#165 - We Wrote Dinosaur Sketches

Where were we where people were like, what was it in Montreal when people were like, they were blown away that I do? And I was like, what? Every night? That you what? Every night. Smoke? Smoke weed. Oh, yeah. I don't smoke a ton of weed, but they just thought, they were like, you do ever? And I was like, yeah. You're not that straight-laced. I've seen you. You do crazy things. Him at a club? Watch out. Could you imagine the club just parts and it's just Shane and me? I mean, yeah. Topless. Topless? You've already forgotten. Dilophosaurus. You got it. Nice. Dilophosaurus. Nice. Diloph is good. Okay. Delilah. Okay. Love someone tonight. You want to go? Oh, wait, are we on? Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. Rawr. I'm a Dilophosaurus. My name is Amanda. And this is our special guest. You know, they don't actually know what dinosaurs sounded like. That's so true. Unlike that, but there's that one movie where they can recreate Velociraptor. Velociraptor sounds. Whoa. That's really good. Do you know what Velociraptor means? Ah, I'm forgetting it. No, it means flying. It means flying thief, I think. Wait, really? Yes, because I'll be bringing some facts today. Oh, here we go. Yeah, yeah, yeah. You brought facts. So should we talk about what this week's. Can you guys guess what this week's all about? Yeah, guess what the theme of this week is. By the way, I'm an ankylosaur. I'm an ankylosaurus. Let me warm up my toes. It's a little chilly. Just so you know, Chance and I wrote some dinosaur sketches. Amanda did not have time to write a dinosaur sketch. A lot of other things going on in her life. So she instead looked up a bunch of. Oh, like what? Oh, stop. Oh, stop. So instead you looked up a bunch of dinosaur facts. Now here's the thing. I don't want you to pull out your phone. You have to remember that. I want you to remember all the facts that you looked up. Fine. I'll tell you right now. Okay. We are closer to the T. We are closer to the T-Rex than T-Rex was closer to a stegosaurus. Yeah. James just pointed in the air, which means. Jesus. Yeah, T-Rex. He went, Jesus. She's great. T-Rex went extinct, what, 65 million years ago? 65 million years ago. And. And I knew that off the top of the dome. Oh, that's crazy. And a newborn's brain is actually bigger than most of these dinosaurs that we're talking about. Yeah. Okay, not yours, though. Got you, Rostec. You stop. What dinosaur are you before we. I'm a triceratops. Yeah, everybody knew that. Did we? Everybody knew that. Anyways. What's your dinosaur's name? Dilophosaurus. Nice. Nice. She did remember that. You did it. This is the dinosaur in the 1993 Jurassic Park that spits venom at Newman. Yes. The actor's name is. I truly just always call him Newman. Do you guys remember when she has to. When Laura Dern has to dig through all this shit? Oh, yeah. Oh, and she goes. Yeah. She shoves her whole. No, she's like. No, she's not need to. She's excited to dig through it. And they're like, I don't know what you're searching for. Yeah. It's a giant. It's a giant pile of shit. It's all shit. My favorite is when she first sees the dinosaurs and she gets up and goes. And doesn't she put her hand on Sam Neill's head? Isn't that like the thing? Yeah. Or like on his arm. On his arm or something? It's incredible acting. Jeff Goldblum. Yeah. Incredible acting. Yes. Yeah. Good. I think so. Good. Ow. Is that the movie. That's the one where the guy dies in the toilet. He's kind of evil. Yeah. He's just cowardly. God. The lawyer. Squeamish. Oh, here's another good fact. Okay. Do you know that there's. 15 minutes of actual dinosaurs in the real Jurassic Park? What do you mean? Oh, that makes sense. Six minutes is animatronics, six minutes is CGI, and I forget the other minutes what they were. That's all? That's the biggest fact. People in dinosaur suits. Of Jurassic Park, of 1993 Jurassic Park. Isn't that wild? So it's mostly not dinosaurs. Correct. You could probably. It's mostly Laura Dern. On a similar note, how much do you actually see the shark in Jaws? Probably like a minute. But that's the best part. It's like Halloween. How often do you see Michael Myers? Not really. You just see Jamie Lee Curtis. Because they had a budget of nothing. Well, no, it builds tension. Or like signs, how you barely see the aliens. Swing away. Yeah. Anyways. Yeah, so we're talking about dinosaurs this week. So I think it'd be fun for people to probably guess in the comments what type of dinosaur content they're going to see on the other channels. Oh, yes. Oh, I'm so excited. Maybe like dinosaur beopardy. Ooh, that's good. Ooh, that would be good. Dinosaur battle bracket. Dinosaur eat it or yeet it. No. We bring it back. No. Okay, we bring it back. What would you eat? Dinosaur, let's do this. Okay. Different piles of dinosaur dump and you have to eat it and figure out which dinosaur it's from. And Laura Dern it. You just put both hands in and go. Laura Dern's just excited as hell. Okay, so I think it's triceratops shit. Triceratops? Yeah. Yeah, maybe something like that. Do you guys like dinosaurs? I do. I'm not like a freak for them like a lot of people. Oh. Whoa. I like dinosaurs. Dinosaurs, they're cool. I think having a son has made me like dinosaurs more because Spencer got us this dinosaur pop-up book because I know he loves dinosaurs. It is the funnest pop-up book. You like put your finger in one of the little things that moves and then a whole T-Rex head pops up. And that's really exciting. And then at the end there's a mirror. So you're the dinosaur because we all have a little dinosaur in us. How do you figure that? Me talking to a bunch of chickens like, you know, we're all, we all kind of have a little bit of dinosaur in us. Spiritually. And also, you know, an asteroid hit the earth and that's what made dinosaurs extinct. Another fun fact. But you never know what's left over. Like, you know, this could have been your ancestor. I don't think that's true at all. I do think that that is a fact. I don't think that, I think that's. And I'm sticking by it. I think that's categorically false. It's written in one of my facts. That we're related to dinosaurs. Mm-hmm. Hmm. That's really interesting because. It is interesting. Because I'm reading a book. Oh. It's called The Rise and Reign of the Mammals. Here we go. He's reading a book. And it's a sequel to a book called The Rise and Fall of the Dinosaurs. Oh. Steve Broussard, I think, is the author. And he's a paleontologist who, like, researches all this stuff. But he goes through, like, our entire, like, you know, history. And because mammals were around for dinosaurs. They just were tiny. And they couldn't get that big because you'd get killed. Or big. Like the big sloths. Oh, that was way later on. Oh. So during when the dinosaurs were around. Yeah. You couldn't get that big because there was dinosaurs everywhere. They were crushing us. We were losing the battle against dinosaurs. A dinosaur wouldn't crush me because I'm too freaking fast. That's so weird. And they were fast back then. Yeah, they were pretty fast. And then once the dinosaurs went extinct, then the mammals, they could, you know, kind of evolve and get bigger and stuff. So what's this book about? That? The one I'm reading right now is The Rise and Reign of the Mammals. So it's about how mammals became, like, top dogs. Have you seen that thing that a lot of people are conspiracizing that? T-Rexes had wings. What? Like, big wings. What? Because if you look at the skeleton of, like, a chicken and things. And just, like, when you look at recreations of skeletons, it's like, you can't tell what else was there. Like, the feathers theory. Like, how they, like, go away. But the little arms don't really make sense. But then I've seen, like, the drawings where they have, like, these huge wings that are, like, feathers. The little arms don't make sense. They don't make sense. But if they had wings. Yes. But those wings would have to be hefty because those are big boys. Well, they don't necessarily have to fly. That's true. Like a peacock. Like a peacock. Or like a chicken. They're showing, like, an ostrich skeleton. And it's like, look at an ostrich skeleton. Do you think an ostrich is basically a tiny T-Rex? I mean, birds are the, like, closest relative. So there's a little bit of dinosaur in all of us. See, that's not. No, because I'm talking about birds. Thank you. Because those are different. Thank you for joining me today. I like how you're like, I study up on a bunch of dinosaur facts. So I'm. I am. Number one. So fun fact number one. I am a dinosaur. Half dinosaur. Wait. Guys, can we. Can we call out. Just art. Just crushing this. First of all, if you memorize the paintings like we all did, they made the paintings dinosaur vibes. Yeah. Like literally this. Harambe's behind me as a being. Yeah. You got your R.I.P. It's very jungly in here. They gave me a bone. I'm so glad. Got a bone here. And Chance, who's behind you? Oh, he's a pterodactyl guy. Aw. Yeah. We've got a pterodactyl. He's just there. That's all on the set. But yeah, I'm definitely like, I would say I like, I love dinosaurs. I do too. I'm a big fan. I loved watching Walking with Dinosaurs when I was a kid. I've heard of it. Oh, I'm just happy that Smosh as a place has gone into DEI and hiring Amanda. Dinosaur equity and inclusion. Smosh asks. They asked me and I delivered. Did you like that? Oh my gosh. They have someone on the cast who's DEI. Half dinosaur. That's me. And I'm this. I spit venom when you piss me off. Did you guys know that dinosaur was coined? I'm going to give up all my facts. It was coined by a British paleontologist in 1843. Oh. And it means. You got it. Just make it up now. Heavy species. Something. No, I'm dead serious. It means, it means something cool. Okay. Okay. I'm ready. Oh, ah, oh, oh, it's in Greek. It means terrible lizard. It's totally different than what I said. Rather than implying that dinosaurs were fearsome. Owen, the guy's name was Richard Owen. Use the term to refer to their majesty and size. Oh, terrible lizard. Yeah. Oh, that's just immediately dissing them in 1842. Oh, look at this terrible lizard. Look at this terrible bullshit. Yeah. Pretty crazy. I'm going to save