#145 - The Perfect Episode w/ Miles Bonsignore

- Hi, welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. - And I'm Amanda, and we have one of my favorite guests ever. It's Miles Bonsignore. - Hi, guys. - One of your friends you don't know how to say his name. - Yeah, wow. - I don't know how to say anyone's name. - No, that's a thing. - I don't even know really how to say his name. - Okay, okay, what is it? Bonsignore? - Well, okay. - Bonsignore. - Bonsignore would be like if you're gonna put it full sauce. - Yeah, full sauce. - Full sauce, full red sauce, marinara, okay. Or it's Bonsignore. - Bonsignore. - Bonsignore is more of the chicken parmesan version. - Exactly correct. - The Olive Garden version. - Yeah, we love that. - The chicken cutlet Rochester, New York style. - You guys know Miles. Shane and I were on his podcast, and then I was recently on it. Perfect person, one of my favorite podcasts ever. What you do with a soundboard is absolutely genius. So we decided to have our own soundboard. - Oh, it's back there. - Okay, and? - Oh, so it's Selena. - Oh, it's Selena. - Yeah. - And so that's the-- - So I've been hitting this one for a second. - Wow. - Oh, nice. - Wow. Whoa, that's a dump fart. - Oh, my God. - Bruh. - Okay. - It's just a. - Ah! - Hold on. - Oh, yeah, that's-- - Earlier today, when we were, before we were coming in to do this episode, you were saying to the entire crew, you were like, "Guys, we got a soundboard for this episode." - Yeah, and I was like-- - Meanwhile, you knew it was you. - Yeah. - Okay. - That's good, uh-oh. - Fuh! - Oh, by the way-- - That's true. - No, no, no! - The funny thing about that is you had to look at the monitor and then see which one I was doing. - He was actually touching bra. - It was a big delay. - A soundboard with a huge delay is fucking funny. - It was like checking your notes. - Bruh. - Which one are you pointing to? - Okay, can I-- - Sorry, his fingers are so monstrous. We're so sorry about that. - Sorry about my big, meaty fingers. - Okay. - Whoa, that fart was wet. I love this soundboard. - I am actually laughing at the idea of a soundboard that has a randomized delay. - Yeah. - So you press it and you're like, it's anywhere from one second to 30 minutes. - Yeah, any time. - And so then you continue the podcast and randomly the video's just like. You're like, oh shit, I forgot I pressed that forever ago. - So many wet farts, you guys. - Yeah. - Come on, let's get a clean one. - Okay, that was pretty good. That was a pretty good clean one. - Let's get a clean one, like, let's just all go around and do a wet fart. - I would kill for a really good fart machine. Have you ever seen the guy on TikTok who walks around like Central Park-- - Yes, yes. - And he farts. - He's like a tall guy and he lifts his whole leg up. - He'll like do a whole jump. - Unbelievable. - But he has some wet ones. - Are those real farts, though? - I don't know what, no, he has hands in his pocket. - No, it's totally fake, but he goes way too hard. Sometimes there's a group of girls and they're having a day off. - I know. - They've ruined their fucking day. - And he ruins their day. - Yeah, that's pretty brutal. - It's crazy. - You guys ever use fart spray in the grocery store? - What did you just say? - No, but we, I was not in this video, but around like six years ago they did a games video where they got the fart spray. And Courtney was telling me, she's like, "That was the worst smell I've ever smelled in my life." She's like, "That was the worst shit ever." So I've heard it's awful. - I was a little boy in the grocery aisle, in sort of the frozen aisle, and I just got a fart spray from some prank store. - How did you get that? - I don't know, see, it feels like it should be a controlled substance. - A guy in a trench coat, someone was like, "Hey, you want some fart spray?" He's like, "Yeah!" - Yeah, it was his own farts. No, but it was literally-- - I've contained this. - I found a way to bottle my farts, but I was in the frozen aisle and I just remember spraying it and then running away and peeking around the corner and an old woman was just like, "Ugh!" - And she died. - She just died. - I saw a video of a guy-- - She was dead. - Murdered somebody. - You know those big inflatable dinosaur costumes you can wear? - Yes. - Where they've got the internal fan going? - Yes. - I've watched a video where someone walks up to a guy and he does the fart spray and you see the guy dancing in the T-Rex costume and you see him just