#179 - Bonnie McFarlane

Opa! Welcome everybody to Stobby's World 904-800-STOP. Call in, we'll solve all your problems. On the couch returning is Bonnie McFarlane, beloved Fred, I think, yeah, right there. Beloved Fred, you did like maybe the fourth, you did such an early episode, I'm realizing. Of this? In Astoria, yeah, yeah. I didn't even saw a clip, I thought you didn't post it. I think it was just we didn't know what we were doing when we started, but don't worry. I did get a sandwich. That's right, no sandwich, oh, fuck. And I said, no, eat before you go. You can't rely on that, but I fully expected. Fuck, I feel so bad now. I saw you with the coffee, I was like, and then you drank out of it. Damn, you know, and this is tough because this is just prejudice. I think being vegan is what killed you here. Because I considered just picking up some- You got me a vegan sandwich last time. I know, I'm a piece of shit. You were like so thoughtful. I know, that's when we- Eldest, don't fucking boo me, you piece of shit. No, the last time- The last time I did it, I was so hungry and you let me eat half of it before we started the podcast. I was like, this is a dream. Are you hungry now, Eldest? Can you get on Uber Eats? No, I ate on the way here. I said, I've learned to not- That breaks my heart. I've been very long time. You don't rely on others. Of course, on kindness, even from your friends who are asking you to do a favor because they have to bank a bunch of podcasts before shooting a special. But, you know, I don't know if this is because of who my husband is or just- because I'm like, you know, old. But when men are nice to me, I'm so appreciative. I can't believe it. I can't believe it. I have a joke if I act about it, but a guy put my suitcase in the overhead. And I like started weeping. Because they curled up in his lap. But it is true. I get so like- Because I just think like the way men are, I don't have a- It's like- I always think like if I had a lot of testosterone, I'd probably be acting the same way. Like you're basically just reacting to whatever chemicals are going on in your body. So I understand they're looking for something that I'm not. So then when they do land on me and they're nice, I- Wait, what do you mean they're looking for something? What do you mean they're looking for something that you are not? They can't be nice to someone? I don't know. I always just think like- My dad's an amazing human, by the way. I shouldn't have this thought. Is it because like I am curious because everything about kind of your life says horrible father. No, I know. I know. A woman who gets into stand-up comedy and marries Rich Voss, no disrespect. It seems like her dad abandoned the family. I know it looks like it, but I've thought a lot about it. And it's actually the opposite. It's like I don't have issues with men. My dad's a very nice, kind, funny, like masculine guy. Yeah. And so I don't- I just was like, I just- I know this sounds crazy, but I just, I really like men based on how comedic they are. Yeah, yeah, of course, of course. 90% of the time. It's just like a matching of the minds. Yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. When women are like, oh, he's hot. I don't even know what that is. Interesting, interesting. Like, you know, there's somebody who works at the stand all the time that women are constantly like, oh my God, he's so hot. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I do, I can, I physically see that if I was casting, I would be like, oh my God, he's so hot. He's doing something where you need to hug. But it's not, there's nothing goes, bing, bing. Really? So you were always, wow, that's fascinating. So you're basically the type of woman that is the reason stand-up comedy exists. Yes. It's like, the fact that like someone could impress girls like you, it's like, oh, nice, I guess this is an art form and I'm going to dedicate my life to it. Literally the reason I did stand-up. Like, I mean, obviously I wanted to be funny, but it was like, even growing up when you get it, the only way I got attention was just like being fun. Right. And it's like, and you just continue that. But that is interesting. So you never, you like, what was the first, what was like the first serious relationship you had? What was that guy like? We're talking Canada. He was a bartender, yeah, Canadian, funny. You also grew up like in a barn, basically. Yes. Like, you're, you're, you're, yeah, it's kind of crazy. You guys should read Bonnie's memoir. You're better than me. Because it is, because we had met before I read it, but I didn't know, we weren't like good friends, but at that point anyway, but I was like, oh, let me just, I was also a comedy nerd. And I was like, what the fuck? You're like, you're like, you're literally living in a little house. I was like, is this a joke? It is, it is. I honestly for a second was like, is this a bitch? It's a meta narrative. Yes, yes. Because you grew up like, no, there's like no electricity. No, listen to me. When people like, when people from other cultures. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Are like, we were poor. I'm always like. No, truly. I feel like I can't say I was poor. Because of reading your book. And I grew up in Baltimore in the nineties. And I was like, I had it better than fucking Bonnie. We, it's a different kind of poor. We grew up poor, like, like in the sticks. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Growing our own food. That kind of poor. That's insane. Like 1800s poor. No, you lived, you literally started your life. You're a time traveler, basically. Yes, yes. You're literally a time traveler. And I think it's amazing that people can, like, I'm not a hick. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Not at all. I would have no, you would not expect. My mother is very educated. Right, right, right. Interesting. No, my, it's really, I thought a lot about this. Because my parents, because it's hard to get out of being poor. Yeah, for sure. Like, especially in that kind of thing. Famously. Where they're not like, they're farmers. And my mom's a teacher. Like, they make a certain amount of money. And that's that. And you know, whatever. You're not going to randomly grow eight times. A piece of corn isn't going to go viral. Yes. And lead your corn sales through the roof. Your mom's not going to teach one dumb kid. You're not going to make one dumb kid a genius. Yes. And now she gets. It's a million dollars. Yeah, no. We did pretty well at the county fair a couple of times. Yeah, if you don't have a standout pig, you're fucked. Yeah. If you're a pig, it's so crazy that your life was affected by your livestock's performance at the county fair. Yes, yes, yes. Like, the McFarlanes had a great year when a fucking donkey won. Well, it is weird. Because you go, that's how. Wow, can we have real. Can we have caramel? No. Can we have sugar? Can we have sugar, mom? That is kind of true. On Christmas, everyone just gets a spoonful of maple syrup. Yeah. It's, oh, man, it's not even my birthday, mom. Thanks. But see, this is where, okay, this is where your poorness is projecting. We had all the food we wanted. There was no short, I mean, it was all homemade. Of course. Even the ketchup was homemade. Wow. Everything was homemade. But it was, like, in abundance. We had a lot. Okay, that's cool. I like that. Yeah. And what are we. The poorness was really just, like, we had, my mom made a lot of our clothes. Right. It was, it was. We didn't have running water. That was the biggest thing. I mean, that's insane. I didn't even. For a long time. For a long time. Wow. You have, you literally, you and Eldis, who was an Albanian refugee. Yes. Had this, had a very similar first year of life. Because, because my parents were poor and they, their house burned down before I was born. Then they had to live in a trailer for a while while they were. Right. And so it just took a long time to get it all. Yeah, of course. Going, and they wouldn't, they, my, my parents never had a credit card until probably the 90s. That's awesome. You got to respect that, too, because it is, like, I do, I guess on some level that is, I mean, that's, is that their choice to live that way? Well, because they're, they're, I don't know. It's so weird. They're both from, and what part of Canada are we talking about here? We're talking northern Alberta. Okay. Which is another thing that, like, I mean, obviously people move there before there's electricity. Right. Who moves to the coldest climate and goes, it's nine months of wind, we'll be all right. We'll make it. We'll make it. You got ten toes. You'll be fine. I guess Irish? What the fuck? Where did they come from? Damn. Irish and Scottish. Is this, is this straight potato famine shit where they're like, we'll take you to the tundra? They did not care about being poor. Yeah. They cared about having character. Yeah. Helping. Jesus. You know, they were like those kind of people. That's like a fucking, yeah. Like salt of the earth. That's the kind of like media you're like, you're like the kind of. That's the kind of media like fucking John Wayne was raised on. It describes your father, basically. Like he was reading books about guys like your dad. Like, cause my dad would, he was really good at like, you know, breaking horses and riding horses and stuff. And he would take us sometimes when we were little and put us in front, his arms like this so we wouldn't fall and go round up cows. And it was the scariest thing. Cause the horse would be sometimes like, you'd be like, it's parallel to the ground. It's like going at such a, going so fast. Cause he's like trying to fucking corral the cows. My dad, he was just able to do it, you know? Like, what men are like that now? No, are you kidding me? Like, I married Rich Voss. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Like he fixes everything with electrical tape. Well, if you want to haggle like over a fake silver jewelry, I'm sure you could get, I'm sure if you would go to a pawn shop and want a diamond, a horseshoe pinky ring, Rich could get you a great deal on it. I always think like, why? It is weird. I, I did, you know, and it's not like I was like, well, I guess I'll get married Rich Voss. I was in, I was like, I was like happy to be doing it. I was excited. I wasn't like, well, now or never. The clock's ticking. I guess you were head over heels. But I think it's cause he was so different from my family. Cause also there's no bragging. It's like modesty times a thousand in my family. Okay. So Rich told me on our first date that we ever went on, He goes, I'm an amazing comedian. So basically, you're just gullible. Your family didn't raise you to, like, distrust men or double fact check people's statements. And you're like, oh, wow, I'm marrying the greatest comedian who's ever lived. Well, I will say this. He was really funny. I mean, at the time, I didn't marry the funniest person at that time. Voss is hysterical. Literally, he'll say things that are. And also because you can say anything to him, and it's not going to. There's no being offended. That is actually, in a real way, it's like, because, like, you know, Voss online is one of those where, like, all right, I can't look at this. Yes. Because this isn't the guy I'm friends with. I muted him. This is an insane. I don't. His own wife muted him. I had to mute him. He's not allowed to come and talk. Like, there's certain words that. Because I can't do it for that long. Yeah. Like, he'll tell me things that happened that. Against his people. Okay? And then I really do try to get in a place of, like. Well, let's just say. I understand where he's coming from and all that, but I can only do it for so long. Of course. Well, I will. Let's say much better comedian than geopolitical analyst. We will say that about Rich Voss. It's not even close. He's. I don't want to talk to a joke, but I think he's addicted to his identity. So. I'm beautiful. It's not really his fault. I love it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Okay, Bonnie, save it for actual therapy. Let's get back to you. I don't believe in actual therapy. Okay. Now it's starting to make sense. Well, it's. This kind of craziness that Rich Voss has that I've. Sometimes I want to fix. Okay? Then I go, no. That's. That's. He's built his whole life on this. Right, right, right. This is what makes him funny and who he is. Of course. And so. Also, no disrespect. It's. The clock's. The deadline's taking on any. Making any changes. Believe me, I've had to. I've had some come-to-Jesus moments on that show. Wow. Yeah, that is. Radical acceptance. Here we go. It is really interesting to think about somebody growing up, like. What we're talking about is, like, the pure. It's like. You kind of are making. Your existence is kind of an argument. This is, like, what right-wing Manosphere guys are saying, where it's like, our beautiful farm girls are being tricked by drug-using Jews in the big cities. Crack-addict Jews are stealing our Scotch-Irish farm girls. They're like, keep them in the farm. But I guess it's like. But I do. But because I have that training, like, I. You know, my daughter's now in college, so. Yeah, which is crazy. I literally. I went from doing everything all the time to doing. Doing nothing. Ooh, so this is big. I literally do nothing. We have, like, cleaners come in. I don't make anybody's dinner. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I just make mine. Totally, totally. That's it. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And Rich will sometimes get upset about it, you know, or whatever. But I always. When Rich is upset about the division of labor, I always go. Because he's basically getting upset by. He thinks that he's doing the same amount as me. But really, I was doing so much more. Right, right, right. Do you know what I'm saying? Yes, you were working three jobs. Yes. And then two are gone. And now you have one job. He has one job. But it's like, hey, what the hell? You're working two less jobs. I'm working the same amount of jobs. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, I understand that. But he thinks, like. I always say, like, what if it was, like. Because if I make dinner, then I have to clean it up, too. Yeah, yeah. I go, what if you. I love that you're like, can I fix his fundamental problems? You can't even figure out dishes. I know. Versus you can't even figure out splitting. You can't even figure out splitting dishes and cooking. No, but it is true. He'll argue as hard. Yeah, yeah. about not doing dishes as he will in favor of Netanyahu. He's like. Yeah. That's his real passion. Of course. Just the arguing. Just the. That actually makes someone addicted to arguing. Yeah. genocide is, like, the most high. The most primo shit. Oh, I agree. It's, like, pure uncut rage. And, like, you can really get in deep. And I bet you were saying, a lot of that for a lot of people right now. Oh, that's what I think is happening for a lot of people. They already have the rage inside them. And now they have something they can place it on. Yeah, it's kind of like the extension of, like, road rage was, like, actual physical. Everyone is so isolated. And then when they finally interact, you see these violent outbursts because our society is so fucking atomized and. You don't ever think of yourself in a community. And now it's like we. I guess it is kind of like all this fucking online trolling shit or just arguing is an extension of that. Everyone is even. It's even more than road rage. You don't even see the person in your car. You're just on your phone, on your fucking computer. But it's the same thing where it's like, let's up the stakes. Yeah. Let's go from, like, you know, a fender bender to pulling a gun out on the highway. And now it's like, let's accuse these people of being rapists. Yes. And, by the way, a lot of them actually are. That's kind of the. That's the hard part. I know. Is when you're arguing with literal pedophile apologists. And you're like, fuck. I mean, I don't know what to tell you, man. You're on the side of pure. evil but that's neither here nor there let's talk do you ever get the desire to we went through a lot do you ever get the desire you ever get the desire to like make a apple pie all day like it's bad like you're seven you know i do do some soups i love that yeah you know i mean my family uh stopped speaking to me when i went vegan but um yeah i mean there's no way to even get when did you even conceptualize vegetarianism because oh no very early oh really this is because you're on a farm and you're falling in love with the animals i was in charge of every i don't know because i wanted my dad's approval i guess i would always um choose to kill the chickens that would be also i didn't like chickens okay me neither so you have to cut the heads off chickens so i would do that and i remember like sort of like dealing with some internal conflicts and this is how old are you i'm probably between 8 and and 15 is awesome okay a a fucking eight-year-old getting a fucking machete down on a chicken's neck it's so easy you you get a a wire coat hanger and you straighten it and then you put it like a hook on it like you're gonna get a car door open and then you go in and it'll grab one of the legs right so you go in like that and it get the leg gets in and can't get out and then you just throw it down on the block and then your other hand so you throw it down yeah this little axe boom hell yeah and sometimes you miss and you just get half their head oh no things get ugly and chicken brains must be small as hell huh and uh yeah they're gotta be so little they're disgusting animals they're so i can't believe people eat them it's well they're pretty tasty but yeah they are gross they're full of like lice and grossness um yeah and they flap around and everything gets so but so so but you so then the first thing okay so then one time i said so you were grossed out by the chicken is that why you didn't no at that time i wasn't really gross out of just was like thinking about things and i remember at dinner i don't even remember why i brought it up i just said one time and it was probably like 10 or 11 i said uh i go isn't it weird that we haven't evolved by the way i'm eating meat at this time yeah yeah i go isn't it weird that we didn't evolve past eating meat yeah and it was like i just told the whole family they're like you're this evolution is not real yeah read the bible yeah yeah yeah it was like this is our lively so that really meat eating are you serious about them not uh not they cut you off when you didn't but they were pissed at you um you must have always been the weird one in the family right does everybody else everybody else still on the farm what are they doing yeah they live in canada they're very like my sister works uh she's the head of a charity and my sister is on the school board or whatever yeah they're they're they're very successful yeah yeah in uh and they still like they plant garden they're very yeah my they're always sending these pictures it's so funny they always send these pictures of like they'll make like 80 jars of like tomato something or a salsa and you know send the pictures of all the jars neatly done you're like oh that took days yeah yeah but they got salsa for the year yeah but they do it all the time then the next weekend it'll be pickles it'll be whatever and you know yeah there is something to just like you guys looked at my stories sometimes i bought new shoes i didn't make them at all i could if something happens to them i'm fucked uh but i sometimes i do think the happiest you are is when you're just kind of like filling your time up with it and you're like oh my god i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so happy i'm so existing yes and filling your time up with like just having doing everything you're doing the best way you can and not worrying about what comes next and like you know what this consciousness podcast is talking about that the best thing because they're saying consciousness is outside of your body or at least that's a working theory that they have and so you've got a your brain is actually just a uh like it what do you call it like it like a radio like it just an antenna yes it just picks up it picks up conscious the thoughts and the consciousness so the best place from fucking where where the fuck is my consciousness it's here it's all over It's all over. It's just that, it's because like, have you ever done ayahuasca or anything? No, I've done mushrooms, but nothing. Well, they're saying like, basically you're somewhere, you have a very small hole opening for consciousness because you're, you can't handle it. You can't handle all the consciousness. I love, I love. You can't handle everything. You can only just see what you're. Just a little bit. Just a little bit. Instead of having, you're talking about being essentially an omniscient narrator for the entirety of existence. We would, our brains would explode if we had that ability. Yeah, you couldn't get all the information. So they give us one POV. But then when you take ayahuasca or mushrooms, it opens it a little bit more. So that's why there's more colors. It's poppers for your brain. Or you can see other entities or whatever, because it's, it's not one place at a time. It's everything is everything. Oh, it's everything that's ever happened. Yes. Interesting. I don't think that is true at all. Or I don't really follow. It's fun to think about. But I just think we just have something in our brain. You know, don't you think when you're on stage, because this is the only reason I'm interested is just because I'm always like for the craft with standup. Yeah. I mean, the only reason I'm spiritual is because it, it mirrors stuff that you do on stage. It's so fucking funny. And I mean, you talk about how you're attracted to like people who are funny and like all you see, you're thinking about spirituality because of standup. And I want to make fun of you, but I made the exact same way where it's like, where you're like, I'm not going to be a comedian. I'm going to be a comedian. I think like how much, and we're making fun of Rich for his being an identity, but it's like my identity is comedian. Yes. Straight up. The more I think about it, the more I'm getting these, you know, it's like, what do I want to be? What do I want to do? And I'm like, I really just want to, I just, I'll do other shit. You put me in more fucking Oscar movies. I'll be in more Oscar movies. With fun people. But what I love and what I think about is standup. And it is very funny because I've had that same thought about like. Not, I mentioned to hear your take about the like consciousness thing, but for me, it's more about standup has opened me up to energy. Like, because I do think sometimes, especially on this hour, which by now has been recorded and we're very happy with it. No tags, please. It all went great. Everything, no problems whatsoever. You know where it was recorded the next day, somebody goes, hey, I thought of a tag where that show was. I'm so pissed. Yeah. I will kill you. It sucks because also something has happened to me now where. I'm done. Like we went on this bus run and okay. In actuality, we'll be, we'll level with you folks. This comes out right after the special. So it doesn't really matter. Um, uh, I were about to do the special and I, I just went on a bus run and the last day of the last bus run, I was like, I love the order. I love everything. Like, this is great. Or maybe like there was three, the second to last show. I was like locked in. This is exactly how I want to do it. Maybe up, you know, obviously you play. With wording here or there, but I'm like, it's locked in. And the second I locked it in and I was like, I'm committed to this. It was the most fun thing in the world. And it became fun again. Yes. And I'm like, wait, I have to record this and never do it again. Like it's, it's, we've just, I've just started. Now I'm in a place of fun with it where it's like, I know it works. And now it's like, let's explore. Let's see. And I'm like, I know if I have even two more months, it would be better, but you can't, you'll drive yourself crazy constantly, you know? But yeah, anyway. So I, I really have gotten onto that words. I'm like, cause like I, I, some of the, the, the hours gotten so much better in the last two weeks. And it's not even about, it's really about how I say certain things or my facial expressions or how quickly coming off the end of another joke I get into, or the way I get into my setup. The setups, everything in between everything. And it's like, and it's just like, I'm like this, if I read these words and this is me, it's not like we're, I'm giving somebody else do my. Act just me by degrees. This much has made the hour so much better. And I'm like, and that's a, that's a thousand people. It's not like I'm like kind of pushing one person's button. A collective crowd has some kind of identity, which is bizarre. All that can be is energy. And I'm like that. Yeah. So anyway, that is because the energy of you going, ah, yeah, got it. That projects to them somehow. I know it just, it just has opened me up to like being like, to, and thinking many things that we don't, that we think are inconsequential matters so, so much. And we have no idea about what actually matters. That's why I think like, don't, I mean, I have a joke about it in my act, but it's like, don't talk about your trauma so much. Cause that trauma leakage is what art is. You know what I mean? So just let it, let it out. Yeah. I really try to let my subconscious cause you're like, if you ever read a joke and you use the word cabbage for no fucking reason, do you know what I mean? Or whatever. And it gets a huge laugh. And then later you think about it and you go, why am I saying that? Let me put something in that actually makes sense in some way. And then it never gets the laugh. It's cause your subconscious knows what it's doing at times, you know? So. Yeah. Subconscious is a whole other thing that I think I really believe in that. This is what I think happens on stage when you're doing crowd work. Like I'm as interested to find out what's going to come out as anyone. Like, I don't know what's happening. I'm not sitting there thinking like, I'm going to talk to this person. I'm going to ask him what his job is. He's going to tell me construction. And then I have these three jokes. So I'm going to say about construction. I've no idea what's going to happen. And I don't, I'm not scared of it and I don't care if it works or not. Exactly. So then it's like easy to just go in there and just let this thing do its job. Does that? I know I sound like I'm so crazy. No, I actually know what you mean on this where I think in particular, cause I'm the same way with crowd work. It's like sometimes shit just doesn't work, but that's not, I'm not looking to kill. I'm looking to have an interesting interaction with someone. And if you're, and there's something, there's something interesting from a performance standpoint for the audience, I think, or just again, energetically where it's like, we are all, cause the fun of standup usually is, or a joke is just, you trick, it's basically a trick. Right. People think it's going one way, it goes another way. Yes. Right. We're all, we're all now eligible to be tricked or delighted or surprised. Even me, it does become, even the performer, when I say me, it does become like a collective thing where now we're all waiting to see what happens. And that's kind of fun. Right. Maybe that's, maybe that's a little bit of the secret to the fucking, why a bunch of my bullshit crowd work stuff was going viral the, you know, two or three years ago. Cause it was, that was the energy for me. It was like, let's see what the fuck happens with this lunatic. You know, but online I do see a certain thing that works and it's like, now I'm going to get, am I too crazy? No, it's all good. Go crazy. I could see like, I can tell they're sending me subliminal messages through their crowd work clips. They're telling me, I need to assassinate Benjamin Netanyahu. I'm going to go with the rich to Israel. I'm what they call the honey pot or whatever. I don't know if you're going to beat Israel at the honey pot game. They got, they got that boy cash Patel in a fucking blender right now. He's drunk as fuck. He's fucking his Mossad issued girlfriend and they can't find him anywhere. Anyway, whatever. What's the insane thing you were going to say? No, I don't remember. That's okay. I don't remember what we're talking about, but it's interesting though, because what you're talking about is you kind of have, it almost feels like almost like benevolent rebellion where it doesn't seem like you're, you were, were you like a fuck you mom and dad kid when you left? Or were you just like, you know what? I want to go to a city. Yes, I was definitely like, I wasn't like, fuck you mom and dad, but I did spend a lot of time. They were angry at me a lot. Of course they didn't understand you probably bringing up like, why did you guys choose this? Like I didn't understand. Like I love my parents. I really do. And I always have. They're very, they're lovely, lovely people. But they were born there, right? Or no? Well, they, they were born into this kind of life, but they moved from Saskatchewan to Alberta. And Saskatchewan was like the happening metropolis. Well, people, that's the one that you wish you grew up in. Yes. That's fucking crazy. They, cause Saskatchewan was like a farming, it was Southern Saskatchewan. It was a little warmer and it was a farming community. We moved to like, the Miami of Canada, Saskatchewan. Yes. Yes. Yes. It gets up to zero. Yes. It gets up to zero here. I'm in my short sleeves. Yes. I don't know. They like hard things. They're, I guess they, they feel good about like we, and I wrote, I wrote about this in my book. Of course, check it out. They would play the, we play board games. Uh, after a long day of work. And a lot of times we had a lot of board games to choose from, but a lot of times whoever was in charge of choosing the board game would choose the game farm. Okay. So you're literally farming all day. I would be like, what guys, what are we doing? And they'd be like, do you want to sell your pigs or not? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And it's like, I just had this, I always think of like, I have like an irony detector or something. And then like, I would bring stuff up. That is funny. Yeah. Yeah. To be like, you don't understand. This is objectively funny that we just milked cows for fucking 12 hours. And now we're rolling a dice to see how many cows we milked. How many fake cows we milked. Yeah. But they were just there. But again, I guess it's like, uh, that is how most people lived for until now. I think they like to make their world small. Then it feels safe. and you know those things, and you're very like-- - But also, it's safer, but it's also safer. what we're doing with comedy i i envy that like there is something to that where i'm like wait that is just how you should live right it really because because even the the and maybe it's a cop-out for how much we see where it's like being aware of what everyone in the world is doing is so clearly bad for you right and it's like what is and then you get into these existential questions of what is the purpose of existence yeah and it's like is it just to have a fucking to just raise because on some level you could say that exactly how your parents lived or chose to live because it sounds like it was a uh conscious decision to almost to go back to kind of turn the clocks back and be like to be we don't appreciate how society is going but my dad would have my dad was the primary engine for that he wanted to live off the grid he didn't want government taking his guns yeah yeah you know like and you see you understand that because you're just like especially when you're in a situation where you're in a situation where you're in a situation you know even as somebody who i think i would probably like to do a simpler version of a more communal style of living like i like but but i'd like to go back to something more you know kind of more simple but it's like you get what you get where that's coming from because you're dead like you said you report but you had food you did everything you needed to do you could do without you know without and you had to learn this lesson of like well you just had to like there was no harder than you'd normally try because the weather was just going to be what the weather was do you know what i mean so you just had to be like well if it doesn't freeze early we'll be able to go on vacation you know what i mean or whatever there's no ifs there's just what is yes there is no working in theoreticals there's just we have to get these things done yes and i think that's a freeing thing there is there's the argument that we just have having anxiety is fake you know because it's like we never should be in a position to think for longer than you know an hour because most of people don't think and that's why they get anxiety too like i you know i was thinking about the other day like you just never see anyone sitting around thinking yeah you never see it like and i was thinking like it's kind of funny because if you did see you'd be like wow that's amazing like that person just sitting there philosopher yes but in the olden days people would be like get up and do something the way now watching a movie feels like being like oh i'm off my phone yes i watched a bigger screen like you could just sit there and do nothing and people are like wow but that's true people sit on planes now and they raw dog the raw dog i don't appreciate that i i love a plane because it's it feels like the one place you're allowed to turn yes that's what i just scroll i scroll play i love getting stupid mini games like like playing you know plants versus zombies or like some kind of bullshit game um water sort water sort okay i'll check it out but i but yeah i don't know there is sometimes i do think i think my like my fake idealized version of simple stuff is like beachside right like you know island greek island like just fucking fishing you know what i mean but i know i what i'm imagining is basically a vacation it's not when you actually have to live that way it sounds horrible okay but my dad loved it like his passion was getting up being with animals like yeah yeah yeah you know tasting the dirt to see what the acidity was or whatever the fuck he did you know what i mean there's like he just he really loved it so it wasn't really work to him in that way it was just being like people will pay you know that in my town um my my friend sent her daughter to this thing where you pay to go work on a farm i was like i gotta tell my your parents will be like are you fucking kidding me but it's like because because we do actually like crave that it's like you said before when you're just doing something sort of like with your hands and your brain's going like even just walking your dog in the woods yeah it's like it's it's so therapeutic but even my version of like i kind of there was like a period of the pandemic that i liked because you kind of had once you could go outside again and you could shop again right it became it became like it was like a period of the pandemic that i liked because you kind of had once you could go outside again and you could shop again right it became it became like fill up your days with meaning instead of going crazy yes and i i you there was like a six month period where i lived like a housewife from the 40s where i went to i went to the butcher i went to the fresh produce market i i cleaned every i woke up every morning i cleaned actually do you know what i mean and i planned out my stuff and i worked like and i was just like i even though shopping for the day took me three hours because i went to fucking the i walked across the entire neighborhood i could have gone to a supermarket i could have ordered if we're being honest right but it was like i that that's as close as i'll ever get to farming is going to three different stores for fucking going to the farmers going to two different farmers markets to me counts as farming as working the earth as opposed to just being like 40 chicken wings you know like like to me those that felt like me reconnecting so i guess it's all relative if you're a but i do think that's like something totally whatever your version of it is i think everybody want to kind of wants to go to turn it back a little bit yeah i think we're at the first point in society and hit in like well i don't know this is uh what's podcasting for than making completely yes insane claims you haven't even thought about for one second you're just on a roll with your friend in your living room you know what i think about society about this yeah but i think we're at the first and maybe this is not true because may there were probably people who were scared of the future but at least for me and maybe there's just getting old i don't know it does feel like the future is scary or when people think of the future kind of across the board no one's that pumped yeah like there's not like the there's no optimism there's no like like when i was growing up i was like we're gonna have fucking flying cars and yes right and computers that and we can have a base on the moon yeah yeah and now it's like and now it's like oh um actually you never even have to have conscious thought you can just ask yes your phone will tell you you're handsome and a genius yes and it will order your food for you and it'll take it'll take that pesky problem of thought of con of con you want to talk about consciousness now people are surrendering their consciousness right right to a shitty one thing it's not even working it's not even working it's like it doesn't do anything anyway so it's like i do feel like there is a huge across the board no matter who what type of person you are because i feel like i want to become a luddite and i'm uh i've lived in a city my whole i've lived in baltimore and i moved to new york and even when i could have left and gone anywhere like last year i was like no fuck it i'm staying in new york because i love because i thought about any place i could i wanted to live in america back home austin la wherever the fuck and i was like no it's expensive but i fucking love it i love being around this many people yes but even me somebody who objectively would die if the career if the grid collapses i'm not farming i'm not doing anything even i want to be like i need to go fucking be in the nature for like you gotta get a little nature we should i think i should have to earn something like i should have to at least cook my meal i should at least have to go buy it you know what i mean even if i'm not fucking you know farming or whatever but i don't know i do think i i mean this is crazy because i'm a vegan but i think like if i think people should have to go kill their own food every once in a while i agree i just think like you need that connection of what you're doing because like the chicken wings thing i think about this it's like people will order a fucking plate of chicken wings and eat four of them and i'm like that's 15 fucking chickens right now i'm like i'm not gonna eat four of them i'm not gonna eat four of them right there that you just killed for what so you could just have the smell at your table how many between me and elders there have been there have been evenings where 80 chickens have died to feed our to feed me and my friends and you're not thinking about it no and i'm not saying don't i'm not telling anyone to eat meat or not eat meat that's not my thing i'm just saying like just think about it once in a while like this is this was a living thing like at least have appreciation you're like that's giving your brain some juice that it needs to go out in the world and do some good or something of course yeah yeah i don't know to do some good i know yeah yeah i uh it is an astounding number of i think that's why uh i think and you know what's funny though i looked into this i think even worse than that is chicken feet because in china it crushes chicken feet and i think that's part of i was reading something again we're just doing classic podcasting where it's like i think i remember this where it's like even part of why chicken wings are viable is because there's so much waste from chicken feet that they kind of go hand in hand where it's like chinese people love chicken feet the way we fucking crush wings wow and and what do we got there producer elders anything god forbid you fucking know how to google you piece of shit it is so weird when you're like what is the most common food it's chicken feet yeah yeah it's just not them yeah america is not driving that i mean they still eat dog meat in certain yeah yeah yeah i remember it's it's fucking crazy um but i don't see i don't see like people won't eat dog because they have they have a dog in their house or in their life they go oh that's delicious i would eat dog i don't fucking care well people always say that they go i can't stop eating meat it's so good i'm like what a baby tasted that good would you eat it i mean probably a lot of people apparently i mean our society is run by people who would fuck babies is it is eat that much like truly when you start fucking babies is that's crazy that much different it's funny i mean And we are just ruled by them and there's nothing we can do about it. Like still right now, they're just not releasing the full Epstein file. I think, I don't get why any of it got released at all. If the elites are in charge, why would they let it go to this level even? Because they're trying to, what the fuck are they covering up? I think they're using like, we're all pedophiles as the distraction. I know, I know, I know. I know, sometimes I'm like, because there's also, you'll just see online where it's like, another scientist has been killed. And again, I don't know if that's true or not. I know, I don't do any research. I've done no research. These are all actors, I guess they are. But how funny would it be if Trump was like a martyr who had to pretend to be a pedophile to save us from an alien invasion or something? Like what if they're, because they keep talking about people who've made connections to aliens, keep getting killed. It's like, what if they are just hiding some crazy shit? But I just think it's not that, if they could hide all of it, they would. I just think there is some still semblance of, like there's this much journalism and this much investigation in this country. Savannah Guthrie can't tell us what happened to her mom. That's true. I mean, I've been making a joke about it, but it's like, why is she allowed to still be a journalist? Yeah, that is true. I mean, that happened in your immediate family. If you went to a chef's house and they made you a shitty peanut butter and jelly, you'd be like, I'm not coming to your restaurant. Yeah, come on, man. Can't even figure this shit out. No, I think it's, I think, I don't think they do any journalism-ing anymore. There's very little. And the minute. The minute that you get close to something, they shut you down. You go on Instagram, you go, I could be unalived. And I think it's fascinating, too, that they say unalived. They're not scared of telling secrets, but they're scared of the algorithm. Yeah, the traffic. They can't not, I'll get killed by the government, but if the algorithm doesn't. I can't get a dip in my fucking ad revenue. At the end of the day, I just, look, I'll die for this, but I'm not, I will not have a hit in my traffic. I sold a lot of ads. This month. Yeah, I mean, I do really resent how they basically have tricked us all into just censoring ourselves. And that's another problem with putting all, depending on the internet. And I'm trying to figure out, I mean, that's why live performance is still the best. And I do, I want to do certain stuff that never goes online. I think I do want to do some stuff that's. I think, like, putting your phone in a bag and doing stand-up is the best. The bag is nice. It's not even just to not be recorded. It's just, now you know you can't. Look at your phone. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, now that's done. There is definitely a different energy to those bagged shows. Yeah. I will say. But, yeah, I don't know. It's, the, like. And I love using the N-word. Yeah, when it's bagged up. Bonnie lets it fly. The minute I hear that there's bags. Boom. Put some blackface half of it in. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, of course. To do your closer. To do your two, your Fox Nation. Your Fox Nation, your stand-up special. Gutfeld. Gutfeld. What, yeah, what, fucking Rob, our boy, the animal. Rob. Oh, Rob. Rob Snyder. Rob Snyder. Yeah, yeah. They're putting some heat. He took a pretty big hit, even from the right. Yeah, yeah. They're like, he's not, no. We don't think he's funny either. Wow, dude, that's tough. I know. Watching Gutfeld's awesome because it's like, you're basically like, everyone here is just pretending. This is funny. Everyone involved is like, we all know this sucks. But old, because I met, I met my first ever true Gutfeld listener, and it made so much sense who these people are. Okay, who are they? Because, so I was, so this, this Christmas I went on, like, I was like, I was, I had like a, you know, I've been struggling with my health for my whole life, basically, like, and I had gotten, I was very stressed out. The fall was much more stressful than I thought I was going to be. I wanted to lose a bunch of weight. I wanted to get way healthier this fall. And I just had to. I had too much shit going on. And so I was like, all right, for the holidays, I'm going to this, like, health retreat. I'm just gonna, you know, I'll see my family before, but the holidays always fuck me up. I always get too high. I eat like shit. So Christmas through New Year's, I'm going to, like, this fancy, like, health retreat in Arizona, right? And it was nice. Sedona? It was like, it was, no, I don't remember. It was like in Tucson. But it was nice. And it was exactly what I needed. And it was like very meditative. You want to talk about no phone? I was going on these. I was going on these long walks. I didn't. It wasn't silent, but it was like, I just put my phone away. I journal. I was met. I got into meditate. I had a great time. But you think about who the other people at a, you know, holiday health retreat are. Yeah. And it's mostly because this was like one of those. It's mostly old people who like kind of are retired and kind of live there now. Right. Oh. So you would get like, you get like old people and then like their young relatives. It's cheaper than a. Well, they're just so rich. I know. Yeah. You know, you're like all people. They take cruises for the rest of their life because it's cheaper. Basically. No, no. This is basically a cruise for them. A cruise on land. Yeah. Right. Where it's like the things dry. And I had a great time. It was like it was like camp, but you could do whatever you wanted whenever. Right. As a little kid, when you're like, I'll go to the swimming pool and then I'll get lunch. I'll get a snack and then I'll go, you know, whatever. What was the food like? It was fucking great. It was healthy and good. Right. So that's kind of their whole thing is like it's a vacation, but you actually can't be healthy. There's no staff that just did that for you. It was. Yeah. Like, like, like making you Gwyneth Paltrow style food every day. That's that is the that's really is the like, I got to get to that level. Yes. I got to get to like the fucking I got to have somebody just cook me healthy shit. But and most of it was like old ass motherfuckers and like their family would come and visit or you would get the occasional like old guy in an obvious sugar baby. Like, you know what I mean? Like you get you get some of that. But that was I was or you would get the only other single. People were like newly divorced, like, you know, women who like girl bosses who were trying to get their life back together, who were trying to lean in and have it all. And it went bad. And now they're trying to put the pieces together. But anyway, good for them. Met some great people, whatever. And there was one old guy who was so fucking annoying and he wouldn't shut the fuck up. And he's like and he's like, oh, you look like he told some black guy that he looks like Titus. Oh, God. And I was like, who? And he was like, you know, Titus from the Gutfeld program. And then he starts talking about how much he loves Gutfeld. I didn't even know who the Titus was. I just knew it was racist. Some professional wrestler, I think, or whatever. Some fucking guy on there. I don't I don't. I think he's a Fox News personality. Anyway, this guy over the course of this discussion made it very clear he was a really big Gutfeld fan. But also he had. That is kind of an odd pairing. He's like he's an 80 year old, like super. And then I'm like, who the fuck? And he was so annoying and fucking, you know, and like insulting people telling me, you know, I'm going to cut and lose some weight. I barely know this guy. I'm literally in a waiting room with this guy. And he's like sexually harassing the way. Oh, my God. Nurses. He's fucking telling me, you know, tell me I'm literally making a comment on everyone talking about how, you know, what a good time he had serving in the Navy. And it's like, you know, 60 years ago. And then and I'm like, this guy's fucking annoying. And then he starts talking about, you know, he's talking to the one nurse who's like humoring him. And he's like, you know, you know why we're here. You know, we we. Begged our children to come visit us for Christmas. But another Christmas, they wouldn't come. Then we said, well, why don't we take you guys on vacation? We'll pay for a vacation. We'll do whatever. And it was like and then it was like, well, so nobody wanted to spend time with us. So we just figured we'd spend Christmas here. And it was like, so Gutfeld fans, what Gutfeld is, is basically just like daycare programming. Oh, my God. The abandoned elder for the elderly that are so concerned. They've turned off their entire family and it's like all they have is. And it's just this family. Now it's just noise. That guy doesn't have a sense of humor. Right. And it's like that whole show is like, let's pretend. Let's do all the signifiers of late night TV. And let's say highest watch show. But it's like the people watching it are sundowning. There's not a single person who watches it. And they're and they only go to be like, we went to. They go to own the libs. It's all like, yeah, everything is participatory. There's no. There's no doing culture because you enjoy it. Right. It used to be even fucking conservative people would watch a gay show or something. Right. Right. They'd watch. No, no. It's become. They'd love Liberace or whatever. It's like, wow. You know what? It doesn't matter. This shit's fucking boring. Nobody really gives a fuck about us talking about. I know. It's like I'm the least informed person on the planet. Yeah. Yeah. By the way, I feel like I flex with people like I don't know stuff. I feel like I don't know. I don't know that. I don't know about that. I haven't been on my phone. Okay. I don't care at all. Actually, I've been reading books. I just think it's baseline bad when we're clearly do it where we clearly don't even where we barely adhere to the Constitution, which I don't even give a fuck about. That's the other thing. You're making me care about the fucking Constitution. I know. I don't fucking care. Don't make me bring up stupid shit. But it's like anyway, and it was actually I'm going to stop. Why don't we just do what we want? Like, why don't we just do what we want? What do you mean by that? Like, why doesn't everyone just do what they want? I don't get like, yes, like I'm amazed even in driving that people I would say almost everyone is there's a couple of fucking assholes that drive on the shoulder. But look at how many people, even assholes, even jerks, they're not driving on the sidewalk. Yeah. I mean, I just think I think you're just doing what society tells you to do all the time. Why? If we all just start driving where we want it, they wouldn't be able to do anything about it. I'm not saying it's a good. - Yes. But I'm just saying, like, it's so weird. We're in a thing where we could just do whatever we want. But that's, I think, yeah, I mean, that's a positive. It's like you could go into a grocery store and just fucking, you know what I mean? Like, go in there and be like, fuck you. Well, I do. Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure. I only have empty bags when I leave. Yeah, yeah. I like a little snack from the hot bar. Yeah. But there's something nice about that where it's like I do think humans have the ability to actually be communal. Yes. And that's truly the actual solution is like just, like, everyone is just so, we've been isolated by, you know, like nobody wants you to be in a actual livable community. There's no public transit. There's no actual cities in America. There's no communal spaces. American culture basically tells you you've got to leave your family the second you turn 18. Yes. It's a culture that over the last 30 years has been completely atomized and made us all feel like, you know, single people. And it's like, you know, you're a person who's, you'd have no empathy for somebody that's different than you. Right. And it's like, but when you put people together. Yes. It works. Yes. People like being around each other. People like, you know, communal caring about their neighbors. I think stand-up is so important. I know this sounds absolutely batshit, but because people don't go to movies really anymore. It's like movies are being made for very specific audiences. Yeah, yeah. True, true. That's good. But stand-up, a lot of times, like, if you're just, like, if you're performing in the stand, you're the first thing that hasn't, that they haven't done. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That they haven't attracted. Yeah, that's true. Do you know what I mean? That is true. Like, your ideas are, it's like a chance to hear something they don't normally hear. And it's in person, and it's completely. And it's with other people who are laughing and responding, and they're like, I just think it's not, it used to happen a lot more often where people would get together and exchange ideas and laugh, and now it's very segregated in a way. I know. And even just like, yeah, that is true. We've backed into kind of being, even making comedy movies again, it's like, I think that's, I think it's a fun collective experience where it's like going into a fucking theater and like, and like laughing with other people. There's, there's something that like, even when I'm, if I look at a comment, like, you know, I was watching this cooking thing and this girl, she went to put oil in and she had a bowl of oil and she put it in. And then I just was like, it's gotta be bowl of oil comments. And they're all bowl of oil comments. And it made me feel good. It's like, oh, humanity, we're all together on this. Like. We all noticed the bowl of oil. And I was like, I felt connected, you know? I feel no connection on, with comments or like, that to me doesn't feel like being with people. Sometimes I read a comment that's so funny and I just go, wow. Like, there's just like funny people out there. Yeah, but it just, I would rather have that interaction. Of course. And that's why also, and maybe that's why streaming is now so big is because it's the only way to make it feel like there's actual people there. Right. Because it's the same stuff. It's still a screen. But there's the immediacy of, you know, that person is physically chatting with you. I think that's probably why that shit's taking off now because it combines the immediacy of the medium or like, it kind of makes up for how impersonal the medium is by knowing everyone's there at the same time. Right. But look, we can, we can have media theory all we want. What we really need to do is solve the problems of our callers, Bonnie. Oh, okay. As you know. Sorry, I forgot about that part. No, no, it's okay. Eldest, let's fucking, let's take some calls here, buddy. Sorry. No, no, you know, don't apologize. Hi, Stavi. I'm calling in for advice about my boyfriend. Okay. Are these live calls? We've been together. Well, we were hooking up and we were hanging out like a long time before we were together. Nice. We worked together at a restaurant and that's how we met. So far, two humongous strikes so far. Yes, right. For relationships working as the on again, on again, off again, hook up into, and then like you worked at a restaurant where everybody just sucks and fucks each other. But. I know. Anyway, go ahead. We'll, we'll hear you out. We were hooking up and hanging out for like almost a year before we've made it official. But we decided to be in a committed long-term relationship since about October. November, December, January, February. Yeah. So we've known each other for a long time. Things are good. This is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in. Oh boy. She's got some problems. I feel like we're doing really well, but I do have a couple. One is that he has, I haven't met any of his family yet. I still live with my parents. So it's different. Like, you know, my family. They gotta be early twenties, right? She doesn't say, but it feels like it. He's here all the time. He just moved back in with his family recently. Like they're either in the early twenties or this is the saddest call we've ever gotten. This is like, we were living in a basement suite. And then. Oh, man. All right. What else you got? And I still haven't met them. We've talked about it and I've like voiced to him that I'm upset about it. And again, I know it's Canadian, but he hasn't made any moves to do so. And I'm starting to get concerned. I'm trying to give him a grace period of moving into his parents. And I hope that by the time he's fully moved in, then I'll be able to go over there. But I just don't understand why he's so weird about it. Why? Why are you so weird about it? Yeah. Why do you want to meet the parents so bad? That's a great point. Especially with the fact that he hasn't said, I love you yet. I said, I love you one time when we were fighting. We were fighting? I think he said that he wanted to say it back or. Oh, brother. Something like that. This is just 22 year olds. This is so fascinating. This is just being 22. This is so fucking funny. But it is wild to not like, I don't understand. Where you don't talk like, she's like, I want to meet his parents. He hasn't brought it up. Why wouldn't you just be like, hey, I'm coming with you. I'm going to go to your house. Because she's a child. And then if he goes, no, then you have a fight about it. And then you break up. I mean, that's. Right, right, right. But that's, you're talking about, again, this is just your plain farm, farm style communication upbringing. You know, there's no conceit. There's no anything. There's no stewing. There's no, there's no big city. East coast. East coast is stewing instead of talking about it. Does he laugh at your jokes? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I, does she have any more? She has a little bit. She just says she doesn't want to keep bringing it up and feel like a nag. So not really. This is just being a little ass kid, basically. This is just being early 20s. Right. So for me, I will say if I, and again, we're assuming they're in their early 20s. Maybe they're in their mid 20s. Who knows? Maybe. This would be a completely different conversation if they were in their 40s. If they're, yeah. Even. But starting at 30, this is a crazy conversation. Yes, yes. But in your 20s at some point, at some level of being immature and poor, whatever the fuck, I get it, right? I will say if I were a guy who was on again, off again, hooking up with someone for a year and then like. You're a bartender. I think, I think for her, I think you need to realize the way you view this relationship is a lot different than how he views it. It's my hunch. It's my hunch, right? Right, right. To me. I think she. Like they were hooking up. He doesn't see that much difference between that and this. Well, I don't think, well, they were hooking up. The clock didn't start running it for him. No, right. She thinks they've been dating almost two years. He's like, what's it been? Two and a half months? Like to his mind. He's like, well, we fucked you a couple of times, but we've been dating like a month. We never said I love you. She's like, I did. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In a fight. And he's like, oh. So that's my hunch. And maybe I'm projecting here off of my, you know, my personal beliefs when I was a dumbass in my life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. In my 20s. Right. That's a very real possibility. For you, you're like, I've been dating this person almost two years. Like you're rounding up. You're like, I've been dating him two years. He's met my family. Right. He hasn't even said I love you or meet the, want me to meet the parents. To me, meeting family is one of the like fakest milestones in the world. Why do you do it? You're not going to get married to the guy. Yeah. He's a bartender who lives with his dad. Yeah. I mean. I, that's the, the, in my, my hunch is that that is the absolute disconnect here. Right. Is that she's looking at it like, and maybe, you know, she's a good person. She's like, I date with like, I want to see the things through. I think, and look, I'm not even saying he might not be on your level at some point. I'm just saying my hunch is he thinks this is way less serious at this point. Yeah. Than you'd think it is. Yes. And that's not saying he might not eventually get to that point. But why does she think it's serious? Like it, it, it. It's like, you just enjoy, like, this is the thing I think with women a lot, or I don't know, maybe with men too, but I just talk to women more about it. Sure. Is that the, the, there, it's, there's, it's a means to an end always. Yeah. It's not like, I don't know. It seems fun. You know, which is like, isn't that what dating is? Like you just go into it. You go, I don't know. It's like starting crowd work. Maybe it'll work. Maybe it won't. I don't know. Let's see what happens here. Totally. And then you don't like, but I, I never dated during profile times. Sure. So I don't know if. But were you dating, sorry to cut you off. Pretty much predominantly comedians are in my immediate, like you'd meet someone, you'd laugh, you'd have fun, you'd go fuck them. Then you'd go on a date and then you go, ah, we'll just be friends. And then you go fuck someone else. I mean, it just was like. But I agree with you, but I also think that's a different philosophy. Like, were you ever dating thinking about getting married? Never. Me neither. Right. The only rich was the only one where I was like, I think this guy might. actually propose and then he did when I thought he was going to oh interesting so yeah it was like Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You're like, okay. Yeah, yeah. All right. It's going to be fun. What's the proposal like? He, we were in a hotel room by the airport because we were taking a flight the next day. Oh, no. Yes. It was not thought out. And he was getting so, I think he was. You were at Sheridan. I think, because I think we were flying to Florida and I think he was going to do it in Florida, but I think his anxiety was getting the better when we were still in New Jersey. We were at a hotel. I don't know why we were at a hotel by the Newark airport. Yes, at an airport hotel. And then he just goes here and he had a ring box. And then he laid down on the couch. He was like fully having a panic attack. And he goes, you don't have to say yes if you don't want to. And I had to open up my own ring, calm him down, tell him it was going to be okay. We were going to do it. Okay. Yeah, that's fucking hilarious. He goes, do you want to call people? I go, let's wait a bit. What's my grace period on taking this back? I mean. Let me get to St. Pete's first and, you know, let me think about it on the ocean. But I sort of had a suspicion, so I already knew what I was going to do. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, I really liked him. It is weird now thinking back 20 years. I really liked him back then. That is what, that's what love is, though. It's like. I do. I think that's what you want is something you can't really explain. Yes. And you're like, this is just how I feel. There's something magical and nice about that. Rich would never, if it had been a dating app, I would have never dated him because he was too old and he had kids and it just wouldn't have. But just because I met him organically and we bonded in some way and just were funny together. We just were immediately. That's great. I mean, I totally know what you mean. Sometimes I think back and I'm like some of the women that I end up dating the longest is like people who bring something out of me that make me feel comfortable. Yeah. I feel funnier around them. Yes. And it's not the kind of thing where I need to feel the funniest. I've dated people who I don't particularly click, but it's just like there's just that's a good marker for other types of joy, especially when you're a person who loves. Well, when you feel like, I mean, I guess I've always had this weird thing because especially being a woman who now I believe I have some kind of. Neurodivergence. I don't know. But I just have always been kind of weird. At least plenty of mental illness. I know. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sick in some way. Let's not get too specific about neurodivergence. But I just I can't now I can't remember what we were talking about. But I'm really trying to prove your point that you're ADD. I don't know what I'm talking about. Wait. Oh, I just wouldn't have. Is that what I'm saying? I wouldn't have dated Rich. I think that makes sense. So it's like. Oh, no, I was. I know I was going to say I'm so sorry. Go ahead. But I was. I was going to say, like, it's there's some kind of safety that gets like when you're with somebody who the chemistry thing. Yeah, I think that's actually just you feel like, OK, this person, I'm not going to offend this person where that's what I would always happen to me in regular relationships on regular days where I just I chose funny over right that making them feel comfortable or do you know what I mean? Of course. Of course. I remember. Wait, this was the famously the era of your life where you said cunt on NBC. Yes, yes, yes. And then was completely shocked that people were upset about it. Completely. It's so weird. I watched that. That's so like, it's funny to think that I was a fucking I don't mean to. I feel bad every time telling people I saw things when I was a child. When I again, I look like this, but I was a child watching that show on my in my basement in my kitchen basement. I remember exactly where I was when when it cut to use there. I was like, and I didn't know. I was like a cunt. I didn't really know. They believed it. They believed it. So no one could tell what you said. But anyway, that makes that does make sense to me on some level. And I think what's going on here is this girl is just she has this connection to this guy. She feels comfortable. She feels like she wants it to be probably a little more serious than he does. And she's freaking out about these markers, societal, societal checkoff marks where it's like, listen, if you if this guy doesn't like you and he and you get lunch with his mom, it's not changing the relationship. Right. If he likes you and like if he likes you and he drags his feet, that's his own stuff. Liking you is the problem. If you work really hard at it, you're going to get him ready for the next girl. That's the best you can hope for. That's the best you can hope for in this situation. And so you're like, it's the societal markers that you're saying there's they weigh so heavy on women. For what reason at this point in time? I don't know. In 2026, they're still like they're obsessed with having like the bridal shower and the, you know, like. I think traditional markers, even if you're not even a traditional person. Yes. On some level, you want, you know, yeah, you think you deserve these things or that you it's just like when you have a kid and, you know, they I remember like when Raina was little and she was supposed to be able to throw a ball, like. Right. The developmental markers. Like send a ball back and she couldn't. And I was doing it over and over. And then I was like, wait, they all every kid in kindergarten can throw a ball. Ball back. Like, it doesn't matter. If it's six months, you can do it or not. Six months, you'll be able to do. Yeah. It's like sometimes like you meet people who were nonverbal until they were like three. Yes. And their parents are probably freaking the fuck out. And they're just like, now they're just regular people. Maybe they're fucking stupid, but now they're just regular people. So, yeah, if you worry about this stuff, you will just fuck up whatever you have going on. Yeah. Appreciate the moment. Appreciate the moments. And listen, if it comes up and you're having a good time and he's talking about being around his family, you could say, feel free to be like, hey, you know, I'd really love to meet your family. Like, maybe we get lunch. See how he reacts. And maybe they're weird and he's embarrassed of them. That's that's a great point. Actually, that's a huge. That's a really good point. I think that happens a lot. But. Or he's told a few fibs that he doesn't want them to. Look, either way. Yeah. I mean, look, I don't. Do we think this is this is like necessarily the end all be all relationship for you? No, not. Sorry. We're here. We're wise. We're we're older and wiser than you. We've seen how life works. Probably the guy you met working at Tim Hortons is not who's going to be your fucking. Although I actually did meet a guy who met his wife literally working at a Tim Hortons. And it's the cutest story of all time. The first they dated in high school. They're like high school sweethearts have a beautiful family. It's actually. So it does happen. So maybe it will happen. But you getting ahead of yourself and be like, why haven't I met his family? No, that shit doesn't matter. The minute you start thinking that it's like. It's like over. Yeah. And I am a little worried because it does feel like you you are putting weird pressures on what even to us sounds like a more casual relationship than you think it is. Even listen, even. Which is not bad. You can have a casual relationship. And you're like, why are women having? Why are they being forced into these serious relationships? So guys could have casual relations. Like you're allowed to just have fun. Do what you want. But look, I think they seem like they're committed, but it's just still like just because you're committed doesn't mean you're automatically. That's I think that's something. Some people think, well, once we're in a committed relationship, we're basically married. Right. And it's like, no, you're still in your 20s and dating. It's still not serious. It's just you can be monogamous and not be serious. I think people don't understand that that can be. You can be dating someone and not be sleeping with anybody else, but it's not that serious a relationship. That is possible because so many people are open and do crazy shit. People think just locking it down. That was actually a big hurdle for me where I was like, oh, I could just date someone and it's not. Right. It doesn't mean I'm engaged to her. Right. Right. I'm not sleeping with anybody. I'm just figuring it out. Right. I think that's the thing that's changed over time. Like, you know, I got married 20 years ago and that it's like the apps made it. Now, this is something we're really doing here, you know, or something happened where because you did just used to kind of like fuck around a lot. Yeah. And you were fucking around. It was kind of fun. Bring it back. What else we got, Eldis? Hey, Scott. Hello, Eldis. I have to re-record this because the last one sounded like just complete dog shit. So, okay. For context, I am 21. I'm on my own, living on my own. I have a very complicated relationship with my parents. My dad's a serial cheater with two kids at a wedlock. Oh, boy. And he recently started a divorce process with my mom, who is also kind of a piece of shit. She just kept on going back to him. Long story. I have a 10-year-old brother. I love that they don't give the mom any. Grace. Yeah. She was in love. This bitch. Yeah. They write the female characters even in their own lives. Oh, yeah, yeah. Like a male director. Yes. This fucking asshole. He is, he's a sweet kid when he wants to be. We have a lot of issues because he's just really mean to a point where it's like I can tell it's because of the divorce, but like nobody does anything to tell him like, hey, maybe you shouldn't call people fat, you know, maybe you shouldn't like be a brat, you know, and to top it all off, he's like a Gen Alpha fucking stupid ass kid, you know, watching YouTube videos, AI YouTube videos. This kid's toast, by the way. He's definitely playing Fortnite all the time. This kid's so fucked, it's crazy. And so, my question to you is like. He's probably got a, he's probably taking a fucking hammer to his cheekbones as we speak. Keep going, Aldis. So, my question to you is, is like. Thank you. Is he saveable? Is it over for him? Yes, what are you holding on? What are you talking about? He's 10. Put him down. Put him down. Yeah, yeah, yeah. One quick one to the back of the head like old Yeller. You get a coat hanger, you go like that, and you grab his leg. Yep, bash him in the fucking head with an axe. Is he saveable? Well, the thing is, at 10, when they're assholes, it's kind of good because it's not the usual age. They can get out of their system. He's actually going to get out of it. He's actually probably early enough an asshole that he'll figure out himself. Because at a certain age, kids' brains start going against everything around them. So he hasn't even hit that age yet. So he'll start. He might rebel against this. He will rebel against this. He might become a great person. I think it's like the reason teenagers do that is in case they have bad parents. Oh, interesting. They can get out of it. That you have the urge to potentially rebel. Yes, you have the urge to go, whatever you believe, I don't believe. I'm going to believe all this now so that you can have an opening of mind experience in case they're shitty. That is actually a really interesting evolutionary argument why there's a black sheep in like most families. Oh, wow. Because it's like you could. And again, this is awesome because we're really just letting it fly. We have no idea, no concept, no nothing. This is what science is now. This is science. But it is. It would be a fun theory if evolutionarily they just made a black sheep because they're like, hey, if the society, this group, the clan that this individual happens to be born into actually is onto the wrong stuff, we'll have a smaller group kind of splinter cell off and rebel and form their own. Which if they're right, then they'll flourish and the genes go either way. It's kind of fun to think about. Might be true. Nobody came to my vegan side. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, no, not you. Your line is dying. And you, again, repopulate. You became vegan and married Rich Voss. I mean, again. I know. I know. I know. Although it is crazy, you know. Don't put me in a box, man. It's funny, though. We didn't even talk about how fucking insane it is that your daughter's in college. That's like a classic comedy kid that ages all of us. Yes. Where we all remember like, you know, her as a kid at the stand. We all remember like with her fucking. Well, I want her to come to the stand and hang out. And see everybody again. Because she's like this absolutely gorgeous, like, funny person. You want her out of comedy clubs. Wow. Make sure Jeff Ross isn't around. You know, she sent me. I'm in the Epstein files or whatever. What do you mean you're in the Epstein files? So Raina sent me the thing because there's a flyer in the Epstein emails that I'm on the show. Oh, wait. Were you part of the people that it was like somebody was saying. Yeah, because Epstein wanted to go to the cellar one night. Yes. You were on the lineup that night. So all her friends put in all their parents' names as a to search. And guess whose fucking name came up. So Raina was like, you brought me there because I could have been trafficked. But you could have found me at the comedy cellar. I go, I brought you there to give to Jeffrey Epstein. He wouldn't take. You know, I know I'm actually pretty. We could be living on the Upper East Side right now. But she was like, I go, why is it a flex to you? Because she was like telling all her friends and stuff. She goes, I don't know. It's cool. It is funny because it's because being in the Epstein files innocently is a flex because it's funny. It's just funny. It's just funny because it's like if you search your parents name and it comes up, most people aren't giggling about that. Most people are like, well, it's like. It changed your whole life. They all sat around their sorority and put in all their parents name. I fully believe that. That makes so much sense to me. That's exactly what we'd be doing if we were fucking kids right now. And there was like a big pedophile list. Yes. Your dad fucks kids. If Eldest's dad was in the Epstein files, that'd be the funniest thing that ever happened. If they're like, oh, yeah, we had an Albanian chauffeur who kept trying to fuck the kids, but we had to hose him down. That's that's that's the. You would have loved to have that kind of status. Oh, in Albania, they would have made a fucking put a fucking statue of him at the Capitol. First Albanian yeoman to shake hands with the Jews that control the world. And he'd have his little driver's cap on. That's so fucking funny. What were we answering the question? Oh, well, the kid would be OK. I think the kid would be OK. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Sorry, sorry. The kid's going to be OK. There's still there's still more. I'm going to give us some more. It's pretty far away, but I try and keep in contact with him. And when he is mean to me, I'm like, hey, bro, like, I'm not going to talk to you if you call me fat or you like a really. Like, it's just that my mom. Right. First, she said calling people fat. Yeah, no. Right. And now she's actually the only clarified that it's actually calling her fat. That is actually what's driving her crazy. So anyway, my mom coddled him and my dad basically doesn't fucking do anything. Prick. He called me fat. Leave him alone. Well, sweetheart, I mean, he shouldn't be rude, but he could lose a few. At least we don't got to get the kid eyeglasses. I'll say that. Oh, I don't really know what to do. I want to have a relationship with him. I don't want him to fall down like the alt-right pipeline. Right. What seems to be happening. One thing you can do. Like, I hate gay people and stuff like that. And I don't know, dude. Like, I don't know. I just don't know what to do in this situation because I'm not a parent. So, like, this is kind of hard. I think she should lose weight. I think I have the right to fucking, you know. I see an answer. Look, the kid, he's not going to be helped by having to look at ugly broads all day. Give him something to look up to. This is hard because it's both a real problem that I would be worried about. Yes. She is so clearly too close to the situation because what's the problem with her brother is that he's a kid whose parents are going through this fucked up divorce. Yeah. And if your parents are both pieces of shit, that's going to fuck you up one way or the other. Like, look, me and my brothers got out, got, you know, we didn't have, our parents were not, you know, there were some problems, but we didn't, it was nothing crazy, but there was plenty of mental illness and there was anger issues and there was fighting and there was stuff that could fuck you up. Yeah. And there was low level abuse, whatever. Right. Nothing crazy. Nothing really insane. Everyone have a low level of abuse. It's compared to like other shit, whatever. And we're all doing pretty good, but all of us had our own problems, right? Like we had, I had some mental illness, mental illness shit I had to get over. I had some, I had some real, you know, it's like we have depression, anxiety, and other forms of more extreme mental illness or like kind of we, that we all have struggled with. Yeah. And we didn't even have that bad an upbringing. Right. So this kid. Yes. He's going to have some weird shit. Right. Yes. Now the problem is. And the way he's affected by this divorce, you are, you are so emotional about a 10 year old calling you fat. Yeah. This is hurting your feelings in a, in a serious way where, and even you being like, can I save him? It's like, of course the kid is savable. What you should do now is an interesting question. What kind of relationship you should have with a kind of bratty younger brother? I think you're not his parent, but you are an adult, right? How old did she say? 21. She's 21. Okay. So yeah. An adult to him though. Definitely an adult to him for sure. What you need to do is no pun intended. Be the bigger person. Sorry. Sorry. I'm not even saying you're that fat. I'm fat as shit. Okay. And I do think it's rude. Even if you were, or even if you are or are not fat, it is rude for your 10 year old brother to call you that. By the way, kids call people fat all the time. All the time. And they know that that's a trigger and they can get a good reaction. Yeah. Totally. And they do it all the fucking time. And those little fuckers don't know it's coming for them. Yeah. I know. I love when you see a seven year old being like, I don't want to be fat or whatever. It's like. Wait till you get your period. No disrespect. You're going to be fat. We live in America. Wait till you get on birth control. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Anyway. So I would say yes. You do, you kind of have to slightly be above it. Don't engage, you know, don't engage with him in terms of like, don't let him act out the way he wants to. If he, again, you're not his parent. And that if he's being a complete brat, you can just be like, I'm not dealing with you when you act like this. I think, I think you need to be, cause right now maybe you're not his cool older sister, but soon, like this age gap is actually pretty good for an older sibling. He's lucky that he has her. Totally. Like in, in a couple years when he needs a little help navigating the world, you will be in your mid twenties. You will really know a bunch of shit. So I think the best thing to do is right now, don't create the weird kind of situation. Where you have a sibling rivalry that makes it so that you can't, cause I don't call you fat. Yeah. Just, just like, be like, you're being a fucking brat. Yes. Don't fuck. You can't, don't, you're not, Oh, I'm a, I'm a fat, you know, I'm a fat bitch. I guess you don't want to come to Chick-fil-A with me or whatever. Right. Or go to talk. Right. Or just like the little perks that an older sibling can for a younger sibling. Oh, I guess you don't need somebody to go take you to buy a fucking switch or whatever. Don't get mad. Don't take it personally where you don't, you're now you're going to be another part of his problem. Exactly. Exactly. I think you need to do what, do whatever you can to avoid becoming his enemy. Right. Don't. take it upon yourself to parent him look in fact you have the ability you have the advantage of not being lame like a parent yes you have the ability to be like when he's being a fucking idiot you just be like you're being a fucking loser right no girls are gonna want to fuck you if you act like that like truly you could act and so i think you need to avoid becoming his enemy when he's in this weird situation going through divorce you know your parents and always be available to him be available and understand that you may not be his parent but it's like you do have to step in a little bit in a way that you shouldn't have to understand that you shouldn't have to do this right but this i think is the recipe it's like stay his friend he's being a cunt don't you know don't allow that kind of behavior don't support it uh but yeah i think in a couple years he will want when you're fucking 15 you know how sick it is to have a sibling that's 26 they can buy you fucking beer right they can get you no but like even just you know go stay overnight at her place or whatever would be amazing like when elder when your sister would take us to fucking tgi fridays in the movies oh yeah that was fucking awesome dude that was like some of the best you know we're like we're 13 you feel like a fucking adult yes so soon you will have a lot of access to a lot of stuff that he wants right if you don't you know take personally and like yes if you try to like get even or have resentments with him don't beef with a child even though it's just brother right right although it's hard because because reina would be so rude sometimes and you know of course it's hard not to be like even when she was really little we'd be playing and she wouldn't let my barbie do stuff kind of like yeah she was kind of an asshole as a little kid it was hilarious well in the comedy clubs i will say this about her that i left her in the prison yard and then people are like she's acting like a prisoner but it was but i but i made that in a good way yeah where it was like it was funny to see a little kid be like just like be like shut up like not even she went to my opener she put we were eating before the show and then she finished and she put her napkin in his like shirt and she goes go buy yourself something pretty i mean you have told the story either on here on cumtown or about how they were bullying her and her middle school friends i don't remember was that on cumtown it's a hall of fame story look it up somebody was getting upset i'm always fascinated when people do get upset by kids because i guess i've like got a thicker skin to it but they were he was getting upset because they somehow got his phone number and we're texting him from the back of the we had a van and we're going to a gig and they were the first thing they did was they called him a heroin addict right is that or no they were like oh okay crack addict or something like that i think they were like 11 or 12 at a time and just at that age where it was like of course they thought it was so we were actually laughing pretty hard too ian was the one who was not that into it it's such a hilarious story fuck anyway uh yeah so but it is hard kids can be mean but it's like you don't have to be his parents so you can just walk away when you're fed up right right and just maintain because i do think leave the door open leave the door open because i think that's the solution here yeah agree um but good luck that sucks and give yourself a chance to be a parent and i think that's the solution here and him grace because she also when you're 21 even though you're an adult and your parents are getting divorced and you have this younger brother who kind of pulls you back into childhood you're regressing a little bit yes right psychologically so try try not do that go you go to therapy if you can get your your you know brother into therapy either now or later that's good i don't i don't believe in therapy that's awesome and we don't have time to get into that and we will save that for another episode i believe in patreon hey well listen if i had to pick one believe me i'm picking patreon sister what is not even close which one has had a better effect on my life patreon versus therapy are you kidding me i mean i even i'm working on a joke where it's like it's not going to be on this hour but it was like my therapist goes on vacation in august and then so instead of seeing him weekly i've just got a weekly cleaning lady instead of like you know monthly yeah and i was like wait this is helping my life so much more yes than a fucking guy yes i just have to complain to an old guy right or i never do dishes right i'm gonna be a lot happier if i never have to fucking do dishes but anyway uh give us another call eldest hey stuff eldest i just left a voicemail earlier please disregard that one anyways i um long time first time love the show um calling in for a little bit of advice because i am um a reformed incel oh yeah i've been married to my wifey for six years uh great sex life she's the best uh kind of the one who pulled me out of incel good for you man she's gobbling my cock are women people hey this is pretty nice maybe i've been too hard on these bitches you are on this type of person what they're doing now feels kind of awesome and that actually is does this make me gay it's the fact that i'm respecting a woman because she gave me pussy make me gay yes you know that is kind of how society works it's like you get annoyed by women then you fuck you're like you know what women actually are awesome that's the way anything works they're so soft anyway let's see what he's got was headed down a dark tunnel um so props to her yeah dude anyways um life is great i've been away from pause this again we need to get this guy to be doing we need i swear to god we need to have an in-person like we need to have like incel conversion therapy the way the way they had gay conversion therapy and we need to just get a camp get like oh dude this would go crazy if we got like 10 of the incels that have called into the program into the reality show oh my god we go to a camp and we just by the way by sex worker like we just go to a camp and we just go to a we just hire a bunch of awesome sex workers we have them like train how to talk to women we have them go we have them like we queer eye them or we we fat eye them fat eye for the incel it needs a little work but if that would be incredible if we got 10 incels and we had this guy but really they really are incels yeah look i get of course they they're out there again me and eldest are reformed incels we didn't get pussy when we were teenagers you know what i mean like that form is that what an incel is just somebody didn't get pussy involuntarily celibate is what it means oh i never realized that's the whole oh i just thought it was like right-wing trolls no no no incel started from purely the definition is involuntarily celibate oh god yeah i can't believe i didn't know that yeah yeah yeah there you go we're everybody's learning um what everyone know that but me i think a lot not everyone but a lot of people yeah yeah yeah that's okay well i didn't know i'm not on my phone you're not online you're unplugged you're fucking you're out there fucking you're out there fucking you know putting putting okra for the season i get it now okay let's see what else he's got eldest you know that area for over six seven years now um and just kind of recently identified a part of my life where i think it's still affecting me in some of my relationships particularly just with um women who are my friends um i have caught myself um being kind of cold or borderline sometimes rude with my female friends because i am kind of scared of coming off as