the rest of my facts. So calm down. That's, can I say that's a, That's a thing in, and I know Jurassic Park little different than dinosaurs right because those are mutated like monsters correct technically closer yeah but whenever in movies they like show dinosaurs or or even animals they're like oh and they're gonna try to kill people as fast and as possible but i'm like no they're they're just animals they're mostly vegetarians aren't they too um i mean there's some wars yeah i mean i don't i think velociraptors were like predators yeah yeah but they were smaller than we thought yes really yeah they're like they are pretty small like relatively they're smaller than a blue whale i think all dinosaurs are smaller than a blue whale which is another fact of mine yeah that's good hey you know what technically the truth it is the truth that's the largest animal to ever exist so really yes the blue whale wow we're just throwing out all sorts of facts awesome that's just i feel like this is our kid that we have over in our living room so anyways but we didn't want you to have a sleepover so we decided to do this sleep over ourselves yeah i am 17 though so i'm ready to get out for sure and you know your mom and i are separating separating but you know we amicably have decided as friends good people to split everything down the middle i get the house and the cars yeah you know and shane gets you didn't mention me yet oh well you know but you're 17 you can pick yeah double christmases am i right whoo all right um i'll see you later guys next week i guess yeah we'll see you next week great um should i go your dad and i have a lot to figure out do you mind uh head now yeah yeah sure i can it ends up so can you start paying rent what's the situation yeah that's dino week guys should we read a sketch yeah so chance your sketch you planned on reading this the last time yep we did this um writing sketches episode um and it just happened to be about dinosaurs yes it didn't get a chance to read it yeah so now we get to read it today it's like fate you guys we didn't even know we were gonna do dino week before this it's like we saved it on purpose we saved it on purpose okay so this sketch was part of my snl packet whoa i submitted it and the time has expired so now we can read it out loud yes oh wow do they have it yeah whoa yeah yeah that's what will neff was talking about how they like took his idea because you technically signed it over the whole sketch damn yeah okay okay who's who um let's do it's a bachelor parody kind of fun um like the bachelor show or just yeah the bachelor show okay um you can be sydney s perfect um do you want to be the straight man or the fun man uh i'll be the straight man okay you're uh john and i'll be jimothy okay great oh wait no you'll be jimothy i'll be john okay the straight guy jimothy's the normal one okay i mean her he's a normal man yeah of course in the bible okay here we go yeah yeah interior bachelor diner the bachelor john sits across from sydney s at a beautifully decorated dinner table the producer jimothy is giving them a spiel okay last thing how do you spell spiel i don't know but i think it is how do you spell spiel i don't think it's an h it is like i think it's spiel spiel selena said it's right so it is correct announce it spiel right yeah it's spiel spiel like shmeagle thank you i think i say spiel sometimes spielberg it's spiel is that where it comes from guys put in the comments if it's spiel or spiel i think it's spiel it's got to be spiel honey spiel honey spiel look i mispronounce everything okay um but that's my favorite dinosaur fact let's get into this okay okay last thing before we start rolling this is just a regular old date you can talk about anything you want nothing is off limits uh any questions uh yeah just one can you hurry it up so we can start falling in love already john not you being eager to talk to me oh yes very much that i see you guys are already doing great okay i'm gonna step out and y'all can start whenever remember nothing is off limits this is the bachelor for god's sake and rolling sydney s um honestly i had so much fun on our day today i mean the labrea tar pits there was just so much history i'm i also had a blast but if i can be like a little vulnerable of course seeing the tar pits those giant vats of bubbling tar that used to be dinosaurs really brought up some trauma for me oh um hey you're safe here to tell me whatever you need it's it's just me and you well um it's just i couldn't help but be reminded of the 2002 tv miniseries dinotopia sydney i damn it no i knew oh my god i knew it was too much in our relationship to bring up dinotopia anything that's based off the illustrated fantasy books of james gurney needs to wait until at least until engagement no sydney stop it's not that i i also couldn't help but think of the walt disney television and hallmark entertainment produced tv miniseries dinotopia you you're a dinotopian well no technically i'm only a dinotopia night because i only study the movies i'm not a citizen because that would require me to have signed the ledger of waterfall city citizenship thereby agreeing to abide by the 10 sacred laws of the dinotopian code and be assigned a dinotopian soul partner they embrace their hands in a weird hand ritual thing that they both seem to know what to do the producer comes over okay um you guys that was really great but um it would be really helpful for us if y'all talked about something a little more personal more personal than the tv miniseries about a lost island where enlightened pacific pacifist humans and intelligent talking dinosaurs have created a utopian medieval society called dinotopia um yeah more personal than that uh you can talk about past relationships other girls in the house you can even talk about religion just give us something to work with here okay um uh so have you had any toxic relationships only my unhealthy addiction to the story of two brothers search for the lost sunstones that could restore the protective aura that fends off the evil carnivores that plague the many cities of dinotopia well the carnivores aren't really evil right it's just a result of what evolution has made them to do to survive to quote me in the comments below if you have any questions or comments feel free to ask me in the comments below if you have any questions or comments feel free to ask me in the comments below dr marlon wando carnivores are just hungry by nature john one raindrop raises the sea and this dino pussy is overflowing okay no stop you guys we can't use literally any of this footage jim code six of the dinotopian code observe listen learn now sit the fuck down yes yes i came into this show to meet my wife but instead i think i found my dinotopian soul partner he opens the box to reveal a glowing gemstone ring it's like really big like too big to wear as a ring a sunstone did you have that the whole time sydney s will you join me in the sunstone ceremony of love to transcend our heart through this earth and onto the great beyond as the great triceraton malcasta once said yeah oh the great triceraton malcasta once said join joins in as the crystal grows brighter and brighter until they just disappear you know it's still better than colton's season bazinga blackout yeah baby yeah fucking stuff dinotopia still better than the colton's i do remember dinotopia my brother had the like book me too the big picture book me too and i remember looking like this is the coolest shit ever yeah wait i don't it was a tv show it was a tv miniseries okay yeah but it was after that the books were a thing the books were a thing when did it land with um land before time because land before time was like the books were around the same time but like they weren't as popular that was epic i don't think i ever saw it chance that was really great i loved being sydney so much i are sydney i yeah it's true sydney s because there's always multiple girls yeah there's always multiple i love that damn that is some some deep knowledge yeah i did have to research i never watched the miniseries but i remember it coming out and being like oh shit like i remember my brother having a book and looking through i need to see it it's like a society that grew up alongside dinosaurs so there's like smart dinosaurs too and there's like some people that like are the sky people and they like ride the pterodactyls and oh this feels like some avatar stuff yeah kind of i'm so it is it's avatar before avatar yeah this avatar is essentially just fern gully except they don't have sex with the dinosaurs i feel like an avatar they have sex with all the animals you know what i mean they are the animals they don't have sex with the dinosaurs and that's good they like hook up their ponytails yeah it's like a thing is that sex or is that like the soul connection what's the difference hey true i love your thinking on that this episode of smosh mouth is sponsored by zocdoc okay you be shane i'll be amanda and i'll read stage directions okay yeah and i can i can be selena interior smosh mouth set day amanda and shane are in the middle of doing a zocdoc ad read amanda has to tell her story and she has to tell her story and she has to tell her story prompt her today suck it shane zocdoc lets you search and compare high quality in-network doctors it's free to use and they have more More than. Amanda tries to feed him lines. 150,000 providers. 150,000 providers within. 