#2573 - Legion of Skanks

This episode is brought to you by the Mosquito Bowl. Here's a story that's pretty incredible. After Pearl Harbor, four of the best college football players in America walk away from promising NFL careers to enlist in the Marines and fight in World War II. And the craziest part? It's a true story. These guys had their whole lives ahead of them, but traded the glory of the gridiron for the brutal reality of combat, where the stakes were life and death. Directed by Peter Berg, the guy behind Friday Night Lights, and starring Nicholas Galitzine, Bill Skarsgård, Ray Nicholson, and Tom Francis. The Mosquito Bowl, now playing in theaters. This episode is sponsored by BetterHelp. If you've thought about trying therapy with our long-term partner, BetterHelp, insurance options may now be available nationwide with an average co-pay for eligible members of just $23 per session. And with World Mental Health Day on the way, the 10th now's the perfect time to give it a try. In fact, don't even wait until the 10th, because all that stress you feel, it's not waiting around. So instead of letting it build up, sign up for a therapy session and unload at any time, not just on World Mental Health Day. If you've been waiting to start therapy, BetterHelp works with more than 125 health plan networks, and eligible members have an average co-pay of just $23 per session with insurance. If you don't have insurance, or live outside of the United States, you can still get 10% off your first month. Visit BetterHelp.com to explore your payment options. That's BetterHelp.com. This episode is brought to you by ZipRecruiter. Hook up a better speaker to your TV, and your home theater experience is immediately 10 times better. Or add a little extra treat to your dog's food. They get so happy at dinnertime. Sometimes it's worth it to go that extra step. Define people. Meet people who will do that for your business. Check out ZipRecruiter. Try it for free at ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter has what you need to find great candidates fast, like powerful matching technology to help sort through thousands of resumes, and a feature that puts people who are the most interested and most qualified first. Try ZipRecruiter and meet great candidates who'll go the extra step for your job. Four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. Try it for free today at ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. That's ZipRecruiter.com slash Rogan. ZipRecruiter. Meet your match on ZipRecruiter. Joe Rogan Podcast. Check it out. The Joe Rogan Experience. Train by day. Joe Rogan Podcast by night. All day. Pretty balls. Smooth to do dressing out of someone's ass and have that work out for you night after night. Bob Levy did that for 20 years. Yeah, and I don't think it ever failed. I remember he had a night where it was like, ah, dude, well, keep the dressing sealed. How many times did that guy get pink eye? He must have. It must be off the charts. He must be like the number one pink eye patient. Yeah, well, when he wrote the joke, it was definitely, it's like when a guy becomes a gynecologist, he assumes like, well, it's all going to be hot chicks coming to show me their pussies. And then he has to end up doing it to like fat Philly women. Yeah. As they come on stage. The guy who does that, like if that's what you're doing all the time, you're working on vaginas. Like that's like a cop who's like constantly pulling over people who are lying to them. You just assume everybody's fucked up because you're only dealing with like mostly broken people. Yeah. People breaking the law. You're only dealing with broken pussies. Yeah. The ones that are. Yeah. They're not the perfect ones aren't in there. They're not like, hey, does this still look perfect? But by the time someone's going to a pussy, especially a male pussy doctor, which is really odd, it's really odd. All the different things that you could choose to work on the brain, the eyes, you're like, eh, vaginas. If you would ask me when I was 13, that would have been my dream job. Yeah. Pussy doctor. You thought so. Yeah. And you thought you were like, well, all these porn stars must have to go to a doctor. I'll be that guy. I'm not going to all these hot chicks. I'm not going to pussy doctor school for eight years. That's crazy. Yeah. There's got to be some of them that are. Well, a lot of, a lot of doctors get into drugs. They, because they can prescribe them and they prescribe. Like, I have a doctor friend and he's always on something. He's always doing something. He's always taking things like, I need this for that. I need this for that. Like, they just take a pill. Like, there's a lot of them. There's a book called Dead Doctors Don't Lie by Joel Wallach. Interesting book. But what it's mostly about, like nutritional supplements and how really nutrition is the foundation of health, not going to the doctor and that most of these doctors are really out of their fucking head. And he was just talking all these different stories in the book about different doctors that die of. Like, you know, overdoses in the middle of a fucking operation. Like, well, that's the number one cause of death or one of the top causes of death is malpractice by doctors. They can't like hospitals are regularly fucking up. Yeah. They fuck up malpractice or something happens during an operation is like the third leading cause of death. Yeah. Yeah. That's the worst. He goes, all right, we're going to cut that tumor out. What after I get these spiders out from under my skin? Probably right back. Yeah. I have to go scratch for a little bit. Get your way. A friend of mine, his wife went to the doctor cause she had to get a kidney removed and they removed the wrong kidney. What? They removed the good one. Oh, and then finished it and we're like, you're good to go. And then you figured out. They figured it out afterwards and he, you know, there's a lawsuit, the whole thing, you know, he won't. What the fuck? When they pulled it out, do you think they were like, looks good. I've heard of people getting the wrong leg amputated. Like there's a lot of, what's the review process like on that? When they sit everyone down, like what went wrong here? It's like, honestly, we, everyone did everything right. Except for the fucking guy who got the wrong fucking kidney. It's like everything else, man, there's guys who are shitty drivers. But they still have a license. You know, there's guys who are terrible, terrible carpenters. You hard hire them to build your house and you go over the work. Like what the fuck is this? I think a lot of work like that is it's just people always that are willing to do it, whether they're good or not. Doesn't matter. Yeah. Just being willing to do it. Like I'm not a willing to do it guy. Cause I go, well, I'll do it bad, but a lot of people are just like, well, I'll figure it out. There's also just some shit head who was like, all right, I'm going to make it through law school. And then that's that. Like. You can go to law school technically and. No, you can do that. Become a lawyer or go to the medical school. They make like movies about this. There's like Bahamas schools you can go to that. Like really? It just takes nothing. Yeah. Anybody can get in. Yeah. And if you know, if you've, if you graduate with C's, you're a fucking doctor. Like if you go to medical school in Mexico, can't you just take a test and then come over here and be a doctor here? No. There's no. Why does everybody always say the cab drivers are doctors? No. Well, there's a difference between driving cars and like, that's a big problem with commercial vehicles. They just give illegals commercial vehicles. Vehicle operations. And these motherfuckers don't know how to drive these trucks at all. And some of these huge accidents that we've seen over the last few years, it turns out that a lot of them are legal. Oh really? Yeah. They just get, but if you're a doctor and you're a doctor say in India and you go over in America, you have to go through a whole lengthy procedure to get licensed in America. That's always like the joke of it. It was like your cab driver is like, well, I was a spinal surgeon back where I'm from. Now I smell like this. Yep. You guys know that story about the one guy who. There was a, I guess his kid is like adult kid, but his kid was like in a coma and they were going to like take him off life support. And then the dad was like, no, I can tell that he's still, there's something left there. He's not going to die. And then he brought a gun and he had like a, like a two day standoff with like the police. Oh Jesus Christ. And then his kid came out of the coma and the kid survived. He went to jail for like a year, but he saved his kid's life. Holy fuck. Wow. Have you seen the phenomenon? Everyone keeps reminding me. I forgot about the Anne Heche when they were taking her out. Like her dead body basically. And it popped up and sat up and they shove her back down and put her in the ambulance. It was like a big conspiracy. Yeah. But she might've been dying. I mean, she was in a horrible car accident where she ran into a house on drugs. She was like in a body bag and they pushed her back down. Yeah. I think she like comes out of it. I think it's like unzipped. Really? What? She's popped back up? Yeah. She's like the undertaker. She sat up. But apparently there's phenomenon of that happening. Like there's video you can see in morgues. Like things happen in the body where the dead person's like, you know, like their arm will completely go up. And so they just like stiffen in a weird way. Well, there's been people that they brought to the morgue that came back to life. That's crazy. I know. That they thought were dead and weren't dead. They just had such a low heartbeat. Voodoo. They just assumed they're dead. Some people just get to the door and don't go through and pop back out. But there's another problem. The problem is organ donors. In order for you to donate your organ, you have to actually be alive. So the way they donate organs is like if you die in a car accident and then they weren't going to the hospital, he's been dead for two hours, they're not donating any organs. Oh, really? You have to be alive. Oh, I thought that was the whole thing. Yeah. They could take my dead organs. Yeah. That's what you think. Yeah. And so this is the problem is if they want those organs and they're pretty sure you're going to die and you're not going to make it, they take them out of you while you're alive. The question is who makes the call? And there have been times where people said, no, you're not going to do this. And then the person survives where they wanted to. They make the call and start harvesting organs. This person's dying. They're not going to make it, but we would like his kidney. It matches this guy. Because they need them. Like, I guess if you die, they start to rot. That's all speculation. I don't know what, you know, I don't know what the thing is, but the hostile, but what happens is you have to be alive when they're actually pulling those organs. My brother-in-law say you're brain dead and maybe a lot of people are brain dead. And look, I have a friend of mine who has a fake heart, but not, excuse me, not a fake a heart from somebody else, you got a donated heart. So it's like a really helps people my brother-in-law has uh my brother-in-law has two lungs he has transplanted lungs cold preservation typical windows between organ recovery and transplantation so this is right after they pull them out of the body they have to do it very quickly but when they pull them out of the body i believe you have to actually be alive yeah there can't be oxygen deprived it says right okay so what does it say the kidney transplant is usually like both people there right yeah they just take one out and put it in that's it that's if you're like you're white like george lopez his wife donated a kidney to him so there's one cut off the key is whether the organs are still getting oxygen not simply how long the person has been declared dead the biggest distinction between the organs left without circulation and organs that a doctor promptly recover and preserve for transplant so if like at the moment where your heart stops beating they get it out of you they can probably use it but this idea that like you could be dead and then they bring you to the morgue and then they can take your organs that's not how it works i i signed up to be a organ donor because i assumed that it was like you get into a car accident you're dead they can you can give your organs away but now it's like do they you think they really give the 110 percent like can i take that back don't cut me open yeah how do i scratch that off my license yeah sorry dude that's what i'm afraid of i mean i'm not accusing anybody of doing this but when you are when you have a thing where you can profit from it you run into like weird gray areas where people can make subjective calls they can make a decision whether or not you live or die and they might be wrong they might be right 99 times out of 100 but that one time if that's your niece and then you know what i mean like that's someone you love yeah whoever it is and then if it's me though when i say if they're gonna kill me if it's between killing me to give someone whatever they need from me which i'm sure my organs are garbage your fatty liver i mean put your fatty liver into somebody could you imagine so we're gonna take it in a large heart and put it into this person it won't fit into a child it won't fit into a child smells like marbles that christian slater it's gonna be on the outside of his body he's like us we have a black lung here sorry bro we're just gonna clean it out before we put it in you that's a wild yeah my brother-in-law has two lungs that aren't his it's so weird oh my god and that's a life you have to live like uh it's funny he couldn't come see i opened for shane at the lincoln financial field and my whole family came to that in philadelphia except my brother-in-law because it was like shane's s and i'll say it was the it was yeah he was against it he uh you know that was the wildfires in canada that were causing like smoke and he was like he can't go outside and that it would be like certain doom for him the rest of his life and you can't take and for the rest of your life you got to take anti uh you know rejection uh medicine which is basically immunosuppressant giving yourself aids right just like sit there open everything it's like well but way less fun yeah i have a mild cough i'll see you guys in a month you guys know the ben askren story he almost passed away right yeah he uh got an infection in his lungs and was rotting his lungs out like he didn't want to go to the hospital his wife talked him into going to the hospital and they realized like oh you're you've got holes in your lungs like you're gonna die and then they had to do a double lung transplant on a healthy you know elite wrestler former mma champion i'm gonna explain i'm gonna explain you the kind of hypochondria i have is i now feel that exact happening to my lungs as soon as you're preserving oh that's what's happening we're like the guys who like get their faces torn off and they get a full face transplant that that technology has gotten way better it's gotten weird though because you got no eyes so you can't really smile for real what's your real face that's almost the point if like if you if you're an organ donor and it's like the choices you can get that organ away or it's like you have a nice long journey back to being where people can at least like appreciate you or listen to your ideas again yeah i don't know give the guy along yeah but it depends on like what it is like sometimes people just come back and they're fine like whatever the like it's not like every time you're almost dead it's the same you know it's it's it's just weird when someone can make a decision as to whether or not you live or die and it's the wrong decision but you're dead and no one cares and then the hospital makes money off of it you gotta turn it over to god dude that's what a whole couple of years ago i was in a hospital and i was like oh my god i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die i'm gonna die remember when hulk hogan was talking to his son when his son got into the accident and the friend died and hulk hogan was on the phone with his son i think he's trying to make his son feel better but you remember what he said no he was like i don't know what your friend john did there to get wrong with god but i guess he was like what the fuck he wasn't saying his prayers he wasn't eating his vitamins his pythons were under 20 inches bro when someone people start interpreting the bible in that way like i don't think you're reading i don't think that's how it works like you're supposed to say i'm sorry your friend's dead yeah yeah not getting the reasons why you think he died like hey also the reason he died was his son drove them into a tree a hundred not some miles the priest gets killed by the cross oh have i seen it this this priest the craziest video because this poor guy was in the middle of like wasn't he talking about like that you have to get right with god before you die i mean he might have been talking about like the hogan phrase yeah this is the first this is the first time the church ever was scrambling to find some dirt on this guy right like you want to be like oh we found that this guy i mean there's kids buried all under the rectory see the thing about those guys is they have to be really careful because they all have secrets and if one guy rats one guy out then they start doing a deep dive yeah like catholic priests and pedophiles they that's just linked there's no way you say catholic priest to someone who's not a catholic priest you're not a catholic priest you're not a catholic priest you're not a catholic priest you're not a catholic priest who's our age or your age and in any way it doesn't enter into your mind yeah his brother is yeah my brother's hilarious just i just completely yes nothing shady and it's a but we wouldn't tell you for sure he probably has and we just haven't found out well but he's like he's like it's a tough thing when people like i what's tougher telling someone you're a comic or telling someone you're a roman catholic priest but you have to like put that like but i'm a great guy you know like i'm not a person that you want to not a i am disgusted by children's bodies yeah whatever you have to preface every conversation yeah oh yeah bring your ugly kid over here i'd rather fuck a dog what excuse me a dog yeah i love dogs it's weird that that that those two are just connected and we'll try to pretend they're not well when was the blow-up of it the 80s well 80s 90s where they were really it's like they're just moving them around it was like uh yeah girls gymnastics coaches they're just shuffling them around fucking parts of the country and there's a documentary called i think it's called hear no evil it's one of the worst documentaries you could ever watch like don't watch it but it's basically about this catholic priest and they they take him from one place and they move him to another place and i think the story was that he molested a hundred deaf kids they moved him to a place where the kids were all deaf and he was just molesting these deaf kids and this was one of the ones i believe the story was this is the ones that ratzinger you know that one pope that was disgraced and removed he was involved in that so a lot of these guys before you know when they're moving up the ranks one of one of the jobs is you take a catholic priest that's been molesting kids and you move them you just move them to another area and they've been doing that forever that was their standard policy and you know what they say wherever you go there you are yeah that's dr seuss that's right it was also a little problematic yeah yeah oh yeah by the way i didn't i went to a i think it was in san diego once that american comedy club walking around and there was like an art gallery and it was doing a dr seuss like exhibit and you go inside and like very quickly you're like yo this guy drew a lot of uh pretty racist uh stuff oh yeah he was problematic oh yeah and old like uh was it looney tunes or warner brother oh yeah a lot of stuff in that race there's a you know the the big bad wolf like what was it we've seen this before jamie it's like the 1930s so there's a big bad wolf that's banging on someone's door it's um goldilocks and they pull the mask off and in the original one it's a jewish guy oh really and they converted it to a wolf yeah yeah it's great it's crazy it's so funny you realize this was a cartoon for kids yeah and way ahead of their time how accurate they are jewish person is like is that ari but it was like open this is before world war ii so it was just like a cartoon for kids yeah and way ahead of their time just openly fine to yeah in a cartoon there was a racism episode i saw this on youtube recently a racism episode of bewitched where like the you know the blink wiggle the nose trick was to make this racist feel bad they were all he was going to see everybody as black and it's the entire cast in blackface including the children it's the craziest fucking thing i've ever seen well that is one of the wilder things though honestly that you can't change the color of your skin because it's racist you can't pretend to be of a different race well back in the 80s and 90s you can just be like oh i'm a basketball player yeah but like halloween no you are the amount of people that have blackface halloween costumes from the 80s and 90s and they're like i hope this never comes out justin trudeau yeah but we are being conditioned to like fear the thing at all exactly like i'm certain because i just watched reruns of stuff when i was a kid that i saw that bewitched episode it didn't strike me at all because i got that it was like an anti-racism message do you just like still, no matter what, No matter what, that's crazy. But now, you're like, shit, you can't fuck around like that. I didn't think anything about most of those things. Ted Danson? It's also because people get the Ted Danson. That was the thing that got fucking crazy. Roddy, Roddy Piper, when he wrestled Bad News Brown at WrestleMania 6 or whatever, he came out in half black body paint on his whole body. Roddy, Roddy Piper. Half black is fine. That's fine. That's not full black. It's mulatto. At Naked Roast a couple years ago, I painted my cock black. And I was like, I just did black cock. And I was going to do blackface, and I was starting to put it on, and Yamanika walked by, and I was like, ah, this isn't a good idea. Yamanika would definitely call you out. I'm going to get on Yamanika's bad side, Jesus. Also, blackface got its two-blanket statement, because it shouldn't be considered blackface if you're doing brownface, because that's the Bewitched thing. That's blackface, which I think hilariously looks less offensive to black people technically, but that's the factual. That's the actual paint they would put on for blackface. Yeah, like pitch black. Did they do pitch black? Yeah. Like the Al Jolson day? Yeah, yeah, yeah. The minstrel show. Watch those minstrel shows. Those are crazy. This is a good question. If, let's say, you were getting an organ, you got into an accident, and you needed somebody's organ, but they were only going to give you a black guy's organ, would you take it? Steve? Yes, of course I would take it. I want to live. For real? No, no, no. That's hilarious. What