go like, "Oh, oh!" - No, I've seen a montage of those, they're incredible. - A montage? - Of people in inflatable clothes in inflatable suits getting fart spray sprayed and they're going, trying to get out of the suit. - Trying to get out of the thing. - It's so good. - It must be horrible. - Yeah. - Does it not, 'cause farts smell bad, but they're not life-ending, but this fart spray must be so bad. - It's pretty concentrated. - God, this feels like those jackass times when they put Steve-O in a frickin' porter potty and they just spun him all around. - It's just, yeah. - Why did he say yes to that? - Well, he made a lot of money. - Yeah, yeah. - Would you ever do like, a prank show like that? - Where I get pranked? - Yeah. - For how much money? - I say, by the way, I was about to react and be like, no, I would never do that, but for Try Guys, I was like in my underwear in the Cheesecake Factory with body paint clothes on. - Oh, Jesus. - Oh my God, why? - I went, yeah, because they told me to. - Oh yeah, yeah, Miles is Try Guys as well. - But I was like, but I, yeah, it was just, they were like, well, we didn't think any of the other cast members were gonna do it, like, do you wanna do it? I was like, yeah, hell yeah. - What's that say about you, Miles? - That I'm brave, actually. - Yeah, I think bravery is a choice that everyone should be involved with. Really good. - Nice. - But no, we were in our, and then we like went, and then the problem was after we sat, when I stood up, like my sweat line had wiped away a layer of the clothing. And so then the security guard did tell us to leave. - And the security was like, now you're naked. - Yeah. - Oh, he knew that it was body paint. - That's right, and I went home. - Wait, body paint? - It was body paint. They like body painted it on. - Everything? - Everything except for my underwear, not my penis. You know how many penises are out there? - No, I genuinely thought he painted his. - Hey, man, your tie's a little long. - Casually saying that I like am a-- - They painted you a blue sky, and it's just like a bird, but it's a penis. - So here's how I became a felon. - Yeah, on a case-- - I try committing crimes. - Expose myself at the Cheesecake Factory. - Kind of crazy, but what else is on the docket for today? - We try to get on every list we can. - I thought you committed that hard. - Oh, my, I don't think that they could paint that away. - Yeah. - I'm not asking them to paint it away. I thought it would be part of the-- - No, like PETA from Hunger Games. - Oh, my God, PETA, what a perfect painter. - Katniss. - Exactly. - PETA, your penis. - PETA, your penis is out. It's bark, it's actually bark. - That's the under, unrated version. - Seeing PETA's penis. - You're wood. - No, it's bark. - It's bark. - It's bark. I'm not here right now. - When I saw that movie in theaters, I did laugh out loud at that part. - And people were probably like. - To be clear, I laughed out loud. Sorry, I wanna ask, what is the most insane thing you have done in a YouTube video? - Oh, God. - Oh, my God. - 'Cause that makes me think about that. - Most of them are from the Try Get Serious Candid competition where we basically pit brands against each other, but that's not even what the real videos are. To be short, we were nude in a cheesy factory, that's one. I had to dress up in goth makeup and push around a fake baby stroller that had Zach in a baby's bonnet inside of it. - How big was this stroller? - It was a covert stroller that they built to hide Zach inside of, and basically the premise was I have to feed him Olive Garden in a thing so they didn't know that he was eating the food. None of it made any sense. - Why were you goth? - That's a good question, and that's a question that I don't have the answer to. - Oh, my God. - Yeah, we did that. - The Try Guys. - That's incredible. - It's just me as goth is part of the brand at this point. - That's cool. - Ooh. - That's crazy. - I can't believe you did that. - So you guys did a lot of public stuff. - That show was a lot of public stuff. That was also, I had to break up with Zach in goth makeup, and we did best restaurant to break up in. But it's I'm in goth makeup, and then Zach is supposed to be my lover. - This is a separate occasion where you're in goth makeup? - Yes. - What is actually occurring? - I like Zach and Keith, and they're like okay, so maybe you're in goth makeup again. - No, literally, this all began because the premise was, like, I had to have a GoPro choker on. They