#195 - Mary Beth Barone

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stavi's World. 904-800-STOP. Call the Stavi hotline. Sponsored by Visible. On the couch today, we're very lucky to have Mary Beth Barone. Special right now out on Netflix, Galaxy Brain. Overcompensating season two. Wrapped. Wrapped. Coming to your television very soon. And she's here in our beautiful Chelsea headquarters of Stavi Baby. Actually, I think this is the debut of the new studio, Mary Beth. Really? Yes. It's an honor. It's a really beautiful space. Thank you so much. And congratulations. I mean, you kind of have a media empire and you're a movie star. I know. It's kind of crazy. Because we haven't really caught up in a while. And it's like, so since then you've become a movie star. It is. The movie thing is really also doesn't make sense to me, to be fair. That's also caught me off guard as well. Yeah. Because I thought maybe I could act a little bit. Sure. But. You know, I didn't think they would put me in an Oscar movie first. It's a tough bar to set. I know. I know. But then potentially a second Oscar movie that you've just done. Look, Tony's good. Shout out to Dom. Dominic Sessa. He was friend of the show. He was on last week, in fact. And he's fucking awesome. Antonio Banderas was so fucking. I think Antonio could get nominated because he's really good in this movie. But yeah, it's kind of fucking nuts. Yeah. And I do. Yeah, I have this office and. There was like four. There's like seven people here working. I know. It's like you have a you have a company. It's so weird. I have to go out, like, make sure morale is up with the editors. Who's the HR department, by the way? That's Eldis. Okay, cool. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Eldis is working hand in hand with it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No one can hear your screams in this corner. Right. Well, I see the soundproofing. You close that door. Look, we just started. The Matt Lauer button isn't yet. We haven't yet installed it. So I could leave if I wanted. You could leave. No, we don't like telling the female guests that. But because we go back, I will let you know that the Matt Lauer button is not in yet. But yeah, things are. But look, I mean, come on. You're no fucking slouch over here. I'm doing. You're on a big show. The special is really great. Thank you. Yeah. I'm trying to figure out how to sit comfortably right now. It's not I haven't totally found it yet. Do you need another pillow? No, I mean, I think it's a good challenge for me to have to figure it out with this one. Okay. And I might. Is it cool at some point if I take my shoes off? Absolutely. Just to get comfortable. You can absolutely take your shoes off. Okay, I will at some point. I don't want to surprise you. Great, great, great. I'm not going to tell you then. You'll keep the foot freaks on the hook. Well, that's the thing. I like this. Why wouldn't I? Yeah, that's genius. They deserve it. They do. Do you know all the hard work? They're doing boots on the ground. And it's like WikiFeet, like they're keeping that updated all the time. That is true. But they're not hurting anyone as far as I know. Do you have a big foot contingent, do you think, amongst your fan base? I get some replies. Sure. When I post the feet. Sure. And it's like, oh, feet for free. I'm like, well, what? I'm at the beach. I don't have. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just posted a photo of myself. If you want to take that and jerk off to it, that's up to you. And that's sort of always been my approach. That's beautiful. If I post something and you want to jerk off to it, that's between you and God. I'm not here to stop you. I couldn't. And you don't want that knowledge either. It's more that it's not just between them. It's like, just keep me out of it. It's a victimless crime as long as. But the second you find out about it, retroactively, it's a little strange. Yeah. I've never. I don't really. Well, who knows after this? Yeah, sorry. Because we've got a little something for everyone here. I don't know. But I think it's great and keep it up and. Sure. Yeah. It's not hurting anyone as far as I know. That's beautiful. That's beautiful. Shout out to the. I mean, I don't. You know what? Not shout out them. I don't really get it if I'm being completely honest. But it's okay to. And I don't. It's like, I don't get a lot of things. And if people enjoy it, that's fine. And I think. I won't say specifically what I don't get because I don't want the fandoms coming for me. Right. I'm not a coward. I'll say I don't get the foot stuff. I'm more of a. I got to be honest, kind of like a tits, ass, beautiful face. Well, I love it. Those are kind of my. I'm a little freak when it comes to that kind of stuff. Well, you're a traditionalist. You're more of like a classic. I'm a small C conservative when it comes to stuff I beat off to. Yeah. Which I think is probably good. Probably the best. But I love that with woke culture, it's like we have to end racism, xenophobia, homophobia, and we have to end kink shaming. Yeah. Right, right, right, right, right, right, right. Well, first of all, I think. They're not the same, guys. They're not on the same level, but also I will. It's funny. It is funny. If you like piss play, that's totally fine. I'm not mad at you. Right. But I can laugh about that. That's a great point. I'm not going to stop you from getting a job at the bank if you want to get pissed on. Sure. But I am going to laugh when I hear that you put a snorkel on and had your wife squat over top of you. Oh, and I'm telling everyone, by the way. Because that's something we can all enjoy. You're getting enjoyment out of it sexually, we're getting enjoyment out of it socially. Of course. So I think that's fair. That is beautiful. Yeah. Well, shout out to all the communities, and just keep a lookout, Mary Beth will be losing these shoes at some point. Very, very soon. You know what? I think I will too, actually. I've had my shoes on all day. All day. Well, you're a boss now. I am a boss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I actually. I've been so curious with the trajectory of your career, and I know this is your podcast, but I have questions. Please, please. I'm like, how do you feel. I guess something I would be interested in. I'd be wondering, how do you feel about your legacy, the multiple podcasts that you have had where you are now? Like what's. How do you. Do you look back on that? Because when I first started comedy, you had another podcast. Sure. And I'm wondering how you feel about just like that whole thing. I feel great about it. We did some great work on "Come Town." Yeah. You know? It really was the funniest. I think it was the funniest of the like 2016 like post, you know, like we kind of were in the shadow of. First, the election, which is crazy to think about, the Trump-Hillary election. I think for my money, there's no podcast that hit higher highs. There were some very, very low lows, right? We really phoned it in, I would say 70% of the time. But when me and Nick were clicking. When you guys were cooking. I mean, I really don't think anybody riffs better than me and Nick when we are truly locked in. Locked in. And I mean, there were times where we hated each other and it was still funny. And that was just. There was just something beautiful about that. That kind of creative partnership that, you know, obviously we both want like at a certain point you can't be. I've said it before, you can't be the "Come Town" guy at 40. Forever, yeah. But like. Well, and it's honestly pretty honorable that you even think that. Because there are some people in their 40s that are not letting go of that whole thing. Yes, yes. But also I only know the lore of the podcast because I'm a girl. I didn't listen to it. Of course. And so I didn't go into it. I'm sure some of the worst relationships you were in, you heard it in the background maybe. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that felt good. But everyone, I guess, like, yeah, you got to make. Everyone needs stuff to get to. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But I. So that wasn't a leading question anyway. I was just curious because obviously, you know, we think about 2016, different time and. Sure. And even some of the stand-up I did back then, I'm like, I don't really like stand by it now. Right, all the N-word stuff. A lot of it. It was crazy. Yeah, yeah. But it was different. It was a different time. It was. I was only 25. Of course, you were but a girl. Yeah. I was learning. No, you. I was finding my footing. Yeah. I mean, once you. Like, it was the words were one thing I did think when the makeup came out, that was a big problem. I told you guys I did not want to talk about that. Yeah. No. You were not a racist comedian. But it is funny. You. It is funny because you are, like, I always find it hilarious that you were like a high school Republican. Right. That was really fun. And it does. When I found it out, I was both surprised. It was like Schrodinger's tidbit. Totally. Where you're both surprised and completely not surprised at the same time. Yeah. And so we're talking, you're like. Because you are. It is funny that the woman we see before us was at one point a Connecticut Republican. Yeah. Yeah. And from where I'm from in Connecticut is pretty liberal too. Oh, okay. Okay. So it's. So you were going against the grain. I was a counterculture. I was part of the counterculture. I guess you could say that has remained. Right. Right. That's the through line. Oh, so really you're just a contrarian. Totally. You have no beliefs. You have nothing. I really go where the money is. Yeah. Yeah. And when I was in fifth grade, the money was in the Republican Party. Fifth grade? You were like campaigning for George W. Bush? Well, 9/11 happened when I was in fifth grade. Okay. Okay. And I've talked about this before because I do think 9/11 created this sort of generation of nationalists. Obviously people that were liberal before that were still liberal after. Sure. Sure. I think, but people that were conservative before that really doubled down on the mentality of we have to protect our freedoms and stuff. Freedom fries. Of course. Of course. What have you. And so, yeah, it just felt like, well, we have to protect because all these countries are trying to take that away from us. Of course. And then as I grew, I met more people. I left Catholic school, went to public school, went to college, then started doing comedy when I was 25. I feel like my world just kept growing and I thought, well, it was really when I was around 20 that I stopped identifying as Republican. Sure. Sure. And then I just kept leaning more and more left until now I'm in the DSA. Of course. What a beautiful story. I mean, you're right. I mean, I think that like I was, I'm a year older, so I was in sixth grade. And I remember, I mean, when I was a kid, I convinced my mother to vote for the Green Party. Oh, how? Well, my social studies teacher, we had like this, he was, it was one of these classic guys that was a libertarian, but actually, and actually was like, I want everyone to make up their mind. He was like a cool, he was actually cool. So he gave you all the facts and he like, and we had like a little, cause it was, it was the Bush. It was the Bush gore. Election. And I was in sixth grade for, I was, I think I'm two years older. I was in seventh grade when 9/11 happened. So the Bush-Gore-elect, and so he just like, with no, he just put, you know, names of candidates and like their main points. And I was like, whoa, these fucking green guys are up, this is some good shit. And then you learn about how, well, the Democrats are going to win. I learned about the Electoral College, so like I was thinking about that in sixth grade where I was like, well, Democrats are going to win Maryland anyway. Mom, this could be, if they hit the 5% threshold, this could be huge for the funding for the Green Party. And so I, you were young, they let your kids in the voting booth at the time, like if you were under a certain age. And so they let me in and I was like, mom, come on, let's get fucking Ralph Nader in that bitch. And yes, I was, and people still, you know, are mad, are mad at, you know, Ralph Nader for Florida or whatever, but that's who I was. But even me, I remember thinking like, even though I was like very skeptical of Bush and like, I guess the second, the second election must have happened, what, in like ninth grade or 10th grade? Part of me was like, well, you can't change horses in the middle of this just war. Well, and John Kerry was- John Kerry was tough. That didn't do, that didn't do good. That was when you could lose an election because there were photos of you when you were surfing. Right, right. Because you had no sauce on a fucking surfboard. Or you did a weird yell at a rally. And now it's like- That's the most awesome one of all time. The, yeah, guy. And you're fine. You can rape now. You can be friends with the pedophile. With the pedophile. With the, the sort of, what is it? I don't know what monolith means, but I feel like he's sort of the guy. He's absolutely the pedophile of his era. The. Everybody else. It's like, it's like the guys who had to fight Tyson in his prime. I feel bad for all the other evil pedophiles. Mid-level, low-level. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Maybe you would have had the belt if you weren't around Epstein, but unfortunately- Yeah, they're never going to get that name recognition. No, no, no, no, no. But I was, I was like secretly like, I can't let people know that I kind of would be okay if Bush- If Bush won. Right? And then immediately I was like, you know, you, you turn, you turn like a year older and you're like, oh. Yeah. And I was, I was a politics nerd hilariously when I was, when I was in high school. Like I really, I really like liked that stuff and cared about it. And then, and then I was like, wait, this fucking, like I remember thinking about the surge in Iraq where they were going to send more people. Like I remember, this is- It's so much stuff. I stopped, but it is, there is, there's a moment where my brain completely. And it was basically the, the, the, the Romney-Obama election where I was like, all right, I'm done. Yeah. This was the last time I remember. That's sort of when I checked out too. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just thought like, I don't, there's nothing for me here. Yeah. Even though, well, obviously there was, but- Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah. That was when I was just, I didn't, there, also we were so, as kids, exposed to so many traumatic things that I'm sure maybe in other countries wouldn't feel like that many things, but it's like we were the anthrax generation, the sniper generation. I was a DC sniper. I was in Baltimore. Well, I was going to say. And my dad had a white van. So you guys got taken. Yeah. So what happened, I remember one time we were playing pick up hoops and my dad came to pick me up in his white work van and everybody was like, there's a fucking van out there. And we were like zigzagging, playing hoops. Well, it's so not funny, but it is. It was at the time. Because it's your dad. It was my dad. Yeah, yeah. Yeah. That's another, that's how much 9-11, like everybody was so on board. Like my father, a, an immigrant who hated being in America, who wanted to be in Greece so much. He put a American flag decal on his work van. I was like, oh wow, we're in something serious. Yeah. We all got psychosis. My father is American patriotic. That's fucking insane. But that's, it brought us all together. It did. It brings together. We've had no problems ever since. No, we've picked it. We're still, we're still a united, a beautiful united country. Yeah. So you were a counterculture. It was like, was like in your family was, what are we looking at? Was it like mostly, I've, because your parents seem nice. They're nice people. They're great people. It was, it was very, um, they were like of the spectrum now, moderate, I would say they, it was a lot about like taxes and being for life and things like that. Cause we were Catholic. Right. But then, yeah, we all sort of shifted to the left in lockstep. Oh, the family did. That's kind of cute. Yeah. Cause they're intelligent. Right. Cause they can, they can read. So that was, yeah, beautiful sort of transformation for all of us, but it was, I think like neighbors, we would, you know, some of you would find your like Bush loving neighbors and then you would just like feel like a brotherhood, like a kinship with them. Of course, of course, of course. And then the liberal ones, you kind of roll your eyes at. Yeah, yeah, of course. But, uh, yeah. I mean, when Bush threw that fucking, that strike at the world series, do you remember that? I actually don't remember that. That was awful. Was it really good? That was actually pretty sick. He had swag and he had, he had a charisma that we don't, we haven't seen that much in our lifetime from politicians. Yes. Cause he was just, it is the like, uh, just, he seems. Seemed fun. Truly. He's, and to this day he kind of does, unfortunately. He's just painting, right? Yeah. And, and he was like a, he was clearly a stooge for Dick Cheney, but whatever. Well, yeah. You know, we don't have to keep talking about fucking mid 2000s political stuff. No, but is this, is this fun for you because you were so keyed in? It kind of is. It actually is, but this is not something we need to be fucking recording and putting out into the world, but we can keep talking about it. Or maybe it's like, if not us, then who? That is true. That is true. Yeah, exactly. Well, watch the movie Dick. That opened. My eyes do a lot that I didn't know. Yeah. Yeah. And really good film. It did piss me off that he, that Christian Bale got fat and took a, took a part from a, uh, you know, fat actor. Yeah. But he did a great job. Yeah. One of the, one of the, one of the best to do it. Um. Well, at least he gained the weight. That's true. He became a fat actor. No fat suit. You're right. Brendan Fraser pissed me. I mean, I guess you can't get as fat as the whale is. Like that would be insane. Like that. It's so, I've talked about the whale on multiple podcasts and I've had them cut it every single time. Really? Do you want to do? Well, listen, this is kind of, this is the podcast to do it on. Our eating disorders cancel each other out. I know. So we couldn't really talk about anything. We really can't. We're in true neutral when it comes to eating disorders. It's a zero sum game or whatever. Yeah. Yeah. I would love to hear your perspective on it. Oh, as you see it in theaters. No, me and Elda saw it on a. We torrented it. No, no. We saw it on a plane next to each other and we, we like timed it out. I mean, it was like, it was insane. Like, it's like, like, uh, it's like anti-fat propaganda. It's like watching. It's almost anti-person propaganda. That's true. I think everyone in that movie comes off terrible. I mean, it was like, he would have a problem. He would have one setback and then he'd be like, it's like, come on, man. Like, and he just had, he had like a cartoon character drawers full of, of like different types of candy bars. And it's like, I don't know what he even do. Like, that's not, that guy just orders. Food every day. He doesn't have the organization. He's not putting certain things in certain drawers. Yeah, no, no. There's a big, there's a garbage bag full of random fucking, uh, candies that he gets his friend to, to bring him or whatever the fuck. Um, but yes, that was, I mean, truly the hardest I've laughed at a movie in a decade. Like I, maybe, I don't know. I don't know. Maybe since I saw Borat in theaters. Okay. So since the Romney Obama. Yes. Since the Romney Obama era was when he ascends at the end. I mean, when he starts fucking floating into heaven, me and Nelda's both were like. It's ambiguous. It's ambiguous. I mean, he could be floating toward recovery. That's no chance. He's dead as hell. He dies and it's awesome. But he also gets to go to heaven, which I guess is something, I guess he's, maybe he's not fat in heaven. I mean, that would be, that would actually be it. He goes to heaven and he's not fat and he's straight and they've cured him of his two great sins. Yeah. He's gay. And like his, his boy. His husband dying or boyfriend dying is what like made him get fat as shit. Totally. And listen, in my experience, you get so fat, your girlfriend breaks up with you. Yeah. It's not like they get, they, well, I guess I haven't had anybody die, but yeah, that's, that is, it was just, I mean, it was the best comedy I've seen in forever. Yeah. That's, as somebody who literally, there's a way my life goes. I could have ended up as the whale. No problem. No. I mean, no. Teaching a class on Zoom. All right. You're right. I'd be a much more successful, insanely obese person, but I could have like, truly, I know that that is, I could have gotten that fat for sure. Like there are both, like, I mean, look at the, look at, uh, not live at the lodge. Look at fucking, uh, uh, fat rascal. We're not out of, we're not, you could, that's a larval whale right there. You know what I mean? Like there was a, I was three 52, seven. You're putting numbers on the board. I was three 55, seven. That's a, I'm a spherical ass boy. And so let's say I have a couple of bad breaks there. I could go whale style. No problem. You're, you become, I got really close to being like, is walking even worth it? Like, like you're like, this is, this is getting tough. Like, you know, and I was just taking pill. Like I was so fucked up at all times and the whale didn't even do drugs. Yeah. I would have been not even smoking weed or anything. Actually, you know what? That's probably what would have stopped me from getting to be the whale. You can't do it. Cause you will die. You can't die before you get that fat. Yeah. If you also do drugs. Well, you're just cardiac arrest. Some. Whatever it is. Something's getting clogged up. You throw enough. Or you choke while you're jerking off, which is the opening scene in the movie. That is true. That is true. I forgot about that. Yeah. That's how fucking insane that movie is. You forgot about that. And that's how, and they, they structured like a great standup set. Yeah. Cause you have a big opener and you have a huge closer. And there were two moments where they're so fucking funny. It was so good. And then it's just, it's like, yeah, it's the bell. And then, yeah, look in the middle, you can, around a little bit, you know? There are moments where it tries to be a real movie, but that's boring. it's like let's get the let's get the fat minstrel show back on well because wasn't it a play it was a play and it was a covid movie they were like it's the kind of thing where let's do something with four people in one set so whatever but like sucks dick one of the worst movies and i look aronofsky's got a couple bangers oh my god i mean black swan and the wrestler is mother for me yeah sure that's sort of pivotal yeah pivotal movie for me in my life and my journey i don't remember mother was that jennifer lawrence oh and javier bardem yeah yeah yeah nice hell yeah fabulous film really really really scary yeah really that's that could have been a covid movie because it's like four but no then there's crowds at the end i guess it really goes it goes off the rails but in a way that it really reflected like to me like the female experience so i loved that movie but yeah the whale was an interesting choice yeah i'm glad that you didn't get there yes me too i'm glad everyone's glad all the people listening to this are really glad yeah i didn't go whale style decided that walking was worth it i did decide and then i threw and then the worst thing that ever happened is like i try i've been like i was working out for honestly like a full year and i was lifting weights even while you know maybe i wasn't losing weight but i was getting healthier and i was slowly losing weight and then i fucking threw my back out exercising that is such a slap in the face it's fucking insane i know i was like i literally had come from a well i skipped the holidays i went on a wellness retreat because i was like the holidays usually fuck me up yeah ending the holiday 10 i'm gonna lose and i'm up 50 i'm now a minus you know what i'm saying like i'm doing that math yeah and i just two weeks after that right before tires was gonna start and the tour is gonna start i fucked my back up to the point where i couldn't i actually ironically got so i wasn't fat but i was moving like the whale yeah like i had the brush in the shower yeah i had elders towel me off i elders i would just yeah i said the tour bus elders would just hook up to a hose that's that's how i was he would spray you out he would spray me we would get the uh uh what are your observations from that era of my life elders as a as an observer that was probably like i was probably even fatter than myself that's true that's actually that was an unhealthy time for me as well yeah probably just because of the touring and everything of course it was our first it was our first run of this level of success yeah and we did not know how to act at all i i honestly didn't like i didn't notice or think anything about it while it was happening but yeah now i look back at pictures and photos of you from them like holy i really was fat as shit dude i mean ben and george straight george would literally it got to the point where friends of mine were being like hey man so uh we're we're gonna get this under control soon right like when you're getting those check-ins when you're i mean i've told this story before but when ben ben went on the road before we kind of figured out our you know the way the company works sometimes ben would come on the road sometimes eldest would and in minneapolis i took a nap and i was like all right fellas we'll meet up at like five whatever and i was just really tired i was also you know very unhealthy and i couldn't i couldn't sleep well either at the time and so i hit this nap and it was like the nicest most luxurious cosmic yeah and i i slept through the you know i slept through my alarm and the the way ben reacted the way where it was like yeah stop stop he's like calling someone from the like literally i wake up to ben and someone from the hotel opening my door because he was like he's dead it's a literal wake oh he thought that i was minimum 50 dead yeah minimum and probably let's be honest a little higher yeah and so then you know i continued what i was doing for the six months but then after that eventually you know we we figured it out but you know it's tough when you get just like anyway you feel pressure to stay where