#187 - Matty Matheson

Hello, everybody. We have an incredible episode coming to you right now with Maddie Madison, one of my favorites, a Mount Rushmore fat guy. I love Maddie so much. His videos are delectable. I love that he's all over getting, he's another guy from the internet that is inexplicably getting to be in movies and we have a real, real kinship there as fat guys who've escaped the internet. You're going to love this episode. We love the two. But before that, we just want to let you know, we are wrapping up the dream boat tour, hopefully, as long as I don't get in any other accidents. Tomorrow, I am in Seattle, Washington. We have tickets still available to the late show, Atlantic City on 7/3 the eve of 4th of July. I'm then in Montclair, New Jersey on July 10th and Huntington, New York, Strong Island, July 11th. And then of course, we are filming the special in Baltimore, July 18th and 19th Saturday and Sunday. There are still some tickets available to the late show on Sunday. Come on, come on, let your hair down. Don't you want to be involved in a special taping? Either way, we can't wait to see you there on the road and enjoy this, enjoy this episode, huh? What do you say with our pal Maddie Madison? On the couch for the first time, Maddie, Madison, Maddie. Thanks for being here. Hey, it's an absolute pleasure. This is huge. I would say for my life, I would say the most important identity to me is being fat. Yes, truly. Like, the older I get, it's comedian, it's really embarrassing because it's like comedian and fat for my two identities. Have your fat and that matter to me? Yeah, and it does go hand in hand. Absolutely. It does. I don't know if you had that experience as a youth using being fun and funny to deflect. Yeah, the fact that you were the fattest kid. My brothers, I'm in the mid, I have four siblings, or three siblings. My sister's older than I have two brothers. They were born with abs and big dicks. Wow. And then big dogs over here, big dogs over here in the middle. I'm like, where's my dad? You know, this is the gene pool. That's the thing. I have a brother who was always more handsome, but fatherhood has taken a toll on it. He's getting into, you know, as a middle, he's still a handsome middle age man, but it wasn't like, he wasn't an adonist to have two brothers. Two brothers long and jacked. But also like, both like my one brother collects junk for a living, you know, just bought him a new truck. But wouldn't you trade at all? I know. I would love to live with my dad still and have just a heart. Honestly, all of this bullshit. Yeah. Everything we've done working so hard in our respective fields is to give it away to be treated like a man with a big dick. Yes. This is how hard you have to work. You have to get, I feel like, you know, I'm speaking for myself. You're very talented, but speaking for myself too, it's like, I feel like I hit a lottery. Yeah. Like there's no, like I could have had a good career in comedy, but I'm way too successful. Yes. You have to not only be kind of good at what you do, you also have to get insanely lucky. Yeah. And then you get treated like a handsome man with a hog. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I get treated very well now. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, it's nice. Now it's nice to walk indoors for me. I go walk in any restaurant, get a table. Well, but that probably does because I feel like for me, the thing what two things happen when you're, you know, when you're a fat child who knows who needs a skill to be respected. Yeah. At first, you're like, oh, they're only, it's only because I'm funny. It's only because I'm entertaining. It's only because I make the fucking best food in the world. But then you realize part of it is just some women just need to find out about you. Yes. And they do want to fuck a guy that looks like this. Oh, you know, and that's been that's been the coolest part of it. It starts sucking up my takes. Exactly. Oh, you know, the first time I got to do these suck on my own, it was wild. Dude, because it blows your mind. You're like, whoa, I didn't even think about it. Get over here. Mommy wants some other milk, you know. Yeah. It's nice. Get over here. I want to see what it's like. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. What was your first, were you like a classical? Like, what was your first, like, kind of? Yeah. Because if you grow up around, you know, if you got like, you're the middle child, you're, yeah, your baby brothers are pieces of ass. Yeah. You know, you're, you're in, you're in Canada. What's the, what's the like, is that what starts? Like you're just a class clown in like elementary school or whatever? For sure. I've, I've, I've been getting attention through laughter my entire life. Hell yeah. You know, like, I remember. I think I was in grade four was the first time I got like kicked out of class. Yeah. I asked my teeth. I, it's one of those things when you're a kid and you don't know what anything is. Of course, somehow I asked my teacher if she had crabs. You know, and I'm just like, I still don't know what crap. Of course, of course, of course, of course, of course, of course. You know, just pew, pew crabs. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And I remember at, in grade four, it was just like, it's like, you know, getting dragged out. Yeah. You know, back in the 90s, you just get like, you know, dragged out a class for a little like child abuse. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So I think it was like that, you know, just blurting that out because somebody, you know, maybe my brother said, you know, like it's just, I forget what it was, but I just remember being in like grade four and just asking him for another class. Yeah. Everyone starts laughing. Nobody knows what it is. Yeah. And then I'm getting attention. I'm getting kicked out of class. Yeah. Yeah. And then, and then it was just like from there on, it was just jokes and jokes and jokes and building that speed and building that that comfortableity and like, my brothers, they were the crew. Like they, I was the middle child. They liked video games. They're, they liked Creed. Yeah. They had zero subculture. You know, like it was like, again, you don't have to know about subtext when your dick is big. Yeah. They're free. They're free. They're free to like the whatever bullshit's on the video. You're free to play fucking Sonic and not think about it. Grandeurysmo. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You and your friends are coming over. You're doing Grandeurysmo all weekend. Sick. I'm gonna, I'm gonna jerk off in the woods. Of course. Of course. Of course. Yeah. Yeah. So that, that's a fun, that's a fun one to just like, you have to figure out your own shit. I remember I, I remember a fat. There was a mo, there was a turning point where I was just like, all right, I should stop embarrassing myself because that also happened when you're like, do these people respect me? Yeah. Is it there? That's a, that's a big turning point. Yeah. That child. I remember when I was in maybe six grade and it was like, sorry, grade six. Great. Six. Sorry. Sorry. Sorry. Let me translate. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know if you figured it out. Yeah. French. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Where I and I went to like a Greek, Greek orthodox church. Yeah. Which sounds, it says ortho everything medieval. It's still medieval, right? Cool as fuck. Yeah. Yeah. I'm staying glass is beautiful. The, the icons are legitimately beautiful works of art. Yeah. I have my saint name, my, you know, the saint. I have the icon of Stavros. Yeah. In my house, just because I'm not super religious, but it's a, it's so nice. And it reminds me of, you know, growing up, but it's the chillest religion with orthodox in it. Everything else is orthodox. It's like strict as fuck. We've seen that. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yeah. Absolutely. And these, and so we would have like, you know, I was in the Greek orthodox youth of America. Not strong. Yeah. Yeah. It's a, Goya, you know, and a nice, a nice ring to it. And they would have like a little mixers for us. And I remember straight up snorting Parmesan cheese for attention. Yes. And everybody loving it. But yeah, I think I know what Dave Chappelle felt when he heard that cameraman laugh, too much. And he had to go to Africa. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I felt that at the box. It's too much. I'm an embarrassment to the plus ice community. Yeah. I'm snorting cheese for the entertainment of the kids who are going to go hook up with each other. Yeah. Yeah. I'm going to go home. I'm going to play, you know, beach, dead or alive beach volleyball. Yes. You know, with a, with a nose full of, you know, Regiano. It wasn't even Parmesan. No, it was just straight red. Just straight red. Give me that uncut red. I'm snorting it. I'm getting laughs. I'm going to go home and vomit. I'm going to be sad alone and vomit with a nose full of Reg. Yeah. Just doing this for a weekend. So I, you know, there's a moment where you turn it around, but you gotta, you know, you gotta, and that was a fun thing, too, because that was our, our church youth group was the first time like I got fucked up. Yeah. You know, you're drinking the basement of your church. It's incredible. I grabbed titties in my church. Oh, the Greek festival. That was beautiful. I believe that was my sophomore year. Oh, sophomore year of high school. Great stuff. Yeah. Big drought after that. It was the Lord. It went from Lord. Let me touch a tittie. And I was like, wow. And then you're like, you're going to be a virgin for a long time. You want to do that in my basement? Yeah. Well, no more. That's where I keep my old stuff. That's where we keep our pain and shame. Yeah. What was so, so, so your, what was like your friend group? Like, what was the, like, what was the little, where you get getting up to a little mischief? When did the mischief and the, oh, the mischief started early. We were, we were mischievous. I'm guessing you got like a, a very amateur tattoo at a very young age. Is that right? Yeah. I got, I got, I got a dump. Like, my first tattoo is like this arm band thing on my arm. But that was because I went, I ended up going to a Catholic high school. Okay. Because I didn't, we, you know, I wasn't, I got kicked out of the first high school. Right, right. And then like, my brother was, he was a bit of a troublemaker. I was a bit of a troublemaker. pretty dumb. And they're like, we're not going to. And then they knew that there was another one. My younger brother, he didn't make it through grade nine. He was straight into construction. He wasn't built for, he wasn't built for academia, you know? And also like we didn't know it. Autism was back then, you know? So he's just. That motherfucker. That motherfucker. He put a nail in dude. Straight as fuck. Yeah. We still don't know if he has autism. He's got something. He's touched by God. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It was just like stupid tattoos. And you know, just I'm lucky. I grew up in a small town with really good. I am still like, I'm on a group chat with all my homies from high school. Me and my wife, my wife, we moved back in our son, Mack, when he was two years old, to our hometown. We left Toronto seven years ago, eight years ago. Nice. And we live down there now. And it's just, it's incredible. Like it is incredible because it is. We're playing Little League. Yeah. And so like me and my buddy, George, our sons are playing on the same diamond. And we're sitting there. You know, we got our fucking chairs and we're sitting there. Yeah. It is so crazy. We used to play baseball here. And now we're watching our kids play baseball here. Yeah. I mean, George, you're like, well, yeah, I don't want to blast George. We're like, hopefully our kids don't get as fucked up as we got fucked up. You know, because it is like small town shit. Like we are running around. And also my town was so amazing. Like Fort Erie was such a great town, border town to Buffalo, New York. Okay. So, so like, you know, before 9/11, we could rip across with our driver's licenses, go get beer, go to the bars there. Yeah. Punk hardcore scene there. Fucking, but our town was all like, we had five strip clubs. And like our town's like 16,000 people at that time. And so like Chinese restaurants, bingo halls, strip clubs. And so like, just going to the bar was we would just go to first of my ever went to a bar. We went to share to the GTR. It ain't there no more. But the GTR was like being a kid like, you know, my leg shaking for the first time in a bar. I used my older brother's his fake idea. He's not even old enough to go the bar. We go in, we get in. I get a beer, you know, just giving women that smell like vanilla fields like cookies. You know, they smell like everyone smells like cinnamon. You know, and I'm just giving money to two people being like, you don't have to do this. You know, like being a child, of course. I'm thinking back on as is like, you know, like 15 or 16. And I'm just like, just looking like a fat sweaty child, just drinking a little bit of blue. Just like, dude, being like, who's got bumps? Like what's going on over here? You know, man, that chick, I don't even know what that's, that's a C section. What's a C section? You know, like it's just like, but it was an incredible town. And it is an incredible town. And it is more than just strip clubs. I don't, you know, it's probably. It's an incredible town. Yeah, it's improved. We got like Arby's now. It's big. