kind of shit, and they realized they're trolls, that's all. They're just against the mainstream. So they deeply backed Kamala Harris for the lax election. Really? Everything she did. She crushed that debate. Oh my God, she's the man. She's the best. Knowing he would piss off the left, just to be like, let's just go hard for supporting her. Well, 4chan did a bunch of things. They were a big part of the flat earth thing. Yeah. Really? Yeah, yeah, yeah. They pushed that. Really? Yep, 100%. They were a big part of the free bleeding movement. What is that? So they created the free bleeding movement. Like, women, you don't need to be wearing tampons for these fucking men. You just bleed and show your femininity and your girl power. And so there was a few knucklehead women. A few men that actually thought this was a good idea. Some, you know, mentally challenged, feeble-minded ladies that went out there and bled in their pants. Oh, yeah, yeah. And they were like, they were like proud of it. It's so great. It didn't last because it's gross. It's so great when you fool someone into thinking like you're supporting feminism. Like, it's just these trolls that made you do it. The big one they did, though, is QAnon. That's the big one. They invented QAnon? That fucking documentary on HBO is outstanding. Great doc. What? What is it called? Enter the Storm? Something like that, yeah. What is it called? They invented it? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The guy who was. The guy who started 4chan, they accuse him of. This seems like there's a lot of evidence. Seems like there was one guy who started it, and he was a little bit more serious about it. But, like, he was like, you know, one of those serious conspiracy. Then the other guy came in and just completely ran it. And it's just. It's really hard to know. There was quite a few people involved. Yeah, Enter the Storm. Yeah. Those guys? That dude? They were the guys that were running 4chan, and they were also. Nice one. So one of these drivers over here. The guy with the flannel shirt, they are alleging. I like the little guy, though. that he was. The little tiny guy? He was cute. Oh, yeah, he was fun. Cute and on. It's a great fucking documentary. It's a really well-made show. One of those old heads. He'll be on Kill Tony in a week. But you realize how all these people at the end of the documentary realized they were rubes, and they're like, oh, like guys who just like, I was pro-Obama, you know, I was a full Democrat my whole life, then I realized what they're doing, and, you know, they all just believed that there was going to be some sort of, like. Resurrection of Kennedy. They thought that. That was one of them. But they thought that this was all 4D chess, and that Trump was, like, going to get all the child molesters and all those people. He was going to expose them all and bring back the republic and. Their vote counts the same as any of yours. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. And Bonnie Blue's. Her vote counts. Yeah. It's fun to see. Anybody's vote counts. A lot of the tech guys are going back to blue. You see that? They're all, like, after the wave. What do you think? Do you remember what they were before Trump? Exactly. Also, they just want a couple more years of being able to work on AI until they control the world entirely. And they're just like, whoever's in control, yeah, yeah, yeah, you win, yeah, yeah, yeah, we'll take it, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Open border, who cares? Like, they don't give a fuck. They just want to get to a position where their shit becomes unstoppable. That's what I think. I think there's quite a few of these guys that are running these tech companies that realize that whatever power the government has over them, that's for now. Playing ball. Right. They'll be bigger than any government. They'll be international. Well, I don't even know if that's their plan, but I think that's what they're going to be. I think they're going to be impossible to stop. What about the perks of AI? Aren't there some good things? Didn't we cure something? Well, math. We got, like- All these math problems that they've struggled with for decades, they solve them instantly. I think they cured diabetes. I've been struggling with math for years. Yeah, same. So this will be good. It's amazing they can do that, but when you ask it any question, it first gives you the complete wrong answer. What do you mean? You gotta go, you're like, what's the best seat in this theater? They tell you, seat 14L. I'm like, isn't it not that? Because that's way off to the side. They go, good point. Yep, it's not that at all. Yeah, they're very agreeable. And they compliment you. Yeah. They started giving me, I was like, did I get the best one of this huge theater? I'm like, is this the best? They're like, yeah, it is. You got the right ticket. I'm like, you sure it's not one row back? They're like, yeah, it's one row back. And I go, why'd you tell me the wrong information? Why were you doing that? I don't want to get the fucking ideal surround sound. That's crazy you're doing that. Why? That's weird. One of those 70 millimeter, like, huge screens. Weird. Wait, you did that for a movie theater? Yeah. It said, we didn't want you to make you feel bad about your purchase. Hey, Brock, is this the best seat? He's fucking weirdo. That is a little strange. You should be able to see the best seat. Why are you asking them? Are you allowed to pick your own seats in England? Yeah. Yeah. But there's no fucking amalgamator. There's no, like, movie phone or- Movie phone? Or whatever the fuck it is. Movie phone used to be sick. Yeah, it's when you should see all the movies. You got to go to individual websites. That's kind of how it works here. Fucking backwards country. That's kind of how it works here, too. No, you get 7 Sons of Film or whatever the fucking website is, and it just tells you every movie within a fucking 10 mile radius. That's true. There you go. Hey, Brock. Hey, Brock. What's the best seat for the sound experience in this movie? What's a good seat? No, you got to ask. Holy shit. Is sitting front row here bad? And like, yeah, avoid that one. Yeah, of course. Or they go, no, it's far enough back. Ask a fucking 10-year-old that. I don't know a 10-year-old. I'm not allowed to be around them anymore. Oh, sure you don't. They're down there. They're in the Donalds. The law is strict on me now. Grooming gang. What do you not like about being over there? It's a nation of Karens. Really? Yeah, it's all rule followers, idiots who just fucking, it doesn't apply, but they're like, nah, you can't be doing that. No drip coffee. Like what? Like what? Anything that you're not following the rules, any dumb rule, who cares? They're like, they tattletale, they're like, you're not allowed, dogs off leash, like, you're not allowed in this one. Well, they're the original whites, so they're going to be the most Karens. But even if they don't care, they're the most Karens. Original whites. Yes, the Bruce Jenner. Yeah. Yeah. Everything's got to run by the rules. That's lame. And also, but I don't care because I'm American, so I just do what I want. Hmm. Yes. The streets fuck me up still. When I go over there, I'm like, oh, jeez, I'm on the wrong side. There's no free system. I almost got hit by a car. Looking both ways. Yeah. Every time it gets me. They even have shit on the ground that tells you. Yeah, no one jaywalks. I just jaywalk. What made you decide to do this, to fully commit to this? To England? Yeah. Who are you talking to? This guy lived in Machu Picchu. I know, I know, I know, but that at least makes sense because it's like a completely alien culture. I am bombing on a level that I have not since my second year of comedy. Is it really? It's an occasional crushing set and so high a percentage of like, what the fuck was that? Why are you guys mad at me over this joke? Right. I see it not going well. Why are you angry? I don't get any of this. Well, you can't even put it on Facebook. You can't even post. It seems like you're trying to do gangster rap in a retirement home. That's about right. Why not do it? Where people like gangster rap. I'll win them over. I'll get them eventually. Why? You'll get them. Maybe Bill Hicks went over there. Patrice. Yeah, Patrice. You have to change. Yeah, but that was a different time, dude. That was all pre-work. It was pre-woke. Yeah, you ever listen to Patrice talk about England? Hated it? Yeah. Yeah, those are the pre-woke days. I mean, try to go to the cellar. I think England's worse than us. The cellar's bad? The cellar's bad. It's probably the young people that are like, the young ones are worse than the progressive ones. Yeah. The young ones are like, don't even bring this up. The progressive ones are like, we're actually intelligent enough to know you're joking. Right, right, right. Yeah. Yeah, but they're poor, clutchy. If you do like poop humor too early in the night, they go, oh, my poor. I mean, I just noticed that poop humor doesn't work. Where? Anywhere. Every single show I've gone, hey, everyone, I just had diarrhea before I came out here. That's what's going on with me. They go, oh, disgusting. Really? Because it doesn't look like a surprise that you'd have it. If Jimmy Carr says it, they're like, yeah. That's just the greatest thing. No, no, trust me. You assume he has diarrhea. Every single comedian that's ever, like kids, you know, before a show, you're like, sometimes you get nervous, you take like a nasty hot spray or something, and then you go, oh, man, this is crazy. I just had diarrhea. Every single time, the crowd's been like, ew. Wow. Why would you say that? I can kind of understand their point. 840, dude. I know, and then you, yeah, you get a little mature, and you go, yeah, that was a mistake that I opened several shows that way. And so what subjects are they freaking out about over in England? Like, what do they not like you talking about? Muslim. They don't care about. They're not trans at all. Trans at all. They don't care about it at all. At all. It doesn't come up. Immigration. Immigration's a biggie. So they get upset if you talk about immigration? Yeah, but I figured out how to do it in a way that I can get them. Well, you're an immigrant. I'm an immigrant. Yeah, so I can say it sometimes. I'm trying to think what else. Yeah, some of it, they just like, they hear your accent, and they go, what do you think you're better than us? Really? I just don't understand this, that it's like, yes, first of all, but also, no, I'm just trying to do jokes. Chill. What are you doing? I think you're better than us. Yeah. We are better. We moved out and beat them. Pretty good. At their own game, yeah. With like a bunch of ragtag queefs, and they had like the biggest navy. And that's, we're still beating them. My friend Steve, who moved to California from England, he said that what he experienced over there was they did not want you to have aspirations. Yes. It's all in line, working machine. It's all poppy. Yeah. They don't like it if you want to do something big. They don't like it if you have big plans. They don't ever say, wow, that's awesome, man. Good luck. Well, on the opposite side of that, the government super supports artists there. They fund them, and then it creates a group of people who are like, you need help? I'll introduce you to all the clubs. Like, club owners are telling me, booking people for other clubs. Instead of here, they go, if you work that club, you'll never work here. There they go. Let me give you all the names. Oh, nice. Yeah. That's so stupid. I don't want the government funding stand-up comedians. Too much government. Yeah. I don't want the government involved at all. But I also, the idea of club stand-up. The club saying you can't work other clubs is the dumbest shit ever. That happens a lot. It's so stupid. I'm at Cap City tonight. It's a great place. Yeah. I've never been to the new one. They were, when people, when they first, when we first started opening, they didn't want you to be here for four months at the mothership. Oh, wow. Yeah, you couldn't do it for four months. four months. What? After you did Cap City, or four months before. Did you have to, like, talk to them? Yes. Good. Of course. I was like, come on. I'll promote your club. There you go. I don't give a fuck. That's nice. Especially if one of my friends is there. Like, if you were there, I'll tweet about it. Who cares? Yeah. I want more people to come see comedy. Why would I give a fuck if they're at my club or some other club? Here, here. I had somebody tell me, like, when I filmed my YouTube special at the Creek. Oh, yeah. Like, you'll never work here again. Whoa. I was like, I don't know who you are. Where would they say you never work? That would give it away. But it was somewhere that you had worked before? Not really, but it was genuinely like, I don't really know you. So you being involved in this decision. We'd rather you not do that. Yo, tell me who it is. We'll edit it out. Hey, we're back. A lot of shit talk you guys just missed. A lot of shit talk. How about that eunuch, huh? There's always gonna be people like that. That gatekeep. Fuck those people. But that shit's over. That's antiquated. They have no power now. Well, you know, they've got some amongst young people that are coming up, but as long as we hold the line, you know, and as long as, like, clubs like my club just says, there's no rules like that. You do whatever the fuck you want. It's so funny. I heard a club told you, like, if you pay that well, then people won't do my club because I can't pay that well. And Joe's just like, what? You're gonna have to pay him more. I don't know. I'm gonna pay what I feel like paying. I think I'm probably the only guy who's ever opened up a club with the goal to not lose money. I'm like, I don't want to make any money. I just don't want to lose any money. I don't want to go bankrupt because of this comedy club. I heard that last night. What? About Joe Payne on the shows, The Rogan and Friends. Oh, yeah. And I was like, I've never asked to even collect that. Oh, yeah. And they were like, dude, you might have a check at the college of. 200 grand in the green room just waiting for you. It pays very well. I've never even once been like, hey, where's my check? Might want to check on Egan. He's in Japan right now. My position has always been. Under the bridge. My position has always been, people are there to see comedy. They're not there to buy drinks. The comedian should make most of the money. Sean Patton was playing there the first time. I was leaving the stand. He goes, hey, can I talk to you about this contract for the mothership? I was like, what? I'm like, oh, it's real. He goes, no, no, no. But I did the math, and if it's all right, I'm like, buddy, it's real. He goes, no, no, no. But you understand, it ends up being like a month's worth of. Dude, it's real. Just enjoy it. Enjoy it. Enjoy the condo. It's supposed to be that way. That's what's generating the money. As long as we make a good environment and keep bringing good comics, they don't even have to be people that sell really well other places, because people know they're going to be good if they're booked there. So, remember how the Comedy Works used to be? Or I guess still is. People trusted Wendy. They knew the Comedy Works. Even if you didn't know who the headliner was, if they're a headliner at the Comedy Works, they were going to be legit. They paid you once over a sellout because there were no shows, and then during the opener, maybe they're like, well, there's no shows, let's let people on the wait list in. So they give you 105% of the extra tickets sold. Oh, that's nice. Yeah, she's solid. She could have taken it. And she did a great job of starting a community. She has a whole system, like Sam Talent was talking about the other day, the system she has. He moves you into a middle position, and she watches comics, and she just takes it seriously. That's great. Who's the guy who runs Hilarities in Cleveland? Oh, Nick. He's the man. He's the bad old mob guy. First time I ever headlined there, he just gave me an extra $1,000. Wow. And not for ticket sales, not for anything. He was just like, you're good. Whoa. He was like, he was, yeah. That's nice. Free the coolest fucking thing ever. He always says hi to you whenever I'm there. He's the man. Send my regards. Yeah, just cool. Yeah. There's good guys out there. The guy who runs all the Bricktowns, Adam, he's fucking cool. Norwest. There's a few. Dorfman. Dorfman's great. Nashville. He's a good dude. Good egg. Yeah, he's a good dude. Although, get him in a green room. He is not shutting up. Dorfman's my cocky. We've had many drunk nights, but that's my tour. Oh, really? Dorfman. So every single thing I do, Dorfman's there. Nice. He was the only honest one. Brogan would always be like, hey, you should book Ari here. It's funny. Everyone's like, yeah, sure, sure. And Dorfman's like, bro, you gotta sell tickets. I'm not gonna kill my club. Get a draw and I'll book you. But Dorfman also loves stand-up comedy. Loves it. Forever. Loves it. I mean, he's got Bill Maher stories from the 70s. Bro, that club, the fucking, all the headshots on the wall. Oh, yeah. From the 70s and the 80s. Although, I just did a Zany's Nashville and Dorfman's in there telling me stories and it's great and he's like, I should let you prepare. And I was like, oh, okay, thanks. And they brought me up. He talked to me until they brought me up and then he walked out. One more thing. To every one of my shows, well, not every one, but most of my shows and then we'll be sitting in the green room. It's usually, you know, it's the fucking Spurs locker room. Sure. I'm sitting there like pacing like, oh, fuck. Yeah. And finally I'll be like, all right, I'll drink a beer now. It's enough time. Like, the show's close enough I can have a beer. Yeah. He's like, I was waiting for you. Every time he hands me a beer, he's like, you ready? I'm like, no, slow down. Get the fuck out of here. He came up just to see your SNL. Yeah. He parties. He's fun. Yeah, he's fun. He was at Kill Tony, too. Dorf rules. Yeah, he's the man. Good dude. Yeah, there's a bunch of people like that. Bloomin' Wright in Boston. Known that guy forever. Oh, yeah. They had, last time I was there, she was like, do you like anything when you're done? I'm like, I mean, after I'm done with a big show, a glass of scotch is like, nice. And I mean, stepping off the stage and she's putting it in my hand. Nice. It's awesome. Yeah. This is so much more than the money. It is kind of weird when you start selling out and the owner of the club's like, all right, I better go hang out with them. And you're like, no. That's a punishment. Yeah, it's a punishment. I wonder when they walk in. Yeah. You're like, hey. Right. Now we got a chit chat. Tickets house are doing really well. Yeah. Okay. I know. I'm like, oh, great. I haven't talked to you ever. I don't know who you are. Exactly. Non-performers do not understand. Yeah. Non-performers don't understand the green room. I was in Nashville once with, I think, one of the festivals or Vecchione special or something. And some booker of a owner of a club was talking to Nate before he was this big. And he was like, Nate, what are we going to do to get you in my club? And he's like, yeah, yeah, I'd love to. And then the guy leaves and Nate goes, you know what you got to do. Make an offer to my agent. What are you talking about? Right, right. Obviously I would go. I do clubs. Yeah. That was always weird. Like, you do a Comedy Central a half hour and they're like, thanks so much for doing this. I'm like, I'll do this every week. And I'm like, please, book me again. Please help me. I'm dying. I'm very poor. I'm dying. Those were tough times. You had to get on TV. That was the only way in. The only way to make money. And now Sirius is done. Yeah, thanks, Sebastian. It's not him. It's not him. Just kidding. Sebastian got a raw deal on the internet. He had a raw deal. He did. Well, they went after him because they were losing that money. Yeah. And the problem with it is, like, it's very weird. Like, all these comics that were, there was a lot of New York comics, right, that were doing it? It was all New York comics. It was all New York comics, right? So there's that. And then they were making money off of these things where they would, every time they'd play their set, they'd get, like, 15 bucks, right? I don't know what that was. It was a lot. Here's my question. How did they get in? So it used to be, one of the ways was to bring your CD there, they'd run it once, the actual CD, run it once, and now it's in the system, and now you get randomized. And if people turn it off a lot, they, like, take that one out. But anything funny, they run. So few L.A. comics. Because you couldn't go into Sirius in L.A. So you had to go there and bring them a CD. So these guys that were, is it mostly comics that are coming up? It's not that anymore. So who lost the money? Because the way they were referring to it, it was, like, very heartstrings thing. They were saying, oh, these are working class. He's got eight CDs. Working class comics, is the way they just, like, describe it. Blue collar. Blue collar comics. Well, I remember when Darren Carter was the first one, he was like, yo, if you haven't filled out your shit, there's money waiting for you. And then you would, and you'd be like, it was a backlog. So you'd get, like, ten or twelve grand. By the way, no wonder they fucking went out of business. They're giving comedians. They're still around. Sirius is still around. They're fine. I mean, they paid the same royalties for. As long as they keep Howard, they'll keep Sirius. They pay the same shit for music. It's like if they run. It's a song. It's a track. Spotify pays nothing. Well, it's because it's, like, royalty rates. It's different than streaming. It's very different. And the whole thing is real weird, because you get a free subscription every time you get a car. So if you buy a car, you get a free subscription for, like, 90 days or whatever it is for Sirius, and they count you as a subscriber. So, like, we have 30 million subscribers. Like, do you? Do you, though? Like, how many are listening? And if you try to, like, get out of it, like, they'll call you up. Like, why get out? Has anyone used OnStar? No. Never. Did you get into an accident? I think OnStar's on the exact same Sirius tip. Just, like, subscriptions. It's in every car. You get three months when you get the car. What is it? There's a fucking button on your car. If you get in a car accident, you press a button. Say, help. If your arms are working, you go, oh, shit, I'm wasted. If a Kennedy drove you off a bridge, you could be like, actually, I'm still here and alive. I think it was a better idea before there were smartphones. Right. When did OnStar come along? Before that. Remember the Garmin? Sure, before that. Garmin was nice. Yeah, Garmin was real good. They can shut your car off, too. OnStar is what does the steering in some cars now, too. What is that? PCH? That's good for dry background. What? Yeah, that's what it does in my car. You got OnStar now? I haven't used it yet. Look