were like, okay, so-- - Oh, nice. - I was shooting all the videos at one point at Try Guys, right, and for those who don't know that, hey, comments, comments. - Hey, let's go. - But the idea was, how do we get a GoPro on a Miles? We need to get a GoPro on him 'cause we're covertly filming in these places where we're like, you know, doing various shenanigans. So the idea was, what if I have a GoPro necklace or choker? So then we're like, well, if it's big and bulky on Miles' neck, then we can stud the collar, but if he's wearing a studded collar, it's not gonna blend in unless he's goth. So then-- - I get it now. - Now I'm totally goth, so you actually don't notice that I'm wearing a weird necklace 'cause I'm goth. - Okay, 'cause you're goth. - Whoa, so that was a good camera angle? - Perfect. - Okay. - Flawless camera angle. - Okay. - Did you ever see, like, my chin? And then so, when we were filming, I'd walk around and be like, try to kind of get-- - That goth has extremely good posture. - Yeah. - Way too good. - Oh my god. - Whoa. - What's the craziest thing that you've ever done for a YouTube video? - So, something that was pretty crazy, on Mythical Kitchen forever ago, Josh made me eat an entire tarantula, it was dead, but it was a full tarantula, and he and I both had to pop an entire one in our mouths. - Nope. - That was nuts, I didn't know what we were doing when I did the video. - Nope. - And that happened, and that was crazy. - Nope. - However, though, I think back on Smosh, and like, we were doing some weird shit in those early years, like 2015, 2016, 'cause that's back in the era where we would do stuff in public, and at one point, they dressed me up fully as Nicolas Cage. - What? - Like, prosthetic makeup, where like, I had a fake hairline, like all this shit, and they had me run around Comic-Con and just like, interview people, and everybody hated me. Nobody wanted to talk to me. - Also, Nic Cage, I don't see that, you know? - Yeah, well, I got into character. - Do you have a Cage face? - Which Nic Cage? - Can you give us your best Cage face? - I don't know, it wasn't as much of a Cage face as like, I haven't worked on the impression in like, fricking years. - Yeah, okay, just show it to us. "Okay, so we're here." - It's pretty good. - Yeah, and I would get into it. it and I would just run around. Selena. Oh, wow. Thanks. You know what you can say but you have to go, hey, and excuse me? Selena. Selena. Alright. That's a really good Nick Cage. Thank you. That was awesome. I did a lot of stuff like that. I really hated going out in public and messing with people and we didn't do it a lot. I was going to say that. But I hated it. We also had a sketch early on that I pitched where I play a ghost and I was basically fully naked and they painted me fully white. What? I was just painted fully white. Were you in your underwear? I was in underwear and they just painted fully white. No, you weren't. I was actually naked so often in early videos. When I go into Try Guys now, I just know I have to wear good underwear. Yeah. Wow, guys! No, here's the thing. Try Guys, I have not done much there, but when I go there, I'm like oh right, this place is crazy. Because we did Trial by Trolley. And I was like, okay, we're going to go. Let me watch one of these previous episodes. And I'm watching. Grant. I'm watching Grant suck on Keith's toes. And I was like oh my god! I thought that too. I was like, hey, when we first sat in there, I was like, so, Zach, I'm not sure about Shane and I going to that level of like sucking toes. He's like, oh, no, no, no. I'm not going to have you suck my toes. No, no. But he still put us in some crazy positions. I was like, okay. He was like, oh, look, I'm not going to tell you what happens, but I'm going to tell you one of the things. They're like, we're going to have you guys blind rank your ten favorite YouTubers. And I was like, I know where this is going. And they're all cancelled. And it's bad. And it's. I was like, you guys are putting us in a very. Ned was on there for sure. Oh, for sure. He's got to be. He's one of the best. Yeah, I was shocked. I was shocked. Yeah. But no, I was like, oh, right, you guys are crazy over here. Yeah, yeah. You guys are nuts. You are. A lot of shenanigans. They put me in a dunk tank for one of the. I want to get a dunk tank. Oh, I know. I've done a dunk tank for Smosh. And what is it like? Well, I was terrified because I felt like the dunk tank was not fun. I was terrified because I felt like the