#204 - Sarah Sherman

[Music] What the hell? [Laughs] Hello everybody, welcome to a school year! A decent of stop-y-draw! 904-800 stop from all the visible online! We'll solve all your problems! Okay, maybe that's enough, Elvis, you fuck it, it is! Maybe that's too much! Welcome to the Halloween edition of Stop-y's World! We have with us, wait, what the hell? Who the hell is this? I can explain! Wait, Sarah Sherman? Why do I respect you? Why am I nervous around you all of a sudden? I'm not Sarah Sherman, I'm Sarah Normal! Oh, you're Sarah Normal! We don't have Sarah Square! It's a very special Halloween episode! Our guest is Sarah Normal! What if she had a normal relationship with her father? [Laughs] What if she wasn't Jewish? No, no, you know how many. Long Island Jewels have that hair? And I'm wearing the juicy. The juicy contours, Austin. My mom wouldn't get me when I was 13. Wow. So I got it for myself. You think if your mom got you that treasure, you would be normal? Something. Something should have happened to fix it. Yeah, 'cause wanting the juicy tracksuit is very Sarah Normal. Right, but I did want it. Maybe that was the moment. That was when the paths diverged. I wanted a juicy tracksuit, I wanted a neon aqua. Okay, well that. The Wolfman, of course. We have the Wolfman here. [Laughs] He will maybe be on camera. 90 seconds. But he will be wearing the mask all episode. Wolfman, how are you doing? You're finally in your. You're finally in your natural look. I don't even know where my bike is. I got you, buddy. Is he even on camera? In my natural look, I can't see shit. We have the Wolfman. And then of course, eldest and I are dressed like Sarah Sherman. Right. Sarah Sherman of SNL for Halloween. And we kind of nailed it. You did. And I didn't want you to tie your hair up. I wanted your hair coming out. You wanted a little mullet. Yeah, 'cause maybe you really would have looked like me if you had your mullet out. Okay, for the live calls, we'll go. I'll go mullet for the live calls. He was really. Do you remember how insistent he was on making sure his hair was tucked up into the wig? I was an insistent. I'm all for it. Elders is more insistent than me. I thought we might as well. You guys love dressing up in costume. As we discussed before, we're showmen. We put on a real. We're not on some bullshit little show, little rinky dink show called SNL. We make real entered. There was nothing rinky dink about the bats coming down from the ceiling. Hit it. Show fucking Sarah what kind of operation we run here. Let her know again. Whoa! Did it suck? Whoa! God damn it! Can you pull back up at least? You know what? I would love. I would love to have a reason to sue staff. I would love to milk you for $150,000, 'cause I got a bat in my eye. All right, whatever. And that, wait, why is the skeleton's arm stuck like that? Thank God it's not straight. It is though. You could do a bent arm pile. No, you think so? I think it still. You know what? I will say from watching World War II movies. From watching. All right, for our listeners, I was trying to make a point about how professional we are here. Literally every decoration is failed. It was. Can we have scissors? We should just cut those. All right, all right, it's over. You can leave them as fun. No, no. It's okay, that was their main cue. Okay, great. They got their mate. Well, sit if you can. No, no, no, no, I like it. Oh my goodness! Thank you. Well, I forgot. Sarah Normal hates bats. Well, I said, we swapped. That is true. You have beautiful long hair like I normally did. Yeah, exactly. Exactly. And you sat me next to a skeleton to give me body dysmorphism. Yeah, this goes. It's so much hotter than you. You think she's skinnier than me? She looks younger than me too. That's so funny to keep where. Skinny is. I feel like that was a 90s thing to worry about. Oh, it's back. Skinny back. That's just what you were looking for. Skinny is so back. Skinny's never been more back. I hate that. When she's talking about everybody's on GLP, everything. I guess you're right. I did meet somebody who got Skinny's hell on GLP's and they were not fat at all. No, but that everybody's on it. You don't even have to be fat to be on it. You should be fat to be on it. They're taking our medicines. They're taking your medicine. This is so messed up. They're taking your medicine to make us sick. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. They make the cure illegal. To make the. They give you the sickness and give you the cure or whatever. No. And they give you the cure? They sell you the cure. They make the remedies illegal. I don't even know that quote. I just guess. Sorry, but I'm not. My brain is not functioning at a high enough level. Because I'm blonde today. Do you think, okay, back to our discussion. Do you think it was a fork in the road moment where if you had gotten juicy, what have you gotten juicy's tracksuit? I wanted a aquamarine neon aquamarine juicy tracksuit and I wanted a charm bracelet. But my parents wouldn't buy me anything I wanted because they thought if I gave me. If they thought if they bought me stuff, it would make me a bad person. So they never. All the girls growing up had like American girl dolls birthday parties and my parents were like, I'm not buying you a hundred dollar doll that's disgusting. And so they wouldn't even let me go to anyone's birthday party at the moment. They wouldn't let your old doll place. They wouldn't even let you in the building. And then for Hanukkah 'cause it's eight nights, you would think we would be, you know, Jews get very gluttonous during that period. Right. Just get like eight nights of presence. But I got, I remember one year, every night of Hanukkah it was pencil, pencil, pencil. And then the last night was pencil case. (laughing) Well, what they should have done to give you the doll, dismember the doll. Right. Give you a different order. My dad didn't give me a dismember doll. Really? Every night you should get another leg, you get the hand. That is, yeah. And you get that would have been good. And it would have taught you how to build a room. How to build, yes. It would have given you real world skills. Right. And then it would have been a doctor, a doctor. Then you would have been a doctor. And that's true. And that's true. My dad got me, my dad got addicted to, oh my god. What is the website? It's like an auction. It's not Craigslist. It's not eBay. It's an auction. Back page. (laughing) Ashley. Your dad, your dad was a thinker. Ashley Madison. (laughing) So, what was the name? Beautiful woman's name. I'm kind of looking like I'm serving Ashley. You are, you would be the toast of Ashley Madison right now. You even wore a push up, brother. Oh wow. Really? Yeah. Your shop. (laughing) I thought you taped them down. (laughing) You thought I chestered them? Yeah. Yeah. This is me trying. This is me trying. He got me like dad. What? No, go on, go on. I say you look incredible. Right. You should dress like this every day. You guys saw that, right? Is there, do you guys have HR? It's, it's eldest. No. Sorry baby, no one will ever believe that. (laughing) Back to work. (laughing) Work, I'm not going to pay for this. You're getting paid $7.25 minimum wage. (laughing) Honey, how do you care about a wage gap? As long as I have a thigh gap. (laughing) She's already working on her next hour folks. Folks folks, they're normal. I am working on their normal hour. That would be honestly. Yes. It's going to be hilarious when that takes off. Oh, I, uh. You, Sarah Normal will be the biggest commit. If you just do like warmed over Twitter jokes. Yes. If you do, if he wanted to, he would style comedy. Yeah. That is what it is. Yeah. I'm doing right now. I have, you know me. Uh, it's taken me six months to do 20 minutes more. Of course, of course. No problem. Of course. Well, what do I got? Well, you're busy. You're in the background of, you know, when Marcelo's doing something funny. Right. You're in the background. Well, actually Marcelo and I have a bunch of pic with you. Has he been writing me into sketches lately? Maybe it's because I pull focus because I'm so stunning away. Marcelo. Yeah. I don't know if you guys have been watching the season, but I am turning it out with woman going, hey, what's going on here? I'm weird. We've, we've, we're a little behind. We'll catch up on the, we'll catch up on the rerun. Well, you guys have missed me as, let me see. Yeah. I can't really. Nothing's coming. No. No. This is actually any desk feet. Are you an animal on the desk? No, I was a, I was a woman with long hair. Okay. Okay. Are we listening? I'm listening. Anna Pusha brought in a necklace. Okay. And I think it was record low YouTube views for any. - No, sketch, ever. - Yeah. - I think it was like, I think I saw the number go down. (laughing) - They put up a sketch from like the year Lauren left where it was like weirdly like Robert Downey Jr. and like a Julia Louis Drifus and that did way better. - Oh my God, it was like, and then I was like, I said to someone, I was like, maybe people didn't like recognize it, it was like me? (laughing) - Can you rename it and put in parentheses Sarah Sherman? - Yeah, can you rename it and put it maybe just like porn? (laughing) Is that how? If you guys named this episode porn, what'd it get more? - It would do less actually. You got to go right up to the line. - Oh. - So it's simulated sex. - No, maybe in case something about push up bra, parentheses real. - Yeah. - But it's so, it's so padded that I don't even feel the same way. And I have very sensitive breaths. (laughing) That's how padded it is. - And it feels good. I feel like I'm getting more respect. - Yeah, absolutely. I would say that. I respect you more. - Thank you. Sarah normal activity coming to it. - Sarah normal activity is incredible. - I know, that's what I want to do. - Okay, this is good. That's actually a good idea. - Right, it'll be good. Okay, I got 20 minutes. We want to hear one, I can tell you one of the jokes that I've already had a phase out. - Yeah, yeah, go ahead. - Okay, so I'm like, oh, I named my daughter, Cyclist Bora. It's the name for a woman who makes you weak at the knees and loosen the bowels. - Okay. (laughing) - Awesome, so it's great. - So I wouldn't go with that stuff. - Right, no. - I would do more like, instead of actual jokes, I would do parodies of bad girl comedy. - Yeah, but the problem is it's too fun to write jokes. - Yeah. - You know what I'm saying? So that's what I'm like, the trap that I'm in right now. - It's got to be a mix. We'll touch base afterwards. I want to be, I want an EP credit on Sarah normal activities. - Okay, I'm gonna name $200,000. (laughing) - Let's negotiate off my-- - Yeah, and-- - I see you're joining $1,000, I raise you $200. - I'll take it, I'm starving. (laughing) - Okay, you're not allowed to go to the American Girl doll. - Yeah, oh, but my dad, he got addicted to this like auction website. And he's like, you know, when people are like, oh, you like weird crap, like everybody gets you. I'm sure people get, are you ever offended by the presence people get you? - Oh, right, right. Like they just give you the thing they most, it's like the immediate association with you and a worse version of, like if somebody gets me a tracksuit. - Right. - It's always gonna be a shit of your tracksuit. I have done so much research on tracksuits. - Right. - Don't get me one. If someone gets you, for example, this, this, I took across it. - And they have. (laughing) - And I'm like, what am I putting out there that makes people think that I want that? - Yeah. - Right, why aren't you, oh, I'm asking for it. Like I get, you know, whatever, but my dad saw God bless him. He saw, it was being advertised on this auction website as like a sculpture, and it was like a chopped up baby doll with like blood and intestines coming out, and boogers coming out of the nose. - That's kind of sick. - Yeah, and he drove like all the way to somewhere in New Jersey to pick it up. - That's cute. - I know. - That's a good gift for you. - It's awesome. My dad, like he, you know, he gets, he's like an old Jewish guy from Long Island and he's like addicted to deals. So he saw someone was selling like-- - You must love haggling. - Oh my God. - Yeah. - And if it's like haggling for like me, he got me, you know what? - Right. - My daughter? - Yeah. - Plus haggling? - Yeah. - I mean, immigrants love haggling too. Like, to the point, you either go, one of my friends, because his dad loves haggling, it was the only time he ever saw his dad be a man. (laughing) It was when he like, haggled. And I had the opposite where it was like, I would be so embarrassed to like be there like, 'cause, and my mom was literally trying to make us have money, right? But in