#2472 - Jeff Ross

the joe rogan experience train by day joe rogan podcast by night all day what's up though joe good to see you my friend i'm here man let's crack a wacko life is good happy to be in austin texas happy to have you are you doing kill tony tonight i'll show up kill tony tonight nice of course my guy so happy for him yeah he's killing it he always uh talks about us as his early uh supporters oh yeah for sure yeah i love that guy he's the best i mean that show is on fire it's a fucking runaway train right now everywhere i go kill tony kill tony kill tony love you on kill tony it's such a fun show you know what a great idea kind of amazing nobody thought it up well he just kind of put his open mics and his roasts his personality and his friends and has built a community it's kind of amazing oh it's incredible he's the new johnny carson i mean think about how many like adam ray's killing it selling out giant theaters all these guys that you know came through that show are fucking destroying now this is our tribe joe i know i love it it's amazing it's a good time for comedy did i hear that you have a german shepherd no no i have a golden retriever and i have a cavalier king charles spaniel oh okay little tiny fella oh somebody told me something different no i love german shepherds but i don't have i have a german shepherd they're the best you have to exercise the shit out of them though yeah they need work she loves to run around oh yeah dig and climb and adventures they need tasks they're not like my golden he's just cool just chilling laying on his back getting his belly rubbed oh i follow him on instagram don't worry he's the best i look for my mornings with him i mean they're a very low maintenance dog and he he's trained he you could train him very easily but as far as like like a guard dog and that kind of useless my dog my dog can like sit stay and run around frantically i'll be like run around frantically and she'll just run around well they have so much energy those dogs are just designed to work i put her to work for two months this summer on broadway she came out at the end of my show and howled with me in the audience she can howl on q she we taught her i had the same trainer that did the sandy from the show annie like from when i was a kid bill bertolone and he's like i could teach her she's like a wild rescue german shepherd from the desert and there she was like came out jumped on a couch hit her mark turn to the audience and we like sang oh that's awesome she had her own dressing room nipsey her name's nipsey and you know and then when the job was all you know when the run was over she was like no more work i need something else to do yeah they need things to do like people that just have them and apartment and don't go anywhere like that's a crazy thing to do to a dog like that yeah oh look at her oh my god wow look how sweet so she's a rescue dog she is where'd you find her they found her in a in a bummy uh a breeder in reno yeah during the pandemic i had an old dog i had an old senior dog that my ex found on the street and we took care of her at the beginning of the pandemic and and uh the ex left left the dog so it's just me and this old beat-up street dog for a few months and the vet was like i got another a puppy german shepherd and so she was a puppy this one was yeah oh that's great so now it's like five years ago already so she's my bestie and and and we do everything i mean i just love her to pieces like i can't even getting on the plane to come here yesterday as a part of me was like should i bring her let her run around the four seas for a couple days and whatever but yeah yeah it's hard leaving them it's it's like i have a kid they look she looks at me looking for the buzzwords are we going are we staying are we eating i know they get separation anxiety big time and they get very attached to one person right yeah like you're her daddy oh she's just so sweet she just she'll lay in bed wait she never wakes me rolls over arms up ready to get she can't start the day without a full belly rub like i almost like hold her legs and play her like a guitar and she just you know tongues out just complete euphoria once a week i take all her collars off and just rub the neck and just her eyes start watering and that's so cute highly right i never was into dogs i'm slightly allergic my sister got snapped on by a doberman when we were little so i was always a little afraid and then it was just kind of forced on me during the pandemic because all these dogs needed homes so now here i am i'm a freaking doggy daddy oh i love dogs i've always had dogs i will never not have dogs i love them i love them what do you think it is it's they're they're just these amazing creatures that just love the shit out of you and especially if you train them from the time they're puppies and you give them nothing but love yeah like they're so connected to you and then you know it's just awesome you wake up in the morning and it's always positive it's always hello hello i wake up with marshall and he starts whining and whimpering and he like i i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i do this thing in the morning good morning sir good morning sir he's just wagging his tail and he's rolling around on his back and i'm rubbing his belly and he's giving me kisses he loves it he loves he gets so excited to see me in the morning it's like his his ritual he knows the ritual's coming he's gonna get all this love does he sleep in your room no no my wife is a little bit allergic so he sleeps outside the room right but uh he is he's just a giant love sponge that's what he is it's like he loves everybody everybody comes in the house like he meet you for the first time he's like i can't believe you're here he's just so excited to meet everybody my dog checks everybody she's got to like check them out of course german shepherd you know it's different and if somebody has a chemical imbalance or a little off she lets me know oh yeah you got screwball friends yeah well every now and then you know comics will be off their meds and they'll come i used to know that person i don't know that person anymore the dog just like alerts me oh that's interesting yeah they're very watchful you know they're they're shepherds they're protecting you they're protecting their their daddy she's funny on the plane like i've only flown with her twice but one you know once to new york and then once back after we were done on broadway and she's like it was nine months later she literally knew how to walk on the plane where to go where her seat was like remembers everything like a person they're very smart dogs very smart dogs it's one of the reasons why they need someone to exercise like the dumbest dogs can just laying around and do nothing yeah but really smart dogs they need a lot of activity especially shepherds because they're working dogs if i leave her alone too long she'll dig up the backyard she needs something to do yeah they get crazy they're like an athlete yeah you know they just they need work they need to go and they don't need a lot of food they don't need a lot she's she's like what do you feed her you know i used to overfeed her and give her a lot of table scraps and spoiler and then i learned more recently that if i keep her to like a cup and a half of kibble a day the vet recommended you should get her on raw food so raw food or fresh food oh interesting yeah i i used to feed my dogs kibble too i had one dog that got cancer and i read about all these dogs getting cancer and you know they get fat so easy when you give them kibble and it's just because that stuff can sit on a shelf forever yeah it's like you wouldn't eat it why are they eating it right it's not healthy for them sometimes i put a little turkey in the turkey's great real food is the way to go i feed my dog farmer's dog it's uh it comes frozen it has to be frozen right and the way they attack it versus the way they attack kibble like kibble's like okay they're eating no big deal yeah but they just can't wait to eat this stuff like they get excited like the little guy a little charlie he literally leaps up in the air trying to get to the counter where when i'm putting the food in his bowl he gets nuts they love it uh it's real food it's human grade food i have to check that out oh yeah it comes frozen and also they give it to you the right portions for your dog so you don't have to think about it like you put in your dog's weight what breed your dog is and you know whether your dog's overweight or not and they they measure it out cow or why so it's specific to your dog this show is presented by draft kings something big is coming september 2nd draft kings game day arrives with massive deals exclusive offers and an all-day celebration one app every day and you can get it for free at draftkings.com draftkings.com every sport all 50 states the biggest day in sports history get 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that dogs who maintain a healthy weight can live up to two and a half years longer on average than dogs who are overweight isn't that wild and also kind of obvious at the time so why is feeding vague scoops of ultra processed kibble still the status quo for most dog owners healthy alternatives exist and trust me i know i buy one the farmer's dog i use it for both my dogs they love it they eat it up quick it smells good to them it smells good to me it's human grade food the farmer's dog makes fresh food for dogs and my dogs love it their recipes are made with real meat and fresh vegetables that are gently cooked to retain vital nutrients they also portion out the meals to your dog's nutritional needs which helps avoid overfeeding and makes weight management easier and isn't getting more time with our four-legged best friends something every dog owner wants the answer to that is yes obviously so try the farmer's dog today and get 50 off your first box of fresh healthy food plus get free shipping just go to the farmer's dog.com slash rogan this offer is for new customers only my dog's weight is good but i gotta get her to stop smoking she's just you know what it's funny she used to really hate when i light up a joint and she really she was little she'd run in the other room but now she's just like oh that's daddy well she'd probably get a little paranoid i used to have a pit bull that she would get paranoid and i was realizing oh this poor dog she's getting high too she was a rescue dog too i found her she was covered in maine she was so sad oh she's eating out of garbage cans it's heartbreaking yeah a friend of mine found her and uh they took her in for and then they called me and they said do you want another dog i had one dog already i said absolutely and as soon as i saw her i was like oh yeah they're good together yeah it was so horrible she was covered in maine she had little scabs on her and everything it all went away within like two months of food but that dog because of living on the street she could never get enough food she was always like raiding garbage cans and stuff like you'd have to lock up the garbage can strap it down with a bungee cord she would tip them over and she was never full even though she would like get fat she would she was never full just in case it was just you know she was starving when i'm when i found her the i had the old dog first and then the young german shepherd so the old one had all these street habits like that and she taught him to the young dog like the young dog walks down the stairs as if she has a broken back hip oh and she learned how to get in the car from an old dog so two legs she could leap right in she's a kid but she still goes to two paws up and i have to pick her up yeah that's how marshall does it over protective like the old dog yeah marshall i think he probably could jump in my car but it's like he knows i'll just lift him up because i've done it since he was a puppy so we do this little thing i go you ready he puts his paws i go one two three it's always one two three up so he gets ready do they how do they talk to you my dog howls with me in the morning no marshall only talks when he wants to come inside like if he's outside he'll just bark once at the door he's really good he's the best dog what does his bark sound like let me in it's like hey i'm out here come on you know he's out till he's not you know he's out till he's bored and then he just lets you know if it's not annoying the old dog if i had to put her like if like a guy came over to work on the house or something i had to put her in a bedroom or a bathroom she she was she was you know a big big dog she would gnaw on the handles so i have a house full of like chrome uh door handles that all have like bite marks in it like the bite is amazing yeah you got to give them things to chew on all the time you know there's chew toys all over my house yeah everywhere my dog has uh marshall has like a big box filled with toys yeah and it's like and he just goes in and picks one out yeah randomly yeah depends who it is i go what are you gonna get which toy and he's like looking around picks one out and then him and the little dog they play tug-of-war it's adorable they get it so they get a lot oh my god you knew they'd get along before you got this he's the easiest dog to get along with he gets along with everything and everybody jamie's james got a psycho dog jamie's got this little french bulldog that's like a little a little meat missile yeah he's a nut he's great he's awesome oh yeah he's not he's just he's three almost three two and a half he's a little psycho he's he's jacked he's super jacked it's like this little french bulldog and him and marshall just play insane they it's insane like carl throws himself through the air at marshall because he knows that marshall's like super gentle and they just play back and forth but it's adorable if a dog is small enough like a little chihuahua type dog they can put their head inside my dog will just open her mouth and let another dog just roll her head inside her mouth no instincts yeah it's crazy just wants it to play it's just nuts that they those used to be wolves they've turned wolves into these little tiny things you could carry around i mean in a thousand years they'll be are they getting smarter the way humans are evolving i wonder that's a good question i wonder i mean i think there would have to be a reason for them to get smarter you know some dogs are like the dogs that are trained like a belgian malinois those are really smart dogs you know those are dog military dogs yeah those dogs you cannot just leave that dog alone no like it's like a shepherd times 10 yeah they look like shepherds sort of but those dogs they're so intelligent yeah you know they they are constantly scanning everything and looking for everything they know when you're weird they know everything right yeah so those dogs have to be smart because they have jobs you know they use them like those are the dogs they sicked on like osama bin laden's crew right you know they open the door they open the door they open the door and they breach dogs run in incredible yeah my dog central web compared to all that so is mine she just wants to play yeah this is the only dogs that well i've had a couple dogs before like i had a a dog that was a shibu inu mix and he was kind of a pussy um but and i had a mastiff before that but mostly i've had like big guard dogs right you know and this these are the dogs of first dogs i've had that are they're not guarding shit marshall's not guarding they're guarding your emotions buddy well they're just sweet they're just sweet they're just awesome to have it's like you just have love around you all the time and they're never in a bad mood there's never a day he's never had a bad day in his life every day is a great day every day he's happy even if you're not there well he gets sad if i'm not there for sure but like i pull out the ball it's always the same thing it's never like one day i'm like maybe he's gonna get bored of this fucking ball nope i pull out that ball oh oh the ball the ball's out let's go bouncing around wagging his tail jumping up i got a ball it's got like the stick like it's like a long curved stick so you can throw the ball yeah yeah of course and you know he just starts leaping up towards the stick he gets so pumped i'm like one day he's gonna get bored of this nope he's nine years old he's never getting bored of it when i come up the stairs if she sees that i have my sneakers on she starts stretching like at a limit i'm like oh my god i'm gonna get bored of this i'm gonna get bored of this let's go time to go yeah dogs are awesome people that don't have them i feel bad for them like you're missing a lot of love in your life especially like people that live alone you know it's like you always have a friend you always have someone you i talk to my dog like i have conversations yeah yeah yeah you know and that this this marshall look you in the eyes when you're talking oh yeah oh yeah it's a real friend oh he's he's like the most loving creature i've ever seen in my life and i'm like oh my god he's