you're at now because you're a movie star no i have no i have no worries about it whatsoever because i just my my view is just i've always had a rational confidence and it's like i'll figure this you think i can't figure out losing weight yeah you think i can't you think it's going to be harder for me in entertainment if i'm less fat because let me tell you something i'm still gonna read as a fat guy yeah i could read as a 1920s fat guy and that's just just i'll keep a little cheek you know what i mean i'm never gonna get skinny i also kind of want to get jacked you know like just big arms yeah we'll figure it out i'm not worried about it at all well i look forward to following your journey thank you would uh do you uh politeness would be like so what about your eating disorder right but i don't know if you want to do that i mean i'm i'm pretty open about it yeah yeah yeah it's been a struggle i guess since i was like in college i was 20 i dropped out of school when i was 20 and moved here and that was where where'd you go the troubles began i went to boston college boston college gotcha and then yeah i was really depressed at school i didn't like it i i didn't it felt like you know public school with my world just like blew open and then going to a very small school in boston jesuit you were like wait does the patriarchy not have our best interest at heart and unfortunately literally not i was like wait men and women aren't equal should i stop getting blonde highlights what the fuck is going on so it was it was it was tough it was really tough so then it starts there you know and then it's like it's sort of a lifelong it's the same i mean i fully i i but there was like a moment that clicked for me because i was like why do i relate with to so many girls with eating disorders and then and then it was just like oh and i dated like a a slew of girls that it just like it was just the yin yang thing where it's like and there was like there was also like i could sense a almost like a joy to just see somebody enjoy eating food right where they were kind of like it wasn't quite a feeder situation there was like a delight in being with a like somebody who like because this certain eating disorder is like whoa a fat person who doesn't want to kill themselves yeah because i i assume it's like the greatest work that's your that's your boogeyman right and i've had like you know whatever even and then on the other flip side like fat guys being like how do you why do you like love yourself and how do i do that no it's very but it is the same thing i mean like it's depressed it's always for me triggered by depression yeah breakups are always brutal being too busy i mean the whole reason like the reason i i got on the glp ones was when i went on tour because i was like i know what happens when i when i get too busy yeah and and i was also trying to be sober that went out the window as soon as i got back on tour but it was like if i'm also getting fucked up there's no way i don't get fat as shit with this schedule but you know there's no it's just it is just like a there's a struggle that you will and then you just realize oh i guess this will always be something i fucking deal with it's always in the back of mind and i i honestly think recently on just i know body positivity like people laugh at it and stuff but like i actually have found that there's something like healing inside of me from childhood because kid child of the 90s heroin chic everyone had flat stomachs like watching america's next top model i what an evil show by the way i know which i also watched it's good tv it is good but it was pure evil it was pure evil in hindsight and that's wiring my brain by the way because i'm a child of a party at a bathhouse for like baronies to come listen to our podcast and everyone was in bathing suits and everyone just looks so beautiful to me and i was just like there was something really comfortable about a bunch of girls and gay guys all being around each other and just like having fun and not caring right and then i was at the beach this weekend um and i i don't know there there is something that's shifting i feel like even though as it and i i honestly think it's this every like the ozempic the other side of it which is so frightening looking to me yeah it's helping me maintain because i've been working with a nutritionist for like a year now and it got really bad last summer when my dad was extremely sick then died and i went through a breakup it was just like a lot of stuff coming at me and so the it was all about control and i wanted to that was the one thing i could control and for i find when i'm busy it's way easier for me to not eat because i just don't order food or i like i can just like get through the day with eating very little yeah it's so interesting it's like the total reverse fascinating because i i do the like of like well if i have no food i'm gonna do a bad day job at this show like it really and i'm not and now where i'm like i can go i mean that is the i will say the one like that feeling it's like you know when you're too busy and you don't you know you don't have time to eat i had never experienced that once in my life until i had uh until i got on like a glp-1 yeah and it was like oh this is what people meant yeah like it can happen whereas at the time it was like it was i was always thinking about like there was like a tick kind of the same way honestly this is fucked up that i'm even making a video about it but i'm making this connection but when you're doing stand-up or even on a podcast or whatever there's a constant ticker in the back of your head that's like haven't gotten a laugh yet right i literally am like what are we eating yeah yeah no joke i'll be like well what's next yeah and i will i mean when it got really bad it was like all right i'm gonna eat this now i'll probably be hungry if i if i focus i'll be hungry in two and a half hours and i can have another meal you know what i mean it was just like so that's so fascinating to hear the truly complete truly opposite because i think it sounds like people just are uh chemically achieving what i can do on my own right which is to say i'm i don't need food right now of course even though i'm hungry and you create a reward system in your mind of i if i don't eat i have one yeah but then you also know in your logical brain that that's not true and it's like i feel i feel blessed that my mental illnesses in a capitalistic society are kind of goaded you got the good ones i got the good ones but i'm glad to make you an actress all mental illnesses will be celebrated of course of course you have body positivity i feel like being having anxiety is like trendy now um yeah a little too much I know it's a little much sometimes ADHD yes which I don't know if that counts as a mental illness that's way to someone that's not it does interesting yeah not at all no I'm type a don't procrastinate I get I I can focus like to a scary degree oh wow okay but I think that I then have it there is an obsessiveness that comes into that where it can be a little bit distracting it's like you're focusing so hard that it's distracting yeah which I it's yeah yeah I kind of know where were you were you the baby of the family yeah and I'm the youngest of six so that's interesting huh yeah I would feel like baby of six is like you would have to never do anything you could be coddled you would have to be well I but I don't know that my parents knew the other kids longer right who's this new asshole yeah I'm like I have all right I'm here yeah yeah I am here but no being being like a good like student and being funny and being like you know we were rewarded for the very traditional things in my family and so I think that created me which and I am mentally perfect and I love what I do yeah you have siblings I have to sip two brothers yeah boys three boys tough one for my mom and my mom I really feel for because she just was not wired like we really got the ball-busting gene we read like my dad's family is really funny and my mom's sister my aunt who passed away when I was a kid I loved her I'm in like she was really funny and so my mom just was surrounded by people who and my my her aunt my aunt would like with her she was like her she was like her you know big sister that was like kind of like so serious and and it was really sad that you know she she passed away like really really young um but my mom was just like faced with these like terrors well a circus in her house it really was and it was and and it was not only are we like boys we're rambunctious enough but we're just with her we're like making she doesn't get that we're making fun of her she doesn't understand but didn't stop you didn't just hear you at all we're like yeah you know what I mean we'll be like you know she's okay she's doing great she's actually started developing like around her 50s she was being sarcastic and now like in her 60s she's kind of full jokes are starting to form which is actually really cute and it makes me feel so connected to my mom where it's like oh we really did change my mom's like her brain chemistry yeah yeah that's really powerful having to put up with us and like and she used to be proud but kind of embarrassed when I did stand up and and now she came to the special uh Uncle Stav uh check it check us out September 8th coming up very soon folks on Netflix on Netflix Netflix yep a couple a couple Netflix specials within a you know month or so of each other yeah um she came and it's like um she came and it's like and I in the past I'd be like hey mom like I you know in the past I'm like I'm cutting stuff out when you come right you're gonna get the whole thing and she was so cool about it she was so it's it's uh you know it is very cute but um but yeah my I have my you know my brother just had a kid and so I'm in the uncle zone you're an aunt as well yeah how many oh yeah if four nieces a nephew and a nephew on the way whoa I'm jealous that's all so that's so you're no kids and is that deal? I'm jealous that's all so you're no kids and is that deal? is that most of the because I'm I got one nephew and like my best friends have a couple kids I'm like maybe this is enough I think so yeah yeah I really think so for me right now I mean it's easy to say because I'm not seeing anyone and I feel like I don't want to put that pressure on myself that like I need to have a kid to feel like my life is complete or something but I love observing people parent and then not doing it it's like awesome I know it's like ruined my some of my friends a lot I mean they say who they no no you don't know but it's like I've seen I've seen that like take such a toll and obviously they're totally happy but they're just like this is hell it's like going through war and being like I have to get through the baby years and then I can be a human being again yeah but yeah I uh I do think there is something powerful in being like I actually feel really connected to gay guys because I feel like in history the gay uncle was like the classic presence that I have one oh yeah I love him so much yeah yeah he sounded awesome you mentioned him in your special he's amazing yeah yeah he's just totally iconic yeah he's he's he's really like he's the he's main character I know people say main character energy but he really is what's Greg up to what's his like what's his career he lives on the upper west side he's been a tour guide for many many years because he speaks seven languages whoa seven languages tours in many different countries I think he's basically retired now but he has amazing art in his apartment and he just waltz into a room say the most insane shit you've ever heard and walk right the hell out and it's beautiful it's and it's he's on your mom's side yeah okay interesting and then where did he where did they grow up in New York in New York yeah yeah so they're around they're like New York City kids oh um and she was one of seven so yeah it was it was it was chaotic damn a little chaotic um but he's he was always like he was always gay yeah I know from my mom's retelling of it like he never really came out he just was yeah yeah he was one of those guys where it's like I mean I mean like it's like I don't know I don't know I don't know you see that sometimes yeah you see a little kid you're like this kid's gay it's fine and it's and I I don't know back then maybe it was just so I don't even know if it was that rare but he just was like that's just that's what I am totally um and so yeah he's a very cherished member of the family but do you feel like you're gonna play that role you're gonna have to buy him stuff buy him the most random birthday presents like my uncle Greg would either give you like a periodic table of the elements placemat or he'll hand you a wad of cash yeah yeah yeah and and that's the beauty of it you just never know what you're gonna get well that's a classic like uncle with no kid thing it's like not understanding that to a seven-year-old you just handed them a briefcase full of a million if you give a seven-year-old two hundred dollars yeah that's like that's unlimited money for a kid yeah so yeah I'm excited to completely you know go again and also I just feel like everybody coddles him already you know what I mean I gotta be the one to be like you got it you gotta bust their balls I mean where I really come into my own as an aunt is now with concert tickets