if they gave you a choice to take a white guy's heart or a black guy's heart, and you get to choose? I want to know what they did. Yeah. Give me their profession. Yeah, tell me what these guys did with their day. Did they eat fruits and vegetables and work out all of their day? Give me the black guy. Give me a menu. 100%. Give me the guy who's healthy. That's what I want. Black guy doesn't work out, but he still has a better body. Never worked out once. Sometimes. It's worth it to go that extra step. To find people who will do that for your business. ZipRecruiter has what you need to find great candidates fast. Like powerful matching technology to help sort through thousands of resumes. And a feature that puts people who are the most interested and most qualified first. Try ZipRecruiter and meet great candidates. Who'll go the extra step for your job. ZipRecruiter. He goes, all right, well, you're going to live healthy, but you're never going to dunk. No, that's the way it goes. You got to weigh the good and the bad, I guess, with everything. There's trade-offs. It's weird because whiteface is totally fine. Like white chicks. You could do white chicks, too, today. Of course. No one would care. No. It was a funny movie. I'd look forward to it. Nobody would care. But it's such a weird thing that you can't pretend to be someone. We should make black chicks. That'd be a fun movie to make. Black chicks. Yeah, boy. Boy, you could go to town with that one if you were really bold. Oh, yeah, Drewski. Yeah, Drewski, dude. I mean, that's hilarious. Drewski did, Eric and Kirk. But the fucking people on the right, man. They lost their fucking minds. Did they really? They lost their sense of humor. The tards. The tards. They paid on that that much? That's crazy. You know, the lowest IQ, farthest right, ding-dongs, who their whole identity is like being an online MAGA person. There's just like a low IQ version of that that's out there. No matter what you do. Oh, fuck you. Fuck you, fucking traitor. There's those people. Fuck Drewski. I'll never listen to him again. It's really extreme. Were you a big fan before? I loved all his skits. He's funny, man. And look, it's kind of odd when your husband dies and then all of a sudden you've got sparklers coming out from behind your ass and you're wearing glitter pants and you're walking out like you're Led Zeppelin in 1977. It's a little weird. The final countdown should have played. It's a little weird. I mean, I don't judge people on how they grieve. I wouldn't want to be the person who watches their husband get shot in the neck and then see people celebrate. How much that would just psychologically fuck you up. And then I'm sure they'd probably put you on some medication because it's probably insane to deal with. So they'd probably give you something to fucking calm you down. And so then they're like, "Listen, Erica, this is what we're going to do. We're going to have crazy music and then sparklers behind you and you come out." Like, what is this? That's his funeral? Is this your sweet 16? How long after he died did that happen? Like a week. That was the memorial. It was like within a week. It was days. The sparklers are wild. Like, what are we? And the memes were great. She was in hair and makeup. Like, she got hair and makeup for sure. Well, that's what you have to do. You got to look good. Dude, all the memes are came out. No, no, no. They came out and it'd be like a car with like fireworks shooting off it doing circles and it says, "Grieving my husband, Erica Kirk." Dude, I've had an in-depth conversation with my wife about what I expect after I pass away. Like, the amount of grieving and the amount of consoling that you're. Like, I don't even want her to leave the house for five or six months after. I'm going to go the Kirk way, dude. I want fucking Bigfoot and Gravedigger coming at each other over a bunch of broken down cars. Hell yeah. Let's go big, Chuck Zilla. Steve, I think you swore on your wife's life last night. I swore on my wife's life last night on Story Wars and we're lying. Wait a minute. On Story Wars. You're trying every spiritual. No, I told the truth. I told the truth. You're trying every way to get her out of your life so that you have to do anything? Too much true crime now. No, I expect full like inconsolable, like just wearing black, a veil. I want that level of like pain and sorrow when I'm gone. For how long? How long before a new guy comes along? No. Never? Never. To death. To death, dude. Wow. To death. I need companionship. I'm a different kind of person. I require companionship. I understand that. No one likes being alone. No, I don't want to be alone, okay? But that's my personality. Yeah, that makes sense. Her personality is what I'm telling her, that she has to be very sad when I'm dead. That's the way it goes. Say it while pointing with a cigar, also does send a nice message. And you're going to be sad, kid. Once I die, I don't care. Just cremate me. No, I care. You know, move on. I think that's that. I think once you die, the lights are out. I don't believe you. The cremate you thing is another scam. So you assume you're getting your dad's ashes. No, they give you a mix of ashes. Oh, come on. Really? What's in the pot? Absolutely. I had my dog done, and I literally go, It's a human jaw. So, you know, when we put my dog down, we had to pay more money to have him cremated separately from other dogs. They told us, they were like, look, if we do the regular cremation, you're getting other dogs' ashes. But if you do it separately, we'll have a clean thing, and we paid more money. But they don't even give you just ashes. They give you little chips of bone. There's pieces of bone. It's not – it's really bizarre. Ashes is an idea. I like more of like the – if I was going to do any idea like that, because I think burial is stupid. they'll put you in a pod that a tree's in or something. I'm like, sure, do something like that. Yeah, they'll put your body under a tree. They shouldn't make those things cost a bazillion dollars, though. Those things cost like a gazillion dollars to do. It shouldn't. No, that should be standard. That should be how we do it in national parks. You know what the best one is, though? Tibetan Sky Funeral. What happens there? Oh, this is crazy. So their tradition is to take the bodies up to the top of a mountain, And they break the bones apart and chop the bodies up into chunks. And the vultures are everywhere. They know that they're going to do this. So they've trained these vultures to eat these people. So they bring the bodies, all the local villagers, the people who've died. And they're up there hacking their limbs into digestible chunks. And then the vultures are just swarming them. They're all over the place. And that's like the reasonable people of that place. Well, their thought is you are part of nature, you will now get absorbed by nature, and you will go right back into nature. Taking on that job, though, you have to have a Dexter personality. Yeah. Well, I mean, sort of, but in these people, it's just their tradition. The person's gone, and what you're going to do is just sacrifice them to nature. And isn't it better if it feeds these animals that are important for the ecosystem? Yeah, until that bird shits on your head while you're walking by. If it was somebody's wishes, do you think you could, even when they're dead, cut their limbs off? Yeah. You could. You don't think you'd have a stomach for that? Yeah, I could do it. I wouldn't want to do it, but I could do it. Wow. I think you want to do it. You don't have to do it ever. But I wouldn't want to do it to a loved one. That's for sure. I wouldn't want to cut my wife up after she's dead. We tried to fillet a fish on the podcast weeks ago. I mean, Steve, we looked over at him. He was just like with puddles of fish guts in his hands. I watched a video. I thought I had the thing down, and I couldn't get a scale off this fucking thing, dude. I chopped the head off. I started just fucking going against the grain. It was coming apart. I almost cut my fucking hand off with a knife. I literally was like this. It looked like ceviche when I was done. If you go on a boat, like a charter boat, and go fishing with guys who do it every day, those guys are masters. The way they fillet those fishes. And they're doing it while the waves are going up and down. Yeah, a little catch and cook. Anytime I go on vacation, dude, you catch it that morning. You bring it back to the villa or the hotel. cook it up for you, but yeah. There's this one dude I'm obsessed with online. He lives in Hawaii, and I think it's called, I'll find it. It's called like Sycoma or something. Sycoma Syndicate. Hold on. Let me find it. Is that just paprika? God damn it. I've got to find this guy. But what he does is I don't remember the name of his Instagram. What he does is he goes, see if you can find it, Jamie. He goes, I think we've shown him before. He goes online with a kayak. So he's got a kayak. this fucker out, there he is, Sakana Syndicate, that's it. So this dude goes fishing out of this kayak and then he cooks a gourmet meal on the kayak in the middle of the fucking ocean. It's the coolest thing. Yeah, they club him in the head to kill him. Now can I tell you something? Can you back it up, Jamie, a little bit? Look at the way this guy does it. He busts out a chopping board, he's got a knife, he brings different herbs and garlic and minces things up. I mean, literally makes like gourmet meals. Pokeballs? Yeah, man. I mean, he does a bunch of different things. Sometimes he cooks, he brings a burner on, and he'll cook fish, but You got me into that guy that at the end it goes super. Oh, he's my favorite! Yeah, he cooks on like a rock and shit. Azerbaijan. That guy's awesome. Yeah, it'll be in the winter sometimes, it'll be in the woods. So this dude is like every week he's doing this. Crustaceans? Yeah, man. But it's really fucking interesting to watch. Nope. Because this dude, so right now he's I'm down. He's just like, it seems like he's gonna eat those raw. But a lot of them he cooks. See if you can find one where he cooks. So he makes these like fucking, like really complicated meals out there. And they look fantastic. If I was sitting across from him when he's holding any of these fish, I would be actively screaming. Yeah, dude, I know. I'd go, get out of the boat! Get out of the boat! It's angry! It's angry at us. So this dude. Look, that's what I tried. Oh, is that what you tried? That's what I tried to do. But I didn't end up like that at all. It didn't. You gotta learn how to do it from someone who knows what the fuck you're doing. I know, but. It's not an unattainable skill. I'll be better at it next time. You will. You'll be back, dude. Me and Jay tried it. Me and Jay both sliced our fingers within seconds. I cut myself. It still has a little scar. It looks so good, though. And it looks so easy. Did you ever try fishing on a. Oh my god. I did. I flipped over. I was trying to catch a trout out of a lake. The whole thing flipped it over. Every one of these videos begins with what I would deem to be danger. Yeah. Like, we're in danger. Like, I wouldn't even hang my feet over the side like that. Well, there's definitely tiger sharks out there. Oh. There's a great video of this guy. That's Italian cooking right there. You gotta pound it down good, flat. We played this the other day. There's a great video of a guy that's on one of these and this tiger shark comes up and bites the side of his kayak and he screams, Tiger shark! And you see this fucking mouth come out of the water. Really? Yeah. He lived. It didn't get him. Do all sharks have teeth? Because I caught a. I'm serious. Because a sand shark. I caught. My friend's got a boat we went by. That's the level of discourse. Look at this. Look at this tiger shark. Yo. I went swimming with tiger sharks in Hawaii. That's what I'm saying. Yeah, bro. I mean, that guy could have lost a foot there for sure. That thing is just clamping down on his kayak. You know where that never happens? Land. Yep. That's what I'm talking about. That never happens on land. But you know what doesn't happen in the sea? Puerto Ricans. That's true. I know. So you're really damned if you do, damned if you don't. Sometimes you gotta get your ass out there. So why were you filleting a fish? We did end of summer podcast games where we, you know, stuff you do in the summer. We filleted a fish, threw a football, diving contest. What else did we do? It was against another podcast. It was against Colm. Colm was here yesterday. Yeah, yeah. They beat us. Yeah. We did one of the things was a football throwing challenge. And Jay and Steve, they pride themselves as being like sports guys. So they had to have a. Jay had to have a blindfold on while he held a hula hoop above his head. While Steve tried to throw the ball across the yard through the hula hoop. Without hitting him in the face, groin, body or anything like that. It was so scary. Shout out Tristan Bowling. Look at this. Joe, you tell me where I went wrong on this. Well, first of all, you have a sharp knife. That's Tristan, yeah. No, we had nice knives. That's me. They're good knives. Okay. Oh, that's you, Steve? No, no, that's Tristan. Let's go, Tristan. This is it. That's Steve over there. Oh, so there's a race? It's a race to see if you can get it done first, too. And you're filleting it as well? Steve, what are you doing? Yeah. You're being too aggressive. It's a more gentle process. First of all, one of the things you do is you start from the top of the back. So you started from the bottom where the guts are. When you make the fillet, you start from the back and you slice along the spine. Joe, where were you this day? So you see where you went wrong? I could have helped. So you see where you took a left there, Steve? I could have given out pointers. There's a method. I mean, that is crazy what's in front of you. That pile of shit in front of you is crazy. That looks insane. It looks like a act of a murder, dude. That looks like a Tibetan sky funeral. It disintegrated. That's the right word for it. It was pulverized. Put it in a crock pot. I think I told you. It's a skill. Oh, fuck. It's the thing you gotta learn how to do. It's what I don't have. I've never taken a fish off a hook. I've gone on the boat on the Burt tour where they take you fishing and they're like, you want to hold the fish for the picture? I'm like, I'll point to it. Probably this guy. With his pink fingernails. Dude, I need a glove or something when I go to get the hook out. I'm not like a guy who can just grab the fish because it squirms too much, you know? You get nervous, you know? Plus it's living. I'm trying to get it done quick. These guys are real pussies. They're not real men like us. It's just one of those things you get used to. You know, if you had to live off fish, you'd figure it out real quick. If you get stranded on an island, you would be like, remember when I could barely hold a fish? CBS in the morning on Sundays they show bass fishing and I'll watch that for like an hour because those guys, the way they just sit there, they know the spots. I'm torn on bass fishing. Why? Because they don't want to eat them. They're just fucking with these fish. They're just tricking them and then they're letting them go. It's fun. I've done it. I love doing it. I love bass fishing. Don't get me wrong. But part of me is like, what are we doing here? We're not even eating these things. It's torture. Why don't people eat them? It's just a catch and release, right? There's a bunch of issues. When I was young, people would catch bass and they would get them cleaned and cooked. They certainly can. You certainly can eat them. The problem is they have forever chemicals in them now. Almost all freshwater fish are polluted. Almost all of them. If you eat a freshwater fish from a lake in the United States of America, you're going to get a very high level of PFAS. And these are a bunch of forever chemicals that come from environmental toxins, plastics, all kinds of shit that's in the oxygen or in the air, rather, the atmosphere that gets down into the water from rain, from runoff, from, you know, every time it rains, all that, you don't think about it, but all the fucking shit that's in your car, all your oil dripping, anything that someone left in the gutter, all that shit runs into the lake. And when that stuff runs in there, it's never going anywhere. It stays in there and it gets in the fish. There's no flow. Like, pull that up, Jamie. Pull that up in perplexity. Like, the what the toxins are that you can get. Environmental toxins from freshwater fish. So you get like. But is it like an aspartame thing where it turns out you have to drink 700 cokes a day? Probably. But I do know Steve Rinella told me about a guy who got real fucking sick because he was a tournament fisherman. So a freshwater tournament, like catch a bunch of perch. And they eat them. Perch are delicious. But he ate them exclusively. That was his whole diet. His fucking health fell apart. And it turned out that was why. It was like he was literally poisoning himself. Freshwater fish can contain contaminants, especially mercury, PCBs, and PFAS that accumulate from their water and food. The risk depends on the species, the lake or river, and how often you eat the fish. Freshwater fish aren't uniformly unsafe. So it's just a lot of people recommend that if you're going to eat freshwater fish, don't eat a lot of it. Don't eat it often. When I went fishing in Puerto Rico, one of the fish that we caught, they were like, if it was over a certain size, they were like, don't eat it because they've been feeding on, like, the bottom feeding like on the reef. Whatever the animals that would eat the reef. And they were like, they become toxic the larger they are. So we had to throw them back if they were, like, over a certain weight or whatever. We went to the Bahamas and there was this guy who's a guide who was telling us you can eat barracuda that are from this side of this island but not from the other side. And I said, how come? And he's like, well, it's like what they eat and, you know, like, this side is safe and that side's not safe. And I'm like, so how do we know these aren't moving around? I didn't know you could eat barracuda. At all. Yeah, so I, you know, I was with my daughter and I was like, we're not eating these. Like, you can have them. Would you eat them? He said, yeah. I'm like, oh, you can keep them. Yeah. So I didn't eat the fish. I was like, that makes me nervous as fuck because it's, like, literally a toxin. What's your strange, do you have, like, you've probably been introduced to all kinds of strange foods. Where do you draw a line? Well, because of Fear Factor, I've eaten insane things. Oh, you tried the stuff? Oh, yeah, I ate a lot of it. The first episode, I did it, like, sort of, like, to help the people out. I said, I feel terrible that you have to do this, so I'll do it, too. And they had to eat a sheep's eyeball. That wasn't that bad. It's just in your head, mostly. And I ate a. Now, it's also the thing, too. Yeah, but it's not. It's a sheep's eyeball. If it was violently awful to eat, I would tell you. And it wasn't. It was just meat. And then the other one that I ate that was pretty disgusting was a Madagascar hissing cockroach. It's, like, this big fucking roach. And it was alive. It was alive. I just picked it up and started chewing it. Almost no taste. It's in your head. Like, in your head, it's like. It's not just in your head. I lost that. I used to have that bad. Like, in high school, if somebody threw. Like, if we were all hanging out together and you threw up, I'd be like. I would fucking immediately. What kind of your parents did? Martial arts? No, fear factor. Really, just got your parents to. 100%. I saw people puke. I saw people puke literally every day. No, dude. Oh, look how young and handsome Joe was. Holy shit, dude. I had hair back then, sort of. Wow, look at those lips. Thank you. Oh, dude. See, but it's not that bad. But I did think about it for a second here, and then I got it right there. I thought about it. I think it was because when you bite into the body cavity, it does squirt. Squirt. Juices out. And I was laughing at the same time. I don't even want to hear about this, but let's do it. That's crazy. But I'm telling you, if you had to eat those to stay alive, you 100% would eat them. It's not that big a deal. I used to torture my ex-wife because I would give her the gags every time. I think it went viral for a while. It was Bear Grylls, and he put the grub in his mouth, and it was huge. The one that squirted? Bites it in the middle and just blasts open on his face. No reason to do it like that. But he wasn't even really doing it. That was the whole thing with Bear Grylls, right? He was staying in hotels. Well, he was out there legitimately. He's a legit guy. He knows what he's doing. I think he's. Isn't he a Special Forces guy? British, right? Right. So what he was doing was showing you what you do and showing you how to do it, but then he would go stay in a hotel. That's the difference between him and Survivor Man. So what happened was Survivor Man had a show first, and Survivor Man, he doesn't bring anybody with him. He does everything by himself. He brings his own video cameras, and it's all legit. And you could see it over the course of the episode. He'll be in the jungle for seven days. He hasn't eaten in three fucking days. You see it in his face. He's lost a shitload of weight. He's dehydrated. He gets out of there, and sometimes he has to go straight to the hospital. He was really surviving on his own. But they were saying, listen, we're going to bring in a lion. We'll let him loose in front. He's like, no, no, no, no, no. They tried to do a bunch of shit, like produce it. And he's like- You can't do this. I won't let you do this. And so then they said, well, we'll do it with somebody else. And that's where Bear Grylls came in. Bear Grylls, I think- According to Survivor Man. Yeah. I don't know if this is the complete truth. I trust him. To Joe Average, Bear Grylls, if you were like, yeah, he'd go rip the skin off a snake and then piss in the skin and make it his neck cooler for the desert. And then at the end of that, they go, all right, cut. Back to the hotel. He still fucking did that. He still did that. That's fucking nuts. Why wouldn't you sleep in a hotel if you could? Like, what are you, stupid? Yeah. Imagine being the Survivor Man. You haven't eaten in five days and now you have to set up a camera to film yourself. You're like, oh, I got to set up a fucking camera, get my mic on. You have to think about eating should be your main priority. Well, that show alone is a similar thing. They take like 15 people. Oh, I love that show. And that's great. And they put them in like, it's not even like anywhere. It's like deep in Canada in the cold. And it's like 30 degrees when they start. And then by day 60, it's like negative eight degrees. Because you have to do it alone. Because they're nowhere near each other. Yeah. No one's anywhere near anybody. And to win the thing, you have to stay out there the longest. Whoever stays out there the longest wins like a quarter million dollars. That's it? But check it out. You don't know when the other people tap out. So you don't know if there's 10 people left. You don't know if there's two people left. You're just sitting there with your thoughts being like, what the fuck? It's a great show. It's a great show. They build like crazy huts and shit. There