#198 - Nikki Glaser and JP McDade

(upbeat rock music) - Oppa, welcome everybody to Stobby's World. 9.04, 800, stop. Colin, on the visible hotline, we'll solve all your problems. And today on the couch, very happy to have my pals, Nicky Glazer and JP McDade. How are we doing? Nicky's first appearance on the pod. - Yeah, long time listener. - Thank you so much. - First time, yeah, better. - So we're all getting the biggest episode of McDade's Maniacs of all time. - Oh yeah, this is, you know what we're gonna call, this is McDade's Maniacs. - Okay. - 'Cause we have a Patreon sub-series. I gotta, let me tell you something, McDade, this one's gonna make the free one. (laughing) - You don't say. - JP is really like, we keep him chained up on the Patreon line. - He's, I haven't seen the light in months. (laughing) - We're letting JP out of the sub-basement to just, you know. - I have a shot collar on, right? - That's right, yeah, don't get used to it. You're gonna right underneath, you're going right back to the sewers once Nicky's gone. - The core bus, he puts me in the storage unit. (laughing) - But it felt appropriate to have McDade here. I do, you know, I feel like when, McDade is in part of Stavvy Baby Enterprises, he's with Glazer Co. - Yeah. - Yeah, we work a lot together. - We kind of have more in custody of McDade here. - I know. - Come on, loom. (laughing) - Who's house do you like better? (laughing) - You have to pick one. - The judge's making me choose. (laughing) It's the clearest answer of all time. Nicky gave you a fucking Rolex. I haven't got you like a track suit one time. (laughing) - I think I got a fat rascal toward T-shirts. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You get 20% off at the Stavvy's World Store. (laughing) - Still got to pay for your own patrons. - I got to work at the Ford plant in like the Great Depression or something. - Yeah. - It's like working for Stavvy Baby Enterprises. - 100%, 100%, no, I do not begrudge you at all for choosing living in Nicky's house. (laughing) Overliving over here. - Stavvy's a burgeoning union leader. We all know that. - Nicky's favorite rights. - Well, well, well, well, don't say the, the, you word around dial this. - That's right, I'm sorry. - No, you're, you're good to work for. People like working for you. - It is, yes, I do. I feel like what's the point of getting rich if you can't help your friends. - Exactly, that's how I feel. It's the best part. - It's, it really is. - It's truly the best part. And I joke about all the time. Yes, is Eldis as good at his job as his paycheck could note. No, not at all. But I'm, it makes me smile knowing that he's not on the streets fending for himself. That is soon, his soon-changed child will have formula. It is a cost consolidation. Move where it's like combining a podcast producer and a pet. - Yeah. (laughing) Like a pure breed loss of opso. - Yeah. - Like turn on the mics. - I know. - I'm in the storeway under the bus with James. - Totally. - But you're outside. - But you've made it very comfortable. - You have a little foggy. You have like a hot plate. - Yeah. - It's got, yeah, yeah. - You have to have a sleeping, sleeping bag. - Yeah. - I rest my head on Eldis' stomach. I'm like, this doesn't mean I like you. (laughing) - That's pretty comfortable. - No, it is, it is also. - It's Eldis or not? - Oh, it's Eldis. - Do you ever, have you ever met any Albanians? Do you have any run-in stuff? - I don't think so. No. - No. - No, he's not the Eldis that we've ever come across. - Well, we've talked about it before. His name, he is named after two women. His named after El Maira and Yaldis. - That's right. - My mom's name and my grandma's name. It's beautiful. - Have you ever met another Eldis? - No, I haven't. I think it might be like a Nordic name or something. I've searched it on Facebook before a long time ago. - Trying to find-- - Yeah, trying to find Swedish people or something, I don't know. - No other Eldis is. No, I guess not a lot of, not a huge Albanian community-- - No, it's Stobbs, huh? - Stobbs? Do you meet a lot of services? - No, but it is, it's at least like a-- - It's like-- - It's people know it. - Like a top common Greek name, but it's like, you know, it's like a kind of rare, but, you know, like I don't know, the equivalent of what's like, I don't know, somebody named like fucking Gregory or some shit. - Yeah. - Not even that, something more rare. I can't come up with that. - Brandon. - Brandon's, Brandon, let's say. - Brandon. - Brandon's a little, you know? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. It's a little off the thing. - Man's Brandon, yeah. (laughing) I know, it's Brandon, yeah, Brandon Brandon, the lot of little fucking variations on the name. But yeah, so I've met plenty of Greek, and then there's also like, I think like Russians, there's like Gustavs, they go by Stav, and then I think it's all, I think it's also randomly like a hot, like Israeli girl name also. - Oh, I did that. - There's been like Stavs, and it's just like some like, you know, like a, like a tan girl with huge tits, or something, that the idea for you is-- - Yeah, there's some like-- - There's some ugly girl named Stav, but we just don't know about. - Yeah, that's true. - That is true. - A guy's name on a girl only works if she's hot, and it works so well. - You're so mean. - Like a hot Steve, you know? - Oh, a hot Steve. - Give me the code, Derek, that'd be. - Bobby. - Bobby. - Bobby. - Are you kidding me? - He's so good. - You're so right. - Yeah, they can pull it off. - How do you feel about Nikki, where you ever mad at it? Is it like the birth name Nicole? - Yeah, birth name's Nicole, but I never went by. It was like my mom was like, just in case you ever want to have like a real job. And so she always thought I was going to transition out of it, but yeah, but I never, yeah, I never went by anything else. And it's, you meet Nikki's and it's instantly like, how do you spell it? - Right. - Because there's lots of different, and we really do like judge the others. - Totally. - Like an N-I-K-I is like a different, in an N-I-K-Y. - N-I-C-K-Y, yeah, that's more of the boy spelling. - Mm-hmm. - That's an Italian guy, Nikki. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. N-I-C-K-Y. - Nikki Glaserino. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, Nikki Glaserino. - But I feel like people are there, like I just feel like I'm a, I've never met a Nikki who's like a piece of shit. - I know, you mean? - I just feel like it's a- - Yeah, not, not a negative determinism, I believe. - Yes, and it really does happen. - Yeah. - What you name your kid, they kind of turn into. - 100%. - Yeah. - Although, isn't there some, I don't even know if this is true, but like I just remember in college, a professor being like, you know, there was a family and they named one son Winner, and one son Luzer. - Right. - And Winner was in jail and Luzer, but Luzer went by Loo, which to me feels like a cop out. - What is this experiment? - I don't even know if it's true, or if like some charlatan that was teaching one. - Like a part of time at University of Maryland. - It's not family. - That's where your tuition went towards. - Yeah, just like that. - Yeah, and this is a calculus class. It's just a gut-filling time. (laughing) - He's having a stroke. - But Luzer overcame that. - Luzer overcame and he went by Loo. - Yeah. - And he became like a police star. That's what I thought, like this sounds fake because this sounds like a dumb person's morph asap's fable. - Yeah. - What's like Winner was in jail. Luzer was the cop who locked it up. You know what I mean? It's like, that's not fucking true. Look that up, elders. Look up fucking. - Yeah. - Look in case, you know, God forbid you have some instincts and we're already doing it. Let's just look it up. But yeah, I know you mean like you sort of, I really got, I really feel like my name is Stavros. I really feel like it was so, and I have a buddy who was named Stavros who went by Steve and I think his life would have been so different if he stuck with Stavros, you know? And he was a little younger than me. Like we grew up in the same neighborhood. We were at the same elementary school. So I already paved the way in my opinion. - Yeah. - Because I did have my teacher did try and get me to be Steve and I was like, it's not my name, you fucking bitch. My name is, and that's where Stav came. It became like the compromise. - Got it. - But still it pissed me, I'm proud of myself as a little boy standing up for my. - Well, you had a unique name, not for Greece, but for here, that got you a lot of attention, probably inspired the fact that you maybe like attention, that you like originality. - You're so right. It just goes from there. - Yeah. - JP, what about you, man? You decided to go, you were like, I don't even want a name. - There's no choice. - I want two letters. (laughing) You know what I mean? - It was gonna be even worse, it was gonna be, I was gonna be Connor. Like my mom was pregnant with me and like, Connor was it. - Wait, you kind of look like a Connor. - I know, right? - Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. - You look like a Connor. - Fuck. - Yeah. - Do a Connor is a cool guy's name. It's coming around. - It's kind of a date rapey vibe. - It's kind of coming out of the bank, yeah, yeah. - I would say we can take the date off that, just your rape. (laughing) - He feeds him before, yeah. - Yeah, yeah. - When did you decide, let's go JP? - I never decided, I was decided for you. - I was decided for him because like, I was gonna be Connor. My grandpa was like, so when's Jimmy the third, 'cause he was James Patrick, my dad's James Patrick. And then I was like, all right, we kind of got to do it now. And they were like, but there are too many jimmies in the mix. So I just have JP. - You know what's so funny, you're not Jimmy. - No, not at all. - That would be the divergence. Like if I was born Jimmy and raised Jimmy, how different would I be? - You'd still be drinking. - You would still be drinking for sure. - I'd be robbing for sure. - You'd be five, 10. (laughing) - I'd have greased back hair. - Oh man. - I'd be snapping my fingers. - Jimmy McDate is an awesome guy. - Jimmy McDate is sounds cool. - It's kind of cool. - I don't know if this is like, that's not, you are cool, that's not the cool you are. - No JP, JP's a little bit soft to the left. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, understand. Like soft spoken, but still fucking, you know. - Like JP Morgan, is that it? - Yeah, oh yeah, that's true. That's a really cool JP as well. (laughing) - The guy who became a trillionaire and died penniless in the apartment. - He died penniless, he lost it all. - Whoa. - And people still take financial advice from him. - That's the first time I've ever respected JP Morgan. - Yeah. - Before I thought he was just like a horrible robber bear. But the fact that he blew, he got that rich and blow the money, it's kind of awesome. - He bailed out the US government and then wound up dying broke. - Oh, wow, that's a little harder than anyone ever. - Wait, wait, wait, wait, he didn't get, it wasn't drugs in like prostitution. - I mean, that's just. - I was just thinking about how much hookers and blow that is. If you have like a billion dollars in 1929. - That's a big awesome shit. - But it was just from bailing out the government. - I think part of it, and then like at some point, Well, they stopped letting him do monopolies. - Oh, right, right, right. - Beautiful monopolies. - I thought it was a free country. - Did you look into all this because his name's JP or would you just know what you're doing? - I got it, yeah. - I got called out recently by my mom, my girlfriend, for loving factoids. - Yeah, you got me. - You are a factoid guy. - Yeah, you are. - It's all right, that's okay. - Love a fucking fun fact. - I get to. - Yeah. - The two women in your life that you love the most, we're like, here's actually a thing we don't fucking like about you. - Oh God. - And we agree. (laughing) - Crushed me the whole time. - That was a kid, my mom. - Oh, interesting. - Oh, it was the first thing. - 'Cause your mom is fun and like a hoot. Did she like make fun of you first time? - Not make fun of it. It was mostly just like, Jesus Christ, just like, what's wrong with you? Why are you like the way that you are? - Right. - There's something wrong with you. - Which is way worse than getting roasted. - It really is. - 'Cause my family. - It's just a disgust and confusion. - Exactly, exactly, exactly. I have so much contempt for you. I can't even put it in a fun context. - No. - I'm just like, this is, huh? So you're my kid. Like that, what? - Fuck is wrong with you, just like, and I remember, my mom is like my best friend now, but I remember, and she's so cool, and I think this is actually kind of cool. One of my literal first memory that I can remember, 'cause it was in our first house, I remember exactly where it was. I was screaming at my mom throwing a tantrum about something, I must have been four or five, and I ran out in the front yard, and she's on the porch, and I go, I hate you! And she just leans over, grabs onto the railing, goes, you know what, Nick? I hate you, too. - Oh! - That's your first memory? Your mom's saying she hates you? - Yes. - Smash cut, the beacon theaters. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - It was wild, because my, I remember the thought was, you can't say that, like, we know the rules of, like-- - This is my secret weapon. - Yes. - I can hit you with a low blow, and you can't. - And then you know what, I hate, and it was just, I couldn't, and also that she just, like, used my insult, I'm like, come up with your own, like, there was a lot going on in my mind of like, how could, you're not allowed to say that. - Yeah, you're right. - I know she didn't mean it, and she was just in the moment, which is very, you know, I'm very similar to her, just saying things when you're angry, screaming. I went and saw that, did you see the invite? - I haven't seen it. - I heard it was great. - It's great, but it's, if you grew up in a house with a lot of yelling, it's white. - Well, that has another element, 'cause I do feel like you, you know, famously talked about wanting your partner to fuck other girls. (laughing) So it's not only yelling, but it's also like, swinging. - Yeah, it's like, and it's so hot. Like, like, Penelope Cruz and Edward Norton are so good. - Yeah. - It's like, first of all, Seth Rogen, what, I mean, the idea that he's married to one of them and gets to fuck the other one, respect. - You know who wrote this? - He really made it out of the fat guy comedy slums. You know, like, imagine if in 20 years, I'm in a movie with like two of the hottest women of all time and they both fuck me. - Obviously, we'll have that. - I don't think so. - He didn't even question it. I have to say, watching it, you don't even go, this doesn't make sense. - Interesting. - He, there's an aura. - Okay. - Yeah. - You've got it. You know you've got it. - I mean, I could do it in real life. I'm just saying, I don't know that they would ask to me for that. - Right, right, right. - I think I could fuck two hot girls. - Yeah, yeah. - The problem. - I mean, I just mean like, would they craft the movie around me being the guy who gets the fuck both of them? I don't think so. - The question is. - But would it be rage bait or not? - That's true, that is true. That is true. - I feel like it plays. - I could be, yeah, I could be used to, I could be used as a pawn to set it in like man, if they wanted to. - Oh my god, yeah. - Could argue that is what's happening. There might be somebody in the CIA that's like, let's make that fat bald guy famous. - I don't keep pissing people off. Yeah, it might be, hey, that would explain it as much as I, that's the best explanation I've heard for my run the last couple of times I've been honest. It's a style out to piss off like. - Do you question it sometimes of like what, but you get that you have Riz, like obviously. - It's not, I don't question. I think what's going on, frankly, with all of our industry, like both of our careers are better than we deserve, no disrespect. - You're awesome. I was like, we shouldn't be this famous. - No. - It's crazy. We should be living really good lives and have money and like, you know, have. - And I was honestly fine with that. - Yeah, yeah. - It kind of just happens. - Right. - I never thought I deserved any of that. And I still don't, I don't even. - I was never someone that was like, I want that. How come I, I didn't get that. And howling about other people getting things. I mean, it was more like self-ladulation of why am I not good enough for that. But never like, why didn't I get that? - Totally. - And so when you get it, it's like, - Like what? - I'm Pastor Syndrome all day long. - Totally and so much of my identity was like, these mother fuck, how dare it. Like it was like, I am good enough. They just don't see it. Fuck you. But then you get it. You're like, oh, yeah, I didn't actually believe it. But it was like, yeah, I didn't even believe it. - It was just the kind of thing that kept you going. - It was the thing that yeah, absolutely. - Because when you like, for example, like when I lost a Marvel audition to Zach Cherry, I didn't question that. He's a better actor. - You know what I mean? But at the time, before you see who gets things, you're like, oh yeah. - I can fuck it. And then it's like, it's just very, it is fucking bizarre that you know, that this shit has happened. - Well, the other half of that is like, if you do get something, you're like, well, this can't be that good of a thing because I got it. - Right. - Yes. I always do that. Well, they are, they're, they're, this is actually not a top part. - Yeah, the gold and the toilet. - Yeah, the toilet, I mean. - Even though you guys literally revived it for real. - Yeah. - They like basically sent out a news letter four years ago. - I was like, they didn't even fucking put it on TV. - That's how I ended up hosting. - Yeah. - Who the fuck wants to do that? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Anyone? - Really? They couldn't find anyone. - Oh, right, Joe Koi ate his nuts. That's so right. I forgot about that. - And no one blamed him, whether they should, but it really was like, it's the show. It's like a hard thing to do and no one wants, but I understand it. Thank God I like doing things that are live. - Yeah. - And in the moment, because, - Oh, you were hurt, I mean, you're, you're crushed. - But it's because no one else wants to fucking do it. - It's because you described it in a sentence where you're like, yeah, it's a bunch of hot, famous people eating dinner and you want to perform for them? - Yeah. - Yeah, it's hell. - The room is, I mean, the gig seems like, as a gig, having stand-up comic brain, and seeing everything is a gig, hell gig. - Yeah, absolutely. - Although I was pissed, I couldn't fucking, they couldn't, they didn't get me into the Golden Globes when Bagoni was there. I was like, my friend is hosting, and my other, and the half the staff is people I was like, that would have been incredible, but what are you gonna do? Hopefully, you guys are running it back one more time. - Yeah, one more time. - Tony, come on, let's get Tony on there. - Oh, you're gonna be there. - Let's get Tony on there. - And you call me if they don't make room for you at the table. That's what I don't understand. Why not have funny people who, by the way, would have a great reaction shot. - Totally. - You mean a meme after that of the night? - Me sitting next to the most beautiful people in the world, with my hair in a pony tail. (laughs) People were like, who the fuck is that guy? - Yeah. - Who's that, but anyway, what are you gonna, I was very happy to even be in Begonia, but it just was, that was my argument. I was like, guys, this is funny. People will react to this so much more than they will. - Yes. - Like people regularly being there. - Or even presenting, they don't have enough comedians like presenting at award shows. And it's like, why aren't you using these people that make things boring things entertaining? - And speaking of Zach, I pitched the bid, I pitched to JPM, because Zach's in carbohydrates on one of the best shows, Severance. And when I thought I might be there, I pitched a bid where me and Zach were gonna complain that Jacob Allordy was Frankenstein and be like, we're getting the hottest guy of all time. Be the most fucked up looking monster. The fuck is this, and just like, just have an arc, just kind of go through like little fat guys need to be able to, anyway. That's what we lost. That's what we lost. Next time, next time. - And it's crazy that Frankenstein was still fucking hot. - Yeah, he was, he came through. - I mean, he was both the monster, but yeah, when you get Jacob Allordy and you're kind of like, damn, I kind of wanna watch him and me a God's character fuck. You're like, this would be awesome. And fucking, I ask Isaac beating a shit in the corner or something. Which he, yeah, he was jealous, right? - That's what the fight to is about, actually. - Yeah. (laughing) - Dr. Frankenstein. - Me, want your wife's pussy. (laughing) - Put your keys in a bowl. (laughing) - Yeah dude, but you know, whatever we'll get, and I should say-- - He used to late night. - I did Seth Meyers. - How was that? - I loved it. He's the man. - He's the best. - He's so fucking funny. - And at the end, I was like, come on, stop, he's world, and he was like, I will. So fingers crossed. - Oh, that'd be great. - Yeah. - I'm a need for best vibe general in the last culture. - Oh yeah, he was the best vibe. - Yeah. - Like, no. - He's so great. - By the way, against all odds, you know what I mean? Like, you shit, like, a guy who's just like on SNL and then like decides to take the late night spot when as late night, you know, like late night, it ain't what it used to be. You could really have a bad attitude hosting that show if you wanted to and be like, fuck man. But he's like, it's the most, it was, and the most like I felt you could be funny on a show set. - Yes. - Like they literally ask you to have bits prepared, and I fucking love doing it. I really, I honestly do, I kinda, I'm sad talk shows are dead 'cause I do love, I had a blast doing it. - It's fun. - I mean, what I'm saying talk shows are dead. Look what we've created. - Yeah. - We're literally on a set with fucking like, as we're doing the talk show. - You're the reason they're dead. - Yeah, yeah. (laughing) - Why are talk shows dead? (laughing) It's the Eric Andre meme. We're all looking for the guy who did it or the hot dog guy. - There's a studio audience of 200 people sitting silently at the talk show, I don't know. - We really should do a fucking lot. We should do a live show where instead of like, like trying to recreate a shitty podcast 'cause that's what most life is. - Rosie O'Donnell, please, boss. - I fucking hate when it's like just the podcast you like to listen to with shittier audio quality and them doing bits in the room, it sucks. But if we did like a late night show, that would be really fun. We come out, I'm in a fucking suit. You're like at the announcer's lectern. - All right, put it on. - It's Steve Hagan's lectern. - Yeah, put it on, put it on your notes. And by the way, anytime you wanna chime in with that winner and loser fucking anecdote, you piece of shit, did you even look it up? - I did, and it was pretty much exactly as you guys said it. And the anecdote was popularized by the guy that wrote "Freak Enomics." (laughing) - Yeah, I think those are all the deep bugs. - What an era of like complete bullshit books. - Oh my God. - Between it, when was the other guy who was on this episode? - The tipping point. Yes, Malcolm Gladwell. - Malcolm Gladwell. - I still talk about 10,000 hours now. It's like embedded, it's like-- - But it's just like, no shit. If you do something a lot, you get good at it. You wrote a fucking book about that? For 400 pages, you just have examples of people practicing a lot and getting good at something. And that's what passed for intellectualism, like in the Obama era, we really thought life was good. We were like, we don't have to think hard. We're never gonna have any real problems ever again. We got a black guy in the White House. - Oh my God. - Little did we know. - We're so fucked now. - We're so fucked now, and they primed us for being stupid. 'Cause that's what we thought was smart. And now it's like all those business books that you'd have that joke about. They're like, how the fucking take over the father? - Oh my God. - Oh my God, yeah. - The fucking business bitch. - Yeah, the business bitch, yeah, yeah. Just, we really-- - What's the 49 laws of power? - 48. - Yeah. - That is really a sociopaths. Like, just-- - And the guy, the guy who gives it, he's like the most mild-mannered guy of all time. - Robert Green. - Yeah, yeah, he's just like a little dork. - Right. - And it's like, yeah, I haven't read it. - But he's sitting down like Tony Yeo. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Give us a couple, look up a couple laws of power. Let's just-- - It's crazy. - Heard anyone in your path. - Yeah. - Oh really? - Yeah, betray your allies. It truly is every single one. You'll be shocked because everyone talks about this. - I think it's so fucking awesome. - It's meant to be like, this is what powerful people do for good or bad. Like, Hitler would do like betray your allies and stuff. But then like, people interpret it's like, yes, this is advice. - Yes. - Right, right, right, right. - I downloaded it because it's always recommended like the five books that changed my life. And then I listened to a podcast dismantling it. I couldn't believe, read some of these. - I mean, yeah, give us a couple laws of power, Mr. Soot. - Number one, and if never outshine the master, make sure Superiors always feel superior. - And you actually-- - You actually need to hold onto that one. Actually, you know what? You have nothing to worry about on that one. Try your harder to outshine the master. You piece of shit. I'd love to see it. I love as you try at something. Get skipped to like number 14. - 15, crush your enemy totally leave no room for them to retaliate. - I do that one all the time. - I mean, leave no room. I mean, this is hilarious. There's like how wrestlers speak. - Yeah. - And people think it's intellectuals. - But it's just the whole thing is just be inauthentic all day long, like just be manipulative and-- - Yeah, life is a competition. Life is a zero sum game. There's no place for like coordination or community. And it's like, look, the reason these things are fucking popular now is because that's what our society's driven to. - Yeah. - Like they've made everything a zero sum game. It's, you know, inequality is so out of control that most people are like, but we're like rats fighting over crumbs. And look, yeah, you can by accident get out of it with a podcast that is a hit for some reason, you know. Two podcasts that shouldn't have worked back to back. Couldn't make you rich. But other than that, you're fucked. And I guess I see it because most people's lives right now are that fucked. Well, you're like, yeah, I guess I have to stab my enemy for an office manager position and a fucking-- - But not outshine them before, right? - But do not outshine the master. Yeah, yeah, the master must stay shining. - Yeah, these people who are digesting these books are all like, okay, I'm crush your enemy completely. It's like you're in B2B sales. - Yeah, yeah, what's your end game? - Yeah, well, whatever, who fucking, I mean, I don't-- - Have any books changed your guys' lives and any like these like sell-- - That's a great question and it's so funny that the answer is no. I know that no book has ever left a mark on me. (laughing) - Unless you fall asleep on it. - I don't read, yeah, I literally, yeah, for real. It just stuffed about the pages of giving me a paper cut. No joke, in high school, every time I tried to read, I would fall asleep. 