because they didn't really have a use for me for a while I mean my nephew and I we fight but it's like but when it comes to the concert tickets like that's where I can experience yeah that's the thing because I remember even like you know a lot of my family like I said my aunt passed away my favorite aunt passed away when I was a little kid and then my dad's side of the family was in Greece but we had family friends that would like I like some of my favorite days of my childhood and I feel so bad because like my mom was just in there day in day out but I remember like clearest day one time where like my aunt Olga took me to McDonald's took me to the mall took her to McDonald's and bought me a yo-yo and I was just like this is the fucking best day of my life that is like and my mom who like killed herself working three jobs at a certain point too I was like yeah I mean we had some good times I don't fucking know you're like I can't remember one specifically I mean one time I will say she was bringing me home again in classic fat little fat boy eating this then this might be some good times but I don't know I don't know I don't know but I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I don't know I would wait because my mom was a waitress at a Greek restaurant and I would wait and sometimes she would bring home calamari and truly those were like it's honestly my favorite memories because there was it was also like kind of naughty like I'm up late but it doesn't matter oh she was coming home from a dinner she's coming home from work yeah yeah yeah late night like it would be like and that was the first time I'd watch SNL actually and I have talked about in the past how I'm like some of my favorite memories were watching comedy and having a eating fried food with the woman I love and then I started doing comedy eating fried foods and trying to fuck a different woman every night every night it's like hmm was I fucked like did I even have a shot I want to get I want to get into that but first I would love to ask what was your relationship with my big fat Greek wedding and I'm sorry if you've covered this please no I'm happy before I just like for me I mean I love that movie it's a perfect film but I'm thinking as a Greek person that must have just been like you're super bowl idea yeah you really have no concept I'm taking my shoes off please now that I finally asked the big question yes now that the now that the bomb the true bomb has dropped yeah um it was like it was like our church organized buses to go because it only it started as a very indie movie right and it is to this day the number one the most profitable romantic comedy in history wow shout out to Nia shout out to Nia let's do my big fat Greek wedding for Nia I'm in you know my big fat Greek wedding for Nia I love it let me look I want to do that like there's two properties that I think I no one on earth could do better and there is my big fat Greek wedding and there's heavyweights and those I think I could I bring up heavyweights as much as possible I would crush like I have a concept I'm not going to say it yeah I have an idea um that actually I just developed as a fat camp movie and I was like wait this is basic I just without realizing it wrote a sequel to heavyweights yeah anyway it was like art because and it went to like the because it only was playing in like the artsy theater because it was like an indie movie and it was literally like Greek people from the burbs that were like would never step foot in the city city they were like we would we were like dressed nice to go see my big fat Greek wedding at the Charles theater shout out to the Charles still one of my favorite theaters and it was like and now I will say we loved it it was a cultural phenomenon but we you know there was some I didn't like how many attention it got to the Italians were in the movie playing grief playing grief Joey Fatone the out of here bro you were famous anything sneaker a not famous Italian that I don't know for sure were because look who are we kidding you could fucking an italian could pass as a greek greek pass we could yes yes greek if he's from yeah no clocky italians no no northern italian no blonde clocky northern italians give me some fucking some cunty italians um but like don't send me a fucking i i'm i grew up in the n-sync the backstreet boys you know the the boy band generation i know who the fuck joey fitone is don't tell me his name is fucking you know nicky or whatever you know what i don't remember what his name was in the thing statistically speaking it was one of those like and and look they did nail the like cousin joke where it's like every cousin is named i grew up with three bills that were all cousins and it was like fat bill little bill and bill p you know like that's that's how it broke out bill p the other ones had the same last name too so they were cousins on their dad's side so they both had the they were both bill d's um but you know we had a little i will say controversial the windex element i was gonna ask that is a thorn in our side that is what stops people still bring it up to you it's still like four or five years afterwards it was like a thing it's like that is a complete uh thing her father did like that is a complete greek it's not greek it's an eccentricity of nia vardalos's father perhaps now he he was correct in like the the relating everything to like saying everything comes back to greece one of the truest runner one of the truest things of all time so look but i can overlook i can overlook the windex thing it's not her fault people didn't understand the text sure you know it's not her fault that they generalized windex as a greek thing and not as a like a little color they took it too literally in that they really did specific thing they really did but yes it was thank you for asking marybeth i've never i i think we i think i've danced around my big fat greek wedding but i don't think there was ever i never addressed it on was there a piece of media for you like i know there's no you know there's nothing as on the nose as my big fat greek wedding but was there something like seismic that hit you um and it doesn't have to be cultural it can also just be like something that like you know when it because also you know catholic uh republican we're probably and bisexual now out out and proud but that must have been the most because being bi must also must feel weirder than being gay and closeted because you do you're like well half of me is right right you know what i mean like yeah every once in a while i have a horrible thought that will send me to hell right like was there some game like was there a hot you know like is there anything that you can remember that was like you know had as much of a impact on you i i mean nothing nothing that was that like you know made for me specifically i feel like but i just love culture sure i loved like girl movies mean girls uh josey the pussycat spice world performers was a girl's movie in some ways if you're bi because megan fox you got the megan fox shia pre of course everything of course so that felt like it was really playing to both sides of me when he was still an even you still knew him from even stevens he was still an even so it was more of like it was kind of cool right um but did you have you seen those movies i saw all of those in theaters in fact what i eldest what did we do for my i believe it was 11th birthday spice world spice world in theaters can i tell you me eldest the elusive and mysterious big p a couple of our friends as little boys no chicks it was us what was the impetus for that i loved spice girls i was like awesome i love the music i want to fuck them why wouldn't i like as a as a little boy i was like yeah i want to these i want to see five chicks i was a big i was a big uh it was ginger and and scary were my two were my two top j i was more of a ginger guy red hair had played a big part i had a sixth grade teacher with red hair okay you know jessica rabbit i've talked about that nauseam on this podcast so she was big and then yeah scary spice those were my two the other ones i didn't like their gimmick the blonde baby shit i was i was out on blondes from an early age it turns out yeah sporty spice to me it was like i don't know i respect you it seems like we'll be friends you know you'd shoot the shit we could shoot the shit you don't want to and then who am i forget oh posh posh was too on the she seemed like a bitch i was like i don't need somebody being mean to me yeah ginger and scary seemed fun yeah they were down to have a good time yeah exactly exactly posh was the one i identified with them of course i mean that's one of the least surprising things i've ever heard but that and then you know you get into gossip girl the oc it's just like there was so much for me to consume at the time and they all had complex female characters so i didn't even know there was like this big gap in that stuff and i in school they also teach you like well women got the right to vote and then everything was kind of fixed good so i didn't know i didn't know the intricacies but yeah i i was just consuming i was devouring culture like that and i i was the only one of us that had a tv in my room oh wow because i had i couldn't sleep as a kid so i would put movies on and i just i loved i just love movies and america and ashley of course you know that was huge for me too but yeah i feel like there was a lot of stuff for me as just like a suburban child sure and i really i just loved every minute of it i gotta tell you as a suburban were you doing activities were you like uh after school we were swim team people water polo oh wow connecticut but yeah water polo i i've i only recently spoke about this but we weren't able we weren't allowed to watch tv on the weekdays in my house except if it was sports which i felt like was very unfair so i petitioned my parents that if the boys can watch sports i should be able to watch lizzie mcguire that's a sport to me that's fair and i i did not win that fight wow so the weekends for me were time it was time to to lock in and consume and so my friends that could watch tv during the week were so confused of why i wanted to be on the couch and of course we you know i did activities too but i i did gymnastics as a kid i was so bad at it like shockingly terrible no athletic ability even the swimming i just wasn't great and i i was striving for greatness for sure so you're like if i'm not great at it what's even the fuck i'm not putting effort in i'm spending half of swim practice like in the bathroom taking a hot shower right i was probably a pleasure to coach yeah yeah yeah uh yeah that was it was really about like pop i like what the celebrities were wearing and stuff like that so that was more that was more my wavelength i see i see you were so you were so locked into like true just like mainstream celebrity culture yeah which did feel like i did feel like we are the last generation where that was something you could follow like in mainstream like now it's it's sort of like niche it became very quickly after that it was like blogs it was like perez hilton and shit like that and then it further i feel like atomized after that where it's like even more like now it's instagram a so many people i click on and i'll see their 15 million followers and i've never heard of them like i we have strayed so far from god it's crazy it's crazy it really feels like eight simultaneous countries right now it's just like and and they're you know i don't even know what to do about that but just you could fix it you think i could maybe i don't think so i think i think i'm just gonna you know have a good time in my part of it have you done joe rogan's podcast i have did you what was the what was the experience like actually hilarious the joke you do about squirting no no no no the joke you do about squirting and the study we pulled because i'm a staunch it's not p guy okay i'm a staunch is and and i will give you my argument but literally half the podcast we did was going over the like whether squirting is piss or not and like my i went into it being like let's have fun let's talk about squirting let's so okay i did i literally watched that like the videos where they have the and it literally was like they hired ladies and a guy like with gloves fingers them it was fucking crazy and they put like a dye in their piss yeah right so it's like if it comes out blue now look here's here's my theory when it comes to squirting it's not that piss isn't involved but it's like saying kool-aid is water right you know because yes the base is piss sure but the way there's a little packet of flavoring and like you said they still don't know what it is they don't know something's in there that changes it so it's like so that's my point kool-aid is to squirt as piss is to water that's essentially what i think i think that makes sense to me thank you and what you know i couldn't get into every detail of course however yeah yeah i would like to say that one of the people that squirted did not have any urine in the square so it's very inconclusive but it is written about as a medical paper which i think is like who are the guys that are sort of tackling this but i'm happy now i'm thankful as an amateur scientist on the topic sure i would love to know what that woman's squirt tasted like because i do think there are different flavors should we find