was one season where the guy was like, I'll stay out here. I kind of like my life out here now. Yeah. Well, my friend Jordan, he was on one of the episodes of the podcast. Jordan Jones, he did it. And he's a real survival guy. He's lived with people in Siberia. He lived with these tribes that they herd caribous and shit. And he brought with him a bow and arrow. So he killed a moose. And then he had a Jordan Jonas. And Jordan had to fight off a wolverine with an axe. What? Because the wolverine was trying to steal the fat from his moose. And plus the wolverine can regenerate. So how are you going to kill him? He killed a wolverine on camera with a fucking axe. They got to hang the meat. If they get a good. If they get a good kill in the beginning, they got to like hang the meat and keep it for as long as they can keep it. And if an animal comes and gets you, like there ain't nobody there to help you. Not in time. You're fucked. If that wolverine turned on him, if it just got a hold of his calf and just ripped his Achilles tendon apart and he started gushing blood out of his leg, 100% he's bleeding out before anybody gets to him. They give you a phone. If you want to tap out, you like one button and they're like, yeah, come get me. They bring in a helicopter like two days later and they get you out. Bro, a lady got killed. Two days later. Yeah. A lady got killed a few days later. A lady got killed a few years ago, not on the show, but a lady got killed by an otter. An otter killed her. What a weak bitch. Yeah, chips, right? I think if it bites the inside of your thigh, I think you're fucked. I think if it penetrates through one of those arteries, I think you just start spraying. And if you don't have a tourniquet and you don't know how to apply it correctly, you're fucked. I was picturing more like the otter had disgusting viruses in its mouth or something and then she got like her leg like amputated or something. She was a certified swine. She was a certified swim instructor from Reno on a routine morning swim. An otter grabbed her leg with human-like force and pulled her underwater. The animal tore off her goggles and repeatedly bit and clawed her face, nose, cheek, armpits and legs for about five minutes. She fought the animal off, used her swimming skills to climb up onto the boulders, though the otter followed her out of the water and circled below. Jesus. She sustained deep bites and scratches requiring 38 stitches plus rabies and tetanus vaccination. So that lady lived. But there was a lady a few years back who got killed. I'll fuck up an otter, Joe. You have these conversations about trying to like choke down a mountain lion. I'll fucking fuck up an otter. Bro, you would be so, you wouldn't even know what's, is this an otter coming at? What is that? Is that a seal? What is it? I couldn't identify an otter. I think I would run till my legs didn't work and then accept death. I would just be like, well, here we go. Or I'd try to like choke it. I would try to like person fight it. It's always thumb in the eye, punch it in the tip of the nose, something like that. Yeah. You got to get behind its head. You got to grab, you got to get control of behind its head. It's not a big animal, but it's the chaos of the moment and it's the fear and you're fighting it off. Most important thing is control. You have to control its head and then pin that fucker down and then you put your body weight on them and then you kill them. And then I whisper in his ear, you made me do this to you. This lady was another lady. I was viciously attacked by a group of otters, bro. 10 different otters got her at once. Oh my God. It's like the Cornell of otters. Man, Asians feel nothing. Tearing my arms, legs, and even the back of my scalp. Holy fuck, man. Yeah. Like if you're a small person like this lady and a group of otters comes and gets you. I don't even think she was in the water. It sounds like she was out. Oh my God. She was in the parking lot. Well, that would take me off guard. Oh my God. If I was in a supermarket parking lot and a bunch of otters jumped out, I'd be like, fuck, what's happening? Is that what you're calling now, otters? Imagine though trying to explain to the cop. Oh, she pulled out her camera. Of course she did. Listen to that because I couldn't resist capturing the moment. The video marveling at how endearing these creatures seemed. Oh, that's crazy. She was gushing about how adorable they were. I was in Utah a couple of years ago and I saw a badger on the road and it was at nighttime and I ran out with my phone to try to get a film of the badger and the badger puffed up and started like marching towards me and I fucking panicked like a little girl. I just ran and got back in the truck. How does a badger, like it puffed up like it's like. Yeah, it got like this. It got like this, like what bitch? And started literally just walking straight towards me, like not nervous. Not nervous about me at all. I think that's the energy of most animals. What if ducks cross the street? All the cars just sit there and wait. Those are urban ducks. They don't speed up. They're just going to take a soft little like, yeah, it's going to take a minute. Yeah, but when you shoot at them, they get accustomed to flying away very quickly. See, this is why the difference, like you ever see those Colorado towns where elk just wander through the towns? It's crazy. Yeah, there's Evergreen, Colorado. There's a place that's above Boulder. It's beautiful. And one of the things about Evergreen is they have a, a migration of elk that go through the fucking center of the town every year. So through the center of the town, you're, you're hanging out trying to go to work and there's 40 elk in the middle of the street. Like here's one just chilling. It's flux. This guy's car up. There's a great video of a guy who's trying to talk shit to an elk and it flattens his tire. But in Evergreen, there's like March, but that's because no one's shooting at them. Here they are. So they're accustomed in their world. They have patterned that. Oh, if you go, if you go near the roads and you go near the buildings, no one shoots you. So that's what they do. This is an average street with deer in New Jersey. I don't know how long it's been since you've been in New Jersey, but it's crazy, dude. Well, it's Texas too. Texas too. But these are elk. So this is like, the males are an 800 pound animal and they're wandering down the streets and they're everywhere. But if you saw them in the woods, they would fucking smell you and run from you immediately. They would never. Yeah. So it's the same thing with ducks. Like the ducks are respond, like was waddling. Was waddling across the street because they know no one wants to run them over because they're cute. Like there's a massive fucking herd on the side of this road. Oh, that one's got a collar on. Pimp it. What are these? That's an elk. That's a female elk. So look, they're in the middle of the road. Just chilling. Wow. It's because the elk meadow park. Well, they are next to elk meadow park. It's their spot. Maybe don't drive there. You know, that's probably, that's Colorado. Yeah. Colorado has more elk, more population, a larger population of elk than any other state. And you're like, oh, I don't know. Are you allowed to hunt them? Yeah, you can hunt them. And it's, it's, you have to get a tag and it's hard to find them. It's like, you'll find those that are in the towns. But once you go into the mountains, they know what's going on. They know the game is aflame. Is there, can you hunt them with shotguns and arrows or do you have to just do one? No, you can use, it's depending on what time of the year. So there's an archery season. It's usually early. So September is the archery season. And then you can only use archery equipment in a lot of states. And then there's a rifle season afterwards. There's a late archery season. I think on Long Island, you can only kill the deer with a bow and arrow. No. Well, that's because you're in a fucking. Yeah. You can't start shooting off guns. Residential neighborhood. Yeah. But bows and arrows, even then you got wahoos like our friend Bruce out there. One of his fucking neighbors at their house got hit by a crossbow bolt because the neighbors are, they're poaching deer. That's crazy. There's just deer in their neighborhood. They're everywhere. And look, deer are fucking delicious. And, you know, I feel like I could go hunting or I could just go right here and shoot a deer. drag it into my garage, no one's gotta know. They come up to, and they eat my hydrangeas. I want to beat them to death with a baseball bat. Not your hydrangeas. I have a batting cage in my house, so we got a deer got its antlers caught in the cage. Oh, no. And it was, fuck, I got the video. It's flipping, flipping, flipping. I'm away in Denver on the road. My wife's freaking out. She calls the cops. They send a female cop. She comes down. She looks at it. She goes, we're going to wait for somebody. Back up, right? We're going to wait for a male cop. I swear to God, a male cop shows up. He's like, he gets out of the car. He goes over to it, right? He grabs it by the neck, brings it down. He goes, do you mind if I cut the net? And my wife goes, yeah. He goes, you should ask your husband. These are pretty expensive. She's like, cut the fucking net. She cuts the net, and the deer gets out, and it runs away. And he goes, chances are it's going to be dead in the 10 minutes. Their hearts, like he said, the adrenaline goes so fast, their hearts explode. Really? Yeah, like most times they're so. Sounds like an old wife. That doesn't make sense, because if they get away from a mountain lion, if they get lucky, don't they live? Like, what a stupid evolutionary trait. If it hits 80 miles per hour, it goes back to the future. Well, he gave it the punch of death, so who knows? I don't know. This thing was for like a half hour trying to rip itself out of this net, dude. Hanging itself, swinging back and forth. Maybe. It was nuts. Do you think it's funny, Joe, how synonymous you are with elk meat? It's like a Roganism thing. If someone's like, hey, I'm going to do Rogan. He goes, what are you guys going to have some elk meat and gloves? It's just like the obvious thing. I think you've taken pictures of elk before. Oh, yeah. 100%. You cook it. Oh, I eat a lot of it. Are you a great cook? You cook all this stuff yourself? What is this? Yeah, I do. The condition's called capture myopathy, also known as exterional myopathy. So deer can die from extreme stress and struggling after getting stuck in a fence. Wow. Yeah. More than just simply being scared, intense fear, prolonged struggling, restraint can trigger severe muscle damage and overheating, while potentially fatal effects on major organs. If you wouldn't mind. Steve's got a big reading exam coming up soon. Steve, do you want to take a whack at one of these paragraphs, please? Whoa. A deer may collapse during the ordeal or initially look okay after the release and then deteriorate hours or days later. Signs can include weakness, stiff muscles, tremors, dark urine, and collapse. Who's out there checking deer urine? Let me check to see if Roscoe's going to be okay. And collapse. That's a pretty good sign when the deer fucking collapses. Generally, when they collapse. Yeah, dude. Driving at night in Jersey is terrible. It's terrifying. Or Texas. You watch them on the side of the road. Dude, they have a lot of deer in Texas, right? Everywhere. I think Jersey is the number one state for the most population of deer. I could be wrong about that, but I believe it is. I think you might be right. And they jump out in front of your car, and sometimes they'll jump through your window and then kick you to death and then fucking run away. My friend Cam, he lives in Oregon, and a dude in his town died because the guy in front of him hit a deer. Oh. So the guy in front of him hit a deer, and he's behind. The deer flips through the air and goes straight through his windshield. And just murks him on the spot. Do you know what a side neck is? What? Side neck? Bitch, I'm side neck. No. No? I would say he's a. I don't know either. I don't think I've ever wanted to know anything more in my life. He's a side neck. I would say he's a Canadian phenomenon. Jamie, are you familiar at all? He's. Oh, that guy. Yeah. I've seen that guy. He's side neck. Like he got paralyzed or something. Well, he's not paralyzed. What happened to him, we dug deep, deep dive. He's from Canada. He was driving. Hit a moose. Moose came up on the windshield. Kicked through. And like his legs went through the windshield. And the moose buck like kicked his fucking head like a cartoon. No. I swear to God. No. The moose kicked his head to the side forever. And now he's side neck. Well, it seems like his right arm doesn't work, right? No, no, no. He explains it all in the one song. He's side neck. The moose? The whole thing? No, no, no, no. He just leaves that part out? Yeah, yeah, yeah. He wrote a diss track on the moose. Why would you leave that part out of your origin story? That's one of the greatest. He's probably waiting to get his legs under him. Then he's going to make it his opus. You know what I mean? Yeah. It's going to be his fucking. Yeah. That's going to be the wall. That's what it's all for. He's not ready to address that just yet. Right now he's getting his feet wet. Did you ever see cross country runners get blasted by deer? Oh, yeah. Oh, dude. It's. It'll fuck you up. It'll run right through you and fucking truck you, dude. You're not even there. I think the one that freaks me out the most is motorcycle guys. Oh, really? When they're going fast in canyon runs. Like. Like. Like. And then you just see a blur of brown and then boom. And then you just. Damn, dude. And, you know, these fucking cats are on a bike going 70 miles an hour through the canyon sideways and then a deer just jumps in front of them. Whee! Look at all this momentum. Plus the bones that you're running into and the possibility of a fucking antler going through your face. It's not good. Yeah. You're fucked, man. I mean, if you get hit. I don't care if you have your goggles on. Is that going to protect you? Is that going to protect you from an antler at 70 miles an hour? Like, straight point to the center of your fucking head? No. Look at this. I hit my head on my wife's fucking trunk, dude. You think I'm going to survive a goddamn deer collapse? That's hilarious, dude. No way. Yeah, fuck it. Fuck riding a bike and getting hit by a deer. Just. Having a good time. Fucking freedom. I love the idea of getting in a motorcycle, but I'm too much of a pussy to pull the trigger. That's not pussy. Yeah. That's not pussy. Yeah. It's just being smart. It's reality at this point. But it's. Same thing. I've always wanted. They're so fun. I've always wanted to ride a motorcycle. The only time I've been on a motorcycle was twice on the back holding a man's waist while my calves got burned by the exhaust. I went and. Here, this guy gets wiped. Check out this. Boom! Oh, fuck. Trees. Bikes fucked. Holy shit. Yeah. Holy shit. And deer. Watch this. He doesn't even have a chance. Boom! Oh, my God. Fuck. I'll tell you the saddest thing I've ever seen when driving home in Jersey is when you see a dead one on the side of the road and there's another one standing next to it, like just sad about it. Like, you're like. Especially a baby and the mama. It's like looking out. It's like looking out after. It's like standing in front of it almost like so the cars don't hit. It's weird. Yeah. It's never sad. It's a good riddance every time. The only solution is to have predators in your neighborhood. That's not good either. No. Because then the deer move out and then they start eating your dog. Dogs and cats. That's how California handles it. Like, California with their mountain lion crisis. Like, they want to pretend it's not a crisis. They fucking captured mountain lions in San Francisco and they check out their digestion, see what they're eating. 50% of their diet was pets. Really? Whoa. Yeah. Cats and dogs and. Yeah, man. Yeah, man. They're monsters. They're fucking monsters. Yeah, that happens a lot too. It'll be like a dog at the edge of like a little lake in Florida or like a bottle of water. Then an alligator comes out and just pulls it. It happened when I was a kid. I lived in Florida. I lived in Gainesville and this lady had like some little poodle type dog or something and she's just walking it on the thing and this gator just came up and snatched it and dragged it into the water. It was the talk of the town. Yeah. Yeah. There was one guy who jumped in and got the dog back from the alligator. That's crazy. That's a famous story, yeah. Say hi, dude. I would do that for my dog. Say hi. Oh, I remember that. There was a video of it. It was a few years ago, yeah. Yeah, it was an old guy, right? And he's like beating the fucking alligator that lets go of his dog. Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. That's why I get a big dog. I got a little dog, too. I have a regular sized dog. I have a golden retriever, but then I have this little dog. It's a King Charles Cavalier. Here's the guy. Yeah, I have a Cocker Spaniel. Yeah. Holy shit. That's a little ass alligator and his dog. That guy's getting his fucking fingers right there in the jaws, man. That's crazy. And he gets it loose. Yeah, it's a Cocker Spaniel. And then you got to pull it apart like how King Kong killed that lizard. Yeah. Remember? Just fucking rips his. It fucking splits it in half. It was a dinosaur, right? King Kong killed a dinosaur that way, right? Today is brought to you by the number one brand for better sex, Blue Chew. Blue Chew Gold is a four-in-one powerhouse that gets your brain and your body on the same page for sex. Two ingredients get the blood flow pumping, and two ingredients prime your brain for arousal. No overthinking, just peak performance in as little as 15 minutes. Look at the stats. Gold is three times stronger, five times faster, and eight times longer lasting than old school methadone. Blue Chew Gold is the real deal. Right now, buy two months of Blue Chew Gold and get the third free with my code ROGAN. You'll also receive free overnight shipping. That's promo code ROGAN. Head over to bluechew.com for details and important safety information. Check it out. This ad and the products being advertised are intended for a United States audience. Rip its jaw off. That's what you got to do, that fuck. And then you turn that thing into a belt. Fuck you. You fucking cunt. But anyway, I have. I have a King Charles Cavalier. I've never really been into little dogs. I fucking love this little guy so much. He's so enthusiastic. He's so fun. All he wants to do is just kiss you and jump all over you. And he's a puppy. He's like a year and a half old. But when I come home, he's like. He just goes fucking crazy. He leaps up. I pick him up. He's kissing me. Just squirming and having fun. He just loves being around people. He's so sweet. He's like the sweetest little dog ever. It's like, oh, I get it. It's not going to guard your house. It's not. There's nothing. No, but they think they will. Dude, my cocker spaniel, she thinks she's a fucking. Like a beast. She barks. She's like. At least they let you know something's up, you know? There's an interesting thing. I have a dog for the first time four years now. The first dog I've ever had in my life, so I never quite got it before. But I do feel this sense of. I want it to have more appreciation. You want the dog to have more appreciation? There's no real appreciation show of a dog. You're like, man, you were found in a box on the side of the road. Yeah. That's your life now. Yeah, look at him. Why are you just staring at me? Why are you not licking my face constantly? I'm judgmental of her for it. That's hilarious. It is interesting. But I also think that my dog, if she was taken by somebody tomorrow, like kidnapped, she would just be like, I love you now. Oh, they all would. They all would. There's no loyalty like that. They have like probably a half a day of memory. Yeah, I don't know about that. Some dogs get very attached to people. Oh, dude. Did you see those videos of like, what was the latest one? It was a guy who was an ex like a Marine going through TSA and a fucking dog jumps over the TSA people and just starts going crazy for him. It was like his military dog from when he was in the military. Yeah. Am I fucking that up or something like that? No, you're not at all. You're not at all. Yeah, but do you think the dog was depressed without him or he just saw him and was like, oh shit. I'm sure Jamie could find him. He was probably okay without him, but that's his favorite person. It was like crazy. It's not real, Jamie? AI generated. No! Damn it! Damn. It was one of the first ones that came out. It got everybody. No! Are you serious? Seth MacFarlane. That dog didn't give a shit about that guy. Seth MacFarlane did a cartoon thing with that where they see a wolf over the ridge and then they tell the whole story of like, that's a wolf that he saw years ago and then they get up to it and it just wasn't the wolf and it eats them all. There is a real video though of one where the guy meets it at the airport and the dog doesn't recognize him immediately. It takes a few seconds and then figures it out and then starts wagging his tail like crazy and kissing him. Ari showed me when he came back from his like, you know, trip with wherever the hell he went all over the world, he had his dog like at his house and what he did was he put his shoes down before he came into the house and they had him fit and the dog started smelling his shoes and went crazy and then just started looking around the house and then Ari came in and went nuts. But he's like, they just smell, they know what like that, what their owners feel like. Well, Ari's dog is a good example. That dog, Bandit, that dog is 100% attached to Ari. Oh yeah. Like when Ari goes to the bathroom here, it waits. Yeah. Outside the bathroom door just sits there and you can't talk to it. You can't like, hey Bandit, what's going on? It doesn't give a fuck about you. Is that good or bad? Well, that kind of a test, it's hard to lead me away. I think that was a rescue dog and I think that dog had a horrible life and now it has an amazing life. Yep. So it associates that guy with the love. That guy, that's my, that's my savior. Yeah. And that's the kind of appreciation I don't think this fucking bitch is giving me. Well, different dogs are different ways, you know. You don't mind that you had, I had a dog. I had a big dog and now we don't have one, but we're thinking about getting another one. And the consensus is to get a small dog, which I'm sort of like, ah, but it's not a bad deal, I guess, right? Well, I have two dogs. So the other dog is a normal size dog. He's a golden retriever. And you know, he, he's the worst watchdog than the little dog. He loves everybody. That dog has no favorites. Everybody's his best friend. Okay. Like everybody who comes over the house, if you guys all came out, he would just go to you to get pet and then go to you to get pet and then go to you to get pet and then come and check in on me. It's like my ex-girlfriend. What is it? My dog is like that too. That's why I feel like if my dog though growled at somebody or just instinct didn't like somebody, I would trust that instinct because she's same way. It's like she loves everybody. So if she was not into someone, I'd be like, this guy's got, it's like a, I wanted the power. You touch