dunk tank was not fun. I was going to say. So I was like, if I do this wrong, my legs are going to snap on the bottom of the tank. Of course. Because I'm like falling, but then the water's not that deep. Yeah. So it's like, I was worried I was going to get. Do you have those worries that when you dive, you're going to dive and like, you know, just hit your head and break it all? Well, I'm not diving in like four foot water. Oh, you don't live life on the edge, you crazy guy. Sorry, what did you. What are you saying? She's worried I'm going to break my spine diving. As tall people, when you dive, I think about it all the time. Do you dive a lot? Yes. Any chance I can get? Anybody can break their head. Hot tub? I'm diving. No way. Pool? I'm diving. Uh-uh. Whistle blown. Hotel pool? I'm diving. Bathtub? You know I'm diving. Toilet? I'm diving. Yeah, you gotta dive into the toilet. Yeah. After you're done. Has anyone talked about how big these mugs are? Yeah. So, these are new, and how I like to do it is I like to go like this. Grip the whole thing. Whoa. Best part of waking up. It's forgers in your. Have you guys seen that one where there's the brother and the sister? So. What? I learned a bunch of lore about this. What? We talked about this a few weeks ago. Yeah, really? We were talking about the Folgers commercial is so funny. There's a Folgers commercial from the 90s. Oh, I know. Actually, it's from like the 2000s. I know it. And it's a brother and sister, and they're weirdly horny for each other. Did you know that on the internet, there is thousands upon thousands of fanfics about it? Oh! And there are series. There's an expanded universe. What? And it is crazy. I didn't read them, but I looked at all the tags for it, and I was like, oh my god, they hit every sexual category. And I'm like, wow, they have them doing everything. What interesting fodder for a fan. I was like, what the fuck? It's so weird. Imagine being that actor you work one day. One day. You go and you film for like. You got $200. You film for probably three hours on that day. You're just like, alright, yeah, sweet. I'm gonna get some residuals from this. 20 years later, you're like, yep, I'm the, uh, I'm part of that duo that's very famous. I'm the horny brother. Sorry, it's me, horny sister. Hey, I'm horny sister. I'm here for the Folgers commercial. How did that, how did the, like, the people at Folgers watch that commercial and were like, this is perfect? Because they were super horny, man. Yeah. I've been saying this for years. Folgers people are horny as hell. It's a horny brand. They are so horny. It is a horny brand. And you're a coffee guy. I'm a coffee guy. I like coffee. You sell coffee, don't you? I sell coffee. You sell coffee? Perfect Person Coffee. Yeah, Perfect Person Coffee. It's a little coffee thing. It's these guys that I worked at a coffee shop with in New York. And then, uh, they just continued roasting, and then they do the fulfillment and stuff for the coffee. How many, uh, types of roasts do you have? That's a really good question. We actually, um, have two types of coffees. Let me guess. Dark and light? Well, no. Darkness and light. Darkness and light. Ying and yang. Kingdom, kingdom. Ying and yang. Ying and yang. Um, but no, it's, uh, they're two light roasts single-origin coffees. So you don't really want to dark roast those, because if you dark roast them, then you're kind of roasting somebody. Yeah, ooh, tingles. Two single-origin. Tingle. Two tingles. Two tingles. And they do get the tingles. You messed up, and I was gonna let it go. Yeah, you got that guy from Majora's Mask is there. Okay. Okay. Tingle. Guys, Majora's Mask is what you're eating in this episode. Um. Ahem. Burp, burp, burp. That was what I wanted. Thanks. Thanks. Um, uh, that's fantastic. I, I fucking love coffee. I fucking love coffee. So, I, single, single-origin. Brew style? What do we? Uh, yeah, I do, I have my Chemex pour over. I have my Chemex pour over as well. I've done that for a long time. I'm doing that puppy as well. Do you, so people, people talk about, they're like, oh, not the, not the Chemex. You gotta do a V60 or whatever. How different are What? It's a good question. Now, I'm glad you brought me here to discuss this. Yeah, good. A Chemex is gonna be good if you want to brew coffee for two people. Yeah. Yeah. Uh-oh. What if it's just for me, but I drink a lot of coffee? Then you want to bring, one Chemex to the party. But I have, I sometimes I'll go V60 in the afternoon. Basically, these