flirty or interested or approach you know coming after um sure my female friends in some kind of romantic way uh i've never had an instance where that has happened and someone's called me out either my wife or any of my friends it's more just i guess recently as i thought about this i think some kind of romantic way has happened and someone's called me out either my wife or any of my friends it's more just i guess recently as i thought about this i think some kind of incel naivety or insecurity of just yeah that makes total sense because once you're married that's the best time to flirt yeah and cheat too you can fuck and then maybe you could now you're really not an incel if you don't want if you don't want to cheat you can always be like i'm married of course yeah well no that is it's a joke but it is kind of true in terms of like when you're in a relationship and you truly don't want to cheat and you're just being yourself because you you're happy yes because you're with someone who has lifted you up you do attract more people then yes because you're just happier and better and everything um but and flirting a lot of times is just having a a great conversation with someone yes yes it doesn't have to be now sexual it doesn't have to be yes but it's do you have more okay rather just um be borderline rude to these people so that there is no fear of that but rather you know um be friends with women and be myself around them so i would love your take on that especially with this is good you know all the friendships you've developed and um as you've kind of gone through that process yourself anyways thank you i would really appreciate your take on this um above the show and thank you well i guess i i need a a clarifier on what the problem actually is the problem is so he's saying he's great he's been delivered out of incel who's he's in a nice committed relationship now he finds himself sort of maybe even subconsciously on some level being colder and less friendly to women friends and and like associates because he doesn't and he thinks it might it's like vestigial like he doesn't want to be seen as flirting or crossing a boundary right he is now he still sees his relationship to women is still like wrapped up in him shame and embarrassment now instead of getting rejected and on some level still getting rejected right now it's just the opposite where it's like now he's getting now women are going to demonize him for trying to fuck them or like trying to be inappropriate or whatever right whereas before he was scared of getting rejected by women now he's scared of being made out to be a predator or whatever right and i would say first and foremost i if i were you everything i know about you buddy you being too dastardly charming to a woman would not be at the top of my worries them thinking you're behaving them them perceiving you as antonio banderas in his prime is not something i would be worried about number one like complimenting women has gotten such a weird thing recently you can totally compliment women it doesn't have to be sexual you don't just say like her boobs of course you know what i mean you look nice cool jacket cool you do have a cool jacket yeah thank you and cool pants something with you know you do something different with your hair that's fine you okay let's say something nice about her shoes is like such a weird thing but also it's like but it doesn't have to be sexual and i would say you are in a good like you clearly love your wife she you owe her everything right you know right you could be fucking you'd you could be you'd have a dark fucking life if it's not for this woman you don't want to cheat i think this is a really good opportunity for you to read this is a great learning opportunity where you're like you don't because you want to fuck your female co-workers the same amount you want to fuck your male co-workers now zero right because you don't want to you know you don't want to wreck your relationship so i think this is freeing you should be able to and how do you do basically his question is essentially how do i just have better female friendships well i think like it's just like being curious about other people that's it is you know just when like i said before like when people are nice not nice isn't even the right word because i don't like nice that much but like when inquisitive take an interest yes yes it's like it's it's it makes life so much better yeah spend a little bit of their time seeing you and i think that's a good way to look at it you have only looked at relationships with women as a like how can i to an end how can i win her over how could that energy you've never expanded expounded energy expand expounded yeah is that right you've never used energy for the purpose of getting non-sexual intimacy with a woman now right you can still it's social you're still using part of your social battery but it's just the means are different the end is much different now you want to form a real friendship so just put it's not i think he doesn't realize that taking an interest in a woman is not cheating on his wife right right being like oh how was your weekend yes what do you think about people it's just yeah learning more about how women think will help you in your relationship with your wife totally and in your job and in just being a so i think that's that's it's as simple as that understanding and i think he's he kind of does understand his own psychology pretty well right where it's like yes that's a where you know you can't put real energy into talking to a woman for fear of getting rejected or fear of now being outed as like a sexual harasser slash i think that would be i think that's a thing that men i don't know if they do maybe he does but like if i was a man that's what i would be worried about yeah look whatever it's like sure but again i don't think this guy i think you greatly overestimate the amount these women think you're trying to fuck them yes right they probably think you're their nice but weird co-worker you know right right and that's and by the way making friends it's pretty simple it hasn't gotten that crazy since being a little kid be nice to people yes right fucking bring in cup bro you bring cupcakes or donuts or you're just saying you just come in one day you're like my wife baked cookies for the whole office you do simple shit like that once a month and ask your female co-workers how their fucking weekend was with a group of friends a group of like you know co-workers just do some shit like that you're gonna you're fine you just need to understand that it is not uh you are not being lecherous by taking a real interest in your female friends and i think for me and if he asks you know he says we you know we've dealt with it and for my yeah my reality the the true answer for me is just like purely getting out of that mindset of only seeing your relationship to women and not being able to sexual right that was it where i was like or what happened to me is like i moved here and i like you're so lonely and that you really you like a couple people like are nice to you and you're like and if a woman is nice to you when you're like sad you're like i love her yeah and then you talk to her or you even say how you feel you're like wait i didn't fucking i wasn't in love with that girl she's just a nice person right and it literally like for me there was a moment where i was like oh i was just friend i just was good friends with her yeah and then it really was a thing where it took me to be like 24 25 to be like to separate those feelings obviously i had like friends who i had i had close female friends who i like grew up with who it was almost like we became friends we were children so it's almost like you're grandfathered in at a simpler time yes where you don't even consider them like a sexual entity right when we're i kissed one of those guys one time yeah and it was so gross totally and i ran home i was yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah and i have a cup i have like you know one of my best friends is like that but to truly for me to truly kind of break the the incel in my mind i had to it took me till i was like yeah in my mid-20s which is like it's kind of embarrassing to admit but that's that's how when you say to break that incel for your mind like that talking to every woman is just to like trying to find out if you got an in or not yeah yeah that even when you were just kind of friendly talking to someone in the back of your head you're like can i fuck her you know what i mean it's like but i think it's like do you think that like i think that about men there's just look there's a very small part of you that's it's almost like evolutionary yes but i mean like this was more of that right this is more the second we like i would hit it off with someone as a friend who i click by the way i didn't even really want it was just getting positive attention from a woman right i felt like oh i have to immediately convert this into sexual currency because that's what women are yes like that's their value is to is to allow me opportunities to fuck right and then it took me actually come here really switching up my shit up coming to new york rethinking everything and just meeting a ton of people where you realize like oh i do just like being around and it's just like you just have to let go of that shit and it's very simple though because once you do it you're like oh yeah this is great this is better this is fun and and now you can actually determine who you might like totally as opposed to just taking whatever you think might be crumbs given to you and then it gets to be fun because then now you get to be misogynist with women you get to trash other women with women and you're not even misogynist it's a loophole yeah you're not you're being supportive to at least one woman yeah yeah yeah oh when you start gossiping about some dumb bitch you hate with your girlfriends oh my god that's the best elvis doesn't have that level of of malice in his heart he doesn't want to destroy anyone the way some of my female friends oh my god destroy their enemies like men will destroy other men by just like some facts you know or like he doesn't make any money or nobody comes to his shows or whatever but women get into the character of someone deep in there we'll we'll take apart their traumas yeah yeah it's the best oh their brother died when they were five get over it you know it's like and then when you throw gay guys into the mix too oh my god they're they're awesome they have the ruthlessness it's both yes it's like male domination and the ruthless cattiness of women yes they're like the meanest gay guys the meanest person on earth yes absolutely and although it's probably like a yeah i don't know i don't know now we've i was thinking about i think my next initiative is like really expand the lesbian friendship because i got girls i got gay guys but i'm like you know i feel like i'm sorely lacking on lesbians and i would just say in general making friends with people that you connect with but have different life experiences makes your life so much richer it has you find out about shit you you know you watch you know you watch uh so i marry or you watch uh uh what's the fucking natasha leone cheerleader movie but i'm a cheerleader right you yeah you watch that movie because gay guys tell you about it it's great you know what i mean it's like you just get you just enrich yourself and so i think you're in the right problem with the algorithm too is that it just keeps it's a feedback loop so you never it's like you have to actually go out yeah meet people like you don't even know you don't even know you don't even know you don't even know i always think this about growing up poor is i didn't even know what to hope for in richness like yeah in wealth like i don't i didn't know what was available i talked about that too where it's like getting it's like when you like what happened to me when i first got money real money i was like i got fat as fuck because i just started doing drugs and eating like steaks because you're like i can do whatever i want first time i could ever just i could have a ribeye every day yeah and it wouldn't affect me financially it was the first and i just and i straight up did that a lot i ate like well there was a tour you're like a king it was crazy i was truly eating like a king and i was like Taking pills and edibles and just like, it was awesome. And by the way, I loved it. But it almost killed me. Right. So, but you're good in that, like, yes, you're leaving the spiritual poverty of inceldom. And now you have the splendors of being friends with women and, you know, a bunch of other people. Now you can experience life. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And, you know, this, and by the way, I would also say, this guy's married, whatever. The other thing to realize for former incels is like, if you start treating women like people and form real bonds with women, guess what? They have female friends who they will set you up with. Right, right. And that's the easiest dating you'll ever do in your life. Right, right. When a girl vouches for you to another girl. Yes. You just have to not say the N word and you're good. If you're a dude that has female friends, there's, you're so much better at talking to women. Like, guys always. They go, why, why does all the girls like him? Like, he's not good looking. He has no money. It's like, you can tell he likes women. Yeah, yeah, yeah. He's interested in women. He's just like a fun guy to be around women. Like some, some men really aren't interested in women. They don't like hearing them talk or anything like that. And then women feel that. They get that. Totally, totally. But if that person went out and was like, oh, I'm going to be friends with women. Yeah. And learn that skill. And not expect it. Everyone. And that's, by the way, I hate to fucking bring it up. I hate to bring everything back to fucking how capitalism has destroyed us. But it is the thing where we have, we think of our time as a commodity. And we think of it as money. Or we think of it as our time, wasting our time being this precious thing where it's like, so if you go out and you talk to a woman and she doesn't fuck you, you're like, she just wasted four of my hours. Because it's like, because the only thing that's important is, but it's like human connect, looking at things like you're like with dating with no expectations, just being like, you know what? I'm going out with my friends. I'm going. I'm going to talk to some women. If something, if I hook up with one, great. If I get somebody's number, great. I just, the more just life experiences you have, the better off you're going to be in general. And again, out off the computer, touching grass, whatever the, for all that shit. My friend was going to date, was talking to this guy on an app and then she was going to meet him and he made a documentary. So she watched the documentary and she said, watch this documentary. So I watched it. It was good documentary. And then she was like, the guy told her to watch it or she watched it. No, she. She looked him up or whatever. Saw that he had made a documentary, watched the documentary. She was like, should I go ahead? Lose change. She was the guy who told her