#206 - Maury Povich

Hey, everyone, we have a banger of an episode coming for you right now with our pal, the legend, Mori Povich. But first, I want to let you know that our 2027 calendar is out. It's for sale right now. What a stocking stuff for. What a beautiful piece of art to have hanging on your walls. Some high-end photography featuring my body and its natural state. I think you're going to love it. I think you're just a gift for your grandmother, your mother, your sister, your wife, perhaps your female cousin, a gay guy that you know, all types of people would love this calendar. He could be related to you. He could just be a friend. For any of those people and for straight men as well, consider buying the 2027 calendar that we put out this year and the link is somewhere. Anyway, enjoy Mori. Welcome everybody to the stockings world. 904-800-Stop. All in, we'll solve all your problems. Hit the visible hotline. We'll solve your problems. And today, we're honored to have on the couch. I mean, a legend, truly. Mori Povich is here, everybody. How about, oh, listen to that. Oh, a huge round of applause, Mori. Can't imagine a live crowd as amazing. It goes way back. The bleachers, yeah. We copied your studio, actually. Yeah. And my audience. Thank you for being here, Mori, truly. I've mentioned you so many times. I'm a huge fan of the show. I've said it before. I was like, my dream is to I would love to do a special where I take on the mantle of you are not the father. I would love to the way that you know how family feud it changes every time. I would love, you know, and listen, we'll see how the episode goes. I'm not pushing you to give me your blessing. I don't want to be like Adam. As soon as you got on his programming, made you call Tony Cornheiser. I'm not asking for personal favors. I just want to get to know each other. It's a high bar. I can tell you because, you know, there were a lot of other talk show hosts that tried to do paternity. Believe me, I've seen them all. The imitators, they they couldn't even stand up to you. Yeah, they tried it. Well, and then they completely fell away. That was beautiful. But thank you. Thank you. I don't know why. The greatest thing about it is I don't know about you in terms of, you know, when you felt that you were successful. Sure. I have no clue. Absolutely. No clue. Yeah, yeah. Why why all of a sudden these people would unburden themselves? Of course. No, I get it. I have no idea. I mean, for you, I think it makes sense. There was definitely a moment you had a show. You were, I mean, truly daytime TV. You're the, you were sort of keeping it alive. You're sort of atlas building daytime TV on your back. I do have the record. I'm the longest. Daytime television. Hey, that Donnie. You piece of shit. Ricky Lake. No, no, we're actually big fans. One of my daughters sent me a toy goat. Really? That's awesome. You are the goat of daytime talk TV, not even no question, no quiet Jordan, Tom Brady, Mory, but you're on the Mount, Mount Rushmore as far as I'm concerned. Yes. And also, I really, I just, I did your pod of fellow son of the Mid Atlantic. You're a DC. I'm a DC guy. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Absolutely. And you had a long night last night, right? I did. I did the Ravens. This will come out in a couple weeks. But last night, the Ravens thrilling overtime victory against the Falcons. Shout out to Snoop. Huntly was unbelievable. It was an incredible win. It's always great when the back up. We're yes. Yeah. And we have a great back. I mean, Huntly is kind of like, he's somewhere between backup and starter. I think I don't want him to go. Obviously, you want an overqualified backup. But that guy deserves to, you know, I think he deserves to be a starter at some point. So we'll see. But we need him. I mean, you know, Lamar, Lamar's electric, but he, he'll get hurt. Who have nagging injuries? And it's also safer to have a really good backup. So I'm pumped to have him. So yeah, we're looking good. I think we might have rited the ship a little bit last night. Did you give up doing Ronnie the Ravens fan? Thank you for, I appreciate this. What a pro. This guy is eldest. Take notes. My producer eldest. You can learn about the festival. I just thought it was great. I appreciate it. You know what it was, Mori? It was that I, I do love the character, but it felt a little repetitive to me. It was the same joke over, I'll give you the formula, right? It was like dick and the bears. Exactly. The bears. The bears incredible. But how many did they do? Look it up. I bet you have done more Ronnie's than they did the bear sketches, because I did it every after every game for like four years. I'm going to save it for the big ones. I'm going to save it for the playoffs. I'm going to save it for like a big victory. Right now if anybody's watching and you want to do Ronnie, the formula is ironic racism, ironic homophobia, but also maybe the characters a little hint that he might be kind of game closeted. Some kind of light incest and then, you know, and then you mentioned Joe Flacco of course. Yeah. You had to mention Flacco. You got to mention Flacco. Shout out to Joey. Did you, did you used to do that when he came back as a 40 something? He, I was, he's the only, the only guy who's ever got me to root for like other franchises is Joe. Like there was one game where he was back with the jets and they were playing the Browns. And to me, it's like Flacco versus the Browns. I saw this. I grew up on this. I remember him crushing the Browns year and year out. He led a thrilling comeback. And I don't give a fuck about the jets really. I mean, you know, whatever. I lived in Queens for a while. But, you know, I guess I, I said my roof in them, but we're in the same division, but are the same conference. But that day I was the biggest jets fan of the world watching Flacco beat the Browns in a last minute drive. It was, it was electric. Who were your guys when you were, were you, you know, when you're growing up, they were going to let me tell you how old I am. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I grew up as a young kid. Sammy Balls with Washington Redskins. Wow. Okay. Leather helmets. No face clothes. Yeah. It was slinging Sammy Ball. Oh, they do the forward pass back then more. That's what they did. They invented the forward. But yeah, you know, you, you bring up an interesting, my, my father was the sports writer for the Washington Post for 75 years. Wow. The sports writer. Yeah. He was so, I mean, he saw everything in the 20th century for instance. He was there when Lou Gehrig was retired. The speech, the famous speech. Oh, my God. Yeah. And he was there when Cal Ripken broke his record in Baltimore. That's incredible. And so he covered both events. Wow. That's and he was the only one. He and Joe DiMaggio were the only ones in the stadium with Ripken who are at Garrett. Oh, my, that's insane. Yeah. So did you, I mean, you also, like, your dad is this legendary sports writer. Your, your family is like, it runs in the journalism. Your sister was kind of delicate house of cards. Yeah. My sister was the first woman senior editor at Newsweek. Oh, wow. She even led a suit in order to get women on an equal pay basis. Wow. And her husband, Steve Shepherd is, was the editor in chief of business week for 20 years. Wow. And so, and my brother was a lawyer that represented the Washington Post all the time. And my father, of course, and me and then my wife, Connie Chung. Morse. Oh boy. Well, I always said it was a delicate house of cards when I came to journalism. Yeah. How do you feel? I mean, you're, we're those are all, yeah. I mean, they're, they're insane journalists, you know. Yeah. And then especially with your, yeah, I wanted to ask you to, it's like, you know, obviously your legend. I love you. But, you know, your wife crushes you. Like she, she absolutely, like legendary interviews, the, the, the magic, right? Didn't she interview magic? Oh my gosh. She was the first HIV. Yes. I remember that. I had watched that interview. She was the first big exclusive interview with MJ, Michael Jordan, when there was a lot of gambling issues. Yes, of course. And Jordan had the, when Connie said, do you have a problem with gambling? And, and, and Michael comes back and right away and says, no, I consider it another form of competition. Yes. Yes. Competition. I remember that was in the last dance. I remember that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That clip. Yeah. Which is so funny. She's all through the last dance. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, there's a, there's one shot of me and her because we were on celebrity row. Okay. When Michael came back after his retirement at the garden and made and shot and only scored 55. The 45 when he was wearing 45. Yeah. But he was wearing the 45. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And scored 55. That was a legendary. Yeah. Yeah. So I was, we were there for that. But not bad getting. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Having a much more accomplished wife. You know, I always thought I, I still can, when we were married first, I was working in Washington. She was working at New York, then with NBC. And so for a year and a half, we had this commuter marriage. And so I would come up on the weekends and I'd get to the door man at, at the apartment. And I'd, and she's, and he, he would say, who are you here to see? I said, I'm here to see Connie Chung. She's my wife. And I could hear him on the phone calling upstairs. Ms. Chung, Mr. Chung is down there. So I have, I have been Mr. Chung. Mori Chung has a nice, the Mori Chung show. I like that. That's got another flared through. You should have changed, Mori. That would have, I've thought of myself that way for the last 41 Well your sisters. is pioneered for feminism. You could have been one too if you were to take in your more famous wife's name. Exactly. There's still time. It's changing right now. I would have gotten gigs that no one thought. Yeah. And then you show up. They're like, huh? Who's this guy? Where's more John? It's me. And you guys met like you were working in December. You were like, yeah, you bounced around a little bit, right? Oh, yeah. I, you know, when you were on my podcast, switch, by the way, is coming. Yes, might even part of our worry povage on part. Check it out. This meant, by the way, Mory, the fact that you have a podcast after retire. Like, why the hell? Why? What do you do it, man? Shit. What do you do? What was I think? You're in the gutter with us now. I mean, I are too good. All of us. I always wanted to be worry. Chung should not be podcasting because Carson was my idol. Yes. And one of the reasons I loved him was when he quit, you never saw him. Right. It was over. And I said to myself, I want to be just like that. I mean, Carson's my, I want to Jeff. Yeah. And now I drag me. Well, I'm happy you did. Yeah. I got you. You were great with it. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. And so right about when this is, we start our third season. Cool. That's also great. Check it out. I mean, a ton of great sodas been on it. Invitatone. So you came on. Friends of the program. Josh Johnson norm. Yeah. Love it. Great. So, but I want to get back to the, how, so, oh, so what happened was I need to know how I was I would love to get a month. I was working in DC. Yes. For which is now the Fox station, channel five, which used to get to Baltimore to anyway. Fox five. So I'm working and I'm doing, you know, for a local guy. I mean, I wasn't Ron Burgundy, but it was, right, right, right. I was, you know, I was at the talk show and I was, I first started doing sports and then I was doing news. And so this woman was hired. I think in like, I don't know, 16, 9 or 70, I started in 66. And so she was hired as the news director's copy girl where she would go to the wire machines and pull off and take the copy and distribute it to various reporters and stuff. And nobody took notice of her. But then what happened was the first job that opened up was a weekend writing job. And so she told the news director, I want that job. I want to, you know, I want to be a journalist. That's why I'm here. Oh, you can't hear my assistant. You can't do that. No, no. Well, if you want the job, you have to replace yourself. She walks out of the newsroom up the stairs across the street into the bank. Looks at the first woman tell her and says, you want to be in TV? Come with me. And that's when everybody knew how unbelievable Connie Chung would. Right. Right. Right. Right. Well, then I need to know how did you convince her to marry you because I would like a much more accomplished wife someday. Well, this, well, it's an interesting thing. So I was married at the time. And then Connie became a big star at CBS. And then she ended up going to Los Angeles to anchor the news there for the local station, which is where she met magic and magic used to love her and everything else. And so I, I was went on this kind of seven-year Odyssey. And I was working all over the country in Chicago and Los Angeles. And so I end up being, after all these years, her second banana. Wow. And so the copy girl in DC. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. She's the star. Yeah. And I'm the co co co co co co co host. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, anchor way down. And so what happened was six months after I was hired, they put a new general manager in and I'm fired. Oh, wow. And so now I'm fired for the first time. It's like the first time you felt failure. Right. Right. Right. Yeah. What I always thought about that, I always thought when you have this fear of being fired, fear of failure, whatever it is, it's not the act. It's how you're going to feel. You don't know how you're going to feel when it happens. Right. That's what I think the fear comes for sure. And if it happens, I think honestly, was that freeing for you? Because I do feel like at moments, that has happened to me where I'm like, oh, the worst thing happens. And then you're like, and you're looking around and you say, hey, look, I still got my fingers. Right. Right. Right. Right. And I laid down on the couch and I started watching newscast and I said, yeah, I think I'm as good as these guys. Yeah. And so within months, I ended up getting a job in San Francisco. But since Connie was the only one I knew in L.A. and I was going through a divorce, I always say, in order for Connie, Chung to love you, she must first pity you. All right. Pity. I think I can do. I think I get a beautiful woman to pity me. All right. Step one. I can do if she punish you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got a chance. All right. Okay. I like this. You ever thought about that? You know, that was how I got my first girlfriend actually was just being kind of hanging around hanging around. Yeah. Yeah. She probably went to like, all right. Let me toss you a bone. You know. And then yes. So I'm fully aware of that. I had abandoned the pity strategy. But now I might have to reopen that. That's great. All right. So you're a real sad sack. Get the forest getting on the news station. And now Connie takes pity. That's beautiful. And we dated for like seven and a half years. Okay. Before we ever got married because have you ever lived with her woman? Oh, no. Neither of us. Oh, wow. And I've been married twice. I never lived with anybody until I got married. Wow. I don't know. These days, I mean, my son's been engaged. He's engaged. I've been with the woman for 10 years there. Yeah. They lived together. Yeah. Well, I think that's also probably the housing market was a little better back there. That's true. Two people could afford a nice apartment. That's right. Now, yeah. Everything, you know, brought by everything up. Sometimes it's for economic reasons. I understand. Oh, in New York, so many relationships get ruined because people move in too fast to save on rent. And then they realize they're not compatible. So it happens. It definitely happens. I feel so bad. eldest is poor now wife. Me and so eldest is my best friend. You know, we've been friends since literally kindergarten. And does he go on the road with you? He's my tour manager as well. Yeah. He's horrible to job, but you know, he's good moral support. What does a tour manager do? I'm just trying to figure that out. Yeah. Yeah. Ask him. He's done. He's been a tour manager for three years now. Let's see. Elders, what do you do? Coordinate the merge sales, speak for the venues, advance the shows, make sure the rotisserie chicken is in my green room. Yeah. Do you slap him up? Slap him around. Yeah. If the place isn't full. He hears about it. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'll just go go bark some people and get some homeless guys in here, man. I need to see the balcony. Yeah. But you're doing 3000 seat arenas. We're doing all right. Not quite an array. We're not. I'm not an arena. You know what you told me? What's that? You told me you really, what you really like are clubs. I do. Yeah. I do. I do think there's a little, it's just stand up comedy is meant to be small. It's meant to be intimate. It's you meant to have a connection with the people in the room. And I think some of these theaters are really, you know, the Chicago theaters is beautiful. It's 3500 seats. It's maybe the only big venue I've felt where I'm like, okay, I feel these people being here. It's laid out perfectly. But once you get at that in the thousands and like a, a thousand seat theater, if it's laid out the right way, it can feel right. But nothing beats a club, you know, just a basement club, you know, shitty sounds. And you would forgo the money. I would. Yeah. I mean, I think the problem is you just have to work more, which is like, but when your job is stand up comedy, is it, is it really work? You know what I mean? Like, is an extra, is an extra show? And it also depends where you are in the creative process, I think, when I'm, when you're building stuff. Yeah. I was going to ask. Yeah. You do it. So I heard about Nikki Glazer being on and she works clubs to work material. Exactly. Yes. Exactly. It's like when you're doing, so when you're starting completely from scratch, you want more reps. You want to do more shows. So, you know, yeah, a 300 seat or a 200 seat club. It's like, yeah, you have to do 10 of those shows to do a theater show, the same amount of people. But then you've done 10 more reps and you've gotten a little better and, you know, and I think there's a natural progression of clubs to theaters. And then you film it probably at some point. But I'm excited to get back to clubs. I'm not going on the road. I'm sticking around in New York. It's so, so were you do the scene here? I love it here. Yeah. I love it here. It's the best. What do you think of the audience? The audience is good. The weird thing about, are they from out of town? That's the weird thing. You never know what you're going to get in a good way. I mean, New York audiences are fun, obviously, and they're very different, you know, depending on where, you know, neighborhood by neighborhood things change, right? An upper west side crowd is different than, you know, deep Brooklyn crowd, whatever. But then also you go to these great clubs, the seller, the stand, and you'll have some locals. But then you'll have like, you know, people from Germany or so, you know, people just on vacation. Yeah. I mean, at my show, for instance, I mean, we would get people from Ireland. Wow. Australia. And they were always different. We ended up doing the show in Connecticut. So Connecticut audience is different than in New York. Because we used to bus people from the city. Yes. Yes. Come up. And those people are different than the Connecticut. Yes. Yes. And then the frat people. Yeah. Well, it must have became, it must have become a meme at some point where people wanted to come out. Because I told you this, the week you ended the show, we, eldest remembers, our plan was to come see a live taping. It was my brother's bachelor party. And that's how, that's what, oh, what a wild guy my brother is. What he wanted to do was go see a daytime of a, you know, of, of a talk show, of Maury. But we love the show so much. We're like, we were, I lived in Queens at the time, we're gonna drive up to Connecticut, and it was literally the week you styled. It was the week you retired. It was so funny, 'cause we were checking the website, and then the week it rolls around. I'm like, okay, great, let me get these tickets. More shows done, folks. And it felt like someone was fucking with me specifically. - Well, you had 31 years out there. (laughing) - You're right. You know what? You're right. You had the record. I couldn't come up at any time. I lived in Queens for eight years previously. You got me there, Maury. What can I say? (laughing) But yeah, it must have become a destination. That's so, yeah. Like college kids. And you were telling me when I did the pod that I had no idea that you were, you were kind of, what were you liking, God's? 'Cause it was like, you were five years. - Oh my God. - You five years. - It was really. - Yeah. I mean. - So I went. - So when you're a reformed scumbag is what I'm asking you? - Yeah, I would. (laughing) - When I went to, believe it or not, when I went to college, this is mid to late '50s. - Wow. - When I started. - Yeah. - And beatnicks were coming into style. (laughing) - You know. - I was before beatnicks. (laughing) - So that's incredible. - So they were coming into style. - Yeah. - And we had groups like the weavers. We had Pete Seeger. - Oh yeah. - We had all of these. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And, you know, to get the chicks. - Of course. (laughing) - I started playing the dog in the fraternity. - Yeah. (laughing) - And every year in Philadelphia, at the University of Pennsylvania, they had a nurses convention. (laughing) - So, what can I tell you? - Of course. - What happened was, I really didn't go to class. (laughing) I really didn't. I had gone to an all boys high school in Washington, in the Washington district. - Prep school. - Prep school. - And so when I was really, quite frankly, even though I had a girlfriend or two in high school, I was socially challenged. - Sure, of course. - And at the University of Pennsylvania, there was a bigger challenge because it was a campus of 4,000 people, but only 1,000 women. So, they were ratios not in your field. - Not in my favor. So I really took it on, as a real challenge. (laughing) So I didn't go, so, after, in the middle of my junior year, which I had been on probation every semester. (laughing) - Hell yeah. - I couldn't play any sport. (laughing) - I wouldn't do anything great with a pretty good baseball player. I was too small for football and college and too small for basketball, but I was on probation. So I missed so many classes in my junior year. They said, "Mari, it's over. You're out." - Oh wow. - And so I went back to Washington. And I was, this is the time, this is like around 1960, '61. - Okay. - And Kennedy had come in and there was a Berlin crisis. And so the draft was there. And I was going to, instead of, I was going to go into the reserve for the, you know, that was it. And to my college career, my father said, "The hell you will." - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I said, "What do you mean?" He says, "I know a guy at American University." - Okay. - And so it was three weeks into the semester. And he nudged me into the American University for a year. I reapplied a pen. - So wait, how long do you go to college? - Well, I'm telling you. - Okay. - I go back to pen, finally getting real. They actually took my application. - Okay. - And I go back to pen. And I was, so the, it took me five years and a summer to graduate. And I had it down, you had to have 120 credits. I was right on the, I was right on the number. I was right on the number. So I go in and the dean of the college, who was my advisor, wants to see me, Dr. Burns. And Dr. Burns says, "Mari, you're missing a half a credit." I said, "What?" I said, "I had it all worked out, Dr. Burns." No, you're missing a half a credit. Well, what am I missing? Jim, you gotta go to Jim. (laughing) Back then, you had a credit of Jim. I went one semester for a half a credit. And I guess I, as usual, forgot. And Clay and Pete, see your song. - I said, "Yeah." I said, "Dr. Burns, the havoc that I could wreak on this campus. You've known me for five years in a summer. You want me for another semester here. You know what I could do to this. You know, "Oh, I'm waving the credit." And I got out. I love that you, you better than what you did at UMBC. - That's right, that's right. I lied about, I basically told, I was, I was short my language credits. And by the way, I'm fluent in Greek. I could have texted out of it. I just didn't feel like it. I, I, I, I, I, they didn't offer Greek, but I could have taken a class in New York. This is literally what happened, or a test in New York. I was taking a test in New York, and I just forgot. I was like, I was looking it up, and there was like one step too many. They wanted me to like do one email. I was like, "Nah, I don't need my degree." And so basically, I was short, my language credits, and I could walk, and I went into that office, whatever, the advisor, Bursar, whoever it was. And I was like, guys, let me walk, and I'll take these in the summer. And as soon as they gave me the picture with the cap and gown, that's all I needed. And so I didn't take a single class. I'm still technically not a college graduate. I'm still, I am technically a college dropout with, I'm six credits short, and I graduated with like a three point, you know. Well, magna cum laude. - Don't worry about it. You'll get the honorary degree. - Yeah, exactly. I'm ready for honorary degrees. I can't wait. - I'll tell you what, so many of you guys, oh, zero. - No, no one wants to, of course not. (laughing) Are you kidding? - Not even American for that one. - I got one weird year you were there. - Not too sure I got a key to the city. (laughing) My wife's got all these honorary degrees. (laughing) I got Bupkas, I got nothing. - The trophy shelf must be hilarious. - Oh yeah. - With your hers versus you. (laughing) - Let me tell you how bad, let me tell you how ridiculous it was in college. So in the summer session, in the last fifth year, I'm doing this short story class 'cause I was an English major. - Okay. - And by the way, the Dean of the College, my advisor, was the teacher of the class. - Okay. - So you had to read 20 short stories. - I say to my buddy, who's also doing five years, you read 10, I'll read 10. (laughing) And then the ones that I don't read, you'll tell me about them. (laughing) - So we go to the class. Back then, I don't know if you had this. We had blue books, blue books. - Yeah, actually, they still had those. - Guy goes up on the board and writes. The short story, "How Beautiful With Shoes" by Katherine Amporter. Would you please talk about the allegories? - It was his-- - Wasn't one of your 10, huh? (laughing) - So I said, what's it about? - He goes, it's about this guy. He's in the woods. Then I know what to do. He knocks on a door and a woman gives him some shoes. (laughing) I said, that's it. (laughing) That's it. - Yeah. - Those little scams are tough. - So, I concoct this thing. The guy in the woods is Jesus. - Okay. - Jesus knocks on the door, Mary Magdalene. (laughing) - Oh, it's a door. (laughing) - They have all this back and forth dialogue and everything and she gives him a pair of shoes. And that's why he loves Mary Magdalene. - Okay. - Next week, the books come out. He's sitting up there with the books and distributing him to everybody. He holds one last book. He says, I'm gonna hold this last book because this is the most remarkable. (laughing) - Oh, wow. (laughing) - This is the most remarkable essay. Obviously, Mr. Povitch, you did not read. (laughing) - But you know, in short stories, there is a creative process. - Right. - And your creative process was so magnificent, I'm giving you an A. - Wow, you got a new buddy, got a D. - The only you got in college was for bullshitting 'cause I was telling him exactly. (laughing) - See, that was the start of my entire career. (laughing) That's what I do. (laughing) - So far, you've told me bullshit. - Yes, so far, the lessons from this are, be so pathetic, a beautiful woman falls in love with you. - Right. - And bullshit your way through everything. - Yes, great. - So far, we're very aligned, it turns out. - So too thin. I loved bullshit. I mean, there is something to knowing just enough, or like, you know, getting a reading and reading a couple of lines and then being like, I could talk, you know, these teachers, and you realize like, teachers are just at work too. They just want you to do barely enough for you to get by. - Right. - It felt, yeah, that's, that's-- - I mean, like in my, you know, in the high school year books, they write about everybody, everybody has the privilege and everything. - Sure. - The entire, the entire column on me was, when I was banned, when my grades were so low, I had to go to study hall, and all I did was read Sports Illustrated. - Yeah. (laughing) - That's not bad. Yeah, that's what they knew about you. You were the guy reading Sports Illustrated Detention. That's, yeah, that's hilarious. So now, were you, you know, your dad's a sports writer, and you're going, you clearly are not taking school seriously, as a kid, what did you want it? Did you have? Oh my god. Did you want to be an athlete? Of course. And then I ended up as a very small child, like five or six or seven. We'd all go to spring training with the then Washington Senators baseball team. And I was the batboy. Oh, that's awesome. And so therefore, I was picking up bats for Ted Williams and Joe DiMaggio. That's fucking crazy. I mean, all the senators players. And so I grew up around my father. Yeah. And as I got older, my first, my first taste of getting into the business was I was the assistant to the Washington Senators baseball broadcaster, named Hall of Famer, named Bob Wolf. And so I was his assistant. And so believe it or not, from the age of 16, all the way through college through 23, I would be all summer on the road with the baseball team in the plane. That's a hotel. Wow. Learning everything about baseball. And I wanted to be a pitcher. And I used to work out with, I mean, not a pitcher. I wanted to be a player. And I worked out. I used to work out with the team. We used to do everything. As soon as I saw, I'm not a fast ball. But as soon as I saw a major league curveball and my left foot was halfway in the dugout. This is not working. Time to hit the books. So that's when yeah, journalism and TV. Wow. All right. Good for you for pivoting. Yeah. You knew. Are you kidding? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I thought every one of those major league curve balls are going to hit me right now. Of course. No, I was so scared. As a child, I was scared of baseball because I grew up, you watch baseball and you hear 99 mile an hour fastball. And I didn't want to play little league because I thought other children threw 90 miles an hour. So I never played baseball. And my family played, you were a soccer and football. I played football. I played football. I played football two years in my parents didn't want me to. And in hindsight, they were right, right? Like my parents are immigrants. They see football as this barbaric American sport. And you know what? They were the CTE research kind of bears it out. They were right. You know, your kids should probably not be mashing their heads up against each other. But I did it for a couple of years and you know, got to maybe I do remember getting concussed once. There was a much smaller. I was a nose tackle. And this is this kid was like a center. It was so tiny. And I was like this little pipsquake. I'm going to I'm going to crush him. And he had he had like clearly a Napoleonic thing going on. He had like a little man syndrome. He destroyed me. He like rammed. He was underneath me. And he rammed his helmet into my chin. And I was just like literally, you know, loony tunes. I'm lining up the wrong way. Like that kind of thing. But you know, see I was okay. I go so far back with football that when my helmet one bar. You remember those days one bar. Yes. Of course. The helmet. And I was 165 pound. Wow. Middle linebacker. Different sport. And an offensive guard. That's when we played both way. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I was pretty good. But my so I go to pen. Yeah. And so the coach Steve Cibo says, you want to play? I said, are you kidding me? I'm 165 pounds. I'm a little guy. I got to get these chord progressions, right? I got a pledge and I got to see this. And there's conventions in town. Yeah. Oh god. Did you have a fraternity in school or not? I did. I went to my school was so lame that just to go to parties, you had to be an fraternity. But it was like no one. I was in the kind of fraternity that no one like one guy hooked up with women. Like no, like you go there for girls that's like no one gets any attention from girls in my fraternity. Like one guy literally had to go to rehab for video games. That's how lame my fraternity was. But we were there. I mean, we had to go through this thing. You know, we had had to be paddled. We were paddled. I see that had changed. Thank you mother. May I have another? I mean, bend down. You know, this sloppy hell week. Is it over? You're missing around this shit all weekend. And then all of a sudden the guy who you really was a prick to you, this member and your member, of course, there was one black ball you threw out of the fraternity. One guy could black ball you. And of course, it was all a joke that they assigned each pledge a prick man. Oh, really? Just one guy to fuck with you. I must say that when I was in the fraternity and later on, I was the prick man for the entire pledge class. You let him say you were real. It was the best. Thank you mother. May I have another? You growing up were you in the, do you have other siblings just a sister? No, I have an older brother the brother. Where were you in the middle in the like power rankings? Did they like the most? Here's the good. Here's the best news about that. So I thought that my brother was the favorite because he was the oldest. My father always listened to him more than me. He thought my younger sister was the favorite. And she thought I was the favorite. I guarantee you I was not the you were not the favorite. I was a middle child. And in fact, I interviewed my one time when I interviewed my father one time when I was a doing a show in Philadelphia locally. And it was fathers and sons. And I had Joe Frazier, the boxer and his son, Marvis and another fellow and his son and my father. And I said, you know, dad, I know you don't know about the middle child syndrome, but you know, I suffered the middle child syndrome being in the middle and all this stuff. And he says, I know what the middle child syndrome is. Quite frankly, son, you exploited it on TV. That's, I mean, that must have been your dad must have been a larger than life. Oh my gosh. It was just and his name first name was surely. And he was from Maine. Yeah. hilarious. And the thing is that Yankees back then, I mean, these these names were unisex. I mean, you had Marion. You had right man. Marion Barry famous crack smoking mayor of D right. You're or or women were named Marion. Right. Right. And and so his name was surely which which by the way, he told me that there were five surely's in the town. All men. Well, one was the actually the golf pro at the local golf golf course where he worked. And he said in high school, this girl comes in and he announces her name is surely. And we said, what the hell is that? That's a guy's way. What is it? Well, next the girl named Eric. You know, yeah. So I was always teased as a kid. You know, you're dead. You're dead. Surely. Your mother's name is surely. Your mother's name is George. Yeah. That that. That was named George. No. George and Shirley. It should have swapped names. When did you think name too? I mean, you think Shirley Temple ruined it for him. Could have ruined it. When did when was a dividing line for Shirley becoming a woman's name? I think Shirley Temple would have done it. Yeah. And then there was the the airplane joke. Don't call me Shirley. Right. That was you know, that put the nail in the coffin. Who had that line? Leslie Nielsen did Leslie have that on. I believe so. Incredible. Yeah. So so good. Great. Deadpan. Yeah. I mean, the the naked gun movies are so I mean some of the best stuff ever. Well, that's interesting. What was okay. This is good. This I'm curious here. What was like your growing up like comedy stuff? What kind of stuff? Oh my god. And like a movie. Like when you're in the when you're getting out of the sock hop and hitting the driving. Okay. What are you? What are you watching? So we have to understand back then. Yeah. Records. Yes. The comedy records. 78 records. 2000 year old man. Oh, Mel Brooks. I mean, yeah, Ryan Erick Brooks. Yep. Bob Newhart. Yep. Yep. Yep. The unbuttoned minder. What is the button down mind? One of the more Saul. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Do you know Mort Sol and I when I used to do this talk show in Washington, Mort used to come on all the time. Wow. And Mort, he became this huge Warren commission conspirator where he believed that that's all bullshit. It wasn't Lee Harvey Oswald. There were a lot more people going on. And he would do his act. I mean, remember at the seller door, remember the seller door in Washington or not? I didn't. There was a seller door in Frederick, Maryland that I played out with this. I didn't go to the original. Yeah. Yeah. So he would come to the seller door. Great intimate club. Yeah. Cool people. Yeah. Yeah. And he would do his act with the entire Warren commission report on a stool. Wow. I mean, that's the equivalent of modern comedians myself included talking about Epstein. That's our conspiracy. Right. It's like he didn't kill like comedians back then being like Kennedy, you know, some some else was going on. That's us now. I mean, it is funny how these traditions keep going on. Yeah. And it was then there was the guy I can't remember his name. I shouldn't remember his name who imitated Kennedy. And he was great. Oh, yeah. There was like a man. They had these songs name. Yeah, it was. They were songs started with an M. Yeah. I don't remember - I remember that. - Yeah, he was big, but it was all on record. - Records, yeah. - It was a Vaughn meter? - Vaughn, yes. - Very good. - Exactly. - Wow, the first time you've tagged me. - You've Googled correctly. - Hey, Maury here, you wanna come with the occasion? - You wanna come with me on the road? - Maury, I wouldn't do that for you, Maury. I respect you to much the unload eldest on you. - Let's do a Maury. - Vaughn meter, I don't need it. That was great. The one problem with Vaughn meter was, that was his only act. - Right, right, one trick pony, probably. - And so those were the comics and then I was so lucky when I started in my 20s and then I interview Rickles and I interview prior and I interview all these great comics. - You're a legend. - It was just amazing. And so, yeah, was it like, 'cause what fascinates me too, 'cause I'm, you know, I-- - You like the history of comedy? - I love the history of comedy. I love the history of just like entertainment in general and how media shifts. 'Cause I've been getting into, I'm trying to act a little more and growing up, I didn't watch that many movies, we're Greek, my family's Greek. They weren't really into American culture. - We watched over the Greek, we watched every Greek movie. Believe me, my big fat Greek wedding, my church church, what did your parents think of Anthony Quinn playing a Greek? - You know, I think at the time they were thrilled to have the representation. They're like, hey, literally my dad's favorite like restaurant was called Zorbus. I mean, every Greek community has a Zorbus and it's usually the best restaurant in town. I think our Zorbus closed down unfortunately. I'll just, I don't know if you know that, heartbreaking stuff, great lamb chops. But I'm just like-- - Greek's always a great lamb chop. - The lamb chops are the best. I'm a big lamb chop guy. But the idea that like movies used to be, people didn't have, people just go to the movie theater and watch like multiple, you know, you'd watch cartoons, you'd watch like the-- - I got you, double features. - The double features, like were you doing that? - Oh my gosh. - Growing up, yeah. - Every Saturday. - That's awesome. - Anyway, they had the black and white, the Jean Autry or Roy Rogers. And then there was a cartoon, then there were previews, and then there was the first feature and then you, and you didn't have to, and the second, you didn't have to walk out. You just stayed there for the second. - It was like 10 to 4. - Wow, just your whole day. And now what we do on our couch, you just did it at the movie theater, basically. - Yeah, that was great, yeah. So it's interesting about, you know, when I think about it, and I still watch on YouTube, you know, a lot of Rikkel's stuff in New York Times. - Sure. - And now I see, we're recently, so Shane Gillis, who gets called out all the time. - He does, certainly, yes, yes, yes. - And I'm watching his monologue from Saturday Night Live, the other day, the other week. And he gets called out on something and I'm going, Richard Pryor and Don Rikkel's would say things, if they said those things today, I just wonder what would happen. - Yes, certainly. - But even back then, when we were more of a kind of a straight-laced crowd, they got away with that. Everybody understood where Rikkel's was coming from or Pryor was coming from. - Sure. - Well, I think Pryor probably did get a little more pushback some of the stuff he said, 'cause he was, especially the drug stuff and the like, the drug, but not the racial stuff. - No, no, no, no, no. - How about the Saturday Night Live? - The Chevy Chase sketch, which sketch, sketch, sorry. - Now, so that's 75 or six? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - That's a great sketch, yeah. - So that's 50 years ago? - True. - Well, I think Pryor in particular, back then I think what would happen is one guy sort of got, you kind of put everything on to them, like Pryor sort of was the mainstream acceptable voice for, you know, black Americans at the time, I was, or like, and not, obviously there was like more, you know, like there's actors and more, but in terms of in the counter-culture, I think like, Pryor was such a, you know, again, this is from My Perspect, you tell me you were there. But from My Perspect, it was probably a guy I really did study when I was like, a little, you know, when I was in college, when I was skipping class, it wasn't to get girls at the, and play Pete Seeger songs, it was, or Bob Seeger songs, it was me to like, I was literally in eldest's apartment watching Richard Pryor, like YouTube and listening to his albums, and I would even listen to Mord Saul and Lenny Bruce and pretend I understood the reference. - Yeah. - 'Cause they're, they're political guys at the time. I'm like, you know, it's 2000, it's 2000. - You know, it's too political, yeah? - Not really, a little, I mean, certain things, - You mean if it comes into the culture? - If it comes in, I'll dress it, but I wonder if that's the thing with back then, it was like, prior was sort of like, the one guy who could get away with it, right? And then, Rickles too, he was known as the insult comic, right? And I do think, and because there was a monoculture, everybody bought in and was like, these are the guys that are acceptable. Now, everything is kind of, everything is so fragmented where, you know, Shane sells out the Eagles stadium, but then to some people, they don't care, you know, not only do they not know about them, they hate him or whatever, right? And it's like, it's this thing where now people don't just enjoy entertainment. It's almost like, it's a substitute for their beliefs, right? Whereas in the past, it was like, "Hey, I'm having a good time." - I see, for instance, maybe you know him, I don't know him, I see Bill Burr. - Sure. - He gets, he gets a lot of pushback. - I from time to time, I would say. I don't think he's, I mean, I think his material for the most part, people do, like people kind of are with him, I think, but I think he got a little pushback with the Riyadh stuff, I mean, that's, which I think is a different thing than your material. And I do think it's an interesting time, right? Because entertainers mean a lot more to people now. People are sort of a fan of you as a person, not your output in a weird way, which I don't particularly like if I'm being honest. - Right, yeah. - Also, you have to understand, back then, unlike now, there's not the Vox populi, in other words, everyone has an opinion, and you see it. - Right, right. - And you have a comment on everything. - Yeah. - And back then, I mean, I even can remember how about this? - Yeah. - I can remember politicians on my talk show, all of a sudden, I was exploiting these people. I was doing the, and they would go on the today show. And basically, I said, people shouldn't watch Mari Povach and watch the Mari show, shouldn't do this. And I went, really? - Really? - I'm your biggest problem. - I mean, yeah, and I, you know, there's one good thing that the American people have. They vote with their fucking rumble every day. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that is, you know, and that was cool. I'm a little worried with like how, you know, three companies seem to be controlling everything now. - Apparently. - That's a little scary because they're sort of taking away our opportunity to vote with our remote or like our, now there's really only a couple of options. Back in the day, it was like, hey, if this show was good, people will watch it. Whereas now, I don't know, it's an interesting landscape. But, you know, you kind of-- - Well, I was trying to find out the other day, you know, with this Paramount Warner Brothers. - Right. The Mayor of the merger. What they're taking Paramount Plus, they're taking HBO Max, and they're going to merge them. - Yeah. - That's a, I mean, me personally, I think, any mergers in general are like, it's not, it's not good, you want more competition. The irony is these people, you know, say their capitalists, and they want the competition that comes to the free market, but they fix it. They basically, it's like, it becomes this crony capitalism thing where it's like, oh, now instead of you having different choices, you have the illusion of choice, whereas we own everything, right? And like, it was better off when you got a bunch of different. I liked, I mean, look, I'm a little biased here. I mean, I'm in, you know, show business, whatever. It's better when there's more people to pay you, right? Like, when there's more than three, but we'll see how it shakes out. Paramount, they say they want to, the one good thing is, they seem to be dedicated to the in theater experience, movie theaters. They like big blockbusters, whatever. First to have 31 movies a year, we'll find out. We'll find, all we can do is hope, right? Like at this point, but you go to the theater. I do, I love it. I've gotten into it. Good for you. I mean, I am so bad because I watch everything at home. Of course, of course, but it's ridiculous. I do think I'm hopeful there's a little bit of a swingback. Like I think Gen Z, actually, they are going to the theater way more. That's kind of why I asked you about what, what going the movies was like when you were a kid, because I do think that younger people now are going to movies a little more, which hopefully, right? Like, it's the best. It's such a communal experience. We're losing just hanging out places. People don't really just go to a bar. They don't go to, you know? You have to understand when I was growing up, the big new thing was, cinemascope. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) The first 3D. Yeah, yeah, yeah, oh my gosh. The glass is, creature from the dark lagoon with the glasses on, in a drive-through. Arm around it, you know, you got your enlightenment jacket around it. If a girl, if a girl said that they would go to the drive-in. Yeah. You thought you were, I mean, you were. Let me ask you a question, Mario. Who was President of the first time you saw breasts? Oh my God. (laughing) Other than my mother? Yeah. (laughing) I mean, I told you, - I was socially challenged. - Yeah. - Okay. - Late developer. Maybe, I was definitely, yeah. - Yeah. - Definitely, I said no. - Yeah. - Thank God it wasn't Kennedy. - Yeah. - You stuck into the 50s, I love that. All right, good. - Well look, that's why we were called the silent generation. - Right, right, right. - Yeah. - We didn't know shit. - Yeah. - I mean, really seriously. - Truly, yeah. - I mean, we didn't know a thing. - You were right before the, yeah. - You missed the summer of love, huh? You're already, you're already graduating. - Oh, I mean, you're working. - I was well in my, I was working in my 20s. - Yeah, yeah. - You know, all that came up. - Yeah. - Jealous. - Well, yeah. - Looking at those dirty things. - When, in fact, when I went to San Francisco to work in like 78, I was still trying to look for Haydashbury and his left already. (laughing) - I love it. Well, why don't we take some of this expertise and answer some questions here more? - Sure. - You know, you're, you have, you probably have the most life experience of anyone we've ever had on this podcast. - Oh, see. All you have to do is be 87. (laughing) - Yeah, it's mostly a participation trophy. But still, you're still number one, baby. Eldest, play us some calls here, buddy. And let's hit the visible hotline, of course. To play these calls. (laughing) - I love the color. - Thank you, yes. Shout out to our friends at Visible. (laughing) - Hi, Starvy. Hi, Eldest. Hello, guest. - Hello. - So I just hit an ancestry test. And it came back and 50% DNA match with this random guy who's apparently my dad. - Oh, wow. - I called my mom and I was like, what the fuck are you doing here, Eldest? (laughing) - Yeah, you're keeping it in theme. We got a paternity question. - 50%. - That's pretty big. It's like two or three percent. - Okay. - 50%. - My dad, I called my mom and I was like, what the fuck, because I have a biological dad who was a weakened dad. He's kind of a fucking dickhead. I hadn't really talked to him since I was 16. - Wow. - But last year I was like, oh, he's my dad. Let me reconnect with him. Turns out this motherfucker isn't even my dad. (laughing) But he is still because he raised me that he did a kind of shitty fucking job at it. - Right. - Anyway, my biological dad, for real, I reach out to, he's super into being my dad. Like he wants to hang out, blah, blah, blah. By the way, my mom asked both of them for a DNA test back in 2001 when she found out she was pregnant and they both sort like, they both declined (laughing) and now look what fucking happened. Anyway, so my dad, not biological, I'm like, you must know. You must have an inkling that I'm not your real kid, right? But I'm not gonna tell him because he's fucking crazy. I cannot tell him. I can't tell him he's fucking crazy. I feel like he's gonna sue for child support. Like he's gonna lift his fucking lid. But I feel bad keeping that secret. 'Cause he's like a really bad secret, but also it's like, you did it yourself for a, you didn't take a DNA test. Anyway, I also have a stepdad who's been in my life since I was like a baby. - Wow. - And I think of him as like my dad dad. - Okay. - So I have these three fucking dads, and I need to keep a secret from one of them about the other and-- - Well, you ought to feel lucky. I mean, I do, I do shows when there is no dad. (laughing) Oh, man, those are the best when a girl came back seven, eight times. And at a certain point, you're like, Jesus, just fake one, Maury, put her out of her misery. (laughing) The camera, she starts running the camera guy chases her. (laughing) She have three dads. - Yeah, that's something. So this, so her question basically, eldest is what does she do? - Right. Yeah, I think that's interesting. So she has this one dad who raised her, but for part of her life, but wasn't that great, and who turns out isn't even her biological dad, and who's the crazy one that she's scared of, I think that guy, you don't need to deal with it all, right? - Go to the birth father. - Go to the birth father and your stepfather. - Yeah, and a stepfather, especially the stepfather, because he probably doesn't give a shit about you anyway. (laughing) - He seems to be the one who does. The stepfather seems to be the only one in her life, right? - Oh, is that right? - Yes. - That's what she likes him, he's like, she considers him. - Well then that's somebody you can talk to. So you can go tell him what you're gonna do, and then go to the birth father. And look, in 2001, I was doing fraternity care. (laughing) You gotta call me. - We would have loved to have you on the show, especially if we had a guy who hated you. (laughing) - That's MTV. - Are you kidding? - That's right, up the Mauritio. (laughing) - We would have loved to have had both those guys on. (laughing) - You're right, this sounds like a great episode. This girl's 21 years to her 25 years too late. - But yeah, I think that's the easy thing. It's like you stick with your stepdad, and I think you kind of cautiously see this relationship with the birth dad, right? 