are two different conical brew methods. Look at him. And the V60's sort of a vase type shit. Wow. And a, you know, it's. The way you said vase. Yeah, wow. How would you say it? It's hot. Vase? Vase. Yeah. Vase? Ooh. By the way, nothing makes my bones shiver like someone saying vase. Woof. Vase. Hey, can you get the vase? Yeah. That's bummer. Alert. Isn't that, isn't that the rock? Isn't the, the va, fa sound from the rock? I thought it was, is the fa. I thought it was. Damn. Is it not like. Might be the rock. I didn't know. That killed me. What do you think the rock has for coffee in the morning? Oh, he just takes a fucking bullet. What? He puts coffee in a gun and he just goes. Puts a gun in his mouth and blows the coffee into his face. I should point out at this stage, for those listening and watching, that it is 5pm. We have been filming videos all day. We had a 7.30am call time today. We've been going all day, so we are a little loose. Rock. Okay, so you have a Chemex and a V60, right? Is that the name? That's your two brew methods. Well, yeah. Now, I'm also cooking up a, I mean, I kind of rock with it. I have an espresso machine, but it is sort of a chore to use. Yeah. And so you kind of got to warm it up and you got to get in there and get your hands dirty. It's one shot. It's just one shot, so usually I'll do that for a special occasion if I have people over or something. Oh, cute. I'll bust that puppy up. Cool. That's really cute. That's badass. Oh, it doesn't live on the counter. Do you ever use a mocha pot? I, you know what? Mocha pots are cool and I don't use them, but I want one. Do you have one? I do have a tiny little one. I never use it. I, I, cause the way to the, people have told me like, here's how you should use a mocha pot. Yeah, sure. It's actually kind of like complicated. Yeah. So a mocha pot is those little like, they look like a little tea kettle and you put them on the stove. They're always stainless steel. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. And you fill the bottom with water. Yep, yep, yep. And then you have a little thing. Isn't it kind of like Turkish coffee vibes? It's an upside down espresso machine, but instead of using a boiler, it uses the power of steam. Yeah. I am turned on. You know what I'm saying? I am turned off. Read that slowly. So picture this. Okay, Amanda. Picture boiling water and it goes. And then it goes through the coffee and then it poops out espresso. So the ick has hit the landing. Whoa. You gotta keep doing them. You gotta keep doing them, Selena. Bro. Oh, you have to go all the way over there and get that. Honestly, I really would love to. Hang on, guys. Can you hand. And while you're doing it. Whoa, there's a lot of crazy stuff back here. Selena. Oh, fart nose. Fart nose. Fart nose. But yeah, anyway, a mocha pot is cool. You're never using yours? I don't use my mocha pot. I don't really have espresso. I love your podcast. I only have espresso when I go to a coffee shop. Do you want to hit one? Okay, fine. Do you want to hit this? Hey, dude. You want to hit this? Yo, dude. Bro. Bro. Mmm, bro. That was just. Fart no say. Fart no say. But fart nose. Whoa. What the? Fart nose. He's got a fart nose. Can you rearrange them? Hold on, hold on, Selena. Bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh, bruh. She hated that she decided to do this. Are you looking for the eye? I can't believe. Hey, give it back. Okay, take it back. We're going to put the eye on it so it's not fart nose because we don't want that. It's got to be art. Yeah, fart nose. Yeah, fart nose. Okay, so mocha pop, pretty cool. Pretty cool. What happens if I do this? Uh-oh. Let me see. Art noise. oh it's a french man laughing that's actually deeply offensive so fucked up oh my god coffee you're really into coffee also yeah you were just on will you be mine yeah oh yeah on the fully improvised dating show on the main channel of smosh and it was such an honor and privilege to do it with you it was so fun we were drivers in a reality dating show and it was very unplanned but miles and i we found love we did as drivers i was a i was a honey wagon driver where i suck out poop from porter potties and that's an honestly that job is incredible but i would say dead serious more notoriously you just had really greasy hair i had hey it was leave-in conditioner tucked unwashed so i put that wig on and i went wow you this wig is amazing but what does this look like and i put my ears back and they naturally did this and i was