21, Can You Do Somethin' for Me? with Josh Johnson

Y'all, what the fuck is up? Welcome to My Favorite Lyrics, the podcast where we talk about music lyrics, except for when we talk about other stuff. Today, we've got another very, very special guest. You might know him from his HBO Max comedy special called Symphony. You might know him from his tour. It's called Comedy Band Camp. It's going to be anywhere and everywhere that you can go see. He's so, so funny. He's also a host and a correspondent on The Daily Show. Welcome to the show, Josh Johnson. Thanks, man. It's good to see you. Yeah, it's nice to see you. It's been a minute. Yeah. It's been a minute. I feel like we used to live really close to each other, and I feel like we used to bump into each other every now and again on the street. Yeah. It feels like you've gotten taller. And thank you so much for saying that. I get that probably once a month, and it feels really good every single time. That might be what's making me taller, is the fact that people keep saying that I'm getting taller, and my body's just manifesting that. Yeah, yeah. I can see that. It's also, I feel like, well, one, we both moved from the apartments that we lived in, when we lived closer to each other, but also just, I don't know how you find the time. I don't know how you find the time, because I'm like, well, I don't know where I would see you. I don't know where I'd bump into you. You feel like you are never not at work. I guess if you're on the J, we would both be delayed. Sure, sure, sure, sure, sure. If we were on the above ground train getting delayed. There was one time I was on, in one trip, I could kind of swear I went to each car of the J, because basically, I got on at the back. Yeah. And then somebody was wiling out. Somebody was having an episode. As they do. And so I was like, let me go ahead and switch. And then we got delayed. And then that person came into my car again. They found their way over to you. And so I was like, let me go switch cars again. And then we got moving. And then I saw them, because I started watching them through the glass of the door. Sure. And then they got off. And I was like, oh, thank goodness. And then they, you know, the in-between of the cars, right? Right, right, right. When you transfer. They jumped from the platform just to that middle. And I was like, you know what? I'm going to go to the next car just as a precaution. Sure. And it was, I didn't need that many stops. I was on the J for like 10 stops. But basically through the delay to the other stops, I made it to like straight up the front of the train. I just kept switching because they kept switching. And it wasn't that they were asking for money. It wasn't that. Because that wouldn't even make sense. In that scenario, you just let them pass you. Of course. And then they've moved on. And then they're going to go to every car of the train. Right. And then they'll make their way back eventually, yeah. But this person was being a different problem in each car that he entered. I like that. Yeah, it was bad. What type of problem were they when you were coming across them? So initially, when he first got on, the type of problem he was, was like kind of complaining about his day. And it was like just a sort of out loud complaining about his day. Right. And then, I don't know. Were the complaints valid? Did it feel like complaints where you're like, hey, you know what? Yeah. We're all going through that. No, not we're all going through it, but it was very valid. Because he gets on and he's like, I don't know what to do, as if we were asking him. And he's like, I don't know what to do. Everybody did. And you're like, all right, well, I would have helped before the last sentence. Then I was like, yeah, I probably don't want to be on here because he's talking too close to each person, but not talking to them. Right, right. So then he was getting up close. He gets close to you just to be like, he think he the boss of me at work, maybe at work, only at work. And then he just keeps doing that to everybody on the train. So then I was the only one who was stepping out. Other people were waiting until we got to the stop and then switching cars. So I wasn't the only person switching cars. I was the only person that kept switching cars. Sure. Because a lot of other people, once you move once, you're kind of like, all right, well, I got to ride with my fate. After like two cars, a lot of people stood their ground. Of course. Yeah, because at a certain point, you got to be like, you know, I'm a grown up. Yeah, I'm a grown up. I belong on the train as well. And the worst thing was that, so my man didn't smell. Oh, that's nice. He did not smell, which means this might be his first day of snapping. Whoa. Like this might be brand new. I lose my mind on the train. Interesting. Because it wasn't, this wasn't like a, he looks like he's struggling thing. It looks like someone who's genuinely like losing. His mind. He just, he's, he's had enough. Yeah. So then on the next car, he was more of like a, like a dancing problem. It was more like he was like, not showtime, but like he thought he could do showtime. Ah, which is if you're going to do showtime, you need to really, you need a hundred percent be ready to not kick somebody in the head. My man went, my man had a cap on, right? What kind of cap? I think it was a Knicks cap, but it was like. Hey, go Knicks. He had a cap, lifted the cap. And then did that to pop the cap and then missed. Of course. Of course. And it's like, it's one of those things where, cause in my head I was like, oh, okay. All right. I'm trying to piece together who this person is because then in my head, I'm like, okay, he's snapping right now. This might be why he's taking the train with me midday right now on a weekday. Of course. And then, and then when he started dancing, I was like, oh, okay. Car one is where he vents. Car two is where he vents. Car two is where he goes to work. Whoa. And then when he, and then when he missed, cause. Where did the hat go when he missed? No, to the ground. And he never picked it up. Right, right, right. He left the, he left the hat. Oh, that's okay. When he went to the next car. I respect it. So then he popped it and then like tried to grab it and missed. And it's like, that was going to be the easiest grab. Right. It was right in front of you. Right. It's not like he tried to catch it with his head. Right. And so then. That's a higher level move. So then he started dancing and he started like, really like. Pop lock in. Yeah. Yeah. It wasn't, it didn't, it wasn't like good. Oh yeah. People don't realize it takes training to get to the level of the real, the proper Showtime guys. And then my man, okay. This is where we're almost at the stop. And I know I'm switching cars no matter what he does with this hat. So then he tries to do a finishing move, goes for the finishing move and goes. Like, but like screams. But it was like, he clearly thought he was doing what Michael Jackson did at the end of like, they don't care. They don't care about us. Right. He thought he hit his toes. Yeah. Oh. He was thinking it was that kind of movement. But he was like, oh. It sounded like he was hurt. Yeah. And it was, and I could tell that it was just him doing it because it's like nothing hit him. Right. He didn't fall. Right. And then I was like, yeah, I'm gonna go. And then I should have stopped taking the train at this point, but I switched cars