him and see his murders. He's committed. And my dog was super attached to me for a minute. We, and when me and my girlfriend would have sex, like she would go outside of the door and she would just scratch at the door and whine. And it was. It was the most distracting thing ever. Then I'd let her in and she'd just sit on the top of the pillow and stare at us while we were fucking. You have to invite her in. Yeah. It's polite. She started licking the sweat off my head. That's crazy. Yeah. Get over here, puddles. Come here. My dog has zero instincts, like zero survival instincts. It's, he's hilarious. He ate two pounds of gravel. There was some chicken, chicken food, some chicken food got spilled on the gravel. So he ate the chicken food and then just kept eating. And the way we found out is I, I came. I came home and he's looked fucked up. Like it just didn't look good. I'm like, you okay, buddy? And then he vomits up a bunch of rocks and then he has diarrhea. The diarrhea has rocks in. I'm like, what the fuck? I take him outside. He's running around shitting all over the place and throwing up. Then I have to take him to the vet and they go, yeah, he swallowed a bunch of these. We're going to keep him overnight to see if he gets, see how it works. So he comes out, he's got an IV in his arm and fucking conas and that little bit sad, you know? And then what does he do immediately? He finds a turtle in the backyard. Eats that. Like, I mean, immediately within days. Oh, nevertheless. With the shell and everything. He just like. He found a fucking turtle and he bit into the turtle and he ate turtle shells. I had to take him back to the hospital. He had just gotten the cone off. We didn't really have to keep the cone on him though. Cause he wasn't really fucking with his, uh, his IV bandage hole where the area, that's what they, you gotta make sure they don't lick that spot. But he was, uh, he just doesn't have any instincts. He's just love. Like everybody, like if you come over the house, you could have a fucking machine gun and be. And you'd be wearing a mask and you'd be like, hello, hello, I'm your friend. My dog doesn't give a fuck about fireworks, loud noises. She's never like startled. Oh, my dog panics with fireworks. Oh really? Yeah. He panics. The little one doesn't, but the big one, the Marshall, he hears fireworks like, he just starts running around the house and whining. Like if you're trying to watch a movie and there's a storm outside, you're fucked. When's the last time you've really enjoyed fireworks shows? I love fireworks. Still? Yeah. My birthday's the 4th of July. I think I do. You know what I really love? I love cell phone videos of fireworks. I love going over my old cell phone videos of fireworks. Of ones that you saw personally? Yeah, you got to watch them over and over and over again. Like, wow, what a memory. Has anybody ever watched a cell phone? No, I never. I film them. I watch the next day. And nobody ever watches it. Of course. And then you never watch it again. I probably have four hours of firework videos on my phone that I've never even looked at ever again. That's my feeling about concert phones always. Oh, yeah. Because you're not going to watch this. You're not going to watch this. One of the wildest videos, and this is before AI, there's a dude, he's got, I don't know, an M80 or some kind of a. Some kind of a firework in his hand, and it blows off in his hand. It's a Puerto Rican guy? Blows his hand sideways. Yeah. Like, you see blood is pouring out of his hands, and then this dude shotguns a beer. Holy shit. While he's holding his hand. Yeah. You can see the damage in his hand. His hand's blown apart. Yeah, it's like a big Hispanic guy. Yeah. And the dude shotguns a beer. Yeah. While his hand's blown apart. Blast. And then it shows the aftermath. His hand's, like, done. Oh, my God. I created this thing that I do the fireworks in. Like, it was part of our play-like structure. It's like a tube. So I put. I put cinder blocks around it, and I put the boxes in, so I light it. So in case it goes to the side, it fucking hits the tube. We've had boxes turned to the side, and it just shoots in. It just. Right through your fucking third floor window. Dude, that's. I was. One year, we didn't have the tube. It went into the bushes. People were fucking going out, running for everything. Like, true fun fire. Now I got the tube, dude. It just shoots straight up. So you do your own fireworks? I do my own. I buy, like, $800 worth of fireworks. Oh, you're an animal. Yeah. I love it. Do they have those things? Where do you live? Long Island. In Long Island, do they have those places where it's, like, a little stand? No, it's illegal in Long Island, so I got to go to Pennsylvania. Well, you get them. Like, in Jersey, you can go to 7-Eleven, and the fireworks, they don't shoot up in the sky. They shoot, like, eight feet in the sky. They're okay. So they're kind of fun. You get a box for, like, 40 bucks. In Texas, you can buy nuclear bombs. You can literally. You go to the fucking. A truck that pulls over, like, on the corner of the road, and you can buy things that you can't believe are legal. I've launched. You watch these fucking things from my backyard. You watch them shoot in the sky, and you're like, that's a real firework. Yes. Like, a legit Disneyland firework. Just. Groochy shit. Like a. Yep. Six, seven of them in a row. Look at these guys. Animals. That's what I. Look at the tube. That's the kind of tube I have. So, yeah. Oh, my God. This probably goes great. Then they light it and run. Yeah, you could buy those. Because they go straight up. Small fires around the neighborhood. Good call, Steve. You could buy those a mile from my house. Oh, my God. Yeah. They can do anything here, dude. They can do anything here. You could even rescue a machine gun. Look at that. Look at that. That's. Well, I launched one of those like that in my backyard. I'm not bullshitting. Here's the. Is that a success? Yeah, that's not good, dude. Look. You just give that to anybody, because they don't have to point it at the sky. Look how far that's going. Yeah, that's what I'm saying. Imagine if you pointed that at your ex-girlfriend's house. You know, like, you set it up in the back of a pickup truck, wedged it in there, lit that fucker, just angled it right. Oh, yeah. We used to have Roman candle fights when we were kids, when we were teenagers. Oh, Jesus Christ. That's dangerous. We used to make chlorine bombs. Did you ever make a chlorine bomb? What? No. Is that the guy? I'm not a homegrown terrorist. That's the guy who blew his hand apart. Look at. His hand is below my. Oh, my God. Oh. Real nice shotgun to be here. Oh, it's not even the guy I was talking about. No, it's a different guy. Oh, that's horrible. That's horrible. No, the guy you're talking about was in New York City, I think. I appreciate the guy's just like, well, this is already a situation. Rock and roll. Can't turn back time, right? So this is the situation. Only young ones, bro. The toothpaste is out of the tube, my friend. I'm already in my underwear. There's no second take. I'm already in my underwear on the top of the car. Oh, look at it dripping. Dude, dangling. I mean, his hand is below the fuck apart. It's like a claw now. And then he just drinks. What are you going to do? Is that Uncle Lazer? Fuck. I mean. Can you find the one of the guy in New York? I wonder what's left of that guy's hand. I wonder what. It's nuts. Before we. Can we find out what happened to that guy's hand? Follow-up? Yeah, is it a follow-up? It actually works perfectly. Yeah. Yeah, that's the thing. Maybe it's better. He's a Terminator. All the scar tissues somehow held the hand together in a better way. You never heard of chlorine bombs? We used to make those when we were kids. You take a two-liter bottle of. Like an empty two-liter bottle of soda. You know those chlorine tablets? Yeah. Crack up two of those. Put them in the bottom. No, Steve. Rubbing alcohol. We didn't grow up with pools, asshole. Twist it, shake it, and run, dude. And it just sizzles up, and it just explodes. And if you're within a perimeter, you'll get knocked on your ass with a huff of chlorine. So you could potentially make one of those and chuck it into someone's window? You could put it in a mailbox, allegedly. Yeah, but it would take a while. The mailbox thing. Don't, though. Yeah. Okay. You shake it, you put it in the mailbox. How much time do you have? You have about 15 seconds before it goes off. It's. So if someone, it's like someone's window was open and you were on the ground floor and they were on the second floor, you could put the lid on that fucker. Shake it, throw it in, dude. That's the guy's hand. Oh, my God. The other photo here is very graphic. Okay. His hand turned into a swastika. Let's go. What's the other photo? Here we go. Here's the next photo. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. So he lost his whole hand. Did that open? It's like Terminator 2. Yes. That's crazy. That's crazy. Oh, my God. He might have kept a finger. Fucking A. No, at that point, just cut it off. No, the whole hand's cut off. Give me one of the robot hands. Just, yeah. Give me a claw, like one of the new gadgets. I get that the little Tyrannosaurus Rex head, like they have on those stick things. Have fun with that, baby. Don't they really have the ones you could just twist on and make it different, like one's a hand, one's like you can, you know, like a claw, like for different usages. I think they do. Yeah, I think James Bond, one of those James Bonds. Yeah. That was a thing. I met a dude at the comedy store. It was this guy from Australia, and he got his hand and his leg bitten off by a shark. And so he had a carbon fiber leg and a carbon fiber hand. The guy walked around, no limp, and he could shake your hand. Light as a feather, too. Oh, that's awesome. Yeah, look, you get tools. Whoa. That's better than a real hand. That's better, dude. That's better. Than having a deformed claw? Definitely better than having a claw. And maybe you could put a vibrator on the other end of that thing. Definitely not better than having a hand. Joe, if you put a vibrator on it, how are you going to possibly get it in your ass? There's no angle. You could make an angle. There's another attachment. That's a different attachment, yeah, dude. An elbow, I understand. Give you a vibrator. It's like that thing you got to put between the front and back of the vacuum cleaner. The long piece. Yeah. The extension holes. Yeah, it articulates. You have to screw something in the middle of it, and then it comes out. Well, if they start making body parts that are better than our parts, it's going to be a problem. Because people are going to want to be cyborgs. People already get fake tits. They don't like their tits, so they get a fake one because it makes their tits look better. If you can get arms that worked way better, and you actually feel through them, there's going to be dudes that get their arms hacked off. But how do you weigh out that it's not the psychosis of people who want to just take off? Now there's a real. Gives people a reason who want to do voluntary applications. Yeah, there are people who do that. No, that's what I'm saying. People who are like, I was not supposed to be born with this arm. I don't feel right with this left arm. You get it taken off. But you could just not have any regulations and let people do that. If it gets to the point where it's that good, you could just say, yeah, my body's fine. Don't get me wrong. I'm not one of those people. But I'm 42, and I'm starting to feel it. And Mike got a whole fake body, and fucking Mike is just having so much fun. He's got so much more energy than me, and apparently no side effects. So you just go in there and take your fucking head off and screw it into some robot body? It's weird to be able to take healthy arms off. Do you know about that guy? There was this one guy that was. He got. I think he was a doctor, and he had his legs removed. He had his legs voluntarily amputated. He tried to pretend for a long time that there was something wrong with his legs and had to get them amputated, but it turned out it was just a weird sexual fetish. So odd. And so I think he got his license taken away, but this guy was a practicing doctor, I believe. Doctor jailed after getting his own legs amputated for sexual fetish, then making insurance claim. He made an insurance claim. Well, that's the crazy part. A vascular surgeon in England was sentenced to 32 months in prison for insurance fraud and possession of extreme pornographic images. That's interesting. The insurance fraud, I get. You put him in jail for that. But his extreme pornographic images, those are illegal? Because this chick, he met a hot young chick that was like, I love getting stump fucked, and I just feel like you can't supply that for me. Sure, you're rich. Oh, man. Well, it's hilarious. His last name is Hopper. That's crazy. He had been packing his legs in ice. It sounds like a children's book about a very brave man. Look at this. Hopper couldn't hop anymore. He claimed that the injuries to his limbs were the result of sepsis, but in reality, Hopper had been packing his legs in ice and dry ice in an act of self-mutilation, authorities said. The defendant was a paying custodian. He was charged with a crime of sexual assault. and body modification, including penises being removed. So that's what he got arrested for as well as insurance claim? Do you remember those videos from back in the day, the body modification extreme? Oh, yeah, BME, yeah. Yeah, dude, that was a crap. Half of it was fake, but some of it was real. Yeah, no, a lot of it was real. Yeah, guys were like, just like fucking slice their dicks open with razor blades, like crazy. Do you know Devin LaRotte, the world champion arm wrestler? Do you know who that guy is? Yes. Yeah, his brother was the guy who ran Body Modification Extreme, Shannon. Shannon LaRotte, I was friends with him. Really? He ran that website, yeah. What an awful thing to take submissions for every day. Yeah. Is this good enough? Yeah. Just the amount of shit you're saying. You're going to look at. Yeah, I filleted my asshole. Maybe maybe pile yeah packing his legs with dry ice to kill them and then claim he's got sepsis So he needs his legs removed. That's wild the fact that people can sexualize. Everything is great Remember how ridiculous the movie was crash where it was like they have to be in car accidents while they fuck mm-hmm Like it's how dumb it but people are in the that's not as the strangest thing in the world now It's stupid, but it's like yeah, I could see there might be one case of that I don't know if I have sex sexualization and anything other than sexual stuff good for you. I don't have like Foot I never get the foot thing Come on a nice foot. No no you're a weirdo for nice. We're pretty yeah Really get your dick card that's a slippery not putting it in my mouth like putting a toe in my mouth turns me on not like Looking at looking at feet. That's weird, but if a girl puts her foot in my mouth a little musty after the gym Yeah, I was gonna be like well I do nope This little piggy stinks My Instagram algorithm is a mess and I had this one that popped up the other day It's an insert that women put in the bottom of their shoes so the bottom of their shoes like between their foot and the shoes like the bottom like the the insole is like a Fleshlight and she was sticking bananas like lubing up her feet and sticking bananas in between her foot and the spongy part You know like saying like look you could fuck the bottom of my foot. Oh, and I just shot my phone off Together to create the hole right so that they put their feet together And then you could fuck the like the soles of their feet like the arch. Yeah, like yeah, I've heard So I've heard I mean feet is probably better than like wanting to fuck furniture or something like that if you're gonna have a Proclivity to something really bad, but I mean like imagine how did you guys stop being so fucking judgmental? Yeah, I'm just saying I was pretty much one in the same. No, they're not dude No, I just the listen I said, I'm not like a party stopper So if a girl had nice feet, yeah, like I want you to suck my toes I would mm-hmm, but I would never I would never grab her ankle and stuff her fucking onion foot in my face she's got hammer toe yeah i like a working girl knock it too close it is weird the the things that people can sexualize that's what i mean like it's all i think everyone's on a spectrum of whatever like their freak is like whatever the the freakiest thing you like is on a spectrum unquestionably well that's one of the weirder things about this whole trans movement and there's nothing against trans people but there was a real thing that existed before people just identify with the opposite sex and just feel like you're born in the wrong body like i don't know what that feels like i don't you know i'm not judgmental but what i am curious about is whatever happened to autogynephilia so autogynephilia is a real psychological condition where men get turned on dressing up as women but they're not into men they're into they don't identify as a woman they're a man who gets turned on by dressing up as a woman it's it's been in the like psychological literature forever and that these guys want to have sex with women but they want to dress up like a woman like now like the professors who wear like panties under their fucking yeah it's like herbert hoover a cross-dresser or something like that yeah allegedly the website he was on was not just a weird oh the surgeon that got his legs removed yeah man oh boy what was it eunuchmaker.com oh my god fetish website featuring videos of men and boys either maiming themselves or allowing others to mutilate them on camera. That'll get you put in jail. It's gotta be dark. There's no hiding that. If somebody checks your search history and you have eunuchmaker.com. Oh my god. Michael says his castration earned him $60 or £60 which didn't even cover the cost of his travel. Oh man. I cut my dick off and all I got was £60. That's a good shirt. My castration I cut my cock off and all I got was £60. And the shirt People get into The most fucked up things Is that just like Like a level of chemical Imbalance that's in you or is that Traumatized into you? That's a good question Like if someone's just like I can't even get hard unless someone Is a clown in the room What's the matter? I was trying to find what he got because he got arrested for Three counts of having extreme pornography And I was hoping some article would say what it was and here we go here we go steve okay the first video cost hopper 10 10 pounds it shows gustav and gustafson castrating another man the second costing 35 pounds features a man tied to a bed while gustafson rolls dice to decide which body parts to remove the man ended up losing his penis and testicles and bled so much that gustafson called an ambulance all with the camera still rolling in a third video also costing hopper 35 pounds a man cut off his own penis and holds it up to the camera fuck this is this is bizarrely affordable yeah prices these things these are way low prices it's not one it's like the only only fans are girls sell their tits for 20 bucks but it's like a thousand dudes are buying yeah but you can get a bundle okay but that's just showing your tits this is filleting your opening your cock like a hot dog i want to watch steve fillet his own cock i almost did that day dude holy shit next year's up end of the summer games what about like if you had like say i had a prince albert would you think about me differently would you be like oh that's like a rod through the rod through the head i'd say you got problems i'll say generally there's a thing i mean i'm not judging yeah guys get implants in their dicks their dicks are like bumped like you know they like ribbed for her pleasure like they make their dick oh yeah ribbed for her pleasure i went down a rabbit hole so uh so uh they can't show dick enhancement operations but they do link to their youtube and so somehow in my fucking pop-up i see this guy somehow who's looking he's he's got this piece of something in his hand that looks remarkably similar to renna zizi's fucking fish fillet he's like moving this thing around and saying this is going to add three inches and two inches of diameter and he's like explaining all the different things this is going to do and then you realize like oh that's going in a dick he can't show it to you but then he talks to the guys afterwards he says tell me about the experience like oh i'm so happy it looks amazing i look at it in the mirror looks amazing and then it's like check out more on my youtube channel like you got me so on the youtube channel you you see the dicks you use your it's a medical procedure enlargement you can look at a lot of dicks on youtube as long as it's medical context so you're seeing these guys puffed up hogs where they're they're taking this like thing and they're cutting on where the ball meets the dick and they're shoving this sheath in this plastic sheet that stretches it out and plumps it up jay considered getting liposuction on his food but to make his dick bigger that's a real story well so it's not going to make it bigger it'll show bigger yeah it'll show like a nice house with furniture yeah yeah you have to judge it up what took me out of it i went for the uh you know what he called consultation and i don't know why i didn't see this coming for so like i was like well of course he's got to see the situation that he wants to get in there and fix yeah so he just comes in and sits in a stool where he is eye level with my dick he goes pull your pants down and i was like ah shit and he goes now come over here in the mirror and i'm like oh i don't want to do this part either now kiss me he goes um he goes okay this is how your penis looks when you're standing naturally now and then he gives me a a diamond cutter around my dick and balls and he pushes back and he goes and that's what it will look like after the surgery and i went okay can i go and i never looked back i never looked back and then i was like yo get the out of here he fucking diamond cutted your dick and balls pushed it back just like that just had my wiener poking through his diamond it was insane would it have been more uncomfortable before he did it he said i want you to feel safe yeah yeah put your hand on my low back i want you to be comfortable yeah groom me a little don't just throw me in there i just want you to relax hey you probably look at your dick you probably love getting your dick in the mirror standing up oh boy i'll never think about that again that's what i'm going to think bang maybe he was illuminati it's kind of crazy that with all of our technology there's no dick enhancement medication yet if there was it would be out there i mean like it would be the biggest thing it would be the hair hair transplants in turkey it would be that i remember your old bit dude yeah remember your pedophiles the guys would just be chucking them 30 minutes before the first guy dies of an overdose they would go find out how much gives me a stroke one less than that like that's that would be the problem but i mean it's kind of amazing that no one has come up with anything like it's just like a problem they can't solve like cosmetic surgery in women has solved so many problems well when they say that they you know they they probably can cure cancer but they don't because the treatments in the you know