#146 - Advice For 20 Year Olds

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You skateboard? A thousand, of course. Jesus Christ. Do you skateboard, do you like longboard or short? You just keep jumping up the list of hot. You do a kickflip? Yeah. Yeah. Fuck yeah, dude. You should see me on a skateboard. What's up? It's crazy. I wish I could draw. It's one of the many talents I don't have. It's too bad you can only skateboard. But are you guys going to be honest with me? Yes. What are you talking about? Shane and I are very, very vulnerable in this. This show is just like a real conversation. I know, but we're like being filmed, do you know what I mean? Sure. So there's a level of perception. I don't even see the cameras, that's what's crazy. No, Amanda. Camera, camera. Amanda, I can tell you, honestly, Amanda, she is not holding back. Oh, sometimes I drive home and I go, why did I say that? No, no, you don't hold back. It's you I'm trying to get to the core of. I think I can be a little bit more careful with my words when the camera's on, but I'm going to be honest. It's not a lie. I need to work on being honest. Really? Yeah. You think when the cameras are on, you aren't. Yes, I think I have a propensity. Amazing word. What the hell? You just bumped up even hotter. The vocabulary. You're at the top. I have a propensity to perform. Perform your. I've performed my entire life. My entire life. Also, yeah. Well, like, literally, like, if you think about gender, if you think about, like, I'm just like, oh, I have a propensity to perform, and I really don't want to do that anymore. Okay. So I got to slow my roll today. I got to show up honestly. And with that, let's begin. Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda. And we have a very propensity. Oh, my God. Joyful, wonderful guest. Their name is Rory Kramer, but do not get it twisted. They are not Justin Bieber's photographer. But if they were, they'd be skateboarding with Justin Bieber. Yeah. Biebs. Hey, Rory Kramer. Can we say Biebs? I love him more than anything. You know, on that podcast, the Lost Cultures podcast, and they say, what's the culture that made you say culture was for you? It's Bieber. It's Justin Bieber. Yeah, it's Bieber. Has it been from the beginning? Oh, my God. Yeah. I remember where I was. When Bieber was born. Yeah. Well, I remember I was like an early kid. Kid Raw. Yeah, this is like YouTube channel was Kid Raw. And I was an early. I found him early. And I was like, I'm obsessed with this kid, his talent, his whatever. And then I would look him up on iTunes all the time, trying to find music that came out. This was so long ago. And then I remember I was in Chile and we were skiing and I went inside to use the computer and I went to like the iTunes top 10. And one time was. Was charting. And I went, oh, my God, that's that kid. And then I like scaffolded my entire. I think I'm Justin Bieber. So Rory is Justin Bieber. Also, Rory was born in Argentina. Chile. Chile. You were born in Argentina. I'm half and half. OK, so I got it half right. Yeah, that's right. The other thing about Rory also is Rory is incredible. We love Rory. And Rory also directed Smosh Hospital and also created and directed two episodes on Bit City that is coming out. I think next week. They're on the felt board. Oh, my God. Hey, Selena's incredible and does this felt board. And I didn't even look at it. Watch their episodes on Bit City 6, 12 and 7, 10. They're so funny. Both Shane and I are in there, which we will touch on. But also, I just have to dive in a little bit more into your love for Biebs. OK. Is this a type of thing where you would want to meet and hang out? You know, some people don't want to meet. Sure. They're heroes. Don't want to meet your heroes. I'm that way. Yeah. Same. Have you met any heroes? I could have, but I genuinely, like, if I see them, I'm like, nah. Like, I saw Conan O'Brien at a music festival a year ago. And I remember it being like, whoa, like, I love Conan O'Brien. His comedy is so influential for me. Like, I really like so much of what I've learned over the years. I try to, like, model after him. But I was like, I don't want to say hi to him. Like, let him be. Was he, like, singing and, you know? He was just walking around. Like, he wasn't. Yeah. That was the time to switch him up. He was massive. Oh, he's the tallest man. He's taller than me. But I think he's so funny. But I was just like, I don't need to. I love, like, I love the work that people do. Yeah. I'm like, I don't know you. And I don't want to be, I don't want to, I don't want to, like, mess up what I enjoy about the work. If I meet you and you're kind of an asshole. Yeah. Or if you're just having a bad day or whatever. I'm just like, I'm just going to let you be. Do you know who I met because I was weirdly bartending their party forever ago? This is wild. Meryl Streep. What? And her daughters. I was bartending a party at her son's house. And it was just me. Gracie Gummo. Who's that? Isn't that her daughter? You just made up a name. Gracie Gummo. Is her last name Gummo? Gummer? You know what? All right. Nailed it. Honestly, you're probably right. But I cared so, so Meryl Streep, I will say, was incredible. Really? The epitome of grace. Just so wonderful, so welcoming, and funny. She was just so. She's hilarious. She was so relaxed. And so, and she looked impeccable. So anyways, Biebs. Yeah, my ex-girlfriend looks a lot like Meryl Streep. What? Yeah, your ex-girlfriend. Are you serious? I only realized it later. Meryl Streep. I was watching. I was watching. What? What's that movie with Alec Baldwin? No, no. Oh, like It's Complicated? Yeah. Or It's Complicated? It's Complicated. Hey, stop copying me. This is Gracie. Nora Ephron. It's Complicated. And the whole time I was like, oh my God, she looks just like my ex-girlfriend. But I didn't realize it until, and we haven't been together for years. Did you, that make you want to go back with your ex? It's complicated. It's Complicated? It was just really, it's, it was really jarring cause like they look, yeah, they look really similar. You don't want to get into it. I'll get into it. You just said that we were supposed to be vulnerable and real. I'll be vulnerable. Rory. She won't listen to this. Okay. So Rory, you also struggle to be vulnerable and real. No, no. I, well, I actually kind of do. Which I actually don't think is true because every time I've hung out with you. You're like the most, you feel like such an open book. Like every conversation. I'm hanging out at lunch in between like shooting insane sketches for bit city and we'll sit down for lunch and you'll just be like, so what's like inspiring you guys lately? Yeah. Like you'll just throw out like a really deep question. That's a safety blanket. That's a safety blanket because guess what? They're not really talking about their stuff. They're like interviewing. Oh, try to have a, you watch me and Angela try to have a conversation and nothing gets talked about. I have. I have. We'll text each other and it'll be, she was texting me the other day. You guys are playing pong. It's just like going back and forth. Imagine a tennis court and instead of facing each other, we're facing away and behind us are walls that we're hitting the ball into and it's flying over us and then hitting the other person. Yeah. Whoa. That actually makes like, what do you guys actually accomplish when you text? We truly the other day she was, I was texting her and I was like, yeah, dude, I'm, I'm kind of mid crash out and she goes, damn fam. And I go, yep. And I go absolutely for real. How are you doing? She goes, Oh, what did she say? I did it all in caps. Sometimes. Well, actually a lot of the time. Yeah, I know she, and then I, she said she she'll text me sometimes something that's like, she'll say you're a perfect human. I love you. Never leave. And then she said, enjoy yoga. I said, thank you so much. Enjoy yoga. And then, and then she said, I just told you that I thought you were a perfect human and you, and you responded to me with X, Y, Z. And then I said, Oh, I need to thaw out. And then I sent her a bunch of vulnerable thoughts. Oh, I need to thaw out. And then I sent her a bunch of vulnerable, like archival footage and pictures and videos. And I was like, this we'll have to do for now. Yours is through. You also, I will say you take, you take time to process things and, and, and respond with the right thing. That's so nice to hear. Yeah, you do because I'm very vulnerable with you. I, you'll be like, Oh, you did great. And I'm, and I like get deep and you're like, wow, thank you so much for writing that all out. And here's the thing. It's not with everybody, but with you, I feel very open and safe. Oh man. That's so, I feel so, yeah. That's such a privilege because I, I texted Amanda about, I asked what the biggest difference between being in your twenties and your thirties are. Yeah. Cause baby, I'm, I'm bumping up. Honey. I'm bumping up. No, you're not. You're in your twenties. I'm in my twenties. But I'm like the oldest. I feel like the oldest person alive. That's crazy. Cause I'm 29. Just kind of overseeing all the 20 year olds moving through there. Yeah. There are people who are a hundred Rory. Okay. So you texted me. But then, you know, then I'll turn 30 and then I'll be the youngest person to ever live. I'll be the youngest person you guys know. The youngest 30 year old. Yeah. Okay. That is so true. When you're 29, you're old. When you're 30, you're young. It's weird. We can ask you guys a question about something and then we're going to come back to this cause I do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. At what age do you start saying I'm dating a woman? Like what? How old did they, the woman, how old does the person have to be to be like, I'm dating this woman? Sixties. I'm just kidding. Um, do you know what I mean? Like if I came to you and I was like, Oh, I'm dating this girl. Yeah, you are always saying girl. So I feel like when you say woman, you've decided that's where you're at. And woman to me, if you said I'm dating a woman, I picture her a little bit older. Of course, but what's the age? 50s. 50s. This is where it gets interesting. Okay, okay, okay, okay. I think it's a little, yeah, it's a little. 