my mind, I'm like, mom, stop being a fucking annoying. - Benchie, hey, for Benchie. - Yeah, and so like, I, I, to this day have a problem haggling, unless it's business stuff, then I love it. - Sure. - But like, you know, and now-- - Well, you like being meantchie. You don't like-- - I don't-- - I hate that. Yeah, I hate, yes, exactly, yes. I don't wanna be cheeky. - I was actually thinking, have you noticed? Have you noticed? In our generation, here I go. - Yeah, go crazy. - Yeah, here I go. Everyone, everyone like self-identifies as like non-confrontational nowadays. - Right. - Like, I think a point of pride, like it's like something-- - Which is just being a coward. - Right, yeah. - But I do think, I actually identify as very, very confrontational to a ball. Like, I feel like I'm always looking for a fight. - That's true. - And I do think it's because I was raised by like, wandering, haggling Jews. (laughing) 'Cause like Jews are wandering in the desert for 40 days and 40 nights. They're out there. - It was way longer than that. - Right, right. - For 40 years. For 100. - Right. - 40, 40 is too long. Even though back then, they say they lived a thousand years over there. But I think it was 40. Classically, the story is, they're trying to get to the land of milk and honey. - Right, and then they parted the scene. - Imagine being nine, and then you're fucking 49. - It's still walking. - And you just get to fuck it. And then didn't, right after that, Egypt make you build the pyramids or whatever. - Oh, I just looked. - Yeah, yeah, let's check it with Bill Mar. He'll let us know that story. - Actually, when I talk about, I mean, you're gonna love the, oh, you guys are gonna love this. Hold on to your clown nose. (laughing) Is that a comforting sound? - It's actually really good. - It is, it's a soothing, it's hilarious. Who doesn't like a clown? I never understand when people are like, I'm afraid of clowns. What part, the part where they're making you smile and when they're making you smile. Oh, I have to tell you guys about the gathering. - Oh, yes. You were at the gathering of drugs. - Because of this show. - Yes, because remember I went on, right? - The magic happened. That's right. And you said you wanted to do it. I remember this. - I'm ready. - Try to get me to go. - Yes. - No, they're respect to the jugalos out there. - You better not, you better not be disrespecting them. You do not want to be on the hardcore. - I don't want to be on this. I respect you guys. I would love to make love to a couple of jugalettes. If it works out, but I don't want to, I'm just too old to be at a festival setting in general. - No, and you would have passed away. - Yeah, I can't do that right now. Bad back, you know what I mean? - You wouldn't even touch one toe onto the campground. - Sandy, what did Sandy? - Do you want me to tell you the whole, well, I feel like I jumped around too much. - Okay, I was just gonna say, I was just gonna say, hold on to your clown hats because you guys are gonna love what my therapist said about Israel. - Oh, more therapy. - More, oh please tell us. - Well, I just like, when I talk about it, you know, feeling, I talk about Israel all designed with therapy, 'cause it's like, - Another sign you shouldn't be that, going to that much therapy. - I'm upset. - You gotta knock it down. I get it, but that's with your therapist. - Yes. - And what are they gonna say? - Well, he said he goes, because you are upset about Israel and everything they're doing, because that's actually, it's actually very un-Jewish to have a homeland, because we wander in the desert for 40 days and 40 days or whatever. - Yeah. - He's like, you're actually a wandering person. - I think he's probably the killing the kids thing more than that, but (laughing) I think if I had to rank it, yes, that is very, and it is truly like, we're, and anytime anyone does shit like this under the guise of religion, it's so funny when you see the actual scripture. And it's like, yeah, be nice to people, fucking share with your neighbors and everybody. - Right, but be menchie. That's like, what being Jewish is, it's like being menchie. - It is, yeah, I'm sure it's gotta be a crazy thing for your generation, 'cause it is so generational. - Yes. - Like parents and kids of this age. - Also, hey, listen, I've born a raised-long island, 100% in Jewish community. I was 13, and you know, I went to a conservative synagogue, and I was like, one of the only kids who didn't go on birth right, but I didn't have a reason why. I was just like, ah, something's off, good for you. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - But I didn't have a reason. - Interesting. - But it's because, and this, my analyst says he goes, because you knew, it's not deep down, it's not very Jewish, it's not very menchie to go. - I bet you, if your parents were like, we'll get you juicy tracks, if you go on birth right, you'd be there in a second. - I do remember. - And a charmed bracelet, and I get a juicy traction and a charmed bracelet and a salad slice from centipedes. (laughing) - I do remember being jealous of my Jewish friends when I heard about birth, right? I was like, what? You get, I mean, I was jealous of so much of it, because it is a recruit, it's like a star-wide receiver going to like university of Alabama to get recruited. They're like, they want you to go to Israel, so it's like awesome there. - Yes. - Every story was like, yeah, sick. There were parties, we got jerked off, it was like-- - Well, that's part of it. - That's part of it. - They jerk you off to make you sick with it. Yeah, it's part of it. And I said, something's not right here, and it's not 'cause I'm afraid of getting jerked off at the end of it. (laughing) It's not because of my sexual dysfunction. It's something else. (laughing) There's something, there's something afoot here. - Sure, sure, sure. - But maybe if I went on birth right, it would have been serenormal. - Serenormal, yeah. You get that juicy drag suit and you go to birth right, you're serenormal right now. - Eh. - You have a podcast talking about like, how fucked up men are right now. - Dude, oh. - How fucked up their behavior is. - Guys. - The girl, the girl boss hour, the girl boss hour was serenormal. - They, yeah. - You have like a, yeah, your co-host, you'd have like a co-host where you have like, a friend of me's relationship. - And I would have like a messy bun. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You would love talking about like, yeah, your coffee would be big for you. - Right. - You'd have it in a big tumbler. - Right. - You'd drink coffee? - I was just drinking it right now. - Okay, okay. - Yeah. - He's not very observant. I was just drinking a coffee in his kitchen. (laughing) I thought he would be like, I was seeing every single thing I'd do is I'm in this little tiny outfit. - Right, that's true, that's true, that's true. - I thought you'd be watching me like a hawk. (laughing) I go to sleep thinking about the coffee when I have the next morning. I love, you guys coffee heads. Oh, this is, oh, we're off to my eighth podcast here. - You guys, like, I mean, I'm the asshole for asking you, do you drink coffee? I am ostensibly the host of the show. And immediately when I go, I follow up our Israel conversation with, do you drink coffee? (laughing) - I think it's because you're nervous around me 'cause my belly buttons out. - Yeah, yeah, I'm super nervous right now. - It is crazy to walk around with your midriff out. - Right, I'm jealous of that. - My midriff is out. - I'm thinking, I think next summer I might go, I think I might go, like, midriff out a little bit, but in the way that 80s, like football players would have like short. - Oh, like Johnny Depp and Nightmare on Alms Street. - Maybe, not tight, like, loose, poor Johnny Depp. Was it loose, I don't remember. - Oh, like, like, pull it up. - He was, by the way. - You guys do that point to it. Hello. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. By the way, you want to talk about pieces of ass. - Oh my gosh. - Young Johnny Depp. - I know. - He fucked it. - He looked like that. - So beautiful. - He's so beautiful and cry, baby. - Oh, you're afraid. (laughing) - This is why there's gonna be a new letter in the LGBTQ rainbow alphabet for you. - That's right. - As for Stov. - As for Stov, I'm in there. - As for Stov. - Anyway, yeah, I see what you mean. Yeah, I mean, I do think that it is like a, it must feel, I mean, when it's chilly out, when it's hot, it must be nice to have your midriff out. - Well, but I was gonna say, you were the kind of golds gym tank tops where, like, either one of them were nipples. And it's only one at a time. - You're so funny. - You are the observed one, 'cause that happens to be a PT. And it's like an old lady working on her hip. It's like, you know what I mean? It's like me with a bunch of old people. And I'm just like. - You have one shit popping out. - I'm like, yeah, I'm doing like planks for my back. And like one titties out, gold chains hanging out. I look really funny in PT. - I think you have a new gold chain. I also observed that as well. - Yeah, the butcher knife. - The butcher knife is for Tony. - Oh. - Yes, yes. - Was that the swag, or you did that for yourself? - I did it for the premiere and I just enjoyed it, so I'm keeping the butcher knife. - Damn, as it sharp. - It's not that sharp, sir, okay. - But I did, I did cut myself on the real knife. Any time you want to fucking Google Johnny Depp nightmare on your own. - Oh my God, relax. He's hard. That's why I want to serve him. - Not cry, baby. Yes, yes, yes, yes. - Look at this tank top. Oh, there it is, there it is. Oh, it's not a tank top. It's just this midriff. Look at that. I would go a little loose, shorter sleeves, a little looser. - It's pretty loose. Like when he gets dragged up into the ceiling. - Yeah. - Can you try to do that when you play the clip? - Ooh, yeah. - When he gets dragged up into the ceiling, he is wearing a loose tank top, I think. - Yeah. - A little loose. - Well, yeah, exactly. I'm gonna be doing shit like this in the summer. - Well, by the way, before I start sexually thirsting over his tiny body, can we Google how old he was when he was? - Well, relax. - No one is, yeah, actually look that up. Let's see if Sarah's, if we trick Sarah into being a pedophile. - It's okay, it's not me. I'm just hungry. - Oh yeah, Sarah, normal. - How? - 20. - 20. - No, that's not cool. - But to say he looks good, you can say that. You're not saying you want to fuck. - Yeah, it's like medical. It's like when you go to the doctor, you're like, look, you look sturdy. - Yeah. (laughing) - By the way, I have a friend, I'm not gonna name her Nate. She knows exactly what I'm talking about. She had the biggest, most amazing breasts you've ever seen. You would have, I mean, soft would have gone full techs every would have. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Every time she would go to a breast reduction consultant, two times the doctors went, the doctors said, "I like in good conscience, cannot offer." - These titties are too beautiful. - They were like, buoyant round. - They went to the Stavrosakis medical school. (laughing) That's in my fucking, the oath, what is it, the Greek oath? - No, I will not do harm to anyone on earth with eyes. - Damn, and she chopped them off. - Yep. And by the way, back problems went away. She wear different types of shirts. So, rock on, sister. - Okay, well, you know, like she, yeah, then the world is a fucking bleaker place also. - Great, now he's emo for Halloween. (laughing) - Yeah, now I am emo. I wanna speak, yeah, speaking of Halloween and emo. I did, okay, let's talk about this, Halloween episode after all. Some Halloween crushes with you of the classic monsters. - Oh. - Dragula, Frankenstein, Wolfman Mummy. - Oh. - I mean, I think there's a clear who do you wanna fuck the most? - Well, I have my answer, and this is gonna be, it might be like, vague narcissism, 'cause I think I kind of look like this guy, but I find him really hot. Look up the trickster from brain skin. (laughing) - Okay, I said, the four big ones, and you're coming up with a trickster. - Okay, let me have this. (laughing) - Good. - Go to the raw chicken, go to the raw chicken. (laughing) - The trickster from brain skin. That's a pretty good evil guy. - And Ben, Benny but Cheeks, as I look like this guy. - Okay, and you know how much I love to attack your appearance, I don't actually see it. - Really? - I think you're more beautiful than the trickster. - Oh, the hair. - I'm casting a spell over something. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, literally, it's that easy. You put on white claws. (laughing) - I think you're more beautiful than this grotesque figure from a minor 80s horror movie. - Pretty major for me, but go on. Wait, what were you say, Dracula, Frankenstein, the mum? - Dracula, Frankenstein, the mummy, the wolf man. - I just like get Dracula so deep. - Dracula is clearly the answer. He's so hot. - He's so, he's so full of desire, but he's also, he is homosexual. But that's part of it. - Oh, you, oh, that actually for you, that's might be a plus. - Yeah. - Because you won't have to have sex with him. (laughing) - Well, his version of sex is just sucking. - Yeah, true, true, true, yeah. - He's missed a suck. - You don't think he has, you don't think Dracula has penetrative intercourse? - No, because I think that the vampire's desire is, it's a different form of desire. - Well, I watch-- - And it's a millennia of loneliness. Oh, so the longing is part of it, too. - Well, in the Bram Stroker's Dracula. - It's small for you, it's slow for you. (laughing) - Well, in the, in the-- - Keanu. - Keanu, Keanu, Winona Ryder, Coppola, an incredible movie. - Best movie ever. - Dracula takes the form of a wolf in Fox her. Do you remember that? (laughing) - Too late, no, but he fucks the other one. - The other one, the other one, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Oh my god, make God strike me dead for not remembering her name. - Oh, but, but, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, put this one in. I've crossed oceans of time to find you. - Yeah. - Hello. - That's incredible. That's incredible. - Hello. - My nipples knifeing through the push-out bra. - That's me saying that to my 20 years younger than me wife when I marry her. (laughing) - 20, 300 years younger than me. (laughing) The European Dracula, too. - I think of those, so first of all, let's talk about this a little bit. I think the only two arguments are probably, I think Frankenstein and Dracula are your two arguments because they're two-- - They're the alien, they're the manifestation of alienation and like-- - Well, because Eldis is a bit of Frankenstein, right? A big idiot, a big nice idiot, right? You kind of, you know-- - You'd out of stone together, dead guys. - Exactly, yeah, yeah. Frankenstein's a little more athletic than an Eldis, I would say. - Sorry, Frankenstein's monster. - Frankenstein's monster's a little more live (laughing) than Eldis, but, you know, there's big tall-- - You're like Stov's monster. - I am. - Yeah, Dr. Halciss's monster. - Dr. Halciss's Eldi's side. - Yeah. - I could, Franken, Eldi's side. - I can't, you go. We haven't worked on the pun region of his brain yet. That's on Eldenstein 2.0. But then, drag it, obviously, seduction. I disagree with you. I think he has penetrative intercourse. I think, especially if he makes you-- - Yeah, like his fangs, - That's the penetration. - No, but what about the hot, he's got concubine, when you already have vampires-- - Well, this is-- - And by the way, that scene where Keanu-- - I'm being-- - In the bed. - To me, I was like-- (humming) - Do you want to hear my brag of the century? - Please. - So I'm in Canary's one time. - Wow. - Yeah. - I also met him-- - Okay, well, I'm-- (laughing) - 2 and 1/2 years ago, so I think I met him before. - Wait, I don't know if he did. - Well, and then I went up to him and I was like, Dracula's my favorite movie. And he was like, so ex-- He's so nice and he was so excited to hear that. And he started quoting it. He went like, the dirt, the dirt. And then he was like, I'm sorry, that was embarrassing. And I was like-- - Okay, you beat me. - I couldn't-- - I couldn't speak. - You beat me because I saw-- I met him very briefly on the set of a movie. He was shooting, and he was so in the zone. I mean, I wasn't in the movie. I was just there. - Good to hear. - I don't think I could take any more success. (laughing) - That's how I feel about you blowing it. I'm like, oh, thank God. (laughing) So I made a mistake, another mistake recently. So he was about to shoot, and he was in the, and, you know, and I pathetically on my phone had loaded up the Halloween that I was John Wick. And I was just, I was waiting for an opportunity. I just never got it. - Shoot. - Never got it. And it broke my heart, but-- - He's really nice. He did, he did his dirt lines from Dracula. - And by the way, I think he gets too much shit. Every time people talk about that movie-- - Oh, oh, oh, that-- - Everyone says he's horrible. And like, he's amazing in that fucking movie. - That character should give that kind of-- No, look. - I agree. - Could he have worked with a dialect-- - No, no, no, no, no. It was a little bit, maybe. - Maybe the accent-- But the actual performance is really good, I think and yet who is the other one is Winona and who's the other one to be beautiful the blind fuck She's so L this find out. Sorry. We're being morning on Halloween. Put this out. We know every actor in the movie cut this out. I found oh Yeah, go to the go to the cast, please Sanger of fraught Sadie Frost. No, or maybe actually when she was younger. Huh look up Sadie Frost. Yeah Anyway, look up hot. Oh Monica Baluch. Oh Monica Baluch is one of the concubines See this is the kind of shit. I should be booking. Oh, yeah, it is her. Yeah, yeah, you think you should be playing You should be booking the roles that fucking that Monica Baluch again. I would pay money to see you try and be hot on camera Well, that's why I said I'm serenormal. My my serenormal could do it. Serenormal could do special is gonna change every oh my god This is you trying to regulate your sexuality with a character This is you trying to feel because the only way you could ever right actually try and tap into real sexual desires If I'm joking saying it's art and a joke if I'm joking smart. That's good for you. Wait, what it keep her on has a great special She's a perfect and she if we're gonna be just completely honest, right Capeland was supposed to do the Halloween episode and her travel plans changed We had you tapped in for Christmas and we were like let's move Sarah up to Halloween It makes more sense. It's actually better. But yes, we had we had hate on it. She had to postpone her trip Honestly, yeah, you are let's be honest. Capeland is better than you She's incredible. I was gonna say because she has it. Yeah, like I might have a kid as a chill. Yeah, yeah, she crushed that Parmesan go watch it folks Yeah, Parmesan and then you know if you feel like it watch Sarah Squirm live in the flesh came out a year ago Actually after that update that bomb that I just told you about yeah, I literally ran up because you know It's a live studio audience. I like I had a quick change where I had to run from the update set to a quick change booth for another scale isn't a live show I had like a minute-long change wig whatever I Found the time in my big run. You're getting pulled by your dressers I found the time to break away from my dresser and take two people by the shoulders and the audience going where are you And they were like oh, I think they're like are they allowed to touch us and people saw I were like oh my god Oh, it's everything okay. Yeah, yeah, well, they were late laugh. That's all right, man. You'll get them next time. Will I up and look who's to say yeah But maybe Capeland Great special. Oh, she has I was really forward to discussing it with her, but let's go back I said I thought it was great. Let's go back so the live taping. Oh, you did it was awesome That's cool. So much. I watched the special the second came out actually I thought it was coming out the night before Loaded up the HBO homepage. I go. Oh, I got a wait another day. Yeah, I got an advanced copy Events media being so remember of the media. Oh The Greek media as a member of the media Um, you guys make me sick. You really do really do. Can we get back the matter in hand? Oh, yeah, Frankenstein versus Dracula Um, and you get it's just like makes me sick. You're a nice office nice light Well, it's not nice. Did you have a gorgeous apartment in nice office? That's true. That is true And you know, we're just here. You were in a clowns who are going who do you suck first? You know, everyone is a fun of George Carlin for going like, but you know, like, you know, we're everyone made fun of Dennis Leary for going like Machiado, you know, whatever, but it's like Comedians are doing now I have said we're in a dear of culture and I'm part of it. I know that. Nadir now. Let's get back to it. You know, you're better than this thing shit like Beautiful woman's name Nadir Nadir would be hot. Yeah, like a hot Indian girl Okay, maybe Persian actually anyway So I would say the wolfman I watch the original I was watching the old like universal mom. Yeah, the wolfman movie sucks It's like does it? Yeah, it's not good Dracula's awesome. Yeah, well, Belugosi's so good In fact, Belugosi is the best part of the wolfman. He plays the original wolfman. He's a traveler You know, a different G word yeah, he's incredible. I'm gonna I'm gonna I haven't really watched this stuff I'm diving the fucking cuz Dracula was so fucking good, but yeah, wolfman sucks and I have to see original Frank's I have to see the mommy, but the mommy. I don't know he's doing this And you don't see much so it's yeah, he's out unless he has a huge haul going to that Thing if he had a paw print He had a David Bowie Labyrinth paw print through the bandages Pretty good, but I think That's now you want to talk about a piece of ass and the yeah, I mean, that's that's a crazy piece of ass You know what's funny like you know, it's funny. Yeah, please say to get people Tell me the I'm always cute. I have I know this is like trite to say sure, but sure doesn't have a matter Yeah, what else is new I My okay my my algorithm is quite interesting hit me with it because I will think things are like front page news Because of what's being forced to me, so the number one news story on my shit for like a full week like Machine gun into my brain was the monkey bone re-release Is that just for me that's a 100% free. I I probably don't have like I get some of re-release stuff too Monkey bone did not cross my desk. That was my desk now. I want to tell you something. I am in I haven't seen it I'm interested in actually I saw it when I was a little kid because Because I think because I don't remember which one came first with the George the jungle But Katana's in that I was a big Katana guy first of course and I watched it. It was a classic library rental My mom got but I do not remember a fucking thing that happened in it and I kind of want to see it Remember monkey bone oldest. I remember being scared. I saw when I was little and it's like dark psychedelia. Yeah, yeah, yeah But you know that's to you. It's just your site Are Sarah are Sarah squirm costumes? I did I did what did I say when I walked down? I said I do have pants like yeah I know what do you think we got we rated your closet for these So why it smells like so are creamy I didn't say it. I didn't have to Certainly didn't have to I don't think of who else is like really hot really hot Horror yeah, you would not mean you're a horror head. I know, but I'm trying to think of like who the hottest is for me You'd probably want to fuck hell razor Yeah It's all about pleasure in me Frank Frank is hot Frank Hellraiser Mm-hmm look at What about like creature of the black lagoon like shape of water and that kind of thing? Oh Aquatic monster. Yeah, I mean for me. Oh God look at Frank. Look at Frank. Frank the first picture of Frank Frank is I mean yes Frank before his hot as hell Yeah, or when he look at Jesus wept Frank Hellraiser That's the hook chain face Jesus Oh, yeah, when he's like all yeah, that was He can kind of get the damn I should watch Hellraiser and you know what beetle chooses hot Beetle just he's a horn dog. That's a good one. Yep. Yep. I mean for me it was definitely nightmare before or night before Christmas the Goth Blah blue girl. Yeah skinny blue girl. She's Sally and you're wondering why everybody wants to be skinny now Well, no, I just don't think they made very voluptuous children's horror things. Where's there are children's like a voluptuous a bit your Pog Oh Oh my god. Oh virus gotta beat the top, you know sure sure sure who else maybe maybe bright of Chuckie cuz you know The real version Yeah, that's a good one. That's a good and she has a tattoo on her boobs and draws the eyes and she looks horned the doll looks Yeah, she's really Tiffany. Yeah, I that's a great movie. She got boobs. Oh, man good stuff (laughs) - What was the first, 'cause you, what started loving horror movies for you? 'Cause you do love them. Your classic horror head. - Um, I kind of have a lame answer. - Yeah. - I was a-- - Friday the 13th. - I was addicted to Edward Scissorhands. - Okay. - I saw that movie. - Well, it comes back to Johnny bad. - Yeah, well, that's my hair too. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - My whole life, I've just tried to look like Edward Scissorhands. - Yeah, that's so cool. - All right, I know you guys don't, sorry, put a picture-- - That's so hard to, yeah. (laughs) - I really like this. And now your editors have to do it. - They won't do any of it. - Please. - Do different stuff than she asked for. (laughs) - Picture of my hair, picture of Edward Scissorhands. (laughs) - Edward Scissorhands, huh? I was always scared. I was a coward when it came to horror movies. - If that counts, then you gotta say what, don't end that. - Oh my God. - Of course. - That's the most stunning woman alive it's insane. - I mean, when I heard that was going around that she was dating the guy from Counting Crows, that guy who got-- - He had to fuck everyone, but that he was complaining that she wanted to fuck too much. - Yeah, was that real? - I've chosen-- - That was Jameeraquai. - Oh, Jameeraquai. - No, no, you're right, it was Jameeraquai. And I will say right now, fuck Jameeraquai for that. You're a fucking Kate Winslet you dumb ass. Where did the fuck do you even get Kate Winslet? - Must be muscle memory. (laughing) - Damn, look at this. - That is crazy. - I mean, that pisses me off. Jameeraquai, I'm gonna fucking shit in your stupid little hat. I would love it. - Yeah, you tell him, stop. - I would love to fill your hat full of shit and press it down onto your fucking head. - Broke up a woman, no, no. 'Cause her breasts were too big. - How was Brian Jubei all the time? - That one's crazy. - That's not true. - Although maybe that's part of what you're talking about. Skinny is too, maybe some people valued, I mean, to me the idea that you would not like Big Titch is literally, I literally can't wrap my head around it. - Well, but this is also Mommy's boy. If you had-- - Whoa! Four times therapy, four times a week, coming at me with the most obvious one for one. You like Titch, you must love sucking your Mommy's Titch. - And I'm not saying that as a titless, wonderfully big fat legs and a huge ass. (laughing) I certainly don't have a dog in this. (laughing) - Yeah, you're right, it's 'cause I have Mommy issues that I love Big Titch, not that they're objectively awesome. But you know what? I am a Mama's boy, so what can I say? You got me there. You got me there, you know, dead to rights. You got me dead to rights there. And I, but Liz, at the same time, it's like, maybe that's what I'm saying. Maybe Jemeerquai got caught up in the heroin chic of the '90s and was like, I can't be seen around with this big titted animal. Or maybe she was going full Nicky obsession mode and tried like fucking him to death. - Sure, sure. - Oh, good job. - Hey, where's boys to go? (laughing) - Literally, that's literally what I was about to say. (laughing) - I was watching obsession the whole time. I was like, if I was like, you know, when I was a looser in college, none of this would have like, I wouldn't have been like, this is weird. I'd be like, this is awesome. - Yeah. - He's obsessed with me. - I could have gotten over it. - The pee and the poop. She's standing there peeing and pooping. - I could have gotten over it if all the other stuff was awesome. I would have been thrilled. Don't get me wrong. That would have been a tough day. But then I wake up and she's sucking my dick. I'm like, everybody shits and pisses. - Did she piss on? - Well, I think for the horror movie, no, but in real life, she would have. - Right. - Right. - If she's obsessed, she's going to suck you off. - Right. - I know. - What about it? - You try to conjure her. - Yeah, exactly. - Where was that? - Where was that? - That's a huge plot point, Curry Baker. - Right. We'll deal with him the next time you see him. - I have never seen him, but yeah. Listen, Curry, I'm down. If you need a head consultant or just a fat guy, I know you're probably going to use your fat friend as the comic relief in your movies forever. But if you need a second fat guy, that kid's not that fat, but he has a fat face. - And you're getting less fat by the day. I'm worried about you. - I will have a lot of skeletons in this. - First of all, I weigh 275 pounds. - Me too on a good day. - But I do have to lose weight for my back and for like, we have finally come to the point where my heart a little bit, I guess, I have this, you know, I talk to a doctor and they're like, yeah, if you lose 70 pounds, you'll be fine. And so I think I will have to do that. That's my goal is to weigh, which is crazy to say 205. - Right. - Because I want to just weigh the amount that as fat as I can be and live. That's how much I'd like to weigh. I wish I could be fat or honest. I love being fat, but what are you gonna do? - Right. - You gotta live, you're 37, you ruin your body, being fat and doing drugs and shit. - Hey, but you book. - Yeah, you book, you're one of the only guys holding down. - That is true. That is true, you know. - And you lost out one of your roles to the resident evil guy with the rats coming out of his stomach. You didn't see it? - Oh, oh, yeah, I didn't see it. No, that's good, that's good. I thought you were talking about Paul Walter Hauser for a second because he was in that movie. - That's right. - Because I was watching him and I was like, that I was jealous as fuck of that role. - Oh, really good part. - It's a great part. - That movie was a thing. - It was really good. - Awesome. - It was really, in 90 minutes it would be, went by like that. - It felt like you're on a rollercoaster. You go in, you have a great time, you leave, it's awesome. - Not that serious, not that have fun. - Multiple, actually, multiple stoppies rolled. Yeah, we had both Griffin and Zach Cherry, friends of the program. - Friends of the program. - Friends of the program, Griffin, new men and Zach Cherry played little fucking scientists nerds in that and did a good job. It was a real stretch for Griffin, the boy of the nerd and for Zach to play a fat nerd. (laughing) - Zach, my co-worker. - Really? - Well, we were both in a movie. - What movie? - Well, I had a couple lines. - What movie. - The Camp Niasma movie. - Oh yes, that's right, you were the, yes, we talked about that. - Yes. - And I will, okay, I don't want this to be me being like, fuck, I wanted that role of fact. - Go, go, I like this. - But I will say. - I love when you go show this Hollywood stop. - No, no, the Camp Niasma's awesome. Zach played a guy who was played a guy in an 80s movie being transphobic. I got it, I think I would have been better at that. - Right. - I think I would have been better at that. - Play your name, sleep. (laughing) - If you need ironic, any kind of racism transphobic. - That's kind of what I built my career on. - Do you're real, right, fucking hell? (laughing) - I would love to. I love Camp Niasma. - I book because of this podcast. - Good, good, good. - I literally came on this podcast. I said, I would like to do, I would like to take the time to use this platform to say that I would like to do the gathering of the drug lovers. - Yes, I did it go. - I have done it because of this podcast. - That's beautiful. - It's checking the time. - Well, because you have to go to fucking dinner, Dickhead. - At six. - Okay. - Oh my god. - Where, how far is it from here? - I have to go to like, where do I have to go? - I don't know, you tell me anyway. - Okay. I'll do it. - Oh, you're fine. - Okay, you're fine. - I'll leave it out, but yeah. You're fine, then. - Okay. - Well, no, so I said, I want to do the gathering on this podcast, and then it worked. - Beautiful. - So I would also like to take the time to say, any Hollywood director, I am free. I am not that busy. I will lose weight. I will gain weight. I will shave my head. I will dye my hair blonde. I'll put it on a pusher, bro. I'll do full frontal. I'll show my ass. - Oh, well, now you're losing jobs. - I won't show my ass. I won't show my teeth. Do anything. I'll do any accent. I'll do it. And I'll do what he says. - Oh, I got a couple of accents for you. I think there's a couple you won't do. - For a prize. - You've given that Ben Shapiro Daily Wire movie. - That? What, Chuckies in that? - Who? - Brad Dorif. - Oh, really? Well, what do you think Chuckie was gonna say now? You think Chuckie's principled? - Well, to me, who I think is a list and who you think he was? (laughing) - It is different. - Yeah, that is true. That is true. The voice of Chuckie or the doll? - Okay, you, first of all, you don't know anything. (laughing) - Bring him up. - Brad or you, well, because you know that Chuckie is a serial killer, got struck by lightning with the doll and then his soul went into the body of the doll. Hello, that was him. - Oh shit, really? This guy, that actually does surprise me. - Isn't that interesting? Well, I was, by the way, the trailer for that movie, put it here. - This guy's Brad Dorif's great. - I know, he's amazing. Actually, he's my favorite episode of X-Files as well. Putting on a fucking planet. - Okay, okay. - Collinette. - Yeah, this guy's a great actor. - Oh, and I have, we didn't even talk about the hottest monster from X-Files. - I don't know that one off the top of my head. - You guys don't watch X-Files. - I do like, was that the monster from the episode where they do walking in Memphis? - No, well, my favorite monster is, can you look up the guy who lives in the drain? He's like the drain monster from X-Files. - Let's talk about the gathering of the jugglers. - Oh yeah, so. - You go to the, because of this program, you got work. - Yes. It ain't actually, and you know what, it just fucking pisses me. (laughing) - Honestly? - Honestly, you see it, right? - Yeah. - I mean, the teeth scare me, but imagine putting your dick in the mouth. (laughing) - I mean, of course. - It goes without saying. - The visual is not great, but it feels like it would feel good to put your dick in that guy's mouth. (laughing) (laughing) So what happens with the gathering? Where does it take place? - This one, they moved to Lake of the Ozark, Missouri. - Okay. - And so it was like a trip. - Yeah, and shout out to Violet J. Love you. Thanks for having me. Okay, I'm gonna say that the Juggalos, first of all, ever since I did the gathering, every show that I've done since, I have full face Juggalos front row and all my shows fucking support me. - Get the fuck out of here. That's incredible. - That's incredible. - The best audience members, they're so sweet. It's awesome. - I love that. - This is why I recommend doing the gathering. - Because it's actually a family. - I think it would be awesome. I don't want to go to the Ozarks museum. - It's really far. - Not there's like mud in here. - I'll say this, not right now. - All right. - If I recover a little bit, my back's feeling healthy. - Wait, what's going on? We gotta get this back. - I know, my back is so fucked, it's crazy. But I'm doing a lot better, actually. - Do you need a brace? - No, I need to do exercises and shit to help it. - Wrap. - That's why I need to lose weight, 'cause I just have a giant, when you have a back problem and you just have like 100 pounds dragging your back every second your weight, yeah. - Yeah. - Sort of kind of a problem you have. - Yeah, it's kind of a problem. - And your friend with the juicy titties. - Yeah. - Imagine, like, I guess I see where he's just coming from, 'cause if I get my stomach sliced off, I would. - You could. - No. - Is that what they do? - No. - How do they slice it off? They suck it out. - Like, there's like, get bashed, gastric bypass surgery or some sort. - Right. - I guess I could theoretically get liposuction, but that seems insane. - Okay. - That'd be a lot of life. - If you did it without talking about it. - That'd be so funny. - If you walked in here, hey. - Hey, what's up? (laughing) - Just pretend it was the GLP one. I could, I guess, disappear for a month and say I like-- - Come back with hair. - No, that would be a bridge too far. - No, it would be a bridge too far. - I'm not doing that. Okay, and it went good. The gather was good. - So what did you say? - Where did you say, okay. (laughing) - How did I say it? (laughing) - What did I say? - So it was bad. - No, I-- - Your performance. - Yes, my performance was not amazing, but that's not what it's about. - That's what it's about the experience. - Well, it's because I was midnight in a circus tent. - Holy fuck. - And by that point, everybody-- - So right at home. - Right at home. - But everyone's so high that they want to just see the cre-- - Of course, one of those music highs should at midnight, you don't wanna see the craziest thing. So I brought Nate Verone and Sandy Honeig. - Love them. - They're amazing and-- - Yes, Sandy. - Sandy buried me. - Of