like the most loving creature i've ever seen in my life and i'm like oh my god he's like the most loving creature i've ever seen in my life and you wouldn't tell your family or your friends no sometimes i'm like hey nipsey man i probably shouldn't have said that to her you know she she has emotional and like she knows when i'm happy sad nervous sick mostly it's baby talk mostly he's like oh he's my buddy yeah he's my buddy he watches tv with me he climbs up on the couch and sits on my lap he puts his head on my lap the best yeah and when there's animals on tv he parks his head up yeah you know because it's a big tv and so he's like what the fuck is this i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm like oh my god i'm is that is that real he has to right when when nipsey first came out from the desert she was you know like six seven month old you know puppy but still a sizable dog german shepherd at six months is already like a dog and the old dog which was all you know on her deathbed but wise street wise she was on the floor and the puppy was up on my bed it was her first night in a home and i put on um house of cards and it was just daunting kind of scary music and the dog's just watching and it's like a shadowy figure it was kevin spacey coming down the hall his character coming down the hall, and as this, like, man was revealed full screen on a big screen, Nipsey did a backflip, fell off the bed, and ran and hid in the closet. And the old dog, Nada, was like, oh, boy, she had to, like, pull herself up at her bad legs and go in the closet and tell her to come back out. Now, listen, it's TV. It's almost time for spring break, so maybe you're headed to the beach or maybe you're taking the kids on a road trip or maybe you're just taking some extra time for yourself. No matter what, you deserve a break and a reset, and AG1 can help. AG1 is your daily health drink. Just one scoop combines your multivitamin, pre- and probiotics, superfoods, and antioxidants to help support a healthy immune system and digestion. Plus, it travels really well, so you can start working it into your routine, even when you don't have a routine. Just slip a few travel packs. Get into your luggage and have a nice flight. I've talked about AG1 for a long time, and it's not just me. I know a lot of people enjoy it. It's very easy, it's very convenient, and you deserve to take care of your health. Visit drinkag1.com slash joerogan, and for a limited time, get a bottle of Omega-3 vitamin D3K2 and an AG1 flavor sampler for free in your welcome kit with your first subscription. That's a $111 value. That's a $111 value at drinkag1.com slash joerogan. House of Cards, what a fucking show that was. Oh, yeah. Oh, what a fucking show. They never should have done that last season. Once Kevin Spacey got canceled, they should have just canceled it. It was done. Or, you know, not. Right. Such a good fucking show. That was a great show. It's crazy. I saw him, he was in Israel doing some weird thing where he was, like, doing, like, a song and dance routine in a small club recently. Like, he's been kind of reduced to doing that for money. Is that reduced or is that part of the comeback? You got to start. I don't know. I mean, it's something. I mean, I guess he's just making money. You know, he's completely bankrupt. He lost everything. It's crazy. Show business it's at. Well, it's not just show business, right? It's also, what did you do? You know, what did you get caught for? You know, he was an old school dickhead. Dick grabber. A lot of those old school guys. No one really likes that. Getting their dick grabbed like that. Some gay guys do, I think. I think what he did probably worked on some guys. You know what I'm saying? Right. Like, gay guys have a whole different way of interacting with each other that we don't have. But I think with Spacey, it was like, some of those fellows were young. And that's the problem. Power. It's power. It's like. In the gay community, there's a lot of guys that think it's okay for young gay guys who are underage to hook up with older gay guys. It's like Milo Yiannopoulos. Remember him? He actually talked about that on my show. He was talking about when he was 14. He hooked up with this older guy. And he's like, trust me, I was the predator. He was like saying that he was going after the guy. I was like, all right. But it's different. In their eyes? I mean, I'm just speaking for gay guys that I've talked to. It's different in their eyes than, you know, an adult male and a young female. Right. You know. But Kevin Spacey's a fucking unbelievable actor. That fucking House of Cards was so good. It was so good. Such a good show. I'm glad it's still out there. You know, because there was a lot of stuff. It was so good, it made me miss and re-watch West Wing. That's how good it was. I haven't. I never watched that. I think I maybe watched one or two episodes. It's like an idealistic version of what politics could be, I guess. Right. Martin Sheen is like the president we wish we had. Like a really solid. That was a long time ago. But he's also controversial. He's hiding a medical thing. Like, we got way ahead of a lot of the modern day stories. Not like Biden. Yeah. Yeah. And his wife's a doctor, so she's helping him. Well, we always have these idealistic ideas of who we want to be our leader. And the thing about the Kevin Spacey character was like, that's probably more realistic. Like, that guy is more realistic. Well, as we get older, we understand you got to be cutthroat to make it. There's got to be a certain killer instinct in a president. You're also most likely deeply compromised by the time you get into office, which is the only way you navigate those worlds. Like, everybody's compromised. Everybody's gone to that eyes wide shut party. Right. I couldn't get in just for the record. Yeah. Me neither. I don't want to get in. I know. That's a good thing. A dog can kind of save your career. Because, like, you get invited to some wild sex party. You'll be like, my dog's been waiting for me for five hours. Sorry. I can't go. Yeah. Meanwhile, it's better to just hang out with your dog. You'll have a better time and you won't feel gross in the morning, I guess. But I think a lot of those people are sociopaths. They probably don't even feel gross ever. I was out all weekend for the Fanatics football stuff. Travis Scott's DJing until three in the morning. What is the Fanatics football stuff? They had a flag football tournament in L.A. It was supposed to be in Riyadh, and they had to move it to L.A. Tom Brady and the Fanatics. What's the Fanatics? It's like, I guess it's a branding company. They do all the jerseys. They do all the Michael Rubin and Michael Ratner. Two friends of mine did this flag football game. And I was just partying. I just took the weekend off, and I'm, like, seeing all the football. Football players, and it was just so much fun. And then just as the party's really getting hot, I'm, like, I miss my dog. I'm going home. Yeah, there's always this thing in the back of your head, like, I got to get home. He's been home alone for five hours. He's been home alone for six hours. I'm thinking about him. He has to pee. He's a good boy. He's not going to pee in the house, but he's probably holding it in and upset. Yeah. Isn't it nuts? Like, people think, especially comics. You know, we want to be up late, getting drunk, fucking off, being retarded, doing drugs. You know what? You just want to get home. Yeah. Want to get home, chill out, relax, watch TV. I feel like if I had a dog when I was starting out in comedy, I would have been more disciplined. I would have been coming home instead of staying out all night. I kind of regret that a little bit. You regret staying out all night? Well, I mean, you know how it is. You do your set, you start hanging out in the club, in the comedy club, and drinking or eating. But there's a certain, I don't know, you go home and you're up earlier, you get more done the next day. Oh, absolutely. Well, it's just you feel better. It's hard to leave when you're having fun. You know, it's also you feel like you're a part of a different society. Society of people who don't have a regular job. You got freedom. You're your own boss. I grew up, I lost my parents as a teenager. So I live every day like. I could die tomorrow. So I never want to leave. I have ultimate FOMO all the time. I never want to miss an event, a party. I went to the Super Bowl. I went to All-Star weekend. I want to go to the Grammys. I love life. I want to make the most out of it all the time. It works against me sometimes, I think. That's interesting, right? It's the plus side of experiencing loss when you're young. You really want, you really relish life. You want to make the most out of it. You want to enjoy it while it's here. Yeah. One of the things I say on my show is I learned early on human beings were made to mourn and move on. You can't mourn forever or a part of you dies, and that's not fair. Right. So it gave me this sort of zest for living. You take that loss as a young person, you're afraid at any second. You know, it's hard to make long-term plans. Are your parents still alive? Yeah, it's an amazing, amazing blessing. And sometimes when you lose people young, you're afraid, you live in the constant fear that it's all going to fall apart. Yeah. I've lost a lot of friends. Like, sometimes I look at my contact list when I get a new phone, you know, and you're swapping over contacts, and I'm like, "Oh, fuck." You know, I've got like 20 dead people on my contact list. Some of them I just keep in there, you know. I got old phones where, like, Bourdain was texting me. I just kept the phone. I'm like, "I'm never throwing this phone away." You know, it's just a bunch of friends who have just gone. I look at Bob Saget's texts all the time. I listen to Gilbert Gottfried's voicemails. Yeah, I know what you mean, yeah. It just brings me right back to them. Those two guys, those are two tough ones. Those are two really tough ones. Such great guys. Well, there's that famous picture of me, Norm, Gilbert, and Bob that Adam Egatt took at Joan's restaurant in Hollywood, and I show that in my special. I talk about each one, do, like, a tribute to Norm, I do a tribute to Gilbert, whose family is a big part of my family now, his kids are great kids, his daughter goes to school here in Texas, in Austin, and there it is, and Bob, who just became a grandfather, so they left quite a legacy, those guys, and I really love them, and they would make me laugh. You know, I would just set them up, and they would go, and I would laugh until I was dying laughing. - What a legend. - The king. - He's such a great guy, too. Yeah. He was so funny, too. And his clips, I don't know if it's my algorithm or what, but you would think Norm is making comedy content every day if you looked at my algorithm. Well, mine too. I think a lot of people. So people just share them because he had so many funny things to say about everything and such a unique perspective, just an unusual state of mind. He's the best. Canadians. I have a theory that Canadians, I'm from New Jersey, so I feel like New Jersey, I grew up as an outsider to New York. We had a root for New York sports teams. We had to listen to New York radio stations as a kid, TV stations, and Canada has that with America. Right. So I think they always feel like comedians feel like outsiders a little bit. I feel like Canadians kind of have that. Harland, he's Canadian. I mean, Canadian comedians, you could go all day. Tom Green. Yeah. Yeah. Jim Carrey. Jim Carrey. A lot of Canadians. Caroline Rae, and a lot more. John Candy, right? Yeah. John Candy was a Canadian. Yeah. Martin Short. Was he? Is he? He is. I think so. He's still with us. Those SCTV people. That's right. Yeah. Now, Martin Short, he had a rough month. He lost somebody very close to him. But he's still one of the funniest people in the world. Oh, he was brilliant. All those fucking crazy characters. Oh my God. I was at a birthday party once. It was like Paul Rudd's 50th birthday party years ago. And I remember everybody was like, "Let's do karaoke." And everybody wanted to start. Everybody was too shy to do karaoke first. And Martin Short walked up to the mic, belted out a Sinatra song, dropped the mic, and walked out to the valet and left. He just kicked it off and went, "Fly me to the moon," and he was gone. It's weird when you get older and you realize how many guys have passed. Patrice comes up in my algorithm all the time, and you just watch old clips. I went on a binge a few months back of him on Opie and Anthony. Yeah. Just fuck. Ruthless. He would have been the number one podcast in the world if he was alive today. Patrice? Yeah. If he had a podcast. Because he probably would have. I mean, it's a perfect normal transition from Opie and Anthony to podcasting. Right. He would have probably had the best podcast in the world. Except the guests would never get to talk at all. Yeah. It wouldn't matter. He would be dressing them down. Patrice's greatness at the Charlie Sheen roast I always talk about is he went on last, and he was like. We booked him late. He never wanted to do a roast. And he said, "I don't know this one. I don't know that one." And finally I called him one day. I go, "We're roasting Charlie Sheen." He goes, "Oh." He goes, "I don't know Charlie Sheen, but I think I could do that." I go, "You know him. You don't know him, but you know." And he goes, "All right. I'm coming." He dresses total rock star, like a leather suit, like this whole fantasy Patrice in his head. And then the day of the show, he's complaining about his material. He's like, "I don't know all these writers. They don't know me. This isn't me. Blah, blah, blah." I go, "Patrice, fuck all that. Pay attention and roast the roast. Just roast the roast. Make mental notes. Clock it all. Let them see you taking it in, and then just go on and talk about what you just saw." And that's what he did. No, it was brilliant. Did you see Charlie Sheen's Netflix documentary? I haven't. It's fucking great, man. It's crazy. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. Yeah. It's a great movie. It's a great movie. I haven't. It's crazy. It's crazy. He talks about everything. He talks about the first time he smoked crack, girls giving him a blow job when he smoked crack. How else are you supposed to do it? He said it's the best experience he's ever had. He's never topped it. Wow. Yeah. Wow. Makes you want to try it. Makes you think, "Maybe." He was a fascinating guest, too, having him in here. It's like- Yeah. That guy's been through so much shit, and he's okay. It's like, "How is he alive?" Some people are just different, right? Tiger blood? I was on tour with him that whole time. That's right. That's right. You were doing that thing with him. What happened was when he got kicked off of Two and a Half Men and he went kind of kooky, he decided to do this whirlwind tour, and the first one he did, he tried to go and just wing it. Torpedo of Truth. Yeah. That's what he called it. He said, "No, that's not gonna work." No. But then when he started doing it with you, and he did it with Russell, Russell Peters did a bunch of them with him, with comics, it actually worked, because he would have someone to bounce stuff off of, and they knew how to be entertaining and keep the flow going. Right. Yeah. And then you got into those stories, and it was amazing. Yeah. It totally turned around. The first one I did was in Atlantic City, and he called me the night before, and I was in LA at a party, and everyone's like, "Yeah, yeah, go do it, go do it." So I caught a 6:00 a.m. flight. He called you the night before? What did he say? He's like, "My shows aren't going good." I didn't know him. He goes, "All these different people keep telling me, Simon Rex, other friends of his kept saying, 'Jeff Ross could come out and roast you and save this.'" So I just wrote jokes all night, left the party, wrote jokes, caught a 6:00 a.m., flew. I walk into his dressing room like an hour before. Chuck Zito. He's literally staring me down going, "Don't be too mean to my guy." They're just trying to scare me, and I'm like, "I'm here to like. I'm a comedian." Charlie was really cool, and I told his road manager. He goes, "What do you need?" I go, "I need a podium to roll out, big arenas. I want to make it like a show, and I need a hazmat suit," because he'd been bombing for like a week every single night. I'm going to come out. I go, "I heard there's a bomb scare." It's Jersey, so it's my crowd, and I just start roasting him. It went well, and I was like, "If you're winning," because he's always like, "Winning, winning." I'm like, "If you're winning, something's wrong with the fucking scoreboard." Old Jeff with hair, duh, winning. Look at that. Boy, he looks so skinny. That's a look of a guy who does coke. Look how ripped he is. Jesus. Oh, man. He was up all night. He was wild. He was like. He was still partying hard back then. It's hard to say. Had to be. He didn't let me see that side of it. I'm sure he was. There's no chance he was clean. A warlock. Oh, that's right. He was a warlock. A warlock with tiger blood. Right. Violent Torpedo of Truth tour kicks off in Detroit. TV star is booed off stage. Yeah. Then after that, they kept calling and going, "You do this date, and you do that date." It was like more money than I'd ever made. I made it for a one-nighter, so I just started getting on the bus and the plane with them. How many dates did you guys do? I wound up doing eight. This episode is brought to you by Visible. Why does it feel like summer ends as soon as it begins? 