'Cause I just have, it's some kind of-- - It hit the time thing. - Move the other side to side, actually. - Oh yeah, that's the best way to get to sleep. People struggle with sleeping. You close, do your eyes close? - Wait, really? - But you look left, right, up, down. You don't, anyway, each way, and then you go around, then around the other way, and then cross your eyes, and then do it, once, do it, keep doing it. After like three times, you can't do it again, 'cause you're like, it's so much effort, and then you are asleep so fast. It's the only-- - I'm gonna give it a whirl. - Literally, let me know. - 'Cause I have a hard time sleeping, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Just do that, 'cause you think this isn't gonna work, and do it, keep doing it, and you'll fall-- You really will fall asleep. - Okay, do it now, let the podcast play while you do it. (laughing) - Yeah. - I hadn't read fiction in a long time, and then like last year I read The Road by Cormac McCartney, and I was like, holy fuck. I was like, winded reading that book. - Really? - Jesus Christ, I had to like, sit with it, it was so intense. - I have so many books saved, and that's always the one of what that's changed people's lives, or the best book they've ever read. - It's a brutal book, but like, beautiful at the same time. - Yeah, but do you ever read nonfiction? - I'm read mostly nonfiction, and then like, every now and then I'll pop in and read fiction. - Yeah, I read a bunch of it. I've been reading a bunch of fiction, but it's like detective novels and shit that's going to be good. But I really do want, I wanted to do a thing where I read a book at night for just to go to bed for fun, and then try to engage with harder stuff in the morning, and that lasted like one week. - Yeah. - I was like, I'm not fucking using my brain right now. - No. - Maybe when the special is out, watch it, please. If you watch the special enough this week, maybe I'll start reading books, 'cause I just needed to be successful. I need this special to go well. - Help our illiterate boy. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then I can be a per, I feel like the last, January to basically October. I just don't feel like I've been a human being, because it's just like, if you get it, I mean, the schedule's fucking insane, and I bet you feel kind of a similar thing, or it's like, well, I better fucking do it now, 'cause they don't really give you more than one shot. - No, never. And this is gonna go waste so fast. - So fast and you gotta hold on. That's the feeling I have to. - It's not even about like winning them over and making this last. This is definitely, it's not all, it will go away. And people would go, why would it go away? And like, because it's gone away for literally every single person you can name, Paul McGregor is still putting out albums, but though he's the king and people bow down, no one listens to anything at all. They don't chart at all. - Yeah, I mean, it's like, if you're not Tom Cruise jumping, and Tom Cruise has to jump off a fucking airplane. - And you know what I'm talking about. - And you should do it himself. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, that's how fucking crazy shit is. - No, you're so fucking right. - Yeah, I know, but it's like, you know, it's nice. 'Cause it's like, you have a little run and then I'm excited to just like the retirement. I'm excited to be fat as shit. Like, I know I'm better than now. - What are you gonna do when you're not gonna retire? - I mean, at some point I will. I just mean, I can't wait for the like, you know, not having to do shit, chilling. I mean, I have a very, I have like a, I have a spend four months on a beach, like plan, which is the goal I wanna go to Greece. I wanna spend, at some point I would like to spend at least three months. Like, the goal would be to spend a quarter of the year in Greece in here. - Yeah. - And just chill out, you know. - 'Cause I always feel like my happiness is tied to my, obviously, my self-esteem and my self-esteem is only from accomplishing things. - Yeah. - So I would have to find something to accomplish. - But don't you think while I'm vacationing? - I guess that's true 'cause I think for me, what it is is I'm saying that, but also what I'm saying is I wanna accomplish like, fixing my body once in a while, like, and it's not just losing weight. I mean, I've gotten, I'm clearly over like, the body image issues, but it's just health at this point and like my back and, and I guess part of me is like, if I took a year and like, relaxed and like, and even relaxing, I think of it as like, stress is bad for you and I need to relax to like be healthier. And I probably, if I did that, would at some point get the itch to make stuff again? - Yeah. - But I mean, sometimes you think like, man, I am the happiest, even though I love standup more than anything, I am so unhappy when I'm like, work like on tour. It's so bad for you, like your body is so fucked up and it is just like, it feels like this Greek tragedy thing where it's like the thing that makes me feel the most alive and accomplished and truly my, the North Star in my life has been make one great standup special 'cause the age of 17, I was like, that's all I've ever wanted to do. And it's like, but doing that fucking kill is literally killing me. And, you know, at some point we have to figure something something better. - Does it feel good to be done? Do you feel like you've done it? Like, whether it does well or not, like you say I did- - I think I got pretty close this time to something that would have made me happy. And I'm really proud of it. I think it's my best special, but there were moments on it where I'm like, I fucked that up, fucked that up. Like, fuck, I forgot the best tag. Like, literally there's one joke that I fully blanked on. All four fucking shows. - No, did you have Braumter? - No, no, no, just I fucking, I just was like, 'cause my thing was like, I'm gonna fucking just, I'm gonna get this dialed in so much that I don't need that. And 'cause I wanted to feel as close to the real, do a show, and that's what we tried to do. And again, I'm really proud of it, right? But I don't think I, I want to feel like I completely fucked it. - I know. And I got really. close and compared to the second special, it's way, way better. But you know, that's fine. I'm too young to fucking be satisfied with my accomplishments. You know, give me 10 more years. And then then I will fucking, you know, tired. No, it's never good enough. Well, after you finish taping, you're probably like, that was great. And then you get in the edit and you go, fuck, or did you not feel the way afterwards? Because I also was sick. I also, my back was fucked up. I had, I was on vocal rest for like the two days before. You were held together with a spit and chicken. Like two weeks before we went on tour, one last run, it was supposed to be the like, let's just dot our eyes cross our teeth, right? And I, the first day of a, of a five city every night run. I'm sorry, four cities, five shows. I woke up in LA sicker than I've been in like, I don't know, a year, two years, lost my voice. Like, and so that weekend became, and it was, I was there. There was no way to cancel it. We had the bus. We did, I would have lost so much money. And I was already lost money on the specials because I broke my arm. And so, uh, and I'm like, before the special five days before. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. So anyway, so this is like a, this is two weeks before I lose my voice. I have this run. And now, am I not perfecting everything? But now I have to do the hour in a completely different way. I can't use my voice. I can't do act that. Like, and from the stress of it all, I fucking, my back is really fucked up. My back got so bad. I just sit during half of the show. I had to get cortisone shots the week before the special. And then I had to get, and then my voice started to go right before the, it was two weeks. I was like, I'll be fine. Like Lauren Gytus. Yeah, dude, like, like, can't control it. Just gone. Took steroids for the voice. They don't kick in until literally an hour before the first show. Then we fuck the first shows lighting up. So bad that it was, it was like, we didn't use almost anything from that show. And I'm like, uh, is my, am I fucking everything? Because if, if we did four of those, it would have been the kind of thing where all right, I guess we're gonna have to fake a good special in the edit. Yeah. Like, that's what it felt like. Luckily, we figured it out. Yeah. The last three shows were good. But still, I was in such a fucked up mental state. And I was so, my body was so fucked up. Then I feel like I performed that special at 80%. And we also had to move it from, we had to move it because I broke my arms. You know, so it was, the circumstances were so weird that I feel really proud of what we accomplished. And like, I really love the hour. And I think most of the jokes really stand on their own. But it's, I, this is me promoting my special. No, now I'm intrigued to watch. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. This is, this is me fucking, yeah, I should have, this one should come out like after the Netflix window of tracking. No, I think this will drive people to be like, what did he fuck up? Yeah, what could have been better? It'll be like when people watch the Wizard of Oz looking for the Munchkin is hanging himself. But anyway, anyway, who gives a fuck about my, but losing your voice, like I was losing my voice all the time because you, I can just hear when people don't speak correctly and they're not going to have a long career. Right. Like I can pinpoint it right now. I was like, but I had vocal cord surgery. Oh my god. Yeah. Like four years ago. And it changed, it's like a facelift for your voice. Really? I'm fucking it up again because I still don't know how to talk properly. So it'll just be going back. You're just, you're straining too much. You know, you're supposed to be relaxed. You're supposed to breathe from your diaphragm. Like there's a way to speak that will not put strain on your court. But it's like you have to learn it if you, you know, weren't born with it. And so I'll just keep, keep getting it done. But it was just like laser surgery. And anytime I see a video of myself from four years ago, you can tell, you can really tell. I mean, it was a kind of voice where you're like, I don't want to hear the shrill, like the kind of woman voice. I think this might be some internalized. No, you know, there's, there's sometimes, like women's voices are triggering. Yeah. It just sounds like a nagging mom or just like I wasn't screaming at you around the house. So your first memory is your mom saying she hate it. And now you're worried about sounds like a nagging mom. That is one of my biggest fears. I wonder if that's connected. No, you know what the knife is. Your voice is like Michael Jackson's nose. Yeah, been like 10 years. Nick, he's like this. I just have a beautiful little voice. Welcome to my first got it. My friends like Jesus Christ. I'm getting a spray tin on my ass. I'll still be doing a bit. Enough. At your Vegas residency. We're just doing like the hits. The greatest bits of all of you. I can't wait to have some fun. Dude, there's going to be podcasting residences in Vegas. Oh, absolutely. You're so right. I can't eldest. Get ready, baby. Right now, that is amazing. Just a podcast. It's going to happen. It's not going to happen yet. But it's, it's when we're old. I do. I do. I do what was paid. Not podcast, but I do a Caesar's palace. Oh, that's fun with spade. It's so fun. Like how long did like just once a year or you do it? We do it like five times a year. That's fun. It's so good. I would look. I actually, I didn't think I was like doing Vegas. I actually really like it. It's the kind of place where you can do it a bunch because people come in and out of it. Yeah. Nobody really. You don't burn out an audience. Yeah. Yeah. And doing it with another headliner where you're not carrying the whole show. That's all. That's all. And you get to be with someone who you like I like get done with my set and I get to watch his set. You know, like I don't always get to watch the opener set. So it's just like it's so much fun. Yeah. Now speaking of Riz, that guy notorious. Oh, got the fuck the hottest women of all time being like four, ten and like, you know, being slight, being like a little guy. Yeah. McCulley caulking build. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I respected so much. I've never met a person. We've like messages. Oh, he's the best. I've only heard he's the nice. Have you met a man? I don't think so. Oh my God. You would you guys would both love him. He's the nicest and the funniest. Fuck yeah. Just a really good person. And yeah, it has so much Riz. Yeah. Still has he brought any any dime pieces around he doesn't like to around me because I think he's a little embarrassed because some of them are like younger. And I don't begrudge him. Like get it. I'm never like what's why they're hot. If you bring it. Why not? There is some kind of it's really young. It's gross. But he's not like that. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. If you're I mean, look, if you're like they're good. If you're like a they're going to be younger than you. But how much younger is the real the real answer the real question. But yeah, that's that is very funny. It is interesting though that it's like you're worried about your voice and the mom stuff. And you've talked all a lot about like like I get comparing yourself to your sister and stuff. Yeah. Is that a lot? I mean, it seems like is that the accomplishment thing? Were you like, well, no one's going to like me for me. So I better accomplish stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I think it's yeah. Of liking. I wasn't like to I wasn't good at anything. My whole life. You know, I was like fine. No, I was okay. It's just never exception. Right down the middle. I think I always just kind of judged my worthiness of being you need to be special, exceptional. Yeah. And I was always just like okay at everything. You were knocking on the door. You're just like outside looking in of like the yeah, I was never in the gifted classes, but I made good grades. But I had to like kind of work for them. And I what you know, did theater, but never got like the starring role. Yeah. It was always like Jewish Townsperson B. Right. In my senior year in this theater. You don't want one you don't know what a number or a letter. No, at the end of your role, your senior year. Yeah. Townsperson. Um, yeah. So it's just like what the fuck like and yeah, I just not feeling never got like compliments on like, oh my god, she's such a cute little girl. Like nothing like that. Where you just like and I just have the disposition of someone who wants attention. Right. I always have. I don't know where that came from, but I just didn't get it. I mean, maybe yeah, not ever getting it from the start. And it seemed like just from the little just from the like, you know, just from being friends or whatever. And even like your act, it just seems like your sister was getting it just without trying. Yes. And she didn't like rubbed in my face. Yeah. She doesn't even that's the funniest part of your whole or sorry, you don't have a villain. No, she's so nice. So supportive. I could never be her to me. I could never be so long to be honest. Yeah. But she's so cool about it. So long makes more interesting music. I mean, yeah, I love that out. The album she put out a few years ago was awesome. Love her elevator work. Yes. That is cool too. But you did, did you feel less than growing up? I mean, obviously, obviously, obviously, I mean, like, no, actually, I think like, I think it was probably, I just really liked attention from and I got like, yeah, I think it's the opposite where my parents, it took them so long to have kids. I'm like one of the first batch of in vitro babies. And so like, it took them forever. I was the first born. And I was also like a very prick like talk. I've always been a person who runs his mouth from the time it was like I could I was talking it like I was saying my first words like nine months old. Like I was a kid who was like, could speak before he could like walk. And so, and it was like, and so, you know, like they just I was smart. Like they thought I was smart. Yeah, these kids are fucking genius. And in reality, I was just like earlier on stuff. Like that's so much of people who think, oh my god, those kids that are totally phenoms. And then they level out with everyone. Exactly because sometimes it's just statistics. Some people are going to hit a growth spurt earlier, whatever. And I was definitely one of those kids. But I feel like the damage was done by like getting, I got so much attention. And I was also like, I kind of was funny from a young from a young age where it was like, just a kid having like, you know, the kid having like real, my mom keeps talking, always talks about, I mean, I one time I asked like, I asked my mom, what is gaming? And she was like, Oh, it means happy. And then I was like, Oh, really? I thought it meant. And I said the slur for gay in Greek, 'cause I just put it together. It was a different time. It was 1991, you know what I mean? But like, that goes to show you how my family talk, my my Greek family talked around me. - Yeah. - But, and I would say shit like that. - You were figuring things out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - You were saying inappropriate stuff. - I was saying, yeah. - And then everyone would laugh. - I mean, a baby saying a slur, he is so good. - Is really fun. It's not good, but it's funny. And so it's like, I would just like that. And I think, even, and I got kind of good grades and I didn't care. I didn't give fuck about learning, but once I got that attention for being a good student, like until I found making people laugh, I really was a good student only because I liked attention. - Yes. - And so I don't know, I really don't know. And then it became, and then it kind of cruised right into how to overcome being a fat loser. Like being a fat white virgin in Baltimore city public schools, you gotta know how to roast people. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Being able to survive, so I don't even know. And, but my mom did find, it's insane. I have it in my Baltimore house. She found a, like, comic I drew. Like, and it was, the story was, aliens invaded Earth. And I saved them by being funny. It was like, I, I, I, and I didn't even know I wanted to stand up that young, but I, like, clearly liked comedy in a way that I didn't even realize. And so I don't know. I just think, like, I just, it's so fucking corny, but I really, like, my number one identity is comedian. Like, that's what make, once I started doing that, my whole life snapped into focus. - Yes. - And I don't even fucking know where it came from. You know, and it is funny because that, going around the couch, like, McDade, I don't even, you don't even still seem like you don't like attention. - Yeah, it's like, you must though. - Yeah, there's got to be part of me that definitely does. Yeah, I think there was always part, like, I kind of had a bit of what you had where I was, like, close to being really good at stuff, but not quite. I was like, almost a really good student, not quite. It was almost a good athlete, but, like, was on the bench on Varsky. - Even being six, seven bench stuff. - Yeah. (laughing) - If you have the longest shins on the bench and you're just sitting there at the end, just knowing you can dunk and you're still not getting in it. - You can dunk and you're not playing high school, though. - Fucking crazy dude. - I don't make it to me either. (laughing) My coach sat me the entire game, senior night. - Oh, senior night! - It had my name up on the wall. He forgot. (laughing) - Yeah, you really do blend in. - Always straight up, yeah. You straight up goofed and I was like, - That's insane. - So they had it in part of me. - Yeah, you are quiet, you can't blend in. I think that's probably an adaptation of how much you stand out. You probably-- - I never had the option to blend in, where I was like, okay, now you have to address this. - But you're probably a little bit more shy and quiet. - I was always shy. - Because you were already standing out. - I'm a born introvert. I was always a shy kid and then any kind of social skills I've developed have been developed through brute force and trying. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - This is me being as extroverted as I can. - Coaching like they do on Love on the Spectrum. - Yes, exactly. (laughing) - No, I get that. - Beautiful, beautiful. - I've been training on context and straight, grade one. - Yeah. - But I was like jokes, I wasn't funny. I wasn't funny 'til late high school. But I always was weirdly into comedy. I remember I moved away in second grade. And my classmates, my mom had them make me a little book of things to take with me. I'd like a going away gift. And people quoted jokes that I had stolen from whatever joke I was going to do. - Yeah, one of the best things I loved any time there was a field trip coming up or something where it was like, you were hanging out with a bunch of kids. I would literally go to jokes.com and craft a set. - Oh my god. - So the bus ride's gonna be about two hours and 12 minutes that'll give me some time to get into this book of Pollock. - Yeah, yeah, no, it was literally that level of humor. It was like, you know, like bestiality jokes. It was just like dumb street jokes. But I would get enough to just be like, you know, and I would fuck with people also in conversation. But I just, I mean, I'm saying all this. And at the time, I didn't even consider that that I was clearly me wanting to do stand-up. 'Cause I was like, you know, in like- - I didn't think about it either. I just wanted to be on TV. - Yeah, yeah. - It's like the only way to do that is to act. - Yeah. - Which would be a singer or a dancer. And then it's like that- - Or- - It would seem like an option to be a comedian. - Totally. - As a woman, I think there's even less so. You just don't see it that much. But I did see it here and there. But it just never, until someone told me I should do it. It didn't even, and then as soon as they did, I was like, oh, like looked into it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - It made total sense. But I love jokes too. Like I was just, I've been rewatching friends and I realized how influential that show was on me. Like I remember the first time I heard one of my favorite jokes on friends was, you know, Fat Monica is on TV and they're watching an old, you know, video chase. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - And they're like, whoa, Monica, and she goes, oh, the camera adds 10 pounds. And then Chandler goes, how many cameras were on you? (laughing) - I remember that at the time in 6th grade, like breaking my brain. I'm like, that is such a, like I couldn't, I'd had to rewatch it, like how did it, and I look back and I was, I was piecing together how to write jokes. I love jokes. And then I got like the Conan O'Brien in the year 2000 book. And I have that, I have like my copy from high school. It's all tattered. I was circling the best jokes and like studying how a joke works. Because that, you were making selects even then. - Yes, yes, totally. I was, you know, you have to learn comedy. I forget that it's not just an innate, it feels innate, I think to us. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - If you're interested in it already. - That's true. - It shows with some people. And they'll be a laugh track. My assistant who I watch a lot of TV with, I'll just pause and go, why was that funny? And she's like, I don't know. And I go, why, what did you want to know? Why were you missing that a full audience? But some people are just like, no, I just, I don't really mean to know. - Yeah, they don't give a fuck at all. I don't care. If I don't know something, I'm really embarrassed and need to research. - Was there a thing you tried where there attempts to get attention before? - Yeah, I mean, like at the acting and singing, I was like in the choir. And it was, I really wanted to, I think I really could have been a singer because it was just, I, and I have the base for it. But I just wasn't trained properly. And I never got a chance to because my voice teacher in high school told my mom, she doesn't have it. And this is a way to do it. - Yeah. - Oh my, and so. - A woman who's being paid to train here. - It'd be dollars an hour. Like it wasn't nothing in 1999. - You have a good voice. It's like she found that. - It's not horrible. - It's insane. - The thing is that it's not, I don't have a naturally great voice. Some people just come out. I'm sure. - Great. But that is rare. Like talking about a book that like actually, you were kind of talking about like, oh, hard work leads to perfection. - Yeah, yeah. - But you kind of with something like singing or dancing or something, or acting. Sometimes there are people that are just born great. - Sure, of course. - But then you, if you work hard enough, there's this book called The Talent Code that kind of like changed the way I look at things. Like if you work harder than everyone else, you can be better than the person who's a natural. - Yeah. - And you just. - I just never thought that. (laughing) - That allegory never dawned on me. To me growing up, it was either you had it or you didn't. - Can I be honest? That when I read that book, I read it. I got away thinking like the hair is fucking awesome. - Yeah. - I literally as a kid, I was like, he's fucking with him. And in my head, I was like, who cares that he won? The hair was better. Like, literally as a little kid, I was, and that is. - I think I felt the same way. - Yeah, I was like, he's fucking cool, he's fast. I don't wanna be a fucking bitch as turtle. The next time he's gonna try, and he's gonna smoke him. Like that one was like, when I was a kid, that is what I thought of that story. - I think you're right. That one doesn't really hit the way it is. - Yeah, the hair wins the next 75 races. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - How does the turtle win again? - He just keeps going. The hair's smoking him and he stops, and like, you know, it's one of those things. - Also, he wins by default, because the hair has ABD. - Basically, yeah, yeah, yeah. The hair was taunting. The hair was like, you know, the hair's celebrating before he got the touchdown. And it's just that kind of like, don't be a show boat, like put your head down in hard work, kind of thing. - Never outshine. - But I mean, I gotta be honest. - Sure. - You can, you had the idea, you made a big mistake outshining the man. - I'm on board. - Yeah, I mean, at the same time, though, you know, it ain't gonna happen a lot of the time. You can work hard as fuck, and it's like-- - The thing with talent, yeah. - I thought it was like, it's like gold in your property, but you do have to dig to find it. - Yeah, that's true. - And some people have to dig harder than others and some people never find it. - I could have had a, like, I might not have been, I'm definitely not beyond say levels, but I could have had, I would have been able to work in a way-- - At Vegas, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, I could have had a, there's, not that I'm like-- - Did you want to do that, though? - Yes, I mean, that's like, I would love to be a musician. - Music is so much cooler. - It's so much cooler. - It's not even fucking cool. - Going to fucking Noah Khan's concert, kind of, I was standing on the floor when he was kind of positioned this way, so behind him and watching those, you know, 70,000 people, just how wrapped they all are. Nothing we will ever do will make people feel the way that music goes. - No, and it translates in an awesome way. Like, you go overseas, you can just play the whole world as a musician. Like, music is like so fundamental, and our shit is just like, we're exploiting little quirks that are very specific to our culture that don't fucking travel. In fact, the only comedy that is universal is like, the way in the brother. - Laptop. - Mr. B. - It's literally, you throw on white chicks? Everyone's having a good one. You don't even have to speak English to like white chicks. Because honestly, we just, I, we, actually something really funny. The way we even watched it, remember, eldest, it was like-- - I haven't seen it. - It's awesome. - That's