course. - Because she does this thing. - Put in a picture of Sandy. - Friend of the show. - Friend of the show, Sandy. - What, honestly, Sandy shot a very early-- - Oh yeah! - Stop being a baby calendar. - That's right, that's true. - When she still lived here. - And you guys did a show together that I feel like I went to at Union Hall. That's me, that's me. That's a picture of me. - Oh yeah, the triplets or whatever. Was I one of the guest triplets? - I was like-- - Oh yeah, that is you. - That is me. - Oh, you look nice. - Sorry, I mean, that's-- - You look nice there. - Yeah, so what's the problem? - That's my hair. - You're honestly usually not trying that hard if we're being honest. - What do you mean? I'm wearing the most perfectly matching outfit ever. - That's what I mean. No, you're usually not doing that. - Oh, I see, I see. - Like that actually is the best version of what your whole thing. - Well, I had to look nice because I was Q&Aing. Hannah's special that Sandy directed. - Excellent, excellent. So I brought Sandy and she canqueep on command. - Yeah. - So she did her-- - I saw a clip of that. It was one of the best things I've ever seen in my life. - She does a character called the Queep of Comedy. (laughing) - How did you think you could follow that at the Gathering of the Juggalos? - No, it was like, it was embarrassing. - And then you have to go up there? - And you know me, if I say I'm gonna do it an hour, I'm doing an hour. I make good on my promise. - Wow. - So I shouldn't have even. So she gets up, she's killing. - Of course. - She's de-stroying. - She canqueep like nobody's busy. And I brought her because I know that at the like, Juggalette, Ms. Juggalette pageant, they-- - Queeping is part of it. - Queeping is part of it. So I was like, this is perfect. They are like showering her in money. - Yeah. - Like literally, and you know at the Gathering, the whole thing is if you see a dollar on the ground, you don't touch it 'cause it's a poop dollar. - Right. - So then like, we had to check all the money for poop. - Right. - Not of it. - Not of it. - No, because they-- - They respected her queen of fucking abilities too much. - And then the way I got, I thought this would have been, I was like, these are really fucking people. Like I'm gonna fucking destroy. But I'm just talking about gross stuff. I'm not actually doing it. So I was like, my butthole's so crazy. And all these guys in the crowd were like, "Show us!" (laughing) And I was like, and then got to make me more comfortable to feel like I could show them my butthole. - Guys, so the big thing there is huffing spray paint. - Okay. - And silver gets you higher than other colors. - Okay. - So guys with like silver faces running up to the stage being like, "Show us!" (laughing) Spreading their cheeks, showing me their assholes. - Really? - "Show us!" (groaning) - So you saw a lot of hole. - Yeah, and so, and I get that that was them trying to make me feel comfortable, but you know, it's like if you're gonna see my butthole, you're gonna have to make me a lot more. Of course. - Of course. - So whatever. - So you should've tried, did you try and fart or quee for? - I had like, I brought my um, I brought my like visual accompaniment where I have like videos of my-- - Of gross shit. - Yeah, and I have like a video where I have a fake prolapse to asshole that's my mouth like spinning a blood, but it's not like, it's not the craziest thing that I've seen. - It's not the real thing. It's fake. - And they've seen like the crazy, like people were telling me like, "Oh, like you weren't here, like this guy, like put dynamite in his mouth and blew up his teeth for no reason." - Oh my God. - So it's like, everything I'm saying isn't that shocking? - Yeah, of course. - So I kind of feel like-- - No, I'm sure there've been like beheadings at the game. - Yeah, yeah, I did feel like I let everyone down, but at least I get-- They got an hour, trust. - Right, right, right. You brought them the queep of comedy. - I brought them the right. - Well, you should've done was host a variety show of a bunch of freaks. - Right. - You as the MC of that makes a lot of sense. - It's so-- - Next year. - Yeah, next year. Guys, violent J, shaggy, too, dope, look girls. But I will say, the jugglers are at the forefront of the anti-racism movement. - I love that. That's true. - It was, 'cause people had told me like stories like, "Oh my God, like, did you hear what they did to Teela "to Keela, they like threw shit at her." I'm like, that's, I know that my brothers and sisters aren't doing that to me. - Wasn't that because she was, she is racist? - I think she's racist now. I don't know what was going on at the time. - I think she was just bisexual, maybe. - Okay, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And that was new at the time. - Yeah, people had never heard of that. - People had never heard of that. - And people was still, to this day, are questioning whether or not that's even real. - That's your real thing, which is girls who want attention. And guys who are gay, those are the two, that's what the bi-community faces. It's those two allegations. - Right, and like, the small tattoos thing, like I got. - Right, sure, sure. - So I, they had, you know, I brought my own openers and then there was this guy there who was like, I'm an opener too. And I was kind of going like, I don't know who you are here, just kind of a guy who like stepped out of that, 'cause it's like in the, oh, I'm boring him, he's not, he's not. He's not, he, I just saw him a whole story about a guy showing me that asshole. - This is the, make it quick horn. (laughing) - Remina, remina. So this guy, 'cause it's in the middle of the month. - Yes, yes. - And so this guy comes out of the mud into the tent and is like, I'm your opener. And I was like, you know what, I come in fucking piece. - That's right. - You're telling me you're my opener? - All right, he gets on stage and immediately is like, Japanese people shouldn't exist. The entire crowd, all of the jugglers immediately start chanting, fuck this guy, fuck this guy, chucking shit at his head, chucking drinks at his head, violently. - Yeah, yeah. - I think he became so uncomfortable that he had to run off the stage and disappear into the night. - Wow. Who else? Who else in this country is actively like taking up arms and cans and they go to fight racist and stuff. - That's beautiful, man. That's really fucking cool. - Who else is actually making racists so uncomfortable if they have to stop with this? - It's so funny. That literally would have killed on Killtony. That is same act. - You know what he did say? He was like, I'm your opener. And I was like, okay. And he was like, come on, I bid on Killtony. (laughing) - You think that's gonna appeal to me? - To you and the judge. I thought, you know, it's interesting. I wonder what the Venn diagram is of jugglers who like Killtony. - It's a circle. - It's an entertaining show. - It's a, you know. - I was shocked by what I saw. - That's beautiful. - When I watched it. - Yeah, oh yeah. (laughing) - I was, I was, well, first of all. - I'll be honest, I haven't checked in in a while. - It's, you guys should be ashamed of yourself. - Yeah, you go. (laughing) - Killtony back in my day used to be Killkenny. - That's right. Oh yeah, god damn it, you bastards. Yeah, that's good. That's, no, it's not quite a serenormal joke, but it's, it's bad, but. - Yeah, that I know, I don't know. - Wait, so let me, so you're saying it would be like, okay, so you stop. - Yeah, sure. - It would be, um, killtony. - I wish someone would have. - I would get away from me. - Okay. - I would get it. We, I guess, maybe, - Oh, okay, no, it would be like, guys. Oh, no, no, no. Guys would like, much rather killtony than go to therapy. - Yeah, yeah, that's exactly it, that's exactly it. You'd rather kill a guy than get a bed frame for the mattress on the floor. (laughing) What do you have one towel and one set of sheets? Like, yeah, stuff like that. - Oh. Well, you're gonna, no, okay, let me get it. Okay, you're gonna, okay, stop, no, I got it. Okay, you're okay, no, I got it. - You got it, you got it. - No, you're gonna, all that time you took to write a fat joke, you could have been trying to find my clip. - Yeah, exactly, I mean, exactly. You're honestly so crushing it. - I actually think serenormal, it's gonna be the thing that changes everything. - Serenormal is going to change your life. - Yeah. - Serenormal is gonna change your life. - Yeah, that. - And right now, what we have to do is change the lives of our listeners, Sarah. So why don't we hit the visible hotline elders? - What's visible? - Visible, I'm glad you asked. They're actually a wonderful carrier on Verizon network, or wireless carrier. - Wireless carrier. - We love our friends over at visible. - This is when I can, yeah. - All right, you guys got it from here. - And they actually make it possible for us to talk. - Wait, just I have to do one more thing. Where, where's one's my camera? - That one. - Okay. - Come on. - Hi. - Hi, my name is Sarah. - Your teacher literally in frame. - You're out of frame. - You're out of frame dumbass. You have to be sitting down. (laughing) - Is it here? - No, you're still out of frame here. - Okay, there you go. No, you're out. (laughing) - Where's Mike? Can I have a? - Where can I-- - We can do the wide, give her the wide. Give her the wide. - Give her the wide. - Okay. Cause you know how, this is, they do the auditions like this. - Right. - Okay. - Fuck. (laughing) - Okay, could they go, they ask you. - Here, come here. Come in the center. - Hi, my name is Sarah Sherman. I'm five, five. I weigh 89 pounds. My talents include, still figuring that out. (laughing) TV. And I will be auditioning for the role of any woman in your movie. - Excellent. What are you going to just delete that one on the casting director? - Just go ahead and delete that one. (laughing) - Army Astor! (laughing) - You would be great in an Army Astor movie. - Don't worry. We'll boost your mic for that segment. (laughing) - Oh, let's hit the visible hotline, please. And get some damn calls. - Hey, Stav Eldis and a scene guest. I didn't know there was a time limit on the voicemail. So I'm trying again. And I fucked the other one up pretty badly. So here it goes. My friend runs a haunted house every year and I'm sort of co-owner with him. I have access to the Instagram for the haunted house and lately he's been commenting on political posts. (laughing) - To the haunted house. - Nothing but haunted house stuff. He doesn't post anything besides that. But he uses it for commenting on his personal interest. Like before, it would be about football and random bitches he's commenting on. (laughing) So I would ignore those, but like he commented about the UFC fight at the White House somewhere. And for three days, it's been non-stop notifications of people calling him like a retard. He has a brain of a child. He fucking dumb. All that. - He sounds like, I mean- - I'm pretty far left and he- - They don't seem that far off. If he's using the haunted house to talk politics, he sounds stupid. - What did he say? - I think it sounds like it was pro. Which one? I can't tell. - Sounds like he was an anti-IP. - Either way, you're using the haunted house to argue politics is crazy. - What's a haunted house? You mean the White House? - Yeah, there it is. - Yeah, some ghouls. Yeah, Congress, you mean? - Yeah, nice. - Do you mean ghouls like the guy like Chuck Schumer? - Nice. - Why? - Oh, pick the one Jewish one. (laughing) - Oh, I'm sorry, big Chuck Schumer friend, Sarah. Actually, Sarah Normal would love Chuck Schumer. - Yeah. (laughing) - How about, okay. - Sarah Normal, okay, it would be like, guys would rather Pokemon go than vote. (laughing) - That's close. - Yeah, thank you. - When Hillary said Pokemon go to the polls, I think the fact that it's not really, you know, in the culture anymore hurts that, but you're in the right track. - But they definitely, definitely she's a big Hillary fan. - Guys would rather watch the Conor McRaper, do you have to see if I then vote at the White House? - Yeah, that's good. (laughing) - It's tough though, 'cause like, you do make, like, Sarah Normal can't almost never make a good point. - I know. - So even calling Conor McRigger Conor McRaper, it's like a little too like politically correct. Like, and I mean that litter, like she's too much in the right. - I know what you mean. - She has to kind of like, like Kamala for the wrongest reasons possible. - I know. - Like, something about, she has to love that Kamala was a cop. - Yeah. - Like she would, you know, whatever. Stuff like that, this, yeah. - Yeah, it would be like, I bet rape is gonna be legal before a woman's