again. Yeah. I, I respect that a lot. I think, uh, that is the type of story that like, I think if you don't live here, we're both from the south. Mm-hmm. Like, do you ever go back home and you like talk to people about your life in New York and they're like, I don't know how you do that New York stuff, man. I heard it's crazy up there. Yeah. Yeah. And I feel like oftentimes I'm like, yeah, it is, but like often, most of the time it's like that. Most of it's, most of the time it's somebody who's insane, but they're not really trying to do anything. They're just kind of working out whatever they got going on publicly. Yeah. Which is like unfamiliar, but nine times out of 10, nothing's gonna happen to you. But that one time something terrible is gonna happen. Yeah. And people are like, Ooh, I could never live in New York. It's too dirty and crazy or whatever. I'm like, y'all go missing. Yeah. All the time. Like y'all- You go into the woods and you don't come back. Y'all go missing and then the police are like, yeah, I think he wanted to be missing. Yeah. No, I'm, I'm pretty positive actually. Yeah. And it's like, meanwhile, the police definitely killed you. Yeah. Sure. And they're who- And they know exactly where you are. They know exactly where you are. And they're who your family has called to be like, Hey, can you help us find him? It's like, Ooh. Last time I saw him, he was like, Ooh, I don't wanna even be here anymore. They're tapping the sides of their pockets like when a kid asks you to buy a candy. Yeah. It's like, Oh man. I mean, he's not here. I thought I saw him. Is he not- That's crazy. You got any, you got him on like- Yeah. No, it's, it's every, every place has its problems, but those I'm like, I'm like, y'all like there's at least some semblance, especially when I go back to Louisiana and people try to sort of dog on New York. I'm like, there's some semblance of infrastructure though. Sure. But it's not, it's not- The system makes sense. It's not perfect. It's not perfect at all, but I don't have to boil my water anymore before I drink it. They got water figured out. You can drink water straight out of the sink. Yeah. You can just drink it out of the sink. Hey, you know what color it is? Clear. Clear. Clear. Normal color. Yeah. No kind of dots or any kind of situations in there. No, no. There's no hints. No. There's no notes. No, no, no, no, no. And when you, and when you pour the water out, glass, still clear. Yeah. No residue building up on the sides. No, no. None of that. No. I think being from, being from the South is really funny because it's guys who are really like on the surface, very tough guys and guys with guns. I grew up around a lot of guys with guns, but they're like, I don't know what I do on the subway. And I'm just like, well, which one is it? Yeah. Which one? Are you, are you big, tough? Don't tread on me, man. Or are you like- You honestly- I don't, oh no. The guy's, he's, he's being a little strange. Which one? You have to, you have to pick. Because honestly, I think the only people left that are tough are people who are genuinely out of their minds. Yeah. And people who are pregnant. Sure. Those, those are straight up the only tough people left. You see, look, look, look right now at like the most hardened like warrior types that we have. These UFC fighters, right? They finish a fight. Then they run out of the cage. Not all of them, but plenty of them run out of the cage to go be like, Mr. Trump, did you see me? Dad, dad, I did good, right? Did I do good when I made him bleed? Yeah. And it's like, and then you hear them talking before the press conference. and they're like, his children gonna have to lay flowers at his grave and all that. this stuff but then when trump is there who like is barely awake they're like did do we do we do it yeah and it's like that that thing is like okay so clearly some of this is a facade whatever of course then you get like what you're talking about the dudes who like actually have guns and have been shot at yeah and they're like yeah but i don't know what i would do if an unhoused person licked me yeah yeah i think i'd have to shoot myself you know yeah so so then you you have all of that and then you have people who also like pretend to be tough and really don't want to fight yeah those are my favorite fights when it's like you can tell it's not in them they've both been too loud now that too many people have turned around somebody's got to do something and so then they rub foreheads yeah and then and then they're like all right i guess we have there's too many people watching we gotta at least take a couple swings we gotta shove yeah my my other favorite is when somebody is in a fight especially the fight they instigated and they realize the person can at least box so like because if somebody knows jiu-jitsu you'll like find out too late like you'll find out while you're choking you'll find you'll find out because the jiu-jitsu guys will will do a kick they'll throw a kick in in a way that no other person if you're not a trained fighter they'll you're not kicking they'll kick the back of your leg from the front right and you'll be like oh and once you realize that by the time your knee has been made contact with yeah you're done for and so it's when somebody actually like knows how to box i don't know if you saw this viral is a strong word but i i saw that it had a lot of likes so i'm assuming hopefully someone i know also watched it but there was a guy who started a fight it seemed like they were just it looked like almost like a drive-in or something it may not have even been in this country but but this dude got into it with arguing and then he swung and the dude's head movement was so clean that he started backing up and then he was like hey you know what forget you but like truly he he went to kind of cheap shot him like they they had been arguing so like you could tell a fight was gonna happen but he really went to like like hit him with a straight and they hit him with a cross and both times this dude went uh uh and kept his eyes on him and he backed up a little bit he's like you know it's not even worth the time we cool on that actually yeah it's like in a superhero movie when they see like uh they like shoot superman one time yeah they're like you know what whatever they shoot we're gonna shoot somebody around the corner whatever they shoot superman more than three times i'm like y'all too dumb because what what makes y'all think bullet 96 is gonna be the one they do they do trial and he'll keep walking forward and it's like if he if he walking to the bullets yeah after two or three of them you gotta know i'm dealing with a different type of situation you hear noises you're never supposed to hear you hear bullets go clink clink clink clink off of his chest yeah i remember that remember that uh kevin spacey superman where he was less than five years old and he was like oh my god i'm gonna shoot lex luther i do probably like 2005 it was like a superman returns whatever okay yeah it didn't do that well but they did shoot superman his eye remember that and the book okay so they shot like the bullet bent against his eye and then fell out and then he blinked i vaguely i vaguely do remember and that's one of those ones where i'd be like yeah i'm pooping if i'm if i if i shoot you in your eye and the bullet bend and then fall out of your eye and then you blink and then you keep your eyes open and then you're like oh