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. It came into town a little bit ago. Yeah. Yeah. Beef and Chatters. Yeah. Like 40. He was an incredible town to grow up. Lots of woods, lots of like, you know, stupid ass shit with a bunch of kids ripping around. A lot of old factories thrown rocks at shit. I love that. And just like getting fucked up riding around on BMXs. We're also on the lake. It's like every summer. It's just like hanging out on the lake. Lakes. Yeah. So it is just it was a, it was amazing. All my friends are my homies still. I love them very much. Our group chat is like, it's funny because they as they're older, like they're like, we were all like the kids that listen like punk music and like we were whatever. Like that crew of kids in that town. And like now everyone's just old. And they're like, Maddie, can you guys like bills tickets? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like the group chat is mostly around me getting them tickets. Of course. Of course. Of course. You know, but they're still like, they're my brothers for the life. Of course. But that's a beautiful man. And that's like, I do think about that's the kind of advantage of that's the perfect setup where you are near a big awesome city. Yeah. But you can live out like I always am sad Baltimore isn't 90 minutes from New York. Yeah. Because I love Baltimore. But four hours is just a little, it's a little far. Yeah. But I know that feeling of, you know, like my brother just had a kid and it's like friends of my, one of my best friends. She has two kids and I don't get to see them enough. And I'm just like, there's something nice to be able to like dip dip into both, you know? It's incredible. Like we have, it's a crazy thing. Like I'm like, we have our forever home. You know, we have this place. This farm that like our children, like both of my daughters were born on the farm. You know, like Trisha's like, she's a dog. Like she's like three home births and like, it is this thing where like they were born there. And it's just like, we have this place that is like so special. And I just love being there. It is like a cliche. Like there's well, one elementary school in our town. Yeah. You know, our kids are like riding bikes down dirt roads and like having fun. And like, you know, it is one of the, when I, when the kids come to the city, I have to be like, like, make sure we look, we're looking both ways. And like there's people here. There's cars. There's people on, there's, there's bikes. They're, they're ripping by on bikes. And like, I don't know, but it is funny because my kids are still so like just like, whatever country kids. That's cute, man. Yeah. Yeah. It's very, it's very fun. It's so also funny to think about like all this like tread shit that's going around now. Yeah. Well, we like, you have to be racist in your wife. You know what I mean? It's like, it's like you have just described the most threat. Your wife didn't, you gave birth on a farm. Yeah. Yeah. It's like, it's like, yeah, you can do cocaine in different parts of your life. Yeah. Have this many tattoos and still go to a, like that's what's beautiful about it. It's just so funny. The people have co-opted something that's just nice. Yeah. And a thing to do when you're a little older. And it's like, that's a lesson, everybody. You can suck and fucking your youth. And you can still end up on this farm. Yeah. You can still land it. You can still, you can, you can land it. You can land the plane. You gotta be really lucky. I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, I mean, this thing really sucks, but like eight different times. Yeah. You have to cheat the Reaper to do it. Well, I've stared into the sun long enough. You know, I've seen it. Yeah. I've seen it. You know, like, it is a crazy thing. Like, like, also, like, I lived in Toronto for like 18 years. And it was just like, I never thought, like, I would never leave Toronto. And I never thought. And then we had a kid. And then also, like, I come from a very working class family. And like, when we, I got to a place where I was like, I could afford a house, but I couldn't afford a mortgage, you know, so I couldn't, like, I'm not gonna have 500 square foot condo. Totally. I'm not doing that. And so then like, that force says, I was just like, okay, well, maybe we'd look elsewhere. And then I started looking like around Toronto. And then I was home, like, one Thanksgiving. And I was like, just bitching about everything. And I was like, you could get a mansion for the cost of a condo in Toronto. And then like, I found this, like, kind of clapped out farm. And I was just like, I'm buying this farm. And it turned into like just like that. Like I was just like, dude, Trish, this is it. And she's just like, it needs a septic tank. And it needs a, it needs a lot of stuff. I was just like, we'll get there. We'll get there. But I'm like, now the farm is tight. Fuck you, dude. What do you, are we talking livestock, too? No livestock. No, because we got tons of deer and weasels and skunks and raccoons. Okay. But we have like a giant farm, like we have a farm called Blue Goose Farm. And so like that, we have, we grow, you know, it's almost like two acres of vegetable beds. So we, our whole backyard is literally just a giant farm, a vegetable farm. That's fucking incredible. Yeah. What's the, what's the finest crop you've gotten? I think it's like, it's funny. Like we were, we grow a lot of vegetables for like chefs and restaurants. And we want to grow like very interesting robust vegetables. We're not growing like stupid microherbs and like wax shit. We wanted to grow like like co-rabby and like really beautiful chickeries and like all this cool shit about a nice eggplant. Dude, beautiful eggplant. We got, and we get all of our seeds. We get most of our seeds from Italy. So Kenan's parents, they, they, they, they go to Italy all the time. And they always bring back seeds and stuff. And so like a lot of our seeds for our tomatoes are eggplant, some peppers, all these things. A lot of our chickeries and lettuces also are all coming from Italy. And yeah, but like also like we have this one poly tunnel that is legitimately just filled with sungolds. And so like walking out. That's awesome. At the, the height of summer and legitimately just grabbing handfuls of like sungold tomatoes and eating those and they taste like fucking mangoes or persimmons. And you're like, this is unreal. Like it is the fucking best. That's fucking beautiful. What was the, what do you, was there like one little dish as a fat child you made that you were like, I could get into this. Like was there a, was there a moment where you were like, did you put something together? Was there like a, you know what I mean? Like was that? Well, it was like one of my like, my grandfather, he had a restaurant. Oh cool. So he had a restaurant in Prince Edward Island. Fuck you. And so like, and he lived in like there was like a little apartment behind it. And it was like a old like diner, home, home style, like full diner. And they made everything fresh. They made fresh dinner rolls and chowders and it's in a mere times. So it is like all fresh seafood lobster, turkey dinner every day. You know club sandwiches. And also there was like a soda pop shop kind of thing. So they had like a ice cream shop and milkshakes. And so like going there, I grew up like very like religious also. And and like grew up Mormon. And so like, we never yeah. Fuck you. You just miss just get the fuck out of you crazy dude. You know, yeah. I mean, I some of the best but it is the best rebel from a over the top. Like yeah, shout out to ex Mormon girls. Hey, pretty cool. So good. Yeah. I don't have the best. Let's get the supersoaker out, baby. Yeah. Okay. But yeah, like it was just like, I think going to my grandfather's like every. summer whenever we would go. And he had a win a bago in the parking lot. So we would like sleep in the win a bago or we would sleep on air mattresses or in the like banquets in the soda pop. So we would have to wake up early and just like go outside and play. You know, we just had to go outside and play. And so like we would like wake up because they would open like like 7 a.m. or whatever and serve breakfast and all that. But like going there, it would be like amazing because we didn't have to once again like growing up, not going to restaurants and being like very working class or slightly poor, eating for free and getting like some fresh fries, gravy, eating like lobster. Right. And like we would do these like big lobster boils in the driveway and like having fresh muscles and all the seafood and go clam digging. And just like all that kind of shit was something where I was just like I grew up eating all of that stuff in the driveway. And yeah, this is like I think my love of restaurants is very connected just to looking back on it now. How could it not be? It's a escape from like some bullshit being poor, never having like a pop till I'm like 13. You know, having to read fucking bullshit, not being able to like even see Simpson still like a teenager. Yeah. Just watching bambi. Like bambi. But they cut out the part where the mom dies. Yeah, that makes no sense. They're like came all of a sudden. Gee, I was only allowed to watch g pg was crazy. Oh, man. I bet you you could have maybe when a let when Jasmine came out and the red and the red. That was real. That's real. Those two for me truly explain my entire I mean, dude, I've said it before. I think who framed Roger Rabbit explains basically my entire life. I watched that in another movie. Fuck, I forgot. I was just on another podcast. We were talking about this. But who framed Roger Rabbit and then my mom worked at a Greek restaurant. And if I waited Saturday, if I stayed up late, she sometimes came home with leftover calamari. And that's when I started watching SNL as a little ass kid, right? Like I'm this is like, I'm I was born 89. This is like truly. I'm four or five years old. Yeah. And I don't remember if that was the Sandler years or they had just been shit canned. But it was like the will failures whatever. Seeing that shit. It's like food comedy and like, you know, knowing that a woman you love could come back with snacks at the end. Calamari. A late night Calamari. Late night Calamari. To being a child. Watching that. That's fantastic. So that makes a lot of sense where it's like, yeah, that was your fucking escape. So you're like, yeah, restaurant's fucking rock. Yeah. I because I the one I just remember I have a very, you know, I have a real memory of like being finally being left unattended in the basement where our kitchen was, right. And there was a TV like a little shitty, you know, like a antenna TV. Yeah. And I could watch like, you know, but I had a VHS. Right. So I could watch some, some of my parents because my mom wanted to raise us strict. But like, you know, it's they both work jobs. We grew up in Baltimore city. Like you just go to your friend's house and watch, you know, pornography. Yeah. Like, so when my mom would leave, I would just be like, I remember being like 11 or 12 and having free reign of the kitchen and just popping in some, you know, watching either like I watch a lot of the PJs. Remember that one? The, the, the claymation Eddie Murphy was so fucking funny. And I remember watching the PJs and making a, a Ford Decker ham and cheese where I soaked each piece in butter and fried each piece of bread. And then I fucking, and then I made a melt on each one. And I just kind of fused, yeah, set three separate sandwiches