about him. That's the 9-11 was set up documentary. Yeah. It was, um, it had something to do with health. I can't remember now. But anyway, so he seemed like an interesting guy, you know, and then she said, um, she goes, he, he just DM'd me that he wants, he wants to meet me. You know, he's, he's in her neighborhood. So he's going to go to the spa. I go, just go meet him. She goes, no. I said, I don't think he's free. Like, I don't really like the way he looked in the documentary and, you know, I don't know. And it's like, but he's just a guy. And just go. Just go and sit there. You don't, there's no expectation there, but she wouldn't go out with him because she'd already made the decision that he wasn't a guy she was going to marry. No, that's, I mean, the, the putting stakes on every interaction is what has ruined so much. Yes. Making everything feel like it matters or his life and death or will affect you in really any way other than just being like, eh. Like you watch a movie from the seventies and it's people just hung out all day or the plan was, Hey, I'll meet you at the fucking, I'll meet you at the park at 1 PM. They make that plan at 6 PM the day before and everyone just shows up and they're like, I can't, I told him I would meet him. There's no like, Hey, I'm actually 40 minutes. Like, yeah, if that person doesn't show up, they are dead to you for that day. Right, right, right. And then you see him the next day, you're like, what the fuck happened to you? And you don't know. And you really don't know. And you don't get to have this great anxiety. Like the minute you don't get it. When you text for someone, there's this anxiety when really. It's like, oh, I guess he got hung up. Who knows? Yes. Anyway. Anyway. But the thing is like the, the time thing that you're saying where it's like, you're like, don't waste my time. It's like, what are you saving it up for? It's like, you're basically just putting in time until you die. That's all this really is. Like there's nothing you can take with you. Totally. It's just experiences anyway. So you might like, that's, that is the actual thing we should be trying to. We should be trying to hoard is experiences instead of fucking capital, instead of shit that you steal from other people that to really be rich, you have to exploit other people on some level to be like crazy rich. Instead be like, go do the craziest shit. If something sounds weird, go do it, man. If it's safe, whatever. Yeah. Just try different shit out. And so, you know, this is a very minor version of that. Speaking to a woman as if she's a human equal. Not someone that you have to fuck. Just someone you want to find out a little bit about. Yeah, dude. But this, you're in the right spot. You really are a success story. And it's, I, it makes me feel good to hear a caller like this. It really does. Yes. And yeah, you're, you're, you're in for a little treat, pal. I can't wait till they, you know, they'll show you real housewives. I know, but guys do. The minute they get a girlfriend, they're like, watch all these female shows. They're like, totally. You become obsessed. Big vampire diaries guy now. Hit us with another one. Actually, give us something to go out on. Something fun to go out on, Eldie. Hi, guys. Eldest and esteemed guests. I have a quick one for you about a new guy I'm dating. I just want to get your advice. I'll get right to it. The guy I've been seeing for two months bought me a laptop that is worth approximately, $1,600. Okay. And, um, also he bought me an iPhone, um, at the same time and I don't know how much that was, but, um, yeah, I felt kind of weird about it, but he was like, I just want you to be, uh, successful in your new job. And, um, I think he has like a provider kink kind of thing, but, um, I'm feeling weird about it. I love that everything gets put into a phrase. Yeah. I know. Oh, the guy's being nice. Well, I guess he has a provider kink. Yeah. Yeah. Or the funniest one is when, when straight people start talking about breeding kinks. Oh my God. And they just mean nutting inside someone. It's like, so you just mean the thing we were designed to do biologically. If there's any God particle, it's what just went into that woman. You're the one you're like actually breeding, you could say is actually not to say what's natural or unnatural. That's the only one that's not a kink. Right. And not get nutted in and not inside someone you're the only one doing it. Like it's like, yeah, of course. That's not like a fucking, that's not like something you're into that just is sex. You're just describing sex. You can't any, but yes, provider gig. But I will say in this case, spending three grand on someone you're dating for two months. But listen, if the guy has a good job and he's into success, which it looks, sounds like he is, then he really is just like. Maybe it's not that big of a deal to him to spend three grand and if he likes her and he's like, I want you to do well, like, first of all, I think people just like spending money if they have it, they look for ways to do it. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. But anyway, let's see. Let's see what the problem is. Uh, what do you think from guide point of view is that normal? He also told me to let him know if I didn't want it within 15 days, because that is the return policy of the school. Yeah. Okay. So he's not that rich. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. So, uh, interesting. I'm glad she added that detail because. Well, I mean, look. But maybe he's not wasteful. Maybe he's not wasteful. Yes. Two. Look. Okay. As speaking as someone with money who, and by the way, I do like, but if I'm dating somebody or if like I'm out with somebody like, yeah, obviously I pay for stuff. I get whatever. Obviously. Yeah. I'm just doing all that stuff. I take care of like, you know, my friends, uh, I, you know, my family, obviously all that stuff in dating though. I actually would probably be like, you know, again, if I buy, I pick up every check, whatever. And if we're go, you know, if we're traveling, I buy pay for stuff. But I'm saying in terms of big gifts, I think I actually would wait because it's the kind of thing where you're like, I want, it's not that I care about spending money. It's that I want to make sure I'm not affecting this relationship. Right. Right. Right. Right. So did she say how long they'd been doing? Oh, okay. If I was dating, if I'm dating someone for a year and it's there and it was at her birthday, or did he just get it for her? He just got it for her. She mentioned the new job thing. So now, yeah. Okay. If I'm dating somebody for a while and she has a new job and she's worried about her computer, I'll buy her computer. Yeah. Right. If it's, if it's serious, if she won't fucking shut up about it, if she shut your fucking gap, if she finally gets off my dick about the one time I got hit on the road. Yeah. I'll buy her a computer, but I need that in writing. I need that. It's never going to come up again in writing. Uh, no, I would buy if I'm in a serious relationship with somebody and she mentions, she's worried about her fucking iPad broke and she needs it for her fucking job or whatever. Of course I buy her it, whatever. But if I'm two months in and we're still kind of in the courting phase and in the getting to know each other and what we were just talking about earlier, where it's like, you can be monogamously dating and it's not serious if we're still in the not serious, but monogamous phase. I'm not spending that much money, not because it really matters to me, but because I don't want this to happen. affect the way she views me or like that's a very good point i never thought of that sees it as the way where it's like i don't want to feel like feels like uh i guess i'll stay with them a little longer see either way in either direction right i don't want her to feel guilty about it i was thinking i don't want her to i also want to feel like the person i'm with wants me for me yes and i want the relationship to form and feel like a real true connection and not feel like this is somebody who's like oh i could probably get some nice shit i just gotta date this guy for a year right and i'll get fucking my bills coming up there's if something is serious i will do whatever for the people closest to me right but in two months well because i think what did that guy think if it were i was the guy i would think oh she'll think this is weird even if i wanted to do it i might not do it just because i go oh it's too much too soon let me let me unless you're the type of rich where three the difference between thirty dollars and thirty thousand is nothing right buying a computer like it's a coffee is weird to me yeah so i i see why she's a little weirded out because yeah i would i think it's possible for a woman to be like whoa what the fuck this is kind of fucking too fast so well all she has to do now is uh you know not not see him for a while after after at day 16 say you want to break up yes yes yes and then watch his mind explode then you'll know what what you're dealing with because you might be controlled like it could be a lot of different things my hunch is the like this is just he wants to hook her in putting a down payment on the neck this is preparing for the first real argument right this is like oh you didn't have a problem when i bought you a fucking macbook you fucking slut you know that that's what i'd be worried about again we don't know this guy yes he could just be a nice guy who actually is head over heels with it for this woman and they're so i'm saying like right and it could be a story you know and they're like uh you know 12th wedding anniversary bought me a computer i was like this guy's weird yeah yeah yeah exactly it is really you have to figure out the guy you have to figure out the guy and and i do think this is a little weird it is a little early it does put you in a position to have to think things even at five or six months you have a clearer vision of who this person is the fact that he said tell me at day 15 that's pretty funny that's a controlling right i see i really that is he actually doesn't have money like that and he's like hey if uh you know but if this gesture isn't landed the way i want right i really really could use the three grand you know right but then that suggests to me that whole thing suggests that he's not as confident and i agree you cannot tell her to give you the the laptop back if you make this move yes you asking for the return take it takes a lot of you know whatever you need to do with it exactly because now now she does have to think about the financial ramifications yes now it's not a gift like any other yes now you know oh if i don't use this to its full now i'm costing him so right and again this guy might just be a pragmatic person right who again might be oh by the way yeah yeah and it's like but and he might really mean it like hey if this was weird to you and you don't want this if you're gonna give it back just give it back so i can get my money back and then you're gonna give it back and then you're gonna give it back and that is reasonable but but again anytime you do these weird kind of gray area things where you're like what's going on here there's something not quite right about his thinking there is something off either way yes even if his intentions are pure yes it's like oh you should have thought that it was too soon you should have known that he should have offered a a less sort of economically stressful way to support her new job right right her breakfast but you know get her fucking you know get her a cleaner for the week or her first week uh make make it weird or whatever just i just mean like just like buy her a fucking buy her a bag buy her a fucking work bag yes get her like or get it i was trying to think of something pragmatic that's not flowers that's like oh you're busy at work you're late night at work i'll pick up your dry clean support her in different ways that me that show you're thoughtful as opposed to like dropping three thousand dollars when that you don't quite have that you don't exactly have that i think is a but if you if i assume by the time this girl's called in the the episode is out we're well past the 15 days right so all you can do at this point is you've accepted the gift it seems like right just don't let it affect your relationship as much as possible and the second this motherfucker if you get in a in a fight and he throws the laptop in your face you give the laptop back and you get out of this person's life that's that's how i would handle i would say exactly the same thing except keep the laptop right right right And that's the duplicitous female mind. I know. You can't give it back. All your stuff is on it. You work off an external hard drive for the next couple months. Just in case. But yeah, I think that's our advice. All right. But even though there's something wrong with his thinking, it's like he still could be a great guy that just didn't quite know. And that's why I'm saying at this point you've accepted it. You've made your bed. Honestly, probably what I would do, I mean, who's to say, is like this is very thoughtful. It's very sweet. I don't feel comfortable accepting this level of gift. It doesn't mean I'm not interested in you. It's just like I just think it's too much. Let's just put pause on this for a bit. Like, you know, I appreciate it, but I'm okay, whatever. I think that's, you know, and maybe the relationship survives that. Maybe it doesn't. But either way. Either way, you didn't do that. You accepted it. That's fine. And I think, again, totally fine. That's why you just try and have as normal a relationship as possible. He's decided this is the kind of gift he wants to give you. Right. Great. Right. Just be normal. Don't be weird about it. And if he starts being weird about it, you know, I think that's where you have to draw the line because that's just step one of manipulate, trying to earn, trying to buy control of you. Right. Is like a laptop. Well, she should definitely give him anal, right? I mean. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, of course. That goes without saying. Come on. Let him cheat. Come on. Basically, I have a formula that sort of like, it's kind of like Chuck E. Cheese tokens. Okay. When you spend enough money on women, it's like, get out of cheating free. Anal, let me kiss your friend while I jack off in the room. You know, there's different tokens. Wait, is that a thing? I would do it. I'm just thinking about. I got to suggest that one. I'm just thinking about different stuff that's kind of cool. I would love to see a girl fuck a friend. You know, obviously, let me jump in is the top one. But. That's neither here nor there. You don't have to. But no breeding kink, right? No. Oh, is that true? It's so funny. I never heard that one. Yeah, yeah. That's the people say they have a breeding kink. And it's like, you're describing the most natural form of sex. It's in the Bible. Anyway, good luck, sister. Bonnie, thank you so much. This was so fun. Oh, thank you for having me. It was so fun. That's going to do it for us, folks. Go see Bonnie. Follower, you know. My Instagram. Get on my Instagram. Get on the. Follow Bonnie and we'll talk to you guys next time. Bye bye. Bye.