45 and up. Because there are some 41-year-old girls. But, like, imagine if I came to you and I said, I said, Amanda, I'm dating. What the hell? Hold on. That happens all the time. It has to. It does. It does. It's crazy. It's like Shane and Chance. For some reason, my brain cannot. Like, I will interchange your names for some reason. Rory, you better finish this thought. I'm hanging on by a thread. People often say me and Chance are the same. I can't see you. I say, oh, I'm dating this girl. You go, oh, cool. What's she like? Oh, she's 40. She's like, like, if I came to you and I was like, I'm dating this girl who's 40. Okay. So does that. But then I'm like, but what if I'm 40 and she's 40? And you said I'm dating this girl. I'd be like, cool. I mean, she's dating this girl, right? If you were dating a woman, to me, that means, like, she's older, she's mature, she's lived, she's divorced, she broke up with a man. Interesting. I almost, see, I feel like. She's already had a life with a man. I think you can compare it to when, like, someone's talking about, like, oh, I'm dating a boy. Like, I'm dating this boy. Like, you know, I think it's just more about how someone carries themselves. A boy is different than a girl, though, in my opinion. And boys get, they get, they graduate to guy. There's guy. There's guy. And there's man. Yeah, you're right. There's three levels. There's three evolutions. She is, like, you're dating, like, a boy. Hit the comments and let us know what you think. For sure. I think, but there's a certain age where, do you think, it's almost an insult to be called a boy or a girl? Oh, a girl. Well, for sure. Totally, right? But then I say, what if I date someone? Let's say she's 34, but she has a child. And I'm saying I'm dating this girl. You know, she's a woman. Of course. What's that? Motherhood. Like, at a certain age, though, I'm just like, it's how someone carries themselves. You're passing over a certain part of your life. I don't think there's, like, a degree or an accomplishment you get that makes you, like, a woman, though. Can I say a hot take here? What's the 10? What was that? 10 minutes. 10 minutes. For what? That's your 10. Don't worry. You're not directing this. Don't worry. You're not directing. You can just relax. I don't. Mommy and daddy, we've got this. Going back, though, I think it's, like, it's how someone carries themselves. Like, it's how, like, someone, it's a confidence thing. Like, there's no accomplishment. There's no job or family or anything you can have that's, like, you're now a woman. It's just, like, truly, like, I think it's almost a decision. I think it's a vibe. But what I want to say as a hot take is I don't get upset if you would call me a girl. I don't. That doesn't bother me. I think it's cute. When, obviously, an older man says, okay, girls, I'm like, okay, bro. You could almost argue, like, the true ultimate evolution of a person is to contain both multitudes. And that would be. Wow. Right? Because you don't want to lose. Because some people, like, get older and they're like, well, I'm a man. I'm a woman. Like a lady? And they lose. They lose the, like, the fun of, like, no, you still want to keep that part of you. Yes. But it's. It's adding the, like. That's why I think it's cute. It's having both. Being able to be both. Like, if you said I'm dating a lady, I'd be like. Ooh, a lady. What's going on? She gets treats in her purse. And she comes out of her carriage. She gets treats in her purse and she has six white little dogs. She has her gloves. She takes it off. I'm dating a lady. I'm dating a girl. She has Werther's in her purse. I'm not against. Yeah. Yeah, yeah. Well, what about they, thems? What about it? I still think. To me. What do you say? To me, it's just like. What do you say? To me, it's just like a fucking adult. Like, just someone. Like, there is a. I'm dating an adult. I'm dating an adult. I don't like. I don't know. I don't know terminology for it. I am dating an adult now. There's just a, like, a level of just, like, people who I'm like, yeah, you're fucking grown up. Wait. What do you say, they, them? What do you say? Well, I've had this conversation with many. I'm dating a person. Many people I've dated. You can fucking. They can laugh. No, they are laughing. She's, like, holding it and shaking. No, she's not. Alexina is shaking. No, that's just how Alexina laughs. It's very cute and sweet. No laughing. Alexina is a girl and a woman. For sure. She's not a lady. Well, she can be a lady. Lady, lady. Okay, keep going. Jesus. So, what about a they, them? Right? Because this is. Well, I'm on the cutting edge here, right? With all the they, them. You are seriously on the cutting edge. It's crazy. I'm on the cutting edge of they, them stuff. So, would you say I'm dating someone? I'm dating a partner? The person. But here's the thing that always happens. Let's say someone's having a conversation and they're dating a non-binary person and they go, yeah, well, I'm dating this person. Girl, guy. No, I'm dating someone. They're a person. They go, okay, and they're non-binary, which is also the most clinical term for something that means kind of. You want to have some badass terms. Wait, what do people say when they're dating you? Because you're they, them. Yes. Do you consider yourself non-binary? Period. Let's discuss this. I'm going into my book. So, yeah, what do people say? So, what happens, right? I've had this conversation many times with people I've dated because this comes up. They go, what do I tell my family? I say, you tell your family I'm your lover. Okay, okay, that's assuming a lot, Rory. Go ahead and assume, babe. Okay, you prefer lover, nothing else. I think it's hilarious. I think it's hilarious to go to a friend's birthday party of the person you're dating and for them to be like, this is my lover. My lover's coming in. My mate is coming in. My mate. This is my lover. Because partner, I'm sorry. No. No? Foul. Whoa. It's foul. Partner feels like you're really buttoned up. And you're in a business deal. Yeah, it sounds like you negotiate. Well, I guess relationships are a negotiation. That's beautiful and fair. That aspect exists. But you're talking about the kind of like fun, raw part of it. Yeah, I think lover's. This is the light of my life. I think light of my life sounds like it's a funeral time. When they walk in a room, they lit up the room. Lover is good, though. Because I do feel like that's a grown-ass term. Lover is really cute. I don't think that fits for boy or girl, right? It's like, no. No. Because you've got to know a lot of shit. You've got to be confident. To me, lover is you're like, you don't take life too seriously, but you really are super connected to this person. And you guys. Yes. You can talk about money and then have sex later. There's a responsibility and a respectfulness. You can talk about your budget and your finances and that debt. And you can fucking fuck. And then you can fuck later. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Hell, yeah. Wait, so but for real. They, fist bump. They. They, them, fist bump. I would actually like a subtitle. A subtitle that when you cut to us fist bumping, it says they, them. So they, them have had a really good time on set. Yeah, but I really. Hit the comments. I'm sure a lot of they, thems listen to this. I'm so interested in this, too, because what if someone assumed that you would want partner? Would that be a discussion? Would you let it? You have this conversation. They go, I'm going to introduce you to my family as my partner. I'm going to say, no, you're not. Okay, so you immediately are like, no. I go, I'm already foreign to them. You're going to make me your partner? This is. I wish there was a better term. Yeah. You have to come up with one. I kind of agree. Like, I wish there was. Because this is totally different, but, like, when I got married, I actually hated using the word husband. Whoa. It made me feel like a different type of girl. Because, like, my husband's a. It made me feel that way, which is, like, very sad because that's such a societal thing. Because he is my husband. He's my lover. He's my mate. He's, you know, he's my best friend, whatever. But it's like. Beautiful. I really didn't like using husband. So I say H, which is his name. But I'm like, what is that connotation with husband? Because I married him. He is my husband. I think it's like, I don't know. We use these terms to describe our people. And I think some people use it in a way that I don't like. So I think that it's tainted it forever. Absolutely. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it is bespoke, right? Person to person. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Because we're all so different individually. But I get that. You say wife. What about you? I don't actually. You say Courtney. Yeah. Wife doesn't. Wife does feel weird. I do want to be clear. When other people use partner, I don't have judgments about it. It's just about you. It's about me specifically. And I think that's fair. And I think everybody's that way to some degree. I think what we see in a society is weird to put the pressure on. This is the term that you have to use. It's like, hey. No, I don't know. I think it's the same. It feels so sitcom-y. When I say my wife, I feel like I'm fucking King of Queens over here. My bullshit. Fucking wife. My wallet chain. No, it just doesn't. Yeah. My old lady. I also think like. Want to know how to make a marriage last? Yeah. Shut up and do whatever she says. Make your wife happy. Do what she says. Let her win. Every item win. Happy wife, happy life. Yeah, I don't agree. I'm like, throw up. I think all that shit. But true. is there. Throw up. Throw up. Vomit. I also think I. I don't know. I'd have to think about it more. It's just a feeling. I'm just like. I just don't. It just doesn't feel. Right? Yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, like, I don't mind it. Yeah, yeah. It'll. I'll say it. Like, it's the legal term. But here's what's weird. But I sometimes also think, like, best friend almost feels like it ranks higher. I agree. I agree. No, that's a higher accomplishment. I completely. That's so beautiful. I think because a lot of people get married and I don't know if they really enjoy hanging out with their wife. The amount of husbands. We're husbands. who hate their wives, like, are just. Well, husbands who are incapable of being best friends with. It's crazy. anyone who's not a man, like. They're like, God, I got to get out of the house. My wife is driving me crazy. So, I actually think it's an institution and it's a label that doesn't have much, like. What does it mean? You know, societally. So, should we bring back the label in a better way? Because here's the deal. Sometimes H will say, oh, my wife, Amanda. First of all, he never calls me Amanda. Ever. Like, never calls me by my full name unless. Does he know your name? Unless he's, like, upset. Has he forgotten your name? Oh, my God. He's like, Sherry doesn't know my name. Angela? Oh, my God. He literally doesn't. He doesn't know my name. He keeps calling me Nikita. He's like, Nikita. But he never really calls me by my full name. And when he does, I'm like, uh-oh. But sometimes he'll be like, oh, this is. my wife Amanda and there's some like nice pride about it that I'm like oh that also yeah you can't say my wife because Borat ruined that my wife what does he call you is it really attractive when a guy brings up that that thing that when he says my wife has like a funny thing do you think it's attractive no okay yeah I was just asking you guys that's some straight stuff also I hear straight people are pegging now that's like a whole thing they love it that's all of them are talking about I hear about it they love it we made a joke like seven years ago we wrote a sketch where I played a character that wanted to get pegged by a giant vampire wait wasn't that me you later played it in a later sketch I was Lady D from Resident Evil and you wanted to get pegged but it's become the joke that's because of that one but I don't even think it's a joke I think like literally I think they're just curious and interested I just I go oh please yeah please explore just do it explore have a good time yeah have a good time can I ask a vulnerable question yeah after pegging of course you guys took that really well it's less extreme but I actually feel like it's a more hot topic of like I feel like tons of straight couples use partner oh my god definitely and that's something I didn't see until a couple years ago and I'm I don't know do you think they do it so you ask do you think I guess it's like I'm curious and I'm very it's one of those things where I'm like I don't know but is it straight is it straight couples trying to be like oh we're an ally so we're doing it to like normal it or is it also to kind of like or is it kind of to also some straight couples to be like we're not we're straight but we're oh we're cool oh you think they're like yes yes they're like we accept we accept they them we accept everything that's going on so this is my partner do you think yeah add my two cents oh yes we don't want to add in the ring girl royal rumble no for me i say partner because saying boyfriend is childish yeah totally and i don't know another word to say and that comes back to like the boy and the girl thing like saying girlfriend saying boyfriend that's true because you don't have to be married to like say partner or boyfriend that reminds me of how like after courtney and i got married i'm like i know so many couples who aren't married but i'm like but they've been together for like 10 to 15 years and i'm like you guys are kind of more like you are and then that's the married thing that's the societal like they're as married as or more it's like you don't need to get married to have a solid relationship but i get that you can be together with someone for 20 years and it's like well i get the boyfriend but no well and that totally makes sense as like an interim to like in between like okay boyfriend feels young we're not married so there has to be like something kind of in the middle partner part and partner makes sense i just want everybody to feel good you know what my my you know what my i've had this thought uh lately is just that i'm like oh the english like the english language is going through like evolution yeah yeah yeah and it's really weird for people yeah and uh language is what affects our reality right it's why like it language creates culture it creates everything so words are spells we're realizing our language is so limited in under like our understanding of things it's why i wonder if it's why we see so many people just cannot comprehend so many realities of of humans and especially when it comes to gender and stuff they just cannot comprehend it it's like yes because we don't have can't we're coming up with the words to describe it yeah and you have to trust especially like a name change yeah like they don't i think there are some people who make it like very intense when you mess up a new language and it's just like there's they have been trained on this old language for whatever 70 years it it takes a second for them to figure it out so like i think there needs to be given grace on both sides of that completely well that that is something that with gender in my own experience of it has been as long as somebody is trying or if somebody comes to you with like a true curiosity and they mess up i'm like oh i'm here with you for as long as you need to figure this out if somebody comes to me with any kind of debating tone or they they don't want the way i shut off completely like i just you can recognize disrespect what do you do do you because it's not your job to educate them so what do you do when that's so sad because it's such an opportunity when somebody comes to me with curiosity it it there are so many things i could talk to you guys otherwise that yeah is fascinating yeah because it really is taking the the matrix pill like you with like transness it's literally about yeah yeah the i i've heard that recently that made the matrix oh i don't think i've ever heard it is yeah yeah because both of the the sisters who made it are oh yeah yep yep yep but they realized it after the fact that's so fascinating interesting the experience of it is very similar to the matrix because you essentially die in response like that's how it feels like it feels like i've died and then re-established all the terms of my life and had to and what's interesting about gender versus sexuality because when i came out as gay that's a different thing because when you come out as gay you kind of go i'm gay and there's nothing you can do about it gender is so much in my experience so much more vulnerable because you come forward and you're like okay so i'm going through all this gender uh shifting and i do need that is really right because when you're gay you don't need everybody to participate in fact you don't really you don't need their permission or anything no but when you are going through now i do have a question yeah did you always feel this way about your gender a thousand percent i have a video of myself at one and a half i can send to you guys it's i have this video of myself at one and a half and i this like little girl on my mom's best friend's arms and i'm whispering in her ear and she goes wait what are you saying what are you saying you're a boy you're a boy i'm like truly one and a half like toddling across the table some of my earliest memories that is wild yeah i remember uh i took a psychology of gender class in college and they talked about studies where they're like yeah we we were able to pinpoint and see it so early on yes like it's it's not like there's no cultural uh influence to it it it's just kind of there from the beginning but but for but for a while like you just kind of kept going well my circumstances were everybody has a different story but my circumstances were i was i was i've always been androgynous my entire life like i don't i don't know if i'm necessarily full boy like i i like being in the middle i feel a bit alien like i'm