president. - Yeah, exactly. Stuff like that's really good, yeah, yeah, that's good. Or like, oh, guys wanna stop funding Israel, now that women get to drop the bombs? Like that kind of thing, you know what I mean? Like, oh, guys, oh, we want to stop warring around now that women get to do drones. - Stop funding ICE and start funding my iced strawberry. - Yeah, that's good. Makiado. - Oh, no, no, no, no, it is the Dennis Leary. - Yeah, that's true. - Let's get back to the question. - There's a people calling him like a retard. He's fucking dumb. All that. I'm pretty far left and he's like on the right, but not really mad, but he really is like a child mentality when it comes to politics. So he was particularly impressed with the jet flyover, I guess. That's what he commented on. - That's a huge stupid. - Oh, he also like, he's like, "There's a plane flying out." Time to get on my haunted house account and tell people what's going on. - Wait, so why were people being mean to him on the UFC account if he's like one of them? - No, I think he posted from the haunted house. He did a status that was like, "This is awesome." And so, fans of the haunted house are like, "Shut the fuck up." "This is a haunted house, Facebook." And you're fucking stupid also, by the way. I think. - That's what he commented on. Oh, he also like, immediately believes a lot of AI stuff is true like that. - That's awesome. - Like, three atlas asteroid. He would post a bunch of like, Michio Kaku AI videos saying that it was real and that it was really alien, it was crazy. I'm really worried that he could use the wrong person might see something he's commenting on and try and cancel the haunted house. We get like 1,000 to 1,500 people every year in October. So I'm really worried about the brand he's built. - How many? - Should I tell him to make another Instagram for him? Should you do all that shit on separately or is it really not my place to say? - You got it. - I'm reading it because I felt like I would leave things out if I didn't type it out. - So I've found it all. - So, I'm confused here. They run the haunted house together or something? - Yes. - Maybe he said it at the beginning. - Yeah. - You kind of do it. - This is so easy. It's like, you're like, "Hey man, start a fucking fate." Like, it's like, if me and Elvis were running a business, I guess we technically are. Like, if you were on this stuff, this is actually a perfect example. If you were on the "Stop He's World" Instagram, posting shit like commenting on like Albania first posts, you know, there'd be like Albania number one. Fuck Grease or whatever. - Fuck those Greek posts. - I would literally be like, "Stop." I mean, if you were doing any, but literally, if you were editorializing at all with the company account, I would be like, "This is crazy. Stop doing it." - Also, like, I wonder if he even like realizes that he's doing it from his, the wrong account. - I think he does, 'cause he said he doesn't have any other social media. I think-- - This is really funny. So it's like, from an account called like, "The pump, good, the great pumpkin scare." - Yeah. - Going like, "It's awesome when the plane goes." - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, don't do anything wrong. You don't have to worry about ice breaking down your door. - I mean, that's, that's the real scare. - Right. - The real, the last fucking white house. (laughing) - I say that eight times. (laughing) - Yeah, I mean, I think that's actually really the, it just seems so insanely simple to me. Where you're like, "Hey, man, start your own Facebook. You're fucking our business up." - Or just no more posting. - Yeah, no more posting in general, probably. - Actually, Cape Rowland has a good joke about this. - I know, I wish she was fucking like that. (laughing) - And it's about the title of her special. - Yes, it's about commenting. - Yes, it actually is. - If you're commenting some, I always think this with like, when people are like, "Come to Brazil, Beyonce." - Right. - Like, you think you can see that? - What do you do? - I know, I know, I know. But hey, you know what, that's what fandom is. - Yeah, that's right, that's for sure, that's for sure. - So yeah, this is really fucking simple. Just tell 'em to stop doing it. (laughing) - I have actually a stop V's hotline question. - Oh yeah, please. - I have recently. - Go ahead. - What is going on? - Don't worry about it. It's for the next question. - I hate this place, I hate all of you. - It's not for you, don't worry about it. - I am, I have recently, so my little brother and my little brother, he's like 42. (laughing) My brother Jack and Jack Ben Singer got me really addicted to you. UFC. Oh hell yeah, that's awesome, but I feel like and they're like I could get them tickets I could get us all tickets to go, but isn't it a little evil? Yes, it's just Dana white is evil Dana white is clearly. Yeah, I mean sucking Trump off like I've said it many times There were there were time. Yeah, I mean this has come up. Well, just like if you think Trump is awesome now Yeah, or the dumbest person alive. You're evil. You're stupid or evil or both Probably and if you're still sucking Trump's cock, you're a fucking moron and I believe Dana white has been throwing him pretty well Recently, and that has put a real damper on my appreciation of the work, and you know that they don't get paid No, no, it's completely get Annihally, no, it's so fucked up He the way that the pay structure is like well, you get a bonus if you do well It's like they they should you the problem is culturally these guys won't unionize because it's gay right like that's the thing It's like you have see fighters are like it's just like till what you eat. It's like that's crazy It's a the background of mixed martial arts is working class. I know it's a and it's a really cool sport And it's really fascinating the different types of like Styles and when a really good fighters fighting it's electric It's it's the most amazing thing. I fucking love it But I I'm in the same boat where I'm like yeah, this actually I You know, I've been in I was a I was a more of a fan when I was younger actually my brothers really like When I when we were kids we'd go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch every big It's one of the best like a awesome memory from my like teenage years and I would get in and out And I was getting back into the sport and then yeah just the like the mag of like suck off as really damn put a damper on it And you know, I would if I would love for them I mean they also like are now with the WWE like now. It's one company. It's WM me. Yeah Just thinks guys. Yeah, I hope you guys get me all those movies that I just auditioned for on And yeah, I think unfortunately It sucks because I think like sports is one of the few like Look every owner of every sports team is a piece of shit. Yeah, typically like maybe a couple aren't But yeah, there's something kind of uniquely like we suck Trump's cock coded about the UFC And they're willingness to be the willingness to be a part of propaganda to me has made it impossible to enjoy the sport as much as I do I'll still watch so but sometimes I'm on the fence. I'll just be like I just don't want them to have my money and I just can't Bad fellow. We're talking about unionizing and now you're throwing bats up my head. Well Hold on hold on hold on hold on. We're talking about UFC fighters unionizing everyone. It's Tommy's baby industries We're a family. We don't have to worry about that kind of stuff because they know I got their backs there I you know what that's enough talk about this stuff. Let's get to the next question What the hell? No, I hate that what the hell what the hell is going on It's the twisted a spider. You can only play game by taking the hat putting it on and doing a twisted-ass mother fucking question of the week Fuck it's fucking to all what the hell. Oh, no Twisted a delicious ice cold twisted tea Which you should not serve the children but if you have a vague trick or treaters for some reason Give them one of these. It goes down smooth and easy. Isn't that right Sarah normal? You have no scruples What's the mother fucking ass twisted fucked up question of the week? I guess I hope I'm not too late for a Halloween episode because I need some advice So my friends and I were in our mid-twenties. We have a tradition of going to see each other for Halloween You know, we don't all live in the same place really look forward to this like every year or see my friend But basically we're going to visit friend number one in her city And she's invited this polyamorous man who lives on a boat Who she's been looking up with kind of like since the summer to come out with us and join our group costume and Historically she kind of has an interesting taste in men. So it's it's a huge deal He seems fun. Anyway, it turns out he works for the same small company that will say like friend number two Just got a job at just crazy because she's across the country, but They went on a work retreat together friend number two in this like boat guy and ever since then he's been testing her like Non-stop being really 40 and basically I'd just worry that this guy is trying to fuck both my friends on our Which is fine like I don't think there's anything you can do to stop this man from trying She talks about a polyamorous guy in a boat the way celebrity's talking about AI like well It's happening one way or another so you might as well get on board Don't disclose. They're being paid fucking millions of dollars to say that kind of bullshit being paid by big Paul She's being made by big poly that's so funny that this guy's trying to fuck but does he know about both of them? And is she saying that he's poly because of the way he's acting or his like big thing as he's Paul? It seems like he's Paulie up this man from trying But my third friend and I are kind of still determined to have fun no matter what But I guess what I'm asking is how do we diffuse like his general Herb the energy you can't all night. We're all dressing up like the same thing like if he's being creepy You know is there any way to Kind of like distance ourselves from him if we're all in the same outfit and then do we go on his weird sex boat? It would be cool to see the city at night But I don't know wow you're falling right on it. It's clearly New York. It's clearly as a houseboat Should we go into the spider's cool web? Yeah, he also clarified in a follow-up call that wasn't worth playing but he already has two girlfriends Yeah, I mean of course. So my my question is How does the friend feel about him? Because like look because your polyamorous is not mean you can't you don't you Your absolves from regular morality like trying to fuck people within a friend group is rude Like trying to fuck boat like two friends if they're not with it is weird. Oh, so he has a dirty dick sure He's sticking it in a lot of people might be and he doesn't have a proper shower That is a good party. Oh, that's the dirty part You don't mean it you don't mean like STD. No, you mean literal dirt like literally like he's washing it off in the Long Island sound No, you're right about that. That's tough. I mean Want to fuck him well one is fucking him right but could they be could her or the other friend or both of them be open to like Come into suck him at just fucking him. Yeah, sucking his dick. Are they cool? How cool are friends? Yeah, I mean it look I mean if I'm this guy and I'm poly and I'm like, hey sure the girl I'm fucking and the other girls texting me too I'm like, yeah, maybe I'll try to get my dicks double sucked on the boat But he's think they also work for the same company. Well, how could he work any job at all if he's so busy having sucking in I don't know that's the wonders of he's too poly to work Someone tries to say I bet you someone has tried to call claim that as a disability I how did you so really so I don't understand is this a secret why is the other friend texting him back and being like How does your friend who works with them feel is she like this is weird or is she like this is cool? Why are you and the other friend the only person talking about this? Why don't you get together as a group and discuss this? Like because I'm trying to think like I mean it's not the same with guys because if like if I if I brought a poly girl and she tried to fuck one of my friends I'd be like the fuck is wrong with you like get the fuck out of here. You'd be like that. She sounds amazing Can I get her number? No, I would no no if a girl tried to like I wouldn't want to try if a girl I was looking at one of my friends tried to fuck me at our Halloween party. I would I would be like this is weird You know what's interesting though is that she thinks he's because he has such a bad rap He's in like show up like Uncle Fester. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, like that's not it poly people's vibe is not that But this I mean that some aren't I know lives on a boat Sorry Sarah no, the Sarah normal no Sarah no would hate poly people wait I'm doing the Nikki from obsession thing Sure when it's trying to come yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, no way what am I saying? So I don't know dude. I think He's trying to keep it way too mother fucking twisted if he's trying to fuck both both your friends and now look I Guess I find it weird I guess it's not so, like, I guess I was hooked up with the polyamorous person. She came to like a friend hang one time. I guess I wouldn't invite a friend. But if she was trying to fuck you, I would be like, what the fuck is wrong with you, bitch? I wouldn't be like, oh cool, maybe we'll double-team her. So that's what I'm having a hard time deciphering. Is she the only one who understands this? Do the friends, like, everyone needs to be explaining it to everybody. Yeah. I think we need more communication here. Are you afraid he's a, like, yeah, but you do bring up a good point. Like, what is he going to really do? And if the vibes are fucked, he'd, first of all, why does he get to be part of the group costume? No. That is nonsensical to me. Like, you guys, like, me, you, straight George and the elusive and mysterious big P, all had a four guy costume and then, you know, like, what are, with the girls we bring with us, have to have the same costume. That seems kind of weird. Also, what's this big costume you guys are all talking about? I don't know. I mean, we, one time we were sign felt, but- No, but what are they? One of the, each year, they all do one, they might all be a minion or some shit. They all pick the same shit to do, basically. Slighty devil. Slighty devil is so classic. Yeah. I find this to be deeply disturbing. There's something real, yeah, I guess I don't, here's my biggest thing is I don't think he deserves to be in the sanctity of the group costume. He's somebody's date. And again, bring someone you're casually dating to Halloween. That's actually probably the best. That is, now that I'm saying it out loud, that's the holiday for people you don't ever want to meet your parents, right? The people you're never going to really seriously date, that is who you bring, you go to Halloween with, right? Because like, that's the most, that's the most like, whatever holiday, it's a party holiday. So, but I don't think he deserves to be there. I think on the sex boat, he's not going to fuck it. What is he, does he have a mat lower button on the whole boat where he's going to force all of you in there? He doesn't sound like a sex creep, he just, or, he just sounds like a, he doesn't sound like a molester. He just sounds like a horny guy. So, you know, I don't love it. I don't love what I'm hearing. I don't. I think you need more communication within the group. I think you need to boot him out of the, the group, the group costume. It's like, poly boat swashbuckling Jack Sparrow. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I just see him in my mind right now. You might hang nice dong, though, he might be good at fucking, he's probably awesome at fucking. I mean, at a certain point. Maybe as a nice hog. I just, it's, so look, I think we're aligned here. He's out of the group costume. You guys need to communicate. And most importantly, someone trying to have sex with anyone on this advice, so I go, no, no, you're not, you stop, get, get back to the, get back to the, the, the, get back to the nunnery. Says Sarah. And I say just talk this over to your friends. And while you're doing it. Go open an ice cold twisted tea. Nothing. Look, whether this guy acts out, he doesn't. One thing's for sure. A way to guarantee a great Halloween. Grab a party pack and split it with your friends and have a delicious ice cold and twisted tea. All right. And that's the fucked up ass. Mother fucking ass question. And we, what else we got, Eldis? I'm trying to get you to fucking go to bed or dumb ass. I got a problem. I didn't think I was going to have a couple of months ago, I decided to get a haircut. I wasn't looking for a haircut. My hair was pretty. It was long, honestly, basic, but I think I look good. But there's this hairstyle that has plagued my brain since I was a kid and I just stumbled upon the perfect hairstyle is on TikTok, found her in my city, so on a whim got the haircut. It's like a older cut, very 80s, comes with bangs, bunch of layers, and it just comes with its own personality. Okay. At first, I didn't recognize myself, thought I made a huge mistake, I best use didn't help either. They didn't say anything bad, but they didn't say anything good. If you don't get abusive praise for girl friends, it means it looks like shit. Girls will gas each other up when they know they look like shit, let alone a new haircut. If you don't get abusive praise, if you don't get a couple divas from a new haircut, it means it's. I mean, of course, I've never gotten a diva for my hair. Of course. Well, yeah. That's what I said. That's why I'm talking. I'm kind of like, sounds like a good haircut to me. If everyone in the street is going, "Ah, Edward Ciceroons, you gotta get hair." I best use didn't help either. Sounds like it. I'm not the type of person to give up easily, though. So I stuck it out, found ways to style it, come to find out, it actually goes really good with my hair style, my natural hair, and goes really good with my face too. I also get compliments all the time from strangers about my hair, but my problem is that the people who are complimenting my hair are either ugly or completely out of my age range, so no one that I actually might. Did you do this to attack me? What? Are you having fucking flashback, Sarah? Oh my God. The pirate from back rooms compliments my hair. There are either ugly or completely out of my age range, so no one that I actually find attractive. I have this motto that I go by, and it's, don't take advice from people who live a life you don't want to live. And I think it kind of goes hand in hand with that, I think that's why this is bothering me so much. People aren't giving me advice, but it's like people that I don't clearly like or don't care about like something that I'm doing, and something in me is like maybe I should stop. Yeah. I thought I was getting used to the haircut, and I was honestly kind of liking it. But I just want hot people to compliment me. I know it's kind of a shallow topic, but I figured that's why you created such a beautiful picture. So I guess I'm trying to see if I should accept this lifestyle change, rock the hair style, or pack it up, roll my shit back, and go back to being a basic baddie. Also, it's all your special fucking rocks, I love it, go Jags, love you so much. Interesting. This is tough because I, yeah, you actually, you're the expert here. I walked through the gathering of the jugglers, and people were kissing my feet because my hair. Don't ask me. No, dude, I'm actually going to sit this one out. Yeah. Y'all know where I stand. Homeless guys go crazy for me. They think I'm literally a morage in the desert and go insane. So I'm going to sit this one out. This is interesting because if you like it, okay, so your motto is don't take advice from people whose life you don't want, whatever, that's fine. But also you have to decide, and even more fundamental lesson is you have to control your own happiness here. You can't be looking for outside anything to tell you who you are, whatever you are. The fact that you, so look, these ugly people that are complementing you, is it, are they just, the thing is like, for everybody who compliments you, there's people who are thinking it, but don't say it, right? Also, how do people don't go out of the way to compliment anyone, right? That's not really how it goes. Were you getting, I would say, don't rank this on compliments now on a vacuum compared to the compliments you used to get. I personally, look, I like, with some notable exceptions, I like when girls have dumb hair with some very notable exceptions. I think it's cool to have, I think like weird, like color or weird shape doing something interesting. That's fun. But yes, you are, you're going for something a little more, you're, if you're doing something strange or, or not even strange, but just like different, less people are going to like it. But the reality is, most people like dog shit, the most, the most popular stuff is not the best stuff, you know what I mean, like, and I wouldn't necessarily to, I mean, there are limits to that. You have to, you have to, you have to hit a certain level of success, they would be considered sick, you know, and that's why people watch that out, because what popular isn't good, yeah. But you know, it's like, it's like, you know, like, the most, the watch shows are like CBS procedules and nobody gives a bug, most watch stand-up specials, maybe, sure, sure stuff that's maybe in the top 10 for a week, that kind of stuff. I could have been in the top 10 on HBF, I was in the top 12, I think, got beat out by a Christmas movie, I don't worry, Tyler Perry was beating my ass. Tyler Perry and a bunch of true crime documentaries were keeping me out of the top five. But like, it is shout, obviously you are having some shallow stuff. It's like that. You have to decide whether you want to be the person who dictates because by the way, you might not be done. You got the haircut. It wasn't what you wanted. You found a way to style it. Maybe you're in part two of your metamorphosis here. Maybe you need to style yourself. Maybe you need to ultimately have more confidence in your look because that's really the difference here. If you believe in yourself, but if you're sheepishly have dumb hair, it's not going to work for you. This is really just a line. This is a fork in the road moment for you where you have to decide, do I want to be basic or do I want to develop my own sense of style? You look, maybe you continue to experiment, maybe you know, it's like what is the difference between regular hair and this hair in terms of the compliments, but also compliments. What do you really do with compliments from a stranger? Isn't a more important metric like, do people you want to fuck like ask you out? Are you dating more or are you whatever? What are you trying to accomplish? Or do people think you're cool? What are you going for? Because yes, Sarah Normal is better for more people, but it's like a less interesting person than that. That's about example because Sarah, Sarah Squirm is not good either. There's a third thing. Yeah, what's the third thing? What do you figure shit out? We don't know. We don't know who's the third one is. Oh, that's good. Well, they're Sarah Squirm, they're Sarah Squirm, they're Sarah Normal, and there's got to be another one because Sarah has to be there. Knocking around. Yeah, yeah. I will say, I live my life with many different hairs on my head. The compliments that obviously more hot people when I'm walking around 30 rock wearing this, it's like people are like, oh my God, finally you fixed it. Right, right, right. But you look generic, right? But it's just, I know what it's like to get compliments on two different kinds of hair. Yeah. You know, even though the Fuggos, just get it. The Fuggos do get it. It's like, I don't respect hot people, I'm sorry. Well, that's a good point. Ugly people might be looking, it's more aspirational, but at the same time, an ugly person has to compliment something like a bold choice because that's the only way they can stand out. And by the way, listen to who's talking. My whole life is bold, like looking crazy to, you know what I mean? Fugly people like, bro, I said Fugly and then you just pulled a picture of me on Google. No, that would be AI. Maybe AI is good. Maybe it is. They have like lived through shit. Yeah. That's a good point. You're good. You're good. Compliments from people who have seen war. Yeah, that's true. What do you want? Some like seven that works in a half, the works in like marketing, they haven't lived. Yeah, they're coming up to you and saying like, I like your hair. It's like, well, I don't fucking give a shit because you don't know anything and you have it been in the trenches. You don't know what I know. And you haven't had to come up with a personality the way I, like, I don't take shit from those people. Yeah. I agree with you. It seems nothing to me, but you have to understand you, it's basically it. You make your decision. Yes. The path of least resistance is basic, basic, bad, irregular shit, regular stuff. It's going to be harder, but more rewarding in the long run, I