with cheese. Yeah. And that to me was like, this is all, that to me was like, fuck yeah, dude. And I really, I mean, I have the thing of like, I, my dream is literally having a fucking like greasy spoon some day. And just work it, you know, sometimes working to grill, but a lot of times being up front. Yeah. How we doing? Yeah. That's how she's getting so big knowing everybody in the neighborhood. Like to me, that's what I can't wait to maybe like live on a beach town somewhere and have one of those restaurants and check in with the fucking locals. That's it. That's what I mean. I don't know where it's going to be. Yeah. I have no idea. I don't know. I dream of that. Like just having a restaurant where I actually cook at it again. Yeah. I was like talking to somebody and they're like, so are you sick of restaurants? I'm like, no, I'll never be sick of it. I love restaurants more than anything. Yeah. But I was just like, I would like, I'm like, like we do have like an Italian restaurant in our hometown now. And so like we have like, Rizzo's house of parm. And I was like, it's this Italian joy and it's sick and a pumps. And I was just like, I kind of want to just have like a place that makes like chicken wings. Yeah. And like like cheese sticks and like just like something that I could like bang out and have fun. Like, you know, tray pizza and wings and cheese sticks. Like just, you know, like it is like a thing. Like I dream about just having great bar food, but not a bar. Totally. Just open at 9 a.m. I mean, I saw a short, a YouTube short of you making the stinger came up and my dick got hard. Dude, I mean, that was unbelievable. Because it was like, first of all, you show the, the sandwich and it's a G steak plus a buffalo chicken tender sub, which is incredible. That's innovation. But then I'm like, that's good. And I didn't go together. I thought you were going to like go to a fucking place and buy the bet. And then you fucking get actual chicken breasts. You slice that motherfucker up. I'm like, that's the best. Like if I had to, if I had to sort of distill what I'm looking for in everything, yeah, it's the highest end version of dog shit. Yeah. That's my whole life. That's my loke. I love loke culture, but I love the best version of it. I love the best shitty action, like over the top action movies, like, and there is artisanship to making the, and now some people do it. It's a fine line, right? Yeah. You don't want to be so many fucking dickheads would be like, you know, make a cheese steak and overdo it. And we're like, it's wag, you know, whatever you don't need it. Or you get you the bread is like too fancy or the, the, the brioche epidemic that has died. Thank God. Yeah. That was destroying burger culture for a while. Yeah. And those fucking fluffy buttery ass buns get the, I'm, what am I even fucking dessert? Remaining a burger. I don't want a donut. I want a donut in a different context. I don't, I exactly. I do not want to fucking top my delicious meat with with a donut. And I'm, I love just doing the platonic ideal of the, of the things of the comfort foods. They're so near and dear to my heart. That I literally, you see, I was like, that's, that's beautiful. That's symbolic right there. Dude, you gotta get a buffalo. Buffalo, New York. I think it's like a underrated like food city where it doesn't get a lot of love. But it's also like, they got the stinger. And I'm just like, it's, they're not known for cheese tastes. They're not, they're known for wings. Totally. And there is fantastic spots that have real ass wings. But it is like, that stinger thing is just something that's so unreal. Yeah. And I'm just like making it and then like, I made it at home too, because Mac is like, you know, he's, he's 10 and he, he, he's like, he's a big dog. I call it a little big dog. It's like a little big dog. He loves like a burger and like everything. And I made him a chopped cheese. And he's like, this is incredible. I was just like, dude, check this out. It's a chopped cheese. But then we're put chicken fingers in it. He's like, what is going on? And he's like, Dad, make a stinger, make a stinger. Yeah. Yeah. But I want to bring him to, you know, because like, there's a lot of places and like gym stake out and Buffalo is one of the places that you can go and get like that kind of shit. But it is like, like, I was there recently and I was at a show and there was a gyms across the street. And we all, I was like, let's go get stingers. Fuck you. And we all went and got a stinger and we just fucking ate it. And then and then you're just like, like, you're, yeah, you're, you're, you're. You're transcended, dude. That's the only time I know you're like in the movie The Cell. You're just like, you know, you're genum free. I'm in the cell. Just fucking absolute. I'm a piece in there. I mean, I've always said the best feeling of all time for me is the like anywhere from seven to 20 minutes before what you've eaten catches up with. Yeah. That's the best. But when I've had the most fucked up meal of all time, where it's like, you know, a pizza, you know, the best meal of all like 20 wins. 20 wins. Like a real dirt bag. Yeah. Yeah. I was like, you know, just when you get the appetite, just sampler for yourself. Yeah. Yeah. It's like. It's like. It's a couple of a couple of a couple of poppers. A couple of legs. A couple of wings. You know, it's a bandage dead. Of course. Yeah. You know, or artichoke. Dipperware of the fun. Yeah. Because you don't get that feet. That feeling has to happen on your couch. Yeah. Because when that feeling happens in a chair, in a, in a leather chair, that's bad. Big, big plastic cup. I like, you know, root beer. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You know, like pizza hut. Fucking cups. Oh, yeah. The red ones. Yeah. Those are the ones. Those are fucking those are the ones. But I need that on my couch because like when it happens in a restaurant, it feels like you just knotted and like, you know, you know, it feels like nothing in your pants at a strip club. Yeah. You're scared. You're scared. Yeah. You're scared. I'm going to get home. Yeah. I'm scared. I can't hear. Like you, you can't hear it all. You're just like, it's like a bomb went off in a World War II movie. He's like, Oh, what did I have down? You have no hands. No, no feet in those cases. Yeah. Yeah. The guy that's gone. The guy got, I got it. Oh, that's fucking awesome. Do you miss that? That's something you like, because I feel that way with standup, too, where it's like, you know, I started doing standup when I was 19 because I loved it and I didn't want to do anything else. And flash forward now, shit's going good, but I feel like I spend like 10% of my time doing standup. Yeah. Like, you know, I've weirdly become, like how the fuck did I become a guy who runs a business? How did I become a guy who runs a successful media company? You know, like that's my job now. And I do, it's not that I resent it 'cause it's fucking awesome and so much cool shit has happened as a result. But sometimes I do miss the days of like, all you have to worry about is waking up and doing stand-up. Do you feel the way about cooking? Is that how you're, is that weird? - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - I do, like I was, that's the thing. Like I, recently I was just like, man, I wish I could just have a restaurant where I could go to it. And I do, like that's the thing I'm saying then. I'm like, I'm sure those people at the restaurant are being like, anytime you want to come, Maddie. You know, like, oh cool, they're like, of course, you want a toy story? Like I got a tech, like my one chef, texting me, he's doing like this like dinner, special dinner with a chef from out of town. And like, he's texting me stuff and like texting me a photo of the menu and some fucking mise en place. I'm like, oh man, that's so sick. He's like, what are you doing? And I like send a picture of like me and Joan Kusak. And he's just like, cool. Sorry, Io's teaching me a dance. Yeah, I got to get there. I just, I want Broadway with Burntall. I'm actually watching the next one with Bernie and Evan. We're going to like run through Times Square naked with guns. It's like, we're good, you know, like fuck. Yeah, that's fucking good. But it is, like I do think it is as you build these things and their dreams you'd never dream. Totally. Like I was just like, I just want, like when everyone's like, did you ever dream of this? And I was just like, no, I never dream. I was just like, I wanted to be a chef. I wanted to be a chef my whole life. I became a chef when I was like 26. And I, oh, my first restaurant was 26. And then like every, like it is a crazy thing. And now I'm here doing this and it is this crazy thing where I'm like, yo, this is just opportunity. This is friends, like everything, like everyone's like, how did you even get on the bear? And I'm like, well, Chris was my homey, you know, and he called me because I was friends with Coco, who's a chef, who's a sister. And it is like that thing where I'm just like everyone, I'm always just like, yo, I didn't like trip and fall on to that. And I was like, this is just, my whole career is like homey shit. Totally. That I was able to get in and like add. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And that's the thing is I'm talking about like being good at it and being funny and being like me and. Good idea. Yeah, like a thing. It's 90% of it. It's dude. It is more than 90% of it. It's just like, I'll hang with people that are duds. (laughing) And be like, my co-tails are strong. Yeah. Come around. I want you around. Yeah, yeah. You know, like it is one of those things where it is, like I do all these things. And even like during the pandemic at the height of like, like I started a podcast. And then we did the podcast and then I couldn't travel. And I was trying to like green screen and be like video, and I was like, this isn't it anymore. Right. And I love to tone. And we did this thing and it was fucking amazing. But I was just like, yo, if I can't be there and feel this, like this is the worst. Yeah. So then I had to like step away. But even during that time, like it's so funny people think, like people were like, you should, like I'm always told by not comedians. You should do stand up. Yeah. And I'm like, absolutely not. Yeah, yeah. I'm so not worth it. It's so good. It's like, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's, it's. You have every good part of stand up without every good, the ball. I'm doing all this stuff, community, you have to. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. You know, I'm like, I don't want to go back. Yeah. But it is like one of those things where I just saw this clip, and it was like Tracy Morgan was talking about funny versus comedy. Right. And I was just, and I was just like, oh, that, like I never saw that clip before. And I'm sure a lot of people have seen that clip or whatever. But I was just like, oh, I've always been, and I watched it. I was like, oh, that's, I'm so happy that I never even tried stand up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because I was like, I'm not good at jokes. I'm not good at that. I'm not good at life. Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. It would mean, but there's, like you're incredible at it. And it is like there's so many people that are so fucking good at it. And there are other comedians that when you meet them, they're like, they don't even know how to talk too. For sure. Well, that, that's a great, there, there's definitely someone who, people look at it as like technical ability sometimes. And it's like, you know, that's fine. And there are some really gifted people whose minds just work with jokes. Yeah. And there's, it's almost like a robotic thing. And that's a cool type of, I respect them comedically, you know, absolutely. And they're not even some of them, some of them aren't even great performers. They're just such great joke writers. But there is a difference in terms of like just the best skill of all time is just being a good time. Like being a good hang. Because people, people like that, people want you around. And it's like, that's what, like, you know, I have friends who work in like, if you're just a guy who can make eye contact, that's a computer programmer, yeah, you're going to get promoted. Even if you're a shitty programmer, it's just, people just like hanging out there, just so much more fun to talk to. Dude, Jim down the road, dude, he made eye contact with me, give him another 10k, yeah. And we're going to work 100% dude, because it's like, if he wants you, like, if you can have a drink with somebody and it'd be like a fun experience, dude, that's big. Dude, I'm so scared of being around people, that suck, I'm so afraid of it. And I'm always so like, I'm saying, and a lot of times I'm not like, that's why I'm like with acting, I turned down 99% of the things that come my way, because I'm like, thanks by the way. Yeah. Yeah. Dude, I got a good, but going yet, I just do fire and like so incredible. And I think it's like, you're doing it the right way. I appreciate it. I really like it. Your choices are incredible. Your opportunities are obviously there. I mean, look, yeah. It is so fucking sick, but it was so funny. Like, I was talk, I was at some award show and like Jesse and Kirsten were there. And so, they're so awesome. Jeremy was like talking, well, that we were all like smoking. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was like, I love, I think Jesse is incredible, dude, he is so fucking awesome. First of all, I think he's the best actor. I mean, dude, I think in Begonia, you saw the two best actors of their generation. And I think he got completely fucking robbed. Yeah. The fact that he was nominated is so fucking crazy. I think you should have straight up won, but anyway, he's the man, yeah, yeah. He's so sick. But I was just like, it was so funny, because I legit was just like, I love Friday and I lights. Yeah. Yeah, dude. And I was like, you kind of remind me, that character always reminded me of my younger brother. Oh, wow. And he's like, I didn't know if it was like a compliment or whatever. I was just like, whatever. And then I just started, and Jeremy like hits me, he's like, that's enough. Yeah. Like, you know, like, he's like, you complimented him twice. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Shut the fuck up. It could be cool. Yeah, totally. Shut the fuck up. But then the thing that was crazy was like Alicia Silverstone, she came up and she was just like big fan, and I was just like, all the, all the, all the, all celebrities say big fan. Yeah, yeah. Which I find very funny, because I'm always just like, what did you see me? I'm not in anything except for the fucking bear. I'm like, I tell you wash the bear, because I'm re-hate the bear. So I was just like, what the fuck, like what is like, okay, what did you, she's like, I love your cooking videos. Yeah. And I was just like, what? Totally. And then I was just like, yeah, Clueless is tight. And I was just like, dude, whatever, but it is fucking, but Jesse, and like you being in Bagonia was just like, I saw that, and I get so stoked, because it is like when I love champion people and like being like, dude, that's the fucking shit, because I know how hard it is. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I also like, what's up with the acting, like in the sense of like, as, like, it's the worst, right? It's just scary shit. Well, dude, imagine like you're not like, look, I, my acting training is, I went to an after-school program for four months in Baltimore City. Yeah. In sixth grade, I was in the Baltimore School for the Arts Twigs program, you know? Yeah. Yeah. And which, that scared me out of acting because you were around kids, like, kids who love acting. Yeah. I was around theater kids. And literally, like, I remember being scared by these girls. I was like, they're too intense. Yeah. They scared me probably in like a weird psychosexual way where I was like, this energy is for, you know, that's like, I've ended, you know, anyway, in any case. And to be like, like when I got offered to go, and I was like, something that a mistake has happened. Yeah. The fact that I have gotten offered this double check that they meant me. Yeah. It was, was there a different Stavros that Yorgo was trying to get? Was he just, did UTA get the wrong, like, great guy on their roster that sent them this? But yeah, dude, imagine how fucking crazy it is against, you know, Jesse, all my scenes were with fucking Jesse. It's incredible. And yeah, there's so many fucking great actors on the bear where it must be completely, like, you must like, I mean, I deal with it by just kind of disassociating, knowing my lines, having a take on it, doing good enough that they won't fire me. Yeah. And then just letting the good actors do the, do the work. Well, that's a thing. Being a fun fat guy in the frame. Yeah. Like, understanding it's also visual. Yeah. They kind of just want a fat guy in the room. Am I just sweating? Am I sweating? Am I sweating too much? Hahaha. I'm always sweating. I'm always sweating. But am I sweating too much? Can we miss them? Can we miss them, Maddie? Yeah. I'm from a storm. Yeah. Hahaha. But the fucking, it is crazy because it is like, I never, like, I never acted ever. Yeah. I never did classes. I've never done classes. I have no idea. But it is one of those things where, like, I remember the first scene was with me and Jeremy. And we're standing in front of Ballbreaker. And I'm talking about Mortal Kombat and fucking whatever, all this fucking, like, I have like a, like a monologue, a paragraph, you know, like a little fucking thing. And we're outside just smoking and Jeremy's like, yo, like, let's run it. We're about to go in. Like, let's run it. Yeah, yeah, for sure. Like, I'm good. And he starts like just doing lines in front of me. And I was just like, wait, what? Yeah. I was just like, no, like, and then I started like mum, like, the Mortal Kombat game is like, it's like the crazy, yeah, and Jeremy's like, oh, you don't, you don't know your lines. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I was just like, no, no, I read him. And he's just like, and he's like, we're about to go shoot. And I was just like, yeah, but I was like, I was like getting the kitchen ready and I was and I was like, "Oh, I'm gonna bang it out, we'll find it, we'll find it." And it was one of those things that we go in, and they're just the first day of acting. And then they were like action, and I'm just like, "Huh?" So like laughing, and like Jeremy, he doesn't know me that well. You know, like this is on the pilot, and I was just like, "I'm fucking know how to do this." And then I was just like, "Oh, like I just like, we'll stop, and like be like, "Oh, dude, like we'll start again." And I was like, "Manny, this is not how it goes, my dog. You gotta fucking figure it out." I think you really think that, like I thought you just, "Oh, you go there, you're in the director, talk about your motor." Now you're like, "What's my motor, like, you know, that phrase, what's my motivation?" It's like in Blooney Tunes cartoons. Like, it's like, all I know about acting is what I saw from cartoons. Show the fuck up. From cartoons, like, parodying acting, you know? So I literally thought you would get there and like, talk about shit, and man, thank God I did an indie before Bagonia. Yeah, because like if I had done that on Bagonia, I would have fucking, you know. It's a crazy thing. And that's what scares me. Like, it is the scariest thing where I'm showing up in front of other people. It's the most vulnerable thing ever because I'm like, "You're the tool." Yeah, yeah. And then you're like, "Wait, my tool sucks. I'm like, I got no tools in here." I'm a rusty, I'm a rusty ass saw. Literally, I'm fucking done. I'm broken. I have a shower in three days. I read the script kind of. Yeah, yeah. You know, like, it is like one of those things where it's so fucking crazy. But it is amazing. Like, I love seeing that because a lot of comedians get into stuff and like, I'm just like, "Oh, that's okay." Because I feel the same way. I feel like I feel the same way when I'm like, "Not that I'm a great actor or anything like that, but it is like if I was to go into comedy." Like, I would've been like comedians would've been like, "Oh, Maddie's over here now. Fuck outta here." Yeah, yeah, yeah. Or whatever. I know, no, I definitely feel that I feel really bad for fat actors. Yeah. It's like the fact that we are working this tough. Me, you pro-wester-housers? It's like, "Pull on everything." Yeah, yeah. I did a movie with him recently and he's a sweetheart, but it is a funny thing where I'm just like, "Is it me or him?" Or is it like, "Who's the new fatties?" Well, just imagine being a classically trained fat guy. Oh, dude. And you just have to see us be in movies. That's, we're sorry, guys. Our socials are so strong. You know how bad we are. They're like, "You're valuable. No one cares about art anymore, man." It's all alcohol. My elbow's strong. I'm like, "Dude, why am I a toy story? I have no idea. Thank you so much." I was sitting in that room and be like, "Why am I here?" They could ask anybody. How did they do that? Did you like, did they do it in person? No, they were like, "I get in Buffalo." I just did it in a sound booth. It is like one of those things where it was just like, "Whatever, my schedule, and I can't be in LA." And they're like, "Oh, we found out there was like a person from like Pixar's there, though." So like there, and then we're just like zoomed up, and we got all the directors and everybody's there. And then we just run it. It was like 45 minutes. That's awesome, dude. Yeah, it was. But it was still just like. I'm ready for scams like that. Voiceover seems like a real fucking scam where it's like, I did a voiceover thing to it. It was the same thing. It was like, "Oh, this is awesome. This show up." Just read. I did a season of television in an afternoon. Yeah. Nice. Yeah. And you're not scared? No, you don't have to. You don't have to look at the better actors in the eyes. I was like, "Give me on a crawl show." I was like, "Oh, you're like a fuck, man." Yeah. I got a nice voice. Totally, totally. Dude. That does make sense to me, though. You totally should be a toy story because you have a distinctive like, you know, I'm sure you're not the fucking main character. I'm sure. Yeah. I mean, like I'm doing all this because I was like in the trailer, so I was like, "Dude, you're in the movie." I'm like, "I'm in for 45 seconds." Yeah, yeah. What he saves me, I'm like, "I'm blown the whistle on Big Tech." Yeah. I'm like, "I'm in in for a couple seconds." That's awesome. But I'm happy to hear that it's an anti-Big Tech. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Tablets destroying imagination, you know? That is literally true. Hey. Yeah. Good. Good for toy story. Maybe, maybe toy story six is a fully communist mind. Yeah. It's like, we have, and we have to drink the blood of our tech overlords. Yeah. You know, that would be cool. It flips. Now we're just drinking the blood of the tech. We're like, "Tech one is just two two." We are two one thousandths. It will be interesting to see what all the, "I am really curious about what's going to happen to iPad kids, man." We're about to, like, I think the first generation of iPad kids has become adults and you can tell. You can really know that. No one shakes your hand. Nobody looks at you. It's like they see the world and then it's so nervous, dude, they're so nervous out here. Yeah, it's different. People, you know? Who knows? I'm happy I was outside. Yeah. Yeah. You know what? That's a scary, I mean, you're talking about with your kids who's like, that's a scary thing about like, you know, what the, they're just, the world they know is going to be so much different. Like, this generation of kids is like, so, so different, but, you know, it can be. But it's also like, we don't do like, no iPad, like, we've never allowed our children to have iPads inside of our cars. Look at the fucking window. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Look at the window. Be sad. Be bored. Be sad. Think of something because I'm like, boredom creates imagination. For sure. Like, that is the greatest tool is boredom. And so it is just like a thing where, and like, no rush, like, going to restaurants with kids and you see, like, I came with a fucking thing on with the fucking, with the thing, and they're like, everyone's eating steak free. They're like, what are you doing, dog? Like, some little fucker with fucking headphones, just drinking a bottle. He's way too old. Yeah. Yeah. And headphones obviously just are streaking. And here he is like, dude, everyone does it. Yeah. Totally totally. You know, like, if you just let your kids be kids and just don't let them, like, treat it like it is a gift or treat it like it is a thing where I'm like, the second they get home from school, don't let them just jump on it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Or like something. There's so few outsides. I mean, that's, we're just so fucked where it's like, just every, there's no like, communal places. There's no like, just places to hang out. Like I went to an after school rec center. That shit doesn't, people don't really do that shit. They fucking, but anyway, there's something to growing up poor, because you just like, you have your parents care, something they don't care about you, just they do to overrun. Hmm. I guess that's what it is. It's like, that's a lot of iPad kids are just, like, I bet you if my parents had for, if my mom, there were times when my mom would have gotten that iPad going for work, you know? That was just go outside, like it was, don't get molested and go outside. Do not. Do not. Hey, dude, I was not. I was not a lot of people's houses. I was not a lot. And I think and sometimes I'm like, do my dad get molested? I know. That was so scary. We're protecting you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's adults. And honestly probably, dude, I feel like that was, it was. It was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. It was crazy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, I did. I did. I forget what the fuck I cooked. I cooked a Greek dish and I forget what the fuck I cooked, but I was like going off on like Greeks inventing like anal and like the amount of hate. I was like, I'm getting canceled by Greeks. Greek people. Yeah. I was like, this is incredible. They're very proud. We're very proud, Cole. They don't want to hear any back sass. They don't want to hear any. And it is very funny because they fetishized ancient Greece. They're like, we were, we were fucking, we democracy and we, you know, we, we fucked our soldiers in the strength. Yeah. It's like Alexander the Great was, it was, it was in like bisexual thruples. Yeah. Like he, he would pick up a different concubine of a different ethnicity and sex every two weeks. Yeah. Like the, you can't love both ancient Greece and not love gay shit because it's, that's what the empire. Yeah. Blown on some steam. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Let me hit it. We just clunkered the city. Yeah. All right, boys. Let's suck each other off. Let's go. 69. Yeah, yeah. Get in the, get in the, I bet you they had like the, the, the phalanx or whatever. They have like the, their military, yeah, fucking spearmations, I bet you they had some gay sex formations. Yeah. I bet you could, they could drill. But they were so comfortable. They could be so close to hold that pattern. Totally. Maybe that's how you held the pad. I tell you hold. You want to be in each other. You want to literally, you want like Legos? Yeah. Yeah. Like one Lego, not so strong. Many Legos. Strong. You know? Yeah. That's beautiful. If there's any ancient military historians, let us know, let us know is that right? Is that correct? Yeah. Like, were they together together? Were they inside of each other, ready to conquer the Greek side of good run? I think so. The Spartans were, they were even gayer. Yeah. That's the thing. Everyone thinks Athens was, and 300. Yeah. Yeah. 300 dudes. They would, yeah, they were having fun. That was their body count. Yeah. That was their male. That was their gay body count. They would just feed on each other. It was like, there's no food. Give me protein. They were literally like, all right, get the women, all right, we had kids get the women out of here. Yeah. Just the fellows. We're going to fight and stuff. I think that's great. Yeah. So I mean, we need to get back to that. You do see that in today's. Everyone needs to be pansexual. You know? You see Super Jack gay guys. Yeah. They're basically just living like Spartans. They're getting jacked and they have no use for women. Dude, it's hot. Spartans would love San Francisco. Dude. Like, that's the thing. conservative, like, shittiest Greek, whatever, you know, violent, they would love BK as hell. In fact, if they came, that would be a fun, dude, bring back, go back in time or bring back the Spartans, like all these, like, return. Imagine being made love to by something like that. Yeah. I don't know. You know, that is, yeah. Maybe it's nice. Maybe it's great. Giant, strong, man. Right. Just taking it. Right. You're still secure. I wouldn't want to get fucked. Personally. Yeah. I don't think I'd want to get fucked by them. You know who knows who knows I can't you know, I wonder I wonder what a sport and woman looked like, could I go fuck all the women 'cause they're busy in the barracks? - Yeah. - But what are they? So anyway, let's get military stories and also archeologists. - Yeah, we know archeologists. - You know how they do like the recreation of Jesus and he looks like, you know, just every brown guy. - Yeah. - I would love a recreation of a Spartan woman. - Yeah. - She's probably busted, but, you know, who knows? Well, they're probably, you know, we'll find out. Again, let us know, guys. - Yeah, we wanna know, let us know in the comments. - Yeah. - You can just let us know in the comments. What do you guys think about what we just talked about? - What do you guys think about what we just talked about? I think it's time, Matty, to bring some of the wisdom you've acquired over your years on this earth to our fan base. I don't know if you know, we'll take some calls. We have some voice notes. - Are they live calls? - No, none of their voice mails. - I was like, "Live calls are cool." - No, you can come back for a live call, man. Next time, you know, I'll come up to the farm. We'll fucking build this, we'll do a live call. We do live, those are special, special behind the paywall live calls. - Yes. - It gets a little, you know, you never know what happens on a live call, you can't. - That's on the Patreon. - You can't just let that out. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - What do we got, a little eldest? - Hey, Stavvy. Long time first time, excited to see you here in San Diego. Hey, Stavvy. Long time first time, excited to see you here in San Diego in two weeks. - Wow. - You'll probably hear this after. - That's so funny that I can tell Elders just went to the top of the calls because we never get to a call. I'm not, I haven't even, this guy probably just called in, didn't he? - Yes. - He called in last week. You motherfucker, you came in and just took the first 10 calls. - You didn't listen to any of the good ones. Hi, I'm going to San Diego in two weeks. - No, man. - I got something really good happening in San Diego. - How to do a broad sweep to call some good ones. - Of course, yeah. - Let's see what we got. - This after the show here in San Diego and maybe air it after my problem has already come and gone. So here's the story. Me and some old co-workers is going to be three to five of us, mixed gender group. We're all taking a friend group trip to Germany in August. This thing is I have a crush on one of the friends that I'm going with and I would like to ask her out and put some romantic energy between us. But I don't want to do that and have her not be interested in me and then all of a sudden, on the trip with all the friends, there's like, I've injected weird energy into the group. I'm fine being rejected. So right now, I guess my idea is that I'll just ask towards the tail end of the trip while we're in Germany or I'll ask afterwards. If the only thing I guess I'm really worried about is like, is there a point where I wait too long and the window closes and there's no chance of introducing some romantic industry between us. So let me know what you think. Excited to say hello. Cheers. Okay, this is so nice. Yeah, yeah, it's cute. It is this is a cute guy. This guy is a virgin. Yeah, he does sound. I mean, I'm sure he's made a bunch of noise, but yes, he is. He absolutely has this feels like high school to me. Yeah, this feels like, you know, you have a crush on a girl over time. It's almost like it is a coworker. So romantic and a little it's quaint in a way. The coworker thing is, you know, just call your HR consultant as them right off the top. Yeah, yeah, I mean, look, I think the more you stew on something like this, the more you build it up, the more it is getting weirder, the more, and when you're talking about injecting romantic, whatever, it's like, it's either there it's not, right? Yeah. And so I don't know, man, I think like, I mean, this is going to come out probably. Oh, actually, it's going to come out by the end of the month. This is the weird, this is the rare time we'll actually directly possibly help somebody. Yeah. I think and not just use their, their pain for fodder for our, yeah, for our podcast. Yeah. Um, I don't know, to me, every time I've been in a situation like this, whatever, the quicker the better. Yeah, the quicker the better, eat if you feed, because the the quicker it's just a little hunch of like, oh, I kind of like this person. And when you ask someone out with that energy, it does feel like just a little casual. Like, oh, this isn't a big deal. But the more you build it up, the more you're like, oh, fuck, I gotta do this, I gotta do that. Maybe whatever it's like, the more she'll be able to sense how much it means to you. Whereas like, if you just hit it off of the cute girl somewhere and you're like, hey, would you like to go grab a drink or something after work? Like, and she says, no, it's really not a big deal at all. But the more you build it up and, you know, and also like, if you, you know, if you're a coworker, whatever, but it's like, if you genuinely like this person and you have zero feelings that, like if you're not aware enough to see like they aren't interested in you at all in a weird way, like, have you had a moment? Have you gotten close to each other? Have you had already something? Do you have an inkling that they actually like you in that way? - Right. - Then if they don't, and he's just being completely naive and he's becoming obsessive because that, like it is, like if there isn't, like if there isn't energy, then it's just you thinking about this person. - Right. - And then you begin, like beginning of your trip at the end of your trip, it'll be the, like, if it doesn't happen on your trip, then it ain't happening. - Totally. - Like that's the thing. I'm like, also, like just be cool and have a moment when the moment, you can, if you can't construct a way to get this person to have attention in a way that makes them like you more, try that first. Like create yourself to be attractive, like, you know, mentally, like make them laugh, make them do it. Like how do they see you? - Totally. - You know, and it's just like, I don't know. - Wait till the very end. Wait till you're about to get on the plane and be like, we go on a date when we get home. We just went to Germany, it was really good. - I am, yeah, yeah. - Like what's that? - That's even weirder. - Yeah. I mean, I think that you kind of have two options here where it's like, A, I think if you feel something, you ask someone out in a very casual way, and then there's no, then you absolutely know where you stand. - Yes. - She says, she says, no, great. She says, yes, great. She says, hey, you know, I like you as a friend. I still like to be friends, but I don't like you that way. - Great. Or the other option is kind of like, is a higher difficulty thing in my opinion, which is like, you're kind of trying to get her, your sort of slow playing, trying to create some attraction, trying to like, yeah, I'm gonna say wear her down, but that sounds way more negative than it is, but it's like, you know, I remember this 'cause this is how I got my first girlfriend. I was a coward who slowly put himself out. You almost micro-dose asking a girl out when you're like, when you do something like, oh, we have a little moment, I'm funny, I noticed this laugh, I know whatever, that can work, but the toll it takes on you, I think it's too much. And that's why I think like, and also it's a high degree of difficulty being like a Casanova who picks just the right moment. You're so much better off, in my opinion, casually asking her out, and also being like, 'cause I also was in a situation where like, I, you know, there was somebody who was like, let's say a colleague, and I was very, I was like, listen, I let, you know, I've been feeling like it's, I've had a last time talking to you. Would you like to, you know, would you like to hang out sometime? And I got like, yeah, we can hang out, and I had to be like, I wanna be very clear, I'm trying to hang out with you in a row, I would you like to go on on a date? Like, I don't want it, like, we can be, and that's when I was even like, we can be, if you're not interested, we