the money's in the treatment speaking of cancer but everyone would get uh dick beginning surgery of course for sure except there's a few dudes out there uh viagra may reduce cancer metastasis wow viagra is originally developed to treat high blood pressure and chest pain caused by reduced blood flow to the heart but over the past three decades become the world's best known therapy for erectile defunction defunction dysfunction so what is it saying now um okay sildephanol limits cancer cells ability to make use of cholesterol wow an essential component of cellular membranes cholesterol is particularly important for cancer cells seeking to break away from the primary tumor and migrate throughout the body and invade distant organs wow viagra can keep cancer from spreading interesting god that's why i take it then yeah yep interesting promise i can't get my dick hard unless i have cancer it's like that guy with the legs yeah give yourself cancer just to get hard crazy i just want to i want to jerk off with an oxygen tube in my nose i just want to be barely breathing i just know i could still nut once you get like desensitization too like there's videos of pretty attractive women blowing and horses yeah like they've been talked into this somehow and they're not going like uh when they grab it like they're like yeah it's like all right we rolling all right let me suck this horse's dick real quick and they're big and i'll tell you what it's always a surprise cum shot it's surprising it just blows their mouths apart it shoots all out of the sides and then they're like there's a job where like you have to collect the semen from horses essentially you have like a giant pocket for a horse yep and they have to jerk the horse off into this giant tube the horse the thing while you hold it oh i guess like what i did we did that one time on legion of skanks jay held a fleshlight and he jerked and he jerked me off with it yeah he jerked off the flashlight congratulations i think i missed that week that episode's gay no there's nothing gay about it nobody touched each other but lewis did the fleshlight no he jerked me off with it yeah it seems gay who was holding the fleshlight he was on the fleshlight and jerking me off with it you moved his dick isn't big enough to just hold it in the air he basically him this is a great question that we've come up with in the past is it gay if you open your mouth yeah and a guy puts his dick in your mouth but it doesn't touch any of the edges it's just occupying the space inside your mouth but you're you're not blowing them like the game of operation well even if it is gay the guy's definitely going to blow his dick in the mouth well even if it is gay the guy's definitely going to blow his dick in the mouth well even if it is gay the guy's definitely going to blow his dick in the mouth even if it is gay the guy's definitely a bottom because his dick's so small it doesn't bang the edges at all you know what what kind of accuracy you would have to have you know how you play that game operation yeah that's that's what it's like it's like a lot of game of operation yeah and if it touches a tooth or a tongue the guy gags yeah your nose lights up red you just get back up maybe a little tyler like a stephen tyler's family like maybe most people could probably champions yeah my dick could easily fit in your mouth space no come on shut up ah you think come on look at that because these things are you've been i've been wrong about things before i was always like always like always like my dick probably can fit right through a my dick probably can fit right through a my dick probably can fit right through a toilet paper roll but it can't or uh the toilet paper roll but it can't or uh the toilet paper roll but it can't or uh the head of a um a gatorade bottle you gotta head of a um a gatorade bottle you gotta head of a um a gatorade bottle you gotta piss in a car and i'm like oh my dick piss in a car and i'm like oh my dick piss in a car and i'm like oh my dick could easily fit in a gatorade bottle could easily fit in a gatorade bottle could easily fit in a gatorade bottle no it's crazy no you gotta shove it in no it's crazy no you gotta shove it in no it's crazy no you gotta shove it in you know any time ari shafir sitting in that very chair ari shafir sitting in that very chair ari shafir sitting in that very chair where you are is pissed into kombucha where you are is pissed into kombucha where you are is pissed into kombucha bottles how many times jamie i mean bottles how many times jamie i mean bottles how many times jamie i mean which one which episode like multiple which one which episode like multiple which one which episode like multiple times multiple times he just won't use times he just won't use times he just won't use the bathroom he he just pissed in a the bathroom he he just pissed in a the bathroom he he just pissed in a bottle he went out tell you no he just bottle he went out tell you no he just bottle he went out tell you no he just pulls his dick out starts peeing in a pulls his dick out starts peeing in a pulls his dick out starts peeing in a bottle and then one time he went out in bottle and then one time he went out in bottle and then one time he went out in the hall and he pissed and i had to go the hall and he pissed and i had to go the hall and he pissed and i had to go ari jesus christ just the bathroom is ari jesus christ just the bathroom is ari jesus christ just the bathroom is five steps later just keep stepping and five steps later just keep stepping and And then you're in the bathroom. Stop. We were going down a really bad rabbit hole with Ari. Because Ari, like, he shit into a Tupperware. That was the better years. At Skank Fest, on stage, during Kill Tony, he came out and he, in front of the entire audience, got naked, put cardboard on the floor, and just shit on the cardboard. I walked to the room and Ari was playing with his shit. Everyone's like, what the fuck is going on? I was like, well, I gotta go. I can't watch this. Jimmy Allen type shit. Yeah. That's what the guy who fucking wanted to kill Bjork did. Yeah. He played with his shit. He covered himself in shit and shot himself. If Ari killed Bjork, I wouldn't be stunned. He lost it. I bet they'd cross paths with his travels. I bet. Do you ever see that one time where Bjork fucked some guy up at the airport? Like, physically? Yeah. Some journalist was, was it a guy or maybe it was a woman? But some journalist was harassing her at the airport. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, following around, camera in her face. And she just eventually turns and just starts wailing on the person. Yeah. I thought it was a dude, but now that I'm thinking about it, it might be a lady. I think it's a lady. I can't remember, but I do remember the video. Just starts fucking this lady up. She's like, yeah, she's like trying to ignore her completely, and then just add a note where it's 0 to 60. This person's like just shoving. Whoa. Yeah, it's a woman. Oh, yeah, it's a woman. Whoa. Oh, fucking feral, dude. That's ferocious. This woman's hitting her with the microphone, too. She's fighting back. Not well. Dan Soder showed me years ago a funny thing of Bjork on YouTube. It's just Bjork explains the insides of a computer, and it's really her, and she's just like, it looks like a little city, and the people go up in the elevator, maybe, and the wires are like the people, maybe. Or she explains an open TV. It's what it is. They have it back on the TV. It goes, Bjork explains an open TV. It looks like this would be the little elevator. It's so fucking funny. Bjork explains. That's a rude thing to just run up to someone and stick a camera in their face like that. Yeah, I don't believe, like all those like First Amendment guys, they'll just stand outside of like a street. They'll go to a store, and they'll videotape you, and you're like, what are you taping me for? It's like, what's your problem, dude? Free speech. It's America. You can do this. And you're like, I'm going to fucking kill you. Get the camera out of my face. And then it's like a whole genre on X and on. Well, there's just too many people looking for content. I was going to say, if you go like this, if the response to what someone says to you is, what? It's like, you're already an asshole. Yeah, second incident. The second Bjork attack? Oh, she's wild. She attacked a paparazzi photographer after arriving in New Zealand for a concert. This is in what year was this? I thought it was 18 years ago, so it does not be around. She goes far. She's like a girl Axl Rose, dude. Well, that thing says 2008. Okay. So she took a couple of pictures. As I turned to walk away, she came up behind me, grabbed the back of my black skivvy, and tore it. As she did this, she fell over. She fell to the ground. At no point, at no stage did I touch her or speak with her. Bjork said nothing during the incident, but her male companion was saying, B, don't do this. B, don't do this. She's just wild. Yeah, untethered. Unfeathered. Yeah. Oh, yeah, she dressed like a duck. Yeah. You grow up with an umlaut in your name, it's going to create mental problems. Where's she from? Is she from Iceland? Icelandic. It describes a television. Those are wild people. That's a wild place. Iceland? Yeah, that's a wild place. I've always wanted to go to Reykjavik. That is a cold-ass, wild place filled with giant human beings, like some of the biggest strongmen in the world. They all come from Iceland. It's like Prometheus? That guy from- Oh, yeah, yeah. Bjorn or whatever. Game of Thrones. Yeah. A bunch of the strongmen. It's like a freakish culture of humans up there. Is it just genetics or is it what they do for- Vikings. Yeah. Oh, it's like the Magnus for Magnussons and stuff. Yes. Those are the real Vikings, the leftover Vikings. And when you see those guys winning those strongman competitions, you've got to imagine a fucking boatload of them. A boatload of them- Coming over? Pulling up on your shore with battle axes. And fucking running out there on mushrooms. A monomarth? Yeah. That sounds awesome. They would be tripping on mushrooms when they would go berserking. That's wild. Oh, bro. And that's like, they're still there. It's like those genetics are still in those fucking mountains. Did you go there just to travel there? No, no. I just know about it. I just know a lot about Iceland, specifically because of the strongman culture. It's very weird. It's weird that how many of the strongest men in the world all came out of Iceland. And you see the size of them. You're like, oh, okay, I get it. These are not regular humans. Yeah. If you were like a pygmy tribe, and you got in a boat, and you landed in Iceland, and you got out back in the day, and you're a little four foot tall people, and then all of a sudden you saw- I was like, that's a totally different species. It's like the scene in the Odyssey where the giants are fucking running through the woods and just hacking them up. They're real giants. Spoiler alert. I know. I haven't seen it. It's so good. I loved it. There's giants? I haven't seen it yet either. I heard it was great, though. A Trojan what? Yeah. Even the people that were mad at it for being woke casting or whatever, they still said it was fucking awesome. It did take me out of it. I will say, what's their name? Elliot Page. His name, Elliot Page. Yeah. They booked him to be like a soldier. And you're like, every time he talks on screen, you're like, that used to be a woman. It just kind of took me out of it. The only thing less scary than a female cop, trans cop. I've had nothing but pleasant interactions with trans men. Women to men? Yeah. I had an interaction- They don't seem- The other day, Joe, with a woman to man, trans man. We told this on Legion of Skanks. Oh, dude, this story is fantastic. So, I'll give you the quick version of it. I'm pulling out of a parking space. There's a city bike guy coming by, and I almost hit him. He falls off his bike, and he's like, oh, what the fuck? Who is this? An urban deer. I'm a terrible- I'm a terrible driver. I've talked about this a lot. So, I'm like, are you okay? He's like, yeah, dude, I'm fine, but watch where you're going. I'm like, all right, cool. So, this woman starts screaming from the street, and she's like, stay right there to me. She's like, stay right there. And the guy's like, no, no, no, I'm okay. Don't worry, miss. I get out of the car. I'm like, what's going on? And then she's like, you can't go. You hit a pedestrian. I was like, I didn't hit him. He's fine. He's like, I gotta go. He takes off on his bike. So, she starts screaming at me, and at this point, I'm going like, I'll stay for this. This is going to be like a fun argument. Why not? So, I start yelling back, and I'm like, fuck you, you dumb bitch. Mind your business. You're caring. She calls the cops, right? So, she's on the phones with the cops being like, he's threatening me. And now, I'm like, now I want the cops to come. Now, it's like a whole thing. The whole block is watching. There's like 20 people on the block watching. It's crazy how not Puerto Rican you see yourself. I know. Let's get the cops here. They'll probably look at me and think that I'm going to be the one who's reasonable. So, then, there's a- Do you have a mirror? A mirror? You can fucking get the cops. Porn mustache. I'll wait for the cops. So, then, what I believe is a female to male trans. I'll show you. I'll show you. I think I'm on my phone. I'll show you the picture. It looks like Conor McGregor, but it's got a woman's voice. So, it's screaming out the window, and he's like, why are you talking to a woman that way? I'll come down there and kick your ass. And now, I'm like, come down here and kick my ass, motherfucker. I'm yelling at her. I'm yelling at him. So, the trans man was saying that they were going to kick your ass. They were going to kick my ass. So, then, I'm like, I want you to come down. I've been waiting for this moment. I've been training for this day my entire life. Yeah. So, then, he goes out. He's like, oh, yeah. And he comes back with a gun like this and goes, yeah, you want this smoke? And I'm like, oh, shit. Where was this? New York? This is in the East Village, New York City. So, then, I'm like, and when somebody pulls a gun in New York City or flashes a gun, I'm assuming it's a BB gun, a replica. Guns in New York are not easy to come by, especially like a little white trans. I like to say you've been waiting your whole life to fucking let a woman finally become a man so you could punch them. He's like, well, I wish there was. He goes, oh, can you please let me do your wife? Go get some fucking trans surgery. I'm going to punch you in the face. So, the cops come, right? They tell the woman, they're like, there's no crime here. The guy left. It was like, no, mind your business. She leaves. Then, I go to the cops. I was like, well, you should know this little man up here pulled out a gun. Now, who's the Karen? Yeah. So, now, they shut down the block, fire trucks on both ends, ambulance, 20 cops on the block. Oh, jeez. They're waiting to storm this dude's apartment, and I'm sitting there like, this is the greatest moment of my life. I love how progressive you're being through this entire episode. I'm calling him a dude. I'm calling him a dude the whole time. We also don't know for sure. I don't know. It could have been a gay guy with an effeminate voice. I'll show you the picture in a second, or the video. So, then the cops finally come, and after like 45 minutes, they go into the building. They're waiting for whatever, and I'm sitting there. I'm listening. I'm at the bottom of the stairs listening, and the trans dude is yelling at the cops, and they're yelling at him, and I'm like, oh, they're going to fucking shoot him. This is the greatest day of my life. They're going to light him up. I'm waiting for a gunfight to happen, right? The cops come down two minutes later. Boiling to this. And I was like, where is he? And they're like, it wasn't a gun. I was like, what was it? They're like. It was a black dildo. He had a black dildo with a gun handle that he flashed at me through the window. Which, by the way, a black dildo is more scary to a Puerto Rican guy than a gun. It's true. Oh, my God. A black dildo with a gun handle. Dude, they shut down the whole city block for a black dildo with a gun handle. That's a great episode of CSI. Could you imagine the cops going into the apartment, guns drawn, and he's like, hold on. Get the fuck off me. It's a dildo. And you see the cops lower their guns like, what the fuck? Yeah. I would like to have a dildo gun, though. I know. Like a dildo with a gun handle on it. And when you pull the trigger, the head swells. Bang, bang. I mean, it would be a fun thing to have. You probably wouldn't use it much. And maybe a lighter on the end of it. Yep. That would be nice. Then you would use it a lot more. That's true. Then it would be both fun and practical. Oh, my God. A little flame comes out of a cock head on the end of my gun. A little flag pops out of it. It's just bang. Like a cigar lighter flame. A torch. Look at that torch. Relax, officers. It's just a cock lighter gun. Easy does it. Just a regular old cock holster gun. Someone said you can't get in New York now just like the rubber fake black guns anymore. No. They won't deliver them to New York at all. So why are you so insistent on being involved in conflict? No, I'm not. Conflict finds me. That seems like you're a part of it. At Jay's Hotel before I came here, it just regularly finds me for some reason. And it's like a Larry David thing. Like, I can't let it go, but I'm not like a nebbishy old Jewish guy. So I fucking react like a Puerto Rican. You're a psychotic Puerto Rican. Yeah. Right. So a little slight, like I kind of like, well, you know, and then it just turns, it starts to snowball into like a bigger thing. Well, I understand how it could happen. Yeah. It's like when you drink and drive and crash your car and you're talking to the guy, well, it just started with one drink. I get it. Yeah. I know it happens. It's just, don't do that. But I definitely, what we share is in that thing, like I'm the person, I'm learning to try to get better, especially as I get older, but like I'm the idiot like cuts me off in traffic. And gives the finger. I'm like, I'm hunting this guy with my car. And my hope is that I get on his ass enough that he ends up cartwheeling down the fucking road. And the people are like, are you out of your fucking mind? Like, fuck that guy. He's in like a car. a shitty car there like who cares and i'm like no it's it's justice we have to bring justice i had that remember uh uh runyon can't not run you can laurel canyon how you get to the top of mo holland and and everyone would try to get into the right lane and then cut back over yep yep i literally drove i was like drove a guy where i'm like i'm not we did chicken all the way i'm like i'm gonna drive him into the fucking dog park i will let this happen right now rather than let this fucking guy cut me off i want to drive him into the fucking dog road rage is the weirdest thing i don't know what it is when you get home when you get home you're like thank god i didn't get out of a car like what a fucking idiotic you know where it comes from it comes from your your body's on a heightened sense of awareness because you're driving a car really fast so you're aware that you have to make split second moves things are moving and you're going like this so you're already at seven that's what it is so anything that happens like fuck you you are you don't go from zero to fuck you you're already at seven yeah because you're in a car like you don't realize that your car you're tense especially in la people are driving fast a lot of people are cutting people off you're always thinking you always have to be alert and looking and pay attention because you're aware of the consequences so you're at this heightened state of awareness so any little slight that happens is like you're at war it is it feels that way but you got to realize that like in the car yeah like chill yep it's hard to do everybody makes mistakes everybody yeah but just don't chase people down your car it's a great if you have to go fuck you let out the fuck you but you know don't chase them don't it's a great louis bit where he's like somebody always have to do is like slightly go into your lane and you're like fuck you motherfucker yeah you get so angry so fast yeah for like the slightest little like they barely that's where it comes from what i've been taking to i'm thinking about getting a dry erase board to keep in my car because all i really want to do is i feel like i have the skill to say something that's going to ruin their day if they just see it real quick it'll just get back whatever you need to get back the problem is now i got a knee drive while i write my clever quip maybe instead of a dry erase board you can get like a led banner on the front of your windshield you can say and you can just say it and it'll print it out damn they're not going to let you print out slurs they wouldn't be able to stop you he goes someone's got tech money over here well if you think about it it's not a there's no law that says you can't have that right no can you have uh an led thing that shows letters well i don't know maybe distracting yeah maybe not you have the middle finger thing i have the middle finger in my car so he turns it on it has five to either give like a this like thanks man you let me in it'll give like uh like something like a thumbs up and then it'll give the fucking bird hit the thing here using an led banner or scrolling message sign on a car is generally illegal while driving on public roads all right but you know what you can get you can get a um one of those loudspeakers because i saw one of those uh survival trucks it's like a bulletproof survival truck and it has an alarm like like like a siren like a cop siren and it also has like a a loudspeaker attention attention oh my god leave the road that would be great i hope your mother gets aids carry on you could 100 get that installed in your car that would actually be hilarious that's a goodie and then you could make viral videos of you cursing people yes i love it bro that's actually a good idea and i think let's find out if that's legal where do you live where do you live in jersey see if that's legal in jersey you got a birthday coming up big guy i hate those air horns we'll hook you up i'll find a guy i'll find a guy what kind of car are you driving these days ram truck oh perfect plenty of room back there yes plenty of room they can get that oh 100 they probably make it already they probably make one for it you're imagining cows out of the road you're imagining a much manlier ram truck jay's is all souped out with like like lights and shit on the bottom and strobes all ram trucks are pretty fucking manly yeah dude i love ram i've had a ram on the back you have two different trx's you ever have a t you ever drive a trx it's the most ridiculous car you could drive like fucking fast it's like a 700 car truck that you get right from the factory okay sound and boom car laws plainly audible rule under new jersey law operating a vehicle sound system or loudspeaker that is plainly audible at 50 feet or more is illegal to be fair it's more illegal to chase somebody and run them off the road but here's the thing about that uh using exterior mounted speakers pas or loud system or loud uh playing sound from open doors boom parties that exceeds the distance threshold