it? - It's really good, you should watch it. - It's part of the criterion, Collette. - Well, no, I was on Netflix, and they had a, we had a, we were going through the categories, and they're like, millennial classics. I'm like, look at this bullshit. They're like trying to bait us. Like, yeah. - Yeah. - Millennials are, just 'cause you're in a generation. I mean, we all like the movies. And every single one was a banger. And I was like, "Fuck, these are fucking awesome." And then he just ended up one. watching White Chicks and so good. It's literally like, it is closer to clowning and to these classic types of theater. The Wands Brothers really are insane performers and they're so fucking good. And truly, yes, is it high level humor? - No. - No, right? The writing is not, no one's winning an Oscar for writing, right? But performance and also at the end of the day, you could argue what they're doing is more value. And like, 'cause like, oh, I, well, look at the structure on my joke. Who gives a fuck, dude? Can you make anybody laugh? - Anyone can. - I can't, I really can. You know who can? The fucking Wands Brothers, you know? And so it's like, that's the thing. It's like, even the thing we have dedicated our lives to is like a subsection of entertainment and truly the basement of show business until recently, when I don't know what the fuck happened. - Yeah. Like, this has become most crazy, you know what I mean? Like, truly, you, like, hosting award shows used to be the absolute pinnacle that a standup got on. In many ways, it was like, that's the best gig that a standup, that's what you're training for or hosting a late night's. Everybody wanted to host a show, right? And that was what you did stand up for. And now we don't even give a fuck. Now we're just like, we're doing it for the art form. It's like, who fucking gave it? Who gives a fuck? - More the sitcom. - Yeah, that's true. - I would love to be the fat Dufus neighbor on a sitcom, but-- - Aren't you? - I guess I am the-- - Wait. (laughing) Holy fuck, I really, I forgot that I am the fat Dufus on time today. - It cannot be today. (laughing) - You're living your dream. - Oh no. - Holy fuck. That's how ungrateful I am for my life. It's like, oh yeah, I am that. I am literally the thing I used to-- - That's what we're talking about. I get mad, that's how much not getting something fuels me when I literally have it. I still have the chip on my shoulder. Why aren't I doing the thing I literally am doing? I guess I'm, yeah, anyway, that's so fucking funny. Tyres is also out right now. - Yeah. - Tyres out, Uncle Stov is out. Tony is out in theaters. - Uncle Stov is the name of them. - Uncle Stov is the spokesperson. - And when Tony is coming up? - Tony is out in New York right now. It opens wide next week. - Oh shit. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It's good too. - Oh my god. - Of course. - That's been, we've heard. - Dom is awesome. Dom's unbelievable Antonio Banderas. I mean, the whole thing is fucking-- - I hear Reese Grover steals it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. Reese Grover. Flip, who is a character. This is our friend Reese, who had a one line in the movie. And he stayed the whole filming. He's best friends with Dom. He's the man. He's so cool. - That's so fun. - Actually, fuck, I owe him $100. (laughing) - For what? - He picked up my color and drove it to Newark for me. I had to go to, as soon as I got back from the tires from here, I had to drive to our sound mixer's house and do the mix because we had to turn the special in so fast 'cause I broke breaking my arm, but still wanting to put it out. - Oh yeah, the turnaround on the special is really quick. - It's fucking insane. We should do like a photo shoot and everything for it and the billboards and stuff. - Yeah, we were doing all that, I mean, we're doing all that concurrently. Like, everything's happening at the same time. Literally, we had my guest room, 'cause we shot it in Baltimore with ice, so I have a place there and my guest room, we just put fucking folding tables out and we had like a fucking, we had like, you know, literally editors pulling day and night shifts. Like, we were editing between shows. - Wow. - It was fucking crazy. It was actually the most insane thing I've done, but also, I kind of liked it. It was fun to stay in it. It would be nice to have two more weeks? Sure, but like, still, I really did, there's something fun about doing it immediately. 'Cause it feels like an extension of the show as opposed to two months later, you've kind of forgotten. And you've been doing that material and now it's better. - You had it. Oh true, I hate that too. That's brutal. That's kind of why that happened to me on the last one where I was like, fuck, this special socks dick. I fixed all the problems when I stopped thinking about it. I was like, you know what, I don't really like that joke. I'm just gonna do, and within three months, it was so good, but some of that material ended up on this special, whatever. But still, yeah, you're so right. I didn't even think about that angle. This stops you from like-- - You really gotta get right in there, so smart. - Yeah, fuck. I did it out of necessity, but you know, what are you gonna do? We do need to take some calls, but I do, Nicky, there's one thing I do wanna ask you about. How did you find out your dad has a huge hog? - Oh god. - Because that is somehow common knowledge. - So haunting to know that. - 'Cause I just saw like, you mentioned it all, Fand, and I was like, why, and you know what? See, looking at your dad, I'm like, yup. - I just assume, first of all, I just assume he does get a tall guy's big ad example. - And he's just like, I don't know. I just, I don't know if I've ever, I think a friend saw it one time, but I don't even think she reported about it, but I've never seen it. - Sure, you've heard rumor. - I have, I have, I have. - I mean, no sure sign. - He heard about it like, that's what it was. - No, I did, I had a talk show on Comedy Central, you know, a decade ago. - Yes, yes, yes. - Um, we ran out of ideas, and it was just like, getting the point, one time my writers were like, what if we put your parents on a lie detector, and we asked them about their sex life? And you know, the pitch sounds hilarious. - Who are you? - Let's do it. - Of course. - And then you sit down and have to ask your mom, - And you had to do it. - She's ever done anal. Yeah, that's the funny part of it, right? - It is, you're right, you're right. - And it was, it was truly hell. It was, it was so uncomfortable. I had to ask them if they'd ever heard me have sex, and my dad said, yes, it's like, God, it was fucked up. It was, honestly, I don't even like to talk. It was so, no, no, no. And then one of them was like asking my mom if my dad had a big dick. I mean, these were all questions that I had written and helped facilitate, 'cause in the moment, you're just like, this is crazy. You don't think you ever have to do it. You don't think about doing it. I don't really, I sign up for shit all the time that I don't think about how it's gonna feel. And I think that's a part of the reason I'm successful is I don't think about things before. I just hurl myself into them. - 100%. - Oh my God, we did a thing on that show that I'm still so disturbed by. We were like, you know, it was second season, it was a show about sex and dating, but you really run out of stuff to do. - Sure. - We were gonna help guys redo their dick picks, 'cause it's always just like the sad kind of photo in a bad lighting in your bathroom with a dirty, bad, mad, and you're fucking-- - That's so funny, that's a great concept. - And so we like built these dioramas where you're sick, your penis through the hole, and then your dick would be like, in a Parisian landscape, with like the Eiffel Tower, and your dick is riding a bike with a baguette in it, and your dick has a little beret. There was one there was like a spa where your dick was like in a bathtub with bubbles, and there's like cucumber eyes and a little fucking shower cap. And so we built these things. - Yeah. - No one department does an amazing job. We cast it, and the only people we can get to ever be on camera with it, we'll blur the dicks, but like are just porn, dirty porn guys, homeless guys. We go and Craigslist to get on, we can't do it. - Not in 18. (laughing) - And the night before, we're doing like a rehearsal of how's tomorrow gonna work. We got the photographer, we have this amazing studio, and I remember Dancing Germain, one of the writers was sitting there, and we're like, Dan, you be the guy, and we'll just like show how this would work. It has pants on. So the art department brings in the model and puts it on his lap, and we see how it would go, and then we realize he can't dress his penis with his arms. Someone has to do it, and I look at the art department, they're just like backing out like Homer Simpson into the fucking-- - Of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And they go, it has to be you. And so I had to handle his penis all day long, like a nine hour shoot. And I had gloves on, but I had to pick up their limb dick, put little glasses on them, draw a little mustache. - It has to be you, it could hire someone. - It just, it was funnier, and I was kind of the, I was playing like the director of the shoot. Like I have this idea, and so it was like-- - It is funny, but you're giving the dicks their motive in the fourth scene. - A lot of stuff's funny. - It was so-- - It'd be funny, you know. It'd be funny if you like, if somebody slipped on a banana peel and cracked their head open and died. - Yeah. - Doesn't mean you're gonna have to do it. - And these guys would just make eye contact me with me while I do it, they were speaking out. I mean, they were just like fluffing next to the craft service table. It was a disgusting guy. - Oh my god. - And it was barely a good sketch. It was like, it was, no one talks about it. (laughing) - Yes, no longevity. - No footballs, no footballs, no footballs. - Not, not. Just a footprint in my psyche that I truly was so disturbed. - You had to do like clinical sex work. - No one was, we were so jazzed about this idea 'cause it was so out there, it's crazy, and there was so much energy around it, and then we got there, and we were all just like, thousand yard stare afterwards. - Yeah, of course. By the way, build a smaller diorama. (laughing) It's only, we have thought of that. - If the fucking arms can go around, what if it was a little square? - Put a parade on my dick. - I'll do it. - And I just was like, I'm a doctor. I just had to think, I'm, this, you know. - Of course, how many guys are we talking? - It was like, probably six. (laughing) - God. - It's on, it's on YouTube, watching. It was so much fun. - Honestly, I'm gonna watch both of these. I'm gonna watch the lie detector set. - Oh yeah, the lie detector thing was awful. And my parents and I don't talk about it, but my dad sometimes, you know, they were calling him horsecock laser. Sometimes, like, fans meet him and he's so embarrassed by it. He really is like, it's not that big. Like, this lie detector guy was the guy that everyone hires, he shows, and he's bullshit. It's, he'll just give you what's the funniest answer. We didn't know that at the time. But my dad, so my dad said, I don't have a big penis and they're like, that's a lie. And so it was like, my dad, it felt like, it made my dad really uncomfortable. He's not someone that wants to like brag about that. He was not proud of it. - I would be so old. - So what you did was-- - I know, I would too. - Even if my dick was small and be like, yep. - Yeah. - I think huge. - What Nikki did was she put a really big hat on it. (laughing) - He was the ninth guy. - Yeah. (laughing) - If we would have got a season three, a hundred percent of what had been happening. Oh my god. - Wow, wow, they say television's dead. - Oh my god. - I think I killed it. - That was the last show on Comedy Central. - Yeah. (laughing) - I think that was the episode where they were like, it's too dirty, like they can't continue doing this. - Yeah, that's so funny. - I mean, I remember, yeah, the coming season was sort of coming. But anyway, we'll talk about this. Nobody gives it up. - Yeah, they're still around, I think. - They're doing so, they're mounting some kind of comeback. And I would love, I would actually love, the more places for stand-up the better I would say. - Yes. - Competition's good. I love the free market. I just don't like crony capitalism. And especially when it comes to more places to put a special on so you could make them bid against each other. - Yeah. - Anyway, that's beautiful. Well, you know, congrats to your dad who has probably just a slightly above-average penis. - Yeah. - And that's still great. - Print the legend. (laughing) - Based on my pussy size, I thought it was huge. - Because I had the same lower extremities. Like, we have the same legs, same feet. Something like, it's probably a hog. (laughing) It's meaty, no matter what. - I know his balls are long. - Let's just say that. (laughing) - All right, Eldie, why don't we play some- (laughing) Why don't we hit the Stavvy's Roll Hotline sponsored by Visible and take some fucking calls, Eldis, hit us, baby. - Hi, so I've been with my husband, but we've been married for a year now. And strangely, he has never actually told me he loves me. He says that he has some trauma in his past that's prevented him from feeling comfortable with that. However, you know, he did ask for us to get married. He married me, all of the things we lived together. - How do you- (laughing) - Hey, are you free to like six months? Do you wanna like fucking get married room? (laughing) Do you strike some stuff from the vows to remove the stuff about love? (laughing) - He just doesn't really show a whole lot of like romantic, like sweetness. - Yes, affectionate. - His form of being romantic or sweet with me or instead of giving me compliments. It's kind of just whippin' his dick out over his basketball shorts when it just hang out and then chase me around the house. - It's came, right baby, right baby. - This is a hundred. - This is