like there she is there she is you found her in the ears i found her in the ears because she's so earnest that her little ears are of course like this yeah she's hearing everything they're tilted forward so you can hear better and you yeah i played junior officer damian bradley susanna uh driving an armored car uh from one bank to another in on long island yeah my favorite line of that whole thing is you went mom come home that was so fun by the way i could have done that forever it was it was such a joy me too it was so fun if you haven't seen will you be mine you need to watch it yeah peep it out everyone is so funny and i by the way hey plug for smosh membership i did so i could see the outtakes oh yeah he got smosh membership we didn't give it to him so he could see the outtakes he asked us and we said no no absolutely not absolutely not well i because i was like we i had so much fun and i was like i want to watch the times when like chance falls and we all cannot keep it together like that was so funny what were the outtakes like because i have not seen them they're unbelievable they're it's great it's like chance falling and it's fucking everybody i remember breaking so much yeah it was a joy sandwich that was like okay i love all the breaking but like we're we're actually not getting the take at all you gotta move on please oh my god anyways you're incredible i feel like i i'm burning calories yeah during recording this by the way do you want to see what's in my pocket oh right we were talking beforehand of what's in your pocket well so wait can we guess what's in your pocket on this podcast you're gonna be disappointed now i just want to preface no you're gonna be disappointed but i do have a bunch of stuff in my pocket you have a bunch of can you name how many items you have in your pocket let me think here how many crazy that you have so many items in your pocket well that's actually not that many i only have four oh god four do you have any interesting things in your pocket i don't think i have i have my phone but then i have i have one thing that i carry on all times in fact a gun it's his father's stopwatch a gun i have a gun a gun and my father's stopwatch and it tells me and it stopped when he died in the war yeah 16 a.m that's beautiful wow early no i can tell you honestly uh you don't have to guess i carry aquaphor in this is not a brand deal by the way i for years now have carried aquaphor in all of my my my left pocket of every pair of pants because i always want to have it on me he wants to be lubed my lips get my lips can get chapped you keep that shit on you and so i keep that shit on me do you put it anywhere else i what i honestly try to do why are you nodding like his penis like my dry penis dude yeah selena hit us with a bruh hit us with a fair horn we get we get fucking copyrighted by the circus you cannot make that sound actually sorry what is the fucking circus name what's six legs barnum barnum barnum and bailey's yeah dude great to show my does it like uh we've got you please uh okay but so i keep aquaphor in my front left pocket in every single pair of pants just really just kind of what happens is i keep buying my pants and i keep buying my pants and i keep buying my pants and i keep buying my pants and i keep buying my pants and i keep buying my pants because i'm like oh i can't find it and i i buy more and i put in my front left pocket and then eventually i'm like oh i just realized i have one in all of my pairs of pants they're just already there oh my pants are all folded and then i pull them out i'm like there's already some chapstick in my pocket is it a tube or is it a tub uh a tub would be crazy no it's a tub would be psychotic i have like this one oh yeah or there's some that are like a chapstick yeah of aquaphor and some of them have spf on them whoa in case you're on the slopes so in case i'm on the fucking slope you're skiing it out yeah because the sun doesn't work unless it's cold that's right yeah it bounces off the sun yeah um so that's my pockets now uh cool miles you've got four things in your pockets now i'm gonna say phone and wallet yeah okay that's correct i'm gonna say yeah some type of kids toy no that'd be cool though that would be cool okay uh well well okay keys actually that's good actually you know what five i do okay five keys um nicotine yeah whoa no i wish i wish i was that cool i wish i could by the way cole sprouse it on this show yeah without a sig that would be sick that would be cool a tiny