200-plus specialties. Shane breaks. He grabs the script next to him. I'm sorry. I just don't understand why I have the long lines when you have the teleprompter. Intensely. Shane, get it together. How hard is it to say? ZocDoc is a free app and website that lets you search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. They have more than 150,000 providers. Within 200-plus specialties. Across all 50 states. I mean, come on. Okay, you know what? I don't even need a script. All right. Whoa, hey! Seriously, I've tried to find doctors in the past and it's been so overwhelming until I started using ZocDoc. I'd pushed off doctor's appointments for years, but the app was so simple, so easy to find doctors in your area, under your insurance, that I had appointments set up within a week. Does that work, Selena? Amanda waits for an answer. Selena gives a thumbs up. Yeah, that worked. This is my Selena voice. Interesting. Selena says yes, so I guess you're off the hook. Cool. So do we dance now? Your health matters. And taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Head to ZocDoc.com slash SmoshMouth to get started and check that appointment off your to-do list. That's Z-O-C-D-O-C dot com slash SmoshMouth. Now we dance. The jingle plays and they do their silly little dance. Whoa, wiping windshields? Yeah. Windshield wiping? Yeah. That's awesome. Thanks. And Chance, thank you for that. This was awesome. This episode of URL is sponsored by Stitch Fix. It's time to put away the shorts and t-shirts and grab your fall and winter attire. But wait, your seasonal attire isn't doing it for you anymore. You are so bored of the same sweater year after year. Well, stop that and use Stitch Fix. Stitch Fix made me excited. To get ready in the morning. With a fix box that arrives right on my doorstep, I am able to try on new fits and find the perfect outfit for that Thanksgiving family photo or a Friendsgiving get-together. There is no need to get bored of your clothes. Stitch Fix gives you a quick style quiz and all you have to do is share your SVB, style, vibe, and budget. And then you'll get paired with a real stylist who pulls everything together. And if you don't like something, do not stress. All you have to do is return the items you don't like with free shipping, free returns, and no subscription. I can't wait to show you all of my new fall outfits from Stitch Fix. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash URL. That's stitchfix.com slash URL. And now back to the show. This was so good. Wait, what is your guys' favorite piece of dinosaur media? I loved Land Before Time, seriously. Would you put that above Jurassic Park for yourself? No. Okay. But as a kid, you loved Land Before Time. Yes. Jurassic Park is just, it's just number one classic. It's hard to beat that. Like, what dinosaur stuff is better than Jurassic Park? Like, do mecha dinosaurs count? Like, the Power Rangers have pretty cool megazords. Yes, they do. I loved the Power Rangers. But is that a. Me too. Yeah. Who are you? It's a robot dinosaur. Which Power Ranger were you? It's like a Godzilla type of situation, though. Hey, which Power Ranger were you? Why are you scratching me like that? I like the Green Ranger, and then he turned white. Yeah, bummer. That's tough. That's tough. Which one are you? Yellow? No. I honestly liked Pink. I know that sounds really cliche, but I did like Pink. Oh, my God. You guys. Oh, stop it now. She was badass. Whatever. You're blue through and through. Whatever, what are you? Oh, yeah. I don't know the Power Rangers that well. What? Were you a big Power Ranger, Sam? Yeah, I loved the Power Rangers. Loved. Me too. Yep. I was Pink. They were just around. Like, I would watch it, because it was just like that was the thing. How dare you, dude? How dare you? You shut your mouth, though. They saved your life more times than you even know. Yeah, they're literally working right now to save us. I didn't ask them to save me. Oh, okay. I didn't want to be saved. One of those. Fuck you, Rangers. Stop it, Rangers. One of those. What's her name? Rita Skeeter? No, that's Harry Potter. What's her name? Rita Macaroni? What? Rita Macaroni? Rita Macaroni? Rita Macaroni. For who? Macaroni Rita. What's her name? For who? The bad guy in the Power Rangers who got, who she's cunt with the staff, and she got the dick thing. Damn. I don't remember her name. She got the neck thing. She got that big thing. Rita Skeeter? No, Rita. Rita Skeeter. Rita Macaroni. I think you're talking about characters from the show Doug. Rita Repulsa. Rita Repulsa. I like Rita Macaroni. That sounds like a wrestler. Rita Repulsa? What a great name. Rita Repulsa is really good. That's a good villain name. Yeah. Yeah. It had to have been fun to work on Power Rangers. Oh, 100%. Didn't they redo it? And I think the Pink Power Ranger came back and did it again. Yeah. A lot of them did it again. Probably. And then they did it like teen style. What? They did it like teen style. They did like young. They always were teens. Yeah, I know. They were in high school. But then they got older and then they redid it with new people that were just even younger. Do Power Rangers have to retire when they turn 18? Yes. They have to be like teenagers. They're out. Like is there ever Power Rangers that are older? Yeah, there's Power Rangers that are older. And they're like, hey. If I remember correctly, I think Space Force was older. Oh. Damn. Okay. I think when they're done, they're just done. You would think that. You're so Rita Repulsa coded. How dare you? Actually, honestly, I'll take the villain all day. It'd be so fun. Dude, if I could choose what shows I could get like little guest stars or co-stars in, I would pick weird shit. Like I would love to just suddenly show up in like a Power Rangers type show. That would be so cool. Oh, if they still have it. If they still had something. That'd be so fun. Anything like that. Like as a villain. Oh, it'd be so fun. Yeah. Yeah. That'd be cool. You are kind of giving Ivan Ooze. Who's that? It's wild that you remember all their names so well. Yeah. Ivan Ooze. You are definitely an encyclopedia of nerd knowledge, I feel like. Thank you. Like when a thing gets brought up, you know the facts and the info. I'm not good with that. I'm not good with like intricate, trivial facts. Me too. I'm also not good with like movie quotes. You know how people are like, oh, remember that? Remember that scene in Friends episode, whatever, when they said this? I'm like, no. I'm really horrendous with character names. Like pretty bad. Because I just like when I'm watching a movie or reading a story, like I just kind of get into the vibes of like, what's the arc? What's the like thing going on? And I forget. And like, I'll remember, but like. You're like, this guy kissed this girl. Not like years later can I just be like, oh yeah, when Doug, this guy fought. Doug Funny. Fought Rebecca, that person. Yeah. I'd be like, I forget the names. And you know what's so funny? I don't. I'm bad with remembering things when I'm like, like music lyrics. Can't remember a lyric to save my life. Yeah. And also when I'm watching TV, if I have the captions on, I won't remember what they're saying. But if I don't have the captions on, I'll remember it. It's kind of interesting, right? I think it's because I'm an auditory learner. Yeah. I'm a visual, visual learner. I'm a very visual person too. I need to see it written. That's why I always struggled with Beopardy. That's the only reason why. But sometimes when I'm reading captions, sometimes when I'm reading captions. Where did you get that bone? He's had it. He's really working. You get a bone to pick. Oh my God. Sometimes with caption, I think I'm too busy reading that I don't remember stuff because I'm like not taking in the visuals of the whole situation. So it makes it less memorable sometimes. Hard for me to focus when the bone was in our face. I'm just kidding. I like it. For those just listening on your commute to work, I'm twirling a bone around. Oh yeah. And if you're just listening, we have a fire pit in front of us that's lit and we are all in dinosaur zip up onesies. And I learned that Shane hates onesies. I'm not a big fan of onesies. Why? He feels not safe. I don't know what it is. I don't really like soft, super soft materials like this, like sweatpants and fuzzy. I don't like fleece too much. Yeah. I'm wearing pants underneath this. Oh, that's why. That's why. I feel, I feel like. Oh, I'm not wearing pants. Oh, I'm wearing nothing underneath. I'm wearing my pants. Me too. I'm wearing a t-shirt under this. What? Luckily it's, it's very cold in the studio. You have to commit. You're not wearing a onesie right. Yeah. You're fully clothed in the onesie. Well, no, no, no. I'm saying I don't like wearing a onesie when I'm just like in my underwear. You don't want to be. Cause I feel like exposed. I don't like the soft, like it's too soft for me. Oh my God. I'm looking. We need to cover this boy in blankets and just huddle around him until he. Oh, so I don't think we do need to do that. We need to give this kid a bunch of trauma. No, no, no. I got it. I like, I like it. I don't know. It feels so, I like just one zip up thing. It's like, you don't know the shape of my body. It's also inconvenient though. If you have to go to the bathroom, you have to take the whole thing off. Mine is a hole. I guess, I guess. Yeah. This is, this is a little different. I think we should have a competition. What? Who can get the most weight. Listen, listen to what my competition. Okay. Let's see. I'm already out. Who can do the best. No. Who can do the best impersonation of their dinosaur? Oh, I love it. Yeah. I don't know what an ankylosaurus sounds. Well, you got to figure it out, dude. I don't have that written on my facts list. Otherwise, I would let you know. And technically, we don't know officially what they sounded like. So, okay. I'm going to do mine. All right. Triceratops. Get it. Here we go. Okay. Okay. For those listening, just listen. I'm getting on all fours. Oh, I'm probably going to do mine from my seat. Okay. Yours is a little tight, huh? Cool. All right. Oh, that tail is tiny. Okay. What? It's not about the size. Okay. Here we go. You're going to watch this back. Just want you to be prepared. The Triceratops? When it comes out months from now, you're going to watch this back and go. Why is the Triceratops the kid in class when someone else gets called to go to the principal? Ooh! Okay, so that was mine. Oh, so that's yours. That's it? Ooh. If you're trying to make it cute, there's not much that you can do. Jesus Christ. Okay. Okay. Okay. All right, hit us with the Dilophosaurus. That was cute. That was so cute. Literally, it's crazy how cute that was. Okay, well, it's your turn now, so. See, you have a reference for this. Okay, she's getting her mittens back on. She's getting her mittens. Is my ears out good? They're not ears. Shut your mouth! Okay. Oh. Oh. Oh, yeah. The listeners right now. She's like. She's like. Actually, I really liked it. It's pretty good. Tens across the board for me. In the movie, it does that weird, like, shaky thing, too. Oh, yeah. Do the shaky thing. It's pretty good. She was also, like, pop-locking and dropping shit. Pop-locking. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you. Okay, Tens. Okay, for the listeners. Tens across the board. So sorry. Okay. Half of that was just movement class. Well, for listeners, they're just gonna be like, why is this Dilophosaurus? Yeah. Just suddenly showing up. Screaming. Okay. This is Ankylosaurus. Why is this Dilophosaurus just showing up? Yeah. Okay. Okay. I think it's gonna be more of, like, a. This is, like, it talking to other Ankylosaurus. Okay. Okay. You know, it's kind of. So it's like. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Oh. Like, you know, doodle calls. My God. Honestly, it's really good. Here's the thing, man. Listen to some current animals. They sound fucking weird. Wait. You ever heard, like, caribou? Can you do it one more time? It's really good. So it's like. Can we imagine it's eating some grass? Yeah. And it sees some other. It's like. Oh. Oh. Wait. Here's what I want. Here's what I want to do. I have a pitch. I have a pitch. I have a pitch. I have a pitch. Can we please do, like, a segment of this podcast? Like, it's dinosaurs having a podcast. Does that make sense? So it's like. No, it doesn't. It doesn't. We have to, like. Sure. We can dedicate 30 seconds to that. Okay. We have to be, like, really serious. We don't want this podcast to keep. Yes. Yes. Let's try. Let's try. Okay. So you have to do it, like, really serious. Like, just do your sound. Like, we're talking to each other about the podcast. You were like. Ah. Ah. okay let's try it okay can you bring up the first commerce the first topic oh yeah okay okay okay yeah yeah okay wait you got a straight face you got a straight okay yeah just straight face just straight face uh-huh that's so true it just makes me think back on when selena was like so for dino week what are we gonna do was this not did you was this your pitch wasn't this your no my pitch was we write sketches and that this wasn't your pitch for us to be head to toe this was not your pitch for us to be head to toe in dino gear look this wasn't your you did this dude you did you did this i got all dressed up in a cute outfit and ollie was like oh no you're supposed to wear the onesie and i went oh sorry what onesie shane wants you to wear this shane requests a specific wardrobe shane requests that you put this on you would like you to enter in this and only this oh my god damn all right shall we read do you want to should we read my short for you film yeah let's read your short film guys that was very funny here's some uh here's some backstory i'm like have you heard like moose and and elk sound ridiculous yeah what do you mean what does a moose sound like people when they do moose calls like when when people are like searching for moose or hunting moose they literally are like they're like calling others like that's that's kind of like what moose calls what does a loon sound like i love that sound a loon a loon it's like the duck it sounds very haunted it's in maine oh elk and caribou sound can't remember they sound crazy the worst is mountain lions they sound like a person screaming oh there's uh it's terrifying in guatemala there's like these oh what is it that has that weird house like oh yeah oh i love that some stuff has messed up wait remember where all those like videos of the goats making those noises that sounded like men was that fake or real i think some goats yeah some goats really do kind of yeah have you seen that yeah it might be fake but might be real okay okay so pretty cool weeks ago i pitched i'm like what if we write sketches dinosaur dinosaur as the theme for sketches yeah because chance you already had this dinosaur sketch that we didn't read and then um you know we've had a pretty busy few weeks uh we've filmed some big things that i'm very excited for people to see yes so it then it's yesterday and i go i have not written anything for for this episode yet and so i sit down i'm like okay the theme is dinosaur and then i sat staring at a blank page for like an hour and i was like i gotta just start writing something so i just started writing and i just kind of went i love that and then i wrote this i don't think it counts as a sketch i don't know what it is okay i read i wrote it all out as fast as i could okay and did not reread it great so i i frankly i don't know what we're about to it's like a short film who's who okay so amanda you will be gunther hell yeah chance you will be dr quinn yes there may or may not be more characters that will come about and we will cast then dr quinn medicine woman how dare you that's copyright issues no what do you mean there can be other dr quinn's dr quinn medicine woman have you seen that show no nobody's seen that show man oh you need to shut it um okay i will play the first there's a character that you will come about that i will play and then after that if more characters show up i'll cast okay okay and then i'll read obviously all the yeah bullshit here we go exterior jungle day we see a wide shot of the forest floor with massive plants and trees enshrouding our view the sounds of birds and creatures echo through the forest floor we see a wide shot of the forest floor with massive plants echo through the landscape suddenly from behind a thicket of bushes a machete cuts through revealing gunther 30s a grizzled broad explorer wearing a khaki shirt and pants that are covered in sweat and dirt he huffs and grunts as he continues to swing his machete to cut away at the thick brush following behind him is dr quinn 30s unlike gunther she walks with far less confidence through the difficult terrain she has a very distinguished british accent by the way it is evident she is not accustomed to the jungle in the way gunther is she stops to catch her breath gazing around the environment in fear and awe you all right yes yes this terrain is far less forgiving than i expected not like they describe it in your textbooks uh professor no not quite well we should be close to the location of the incident the very one dr quinn has a brief look of fear perhaps contemplating turning back but then stiffens her shoulders and proceeds forward gunther shrugs and presses on as well they trek up to a cliffside where they come upon a massive opening in the cliffside wall its infinite hollow depth is massive perhaps 50 feet tall this is it this is the last place anyone saw dr brass gunther unsheathes the shotgun from his back and make sure it's loaded would you like to lead the way doctor or shall i um go ahead thank you gunther smirks and walks into the cave dr quinn turns on her flashlight and follows suit the sound of dripping and their wet footsteps echo through the cave's entrance the light from their flashlights skim across the walls unveiling massive stalagmites and stalactites that stretch from the ceiling and floor like fangs so what exactly are you hoping to find professor signs of dr brass or what he or what he was searching for ah the ancient creature the mythical dragon of the forest something like that though the way dr brass described it it wasn't quite as exciting well you scientists tend to take the fun out of everything quick footsteps shuffle from deeper in the cave the two twist and shine their flashlights in the sound's direction but reveal only empty rock several small rocks tumble in the darkness they flick their flashlights around and just as their light connects a figment of a shape hides behind a stalagmite gunther aims his gun and cocks it dr quinn places a hand on gunther's shoulder she steps past him she pulls out a small tube like fossil from her pocket and raises it to her mouth and blows through it creating an odd otherworldly sound something like a crow and lion combined these damn scientists dr quinn steps closer to the column of rock blowing into the fossil repeatedly stands back, gun raised, sweat dripping down his face as a panicked look grows over him. Dr. Quinn stops only a couple feet away from the rock, lowering the fossil. From behind the slag mite, a shadow begins to move, rising higher and higher along the wall. Dr. Quinn's gaze moves upward, a look of wonder on her face. Gunther's eyes widen and he lowers his gun before dropping it onto the cave floor. A massive foot steps out, slamming into the mud, followed by another. Dr. Quinn shuffles back, tripping on a rock and falling to the ground. Before them is a creature, one standing almost ten feet high. Their flashlights trace their way up its massive legs to a broad, hulking torso with long arms dangling to the sides, wielding massive claws. The face of the creature stares back at them with an almost entirely human expression. Oh my god, it's. Sasquatch? Sasquatch, thirties, raises its eyebrows in confusion. Sasquatch, thirties, raises its eyebrows in confusion and gives a brief grunt. Cut to interior, diner, later. I just can't believe this luck. We see Dr. Quinn and Gunther at a booth sitting across from Sasquatch as he struggles to get a straw out of a paper wrapping. Yeah, I'm real sorry to disappoint you guys. He accidentally bends the straw. Damn it, I always do this. Whatever I hear, uh, whatever, I hear drinking with a straw gives you gas, so. So, do you know anything about the creature Dr. Brass was searching for? Oh, the velociraptors? Uh, yeah. Yeah, they're real. I'm sure your buddy found them. Probably got eaten by them, too. Sasquatch looks over the menu. Is the V for vegan or vegetarian? Because I can do cheese. Oh, yeah, here at the bottom. Yeah, vegetarian. Okay, we're good. So, are you the last of your kind? No, I got family back in Pittsburgh. It's easy to blend in there so they don't have too many issues. What's that supposed to mean? What's what supposed to mean? Listen, Sasquatch, we need help tracking down the velociraptors. Oh, oh, oof. Velociraptors. Oof. I don't know. That's tough. You don't know where they are? Oh, yeah, I know. It's just, it's just a lot of work. Okay, look, pal. Just tell us where they are. No can do. I'm a Sasquatch. I don't know, like, maps and stuff. I'd have to take you to them personally. Okay, great. Can