my god what's going on here's not enough sorries in the world like you gotta at the very least reconsider your life as a criminal yeah you gotta at the very least be like you know maybe this crime's life life is not for me maybe i gotta start doing insurance did you hear about this dude okay so this i've been telling everybody about this because it blows my mind in air uh air canada right okay air can this is recent uh air canada this pilot flew for air canada for 27 years without a license oh and then he retired and y'all missed it y'all three three decades if he if he retired he done so then why would you be like not so fast like he did it he did you should get at least a plaque of some sort even if you're not gonna give him a watch air canada gave him a plaque he did 27 years with them as a pilot clearly he knows how to fly right but he didn't take the right he didn't take the right test back in the day and he knew he didn't take the test but he tried to get the job anyway and i don't know if it's because the certification like i can't imagine you can just off the street one day be like i want to be a pilot i think that some money's gonna go into it you would think so some you know i mean like something he had to do there was some checklist yeah to check off he must have known enough not not condoning doing stuff that's professional without a license but once you get the job sure to then try to go get your license probably endangers your job more because then they'll be like well you should have to renew right now sure that is what i'm curious about is like at some point there must have been a time when you were like oh my god i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license so i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license or whatever and i guess he was just passing those so in it was last year okay and it might be part of why he retired but it was last it was last year that something happened with his paperwork and then he was doing everything to you know get around it yeah and then i think he retired but if i if i read the oracle right there's one point where he like called he like called the police so i'm like oh my god i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license i'm gonna get a license to be like this investigation you know they out here harassing me i was like that's a new tactic i've never thought of when you're in trouble you call the cops to be like to be like hey you know what's crazy is some of us are law-abiding citizens with all of our certification right and then you got people at our job harassing us trying to dig into our information trying to see if we got all our checks and balances all our papers take them to jail yeah take them to jail i don't think i should be having to deal with this i'm gonna try that i mean it was it was incredible it's a it's a very fun story if you read it it you'll you'll be perplexed at how they must have zero background check i think you know canada just feels like a trusting nation i mean technically this is a criminal who did his due diligence sure like if this is true and he had no license he still bothered to learn how to fly yeah so so all power to him it's a very canadian type of crime sure where it's like where you're doing the wrong thing but everybody comes out fine and safe yeah it's like the that that uh maple syrup heist that they had in canada you're really tapped into canadian news well i just i just got back from canada but you know you you're really connected with what's happening in canada but they had a whole heist and it was like barrels and like millions in in syrup went missing okay and people are just kind of cool with it they're like all right i still got my syrup sure they're like there's still syrup at the store that i shop at so yeah all good did they ever catch the syrup man i don't think so but that black market syrup gotta hit different crazy yeah i'm trying to yo if if y'all are on the syrup black market reach out to josh and i we'd like to taste a little bit of that because we know it's gonna taste a little bit sweeter a little bit sweeter it's naughty it's that nasty syrup it's that nasty syrup you're not supposed to have this no no the forbidden syrup yeah this tastes like a felony yeah i'm also like where do you shop that i don't know where are you taking that to what is the market for underground syrup it feels like every person i've ever known is going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god i'm going to be like oh my god has always been straight on syrup you know like during the pandemic when everybody's like oh toilet paper we don't know if the paper towels nobody was like we got to make sure we load up on syrup like you know what i mean i guess you buy a syrup probably once every three years actually and no you're you're you know what it is what's going on no you just you just i wonder what happened to the jemima bottles because remember they switched up at jamaica they were like there's no way we could keep making this bottle and fill it with black syrup no and then make her look you know what i mean sure sure so we can yeah so we got to switch this up but they already made the bottles they had already made the bottles were in the store before people protested and they weren't no one was ever protesting by the way no we were like we would like more accountability with policing and they were like the best i could do is change we got to change the syrup bottle okay okay we're not gonna be able to figure out the cop thing not not right now we have heard the concerns of the black community yeah that we are switching up bottles boxes yeah we're gonna and we're gonna help you guys by taking a black woman away from her job uh but this one this is the one we grew up on yes this is jamaica i like this lady she felt familiar to me it looked regular she felt like somebody that could have been in my family yeah and that she felt comforting when i saw that black she looks like a huxtable you know what i'm saying yes she's got some felicia rashad kind of features oh no yeah no it's bad oh no i didn't realize that aunt jemima was based on a real lady that was really bad oh no yeah okay mind you not what we were asking for but yeah yeah pretty bad yeah and she's still off and his uncle uncle ben is gone as well i believe correct i don't know what happened with that that was another left field where people were like we've heard your concerns and we got you and we we got you because you know what the the racist past of this box it has to be corrected yeah when in reality yeah nothing wrong with uncle ben i'm looking at uncle ben kind of looks like fred samford yeah no problem no problem with me i mean i i and now they just took his picture off the box there's it's still called ben oh no now it's called ben's original rice yeah huh free uncle ben uncle ben if you're listening and we know that you are you're welcome on this show anytime aunt jemima as well you know feel free but what happened to all that syrup did they rebuttal it or did they bet you they just waited until it was sold out i bet you they were just kind of like all right like we're gonna sell the bottles so some people you've actually there's some collector's items you've made a racist souvenir right of course what now is it racist though No, no, I'm saying the people who want it want it for the wrong reasons. They're wanting it in a disgusting way. Yeah, yeah. They're like, oh, man, remember the