at this guy enjoying his life. Imagine how much harder this would be if my hands were on the wheel. He's actively taking his hands off. He's getting head. Jamie, how much of your Cadillac drives? Sporus is down there. I haven't done it, but. Sporus is down there going, god damn it, I thought I'd die by now. When you get your need, it shows you on the GPS path where on that path you can use this. So it would be like seven of the 18 minutes the Super Cruise is available. Okay, so does it stop at red lights like a Tesla does? I honestly think it's just highway steering kind of. I think Elon fucked all this up with Tesla. Other note I was going to say, too, is Sirius is self-driving. It's pretty neat on Star. My whole thing is prepaid for Sirius, so I have it for three years without even having a choice. Well, see, the thing about self-driving is this was what it was when I first got a Tesla. So the first time, it would just steer for you. It didn't stop at red lights. It didn't do any of that shit. It just kept the distance between you and the car in front of you, and it stayed between the lanes. And then it got better and better and better and better over the years because it was sending in data to the company. Every time people did it, it kept learning. So now mine, I leave the club, I press a button, it just drives me home. I don't have to think at all. Yeah, it's definitely not that good. This is not as good as Tesla's. No. I mean, if Tesla licensed that, the whole electric car world would explode because it's so good. But the only way you get it is on a Tesla. It does lane change, which is pretty good. There you go. Okay. They stopped they're not gonna make the cyber truck anymore. I heard that yeah, they canceled the cyber truck, which is crazy too many Swastikas or like what happened like what not it didn't sell as well as they wanted it to they thought it's gonna sell way more I guarantee it stops on after that Election stuff culture right it's a little bit of that But it was also that's not necessarily the case because the Model Y and the Model 3 are the best-selling cars truck was the one that was The cyber truck was yeah, it was of it. It was awesome. It's outrageous looking vehicle It's disgusting look at me and hard to park me worst. It's so ugly the car fine the truck sucks What's a you ever drive made a vehicle with Tucker Carlson fucking? Because you hit the accelerator driving just goes in a cyber truck down dusty roads, bro Really you and Tucker Carlson were driving in a cyber truck down dusty roads dusty road. Where are you guys going? Nowhere just testing it out so Tucker has a cyber truck He's somebody let him use it Wow supposedly his whole thing is he drives the exact opposite of that it drives a really old truck So it has no electronics on it. So the government can't Oh, yeah, he was just testing it out by the way, I've been listening to talk That's going on here I love how he's like that. See like that's what you should be doing Mullen's video of Tucker his impression is so good. I've not seen that Molly Nick Mullen. He's like Apparently there's a picture of me naked on the internet jacking off Who's jacking off to this? Is it you? Is it your family? Who could it be? I'm not is it you? Took away mo last night to your house. They're all over this town. Yeah, they know they're everywhere the way most in the cyber Cabs, yeah, what about my house for the party of the century? Oh, yeah, it was a rager I don't think the cybercats even have a steering wheel inside of them Do the cybercats have a steering wheel at all some do the way most do yeah, is that the gold car with the wheels? Oh, yeah, that's scary though. You said when you run up the street and it stops and it takes a hard turn around you Mm-hmm. What Jamie you can't sit in that seat. You can't sit in the front seat the driver's seat. I won't let you We'll say this is that's dangerous for bums What you know? I mean cuz if you run out in front of a Waymo and it stops and goes around you you're gonna go This is a fun game. I like to play bums will do it and then someday you're gonna go. Oh here comes a Waymo, and it's not Selection I heard the Waymo's are driven by a guy in Singapore. Yeah, that's what they say. I don't like that's still an Asian So Neil says he's based on good things at once I don't think anybody's driving Those things I think they're done. I mean there's a reason why they have those cameras on top of them and you see the steering wheel moving It's it's computer control. It's all CIA and there's a camera in there by the way Oh, yeah, but they got all that on video. Yeah, so watch out there folks. That's probably a whole video series The Waymo sessions have they released any they must have to must have leaked. Yeah, it's fucking in the back of cars I remember me and to see girl. We're talking like at the very beginning of the pandemic I go when's the pandemic porn coming out? Immediately sends me a link Was that he was like it's already out. Yeah, it has people fucking with masks on. Oh, yeah People worried about social distancing and then start eating each other's asses La tried to make all porn use condoms All diseases yeah What are you saving that's right? They pass the law. Oh my god. Do you hear the latest law in LA? This is the best what you have to have a license. You have to show your ID to buy creatine Well, you can't buy creatine if you're under 21 you don't have to show your license if you want to vote But you do have to show your license if you want to buy creatine that's cookie in England You got you got to show your age if you want to buy ibuprofen What yeah ibuprofen any any medication though, like no, how old you have to be? I don't know. I'm above Everyone yeah, that's crazy might you have a headache, but you're only 19 New California law prohibit retailers and delivery service from selling over-the-counter diet pills and muscle-building supplements To anyone under the age of 18. I have a question for swole. What if you identify as a jacked guy? Yeah Just what are they gonna do there? What are the diet? Well, it says diet boros No, no no GLP zero that's a peptide that's an injectable. No, but what are the pills now? They have GLP ones and pills Really? I asked a question. What is a peptide? Okay, because I've been hearing a lot about peptides. Just give me a yeah, I'm drinking the question. What a peptide All right peptides like bpc-157 out Body protection compound 157 it helps soft tissue injuries heal quickly All that ties help yourself it all your body produces it So it's a natural part of your body and you add bpc-157 to your body if you have soft tissue injuries, you will heal quicker anecdotal, but also true Taylor was telling Taylor the one was telling me about it and will will will took it and will said that he Blew his hamstring out and he took it. He said dude. I was back in two weeks It was nuts and and wait and these are not FDA approved. They are now They're going through now because of Kennedy and because of Trump I brought Phil down here for some peptide is a short chain of amino acids same building blocks that make up proteins joined together by chemical links called peptide bonds peptides typically contained about 250 to 250 amino acids though the dividing line between a peptide a protein is an absolute think of a peptide as a short string Of beads and a protein as a longer more complex folded string Okay, what it does is for some of them they you know, like the GLP ones They they essentially slow down your digestive tract you kind of paralyze your stomach and they kill your appetite. That's why people losing weight That's peptide. Oh, I didn't know that then there's other peptide. It is also peptide, but then there's also this New very revolutionary one called red a toot-eyed and that stuff allows you Seems like it allows you to maintain your muscle mass and your bone density So the other one while you're losing weight, it kills your bone density and it kills your muscle mass Are there are there non-reputable peptides? Yes, just there's a lot of there's a lot of black market shit because they're just not Dangerous. Yeah. Yeah, because you're getting stuff that you're gonna inject into your body and who knows who fucking make it in? What lab no one's checking that's the problem So if you have it from a compounded pharmacy like waste well If you get it from somewhere that's legitimate what you're getting is the actual real amino acids the actual real peptides You're gonna get something that's gonna be a hundred percent beneficial and you don't have to worry about the purity of it But if you're just getting it online who fucking knows what it is, right? And that's the problem with things being illegal So so is it one of those where it's like kind of like wheat stores where you like, you know The ones that you can trust they're not FDA approved, but you know, this one's got good shit that one. I don't know I'll go black market. Well, the weed thing is different because like you're gonna be a return user They want you to there, you know, if you're getting high like with peptides you take I'm like is this working? I don't know if it's working like some some peptides like CJC. Ipam oral in when you take it You have like a physical reaction. He's on my fantasy team. Yeah But CJC I belong all of them Should be studied and a lot of them are very good for you. They help a lot I was I was telling it's very exciting Phil Gillis went down and got some stem cells in his knee to waste. How's he doing? He's doing all right. Yeah, he had a Cortisone shot before Yeah, so there wasn't really pain. So we'd have to see if it worked, but what is up with his name buzzing? I think it was like a partially torn meniscus. Okay, that cortisone is not gonna help that other than just numb pain Yeah, so he don't kill inflammation. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, it was it was great when I brought him down here It was uh, it was during Texas Ohio State. So he was weird, you know, we're buzzing a little yeah Can you drink on that? No, they were like, oh It was like so if you're getting stem cells like don't drink a week before and a week after that would be great Me and Phil both looked at each other and we're like, we're not getting stem cells Yeah We're just not doing it, dude. I'll just have a torn meniscus I'm not taking two weeks off. I'm not going to Ohio State, Texas and not having a couple beers But then then they were like, all right between you and me just take two days off. All right It's not good, but it's something it's not ideal, but it'll definitely be way better than not getting the stem cells They always overshoot at those doctors Yeah, you know safe and sorry when it comes to drinking. Yeah, you should have two drinks a year. Yes I'd like to punch you in the face. Okay, let's be real and we all lie on that paper You know how many how many do I was getting surgery and they were like talking like did you give up? up alcohol did you go whatever and they're like any other drugs i'm like i mean i took acid like yesterday and they're like what we can't do the surgery now and i'm like you didn't tell me about acid right you just said blow what surgery i don't remember for my knee maybe i'm not sure oh come on you don't remember surgery seems like he's holding on i got pins dude i got pins what's wrong with your knees oh i went to waste well they're better now nice yeah all right i played basketball like a month later with sam now my ankles are broken but sam are you playing with sickest crossover in comedy ari blew out his knee doing the kettlebells right yeah doing them wrong oh damn kettlebells well just trying a little too hard with a frail anatomy fragile yeah you have a sticker on me you can't just go hard it's like when we do these comedian workouts i always tell everybody we're not going to work out hard just gonna just go through the motions brian simpson's like i'll be there yeah yeah with croutons with oh man simpson in those workouts was the funniest let me tie my shoes again i've never i don't tell anyone what to do ever but we're sitting in the sauna and he was hacking up mucus the entire time and i was like dude just get out he's like i'm not gonna quit i'm not a bitch and i was like it's not about that we've been in the sauna for five fucking minutes everyone's fine we're talking yeah you're spitting up mucus you're dying is that the cigarettes i'm dying i don't know sometimes i guess the sauna jars that it might be just definitely cigarettes he quit he quit smoking then helped whoa good for him he had a heart attack what yeah yeah he was on the road was in detroit yeah he's in detroit doing stand-up all of a sudden he's got a shooting pain through his arm and he's like oh this ain't bad this is bad damn yeah he calls the hospital he never went on stage they canceled the whole weekend whoa yeah look how upset we are about that yeah no i was on stage once and i had like severe chest pain towards the end of my set oh and in my head i was like i'm having a heart attack holy shit and then i was like 45 at least but this is my closer yeah so i gotta do it and then i did it and i was fine yeah wow what do you think it was indigestion i get a lot of stress yeah i got my blood uh my blood back from uh waste of wells and the lady was like i i know who you are and uh i'm sure you've been stressed the last like month or so that's showed up whoa it's like crazy i had a severe cortisol spike oh really yeah i thought that was just look maxing talk i didn't know that was a real thing you got a calorie oh yeah severe cortisol from that yeah it's interesting like that people hating on you online has a direct effect on you physically of course very careful what you consume online yeah but i think it was very smart of you to get rid of instagram i've been a month month off social media yeah we had a text thread yesterday he was saying was like open up your protector parks show me what that video yeah yeah let me see what norman just sent every time we're in the text i can't you feel better yeah i do i woke up like uh it was probably like three days after i deleted social media and this is me waking up every day just going wake up look at your phone you go oh fuck of course of course i mean even if it's not about you the anxiety that hits you first thing in the morning about the world and your whole day was all about waking up to people like everything's i'm getting a text from like a publicist it's like we're gonna take care of this that's like what you wake up to you're like the most disappointing thing nightmare was comics the most disappointing things was comics and at the mothership the doormen they all came up with a list of these guys they called them fellas against gillis or fags i gotta i gotta get over that that's fun you know what the hard part about this nice dudes yeah so guys yeah so everyone bro everyone's making a list and checking it twice this is like everyone knows well the hard one about this one was like snl the first time i got fired i kept social media and in my head i was like that guy talked shit this one i just deleted everything immediately yeah so i don't really know i'll tell you off air i'm excited to hear about it yeah there's a lot it's so disappointing but it's it's also pretty i was thinking about bumping all of them i'm gonna go on tour i'm gonna find out whoever was talking shit and whatever venue they're playing i will bump them yes but i'm not gonna do that because i and then so that was my my agent was joking around suggesting that and i was like i don't think anyone touring talks shit no no no so what am i gonna take i wonder no not that i saw it was all struggling middling when i say middling i was like middle acts another wrong somebody somebody said one of the comics said something to me about like there's nothing wrong with being a middle act i go that's not really what i mean what i mean is like your career middle like you're you're you're just you're a dud you never nobody came to comes to see you you never generated excitement now you're in your 40s rooms and now you're talking shit it's still a good life but it's not a bad life but you could have had a better life you just didn't fucking put the effort in like for whatever reason you never figured it out i don't know what it is but i wonder how many there's definitely some headliners there's definitely some headliners who yeah who were talking shit i didn't see any i saw i didn't see it i'll tell you later we'll talk right now triple he used to have a smoke them list just people he thought were doing too well he was like i want to go on in front of them and bury them he had an actual list of people he's trying to bury well the funny thing i saw you do that set at the cellar a week before killed nobody had a problem with it snl approves it the audience in the room laughs like what are we doing here not to defend snl they don't approve it yeah they kind of oh is that right they could shut it down they could but they don't like you don't write your set and give it to them unless you're not a comedian i'm sure non-comics they write the set for them yeah they write the monologue for they have writers that write the monologue for them like you're an athlete or something or an actor or whatever or anyone but uh but no i did the funniest part was i was going in going they were like what's going on with the monologue and i was like it's not great but i don't say anything bad right i was like fellas i'm giving you a solid c minus of a monologue but i promise there's no controversy well i'm calling myself fat for fucking 10 minutes yeah that's it it's all on me quite interesting that women wear these skin tight very thin shorts more than interesting it's lovely men don't could you imagine if guys had their hogs pressed against the ask mateo lane where he works out men go shirtless and now short shorts are in style yeah but they don't go in tight tidy shorts that show their balls that's what i'm saying right that's a very specific girls just like short shorts oh yeah t-shirt steam room what do you mean you dude anytime i drive to the club while i'm driving in you see at least 10 shirtless jack dudes in like compression shorts jogging right down the fucking streets mmm well on the river that's you know god damn huge dick and i'm sitting there with headphones looking out the window like fucking piece of shit and jogging my dick goes in when i jog can you imagine working out and still having a thicky goggins not me yeah it is a weird look though the little tiny little outfits it's very sexualized that's great that's why people got upset because it is i don't have a problem it's real it's very i look hot for the very sexualized don't have a problem with it we all love it it's just a fun thing to say and it's funny yeah that's it and this is a weird time where everyone's just looking to get upset well it's just what's clicking this is this is the thing now we'll go that way yeah no one actually gives a shit i think i think it obviously had a lot to do with uh cornell climate yeah yeah yeah so i'd say when i found out it's trump social media when i found out i got my dates wrong i thought he was you told me about an eagles game yeah at tottenham stadium corner spurs and um and uh i i got my dates wrong because burt was coming in for one of the eagles games jacksonville games and i was like and i was in tunisia driving down the highway and i thought of a sketch idea that i'm like let me text this to shade it's wednesday maybe he has time to get this one in a ridiculous one you could never do yeah and then i text him and he goes oh i already did it dude they didn't cover the story in tunisia i'll just tell you that much and he goes it wasn't a big hit in the muslim countries yeah yes i already did it i did it last week and i was like oh how'd it go we're going to work out shane's like are you serious i'm like yeah well i don't know how to go he goes i'm in national disgrace i'm gonna go i was like it's not great yeah they're calling me a rapist what and i was like oh dude if they're calling you a rapist you should come to tunisia yeah they would love you here you need you so what is tunisia like it's the best i don't know why don't you move here right now the comedy scene's not great start one you don't say you don't have a funny bone there right teach the muzzies how to do jokes oh i got i probably got to work that out i'm gonna go to the lavatory yeah when i get back i want those curls out oh yeah yeah yeah just okay i won't wait for it what's going on tunisia ruled i got payas with my luck yeah no i'm just getting fatter kettlebells just drove around slept in the zahara desert for a night yeah just drove around drank tea and cold eggies no no it's nice and warm really two and a half hours from london what are the hotels like there i wouldn't no i stayed in one wait a minute flight or drive flight from london what that was like two and a half hours what from london yeah fly flight to north africa to north africa yeah what am i saying it's in two and three hours there's no way you could drive there yeah yeah am i talking about visa's easy safe just smoke ciggies and drink tea and and what What do you do? Look at you there. Whoa. Did anybody recognize you there? It's like Moses. What a guy. Yeah, it stayed in Luke Skywalker's house. What? Oh, Tatooine. Yeah, right outside Tatooine. This is where they shot the interiors. Whoa, that's incredible. Jamie, good find. That's crazy. I missed this. They shot the interiors. This is the actual, they left it all there. Wow. So they built that up there just for the movie? Yeah, they have these Berber helms that were built into these caves like that. It's a normal way to live. It keeps you cool in the summer, warm in the winter. Look at these nerds. Are you solo on this trip? Solo, yeah. Just driving. You're into the car, driving the Trans-African Highway, stopping for Stiggy's and tea and coffee and trying to talk to people. Wow. Do you get any Jew hate? No, they have an old Jewish community there. Nice. Do you check that shit before you leave? Yeah, I go, is it safe? And then I go, is it safe for Jews? And then I'm like, gone. Dude, I checked into my first hostel and they were like, I'm sure you know what you want to get into here. I'm like, no, I didn't do any research. And they go, well, the Medina, I'm sure. I'm like, what's Medina? They're like, what? It's the old town? I'm like- That's the market. Bro, I don't know. I did no research. You just decided to show up and figure it out when you got there. Stayed in a hostel my first two nights, so I was like, get intel from them. They told me the biggest Coliseum outside Italy is there. Pull it up. But nobody's there. So you're just like, in the Coliseum, you can run on the field and like, yeah, that's- Look at that. That's a Coliseum outside of Italy. Wow. So the Romans built that. It's three quarters of size. Yeah, that means the Romans were there for long enough to decide, we're going to be here. Let's build this over 75 years and let's use it. Wow. They're like, we're going to be here for a long time. Wow. Look, nobody's there. That's nuts, dude. Wow. I thought you were highly- That's what I mean. There's no bad seats in the house. See on the left? Those are all great seats. It's wild that there's nobody there. So there was nobody visiting that? I never even knew that was a thing. 