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But that's because great candidates for your role are also everywhere, and hearing these ads increases the chances of them going to ZipRecruiter and responding to your job post. So go to ZipRecruiter.com/recruiter. That's ZipRecruiter.com/recruiter. And once you post your job, ZipRecruiter's powerful matching technology will find top talent quickly. And their new feature will even show you the most interested, qualified candidates first. No wonder four out of five employers who post on ZipRecruiter get a quality candidate within the first day. But you've got to go to ZipRecruiter.com/rogan to post your job for free. Once again, that's ZipRecruiter.com/rogan. And Russell, how many did you do? I don't know. I don't know. So you just had different comics. Who else did it? I don't remember anyone else but me. So that's news to me that Russell did it. Yeah. Russell did a few. At least one I know of. There might have been some in Canada I didn't do. Well, Russell's really good off the cuff. Yeah. Russell's great work in the crowd. I think Russell interviewed him. I think Russell, like you said- That's how he did it? Yeah. I think that's how he did it. Yeah. Because now it occurs to me that he did it. He did it. He did it. He did it. It occurs to me that he had interviewers on some of them, and he had a radio guy, and I think maybe Russell might have done a Canadian- That's a smart way to do it. Have someone who's smart and quick just interview. Because the stories are so bananas, all you need is the story. and he was so open about stuff talking about how much crack he would smoke and it was just so insane and everybody was so happy that someone was instead of hiding from the fact that they fucked their life up they were like celebrating that they were off the rails and everyone was like tiger blood I remember even Diego Sanchez who was fighting in the UFC was saying he had tiger blood that's how popular it was getting he was a thing but it was a new thing it was a movie star who had gone off the rails and was like celebrating it and being open and honest in interviews about prostitutes cocaine, chaos everything, all the above it was a totally new experience for the general public because before if someone had an addiction problem it was like oh so sad he was doing coke and my life had fallen apart and then I found Jesus it was always one of those things he wasn't on an apology tour he went on a fuck you tour 100% and no one had ever done that before no one had ever done a fuck you tour before I mean it was a little ill advised the first ones when he went on by himself that was a terrible idea you can't just wing it and when you're on coke you think you could do anything or he would take questions but there's 15,000 people yelling at him if you're going to take questions it would have to be a person who's a moderator who has a microphone and talks to another person and is there so they can keep it from going off the rails and a line of people you can't just have people yelling out things one night somebody wanted his money back and he brought the guy up and gave him his money back and then of course like 400 people stood up like I want my money back oh no he would hear the audience too much yeah well he had no experience with that kind of stuff right if you think you could just do live audience and deal with 15,000 people's different personalities then you don't know what that's like right good luck now we wound up doing eight shows and I would always roast him so by the eighth show I had 20 minutes of Charlie Sheen material every city I'd add jokes so that's when I was like why don't we just do this on TV I mean we have the roast and then we did the Comedy Central roast nice Patrice and all that and Mike Tyson was at that one it's a really interesting career arc well if you know his story he was on the set of Apocalypse Now with his father when he was 10 right and then 10 years later he was doing what was the fucking movie his fucking big war movie Jesus Christ Platoon he was doing Platoon when he was 20 yeah which is nuts 10 years later yeah I mean he's doing the next iconic war movie right and he's a 20 year old kid and then all of a sudden he's a fucking superstar right yeah he was great in that movie and he's just off the rails just like no restrictions he's rich he's young he's handsome he's just going crazy doing drugs but he made it through it all that's what's nuts I gotta check that doc out it's great he's a great interview too like having him on the podcast was fucking great he's a really nice guy he's very cool and honest about it all oh yeah you know and he's also like hey you know I can still act like how about I've fucking paid my dues I've been sober for seven years like give me a shot yeah he can still act he's a good actor I hope someone does do something like that because I feel like if one big movie came along like maybe Tarantino could put him in because he's the master of like reviving careers yeah yeah yeah like what he did with Travolta and Pulp Fiction Pulp Fiction like Travolta was dead on the operating table in his career before Pulp Fiction Pulp Fiction came along and boom he's back because they realized like oh shit John Travolta John Travolta John Travolta can fucking act and that role was perfect for him Vince he played this crazy hit man with Samuel Jackson the best fucking what a movie I watch it all the time yeah it completely revived his career yeah he's the like Quentin Tarantino is like the master of seeing things that other people don't see you know he's like that guy's still great yeah and I think that's like the case with Charlie like someone's gotta come along and see and just go I just need to get him a role where he just can really sink his teeth into it and he'll fucking kill it especially now at this stage of his life where he knows how important it is he'll throw himself into it right it'd be fucking amazing well like some people don't act for a long time and then look what Sean Penn just did he just and he came back after God knows how long and just did this totally iconic unrecognizable strange character I didn't see that movie I've heard all these mixed reviews whatever it's interesting to see Sean's take on this soldier look Sean Penn's out of his fucking mind but that's the kind of guy that makes a great actor and he's a great actor ditch the Oscars to go see yeah go to Ukraine so cool go hang out go hang out with my boy Zelinsky and do coke to that pure Russian coke I like how you think that's what they were doing that's good I'm just guessing I'm just taking a wild guess but that guy I mean how about him like goes and fucking meets the drug lord what's his name what's wrong with my brain today Jamie what the fuck's his name the dude he met in Mexico the guy who got arrested El Chapo El Chapo thank you went down and met El Chapo and that's how El Chapo wound up getting arrested right he wanted to meet Sean Penn Sean Penn's like alright I'll go meet he wrote an article for like Rolling Stone he like was a journalist right I remember went down I mean like what fucking movie star goes down and meets El Chapo I don't know by the way that shirt Conor McGregor bought a shirt that's like exactly like that shirt and recreated that pose with I forget who he shook hands with but it was like this like funny inside joke that a lot of people didn't catch it's like why is he wearing that shirt and people realize oh my god he's wearing an El Chapo shirt oh my god he's like he bought a similar shirt he's like literally doing that oh my gosh so silly he dressed as gangsta El Chapo he's literally doing the thing but he did it on purpose nuts I mean it takes insane balls to be a world famous actor and decide I'm gonna go meet a drug lord in Mexico and write an article for Rolling Stone he's an adventurer I guess acting's a part of him not all of him I mean he must be he's in fucking Ukraine like what does he do I remember being at a party Eddie Vedder's birthday party and he was like and Sean Penn walked in with Stormy Daniels like he has friends from the most diverse places that's funny Zelensky Stormy have you seen Kyle Dunnigan's face swap things with Trump and Stormy Daniels so funny oh my god they're so funny so funny Kyle Dunnigan he's another guy that got revived by Kill Tony or like really got the world got to see him like we did we covered his face swap videos a bunch of times on the podcast and blew them up but to see him as these characters like when he plays RFK Jr. when he plays Elon like that is what really like kicked off Kyle's career you know dude his RFK is so good so fun his Elon's so good that's when he first started doing the face swap this is the best my text chain's always sharing his stuff his Bill Maher his Bill Maher's amazing you know I tried to play because his jokes are funny about it I tried to play the Bill Maher impression with Bill Maher when he was in here he goes if you play it I'll leave why does he care I don't because he doesn't hang out with comics enough he's out there doing his show hanging out with political people being all serious it's like he just wants to be what do you call it a contrarian I was on his podcast and like he literally he just wanted to fight about anything I go the Ramones are great he's like no they're not I'm like alright rock and roll high school's not great come on son the look the crazy hair all of it the Ramones one of the greatest the Ramones ruled they were ruled they wrote a song over two minutes and five seconds how can you say they're not great it's nice to go see them in college man you don't have to like it you gotta admit there's a reason why people love them right yeah you know what I'm saying yeah man people are so weird when they want to say something sucks like I was having an argument with someone and there was like Taylor Swift all dumb music I go no it's not it's not she's got some great songs no body no crime a great fucking song she's got great songs by the way I respect anybody who writes their own music fuck yeah and produces their own music also it's like do you think you're smarter than everybody who loves her like she's she's literally got more fans than anybody alive and you think they're all wrong that's kind of crazy like you just you don't have to like it you don't have to like it but there's there's like people have closed minds I met her at an Oscars party last weekend and she introduced herself I was talking to Travis she was I was talking to Travis for a few minutes and she said hi I'm Taylor you know I was a little star struck cause I don't know musicians are the last thing for me like I really respect and she was super cool man and she was really cool actually and I told her that I went to her era show did you really she said she watches the roasts oh that's funny it was pretty cool actually that's awesome I wonder when they make love if they wear helmets those two why do you think they wear helmets I'm just saying, it's going to be wild. you know Travis sweet and passionate maybe I hope so that's what I think you have your fantasies I have mine shoulder pads cleats yeah going for it on astroturf he's a nice guy is he has he been in here no never met him he'd be a good good dude yeah it's interesting when people are public like a public relationship like that two super famous people it's like that's a lot of pressure and then you put it all out there in the world and like everybody's judging you like roof it's hard enough to keep a relationship together but keep relationship together when you have to field everyone's opinions of you especially like Taylor Swift cuz how many fucking songs did she have about ex-boyfriends right it's like geez if you break up with her the fuck a diss track of the universe is coming your way yeah right Kendrick Drake fuck that don't break up with Taylor exactly yeah but it's almost like you're doing it in front of the world and you're you're inviting all the shittiest people in the world to have their opinions about you it's like it's a lot of pressure freaking Timberlake this weekend that really pissed me off what happened released a two or three year old video of him getting a DUI yeah oh I didn't see that why does that need to be out there why do that what is how is that a legal thing to take like a video of someone being arrested like why is that because he's a public figure why why isn't that private I don't understand it makes no and there was nothing outrageous about it he didn't hassling this guy bringing up old news it really bugged me I mean there was nothing outrageous about it I mean he was very calm and relaxed and you know they arrested him for DUI they you know they asked him a few questions there was nothing about it that was you know like oh look at Justin Timberlake he's off the rails he's acting crazy just like he had a few drinks probably should have drove drove got caught that's it right it happens a lot of people yeah and whatever just cuz he's famous or whatever he wasn't acting like an asshole he didn't do anything terrible and you know and everybody wants like look at him he got caught right you have so much money you still got caught right you know obviously get a driver dude you know you're gonna get drunk right something hard to win around the Hamptons they thought he was fine yeah that's probably it right that's where all the rich people drink and drive I don't get having to torture somebody by releasing the video well I mean all he has to do is just not be online for a few days and it'll go away but it's like why is it okay to release that why is that a public record thing unless there's like some even if there's a case that should be something that gets released in court no they released it as a public information but what's right why I don't know why cuz he's saying cuz we live in a cruel fucking world that's why yeah we live in a place where people enjoy cruelty they enjoy well it's like you look at him you know he's like super famous married to what's her name was he married to Jessica Beale beautiful woman yeah right he's got this perfect life he's rich he's famous he could dance he could sing he's tall he's handsome he's a star when he was young fuck that guy you know that's how everybody is yeah yeah she's been drunk before - shut the fuck up right and if you haven't fuck you if you've never been drunk fuck you unless like your dad was an alcoholic and you know understanding circumstances but it's like why is that something that people aren't I saw it came across my my newsfeed and I looked at it for a few seconds I'm like there's nothing outrageous about this you see Alan Richmond though the guy who plays Reacher he beat the fuck out of some guy in front of some kids today yeah or yesterday it was crazy he that guy's a giant dude you know that show Reacher yeah I heard of it he's fucking huge and jacked and he was riding dirt bikes and he got in some altercation with his neighbor and someone filmed it and you know he's all this hulking guy I don't know what the circumstances were maybe the guy deserved it maybe the guy was a piece of shit maybe the guy came after him first but all you see in the video is him beating this guy up and you know he's fucking this tank of a man he's huge he's like 250 pounds and he's beating some guy's ass and then he gets back on his motorcycle and he's doing it in front of kids too which is kind of crazy violence well it's also it's like why you I don't know what happened so I don't really want to comment on the extenuating circumstances right pushed off the bike by the man oh the guy pushed him off the bike okay well then that guy's just trying to get it you want to see the video let's watch the video so watch the video like so this is after he already beat the guy's ass so he's punching the dude the other guy's a big guy too he might just had a dicky neighbor boy neighbors and like especially if you got a homeowners association there's some fucking shitheads so this guy okay so if the guy pushed him off the bike I kind of understand the guy pushed him off the bike he's lucky that's all he did this could be eight-year-olds yeah those little kids with tricycles but those little kids that are there too and he's yelling at him and pointing at him but if you really did push him off the bike that guy's a piece of shit and he's lucky and he look he's an idiot cuz he like even after he beat his ass he's still getting in his face and he's still talking shit okay well that's a different story well that's good that's good to know yeah fuck that guy