her yeah yeah can we find her find her you get eyes on her did they say that did they have any other markers or was it just the blue because i would love to know scent i know and yeah taste profile i don't think they were drinking it let's get let's get a fucking somali in there to swirl the squirt so anyway that's my i've thought about it you know i've thought about this a great deal i'm just glad we're thinking about it and i'm even more glad we're talking about it of course that is what i want the special to spark i wanted to make people laugh but i want to spark conversation i'm being serious about squirting some people are so adamant that it's p and then some people are so adamant that it's not and it's honestly at this point one of life's great mysteries that we may never solve i don't think i think i think it is semantic argument and the people are like it's piss just can't admit that i'm never i'm saying i'm not saying piss isn't involved i'm being reasonable here right but you can't tell me it's the same thing well it's not coming out of the same it's not coming it doesn't yeah i that i'll leave to you i don't actually know the whole you know i don't i guess i never tracked where the squirt is coming from well maybe that's step one that is step one it's more of a like you know i guess i don't have like a fucking magnifying when i see squirt i'm not you know looking with the magnifying wait wait yeah interesting and is that true though that's not is that real that you actually watch squirting porn or was that a transition really yeah i love it but that's like your main your go-to would you say huh it's i don't really watch anything else besides that gotcha and is it and you're beating off to like and it's just like them squirting up solo or is it like they're getting it's like uh they're squirting during sex or just all of the above it's more like girls together squirting that's pretty cool making a huge mess that's the greatest that's a great time for a guitar rift yeah that sounds pretty cool actually i'm gonna check out that genre i can send you some links i'm not kidding they're really they're like it's like they're having a good time i love that yeah and it's like in an airbnb with all like like pleather furniture oh man and so it's like cleanup probably pretty easy right i mean listen you got to get rubber sheets at a certain point and like you know that is i will say it is the cleanup sometimes well for the everyman yeah for an everyday situation that's like a lot yeah it's one of those things where where it's like you know at first you're like whoa this is fucking awesome and then like you know it happens a couple times like it's on my shoes yeah you know i'm running late for work i gotta change my socks now you know that kind of thing so yeah that's tough but you know shout out to the squirters out there it's been a while since they've been folk mentioned in the uh there was a time when i was doing all the crowd work clips that i left it up to eldest and he posted a squirting clip literally every fuck and and then people started acting like i was the fucking asshole it doesn't talk about jokes or is the one squirting joke well it was just like i would ask people if if there was like a squirter and you know you get different times you go down different paths yeah during that right but elder and that that really taught me like i cannot trust elders to use his judgment he needs very clear instructions and then for real like still to this day people will be like would they want to make fun of me as a comic they'll be like yeah oh oh i'm gonna go pay this much to see you asking people squirt it's like i haven't done that hasn't been a part of my act in fucking four years but also hold on hold on let him defend himself fascinating you should pay to see that let enough time pass that's gonna be an hour starter for you in a few years a squirting joke you never got it's over eldest and you killed it you killed the you killed the potential of that joke in the crib with your overzealous squirt posting i'm sorry that's okay don't it's processing the crowd clips too slowly don't apologize to me apologize to marybeth and the squirting community at large i'm sorry marybeth as a representative even though i i'm not a squirter right but a fan a fan yeah i'm a fan and i'm loyal and i'm always going to show up for these girls that's so beautiful that's so beautiful that's wonderful well look uh i think it's we've never had a non-squirter fan on the pod and i think that's going to be a really big uh that gives you competitive advantage in helping uh you know give that kind of wisdom to to our callers so why don't we right now elders why don't we hit the visible hotline and we should remind people please watch galaxy brain on netflix uh watch stav uncle stav in a couple weeks and watch tires as well it's fucking out it's out by now um play us some calls little eldest hi stavi i've been married to my husband for 10 years and we have two two kids together recently i started talking to a male friend who i've known for 20 years we worked together for several years and slept together once but never dated now that we were we have so many overlaps with our past and our current interest as we started to reconnect he moved across the country for work my husband is upset by the feelings for my friend and wants me to cut the friend off entirely i feel like i have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically i want my husband to get to know my friend since he means so much to me this is unrealistic to expect this is what the fuck hold on did i hear this correctly am i oh my god go back a little bit this is i'm just gonna let this play because i will interrupt her every other sentence so let's just let her finish you know i have the ability to love both my husband and my friend romantically i want my husband to get to know my friend since he means so much to me this is unrealistic to expect yes i have a husband and a boyfriend too do i have to cut off my friend or in my marriage thank you so much for your advice and your marriage girl are you out of your fucking mind two kids and this and look you're not you're not talking to two kids and this and look you're not uptight people on this but that's fucking insane your husband you need to grow up you need it's truly you need to grow up because this is like oh the one guy the guy you fucked once and it never worked with you think that's worth risking your marriage for oh and you think it's gonna work now is he even promising you anything right right right what so they're just she said they were reconnecting and what you mean is you were starting to cheat on your husband and he moved away that's you are so fucking in the wrong here it's insane i mean your husband you have no you want it you're basically trying to be poly for one guy right now right this is i will say with women in men's fields this is like this is the most like guy who thinks it's going to work better for him than his wife let's open up the relationship and then obviously you get smoked there's no way if you're if you're a fucking regular guy you're not put you're not putting up the same numbers any woman is um you're not putting up the same numbers any woman is um and you're not putting up the same numbers but this is fucking insane i mean even your i guess what bothers me the most is her tone yeah is her like that's her actual voice is her measure that's someone reading it out she's probably reading it out you're right no but like that's the person that sent in the thing okay yeah i'm sorry i think you're being uh totally unreasonable and selfish your head is in the clouds this isn't a rom-com my darling you are it's not a rom-com because they're not married to someone in a way yeah can i tell you he just showed you exactly what his intentions were he moved across the country yeah you think he wants to be a stepdad that's a great point just you know what you know what turn the podcast off right the fuck now go tell your husband you love him and please never talk to this guy make better like cut him off completely there is no future of that that is no a positive outcome no no or this is or the other thing is you actually don't care about your husband at all and this is kind of like a a a wake-up call yeah because this guy's definitely not it let's just put that there yeah but the desire to have a separate partner when you've never it doesn't i mean maybe they used to be poly i feel like she would tell us if there was that context context yeah but like wanting to and then you want you want your husband to get to know your boyfriend i mean you're like like this is fucking you're not only are you bad for your family you're bad for women yeah you the this is the type of shit that people hear and they go so yeah women are fucked up this is fucking crazy this it would be honestly better if you fucked him and totally and blew up your whole without question yeah it would this they would be it would be like kind of less pathetic because here's my hunch also you think this guy's like nice maybe i get hit from that girl i fucked once 10 years ago yeah you know what i mean and you think it's like we have reconnected and like oh well because they have overlapping interests wow join a club you both like food fighters yeah yeah yeah yeah i mean lady what the fuck and look is it now look we don't know everything is is it possible this marriage is like loveless is it like on the rocks has her has your husband done anything to you know it deserve i will not deserve it precipitate it yeah is he neglectful are we missing something here if we're not missing something and just and elders how did they reconnect did she say originally in the very beginning uh i don't think she's specified but what it what does it start social media can i just say i'm gonna probably take a swing yeah she said we reconnected recently after how many years like 10 uh she's known him for 20 years they worked together for several years and slept together worked together but never dated come on who let me ask you this who wanted whose decision was it to only fuck yeah yours or his yeah because if it wasn't yours you're out of your fucking mind he wants to fuck you one more time or he wants to just see see what it's like and then if he doesn't like it he's out or just get the benefits of having like someone to talk to right and maybe have someone that he has no responsibility or accountability for but that's going to listen to him offer him advice be you know the woman be the girlfriend emotional in the girlfriend role yeah so i think i don't know i think it's a raw deal and i think you're if your husband is willing to continue to work on your relationship after this happened because mistakes happen hiccups happen sure you can grow from this and have a better marriage just please just turn your back on this other guy yeah it is not worth it this is fucking insane the fact that your call is hey i did something fucked up and my husband wants me to rectify it should i divorce him and try and fuck a guy who lives across the country while i have two kids that just think about that sentence it's fucking insane dude this shit has gone way too fucking far and again i am no puritan me neither by the way if you were to call in and say hey i kind of want to fly to seattle and suck this guy off once and then go right back to my family i'd hear you out but this this i this is fucking crazy also is he your boyfriend or are you just saying that that's so because she said i want my boyfriend and my husband that's so fucking funny let's dtr this is the kind of woman that i've almost i would never i would never suggest this to anybody else you need an ai boyfriend this guy is essentially an ai boyfriend that you could possibly i mean actually what's gonna happen is even if she cuts this guy off she's literally getting an ai boyfriend yeah this is the kind of you have exhibited ai psychosis in the real world and for that i tip i tip my cap to you but let's be real here this is fucking crazy dude this is fucking great and you know what i think you knew that yeah yeah i think you knew that and that's why you're writing it or calling into a podcast because your friends are fucking sick of hearing about it that's now look she she wrote it down she said it in like kind of a tone that's kind of um completely devoid of emotion yeah in a weird way yeah are we dealing with somebody on the spectrum here who doesn't understand how like that's my only thing the only way i could think of somebody not understanding why this might hurt her husband's feelings is if she's just missing a little bit of emotional relating to people maybe just as a matter of fact reporting of this something's there is definitely more context here and my hunch is it's probably you're just unsatisfied in your relationship and you're kind of a romantic you're not the kind of person who's unsatisfied that the one the one that got away is gonna fix everything and you're gonna make a polycule out of it after your husband explicitly said stop talking to him it makes me uncomfortable sorry to go in on you this hard but i mean this is fucking insane you need to wake up yeah yeah and we're your friends here and if you want to divorce your husband that's fine but what you're trying to do here is fucking crazy yeah that should be a totally separate thing i'm assuming you're out on poly