you do that? I'll need something in exchange. Uh, fine. Gunther and Dr. Quinn look at each other. What is it? Sasquatch reaches into his fur. Gunther and Dr. Quinn lean back. Unsure of what he's about to pull out, he unveils an Android smartphone. My posts on TikTok aren't doing, my posts on TikTok are doing garbage numbers, and I just don't get it. He hands Dr. Quinn his phone, who scrolls through it, his endless posts of selfie videos. They autoplay as she scrolls. They're all of Sasquatch laying on a pillow on his bed. Does anyone feel like the discourse around heated rivalry is low-key based in misogyny? She scrolls to the next video. Does anyone feel like, next video, does anyone feel like she continues to scroll faster and faster Does anyone feel like, does anyone feel like, okay, hot take Okay, hot take, hot take, hot take, okay, hot take. Unpopular opinion, but unpopular opinion, but she scrolls to the next video which is Sasquatch in front of his bathroom mirror holding a gun. Okay, here's a list of all my favorite curse words, starting with Dr. Quinn shuts the phone because some androids can do that. Looks like you were probably shadow banned. God damn it! I knew it. Free speech is dead. Alright, I'll take you to the Velociraptors. Cut to interior. Gunther's Jeep, continuous. Sasquatch looks around the backseat while Gunther drives and Dr. Quinn sits in the passenger seat. Sasquatch finds a CD folder. Tool. Nice. You got good taste. Thanks. Aw, man. Jeff Buckley. Rip. You know, I always thought he wrote Hallelujah. Might as well have. Okay, pull in here. They pull into a very normal looking apartment complex. Nothing too fancy, but not run down either. This isn't quite what I expected. Yeah, I mean, it's not Culver City, but it's still a pretty good part of town. I guess I'm just surprised they're not on the west side. Hey, just be glad they don't live in the valley. Interior. Apartment. Continuous. Sasquatch knocks on the door of an apartment building. Dr. Quinn and Gunther stand behind him awkwardly, unsure of what to expect. The door opens to reveal Brett, 30s, a Velociraptor wearing a Thrasher t-shirt. He and Sasquatch clasp hands and do a special handshake that only a Sasquatch and Velociraptor can do. I'll play Brett as well. Brett the Velociraptor. Sasman, what's up? You picking up anything? No, I'm good. Just got some friends who are looking to hang. Jurassic, man. Come on back. Interior. Bedroom. Continuous. Brett leads the three of them into a bedroom covered in a haze of weed smoke. On the couch are two more Velociraptors smoking a bong. Another is on the computer playing Fortnite. Hey everyone, Sasquatch is here. They all wave and mutter greetings. Brett turns to them. You guys want any Mountain Dew Code Red? Oh, no, we're okay. In fact, I was curious if any of you have met my friend, Dr. Brass. One of the Raptors on the couch takes a massive hit from the bong and begins couching hysterically. But with that Raptor style sound to it. Dr. Brass! Oh yeah, for sure! Yo, Mike! Just then, a toilet flush is heard and the bathroom door opens to reveal Dr. Brass, 30s, a skinny white scientist with a white beard and long dreadlocks. I'll play Dr. Brass as well. Dr. Quinn? No way! You're alive? Hell yeah! You know my quest led me here, but really? It led me, he puts a hand on his chest, to here. I'm not a man of science anymore. I'm a man of feelings. Sasquatch and Gunther cringe. Dr. Quinn looks around the room. Well, alright then. It took us a long time but we managed to incorporate dinosaurs into the sketch so I think Shane should be good now. Sasquatch puts his arm around Dr. Quinn. It was quite the journey, but I think we learned a lot along the way. Gunther joins them in their embrace. Like how we learned that Leonard Cohen wrote Hallelujah, even though Jeff Buckley performed a far superior rendition of it. And I learned that even if you don't discover what you're looking for, it doesn't mean you didn't discover what you were supposed to. Dr. Brass walks over with his arms out, ready to hug them, but Sasquatch puts a hand on his chest and holds him back. Sorry, I don't think so, man. Wait, why? I just, the vibes aren't there, man. Gunther and Dr. Quinn nod. His vibes are not there. Wow. I love this sketch. I could see this sketch like animated. This is super fun. It feels like an episode of TV. Doesn't it? It feels a little bit like Adult Swim, but maybe not as It's very like Smiling Friends where none of it makes sense, but it just keeps going. I love it. Yeah, I was like, I don't know what I'm doing. Sasquatch is fucking hilarious. The reveal that we think it's going to be a dinosaur. And then it's Sasquatch. It's just Sasquatch. And then you're like, bummed you found Sasquatch. Okay, hot take. And then hard cut to a diner where it's just Sasquatch there. Okay, hot take. I love Okay, hot take. Unpopular opinion, but He's in the mirror with a gun. Does anybody feel like I love it. So good. Classic characters. Thanks for that casting. Felt right. Yeah, no. What did you think of my British accent? It was pretty good. I was trying to think of sketches. The other like sketch ideas I had, one was the pile of poop from Jurassic Park. I was like, is there something there? Where it's like, if Jurassic Park was actually open, like that's the main attraction that people want to go see. Oh, that's funny. Guys, if we go see the T-Rexes at 10am, we could go, we could do a fast pass for pile of poop. Yeah, that's funny. God, this kid is taking so long in the pile of poop. My pitch would be, I would have her wanting to go in the poop and they're like, you really don't, we don't need that. There's nothing that we need. No, I can do it though. I'll gladly volunteer. Like we have we have technology that that can analyze the poop. You do not have to put your physical hand on it. Fun fact about Jurassic Park is that the guy who wrote Jurassic Park made the main, um, whatever that guy's name is. Michael Crichton? He's like dinosaurs. Oh, oh, you're talking about the character. Yeah. That was based off of like an evil Walt Disney. Yeah. That's who he based it off of. I would say in the book, in the book, he's more evil. In the movie, they made him like kind of a little bit, like he's like a sweet, whimsical guy. Like you're evil. Like you ran this fucking enterprise. DNA. Why does that make him evil? In the, he's very negligent because it's like them combining types of DNA and not caring about, like not caring about. It's more like negligent because, because also in the book that they don't establish as much in the movie is like there are, and I think they do establish in the movie is like there's sightings of dinosaurs in other islands, like because they're escaping from Jurassic Park. So he's like he's creating stuff that's really dangerous and like bad for the environment. Like he's he's creating invasive species of like, yeah, crazy degree. Dinosaur DNA. But if I remember in the book, he's a little more fucked up. Okay. Yeah. Yeah. I love this sketch. I would say that this is like the beginning. This is like a cold open. Yeah. Oh. Well, maybe it's a little farther than a cold open. Yeah. Maybe it's when the Sasquatch comes. Yeah. It's like, whoa. What do you title this? Yes, yes, yes. Right? Sasquatch comes and then it's title. Yes. What would you title this? Dinosaur. That's I titled it. Yeah. Sorry. I said based on dinosaur. Yeah. Yeah. Sure. Um, your character. I very much visualize the guy from Jurassic Park was the short shorts. He's like, let's go. Oh, shoot. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Come on, girl. Yeah. Come on, girl. Let's go, girl. Oh, clever girl. Clever girl. Isn't he the one? Oh, no. The one who goes in the bathroom is like that's the client. The lawyer. Oh, they would kill the lawyer like that. How does clever girl guy die? The raptor. The raptor. The raptor. It was hunting him while he was hunting it. It flew Flanks him and he goes, clever girl. Because two of them come. That's what raptors do. He's trying to hunt the raptor, but the raptor hunts him. So good. Bye. Yeah. But I thought of like, is there a sketch of like why he wants such short shorts? Like they're working with dangerous dinosaurs, but he wants the shortest shorts on the planet. He wants his thighs to be able to run. His thighs are out. He's been working on them. He really has. He's been on the island by himself for months. He's a great cast. He's got the raptors. This episode of Smosh Mouth is sponsored by Stitch Fix. Ugh. I need to get new jeans. But I don't want to go to a store and try them on. Like, it is the worst. I hate dressing rooms. I always feel uncomfortable. Yes, exactly. And I want to try on my jeans with multiple different tops. And it's so hard to do that in a cramped public space. I think it's time you started using Stitch Fix. All you have to do is take a style quiz, which asks for your size, style, and budget. Then you get matched with a stylist, who's a human, by the way. A human? Wow, that's awesome customer service. Then the fix box arrives at your doorstep. You can try everything from the comfort of your home and keep what you like. What happened? What happens if something doesn't fit me? You just send it back. Free shipping on returns. Yeah, but I don't want a subscription. You don't have to. Stitch Fix doesn't require a subscription. Wow, this is my dream service. No, seriously. You have to try it. I've been using Stitch Fix for years, and I love it. Get started today at stitchfix.com slash smosh. That's stitchfix.com slash smosh. Now back to the show. Let's go. Yeah. This episode of Smosh Mouth is sponsored by ZocDoc. Okay, you be Shane, I'll be Amanda. And I'll read stage directions. Okay, yeah, and I can be Selena. Interior Smosh Mouth set, day. Amanda and Shane are in the middle of doing a ZocDoc ad read. Amanda has the teleprompter today. Suck it, Shane. ZocDoc lets you search and compare high-quality in-network doctors. It's free to use, and they have more than. 150,000 providers. Shane breaks. I'm sorry. I just don't understand. I don't understand why I have the long lines when you have the teleprompter. Intensely. They have more than 150,000 providers within 200-plus specialties across all 50 states. I