can only be used by a car that is parked inside citations emergency sirens mimicking official emergency vehicle sirens or horns with a car speaker system is strictly prohibited the thing is like you can still buy those trucks this is doable yeah this is all doable it's like you have to prove that you have that in there but also 50 feet is like i don't need that much space i'm gonna get next to him to make sure he hears it right yeah 50 feet it's not that far on the road i'm gonna go look at my face while i put my but i hope you fucking car wheel home at some point and your car flips over and you don't have airbags in your piece of shit this is weird because carry on horns are plainly audible there's no law that you can't just lay on your horn did you ever hear those air horns holding on your horn for an extended amount of time you can get a ticket for i've done that in new york traffic when i've been the one that's like agitated and late i've like do you know if you hang lay on your horn enough it turns off just stops yeah and then it won't work again for a while you got old you got to get an old car yeah get a car before the government got involved yeah 1983 ram honking a car horn in the middle of the street it's legal and less used as a warning of imminent danger well someone needs to put all those cab drivers in a jail yeah and violated fines ranging from eight hundred dollars to two thousand five hundred dollars wow that's crazy it's really illegal to give a little zap when like someone's not going in front of you you see they're on their phone that's crazy though imagine you lay on the horn and you get a 250 two thousand five hundred dollar i think a little charge like it's polite beep hey you're not paying attention well it's important because every now and then people don't see you and they need to know especially bikers there's a whole uh gerard butler maybe movie or something or no it's russell crowe movie about that like his whole anger is the girl behind him wouldn't apologize for laying on the horn he was like i didn't know the light turned green you could have just given like a it's that simple like huh and she was like fuck you and then the movie's just him chasing her and murdering her family oh yeah one a second and a half sounds so aggressive like just like a beep that's cute like all right you got to pay attention but i feel like just that you're like fuck you buddy no yeah right that's your solstice is that what it's called unhinged yeah oh yeah it's pretty good i'm sure it's good russell crowe's the fucking man he's like you just give one of these just like that there's no reason to do this i had a tesla and uh the horn wasn't in the center it was a button it was a button on the steering wheel and every time something happened where's the button yeah it was never good it was never was a terrible idea to be able to put a little something yeah even if you're like it could you reach it with your thumb you could reach it with your thumb but there's other shit there too yeah you know you're fucking in a you turn it should be in the center you just slam the center you turn your windshield wipers on you're like fuck motherfucker yeah the new ones do it now it's in the center you lock in cruise control but yeah it was terrible i hated it he did a bunch of shit that supposedly makes them better that i think is not good and one of the things they removed the blinker thing there's no stock now it's buttons it's all buttons now it's buttons so i fuck it up all the time there's no even the drive i have an old model three you know you drive and reverse is still on the side now the new ones are just tesla the screen yeah yeah well the new one mine yeah you swipe you swipe up to go forward and swipe back to go backwards it's like yeah it's getting too like yeah how about a thing like a car well they're video because they're video gaming it for young people well i think they're removing everything because they're eventually going to get to fully automated cars oh yeah and the idea is make everything buttons so they already have this these cyber cabs that are traveling around all over austin you see nobody in them yeah they never drop you off at the right place sometimes they don't move you're sitting in there and you're like support you're yelling at them yeah and the way most yeah no there's different cyber cabs like a gold gold like it looks like a small yeah it looks like a small cyber truck it's like a weird gold looking oh i've seen them yes um and then there's other ones that seem to be different colors that have cyber cab logos on them i don't know if it is a cyber cab but it's a cyber cab so i don't think it's a cyber cab it's a cyber cab so i don't think it's a cyber cab i don't think it's a cyber cab so i don't think it's a cyber cab so i don't think it's a cyber cab yeah i was like really yeah just assume that the person next to him is gonna like stop and just went right in front of him i was like whoa learn how to drive yeah yeah but it was like they're getting a little comfortable want to bet this is an asian or a girl i calculated the amount of time it would take me to change lanes and it was adequate i had a uber driver last night telling me that she's like i told her i took a waymo she because she's like man i don't really do that you know it was like you should smell my farts and listen to my exactly but i was like she's like it's better than waymo's better than the old company they had she's like the old there was another company i can't remember what she said but it was like they were going under the assumption that that it would learn the car would learn from other drivers and what it did is it learned horrible habits it was like going through red lights it was going through 50 through a school zone and like it learned from actual real people how to drive poorly that's crazy and they were like we gotta shut this thing down like i got into waymo and it's like if you gotta get like i have like 20 minutes to get to the airport and waymo says like 24 you can't be like step on it it's like right it's only gonna go as fast as it's going to go you can't like ask it to go yeah well hurry up you tell an uber driver to hurry up sometimes they're like they pull over and they're like get out you're like what this happened to me twice now i've been like i'm in a big hurry and the guy just literally just pulls over and he goes get out i'm not taking you and then you can't do anything because they have all of your information and you can't like so you're just like what did i say like oh really you have to be a little smoother with it i guess yeah i'm kind of in a rush or what i don't Hey, I don't, you know, it's not a requirement, but it would be nice if we can get there a little quicker. Yeah. Well, Uber and Uber Eats, I think there's just no answer to anything. That's why they couldn't give a shit, I feel like, especially in the city areas. They don't give a fuck. Have you done the full self-driving thing yet? All the time. Yeah. All the time. I brought my car and they gave me a rental for a couple days, and I literally was like, well, let's try it. Went right to the city. I ignored it for a long time. I always like to drive myself. But then recently, over the last, like, year or so, coming home from the club at night, you know, having a good time at the club, laughing with the boys. I'm like, I don't want to pay attention. Yeah. I'd rather just make a phone call. So I call, like, a buddy of mine back home, and we're talking on the phone, and I'm literally just sitting down. Yep. And the car's doing everything. Stopping at every red light. Dude, you don't have to. It's fully automated now. You don't have to do anything. This must be a question that's already asked probably a thousand times, but, like, are you able to, like, drink? No. No. It's got a camera in it. No, no, no. And if you're drunk and you say- No, I don't mean drink, like, in it. I'm saying, are you able to drink? No. That's what I was going to say. No, if you're drunk, and you get in your Tesla, and you say, oh, officer, I wasn't even driving. The car's driving. Uh-uh. Yeah, but- But you could be drunk in the backseat of a cyber cab. Yeah. But I have a problem with that. So if you converted your car to being a cyber cab, and you just, like- Sit in the backseat. I think they should have a mode where you're allowed to get in the backseat drunk and have your car drive you home if it's fully automated. Dude, they're talking about- I agree. The full self-driving thing to giving it to blind people. And I'm like- Oh, Jesus Christ. I swear to God, dude. Think about it. You put a blind person behind there. There's someone there, but they can't see. What's the difference between being drunk and being a blind person driving a car? Would you rather drive with a drunk person or a blind person? A lot of sadness. Drunk person. Yeah. But also, it's like you're relying on that blind person to use text-to-speech or speech-to-text to talk to the navigation system to tell them where to go. And what if it translates it incorrectly? Because it does with me all the time. Yeah, you don't know where- All the time. Yeah. And with- Apple, with the fucking Apple Maps, it does it. When I use Siri, it does it with the Tesla. If I say something and it doesn't understand me, it'll show me a bunch of wrong options. So what does the blind person do? I don't know. But they were literally talking about this is going to be the future for people- Blind people are just pimping. Driving around, getting place to place. It can also- You press summon. So say if you're in a parking lot and you say, come to me, the car will pull out of the lot and drive over to where you are. Say if you're at the supermarket, you've got a bunch of bags to put in your trunk, it'll just pull up to where you are. It's pouring out, you don't feel like going out. But you couldn't do it. You couldn't do that at a gated, it has to wait to run the plate thing or something. You can't do it at the airport. You can't be like, you're on level four and you get out a baggage claim. You're like, come get my car, we'll come down. It has to be within, I think, a distance of it. But that's only a matter of time. I mean, within five, 10 years, there's not going to be any Uber drivers, it's going to be all automated taxis. That's happening. When I first got a Tesla, it was like 2017-ish, maybe 18. And that one didn't do any of these things. That one did self-driving, but you had to stop for stop signs, you had to stop for stop lights. But we were on Laurel Canyon, I was driving with my wife and I just had my hands off the wheel. I was like, look at this, this is crazy. And it's just keeping us in the lane, driving everywhere you want to go. And it stays in the lane. It was a little shaky back then. I don't even do that stuff. I have the thing that's like, if I turn that off, all that stuff where it's like, yeah, it's like- Oh, I need it. If you get out of the lane, it goes. But the new self-driving's got five modes. It could be like, you could be- Snail mode, like slow mode, normal, fast, and then like, get me the fuck there or something like that. Really? Yeah. And I didn't put it on. Have you ever fucked with any of the modes? No. I just have it drive. Yeah. Because it's like- I'm not in a rush. I want to see what it like, does it like start speeding and going around people and driving like a fucking lunatic? It's fucking really good. It is. Like, it's really good. Like, it changes lanes if the car's in front of you or going slow. Yep. Are you comfortable to not look at all and just be in your phone? No, I look. I'm still weirded out by it. What are you looking at? The wheel? Or are you looking at the screen? Or are you looking at the car? I'm watching the- Yeah, outside. I usually do it when I want to make a phone call. So I'll make a phone call and I'll just be talking to a friend and I'll just be looking around. It's like you're having a conversation while you're getting a ride somewhere. It doesn't feel like you're driving. Even though you're kind of sort of paying attention, just in case, just in case, I keep my hands there, but I'm fully comfortable with it. The one Waymo in Austin, remember they shut Waymo down for like a couple months in Austin? It was like, they were like, these aren't ready because it was a shootout in downtown Austin and the Waymo just pulled up right in the middle of it between the cops. And the people shooting? And blocked everything. Yeah. And also like too many of them get to an intersection. No one knows what to do. Wait, like four Waymos get to a- Yeah, well if it's nothing but Waymos, like there's 20 Waymos in one intersection, what the fuck happens? The craziest thing that happened was San Francisco. So Waymos operate on LiDAR, whereas Teslas operate on cameras. So the problem with LiDAR, when the grid goes down, so does a car. Oh. So fucking, the car stalled out and then Elon was like on Twitter going, I told you so. This is why I don't use it. Really? What's the grid? I don't know. The power. Oh. Power outages. Oh. So if there's a power outage that's controlling these cars. They just stop. I'm pretty sure they just stop. Fuck. Maybe they pull over and they stop. I don't know if they stop right in the middle of the intersection. That's like a hacker's dream, dude. Well, there's a lot of hacker's dreams out there with all these cars. Shutting down all, like once it all becomes, we're all reliant on Waymo. Boom. So in Korea, a bunch of people got arrested recently in South Korea because they had hacked into their Tesla. And they had enabled full self-driving, which is a subscription thing. Usually you have to pay for it. So these guys figured out a way, I mean, probably coders. Like, why would I pay? Fuck you. And they went in and jail broke the whole Tesla system and put in self-driving and they got arrested. Damn. I mean. It's interesting, right? It's good that they could do it. Yeah. It's kind of interesting. I don't even set up my Roomba. I'm afraid of the, all that stuff. It's like, I don't use Alexa in my house or any of that shit where people are like, oh, like you have Alexa turn the lights on and stuff. Fuck Alexa. But it's weird. It's like, am I buying this thing? And this thing is capable of doing that. And then you want me to pay money so the thing can do what it already can do. It seems like you're just taking money from me. It seems like it's in the thing. Why don't you just sell the thing that does the thing? Why do I have to pay a subscription to make it do what it can do? I don't think it was a subscription. It's the, they're not illegal. They're not legal in Korea. Oh. Full self-driving isn't legal there. Oh. Only you can do it. There are a few U.S. built models sold in South Korea like Model S, X, and Cybertruck that have full self-driving that's legally past Korea's safety regulations, the outlet said. And since Korea also gets Chinese built Model Ys and 3s, most Tesla drivers in the country can't access the feature through traditional means. That's interesting. But still, same point though. They bought the car. They should be able to do what they want with it, right? Right. You should be. Well, I guess they're violating the law where you can't have a car drive itself. That's a different law they're violating than just breaking the subscription model. But if you did that in America, I wonder, I just, I'm not a fan of subscriptions. How would they know? There's like, there's certain car manufacturers that make you charge, charge you with subscriptions that you could use Apple CarPlay. Yeah. I have to pay for an Audi subscription to- Fucking crazy. To use the internet and the Audi and other things as a monthly fee. It's a fucking USB-C cable. You plug it into your car and then it just immediately starts working. You want me to pay for that every month? That's crazy because you can get an aftermarket one. Like I have muscle cars that have Apple CarPlay, like a 68 Ford that has Apple CarPlay. Like how come I have to pay every month to use this? You're just stealing money. Oh yeah. You're just sucking money out of my bank account. But it's almost like, isn't OnStar a thing like that? I can't. You have to pay to have OnStar, but like shouldn't there just be like an emergency button in your car? Yeah. Well, OnStar, I think the idea is you're paying because there's a bunch of people that are there that are working. So you're paying for a service. It's like not just- The car. It's like you're paying for infrastructure. Like a health desk. Yeah. Yeah. That's a little different. But the technology in the Tesla is already built in. Exactly. It's whether or not you're just turning on or off. Exactly. Doesn't a Tesla suck though? Like if you have like a busted tire though, you can't go to like, you know, some guy named Gus. No, tires are the same. Tires are the same tires. Oh, I thought they'd come out and like take it to the fucking- They go through tires faster than- It's heavy. But I've had, my Tesla's got 106,000 miles. I've never put brakes on it. I never, no oil changes, no nothing. The beautiful thing about them is the, when you let off the gas, it breaks itself. The regenerative brakes. Yeah. So that's how it stops. I barely touched the brake on my Tesla. I know now like how much distance I need when I see a red light ahead. I just let off the gas and it just- Slows down to a stop. Slows down. And it's regenerating the battery while it's doing that a little bit. Yeah. You know, the battery life, depending upon how you drive, I mean, it's not the best. Have you driven in a BYD? I was in France and they were all over the place. They had no Teslas, but they're the Chinese- Those are incredible. Insane. They're incredible. They're incredible. Insane. Yeah. Like more comfortable than the- They have crazy ones now. Yeah. They have a new supercar over there that's like faster than anything you can buy in America. They're doing nutty shit with electric cars. But why can't you buy BYDs here? Is it because China, you can't- It's a good question. Yeah. It's a good question. Call me gay, I'm an analog guy. I like my car as two pedals. I know. My wife hates all this shit. She won't even drive my car. She won't even, and I've had it for eight years. They work great. She hates it. It's so great. The thing is, they work great. They really do. They're super fucking reliable. They're super reliable, and they're really fast. Like, I have the Model S Plaid, and when I'm at a red light, it just goes, like if I want the light to turn green, it goes, you're just gone. No sound, no noise. It's like a rocket. Zero to 60 in 1.6 seconds. You're just gone. It's awesome. It's awesome. And meanwhile, it fucking handles. It's awesome. It's incredible. But it's also, it's just quiet. The charging thing is what gets me. I was going to rent one one time, and then I was, they were about to hand me the keys, and I was like, wait a minute, I don't have to find a charger for this when I'm going The rent one. That's a problem. Yeah. But the thing is, if it's at your house, you just pull into your house, and you just plug in at night. It's fucking easy. Mine goes from midnight to 7 a.m. It's like a clock set. And you drive to the- city and back home i have two i mean the mileage is i when i first got mine it was 310 was the the maximum now every year it goes down like 10 miles an hour so now i'm like 250 it's like your battery in your phone yeah after a year or two it gets worn out becomes less same kind of thing but you could get the batteries replaced yeah it's just like portable like an extra battery that like is uh they don't have any have you seen the ones now big deal you can like buy a solar panel thing that you can bring on a road trip right so you gotta go hike in a mountain for a little bit you want to charge your car you roll it out onto the roof of your car you just plug it into the charger and the sun will charge your car while you're probably a little a little bit it's not like a supercharger but you can get a couple miles back you know probably 10 miles an hour or something like that steve you're an elitist no i'm just i also what are you hiking in mountains but i'm just saying you know it's like yeah that's true that's what the commercial did they were like in the mountain they're like i don't want to hike or something it's like the herpes commercials where people are kayaking yeah they looked great and fit that's not me i know i'm fit that's not me i know the cyber truck is very polarizing but that fucking thing's incredible yeah it's incredible yeah you know what's not incredible for i saw a person hauling furniture in the back of it and got on the highway and all of that furniture proceeded to fly off well that person's an idiot they didn't tie their furniture down that could have happened in a fucking tacoma yeah absolutely it was so dumb dude in los angeles we went to the tesla diner we were like oh this is kind of cool tesla diner first of all the menu stinks but then the cool part they had like 10 it's a diner there's like 10 items on the menu it's fucking insane the cool part is they have two gigantic movie screens like you could like pull up and what they have different movies playing um you could just pull in and watch a movie in your car while you eat but they only allow you to watch a movie in your car if you have a tesla so it's like the coolest part of the entire experience you have to have a tesla for interesting yeah well that makes sense though i mean why would you why would they allow their competitors to pull into the tesla diner they let me buy a goddamn cheeseburger a shitty cheeseburger yeah well i didn't have a car walked right in how was the cheeseburger terrible really it was a cheeseburger it was a cheeseburger wasn't good it was not a good diner the guy's not building cheeseburgers you know it's like let him do what he wants to do you need a cheeseburger to land itself but it seems like if you can make a rocket get caught by a robot arm yeah you should be able to make a good cheese fucking cheeseburger this is self-eating cheeseburger this is not rocket science literally it's true it's fucking cheeseburger yeah it's the one thing you ever see the kids working in and out yeah yeah they're normal people it's the one thing musk can't figure out the burger it's always it's too complicated it's impossible it can't be done i mean there's a lot of people that can make a good burger farm it out to them but i would imagine if you're going to be tesla you should put your name on a solid fucking burger solid burger space is a little uppity about food though i'm a snob i had the best burger in the world san sebastian bardesi what is that where's a place in san sebastian spain called bardesi and the spain you're a world traveler i love you i go i travel all the time so i spend my money on and i brought my son on a father-son trip there low age of consent we ate uh we went to this we went to san sebastian where it's like a huge eating culture all of these like uh more michelin star restaurants per square meter than anywhere else in the world really and uh this one spot called bardesi they specialize just it's literally meat like melted like almost like a cream cheese and a bun it's dude it's like raw it's barely cooked i took the last bite of this burger and i got emotional like i had taken like ecstasy i was eating in my entire life you gotta take ecstasy again what's the place called bardesi bardesi yeah you know i watch something about when you're going for like a thing you wouldn't eat all the time like i'm not a very like