no push someone off a bike and it's like he's because the dirt bikes were loud and they're in the neighborhood you know turn your TV up shut the fuck right people are just so into everybody's business I've watched so many videos of homeowners associations yelling at people for doing whatever parking an old car in your driveway or just like people always love to tell people what they can and can't do right I've had homeowners associations before I don't know if you've ever dealt with that it is a fucking nightmare you you have to sit down and talk to these dorks who tell you what you should and shouldn't do with your fence yeah you know I are your hedges dude I had a situation once with the there was all these wrought iron fences in my neighborhood and I repaired my fence and I replaced it with a different wrought iron fence and they said you can't have wrought iron fences we have a new rule it has to be a quest ring fence I said but it there's no consistency I said the entire neighborhood has wrought iron fences they said it doesn't matter I said well let's go to court I go I don't give a fuck I go I'll sue you I go I have money I go let's go to court I go I'm not taking my fucking fence down and like you're gonna take your fence down I go you're not gonna tell me anything right you're not gonna tell me what to do just because I go it looks great it's not like it's a blight on the neighborhood the house is beautiful shut the fuck up and eventually I won but is it did you have to sue well I threatened to sue and they backed off because they were afraid of suing they're afraid of lawsuits because then you'd have to they would have to use the homeowners Association funds to do this and it didn't make any sense like I talked to a lawyer about it I said does this make any sense he goes no there's a precedent in the neighborhood like every third house had wrought iron fencing and it didn't make fencing and it wasn't like it wasn't good looking like it was beautiful it was new it was clean i had a reputable company build it there's nothing wrong with it and i was replacing wrought iron fence with more wrought iron it was just better it was like the fence was broken it looked shitty it was like you know they get rusty where they connect and i had to get it replaced so what on earth was their problem just cunts cunts this is how cunty they are i had a neighbor who lived across the street he told me that i had to trim my trees and thin them out so that he could see the view in the distance and i said what are you talking about and he said we have a regulation that says you can't obstruct the view i go these trees have been here for 50 years and then i talked to the guy who sold me the house he's like that asshole was trying to do that with me too just tell him to fuck himself yeah he's just a weird guy he said he built an observation deck at the top of his house and he said he built an observation deck at the top of his house and he said he built an observation deck at the top of his house and he said he built an observation deck at the top of his house and he said he built an observation deck at the top of his house hill in his backyard so he could see like the lights of the city in the distance and he wanted you to cut your trees down so you're obstructing the view i go your house is obstructing my view of this hill i like to look at hills is that what we're gonna do take your house down you take your house down i'll trim these trees fuck you man lift this house up he's like oh so it's gonna be like that i go gonna be like what you want me to cut trees down so you can see like you don't have a view man you're not on the edge of the hill you're you're back set you're not on the this is what the view looks like from where you are right this house has been here before your house was there yeah go eat shit but it's like that's nice and maybe you would have done something i wouldn't have done a fucking thing it's not it didn't make any sense it's just people want to tell people what to do like i was reading this article where this homeowners association hired a tow company to go around the neighborhood and tow all the cars that had expired tags can you imagine like you know your tags expired like ah fuck i'll get to it i'm busy i'll get to it next week you know you figure you're just running around and then all of a sudden they tow your car like fuck you man like fuck you it's just people love to tell other people what to do and homeowners associations when they get power they become like the little hall monitors of the neighborhood you know your grass is unruly you it's supposed to be two inches it's four like just people people love to do that they love to tell people what to do and 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It was like the dumbest conversation. And he realized while we're in the middle of the conversation how dumb this is. Right. And then we never talked again. And I would see him occasionally. Isn't there a safety issue with trimming your trees, like thinning them out? Fire? Well, I mean, where we were, there was, the real issue is brush. The real issue is the ground, you know, dried brush on the ground. We were evacuated from where I live three times from fires. Down here? No, this is in California. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And when I lived in California, the last big fire in 2018, we lost three houses in front of our house. And my neighbor's house caught on fire. But I had one, my crazy friend Bud would not leave the neighborhood. They evacuated the whole neighborhood. He wouldn't leave. He's like, I'm staying. I'm going to save my house. I'm going to save other people's houses. And he fucking did. He saved his house. He saved my neighbor's house. He checked my neighbor's house. My roof, the roof is on fire. He got water on it. He called the fire department. There was fire departments that were, like, trying to put out fires in the neighborhood the moment they started. And they hosed his roof down. Because embers will fly and they land. No, I had it in L.A. I had to evacuate for one day. It's spooky, man. The fires in California are no joke, man. It's really weird to see when it happens because you realize, like, how nature is completely in control when that happens. You're just this storm of flames that comes over the hill. It's wild. It's wild and it cannot be controlled. And once it starts, it's just a matter of trying to contain it. And a certain amount of houses are just going to go no matter what, depending on which way the wind blows. But that wasn't what the problem was. This guy was just a cunt. Just ish. It's a homeowners association thing. It's just, like, people that think they, like, there was a, I'm still a part of this e-mail group that, you know, I'm still on the e-mail. Of the homeowners association. One of the guys poisoned one of the people in the homeowners association's dogs. Yeah. Like, they got in some sort of a dispute about something. This guy poisoned his fucking dogs. Wow. Yeah. So sad. Evil cocksucker. Wow. But it's, like, that kind of thing. It's these people that just want to control their neighbors, man. It's so weird. Like, one of my neighbors. What's the punishment for that? He should be shot. You fucking piece of shit. That's, like, killing a family. Killing a family member. Somebody killed my dog. He should have to eat whatever he gave those dogs. He should go to jail. For sure. I don't know what happened. I don't know if they caught the guy. I don't think they know exactly who did it. They had no video evidence. The person who lived there apparently didn't have good security cameras. But there's just, it's so weird. Like, they would get mad at someone for the way they designed their house. And I was like, what do you give a fuck? And he's like, this is, like, one of my neighbors built a house and my other neighbor, what do you think about it? I go, it's a house. Like, I don't care. And he's like, I think it's ugly. And this house is going to lower our property values. I go, what are you fucking talking about? Your house looks great. You have a beautiful house. You think people are going to pay less for your house because this house is boring? Like, this doesn't make any sense. But it's just people, they nitpick. And when they have control, when people have control over other people's situation, like, they don't have control over their own life and their life is just a sloppy mess. They always like to look at other people. They always like to look at other people's lives. And I don't like where he puts his dumpsters. He's a hater. Yeah. We all confront that all the time. It's not just a hater. It's a hater with power because of homeowners associations. And from that moment on, I decided I will never buy a home with a homeowners association. Never. No fucking chance. I don't care how cool they are because someone not cool can move in and then it becomes a nightmare. I will never have conversations with those kind of people where they tell you what you could do with your lawn. Like, fuck. Fuck you. Yeah. Fuck you. When I was a young comic, I lived with my grandfather in the house that I grew up in and we would never, ever, ever mow the lawn. We just didn't have any money. We didn't care. And everyone in our neighborhood just hated us. They would heckle us and yell at us. So I guess I've been the eyesore and now I'm on the other side of it. My grandfather lived in the same house that he bought in the 1940s. And when he bought it in the 1940s, this was in an all-Italian neighborhood in Newark. And then they started doing. You were born in Newark? Newark, New Jersey. No shit. What's up, dog? Brick City, motherfucker. Let's go. That's where I learned karate. Is that really? From detectives in Newark. Really? Oh, yeah. Yeah. People don't know. You're a black belt in taekwondo. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. That's wild. Do you still do it at all? I mean, I work out, like, you know, not with people, but I know my moves and I do a few in the new Netflix special. I throw some kicks for fun and tell the story about getting a black belt. I was a black belt starting at six, getting bullied. My mom dragging me to the house with empty hands. That was what it was called. Ronnie Roselli, Newark detective, teaching me karate, almost like a father figure. Oh, that's awesome. Gave me confidence, gave me self-respect, respect for others, taught me that hard work pays off. You know, when you get a black belt at ten and a half, you go, wow, maybe I could be something in my life if I work as hard as I did at that. Maybe I could be a black belt. Maybe I could be good at something else, too. Yeah, for sure. I mean, it teaches you a lot about, like, the belt system is really good because you get rewarded for your work and then you see, like, a tangible result. Instead of just, like, ooh, I'm getting better, it's like, ooh, there's, like, a ceremony. Yeah. Like, I've reached a new level. Yeah. Like, now, you know, now I have to be. Some of my most cherished memories are those ceremonies of my dad and mom watching me get my brown belt, blue belt, brown belt, and black belt, competing in tournaments all over the East Coast. No. Isn't that awesome? What was his name? Gary? There's this karate guy I used to throw. Gary Alexander. He threw East Coast tournaments and I used to compete. I still have a room, half a dozen karate trophies in my house. That's awesome. It's the best time of my life. I lost most of my stuff, but I do have a bunch of medals that I still have that are in my drawer by my bed. A bunch of medals from the day. But it seems weird when I pick them up. They don't even seem real. It's from another life almost. Oh, it's another life. Like, I don't even. Until I, like. Hit a bag or something like that, I almost forget that I could do it, you know? And then I do it, I'm like, ooh. Right. I still got it. I like block. I like. My kicks, I can front snap kick. I can't side kick. I can barely roundhouse at this point. But it's like. Why not? I got a belly. There's no real good reason other than I'm just, you know. You ever thought about, like, starting to take classes again? If I. If I. I do. If I think about it, I probably could. Yeah. You know, you're good at kicking, of pushing me to do stuff like that. It'd be good for your health. Just take a class a couple times a week. What would I take? If I was a black belt in taekwondo. Take taekwondo. Just start taking that again. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, you're doing it for exercise. It's not like you're going to fight in the UFC. No. Just go and start, you know. You'd probably feel it a little bit. And then you remember what you used to be able to do. And so your muscle memory would kick in. Yeah. Yeah. You'd start probably watching your diet a little bit. A little bit better. Right. Right. Drinking more water. Yeah. Taking vitamins. Then next thing you know, four or five months have gone by and now your waist is thinner. Right. Your kicks are snappier. You're going to three classes a week instead of two. You know? You feel better. People go, Jeff, look at you. You're looking great. Like, yeah, I started taking taekwondo again. Yeah. It's not a bad idea. I guess I wouldn't wear my black belt. I would feel like I was disrespecting. Right. I know what you mean. - Yeah. - So I'd have to re-earn that. Well, you could always take a totally new style and start out as a white belt. You know, you take, like, Kyokushin, the shirt I'm wearing right now, George St. Pierre. Take something else. Just take something near you, like Krav Maga, like take anything. My manager, Amy, told me she was your publicist when you were on the cover of Black Belt magazine. Oh, yeah. A's V. Yeah. Yeah, way back in the dizzay. I love that. That's so funny. Yeah. I mean, I never stopped working out. I just don't – it's too much of a part of my brain. Like, my mind doesn't operate well if I have days. Even if I just take a couple days off, I don't feel right. I feel squirrely. I feel like I'm not balanced, you know? Sometimes I just like to stand in front of a mirror and just throw blocks and just make sure that I like the way that it feels and just do it. It's meditative. Yeah. Yeah. You know what I used to love doing, especially when I lived in California? I'd take a couple bongs. I'd take a couple hits and just hit the bag and just like feel it. Just start feeling it. Just womp. I remember my cod. Womp, womp. Do you? Do you remember all those? I remember at least the first two, I think. God, I used to hate those things. I didn't think – I was young and immature and I didn't understand the value of forms. I used to think that this is pointless. This isn't fighting. I only wanted to practice fighting technique. But now I understand. It teaches you body control. Like, you know, you throw a side kick and you snap it up in the air and you hold it and you turn and block and all that stuff. Like, it teaches you – it's like almost like a form of yoga, you know, and it teaches you to control your body. I do a lot of kicks in the air now and I do them slowly. And it's really good for your control and your balance. And I didn't think that when I was younger. I thought that was like a waste of time. I thought like really what's important is like hitting things really hard and being fast. And now I realize like, no, no, no, no. There's like a lot of value even to help your techniques and to be able to hit things hard. Like do it slowly and just have full control of your balance and your movement. So I like to do that. I like to do like slow kicks. I like – that's why I like yoga. Yoga is amazing. Yeah. I feel like that's akin to martial arts. It makes me high. Yoga is like the best high. You take your shoes off. Oh, yeah. Your phone is gone. You're so relaxed when it's over. It's just about your body and control. You're so relaxed. You're so calm. Yeah. Yeah. Yoga is so good for your brain. Usually on Mondays when I'm here, I would go with Tony to his high yoga. Yeah. Oh, Tony loves it. Yeah. He raves about his yoga. He told me he's been off it a little bit. He has. Yeah. Well, you know, the thing about Tony is like he's so focused on Kill Tony right now because the momentum is so extraordinary and he realizes that. Like Tony is really aware that he's in a very rare moment in his life. Yeah. Where things are going so well. So he's got his foot on the gas. Yeah. Of course. And he's got his foot on the gas. He's got his new special that he filmed that he's editing right now and get ready to release. And he's just. So proud of him, man. And he's earned it. Yeah. I always told him he would take a different path than a normal entertainer. He always had this kind of odd trajectory. Well, he's an odd guy. Yeah. You know, Tony, you'd swear he's gay and he's not. But he's an awesome person. Like people who don't know Tony, they see like the outside of him. Of course. Like as a friend, he's a great friend. Of course. He's a great guy. I love that guy to death. We're always checking on each other. He's the best. He was so happy. He was the first