way things were? I like that. Well, especially if you're reaching, if you got the old Jemima boxes, for sure. Yeah. You got malice in your heart, certainly. If you've just cut out the front of an old Aunt Jemima box, whew. We know what you're up to. We know who you are. Yeah. And it's not good. You barely use pepper. You're from Louisiana. Yeah. You're from Alexandria, yeah? Yeah. Which is a town, I think I've told you this at some point, it's a town that I grew up going to in the summertime. I know. That was crazy when you said it. It's crazy to hear it again. Because it's not like a place that- It's not where you go for summer. No, not really. It was literally just my dad had some old buddies from the military who lived out there. Yeah. I think they were from out there, and we would go out there, and there was an abandoned summer. And there was a school bus in the woods that we would play around in. That was- And it would be horrible. It was hot. I remember that. It was hot, and we was on a school bus. It honestly is one of those things, it feels like when you read some Tom Sawyer or some Huck Finn, where you're like, oh, this actually isn't a good childhood at all. Sure. I understand American classic, whatever. I guess it's kind of supposed to be funny or something, but this is bad. Yeah. You're like, oh, it's not supposed to. This is not how you're supposed to grow up. No, no, no. And then sooner or later, you find a body, and then it turns into one of those old AMC movies back when they were doing those straight-to-TV movies. And you spend the whole summer kind of reckoning with the body. And you don't really do the detective work of the Encyclopedia Brown. No, because you can't. No, no, you can't. Because you're a child. You're 10. You're actually 10. You don't know how to find all those clues. Now, you have ruined evidence. Yeah, sure. Because you poked the body with a stick a bunch of times. You poked it. You stepped near the body and everything. You maybe took a pocket watch out of his pocket. You've covered footprints and stuff like that. And you took way too long to tell an adult. So body decomposed. Maybe you found some whiskey. You drank a little bit of that whiskey. You had a little pint in his pocket. You drank that. Then you tried to put it back. Now you're also involved in it. Yeah, because you spill whiskey on him, which now makes it look like a drunken accident. But it's clearly a murder from the bullet hole in his forehead. Because it don't bounce off of him. But you know what? Summer. Summer. It was summer. We'll never forget that summer, for better or for worse. Yeah, probably for worse. Probably mostly. Probably for better. And you also got to kiss that girl. Yeah, which really had nothing to do with the body. You got to kiss that girl on the 4th of July. Yeah. And you also found that body. Yeah. Two totally separate things that could have happened independent of each other. But you sort of relate them. And you'll carry both of them with you every time you see fireworks. Yeah. Every time the fireworks pop off, you'll be like, ah, that kiss. Because then after the kiss, you're like, I do know about a dead person. I should probably call the police. I should talk to somebody about it. We found it two weeks ago. And it's still there. Josh, you're a Louisiana boy. What were you listening to as a young Josh back in the day? Listened to a lot of radio. I had a couple friends that would burn me CDs. So admittedly, I listened to a lot of Disney Channel radio on CD. They would take the hits, they'd put them on the CD, and then I would be like, all right, four, five, and nine are a jam. The rest was nothing. It was just a little depressing because I was like, I'm too old for this. Well, yeah, Josh, let me ask you a question really quickly. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Why were they burning that stuff specifically? No, no. Because you could have had- That's what I could buy. That's what you were buying? That's what I could buy. I grew up in a very religious household. Sure, sure, sure. So then as far as what I could buy above board, I was buying those because I was like, oh, I do like the Kim Possible theme song. I do. I do. And then what I had- What I had my friends burn for me was like real music. I see what's happening. I had to create a facade. Yes. You had to be, to your parents, you had to be like, oh, call me, beat me if you want to reach me. Yeah, yeah. Wow. Kim Possible. Man, this is great. Yeah. And then as soon as they were out of earshot, I'd sneak, I had like a little boom box and I could put like corded headphones into it and everything. But as soon as they were, I'd be over here, oh, Kim Possible. And then as soon as they left, you know, switch CDs, put it in and be a little bit of like Eminem, Lil Wayne. A little bit of, I mean, Kid Cudi wasn't really out like that yet when I was a kid. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Lots of sort of emo rock and stuff like that. Listen to a little bit of Good Charlotte, a little bit of Linkin Park, a little bit of Taking Back Sunday. Of course. Three Days Grace. Of course. American Rejects. And then lots of Jay-Z Ludacris. I think I even had a Mystical song, but I was like, this seems, this seems. It was a little on the edge. Bad. Yeah. You could, you could kind of, in hindsight, you could kind of feel, you could feel it on Mystical. I could feel the charges coming. Yeah, yeah. And I was like, no. It's a little too wild of a boy. I, that became a skip for me every time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I, I do find it interesting. How did your parents feel about the fact that you were listening to Disney? Disney Channel hits on CD. Were they like, that's a cool, normal teen boy thing to do? I don't think that they thought about me being normal. Honestly, now, now that you bring it up. Sure. They're like, they're like, yeah, whatever keeps them like, uh, safe. Sure. Or, you know, like I, you can only, you could also, cause the way, the place they're coming from is you can only shelter a person so much when there is like violence happening. There's, there's, you know, there's a lot that I was. Uh, sort of inadvertently exposed to not in bad choices by my parents or anything like that. Just like the general situation of what's going on. And so I think that if anything in the, in between those things is like wholesome, then like let them have it sort of thing. Uh, but yeah, that was about it. Interesting. Yeah. Cause I also, my family was also very Christian, but their thing was like, I could look at, I could listen to secular music, but I've, I've told the story on the podcast, the first CD that I ever listened to. The first CD that I ever owned was a Nick Cannon's first album. That's basically Disney channel original songs. It is, except for the fact that the lead single was, you remember this song, it was a song called Gigolo. Yeah. With the hook sung by, you guessed it, R. Kelly. Yeah. And. But at the time R. Kelly was known for, here's the thing. We both had R. Kelly on our CDs. Of course. I had, I believe I can fly from the space jam song. From the space jam soundtrack. All right. Very motivational song. Yeah. And then you had, uh, Gigolo. Yeah. He also did, R. Kelly also did a song for, uh, the Muhammad Ali movie with Will Smith called, uh, The World's Greatest. Oh, I forgot about that. I'm the world's greatest. Yes. Yes. Yes. I do remember that now. He, uh, yeah, he