or open or totally out yeah yeah yeah don't not for me yeah yeah yeah and i think people it's for should get help i never thought it was what about you i i mean listen if you it i i think it probably can work for some people i think it can work for gay guys for gay guys i mean well gay guys are doing something that's like that they're on the cutting edge of human uh sexuality and relating to people because like the ultimate form of intimacy is having a a 30-year roommate who you hate in the gay community right it's like it's like you and a guy that you've spent you've gone through everything with you bought an apartment together you maybe one of you came helped the other one come out like truly somebody that has been there for you at every turn you you you you behave like you behave again around each other like a craigslist roommate that you can't wait to move out forever it's like you sitting on a couch next to each other and you're just both cruising grinder yeah and and it's just like this fascinating thing where it's like what does sex even mean anymore well that's the thing that we're not sure we're not sure we can't really figure it out like gay guys it's basically gay guys have treated uh sex like uh the argentinian peso you know what i mean like inflation is so out of control that the dollar means nothing like yeah getting having sex means nothing being locked in a mortgage with a man you despise that you hooked up with for the first time in 1997 that's real love and that's gay guys are but is that heterosexual that's more of like a heterosexual dynamic you know what i mean they've invented the classic my bitch wife stand up but with the added bonus of being gay guys who don't care if you fuck and they can have sex with literally anyone everyone beautiful that's i mean so i mean so yeah maybe it can work but so yes that's actually a good start jumping off point because i think you work for gay guys or straight people who sexually behave like gay guys yeah like really like a slutty couple that it doesn't really mean much to them i could see how that works if you have like yeah if you're hooking up together i think that's hooking up together is kind of like the dream yeah i mean somebody called in and like it was a wife being like me and my husband used to fuck girls together and like you know i feel like he's been a really supportive father i feel like i'd really like him to fuck a girl with me like and i was like i was like tearing up question i she was like how do i find the question was how do i find okay the right girl you know like it was more logistical than anything and to me that is that that's what i could like when i when i think of love it's that question it's that voicemail it's like wow that would be that's just beautiful so awesome are you smashing right now what's the vibe i i honestly have like yes to some degree but also it's just like as boring as it is my fucking job has completely taken over everything to the point where it's just like you know even hooking up which is awesome even like it's just like sometimes i'm like fuck man like i have to be up so early yeah and that sucks it's it's a time suck for sure it's completely robbed me of my enjoyment of because like especially when i was sober i was like what else is there yeah you know but i don't know i'm kind of in this place where i'm like is it how long can this keep going on how long can i keep behaving this way yeah the answer is it could be a while but i'm also like i don't know is this hollow and then every once but then you fuck somebody hot and you're like this is kind of sick so it's just a it's a constant battle and i think and pull i do think i just need four months of a regular schedule to even understand what i want because it's like so crazy that like you know um it's been a fucking insane couple like i used to lie and be tell girls i was too busy for a relationship and that was like my emotional out but now you actually but now it's actually true and i feel like it's crazy it's like i can't believe it's the boy who cried wolf where now i'm like lonely because i work too much and the past i was like oh my god i'm like you know shunning relationships that would have been really good for me if i just wasn't a coward you know but you live and you learn and you know we'll see um but and you say you're you're fresh off a breakup what's going on no well sort of i i went through a breakup like a short relationship breakup like um two months ago a month and a half ago um but i'm i'm just single and gotcha gotcha gotcha i'm figuring it out yeah i'm also busy i don't really know where dating like fits into my life but i think right now i'm really enjoying not being single and i'm being held emotionally hostage by somebody like i like regulating my that's an awesome leah that's almost as healthy a view of relationships as i have yeah so that's how it feels to me that's how it feels to me and to me like the big bird the big thing for me is like because like it always relationships are always a burden i always looked at them as like well that's a thing you have to do on top of everything else right it never clicked to me that it could be a thing that's good for that's additive you know yeah well i i would love to see that yeah i think it'd be cool but it would be cool yeah someday someday we'll get there what else we got a little ld hey savvy uh eldest esteemed guest or guests um so i'll keep it kind of brief uh it's kind of a two-fold question so uh i've suffered with ocd all my life like severe and uh i also uh did like a bunch of changing government therapy everything's great now on meds i've been dating this girl who's i i swear i out of my league it's it's been amazing it's been awesome i love her everything's great dude been together about a year and uh starting to have some like intrusive thoughts or like uh uh like things i can't get out of my head about like just some things i find out about you know her uh like sexual path i know this makes me sound like an incel loser whatever but uh yeah it's just like i find out uh you know a few months ago that she's had threesomes with her friends and she's had three sons with her friends and she's had three sons in the past before we got together uh that she's still friends with um and stuff like that i kind of can't quit thinking about it uh i think it's like you know tough to have ocd when you're dating a legend yeah you're dating somebody that rocks okay let's let him finish yeah and i think it's like you know i'm like washing my hands a million times a day to just thinking about this you better suck it off you guys she obviously never did anything wrong she's always super honest with me whatever uh i guess i'm just struggling dating like a like a lady with a you know bigger bath of mine i'm sure i'm also just jealous you know because i'm a loser um but yeah what do you what do you think should i just like let it go i've kind of talked to her about it and she kind of just was like hey i've always been honest with you this is it you know it's like me sarah are always going to be friends even though we have a threesome with a guy it's like you just need to relax oh it's the girl which is the friends one of the you know that doesn't count yeah this is a this is a this is literally there's certain things you don't want to fix about yourself because they protect you right and massage this type of misogyny for me is something i don't ever want to fix because if i heard that my friend was my girlfriend was friends with a girl she fucked i'd be like nice you'd be like well can she come over yeah i'd be like i wouldn't want to interrogate why that's homophobic and sexist i would just keep it feeling awesome but you know our friend here does not have that luxury look dude this is the cost of doing business if you want to be with a girl that's out of your league as a mentally ill six she's gonna have fucked more people than you so that's one thing and talking to her is nothing does nothing because this is this is a you problem yeah and it's understandable right we're not jumping down your throat i get thinking this way i mean it's human it is human to be a little jealous it's an instinct it's natural i think if it's an intrusive thought though there there are things you can do to conquer those it's just treatment yeah i think like genuinely totally but this is it could also be a self-sabotage Sabotage thing where you're latching on to something because you want to blow the relationship up, which it sounds like you are self-aware and in your right mind, you know, you don't want to do that. I think like just deal with your shit and figure it out and maybe try to have sex and she tells you about it and see if that makes you get off. Oh wow, you bust so fast. You make it a game and see what happens. Damn, that's a really, really good suggestion. I'm just spitballing here. That would be fucking cool. Yeah, that could be cool. But then afterwards, don't freak out. Don't freak out. But I don't know, there's ways to get ahead of it. Sometimes that is like, yeah, I mean, because that's like your kink could be the shit you're the scaredest of might make you bust the most. Have you ever thought that the shit you're scared of might make you bust the most? So well put. Never thought about that. Hey, we're asking you to consider one thing. Wow. That's a really fucking, yeah, we need a pull quote out of this. We need like, we need like me black and white with like, with it written. So yeah, man, you could try that. You could definitely try some of that. I want to know where this, I want to know what happens. Yeah, we would like an update, but don't, here's the thing. Don't fuck it up. You know it. You know it. You're scared. You're scared of yourself. And the fact that you have OCD definitely doesn't help, right? Right. Especially when you have it under control, but you, you've never, you know, with mental illness, like your brain is also affected by love in a weird way. Like this is a new variable that, and this could be purely chemical. Like that's the other thing. It's like, so I would just talk to your, you know, psychiatrist, therapist, whatever about it. And look, he might just be like, no, dude, you're just a fucking, you're just a bitch. You're not your OCD. Yeah. That's another thing you might say. But either way. But, you know, you can't talk, it's, this is a you issue. And like, yeah, like you said, she did nothing wrong, but if it's still eating away at you, this is definitely a therapy thing. And you can, you can overcome it. And I also think it's like, cause I was with someone who had sex with like every person. And so that was really hard for me. And I had to then think about it as that their past is what has made them who they are and that I love. Yeah. So. I think you can try to totally fixate on that intrusive thought. By the way. Yeah. You're getting some benefits here. Like there is, check out Uncle Stav. There's literally a joke exactly about this topic that I don't want to just do my act on here. Yeah. But yes, there are positives to dating a formerly promiscuous hot woman that honestly that's again, that's the fucking dream, bro. Just sit there. And the other thing is how long have they been dating? Does he say? Because this is also an early relationship thing. Yeah. The more you get to know someone and the more- About a year. About a year. You're still finding out stuff. Totally. And it could be shocking. Totally. And it's not an easy process. But like it won't matter in three years. Yes, exactly. It might not matter in six months. It's like there's just, cause you have just crossed the threshold of like, oh, I guess this is serious. And now is kind of the point where you start looking for things that might ruin it. Yeah. And you're right. It might be a little self-sabotage. It might be latching onto things that like, cause after a year you're like, either we're doing this or we're not, right? Like a year is kind of the like, if it's over this, then we're giving this a real shot. But yeah, dude, go to therapy, figure this out. You're good. You're in a great spot and you know it. You know it. You're also mentally fucking ill. So try and get that shit. This might've just like, understand that this might be part of it. So don't take it out on your awesome girlfriend who seems- Seems fucking cool. Next question, Eldest. You should have her on the phone. Yeah. What's she up to? If I, we could also get her perspective if she wants to call in. Please. And her friend. Actually, we can maybe- Why don't you have both of them on? Why don't we have her and her friend on? Get that Matt Lauer button in and have a fucking day. It's picturesque in here. Beautiful. It is beautiful in here. Beautiful. It is beautiful in the brand new studio. Stavi Baby, uh, Enterprise World Headquarters. Okay. Next. Hi everybody. I have a family question today. So- I like that beginning. For context of the story- Pause this. I'm in my mid twenties. I like going, "Hey everybody." That's fun. Hey everybody. Instead of the Eldest stuff. Yes. That was, that's a nice innovation that who knows it might spread. Keep going Eldest. And my brother is 12 years older than me, which is just to say that I'm the youngest in my family by kind of a lot. So there hasn't been any babies or new parents in my experience. So basically I don't know what's normal and what's not normal. And two, my brother is