'Cause this is somebody who at the time didn't want to take a DNA test. But now that you're grown up and he doesn't have to buy it diaper, it doesn't have to go to a recital, it doesn't have to do anything. Now all of a sudden he wants a kid. I mean, I think about this selfishly where I'm like, if like a 15 year old showed up in a couple of years, I'd be pretty pumped. - You know what I mean? If I got to skip all the bullshit of father, then like someone was just like, yeah. - You're ever worried? (laughing) - I can't tap this conversation with you. (laughing) - If you're ever worried that there's gonna reboot the show. (laughing) - I never serious, there were a couple iffy evenings, yeah, there's a couple of people I checked up on for 10 weeks or so just to see, you know if I saw any bumps on their Instagram stories, but I am in the clear so far, not on wood. So what else we got, Eldis? - I'm Stovey, Eldis, and Gast. I'm calling on how to navigate kind of a strange issue with my dad. For a little background, I'm in my mid 30s and I have a very happy life with my husband and young daughter. My parents divorced about 12 years ago. When my daughter was born, my now 75 year old dad moved back to California to be near his granddaughter and to help us out with child care. We were initially grateful for the extra help, but he started lately to act like he really doesn't want to be there. Then recently, out of the blue, my dad informed me that he was planning on moving to Shenzhen, China in the next couple of months. - What? - I want to be very clear that we are not Chinese. We have no ethnic or cultural connection to the country and no one in our family speaks Mandarin, including me. - He initially told me that he had a business opportunity there. And then backpedal to say that he was moving with a friend who was going there for work. And this makes him feel like he has a second leaf on life and an opportunity for a great adventure. I do not think he is moving there for a woman or being honey-potted. I think he is just deeply unhappy with his life as it is now. My husband and I have actually been to Shenzhen trying to offer work. And although we liked our experience visiting the country, Shenzhen is a business district and not a particularly exciting city to visit in China. Not to mention China is a country with really strict immigration laws, so moving there is not an easy thing to do. He told me he has a plan to exit and re-enter the country every 60 days on a tourist visa. We tried to explain to him that's a horrible idea and obviously illegal. His response was that he was going to figure out a way. He needed an adventure and experience and he was tired of me and my husband making him feel like he was a burden. I found that last comment particularly offensive because me and my husband have always been very gracious and accommodating to him. I always organize until it's the holidays, his birthday, father's day, make him dinner. My husband is always helping him manage his finances and tech issues. And I even co-signed an apartment for him when he was having financial problems. So how do I explain to my 75 year old dad that it's early in the same for him to move to China and how can he find a way to find meaning and happiness in his older years here in the US? - Interesting, wow, that's a lot. - I think. - That's fascinating. - Wow. - Yeah. - Sounds like a guy is looking for action. - Yeah, it does sound like he's hiding something from her. She says he's not moving there for a woman but although to be fair, he'd probably move to a more sex tourism forward place if that was the case. - I mean, I was 75. - Yeah. - I was just caring about work, I wasn't into tourism. - Right, different guys though. You're still working in this guy. And also, I feel like you're probably a better grandfather in this guy. - I thought the guy moved there to be with the grandchild. So why wasn't, you know, why isn't that enough? - I think probably what happened was he assumed it would be. He assumed it was gonna be this magical thing where my brother just had a kid and it is that for my mom. - My mom truly has a new one so far. - And for you. - And for me too, I love the kid so much. Yeah, yeah, it's been really nice. It's completely sort of-- - Your mother is really totally engaged. - Much more engaged. Like it's literally gotten her healthier. She's moving around more. She started working out because she's gotta keep up with the baby. And I think for a lot of grandparents, that happens. But it sounds like this guy was hoping the kid would just like, you know, unlock something for him. You got grandkids? Yeah. I have four. Yeah. I have four. And they're all the last one is still in college at Tulane. Charlie Gorham. And the other three are now working. One's a doctor. Wow. Some this kid. I mean, in all the generations of the povages, nobody in their whatever in their unbelievable right mind apply to a university called MIT. Wow. There is nobody in my family. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So he not only goes to MIT, then he gets then he goes to a medical school. He's not a medical school. And now he's in your town get out of here at Johns Hopkins. Look at that. By the way, if you ever have a problem. Yeah. You go see my grandson. I literally will. I will more. He's that resident there. I'm going. That's incredible. So you're in great grandfather territory soon. Close. Yeah. You're getting there. My first grandchild got married. Wow. So that's a year or two in do it. Look at that. You know what she works at? What's that? Maybe. I don't know if a lot of viewers believe in this, but I do. Starlink. Starlink. Okay. It's like the Starlink. It is the greatest satellite ever of all the stuff Elon's doing. That seems to be the one that has some actual apples. So unbelievable. Yes. And we had Starlink on the bus. Didn't we? Yes, we did. Yeah. We watched action movies. Thanks to Starlink. Starlink. You travel on a bus. We travel on a bus for the tour. Yeah. Yeah. Sleep on the bus. Sleep on the bus. Love it. Love the bus. I always. So my dear friend is Lewis Black. Oh, I love Lewis. And he's been on the show. And so Lewis, another hated guy. Yeah. Yeah. Hated to fly. In fact, Lewis and Connie went to the same high school. Oh, wow. Yeah. No, I don't, maybe I don't know. Yeah. But close by. Anyway. When it comes to Lewis, he doesn't fly. He hates the fly. And so he has a bus everywhere. And I always wondered with you guys. Yeah. Where do you get the bus? Where do we get the bus? There's like, is there a company? There's a couple companies. Yeah. Yeah. There's companies on like, this has been one of the music group buses and things like that. Yeah. We had, in fact, we've had buses where didn't we didn't somebody somebody was like working as a roadie for Bob, like a Bob Dylan bus. And our YouTube was logged into this bus. So it was like, so on one of Bob Dylan's buses, it was like the Stavis World YouTube was logged in. So yeah, it's like we get everybody's that, you know, everybody I we had a bus. One bus, the hilarious. I don't know if you're if you're up on drag queens, Mori, but Trixie and Katia, we got their bus one time. They're hilarious. They they did a tour. The bus driver had done that. We had a bus that was like, so who was the other music? Like, they're one of the drivers drove with Khalifa. With Khalifa. Yeah. Yeah. So they're great, John, they're great Connie Chung drag queens. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. In fact, yes. I'll tell you one of my greatest moments in terms of somebody appearing on TV. Please remember in living color? Of course. Okay. Credible sketch. Yeah. Legendary sketch program broke. It was the Wayne's brothers. It broke Jim Carey. It was yeah. So Jennifer Lopez is a backup dancer. 91 92 or somewhere in there. I think that's when it started. And so Connie and I are trying to have a child. And so she has to leave her show at CBS. She has to take time off. And it became a big story. And all the late night talk show hosts were doing bits on it. Right. Right. Right. And so in living color does a sketch of me and Connie. Jim Carey plays you? Jim Carey plays me. That's awesome. And the only Asian American cast member plays Connie. Yeah. Of course. A guy. And I think that's when all of the Connie Chung is what it started. Yes. Yes. I'm sure they've done her own drag. But I'm honored that Jim Carey plays. Yes. Yes. Yes. In living color. That's hilarious. That's where he got his start. Yeah. He was unbelievable in that. Yeah. We that's another going back when I was like a college in college and I was a comedy nerd. I would buy all these DVDs and I would watch it. You know, the Ronnie Dangerfield special in living color, you know, old SNLs. But so anyway, let's get let's get back because we we hit a couple. Let's counsel our friends here. We started with the grandchildren conversation. In terms of this guy, this guy who wants to move to China at 75 at 75. I mean, part of me wants to say let him do it because my hunch is the first 60 days he comes out and tries to come back in. Yeah. They're gonna be like, no, you can't fucking come back in. You're going back to Toledo wherever the fuck. Well, if he tried to come back every 60 days, I mean, I think he was a CIA. Yeah. Yeah. The world shittiest spy, you know, a spy with a bad hip. I would say, yeah, I mean, look, I get the sense the sense of venture thing is sort of interesting to me because, you know, let's not be ages here. I get the I get wanting to feel alive, wanting to be like my life's not over yet. I mean, you know, I our society does tend to once you hit a certain age, say, you know, sort of like, you know, just kind of discard you, right? Like whether you're up in years, whether you get disabled, whether you, whatever, look a certain way, it's kind of tough. So I understand wanting to defy age and have this grand adventure. China is crazy, though. Like this guy doesn't speak the language. He's just going there. But at the end of the year, he is your father. What are you going to do? Put him in time out? Well, yeah. Or, you know, to get the to get the feeling in the environment, go to San Francisco. That's true. Yeah. There's yeah, absolutely. Go to Vancouver. You get me. Vancouver is even better. They have there's they're even, you know, the Chinatown there is unbelievable. That's true. Start in a Chinatown. Yeah. Move to Chinatown first. See if you can handle that for three months and then go go over there. But it's tough. What do you tell your parent, right? I mean, parents don't listen to their fucking kids. Not at 75. Not at, no, no, never. I don't think you should see what they try to do at you when you're 87. Yeah. Dad, stop podcasting. So anyway, good luck. I'd personally say let the guy. I mean, you can't stop him. Also, you're not worried about like lose him losing money. He doesn't have any fucking money. You had to coastline an apartment for him. So it's not like somebody's taken advantage of him. Hey, let him see what he does. I get it. He's your dad. And you can't talk this out of him. He has to experience something. You can't tell him. I mean, you can tell him, hey, you could have the conversation with him where it's like, Hey, why do you feel like a burden? Because we're trying to be gracious. Like, I think that's important for you because to not let him be passive aggressive towards you. But at the end of the day, if he wants to go, like if you're a dad at some point, I'll just want it to like, like, your dad went to Albania for a little while. This kind of did happen after my mom died. I think my dad just started like getting restless. And I think he was kind of like, oh, fuck, the clock is ticking. I got to go do something if I want to do it. So, right. He went back home to Albania for like a week. He took another trip to visit some family in Italy. And, you know, both trips, he just kind of flamed out. They weren't really what he thought they were going to be. I think he realized in more clearly than ever that time truly was running out. And, you know, I think your dad's probably going to flam out once he goes to Shenzhen. And of course, there's there's there's a risk. It sounds like I don't know how sustainable her dad is. There was like, hmm. Is my dad just blowing through his money that he doesn't have? And, well, we be even more on the hook for care, whatever. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. But, you know, if it's the fact that the fact that she's been there, she should be able to rationalize to him. Yeah. Don't go there. It's not that nice. Of course. Of course. But that's the thing though. He's got. I think what you said makes the most sense. He's going to flam out. Yeah. He's going to get there. He's not going to speak the language. He's going to have. He'll try and order a hamburger for 60. Yeah. He'll do the first 60. And then he'll be back. He'll be back. If he leaves now, he'll be back before Christmas. That's that's that's what we think. My dad also started talking to like an old girlfriend of his kind of like tied into like reconnecting with her. And then he came back after the trip because I think they met up like at least one time with his cousin or something. I was like, how was it? And he just never really told me. He was not like a dark moment. Your dad was a late in life in cell. Was that like a dark moment of like, what am I doing? Why the fuck did I fly out here? Yeah. I need to be back there. This isn't the beautiful girl from college. No, fucking no. She is also 70. I need to get back to Owings Mills, Maryland right now. Is that where he's from? Yeah, that's where the family house was right. Yeah. I belong to a golf club. It used to belong to a golf club in Owings. Oh, there you go. Oh, yeah, because all the Ravens would all the Ravens turned Owings Mills into like a real real destination. Yeah. Yeah. Look at that. More is probably hitting the links while we were playing WWE. mercy. Absolutely. In Owings Mills, either there and then I used to go to the Pimlico. Oh, the Pimlico. Yeah, of course. Someone just was telling us about the the famous Pimlico cake. Oh, sure. The, you know, the, the chocolate frosting and the, what don't have like pecans or something, but yeah, that's awesome. No, that's, uh, so yeah, good luck to your dad. What else we got, Aldi? Stavvy, Otis, guess, whatever. Hey, some respect. You got a piece of shit. Yeah, I'm calling because me and my wife, we bought her house a couple years ago and my brother and his fiancee, they bought their house a couple years ago. So we live pretty close and we do dinner every so often, whatever. Um, that being said, my brother's fiance has been taking aerial silk classes like the shit you see at a circus. Oh, yeah. And I guess she has a recital coming up. And, uh, so she invited my wife and I to go to this fucking recital. And I'll lay out go like whatever fucking Saturday do some. Yeah, these tickets are $50. Oh, wow. That's crazy. I hate less to come see you. That's insane. That I, what is it? So it's like, it's like a, if you're, it's like kind of, very low level circuit do so lay stuff. Oh, where it's like, somebody has these, they, they have like silk or they have like, they do aerial yoga kind of thing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Um, but and do you have more? Like, this is crazy. My wife says that I'm an asshole and cheap for not wanting to spend $100 to go see this grown ass woman have a fucking dance recital. And that she would be really offended by it. Um, for context, yeah, like we really ain't hurting for money that bad. Okay, but it's just more for the price. Am I crazy and cheap as fuck for not wanting to spend $100 to go see her do for round for like an hour on a Saturday. Um, anyways, let the pod put this one on a free podcast. Cause I don't tell you what you do. You're lucky it is. We have more, but if it was in your outer principle, I would make this a Patreon episode. Um, okay. So this is, so he's basically, it's just the principle of the matter of this. Sure. Look, man. Yes, it's what what you would do for a hundred. Exactly. Yeah, yeah. Exactly. It's like a hundred bucks. Look, I get it sucks. I'm not arguing that this is fun to do. It is annoying. I get it. But this is family. Yeah, everyone. It is. Isn't it? What did you say? It was his brother's fiance. It's a sister in law. Yeah. Oh, it's sister. Oh, yeah. So yes, family. Yeah, you got to go. It's annoying, right? If this was a neighbor that you guys think about, if he didn't go, right? Exactly. How would the, uh, now how would it play out later on? Exactly. Exactly. So for a hundred dollars and four hours of a Saturday, you are what you're, think of it as not spending that you're saving passive aggressiveness for eight thanksgivings. Yeah. Like, and now you made an effort. And by the way, when you go, don't be sullen because that sort of, uh, that cancels it out. You want to go, you pretend you're excited to be there. You know, I mean, not so excited that she invites you to more, but excited enough. And next time you find out about one of these have a work function or something. But on this one, you got to go. If it's family, you got to go. You got to go suck it up. Have you, what's the most, what's the most boring family function you've ever had to attend anyone that comes about? I mean, I mean, I have every other thanksgiving, the tire povich family has to go to Maine. My father's boyhood home that we still have the Shirley povich estate. Yes. Yes. And, uh, it's a nice house, but yeah. Yeah. I'm staying at the Hampton in anyway. Yeah. You're not, you know, I'm coming from Florida. So it's just not around the corner. Right. Right. Right. And then, of course, there's every Jewish holiday, of course, you got to be with family. Yep. Yeah. Now I like family. I sure it makes great. I think it's terrific. Right. Why don't they just say, you don't have to come, right? I would love it for a family member saying, well, there's an occasion, but Maury, you don't have to. I think you've earned that, Maury. I think when I think if anybody, you know, if anybody's short on rent, I think they know who to go to, you know what I mean? I feel like you've bought your way out of a couple of thanksgivings. Yeah. Once I get there, I don't skip a couple rushes on it. I think you'll be all right. And it's, and yeah, that's the problem. Because it all happened with my father and his and his parents. They had all these big occasions, every Jewish holiday. But there was one great story. He told me about that, about occasions. His, his parents came from Lithuania. And so they were immigrants and they became citizens. And every thanksgiving, they would love Thanksgiving. Yeah. So American and everything else. And my father said he was 15 years old before he realized that thanksgiving wasn't a Jewish the sacrifice, the sacrificing of the turkey to free you from the Pharaoh. That's so funny. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, you, by the way, Maury, I think you, you got to be the one calling the shots. He kid me. Who says? Yeah, I'm the, how are you not the picture? I am. I am. I am. And make them come to Florida. They won't let, they won't let me be that. Make them come to Florida. What the fuck? I mean, it's, it's like I'm the dawdling old great uncle. Right, right, grandfather. Right. Yeah. You pull me around. I think this is, if you were Maury Chung, they'd respect you more. That's right. You got it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You got to pull the chunk on me. And I call in and say, I want to change my name. What do you think? Yeah, man. Sorry. Yeah. You got to, you're screwed. But you got to suck it up and go, man. Give us another one. Hey, so I've got a lot going on. I want to get your opinion on the heck I should do with my wife. Got out of the airport frequently because I was married, you know, how to daughter, you know, got separated with the girl that I got with in the military, who's also military, a movie California thought, follow her out here for my daughter. Defend you the right thing. But man, I'm just struggling to make friends. I'm struggling to find out how to be a civilian again. Well, also making friends and accrimating to a place I've never lived before. Well, also trying to be a part-time dad and support my daughter, be a good father. But it's killing me. I feel like I'm needy when I'm trying to make friends because I don't fucking have any and I am needy. And I feel like I'm not making the right friends. I feel like the ones I'm making are also desperate in needy, but they're desperate in needy because they're like weird or shitty people. And I'm desperate in needy because I'm not from here, so I don't have any friends. Be a little judgmental pal. So at this point, you know, I'm honestly considering moving back to where I grew up and where I'm from because this is just depressing as fuck to be out here in the California, you know, by myself. And I'm originally from Seoul, at North Carolina. You know, so if you let me know, you got a good idea, you know, should I sacrifice, you know, being out here for my daughter and only have her on the summers and winter breaks when I move back to the Carolinas is. But out here and figure out how to make friends as a grown-ass adult, while also trying to learn how to be a civilian again, uh, yeah, appreciate it. I mean to learn how to be a civilian again, but you're pulling your gun out at the fuck at fucking Chipotle when you have to learn. Um, but yes, this is tough. This is a tough way it is. Um, you want to be with your daughter, but at the same time, you got nobody to be around. Right. I mean, look, I think that's where it starts though, right? Is the kid, right? And I think anytime, if your kid is your sort of like north star, if your kid is, is kind of dictating everything, then yes, anytime you transition anywhere, it's going to be a little tough, right? Um, and you've got, this guy's got a lot going on. He's right. I'm bustin' his balls about becoming a civilian again, but it's true. The military orders your life. You don't have to think you do whatever, you know what I mean? Like this guy's got a lot, he has a lot of autonomy now and he has these very complicated things to figure out with his family situation and then moving, like he said, as an adult. Um, particularly, if he's, he went in the, in the service, young from North Carolina, he's now as probably in his mid-20s, but he's kind of, his development is sort of arrested at when he went in, right? So in many ways, socially, he's like an 18-year-old who now is like a 20-something father in a strange land. So that's tough. Absolutely. Um, maybe he could, if his daughter has friends, and their, and and they have parents. - Right. - Maybe he could ingratiate himself into that deal. - I think so, I mean, I think you have to look at this from a number of different ways. It's like, first of all, everything matters with your daughter, so that's a great point. It's like, start with her, you know, friends that might open your own life. - Yeah, and then, but also, this is a good opportunity. Like, when you say you learn how to be a civilian again, what does that mean exactly? Where are you working? Usually work is a good place to at least pick up one friend, right? And then, what