real? - Yeah. (laughing) - You've been in a situation like this? - Where it's like everything's a joke. Any kind of vibe, like any- - Oh, I see, there's no one comfortable. - They're trying to get a pension or have sex. There's no touching. It's like, look at my dick and then it has to be a bit. - The dick is a problem. - Yeah. - And do you think it's like being so uncomfortable with sincere romance? - Yeah. - And that guy's never been told, his parents tell him he loved him. - Right. - Or that they loved him. - So he's, but you have to get out of this. - That's crazy. - Because some women don't, sorry. We'll continue it. - Maybe she's already loved him. - Yeah. - And his call, hopefully. - He chased me around the house saying, nightmare, nightmare, nightmare. - Nightmare. - And chased me around the house. So that just, I mean, it'd be nice to be told that I'm cute or I look pretty today or whatever, but instead I get, well, that. - Yeah, that's not good. But thought, is that what she said? - Yeah. - Polarious way to end that call. Thoughts follow up. Yes, I mean, listen, that's fucking insane. It's also like, you didn't marry him. Like this. - Yeah, because she, but she probably doesn't feel enough. - She probably, it sounds like some low self-esteem. - It does. It sounds like she's now learning probably from just seeing reels of other women that are telling you about what kind of relationship to get out of like, she probably deserves more. There's like a whole sub-sector of Instagram that has been served to me at times. - Sure. - And I like, you deserve more. (laughing) - It's out there. - Our phones are listening to us and like, they just heard you crying. - Oh my God. They know. - They know. - They know. But you do deserve better. And I know that like, there are some women that don't need to hear, I love you. And don't need to hear, you're pretty. - Sure, sure. - And he could be with one of those girls. And it doesn't, he'd probably stay back to, you know, of course, I wouldn't be with you if I didn't love you. I wouldn't be with you if I didn't think you were hot. That's not the same as saying them. And I think a lot of times women think that the guy is just rolling their eyes, like you're being so needy. Why do you need to hear you're beautiful? Like, can't you have confidence? It's like, you're allowed to want to have things said to you. You're allowed to want to hear, you're pretty. You're, that's okay. Even if, even if he has to lie to you about it, you're allowed to want him to lie to you. It's not too much to ask at all. So don't, you know, I think definitely confront him about this and be like, this is a non-negotiable for me. Yeah. Because it should be. 'Cause you don't want to be with this guy the rest of your life feeling like this guy, I never got affection. I never got him to touch my arm or be like, like, and you see other couples do that. When we're in public, he puts his hair as AirPods in and walks a little in front of me. Oh, yeah, that helped my divorce shit. Yeah, this girl, I feel for you. I think it's, but you definitely deserve more. And there's someone that will shower you with that stuff. And I, I just, I've gone through it before and been with people that don't give me the affection that I desire. And I think, oh, I don't have to, I can be like a cool girl that like, we don't need to do that. Like, we're buddy. Right. And we can joke about sex. And that's so much better than snuggling. Right, right, right. And you can convince yourself that this is what you deserve or that you have this kind of relationship. But it sounds like you want something more. She shouldn't underestimate the stupidity of guys. Like, sometimes we really do need to just be told. Yeah. Like, a lot of things that we think are implied. Like, oh, it's implied that I think she's beautiful and I love her and stuff. It's like, they do need the words. You gotta say the words. Totally. And you can't say it, just say, yes, you can talk, just lie, just say it. The only thing of like, I can't say it. You can fake it till you make it now that you've been married for a year. And you deserve that. It's not, it's not, it is not asking too much at all. No, certainly not. I mean, my worry though is that with these types of problems, the time to address it is as soon as possible. Right. And the only problem I could foresee here is that like, you know, how long since they were dating elders before they got married, they've been married for a year. But how long were they dating before that? That's my question. She didn't say. Yeah. And look, so my hunch is this woman has some self esteem issues. Like what did you get out of this? Is a big question I have and look, maybe her dating life wasn't great. Maybe at the time, this is the first person to show even a little affection towards her. And so that was almost novel. And you just kind of let it slide hoping, oh, as we fall in love, he'll get more love he'll be dubby, whatever, like I kind of wonder, how did he even propose, did he, did he lift his dick and the ring was between his dick and his nuts? Like what, like what, like what happened here? And so like, yes, I think what Nikki said is a hundred percent correct. You can absolutely talk to him about it. I would foresee the like, well, wasn't this, this wasn't a problem. Well, this has never been a problem. There's always how I've been. That is going to be his argument. You could just be like, you can, you can, you can just say, sorry, I got a devastating text that we, we tried to rent a place for the nude calendar, and they have a strict, no nudity policy. What's the fault at this studio? Yes, strict. I guess because they do kind of look like porn sets. And I'm sure people try to do porn. It's the cars for kids. Yeah, yeah, one of that white thing. So anyway, we're fucked. Sorry, guys, the calendar, 20th way, 7th calendar is coming, but a cool, completely pink, fuzzy room. I know a studio that will have you with the dick out anytime. I'll come up and style you. Yeah, exactly. You got those dioramas. Anyway, so I would just say, like, look, you're like, hey, look, this is just something I've learned over time. I need, maybe I thought I was going to get better. Maybe I didn't just, again, just sort of, I'm just anticipating. Yeah, I like that you're saying what he's going to say because you're right. But yeah, I would just say, um, I thought I thought I thought it was fine at the time. I've changed my mind. Totally. And that's completely fine because what I'm hearing from your, the voice of our friend here is that standing up for yourself is not something you're used to doing, and especially you're probably really scared of losing. If you married somebody doesn't tell you I love you, you're probably scared of losing him. Yeah. And so you need that you do need a little, I would say, absolutely talk to him about it. But also you need to find the root of these issues, which is your self-esteem. Why is that, why did you allow something that was not acceptable to go on for so long? And just, you know, is that there, I would say therapy seems like a kind of old brainer. Just get to this trauma. Yeah, right. Yes, exactly. That's the do the 10 stuff. Yes. That's like that. I do it on Zoom where it like they tap you tap in the eyes. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it just, it's way faster than other therapy. What's it called? EMD, EMD. What does it stand for? Because I have a friend who did it, but I forgot about it. Does that do that? I move like activates the nervous system the way the like access is trauma. It's crazy. Like you just go in, because I would always, I would go to therapy all the time and you just talk the whole hour and I would just do like a podcast. Right, right, right. Like nothing. You could just, it can certainly be nothing. I, my advice always is like, go when you have a specific thing you want to go on. Yeah. Like, because why not? When I went early on, it was specific about my relationship with my family and guilt about truly the first time I did a stand or went to therapy was because I felt guilt about betraying the immigrant, the immigrant son thing and it took me like a year of like being like, am I a bad, like, don't I have to be my friend? What, where are you betraying? 'Cause, you know, I, again, I didn't go into this thinking this would happen. The betrayal was basically like, they, 'cause I had good grades, I went to college on scholarship and they were looking towards me to like get a real job, help the family out, like sort of pay back the immigrant thing, which you know, I'm totally happy to do now. Like, but at the time, it felt like, well, instead of doing the thing, the correct thing, I'm gonna do the selfish thing to do something artistic, right? So that was the first time I went and then later on, I had real people pleasing and self-esteem issues and I went for those. And later on, it was to help my relationship with my brothers and like, you know, there are times when I just don't go to therapy at all. Or I go, I go, maybe a couple months, once every couple of months, just to kind of check in. And now, and I, basically I stopped 'cause I was so busy, but boy, do I need to pop in after this, right? But my advice with talk therapy is, go when you have something to work on. - Yes. - Don't just go. - Do you want to case by case? - Yes, I really do that, you know? - I think it should be that. And our friend here sounds like she has some self-esteem issues to work on, but I'm not, I don't know. Did you look up what a EMDR stands for? - I moved in the sensation and reprocessing. - Yes, so you just like bring in your, like so, I did it because I was trying to work on my people pleasing and my lack of self-esteem. And it's like, I don't really have any trauma in my life where I'm like, I was molested. I was raped. I don't have any like concrete, the big ones. - And so I just like brought in a story of like, one time I got like that, it just stands out of, when did you start feeling like you were less? - My mom said she hated me. - Yeah, look at that one. That one just hits so good. I don't want to recover from that. - That's why you're a masochist. I say to say, yeah, what it was, what it was like. - Yeah, but I just bought in this like, nothing story of like getting a doll that the hair was bent on it. I'm like, I don't like, I never get nice things. And like, I just brought in the story thinking like, I don't even think about the story, but it's kind of, when she said, what's a young moment where you felt less than, and just tapping shoulders and like talk, and then thinking about it and waiting, sobbing. And I'm not someone who cries, I never cry. It all brings it up and you go back in time and reparent yourself. And you seal the synapses that fired off then, so you literally don't have it anymore. - Wow, that's it. - And it really works and it works quickly. Like people, I mean, I didn't keep doing it because it was so exhausting to go into when I was trying to prepare for my special dos, going in, 'cause you have to like, you're kind of out of it afterwards, but I would recommend that for this girl. Start doing that and then get out, because you need to develop yourself worth, because you're never gonna be able to get out until you actually feel like you deserve that. - And who knows, if you can, and like we said, let's give this guy some credit, he might just be a guy who, like Jay P said, sometimes you just need to hear it, right? You might be fucking stupid, and you might, and with a little self-esteem, you might be able to have a real conversation with him, and then he's like, oh, my bad. - Yeah. - I don't, and look, he, this guy, I mean, autistic gets thrown around way too much. - Right. - And like, and the pulling your dick out and chasing kind of puts me off the autism, right? - I know what he's special in truth. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) But like, not being in touch with, being a guy who's just like, not in touch with these things, like, he might, I literally, like, I did, I remember there's a story, like a, some radio story that I saw that I heard, and the woman was just like, I, she was married to an autistic guy, and she was like, hey, it would just make me feel better if you asked about how my day was, and told me you loved me. And he was like, okay, you know what I mean? - Yes. - And he just did it. And truly, it didn't come from him. And she was like, you know what? It's enough. - Yeah. - I do love him. Even if it's, even if, like, he doesn't, he's not meaning it in the way that I, that I would mean it when I asked about it. - Yes. - He's still, in his way, he is making his effort. - And that's what people think that when you tell your partner to do something, and they go, so what, but I, when I say, you're, you're just gonna know I just said it 'cause you told me to, and that it's not gonna land. I, it, a lot of times it still does. - Totally. - Because it's the ever. - Yeah. - It's literally the thought that cast him. - Yes. - It's like, yes, you actually changed your behavior. For me, even if you did it for different reasons than I would have done it, I appreciate you doing that, you know. - It's not really, oh, you care about my day. It's that you thought to ask that. - You know it matters to me that you ask. - Yeah. - Even if you're fucking thinking about, you know, playing, fucking, playing Roblox or whatever. - Yeah, because I think a lot of times, you're zoning out. - Guys get scolded about something. Like, you never tell me I'm pretty, and it's like, well, now I'm not gonna do it because you're gonna just think I'm, like, still do it. I promise you, it, they, it's just what you just said. - It's an open book test. - Yeah. - They get, like, just, like, it's so right. - It's like, that's what it is. It's like, oh, you want to stuff. Like, I'm giving you the answers. Just fucking do it. - Yes, do it. - Yeah. - If you couch it and like, yeah, I know you care whatever. I just need to hear this. - Right. - Yes, yes. - I've had girls in the past be like, yeah, I need better communication. And I'm just like, well, I texted you. Every time I wanted to hang out. - It's here. - Every time I dick on hard, I texted