mean, come on. Okay, you know what? All right. Whoa, hey! Seriously, I've tried to find doctors in the past, and it's been so overwhelming until I started using ZocDoc. Okay. I had pushed off doctor's appointments for years, but the app was so simple, so easy to find doctors in your area, under your insurance, that I had appointments set up within a week. Yeah, that works. Interesting. Cool. So do we dance now? Your health matters, and taking care of yourself shouldn't be complicated. Ready to be seen? Now we dance. The jingle plays, and they do their silly little dance. Whoa, wiping windshield? Yeah. Windshield wiping? Yeah. That's awesome. Thanks. Do you guys like the Jurassic World movies? I liked the first one. Dominion? That's the later one. Yeah. I didn't like the first one. I can't remember the first one. Is the first one when they're in the glass, like, orbs, and they're going through the. Yes, yes. That one is fun-ish. That one is fun. It is fun. I still. It's fun. I have brought this up on multiple videos. I think a scene from a movie that I think about more than almost any is from Jurassic World, and it's the babysitter at the end getting brutally killed by every. It's probably one of those. It might be the most brutal death in, like, all of the movies that I've seen. Picked up, thrown. Because it's like, she does. Isn't she on the phone? She's done nothing to earn it. Yeah, she's, like, negligent to the kids. She's, like, negligent, but she's. That's why they killed her. But, like, they rip her apart. A pterodactyl picks her up and is, like, dangling her along, flying around, drops her. Another grabs her. Yes, yes. That's it. Picks her up and is, like, taking her. And then it flies out into the ocean. Yeah. Where then a giant sea dinosaur eats both of the. Like a whale dinosaur. She gets double eaten. Yeah. No, it's. It's so messed up. And I'm, like, what? Okay. Damn. And she probably just needed, like, a little bit of extra money. She wasn't going to be a babysitter forever, man. Yeah. It was, like, a rich family, and she's, like, I'll travel. I've heard rumors that it's, like, oh, they cut scenes where she's awful. Like, she was awful in all these scenes. And I'm just, like, I don't know, man. Like, that's a death that's befitting, like, the main villain. Yeah, sure. It's just. It just looks insane, too. Yeah, that scene has. I have a hard time believing. I'm believing it, too. That scene pisses me off because there's crowds of people. So many people. And all these pterodactyls are, like, no. Her. Yeah. Let's all go for her. Yeah. I'm just, like, what? Oh, there's the guy with. Oh, who is it? Jimmy Margarita. Why am I calling. Oh, oh, oh. Jimmy Margarita. Oh, no. I know who he's talking about. Jimmy Buffet. Jimmy Buffet. Jimmy Buffet. He's in the movie holding two margaritas. Is he really? And he's running. He's, like, whoa. I don't know if I've seen all of Jurassic World all the way through. Oh, it's so good. Oh, my God. When they're in the glass orbs. Don't do that. It's good. And there's two brothers, and they're in the glass orbs, and they have to go and run with It's scary. It has me on my. Compared to Jurassic Park, though. No. It has a lot more dinosaur. Nothing compares to Jurassic Park, but you know who drives me crazy in Jurassic Park is the older sister. Really? She is so. Oh. That scream she does, though, is, like, I don't know. Those facial expressions are crazy. Do you know the part that, as a kid, I kept rewinding because it made us laugh so hard? Do you know when the two velociraptors are. They're after them, and they go into the kitchen area. And it hits the glass? And it hits the glass, and she does this funny facial expression. She goes. She has some crazy facial expressions. She has some wild. I remember thinking the Jell-O looked so good. Yes! Yes, and I've never wanted to eat Jell-O. No. The way it was shaking. It looked so good. They had all the food, and they were eating, and he's sitting there, like, and his ear's all bleeding. Yeah. Or remember when Laura Dern is sitting back there? She goes, oh, thank God. Oh, yeah. And it's the arm that comes over, and she's like, no! Or the run with the. Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Laura Dern. Laura Dern acts her ass off in that. Oh, yeah. Yeah, she does. It's got some good stuff. If Jurassic Park was a real place, imagine tomorrow, they're like, hey, Jurassic Park is real. I mean, it is. It's called Kauai. And would you go? That's where they filmed it. Yeah. But there's not dinosaurs there. There's not dinosaurs there, Amanda. Okay, and in the movies and the show, I think it's like, isn't it like Costa Rica? Isn't it? Isn't it more in the. Something like that, yeah. But anyways, okay, who cares where it is? Okay. Actually, it's an island somewhere, but they go. Jurassic Park is real, and you can go. We're offering you free tickets to go for a couple days, and you're going to stay on this island. You're of like this new. Before it's open, they're like, you're going to be part of this like press tour, like you're going to go do some social media videos. Do we have knowledge about it beforehand? What do you. Like what knowledge? Do we know about all the Jurassic movies? No. So he's asking. She's asking if this is in a world where there were no Jurassic Park movies. Yeah. Is this like a clean slate? I have no knowledge. I think this is a new. Imagine it's a new thing. Imagine it's like, hey, like in our world. In our world, the Jurassic Park movies, but they're like, hey, we've found a way to bring back dinosaurs. Yes, I'm in. You're going to go. I'm going. It's the same thing with me for like robots and. Like they're making robots that can fight. It's scary. Like why. And we exist in a world where we've seen. I don't know why we're doing it. Why are we doing that? Did you see the centaur robot? It upsets me every time. No. The centaur robot, it looks like a demon. It walks on four legs. It has two arms. And it's to. It's to fire rescue. It looks terrifying. And it can hold a chainsaw. Yeah. Why are we giving robots chainsaws? And why is that part of fire rescue? So they can cut down trees and get in there and to. Forever ago, when. You know Boston Dynamics who make the like the robot dogs and stuff? I. Forever ago. I remember like 10 years ago, they're like, look at these robot dogs. And all these things they're making. They can do flips and run on all terrain. And I was like, they're going to give those things a gun. They're going to give them a gun. And then I saw a video recently where one of them had a gun. And I was like. I was like, why are we doing this? Yeah. Why are we doing this? It's like if Terminator was poorly written. This is so bad. I'm like, why are we. Wait. Come on. Stop. That is so bad. Like, I hate it. But to answer your question. I'm less scared of dinosaurs than I am of AI and robots. I completely agree. I'm fully. Okay, but what if we combine the two? And that goes back to what I was saying. To robot dinosaurs. Hello. Okay, then I'd maybe be on board. Yeah. You'd be on board with robot dinosaurs over dinosaurs? That's just so cool. Yeah, because dinosaurs are wild animals. That's just so cool. Honestly, I'd have to seriously. But what is a robot dinosaur? Like. No, yeah. See, ultimately, no. I'd have to seriously think about it because, A, it wouldn't be a family trip for me. I wouldn't be bringing my son to the silent. You would not have your son. And then if I go and get killed, then my son doesn't have a mom. That's how I have to think. That's tough. How sad is that? He'll probably sue and he'll get some money. Oh. He'll be set for life. So I should go so that I could sue and he'll be set for life. I mean, realistically, it's no different than you go to. Go get eat, eh? Go get eat, eh? It's not much different than you go to a zoo where there's polar bears and elephants and stuff. I don't go to zoos. Yeah, okay. But, I don't know. I'd be scared. I would want to go. I. I would want to see a dinosaur. I would want to go, too, but I would literally set up everything at home. I'd be like, I will a setup. I think if I was armed. You're armed? You can't be armed when you go on the island, Chance. They're behind. What? Chance, no. Can I have a sword, then? No. If I can have a Chinese sword. If I can have a Chinese straight sword, I think I'd be pretty set. Absolutely not. You think. I think a T-Rex would not be taken down by that. It would have a tough time with. Do you know. You would have to be slicing at its legs. Do you know that it's. That's why I would obviously go low, slice the Achilles tendon of the. Oh, just like that. If I can get under and beneath it, I'm slicing it. If you just get under the T-Rex, then yeah. And then I gotta go around, hope its tail doesn't hit me. And then it'll probably bend this way, so I'll probably back up, maybe go for its eye. That's so cool. This is from Dinotopia. He's like, he says all this, he's like, here I go. And then it just grabs him. And it cuts off half your body. Did you know that a T-Rex's jaw, the bite, is more intense than two lion bites? That is. I would assume so. I would assume it's huge. That's crazy that you guys. Amanda, I'm pretty sure, isn't a T-Rex head the size of a lion? Thanks for these fun facts. Did you know that a T-Rex bite is much stronger than a human bite? I can't hear anybody talking, it's so weird. Because I'm looking. Did you know that the dinosaurs existed millions of years ago? Did you know that sometimes dinosaurs get sick? Yeah. Mic drop. Wonder what snot dripping from those large nostrils and coughs looks like? Mic drop. Mic drop. Paleontologists found the first evidence of a non-avian dinosaur with a respiratory illness in 2022. I will say, I'm less scared, dinosaurs scare me less than when they talk about like, oh, if like glaciers melt and there's like ancient parasites or ancient microbes in there that. Who is saying that? What are you talking about? Ancient microbes? I think that's just the thing I thought about at some point. Ancient parasites? Hey. Hey. Another thing we have to worry about? Like how, um, like how Megatron is frozen in the Arctic. Yeah, but imagine if he was microscopic and like, uh, disease. I'm more scared of disease and stuff. That's