one to text me when I knew I was coming down here. When I was workshopping my show, he came and saw it in Austin. He came to the opening night on Broadway in New York. He's like there for his friends. He's the best. A hundred percent. A hundred percent. Well, that's the beautiful thing about Kill Tony is it's all about supporting people and giving people careers. Yeah. I mean, he's given so many people careers and pumped so many people up. I mean, he's. He's really that thing that Kill Tony thing is also it is, in my opinion. Well, first of all, for our club, it's the cornerstone of the club. It's one of the most important things about the mothership because having Kill Tony at the mothership every Monday night lets all these people that are upcoming comedians see what it's like to have one minute that you've polished and worked on really well and it kills and then you pop and then all of a sudden, you know, it's on YouTube. It's got a lot of people. It's got 11 million views. And then, you know, maybe it's on Netflix and it's got millions and millions of people watching all around the world. And then all of a sudden, people come to see you in the clubs and you're selling out weekends and you're writing and you and then you get a golden ticket. You got to do a new minute every week. You're a regular. I mean, it's a new minute. My show comes on tonight. It's 90 minutes. It might be the longest standup special in Netflix history. Well, your show is like a one man show. It's 90 minutes. It's a little different, right? I haven't seen it. But I've heard great things. Yeah. You're going to love it. I'm sure you're really. I think you're going to like it because it's about us. It's about comedy and the community of what we do. It's an embattled community and it has it's like detractors and it has a bunch of haters and a bunch of shitheads in it. But for the most part, like as far as creative communities, it's one of the most supportive communities ever. I mean, it's an amazing community of comics, like real comics that are all that when we meet up. I mean, it's an amazing community of comics. It's an amazing community of comics. It's always hug. People think we're all like angry, bitter, like the tears of a clown. It's not. There's a few people like that and they always make me sad. But the reality is like most of us are super happy to see each other. It's always hugs and laughing and watching each other's sets and giving each other tags and telling each other like, oh, that fucking new bit is amazing. It's like it's so supportive. This episode is brought to you by Blue Chew. I'm sure you've heard of Blue Chew. I'm sure you've heard of Blue Chew by now, but let me tell you what they've been up to. They've been on a mission to get you bricked up for years and now the number one brand for better sex. 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It has all the features that you need to create a standout website like an AI enhanced website builder, SEO optimization tools, and seamless checkouts with mobile pay links. Head to Squarespace.com slash Rogan for a free trial. And when you are ready to launch, use the offer code Rogan to save 10% off your first purchase of a website. Or domain. I was at your club last night and it was like, I like comics come in to say hi. I brought some extra chicken wings. Jamar was there. It was just fun. Moses was doing roast battle. I sat in on that. Then I went outside, said hi to some people and went upstairs and did a spot. It's like, I don't have a wife and kids to go home to. This is what I do. This is the people that I love. The comedians are my kids, my cousins, my uncles, my aunts. Well, I do have a wife and kids, but it's still my other family. It's like the family of comedians. It's like a band of brothers and sisters. It's like a weird kind of friendship that, you know, it's like only they know what you do. You know, only they understand that it's like 10 years before you're even any good. 10 years of being like, if you're out there and you're headlining a club and you're on the road, like you fucking put in that work. There's no shortcuts. It's impossible to have a shortcut. You just got to grind. I learned long and I learned over time. I don't want a shortcut. I like the process. Yes. That's what I live for. Oh, yeah. You know, we have a roast coming up May 10th. It's not about May 10th. It's about, I can't wait to hang in the writer's room again. I can't wait to figure out who's coming. I can't wait to figure out the seating. Who are we going to make fun of? Who's going to be in the front? You know, what am I going to? Where? It's the, it is the grind. That's exciting. Yeah. There's no finish line, right? The finish line doesn't exist. You'll have little finish lines. Like you do a special, like your special that's coming out. That's a finish line, but it's only a stop. Right. You're stopping to get water. But where is the finish line, Joe? Like, okay, so I did the Broadway show, then I shot it, then I edited it, but now I'm here still talking about it. And then in a month from now, two months from now, someone will stop me at the airport and go, Hey, I was, uh, my kid. I was sick. I was in the hospital. I watched your thing. And it made me laugh for five minutes when life. So all of it is, there's no finish line. No, there's no finish line. If you're sitting around going, I hope I win the Oscar. If you're Tom Cruise is jealous of George Clooney and George Clooney is jealous of Brad Pitt. There's no, there's no finish line. There's no finish line. It's all the, I have a big neon. Like you have the neon. I have a big neon in my house that just says, enjoy the process. Yeah. That's where I'm at. Yeah. Trust it. Trust the process. and enjoy it and that's the weird thing about when you release a special and then you have nothing and then you know you have to like scour your brain for what you want to talk about i took like a whole month off a stand-up after my last special i didn't do any stand-up maybe more than a month and i just thought i said let me just think just like no pressure let me just think like what what is interesting to me what do i want to talk about instead of just rushing to try to put together a new hour right let me just think for a while you know and i'd come to the club every now and then and watch watch guys do sets but i didn't do any sets for a while i'm in that zone right now it's nice you know what scary when i first finished the special it was years of material building to it with a through line and a story and then when it was over i was a little bit lost like i'd go to the comedy cellar i was still in new york i couldn't let go of some of the the and i was like i i need to stop doing this material and then i felt like i had no purpose like i i didn't want to talk about anything and i said it to my buddy kai and he goes dude relax you're between albums like he put it in musical sense for me he's like you're like a musician between albums absorb some new things see some movies go on a trip have some new life experiences and then i was like yeah that's probably a break after doing the same thing the same kind of hunk for years your your body your brain like think about something else absorb new things download new influences yeah and that's kind of where i'm at and then of course kevin was like i'll get roasted and i was like all right i can put stand up away for another two months and just write that yeah yeah so i go back into roast mode which gives me i'm like a dog who needs a job yeah yeah yeah exactly it's kind of the same thing as your dog it really is it's like you need a task if you're just doing nothing like the idea of like oh one day i'm gonna retire and just relax like bitch you'll go crazy forget see we're roasting kevin hart that's what i heard are you supposed to say that though yeah are you supposed to talk about it i am okay you're allowed to my show okay because i was told not to tell people about it we're doing it may 10th baby mother's day live on netflix so you're officially announcing it yeah okay i could talk about it now at the forum because i was told about it but i was told i was not supposed to tell anybody i don't know who told you that some people no they said keep it under wraps you like oh it's already a thing they announced it this weekend i think oh hosted by shane gillis let's fucking go nice that's awesome that's awesome right fuck kevin is so pumped up that's awesome that's gonna be fun dude he's out you know he's these netflix fucking the tom brady one was insane that was so good that was so good that's kind of like juiced comedy back up again because it was so good that was so good that was so good that was so good that was so wild it was like the the jokes were so wild it was so raw yeah and we had gone through this like weird period of like people getting canceled for jokes and you know it's like all of a sudden like no that's out that's gone no no i said to him i would i've been big game hunting tom brady for years it took a couple years he retired unretired but i kept him on the line and finally we were shooting promos and i was like why are you doing this because i could tell you know it's starting to heat up and some heavy hitters were signing on i go why are you doing that like it wasn't for the money and he goes i want to bring comedy back i'm sick of the woke bullshit and cancel i want to make comedy like fun again he understood that and i caught him i caught him on a super bowl sunday he was playing the super bowl and i saw him looking at some jokes on instagram that i posted and like and i'm like this is where he goes to relax he goes to and i'd heard that so as i was like he won the game and i was like i think it's time and then we reeled him in and he did it and i will admit that roast was harsher than i expect even i expected vicious i mean it was it was a bloodbath and i saw tom the other day and i said it's time to take your win you know he was like it was so harsh it was tough on my family i go i get all that but you wanted to do it to bring comedy back you did that 1.6 billion viewing minutes emmy nominated against the oscars and the grant like the super bowl half like it was the most watched thing in the history of netflix right you know nuts that is think about how many things are on netflix that roast was the most watched thing in the history of netflix and it was because it was so funny it wasn't just because it was tom brady which of course made a lot but it wasn't just because all these great comics were on it which of course meant a lot right it was it was so good it was so good that people were telling people about it yeah it's and and it's like a great super bowl it's going to be around forever yes netflix leaves it up like the charlie sheen roast we're talking about patrice yeah they're always going to be there to be there forever i do think all respect to tom i do think this one with kevin and shane gillis is going to top it really i think it's it's not quite a sequel but it's its own thing well going to be the greatest roast of all time netflix is the place for roast now because as great as comedy central was you had restrictions on language and content right and it was editing yes edited this is a and commercials right yeah right this is buck wild buck wild yeah netflix is fucking amazing i mean what an insane platform that you have you could never get bored if you're bored in this life like you're bored you don't have anything to watch like are you crazy yeah there's so many things to watch and i think it's going to be so much shit to watch only boring people are bored right yeah or people are uninformed but i mean even in this day and age you could just you know do an internet search like what's the best roasts on netflix right what are the best dramas on netflix what are the best shows on netflix there's always something that's exciting though it's going to be a big one yeah mother's day motherfuckers day kevin hart there's a guy like i don't understand how he has the time to do all the things he does i do not understand it i'm a pretty busy person and i look at people like him and i feel lazy i'm like how are you doing this right how do you have time to sleep right and i saw him out with his wife having drinks two nights last weekend he must sleep like four hours a night i don't know how he does it some people just built different yeah i mean well it's growing up poor and realizing that like once this is happening for you like keep your foot on the gas and that guy keeps his foot on the gas better than anybody yeah and he's ambitious as fuck he's always going to do something he's always got like some tequila brand and releasing this he had a vegan restaurant chain for a while i would have talked him out of that fuck are you doing with that uh well you know he's he likes to branch out and be a businessman yeah i just i don't understand the time and then in the meantime he's doing arenas at the same time it's like and killing yeah i don't get it the roast the roast for him is back to his roots that's what i love about it it's like the philly thing talking shit yep shane's from philly so there'll be a big philly angle you know and we got some of his oldest buddies coming on it's gonna be pretty massive i think that's nice yeah well you've carved out an interesting path for yourself as the roast master yeah you know like you're you're it's like an old school skill you know that used to be a big part of comedy you know the friars club roasts yeah i missed those friars club roasts when they were just like you know sometimes they weren't even on tv yet when i was doing them i just bought a leroy neiman painting from they had an auction of old friars memorabilia and leroy neiman painted henny youngman surrounded and he painted his punch lines like around his one-liners around henny holding his violin and he used to sit in the dining room at the new york friars and henny in his wheelchair would sit under that painting and for some reason it's all up for auction so of course i had to grab it oh that's awesome that's so cool that you got it yeah i'm so glad you got it i'm so glad you got it yeah that's amazing i miss some of those guys think about buddy hackett i almost wore a buddy hackett t-shirt today i loved buddy he has a buddy hackett t-shirt somebody made me a buddy hackett t-shirt and gave it to me yeah those guys are from a different time you know different time no television no nothing doing the cat skills right different world they would do each other's acts they would do whatever got a laugh yeah they're assassins on the road it was a totally different life and if you had a name like you had a name back then like if you were a famous comedian back then dude there was a rarest of rare things yeah how many of them were there there was like 10 right you know shecky buddy nipsey yeah few of those guys yeah few of those guys there are not many left no they're really all gone now yeah that's what happens that's gonna happen to us buddy that's what i hear or better than the alternative what stay around forever no you either you either keep going or you you saw the picture gilbert norm bob you know the alternative is death so when i go i don't want to get old i go yeah you want to get old yeah um as long as you keep your body moving you just don't want to be an old like completely incapacitated person like that's especially if it's avoidable right you know i mean i went through it all year i had went in for a route after three weeks after that brady brady roast i had a went in for a colonoscopy my buddy jordan had been texting our text everyone's gotta get he's like kind of a hypochondriac so i kind of ignored it it's like yeah yeah yeah yeah i was too busy i was on the road and then finally i went in for a routine colonoscopy and i waited too long and they found a tumor in my colon and immediately that an hour two hours later was on the phone with a surgeon and stage three and found a specialist took care of it right away but never felt doomed have you changed your diet yeah i don't i'm eating a lot less red meat red meat now when i eat red meat it's like gonna be the best red meat why is it red meat well i don't know i mean for me growing up in a catering hall in new jersey around pastrami and prime rib and he said that that was a big cause of colon cancer really yeah and processed foods processed foods make sense yeah that makes sense so i'm eating a lot less of that yeah i moved over to turkey and chicken and a little bit of fish and cut out the processed stuff as much as i can what about alcohol did you cut that out i i've never been a big drinker that's good yeah yeah yeah it's a little wake-up call i mean you have a health scare yeah wake-up call time to take care of yourself just had the you know i talk about this on my show like i had my chemo poured in on broadway on the show and i was like still kind of in it it's like i was having a human experience on stage and just two weeks ago i had the port the chemo port taken out my sister came down to celebrate and hang with me and and uh it's like a war prize