was really, we were tapping R. Kelly for, uh, inspirational music in a way that. Also. Doesn't, doesn't reflect back well on all of us as a culture. I get how this sounds with the Disney channel original CDs, but do you remember Eye to Eye from a goofy movie? Yeah. All right. Remember we thought that was Michael Jackson. Uh, yeah. We did. We thought that was Michael Jackson. Ended up being Tevin Campbell. Tevin Campbell. Yeah. Killed it as Tevin Campbell as Michael Jackson. Cause the character is also kind of Michael Jackson-esque. Like they had, they had him do the pop and everything like that. He was moonwalking basically. You know what I mean? And then, yeah. But, uh, what is it? What is it? That there's that one point where Tevin Campbell, he knew he hit some extra Michael. Yeah. It was like, ah, it's in motion. I was like, no. No. That's, I know that's for the character, but also that's, that's fairly Michael. Right. Right. Right. Right. And don't, and don't do this. And then, and then, oh, this is, you clearly going for Michael. Sure. I'd be mad if I was Michael. Michael was still alive. He was very much still alive at that point, but it had gotten, he had, he had some other issues he was facing at that point. I would have to imagine that goofy movie was, was low on his list of priorities. Probably. You know? But I think he would have done it. If that was at the top of his priorities. I think he would have done it though. That's true. Yeah. If he didn't have everything that he had going on, if he wasn't in and out of court, I feel like he would have. I think he could have cut a tape and, you know. You think he had the time? In the afternoon. And actually in hindsight, maybe that would have been good for him to get his mind off everything. Yeah. You act like he had to do his case. Sure. He had another, he had another group of people. Yeah. He had to sit there. Sure. He had to be, he had to be present for it. Yeah. Yeah. But court gets out at like five. It's also possible that the Disney people were like, maybe, maybe Michael was the original choice. They just, they just had to be, take a meeting and be like, you know what? Maybe not. Maybe not for the kids movie. Which is, which, look, let's be honest. Yeah. Is crazy considering everything Nickelodeon and Disney did think was okay. Of course. Like looking back, it's like actual Michael Jackson singing eye to eye for the Goofy movie would have been very low on the list of horrific things child stars say they have seen. In hindsight. Yeah. In hindsight. Yeah. You brought us some lyrics today. I did. Now, do you, do you want me to read them? Are you going to read them? You're, you're going to read them. I want you to intro the song. You can go anywhere you want to go, wherever you'd like to start. Let's get into it. Um, so let's, let's start with, uh, blood on the leaves from the then named Kanye West. Um, this was a track on Yeezus. It's actually one of my favorites. I think it's one of my favorites. song is is not it's not just like energetic but it's uh beautiful the production is really interesting uh so here we go we could have been somebody instead you had to tell somebody let's take it back to that first party when you tried your first molly and came out of your body and came out of your body running naked down the lobby and you were screaming that you love me mm-hmm now it would seem based on the the time that he's talking about amber rose yeah you would imagine he's talking about amber rose that tracks um it may not be amber rose but it but it seems like it would be it's not kim no it's not kim yet it's definitely not kim it's not kim yet and my thing is this there there's a nostalgia to this that is um uh beautiful but it actually sounds like a horrific night like if i was if i was out let's say let's say we already know the story of my life and there's the night that i like fell in love with the person who i would then marry right i'm just this is a different scenario i'm just making up a scenario right fell in love with the person that you then marry and then someone asked me what that night was maybe my grandson asked me what that night was i was like oh your grandma you know we we had like our on again off again thing and everything but we went to this party and she wasn't a big on partying she was a bit of a homebody yeah but she took this drug called molly and then she really had a panic attack got naked and then ran down lobby i had to chase her because that's indecent exposure right but but there was something about that night and her under the influence that then made me fall in love with her like like when i look at her now baking you cookies or reading you stories like bedtime stories like that i always go back to that moment where she was in a lobby of like a four seasons naked running past the the the um the concierge like like like that that's screaming that she loved me screaming that she loved me as she's running away from or two maybe i just got back maybe i just got back to the hotel yes maybe i wasn't even at the party and she knew you were on your way back and she was like she knew i was on my way back i texted her i was like hey you at the party and she's like yeah i don't you want to meet me back at the hotel and she's like yeah she's like yeah i'm about to uh take a pill for no reason yeah and then i'm like okay what kind of pill and then she doesn't respond but then when i get to the lobby she's running down the lobby towards me naked and she's like hey that could also be the case i just assumed they were together because of the rest the way the song is it seems like they're it seems like connected yeah yeah it seems like you would have to imagine that they were in the way that i hear that song they're in they're in the room together doing doing grown folk activities yeah something about the molly's not hitting her right she gotta go she bolts yeah you would think that um intercourse yeah would be enough exercise but to then be like we're already look we're already having a great time but i do need to run real quick i gotta run i got no time for clothes because now are you also naked as you're chasing her down this lobby being like hey you can't be naked in the lobby great question you know great question is is everybody naked he left he left that part out the lobby is also not the hallway no which means she got a long way she got on the elevator that means she bolted you could not catch up she got on the elevator hit close door in your face you running right trying to capture maybe also naked closes now you gotta take the stairs you exhausted by the time you get down there you you gotta take the stairs or you gotta take the stairs right right right um and so then you finally get to the lobby and she obviously beat you because she took the elevator first right and then you're trying to catch up with her hey don't be naked down here this is the lobby this isn't the room anymore right yeah we can't deal with this i just feel like people didn't ask enough questions about the the the lyric because it seems the whole song seems like autobiographical in a way oh a thousand percent and that's why i'm like so is nobody gonna check on that time that someone was clearly running naked in the lobby out of their body out of their body yeah and it also does to me feels like a situation where it's like uh this feels like a situation where it's like if somebody told you this story about themselves you know what