can be friends, we can hang out in that way, but I want you to know, I see you in this way, if you're interested in that. And that was the first time I ever tried like, almost, almost just super direct. - Yeah. - And that's work for me, you know, when I've just been direct like that, it works, or you just get a, or you just stop thinking about the person. You're like, oh, she doesn't like me, great. I'll find somebody else. So that, I think, I think that's what you have to do personally. Be very direct, but also casual. It's like, hey, I'd love to go grab a drink, whatever, go like, I would love to even like, even more casual, go get fucking coffee, just hang out outside of work in a first date context. And make it very clear, if you're not, if you don't, if you're interested in that, truly no big deal. I still value as a friend, as a coworker, and I'm still, you know, looking forward to it. And then, you know, you just live your life that way, yeah. - Maybe you're, yeah, you're literally going on a vacation. - And that's the other thing, when I will say, I've also had situations where I've just asked girls out directly where, like, when I was younger, when I was first kind of like, oh, let me just ask for what I want. There's been situations where they say no, but I have put myself in their mind as somebody who's a romaniac. - They could come back. - You know what I mean? Like sometimes, and sometimes people do see you as a friend, are kind of surprised that you feel that way. Need jerk, reject it. And then think about it, I'm like, hey, I do kind of get, you know what I mean? And I'm not saying count on that, but I'm just saying you are so much better off in life in general when you're just honest about what you want. When you're honest about what you want and clear and communicative, You will get it so much more than if you like try and put together a scheme and you're you're fucking googling most romantic spots in Dusseldorf to take her to. Like Schnitzel. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Which Schnitzel is a fucking aphrodisiac? Yeah. We're going to drink 400 beers. Yeah. And then I'll talk to her after that. Right. Right. Right. Right. Right. Um, that's my general advice because, you know, it's just because I've been, I have been in both, and it both have worked for me, but I will say it was, I felt a lot better when I just asked the girl out. I love it. I think that's nice. You know, but yeah, you need to free yourself because this is cowardice truly. This is like coming up with the perfect, with the perfect moment is a lie to yourself. Because you don't, you don't think you are good enough to get this girl. So you're trying to build yourself up and, and kind of present a perfect moment that, and you are good enough for who, it might, maybe not for her, but you're good enough for somebody. And the, the quicker you just fucking ask them, the quicker you'll find that person, in my opinion. Um, that's nice. Speaking, you know, as a, as a reformed, as a reformed in sell in my youth, I, I can give you this information. So good luck, I'm rooting for you and listen, maybe you don't date her, maybe you date somebody else, but still you can have a nice time in Germany either way. What else we got? All this. Oh, fuck. What the hell? Shit, dude. Holy fuck. What's going on? [laughs] Wow. Oh, my God. I know. It's time to keep it. That's right. It's the mother fucking asked fucked up question of the week brought to you by the little fuckers at Twisted T. Wow. The twisted zone so close to the 4th of July, when I want to jump in the pool and slurp down these delicious 5% by volume, brewed with real iced tea delights, wow. This makes me want to eat a hot dog as the 4th of July is coming near. I can't wait to drink these on the 4th of July. These will go down smooth on the 4th of July, like they always do, but they'll be extra smooth on the 4th of July. I can't wait to wash down a couple of glycerinos with the twisted tea party pack. Yeah, I'm going to be drinking the rocket pop, which is only available in the party pack and I'm going to be doing it on the 4th of July. 5% per volume, just right. Twisted T is good and also brewed with real iced tea. Keep it twisted. What do we got this week, eldest? What's the twisted ass fucked up as mother fucking question of the week? Hey, stop. Hey, eldest. Hey, yes. Uh, so I'm calling about what he found out that his girlfriend, uh, they've been together I think like four years, he found out that she was cheating on him, I guess. I don't know if it's cheating, it is, but it isn't. Okay. She was talking to dudes online and she had met up with a couple of them for coffee, met up. There was supposed to be like a sugar arrangement thing. I guess. What do you think? Sugar. So whatever, whatever. Long song short. This poor cocksucker's parroting back her talking points to his friend. Wow. It was coffee and it was going to be a sugar say he's so toast. She's lying to your friend. That's the boyfriend. Totally. Not the body. You know, she was saying there's a sugar thing, there was a couple lattes. I don't know. She came home with a new purse. Yeah. If your girl starts getting her fucking nails done, she's got fucking Lou Baton's on brother. There's been an arrangement, but keep going, Eldis. Finding one of the dudes that she was talking to and he was talking up finding one of the dudes that she was talking to and he started messaging him as her from a second hilarious profile. I mean, this is getting cucked on a crazy level. Now, is it, it's not enough to get cucked in the cuck chair? He's like, he's got VR goggles watching his girlfriend get fucked. He's pretending to be her and getting fucked by this guy. That's fucking insane. He's like, do you like it the way I suck your dick? You like it? Man, the way he fucked me last time was so tall. That was awesome, right? Well, we did intercourse outside of my loving relationship. Go ahead. And he said, like, oh, hey, my boyfriend found my old profile, so I had to delete it tomorrow. I'm talking to you on this one session. And he has been getting this dude to send him money. Okay. Respect actually. That's it. Twisting. My friend is keeping it all the way the motherfuck twisted and we respect him for that. Keep going. That's a bit different. Vemma. Yeah. Yeah. True. Suzy 69. And he is now using that money to take the same girlfriend out on dates and on trips and stuff. What? No. I'm pissed. No, I'm pissed off. I was like, 100 dollars off this dude, respect trips for $2,500, I didn't like it. Can I tell him to stop like, is it bad that he's doing this? I don't know. No. He doesn't see an issue with it. He says it's weird. He doesn't see how to say sexual shit to this dude. Wait, he's sexting. He's been making a lot of money. Did he say it's dick's weird? He's doing dick pics. Thank you. I don't know. Did he say it's weird because he's saying sexual stuff? Yes. Yes. He said he's weird. He might be looking at this guy's weird cock. Now here's where I have a problem with it. I'm taking money from the guy who possibly cooked. Now, did the guy fuck your girlfriend or not? If they had a potential arrangement and he didn't fuck, now this is where I get this is villager brain, right? Yeah. Where I'm like, if he fucked my girl, I'll steal from him. Yeah. That's honestly how I feel. But where it pisses me off is to then give the money the girl by himself a fucking pinball machine. Dude. Like, come on. You got cocked. Go to the little Sunday showroom and just have fun. Yeah. Take a fellas to pin, but the fucking paid ball, dude. Yeah. Dude. But I also, I'm like, dude, you should actually be like, hey, why don't we start doing this as a team? Ooh, scary. I mean, this is kind of making me a little kind of horny doing this. Let's just start skimming dudes. You can fuck them a little bit. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I guess that's just pimping. Yeah. I guess that's just that's e pimping yourself. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Using your girlfriend as an avatar for online prostitution. That is so crazy. I guess I have I guarantee that that happens a lot just straight catfish and like of talking to lonely guys and getting money. Totally. Apparently a lot of only fans girls. I think higher dudes. People with a top message. Yeah. Now, what is the ethics of this? I mean, he's keeping it twisted for sure. Oh. He's keeping it all the way twisted. I guess my thing is since we're in a twisted zone where we don't have because logic here, the untwisted logic is break up with this woman. Yeah. Yeah. It's unhealthy. Whatever is happening behind your back. Yeah. And she's probably lying. Yeah. And this woman has turned to your friend insane, right? Like the untwisted logic is break up. Go to therapy. Yeah. Think about why you enjoyed catfishing a man as your girlfriend for $2,500. And then think about why you then brought the money back. How low is this guy's self-esteem? It's low. He is taking money from a guy who might have fucked his girlfriend to buy his girlfriend stuff. That's how little you believe. Just going to Cracker Barrel. Yeah. That would be better to have in pancakes on his dime. I respect more than fucking buying your girl tennis bracelets with it. But I would say in, so the untwisted logic is break up with her, stop doing this. It's immoral. It's unethical. It's doing something wrong to his psyche. The twisted logic is, "Pim, find out if she fucked this guy. If she did, stop giving her his money, keep it for yourself, save up, and then get another apartment." Sure. Get a secondary apartment, then get that person set up a full schedule, just in operation. Get the guy to come, get her to come. Machine gun. Right. Yeah. That would be too twisted. I think murdering them is too twisted. Don't murder. But you could. Don't murder. You're just over the line. Okay. No murder. No murder. But here's what I think. Keep his money by yourself, an excellent twisted tea party pack for the summer. That's the only place you can get the new lemonade and rocket pop flavor, which I was drinking win the next one, the champ. and shit this year, so that's, I would say, save the money, put some of it towards, you know, open an LLC, use the money to start drop shipping, buy a corset, hustler's university. No, just, just like untwisted breakup, go to therapy, keep it just the right amount of twisted and stop buying her stuff and buy yourself stuff, man, this guy might be, this guy might be some kind of pay pig who, if he found out it's a guy pretending, he might even like it more. Who knows? There's some fucking freaks out there, you know? So I would, so those are your two options, yeah, keep it twisted, keep it untwisted. Either way, you and your pals should, you know, go outside on the balcony and crack open a couple ice cold twisted teas. I think we can all agree on that. What do you say, all this? Keep it twisted. That's right. Oh fuck, oh shit, we're exiting the twisted zone and we're back. I like that. Yeah, we have pretty high production value, no, thanks, man. That's good. Yeah, yeah, there's a lot of CG when the people at home don't know, but a lot of CGI went into that. I wasn't even wearing a hat, you put it that in and post, say hi, yeah, yeah, what else we got, Aldi? Okay, so getting straight to it, I have a wife at the dry now and I'm wondering, can I find out if I was buying sex plays with an average size dick man? And why are you asking me? Now I came to this understanding because, yeah, us two, yeah, maybe me, if me and Maddie put both things in her pussy, maybe, maybe, maybe some good work there. Maybe. It's like when you're out of hot dog buns, yeah, so you put two hot dogs in the fucking, in the hamburger bun. Yeah, that's it. That's it. That's true. Well, I came to this understanding because my ass on two separate occasions had told me my pussy was loose. Now, I've been single for three and a half years and there's a man looking to take me out on a date with the intention of potentially being serious. Like I'm hesitant because I've had sex with this man before and his dick was average size. And there's nothing wrong with that, absolutely nothing wrong with that, however, I'm thinking for the both of us. I myself want thick, fat, greasy dick to fill up my walls. All right, chill. And I want my partner to feel like his dick's being gripped. I never want to hear. Right. I lose pussy ever secondhand from my partner. Sure. And what if things go well? What if we end up in a wanted relationship? Will the two of us feel satisfied? Will we feel like stepping out of our relationship? Wow. This might, is