ho-hum like thing like a burger or something i watch a guy's uh on instagram that says stuff he was he was getting like you know the fifth best burger in the world in some place overseas that he flew for and he goes when he ate it he was like it's really good it's a great burger but i think with burgers you're just gonna find you can only do if you use good ingredients you can just only do so much it's gonna make it taste like nope it's gonna be you know i mean a great burger in america is not much less good than that i'm telling you right now there's nothing nothing like that burger not even close and i'm like i love a good burger that burger was fucking crazy i'm gonna go back in the next couple years just for the burger is it the meat they're using it's the meat so that's the whole thing is like they're like they spent two years developing like their meat blend fat to meat and like what what they use and uh yeah the secret ingredient elk oh okay so right back after these words it's from the older cows that's one of the things they do in spain um they they like to cook older cows like they you can get that at bizarre meat jose andres you know he's spanish great place he's amazing and his uh place they'll they'll sell those they sell these older cows and it does taste different it's really good it's very very beefy do you have to age the meat then too or is that yeah they age them as well an old cow instead of like if you buy like a ribeye steak from a supermarket it's probably a cow that's only like a year and a half old or something like that and then they killed it and they chopped it up into meat they get them big as quickly as possible they chop them up when you go to some of these like classic spanish steakhouses there's some amazing spanish steakhouses that i've watched videos on on instagram and the way these guys are cooking they're cooking over like live coals and they just put salt all over the steak and the steak has fat that's like a dark yellow because they're just eating nothing but grass they're never eating corn and they're laying these these steaks down there sizzle them and you see these people eat them they're like what the fuck yeah marbleization i think the best steakhouse in the world is in spain i think like the number one rated steakhouse on earth is in spain i'm pretty sure yeah i think ari and bobby kelly went to uh what's considered the best you know restaurant in the world somewhere in spain no oh yeah they do this every year like the best restaurant it's spain in the past like 20 years 10 of the years have been restaurants in spain they're very big into food culture it's like that movie it's like the menu do you want to do something like that lois like the menu thing where you go to a place and like you're eating this yeah i do that every time dude i do that when we me and my son went we went to three different michelin star restaurants we got the uh tourists delight that's it jamie go back go back but i'll tell you exactly the one that would go back to that scroll up so i could see what it said no no no there they'd say casso julian that that place is like when you watch these guys cooking and it's it's generally these guys that have been in these fucking places for decades and they weren't under some famous chef and they worked in his kitchen for 20 years right in the you just watch it you get fucking starving yeah dude it's incredible yeah the preset menu if you go to like a really nice i went to the other day i went to hestia here they have a tasty menu that's incredible like look at the oh yeah it's great so but look at the fat see how yellow the fat is yeah it's crazy right yeah like that fat is all just grass and they just put nothing but salt on it and they serve it rare like you get your steak rare it's just seared on the outside and rare and that's exactly how i love it fucking fantastic good it's so good do they have a burger i bet they do sure i bet they do do they have a kid's menu chicken fingers yeah it's too much fat for me no my kids destroy me if i can only eat one thing for the rest of my life 100 it's please say elk elk no probably have ribeyes yeah because you need if you only had one thing you need fat and the problem with elk meat which i love is that you have to have fat with it like i usually eat it with bacon i usually eat it with avocados i'll eat it with other things because it's just pure protein it's a much more dense animal a much more dense protein but like if you had only one thing forever it would would be a lot of fat yeah i mean it's just it's just it's just it's just 100 it'd be ribeyes you get fat you get protein i don't think you need anything else chicken parm take your vitamins i go cheese i go cheese steak yeah hoagie i think healthy i would eat sushi i could eat sushi for the rest of my life and be happy like just raw fish but too much mercury mercury damn yeah you're not supposed to eat sushi every day do you ever do you actually tuna you have as your mind going completely there's no interest like a splurge for you would never be like a mcdonald's one night no i'll have mcdonald's yeah i love uh i love those filet of fishes sometimes if i'm hammered good bun we're somewhere in some town and there's nothing open like after a show there's nothing open like let's go to the fucking mcdonald's some of the mcdonald's will fuck you after midnight and not give you a fish filet burn it down burn it down fish filet you you're under no illusion that there's anything healthy about anything that you're eating you're eating a deep fried chunk of supposedly fish north atlantic cod whatever the fuck it is it's pieces that they glued together triply you had that fake great joke it was like the the play of fish it's a dollar he's like you can't even buy a fish for a dollar it's like a pet store he's like a goldfish is three dollars dollar is it really a dollar that's something like that yeah no it's probably six bucks now i'm just never wasting if i'm eating a burger i'm never wasting it on like mcdonald's or like wendy's like if i'm gonna get a burger i'm gonna get a good burger you know yeah no i agree i mean if i am but if the only thing that's open is mcdonald's i'll say i'll get a burger if i'm a quarter pounder fuck it yeah big mac is i had a quarter pounder once for the first time in years like a couple years ago and i haven't had one since but i was it was sweet i was like the there's sugar in this bread yeah yeah like i taste sugar like it doesn't taste just like regular bread i was like this is weird yeah mcdonald's everything has like a film on it like the burger tastes the same as the fries in a weird way you drink the soda you're like that kind of tastes like the burger it was good yeah did you say the thing that wasn't bad you ever see the experiments where you leave it out and nothing changed about it they always show it and they go no a lot of things changed they they have the one country where they banned mcdonald's it was somewhere in europe and they have it like on display in like almost like a museum The last McDonald's burger that was sold, it's been like 20 years, and it looks the exact same. Well, that's why we're all fucked up in America. It's the preservatives. I mean, the commercials. Did you ever do a commercial? I did a McDonald's commercial, and they have a chef that comes and makes the burger. So it's like the best version of a McDonald's burger ever that you're using. That's what you're eating on the day, but nothing ever looks like that. They have someone specifically come to make that burger. I used to say that it's like an actress's head shots. Yeah, they're like, it's not real. That's not what you're going to get when they show up for the audition. At this point, if you get McDonald's when it's hot, it's piping hot, you go, this is a good McDonald's. That's all it takes anymore. If it's just hot, you're happy. Well, you want to go when they're busy. Because they're turning over a lot. You don't have something just sitting under a light bulb. But like you say, it's always like a late night. There's nothing else. Right. That's a problem. But if you want a late night, I think Wendy's is the move. Wendy's is probably the best burger. As far as fast food, reliability. Double burger. Wendy's is pretty fucking good. You know, we decided years ago, we did an early Legion of Skanks episode where it was talking about those girls, those poor girls in Cleveland. Do you remember that the girl escaped and got out, ran to the neighbor, and they were being held by that guy in the attic, and they were getting pregnant for years? No, they were in the basement. I think they were different places. Multiple girls. And he'd get them pregnant, and some of them had babies. He would kick them until they had miscarriages. And they caught them. The girls got out. They caught him. He killed himself in jail. One of the facts of the story was, every day, he fed them McDonald's. There's a McDonald's across the street, and every day, he fed them McDonald's. And we were saying, if you had to live that nightmare, but you can choose the fast food that you would eat every day, what would it be? Wendy's was the clear winner. Well, the episode was called Subway Counts, because we figured out that Subway Counts is fast food. Yeah, Subway Fast Food. Yeah, there's an Ari Shaffir episode. But it's not just what type of fast food you have every day. The question really was, if you were being raped by a guy who kidnapped you, what fast food would you want to have? Forever. Chick-fil-A. Forever. Chained to a radiator. Chick-fil-A. But your one pleasure a day, you go, it's like, at least I'm getting the fast food I want. Yeah. And Wendy's is, well, no, because there's not enough stuff. You have to have breakfast. Wendy's has salad. They got baked potatoes. Wendy's doesn't have breakfast. You're an animal if you're eating a salad at Wendy's and pretending you're healthy. No, but no one's pretending you're healthy. You're pretending you're trying. Variety. Variety. Well, in your scenario. You're chained to a radiator. I don't know that Chick-fil-A counts. I think this is a good time for me to piss. Hold down the fort, fellas. All right, boys. Let's take it over. Yeah, no, for me, it's Burger King. Burger King has got a great breakfast. The croissant, which is an incredible, the original croissant, which the first people to ever put breakfast on a croissant was Burger, or King, Burger King. Yeah. They got a great, the chicken sandwich, the rectangular chicken sandwich, incredible. I unapologetically will put the Whopper against that stupid Spain burger you had. I love a Whopper, dude. That's actually crazy. Oh, is it now? You don't really believe that. This is the thing. Sometimes, Jay, you say things, and I'm like, you don't actually believe that, so what are we doing? But you know what, though, dude? You appreciate it. He just might be like, I like a burger. I like that taste. Yeah, burgers taste like burgers. This burger, guys, I shit you not. You know when you go to breathe, and you kind of do the lip quiver? I did that when I ate the last bite. I was emotional. And then I walked over to a place, I got some Basque cheesecake. Yeah, but you have a lot of unresolved shit you got to work out with a doctor, man. It's got nothing to do with that burger. It's something to do with loss and tragedy or something. This burger represents something to you, Lewis. That's the thing you're missing. Why? You wish you could have shared this with your father? It's like that kind of thing. Me and my dad never took me for a Spanish burger. Yeah. Yeah, it's that. It's emotions that aren't, it's nothing to do. You're out of control. Maybe. Well, guys. Definitely. Go watch Legion of Skanks. While Joe's done here, go watch Legion of Skanks. Skankfest happening. Skankfest. Three for life. Skankfest happening. Single day passes. Get them now. Ari Shafir returning this year. Mark Norm. Mark Norm. Fucking Jim Norton. Tim Dillon. Christina P. Tim Dillon is an officially booked. Okay. He shows up every year. Eric Andre for the first time. Oh, nice. So then I said, dude, I don't want to suck your dick. How about that? Did you see that? Speaking of Eric Andre, did you see him and Chet Hanks? Yeah. What was that about? They fought. Did they have a fist fight? I thought they, no. I didn't get to a fist fight. No, they got like separated, but like, it's funny. Like, I can't tell if Eric's nervous about it or not for real, because Chet Hanks, he did go get in his face and it was like, they just don't like, I guess, I guess Eric Andre, like, you know, he's like the crazy guy who does the stuff, but Chet Hanks came on his show as one of the few celebrities knowing what he was going into. And so he fucking fucked with the show back. I think Eric Andre didn't like that. Oh, really? I think. And it's like, so they just kind of had like a beef going on, but he cornered him in some Comic-Con or something. Yeah. He was just claiming that Eric said something about him, right? He did. I think he calls him, you know, I think he just kind of discredited him. He's like, say it was the shittiest guest or something. Maybe. Maybe on the show, something like that. It was like, whatever it was, like, Chet Hanks seems pissed about it. But to have Tom Hanks' son angry at you, and then it comes at you, and it turns out he's a confused country wigger type guy. I don't know what he is. He does seven genres of music. Yeah. The guy used to do R&B. For real? It was R&B, and then it became rap. Rap. And then now it's country, and now it's back to kind of country rap. Well, the rap to country pipeline is a real thing that's happening now. Oh, yeah. Shaboosie. Rappers are kind of figuring out, like, oh, I could just do country. I could just do country music. It's the easiest. Kid rock, dude. Absolutely. Yeah, the easiest music to sing, like. Jelly Roll was a rapper. Yeah. What's his name? The other guy, too. Teddy Swins? Yellow Wolf? No. Yellow Wolf. Yellow Wolf does country? Huh? He does country now? Yeah, yeah. I think everyone just kind of goes, it's like a transition to country music. I think you do a lot of bad things when you're a rapper, and then you find God. It's got to be weird being Tom Hanks' son, too. Trying to find your own path, and everybody's like, oh, you're fucking Tom Hanks' kid. Well, also because the other one is so Tom Hanks-y. The fact that this one's got, like, neck tattoo, Colin Hanks, so he was, like, an actor at a bunch of shows. Yeah. And he's, like. I didn't even know there was another one. Yeah, he's, like, you've seen him. He's pretty well known. Yeah, he was in the movie Orange County years ago. Yeah. He was the star of that. Kind of like a dweeby guy. Yeah. He's a total Tom Hanks. So he's, like, a guy who tucks in his button-down shirt on a Sunday. But, like, and then the son's a neck tattoo, you know, like, a code switch, and it's great. He got in trouble one time for talking patois, and he's like, I don't give a shit. You bum-ba-club. And then he just made a rap song doing it. I half-respect it all. Yeah. I've gone full circle. You get in trouble for talking that talk? Hmm? Cultural appropriation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's so stupid. It's so, yeah. That shit's so stupid. He's wild. What's really hilarious is black ladies complaining about cultural appropriation while they have white wigs on. Yeah, oh, yeah, yeah. Like, a white lady wig on. Like, this is crazy. Like, look at your hair. Yeah. This is, like, literally insane. I do have watching videos of, like, big black women intimidating, like, small white girls with braids. Like, take those braids out your hair right now, bitch. That's crazy. That's crazy. The take your braids out talk is crazy. You guys want to pick it out? Yeah. I'm sorry. Take your braids out. It's fucking crazy. That means you're cultural appropriating, or you went to the Bahamas. Bahamas, yeah. Yeah. Or you were a Roman. Braids have been around since the beginning of time. It's hilarious. It's just, but again, it's somewhere in the ether people find that. People are told one day you're supposed to be angry about it. You know what I'm saying? Yeah. Way back to earlier we were saying, like, the blackface thing. No one thought anything of it. It would be bewitched. Everyone was. And blackface. When did it become a real, was it the internet? It must be. I think it was really Ted Danson was, like, the one. They put him on, like, the New York Post or something. It was, like, big time. It was bad. When Howard Stern parodied Ted Danson. Oh, yeah, yeah. Which is way worse. Ten times worse. I think he's buried it completely. Oh, you could find it. You could find it. Yeah, for sure. But, I mean, he's tried to get rid of it all. That's when Howard was awesome. He's, I mean, that was wild. It was awesome, but even when he was doing it, you were kind of like, I mean, it was on TV. It was on, it was on Channel. The UPN 9 show. The UPN 9 show. In Philly, it was, like, the WB or whatever. It was E! Entertainment he was on. Wild. No, no, that thing. No, that. That thing was on his Channel 9 show. Yeah, it's like his UPN 9 show or whatever it was. Imagine that. He's doing a radio show every day. He's got to get up at fucking 5 o'clock in the morning, do that radio show, and then he's also doing a TV show at the same time. Oh, that, that. Oh, yeah. He was, they were getting that. He told that schedule was crazy. What is this? This is Bewitched. This is Bewitched. Everyone's, yeah. Oh, this is crazy. But it's B-apostrophe-W-I-T-C-H-E-D? Oh, you know who had something on Blackface, Jamie? Cody Tucker. You know, Cody, the guy who was on our podcast recently, had a thing on Joni Mitchell. Like, Joni Mitchell had invented some character for something, and it was her in Blackface. Whoa. As a man. Yeah. And singing songs? Well, here, I'll play the Cody Tucker thing. It's crazy. I think the song Time, the video for Time by Culture Club's got a bunch of people on Blackface. Here it is. This is crazy. musicians of all time, and is known for her socially progressive messages within her music. Despite that, Joni Mitchell has had some interesting moments when it comes to race. She was once asked to introduce Muhammad Ali at Madison Square Garden, and told fellow musician Joan Baez that she was going to introduce him to the crowd. crowd as a jive ass n-word luckily she decided against it in 1977 joni mitchell released the album don juan's reckless daughter the cover of that album featured an african-american man named art nouveau except art nouveau wasn't an actual person but instead joni mitchell dressed in total blackface and is dressed as her african-american alter ego on multiple occasions joni mitchell was one of the most okay that's it that's crazy is that the shirt he was wearing that's a different time back then yeah that was just her being silly there wasn't even no one even thought of that as being racist i'm just pretending to be a person that's black introducing muhammad ali is a giant that's an issue that's an issue that's something you know what's crazy is no matter how much hearsay yeah but i'm saying all the activism she's done and all the stuff that i'm sure the positive stuff she's done uh it that does get for some people that just wipes it completely as i'm saying they don't they don't go one of the reasons why they do it they they signal to the base that they're a good person now and they go way overboard when you notice like men that go way overboard with the woke shit they're usually got some fucking shady shit in their past that's they always get me out of it that's the bill cosby effect right well it's like a lot of these guys that went like you know i hate to throw stern on the bus but he went super woke and one of the problems is if you go back through his archives there's horrendous vicious but it was like at the time that was fun like when we used to do o and a like it was shock jock like we were shocking each other on purpose we're saying fucking completely outrageous shit and if you're a person that you don't want to be accepted by the democratic party and you want to be like there's comes a certain moment in time where you have to abandon all that stuff and you have to completely buy into whatever the fuck they're saying yeah it's one of the take the oath one of the best things that jay ever came up with when we were doing we were like three years into legion of skanks and jay was like we should start calling it the most offensive podcast on earth so when people come they know exactly what they're gonna get i think it's why we've never gotten in trouble for all the horrible shit we've said you also did a brilliant thing and that's you went early on you're like look fuck advertising fuck all this let's just like have this everybody knows what we're doing have the fans pay for it but give them what they want yeah and you guys have always stuck to that it's always you've never watered it down it's always been chaos it's always been like you've been on stage or whatever someone fucking a flashlight like it's oh i was getting jerked off by a flashlight joe you fucked he fucked him you fucked big j by proxy it's like electricity went through you it's like that's the right way to do it you know kumia did that with compound media it's like that's the way to do it if you want to be that if you want to go like the straight progression from like open anthony satellite radio wildness right into that like on open anthony we did that fucking thing where that guy they did the big bird you saw the baby bird baby bird oh did i remember that with me and burr and ari and i think ari might have named it the baby bird someone but it was basically my idea because of fear factor i was like why don't you lay your head over that barrel and he'll throw up in your mouth and this guy was like okay and then the amount of puke that came out of this guy's mouth and so this was on a flip phone you can watch the video so the flip phone is like terrible resolution because it's like 2003 or something like that i was never more jealous that was the amount and that was oh my god pat duffy shout out to pat duffy he was the intern look at foundrymusic.com that's what all this stuff was on yeah that was like their that was their website sort of that's crazy yeah remember they used to like stream it live on the internet on a laptop there was some fucking pal talk or something you had to get yeah oh it was insane see watch the video pal talk yeah watch the video because the video's nuts because it's either my phone or someone else's phone i forget who got the video of it but it's super low resolution you know this is like a 2003 video it only goes for joe rogan playing carolines all weekend long with the amazing racist uh opening up pat how are you that was ari shafir he used to call himself the amazing racist before i knew ari shafir me and dave smith would rent the the the national lampoon's video that had the amazing racist on it yeah and we were like this is the funniest thing i've ever seen then we met ari we were like the fuck it was made by the shamwow guy yeah that caused him so many problems early in his career yeah ari's always been a maniac from the jump mine's fine uh-uh it's pal talk scoot along a little bit where's this camera footage of it this guy's got a really nice camera what's he drinking uh that's good that's a guy working for ona is this somewhere he's going for 75 does he have to open his mouth so he's at 75 shots of cameras and everybody can 75 shots yeah that's fine people are calling of eggnog america so and also