like i i identify with parts of both but i don't fully identify with one or the other and it kind of changes from day to day but my experience was i was always really androgynous always with the boys boards classic classic but in middle school my dad died and that and at the same time people were kind of getting sorted into piles like it was boys over here girls over here yeah and i got sorted into the wrong pile and to create safety for myself i learned that status was very helpful and in creating a sense of safety at a time when i didn't have safety so i became really good at being a girl i was a really good girl you showed me a picture of you i was awesome because here's what's crazy about rory i mean i don't know if rory remembers this but the first time i met rory yeah did you remember me from when i worked as a bartender yeah yeah years ago and you were like i was a girl then so you probably wouldn't and i was like oh my god i was girl i was you were girl method actor good you were the meryl streep i'm the meryl streep of wow and that's saying i'll talk to her and tell her that i would say that to her face so you think you're good try doing this for 25 years jesus that's actually really good i'm really good your dad died you got sorted into the wrong pile and then you were like like i needed safety yeah i didn't have people around me and or like grief was so unbelievable i was 11 when he died and the grief was like immeasurable and i didn't have someone to process it with with so the only thing the adult side of myself knew to do was to seek safety through belonging yeah to do that growing up in the united states was their status yeah i've had this incredible sense of homesickness my entire life my entire like just this feeling of homesickness and only in the last couple years figuring out gender has it like alleviated wow yeah because if you think about it and this is something i do have questions for you guys about the difference between being in your 20s and your 30s i think one of the things that surprises me the most about the experience moving through gender identity is the amount of grief that you experience because when i look at my 20s and i look at the mistakes that i made or it was always really hard for me to connect with people which is why i'm was telling you guys the beginning of this like i need to like just let you guys ask me questions and yeah let it be because i'm so used to being i can trick myself into thinking i'm connecting when really what i'm doing is controlling you're controlling the narrative controlling the conversation to stay to stay safe of course to move the dials and it's not very interesting anymore to do that but when i look at my 20s it's really hard sometimes because there were so many moments where i really could have connected with certain people and i i wasn't able to because i didn't know that i was lying yeah whoa yeah i didn't know that i wasn't showing up and it was this feeling of like something is missing something is wrong and i i have no idea what it is i couldn't figure it out in therapy i couldn't figure it out with my friends because a lot of my friends even to this day like i have friends who are gender queer but like i was not i did not have any trans people in my life i yeah hardly i'm friends with a lot of sensitive men that's kind of my my bag like an army of sensitive men am i an army of beams yeah i'm a sensitive of beavers of bees just like bees yeah well that makes sense I'm still kind of dealing with that of just being like oh they're kind of some ghosts from my past where I really hope at some point we can have a conversation about it because it was impossible even relationships I'm like why couldn't I oh I couldn't I because I I wasn't I wasn't I'm like in my body for the first time now I think we underestimate the grieving process and I and I don't just mean with your dad with this grieving process of your whole body shift identity shift you go through all of the stages and it's really scary to be very honest about and and the only way that I can relate in the littlest bit is just postpartum of just this like oh this this I I had my therapist be like oh everything you're describing this like unbelievable anger that surges out this deep sadness this hopelessness this this weird this this weird this this weird anger this this weird like you're on drugs joy all at the same time this deep understanding and then this massive confusion yeah she's like oh yeah you're grieving that old part of yourself is gone yeah completely gone and so I can't even imagine having it gone inside physically but also you're at a like another level of it being gone physically too well I remember when I got top surgery and because I was again beautiful girl so like I benefited yeah you were you were like I was like I was like I was like You were. You were a beautiful girl. You still are, honey. I was a beautiful girl. Shane, stop denying that they were a beautiful girl. As the famous poet Justin Bieber said. Yes. Yes. But I was, I benefited a lot from being that way. Like the system for women, I was in the spot of like, I benefit the most from this. Mm-hmm. Yeah. And so to give it up, when I got top three. But you're living in the matrix. Yes. But I was like, the intersection of like actually figuring this out, because I'm kind of on the other side of it now. But at the time when I was really in my head and really sorting through all these feelings, I remember being like, oh yeah, of course I want to get surgery. But that would be like hanging up my jersey. Yeah. Damn. Wow. Literally, because I'm like, oh, I can't like, it's not a party trick anymore. Like I can't like suddenly just flip a switch and be. Yeah. You're drawing the line. I'm like, yeah, I'm changing my literal body so that like my, the invitation to go play on that side and kind of play in that way or perform in that way is completely out the window. Yeah. And you've worked on that role for so long. I know, I know. You're crushing it. Yeah, actually. You really are Meryl Streep, but beyond Meryl Streep. Yeah, except when you go to the Arclight and they have like the cases of like, you know, famous costumes from roles instead of a beautiful dress. It's just my boobs. Your boobs are just up there. It's a cast of. There's a line waiting to see that. Oh, right. But that's a really interesting. Interesting part. I mean, there's so many different parts. I mean, it's. Experience is insane. Yeah. And you're, you're. It's interesting because, yeah, you're, you're like swimming upstream against society's pressures and stuff with it. You know, it's. It is the greatest splash of cold water. Also, it, your ability to observe other people and see where their pain lives is like suddenly it's like x-ray vision. Yeah. Oh, yeah. You see it. So you feel it. Yeah. And that's what's so funny. I, now I understand why you're a little bit worried. Yeah. To get. Into your thirties. Cause when you texted me, what's the difference between twenties and thirties? Man, did I send, I sent them a, I wouldn't say it's a novel, but I sent, I really thought about it. Cause I loved that question because I think your twenties are yes. Like, yes, yes, yes, yes, yes. I'm just doing everything. I'm going to try everything. And then your thirties are no. And the no's are really sharp in the beginning. And then they're like a no, thank you. And I feel like your thirties, you don't have. The choice. You're faced with all the shadow selves, regardless. So like your twenties, it kind of like appears and you're like, what's this about? I don't know. I'll deal with it later. And then all that stuff that you want to deal with later, just, it comes full surface in your thirties. You have no control over it. If you are on the path of wanting to, you know, figure yourself out. What would be an example of that? So I made that shit up just now. What did I just say? Actually, none of that's real. I have no idea what's going on. It's when people go, well, yeah, you always do this and you're like, oh, and you get so angry about it. And then like days later and you go, wait, do I always do that? Or was that person just rude? And then you go, oh my God, wait, I always do that. I always do that. Why did that make me so mad? Why do I always do that? Where does that come from? So it's like you go down this journey and to me, it feels like it's right in front of your face every morning of less like this. This is who you are. This is who you are. And some of it's great. I think that's starting to wash up on shore for me now. Like I, for some reason overnight, I suddenly cannot tolerate doing things I don't want to do yet. So I like cannot tolerate my body will not. You're ready for your thirties. But it's the thing that not everybody in their thirties or fifties stops. Like some people go there. If you're not, if you're not like open to that, I mean, my God, look at our, look at our parents or that generation. Like I, I think maybe that's washing up on shore for them now. Yeah. I think for me, it was definitely a bit of a, maybe it was like a child actor thing of just like always like, oh, what is my career going to be? What is my life going to be? What am I working towards? And then suddenly you're in your thirties and you're like, oh, so this is my life. Like this is who I am. There's no working towards. I mean, there always is working towards, but I'm like, oh, I, my life and who I am. And that's, that's today. And I doing what I can do