so upsetting that you're saying this. I'm sorry. I'm sorry. Uh, disease, that scares me a lot. It scares me so much more. The Megalodon kind of makes me like excited. A T-Rex can only eat so many people. But in Jurassic, he eats whoever he wants all the time. Yeah, but there's still a limit. Do you remember the version where, um, uh, they're in the plane for half of it? Yeah. And they're hanging on for dear life? Huh? Wait. Huh? Yeah. Which one? It's not a plane or it's like half like a trailer. Oh, the second one. Yeah. Thank you. Lost World. Lost World's pretty good. Lost World is fun because. Jurassic Park 3 is dog shit. Lost World is fun because we get to see it in the city. Yeah. That's really fun. We're talking about separate things, but yes, of course. The T-Rex in the city. They take it back to like San Francisco or whatever. No, this one is like they're trying to help a baby and then it goes after them and knocks their. That's in the city? No, no, no. That's, that's on the island, but then they get the baby's mother and they bring it back and the baby to the city. Oh yes. Oh my God. You're right. And then the ship. And then it busts out of the ship. Oh my God. That one's really good. That one's fun. You are correct. Okay. We have a dinosaur looking like a giant rat. This odd dinosaur. Oh, so is that what you're related to or what? It looked like a giant rat? Her name's like Susie Osaurus. Yeah, it has a furry body, which suggests it's a distant ancestor of the giant ground sloth. Yeah. That's what I was talking about. We had those in LA. Yes. Wow. Huh? They were in LA. Okay. So I guess there is a. The La Brea Tar Pits that we were talking about. Yes. So you know how we just got the new D line, the subway? Yes. They had to dig up so much to build that and they found so many fossils and they collected them all and they're going through them at the Geffen Center and outside of there. They have them in huge giant bins of all these fossils and shit. Do they have an update of like what they've found or anything? Yeah, they have been updating it. I wonder what kind of dinosaurs were in Los Angeles. Famous ones. Because I know T-Rex are up like stars. You remember the raptors from Jurassic Park 2? Yeah, they live in West Hollywood. Celebrities, honey. Beverly Hills. Beverly Hills. Because I know if you go to like Montana and you hike around, that's where you can find a lot of T-Rex teeth. Oh yeah. And there's state dinosaurs too. There's state dinosaurs too. Yeah. Yeah. That's crazy. Ours is like a duck dinosaur. Cute. Yeah. Honestly kind of cool. What's Boston? I don't know. I have to look it up. Some guy. John Adams. Yeah. That's their dinosaur. Wow. Yeah. Well. Hit us with another. You got another one? Guys, I have so many. Are you kidding me? Do you have a good one? You've given us really bad ones. Are you joking out of your mind? Speaking of rats though, something I learned in my book. Don't. The Rise and Reign of the Mammals. Did you know that like on the tree of like species, humans I believe are closer, more closely related to rodents than we are to like a lot of other animal subsets. Is that why we use rats as test mice? Might be. I can't go like, I don't know further than that. Okay. But what they do describe is like, oh, if you look at rodents, like they like can grab things. Like their hands are. Oh. How dare you. Sorry. Like you think about it. A rat can like grab stuff. No. I am a dinosaur. Rats kind of have little tiny human hands. If you think about it. Stop. That is so gross. They do in New York. They just pick up forks and knives. That's so true. And they cut through a meatball. And pizza. They talk. They talk in New York. They're like, hey. I'm walking in. Hey, what are you fucking doing? What are you doing? I'm a fucking rat. I can't do a New York accent. New York. New York. Fuck that. I'm out. Okay. New York. Boston is Boston. East Coast. So Brooklyn, New York. How you doing this? Where as Boston is like, what are you talking about? They're all kind of similar. Because Philly is not even that far. Right? Philly is a totally different accent. Oh, is that totally different? Yeah. I don't know the Philly accent. I can't do it. Oh. Does Pittsburgh have an accent? Maybe. Sorry for my diss about Pittsburgh in my script. What was it? Was it a diss? It said that the Sasquatch's family could live in New York. They could live in Pittsburgh and blame you. Oh, yeah. I just picked a city. I thought it was funny. But the people in Pittsburgh do not like you right now. Oh. I don't know much about Pittsburgh. I don't either. I stopped in Pittsburgh when I was flying back from Canada. I think Pittsburgh is probably really cool. Why? Hmm. Damn. I guess we'll have to go there and find out. What's your favorite thing about Pittsburgh? Yeah. Philadelphia, Philly cheesesteak. I'll just say that. I feel like someone from Pittsburgh is going to comment and be like, "There's nothing exciting about Pittsburgh." Yeah. 100%. If you're from Pittsburgh and you want to comment on this video what the coolest thing about Pittsburgh is. Let us know. That's what I feel about Connecticut. Wait. Connecticut is cool. Oh. What's in Connecticut? Colleges. Yale. Oh, yeah. School. School's there. Water. It's actually very beautiful in Connecticut. Haunted inns. Oh, good. So, ghosts and homework. Racist, ghost, and homework. I'm good. I'm set. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. Yeah. I get that. Yeah. I get that. I get that. Okay. Dinosaurs often swallowed large rocks. These rocks stayed in the stomach and helped them grind up food. Oh, like pigeons. Pigeons do that. Really? That's crazy. Pigeons do that. I just saw this comedian the other day, a clip of him, and he was like, "There are pigeons that fought in World War II that are alive today." What? What? No. Look at the lifespan of a pigeon. No. That's just what he was saying. He was screaming it. Well, I think he was lying, because I think pigeons. In the wild, three to five years. In captivity or domesticated, 10 to 15. So, how did they fight in World War II? And that they're still alive. I don't think that that is correct. Well, they might have been used as messengers. Yeah. So, they wouldn't have been fighting. I mean, unless. Maybe a pigeon got. Maybe a pigeon killed. Got a gun. Or didn't need a gun. Maybe. Hey, motherfucker. Pigeon just perfectly flew into some. Served in World War II. Fought in World War II. Flew into one of the Axis Powers' mouths. There's like a bunker they're trying to get. It's like. Yeah. And it flies in. We can't get in there. Can anyone. Got it. Yeah. He flies out. Did that pigeon just fly to that bunker and blow it up? I got you. I love that. That's literally what the movie Valiant is like. Valiant? Yeah. That's the pigeon. Oh. Okay. Back to this. Let's get a little hot in here. What if. Superman S on my chest? Whoa. That would be crazy. You should be wearing nothing under there. That's how you wear one of these. Imagine I just unveil my chest right here. Just like, anyways. Honestly? Yeah. That would be cool. Amanda. All right. If you could go back. Okay. You have a time machine. Okay. Would you go back. It's like, time machine. It's set up. It's going to go back to the Jurassic period. Okay. It's set up. It's set up. It's set up. Okay. Okay. Okay. Can I get back? Am I a human? You're a human. What? Why would you. What else would you be? How am I going to protect myself, Shane? With a sword. There's different versions of this. You can't bring anything back with you. What? You have to stop with this. No. You can't bring anything now. You think you can bring swords everywhere. So I got to be naked? If that's your choice. I think you can wear clothes. Oh. Okay. You come back with just a little thong on. Here me out on this. Ow. I'm like, okay. You can only wear a leaf. Okay. So. I need a big leaf. They go, okay. We have a time machine. We have a tiny little campsite. Tiny. Little. In the Jurassic period. We're going to go back in time, and you have to spend one night there, and we don't have weapons or anything, but just whatever. After the night, do we get transported back immediately? As soon as the sun rises, you can come back to the modern day. We'll give you a million dollars if you spend a night in the Jurassic period with no protection or anything, just a small little campsite. Yeah. Done. You're going to do that? They're going to be fire. They're going to see your fire. You're going to be freezing cold. You won't be equipped for how cold it is probably. It was cold back then You don't know that They're warm-blooded and cold-blooded It was rainforests Well, you're gonna go to Okay, you're gonna go to a temperate climate Or not temperate You're gonna go to a climate that is You give me no supplies You're gonna have a tiny little campsite It's one night I don't know, man One night But a dinosaur only needs one night to eat you Yeah, but I feel like there's like A lot of open space Yeah, which is bad They run They have like stampedes I think I can survive I would do it Me too For a million dollars? I don't know if I'd One night, Shane I would be like Oh, that would be so cool I'd also be terrified One night I don't know, man I would train them Because you have to also think Scientists have only discovered So many of the dinosaurs that existed You might go back There might be bigger, scarier things There were 700 different species of dinosaurs That we know of Correct There's probably more And do you know that they found a fossil That's over 300 million years old And it was in the Grand Canyon? Oh Is that from the pre-Cambrian era? Nice Thanks I don't know I don't know what that means Yeah, me neither I just said that I wasn't sure I know it was an era Yeah, I wasn't sure what that But I don't think I don't think it What I said is any substance Yeah To anything But yeah, the Grand Canyon I do know that they discovered a lot of fossils there Because it goes so far down Yes They can check the records of stuff Yes Yeah So, yes There's a conspiracy about the Smithsonian That they found stuff in the Grand Canyon And they're hiding it Why are they hiding it? Because it disrupts the narrative What's the narrative? Just what we know about Everything History, yeah I remember