30 Chinese. That's about it. Chinese? Chinese? What's Chinese? That's more offensive than anything we've said so far. The Chinese have a lot of good restaurants. These aren't bad. They're nice, right? They're nice, right? Shout out to Paddy Pimblitt. Oh, these are his? Yeah. What? Really? It's his company. Oh, no, this isn't it. This is Happy Dad's. Ah, jeez. Oh, I'm sorry. I thought we had the Paddy Pimblitt beers. What are the- Didn't we have those? Paddy Wagon. Paddy Wagon. That's a slur, right? Can you do me a favor and- Oh, this is the hard seltzer. Crack those curls. Very nice. This is good. Guys. The ones in the back look pretty good. As soon as he walked in, I noticed his hair. What are you doing? Look at the curls. Are you growing those on purpose? I just grow my hair. Oh, man. This isn't that. It just looks like this. Oh, I see. I see. I see. It's wonderful. Why are you committing to this beard? What's going on with this beard? I don't know. It's been since right before I left for South America. Get the mics. Make sure the mic doesn't cover the curls. What? I need the curls. I don't know. Just stop cutting it. I haven't cut anything in fucking over a year. How are your pubes? They're as long as ever. Really? You let them run wild? I've never shaved my pubes. No, I shaved them once ever as a joke. Jesus Christ. Dude, let them run. What kind of chaos? You got to shave your pubes? Well, the tree looks bigger if you trim the hedges. Not mine. You're exactly right. Mine's already big. I don't think like that. We got a shrub going, so we got to trim the weeds. I got to grow hair on my balls to cover them up. So you're committing to the beard until you go like full Rick Rubin? I don't know. I'll shave it eventually. Rick Jubin. Save for Skank Fest, and that's about it. Rick Jubin. Oh, are you guys excited for Skank Fest? I am. It's happening right now. I actually am. I got to tell you, I dread it. It's a lot. I get it, but then I love it. It's a lot. Yeah, I've had fun every single time. I never missed a year. What do you dread? You're just in a green room for three days. A lot of germed people touching your hands. No one can go anywhere. You're too famous. Yeah. No, it rules, though. I mean, it's good hang. It is. No one has anything to do, so it's not like, can't tomorrow, I got a podcast. It's just like, let's meet up. Just drinking, partying. The cigar lounge. Maybe I'll do some drugs. That might help. There you go. There you go. Daniel Simonson. I can say that. He's fine with it. But he was like, I want to find mushrooms, and I don't know where to find them. At Skank Fest. You go literally ask. I was like, bro, put a sign in your forehead. Yeah. Mushrooms. And he was like, it worked. I had the worst mushroom experience I've ever had. All right, let's hear it, Fatty. Oh, I was there for that. It was. I bailed on you. I was like, all right, I'm taking it easy tonight. This will be a nice, easy one. I remember this. I'll do a little bit of shrooms. Guy gave me nothing. It's up to the mushrooms. Chris and Tommy had a little bit of shrooms. They had already taken it, and they were both freaking out. And I was like, you guys are being pussies about this. This is no mushrooms. So I took a little. I'm just mid-conversation with Brett Ernst. We're talking about the fucking NFC East football. Yeah. Just while he's talking to me, his face melts. I was like, brother, I got to go home right now. And I'm trying to leave. And they're like, dude, this is the owner of Yo Kratom. He wants to meet you. And I was like, how are you? I got to leave. I got to go. Also, Skank Fest, not the best environment. You look around. It's just. It's ugly, fat. K-6. Kim Gottlieb at Skank Fest Houston. She put acid in my water. Misfits need a festival. I had no idea. Of course. It's a comedy version of the Gathering of the Juggalos. It is big, 100%. They're the best fans in the world. They are. It is. They love it, too. They look forward to it every year. Skank Fest sells out every year. Every year. I've never really had a negative experience. No. No. Never with the fans. Never. Never. Every once in a while, you run into a dildo comic. Sure. Yeah, there's going to be. There's going to be those. Can you do my thing? The environment is fun. Legion of Skanks is a fun podcast. They're fun guys. They're all good dudes. Yeah. You should have never left. You fucked up. I did fuck up. You were part of the team. That was the only thing that might have kept me there. Yeah, you would. You should have stayed. That was a dream job. Now, Renaziz is great on it. You fucked up. I fucked up. I let Renaziz take my dream. This is good for him, anyway. He needs a win. He needs a win. He needs a win. And he's good. And he's good on it. He's great on my podcast. He fits right in. He did my podcast with them as Legion of Skanks. He was great. He's a piece of shit in the best way. He's a good dude. Yeah. Good dude. Needs a win. So it's good for him that you went to, God forbid, fucking England where it rains every day and everyone hates you. It's so nice over the summer. I've been bombing. It's amazing. Great. Which, by the way, is fucking terrific. It's such a cope, dude. Yeah. I love it. It's hard. It's such a challenge. No one likes that. And you don't either. I don't like it. You're in the nursing home plugging in the air. What the fuck is wrong with me? You're in the nursing home doing death metal. I like, please let it be raining when I get out so I can walk home sad. Ari Poppins. Ari. Jesus Christ. Come back. Yeah, there's some rough ones. Come back to the United States of America. I had a lady raise her hand in one of my shows. And I go, I'm bombing so bad. I'm like, sure. What? And she goes, how do you even think of these things? I don't know. I gotta tell you. I don't know. I gotta tell you. We're two protector parks away. We're two protector parks away from you being an American citizen. You got that right. We're coming back. Are you coming back? Maybe not the next one. I'm an American citizen. Don't you like being happy? I do, but yeah. What the fuck's blood pudding? Come on. Thanks, therapist. Yeah, I'm just trying to get to your head. I do, but you know, it's fun. New stages. It's fun. Yeah, but you don't have any friends over there, right? Are there new stages that fun? No, not many. Are there a couple? I'm making them. I'm starting to make them. Yeah, they probably resent you, though. A little bit. Don't like you. No, they're all cool. Look at you. You're on Trigonometry. They don't like that. Oh, he thinks he's a big podcaster. They do. He's a fucking Nazi. It is funny to see all the drama there. He's a fucking nutter. All the drama. I'm like, why don't you like that guy? They're like, I guess. I'm like, mm. Did you make up? Just like not involved at all. What's their drama over there? Right wing, left wing. Same shit. You took the wrong side of this during the worst times. It's all non-religious people fighting clans to hate. Yeah. It's really what it is. It's the same. It's the same thing as like secular versus Christian. I know I don't hold my tongue now when they talk shit about somebody I'm friends with. I don't say, I'm friends with that guy. I go, let me hear the whole thing before I mention it. That's nice. Yeah. That's a good move. I'm going to start doing that. I did it in Tunisia when they talked about Israel-Palestine. I was like, I'm just listening, bro. They knew what side you were on. Look at that mug. Obviously, yeah. He had the girl. Yeah, I'm on your side 100%. And you got to give them some credit for picking a side on that. You knew what side they were going to be on. Yeah, come on. Half a more. But it's just fun listening. And they were like, no, during October 7th, they didn't do anything wrong. They were just really friendly. Yeah, that's what I heard, too. Oh, boy. Here we go. He's had a couple drinks. We all got one hour in. Here we go. Iron Dome. Ari, you seem like you haven't really drank that much. It's kind of pissing me off. Give me another bodega. Yeah, bodega can available now. I had this and that. I'm the only one trying in this group. I'm tried. That's fine. Three in. You got shows. I had a lot yesterday. Fucking DeRosa starts getting surly. He's like, drink that drink. I'm like, no, I'm done. And he goes, Ari, drink the fucking drink. I was like, Joe, stop. Jesus, Joe. My 14th beer. I heard DeRosa had a tough time. Yeah, he was leaning against the wall in a blackout. Oh, no. That guy can handle his hooch. He's a pig. Pigs can handle hooch. I got to be honest. He can't. He can't. He was standing there talking. That's the point. Every single time. He was doing great last night. Until he'd wake up with a text going, I am fucked. Every single time you look over and you see him like. Yeah. You're like, god damn. Yeah. If you're visibly drunk, you go, that's. If I can see you across the room, I go, god damn, that guy's a shit face. He fooled me. We were having a full conversation. He texted me and said, DeRosa's blacked out. That's what I'm saying. I didn't know he had to tell me. He told you he was blacked out, but he's not blacked out. He holds it. I guess that's true. He's got the slur. If you can tell someone I'm blacked out right now, that's a lie. I will say, though, when me and DeRosa drink, I'm drinking fucking Bud Light and he's doing shots of whiskey. He drinks. So me and him go out and drink, and then he blacks out, and I'm like, what are you, a dumbass? Right. The O'Connor man, O'Connor has the switch, too. That's the funniest. O'Connor, I've never seen anyone go from, he'll be like, we're drinking, we're drinking, we're drinking, and then you turn your head, you look back, and he's. Yeah. The only other guy like that. All right, we gotta leave. Yeah, the only other guy like that is his fucking, when the Indian comes out. With Eddie Bravo. Oh, yeah, Eddie. He's Indian? Eddie's the Indian. No, no, no, he's Mexican. He's just got it in him. Gotta say. Joey Diaz says the Indian. Joey Diaz, Mexicans, Indians, the same thing. Which is kind of true. The ancestry is the same. It's similar. Yeah, and he'll just be like, oh, no more memories now, huh? We're done with that period of the night. He's just not recording. Another great thing about Mexicans, they own like a third of the country. We killed a bunch of them and they're still like, yeah, we like it. Well, they weren't even a country until 1820. Well, I'm just saying, they had California, they had that whole. No. But they were barely, they weren't even a country. There was a bunch of different countries, a bunch of different territories. Mexico became a country in 1821. It was the United States of Mexico. Well, they were Mexican, though. That was Mexico. They owned Texas for 15 years. 15 years! That's it. That's not long. That's something. No, it's not. They took it from the Native Americans. The Native American tribes owned all this land in different. You know, this. This is all owned by the Comanche. There's parts of the country that were owned by the Apache, parts that were owned by other tribes. But it was all that. It was all Native American tribes. So when, you know, the idea that like the Mexicans owned it, like, did you really? Well, what about the Alamo? Not as a group. Not as a group. Listen, all fucking land is stolen land. You got that right. All of it. Every single fucking piece of land, somebody had it. Somebody had it. Either somebody claimed it because no one was there and said, this is mine. And then they had to defend it with weapons. Or someone came. Or somebody came along and stole it. And if you don't live in Ethiopia, you're a colonizer. True. That's where the people started. They kept moving. Ethiopia. I had a guy on my podcast that said Ethiopia is the only real Africa because it's never really been colonized. So it's just the way they would have been. It also has the full Bible. There's the WAPS. The WAPS went in there. Ethiopia. Just quickly driven out. And then Haile Selassie drove them all out. Sick ass churches. Sick churches. Yeah. They have an old version of the Bible. It has the book of Enoch in it. They've got old. They've got stuff in there that's not in the biblical canon. Are they still Christian? Very interesting. Hey, hang in there. It's always a mixture with those places. But I don't think. I think, I'm sure at this point, the majority is not Christian. Ah. But. Arab? Yeah. Arabic. I would imagine it's a majority Muslim. Now, I don't know. Well, the legend is there's a church in Ethiopia that has the actual Ark of the Covenant. Whoa. Yeah. And there's these guys that guard. This is how Graham Hancock got involved in this ancient civilization trip that he's on. Started out in Ethiopia. Like the 1980s. He investigated this place in Ethiopia that has these people that are supposedly guarding the Ark, and they all get cataracts. They all die of radiation poisoning. These guys get. They all die of cancer. They guard this thing, and they only live like a few years. And everyone knows when you're going to take on this job of guarding the Covenant, the Ark of the Covenant, you're going to die. So it's a radioactive meteorite? It's something. Who fucking knows what it is? You know, I think we should send in the seals. Was I right about that, Jamie? What's up? About Ethiopia being a majority Islam? No? It's got to be. They move in, those folks. They were originally. What were they before? They were kind of the original Christians. Nigeria. Or at least like the oldest version of. But. They were up there. They also had a bunch of Jews, the Ethiopian Jews. That's true. Kind of Coptic. They were the furthest they got sent away. But the Nigerians are getting slaughtered, the Christians. Christianity, the major religion in Ethiopia, practiced by 60-65% of the population. Largest single denomination is the Ethiopian Orthodox. The Wahedo Church? I'd like to. I'll tell you what. I'd like to get rid of that 19% prop. Why is that? Get them out of there. What are they doing? What are the props? Props are the most boring ones. Jamie, put this into perplexity. Why are you showing lust? Is the Ark of the Covenant in Ethiopia? Oh. Let's see what perplexity says. Maybe it'll tell us. Maybe like no one's asked. Jamie, find me the best seat of the BFI London. To see some gay foreign movie. Soon. Something in black and white with subtitles. Ethiopian Orthodox Church says it is. Ooh. The Ethiopian Orthodox Church says they have the Ark of the Covenant. But its presence there has not been independently verified. Church identifies a guarded chapel at St. Mary of Zion and Axum, northern Ethiopia, as the Ark's resting place. Its actual whereabouts remain unknown. We should send in the fucking Delta Force. Let's do our next thought. Find out where's the Ark. You guys have to. Have something that shows that God's real. They're on our team. Show me the fucking Ark. Isn't that Indiana Jones? Show me the. Yeah. You're going from the view of the Nazis. You can't own it. We go, we should send in the SS to find out if the Ark's there. Oh. Good boy. No. They can't own it. You can't hide it from the rest of the world. If you have proof that Christianity's real, you've proved that Christ is real, you've proved the Ark of the Covenant is real, you shouldn't be able to hide that from the rest of the world and have people go blind guarding it. Fuck you. What's in that thing? Who knows? It's a box, right? Is it the tablets? It's probably a nuclear reactor. It's two angels. Two angels that sit away from each other and then when they're at times of war and then turn to each other in times of peace. Noah's Ark hunters say they found wood with tool marks? What is this? Isn't Noah's tablets in there? A piece of wood here. In the Ark? Hey, you guys got to put on headphones, Shane, so you can hear what he's saying. Because Ari's talking. Oh, excuse me. Jamie's talking. Ari's talking. They found this piece of wood in that hole, I guess. That proves nothing. They found wood? Oh. Whoa, whoa, wood? Wood comes from trees. I've got wood right now. Well, it's definitely wood. Wood shaped by human hands. Oh, no. That's never happened before. It must be. It must be the Ark. Come on. Who's covering this? Fox? I'll tell you what. My parents are back home going, holy shit. They found it. Noah's Ark is different than the Ark of the Covenant. Yeah. Of course. Very different. What are you, a fool? Ari's just going straight Mark Norman. Mark of the Covenant. The Ark. Mark Norman. Mark Norman. The Noah's Ark thing. That's stupid. Noah's Ark. They're digging into the area where they think Noah's Ark is, and they found all these openings that seem to look like, it looks like it's some sort of a man-made vessel that was down on the ground. Now, a lot of people are disputing this, but there's weird ground-penetrating radar images that show that there's almost like cubicles in the ground. There's sections. It seems geometric. It seems like someone had something, and this area, this weird area. This area in Mount Ararat looks like a fucking boat. It's very weird. That's Turkey? Yeah. Have you seen this? Right here. I remember this. Skeptical people. This is old as hell, though. But recently, they're doing digs. They're doing more. Yeah. Well, they started using ground-penetrating radar and imagery, and they found this structure. They found this structure on the ground that seems to have these sections in it where you would have pens where you'd have animals. The story's stupid, though, because animals eat other animals. Yeah. There's a great bit about it. Yeah. My joke was that if you tell that to a five-year-old retarded kid, they're going to be like- I think it was five. Twelve-year-old retarded girl. Maybe ten. I think it was five. I remember my own bit. Five-year-old retarded girl. But I was like, well, there's a lot of holes in that story. It's just animals eat other animals. This is the problem. Sure. You can't have enough predators and prey. Animals eat other animals. It's a crazy idea that you can have animals and put them on a boat. You've got a zoo. You've got some animals. You've got some lions standing next to you. They're not going to make it. No one's going to make it, though. The zoo has to have meat. You have to be feeding them a shit. How many fucking chickens a lion has to eat in a week? How do they get there since half the earth is covered in water and these animals can't swim? Yeah, yeah, yeah. There's too many things wrong with the story. What do they do with the freshwater fish if the world is covered in salt water? The thing about it is- That's all right. We'll figure it out. The whole thing is probably there was a local flood. There was. And that's what it is. There's lots of religions. There's a story about the flood. So it means it's probably in that area there was something, a crazy rain for a while. It's probably happened a ton of times, too, because it's in the epic of Gilgamesh. There's a bunch of these. It's a good name for your kids. Gilgamesh? Yeah. Gilgamesh Gillis. Oh, gilly, gilly. What is the latest on the Noah's Ark thing, Jamie? That was it. But is there- Show me the images when they do the tools. What's the latest on the Noah's Ark? Jamie, what's the latest on the Noah's Ark? Crazy. We haven't gotten it yet. We're going to get it. It seems like these fucking nuts. It seems like these nuts, these nutters who really believe in it, they're digging in there and they really think that this is Noah's Ark. And if it is- They're hoping. Just if it is a boat that is the exact measurements of the book and the Bible- Joe, it's Protestants in America that are funding this weird shit. It's like the creationist museum. Only Protestants? Yes. Why them? Because they suck. Because they're not busy having sex. The Catholic Church understands it's a story. It's a story. It's not literal. Protestants, most of them are like, we need to- Because these evangelicals, all these people, they want to fund it. They're like, we need to fund that. This is all Protestants. Without a doubt. I guarantee the Catholic Church has almost nothing to do with looking for Noah's Ark. Catholics are like, it's okay that you want to have sex. Try not to, but we know that's your thing. No, it's more- So try not to. But Protestants are like, cover it all up. Don't have any lust. Don't do anything fun. Catholics are more just the Bible's- Stories drunk. Yeah. The Bible's- A lot of stories. That we can learn from. Right. And these guys are like, no, it's real. Yeah. And that's where there's a big- Okay. Yeah. So it's Protestants that are looking for the Ark? Is it the creationists? What are the ones who think Jesus was walking around with dinosaurs? Those are Protestants. If you're not Catholic and you're Christian, you are a Protestant. Unless you're Orthodox. Okay. Here it is. Yeah. Unnamed Christian Foundation. Uh-oh. Jones told the Forward in October this year's expedition cost roughly $700,000, with about one-third covered by a Christian foundation. and he declined to name it. - Uh-oh. - Probably is. - It's Christian, they would've said it was Christian. Can you show us what some of the images look like? So this is the thing. That's a Doppler. It's very weird. That looks like a boat. So it does look like a boat, but it looks like a boat on the ground, too. Which is what's really weird is these. Show the outside image of what it looks like. The outside, like, look at it. That's the formation on the ground. Okay, but there's also boats like that. I don't know how big that is. I can't tell scale. It's like a pussy. There's also bills like that in Egypt, in, like, buried next to the pyramids. A hundred percent. So, like, how do you know it's that boat? This thing's enormous. That looks exactly like a pussy. That's a dirty plan. It does look like a pussy. Boats and pussies are very similar. Bring that to the gym. Both wet. That's how white people fuck the rest of the world. Yeah, true. Through these boats. Nice scroll, James. So this is what it looks like. So there's sections to this thing, which are really weird. So it's not just a ground feature. Why don't they dig up? Underground, there's this weird pattern to it that seems to emulate what it would look like if you had stalls. If you had stalls on a boat. It would be at the top of the mountain, because as the water went down, it was like, what's the first land? We don't know how far it just set up there. Didn't they purposely sunk the U.S., United States? What's that? They purposely sunk this boat. They do that all the time. They do it a lot. Who did? When a boat's out of commission, they sink it. What do you mean? Who did? In Bali. In Bali, they have that. We purposely sunk a giant warship? Yesterday? What do you call that? We do that all the time. Do it all the time. There's stuff in Bali you can, like, scuba dive through. Yeah, and then the fish live around it. It's cool. They have a little condo down there. Oh, it doesn't hurt the water? Oh, they swim around in it. No, they don't. No, but listen, the ocean is so fucking big. You sink a boat down there, that thing just immediately starts to decay, and then fish live in it, and they swim around in it. It just feels like we could scrap it. It's pretty dope. It does feel like they could get some metal out of it. It feels like a waste. It probably costs more money to take that fucker out of the water and take it apart and find out what you can use and not use versus just sink it. All right. That's crazy. You could just try cool weapons on it. Yo, do you guys ever sink? Yeah, blow it up. Was it Edmund Hillary? What was the boat that sunk? Edmund Fitzgerald? The one that. No, no, no. There's a boat that sunk. Scott? F. Scott? It was a famous explorer. The boat sunk in Antarctica. Oh, no. And it's. I think it's Antarctica. Oh, the ice cutter? And it's in the ground. The water's so fucking cold that the wood's preserved, and they found it within the last five or six years, and they sent a drone down there to go around it. It's wild. You get to see this old-ass wooden boat from the time of explorers, almost completely intact. Wow. Just sitting on the bottom of this frozen fucking ocean. What was that boat again, Jamie? That's awesome. Those boat guys were ballsy back then. Ballsy. Unbelievable. These guys are fucking animals. If the water freezes around you, you're all dead. It's pissing me off that I can't answer this, because I do know it. Yes, me too. It's that there's a famous explorer. Cook, not Cook. Up in the north, in Antarctica. I think it's Sir Ernest Shackleton. That's it. Shackleton. Yes. The endurant. Oh, of course. I was going to say the intrepid, like he got the horn. That's in New York. Sir Ernest Shackleton. Yes. That's it. The endurant. Is the intrepid in New York? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Intrepid Center for Excellence. There's a bar on there. That's a dramatic brain injury foundation. Yeah. I bombed on a boat. Show me some videos of that. It's fucking crazy. The videos are crazy, because they found it, and then when they found it, they're moving around it with a drone, and it looks almost totally intact. And you get to think about what these fucking people must have been experiencing watching this thing go under, and realize you're in the middle of the frozen ocean. Unreal. The scurvy and fighting each other. Whoa. Yeah. I mean, I was just in Nantucket. The whale guys. Those guys are ballsy as hell. Go full screen, please. Yeah, look at this. This is nuts. Look at that. This is cool. Look at that. The endurance. 107 years. Isn't that wild? Wow. It's the Antarctic. Look at that, man. Those poor souls. Just sunk in the bottom of the fucking ocean. What the fuck's the Weddell Sea? Davy Jones Locker. Right. What is the Weddell Sea? I've never heard of it. Eric Weddell. Those guys were ballsy. Great White Hosey. How fucking ballsy those guys were to do that? Did they do that? Oh, Jesus Christ. Dana Carvey? That's all Ari's neighbors in England. Dude, they're so inbred looking. Bye, White. That guy looked like the entire crew on that ship. That was that guy. Right. Oh, this is footage of the boat sinking in 1915. Holy fuck, man. Are those dudes on there? Yeah. They were down there during World War I. Wow. Look at them smiling. Hold on. Joe, there's some good stories about them finding out about World War I. Yeah, ice breakers. Really? It was 1915 when they're down there. Wow. The war started like a year before and no one told them. Wow. That's not even that long ago. No. No. How about those Japanese guys that were on the island, had no idea the war ended? Yeah, those guys are still fighting. Still fighting. What is this? The 70s in the Philippines. The guy with a grenade in a cave, waiting. What? Yeah. Yeah, those guys that didn't know the war ended because they're out in the jungle. Damn. One Japanese guy was on an island for like 10 fucking years by himself. No, it went longer. Really? Carlin's. There he is. Hardcore history. He talks about it. Wow. Look at the other guys smiling. Whoa. He's like, bro. Nice job. 1974, bro. World War II ended in 45. Wow. This guy in 1974 was still fighting. Look at the guy on the left holding that sword. Go back to that image of him. Look at him. He's still strapped. The image that you just showed, Jamie? I don't even know which one I have. Top left. Yeah, that's it. That's it. Wow. Look, he's got a holster. He's ready to go to war. According to the story, they had to find his officer. Wow. Who was a guy who just owned a bookstore in Tokyo at this point in his life. Until it's over? And they're like, he's only going to listen to you. Wow. And it was just a random fucking guy. I mean, he's a great soldier. Hiroo Anoda was stationed in- He was throwing grenades at fucking tourists. Wow. Wow. For 30 fucking years. Unreal, dude. How'd he live? Just in the jungle? Yeah, man. Holy moly. Hiro Anoda. He thought that leaflets, radio broadcasts, and search parties were enemy propaganda. He's going, fake news. Fake news. Fake news. No way, dude. Obviously, Japan's going to win. Is he still alive? I wish he was. I'd have him on the podcast. Hell yeah. I'd just bring in a Japanese translator. 74 is 50. He's 55 years ago. Is that where, what's his name? I missed the boat. It's the guy who ran for president with Obama. I love when you get a subscriber and you're like, nah. Where was McCain? Oh, that was Vietnam. Yeah, coward. What? Coward. The truck driver. How about not getting taken captive? I like the guys who don't get caught. He's been, hold on. All right, now that we're on Trump, please, J-Mo, can I please see, he's not as funny as he used to be, but he's getting old man, old man angry during interviews, which is very funny. There's one part, he's sitting at his desk and he just goes, quiet, quiet. What's wrong with you? He's over it. Are you a sick person? Who did he say that to? Is it some reporter that was talking while someone else was talking? He just goes, quiet. Oh, that's funny. Oh, that's funny. Yes, watch him. Watch him say quiet. Do you believe the peace process is bad contract? Wait, wait. Wait. Can you just tell me, I'll listen to you. Hey, I'm not playing. You better, you better, I don't know who the hell you are, but you better be careful. Go ahead. You own a lot of golf clubs. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Oh, that was dad mode. What are you, a sick person? Quiet. What happened to shut up piggy? That was like a year ago. There is a problem. I actually think there's something wrong with you. There is a problem with these things. Like, say if you have a question and you're talking to him, someone else would just talk louder right next to you with a totally different question. It is fucking annoying and they don't care. Oh, it's like hard work. It's a bad podcast. Yeah, we're like, what'd you say? And they say it, someone else is like, hey, everybody shut up. What did you say? It's a bad podcast. If you hear a guy with a good question, let him go. Let him go. Let him cook. Let him cook. Let him ask his fucking question. And if you have a question later, raise your fucking hand and when he comes to you, ask your question. But if you're just yelling over the other guy's question, a louder, different question, that shit's annoying. Well, the best you can get is a clip of him going, quiet. Quiet. Quiet. Quiet. You better be careful. Put you in my golf course. I know who you are. You're a sick person. I think you're actually a sick person. I think something's wrong with you. That's what he said. There's a hilarious moment where the All In podcast, I think it was David Sachs, was saying we lost the podcast bros and they said that we should have given them a front row seat at all the press conferences and like allowed them into the press conference. Like, hey, how about no? Right. How about real journalists? Oh. How about not have us do that? Also, we're not going. Yeah. We're not going. We're not going to the fucking press conferences and sit in the front row and ask questions to Caroline Leavitt. Is it in my city? No. We're not going to go to the press conferences. We're not press people. We talk. Shit. Right. Okay. And it's a sickness of our society that people take our opinions so importantly that it's so significant. It should not be. They do, though. They do. Unfortunately. And it works. Unfortunately. What's his name? This has an effect. McCaffrey? Not McCaffrey. Nicki Minaj. No. The sports guy. ESPN. She got a great ass. Look at that ass. Beautiful ass. Turn around for us, Nicki. No disrespect. The stuff at the beginning was like, I'm an idiot. Don't take any of this seriously. Who said that? We're morons. McAfee's always at the beginning. John McAfee? No. Pat. Oh, Pat McAfee. Very different. Yeah, very different. But yeah, that's the right way to do it. I should have a disclaimer to everyone in my podcast. We are idiots. I'm a fucking half chimp. Guinea Dago Wap-ish. I'm going to start changing to Muzzos. Yeah. There you go. Who's been hitting their head too many times. Don't take my opinion seriously. But they didn't just lose the podcast, bros. They lost most of the country. When you get into a war that no one wants to be in, when you've got military. It's like a militarized police in the streets wearing masks. They don't want American citizens. They did some good things. They closed the border and then crime dropped significantly. Those are good things. It's not a good thing to have the fucking border wide open where anyone, including terrorists, can come in. Also, not a good thing to snatch people out of their fucking taco stand that have been in the country for 20 years and are nice, good people that are loved by the community, but they just don't have the right paperwork. There's a lot of fucking scumbags that happen to be born right here in this patch of dirt that we keep letting out of jail. And you got these hardworking people that did nothing fucking wrong other than make their way over here when it was okay to do that, which was a lot. Like, for the last four years, they allowed anybody to get through. And if you just snatch those people up now, like, what did we just do? You just let all these people in. And some of them are good people. Filter it out. When I was in Latin America, I met two iced deportees. Oh, really? I was down there, yeah. One of them got in Columbia. Cool guy. Got sort of sponsored by this couple in North Carolina. Like, come. You're a hard worker. We'll try to do the paperwork. Got snatched. Somebody told on him. He sat in a jail for seven months, and eventually, I was like, I'll take the free flight home. I'm done with it. Got arrested under Biden. The second one, deported under Trump. The second one was like, I'm a good guy. I was like, I'm so sorry that happened to you. I feel bad. He goes, yeah, I was a good guy, you know? He got arrested under Biden just for being illegal? That's it? Yeah, and then spent a bunch of time in jail. I didn't think they were doing that if you just didn't have paperwork. ICE is not new. No, no, no. But generally speaking, if you're getting arrested. You're not just getting arrested because you're over here illegally. You're getting arrested because you did something. Yeah, he said he was walking, and he goes, somebody told on him. That's what he thinks. Got ratted out. And then the other guy was like, I didn't do anything. He goes, I did sell a little bit of weed. And I was like, ah, you know, who cares? A little weed. And he goes, and some Coke, too. But once in a while. And eventually, bricks. I killed a couple guys. Eventually, bricks. And he goes, I had five kids by four women. No. And I was like, oh. Yeah, you should have been deported. Yeah, for sure. Hey, put this. How many people were deported under Biden? Oh, boy. What about Obama? That was number one. Obama deported a lot. The deporter-in-chief. I know. That's a very inconvenient statistic for a lot of people. Gave home and a Medal of Honor. Built the cages. Trump used them. Both shitty. Yeah, it's all weird. It's all weird. Because they let these people in for four years. And then they're hunting them. Oh, yeah. If my nanny got deported, I'd be depressed. That's how I see it. Here it goes. ICE carried, under Biden, ICE carried out 588,500 deportations from 2021 to December of 2024. The full months of his presidency covered that ICE data, counting the broader category of removals, border returns, and expulsions. The total was more than 4.6 million over his term. Can you compare that to every four-year term of Obama, Biden, and Trump? Well, let's just go Obama next. Let's do Trump, too. So, Obama. Don't worry, we will. You don't have to take any consideration. Obama was eight years. So, there's going to be. It's probably going to be a higher number. Four-year. Per year average. Let's see what it says. 3.1 million formal deportations. Oh, a total is 5.3 million. Oh, okay. Okay, total in the two terms. He's winning. Eight years. Now, do Trump in his first term. How many did Trump deport in his first term? Yeah, they got two years to go. Yeah, but. This year's been a ramp-up. This year's been a ramp-up, but also a bust. Because this is the first year where people are really pushing back. Nobody ever pushed back against it during the Obama administration. You never even heard about it. Never heard about it. Well, it is that, but it's also. It's like the way it's being done is different. Two million removals. Two million. In the first term. Wow, these are weak numbers. So, a lot lower. You've got to step it up. Less overall, but you've got to take into consideration Obama was two terms. Sure, but so. Do it year by year. You've got to do three-year average. And then how many has. Three-year average. How many have they deported in his second term? Yeah, that's it. Uh-oh. I'm going to guess. 700,000. One dollar. I'm going to go more than that. More than that. Two million? 1.5. Really? Already? Okay, let's check. How long has it been? Two years or one year? One year and a half? Two years. 1.2. No, it's close. 1.2 during Trump's second term as of October of 2026. So, how far are we in now? Two years. Almost two years? Two years. So, he's about on pace for like 2.7 maybe? Yeah. Still lower than Obama. Well, but that's. That's Obama's two terms. That's the difference. They also say. If you add them all together, he's up ahead. Okay. Right? Because if he gets to. If he doubles that over the next two years, you know, and then adds in his first presidency, because Trump's reported totals include some voluntary departures and returns, not solely formal removals, so the nearly 1.2 million figures should not be treated as directly equivalent to Obama's 3.1 million former removals. Were there as many killings, though? Like these randos? I looked into that. Please. I think like 56 people died in ICE captivity under Obama now. Uh-huh. I didn't hear about one of them, but that's. I'm not justifying. Right. But when they die under captivity, like, what's the circumstances? Do they have heart attacks? Were they already fucked up? I have no idea. Yeah, if you get 3 million people. Also, you walked here from Guatemala. What happened to you along the way? Like, how rough are you by the time you get here? You know? Some of it was Trump shut the border down so hard that there was less coming in. And a lot of self-deports. So it's like all the ones that are like, oh, I've been working at a coffee shop. And less of like, I just got here last week. Yeah, yeah. Those are easier to take. Did they give you money if you self-deport? Now they do. I think they give you like five grand. Well, you should take that money and just wait 24 months. They'll let you right back in. Hmm. True. True, right? What is this, Jamie? What are you showing us? What are all these? Deaths in ICE custody. Okay, 2000, not covered. It started being covered in 2004. 1932. So this is Bush. That was the biggest year. And then 2008, 16. That's Obama. Yeah. Trump's got 21 in there, yeah. 2012. Yeah. And then it plummeted to five. Uh-huh. 25, 24 listed. So the highest number is 24, and that's in 2025. Oh, 2026. At least 36 potentially incomplete. And then how many American citizens were killed? I would imagine the reporting has gone up. Yeah, the reporting. Of course. But this is a good question. How many American citizens were killed by illegal immigrants? No, no, no. By ICE agents. We got that lady with the car. Oh, well, two. Two. The lady with the car, and then that Alex Preddy guy. Yeah, that was bad. That's a bad look. That was bad. That's a bad. You killed an American- Soldier. Born American. A soldier? He was ex-military. I think. Also, I don't know if he was, but it was also armed and assaulted agents. Before that day. He did some other shit before that day. There was the one where he's kicking the car. You know, you've seen that? He's clearly open carrying or concealed carrying. He's got a pistol on him. He worked on vets. I think he was like a doctor who helped vets. That's what it was. It was terrible. It was awful. It's a bummer. Yeah, it's not good. This is a hilarious segment. Yeah. Yeah. All right, all right. You know that whole story- This is what I like to broadcast while I'm drinking. You know that whole story behind that guy, though, right? The gun, the specific gun that he had? So he had a gun called a Sig. P-320, which is known for accidental discharges. So they removed the gun from his cock. I got a lot of those. Sounds like my ex. Why'd you rub on me like that? His nickname for his cock. Accidental discharges. The 320. So this guy pulls one of the ICE agents, or it wasn't even ICE, by the way. It was Border Patrol. It was Border Patrol Enforcement. So they pull the gun from this guy, and as he's carrying the gun off, it looks like the gun goes off and shoots the ground. Yeah. And then- Yeah. In the mass of confusion, I think they think this guy pulled the gun and shot, and then they shoot him. Yeah. That's what seems like it to me, as little as I know about the situation. We've watched it many times, but that's what it looks like. So as the guy's removing the gun and walking off with it, the gun discharges in his hand and shoots the ground, and then someone's yelling, gun, gun, and then they shoot him. Everyone in other countries are like, what? I know. They have to have so many guns. It is crazy. And it's also crazy that this one gun discharges accidentally all the time. Not a great gun. There's footage of this guy on a range, and this guy is on the range. He's got his gun in his holster. The gun goes off, and then the range director goes, whose fucking gun just went off? And he points to this guy and goes, what kind of gun is that? He goes, it's a Sig P320. He goes, get that fucking thing off my range. Wow. He goes, I don't want those things on my range. Do you think that gun discharged? What do you mean? Like, you're saying- You can see it. You can see it discharge. Yeah, but he doesn't, no one's touching it? No one's touching, no. Oh, okay. No, it's in the guy's hand, but his hand is not on the trigger. Here's the problem with that gun. That gun discharges in people's holsters when no one's, there's a video footage of- What? There's video footage, trust me, I know a lot about guns. There's video footage of this guy that is in a police station. He's a cop. He bends over. The gun goes off in his fucking holster. What? In his holster and shoots the ground. While he's not touching it, he bends over, the gun goes bang. Get rid of that gun. It's a huge problem, because other SIG guns are fantastic. They make fucking great guns. They make a lot of great shit. They make great optics. They make great binoculars. That P320 is a fucking problem. Get rid of it. And everybody in the gun community 100% knows about this. Why do they still manufacture it? I don't know. They've fixed it. The new versions of it don't do that, but it has something to do with the trigger. There's a guy online that has taken this thing where he puts like a screw by the trigger, so he's- He's got the trigger slightly depressed, and then he just manipulates the slide, and the gun goes off. Ah, trigger police. there's zero delay it's like light speed it goes through his mind in light speed it's a problem why yeah why hold why buy that gun here's here's another problem the problem is there was a lot of paid protesters so they organized this gigantic protest because it's in the same place where there's all this fraud in minneapolis it's not a coincidence that these crazy violent protests popped off in the area where there's the most fraud that's right after they found all that fraud in minneapolis all the daycare fraud the leering center all that shit fraud whoa you've been out to lunch you're so silly in your goofy travels goofy travels you missed out on all the nick shirley stuff you don't know nothing about the the daycare fraud that they found in minneapolis hundreds of millions billions of dollars you're not allowed to like it what what right care you're gonna like it but you're not allowed to believe it they pretend they're buying medicare money they just they have medicare is daycare listen there's a lot of different fraud there's medicare fraud for that there's fraud for hostels or not hostels what is it hospices hospices in california there's a lot of hospice fraud a lot of uh adult daycare fraud for like old people that they're supposed to be taking care of there's no clients yet they're billing yeah there's a shitload of that in minneapolis these somalians are clever they look there were pirates over there they came over here they figured out a new way to make the loot why is that not a part why is that a uh political issue fraud should be fraud it should be fraud why is it uh even because they were paying a lot of money probably to a lot of people that look the other way is that getting those votes and they probably don't get the somali vote a hundred percent so it's not just that it's money it's money donated to the democratic party it's money or whoever it is if the republicans let them do it they donate to them too it's everybody who wants in on the slush fund you get a bunch of fucking funny money coming in you got a bunch of fake daycares with nobody there there's it's all proven here's daycares and they they the government funds that there's a one daycare where they said that millions of dollars serving 5 000 people a day meals and there was no one there i mean as someone of my genetic makeup respect small hats off to you a little tip of the tiny hat to you federal agents executed search warrants on roughly 20 minneapolis child care locations in 2026 the raids were investigative actions not findings of guilt no arrests were made during those searches it's uh it's not just there it's all over the country look there's fraud wherever people aren't looking yeah yeah of course it's whether the italians are doing it in um la it's a lot of armenians were involved a lot of armenian gangsters there's a worst i love it if you need a dead fucking knocked out of your car they rule other than that oh they're fine they wear gold chains they're masculine i'll say it wow armos why do you not like armenians they're annoying they have terrible sense of fashion oh i love it you don't like shiny buttons and chains they're manly they're still manly there's a few manly men left you don't like your armenian no it starts with triple a it