like i hold the port where they put the chemo like i have it on my desk now and and and let's just say they take a they put a lot more in people than they take out so i feel very lucky i survived it all and yeah i'm glad you're alive people die with those fucking ports in them they do they do they well they die with cancer that's for damn sure colon cancer is a very common one this guy james vanderbeek younger than me i know i met him he was a nice fucking guy man he came to the club hung out with his wife in the green room sweetest guy just such a nice guy and apparently he was struggling back then i didn't know he looked real thin you know so when you asked me right when you walked in how are you doing i was like great you know like it was a it was a question you asked politely and innocently and i was like yeah i didn't know that you had gone through that yeah yeah god i haven't seen you in when when was the last time i saw you i saw you in dc i saw you in new york for kill tony briefly yeah yeah we didn't like sit down and no no we had a drink was it your birthday in new york when you were doing kill tony or was it here one of the i think it was august yeah yeah yeah i remember that but then i saw you in dc where you were your family it was quick but uh i see i feel like i see you because i pop into the mothership but i always pop in on the weekends when you're off yeah but uh yeah it was a crazy thing man i never been sick a day in my life i've always had that like my grandfather used to call it world beater energy like i always felt invincible never never thought for a second it would be me yeah and then i did wait too long to get a colonoscopy and they're not a big deal like guys are afraid of colonoscopy colonoscopies because something's up your butt yeah but in the end it really isn't up your butt it's a doctor look checking you out that's what they tell you when you wake up they go up your butt bro and get the endoscopy especially for smokers and stuff like that and like for what for what is essentially like a one-day inconvenience okay they can really save your life it did save my life well i'm glad you cleaned up your diet yeah you know you got to do that because i know that you are i mean i've run into you at cat's deli before too that's another thing i needed to talk to you about what i forgot all about this till you brought it up do you remember running into me at cat's deli with tony and i guess you must have been in town doing stand-up or something a few this like already 10 years ago i don't think it was that long ago was it i i it was and i'll tell you how i know one of the things when i when i got booked on this appearance i said i make make a mental note i overrode an apology and it's not a big deal but it always kind of bugged me i came in to say hi and i was self-conscious because i had something wrong with me and i didn't know what it was and you said what's with your eyebrows and i like i like i like kind of shoulder shrugged and you were like is it for a role and i was like yeah yeah yeah oh do you have any recollection i do and i lied yeah you said i shaved him off for a role i was like oh that's crazy what are you playing i was embarrassed because i had alopecia didn't really understand what was happening to me yet and i you saw the i had a big fro big bushy eyebrows like i was like the propicia man of the year you know like and i don't know what causes it it's an autoimmune thing it's not life-threatening but suddenly i looked completely different my fame like if anyone ever recognized me walking in a restaurant you know get a good table skip the lot it's all gone just suddenly and and within a few weeks i was i remember being at zany's in nashville and just scratching my head and like i was like i'm not gonna do it again i'm not gonna do it again i'm not gonna do it again big clump of hair came out then i was on a plane and i was like there's no hair on my leg what the fuck's going on and then within a month me and adam egat and tony went to the barber shop on melrose they came with me because i was kind of like shaken up like what is happening to me am i dying so it happened really quickly it happens all within a few weeks all your hair fell off yeah in a few weeks and then when i thought it was done eyebrows started going and i and then eyelashes so sweat salt was like i was like what the fuck and i i don't even recognize myself and is there anything they do that reverses that there's some medications dr drew actually hooked me up with a research doctor brett king he was at yale at the time in connecticut and i did have some restoration of eyelashes and eyebrows but the the side effects were a little bit scary and it and they lower your immune system a little bit so i did that for years and then when i got cancer i was like fuck those meds i can't do it anymore right and the chemo eyebrows eyelash is gone again wow and and now i'm literally like hairless like i have no hair and you know you learn to live with it you know you learn to channel your inner rock star listen there's worse things that can happen believe me yeah i get it you know right more than anybody but i it always dinged me because you and i have been friends a long time we have an honest friendship comics brutal honesty truth and i looked you right in the eyes and i was like yeah i went with it i this episode is brought to you by simply safe think back 20 years home security meant blaring alarm few surveillance cameras but not much has changed since but crime isn't going away anytime soon so it's good to be prepared with the best of the best like simply safe unlike other companies simply safe has evolved they take action to stop crime before it happens not after like their agents can speak to anyone suspicious that's on your property and deter them keeping you as far away from danger as possible now in my opinion that's security simply safe has been protecting your world for 20 years celebrate their anniversary and save 60 on your new simply safe system at simply safe.com slash rogan that's 60 off at simply safe.com slash rogan plus when you order let them know that we sent you don't forget there's no safe like simply safe this episode is brought to you by focus features from the acclaimed director of jason bourne comes the thrilling new movie of the year the movie of the year the movie of the year the uprising starring andrew garfield in a land of kings a man of the people will defy the most powerful empire on earth and ignite a revolution inspired by a true story experience the legendary epic and witness the rise of a legend the uprising only in theaters september 10th discover it at dolby cinema rated r under 17 not admitted without a parent found out slightly after that you had alopecia right other people because someone else brought it up and someone said oh he's got alopecia i'm like oh i asked him at cat's deli and he said he shaved his eyebrows off for a while but i just felt like you probably embarrassed and i totally understood like it's weird right they they say a lot of these autoimmune issues uh come from inflammation and a lot of inflammation comes from what you eat right you know doctor would tell me that wasn't true so yeah doctors aren't always right and one of the things they're not always right about is nutrition and the impact that nutrition has, particularly on autoimmune issues. Very few doctors have any knowledge or any education in nutrition and the impact it has. I mean, your entire body is built out of and reconstructed from what you consume. Right. It's the only thing that your body has. Right. In order to, you know, your body makes new cells, your body replenishes cells, recreates all the tissue. There's only one way to do it. It's got to be what you eat. Yeah. It's the only thing. What you drink, what you eat. That's it. And if you're eating a bunch of processed stuff that has a bunch of bullshit and preservatives and dealing with inflammation. What causes inflammation? Well, a lot of things. Allergies cause inflammation. Processed food causes inflammation. Excess sugar causes inflammation. Alcohol. There's a lot of things that people eat that cause inflammation. But it's really genuinely a thing of a balance of, you know, your diet and, you know, what your body has to work with. You know, if your body doesn't have anything. If you don't have any nutrients to work with, no vitamins, no minerals, you know, you're dehydrated, you're drinking too much sugar. You know, things start malfunctioning and misfiring. And then, you know, there's a bunch of different consequences for having a high inflammation diet. And for a lot of people, it's sugar. Sugar is one of the leading causes of inflammation, especially in the standard American diet. Because the standard American diet is just riddled with excess sugar. Corn. Syrup and bullshit and preservatives. And your body just, after a while, just gets tired of processing that stuff. And then you start encountering a bunch of issues. And I know there's a lot of autoimmune issues that people have had success in reversing by completely cutting out everything other than whole foods. Just eating chicken and meat and vegetables and drinking water and that's it. Cutting out all the bullshit. Yeah, I got to do that. Have you ever gotten blood work done? Well, now I have to do it all the time. Do you? Do you ever get blood work done from like a comprehensive laboratory that's looking at your nutrient levels and all those different things? I don't know if I've done that. Well, you should do that. There's a place in town, Wastewell. I'll send you there. Yeah. Yeah, they're really good. I mean, they do. They take a shitload of blood and they do these really comprehensive blood panels. They can scan for cancer too, by the way. Well, that I've done. Yeah, that's a big one. You know, because they can check for any kind of cancer in your body. Well, now that I'm through all that. I'm much more open to taking care of myself and staying on it. The first time I did that one. The fear is gone. The first time I did that one, I was like, cancer's a scary one. And I was like, boy, I hope I don't have cancer and I don't know about it. When it came out zero, I was like, whew. But I do so much to take care of myself. I do the sauna every day, cold plunge. I take a ton of vitamins. I'm always exercising. I eat probably like 99% clean. Every now and then I'll fuck off or if my daughter makes cookies. I'll eat cookies. But for the most part, I give my body. What kind of cookies? She's really good. She bakes a bunch of different stuff. Today was white chocolate chip cookies. They were really good. I had one this morning. But for the most part, your body can only use what you put in it. There's no other building blocks. It doesn't have anything else. Right. There's nothing else it can draw from. And that's one of the problems is when you don't give your body what it needs, it starts taking things out of the tissue. It starts taking things. That's where osteoporosis comes from. Your body starts literally taking calcium out of your bones. You got to give your body the building blocks. Without that, it doesn't know what the fuck to do. And slowly but surely, you start to deteriorate. And there's a giant difference between giving your body a nutrient-dense, healthy diet and not. And taking care of yourself and exercising and not. And drinking much water and electrolytes and not. There's a giant difference. And it's all your body just cannot recreate itself correctly. It cannot build itself and repair itself correctly unless it gets the proper nutrients. That's where a lot of people's issues come from. And doctors don't tell you that. Like I had a family member that got real sick and the doctor said they got cancer. And the doctor said it doesn't matter what you eat. And I go, well, fuck that doctor. Right. That's not true. I don't believe that at all. This doctor's telling you you could eat cake and just take chemo and you'll be fine. That's horseshit. That's not true. That's not true. Because one of the things they should tell you immediately is get on a ketogenic diet. Because one of the things that has been proven is that cancer uses glucose to survive. And autophagy, which comes from fasting, is one of the best ways that people can get rid of errant cells and cells that are misfiring. Make your body burn off fat. Use ketones for energy. And just get rid of all the dead cells. Get rid of all the shit that your body doesn't need. And if you don't even want to do that, do intermittent fasting. You know? You know? Where you only have a period of time where you eat. Like, give yourself, like, a 16-hour window with no food and then start eating after that. But how do you keep your – how do you not be cranky and lose your mind doing that? Because your body's relying on carbohydrates. Right? So when your body is not relying on carbohydrates and your body's burning off ketones, you don't have that problem. You don't have that crashing problem. The crashing problem is from a high-carbohydrate diet. And I've had that before. Look, I'm Italian. So. Carbohydrates was my thing. You know? It was all about pasta and pizza. I love that stuff. I just love it. And that's my cheat food. If I'm going to cheat, I'm going to eat Italian subs and that kind of shit. But when your body gets accustomed to that, first of all, you get a big insulin spike. You crash. You get exhausted. The way to avoid that is to get your body to start using fats. And the way your body uses fats is that's what you give it for fuel. And your body adjusts. And then your body does something. There's something called gluconeogenesis where it starts using meat and protein and turning that into glucose. And when you go through this process, it's a shaky process at first. Like you get what they call the keto flu originally, initially rather, where you get tired all the time. You're like, oh, this is exhausting. And your workouts suffer. It's like you have no energy. But eventually, your body adapts and your body just gets accustomed to using fats. And when your body gets fat adapted, first of all, your brain works better. You get an extra gear in terms of like your ability to think and communicate. And it just feels like you have more energy. You don't need naps. And you don't crash after you eat. That's why when you're saying like you shouldn't eat red meat, I eat mostly red meat. That's like most of my diet. That's like 80% of my diet is meat. Yeah, well, I mean it's an addiction for me. I love it. I don't think it's an addiction. I think it's the most nutrient-dense food in the world. The problem is processed red meat, right? So if you're eating a bunch of processed shit. That has a bunch of preservatives in it. Yeah, that's not good for you. But like a ribeye steak, a grilled ribeye steak, there is nothing wrong with that. It's one of the most healthy foods you can eat. And it has everything you need. It has plenty of vitamins. It has fat. It has all the things that your body naturally knows how to process. And people have been eating that food from the beginning of time. Yeah, you just got to get educated in it. And it's like most people, especially particularly most doctors, I've had conversations with doctors where they've said, "You get everything you need from a balanced diet." And I'm like, "Fuck you. You don't know anything." Like, how much time did you spend in medical school learning nutrition? Was it even an hour? Was it a day? Right. Like, it takes a long time. And there's real researchers who have spent decades understanding the balance of nutrient-dense foods and vitamin supplementation and what vitamin supplementation can cure and fix and what it's good for. And how to balance it out and what vitamins work synergistically with other vitamins. Like, if you're taking vitamin D3, which is fantastic for your immune system, you have to take it with K2. You should take it with magnesium as well. Like, you got to know these things. And most doctors, they just, they talk out of a voice of authority about something they're not educated in. They're educated in getting people in and out of their office as quick as possible and getting that insurance money. And that's what they do. And most of them, they talk like they're authorities, meanwhile, they have a gut. You're sitting there looking at this guy who looks like shit and he's telling you about health. Like, bro, you're not healthy. Don't talk to me about health. This is angry. It makes me angry. It really does. I get it. It's infuriating because it's like these people, you count on them as authorities and really they're just, they're just paying off their student debt. They're paying off their fucking loans. They have insane malpractice insurance they have to cover. They have a giant monthly nut and they're trying to push pharmaceutical drugs on you as much as they can because they get compensated for that. And this is the standard American health system. It's a real problem. Yeah. It's a real problem and it leaves us sicker. This is the thing that RFK Jr. is trying to balance. We spend more money on healthcare