notebook no that is fun though oh that's a good one um are you guys notebooking in a regular notebook not not wait what first of all what's happening in your hand second of all what kind what do you mean journaling yeah like you do you write on yes every i try to really i try to write on paper every morning i'm not regular about it but i'm doing your morning pages yes uh kind of they're like a short version of morning i can i don't have time to do three no i have one kid you have two like what are we doing here i do like this much yeah and it's talking about my nightmares you wait so it's like a dream journal it's like a dream journal and then i'm also nightmare i hope today nightmare log nightmare nightmare nightmare log the witch number two visited me again last we eventually look at it it's just ah no it's a flip page of a drawing of a witch like walking towards me it's just some scary ash haunted shit that's horrible do you have nightmares every night not every night but a lot of nights most you have some terrifying dreams oh my god i'm lucky that i i just don't really dream i do i i was telling i was telling shane that i had one where my sister was possessed but she wasn't my sister she was my sister but she was megan fox she looked very hot and she was down in the basement and she was possessed oh megan fox in my basement be like oh selena hit us with a bruh bruh bruh bruh bruh for megan fox in the basement megan fox in my basement am i right selena's like i'm in hell anyways i'm in hell okay all right so you have two other things yeah in your pocket not nicotine and not a mini no um no uh is it like um a little tiny uh like just like figurine like a figurine like a little i don't know like a little tiny collector collector of the man you want to be oh that would be nice it's like a dnd of me in a suit yeah no it's not okay this army knife no that would be cool that'd be sick should i brought a knife to this yeah i mean hey yeah i do have a leatherman not here though cool cool jesus guys please don't talk about it because it's not here reaction i i don't think i i don't think i fully know what what that is oh you know it's a tool oh is this the tool is it is it what uh brendan mulligan pulled out when he was on your show yes i remember that and then leatherman saw that clip and sent me another one because they were like hey man we saw you have a leatherman you want another leatherman and i was like sure like yo we saw you have our leatherman we're gonna hunt you for sport yeah yeah so the hunt is on talk about us don't ever mention us that would be such a funny response from a brand if aquaphor commented underneath this video be like don't ever get those out of your pants keep that take us off your mouth and keep us out of your mouth okay uh an extra sock what for what shame you run one rub one out if you run oh god where am i gonna put your socks oh where am i gonna rub one out that's not what i was gonna say people are gonna think we're high what art noise god thanks selena selena thank thanks selena yeah please change it so how is this episode kookier than our ants episode you did an episode about ants we did an episode where we played our ants for 80 minutes oh i would actually love it oh i saw that this came out but i was more excited for you guys in antennas dressed as ants oh that's the next one really fun we're just talking about the the hive the hive we're just like oh man and the journey life back on the farm we're just like to be here the ant farm is not doing well b-i-t um what's in your pants wait first of all let's do it damn i don't have my sock you can't do boar you can't do boar oh i was hoping for something like sweet but all that's a boar being murdered yeah Well, or running really fast You guys ever seen a boar in the wild? Actually, yes Really? I grew up in Arizona We saw, there was a javelina in our neighborhood The fuck? No way you did We were just like, whoa, there's a javelina running over there Was it like, don't go near that thing? Oh, yeah, that was running away It was scared But it's like, you do not fuck with those Yeah, you don't fuck with boars Wild boars will kill you Yes, of course they will Yeah, they'll fuck you up Yeah, you're Massachusetts wild boars Yeah, it's crazy We have so many wild boars in Massachusetts Really? No I don't think so No No, not at all I got excited You know what we have is mountain lions Really? Oh, yeah, that's scary They're all over the years I'll never forget when a mountain lion was like very