are you doing socially? What is your, you know, he's saying, he's saying, you know, he's like desperate losers. I was like, where are you going? What are you doing? Are you at bars or are you whatever? As corny as it is, can you pick up some kind of adult hobby? Can you literally join a kickball league? Join one of those, like, you know, what are they called? Like, play fucking pickleball if you have to. People love that. You know what I mean, golf, whatever, like, where people make friends, you gotta, or, you know, you make friends, are you a gym guy? Can you make friends at the gym? Like, you have to sort of, no, normally I would say, if it wasn't for the kid, obviously, you just go back home, right? - Of course. - But the kid is, in my view, you should, you should take this as an opportunity to sort of branch out and do some other stuff. Find the, you know, you know, I've been very lucky when I moved to New York. I did make all my friends through work, my work happened to be comedy, right? So it was like, it's a very social thing to do. - Yeah, but first of all, all you comics are morose, anyhow, so you know what I mean? - Yeah, it's true, it's true. We're all, yeah, we're all depressed. Everybody hates themselves. What, well, you moved around a lot. Was that ever a problem for you? I mean, you're talking about that. I always was, it was, you were such a work of hauler. - Yeah. You know, when I used to do it was great in San Francisco. I worked around almost three years in San Francisco and I was single. If you wanted to date in San Francisco, you went to the Marina Safeway and started shopping. (laughing) - All right, hit the fucking pillow. - I'm sorry, pal. - It was great. - I mean, I do, yes, this, you hear it as voice. This guy's, he's having a tough one. I would say stick it out, give it a couple years, sure. Give it two years, and you know, your kid's young, the problem is, and I don't know what your experience is. Southern California is tough to make friends. - Oh, interesting. - I really do believe that, and I'm not shitting on Southern California, but if you're from outside, Southern California, and you're a newbie, right? - It's difficult, I think. - Well, I mean, I guess it is very, you know-- - Because when I was working there, every town I ever worked in, we did the show, we did the newscast, everybody went out, we all drank, went to the bar, went to the, and not only we, but all of our competitors were there. - Right, right, right, right, right. - And everything. - Yeah. - Go to LA. Soon as the show is over, everybody gets in there, goddamn SUVs, they're gone. - They're going to Orange County, or they're going to this place, there's nothing. - There's no there, no community there. - Not in LA. - Everyone is very like a atomized, everyone sort of is in their own little bubble. And to be fair, I have found that in LA as well. Even though I have friends there, you know, through comedy or whatever, everybody lives all across the city. Whereas here, this is the best hangout city in the world. - Sure. - You know, you can get drunk. - I mean, even though you might be Queens, or Brooklyn, or Lower Manhattan, or whatever. - It's closer. - We got the trains, you know what I mean, it's, you know. So, yeah, dude, this sucks, I hear it. And I think, give yourself the credit that what you're going through now is for the betterment of your kid, right? And anytime it gets tough, think of that. And yes, just go literally put yourself out there socially as many ways as possible. Join some clubs, go to club, right? Go to music, comedy, whatever. Like any kind of like, do you have any interests? What do you, take this opportunity? Take this opportunity to also explore yourself, right? 'Cause if you wanted the army young, and you went through this like separation kid, you haven't even had a chance to think about who you are, what you like. Take this as a chance for some self-expression. - Yeah, and find a club, like a book club, but this club, but that club. - Totally, totally, totally. And I think, yeah, while you're figuring that out, spend some time self-reflecting and knowing what you want, 'cause, you know, you haven't had that chance yet. So, good luck, it's tough. And I think you're, you know, it's good. - You're on a schedule. - Always know you're being a good dad. We've got time for one more, what are you thinking here? - Hi, I'm Stovey, how are you all this? So, I do have a question. I am a 36 H cup, but here's my problem. I've always had big boobs. I've lost 130 pounds. I had two kids, breastfed. They look bad. - Oh, come on. I've always loved having big boobs. And my doctor just recommended a breast reduction and lift. So, it would boost them up, they can look a little bit nicer. - Sure. - But they were talking about sending me down to C or D cup. And I don't know. So, I figured I'd call, get your advice. - This is what I know you're at for the big kitty community. - We have a lot of more over here. - What do you think? - He's a legend. We gotta get him on the right hand side. - Issue dear to our hearts. - That is true. Yes. - I know one person, please, who had a reduction. And she did it for medical reasons, her back, her. Because of her breasts. - And so, that's why she did it. - Yeah. - She looks great. - Yeah. - And I mean, our friend here is worried about, so basically the gist of the call is, they want to reduce and lift just kind of whatever. She's worried that she wants the lift, but she's worried about the reduction. Is that her call, Eldis? Now look, here's what I'll say. I get that. I say, try it out and look, at the end of the day, if you want, you could always get implant. If you get a reduction now, couldn't you get implants? If you wanted to get back to your natural size? I mean, really, I don't see the problem in that. Where it's like, especially somebody who's- - Can you tell me about good implants? You want me to tell you? They're great. The technology's really, I bet, yeah. - They've gotten much better. - It's gotten much better, more. Since you were at that safe way in San Francisco, they've gotten a lot better. - Really? - Yeah. - Just back then. - Yeah. (laughing) - Nah, it takes a while, you know, you're like, who knows. - You know, my wife is responsible. I didn't know about this. - For getting rid of the silicone saline now, 'cause, and it went to saline, because there were all these problems with silicone leakage and things like that. She does this big expose, every plastic surgeon, by the way, hates her. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - So I don't know, it's gotten better. - It's gotten much better. I can say it from some first-hand experience, I would say it's gotten much better. And I would say, you know, we tip, I didn't even know that about, yeah. Yeah, shout out to Connie again, for improving breast implants around. I mean, what a legend. We gotta get her on the podcast. (laughing) But look, I say, lift them up, make yourself, you know, see how you feel. And then, what's your trepidation? Did we cut her off, she have any more eldest? Is that pretty much it? - No, she wants to know your stance as a supporter of the big titty community. - Of course, of course. And I am staunchly for the big titty community, of course. - And I was, (laughing) - Yeah, you're right. One of the few things we can all, you know, join hands and agree on. And I would say, yeah, lift them up, see how you're feeling. And you might, you might be okay with them. You know, they're still not small, she's not done by having small tits. We're talking about lifted decups. But if you want, you know, try it out. And then if you want to get, you know, implants, who cares, get 'em later, it's fine. It's fine, I think more people should, you know, if you want anything you want to do with your body, it's your body, go crazy, who gives a fuck. And if you don't, and people, by the way, people who don't want to do it, don't do it. But people who want to do it, do it, who cares? - Like, you're, I mean, you're going through a situation now, right? - Yes, yes. - I mean, you're taking the shot. - Yes, I am, yep. I'm, I-- - And if it gets to the point where you don't like it, you won't use it, right? - I'll stop, I'm actually right now, 'cause I had such a crazy year and I was taking so many substances. I've, the last couple of weeks I've gotten sober from weed. And I also stopped taking the GLP1 for a couple of weeks, just to kind of let my body reset a little bit. And just to, like, I kind of want to feel in control of everything. So I'm like, I'm cooking all my own meals, I'm doing, I'm trying to, I'm getting my sleep schedule right. And so, yes, I'm having a little natural break from everything right now, but I'm gonna go back. - Did you have any side effects from it? - I had a little, you know, a little, you know, your stomach hurts some, you kind of got to get used to the, you got to get the rhythms of the eye. I mean, when I first had it, I kept, I kept getting sick 'cause I just kept eating, you know? Like, it was kind of like an electric fence for me after, after I've shocked myself a couple of times, I was like, all right, enough cheese steaks. Let's let the medicine work. But I will, I, - I didn't give up those. - No, no, I still, I, more, I figured out how to, how to time it out, don't worry. I still know how to get a nice one. - I worked in Philadelphia for three years. They're good man, they are some really good, and you know, I believe that John Kerry lost the presidential election when he went to Pat Stakes. Instead of Genos, what do you think? You went to Pat's and he ordered Swiss. Oh, my God, you gotta go whizz, bro, Swiss, the gayest European cheese there is. They're already calling you a flip flopper, John. If only I wasn't a child, if only I was on his sandwich, I want to be a presidential sandwich advisor from now on. I will never steer you wrong. Yeah, lift them up, see how you feel, and if you got to get implants in a couple years, why not? Why not? We believe in science here on Stavis World. That's going to do for us folks. Mori, this was such a-- Was it okay? Are you kidding me? It's the best I've ever done. I mean, that's not your comics, is it? Huh? You're not your friend's comics, it's just me. I'm-- You are just you. Well, this might be the only time I've ever respected a guest on the show. Now I'm honored. Yeah. The podcast is on par with Mori Poe, which I've done it. A bunch of great comics have done it. You know that a bunch of great guests, season three should be coming out right now. Check them out, guys, and listen, treat yourself. If you're not familiar with this man's uvra, treat yourself to some YouTube compilations. Legitimately, during the pandemic, I might-- I mean, we crush the pickles, the olives. Yeah. Yeah. And, you know, we'll talk off Mike about reviving the "You Are Not the Father" series. But that is going to do it for us, Mori. Thanks again. Thank you for being here. Absolutely. And go watch the podcast, and we will talk to you guys later. Bye-bye.