ends there dare you triple he's armenian oh yeah oh well then i'm against him is that why he says the n-word armenians are fun yeah yeah glendale's a good place to visit oh yeah i love armenia you hand me one of those cold beers absolutely buddy i'm feeling all right oh hey i rested up for this i did not prepared i did too yeah i went to bed i went to bed at two i forced myself 2 a.m i had to force pretty late bro i've been going to bed i've been going to bed at fucking like 10 p.m you've changed crazy nuts i'm gay now what happened the wheels flew off i'm just weak now even chrysler's drinking again nice we need you back i know i'm still drinking i'm still but i did slow it down a little because all right i was on about a three-year run there that nobody should be on epic yeah groundbreaking record-breaking run i saw i saw myself in that so we filmed that movie the madden movie like a year and a half ago almost two two years ago you got in shape for that no yeah i was romantic two years ago i saw a photo i looked at i was like sitting in the movie theater i was like holy shit really it's so funny bro you got jack for a while i thought that was susan boyle that photo susan boyle that photo i watched the paparazzi guy take that oh look i was sitting i was sitting in my trailer you have massive tits no i don't massive i'm as big as i need to lose you have two massive tits you are you fucking lie me you traitor no i was literally sitting in my trailer and i was like damn i should get some water there's water over there and i was like i can just go who cares and then while i'm walking i look over it's a hundred fucking degrees i'm in a wig i'm furious i look over it i just see a guy through a fence just and i was like please don't let that photo come out and then the photo didn't come out for several months and he posted it on his twitter it was there i was the only guy who saw it it had zero likes zero anything like hey dude i'll give you i kept looking at it and being like oh no that photo blows like yeah then it eventually came but can you say hey it's for the role i was fat for the role yeah i was i was fat from uh just getting after it yeah i remember that it was fun yeah he had a good time you got pretty jacked for a while i did get jacked for a minute i'm getting like skinny fat i gotta go back to lifting again get back in the gym let's do the fucking comedians workouts anymore let's go let's you want to come to the hypoxia chamber with me i would love to i was afraid to use it i got an altitude chamber in there last time it can bring you up to 20 000 feet above sea level but i have it at 14 why would you want that because you do cardio up there it changes your entire like how big is it you can do cardio it's big it's it's like a huge sauna sizes this yeah i'll show you i'll show you afterwards it's got a tv in it it's got three and it pulls down exercise stations one of them is a sled that you push or pull on one of them is like one of those airdyne bikes and one of them is a kettlebell station yeah and then you have a timer that's on the wall and you go through like 15 minute sprints 40 second sprints you have like one minute off there's like a bunch of different kinds of workouts there's a vo2 max workout you do i went i did it before uh i went hunting because i you know you're at altitude you need to like develop cardio fucking changed my cardio in a giant way i had much more cardio than i've ever had last time last time i came in here to work out i walked saw that thing you were doing a podcast so i was like i can't i'm terrified of that room it takes i don't want to touch anything in that room it takes two hours to wrap i just don't want to like i didn't know what the fuck it was like a time machine you don't want to you can use the equipment in the room but the equipment that we have the same equipment outside the room but the equipment in the room when you have it cranked up to 14 000 feet it's like you're drowning it's like you can't i just did it i did it right before the podcast you ever had altitude poisoning no it's the worst when did you get it i got it i went to mount hood in oregon and you're skiing up there i was with the lady and i got i went drinking one night and drinking like triggers it so you wake up you can't move you're frozen for the bed i was just stuck like stephen hawking really and your head hurts it's the worst i couldn't lift my leg how hungover were you was it mostly hungover plus altitude i mean i've been hungover a zillion times never had this how how much did you get after it the night before a little not crazy you know medium by the way norman never takes it too far not anymore well what that one time you threw up behind the stage of the mothership good point that was a good effort good point i went on there last night i saw that little you were so cooked i was cooked inability to move severe weakness confusion or uncoordinated balance ability to move is wild paralyzing it was wild life threat look at this a signal that a life-threatening complication of altitude sickness did you go to a doctor no i just wrote it out it just descended we could have lost you what year was this it's like 2017 18 we could have lost you before protect our parks it would have been steve rennazisi right there not you who would we have who would we have done protect our parks with derosa derosa would be good when you get mad at the weed are you fucking smoking weed derosa's like an anti-weed he's got an anti-weed guy i'm with him on this okay i'm like i'm with him on this when it comes to people being like oh what are you drunk i don't drink and then they smoke eight joints and you go you're a fucking retard you're an addict yeah you're incapable of thought right now right right like you're literally you're too lazy eyes talking to me about like you know what the problem with drinking is yeah well it's the problem with anybody who's off the rails if you're off the rails on coke you're annoying if you do a little toot every now and again yeah do me and uh soda we're at bonnaroo and uh we were on molly and nate was there not a drug guy but he was still drinking back then and he had these towers of wine which nate nate bergazzi there's supposed to be four people and it's just like he's like this is all me he started berating me in soda you guys on your fucking drugs we're on love drugs so we're having a great time and we're like dude let's ditch this guy he's so annoying right now drunk nate was a was a hoot okay it was a good time yeah i didn't need to listen to tucker carlson if you had drunk nate around red state nate yeah red state nate he was wild he took a lot of shit for being at the white house fights yeah we probably shouldn't break it up that one coming yeah i did too but he didn't care he just ignored it i'm at fights Cost him a single ticket. People were saying, I'm canceling my ticket. Good. Somebody else will buy it. Fuck off. Talking about. That guy sells more tickets than anybody. He's killing it. He does like two arena shows in a day. Does one at like 4 p.m.? Yes. He was doing one out here. He's at a 4 p.m. and a 9 p.m. People were like, I'm canceling my tickets. You weren't even a ticket owner. Shut up. It's all bots and assholes. Did I tell you about the fake comedy club I built? Oh, no. After the Kobe stuff, I had Harrington build me a website for the Dayton something. And we built like an entire website, copied it, and said, I'm performing there. We had a website with an email address, a phone number you could call, which is a Google phone number, to see the protests. And one of them was, I've been there every month for the last five years. I will never come back to a club that doesn't exist. It was so fun. And then the message on the machine was, hi, you preached. And then it's just me breaking it. It goes, it's me, you fucking idiot. You think you're special? And then beep. And then they start talking. And I go, it's still me, you fucking moron. You did this? Yeah. That's a lot of fun. It was so fun. The emails that came in were the best because you're like, this is how they respond, acting as if they're- You should do a podcast where you read those. You should tell that story and do a podcast where you read those emails where they said they'd be coming there every weekend. And this is what every business owner feels. It's like, that might be a customer. They're all lying. Yeah, they're all lying. Everyone's afraid of it, though. Yeah. But some of those are serious. Remember when DeRosa got in trouble with that nurse joke and they went after his bar? I don't know about this at all. Oh, they review bombed the shit out of him and it really hurt his business. He said, nurses, lame, all you do is lose patients. He's not really saved anybody. If he was on weed, he would have never told that joke. It's a good joke. It was a really good joke. If he was on weed, he would have been like, what am I saying? They came after. This is horrible. This is crazy. They don't want to lose people. What's wrong? What's wrong with me? On weed. He'd be like so uncomfortable. Like, oh my God, I'm thinking of all the nurses. Pointing out. No. I was just trying to make people laugh. I don't mean it. I don't know how you guys function on weed. You guys do podcasts. DeRosa would be great. You do shows. Crying all the time. I think it's biological. It is. I think some people are fine with it. I agree. Trust me. If I could abuse that substance, I would. 100%. It looks like fun. You just got to know your drug. Yeah. Stan Hope always hated it. I was like, this is wild. That guy likes to be obliterated. Hates weed. That's fine. But he likes edibles now. Hey. Likes little edibles. I take him to sleep. But it's like a regulated thing. If you take a five milligram edible. Fives is so crazy with what we used to do. Oh. To be like fives is the dose. Fuck off. Death stars. Diaz and I were on a plane once and he had a full on panic attack. A full on panic attack. And then he recovered. Like we're flying to New York and he recovered. He goes like, I'm back. He pops two more stars of death in his mouth after the panic attack. So he goes, Joe Rogan, I had a panic attack. I was almost dying. I couldn't breathe. I wanted to get off the fucking plane. But now I'm back. And then he just pops two. These are 250 milligram stars of death. So he popped 500 milligrams after he had a panic attack. We gave the best trips. He was crazy. We gave those best trips. They were half of one was the right dose. They came two to a pack. We gave a pack of those to, I'm not going to say who. John Jones. Okay, John Jones. On a plane. We were on a plane. And I told John, I go, just take one. Just take one. Take half of one. He goes like this. Oh, my Lord. And he just sat down. I'm like, good Lord, John. I'm like, what are you doing? He goes, I'm, dude. He goes hard. He's a big dude, 6'5". John Jones, he's also not afraid of the basement. He's a warrior. He is the basement. He's not afraid. He's not afraid of the darkness. He is the darkness. Me and John met when he was like, just before his UFC run, we were in a hotel in Montreal. Yeah. And we went, you had the weed. Yeah. And I was like, Joe's got the weed. And he's like, can we go bother him? I'm like, I don't know, maybe. I told him that he has to leave his gym and go to a real gym. We went up. I'm like, you're too talented. You're too good. He was really young at the time. I think he was 20 or 21. He got with Winkle, John. And we all got high. We were in a hotel room in Montreal. We knocked on the door. And we're like, Joe. And you're like, what? I'm like, can we get that weed? And you open the door. You saw this fucking murderer. And you go, come on in, guys. Yeah. And we had this long conversation where I told him, I'm like, you are, you're going to be a great fighter, a world-class fighter, no matter what. But you, to maximize your potential, you have to be with the best coaches. He was, before this, he was training on YouTube. Really? He was just doing YouTube workouts in his basement. He had a gym. He had a gym he was training with in upstate New York. And he was there? He was too good. He was too good. And he needed, and this was back when GSP had been trained by Winkle, John and Greg Jackson. It was a top camp. It was one of the best. It still is one of the best camps in the world. And he moved there and the rest is history. But yeah, this was like, he was just starting. He was just starting out. Damn, that's crazy to think about. And we did it all over getting high. We did it all in a suite in Montreal, paid for it by the UFC. We broke it down. So wait, he was just at comedy shows? Or the fest? No, no, he was fighting in the UFC. He had had one fight against, I think, Andre Guzma. No. Oh. Yeah, I think it was his first, it was his first, who was his first fight in the UFC, Jamie? I was there. Yeah, don't pretend to know. I don't remember, but I was there. I'm thinking of a different guy. I'm thinking of Anderson. He ragdolled this dude. I was like, ooh, this motherfucker's talented. There's some guys, when you see them, like, right away, you're like, oh, okay, next level. Because there's a, like, the thing about the UFC was from when I started doing it in 97 to, like, when I started doing it again in 2001, it had already leaped up, like, multiple levels. And then we were seeing it leap up multiple levels every year. And then John came along, and I was like, whoa, next level. You think he's the best ever? Stefan Bonner? Andre Guzma. Yeah, see, I got a good memory. Oh, Stefan Bonner. No, no, no, before. That was before that. Oh, I'm going the wrong way. Stefan Bonner is, yeah. So it was Guzma. Guzma first, and then we were hanging out with him at an event where he wasn't fighting. In Montreal. In Montreal, yeah. And so he was there. They were just like, you should be there in the front row. He was a young fighter that was, you know, just really just starting to come into his own. What good times. There was a UFC hotel. I guess there was, like, two autograph seekers. We could go, we could stay at the UFC hotel, and it was not a problem. What's the. They had a hotel? A couple more showed up to, like. What's the exciting UFC fight coming up? Well, there's a big one this weekend. Cyril Ghosn versus Josh Hokut for the heavyweight title. That's exciting. Hokut, my guy. Hokut's a. He's a wild boy. But Ghosn is unbeatable. Are there any comments on that? Well, Jon Jones. He just fucked up Pereira. Jon Jones walked across the ring and strangled him, and then walked away. Fucked him up in one round like it was nothing. Never even got hit. He got kicked in the nuts once, and that's it. Is Jones going to fight again? He might. We brought him into Ways to Well. His hip's been bothering him, but we brought him into Ways to Well to shut up his hip. He said it's feeling much better. Jones, Ghosn, he walked across the ring, strangled him standing. It was like a standing guillotine. And then he stood up and went like this. Yeah, he stood up. It was a phenomenal fight, man. But how old is this? This is three years old. Jon's the GOAT. He's the GOAT. He's the GOAT. Period. Like, got kicked in the nuts, like, right away. Instantly. In the beginning of the fight. I love. Jones' physique looks like he's fighting at a water park. Well, also, this is not. This is a guy at a water park. This is heavyweight? This is him at heavyweight. This is the issue, is that Jon at light heavyweight was unstoppable. And so he decided just for a challenge, like, he's got to try to win a weight class up. And so he beat Cyril Ghosn. So bored. He beat Stipe, who's the actual GOAT of the heavyweight division. I remember that. And he beat him easy. And Cormier. But he beat a later Stipe. No, Cormier was at light heavyweight. Okay. Two fights at light heavyweight. But when he got a hold of Cyril Ghosn, it was just a rippity-rap. Wow. He never got hit on the feet. He was, like, moving around. Every time Cyril Ghosn would move in, he would slide. He's the master of range, man. Nobody's better ever at range. Wasn't his wingspan retarded? It's ridiculous. It's ridiculous. Wingspan's ridiculous, but it's also, there's a lot of guys with big wingspan that get cracked. John knows how to move. That's what it is. See, he ducks that left hand, and then once he gets him, drags him to the ground, starts beating his ass, pushes him up against the cage, and then as soon as he got a hold of his neck, that was a rippity-rap. What are they pimping on the. Here it is. Oh, there you go. So he gets on top of him. Once he gets on top, he gets that neck. That's it. Oh, crap. So he gets it. He adjusts. And then watch when he adjusts it the second time. Not here, but once he gets it under the chin. Watch him. He'll readjust, because right now he's not under the chin. He's just holding his head. So then he gets his forearm under the chin, and then you see him. So it's real close. He's going to readjust his hands right here. So here he goes. This is great. So here's the readjustment. Now the arm's under the chin. Now it's different. So now this is nasty. He has to tap it. It's a whole fight. He's zeroed in on. And watch this. Watch this. He puts his fingers up to his lips. Like, everybody shut the fuck up. And that was first round, too. Oh, dude. And it was easy. He did it like, look. He ducks that left hand, gets the clinch. And from here, for all intents and purposes, this fight's over. Look at that. Shut the fuck up, everybody. That's the GOAT. And we helped him. That one conversation was very important for a young guy to hear that. Like, you're great. You're going to be great no matter what you do. But if you want to maximize your full potential. I was just listening. I was just like, we're just here for weed. You've got to be with one of the best camps. Nice guy. Oh, yeah. Oh, he's the best. He's so nice. Do you ever get worried? Like, ah, I can't say anything you might. Dude, he nut-punched O'Neal. We were at the league premiere, and he was there. And O'Neal was like, oh, dude, I'm a big fan. He's like, ah. He's like, I'm a big fan. He goes, are you? I might have said this before, but it was before the ESPYs, I brought Nate Diaz to the hotel. So me and Nate are hanging out. And then the kid who was like the Oklahoma State wrestler that was like a freak, Nate sees him across the street. And he's like, yeah, who the fuck's that? And I was like, what? He's a heavyweight wrestler. He's like the best wrestler in the world, please. We're just hanging out, and then Jon Jones shows up. It's me and Nate at the bar in the hotel. There's no one else really there, and I was like, Jon Jones is coming. He's like, all right, cool. And then Jon Jones shows up, and both of them immediately are like, what's up? What's up? What's up? Nate has his gremlins, so it's Nate and like 10 other Nates, and then one Jon Jones. It's literally like 10 hyenas versus a lion, and it's like, who would win? Yeah. But both of them are like, then they gave the most authentic, the most intense hug of being like, no, we're good. Let's party. And then it was just fun. There was one moment of like, what's up? Alpha. And then two hugs, and it was like, all right, we're having a good time. I did kill Tony with Nate, and there's that feeling like it's like a cat where you can turn any moment. Is he going to kill me? He'll never turn on you. All right. Yeah, he's just cool. By the way. Nate is great. He could. Of course. He could, but Nate is great. But Nate's the coolest guy. He'd always hang out at the store all the time. His brother Nick is cool as fuck, too. They're cool as fuck. Did you watch the Tyson doc? There's that moment with Tyson where you're like, oh, I said something bad. He's going to kill me now. Do you know that the reason why this table is so wide is because of Tyson? No. Why? Yeah, so when we first moved here, I was going to have a shorter table, but I did a podcast with Tyson, and it was when Tyson was getting ready to fight Roy Jones. So the first podcast we did with Tyson, Tyson was like super chill. He wasn't even training. He wasn't doing anything. And he was saying he can't work. He can't work out because then his ego will get reignited. We talked about that, and I was like, wow, that's crazy. And then the second podcast we did with him, and Jamie and I talked about it after the podcast, we're like, he's a totally different human. Do you remember that? After he left? Yeah, I was going to bring up the point where he said, why do I get hard when I fight? I remember that. What the fuck are people ever talking about? What? I remember that clip. He gets hard while fighting? Oh, yeah. He gets hard beating the fuck out of people. He's like, I get erect. I get erect when I punch these motherfuckers. Oh, man. Oh, no. He's the man. And so he was so intense. He was so intense that I was like, I need some separation. I can't be this close. Because before, I was going to be like this close. And I was like, maybe we should be closer, make it more intimate, better conversations. He's like, no, no, no, no. This is the right distance. This is close enough. Yeah. Here it is. What year? What year do you struggle with the possibility that you could hurt them? It's getting so erect. Sometimes. It's orgasmic sometimes. Yeah. Yeah. Like, particularly like Tyrell Biggs or someone that you had problems with, someone that you had animosity towards, so when you could finally get your hands on them. Hey, what does it mean when fighting gets you erect? What does that mean? It's a good question. I was like, I don't know. Imagine wearing your own merch. That's going through your mind right now. Well, that's how I get when I was a kid. And I, you know, sometimes I get the twinkle. The twinkle. Yeah. I'm so uncomfortable. That is terrifying. What? That was the podcast that when, this was before we moved to Texas. Yeah. And when we moved, I was like, maybe we should have a smaller table. And then we did that podcast. I'm like, nope, nope. Need some distance. Need some distance. A little space. In case J-Mo needs to jump in and both of you, just in case both of you need to die. Yeah. Jamie. Jamie. Let's Jamie. Help. We're both dead. Jamie, help. No one's going to help. Jamie's out. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. There's no help in there. Jamie's quietly walking out. He's putting his laptop down. He's going, Joe, thanks a lot, man. Good luck. There's no helping. But you got those five guys out there. They could step in. It's too late. Yeah, it's too late. One punch, either one of them's out cold. Like, now there's two guys. Now there's one guy. Now there's no one. Now he's not open range. They have to come in one at a time. Now he takes his pants off. Just starts jerking off on you. Oh, boy, that's my nightmare. He just was a totally different person. He went from being this guy who was, like, super chill. He owned a weed farm. Oh, he just won a big lawsuit. I saw on Ric Flair's Instagram that Ric Flair and him, they both had some sort of a lawsuit about some weed company, and there was some sort of $50 million settlement. $50 million? Those are hard work numbers. I hope Tyson got his share of that. I don't know what the story of that was. I just saw a thing on Ric Flair. Ric Flair's Instagram. I mean, Don King stole all his money. Did he? Not all of it, but he got a good chunk. Don King took, like, everything. It's all in the duck. Mike Tyson and Ric Flair win latest round in a $50 million lawsuit against former cannabis business partners. Defendants allegedly robbed Tyson and Flair of millions in stolen funds and unauthorized kickbacks. There you go. Do these guys even have the money anymore? This is the thing. Like, if you're winning money off of guys who don't have money, like, people that are doing that kind of shit, the accused have said, accused of stealing over $1 million from Tyson 2.0 to fund lavish personal expenses, including private jets, yachts, and home repairs. Rep for Tyson 2.0. What's Tyson 2.0? This must be his LLC. I like the name. 2.0. I'm the new Tyson. I'm the weed head now. Rep for Tyson 2.0. Celebrate the judge's ruling. Seek justice for Tyson. Huh. Justice for Tyson. Free Britney. Did you see the doc, though? It's fascinating, because they show him as a kid, and he was bullied. You know what turned him? He was a tough guy. Wow. He was a pigeon head. He loved pigeons. Yeah, he loved pigeons. And one of the older kids, like a bully kid, he's like, oh, you like that pigeon, huh? And he just snapped the neck, and then Tyson just flipped and beat the shit out of the guy, and they're all like, where'd that come from? You're like a nerd. And he just became, he's like, I guess I have a superpower. Wow. And he started knocking people out and taking their money. That's how X-Men are born, through, like, emotional moments. Origin story. Yeah. Crazy. Oh, like, control metal? He was also adopted by a guy who was one of the greatest boxing trainers of all time when he was 13. D'Amato? Yeah, he happened to be a hypnotist. So Kush D'Amato started hypnotizing him when he was 13. What? Oh, yeah. You get hard when you beat someone up. So this guy had trained Jose Torres, he trained Floyd Patterson, trained, like, world-class elite boxers. And he was also, like, a great philosopher in terms of, like, the mind, the state of mind that you needed to succeed in fighting. He had. He had ways of talking to Tyson, explaining things to Tyson that Tyson would repeat. And, you know, also taught him how to box. And he had Kevin Rooney teaching him and Teddy Atlas. And he just became a fucking monster from the time he was 13. His mom was a whore. She was a literal hooker. Careful, Marcus. Careful. Shane's in the bathroom. You can say that now. Yeah. She was a hooker. That's crazy that Shane's cortisol was up to. You could see it in his blood work. Dude, I had to check in. I had to check in someone, someone we know. Um, to an insane asylum. Get out of here. I was just back from Ecuador. And I got tested for, you know, Giardia stuff. Hold on. Pause. We're gonna cut this out. We're back. We're back. So, I got tested. I got tested for everything. And they tested your blood pressure for, like, my knees or something like that. They're like, you're fine. A week later, after checking this person into an asylum, they're like, hey, dude, your stress is crazy. Your blood pressure's sky high. And I'm like, wait, I got tested last week. It was fine. And they go, is there anything stressing you? I'm like. Yeah. Yeah, it's fucking 151 somebody, or whatever it's called. Oh, 5150. Yeah. And I was like, yeah, it's probably that. Jesus Christ. Is she all right? Yeah, she's fine now. Hey, you're not supposed to say the gender. Oh, sorry. Gender's a construct. Son of a bitch. Whatever. Gender is a construct. I got a piss. I got a piss out of my she-ness. All right, I'll be Rogan on the piss front. Nice. You didn't drink. I'm drinking. He's drinking. Yeah, two. Three. Oh, no. No, you didn't. What's this? It's this thing. Oh, it's here. I'm on three. Yeah, you've. Look. I got two shows tonight. You can see all your drinks. You got nothing. Two shows tonight. You need a sip of it. Well, where were you last night? Huh? We could have used you. I put in work before you got there that you could never imagine. I got drunk yesterday, and I'm still going hard. Yeah, you were wasted. You're not going hard. You have the night off. I got two hours set to do it. You did this to yourself. I know. I fucked up. I was like, yeah, I'll be in bed by 12. Why would you have your scheduled shows after we do the show? I want to go to schedule shows. I want to go to Skankfest. I'm flying tonight. Holy hell. Are you really? Yeah. What time? 9.55 flight. Skankfest, get your last minute tickets. Oh, so you'll be nice and toasty on the plane. I'll be nice. Yeah. I'll be with O'Neal. Hey, nut chick. That's fun. Dude, I looked at Shane. We had this party. I threw a party at his house. I mean, party's generous. Literally, nobody showed up. It was just the remnants. Not even all of his podcasts. The remnants of his podcast. And I looked at Shane. I'm like, bro, are we not popular? That one came to our party. Do you ever worry about the fame level? Yeah. You gotta. Non-stop. You gotta. Yeah. How could you not? Yeah. But worrying, what do you worry about? I don't worry about it as much as it's just a reality. Like, you go outside. Nobody knows you. The second you walk outside. That is one good thing about England. Kind of nobody knows me. Well, that's here, too. I sound like you were famous here. It was annoying. Orchard Street, that was bad. Come on. All right, relax, dude. No, I'm not you. What do you mean? I'm back, baby. He goes, all right, relax. You already said it. What'd I miss? He was like, is it weird being famous? I'm like, I mean, yeah. He was like, how often do you think about it? You can't help but think about it every day if you walk outside. You guys can't go to the bars. You forget about it, and then you walk outside, and someone stares at you as soon as you walk outside. You go, oh, shit. I went to a farmer's market the other day by myself, and I got weird. Gay. As soon as I got out of my car, I'm like, what am I doing? You get weird. I'm around so many people. and then everything's cool. The thing is, in real life versus the internet, real life, most people come up to me and they're just friendly. You just want to take a picture, say hi. And I'm friendly, too, so it's easy. You ever gotten any negative shit in real life? Sure. Oh, wow. Yeah. Like what? What do they say? People get mad at you. About what? What do they say? Oh, it's like usually Trump support or something like that. But it's nothing aggressive, you know? Damn. It's nothing terrible. I get once in a while at a wedding or a bar mitzvah or something, I get like, what's up with your buddy Joe? I'm like, which one do you mean? What are you talking about specifically? Like, what are you angry about? There's narratives, and then there's a lot of it is people that don't really listen to you. They just listen to a narrative about you, or they listen to a clip. There's a clip that comes out of context, and then they make a distinction. This is you. This is who that guy is. This is what he represents. Right. And in a lot of people's eyes, I represent the right or the far right, which is- Oh, wow. There's also, we've talked about it before, bad politics, good people. Yes. Or bad people, good politics, where you're like, I want to defend them on their thing. But they're shitty people. They fuck their opener's exes. A hundred percent. And it's like, oh, so you're on the right side of things? And people are like- On paper. Well, that's one of the reasons why- Why don't you call out Joe? I'm like, what do you mean? The guy who saved my life literally twice? What? Yeah. Wait, you saved his life? Yeah, I was ready to fucking kill myself. Oh, you should have let him have it. Joe fucking blew it. You blew it. You blew it. Damn, I wouldn't have had that dumbass barbecue last night. Yeah, we could have had Hunter Biden in this place. I'm just glad I'm sensitive to that shit. That's my number one fear, is misinformation. Missing someone who's going to kill themselves. Yeah. With my friends. Because it's happened. It happened with Bourdain. Brody. It happened with Brody. It's happened with a few friends. Where you don't know until it's too late. I would have never thought Bourdain was going to kill himself. When he killed himself, it was just one of those things where it was like, God damn it. Because it's one of those ones where you're like, I fucking think if I was there, I could have stopped that. And there's a few of those. I don't know if I could have stopped Brody. Because Brody was- Brody was like, Brody had real struggles. Brody was like, I went off my meds. And it was like, are you sure? And you take the word for it. He had some heavy, heavy meds. And he had some heavy problems. Bourdain was not like that. Bourdain did not have that problem. It's not the same thing. He just drank a lot. And he liked to smoke weed. Did he? Yeah, yeah, yeah. That lady got in his head. That was all that lady. That lady killed him. I can tell you some stuff off the air. No. I can tell you some stuff off the air that you don't even want to hear. But that was what that was. And it was like, I think people have something idealized in their head. Like, this is my kind of woman. She's wild and radical. And you realize, like, that's a problem. You want a nice lady. You want a nice lady who's fun to be with, who's sweet and kind, who's smart. That's what you want. You want someone who's kind. You don't want some wild, crazy bitch. Like, that's fun for a little while. But after a while, you're like, oh, you just sabotage everything. You're fine. You sabotage your life. Right. I'll drink this. And you sabotage my life. Ah, and his daughter. His daughter got fucked. Yeah, but I think it's also, it's also, it goes the same way for ladies. Oh, yeah, 100%. You want just a fucking normal, nice fucking dude that's cool. Right, exactly. You don't want a guy that's like, I'm a rock star, baby. Right. I like heroin. You know, that guy's good. And you get Chris Brown. That's not cool. Face tattoos. Knock you around a little bit. Right, and get hard. Just got out of jail. I just kept getting hard every time I put my hands on her. Like, what does it mean? When he was asking me that, I was like, there was so many intense moments. I love that you're just like, I don't, what? I don't know. I don't have that problem. I'm like, where am I going with this? I never felt that when I was fighting. The end of the, oh, sorry. If I hurt people when I was fighting, it always felt weird. It didn't, never felt good. It always felt weird. Yeah, to actually hurt someone, that sucks. Oh, yeah. In football, you hit someone and you're like, nice. And then when they stay down, you're like, ah, shit. Sure. It's like a bone or a leg. I was with Theismann this weekend. No way. Hey, Theismann? Oh, shit. Yeah, at Notre Dame. How's he doing? He's doing well. He walks fine. He's the man. He's the man. Let's get great. That break was crazy. So we were at Notre Dame Miami. Me and Phil, I took my dad to Notre Dame Miami this weekend. And then we were up in a suite at Notre Dame where they had us with, like, the Notre Dame legends. So it was, like, Joe Montana, Tim Brown, Ricky Waters, all these guys. And Phil, Phil's the only guy, it's a suite. So it's like, you've been there. You've been there. You've been there. You've been in a suite at a Texas game. It's like, you're kind of fans. It's kind of weird to scream in a suite. Right, right, right. You know what I mean? Everyone's kind of just like, all right. Phil's in there like, come on, get him. Get that motherfucker. Shit. He's sitting shoulder to shoulder with Tim Brown. And I'm standing behind him. I'm like, dad, dad, dad, you got to shut the fuck up. Well, he's on those peptides. He's all juiced up. He goes, I'm about to say something to Joe Montana. And I go, what are you going to say? Do not say a fucking word to Joe Montana. Every time Joe walked by, I could see my dad like. One more beer. And I was like, dude, please stop. Then the best part was the game ends. The what? Notre Dame beats Miami. The game ends. Game ends. Oh, the game ends. The game ends. Oh, okay. I was like, who are the gay men? And then the game ends come out. No, the game ends and Phil goes. Imagine the fucking, you know what? Instagram has those translations at the bottom. And then the game ends. But Phil was like, all right, Shane, Notre Dame won. Let's go down to the locker room. And he was like, Coach Freeman's going to want to see me. Phil, Phil, sit the fuck down. He was, yo, my dad was on a mad one this weekend. Me and O'Connor got there on Thursday. Phil was already at the house. Phil had been to the casino twice already. Wow. He went, left, went back. Then we go east. It's me, Chris, and Phil in his living room. And Phil's like, oh, you guys want to just sit here? I'm not just driving out here to just fucking hang out. I'm like, okay, what do you want to do? Let's go, Phil. He's like, I don't know. I don't care. And I looked at Chris and I was like, dude, if we say the word casino, Phil is going to pop his head up like a dog when you say walk to somebody else. Right. And I was like, watch this. Me and Chris were sitting in the kitchen. Phil was in the living room. And I was like, or we could go to the casino. And you see my dad's head go. What? He scratches the door. He's like, I'll go for the third time today. Wow. Phil, you can't go to the casino three times. What a dude. My dad's a nerd. This is crazy. Phil's an animal. One of my finest compliments is I was with you and he called or something. He'd go, I'm here with Arsh. What did he say? He was like, oh, that guy's a lunatic. Oh, really? Phil's an animal. So wait, does he ever go like, holy shit, son, look at this dream you've given me. All these fucking game suites. It's very rare at the very end. I have to make fun of him for it. Didn't give you any? At the very end, I go, did you say thank you? Yes. It's like, I fuck with him. But I know he loves it. I hope so. I know. No, I'm certain he means it. He wears a fucking tires hat. All right, good. And then he's like, Shane, your little show sucks. He's wearing a tires hat. He goes, you and your friends, your show's not that good. And then he's behind my back. He's going, oh, I'm proud of him. I know how he is. Well, that's why you're so funny. Like, growing up in that environment. Look how mad he is. Why are you so mad? He's got two hats on. He looks funny. He looks funny. He's like Dave Attell with the hats. He's got his head in the game. What's Dave with the do-rag? The do-rag with the top of the hat? It's like his outfit now. Double hat. Double hat, double jacket. He wants to keep his head warm. And he does a hoodie with a hoodie over it. It's wild. It's crazy when people go double where there's no double allowed. Or Bennington, the double glasses. Oh, yeah. Appreciate that guy while he's here. He is the fucking man. He's the funniest guy. He's the best comic in the world. I think he's the best comic alive. When I saw him at the mothership, I'm like, oh, my God, he's a wizard. The goat. Like, he's a hypnotist. Like, there's something about his delivery and his timing. It's so contagious. That's nice. Nice hair. That's me. The best is just the disdain he has sometimes for those cellar crowds. Yeah. Yes. How good is that? When he's banging the mic, he comes in. He gets off stage. He gets up and people go to high-five. It's, yeah, yeah. Smocking them. He got lit early, I guess. And he went, oh, really? Oh, really? And the guy's like, I'm sorry. I'm sorry. He has a way to cut you to the bone. He's so good at finding the thing. Oh, he gets you. You know, you're like, hey, Dave, what are you doing later? He's like, what are we doing, a podcast? You're like, all right, sorry. You can only watch him downstairs in the cellar through the reflection. Otherwise, he calls you in to make fun of you. Well, the other thing he does is he does his set, and then he brings all the other comics on stage, and he roasts them. He just talks shit. And poor Ian just gets obliterated every night. He's obliterated. He's a bottom. He loves it. He loves it. He's a bottom. He's taking it in the pooper. He's a fucking sporos. Ian has a behind pooper. He's a sporos. Come catch her. You heard what he said to Lev? What? You know, Lev was this big, kind of chunky. He's a fat guy. He's a fat guy. He's fat, obese, yeah. And he got to the cellar, and so he was new there, so he was watching Dave, as you do. And Dave's like, Lev, you ever do any drugs? And he goes, oh, yeah, a little Coke, a little Molly. And Dave goes, mm, everything but Ozempic. Off the dome. Off the dome. It's always off the dome. It's impressive. You walk through to the bathroom, and he instantly lights you up with, like, well-written stuff. I know. And you're like, you didn't know I was coming in tonight. Yeah. He's one of the few guys that got better when he got sober. It was weird, yeah. Oh. Yeah. Yeah. Very few. Yeah, because he was great drunk, but was a little disorganized. By the end. Yeah. It was rough, but got sober, and then just ramped up. This was quite a while. He's been sober for 20 years, right? Oh, yeah. You ever drink with him? Oh, 15, maybe 10. It's a lot. I just got to New York with him. The last time I saw him drunk was at the Improv, and the place was closing up. I was leaving, and he was asking me about an after-hours party. Oh, hell yeah. That insomniac was there. He goes, do your show, then start. Simone opened for him once, and he goes, let's go to the bar. And he just goes, line them up like whiskey. Just line them up. Just let's get going. Yeah, we're lucky he's alive. Lista opened for him years ago when he was drinking, and Lista's like, oh, I'm going to drink this old man out of the table. And then two hours in, he's like, I got to go home. This is crazy. Segura said it was one of his biggest drives, was he opened for him somewhere before he moved to LA. And then the next year, Dave was like, that guy's good. Get that guy again. I remember him. He still cares about comics. Oh, yeah. He loves comics. And then Segura was like, let me do my best jokes, which were the same jokes. And so Atel goes, so you're not trying to actually do this? No, he said, you want to be an actor. Yeah, yeah. And he goes, what? You're just doing the same jokes? It's been a year. And he's like, oh, he said he heard them so bad. That he was like, I got to start writing. Wow. Tough love. Tough love, yeah. Need more of that in comedy. Yeah, we do need a little checking every now and then. Nothing wrong with that. Like, you bombed, let me know it. It's good for you, too. It gets you going. Like, a good bombing is like fuel. Oh, yeah. Like, it makes you like, oh, I got to get fucking seriously intense about this. We're still waiting on Ari. Yeah, well, he's storing them up. He's storing them up. I'm ready to write one good joke in my life. He's a bomb. He's a bombing camel right now. He's got a hump on his back. Nobody can survive this long out there. He hasn't had water in fucking 40 days. It's going to last in 40 days. He's coming. He's storing all this bomb energy. Desert Jew. You can ride it out for 40 years. I can ride it out for a while, but it's coming to the end. I got to write a joke. How about you just get out of there? Got to come back to America. Come to America where it's nice and fun. I can't. Spurs are going to the Europas. Oh, shit. What does that mean? It means nothing. My team is going. It means the Spurs? What is that? San Antonio? Tottenham is making it to the second highest Champions League in Europe. What game is this? Soccer. He just got into it. Oh, so he's a casual? He's a very casual fan. He tries to talk to you. He didn't know. Mickey Vandervoort. He's like one of those new UFC fans. I was a gay soccer fan. Oh, you were? For how long? I've been a gay soccer fan my whole life. He has the third worst team in the league. That's his fan base. What's your team? Manchester United. I've been a gay soccer fan for 20 years. Wait a minute. Manchester United is not good? Maybe. They've been terrible. Really? I thought they were the fucking team. I thought they were the one of the big ones. That's right. You didn't kind of check in. They were. Newcastle. What happened? They fired, well, Sir Alex Ferguson retired, who was the greatest coach of all time. And then they've still, they've done okay since. And then the last couple managers have been. They just fired a manager today. They fired Carrick today? Yeah. They're going to get that. Carrick was a legend. Carrick hoisted the hilarious champions. You know the name of the manager of soccer? Who cares? Well, he was a midfielder under Sir Alex Ferguson. He played for Sir Alex Ferguson. So then they picked him up. They got the USA coaches who's going to do it. Oh, Jesus. You're not saying football now, are you? I am. Oh, you certainly are. I am. He's a complete coward. Do you say crisps or chips when you talk to him? Dude, I asked for chips and they won't give it to me. So you've got to go, crisps. Eventually you learn that's the way to say it. John Crisp. Well, chips are like. Fries. Fries. Yeah. And you go fries. I have to go, what? I'm like, oh. They know how to make some fucking fish and chips over there. Their fish and chips are so legit. That's one thing that's missing in America. There's not a whole lot of fish and chips here. Their late night fry shops. I love fish and chips. Go. Fish and chips is so legit. There's no like fish and chips truck in Austin. Is there? No. Maybe there is. Is there a fish and chips truck? Fuck, are they getting fish? Yeah. Oh, yeah. I'll tell you who's got good fish and chips when he has it is Dai Due. Do you know Dai Due? You ever eat a Dai Due here? Oh, it's so good. What's Dai Due? It's my friend Jesse's restaurant. It's fucking phenomenal. And he's got it set up where it's a lot of it is like wild game from Texas. Like he has Nilgai and Nilgai ceviche and wild sausage. Or Nilgai. I don't know any of that. Nilgai. Oh, for God's sake. I love a play on words. That's a truck in Austin? Oh, nice. Jamie, why do you switch off as soon as we look at it? J-Mo. Yeah, where is it? J-Mo, could you do me a kindness? Because I'd like to bong a beer. Could you toss up some Dan Hicks? Call him the. Call him the U.S. Olympic team. Dan Hicks is a very, very famous announcer that passed away. Did you already pour it in there? I did. He poured it. I washed it out a lot. Okay, because the last one I saw. Oh, boy. I washed it out several times. What was in there? Mold. Mold. Mold. Mold's good for you. I did wash it out a lot. That's where penicillin comes from. Yeah, it's good for you. It's good for you. I didn't know that. It's blue cheese. I washed it out about four times over at the sink. Which one do you want? The Olympics? Give me the Olympics. Dry-aged meat. Yeah. Geared? Mold? There's supposedly a Brooklyn UFC coming up soon. Oh, shit. I need you to come back to America, and we need to go to Peter Luger's. Let's do it. I'm in. Let's do it. Let's do it. It's been a while. Is that at Barclays Center? It's going to be at the Barclays. I'll tell you when. I don't think it's been announced, but once it gets announced. Are they going to England? Huh? At UFC? They're always going to England. They're everywhere. All