today. And I'm enjoying my life. I'm enjoying my life today. Yup. And, um, you know, I've been thinking a lot about that. I've built a whole career following the dreams of like a 14 year old. Beeps. Yeah. Me like a traumatized 14 year old. He was like, oh, it's going to save me Hollywood. I mean, yeah. And then I'm like, oh my God. I feel that. You, you are doing really well, but that you're saying regardless of doing well, your career started when you were a kid. Yes. And, but, but also because I'm doing well, I'm being, which is very sweet of you to say, uh, I am being faced with moments of like, oh my God, I thought this would solve everything. Oh, and it's, oh boy. It's not. Sure. I feel that. I feel sober to what you're talking about specifically though, about like, I just want to be happy. I literally, I don't care about it. I'm like, oh, I, I, all of the rest of it can go. I just want to be happy and enjoy what I'm doing, which is why I'm so happy to be here. But then, but then you're in the present moment and that's when you feel so happy. But that, that negative brain. seeps in and goes, well, what are you doing? What are you going to do? So to me, it's the battle of when you are present doing really what you want. That is the big magic. That's the joy. That's when like nature's colors are like, oh my God, look at that green plant. Look at that flower. But then I think it's battling that ego, that negative part of your brain that literally is like, this is what you're going to do all day? Yeah. And I saw this, I saw this Instagram thing that I was just like, oh my God. It was like, anyone else have a baby and just want to quit everything and just be with your baby 24 seven? It's not realistic, but like you do. Because I think it, the part of that is that you see, they see everything for the first time. So you get to go, yeah, look at those leaves in the wind. That's cool. Let's try to touch it. And it's like this, it is very big picture. Zoom out. Have you ever heard the song The Mother by Brandi Carlile? Of course. I love that song so much. The song makes me cry. It makes me cry. I'm not even up to that. The Mother, The Rose, Bette Midler, stop. But also Brandi Carlile just did a duet with her wife. Really? Yeah. That's really good. Mother and You by Justin Bieber. I guess, I guess they call her, her wife. So there's that. Just going back to people calling each other partners. Oh, wife. Yeah. It's fine. I get the partner thing. I just, I wish Americans were more creative with their language. Like the Italians have words for everything. What would you say where you're from? Chile, Argentina. Esposa. Esposa. Mi esposa. But my friend and I used to make up words because we felt this way. Like we came up, we used to make up fake Italian. Sorry if this is insensitive to the Italians in the chat, but we used to make up fake. We hate them. Oh, cool. Stop saying that. That's, that's what's crazy. But yeah, we used to make up fake Italian words. So one of the words that I remember we made up was like, you know, when you're like hooking up with somebody and like, you're kind of staring into the ceiling, like you're so not there. You're like, this is just like bad. And I'm like, not connected to this. And I'm kind of just like, look, breaking the fourth wall with some like fake audience. Oh yeah, of course. Cause the camera's always there. Always. You're like, whoa, the camera of my life. We used to call that pressura. Pressura. You go, how was it? How was it with them? That's way better than being like, I wanted to do what I just said. Yeah. It makes it a little bit easier to kind of get past. I love that. The Italians watching this are like, that's a real, that's a real word. And that's what it means. You nailed it. Actually correct. Yeah. Wow. Yeah. It's really good to hear this, that like you guys are two very grounded people in your thirties. We're both in our thirties. I mean, it's, it's pretty cool. A it's not like, oh, I turned 30 and boy, you know, I was able to shrug off all these things. Like it's still there. You just start to like, I almost feel like in some ways, like the difficulty on like my ego got cranked up like it's like alright we're continuing it's like oh now we're going to hard mode and I'm like okay if I don't clock my ego more it gets harder and harder and harder just cause I'm like oh I'm older like I have more experience and I'm making this mistake and I'm not doing this oh and I haven't done this like oh wow I've extra fucked up whereas when you're 25 you're like well there's still time like if I say something stupid and there's a comment that's like Shane's wrong about that it hits harder now that I'm an adult now that I'm like 34 cause I'm like man I had way more time to figure that shit out and I didn't cause your fate everything is right there in the forefront all the stuff that you were like but it's I mean it's also a recognition of like it's such a short amount of time and then I'm like oh and I'm everyday I'm kind of a baby like everyday you're figuring things out over and over again like there is no graduating where I'm like I'm wise now like yeah you gain wisdom and stuff I want to be wiser but I'm always going to be naive that's what's good I think a lot of people go I figured it all out I've decided I've learned I'm done and then they get to our parents age especially my mom I feel like my mom's like oh my god I don't have the best relationship with you know so and so do you think it's cause of that I'm like yeah it's cause of that like what she'll call me and be like I did this thing you'd be so proud I said you can come over to my house and no one else will be there it'll just be me and I'll just focus my time and I was like good for you my heart is racing cause that sounds really vulnerable it's so vulnerable I think my mom like fills up space with every she wants to make everybody happy yeah like do you want to spend the weekend at my house but then a thousand random people are there Mark's gonna stop by he has stuff for me I don't know how long he'll stay he's bringing the ladder he borrowed like 10 years ago yeah good accent he's bringing the ladder he borrowed like 10 years ago ladder I think in my 20s I was too much of an adult I actually don't think I think my 30s might need to be a little looser I recognize that I look back um I was I was absolutely trying that's a very like child actor thing yeah like trying to be an adult so bad that's why I think a lot of child actors like get so messed up later on cause they like were like I was never a kid my development is all messed up I wanted so badly to be like the wisest like most mature person when I was a kid and I look back and I'm just like god who the fuck was I I was so cringy but um I'll like sometimes look back on like early smosh videos like from 2015 and stuff and I'm just like god I like who is this guy yeah and I like look younger but I come I feel like I come across older and like more almost curmudgeon-y I feel totally the opposite I feel like my 20s I was very much like I was just like fuckboy era always saying yes I said yes I was just like everyone can F off I am going to have the wildest time I don't know I don't know because I normally am a scared person is that so not now no like I as a kid I was a scared person but my mom always was like no get in the water you're scared of that we're doing that yeah you don't like that we're doing that like I and so I think it's trained me to go well of course I'm going to do the scary thing I have to and now it's so ingrained in me that I I love doing the scary thing I think that's why I love doing characters and performing is because it like connects to that part of my brain but my 20s was 100% that's so funny I just said I felt like I was locked up inside my head until like 28 like I was like I don't know what life what opened you up you ever done drugs no no he's never has um do you drink or do any I drink weed or anything I yeah but it's not like it that helps you but you've never done like a psychedelic no okay no I like not not not for like not wanting but I never felt safe enough problem was I felt so anxious and unsafe all the time that I was never in the zone to be like oh I feel safe to do that so interesting so it kind of didn't allow for it um would you ever sure my god I want to be there so bad yeah the problem I think a big problem was because of how anxious I was all the time people were like oh Shane's too straight ed she doesn't want to do that stuff so I'd never I was never in the space and then it like kind of that makes me so sad because I think in our 20s so much of what we do is we give people social roles to follow yeah it helps us make sense of things and so people point at you and they go well you're the straight and narrow or like I guess that's what I guess and then we start to believe this idea of what we are when it's like that's not necessarily who I want to be or who I am it was tough though because at the same time I was extra terrified to take any risks because not only was I just an anxious person but I also had this career that I had given up high school and the college experience for so to me I was like I gave up in my head what I told myself for so long was I gave up my life to pursue this and if I don't succeed at it then I gave up my life and I failed at this and I have nothing and my life has been so much pressure oh yeah I ruined myself with it and now like I've got like it was like kind of once I got past