when I was young And I was into, like, conspiracies for a little bit When I was, like, 18 There was the, like, conspiracy of, like Oh my God, they discovered Egyptian artifacts in the Grand Canyon Yeah, I've seen that And I remember just Like, it took me just thinking a little bit longer Of being like, that's ridiculous But I'm like, how cool would that be? I kind of love that How cool would that be? I kind of love conspiracies It'd be so cool What if there are some, like, tunnels Like, some, like Portal things A stargate A stargate Well, isn't there a conspiracy that, like, aliens built the pyramids? Yeah Yeah, I don't buy that Yeah At all I think they built the I think I mean, yeah Yeah They've I think nowadays they've really, like, discovered how they've Oh, okay Could have done it Did they? That's a conspiracy I think so I think they've found a lot of versions of, like, this could work It just took them a long-ass time Yeah I could build a pyramid And I I know you could It's a triangle, like It's like, okay, actually How did they build this big triangle? Um, hello? I mean It's not a triangle What is it? A pyramid It's a pyramid It's a bunch of triangles put together A lot of them are squares There's one square It's on the bottom Pull one square there Just stack up Is it four sides or three sides? Uh, it's four Three Four Three Or It's five sides It's five? You're talking about its ass Yeah Could it also have three? You could You could Oh, right Bottom You could do The bottom is a square Okay I'm here I know I'm here But you're talking You're talking, like, vertical Like, how many sides? And it was four For the famous ones Mm-hmm Yeah You could also do a little bit more of, like, what is it? A ziggurat kind of structure What'd you call me? Ziggurat I don't know I'm talking I am way out of my head right now What are you saying? Do you want to know what the heaviest dinosaur is? I started this by saying I don't know trivial knowledge that well And now I'm trying to speak on things that I don't know Hey, ziggurat Do you want to know what the heaviest dinosaur is? Was it, uh Is it starting with a P? It's got to start with a B, right? A I thought it was, uh It's not Brachiosaurus or Brontosaurus It did not win the World Cup Argentinian-saurus Argentinosaurus That's 77 tons Whoa Can I see a picture of it? It was equivalent to 17 African elephants Whoa Can we see it? Was it on land or swimming? It's one of these, cuties Oh, yeah Yeah Massive I feel like there's so many versions of those Yeah Long necks What do the long necks do? Why would you So you can reach the tree No, it's for the trees Yeah So you can reach it? It's like giraffes, yeah You just eat the stuff on the bottom But they are not the Oh, yeah, they are the longest dinosaur They're 40 meters long Whoa That's like 120 feet And the smallest dinosaur Is the little bird-hipped plant-eater Called Lesothosaurus Which was only the size of a chicken Smaller fossilized examples have been found But these are baby dinosaurs Aww So cute What? I think I see your Are you a stegosaurus? No Triceratops Oh Well, a stegosaurus has voted the dumbest dinosaur Jesus So awful Okay So mean Guess what I think I see your dinosaur Oh No, mine's cute Okay The size of their brain was the size of a walnut Only three centimeters long And weighing 75 grams That's crazy So That's a little rude that they said it was the dumbest That's just I'm always a little blown away Like, I know that they can measure these things and figure it out But I'm like, by looking at, like, a skull They can figure out the size I know that there's probably the space for inside of, like, how big the brain was But still, them really figuring out, like, specifically How big that brain was Is so cool to me How big that brain was But I'm fascinated That they do all this research and they're like, guys, we figured it out This thing was dumb as shit We did it And they all high-five and kiss Kiss? Kiss That's what scientists do What if the dinosaurs had a brain? If the dinosaurs had, oh, like, robot brains, though That, like, disintegrated Are you well? Go on Are you well? Like, biomechanics All right, so Selena wrote a sketch in the past two hours And I think we should read it Okay Selena's gonna read the stage direction And then she will go ahead and cast us So, Shane, you can be officer lead and reptar Okay Chance, I'm gonna give you Rex and. Old woman Thank you, yes Wait, who is Rex? Is Rex just T-Rex from Jurassic Park? Rex is the dinosaur from Toy Story Got it Toy Story, yeah Amanda, you're Barney and Aladar Do you know who Aladar is? No I don't know Aladar Aladar is the dinosaur from Dinosaur Oh, shit Oh, wow, okay That's okay I'm Barney and Aladar You don't need to know anything He's a cool dinosaur Okay Okay Interior, police precinct, night Camera flash A lineup of six people in a car Six dinosaurs holding number placards Turn to the front From left to right are Reptar, Barney, Rex, Aladar, Yoshi, and Littlefoot Some are calm And some are shaking in their boots You can guess which ones Officer lead and a distraught, frail old woman With cartoonishly large glasses on top of her head Are across the room inspecting them Officer lead steps forward I'm lead officer, officer lead This little old lady tells me That one of you has wronged her It wasn't me I've never done anything bad in my life I was framed Hey, whoa, it's okay Nobody's in trouble Yet Now this can go one of two ways Easy or hard If you don't cooperate, I'm easy If you cooperate, I'm easy If you don't, I'm hard Some of the lineup snickers Littlefoot and Yoshi peek around And hesitantly laugh along You two don't know what we're laughing about, do you? He said I'm hard And that means that his dick is on it I'd be careful if I were you Disney has ears everywhere Anyway, ma'am Do any of these suspects look familiar to you? Oh, I don't know Was he green? Oh, come on Why would you say that? We were all thinkin' it Well, was he? I, I think so Exactly Well, hold on, that's inconclusive She said she thinks so We have to start somewhere What about his height? Surely whoever did this is tall enough Like an actual dinosaur? Rex darts his eyes to Aladar who towers over everyone You know what? I'll take it At least I can reach stuff That is a low blow and you know it No, no, he wasn't that tall Or maybe he was Oh, I think he was on two legs Thank God No, she said she thinks Do you remember if he had spikes on his back Or maybe a shell? I think so, maybe a shell They all look at Yoshi Who, who's Yoshi? You could be Yoshi Oh, God Wahoo Is that Mario or Yoshi? That's, that's Mario Chance, you be Yoshi What's Yoshi sound like? Wahoo Wahoo No, because this is Yoshi Can't make up her mind He really meant to say bitch But he auto-sensors to Yoshi The rest of the dinosaurs look and stare at Yoshi What? Nothing, I just see you differently now Okay, look officer This is clearly going nowhere She doesn't remember anything You got the wrong guys Maybe we should just go home And do this another day What about that long neck over there? Whoa, whoa, whoa You can't say that His name is Littlefoot He also doesn't match the description so far I think she just wanted to say that out loud I'm sorry officer, but What are we in for again? For stealing my glasses You mean the glasses that are on top of your head? The old woman feels for it and puts it back on. The dinosaurs start rolling their eyes. This freaking guy. Oh, there it is. I've been looking all over for it. I'm sorry. This is just a big misunderstanding. She adjusts her glasses and looks at the lineup. A light bulb in her head clicks. She points to Reptar, scared and angry. You! You killed my dog and burned my house down! And you laundered money in my name! The dinosaurs look at each other, stunned. Officer lead face palms. Reptar takes a deep breath and quickly breathes fire on the old woman and officer lead. The rest of the dinosaurs stare wide-eyed, even more stunned. Holy shit! Yoshi! Ian! Oh my god. I've got that Reptar can breathe fire. That is amazing. Reptar can breathe fire. First of all, your character. The old woman, what was your pull for that? I feel like you changed the tone of the old woman. She had an arc, is what we call it in the movie. I think you had a recasting. She had an arc. She got recasted. I was going for like Angela Bassett at the end. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, I love it. I picked up on that. Yes. I picked up on Angela Bassett. Yeah, that was really good. Yeah, it's like when they have, it's like, oh, we had some no-named actress in the first movie. And then it's like, they recast. They got Angela Bassett as a player in the second one. Yeah. I liked that this was dinosaurs, but also the usual suspect. Very funny. Yes. It's a good combo. I watched a lot of Barney. I watched some Barney growing up. A lot. Yeah. Great work, Selena. Great work, Selena. Thank you for writing this in a matter of two hours. Two hours. That was awesome. Incredible work. Guys, that was, that's the kickoff to Dino Week. Now, if you're watching this, you get a whole week of dinosaurs. Are you so fucking jazzed? Are you jazzed? Yeah. You guys are lucky. It's dinosaur time. That was not. That was pretty good. Think about it. Think about hearing that in the distance. Ready? That's really good, actually. I'm going to try mine again. I wouldn't think that's a person. I would think that's an animal. Awesome. I would think that's a guy. I would think that's a man. I'm trying to make it more literal. That's a guy who's like, my leg. God, I got so drunk last night. That's good. That's a little more. That's good. That's good. Okay, that's good. All right. That's a cow who just got tipped. Oh, he's heading out. And Shane, yours, just to close us off, we can. Yeah. So you hear off in the distance. It's your. Why is it so funny? Why is it so like. It's so funny. It makes so much sense. And yet it's so funny. It's so good. Why does it kill me? Can you give us the outro like that? I can't. No, I can't. Yes, you can. Just try. What? You can do anything. Just give us the outro. Do it. Thanks for watching Spongebob. We'll see you later. I can't do this. What is happening? Bye. Oh, my God. Thanks for enjoying Dino Week. It's just the beginning. Oh.