i'm saying if somebody was like yeah i took a pill and then started running through the lobby you'd be like well you you need to take a step back in your life you don't say especially you gotta you need to start going to some meetings if that's how your life's moving it's one thing to have an out-of-body experience it's a totally different thing to have an out-of-body experience naked you out of clothes as well you're out you're out of your clothes you're out of your body and then you're just watching yourself do stuff naked with energy it feels like the story that you tell in your first meeting and when you go to your first like yeah running whatever like a anonymous meeting you're like yeah so i took a pill and i i went down the elevator i was naked i was running and i was like oh my god i'm not gonna running through the lobby i was screaming back at this guy i don't even know that i love them and yeah and and and now i'm here now i'm here it's court ordered but but i'm happy to be here when someone's naked yeah and they're running around the lobby yeah and they're screaming that they love you do you believe them me personally yeah no even if they do love me i don't love them back not in that moment oh so your love is fickle it's slightly it's slightly condit because it's like to me in my mind whatever party this was it sounds like it was a really good time up until this point it is like okay you ever see the movie alfie with jude law in it i don't i can't say that i have okay it's uh it's a movie where he basically is like a bit of a player and there's this moment and at the time no one had um had really coined the term ick but there was a moment that he yeah sure he's a player and he's around all these women and he's a terrible womanizer and everything but then he there's almost like a montage i won't say montage but you see where he gets the ick and so then you see oh this thing's gonna turn now i see you know and i think that this would be a fair ick that's that's how i'm feeling that's how i'm feeling i really i like kind of a low-key situation so yeah as soon as as soon as uh you're getting chased by bellhops i i gotta i gotta i gotta take a look in the mirror i mean we don't consider we don't even know that that's what's happening we don't even know how she got apprehended we we just know that he seems to be chasing her and she's chasing her and she's chasing her and she's chasing her and she's chasing yeah we don't know if anybody else is involved in it well kanye formerly kanye west presently yay if you're listening we know that you are call us call us you probably can't come on the show that's i don't know if i'm ready for everything you got going on but uh yeah give us a call give us a call let's let's talk about this we need to get to the bottom of tell us how this ended yeah we need to get to the bottom of the end of this story because uh that's this half the story it don't sound like a love story imagine you're telling your grandkids yeah you know it was wild back in the day she was running naked in the lobby on molly and then your granddad just stops talking you're like no no pop up yeah pop up we got it and then what and then how did you get married then after that yeah how did that not yeah um we got a couple more joints okay let's uh yeah go wherever you'd like to go from here all right uh this next one is from rich flex from drake 21 can you do something for me can you hit a little rich flex for me yeah and i don't know drake this seems uncomfortable and let me ask you something josh when when he says that what are you imagining when he says can you hit a little rich flex for me there's a thing sometimes this is this is a thing and i i genuinely envy it about uh women's relationships where they can hype each other up of course they can be like as straight women they can be like oh girl you look good oh you get you getting it tonight you know whatever right they can talk to each other like men yeah as as look the titties popping they're not looking right like yeah just everything in like graphic detail of course just like oh it's all popping tonight you know and i think that as as guys we gotta figure we gotta navigate how we can like lift your boy up in a way that doesn't make him uncomfortable men can do there's not a lot right man there's so few routes that you're allowed to go down there's so many ways in which you will be shamed and one of them is like if you were with like a big group of your homies and one of your homies has like a clean fit on and he walks out and you're like oh shit i see you got the shoes on okay you got the pants yeah bro like you really doing that one of your other homies with without a doubt without a doubt like undoubtedly would be like pants yo you looking at this nigga pants why are you oh why are you looking at pants why are you broke don't look at my pants yeah exactly yeah inevitably somebody be like why you want his dick like that like there is no world in which they are like we're happy that you're supporting our other friend in that way no no and it's it's why we're deeply depressed yeah but i will say that this the the thing is i think the thing that hits me the wrong way is that it's for drake he says can you do something for me yeah can you hit a little rich flex for me yeah and that and that feel like give us a twirl yeah it does it feels very much like hey why don't you come out in the living room show your aunties and uncles your little dance yeah show us your little show us that thing you've been working on what's the little move you showed me yeah Hey, show me the watch. Uncomfortable. Let me see how shiny your chain is. Uncomfortable. Pull out your chain. I just want to hold it. Let me hold your chain. Yeah. Yeah. Hey, do this with your chain real quick. Yes. Run your finger through your chain. Remember when Usher used to dance and he used to spin his chain around as he would do? He had like a U-chain. Yeah. It feels like he's like, hey, can you do that for me real quick? 21, can you wiggle rich for me? Because flex is a strong word. Flex is a neutral word. But to do, it's for me. Yes. It's not like show, like that's the difference. It's like if you, 21, flex on him real quick. That's very different. It feels very different. Because that's like- It's like go show them what you got going on. You're killing them right now. Bro, and the whole world need to know how much you're shitting on them right now. Now you're building your boy up. Yeah. Flex. Yeah. Talk to them. In an acceptable way. Yeah. We are allowed, as men, nobody's going to clown you for saying, talk to, go show them. Yeah. Yeah. It's when you're celebrating them. Honestly, the least toxic we hype each other up is talk to them. Talk to them. Let them know. Let them know what you're doing. Yeah. Yeah. But like, 21, talk to me. 21, show me how rich you are. Yeah. Come on. No. Come on. I want to see it. No, not for them. No, don't show them. No. No, 21, come over here. This is for us. Stop showing it. No, no, no. Get away from those girls. 