you. Every time the girl I actually liked didn't hit me up. I texted you. That's pretty clear. - What's the problem? (laughing) - That's called, they literally call it communication. What am I paying AT&T for? Well, we are kind of stupid. We do need to be told. - Absolutely, absolutely. - So good luck, buddy. What else we got, Eld? - Hey, Scott, Elvis, you guys, thank you for taking my calls. So I'm a male in my 30s, happily married, I had a son. And I'm going on a bachelor's party of a close friend in a few months. Did you have a bachelor's party? Lots of about 20 guys there. And I anticipate there will be strippers there. - Nice. - So I'm on end is, I've never experienced being around strippers. Nor have I been to a striplum. It's not something that I feel like, but it's just some, you're scared you'll see titties. (laughing) - I think that it would never interest me and that I've never really had the opportunity to participate in. One thing I do know is that my wife is not fond of the idea of strippers in general. And so I've been thinking about when I'm there, how do I respond if there happens to be strippers or folks want to go to the striplum. On one hand, I don't want to make a big deal about it. If I don't feel like being there, I'm happy to just excuse myself and not say anything, but I also don't want to try and do that in an indirect way. And make a scene out of any of it, and dance for the party. I really want folks not my party or my celebration. I really want the green deal to celebrate in the way that you want, but also really inflicted about being a part of something that I really don't want to partake in something that I know that my wife has strong opinions on as well. - Look, that's, that's pretty much the question. - Yeah, you need to leave her wife. (laughing) - She sounds like a baby. - It is a better. (laughing) - At least you're consistent across sections. (laughing) - But I tell this to young men all the time, strippers are more afraid of you than you are of them. (laughing) - I would like to hear what you guys think about how to-- - I've handled this before. - Oh, you've had this before. - And I have thoughts, but go ahead. - Several years ago, I was like, I wasn't in a relationship, but I was like, I think I had a girl that I was like, interested in and going forward. I was on a bachelor weekend, and my friends all wanted to go to a strip club. I thought about, I was like, you know what? I was gonna sit this one out, and I went and did my own thing for like a couple of months. - I just dated this girl, because the girl, or you already uncomfortable with the club. - That must have been it, yeah, I was, I don't know. - Have you been at a strip club? - A long, long time ago, yeah. - But it's not something that you think about going, but would you like to go to one? - I'm good. - Yeah. - Interesting. - You're a strip club guy, I know. - I am not, I think about it. - This vibe is Portland strip club at handy. - I will say, yes, I haven't really patronized strip clubs, but recently, but we had, there's a scene in tires when we shot at a strip club, and they had real strippers there. - Yeah. - And I was just like, oh man. 'Cause I went to strip clubs when I had no money, and it wasn't that big of a deal. It was like, fun, you're in and out, it's like whatever. Now I'm like, this could be a real problem. - Yeah. - If I get into this right now. - 'Cause I bet they are really termed by you, and that you would go actually. - Listen, I am friends with plenty of strippers. Like I'm friends with plenty of sex workers, and we get along. It's a very similar, we have the fuck was that. (laughs) - That was our next guest. (laughs) - That was all the incredible home. And I, yeah, I've been too busy, honestly, to go, but I was, eldest, I was thinking like, man, how fun would it be to have a team dinner and then go to fucking pumps afterwards? They could take the boys to a strip club, be like, here you go, fellas. Here's $100 in sync. - Bulls, you know what I mean? Just to really give little morale boost for the company. - Yeah. - But here's the thing I'm gonna say. It is, first of all, it's nice. It is nice that your wife, she's not nagging you. She doesn't sound like Nikki did five years ago. She's not, she's not being like, you can't go to the fucking strip club. It's nice that you're like, I think this would bother her, and I'm just gonna be a good guy about it. Now, you're set, I'm reading between the lines, and she's like, we're going to strip club with a bunch of funny guys. And you're, you want to not go to the strip club and also not be called the bitch. - Yeah. - Might I add? - It's one or the other, brother. It's one or the other. - He is dry snitching on the homies by doing this. - Absolutely. - If I bringing it up to his wife for like anyone, like, yeah, but you don't want to go there. - You don't want to go there. - You don't want to bring it up. 'Cause that's the thing it's like, dude. - Just do it. - And don't tell her. - I know, 'cause it's not real bitching. - It's not, no, it's not. - At all. - It's not. - You don't even know for a fact. - And he doesn't have to get a lap dance or anything. That's what I'm saying. If you're just there, you can't see it. - He's a person. - Yeah, I'm sorry. And the idea that women get jealous of their husbands like looking at an attractive woman, and-- - They're not gonna fight at all. - By the way, you hope that your husbands attracted to women who are hot. - It means he doesn't have some kind of terminal illness. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - His body is great. That means he's working. - He's real, yeah. - He's just really what it is. - He can't just only be attracted to you. So I don't even get, just let him enjoy it. - A doctor checking up, I don't get it. - Have you been ogling any fives lately? (laughing) - That's a symptom of something really bad. - Have you been jerking off 24 hours? (laughing) - So I would say dude, this is good. This is nice, this is cute of you to do, 'cause it's not coming from a place of like, I'm, wow, she won't let me or what, I know I'd get in big trouble. You're trying to anticipate your wife's needs. - Yeah. - He also-- - It doesn't sound like he likes it. - It doesn't sound like he really wants to, you know, and so that's fine, but they're gonna call you a pussy. And that's okay, that's part of being friends. First of all, you're actually doing a service to the, look at it this way, you're doing a service to the bachelor party, 'cause you are giving them the guy to roast for the rest of the week. - Yeah. - You are a very important guy here. Some guys go grab the pizzas, some guys bring you, someone gets the Airbnb, whatever. You're the guy who's such a fucking piece of like, such a coward. - A whipping boy. - Tits scare you, and they're gonna make fun of you for that. That's fine, that's what friendship is. - You're the GI who's laying down on the barbed wire, so everyone can run across. - Yeah. (laughing) - But yes, you can't have it both ways, baby boy. Keep it going, LD. - What's up, Stav? What's up, Eld, what's up, Gast? I called him before with some random kind of more bullshit questions, but I actually feel good more, or can I undermore you? - Yeah, absolutely. - I am in a group therapy for GLP-1 management or follow us kind of talking about how to access and whatever and spell ages. And some of the older women in the group love AI. I guess that's not shocking. A lot of old people really love AI these days, but there's one specific girl who talks a woman, she's older, who talks about her AI chatbot all the time. She's named him and talks about her conversations with him and all this stuff. And in the last group, I finally just kind of snapped 'cause I was having a bad week and she was rambling about tripping, I had nothing to do with the group and talking about her AI bot. And I was like, why are we talking to AI? Like why is it your friend? Like, and I kind of pushed her on it and the group ended up being kind of divided with people that had agreed with me and people that also had top-off. - That's so fucking funny. - Now, apparently, she was so hurt and embarrassed by that that she's wanting to leave the group. We all have each other's phone numbers and stuff. And I don't want her to leave the group, but I'm not sorry, you know what I mean? Like, I feel like this is not something that I should be like, oh, I'm sorry, I heard you feel like you're destroying the planet. - Of course. - And I think it's weird that you don't think that's weird. Anyways, what do you think I should do? Should I say anything to her? Should I just let her leave the group? Should I suck it up and apologize? 'Cause she's an old lady and it doesn't matter. Yeah, what should I do, what would you do? All right, bye. - I definitely, here's, I also have been working on this theory and I might maybe this is the first new bid I do after the special comes out, but I actually don't blame old people who love AI. Because think about the technology changes in their lives. These are people that were born without fucking running water some of them. These are people who went from outhouses to black, to radio, black and white TV. The internet itself is actually way more impressive in mind bending than AI is, right? The fact that you can fucking talk to somebody in Germany, like that, that's actually crazier than the fact that yeah. Then the fact that we've created fucking chat bots that can mimic voices or whatever, that's not the technology. I'm not that impressed by it, obviously, but I understand why an old person would be. So like fucking Jeff Daniel, no, Jeff Bridges was on Theo's podcast, talking about how much he loves, how much he loves AI music. And it's like, you know what? Jeff Bridges is so fucking old and let him have it. So, and I would say there's a difference between being correct, like correct into your opinion and handling it the right way and the context of a group, right? 'Cause you said you snapped, you said you were tired of it. My strategy when doing, when talking about things, I really fundamentally disagree with on, is truly asking out of curiosity, like why do you think that? What's behind this? It happens a lot with old people and like, like, you know, trans issues and like, just, just be like, in general like race, like, I mean, I've gotten into some fucking arguments with Greek people about immigration and like, it's like fucking like, it's crazy. Like the hypocrisy of, like, I use, I went down with my dad and like, some of his fucking friends were like, half of them are, you know, their MAGA and it's like, you are not from here. You, you were born in a fucking village in Greece. You fucking idiot. And then, and then I was like, and then I was like, do you know anybody who came in illegally? And literally, a guy at the table was like, oh yeah, I mean, I stuck in, I stuck in through Canada. I mean, this kind of shit, right? And so, that escalated to an argument. But it started with like, what, you know, and sometimes you can't help it. But you kind of have to make them, you're gonna have to like make them be the one who stops the civility. You can't, even though you have the, you are correct. You can't lose the civil high ground. This is gonna be a big problem, I think, in our society, where it's like, I get being really mad at boomers for a lot of different stuff. But you're not gonna get anything, just fucking yelling at them. Like, the correct way to handle this is you have AI generate a video of John Legend telling this lady that she's a pig. Like, this is what it does. You two can play it this game, Rhonda. Yeah, I feel like the only argument I've heard for the chat pot is that it's, that the good that it brings is that it's for lonely old people that don't have anyone. So I feel like this woman is-- Which, by the way, and dumb. By the way, that's insane that we just seeded that as a thing. I got, not an argument, me and Neil Brenner were talking about it. He was like, isn't this good for people who like, you know, can't have real girlfriends? And it's like, no, just, we've atomized our society in a place where there's no community. They're all our, how everybody has to fucking drive some, everything's a fucking monstrosity suburb. No one is connected to their neighbors. There's no, there's no third places. You don't go to a bar, you know, and see, there's cheers the show would not exist today. There's no bar where you know eight people each. Friends, central perk, totally no. There's no place like that. There's nothing like that. And so, and like, that is the problem. Yeah. This is a complete band-aid, and old people's another thing. It's like, American society abandons you. Once you're not, once you can't make anybody money, you're useless in our society, which is why you're making no money. Exactly, exactly. They go hand in hand. What your value is either like sexual or it's financial to the system. And it's like, basically once you can stop being exploited in the ways they like, you're useless. And look, I think it's fucking weird. I think the like, nursing home culture is fucking crazy. Like, you know, Greek people don't do that shit. My mom, like, like she would never, we could afford to put my grandmother in a home, but my mom prefers to be, and like, my mom is gonna live with me or my brother. Like, there's no way we would do that shit. And so, that's us, that's us basically surrendering to how fucked up our society is when we say, well, AI can help these people say, no, our community should help these people. They offer something to us, and it's like, there should be a retirement. There should be, once you don't have any value, that's not when you should be cast aside and have to fucking talk to something that, you know, is making it so there's, so the average temperature in Montana is two fucking degrees higher. So, I think what you did was fine. Well, well, no, I think it's not- Just apologize. But you apologize for the way she said it. Not for the content. Exactly. What you say is, I was having a rough day, and if I'm gonna be completely honest, I have these issues with AI. I think it's a problem environmentally. I think you're a wonderful person