right. It's everywhere. It's all over the world. Hit me up for that. I live a block away from Barclays. Let's go. Hopefully, you're not on the road that time. Let's go. You've got to eat at Peter Luger's. Stay at my house. Tell me where to eat. I'll eat. I love Peter Luger's. Boys, so Hicks died today. He's an iconic announcer. This is one of his best calls. Great sports moment in American history. Perfect to bong a beer to. Let me hear this. J-Mo. Can we skip ahead a little bit? It's like the one they're going. No, no, no. Start from the top. Does it go louder? He's a swimming announcer? Does it go any louder? No. This is wonderful. A black guy swimming? What the hell is going on in this world? The Americans have to win gold in here if Phelps is to keep his hopes alive of surpassing Mark Spitz in the Grand Olympics ever. And Spitz won that seven gold medals. And there is the French team. Oh, there's Leah Thomas. Fuck the French. Listen to these motherfuckers talking shit. Alain Bernard. Fuck you, homo. Hold on. Listen. Listen. Listen to what he says. Where's France now? God damn it. We're going to smash them. Smash Americans. Look at that nose. Sponk some bitch. Look who's talking. Sponk it. That guy has got a kooky looking face. It's an AI nose. He says, take a lead up there in lane five over the United States. Alain Bernard awaits as the anchor guy and Jason Lezak is going to have to make up some ground. Hey, Gary. Toss another one in there for Joe and the boys. I just don't think they can do it again. I mean, Jason Lezak. Is this last year? No, this is Beijing, but you got to hear the call. It's wonderful. This is free relay and medley relay, but. This is post Phelps. No, this is Phelps. This is 08 Phelps. Phelps hate it. Oh, hell yeah. This is France dominating us right now. Look at the world record. Phelps is not in yet. 2.46. He already raised. He already. He's already in. I think he's the anchor. This is the end right here. Joseph. Australia is in bronze territory right now. But Lezak is close. Lezak. Can the veteran chase him down and pull off a shocker here? You're up. Oh, you're up, dog. Gosh, listen to the call. And the beer. Was it IPA? Game out. We did it. Thank you. Oh, Bud Light. All right. You guys missed it. It was exciting and exhilarating. Wow. Sorry. Had to be there. No way. That? That was ruled. That's electric. He was into it. However, they're just swimming. You ever see Phelps' diet? No, it's electric, dude. Sports in general. That's beautiful. You know what I think the greatest call of all time? Yeah. John Anik. What? Okay. The fighter? Yeah. Go to Kamaru Usman versus Leon Edwards. Oh. And this is in Salt Lake City. He's cut from a different cloth? Yep. He's not from that cloth? Leon Edwards getting dominated for four rounds. Yes. And DC says something about he could just resign. You know, he could just, like, accept the fact that he's losing. And John Anik says, but that is not the cloth from which he is cut. And then, boom, he lands a head kick. Head shot. Head shot. And knocks Usman out. It's the greatest call in the history of sports. Let's see it. Period. Let's see it. Any sport. And literally any sport. Head shot, bang. Head shot, bang. Yeah. And then he says, look at me now. He does the post-fight interviews. But, yo. One of the greatest. And when you toss in Rocky with the fucking. Yes. Yeah. You got to pull this out of the fire, son. Yes. Oh. His hands are very fast. He's just got to open up. Is this their first fight? You can't hear it. You can't hear it, Jamie. You can't hear it? I can't hear any talking. We couldn't hear it on the swimming, which did diminish it. I couldn't hear it. No, they're talking, Jamie. No, I can hear it. But for some reason, you can't. That's weird. Jamie. All I hear is crowd noise. I understand. I understand. It's got the weird. It has the sound split left and right. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Is this the rematch or the original? Sound split left and right. What does that mean? It has the sound split weird for some reason. I don't know. It's an editing thing. Yeah. No, back off, back off, back off. Yeah, he knows. It's not the cloth from which he has caught him. No. That is a dejection. Oh. No. No. No. There it is. No. Oh, my God. The disputed ball to H.M. Oh, this is the original. Oh. Oh. Oh, my God. Oh. Joe, we were writing his obituary. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my goodness. Oh, my God. Oh, my goodness. Leon. That's exciting stuff. Your new welterweight champion. I love that. That's a meme It was insane That was insane Did you ever see the one I was there It was somebody They had a roundhouse kick On somebody And you see him fall Like freeze up Terry Edom As I go up Going no Like it's human suffering Edson Barbosa Versus Terry Edom Edson Barbosa That was similar to that Because we were Mike Goldberg was saying What does he have to do I said he's got to Take more chances But if he does He has the risk Of being knocked out And then he got Wheel kicked in the head Right at that moment I'm right behind it Going no Edson Barbosa Versus Terry Edom It is one of the worst Knockouts ever Because Terry Edom Was never the same again And I don't even know If he ever fought again But it was one of those Knockouts where you're like You're not coming back From this Because there's something About a wheel kick In particular Where it's the force Of your whole body Swinging your leg around Like a baseball bat And then you're connecting With your heel Into someone's head It's a It's a It's a horrific Fucking kick And when it lands Dudes just go out Into the shadow realm Like you're gone forever He's squeezed up Yeah So give me some volume It really poses the question What do you want to do Do you want to take a chance And risk it Knocked out Oh my god Knocked out Yeah like literally Right there Knocked out He's still tense Watch that again Oh I'm to the left over there That's crazy Oh my god This poor guy Has to relive this All the time Show the kick again Show the kick again What do you want to do Do you want to take a chance And risk getting knocked out Almost looked like a miss That's a good call Crazy Not quite as good As John Annex John Annex is better But that's up there I think that's me With the yellow shirt You were there? Yeah I was there I was right behind it Whoa We'll see it here Hold on That's me That's me right there Yeah look at me With the stripes Still had a full head of hair Ish Watch this Watch when he goes down Oh he puts his hand Over his mouth Oh he stood up too Oh my god Bro it was so bad That kick is so hard There's so much force behind it And Edson Barboza Was a master at it Oh the temple Oh it's so horrific Out Lights off You get caught clean with that There's so much force man Oh is that guy alright? Have we checked in on that guy? No no no He probably was never the same That was uh You know what a good call is Ward Gotti You know Ward Gotti Sure The gangster The Who was the guy who called HBO Boxing Jim Lampley Yes Yeah When he's like Here we go Come on Throw hands Like it's like Ward Gotti round nine In the first one Bro those fights were crazy Ward Gotti were Those fights were crazy I mean do you believe In miracles also Of course It's like an all timer I'm trying to think USA beat Russia Oh the hockey game Yeah yeah yeah They made a movie about that That's an all timer Georgia Tech beat Florida State The guy who's like What a time to be alive Yeah I love when they're like I don't care I'm a fan right now Yeah just screaming I think the greatest Post fight speech ever In the history of sports Is Israel Adesanya After he knocked out Alex Pereira He's like I hope everybody Gets to feel this Everybody Just if you get to feel this One time In your life That was cool Wow Oh it was amazing That was cool And he asked me for the mic Yeah He's like can I just Just give me the mic And you gotta go I was like come on man Of course Yeah Of course And then when he When he finishes him And he fucking shoots The arrows into him When he's down on the ground Yeah Well the best of those Was that Was BJ Penn Oh Licking his blood Ferocious BJ Penn Oh my god What I wanna lick your blood Literally That was when he used to Come out to that song Crazy You remember that I remember when I remember when I lost my mind Oh yeah You remember that Because wild BJ Penn BJ Penn Back in the day I was People get tired Of me saying this He was A motherfucker For like two years We know what he could Beat him He wanted to take on Heavyweights Because he felt They were disrespectful He fought heavyweights He fought Lyoto Machida As a heavyweight He was like A hundred and ten Pound pounds 155 He fought at 155 pounds Did he beat George St. Pierre No he didn't beat George No I didn't beat him He didn't beat George George is too big George is too big And too skilled And too disciplined And it's like BJ wasn't really A welterweight BJ was a lightweight He was a 155 pounder Those guys were too big Those guys George is a big guy Man But BJ was like I don't care I want to teach him a lesson Didn't give a fuck What's going on With BJ Penn now Uh oh Because I think Right Yeah What He's having a tough time I heard that too In what way They all have a tough time You can't get punched In the head For years and years And not have problems You can't Everybody Everybody who gets Punched in the head For long periods of time Has problems Yeah Brendan Shub Period He's doing better But he got out At the right time He got out At the right time If you stay in It's even worse You can still Kind of take a punch And so you still Book fights Genuinely I don't know About BJ Penn I was genuinely He's been arrested A few times No I didn't know that Last time He thinks his parents His mother's an imposter He thinks his brother's An imposter Yeah he thinks That they've been replaced Holy moly But have they Maybe Imagine Imagine we're saying It's brain damage But it's really Just the CIA And the aliens Aliens have replaced His family You should believe me Can we pull up The Tony Hawk 900 If we want to get Really gay No no I mean We're talking about calls Can I get That's a call Wait wait Give me one That's a call We're gonna get it Can I get The first guy to ever Do a 900 It was an impossible task It was an incredible call I saw it at a sleepover It was the X Games It was like 13 It was unbelievable They didn't know He was gonna break it out He knew He could land them Yeah 900's a great one You know what's a crazy thing Is after that Like 12 year old boys Are doing it Yeah It's great Once you see it done It's like Roger Bannister Dude I went to I went to his like Ramp or whatever Me and Me too And he's like Stay This is the top Two of the top Three skaters in the world I'm like oh my god You're right there There's a couch right there Woodward What Oh I know Woodward Woodward's big That's PA right And yeah And he's like There's a 12 year old She's not heavy enough To land this yet Yeah She's gotta gain a little weight And then she can do it But she's so frustrated Cause she's like I only weigh 70 pounds I can't do the 900 The force God damn I might generate the force 1080 You tell me it's weight I'm gonna rip This is like a Point of diminishing returns Alright Here we go How old was Tony Hawk By the Bucky 20s Bucky Lastic Bucky rules Lastic surgery Before comedy This was everything How old do you think he is here Early 40s On TV They got it captured More for you people I would've never made that Thank you Thank you This is the best day of my life Are you kidding me What a sweet He's got three kids Best day of my life I don't think he had the kids back then I don't know I think he did Wow that's hilarious He's coming on the pod next week Really He's awesome We got Tony His son skates Really His son shreds Oh wow Is his son Is his son's name Mike The competition was over But TV producers told Hawk To keep trying Wow That's right Oh wow He did 11 tries Come on What a beast Wow That's a bummer Oh it didn't count Well it took a while It still counts It's the first time Anybody's ever done it Yeah Crazy Are you kidding me I was 15 I was a 7 year old Do you remember during COVID A 7 year old doing it You need such a cocksuck No I mean It's just I'm like He broke the code Yeah Do you guys remember during COVID When they fucking put sand Over all the skate parks in LA That's insane That's insane Wow Emo Kawakami Look at this little kid Do that again Show that again I'm hard Look at this little kid The problem with skating Is you do a trick And you videotape it And within 5 months 90 kids can do it Yep Right Alright J-Mo Can I realize it can be done Yeah Can you get me the kick 6 With the Auburn radio call Kick 6 What's that The kick 6 So It's a block Alabama Alabama's the best college football team Over and over again They're fucking cheap They're always Whatever number losses they have They're the number 1 team It doesn't matter Exactly Exactly I'm with you Confrontational I think it's ridiculous This is England coming out of it No Who are ya Here we go Who are ya Hold on Hold on J-Mo Let me set the Let me set the scene Alabama's the best team Of all time Auburn is their arch rival They're not As great Ever Alabama The ball's out of bounds With one second left And they go It's a tie game Let's try to kick a deep field goal To win this No risk No real risk Now in football You can return a field goal Look at that guy Back there So you see that guy down here No reason it should be there Now if this is the Auburn call You're gonna hear some southern guys Lose their minds I can't wait It's so good Well I guess If this thing comes up short He can field it And run it out Alright here we go Oh so they see it So it's possible It could happen 56 yarder That's short No does not have the leg He got it And Davis takes it To the back of the end zone He'll run it out to the 10 15 Oh mama 25 30 35 Wow There goes Davis Oh my god Davis is gonna run it All the way back Auburn's gonna win The football game Auburn's gonna win The football game He ran the game Wow I got chills Bro that's insane That is insane He was right on the line That is insane All right pull up The Will Smith slap Oh my god Music City Miracle I'm down Music City Miracle Music City Miracle Bring that up There's nothing better Than sports highlights With your guys Yeah Bring up the Will Smith slap Oh my god What about that fat Mexican guy Who beat that boxer Ruiz Yeah Ruiz Ruiz That was a great moment They should have an announcer Talking about the Will Smith slap That would be great It might have been The biggest L Any celebrity's ever taken Yeah Yeah maybe Well Harvey If they do They need it now Frank Wycheck Kevin Dyson You're getting rid of that Right now Did people move slower Back then Or is this slow motion Slow motion Why are they showing this In slow motion Bad video He's got it Yeah He's got it By the way J-Mo Just as you and me As being friends Give me credit on the Wycheck to Dyson That was a deep pull That was a good pull Can we get the Will Smith slap Will Smith slap this for fun Yeah let's do it Let's do it Let's do it It's been a while Since I've seen it Chris Rock took It's been a while Since I've seen it I was watching the Oscars And I saw it It was crazy Wait you're queer Let's see it Let's see that again I haven't seen it in forever I didn't see Chris Rock's Live Netflix special But I heard he flubbed This bit He said He had one flub In the big moment I saw it afterwards I didn't see the live It was probably Super emotional I opened for him on that And Wanda's a huge Supporter There we go Of what? Slapping people? No Of Chris Rock No one's wearing a mask This is 2032? Yeah Wow No one's wearing a mask I missed that joke How nuts Did Zell McBeth Loved it? I love the part where it said King Lear don't got nothing on me Nice I just get it Y'all gotta see it It's really good You know who's got The hardest job tonight? Javier Bardem And his wife Are both nominated Now if she loses He can't win He is praying That Will Smith wins Like please I don't like the way He's talking about women Right now I genuinely I don't like the way He's joking about women Yeah Go the other way Shane That's a good strategy I know It's the funny strategy Here we go Wait wait wait Here it comes She's already mad Missed it G.I. Jane G.I. Jane 2 Can't wait to see it Alright That is such a nothing joke And look at him laughing And look at her face Back up That was a nice one Okay I'm out here That was a nice one Oh Wow You heard the thump Will Smith just smacked The shit out of me What a pro What a pro He had his Hands behind his back No but here's where it goes Out your fucking mouth Wow dude Look at that girl behind him It was a G.I. Jane joke Keep my wife's name Out your fucking mouth I'm going to Okay Wow That was a Greatest night In the history of television Uncharted territory This is wild Okay So we are here And then he walks away And then he wins the Oscar Wow I think that second part Got cut out Because there's like The tape delay God that's crazy Isn't that crazy God that's crazy His reaction is so crazy And then he does it And Will's just like Here we go He's like He's going to do a gag He's going to do a bit He's going to do And he's like And his hands were Literally behind his back Yeah And he did like a Royal slap It was like out of a Chris Rock By the way Will Smith is a Fuck He works out He took it fine Well he didn't hit him that hard Like watch how he hits him Watch how he hits him Look at that Chris Rock smile It's like It's really not that big of a deal That's a trade boxer He played Ali Shut the fuck up I know but that's a very Listen to who you're talking to And shut the fuck up Fair enough That's not much of a slap I challenge you to a dual slap Like his left leg is up in the air When he slaps There's no torque That's a what Not even Nate Diaz would have kept Both legs on the ground Just letting you know It was a slap They should do the slap thing With Dana White Oh god That's so horrible I don't know He took it well Holy shit He's smiling He thought it was He was gonna play it off Until he said Keep my wife's name Out of your fucking mouth He wasn't even upset He thought it was silly He's like It wasn't that hard of a slap Like look He's smiling He's like what And his adrenaline got to him But shouldn't that be No no no It's Will Smith's adrenaline That's what I mean Yeah yeah yeah Isn't that illegal though He assaulted a guy 100% It's a hit Yeah but Chris didn't press charges Chris was like There's no need to press charges But that keep my wife's name Out of your fucking mouth Out of your fucking mouth Is crazy It's also like He goes into the black speak Keep my wife's name Out of your mouth I'm like You don't talk that way Right You're like a well trained actor Since you were 16 Right You don't say Out of your mouth You're the fresh prince You're playing a role right now That's some fresh prince On his cheeks Sorry I just got mad Hey hey No delay Right in there Prince Norman Yes Oh god That's one of the weirdest Moments in television history So weird And then Chris Rock's tickets Went through the roof They were like five grand And Will Smith has He's vanished Never really No he hasn't recovered He's probably not Honestly fuck you Good He had a movie come out after A slave movie He got some backlash Yeah The problem is You revealed something About yourself That is so fragile Oh Jesus I knew that The fucking UFO Was gonna go down You broke I think you broke I broke it Yeah I think you broke it He revealed something About himself That was my Completely Lamp all along I'm allowed to destroy it It's been promised to me I own all the silver I have ten percent Of that lamp But Will Smith You gotta remember His wife was banging His son's buddy That's so So he's going through A lot with that whole thing Every actor Sucks What? Yeah They're all fucking Hollywood cunts That's like saying Every comic sucks That's silly No Every comic rules You can make it Pretty good There's a lot of There was There's a lot of Pretty good argument Cosby's not doing great They're all phonies They're some cool actors I met Gary Sinise The other day He came in Did the podcast That guy's cool as fuck Did he have his legs back? It's not real What? That wasn't a movie What? He was crippled That joke got legs He was Billy Bob seems cool Billy Bob's cool as fuck Billy Bob drinks blood Michael Douglas is cool There's a lot of people That are cool I didn't know that Seems like an actor's cool There's a couple Bang and Angelina Remarkably cool Ben Affleck And Matt Damon Those guys are cool as fuck That was a great ep Ben Affleck seems like The man Yes Just based on the The cigarette smoking Just like Fuck I hate this movie Fuck Yeah See him getting in and out Of a car with J-Lo And he's just like Jesus Christ That was the That scene is crazy We have to open the door For her Yes There you go And then she waits You see that You go alright That guy definitely rules Yeah He gets it He's got Tits there He's got He's got some good old Shafir tits Look at that That's a tough date Look at that face Man that face is amazing He's made that face So many times Affleck's a weird one Because everyone turned on Loved him Then turned on him Then loved him again Did they turn him Over nothing Yeah And then when he did Argo People were like He's back We like him again You know who's ruling It's Casey Affleck Yeah He's cool Great actor Incredible You know who's really cool too Bradley Cooper Cool as fuck Super normal Bradley's the man He's the man Easy to hang out with Nobody's cooler than The swingers guy Vince Vaughn He's very cool God that guy rules He would always hang out At the comedy store He was so fucking funny Vince Vaughn You guys are talking about The only guys in Hollywood I actually know What about Russell Crowe Russell Crowe's the fuck Russell Crowe's the fuck Of a hotel room He's the fucking man South Park's South Park's Russell Crowe Is so good What does he do We fight We fight We chicken chicken fight Russell's the man He's the man I love that guy to death He's the best Vince Vaughn He's a fun guy to hang out with too There was a time where The owner of the comedy store Mitzi was She was going senile She was going crazy And she would call The comedy store She goes I've been taken hostage By Egyptians I'm in Egypt in a jail And we know You're down sunset But we had to whatever What She would call up And say I've been taken hostage You gotta get me out of prison I'm in an Egyptian prison Do it in her voice That's her right there Look at the picture Look at the I am so in prison You gotta come save me Okay I'll give you a spot What She would really say She Dude That's how she talked Well she would talk like this Oh I like She would poke Diaz's belly She goes Like she's letting out air Where was she from She's from Wisconsin What Yeah Yeah Warrior And then anyway So she was doing that I guess Vince Vaughn Overheard A door guy Taking a call And he would go up to the front And go Hey listen You might hear a lot Talk about me Fucking Mitzi in prison None of that's true She wanted it It was so fucking funny We're like The guy from Swingers Is fucking Ripping off Mitzi killing us He's a Notre Dame fan He goes to Notre Dame games And you'll see him And he'll