21, come over here. Yeah. Show me your necklace. It feels in the same vein as something that's like trying to be a bit hard, but it comes off the wrong way just because of the wording. I can't remember who this was. Classic Drake. But it was on, I think the podcast that Jim Jones does. Okay. And this guy was like, yeah, sometimes I get into an energy where, you know, and I think he's talking about being threatened or something, but the way he said it felt insane where he was like, he was like, sometimes I get into an energy where I, you know, somebody tried to press me and Jim Jones isn't saying this, the guest is, but he's like, somebody tries to press me and I whisper to him, he's like, hey, that gun you got, I want to see you use that thing tonight. Whoa. And then everybody on the podcast was like, what? They genuinely had to say that. They had to take a break to settle themselves. And it's like, that's what this feels like. You know, you and I are very different types of men than Jim Jones. You know, we're not in that, we're not in whatever zone he's in, we're in a different zone. But I will say if I heard a man say that in real life, it's one of the, it's one of the most times in my life, one of the few times I've ever really felt like I needed to be like, pause. Yeah. I mean, it was said several times. I can only imagine. It was said. I can only imagine. I'm sure they went crazy with pauses and hey-ohs. I got it. I got it. I got to find it to send it to you. But it's, it's a very short moment, but it is insane. You really can't, you can't, you can't try to be violent and be like, I want to see you use that thing tonight. Yeah. Just don't go. Because I know he means, let's, let's go. Yeah. Like whatever you're trying to do, like I'm also trying to do that. Whatever you're trying to do, I don't care. But it sounds so much more erotic than he ever could have imagined. Especially, you said you whispered. Yeah. You said you leaned into his ear and said, hey man, I want to see you use that thing tonight. Yeah. Yikes. Yeah. And we got, we got one more. Okay. One more. Now this one does have some expletives just in case your listeners. Okay. That is, all right. Okay. That is, that is, that is all, that is all good. Yeah. You can use whatever type of language on here. This is the, this is the song. This isn't me. All right. I'm just reiterating. Josh would never use this type of language. I'm just reiterating what, what Wally and Lil Wayne have said. Okay. All right. All right. Oh, you got this. These bitches want money stacks. Me, I want a hundred stacks. These bitches selling their soul. Well, I want my money back. She bounce on it like jumping jacks, but she got a funny ass. Look what them booty shots done to that. That bitch need her money back. Lord. She liked the finer things. She said I sent her a diamond ring. She say, I buy her all kinds of things. She lie about everything. And this seems to be a verse about a woman who is trifling. Yeah. It would have to take a look. Cause it, at first it's plural. At first it's like, you know, lots of bees in there, but then it's clearly about one person. About one girl. Yeah. It started general and then he really narrowed down to something that happened in pretty recently. It seems so specific. It's a lot like, like, you know, a good example is, um, is my, my uncle versus my grandpa. When it comes to advice, like my grandpa will give you specific advice that was very general. And the thing that he would do is he would give this advice to you about your problem. It was very general, but it was very wise. And you could tell it was something that he had collected over time. My uncle's advice is something that just happened to only him. That would happen to only him. For sure. You know, and he's really trying to spread it as if it's applicable to everybody. Yes. Like my grandpa's advice would be like, um, uh, any, anyone I'm trying to think of wording for it. It was like, uh, somebody that would shortchange anyone will shortchange you eventually. Right. And you're like, oh, okay. That's advice. That sound like it's from black and white. Yeah. That's, that's very old sounding advice. Yeah. Sage. My uncle would be like, don't just open any email you get. Some of these emails going to make promises about, about your penis and, and they're, they're liars trying to get your credit card information. And it's like, this happened to you this morning. This happened to you very recently. Yeah. And you're trying to, and if anything, you're not even really talking to me. You're talking to you. You're talking out loud to you. Eight minutes ago. Exactly. And that's what this feels like. It's like little Wayne, I understand international superstar. So his experiences are a little different, are going to be very different than my experiences. But like, I don't know, man, this seems all avoidable. Sure. Where are you meeting these ladies? You know, because to a degree I can tell you, y'all didn't meet at the library. No, this, this isn't, no, this isn't library conversation. No. You know, just, just based on what I know about Wayne, I don't think he stepped foot inside of a library in at least 35 years. But if you had met them at a coffee shop, a library, at a bookstore, you wouldn't have some of these problems. Sure. You're, you're trying to meet people at a, at all-star weekend. Right. And if you would just maybe go to maybe like a, maybe like a food co-op, maybe kind of a farmer's market type of situation. If you went to blank street for coffee. Yeah. Just kind of sat down. Not be having some of these issues. Sat down, open your laptop up. Yeah. You know what I'm saying? Even if you're just, even if you're not doing much on the laptop, you just read an article or two. Yeah. I guarantee you, none of them girls got booty shots. Because I can tell you right now. What's up? From the spite in your, in your, in your voice, this is, you're not, you're not feeling good about the way things are. No. And I would also, I would wager to say this is not the first time he's found himself in a situation like this. No. And so, Lil Wayne, you know, there's, there's people you can meet anywhere. I would say go to a museum. Yeah, sure. Hit the MoMA. Yeah. It's nice. The Brooklyn Museum, they got a lot of nice stuff down there. You start meeting women at the MoMA, you're not using B words. No. At least less. Much less. Much, yeah. It's, it's definitely less. It, it was started broad and it got specific. Yeah. So somebody, I mean, she lies about everything. Yeah. She lies about everything. Then I think it's time to let go. Sure. Yeah. It's probably time to, it's probably time to just realize, hey, like. Yeah. I've invested my time in the wrong person. Yeah, move on. And I need to move, I need to move on. I need to move forward. Because this is a lot of trouble. We're talking several bars. Yeah. And none of it's going well. No, no, no, no, no, no. Mm-hmm. He wanted a hundred stacks. That feels, that part feels nice. You know, he's, that's aspirational. Yeah. But, yeah, right before that, it's these bitches want money stacks. So it's like somebody wants something from them. Mm-hmm. He wants his money back for their soul. Yeah. Yeah. Wayne, if you're listening, we know that you are. You don't got to live like that no more, man. No, no. You don't got to live like that. And also, I'm worried about why your dreadlocks look like that. Yeah. Go to a salon. Meet a stylist. They used to look good. Honestly, you will meet some of the loveliest women in a hair salon. I believe that. Yeah. How often are you getting your hair braided? I go, I'd say I go every two to three weeks. And it's a nice time. Yeah, it's a good time. You feel pampered. Great conversation. Of course. You learn a lot about their lives. And they learn a lot about yours. Yeah, yeah. You just let it all out. Do they know who you are at your salon? I don't