who deserves to have real connections with real people, and it came out the wrong way, and I really value you as a member of this group. I apologize if I embarrassed you, that wasn't my intention. I wanted to have a conversation about it, and it came out way the wrong way, 'cause you don't want this person to- Yeah. I think that's what you have to do. And you eat a little crow here, and you just have to take it now about AI, 'cause you fucked up, you had the high ground, and you seated it by, you know, yelling about it. Or whatever. Further driving her, 'cause I only talked to Chattro about this way. Yeah, yeah, yeah, ever. Yeah, that's so true. Yeah, the Chattro will say, yeah. Claude, how do you cut someone's brakes? (laughing) Yeah, man, that's fucking crazy. The AI should have truly fucking- I mean, we are cooked. I mean, there's no- My sister had a job for a little while, that was literally just hanging out with old people in a nursing home, just like talking to them for a while. It's like that should be a federally, like, subsidized job. We should truly go do shows at nursing homes. That would be so fun. Get booed. We're gonna bomb, but it would be- My dad plays music at nursing homes. That's awesome. Like every- Music, three times a week. Here's why music is better. Actually, no, don't do comp. Actually, I don't want to- (laughing) I don't want to, I don't want to fucking, you know, subject these people to stand in the comedy. No, I know. I didn't fucking- Who's the Charleston to your joke? Yeah, let 'em with some do-wop copies. I'm trying to get pussy in this nursing home. (laughing) Not helping. You're drawing these bitches up. This shit is crazy when the sun goes down. Oh, yeah, when you, when you, when you can, it's fuckboy island in here. I can't, when you can find sun downing with being horny. Oh my god. I need pussy. You become a zombie that just wants to fuck old ladies. Wow, salute to her. Um, you got some, so yeah, just chill, apologize. And, uh, that's fun. Maybe I should join a GLP one group, talk to some old fat guys. And because they just talk about what it's like to lose a bunch of weight. I guess it's a big change. I, I, I, I suppose, yeah, I was, and by the way, you had, you did a bit on, it was at the tonight show early on. And I was mad because I was, I was doing that bid. Oh, fuck, I'm sorry, man. That sucks. She's not even fucking fat. No, it's okay, it's okay. Because no, no, no, it was, it actually like, I dropped the bid and I do have an ozone, I mean, I have some set bound stuff on the special that went in a different direction. It was good because it was like, that was a, that was a good take when it first came out. But I feel like I feel like I've done, you know, they've been out for a couple of years now. So I needed to do something. It's, it, it came out, you know, three years, three or four years after it. So I needed a more personal take on anyway. But I do remember being like, oh, that sucks. Don't, no, no, it was a great bit. It's, um, but there are like lifestyle changes that go along with the routine. Right. So there has like group therapies, probably part. Yeah. I mean, listen, I, I, I tech, I'm not in a technical, uh, but I am in a fat, got fat actors, group chat with, uh, Mike Mitchell, John Gaboris and Zach cherry. And, and we talk about, and we're all like, it started with two of us. We're on, like, I think Mitch and Zach were on it before and then I got on it. And then finally, Gabor's gone on it. Yeah. And then we're all talking about symptoms and like, well, what, what number are you on? How did it feel there? And truly, sometimes you just want to be like, is this weird or normal? And that's pretty much all, just like, you know, shitting too much, shitting enough. Like, like, how bad does your, you know, like some people have no symptoms. Some people have, I had like, you know, certain, like, I had really bad, weird, like, burps for a while. There were atrocious. Does it calm down other noise in your head, just more than food noise? It did at first, but I have subjected myself to such an inhuman schedule. Because the last three months that I don't even know it, like, it's sort of like the, the visual of like when's the chito in the lock where it's like, that bound is like fighting, it's fighting how fucking nervous I mean, the last month has been really tough. And I've been so, so anxious and like, and, and, and like, food is so, my, what are you anxious about? I mean, I guess getting sick and, yeah, it was, what it was, what I realized was like, even if you want to do it, you can push your body way too. Like, yeah. Losing my voice was the ultimate, like, oh, I have no control really. I can push past every signal in my body sense, you can go on a wheelchair, you can knock on with that voice. Exactly. And that's the one thing I can, you can lose. And if we're being honest, when I threw my back out, I should have been like any regular person would have done really try to fix it, because it's going to fuck you up, but I had a tour. It was right before tires. It was filming. It was right before the tour. And, and I was like, I was so, I was on some levels disappointed in myself because after that run, that first run where I just got so fucking fat and I was like addicted to, you know, fucking weed and fucking pills and like, attention from strangers and everything, right? I gave in to all my addictions. I was like, this will never happen again. And it wasn't, it's not as bad as that, but I did, I have to be honest. If I was really actually worried about my health first, I wouldn't have, I would have postponed the tour. I would have done something, right? I probably couldn't have done anything with tires, but they were always, they were always great about working around my schedule and whatever, but I would have had one job instead of three jobs with a fucked up back. And so I had to take cortisone shots, which are complete. They're bad for you and they don't solve anything, they just make it so you're not in pain. And so I am, on some level, I am disappointed in myself for that because like, and then losing your voice, I got, I was getting sick like every other week tour. Like I just pushed my body to way more than I was capable of. And that was the realization where it's like, oh, even if your mind theoretically wants to do it, you just might not be able to, there is such thing as pushing yourself past what you're doing. Do you get fucked up up here? Do you get like depressed or like inside that's, I actually think being this busy is a coping mechanism where I don't, because I do really well with like, you have no time to think about it. I have worked so hard. Exactly. It's like, I can't think about. I can't think about it. Yeah. I can't think where it's like, so everything's been a, everything's been an emergency, including right now. I mean, we're finishing the special, and this is coming out, we're pre-recording episodes when the specials out, we're not done, you know what I mean? And then, and we're pre-rec, like in the middle of all, we're also shooting, like, I got a text about the calendar. Like we're doing, we're setting up our office. Don't mind. I'm doing eight fucking things. It drives me fucking insane. Does it gonna slow down? Yeah. At once this is done. I am true. I've said this forever, and I know everybody's like, yeah, yeah, we've keep hearing you take time off. Unless fucking Martin Scorsese calls me, unless fucking, they're like, hey, we need, we need you on heat too. Like, there's no, I'm not doing anything until, you know, come back, King comes out in February, this movie I shot. Yeah. And it's like, I'll probably have to do some press for that. Yeah. But October, October to February? No tour? No touring. Oh my god. Fuck yeah. I'm going to just enjoy, I'm going to hang out like I was like, oh, I want, I wanted to go on vacation, but I kind of missed the Greek window. But then I was like, I'm just going to go on vacation in New York. I live in the greatest city in the world at the greatest time. No. And instead of working, I'm going to go to the movies. I'm going to go to the museum. I'm going to have a nice, I'm going to have, I'm going to, you know, I'm just in a Bourdain movie. I'm hoping I can parlay that to great restaurants. Yeah. Like, I hope some chefs see it. Or like, why don't you come out? Milk Tony is much as possible while, you know, enjoying a nice, optimal days in New York City. So yeah, but I do, you know, I fucking, it's, it's a bad time to pitch you on the game show. I've been thinking about Russian Roulette meets Connect for that. I like that. And do it. Is this the strip club question still that somebody asked us something else? How do we talk about this off the strip club question? You don't even fucking remember? No, it's a GLP. Oh, yeah. I'm wondering what, what, thank you, JP God forbid the producer know what fucking question we're talking about. You don't know. And you clicked on something. You look at the computer and said, I don't know. I just had the last possible question. Cute. Oh, I see. All right. Last question. I see, I see the one to go out on. I see. All right. Well, then go ahead, man. Place, place something to go out on little buddy. Something fun to go out on. I apologize. I'm not a question, but this is just in concept for promoting maybe your calendar. OK. I was watching the sandlot the other day. I would love if you would do a recreation of the scene where Hamilton, the great himbino, walks around the pool, weighs high to the ladies. I'm leaving on the side and says I can't involve. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's all I have to say. I feel like that's all he's got at some point with your beautiful, beautiful Greek physique. OK. Um, if you would like for me to play Wendy Teppercorn, please. I see. I see. Any respect. So this is doing something for you. I will let it slide that you're getting horny at a children's movie. Well, first of all, it is squints who get who pulls the move on Wendy. I thought it was squints, right? Yeah. Yeah. And Wendy is at least, I mean, they're little, I mean, they're, they're never, never mind. They're all children. She's at least 16. No, I'm not. You did it in the Jerry Seinfeld voice. She's, but she's got huge. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Now, that's interesting because we actually do. We've, me and Ben are creative producer here. He, uh, the cheeks, Mr. Cheeks has directed my specials. We work together on the calendar. Ben has suggested we do a all movie. That's great. Calendar one year. And I think it's going to be this year, but I think next year we will. So we'll keep that in mind, sister. Thank you for calling. The problem is if you, if you recreate that and people don't know the reference. Totally. Then it's just what the fuck. Yeah, it's like, what the hell is this? Yeah. If you could play anyone like a reboot of a movie. Hmm. That's fun. Oh, man. Wait, you guys go first. Let me think. Dark, dark. Only brought it up so I could see that. That's so fucking funny. I do like a, you've got mail. But with, you know, how it was like, it was a small book shop against like a Barnes and Noble. Now it'd be Barnes and Noble against Amazon. Yeah. That's so funny how we've moved on. Yeah. Where you're like, I'm a good guy. I'm shopping it. That's fine. I'm getting a DVD for that. That's like the thing that killed DVD stores. I know. We are so fucked. Capitalism is killing us. We're the fucking toad in the boiling pot. I would do a guy. You're like sending me relentless texts. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You're sending him snaps. I, for, I mean, my answer is so easy. I stole the, I, if I stole the graphics from it and kind of the special, even special title. It's Uncle Buck. I want to play Uncle Buck. Yes. Oh, my God. Yeah. Yeah. That makes sense. like get people on that right now when we were talking when we when you were talking about like talent versus hard work. Yeah, I was kind of thing like. I don't have no matter how hard I work. I'm never John Candy or Chris Farley. I'm trying to get I'm going to do my own. But like there's just some people who are such supernovas of like of like natural talent that candy maybe Farley's tough Farley, I don't got that. Farley the physical cable is a much better act. Like I'm not a great. I'm an okay actor Andy is like unbelievable He just has something so innate and and and planes trains and automobiles that kind of breaks your heart But he's so good in that you can pull it out. That's an incredible This is thank you. I appreciate it. I appreciate it But you know, we'll see the the the what was the invitation? Oh, yeah, we'll do that. Yeah I'm both gonna be you think I can be John Candy and I can also be Seth Rogan and Seth Rogan in the invitation I'll take both of those Anyway, that is gonna do it for us. Thank you. Nikki. Thank you so much So so so happy to have you come on big day. Don't get used to being on the free ones You're going right back to the patreon after this. You said don't get comfortable and I didn't Yes, you're on tour right now go what go see Nikki in person all new material The specials out all right. It's been out for a while watch that you've got a ton of specials on tour What the next golden globes these mr. Mc day It's out in January mr. Mc day will be writing for those and you know, hopefully hopefully this year me and Zach Cherry will do a bit about oh you're the other one I wanted to make fun to to mock was Ethan Hawking in oh yeah Where it's like the the fucking guy who was such appears like the biggest peace ass in Hollywood his big stretches What if I couldn't get pussy he wins it he wins him he wins an Oscar he wins. He gets a nose combination over Jesse Plemmons By the way who should have been nominated He gets an Oscar nomination for like that. What if I was a short bald guy Couldn't fuck a beautiful woman that was a big acting challenge for him fuck you you're a legend I love you. You're so good at acting Ethan Hawking, but come on man A little bald guy couldn't a fat a bisexual little bald guy couldn't have played that part Anyway, that's gonna do for us folks And we will see you next time bye bye