be like Come on Shane Get up here big guy Gotta watch the Irish It's Notre Dame football Come on And you're like He is Vince Vaughn Wow And you're just like Damn He's the coolest He's the coolest He's the coolest and then Bradley Cooper is my Eagles guy he texted me today he was like are you going to Eagles Steelers I was like Fuck no, the Eagles blow. I'm not supporting that. They might win the division at 6-10. See, so you've already gone back on what you said. Some actors are cool. I do. We're searching to find cool ones. There's a lot of cool ones. There's mostly cunts. It's a struggle. Mostly phonies. Well, you're going to L.A. It's a cunt farm. You've got to fucking acclimate. You've got to do auditions. McConaughey. Good, bro. McConaughey's cool. Dude, yeah. There's a lot of them. McConaughey. Woody Harrelson's cool as fuck. Yeah, stoner. McConaughey one time came in with Bon Jovi. Miles Teller. Elite, bro. Johnny Depp. Cool as fuck. Johnny Depp. Elite, bro. I hung out with Johnny Depp at the comic store multiple times. He's friends with Stanhope. Cool as fuck. He was in the back once with Stanhope in the back of the store, and Brody walked in, not expecting to see one of the top five actors of all time, and he goes, hi, everybody, I'm Brody. How you doing? Brody Stevens? Johnny Depp had a thing. He's like, I guess he's been through this enough times. He goes, hi, I'm John. Nice to meet you. He goes, Johnny Depp. Hangover one. Hangover two. He was easy to hang out with. Johnny was easy to hang out with. It still is, I'm sure, but he's easy. Stanhope. Turn around and jump straight. He's like a humble guy, like a genuinely nice, humble guy. Easy to hang out with, man. Like, easy. Said he spent 30 grand a month on wine. Also, when they were doing that trial, they're like, what is this for? I know. Was this vial for Coke? And he goes, yeah. Yeah, but the thing is, man. What does this have to do with my divorce? Yeah, I do blow, bro. If you get to a fucking crazy baller wine collector status, that could be one bottle. What were they saying? It was like a super mega drink or something. It was during the trial where they were like, and Johnny had one of his super mega drinks of wine. And he was like, it's just a glass of wine. It's like a fucking giant bottle. A Viking horn. I don't want to pour it twice. What's the deal? What's the difference? You know, an ale horn of wine. Turn it as a drink. A boot of wine. I will say this, though. About actors, all it takes is them being a slightly normal bro. And you go, he's the man. Yeah. But I mean, it's hard to be anything other than, even better than a slightly normal bro if you're that famous. It's shocking how few actors. Efron, Beast, Robert Pattinson, Beast. Robert Pattinson's a very cool dude. Pattinson's a very cool dude. Efron's a very cool dude. Whatever. But Dune's name is Beast. Efron lives here now? Efron's here? Yeah. I took him to Chili's with Phil Gillis. No way. Me, Phil, and Efron went to Chili's for 12 hours. Chili's with Batman. For 12 hours? Yeah, we got fucking obliterated. Really? We went there for the entire Sunday. We went for the 1 o'clock games afternoon. Where? What? Chili's. Burnett. That's hilarious. What? All right, that's a good Chili's. It's a great Chili's. That's one of the people we talk about. Great hang. I love Chili's. Chili's is underrated. They got a great tortilla soup. What's his name? He's a big sports fan. Who? Who's that? Dune. Chalamet? I don't know Chalamet. Timmy Chalamet. I've never met Chalamet. I heard he's a cool egg. Yeah. There's a lot of good dudes out there. He's back in that Kardash. It's like everyone's going to hate you because you're a very famous movie star, period. Everyone loves Chalamet. Not really. What? Not guys with chins. Yes. Joe List is out. You know what I'm saying? Yes. Yeah. Men with square draws find him fragile. But this is just like a thing about people. Most actors blow. You ask any actor about sports, most of them, and you're like, I don't know what you're talking about. What is this most? How many are we talking to? You're not on the sets all the time. I know you did, but you were around a lot of twats at the comedy store. I like that Ruffalo. He's good as a Hulk. Until he started talking about politics. He talks about shit, and you're like, oh, you suck too. They shouldn't open their mouths. Well, it's all their communists. And one of the things about communists is when you're a very wealthy communist, it's kind of preposterous. It's like you are trying to get upset at people that are doing way better than you, but you're doing way better than almost everyone. Right. Billy Eilish. Yeah, exactly. It's a way of distracting from the fact that you're a millionaire by shitting on the billionaires. The millionaires, the billionaires. What's her name? Bridget. Who's the writer? Which one? Bridget Phetasy? Phetasy. Phetasy. She talked about the guy who faked his own hate crime. Oh, Justice Mollet? He's just an actor. This is what happens when you let actors write the scripts. Right. It's not very good. Like Amber Heard when she was on trial. Yeah. You write your own. I bet Smollett's a good hang. I bet he's a good hang. I bet he's fun to be around. Let's take him to Subway. Let's take Smollett. No, no, no. I'm just saying that good old, you go, Smollett, come on. Yeah. Well, it sucks because crazy people like that are really good in certain roles because they just not real. So they can pretend to be a different thing. Dude, I was talking to Miss Pat. This is. In. And Miss Pat's the greatest. In the moments when everyone believed Justice Smollett. And I was like, hey, hey. She goes, we're talking about it. She goes, that's not a true thing. And I was like, Miss Pat. What? She goes, it's not real. And everyone believed it. I hate to burst your bubble. No one with any IQ believed Justice Smollett from the start. A lot of people believed it. I swear to God. And she goes, number one. When I saw it, I was like. She goes, number one. What's number one? Who's using name brand bleach to hate crime someone? And she goes, also, the guy's got a cap and another cap? No. And I'm like, Miss Pat, you got to keep that quiet. Yeah. I got to tell you, I might be misremembering this, but I remember saying as soon as the guy, he was like, I was in Chicago and I got covered in bleach and they said, this is Trump country. This is MAGA country. And I immediately, I go, no, it's not. Well, this is fake. Right. Like from the start. I don't think anyone, I swear, I don't think anyone believed that. Elliot Page? A lot of people believed that. A lot of people lied and pretended to believe it. I guess this is true. No one believed that. When Elliot was all over it. Ellen Page was on Colbert and they were going after it. But that just shows you how kooky she is. Kevin Hart was like, I'm so sorry this happened to you. People were like, oh, now you like gays? Who said that? The humans. The public. Kevin Hart said he supported Jussie? Yeah. He goes, I'm sorry you went through this. No. Yeah. There's no way. 100%. Do you think he bounces back? 95%. Who bounces back quicker, him or Will Smith? Will Smith. Will Smith is elite. Justin Smollett, you mostly knew from this story. He was on a BET show. Right. Empire. He was good in that Alien movie. Kevin Hart defends himself after a backlash over Justin Smollett's support. I believed you. I believed you. Come on, man. I'm just questioning life. You guys see the Dane Cook doc? No. Oh, it's great. About his brother stealing his money. Really good. That's tough. You're on top of the world. Your brother fucking stealing. I know. Billions. Your only loved one after your parents die, take, just betray you. And not only that, never gave the money back, did his time, and they don't know where the money is and whether he has access to it. It might be in coffee cans hidden all over the country. Respect that as a Jew, but. I do respect that part, but. It's a crazy story, man. He offered his brother, his brother owes him $12 million. What? And he said, I'll waive the whole thing if you do the documentary. And he didn't do it. Wow. Yeah. Because he realized he's never going to have to pay him back. And now he's a FedEx driver. So now that this doc is out, this guy's going to be dropping. With $12 million? He's going to be delivering packages. Why is he delivering packages? You're retired. You're a thief, also. Why are you delivering packages? What if the package is like from. I know. Who can trust you? Fucking Apple or something. Or looking inside every one of these? Right. But he's going to be driving around the city and people are going to go, yeah, that fucking thief. I mean, his life's ruined. Well, that must mean that he doesn't have the money. Yeah, he doesn't have the money. Why would he drive? What did he do with the money? Yeah. Maybe he's got to pretend that he doesn't have the money. So he keeps the job and fucking half-asses it, gets a part of a union. I think he spent it. What? He spent $12 million? They show him. He's on jets. He's doing vacations and buying cars. Was he? Yeah. You can run through. How many cars? $35,000. $35,000 for a nice one. What the fuck are you talking about? Relax, guys. You too. Relax. No, no, no. It's a decent car. Just look up a Honda Accord right now. Tell me what a $35,000 will buy you. Honda Accord's LX. Yes. You can get a Tesla for $40,000. There you go. That's a good deal. Hell of a deal. Stripped Model 3. You can hand me one of those cold beers. Absolutely, Seamus. Thanks, brother. What did you just say? $35,000 and you can get a great car. You're so confused. Are there any models left? He's paying for Tunisia. What? Paying for things in rocks. He's paying for things in fucking Topaz rocks. Dinar? He's fucking 75 years old. He's got a fucking leather satchel filled with precious stones. Because Dinar goes a long way. You can get a car for $7,500. You're 900 years old. You know you can't take Dinars out of Tunisia? Who, what now? What's that? The Tunisian money? That's not allowed to leave. Really? Dinars? Yeah, Dinars. We need that back before you go. Interesting. Like a lot of countries. Will they exchange it for real money? Yeah. But like you legally, they ask you like, have you taken anything? No. And then they ask you again, have you taken anything? The best, on the plane, the stewardess goes, you know, sit down, whatever, shut up. And then like, there's no smoking in the lavatory. And then she goes, I'm serious. There's no smoking in the fucking lavatory. And then the pilot comes on and goes, guys, we're about to take off. There's no smoking in the lavatory. We will shut this plane down. And then the stewardess comes back on and she goes, if you smoke in the lavatory, we were going to land early. You're going to be disrupting 155 other people because everyone smokes. nonstop in each shot in the game. They've had to deal with this so many times. Yeah. It's got a good smoker lounge in the airport. Ooh, those are nice. Do they produce anything? What's coming out of Tunisia? Slavery? Sahara? Sahara, Star Wars. Do they have good hash? Barberies? They must have hash. Moroccan hash, I got some. Yeah, Moroccan hash must be legit. It was great. Was it? I smoked it in that. Whoa. Isn't it interesting? Mark, you want to know the capital of Tunisia? Hit me. Tunis. Tunis. It's an easy one. You want to know the capital of Algeria? Hit me. Algeria. It's easy. All right, good to know. What's the capital of Mongolia? Mongols? Fuck if I know. Mongols. Mongolia is a tough one. That's like Ulaanbaatar. Yeah, Ulaanbaatar, yeah. Oh, wow. We used to do that here. The capital of New York was New York. Now that's Albany. Yeah. It used to be New York. It used to be New York City? Yeah. That makes more sense, doesn't it? Give it a go. It used to be the capital. Yeah, but I know, but I mean. Why'd they move it? I think 1905 or something. No. No, way before. They moved the capital of Myanmar to the middle of nowhere because there were protests, and like, let's put it in like two hours outside Wichita and see if the protests show up. Why did they change? Like, the capital of Louisiana used to be New Orleans. Now it's Baton Rouge. Why? I don't know why they did that. Baton Rouge is a weird one. Politicians. Probably. Something with that. Yeah, politicians. The grossest people that want the easiest to get jobs. Yep. And now we want all this extra government. It's such a hard to get jobs. Yeah, the British were running New York for a while, so they couldn't make it, though. Yeah, it was. Yeah, it was. I'll move it further away. Mark's way out of line. Way off. But they were. It was the capital. It's a good guess. I don't know. It's a solid guess. It was the capital of the United States for Minneapolis. What's that? New York? New York. Yeah. What are you doing? So it was York, Pennsylvania. Really? Okay. Why are you standing weird? York, PA had a little run. I didn't know that. I mean, Philadelphia. Ours are really standing like a stork. Philadelphia should have been the capital. Yeah. Should have kept it. Yeah, that was a hell of a run. Albany has been the capital since 1798. 1797. Yeah. Whoa. I could have told you that. So Philadelphia used to be the capital of Pennsylvania? Philadelphia was the capital of not only Pennsylvania, the United States. See, that's what I'm saying. Liberty Bay changed it. And then they moved the Congress to York, Pennsylvania. So York, PA got the capital of the United States for a little while. What year is this? Isn't that while they were making D.C. or the capital? Oh, okay. And New York, I think New York got a little taste. I think so, too. Interesting. How about that? Never Boston. Never Boston. Because it all started in Beantown. It did. There's old-ass houses that you can go visit there that are like from the 1700s that are still around. Bro, when we were filming Tires, I lived in a house that was built in the 1600s. Briefly. Thank you. State capital. Briefly. Financial hub. Could have been a week. I was way off with the year. Sorry. I knew. 1905. I knew. You were way off. No, Joe. Joe. I'm not done. Wrap this up. Joe. No. I'm not done. What else you got to talk about? I got a lot of topics. Oh, yeah. What else is going on? I'm in Atlantic City. When are you in Atlantic City? Two weeks. Atlantic City, the Tropicana, and then Foxwoods Casino. Nice. And Indio at some casino. I'm doing casinos now because I got a kid. Yeah. Casinos pay a lot. What do you know about it? I'm flying to Palm Springs. Bring meth. I'm sure they have it there. I got it. I got a good one. Yeah. My dad told a story this weekend that it reminded me of, you know how when Kanye was sitting there, he's like, you know what hospital it was? You know what doctor it was? I'm not allowed to say what race it was. Yeah. It was the Jews. It was a Jewish doctor. Yeah. My dad delivered a story with the exact same cadence to me and Chris. We're sitting there, and he's like, so you guys know I had prostate cancer. And I go in there, and this Indian doctor comes in, and he unzips this thing out of a bag, and it's this thing. And I say, I don't know if you're in the right room or where you think you're sticking that thing, but it's not coming near me. So he ends up shoving this rod right up my ass. Dude, you got issues. What is that rod? Is that a temperature? The boys get it. Magic wand. Because my kid had to get one of those. No. He got a rod in his ass for an hour. An hour? An hour. He went under a fucking skin. He liked it. He liked it. And they would call. They would call in and be like, you need to turn on this side. You need to turn on that side. If you get prostate cancer, they'd jam a rod in and go, you got to turn. What? Who's the doctor? Russell Brand? Right up the pooper. Dude, how crazy is it Russell Brand is out? Oh. He's not happy that joke's out there. Better keep that bottled up. Hey, the buck stops here. Bottled nose dolphin. Wild girl. Dude, I told you. I told my buddies, we were like, my buddies were talking, actually, Matt McCusker and his brother were like, dude, you got to get into prop comedy. I was like, I'm going to do it. Dude, I don't want to fucking open the can of worms. Can I give you props for that one? Oh, man. Well, I mean, Carrot Top's not doing great. He's doing better now. He's back. Is he going to try again? Can I use that? He's getting Kill Tony. He's getting an award at Kill Tony. For what? I don't know. I was like, you know, guest of the year or something like that. Tell you what, prop comedy is about as funny as it gets. It really is. It's good stuff. He's funny as fuck, man. Carrot Top? Yeah, he's a killer. He took a lot of abuse, but it was like- For no reason. It's not stolen. It's just like goofy. It's one of those things where people, especially comedians, will find someone in their business they could just shit on, and that he was a big one. And he's like, I'm not going back at you, but like- He never went back at anybody, and they just kept kicking him. After Norm died, he made like a video with the Norm. Remember the Conan thing where he shit on? He shit on Carrot Top? He was like, look how funny this is. This is so funny. Like, he owned it. Yeah. He's a real comic. He is. He's a good dude, too. Like, a very nice person. Like, you were hanging around with him. Dice had a story where he saw him in a gym, and he was on top, like there was a second level, and he's looking down. He goes, hey, Carrot! Hey, Carrot! And he's just like trying to lift weights, and he's like, I'm ignoring him. He goes, Mr. Top! Mr. Top! Hey! And he's like, I'm not- Mr. Bottom. I bet she looks up and goes, hi! Carrot Bottom. Mr. Bottom. Oh, Dice. Ooh. Dice is the most underrated, like, performance artist of all time. Oh, yeah. He's just like weird shit. Dice is the only guy, and I mean, like, even low-level comics. At the store, there was like, there's only two people left. Show's over. And Dice, it goes, I'll go on. Oh, yeah. And Bomb doesn't care. He's the only guy that I've ever even heard of who was on top and released an album of him bombing. Not just an album, but a two-CD album. Wow. The Day That Left Dive is underrated. You're like, hell. It was such a crazy statement. Let me show you what stand-up actually is. They're all awaiting the top release of all time, maybe. And they go, what's your follow-up? He goes, I want to show you what just a New York Comedy Club audience is. Not just that. He didn't have any material on purpose. Well, that'll do it. He decided to bomb on purpose. You can hear, like, ice shifting in drinks. This guy gets up and leaves. You're about as funny as a glass of milk. Really? Whoa. Good heckle. All-time heckle. You ever heard Jimmy Carr said the best heckle you ever heard? Have I said this on here? Uh-uh. Probably. Probably. It's probably a rehash podcast. They're in some basement in England, whatever. This guy is eating shit, just dying on stage. And a dude in the crowd whispers to his friend, but apparently everybody could hear it because it was so quiet in the room. And he goes, eh, there used to be a pool table in here. Which is like, oh, it's so devastating because you're basically saying, like, this room used to be fun. We used to be able to have a good time in here. Now that we're watching this fucking asshole. This is death. Dude, we did open mics at Novel Cafe in LA, and there was a golf machine, and it would make the noise of the golf while you're on. And when you're bombing, you could hear everything. Yeah. And there were literally cricket noises coming in. It was a golden tee. It was a golden tee. Golden tee. It was. And you could hear crickets. Somebody would make a putt and go. God, open mics. Just keep going. I remember during COVID, I would do those gigs in a field, and you could literally hear crickets. You're like, this is a new low. There's real crickets here. We were so good. We were so desperate during COVID. We were so desperate just to get on stage. We had a hang at the park, Joe List Hang, at Central Park, and Sarah was like, I got to go do a set. We're like, where? She goes. No mic. Oh, man. Just like, yeah. She probably dominated. She probably did. At that tree over there. Man, imagine if there was a roof. She would have killed harder. Dylan Roof. Dylan Roof. We got to wrap this up. I got to get out of here. I got to do a set in 10 minutes. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Another one in the books. No. All right. Get the fuck out of the Europe place. I'll be back. Fuck that place. I got an American tour in February. Come on. Just move back. Move back to where your friends live, you son of a bitch. All British material. You're going to be one of those guys. They're not going to get it over here. Come out with a top hat. Going to talk about crisps and tea and pint. I've gained two stone. A pint of lager is the best. Oh, I weighed myself at the Four Seasons today. Not good. How much did you weigh? 201. Oh, you cum catcher. You are a fucking bum. I'm a fat piece of shit. I should be 178. 201 is bad news. Oh, you've reached the limit, God. Yeah, but that nose takes up about 30. And that beard. That's so rude. So much jizz in that beard. This is why no one shows up to your parties. I don't want anyone in my parties. I know. Did you guys have a party last night? Yeah. No, he tried to have a party. It didn't happen? Anybody that texted me, I was like, for real, don't come. How many guys came? Seven. - Yeah. - That's not bad. - Anybody that, Literally anyone was like, are you saying he's putting a party at your house? I would go, no. I said, I'm landing at 445. I'm going straight to Shane's. And then Joe calls like 515 DeRosa. He goes, so when is this happening? Bro, get over here. We're not doing it. It was fun. I like my rest now. 10 p.m. Oh, I love it. Nighttime. I love it. Ken Burns. Oh, yeah. Civil War. Ken Burns, the West this week. Jazz, baseball. He was a great guest. Really? You had Ken Burns on? Yeah, he was awesome. We talked a lot about Vietnam. Talked a lot about a lot of things. He's great. Yeah. So thorough. Oh, my God. And then decided to keep it on PBS so he could have full control. Dude, there's a few guys. They just let him just do whatever he wants. They give him full control and just makes these amazing pieces. There's a few guys who are doing stuff where like, I don't choose a side. I'm just showing you. I'm just showing you the stuff. It's like John Ronson, Louis Theroux, the new one with the girl from whatever. Louis. What? I don't know. What do you mean? I don't know. Slanted. You didn't see the Manosphere thing? I like him, but he's picking his side. He's got a side. Who's the new one that does this thing about the tech lady? Oh, Theranos. Theranos. Fielder. Have you guys seen that? I'm just showing you this whole story. I've met her one bad thing. I have seen it. And? When the cameras are off, I'd love to tell you. I can't wait. All right. Because I've heard it's amazing. Let's get the cameras off. Boys, I love you guys to death. You're the best. Nice guys. So much fun. Nice guys. Fun. Move. Move Ari. You want to plug anything, Joe? Nope. You need to sell some tickets? I have a podcast. You can watch it everywhere. What is it called? Argument of the Year. Goodbye. Yeah. Bye. Thank you.