a very sensitive individual who takes things quite personally. But basically he has a two year old and they're doing, he and my sister-in-law are doing a gentle parenting thing. Interesting. Or at least some form of gentle parenting where they don't do any rules or discipline. And if she has a tantrum, they kind of just give in to whatever she wants. And it's, it's pretty annoying. It's not that fun to be around. But it's gotten worse lately where she started hitting. So, you know, last time I was over there, my sister-in-law didn't want to give her a toy because it was dinner. And then she started hitting my sister-in-law on the face and then hitting her in the stomach and pulling on her shirt. And even then there was no, like, there's no, there's no rule or a, you know, chastisement or anything. She just kind of just let it happen. And then she got the toy. And it's a little confusing in general because our, my brother and I's parents are not like this. Like they were, they like to lay the rules down. So it's not like we grew up with this. I don't know. I guess my question is, is this a normal thing for a two year old? Then she's just going to grow out of it. And I got to just kind of wait for age five. Or is this something where I could say? Hey man, you can't say shit, you know, what's going on. But I don't know. Like I said, he's super sensitive. So if I did try to talk to him about it, I'd have to be very careful. It might cause a big fallout, but it's just gotten to the point where it's a little bit, it's gone a little too far in my opinion. But anyways, I appreciate you guys listening. Yeah. Thank you so much. This is really funny. I mean, look, first of all, she said she's younger by like a lot. 12 years. What the fuck do you know? I would start there. I get being annoyed. And look, I'm not even saying I agree with this. It sounds like a fucking nightmare. But you're fucking done. You don't have fucking kids. Does she? She doesn't, right? She's much younger. She said there's been no new parents in a while. Right. Right. Like to me, I get, I both get your annoyance, but as the much younger sister with less life experience. First of all, even if it. Somebody's kid is their kid. You cannot tell them what to do. No, you can't. There's like, that's one of the most like red and you can disapprove. Yeah. You can talk. If you're close to them, you could, you could set them aside and have a very careful conversation, but it's their fucking kid. There's no more. This is one of the most basic. This, this, this, this is like one of the biggest problems in society is like, why have they tricked every poor person to vote against their, their, their right? They're like best interest is because they're like, well, they're going to chop your son's cock off. It's like, that's the shit that's like, like they, you can, people are so sensitive about their kid that you can, you can trick them with the dumbest propaganda of all time. Let alone they're dumb. They're dumb in their view, annoying little sister who doesn't know shit and doesn't have a kid telling them that the parenting book they read or whatever, and I'm not even saying they're right. No, but it's, it could cause a huge fallout. I think what I would do maybe is just actually ask them, like have a conversation. Like, I'm so curious. I want to learn more about this style of parenting. Like what is the timeline? Like how does it all work? What's the philosophy? Because then at least maybe they could set some expectations because I think, you know, I have, I have two siblings with kids right now and I'm about to have a third sibling with a kid and I think I've observed their different parenting styles and I'm, I'm learning a lot, but I, you cannot really disagree because then you're kind of like, they don't, they won't fuck with you. And also I will say this, every two year old's annoying. And they throw tantrums. And they're going to hit probably too. And it's like, and so I, now could their parent, if this was a, somebody who was six or seven, that's a lot different than it. Like my, you know, my nephew is right around this age and it's like, yeah, he's entered his no. He's like, no, no. And he'll, he'll be like, whatever. He's entered that phase. And it's like, it's fucking hilarious. Like a baby thinking, and I literally, I'm like, dude, very soon you will not be able to boss me around like this. Right. I let him know that. You know, it's like, and that's the truth there. It's a little dumb ass baby. And could your sister-in-law and brother-in-law or brother do better? Maybe. I don't fucking know. But you know who else doesn't know? You. You fucking fly in what? Every couple months? Yeah. I guess I wonder what, how, how often you're observing it too. Cause I understand if it's like awkward to watch a kid hit someone. Yeah. Yeah. I really get that. Yeah. Yeah. But I think it's, you just kind of have to, I mean, also maybe it's something you talk to your parents about. Cause I mean, what's, what's the most fun thing to do in the world is to talk to another family member about a family member that's not there. So this could actually be huge for your parents' relationship with you because you go, can you believe what they're doing? This is unbelievable. It's, it's really beautiful. Yeah. It's like a beautiful opportunity to create closeness and intimacy. in that space. So I think you use it to your advantage and it is, but God, it's kind of fun too to have moral high ground in your own mind of like, you're texting the group chat when you leave, like, oh my God, my brother's kid is too. She was hitting the mom and then they gave her the toy. Like, can you leave that? And everyone in the group chat, oh, they're eating that shit up. They're eating that shit up. There's nothing better. So just maybe have a little fun with it. Have a little fun. And I will say you are exhibiting just textbook boomer mindset where you're like, they should fucking hit the kid. It's like, this is, Eldest has kind of found two calls between the poly woman and this to kind of get you back to your Republican roots. And just to show how far I've come. I don't think we should do corporal punishment. I don't either. I don't either. I'm against hitting children. Yeah. Gentle parenting, maybe is a wide spectrum. I guess I don't know that much about it. I didn't know it was like truly no rules, nothing. Well, who knows? But here's the thing. I don't think she fucking knows either. That's what I'm really getting at is you just don't fucking know what the fuck you're talking about. And I, I mean, Eldest, we've, we're all here. We all here are aunts and uncles. Have you had that? Like when your nieces were like two, did you ever feel like they were like, just give us your general, I think you've probably spent the most time. I mean, you, you spent a lot of time as well. Yeah. I mean, um, yeah, they could definitely be annoying. I think for me, I don't know. My nieces are pretty sweet. They never really annoyed me that much, but, but sometimes kids just, yeah, you just can't do anything about it. You can't like shut a tantrum down no matter how hard you try. And I don't know, but I don't know. Beautifully said, beautifully spoken. So I guess what we're saying is you're on your own. You're on your own and just honestly chill. It's a two year old. Stop thinking about it and just think about something that makes you bust or whatever the fuck. Yeah. Something you fear. Yeah. Yeah. Think of your greatest fears and jerk off. Great point. Great point, Mr. Sula. Hit us with another one. Hi, Stavi baby, eldest. Okay. She wants to fuck. Pause it. Pause it. Pause it. We'll see. It's possible. That's crazy. It's possible. Hi, Stavi baby, eldest and your sexy esteemed guest. Wow. I'm in my mid thirties, have a decent apartment, own my own, uh, burgeoning company. And I pretty much cover my own bills. You know, I enjoy, like I'm a, I'm an attractive person. I enjoy sex, but sometimes when I start hooking up with somebody, my actions get misconstrued as me wanting something more. My problem is I'm just a naturally like extremely thoughtful person. I genuinely love doing things for other people, whether I'm sleeping with them, they're a friend, a client, or even a complete stranger. If I see a drunk woman alone, I'm making sure she gets into her Uber safely. I have a pregnant client and I've been bringing her little things like Epsom salt for her sore feet or belly lotion, just because I know from watching my sister go through it four times pregnancy. Epsom salt and belly lotion. Maybe you can send some of those my way as well. Let's reach out. This girl sounds awesome. All right. That's what I'm picking up for Stav after this episode. Well, recently I was hooking up with a guy who mentioned that he and his son just offhand love trying different sparkling waters. And I happened to be at the store re-upping my own sparkling water surprise. So I grabbed six and texted him, Hey, it's safe to pack for you and your son. To me, that's completely normal. It's not going above and beyond. I do the same thing for basically anybody I care about, but invading gestures like that sometimes get interpreted as, Oh, she's really into me. And in the back of my mind, I'm thinking, no, bitch, there was a sale and I'm just nice. I'm just a nice person. I'm not trying to lock it down. So my question is, how do I keep being a thoughtful person without accidentally making the men that I'm sleeping with, or in this case, just man, think that every nice gesture means I'm trying to turn them into my boyfriend? How do I stop them from keep reading into just what I think is a simple, thoughtful gesture? Thanks so much. Love you guys. Bye. I do get this. I see both sides as a thoughtful person. And I think just in the dating climate that we're in, if you don't want to date the person, you just have to be a little bit less thoughtful. I hate that that's the case, but the bar is just too low in my opinion. No, no. I mean, listen, I have experienced this from what I would consider not even being that thoughtful. I think as a dude, I think just being baseline nice. No, guys need to be more thoughtful so we can meet in the middle more. It's kind of crazy. Women need to be a little bit less. Yeah. Yeah. And sometimes it's. Me holding back. I'm like, I have this thoughtful gesture in my head. This happened to me like three weeks ago. I was like, there's this thing that I could do and it's really thoughtful and sweet, but I think it would just send the wrong message. And so I didn't do it. And it was fine. No. I mean, look, there's part of that, right? Where it's like, you do have to understand the level of thoughtfulness. Here's what I would say. I think you did make an error in execution on this last one because you go to the store, you see the fucking sparkling waters are three for whatever. You buy them. The next time you see him, you're like, hey, these are at the store. I got extra if you want some. And you don't mention his fucking son. Once you mention a family member, once you get it out of the you two relationship. Even if they've mentioned it. Even if they have mentioned it. Even if they have. You can't do that. You can't. If you want to keep it cash, you don't even think. This guy doesn't have a son. Don't even think about the son. He has no son. Don't even let him enter your mind. No, no, no. No, that's such a good point. You have to keep it one-on-one and you have to. You can. Still do thoughtful gestures, but the texting and the like. And maybe she's just like a very. She's a business owner or whatever. She's this kind of person where she just. One of those ladies that had a Blackberry, back in the words, just like she's on her Hillary Clinton type shit. Yeah. Where she just has to. The thing gets in her head and she makes it happen immediately. I would say you could have done that by. You can keep the gestures, but less thoughtful presentation could help. And I think what Mary Beth says here is true too, where it's like, you just know certain signals send certain signals. Yeah, let's say some guy fucking handed me a bouquet of a dozen roses for free right outside a girl's door as I'm going to pick her up and I don't want anything to do with her. You toss them in the fucking trash. You know it's like. It's sad, but true. But it is like. You just have to. And the other thing I would say, obviously, if we haven't said it before, is you just have to make those intentions clear on the record. And sometimes people hear. Say them and they just try and steamroll you and that's fine. You did all you needed to do by putting it on the record, right? And you can always refer back to that conversation. And another thing that you learn. Here's something about maturing is like when I was in my 20s and I'd be like, hey, I don't want anything serious, but I could tell the girl still did. I would be like, well, legally I have made my intentions clear. Sure, you covered your bases, yeah. I am not liable for any damages here. And I'm going to ride this out until she decides she doesn't want to come over or whatever. Sometimes it's on you, especially as you get older, to realize like, look, I've done everything right, but this person just is not. It's just not right. They're going to keep trying to date me. They're going to get invested, even though I did nothing wrong and I've been clearly communicative. Hooking up is messy. Emotions are messy. People can even. They might not even really like you, but it's just a physical attraction. Who fucking knows if you get the vibe that somebody just isn't on your way. Because you can also tell when someone is so like, yeah, great. They'll just come over. When it's chill. When it's chill. You can tell when someone is on your wavelength and you can tell when they're not. And unfortunately, it'd be nice if it was just easier to be. You could just be a thoughtful person, whatever. But part of this is not. Part of this is you being a nice person and part of this is you being a little naive. A little. Yeah. It may be a little intense, which I identify with and I understand. Totally. Totally. And I think you sound amazing. You sound like a great friend to have. Sounds awesome. And listen, I. I personally am not looking for anything serious, by the way. Just something to keep. And I love seltzer. Just something to keep in mind. Right. Just something. And this is where the office is located. Should we talk about our romantic past? Sure. Let's talk about it. Because we actually really haven't spoken much the past few years. We haven't, no. Due to our romantic past. Well, I think you're overdoing it a little bit. We made out one time. I know. But then, you know. Yeah. There was a conversation and then we didn't speak. Sure. And you changed your number, probably because of that. It was because Comptown fans leaked it, actually. It's because a Comptown fan found it on Reddit. So the timing was suspect. I'll give you that. Yeah. It was a little bit suspect. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That was such a time. I mean, that was pre-pandemic. It was pre-pandemic. You were missing a front tooth at the time. I was. I was. Which was the best time of my life, if I'm being completely honest. No, it wasn't. It really was. I'm not kidding. Better than being a movie star? Much better. I was like on the. Like, my life was going good. I didn't have any responsibilities yet. I was still getting girls to kiss me, even toothless. So, you know, I think. Here's my recollection of it. Please. Here's. You know, I didn't care how many girls that I've hooked up with, you know, don't want to hang out, whatever. It was that I felt like you. You either have to think I'm funny or want to fuck me. And I just got the vibe that, like, you didn't think I was funny enough. That's crazy. I thought you were so funny. Let's just fully get it all out. Yes. I just felt like you never booked me on anything. shows no that i never got it's literally not because we made out it's because i was like she just doesn't book me on anything i'm fucking no on funny moms i i and i thought we were and in fact it hurt my feelings more because i can handle it was like i felt like you liked me personally yes and then look even it was also weird circumstances when we hooked up and so there's also a part of me was like this could have gone differently right totally but yeah and so it wasn't i didn't even think you didn't necessarily weren't attracted to me either it really was that i thought you definitely liked me as a person might have even been attracted to me that if in different circumstances something happens and you still didn't book that that to me it was like that's fascinating that's literally that to me comedy matters so much more no i totally get that and it was also like you kind of no disrespect you kind of had a pattern of like you you had friends or dated people that were in comedy and i was like you if she's even if she's like dating people she thinks are funny i'm not you know what i mean it was like yeah i'm not getting booked yeah or not getting fun i'm not getting fucked and it's like wow that's so and she likes me as a person so it meant that like she must really not think i'm funny in a way that was like shocking to me because i was like i didn't i felt like we got along that was i i swear to god election if it was like i'm not even joking if you would like booked me for one show you was no problem at all we need to communicate no because my recollection yes yes yes was that we met and i thought you were extremely funny and we talked all the time and i think i opened for you in dc and you booked me on your show with the three with the two other yes two other guys yes nick and adam yes yes and then i only had a monthly show at the time like and i feel like we only we would try to book like three three comics and it we would try to not have like all white guys i know i know but to me i was still like i deserve one of the white guy spots definitely that was that was my thought process no you did i saw the white guys you were booking yeah they were funnier than i was no they were not they were not i wonder what that dynamic was i mean i had to eventually stop doing that show because um there was a rumor at my co-host kid's school that we were having an affair which wasn't true so we were no longer allowed to be photographed together that's fucking crazy which was obviously really tough um but i think that was also right before the pandemic where our relationship was kind of fracturing already so i feel like that was the only show i was running at the time other than drag his ass which i didn't really book straight guys on unless they were the fuck boy and i didn't know if that applied to you which now i know it probably you probably would have been good for it i think i probably would have been you probably could have i think i probably could have figured it out um wow i i think you're so funny i i that's literally all it's that's crazy i swear that was that was truly it because i remember we made out i think in chicago for a hot sec and then it was more like i had just been ran through by comedians yeah and you were just meeting me at a time when i was like i have to stop doing this i also and you're missing the front tooth i was missing the front tooth also i was staying with a guy who ran the gig who knows if i had a hotel room let's just be let's put it because it was a bad can i just say that was a great night it was really fun it was because it was like one of these because i'll be honest like i couldn't i couldn't really under like i didn't i really wasn't going into it thinking like we're gonna hook up at all right because you happen to be in chicago right i was also like in a weird relationship that was on again off again that i was like it's probably best and i didn't really know your relationship vibe at all totally like i had no because i wasn't listening to come town i didn't wasn't on the reddit i didn't know anything about it but what was nice about that night was it was kind of completely unplanned yeah you happen to be in chicago and i was like yeah come on the show and then we happened to hang out and honestly have a great time yeah it was fun and it was it did feel like one of those things where you're like oh i'm those things that if it had that night the magic of that night had to carry over and it just you know for multiple reasons didn't well i was getting into a minivan uber you were getting to me the door slid you know it went like that i know uh which doesn't you know it was what it was it was what it was wait that bums me out that you thought i thought that it's true it was true because we also were legitimately friends that's why that's why i was and then you stopped talking to me because it hurt my feelings that it was like well she does it it literally goes back to the like it's gotta be one or the other it's gotta be if you don't think here's the thing there's there's a lot of things there's a lot of comedians you could say like not funny or not my taste totally you are objectively funny and no matter how you look at it that's why it was weird to me i was like what am i missing i was like i like she likes me and i'm i think i'm funnier when these fucking guys and it was this thing where i was like it was like also the guys you dated weren't funny i was like i was like we'll talk about it i was like hold on these fucking and by the way cup a lot of them weren't even fucking hot no disrespect the comedians and so i was like no disrespect what the fuck's going on here i was like and then i was like all right she's not gonna book me on a fucking show and it was just purely comedian it's so funny that you thought it was like just the the completely crossed i thought it was because like you felt friend zoned even though i had a lot of fun with you as a friend so that's why i was bummed no but you thought it's because i didn't think you were funny i thought it was because i didn't think you were funny i thought it was because i didn't yes that's just like i can't even believe that you as a man like this is actually a testament to your humanity that that could even cross your mind because here's the thing i i also crazy i was past the concept of being friend zoned because that was like that was what i had escaped yeah in fact i was like part of me was just like i think if we kept hanging out we might have hooked up because we had a really good rapport and had a good time and then we didn't speak for literally like five years and i was like oh my god i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry i'm so sorry and i'm like i'm like i guess hey yeah yeah right like hey how are you totally totally and to be fair it did have it was right before the pandemic and that reset everything for everybody i think but yes it was literally like i was like fucking i can't get the fuck she won't put me on the show it was like it was and i remember like a couple of my friends i remember just like i think sam murill did it once and i was like fucking this she's not she doesn't know sam i know oh okay like okay like a bell house show or anything i was just like throw me a fucking bone it was literally about stand-up that's so fucking funny that you thought i was an incel and i thought you didn't think i was funny it's like that show the affair where it was like told from the man's perspective and the woman's at the time oh i know all right let's not yeah i wasn't playing my violin yeah you're not slamming hotties there she's not fuck but it literally was like come on i can do a fucking bell i can do a union i can throw me a fucking bone sister i understand that's it is and that does actually reveal so much about my psychology that it's like what if you really want to hurt my feelings just don't book him just say i'm not just truly believe because people can say i'm not funny but then i like you don't really believe it right but you kind of did a little show don't tell by never booking me on a single show we're gonna write this wrong yeah i'm really glad we talked about it yeah it has like it made me sad because i genuinely really enjoyed hanging out with you and our texting banter was like unparalleled totally like and honestly this pod was really good you know but yes it made me sad too but but it was like damn dude i guess she just fucking doesn't it was even funny i was like i was like yeah she just really doesn't think she'll even make out with me and not fucking book me like that was like that was i must have been baffling it was fucking crazy i was like what the fuck is going on here so it and my entire self-worth really was wrapped up in whether people thought i was funny or not truly like yeah and now i i'm totally secure in that but yeah that was a very funny that that was a 19 2019 the yeah it was it was uh yeah chicago that was that was a hilarious weekend too and that's the first time i saw meg stalter perform she was great so that night has really burned in my brain a lot of a lot of history there i meg was so i literally thought when i met meg i was when i saw her there i was like this is like some like little girl like i thought she was like 20 or something because she just had such a like such a fun vibe about the energy frenetic it was it was captivating it was i've never and i think that was my first time performing in chicago too so i just had such a good time yeah but was a good weekend what are you gonna do well we settled it you know and we will always have paris yeah we'll always have the lincoln lodge 2019 and literally drinking malort shots at a dive bar yeah yeah that was beautiful that was beautiful and now we both have netflix specials now we both have never look specials galaxy brain out now uncle stav out in two weeks and uh yeah that's gonna do it for us marybeth thank you for doing thanks for doing the podcast thanks for having me even though you you thought i thought you weren't funny i thought you came well okay i thought you came around at this point i thought i saw more of your stuff i thought it was like i thought you know what this guy has he has it well you know what i was also just kind of i was like let's just see because like i was like let's just see what happens it'll be fun it'll be interesting either way either like i misread something and i don't care anymore because i really you know it's like but what a treat for people that listen till the end that is true this is one of those like wait till the end open for a surprise we kind of went marin we kind of went old school marin and settled the personal beef essentially the todd glass it is the todd glass coming out episode of this podcast which we were talking about off mic earlier for for those who just a little context uh that's gonna do it for us folks we will see you next week bye you