than anyone in the world. We make more money than anyone in the world and we're sicker than anyone in the world. We spend more money than we ever have on healthcare. We're sicker than we've ever been. We're living the life. We're eating well. It's not it. It's we're eating shit. If we're just eating healthy, the people that are just eating healthy have way less problems, way less health consequences, way less issues, way more energy, way more mental acuity, all those things because that's how your body's supposed to live for thousands and thousands of years. What did we do? We ate fruit. We ate vegetables. We ate meat and chicken and fish and eggs and that's what you're supposed to eat. That's real food. Most of these things that sit on a shelf, you're not supposed to eat those. Right. Just like your dog. Like your dog's not supposed to be eating kibble. Right. If you feed your dog raw food, your dog's going to go bonkers. If you feed your dog human grade food like farmer's dog, your dog's going to go bonkers. dog will go crazy he will watch how she eats it watch the difference the way i try it my dog can't wait he's dripping water's dripping off of his mouth before i feed him he's like sitting there waiting like stay and i'm putting in the ball like okay he like attacks it like jamie you were saying that about your dog right like let carl like when he was eating kibble he wasn't even interested yeah i didn't mean i would excuse me never had a chance to even give it to him he never never ate it you just sit there like well what do you how do you you're a how do you who's been feeding you and whatever they've been like how did they get in your body but i always give my dog all the time but i give her like turkey you know putting it sometimes if i have turkey or chicken around i'll put it in her bowl i always give her you know like a cat's deli when you order the sandwich they give you a little piece before yeah i always give her a little piece to get her salivating and she snaps it oh yeah yeah yeah because it's real food right that's what people are supposed to do right that's what people are supposed to do right that's what people are supposed to be eating too man we're supposed to be eating real food you know we got tricked because things have to stay in the supermarket you gotta you gotta be able to sit it on the shelf and it's gonna be able to stay there for a few months that's how you make your profit that's why milk is homogenized and pasteurized i'll try to scare you off raw milk bitch i drink raw milk every week there's nothing wrong with raw milk you just can't get it from a shitty farm just like you can't get meat that's rotten just like you can't get sushi that's rotten just eat ice cream every day it's actually not that bad ice cream when you think about bad things to eat ice cream is probably one of the best desserts to eat because ice cream has fats from the cream it has protein from the milk and it does have sugar so you got a little bit of sugar but you're absorbing that sugar along with all the fat and all the cream and it probably is way better for you it's way better for you than sugar like you're absorbing all the fat and all the cream and it probably is way better for you drinking like a soda like a soda is the most alien form of sugar your body absorbs your body doesn't know what the fuck this is because sugar in nature comes from like an orange it has all this fiber you know and you're you're you're eating it and it's a slow digestive process that's why you don't get this crazy spike but orange juice is fucking nuts like you take all the fiber out and now you just have just pure sugar water and you think you're being healthy well you're not okay look you get a little bit of vitamins from the vitamin c that's from the oranges but you're you're not supposed to eat it that way you're supposed to eat an orange right like apple juice right like my daughters are like very conscious of like food and like what's in it and she she put we went to the supermarket and she was going to get an apple juice she's like this has 30 grams of sugar this little thing at 30 grams of sugar like that's crazy that's just you're just you might as well have a coca-cola right it's kind of the same thing you're just yeah your body like i think there's a there was some paper that was written recently about ice cream actually being good for you and by far the best of desserts that you can eat because it's it's milk and cream you know it's like there's there's actual food in ice cream i crave it every night ice cream not that bad look at this can ice cream be healthy what recent studies actually show recent research has sparked debate about ice cream's place in a balanced diet by examining long long-term health studies scientists are exploring whether moderate consumption may have unexpected links to certain health outcomes so ice cream has long been regarded as classic indulgence rather than a healthy food the discussion largely emerged okay however in recent times some surprising research has sparked the debate among nutrition scientists by saying that consumption of ice cream may be related to certain unpredictable health outcomes the discussion largely emerged from data analyzed in long-running research projects such as nurses health study and health professional follow-up study two major epidemiological studies that track diet and health outcomes over decades research examined dietary patterns among participants with type 2 diabetes notice unusual pattern related to ice cream consumption discussion earned okay what is the discussion consuming ice cream more regularly sometimes appear to have lower risks of certain health conditions especially cardiovascular disease amongst individuals of type 2 diabetes Diabetes. The problem is with epidemiological studies, you're just basically like filling out a form as to what you ate. And they track that with like large study groups of people and they try to figure out, okay, that's one of the ways they find out like, oh, the people that eat red meat more are sicker. But that's also like, what are you eating? You eating burgers that you call red meat with sugar, with a Coca-Cola and some fries, because that's what a lot of people are eating. So it's not like grass fed steak with a salad. You know, that's not the problem. Remember Craig who came in here, Craig from Craig's, he told me to say hi. I love Craig. He said steak and I thought about steak. Oh, he makes a great steak. That was my joke when I got colon cancer. I told Craig, you're going to go out of business if I'm not eating your steak. I don't think you have to stop eating steak. I mean, I'm no doctor, but I don't think steak's the problem. I think all the other shit's the problem. I think it's preservatives and bullshit and processed food. It's just not good for you, man. None of it's good for you. If you could sit on a shelf like that, how's all these preservatives? That stuff wrecks havoc on your gut bacteria. When you're consuming things that are filled with preservatives, those preservatives are essentially killing life. That's what they do. That's how it keeps bacteria and mold from growing on the food. It's a life killer. And then you eat it, go, oh, yum, yum, yum. Oh, it's preserved so I can eat it. I mean, your health. Your healthy gut bacteria just gets fucking nuked. Yeah, I don't think it's meat is the problem. You know, I was on a USO Christmas tour, and I ate worse on that than I would. And I go, how are they? Yeah. That's something they should fix. That is something. They're trying to fix that. RFK Jr.'s trying to fix that. I was like, they're trying to fix the diet. They're trying to fix the diet. They're eating shakes and burgers and pizza at every base. Yeah, it's a lot of processed food. Yeah, it's terrible food for those soldiers. It's terrible. And then you're asking them to go to perform in the most fucking scary thing on earth, combat. So it made me think, well, maybe it's all bullshit. If the military's eating the same pizza and pepperoni that I'm eating at home, then they should be more. No, what's bullshit is the way they treat those people. That's what's bullshit. What's bullshit is the way they treat those people. What's bullshit is the consideration they give to the diet of these people. You're asking these people to make the ultimate sacrifice. You're giving them prison food. Yeah. Diet's not bullshit. Diet's everything. It is literally everything. Like I said, your body has nothing else, nothing else that it can build itself up with other than nutrients. That's all it has. You consume it. If you don't, you starve to death, right? If you don't eat, you starve to death. So in order for your body to take care of itself, what are you giving it? It's that simple. You drink a lot of water, a lot of water. Yeah. You still drink a lot of coffee. I drink less. I've been drinking coffee later in the day now. I've been like going through my day and not drinking my first cup of coffee till like noon now. I've been doing that a lot lately. You don't need it in the morning to get going? Sometimes I feel like I do. I enjoy it. I indulge if I enjoy it, but I don't, I don't like relying on things. I don't like having to do things. I don't ever want to have that feeling. So lately I've been like, and I've gone days without coffee just to see what that feels like. Sometimes I feel a little sluggish, but there's ways you can avoid that too. Like I'll take nootropics, which is a brain nutrients, you know, theanine and, uh, uh, acetylcholine and a bunch of different things that don't like there's alpha brain. That stuff pumps my brain up and fires it up. It's just, you can get addicted to caffeine. Caffeine is very, very addictive. And, uh, I feel like if I can get my day going without it, it's probably better. Yeah. I drink a lot less, but I see what you're saying. I love it though. Oh, that's great. I love a cup of coffee. I love it. I love it. Uh, I landed yesterday, Austin airport. Like I needed a coffee so bad. I'd been out partying the night before early flight and land and you just want a cup of coffee before you even start seeing your texts. Cause you don't want to deal. And it's like the first place I go to, it's like, there's a long line. I finally get there and it's like, it's a kiosk. And I'm like, I can't kiosk. I need to just tell someone to put coffee in a cup and hand it to me. And I go to another place and it's like, they, they charge me and then they hand me a cup and go, go fill it. And I walk away. I just can't, I get so fricking cranky. And I go to the third place. Finally, it's just like, they give you a cup of coffee, the kiosk and the, the, the no employees just, it all makes me so mad. I want to talk to somebody. Oh, okay. I don't like filling out a computer when I want something. I rarely go to coffee places because I drink black coffee and black coffee at Starbucks tastes like dog shit, right? It's all burnt and tastes terrible. It's just not good. I could drink any coffee. You could take old coffee, put it in a microwave and it's the same to me as really? Yeah. An espresso that you're making it. I like this. This is a French press black rifle coffee. Want some? Yeah. Get in there, dog. That's good coffee. That's real coffee. Coffee, son. Thank you, brother. That's coffee. Cheers. Taste that. Cheers. Here's another problem. That's good. That's not bad, right? If you get coffee from Starbucks, you're getting it in a paper cup. And if you get it in a paper cup, it's not paper you're drinking out of. It's plastic because the inner lining of those paper cups is basically like a condom. Right. Ever seen when they break it down? Yeah. Well, if you add hot liquid to plastic, that plastic leaches chemicals into your body that are not good for you. They're called forever chemicals. It's terrible for you. So, like, every time you drink a hot liquid that's in a paper cup, you're sucking on plastic residue. That's gross. We're gross. There's a lot of things that are gross about the American lifestyle. I mean, if you get coffee from Starbucks or something like that. Ideally, you should bring your own cup. Bring a mug. Bring, you know, like a little, one of those little Yetis, you know. So, it's like pouring right into stainless steel. That's how you're supposed to drink it. But who does that? Who brings a little stainless steel Yeti with them everywhere? Not me. Nobody. But if you did that, you'd get a lot less of these fucking microplastics in your gut. It'd also wreck havoc on your body, destroy your immune system, destroy your endocrine system. They're endocrine disruptors. So, it stops your body from producing hormones naturally, which also can lead to a host of different diseases. Makes me think maybe Charlie Sheen was right after all. Crack. Smoking crack while getting a blowjob. Yeah. That's how to do it. You don't think he was worried about the plastics in the pipe? Well, there's certain dudes that are built different. I mean, a lot of people that did what Charlie did would have already been dead a long time ago. He's resilient. Yeah. I do hope somebody puts him in a big. Big movie. I like your idea. I like a good comeback story. Maybe he's due for another roast. It'll be hard now. He's all clean, sober. It's like, what did you do 20 years ago? It's like, eh. But now he's kind of doing all right. He looks good. Looks healthy. He looked a lot better than I thought he was going to look. It doesn't look like a guy who's went through 25 years of crack. And he was sick? Mm-hmm. What did he have? HIV. Oh, yeah. HIV is weird. That's a weird one. Because with the medication they have now, you don't really, you're not even testing positive. But they just tell you you have it no matter what. It's dormant. Which doesn't totally make sense. There was a guy named Peter Duesberg that I had on my show a long time ago. And he was a professor out of the University of California, Berkeley. And just brilliant, brilliant guy. Groundbreaking work on cancer. But he had a very controversial take on HIV. And his take was he didn't believe that HIV is what caused AIDS. He said the fact that you have HIV is because your immune system is so severely compromised that HIV shows up. That was his take on it. And he was ostracized. You've got to realize, like, during the AIDS crisis, do you know who was the guy that was in charge of the medical establishment in this country? Mm-mm. Anthony motherfucking Fauci. Same guy. And that guy had everybody convinced that we're all going to get AIDS, that we're all going to die, and y'all have to take this medication. And one of the medications they gave people was AZT. The problem with AZT was AZT was a chemotherapy medication. And it was killing people quicker than cancer was, so they stopped using it. They repurposed it when AIDS came along. And they started giving it to AIDS people because they didn't have to go through this whole process of, like, getting a drug certified. Getting a drug to go through the FDA and all. They already had a drug. So they said, well, this drug, this will be the drug we use for AIDS. But it fucking killed everybody they put on it. Killed tons and tons of people. When they stopped using AZT, people stopped dying. You know, that's what Dallas Buyers Club was all about. It was all about them trying, that movie with Matthew McConaughey? It was all about them trying to find alternative cures, alternative medications, and being able to access alternative medications. He wanted everybody to use AZT. And he was like, AZT? The reason? The reason why they use it is it's the only drug that is both safe and effective. It's literally what he said back then, in the fucking 80s. And that's the same guy that sold us this bag of bullshit with the COVID origins and whether or not it was gain-of-function research that caused it. He's just a creepy fucking guy. We never really got answers on any of this. We will. It'll take time, but we will. And he'll probably be gone. By the time it's publicly understood. But if you read RFK Jr.'s book, The Real Anthony Fauci, it'll open your mind. It'll open your eyes. He talks about how they were testing out, in the 1980s, they were testing out HIV vaccines on foster kids in New York and killing them. Jesus. Yeah. They tested it on foster kids. Yeah, it's real. If it wasn't real, he would have been sued. He hasn't been sued for it. Wow. It's a dark book, dude. The Real Anthony Fauci. I can't recommend it enough. It's a fucking terrifying book. But that's the same guy that was a part of the whole AIDS thing. The movie's going to be weird. Who would play Anthony Fauci in a movie? Maybe Martin Short. I think it's another Sean Penn tour de force. Sean Penn was all about the vaccine. Do you miss acting? Not even a little. I was thinking about that the other day. You really were in this whole other world, Joe. Call times, makeup, lines, blocking. Well, I enjoyed working on news radio. And it was very, I felt insanely fortunate to be able to work with Phil Hartman and Dave Foley and all those people on that show. Steven Root, Maura Tierney, Vicky Lewis, Andy Dick. It was incredible. Candy Alexander. It was an incredible cast of people. I mean, I felt super, super lucky. But once it was over, I'm like, I don't think I'll ever be able to recreate that. Because that was like optimal. And I had been on TV. I had been on a couple other shows as a guest. I didn't like it. And I was like, this is not what I like. I only did it for money. You know? It's not my thing. And it's a long process, dude. Sitcom hours are, you know, especially in the beginning days. It was like 12, 16 hour days. Who wrote that show? Paul Sims and a bunch of other writers. But he was from the Larry Sanders show. You know, and he did Bardwalk Empire after that and a bunch of other stuff. Wow. But brilliant guy. But that show was just like, they caught lightning in a bottle. I got so lucky to be a part of that show. And I'm like, I could never be on a shitty sitcom after that. You know, I couldn't be on some fucking, you know, sloppy, canned horse shit show. You went highbrow with Fear Factor. Well, I took that because there was no actors. First of all, I took Fear Factor because I thought it was going to be canceled. I thought this was going to give me a lot of material. It was like Radford forever. 