think so. And that's beautiful. Sure. I really like that a lot. I had a barber named Reggie who I'd been doing. He'd cut my hair for probably five or six years. It wasn't. I had been on SNL for two seasons by the time he learned that I even did comedy. Yeah. By the time he learned I even did it. Yeah. And then, of course, he was very excited. He did one of the scariest things that's ever happened. which is he pulled up a Weekend Update appearance that I made. and put it on the big TV for the whole barbershop to watch. That's too much. That was frightening. That's way too much. It was really frightening. I didn't really, I was, yeah, it's one of the biggest fears that I've ever had in my whole life. One of the scariest moments I've ever had. But all this to say, it is nice with your hair, people, because like you, we live, some would say, interesting lives. Rich and interesting lives. It is very funny that you, they'll talk to you about anything else other than what your job is. You've been getting, how long have you been getting braided at this spot? Two and a half years. They have no idea. You might be, you might be on The Daily Show tomorrow. Yeah. And they're just like, no. That's nice. It's beautiful. Yeah. I really, I love that about people who do hair. Josh, before we get out of here, we're going to listen to a quick voicemail. Okay. Hello, Devin and guests. This is Courtney, again, calling with some more lyrics. And in honor of Pride Month, I would like to present to you all with, Hip Hop's, in my opinion, Hip Hop's First by Visibility Anthem. And the lyrics are from the song, Me and My Bitch by Notorious B.I.G. And the lyric is, When I met you, I admit my first thoughts was a trick. You look so good, huh? I suck on your daddy's dick. Number one, reason why this is my favorite lyric, happy pride, okay? Number two, forging connection across generations. Do we get Tyler, the creator, or Boyz II Gunn if we never get this lyric? This is early hip hop. Notorious B.I.G. is one of the biggest rappers when this song comes out. And he is on a track talking about sucking dick. Just saying. Number three, it's a Richard Pryor reference, another by Icon. And my favorite reason for this lyric is, I call it my special control alt delete. Whenever I find myself in a conversation with an old head that's arguing to me about music nowadays, I like to bring up this lyric. And the fact that Notorious B.I.G. was talking about sucking dick in the 90s. And you can watch their brains just short circuit. They try to search for the best Kevin Samuels, Dr. Umar reference, but there is none. And I hope you enjoy this. And I also have a suggestion. We should get Carmen on as a guest. I want her on the camera. Okay, bye. Wow. Shout out to Kourtney. I believe, I'm pretty sure Kourtney, I'm pretty sure this is the same Kourtney who left the voicemail. About George Michael. She like left this voicemail about how George Michael laid the groundwork for future. Oh, okay. And like really laid out such a well thought out case in a way that I was like, oh, nobody else would make that connection. And honestly, exact same here. Kourtney, you're our best caller. I'm just going to say it. Nobody's really doing what Kourtney's doing. This is incredible work. She made, she also it's on theme. It's topical, it's pride month. I mean, Kourtney almost, this is, this is crazy. Yeah. Almost had. I almost had the same lyric as Kourtney. Really? I had the B I G thing is just because I was like confused. I was like, I don't really know what that means. Like you look so good that I would suck, but that's not how you get. That's nothing to do with her. Yeah. You could fully suck her dad's dick and be no closer to her. If anything, that's going to alienate, alienate you. Yeah. If anything, that's going to push you further apart. And that, and that was. Yeah. But I mean, Kourtney came through as if she knows all of music history and can make all the connections. It's kind of seems that way. Yeah. She is bringing through really, really beautiful connections. Hey, young men out there, you know, if you're, if you're inexperienced, let's say there's a woman that you're really into, let's say that there's a girl at your school who you're like, should I talk to her? Should I not? I don't have all the answers, but I will say one of the answers is, uh, definitely don't suck her dad's dick. I guarantee you that's not going to get you. It will hurt your chances. It will push you further away from where you'd like to be. I don't really know what biggie was on. Uh, I think, you know, if anything, this really makes the case for like, I really do think rappers can say literally anything. And if you're cool enough, you can get away with it. Uh, I'm a big fan of Smino and Smino is doing puns all the time. Yeah. Smino does a lot of puns and I still go back to lift yourself. Oh, poopity scoop. Yeah. Yeah. Incredible production. When you, when you realize how much hate went behind that track, you're like, eh, it's pretty good. Yeah, it is. Uh, yeah, it's. Smino's doing puns constantly and I think he's just so cool that it overrides the puns. He's calling himself Quentin Tarrant Smino. I wish I remembered more off the top of my head. He, uh, he's doing it constantly. Smino, if you're listening, we know that you are big fan, big fan, pull up to the pod. We'd love to have you, uh, Josh, we got to get out of here. Okay. Um, but, uh, before, before we do, is there anything you'd like to, anything else you'd like to plug for the people? Um, yeah, you can find me on tour. I'm doing comedy band camp. Uh, just started this past weekend. You can get tickets at joshjohnsoncomedy.com or you can join the mailing list and we'll be the first to let you know when more tickets are available. Don't go to these like third party places. They're just going to overcharge you things that I would never charge. And then you can check out my special symphony on HBO max and check out my YouTube. Every Tuesday I upload new set talking about things happening in the world. Shout out, Josh is, uh, truly the most prolific man in the game right now. I'm constantly like, I don't know how he's doing it. It's, I'm very impressed by the, the, the, the, the consistently, the consistency that you're able to like make all this work. And, uh, like, yeah, I think it's, I think it's really cool what you've managed to do. You kind of, you kind of started a brand new thing. I think there's going to be like young comics coming up who are like, oh yeah, I'll do it the way Josh did it. Oh, maybe. Okay. All this to say, shout out to you. Happy to see, like, that was not my intention, but you know, oftentimes it's not, but like, I think. I bet you that's how it'll go. Anyway, all this to say, I'm giving you your flowers. Thanks. Um, thanks for being here. Y'all go check out Josh, wherever you can. And, uh, yeah, I'll talk to y'all next time. See you soon. Bye. My Favorite Lyrics is a production by DiscoNap. If you guys like what you hear, leave a review and tell a homie about the show and make sure to follow us at My Favorite Lyrics Pod on all social platforms, except for Twitter, we offer that. You can learn more about this week's guest and the My Favorite Lyrics team by checking out the show's notes. And thank you to the guys that made the show happen, executive producer, Lauren Mandel. Producer, Carmen Carrigan, our editor, Nicole Lyons, and yeah, that's all the people that I'm going to thank for now.