and then like honestly what freed up some of it was like some of the Smosh experience I'm like this is the weirdest I'm in wacko world where none of this is the normal human experience so it's like I hopped over from like any sort of normal path into weird world I think that's why I I mean I'm grateful to be at Smosh for a lot of reasons but that's one of the main reasons I'm really grateful for it I've been having this like reckoning recently where like there's there's a path that you take especially with directing and writing and acting and like the kind of traditional industry path and it's really lonely and if you are one of the youngest people in the room it's very alienating yeah you have to be an adult also with directing it's so bizarre because like I directed General Hospital for a long time which is wild to me yeah I was 27 directing General Hospital I can't even crazy but the reason I bring up my age is because that show is the longest running TV show of all time so the people who work on this show have been working on it for 35 years they're 100 years old and they're phenomenal and amazing but it's a really part of my job directing is a performance in a lot of ways too and I've been changing my relationship to that a lot where I have to go in and convince these people these people that I love that I'm that I'm in charge yes that what I say goes and that is a really intense thing to assume responsibility for at an age like that yeah well it doesn't give you any opportunity to like because you are also silly it doesn't give you any opportunity to like be silly because it'll lower your status and status was like the first thing that you kind of experienced to feel safe so you kept the status forever I mean when I first met you I was like hello nice to meet you really yeah whoa and then and then we started playing and I was like oh we're silly you're so curious you're so interested you're so like free and open but like how you first present yourself is like I will I will not be taken lightly like I'll be taken so seriously in a good way that's it no no I I'm I'm not surprised that that's the yeah what so because also a huge part of what I do is I'm a visitor almost always mmm like I'm I come to places I whether it's a TV show or even project larger projects it's like there that environment is only yours for five days three months however long it is we're on st. Denis I integrated there such a funny show I love that show I was there I shadowed a couple episodes so I was like around and I got to know people and then I did my episode my episodes only like two weeks the issue it's only two weeks amazing another instance though of like being a twenty-something and yeah it's just a very bizarre experience and I'm really grateful for the directors who are older than me or ahead of me who can give me advice on mm-hmm yeah things so what was it like when you came in a smosh because heaven on earth it's work I mean I wouldn't say we're all the same age but we're kind of a young place though I it's a weird it is a young player we're like the people in charge of everything or in their 30s right that's that's rare any sort of entertain because you go to like studios and it's like yeah a bunch of sixty-year-old seven-year forever or even if that like they're 30 somethings later 30s or in their 40s and there they all have kids who are like they're like hey I got to get out of here at five because I got to pick my kids up they got a basketball game where I'm like oh we're in different stages oh I have like there's only two people here who have kids yeah so like it was really it was really nice to come here this time I'm last year I remember sitting and thinking about what I wanted and I said I want to be playing games more I want to be performing again cuz my whole background is in comedy performing and just like in the mix with comedians again because I'd taken such a break from that scene yeah and I want to be doing like sketch I was just like there I was like this is that is what I'm missing whoa that's literally it Dan Leahy actually messaged me was like hey would you ever want to do stuff with smosh was like I've heard of smosh like and of course I knew you guys from being younger but I didn't know the new version of smosh yeah and I knew tangentially kind of cuz of Angela and I have been friends for many years and I I was just like loved that she was famous now I was just got such a kick out of it was like oh my god like cuz I don't get people's Instagrams or anything and every once in a while would like go see what she was up to and I'd be like she's got like yeah yeah she's like and which is still true for me with you guys because I also only really know you guys we've talked about this many times but in the context of the studio or like when we go out it's it places that people aren't gonna bother you. I haven't been to like the airport with you guys you know what I mean like I haven't been in an environment where you guys would be getting stopped so for me I'm like it's crazy to me that you guys are famous anytime I've gotten stopped by a TSA agent it is the sweetest thing ever they're like I know I cannot bring out my phone right now I know it is illegal but I need a selfie with you now and if you have a knife I will let you get past don't worry about it and let me tell you I look my worst at the airports and I have the most no worries it's all good it's all chill all good bring in whatever you want it's all chill Sarah Christ get on over there and I'm like thanks by the way we got some characters coming from this new bit city that are banger I think it's my favorite Amanda character wow that's what Angela said I mean dude you got talk about method you got so into this character that we would cut and you wouldn't break character I wasn't there and that's gonna be weird when you watch it you're like you didn't break from this character I wasn't there all I know is I've been really challenging myself to play against type characters like Bridget Bridget in Will You Be Mine was like such an against type for me but also still me and Dariah Rhea really excellent name yeah that was one of the hardest times I've laughed this year was being in the writer's room and us being like we want to do a Mariah Carey character Dariah Dariah and someone goes Dariah Rhea I think it was you I don't know if I came up with Dariah Rhea but someone did and it's it killed us you locked into this role yeah and it is fascinating and before we got on set I look over and you're scrolling through your phone on your notes and they're just you're scrolling past text texts of tons of writing oh yes and you're like these are all my notes and writings on this character and you've you've come up with a background yes and I remember you turn to me and you go every night she has a Snickers and Bailey's and you go what and I go it's just something that I want to keep in the back of my head that's just who she is I literally I had so much fun researching this character and for the whole weekend I always write like a one sheet for myself on every character but for her it was so easy to come up with lore for her it was just like oh of course oh of course she has I don't want to give anything away but the Bailey's and Snickers thing I was like oh yeah she would have like someone who's so like intense on camera goes home and just unzips and it all lets out so funny and she pours like oh oh A thick glass of Bailey's and has Snickers and she just sits there dead didn't you say that's based on someone you know in real life yes my sister's old neighbor my sister's old neighbor in Quincy, Mass and here's the deal this woman I swear to God she lived by the door so every time my sister would pull in she'd go Allie hey Allie and Allie would go oh oh oh I'm on I'm actually on the phone was never on the phone it was just like and she told her she's like yeah I lost all this weight she goes how'd she do it she goes well I stopped my nightly snack Bailey's and Snickers my sister's like I stopped drinking a gallon of alcohol cream every night she dropped like 50 pounds let me tell you people on the east cows and you know what that's what your 30s is all about yeah so I recognize like what do I need what do I not I gotta drop that thing of Bailey's what do you guys think your biggest pattern was in your 20s Jesus hard turn damn okay here we were having fun laughing well derriere the worst pattern well chew on that I will say that your character as well oh my god is like yes yours yours was like kind of a highlight just in that like there was such a production around your character I always wanted to play someone so high maintenance that I that it needs like four people to get her up that's what was really really fun but your character I will say really had me in stitches many many times Chance plays like a Justin Bieber like a kid raw era a kid era like bowl cut Justin Bieber era type of sensation and I play his dad and I will say I was trying really hard I was trying really hard to like kind of like just be in it and I was very inspired by some of the family vlog dads that I have met and they're all very similar and it's just like these dads who are super like amped they're super like yeah like they love selling their product which is their kids and it's just I'm like you looked so I was like oh my god it's Shane you I mean it fit you like I was like oh my god sorry listen hey I'm gonna say this better I'm gonna say this better the wig fit you