the guy who I fucked, but might be serious, dick too small for me to ever love him. It's real, it's your question. But I'd be forced to cheat in some imagined future because this guy's dick is too small. This woman's got great PR. This girl must work in PR or something like she's phrasing these heinous statements very, very under the guise of dual concern for both of you. I know. She is thinking about both sides. And I do, you know what? I'm shitting on you as is the thing, but this is actually, it's important to think through all, you know, everything here. I mean, people do under, people do under like, uh, value, I mean, look, sex is whenever you see a couple and you're like, how the fuck are they together? And it doesn't make any sense. They are fucking so good. Yeah. That, that can paper over. Yeah. So many problems in a relationship. If people fuck good and they have a good sex life. So I get where you're coming from here. Um, is there any more eldest? Am I thinking too narrowly like, are, are there work around around it? Work around it. Um, yeah, give them a kind of a little rich, fill up a magnet with fucking deli ham. What do the work around? Do you want? His dick is his dick. If I might have with a man, I sleep with him, his dick is not curvy. I don't know. Let me know. Sure. Yeah. I mean, look, well, you have, you want to jump? And do you have any thoughts? I have some thoughts as well, but I just think that you should be honest with yourself. And I'm sure there's a lot of guys that would be very compatible with hogs, just like big heavy brothers up to. Yeah. Maybe they can want to train. Well, they're both. Yeah. Yeah. Call be even grids. Yeah. Get be even grids over here. The fucking, uh, yeah, I don't know. I think it's one of those things where I'm just like, like that, it's just like, I like funny guys. I like, you know, I want a bald guy. I want to fucking, you know, I like a fat guy with a hog. I like a skinny guy with a hog. Sure. I think the hog needs to be a part of it. The hog. I think you just need to be like, if that's, if your body is set up to a place where like, you want to be fulfilled, you need to find a guy that you like, personality is second, but I'm sure there is a personality type with a fucking, sure, you know, there's more guys with hogs than not. Sure. Obviously in my mind. I think that everyone has one. I think for me, yeah, every single dude has a hog. Elders is dick is small. Don't worry about that. Okay. Bradley has a hog for sure. Bradley's hog though. Yeah. He's fine. Wow. You see that? You see the foot? Yeah. He's just, you know, just, you know, the quiet confidence of a man with a hog. Yeah. See? Over here. Just be like a hog, hog. To them, it's on coof. Yeah. I know. It's how rich people don't want to talk about money. No. Guys with big, big dicks never want to talk about dick size. Polytics. They don't want to be taxed. They're dick. Yeah, we need to be, we need to redistribute dick inches. The top 1% of dicks have been holding on for too long. Look, I think there's a couple things going on here. Number one, your ex was rude to you, right? Yeah. Telling your girlfriend her pussy's loose. That's crazy. That is crazy. That is crazy. That is a crazy thing to say. Tell her even a one night stay. Even if you encounter someone with that, be like if a woman told you said your dick is so tight. Men's obsession with, with, with like these like tight little vaginas freaks me out. You know, sure. Yeah. I also think, is he even right? Does he even know? Do you, like, have you just taken this man's word for gospel here? Yeah. What do you get some calipers out? Yeah. Go to the foot locker. Get the thing where you put your foot. Yeah, get the thing where you put your foot. You understand? Like, even like, just straight fucking is like so minimal in fucking. Well, that's the thing. I would say number one, you have some hands, fingers, feet, shoes, shoes, put a big toe in there. Yeah. Uh, I think she has some body image issues about her vagina because of a rude comment from an ex. That's nice. I would say number one, medically figure out, literally ask your fucking gynecologist, you know, whatever, figure something out, figure out if this is even true. Number one, number two, let's say you do or don't whatever is, it's not about a guy with a girthy dick. I think it's about you've already fucked this guy. You want to go out with him. You know, if I think you're looking at it the wrong way, it's like, see if you're compatibility with this guy. It's not about some mythical dick or some mythical future. It's like, are you sexually compatible with this guy? Do you like him? There's nothing wrong with giving it a whirl, even though his, his shit is fucking small or whatever. Also, just like work it out. Find a way. Get a strap on. Do something like fucking. Yeah. There's a lot of things that you can do. Well, she might take a Rhino 24k. Sure, sure, sure, sure. I just boosted up. I know. Depending on who the sponsors are for this episode, go to that site and get a tablet and use promo code Stavi. We don't, we're not sure who it is. If it is anybody this, but you know, you know what I'm talking about. Yeah, you've realized that, because there's also, you've been, the great point about there's other stuff and I've been with, I've been with girls who like, they penetrative intercourse of their thing. Other ones like, they like getting, you know, you know, finger popped, whatever. You might just be someone that needs to get pounded. That's okay. That's okay. The reality is you have to be honest with yourself, right? Don't worry about what we have to say. You have to be honest. What do you really like? And by the way, you might, this guy might just not be laying it down. You might find someone with, for whatever reason, you know, hormonal pheromones, whatever the fuck. Maybe he knows how to, what a finger, whatever the fuck. Maybe his shit is small, but shake just right. You might find someone that's, you know, so I think just, I, I don't think, what's the use in making a blanket statement, I guess a point when, when all it comes down to as an individual person, you know, I guess she's already fucked him. Go out on a date, see if you like him, see if the sex is good. You know, if there, if it is great, if it's not break up and keep looking, but you need to, don't ask us. We don't fucking know. We don't have your big pussy. You do. You tell us what that fucking, what that monster needs, you know, like, we can't tell you. So that's, that, that is my, but there's nothing wrong with, I think she's basically looking for permission from someone with a little dick to be like, go fucking guy with a big dick. But we don't, that would actually, I would appreciate that if, if the big pussy'd and the big cock'd, yeah, went somewhere together over there, they're over there. You leave us with the little pussy. see the ladies at like a nice five, five and some change. There's somebody for everybody, there's, there's, you know, there's a door knob for every hand. Absolutely. You know? So you have permission from us to be a size queen if that's what you were looking for. Yeah. Whatever makes you happy. But also don't discount someone solely on cox, that's coxized discrimination. If you like somebody and you're vibing, give it a whirl if it doesn't work, move on. That's all I'm saying. Yeah. And don't comment like, yeah, yeah, yeah, don't let him know his dick's tiny. Don't tell him it shits puny when he's fucking you. Yeah. Or just, yeah, he's moving side, he's fucking like circular at the walls. Yeah. He's like a guy who can't ice skate, he's just sticking to the rim holding onto the walls. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you know, sometimes I think I should have written poetry, you know? Yeah. I think so. It's very good. The ice rink about some girl with a huge pussy. Give us another one, little LD. Hey, stop, eldest guest, big fan. So I am a streamer on Twitch and TikTok small time, streamer. I play mainly in the horror games, scary games, shit like that. Nice. Nice. And I'll get anywhere, if I average anywhere from like 10 to 30 people watching normally. It's obviously not bad for streamers. But about once a month, I will go full cosplay of a certain political figure, current political figure that is pretty easy to impersonate. Oh, no. That was scary. Yeah, really? He's doing the shittiest job you've ever heard in your life and like reacting to zombies. Go two to three hour stream and character and everything. And when I do that, I notice I get anywhere from like a hundred people watching to 1200 people watching. You don't want to be this fucking guy. There are a lot of followers from that and so I guess my predicament is, you know, I'm kind of wondering, do I keep doing those streams as, no, this political figure that gets me a solid amount of followers every time I do it by only get, you know, two to three people that will come to my normal streams. Wow. So what's the problem? Is it worth it to keep doing that and still get, you know, a few people that trickle into the normal streams or do I stick to my normal streams and just try to get a loyal fanbase from that, I guess. I don't necessarily want to be known as the guy who dresses up as a character like this bro is dying over here. I feel like I need to call Stavvy. I got about 10 guys watching me. If I do Trump, I get about a hundred to 1200, do I keep doing this, dude, it's like we're cooked. Yeah. It's like if you're if you're if you're like a woman, you have to do sex work. If you're a man, you have to fucking pretend to be Donald Trump and play fucking resident evil to make money. It's crazy. The truly we're so this is insane. But look, here's my advice to you generally, like, you don't have to just look. You don't want to be the guy who fucking does Trump, you know, whatever, right? Like none of that, you said it yourself, one or two people tops come to your actual streams. I knew a comedian who was like had some heat during the first Trump administration, and I happened to be doing a gig with him, like when Biden was elected, I think. And people were coming up and they were like, huh, it's been fun following your man. Like it was like you're the Trump guy to us. That's all you'll ever be to these people, right? And the guy was a talented comic, he was an interesting guy, you know, whatever. But when you paint yourself into it, and by the way, it's not just obviously Trump's piece of shit and he's a, you know, he should be in jail and we fucking hate him on this podcast. But that's not even what we're talking in a pedophile, by the way, he's best friends with Epstein, you know, a lot of cool stuff, light work, you know, a lot of cool stuff. And but it's not even that. It's like you see it all the time with, I mean, art and entertainment in general right now, where people try a bunch of different things on TikTok or whatever. And then they have like, you know, they'll do like a character's like the horny lunch lady and that goes viral. And then every fucking video from then on is like, oh, these sloppy Joe's are making my pussy wet. You know what, like you don't want to fucking be the guy who orders hair nets for the rest of his life because the algorithm pulled you. It was good. That's the antithesis of art. We're all fucked. I've gone through it. I mean, I stop. I mean, people, if I could be, I could be doing Baltimore fucking Ronnie, like those videos, those, I do these Ravens videos and I've had to stop doing them because that's all certain people. Well, that's all they know me about. And I didn't because I love the Ravens and I love making fun of where I'm from. And when there's, and I'll probably, I don't, I'm not going to do them regularly anymore. Maybe I'll do them in the playoffs. Maybe I'll do them whatever. But it's just like, if I did that and I kept, and I stopped posting crowdwork clips for that reason, the algorithm loved it, but I felt like, you know, it helped me get my first special out there and helped me build the following. But I did what I needed to do with that. And I don't want people to know me just from crowdwork. So it's like, I've stopped. And yeah, my social media following did slow down because I've been working on art. I actually give a fuck about it. But it's like, I don't want to be seen as that guy and I don't, and you don't want to be seen as that guy either. Now, do your current stream suck dick and only get 10 people? Sure. Probably. Can you be doing other stuff? Why did you stop innovating because I'm sure he randomly did Trump one time and it went crazy and this exact same