yeah also he's diabetic oh jesus so there's the there's the beginning so here's the starts so he drinks the last one and he so that's the beginning but no it's impossible volume the volume is impossible look at that oh my god yeah no no it keeps going keep going it no it keeps going no it goes beyond real it's like cartoonish like you can't believe it's real watch this here it comes he's gonna hang in there here he goes he's holding on that guy's covered we're artists here he goes but no you you're still not stunned enough here it comes a thunderous round of applause this is not over by any means who's the person getting vomited into their mouth that's pat duffy kid's an animal moment in radio history period where's the rest of it oh you must have cut it out of the beginning did you just fast forward oh my god he covers his clothes oh my god watch watch this like that that's insanity that's he threw up in his mouth and again he threw up in his mouth like five fucking times in the that show ended like a rock band yeah like the way they all just yeah there it is there's the big one i came right at the end i came right at the end of opiate anthony oh it was so fun and i started doing i started doing ron and fez depending to those those guys it was my favorite time ever doing radio it was like the one radio that i would look forward to because it was i always say that that's the birth of podcasting me and colin were talking about it yesterday that's how it started because they it was so open-ended they just let you do whatever they just it was just a hang yeah there was no like give me three topics you want to bring up and you can do jokes about them it was like they didn't have segments that they had and they were smarter than stern because they would bring in comics like good comics yeah killers like and they would sit back and let everyone just fuck with each other at the time that stern wasn't accepting any new you know i mean like yeah they built that voice the comics that stern had was like they weren't good comedians they became comedians because they had like a name from the stern show no you're going but you're going different direction i'm talking about when he would have like guests there's another angle he got like he had like sam kinnison like early game oh my god he had kinnison he had all those guys on but howard would do an interview and he would control the interview the difference between that and ona is ona was just a hang you know it's like lewis what's going on yeah you would sit down norton would start shitting on you vos would shit on you it would get crazy patrice would shit on you it was just everybody laughing and i was like oh my god i'm going to do this i'm going to do this i'm going to laugh and everybody having fun one of my favorite moments just like if you're a podcast fan or if you are a podcaster go watch the first time vos brought patrice o'neill into ob and anthony and within like three seconds patrice just takes over he starts trashing vos like within 10 seconds he's trashing vos and it's one of the most brilliant like just comfortable like just immediately so comfortable and just took over the room and out like out alpha to everybody it's fucking brilliant he'd be in prison today that was the birth of podcasting and then you know all the stuff that we do whether you guys do legion of skanks all that stuff we're direct descendants yeah yeah a lot of our early fans were like oh this is like a continuation of ob and anthony yeah people still like that still fun like people don't want to be lectured and scolded and talked down to and fucking be told what words to use and not words to use fuck you i'm just tired of it they want just people talking shit and being entertained the same way you do when you're hanging out at a bar the same way you do when you go over your friend's house you have a couple beers that's how people talk yeah uh i was gonna say with the stern thing do you think like i i'm so i was such a fan for so long i stayed in there like pretty close till now but i don't really listen anymore now because it's not that he got woke is the thing i guess it is more that than like where he changed a lot of people complain but i do understand age getting to a point where you're like well i don't want to do like the pussy olympics with the porn stars yeah i get i get aging out of that maybe his daughters or you know i had the same thing yeah dave smith but like i'm seeing age out of it but it's also like to have it all go so like i mean he's like interviewed everyone that was like his enemy like but like interviewed them in a way where it's like hey kathy lee gifford remember i made fun of you now tell me about this lovely song you wrote for your dead husband which is like crazy yeah like an awful thing she wrote like he's just like now it's like he's like we're at dinner parties together so i think he's like he's not going at him like that anymore well it's got to be weird man because like when he was doing it in the early days there was no internet so there was no feedback and one of the things i remember in the early days of twitter like he used to get on twitter they used to get on and instagram and this way and you read the comments and they were fucking horrendous because that's what you've cultivated you've cultivated a bunch of vicious people like remember the pests from ona yeah they were the most vicious the most vicious and then they turned on ob and anthony which is the funniest part of all of it like they they just started it became a game to just torture the hosts of that show oh god they're animals and they were having fun and And it's like, look, this is what you've set up. This is a culture you've set up. Yeah. And so I don't think you like that. And then there was also, like, once the internet came around, then the woke shit started happening. And then people started finding stuff that he had said and done, and he was getting attacked for it. Like, he'd never been attacked his whole life. The internet made virtue signaling very easy. Yeah. And that's, like, it did addictive things. The only time somebody will get, like, 10 likes on a post, right, because they're, like, saying this thing that it's like, oh, look, I'm holier than thou. And then they get a little attention, and you're like, oh, cool. That's valuable to me. That's the most attention I've ever gotten in my life. Howard Stern also had an army behind him at one point. When shit did come at him, there was, like, an army screaming a lot louder. That army is now, like, you know. Well, the internet came around. Handfuls of, like, you know, old retired pipe fitters. It's a different thing. All that was before the internet. You have to really take that into consideration. Like, he was the real original pioneer. He was the one doing crazy shit, getting fined by the government. But there was no feedback, and there was no other people. And he, like, controlled markets. He would attack whoever was in the market. Yeah. And he would go. And he would go into it to just say horrible things about their families. Horrible things. But also, everybody's copying him. Yeah. True. Like, if you're talking on radio, he's like, everyone's copying me. And it's like, he's not wrong. He's right. But he didn't accept kudos for that. Like, yeah. Like, it's like, you're awesome, so we want to do it, too. He's like, we'll all end you for trying to be into doing comedy. It's like, well, you can't be the only funny radio thing ever. You opened up a genre now. Yeah. You can't be hating other dudes who are doing the same shit you do, and you could be the only one. That's crazy. But that was- When he was at XM, he stopped giving a shit about, like, FM. Now, then everybody was, all of a sudden, was like, guy's a great broadcaster. Like, that's all he says now, in hindsight. Well, the other thing was that, like, when you think about back then, there was only a few slots. So, there was one morning slot from 6 a.m. to 10 a.m. that everybody wanted. That was the drive time morning, and Howard owned that. He owned that syndicated all across the country. So, as soon as the internet came around, no one's competing for slots anymore. Now, it's wide open. The podcast goes out the whole world. So, everybody realized this isn't a feast or famine anymore. It's not like if you guys have a show, then I can't have a show, because that slot is taking up on WXM radio. Yeah. That doesn't exist. No. So, it's just wide open. So, then everybody was cool, and they weren't- Like, in the old days of, like, the Tonight Show, like, you heard about, like, Jay Leno hiding in the closet while they're talking about David Letterman. Letterman and stuff, yeah. They were all, like, fighting against each other, because there was only scraps. Few spots. There was only a tiny amount of spots, and there was a million guys who wanted to host the Tonight Show. Yes. Can you imagine- Can you imagine that era of being like, I have to be the best? I have to be the best, or everyone else is going to catch up to me. A different attitude. Those antiquated comedy ideas are great. I mean, even in my time in comedy, I remember the nights of, like, ABC scouts are in the audience. It's like, what the fuck? Okay. Yeah. It's just shit. Yeah. Like, there was a time when it was like, all right, they put me on that NBC showcase happening over at this comedy club. And you realize it means nothing jack shit ever. Now. HBO's doing a showcase. It certainly doesn't now. In the 90s, it meant something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In the 90s, you get a development deal, and it would change your fucking life. Everybody did. And then there was that poor guy who killed himself. They always- They always used his name as Michael Roof, right? Michael Chicken Roof? I don't know what his real name was. I just knew him as Chicken. But he got- Because he became- Who knows why he killed himself ultimately, but I guess it was always thought was because he became the name associated with- Well, you can go to New Faces now, but you're probably not walking out of there with a definite deal. One, two guys are going to go home with a deal. But it used to be, if you went to New Faces, you're coming back with a holding or development or something. Well, you should say why. Why him? What was it? I don't know. I'm not sure. He got the biggest deal ever. Oh, yeah. He got the million dollar deal, right? It was confusing. And not to disparage Deadman, but it was confusing. You would watch his comedy, you're like, what are they laughing at? I don't understand. And agents, a lot of agents, especially the young ones, these are young kids. They don't understand comedy. They don't know what the fuck is going on. They just hear noise like, he's amazing. He's so talented. And so they signed this guy to some huge fucking deal. It was like the biggest development deal they'd ever signed anybody to. It all fell apart. Nothing happened. And then years later, he wound up killing himself because his career just. And he hung himself in front of a school. Oh. Yeah. That's like lore. Like, what's the other one? Did you guys say you'd never heard of this before? I thought it was Ollie Joe Prater. Oh, yeah, yeah. The guy who like, they put a tarp over him, like for the feature act. Remember the Mitzi's Drive? Mitzi, they had that picture of him in the comedy store back room. Ollie Joe, the big limo and stuff. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I think he died and they had to put like a tarp over him or something like that. No, no. I heard he was just like so like, he couldn't like make it to the stage. So he'd sit during his set. So he'd sit during his set and he'd put a tarp over him. And then when the feature act was done, they would just like remove the tarp and he would start doing the show. You think there's like a fucking. Oh my God, that's crazy. You thought it was like a drum kit or something? That's crazy. He had to position himself on stage. Under a tarp. Give it up for Ralphie May, because no matter how big he got, he walked, he made that walk. He fucking walked that walk up to that goddamn microphone. Oh God. Could you imagine that? Could you imagine Ralphie? We had to, Ralphie, get in the back. We got to position you. That's the end of Ralphie. Lift up the cart. Towards the end, I saw Ralphie. That was wild. Like being taken around Bonnaroo on his own golf cart, like on the back, just dominating the space. And then his people would set him up with a chair right in the pit of the music at Bonnaroo. And I remember Kendrick Lamar was on and it was thumping. And he'd look over and he's like asleep in a chair in front of a stack of Marshalls. He's like, yo, Ralphie. That's why Ari ended up, that was the thing. Our flight. Our flights all got fucked up going home from Bonnaroo. And Ari's flight got canceled. And we were scurrying to try to get new flights. And he goes, I think I'm going to go stay with Ralphie for a few days. I don't know how much longer we're going to have Ralphie around. I think he passed like months later. Wow. Yeah. I kind of saw that coming. That's that Ari sixth sense. Yeah. The Ralphie one was a bummer because he had a bunch of operations too. Yeah. The weight loss ones, right? Yeah. He had his stomach stable a couple of times and blew through it. Jesus. Tenacious. Yeah. He had whatever the operation was. He ate. He ate through the operation. So he busted it out and he had to get redone. That's wild. Yeah. Multiple times. One time I worked with him, he was carrying, I think he had a catheter that came out of his pants into a briefcase he was holding. And it's like, you just have a dick tube in right now while you're talking to me? Oh boy. That's tough. Yeah. Oh boy. He's still doing his shows. Carrying around a briefcase full of piss. Yeah. Killing. Killing. Fucking killing, dude. Sat down on the stool. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, is there a cable? Is there a briefcase that goes in his pants? Dude, Ralphie made. Ralphie did. Ralphie at Dublin's. Remember Dublin's? Oh yeah. Dude, he used to shake that fucking place up, dude. He would murder. Ralphie would murder. And he had a pace to him. Yeah. Ralphie knew how to like, he hit that pace, that bang, bang, bang. And with that Southern accent. Oh yeah. Yeah. He was a Houston guy. You know, there was a great crop, great crop of talent that came out of the laugh stop in Houston for a while. There was a bunch of good guys. Like Maddie Kirsch came out of there. There was a bunch of other funny guys that just never fucking made it. But they were good. Man. They were like really funny comics. Boston had a ton of that though. Oh yeah. Well, Boston was better than. Boston was like the scene. But notoriously, Boston's got guys that are like, no one can believe why Steve Sweeney was never like his own star in some way. Oh yeah. No, for sure. But what came out of that Houston scene was Kinison and Hicks. They both came out of that scene. The laugh stop. Yeah. That was a fucking incredible club, man. I worked for the lady's son, took it over when she got sick or passed or whatever. Yeah, I worked for him. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. And then he opened up another one that was outside. They closed locations and moved to a different location. It wasn't as good. That was one when Ari went up with a Hitler mustache on. Ari had a beard. And he's like, I think I'm going to grow a Hitler mustache. I'm like, well, you can. We did one time. Yeah, tell him. A black guy could say the N-word. You could wear a Hitler mustache. Yeah. Go up there. One time on Legion of Skanks back in the day, we did some sort of challenge. Whatever it was, the punishment for Ari was though, me, Dave Smith, and Big J shaved all of our pubes. And we glued them to Ari to make a Hitler mustache. You could probably find the picture. You could find the video. I don't know if I've laughed this hard in 30 years. It's the funniest. It looks so, his face is so, he hates it. I had spirit gum. We put spirit gum. And I took the pubes. And it was me. I put the pubes on his face. And when I move my fingers away. It's the reveals. It's the funniest thing. World class. On the planet. On the planet. He's, oh, right here. See, this is a direct transition between the baby bird and the baby bird. Look at this. Yeah. Ari's trying to move his nose out of the way. This is a three-man job. Who's that guy? Sexy Dave Smith. Young Dave. There you are, dude. Young Dave. You hit my line. Before Dave got political. Yeah. Oh, my God. This is so fucking funny, man. A Hitler mustache. Holy shit. Lewis, you take the sickest, perverted fucking happiness. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. I've never been happier than in that moment. That was my peak. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. That's so funny. Good God. He's an animal. Yeah. I had to hold his asshole open once while he got his asshole bleached. Triply bleached. It's like, that was our punishment. I had to hold his asshole. We've held Ari's asshole open. Yeah. One time I had a hemorrhoid. I was like, guys, I got a hemorrhoid. And then everyone was like, all right, shut up. Show me. So I showed him on the show. And then Ari's like, that's not a hemorrhoid. That's not a hemorrhoid. I'll show you a hemorrhoid. I was like, all right, let me see. So then, obviously, he bent over and I held his asshole open, dude. And it was like the fucking Demogorgon from Stranger Things. His asshole looks like what the Hellraiser box does, too. Like it's been the chains that pulled it inside out. He used to have to take pieces of toilet paper and stuff it between his ass napkins. He still does. He still does. He still does. That's what he called them. crazy. Just put it on Lewis' shoulder before. Whatever you could to stop that from happening. He's had two surgeries. Two anal correctives. Like, yeah. Like, scrape out the shit surgeries, dude. Scrape out the fucking. So what's the issue? I think they come back. I think he's really. Do you think he's so feral that he has to get his anal glands expressed like a dog? I think he spends too much time. Like, he's a king. This is the. Oh, yeah. That picture's amazing. Oh, my God. With you wearing St. James Parish shirt. That's my son's preschool. Oh, my God. The trike-a-thon. Oh, my God. That's a terrible shirt to be wearing in that photo. Oh, my God. Bleaching Ari's asshole trailer. Ari maybe is leaving the biggest stamp in stand-up comedy, even without being an arena act or anything. Oh, for sure. I mean, as far as affecting people's lives around him. Yep. He's an animal. He's living his life the way he wants to live it, which is so. It's the purest definition of success. He wakes up, opens his eyes, and he just. He just does what he wants to do. Yeah. He'll take off for six months, a year off his podcast. Like, everyone's like, you got to get out at the exact same time every week. Ari's like, well, I'm just not going to do it. I say he's the architect of his own happiness. He's created a world that he's like, this is what I want to do. This is the best version of me. This is what makes me happy, and that's what I want to do. And it really works. Yeah. And the thing is, like, what really cemented him, other than this is not happening, the show that he did on Comedy Central, was his special Jew. That fucking special's amazing. Amazing. I was there taping, watching the tape. I was like, this is beautiful. And he worked so hard on it for so long. It was like the one thing that he really concentrated because he had a very specific subject to write material on, and it was so rock solid, man. And then the whole thing happened with Kobe Bryant. He stopped doing it for a while. I'm like, bro, you got to bring that back. You got to release that as a special. And then he released that as a special. It's like, oh, this guy's rock solid. He moved to New York and became, like, an elite level comedian. Like, he just, yeah, like, Ari was always good, but then he came to New York, and, like, his thing. His stand-up is so fucking. It's so good. Well, I think it also was part of that thing of doing what you want to do, and he always wanted to be a New York City comedian. Even when he lived in L.A., the idea of living in New York and doing comedy in New York was. Bouncing around it. That's what he wanted, and so that's what he did. And now, like, he's like, I want to go to Asia for six months. No phone. And he just abandons his phone. You can't get a hold of him. And then every now and then, I would get, like, a text message wondering what's happening with blah, blah, blah. I'm like, who the fuck is this? And he didn't even tell me who it was. It was R.M. in Uganda. And then, like, three text messages later, oh, this is Ari, by the way. I'm like, oh, okay. Yeah. Where are you? I'm in Sarajevo. Look at him. He missed the first Skankfest ever last year, and he's coming back this year for it. Where is he now? He went to Tatooine. Wherever they film Star Wars. Oh, yeah, that's right. Yeah. Wherever the fuck. Tunisia. What the fuck, man? That's wild. I'm just having a beer at the cantina on space. Not only that, he'll do this shit by himself. Like, he's an animal. Yeah. Yeah, he's an I'll-get-lost-I'll-figure-out-where-I'm-sleeping guy. I'm like, I'm a plans guy. Well, I mean, he's not pretending. No. That's the thing. Like, that is who he is. It's a fucking dope way to live your life. He's a beautiful person, dude. He's getting chubby. See that? He's getting chubby. I saw him a month ago in France, and he's like, I'm fat, just so you know. I'm like, don't worry, dude. I'm way fatter than you are. You don't have to worry about that. All right, fellas. Let's bring this bitch home. Skankfest. November 13th or 15th. It's the greatest comedy festival in the history of the known universe. Thank you. Yeah, where single-day passes. Saturday might be sold out at this point, but if you're, especially if you're in the area, come. Get single-day passes. Skankfest.com. Yeah, I mean, it's going to be- Come for the comedy. Stay for Steve's dick. Yeah. Steve judges a naked roast every year. We do a naked roast battle where the comedians are all naked. All the judges are naked. No phones allowed. It's- And it's me, Jason Ellis, who's got a hog that you've never even fucking seen, and then like a porn star. And it's like, and me. It sucks, dude. Well, you got balls, bro. I mean, I- Literally. Big ones. Yeah. I just got decent balls. But I have to, it's been 10 years. It's like, once you see me naked, it's like, there's no more surprises. So one year I put Ari's home phone number on my back, and I would just turn around and flex for the audience. I did Black Dick one year, so we got a good one. Every year I find a new part of you to love. Yeah, we got a lot of really cool stuff. It's the 10th year anniversary, so, and yeah, it's the last one we're doing in New Orleans for quite some time, so it's going to be a wild one. Well, I always say that I think it's the best. It's the best festival in comedy. It's the most wild and free, and it's like, just seems, it's in the spirit of just making people laugh. Just having fun. No industry. We don't give any industry passes out. Everyone's there to just have a good time. And it's always sold out. It's always sold out. Like, people love it. They look forward to it every year. You guys are killing it. Thank you, Joe. And congratulations on being the newest member. Thank you, man. Hell yeah. Appreciate that. All right. Let's wrap it up. Thank you. Bye, buddy. See you next time. Bye. Bye.