so well but I was like this is him it's this guy and what I love so much is you smiled in such an aggressive way you weren't like mad but your smile could like tear flesh yes you know what I'm saying performing kindness right like they perform nicely yes but what was so funny about your character is you would always be like in the background of a shot just 32 beaming all 32 teeth yes you were just lit so anyways this comes out a week from now I'm so excited for the bit cities it was a fever dream did they tell you the callback that we put into the second episode should we reveal it maybe not I don't think we can reveal it so I'm playing another character there's also a great character I I do I play like a middle schooler remember the joke yes Jason yeah so I play a middle schooler named Amy and man she she just matured really fast yeah she got her period when she was 10 you know what I'm saying and she just you know she's just and she just John Goodman let me just tell you she is the life of the party hell yeah and she there's a there's a little easter egg okay that she puts out that's connected to your character very excited yeah the next couple episodes of Bits of the Hour not the same episode they are a wild ride but Rory you pitched these episodes and I remember being in the writing room on the first pitch that you did and we were all so jazzed because like to me it was like a nostalgic blank at your pitches it was just like yes yes it was like that thing that you really want to do and it's like can we do this yeah it was so much fun I don't want to give too much away but yeah I think my pattern was wrapping my fears and excuses oh okay we're back to the 20s the 20s pattern things yeah yeah wrapping your fears yeah like I would justify reasons why I didn't have to like I shouldn't and I would love to come up with reasons like I can't do this because of this reason or something okay but now I feel like you're a little bit like yeah I'll do that yeah sure why not so like if I offered you mushrooms I just gobble them up that would be awful I'm not talking about stuff like that I think that stuff has changed over the years I think it's now like I think it's a lot with like art and like creativity we've talked about this we've talked about this we've talked about this a ton yeah creativity is a really tough one Smosh has been nice for breaking me out because like we just have to make so much stuff yeah yeah yeah and it's helped so much but now there's other spheres of like my when I'm not doing things here it's still it's because it's scary yeah and there was a there you recommended a book that I read Big Magic that was really great and there's a part that talks about perfectionism and I've talked a lot about perfectionism but she kind of boiled it down in a way I needed to hear which is like hey perfectionism is just fear just afraid it is fear yeah and that's I just need to kind of and it's the fear of magic like it's literally the fear of engaging with magic and I think it's also recognizing like in American society like the capitalist productivity bullshit that we're in is really like it's it's recognized like that's been a big thing in my 30s of recognizing how much I was influenced by yeah like seeing the the manosphere has reached such a peak now that I'm grateful I'm in my 30s for when this is happening but it's but it's been around for so long and I'm like oh I didn't realize how influenced I was by that of like all of my achievements and everything must add up to this like identity yes I'm like oh and it doesn't mean anything it's all bullshit well yeah and I'm like so you lose your ability to do things and create as a more out of body experience yes but it's right now for everyone creating and what you do is all about building up into yourself but that doesn't work it's an it's an also the generation that we're a part of like it's invasive it's in our houses is capitalism through creativity is constant. Like, whether it's the desire, I put out, like, a TikTok or an Instagram. I don't do a lot of content. Like, that's not, I don't, that's just not, like, what I, I used to before, but then once it became, like, influencer-specific or comedy turned into, like, less about it just being kind of fun because it made your friends laugh and more of something else, I really stopped, and I put out a video that's, like, a behind-the-scenes of my episode at St. Denis of just being, like, this is how, if you've ever wondered how to direct an episode of TV, this is, like, how it's done. Yeah. And after that happened, because the video did well, and immediately people were, like, what is the next thing you're going to do? Like, what's the next video you're going to do? What, or even my own team was, like, this is great. I was really, I had, like, agents reaching out about working together, and I was, like, this is so bizarre because the work has always existed, but you guys are seeing this, and this is what you want to push, but this isn't, the reason I did this video is because, because I wanted to be useful to people who might want to know how this is, like, when I think about the audience, I want to think about what my intention is with their attention because I don't think that that happens enough. Yes. I mentioned something similar recently, I think, on this podcast, of, like, when we're doing this, I'm, like, I want to entertain you. Yes. Like, I want this to be funny, but so many right now are just trying to hold your attention. That's the difference. And there's such a difference. I can't. I feel it, too, because the intention, that's why I really do love 60. need to worry about it but you know what you're just gonna so it's fine i you know what i was i was living in london and i was working on like a live show and i was working with this wonderful director and after i was doing like a stand-up set and i got off stage and he came up to me and he was like gonna give me notes and i love notes because it's fun right you get to tear things apart and make make it better that's part of why i love being here um is that we are always talking about how things can can be better for the audience's experience and what we're trying to say or talk about but he said to me okay i have notes for you i've got good and bad i said okay he said the good is you're good at this and like you can hold the attention of an audience with relative ease which is great i said oh and i was like 24 i was like okay cool done and then he was like but the bad news is you came in here on purpose you set the bar low so that you would overachieve because you didn't prepare and that's not your job your job is to think about why you have the audience's attention and for it to make it worth their time because they came here and you they deserve to have their time taken seriously i love that so i know and he was like it's a very american problem and i was like okay it actually is though well yeah because then when i came back so that changed my brain chemistry around everything where i was like no you're right like i should be appreciating the audience's attention i'm making this more about me and he was like your job as someone on the set list is to show up and show why you're on the set list your job is to kill i love that changed my life changed my life and then i came back and when i started doing shows here again i stopped because i all i could see was people doing the same thing constantly and i was like why are you i was getting upset because i was like i'm here you have my attention please do something with it use it yeah or have intention behind what you're i love that so much because i feel that when i'm on stage sometimes and you show up and some people are really giving it and some are not and you're like okay well even now as a performer my time is being wasted because we have we have this time like we we get to like do our dream and our gift and you're half-assing it because you're afraid or you're looking at the audience being like isn't this crazy yeah yeah oh my god i said i wrote a whale crazy with youtube it's really rampant of uh there's a lot of spectacle there's a lot of like shoveling tons of money into a thing but what we really care about is thought and like intention and honesty and uh i can notice now when i'm watching a youtube video and i'm just like you're just pumping this out for views like you know you know that you're gonna get clicks on this you know hold people but i'm like you you don't care about this video no and i think that's what i care about and i can tell when someone cares about the video they're not gonna care about the video they're making yeah and that matters to me more than even if i like the videos for some reason what is the point i do understand that you're you're you're you're in your job and and sometimes it does get stale or whatever but i don't know as an artist i think it's up to us to say if this is getting stale you have to make a shift you have to challenge yourself because i i hate doing something that feels robotic to me and if it starts to feel it it physically like hurts i don't i don't want to be around it but i it's why i struggle with so many mediums that are comedy yeah because i'm just like well what you're describing requires patience like what you're describing requires a certain amount of time and uncomfortableness well yeah to be thoughtful takes time like yeah we were actually i was talking to a producer and she was like well you know directors are the new