think, to carve out a personal style that might only work for you. That's going to be harder and less people will respond to it. But hopefully the ones that re, when you really figure your shit out and dial it in, the people that do respond are your people. Yeah. And that's kind of how I feel. Like when I kind of unlocked this kind of fucking, the long hair and the fucking, you know, looking like this, honestly, the girl knocked out, it just like that was played. That started it all. Yeah. That started it all. And yes. And then yeah, you just find, when you, when you distill your essence into a look, it makes it very obvious to people who and what you are. And I'll be honest, like, having this kind of like bald fucked up hair, what do you call that? Oh, the, I don't know. I don't know what I call my tresses, a ball, the bald pony, I, by the way, I think I'm going to start doing ponytail. It is like Greek restaurant line cook. Yes. Well, not line cook owner. Thank you very much. The fuck line cook. How the fuck are you? I don't know. You were wearing a fishnet on your head. Yeah. It was part of the fucking wig. Um, but yes, it is, it is sort of like, like a guy who's, who's like connected. He's a very minor figure in crime. You've seen no table player. Sure. Yeah, yeah. Yes. A, a low level, a guy who fancies himself a high roller, but it's a medium roller. Let's be honest. I use car salesman. A little bit of that. And there is girls who want to fuck that guy and they make that known when you look like this. I don't, I, I'm sure whatever you say. Yeah. I'm not looking for you. That's the thing. That's why, this is actually this is a perfect example. Neither one of us likes the thing the other person is doing. And we're not interested in each other. Yeah. So right now you will, but people like Sarah, I mean, you know, I'm sure barista's can't stop trying to fuck you and I drive them what? Of course. And like girls who had a fat charismatic father that owned a, that owned a fucking air conditioning business, they can't, they want to fuck me. And you find who you want. So anyway, got girls love a mob wife aesthetic. You're going to want to fuck me, right? When you want to cosplay some big fat piece of shit and that exists. So find your own thing is, is what I would tell you. And I'll just, what do you have a quick one for us to get out on so we can get our friend here over to her. Very important. Dinner. Yeah. I got stuff. Uh, hey stuff. Guess. Elvis. Um, don't, if you can like hear road sound, because I'm walking on the side of the road right now. Don't mind that. Hope he's okay. Anyway, he's walking down, so I don't know if you can tell by my voice, but I'm 17. All right. Wow. I'm a 17 year old guy. Cute. I'm six foot two. Okay. So I'm like, I'm right on the custom manhood. All right. I'm like right there. You're a man, brother. So my question, your young man is, oh, I got a kick ass Halloween costume, right? And I'm not very popular. Oh. So I'm not going to like parties and whatnot. So my question to you is, how long can I get away with still trick or treating? No. Like, I'm still trying to get this is why you're not getting pussy, but I can understand how me and my, you know, no, dude, I thought he was going to like be like, he is cute. It is. That's why am I still doing this. You know what I mean? But you know what? And it doesn't get to a certain point. Like, I'm not trying to be like, just six to no, dude, you can't do it, but is this like, is this kind of it? Yeah. It's kind of like last hurrah or can I get a few more in first of all? Let me know. Thanks, guys. You cannot do it. No. Your last hurrah was last year. How about you and you're also not pussy getting friends go to fucking Walgreens by candy and eat it. You, I'm sure you have $20 between you. Man, listen, no, we are not shading you. You are describing me and Elvin others also did not fuck at 17 and we probably put on costumes that got drunk in like the big piece basement. I don't know. What did we do at 17? Do you remember? I mean, we might have gone to a high school party, actually, now that I think maybe we were cooler than you. But still, we weren't getting pussy. Would you remember? Tell your gullible parents your trick or treating and get some cigarettes, get some booze, get some weed and go get fucked up for like two or three hours. No, that's true. You know what? Even if girls are around, you and your friends need to practice getting fucked up. No be losers while getting fucked up. It's smoke the way at 17 you're watching. Yes, dude. Bring beers in the train tracks. I actually have, I know exactly like what he should do. Hit us. Hit us with it. Okay. I have to say something. Please. Everything is less good. Have you guys noticed this? Absolutely. Everything tastes less. Everything's worse. Everything's worse, right? This candy sucks. This candy ain't used to taste different. It definitely did. No. That's a thing. The formula's, they've taken actual chocolate out of it and it tastes like shit. So you take this opportunity. So that means all the economy, big value candy that you would get trick or treat. That's all crap. Take this fucking goddamn opportunity. Go out with your friends, find amazing candy that still tastes good. That's nice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And then do a game and report back. Do some research, go get nice, good candy. Do taste testing with your friend, put it in an Excel spreadsheet, tell us what candy still tastes good. You know what? That actually would be a better use of your time is breaking that down. You know what I'm saying? Because there's a Mr. Beastification happening to all candy, which doesn't taste good anymore. Go find out what tastes good still. I mean, nothing you can, nothing this kid has access to. First of all, we don't need to, he can't decide this yet, he doesn't know, he wasn't born into a world where it was good. So let him enjoy, let him enjoy his shitty twigs. He doesn't need to understand he's in the matrix yet, right? Let's not let him open his eyes yet. I have been a 17 year old with no, with very little motion, nothing going on, and I'll tell you what you're gonna, you have to, I'm sorry, buddy, it's sad, I get it. You have to stop behaving this way. And it's scary, it's, it's scary. I know that. I remember being scared and how, and how like worried I was, like to embarrass myself around girls. But the sooner you let go of trick-or-treating, the closer you will be to. And you're, you're six two, by the way, we're here to tell you 17, six two. If you just shut up and be polite around girls, someone's gonna like you. - Oh, oh. - That's not my experience. - No, it's, oh well, you had busted ask, girl friends and ice cream. - You did have girlfriend, you have to admit. - I had one, yeah, I guess I had one girlfriend. - That's, this would be progress for this guy. And, and yes, she was busted, but you still had a girl, I didn't have a girlfriend in high school. I mean, I touched a couple of kids, but I didn't like, you know, nothing crazy. - I think it's now the time for the, for the student to become the teacher. I think he needs to put his six two asks in a Michael Myers costume. And sit his ass on his front fucking porch with the ball and hand that-- - You know what? - Actually-- - Pay it forward. - Actually, I would say if you want it, if you want to still be in the wholesome-- - If you want to be in the mix. - Mix of trick-or-shooting, yes. You have to hand it out. You and your boys can chill, watch a scary movie, whatever. I think you need to graduate from this, and I think you need to get fucked up. And at least try and go to a party. Try. How about this, throw a party for the losers? - I don't think the kids do parties anymore. - What? - I've been doing a couple of college shows. - You remember when you would do college shows on like Friday Saturday night? - Yeah. - And it's like-- - The losers, the ones that aren't fucking. - But now-- - It's packed. - And-- - And it's-- - And it's-- - And it's your fans. (laughing) - No, I was gonna say, it's not packed, 'cause they want to see me. - Right. - It's just-- - Nothing better going on. - Yeah. - I think that that, I think that he is maybe speaking to some-- - No, he said we're not, I'm not very popular, so I'm not going to party. - But I bet there's just less parties. - There is, but that's, listen, there's less fucking ice caps, some polar bears got to survive. You got to cling to it. - Ice caps, snow caps, good candy, get it. - That's a good candy. I look, dude, all I'm saying to you is, you gotta let go of, I'm sorry, dude. You gotta let go of your childhood, be a man. You're 17, you can't be triggered. You know what? This is the one time being tall hurts you, 'cause if you were a little guy and you kept the mask on the whole time, and you did a good-ass costume, you could sneak out of it. But unless you're going with your little brother, like just buy some candy and do drugs and drink booze. - And this is another thing, Halloween costumes used to be better. - Without question. - No, I know. - I know, this is, this is bullshit. - It's crap, it's crap. - I think it's fucking crap. - It's crap, it sucks. - Halloween costumes used to be something. - No, you're absolutely crap. - Everything was better. - It was made of flammable tissue. - Yeah. - This would dissolve in water. - I know, you're right, it sucks, it's fucking sucks. - He's inheriting a world that's nothing. - I know, I know. - He wants to, so he's like. - He's trying to cling onto his innocence, I get it. - He's like not even clinging onto his innocence. He's trying to cling onto something, 'cause he's inheriting a world that's nothing. - No, you're right, you're right. - He has no, there is no future. - Being an adult now is a nightmare. - Yes. - Yes. - So it's like, he's like. - But you can't crawl back into your mommy's pussy, baby. - Stop trying, he can't, man. (laughing) He can't, man. - I'm just saying, you gotta fucking be real sometimes. It's over, man, you're six to your 17. Don't trick or treat, buy candy, hang out with your boys. And if, or, hand out candy. - But on brain scant, have a sexual awakening with the trickster character. (laughing) - Trick or treat. (laughing) - I was just gonna spam his fucking, but yeah dude, I'm sorry, you're a cute kid. And listen, if you have other questions about how to be more popular, if you wanna ask us that, if you wanna call him to a live show. - You have the ability. I heard, I heard. - You were charismatic, he was charismatic. - He's a kind of a sense of humor and he knows how to use words. And you know what? - He's got it, you got it. - I also empathize with this 'cause I was, I think we were the same way. We were too hard on ourselves. We really thought we were pieces of shit. No, and by the way, I'm here to tell you if you're a young man, I mean, a young girl through teenagers in general, like, if you are funny, but I'm just saying, people are so, you are so much harder on yourself than like your classmates that anybody, you think about yourself way more, you're not a piece of shit. It seems like you are, it seems like everything. If you're just nice to people and generally pleasant, your life will be, you can figure the shit out. I promise you, especially. - And be funny, just be funny. - Funny really helps, obviously. It really helps. - If you have nothing, just try to be funny. It just be funny. - Yeah, but if you're not funny, don't force it. - Right. - Be nice. - But I could tell he's a little funny. - I like this guy, I like him and I hear, I hear the low self-esteem that reminds me of me at 16-7. - Well, he's like walking down the fucking highway. - Yeah. - Looking at his shoes. - But it's over, babe. Don't be fucking, you're not a child, man, I'm sorry. I'm sorry, fucking, you know. World War II was happening. You'd be shooting howitzers and Hitler's boys right now, dude. You'd be lying to get to fucking, to get to the armed services or whatever the fuck. Whatever, who fucking cares? That's Halloween. (laughing) Thank you. - Sorry, it wasn't Kate Merlant. (laughing) - Why'd you hurt her special arm? - Yeah, why'd you fall in love on HBO? Wait, when does this come out? - Uh, it's, it's fun for Halloween week. - I have a show at me doing the, hey, just let me have this. I have a show at Town Hall of Patty Harrison. - Ooh, please, bye. - Oh, that's, Patty's really funny. (laughing) - Sarah, could you get her on the show for us? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. That's Patty if she wants to do the show. (laughing) - For your Halloween episode, no problem. All right, you guys want me to get your drinks, something? (laughing) Yeah, yeah, see ya, guys. ♪ Ooh, the spooky episode is over ♪ (laughing) (upbeat music)