fucking thing happened. Cosplay is somebody else. Do different. Do characters. You wouldn't be embarrassed to make your life's live, you know, your life about. And so be a character from the game or something. Yeah. Do something. Be a dinosaur. Do something. Yeah. I'm not telling you to stop being creative, but you need to find the sweet spot is something that fulfills you artistically and draws eyeballs. Unfortunately, we all have to, one thing about how our culture is degraded is we all have to be our own advertisers. We all have to do like, we have to do marketing as much as we have to do whatever the thing we love is, right? And that sucks to some degree. It would be nice to just be able to get good at something and there'd be an infrastructure for being rewarded for being the best at a thing or a very good at a thing. That doesn't exist. So you're going to have to do, you're going to have to do a little bit of both, right? You're going to have to find something marketable that also doesn't make you want to kill yourself. And hearing you describe it, you hear the dread in this man. There's a lot of dread. Yeah. There's a lot of dread because he's so deathly afraid to go back down to 10 viewers. Yeah. Yeah. He's like, I, but also like, why do you like people watching? Shouldn't the video games be like, maybe just twitch isn't for you. Just play video games. Yeah. Maybe. I'm, even if he wants to do it. Yeah. I'm guessing what I'm saying when I'm telling him is like, just try something like, oh, don't, the thing that's, that gets you the most attention is not the best thing. Yes. That has something happened in our fucking society in the last 20 years where people just think, all I want to do is I want to be famous. I want to be popular. I want to be rich. Not I want to be good at something or, and look, you will have to, you will have to do some things that get eyeballs in eight. I'm not going to say cheap, but in a, in an accessible way, right? But like, yeah, why don't you try and do stuff that are is both? You know what I'm saying? I guess that's what I'm telling him is like, you don't want to be the guy because now you're not creative anymore. You're just, you're the algorithms bitch. The algorithm tells you what's good and you suck its cock when, and it says good boy. Yeah. That's good. Go put on that orange face paint and that shitty blonde wig. You fuck a piece of shit. You want 1200? Put on the fucking wig pussy and you're like, yes, sir, whatever you say. I had these ideas I cared about, but I'm going to fucking throw them in the garbage so I can, you know, talk about, I don't even fucking know anymore. That's the thing. Trump isn't even fun to do anymore. No. He's not even the like weird. He's not energetic. He's fucking. He's shitting himself and taking naps at nix games like he's, it's done. You're being hack and pathetic and you don't even like doing it. Just keep, keep at it. I'm not telling you to quit, but keep applying the creativity to other shit or sell out, be the fucking, the, the Trump guy who does jump scares. I don't know what the fucking tell you. I wouldn't respect that and again, it's not even about Trump. If you were just the guy who does one gimmick over and over again, I wouldn't necessarily respect that. I think, I don't think that's helping you find your voice as a, as a streamer. The fact that we can even say that, I mean, even streaming, pretending streaming as art is brutal, but hey, I'm podcasting. I think it's, it's amazing how earnest you are. I think you're giving me really good information. Yeah. Yeah. I'm like, I'm impressed. Yeah. Sometimes, yeah. Sometimes I just shit like this. It's just like, it pisses me off. I, I do feel the way about all these algorithms is like, yeah, they've completely flattened creativity and it's like everyone I even feel of embarrassed. Like, um, like, uh, censoring words so that it gets picked up in the algorithm, but it's like, you just kind of entire YouTube. Like I'm like, you can't swear in the first like 12 seconds. I was like, I'm already fucked. Like I was like, never, I was never worried about that stuff. Yeah. And I'm happy that I never was. Totally. It's just like, it is scary that people, even at that level are so worried about that. That's a great point. It is like a thing with like nobody watching. And that's what they're thinking about. I'm like, how do they even know about that stuff? And that that's the thing is like the algorithm has made, you know, talking about the algorithm as this thing. Totally. But it is like controlling the nobody. It's probably thousands of people that are doing that. It is, that's the scariest thing is this like, bro, like, break free. Totally. Break free. Go go. And yeah, that's such a good point when you start is when you're supposed to be out of pocket. Yeah. Imagine how much it did come down with a sucked. Dude, if we had to say, you imagine come down censoring things. And if we cared about the algorithm, the only reason that show even worked is because we really did not think we had anything to lose. Yeah, we were just being. And by the way, there's nothing wrong with like starting somewhere. And then like, like we're saying, yeah, you can be a cocaine addict who then ends up in a farm. Yeah. Like, it's fine to be fucking wild. But it's like, yeah, you're right. This is zapping like that initial fun creativity of being. I think we started before. True. You know, like that is just thing. It's just like, I was making stuff before I didn't know it. We never, I never heard the word content. I heard like it never heard. Like content is like this crazy thing. We're like, when you're 17 year old, talking to, I want to be a, I want to make content. It's like, what? What do you want to make you motherfucker? Yeah. That's just your body count videos. Yeah. Yeah. What are your thought daughter? That's why that's why your parents can't immigrate into this fucking, you know, country. It is. They mind immigrated. So I could do fucking immigrated. So I could do fucking podcast. So fucking knows. But yeah, there you go. But don't fuck it. You know, you don't want to be this guy. No, be a different guy. You're better than that. You are. Also, yeah. I feel like we can need to say like there is a, there's, there's, there's a, you know, hot lines you can call if you need help. Yeah. Reach out to somebody. Absolutely. We believe in you though. Maybe I don't know. You might be bad. I don't fucking know. But everyone's bad when they start out though. Just keep trying different shit that doesn't embarrass you. And also you don't want to be playing that fit like your fan base. Like you want those types of people watching you. Maybe you are one of those guys, but it sounds like you're not. Sounds like you're not. But that's the thing. I'm like, yo, you don't want that crowd. It's either those guys or it's guys that are like, yeah, Trump's bad. It's like, those are both like an, you know, although the MSNBC moms, they've ended up being right about everything. The title tales that were, they were actually so right. It's fucking crazy and it sucks. How about something fun to go out on little LD? How about a little update? You remember that oil rig worker who was afraid he got four strippers pregnant. Yes. On a Patreon. And he called in before with another update saying that only three of the kids were his. Well, here's a new update after that. Yeah, we've had quite the odyssey with this guy. Yeah. And also another fun element was like some of his baby moms were racist. Yeah. One was white. One of them was raised and one of them didn't want his children to play with each like he impregnated like Nazi strippers as well. Anyway, this guy's, he is pretty awesome. That's kind of some updates on all aspects. Great, great, great. Yo, what's up? Stop it. You know what it is. I'm finally checking in for the last time. This is your oil rig friend of yours. Excellent. Got the four sex workers pregnant. So long story short, all of the kids were actually mine. hilarious. All the DNA checked out. Maddie shit. Only one of the women got me on child support. The other three they basically are like, yeah, we're going to co-parent. Everyone was asking about the racist fiancee. Yeah, me and her is done. That's actually in jail for a cocaine charge. But we can let that slide. So I've got custody of both kids from her. Oh, yeah. In all my kids lives. Yeah, shit's going good. I'm just checking in. There's the funny part is the motherfuckin bitch trying to tell me it wasn't mine. Fucked around because she got mad. Fucked around and it was. So she sit here looking retarded. But anyway, yeah, man, money good is dude. I got her as I kids mom. You have four kids are the same age, but she's the one who looks fucking dumb. That's so crazy. Good kids are mine. I don't see happy. I'm out here making money. We're about to go back out to the golf here in a little bit. So I'm about to be on the rig for a little bit making money. Their life is fucking awesome. Good for you. Love you, Stabby. But everyone in the over the racist fiancee. That bitch is kicked rocks. I was done. Good. Good. But anyway, love you, bro. We love you, man. Can we send this guy? Whatever amount he said for his children. Text him, though. Let him let him. We got him. We got him. There's got a merch bundle for his children. Six babies. That guy's kind of tight. He's the man. That's you want to talk about glass half full. He's like, my life's sick. I got all these kids. I'm going out to the rig. Make him money. Yo, that racist chick. She's in jail. She got cut slipping on this cocaine charge. It's all right. That's fucking awesome. This guy's the fucking man. She's part of the Aryan sisterhood in jail. She's fine. Oh, man, that's I'm happy for you, man. I'm happy that you that you're happy to have all these kids in your life. Dude, he needs to come on. I know. Honestly, we do. Have we ever called him live or no? We made no fuck. I'd love to get him on a live call with the children. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But truly text him or something else and let him know we got a merch bundle for his brewed packet. Yeah. That's nice. That's beautiful, man. That's that's a beautiful thing to go out. That's like that's a America. That's aspirational. That's good. That's good. I want to get there, dude. I want to get there for real. I would love that. My mom even has kind of given up. She's just like, because now that there's one grandkids. She's greedy. She wants another. Yeah. And she's just like, I was like, so you wouldn't even care if I she was like, what if I was like, well, I don't know if I need do I want to be married. She's like, who cares about that? Like now she wants a grandkids so bad. She's right. She would be thrilled if I popped up. Yeah, we're like, hey, we got a couple sex workers. I got 16 kids at a crazy weekend. You have no idea. I gave you the gift of 16 beautiful multicultural children. You got a beautiful different, all different pages. Yeah, we're going to be on the road a lot. I got to work a lot. I got to get on the road. I've got to get on the rig. Yeah. I'm going to tell you what is a stand up tour? If not kind of being on the rig. Dude, you leave your loved ones to go make money. Me and this guy are not that different. I just haven't busted inside the sex workers. That's our big difference. Yeah. It's a raw doggy them, but respect to you, man. We love you. This is a this is a modern nothing. This is modern family, right? Yeah. I want this is the modern family. I want to watch. Yeah. Yeah. Oh, you had one of that. I love how modern family was two of them were gay and one was a trophy wife. It's like a big fuck. This is a fucking modern family. No, this is exactly why America needs this is the real story that could save America. This is the absolute. This is the story that could say a guy like this being anti racist. Yeah. He's the he's the median American. Yeah. A dirt bag who actually isn't racist, but appears racist. Yeah. Which, you know, you could argue both of us are the same thing. Matty, dude, thank you so much. Love you. This is so huge. Come back anytime. And yeah, we'd love to have you back anytime. I want to I'm going to come up. If you're ever I also just fucking love Toronto truly. So I want to I want to I might be up there in the summer. I don't know, but anytime in New York, hit us up and yeah, go the new season, the bear is out. Go check that out. Toy Story. This motherfucker's in Toy Story. That's fucking hilarious. Watch watch Tom Hanks save him. Yeah. With his voice. And yeah, we'll catch you guys next week. Bye. Bye.