rock stars and i said what do you mean she said well people aren't going to the movies to see it's so true they're going to see the new ryan coogler movie or the new yorgos movie yep the new greta and my theory is that because directing regardless it doesn't matter it takes two to three years to make a movie yeah you have to think about what you're saying because you have to plan it time is so you have to kill it or you look at someone like contra points like she is she takes 18 months to make a video she drops a video it has 2 million views in the first 24 hours because people are like i know you took the time and energy to think about what you were going to say and i want to hear what you have to say because you appreciate her isn't that what art is like no i mean that's the type of youtube i love like um there's a youtuber named fd signifier and there's like jenny nicholson and anna howard is really great too yeah like people who are like oh you care like drew gooden dropped a video about espn just breaking it apart for 30 minutes and i'm like damn dude holy shit like he goes through the whole history of it yeah and i'm like yeah that's awesome but i'm like you care about this yeah i was like you made this not because you care about this and i i understand for people breaking into any industry i'm like yeah you you have no choice but to but to resort to the attention grabbing right i think i'm speaking to the people that once you get the attention once you have your thing set now it's up to you to like not just keep going with it because i look at the people who are like some of the top youtubers i'm just like dude you're just making this place water down like you know and i i really care about that and i know that like we make so many videos i'm sure there's times where people would say like we're we do this and we're not doing it and i'm like yeah i'm just like dude you're just making that i don't know but like i think we really care about making stuff well i think i think that that that is evident by the community that that smosh has created like the the diehard nature of the people who love smosh i think it comes from the fact that like you guys are good people you care about what you put you think about what you say you care about the things that you guys are making the culture of the company is really fantastic and when we're working on things like when we were working on bit city we cared more than anything that it was as funny as it could possibly be or same with smosh hospital that it was as fun as it could also mainly that like it was as fun yeah like when you and i were really breaking down cowboy from smosh hospital yeah i just loved that moment when it was just you and i and rachel and you were like okay do this again do the monologue again but like really think about like really think about your love for i don't want to spoil it but you know dinosaur but really think about your love for your partner you know like rather than the the jokes and that to me is my favorite thing in the world because i only want to watch art watching an artist go i'm really into this and i want to show you that's the kind of art that i want to watch and it could be years and like okay random bjork is coming out with you know a new album and doing a tour and i'm like hell yeah i will watch that even though i haven't watched bjork in years but it's like i want to watch someone go i found this because it's it's it doesn't always make money and it takes time people are starved for just i think authenticity i think i think we're so we've been oversold so much shit yeah that i think these movies like like sinners and and and weapons just feel original in a way that people are just like oh this person is i'm getting something a little bit real here and i feel that with youtube too and i feel that i feel that with you as a director i feel that you're like no we didn't get that i love that i'd rather hear that of like okay we're not quite getting that and you're like and i'm like you're right at this point i'm like or i'm tired or whatever and i'm trying to get this line because you know we need to move on or whatever i'm thinking about and it's like no like just focus on the truth of the scene like what is the truth of it if all else fails like what how do you respond truthfully in this moment i love you as a director because you're so curious about what does this mean how do we how do we explore in with our minds and how are we honest about like what i'm feeling in this moment well because it comes through and everything that you make right like you can you can feel when something feels watered down like we're human beings are smart they're intuitive on like a body level right and i i think that's what bothers me sometimes about uh if i go to a show or something and i can feel them winking at the audience i'm like you're doing this for yourself you're not like or absurdity for absurdity's sake yes without commitment oh my god i really don't like i understand completely but i love absurdity when someone is dedicated to the reality of the absurdity yeah love that i think that's i mean tim robinson is a great example of that like he he is so committed that it works but the second i feel somebody feel they're too cool for it or that they are they're like touching the absurdity they're touching the character vulnerable they're touching the comedy i think because it's really scary it's really scary to commit of course but we're in a very we're in a very critical time like on the internet we like love to critique but we're scared to make and so it's like because by making stuff you you run the risk of being cringy of being which is worse than death apparently but uh yeah it is scary but i don't know it's also freeing it's the best it is to like truly make something and you can make something and like we've had this experience i've had this experience many times over the past 11 years of like making something that is super successful gets a ton of views but i'm like i feel nothing from that yeah yeah and then making something that nobody watches and you're just like oh that was the best experience of all time i did a screening last week of a bunch of my work and yes it was really fun and one the first thing i showed was a short i made like a few years ago i put all these up on youtube now because i think i'm going to start migrating over to youtube i just like can't with the other platforms but first short was a short i made for like 400 and the whole concept is it's like a tasty video you know those top-down videos but it's like what happens if the camera keeps rolling and like this woman's i love that and and we made i made it for 400 and probably five hours with a few friends and it didn't get festival play it didn't get whatever but it is one of my favorite things i've ever made because it's just pure the whole thing it's just like we just kind of did this because it was a fun idea totally to watch it it has that like when I watch it I can see myself in it where I'm like oh it has that little magic of like I wasn't trying to do it for anything it's like this short that was fun that's my favorite that's my favorite thing that's that's that's literally why that's literally why I do it when you when you talk about it and you still get like giddy about it yeah that's my favorite damn anyways conversation over I feel like we have to get out of here I'm sorry I have to go read reddit stories and I have to be in reddit stories I want wait you're in it yeah I'm gonna be in this one oh fuck this one this one you're about to record who's in it yeah Shane I'm following you to the cap brother brother I can't believe we're gonna walk over there would you guys accept me if I just called everyone brother mhm I think sure or Chica well yeah Chica I feel like don't you do that Rory no literally no here's the thing here's the thing I think you could do whatever and people would be like it's not okay but we can't stop her there's nothing you can do about it wow smile is so wide yeah you'd go to HR and they'd just be like look and I'd go brother me too they'd be like can you please stop we can't stop you but it's up to you you said please brother that sounds fun okay brother okay brother Rory this has been incredible yeah Rory Kramer this has gone can I be honest this has gone exactly how I expected it to go me too really yes in a good way yes because this is how our lunches have been the past few weeks I'm so excited do you do you want to plug anything right now I put a bunch of my shorts on YouTube I'm really not online a lot like that's just not my okay but what is this short call that you just talked about I think on YouTube it's just $400 short but the actual short is called A Holiday Casserole Your Man Will Love I love both of those titles it is really fun and there are other shorts up there too that I really care about and also check out Bed City that's coming out two episodes directed by Rory created by Rory I'm so excited um We all worked really hard on them. Good stuff. So excited. Yeah. All right. Hey. Hey. Can I. Am I doing this right? I've never done this before. Here's your thumbnail. I literally just shoved my finger in there. Bye, guys. Bye, guys. All right, drop the act. Yeah, I can't. I'm fine. All right, you need to go. Those Bit City episodes are not going to be good. He's such a hunk. I know. He's very hunky. And look, he's embarrassed. He didn't like it. Oh, my God. He didn't stop. How awful. How awful.