148 episodes. Yeah, it was nuts. Have you seen the new one? No, I haven't. But Johnny came on. Johnny Knoxville came on to do it. I didn't see the Ludacris one either. But how long did Ludacris do it for? I don't know. I didn't even know that until now. Yeah, Ludacris did it, I think. Was it on MTV, Jamie? I think he did it on MTV. MTV did it for a little while. I think he did it for, I don't know how long. But I love Johnny. Johnny Knoxville is the fucking. He's a great guy. He's the best. A true Johnny. He's a true gentleman. Sweetheart of a guy. I love him so much. I hope it does well. I hope they don't hurt anybody. That's the problem. When Fear Factor came back on NBC, when we came back in 2011 and we only did six episodes, they were really trying to make it bigger and better. I was like, Jesus Christ, we're going to fucking kill somebody. Right. It felt like it. It felt like when it was canceled, I was happy. I was like, fuck this. You were done. Yeah. Well, it got canceled because they had a drink come. do you know that no you don't know that what yeah oh yeah yeah they played horseshoes to drink donkey cum we're still talking about andy dick at news radio no no we're talking about fear factor now and andy only drank people cum he's he's a gentleman um but yeah that happened that's what got the show canceled but that's because they were just trying to make it as outrageous impossible as possible it's like the early you were right at the beginning of that crazy this is it fear factor donkey juice this is it they had to play horseshoes and uh they drank donkey piss and donkey cum there was three sets of twins and one twin had to drink the cum look at that that's a mug oh come oh my gosh it's so foul wow yeah so tmz i think got a hold of the clip or images and said that fear factor was doing this and it never aired in the united states but it aired overseas it aired uh somewhere in europe i want to say the netherlands or denmark or some shit wow yeah now you survived good times good times now you're drinking delicious coffee and your palatial hanging out with you dude i've known you since you were jeff lipshits i've known you since your best joke which was um never trust a hooker with a walkie talkie you go i learned you were like 25 but you're like i learned a lot of things in my life yeah i never trust a hooker with a walkie talkie was that the joke um no it was i went to college for three years you know what i learned How did it go? Don't trust hookers with walkie-talkies? I don't know. You know me since Jeff Lipschultz. By the way, I'm still Jeff Lipschultz. My ID, my passport. Maybe you shouldn't tell everybody. It's all right. We should have hid that. Why did you change it to Ross? What year was that? Oh, I could tell you. What happened was I got booked on Star Search down in Florida. Like my first time on TV. You know, we were all starting to get like on MTV. Star Search, those shows were coming around. And I go down to Orlando where they were shooting it back then. And Ed McMahon was the host. And he kept introducing me by fucking up my, Arch, this week's challenger, Jeff Lipschultz. And I'd walk out. And it would screw me up, you know. Then the next, I'd won. And then the next day it's like, this week's challenger, you know, life shots. You know, he would just screw me up. He'd screw it up every time. And on the flight home, I was like, I either have to, if I really love comedy, I was like two years in, I go, let me think about this. Ross is my middle name. Jon Stewart was Jon Leibovitz. And he had told me he did it for the similar reasons of like, no one can spell, if I asked you to spell Lipschultz right now, even you couldn't and you'd know me 35 years. So I was like, all right, either I'm going to have to change my name or my whole family's going to, I don't know what to do. So Ross, it just made sense. It's easy. Yeah. Yeah, it's easy. Jeff Ross. What was Ed McMahon like? You know. Did you ever hang out with him? I shook his hand and that was the end of it. I didn't get to know him very well. I heard he was an animal. I heard he drank a lot. Yeah. But then I made some joke like that and people got mad at me online going, don't disrespect Ed McMahon. Was he gone by the time you made that joke? Yeah, it was recently because they rebooted Star Search just now. Oh. Fuck people online. You can't listen to them. Oh, dude, that's another thing Saget taught me, Bob Saget. Like, block the haters. Like, you know, we would argue about this because, like, he would block people. And I go, well, then they know you saw it. Just ignore them. Let them float out to sea. He goes, no. He goes, no. I want them to know that they're blocked. He goes, and I don't want them following me. I don't want to say funny things to people who say mean things. He valued himself. I say don't read the comments. I say don't even pay attention. Let them exist in the ether. Well, you're off social right now. Yeah. You told me. Yeah, I post things, but I post and ghost. That's what I tell people. Post and ghost. Just post things. It's like people know about stuff or something's interesting. You know, someone sends you something interesting. Like, oh, people should know about this. Right. That's it. Get out. I got better instead of using social media. Like, Seth Green is my neighbor. He's a good buddy of mine, the actor. And he started doing this during the pandemic. Instead of texting or liking people's stuff, he FaceTimes. It takes longer, but he's like, it's a real connection. Oh, okay. So he'll FaceTime me, you know, and talk to me. Just even if it's for a minute. What if you have an Android phone? Then you're fucked. And my friend Benji Aflalo goes, he quotes Brody all the time. He'll text me emojis, a positive and a check. Positive? Check-in. Like Brody used to do. He was just positive check-in. Positive energy. Positive check-in. God, he was so fun. Here's another guy. He's on my fucking contact list that's gone that I miss. I almost wore my Brody t-shirt today. I was thinking about him a lot lately. I don't know why. Enjoy it. Enjoy it. Has there ever been a comedian who's been less famous but more, his cadence has been more, like, remembered? It's almost like him and Dangerfield have the most memorable deliveries. Especially for us. Brody Stevens, I don't know if people know. Yeah, for the guys who were around him, he was so, he was just such a unique dude. He would show up at the Comedy Store and pull into the lot, everybody would smile. When I first met him, I really, truly hated him. I really hated him. It was literally like the mid-90s Joe, like in New York, and I can't believe, I haven't thought about this in so long. The show that. It's so funny. The show that's coming out tonight, I'd started developing 30 years ago. My grandfather died. I live with my grandfather, and it was like a way to like process it, and it was emotional. And I was doing it at little alternative comedy spaces in New York, and I didn't know Brody. And Brody would sit in the front, he was obsessed with it, 'cause I was like talking about stuff that hit for him somehow. And he would sit in the front. But he would like over laugh or twitch around at a seat. So then, I'm developing this like one man show, it was like different than stand up. And he's like, he would wanna talk to me about it, and he would say like weird things that kinda threw me off. He would notice the differences. And I said, "Listen, man, HBO's coming to see it next week, could you just not be in the audience?" He goes, "Oh, okay. I understand." I'm the guy who bothers you, you don't like me, I get that. I go, "No, it's not that, man, it's just that like, you're like-" Brody, 818 till I die. You're distracting me, and I'm not like, you know, I was only doing comedy a few years. So then, HBO comes, and Brody, I walk on stage, and Brody's in the front row. So afterwards, I go, "Dude, what the fuck is your problem? I told you not to be," he's like, "There were no other seats, I couldn't miss it." And our friendship grew where we both moved out to LA, and we became such good friends that I had a Comedy Central show. He was the warmup. I had to have him around me all the time. I felt safer and better. I think we both grew from like- I was a model in Pakistan, cover of Camel Beat magazine. I dated an amputee, we met on StubHub. What was the one about the- The Nickelback Tour jacket. I was at the Rock and Roll Hall of Fame, I saw the Nickelback Tour. It was in the Lost and Found, but still. I love Brody. Look up Brody Stevens. Yeah. I heard you talking about him the other day, about his friendship with Zach Galifianakis. Yeah. Were you there when they did the memorial at the Comedy Store? No. No. That's a good line. I don't like those things. I was backstage. Brody's college baseball coach, high school baseball coach, and all his friends all spoke for like an hour, and then they bring me out, and I go, "After hearing all Brody's friends talk for an hour, I'm starting to understand why he killed himself." That's why I don't like those things. It was beautiful. I prefer to mourn people solo. It was beautiful, actually. Well, Brody was a beautiful guy. That's our world. We got to remember these guys. I know, we do. Well, one of the good things about podcasts is the world gets to understand a lot of these people and hear us talk about all these people. I think our world is more understood now in this day and age with the podcast world than I think it's ever been known before. More criticized, but that's part of the process of it. That's normal, but also more understood. People get it. They get it. It's a weird art form. I remember when you had Gilbert Gottfried on. That was great. Gilbert was awesome. I don't think he fully understood what was happening here, but I remember really enjoying your interview with Gilbert. What do you mean you don't think he understood? He'd done stern. He'd done open-ended. Right, but he. Stern is fast, and jumping in, impressions. This is more of a conversation, which Gilbert, in his spectrum-y thing, it's tough, a lot of yes and no answers. I thought he was great. Yeah. I loved him. He knew I loved him. I was always a giant fan of his, so I think it was pretty easy. I wear a Gilbert Gottfried shirt in the special. That's cool. Ultimate tribute. He was a sweetheart. He was a sweet guy, so fucking funny, too. God damn, that guy was funny. I used to love watching his sets in New York. The best. Especially in the '90s, when no one knew who he was, like, "Oh, my God. He's such a killer." One of his last times on stage. I was at an improv show. Yeah. At an improv in Florida, and he came with his family, and he came on as a surprise guest. He walked out, and he told this long, crazy joke about skull-fucking his dead grandma. So, at his funeral, like a year and a half later, I said, "Gilbert's comedy was fearless and ruthless and subversive, yet he was so lovable that he could get us to laugh at a joke about skull-fucking a dead person." And then I looked at his coffin, and I said, "Not so funny now, huh, Gilbert?" So, I love Gilbert. We've had the very unique opportunity to be around some really, truly exceptional people. Rare, rare human beings, and so many of them. We're so rich in our associations with so many completely unusual people. There's one more Gilbert story. Okay. I remember one time we were roasting Joan Rivers. I was producing it, and I booked Gilbert. And I'm on the phone. I'm smoking a joint. And I go, I got one joke I like, but I can't do it. He goes, what is it? I go, well, you know, like Kanye West's mom had recently died during a plastic surgery procedure. It was the background. And I go, Joan Rivers, Gilbert, you know, Joan Rivers, Kanye's mom has a better plastic surgeon than you. And I go, but I can't do that. And Gilbert goes, I'll do it. And that's when I realized I was being a pussy and I had to do it. So I did it. So he pushed me. That's awesome. That's awesome. He's a really special, special guy. We're lucky dudes, Jeff. We really are. We're lucky. And especially now that we know all these people that we just talked about that were amazing that are gone. We're lucky we're still here. Being a comedian is like a backstage pass to the world. You get to see things you never would see as a civilian. It's true. I just went to Qatar. I went to Djibouti, Africa. You were in Djibouti? I was just there. What were you doing in Djibouti? You did stand-up there? For the troops. Christmas with the vice chairman of the Joint Chiefs. Saw the Patriot missiles that they're using now. I was in two of the bases that just got hit just a few months ago. Wow. That's nuts. You get to see. And when you're with the vice chairman, sometimes you're on FOBs, they call them, forward operating bases. They don't even tell you where you are exactly. You know, you're like 80 miles from the Iranian border somewhere in Kuwait or Qatar or Jordan. It's so cool. Wild. You've always done a lot of stuff with the troops. You've been doing that from way back, from like the early 2000s. 2003, my first trip to Iraq with Drew Carey. Wow. Yeah, he took me in 2003. Saddam was still alive. I went back in 05. I've done probably 100. I've done probably 100 of those shows all over the world. Wow. It's the best, man. That's why I'm a comedian. That's the best feeling. They say, oh, thanks for coming. And I'm like, thank you, man. Just forget that I'm like entertaining. You know, you're doing a show for people who are starved for entertainment. It fills me up. Like, it invigorates me. It's just, they're not drinking. They're the best crowds. Right. I highly recommend. That's awesome. All right, dude. Your special, is it out yet? Tonight. Tonight. Look at you. A Netflix comedy special. Longest special Netflix ever did. You got the Bobby Brown microphone on? I sing. I sing a song in the show. A perfect salty, sweet, sour mix. Look at that outfit. It's a suit of armor, this guy. This guy, poor guy, lost his hands in an explosion. Oh, jeez. I asked him why his wife never got finger-banged. Jesus. It's a multimedia show about my family, about resilience, about bouncing back. Are those screens on the back wall? A bunch of different screens? Yeah. And they show different things on them? Yeah, the dogs. Oh, that's cool. You're going to love this show. I'm sure I'll love it. It's about some of the stuff we were talking about. Like, when you take a hit, getting back up. That's awesome. And what's it called again? It's called. Take a banana for the ride. When I was an open mic-er, I would take my grandfather to his doctor appointments. And then at night, I would go in New York and try to get on stage at the open mics. And my grandfather would give me a few dollars for the bus and tolls and a banana. Kind of his way of saying, I can't go with you, but I'm there with you on the ride. I just tattooed a banana with my mom's. Would write, I love you or I miss you and put them in my school lunches. So, I found an old letter with her handwriting and made a tattoo. So, now I always have a banana. This one, Eddie Vedder drew. It says, born to roast. Oh, that's cool. All right. It's out now. Ladies and gentlemen, go watch it. Jeff Ross. I love you, buddy. Love you, Rogan. Thank you. Good to see you. Bye, everybody. Bye, everybody. This episode is brought to you by the Farmer's Dog. Here's a fun fact. Research shows that dogs who maintain a healthy weight can live up to two and a half years longer on average than dogs who are overweight. Isn't that wild? And also kind of obvious at the same time. So, why is feeding vague scoops of ultra-processed kibble still the status quo for most dog owners? Healthy alternatives exist. And trust me, I know. I buy one, the Farmer's Dog. I use it for both my dogs. They love it. They eat it up quick. It smells good to them. It smells good to me. It's human-grade food. 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