close in like the suburbs And there was a helicopter around my hometown I'm realizing this story Who cares about it? No They were hunting it with a helicopter? I saw a mountain lion Get that mountain lion Get that thing We're going to be able to see it from the sky Terrible By the way, hiding mountain lion I was just like, I'm wicked tired Yeah I'm a mountain lion What? I saw a mountain lion in Arizona Right behind my house Mountain lion? Yeah, I was walking my dogs And I look out and I just see one sitting on the middle of the open Just staring at me And luckily my dogs didn't even see it And I was like, I'm going to turn back now That's crazy I went back home It was huge That's fucked up It was terrifying Did you have Aquaphor in your pocket then? No You could have sprayed it in his eye I wasn't You could have fixed everything Yeah, I could have thrown it at it You know something I learned recently? And look, if someone listening, if this is wrong, I'm sorry But I learned that there was an American cheetah Until around like 15,000 years ago So fucking long ago Okay Okay I am interested in it Not that long ago Like there were cheetahs in America Until like roughly 10 to 15,000 years ago And that's why the pronghorn sheep is the second fastest animal in the world Oh, because they were outrunning cheetahs? And they're all over in, yeah, that's why they're so fucking fast They outrun everything There's no predator that can catch them nowadays But the reason that they're so fast is because they're so fast Is because there used to be cheetahs What happened to the cheetahs? They probably went extinct 15,000 years ago? I think it was roughly, like, it was like over 10,000 years ago But there are cheetahs now In Africa But not in America But there was an American cheetah You're so right Where in America would they be? God, you're so right It would have been wherever pronghorn sheep are So, like, honestly, in New Mexico, Colorado, even parts of maybe California, I don't know Why do you think they went extinct? What's happening? Well This is what it is You have one final guess Oh, shit It looked Well, I'm gonna pretend I can't see it Is it? Oh, airpods No This is a huge airpods No, no I can't see the shape It's, it's, it's Oh, oh, is it mints? No It holds your baby teeth That looks, that looks like Zin's These episodes brought to you by Zin Wait, it's, it's a little raspberry candy thing No, that is fun, though Is it edible? No Tiger bomb No, tiger bomb Yeah Is it, like, sunscreen? Sore muscles No You fool I'll give you a hint He doesn't go on the soap It's something I use on myself Oh, God If this is a sock joke, I'm out It's not It's not a sock It's not lip balm It's not any sort Is it for your skin? It's something you use on yourself Okay, don't review Oh, it's hair It's pomade That's right Oh, my God Let me see It's pomade Old spice paste You carry paste with you? No, here's the deal Okay, I had this in my car But then I was like, if I get in there into the green room And then I'm like, actually, I'm having a hair moment Okay, I'm having a hair moment I need to put this putty in my hair We have stuff I didn't know you guys had stuff Oh, we got stuff I could have told you that, Miles No way, that's crazy Oh, we got stuff You guys have stuff on lock? Yeah That's crazy Did, oh, H? Yeah, that's right Yeah, yeah, yeah And it's just an H It's just an H on the board How could you not understand that we don't have, that we have? I get roasted for my hair constantly Wait, you have really good hair What are you talking about? Well, it's not that I get roasted It's just that it's all over the place And I mess with my hair It's definitely my, like, nervous Not nervous thing I like it I like it But, yeah, I just I feel like you have consistently amazing hair Oh, really? Yeah, yeah, I feel like Wow And it always, you know what it is? Because I want my hair to look the same shape all the time My hair does not look the same shape Oh, see, I feel like when I think of you, I go, good hair in the same place Oh, really? Yeah, I kind of agree I mean, sometimes you'll be, like, talking and you'll do this and then it'll stick up But it doesn't look that bad Okay Yeah That bad It doesn't look like Total shit Don't you dare call me out It just looks kind of shitty Yeah I see that All right, well, we got it No, there's four things in your pocket You have one more thing Take them out And we didn't get it I'm in love with this energy, by the way All right, guys, well, we got it We got the thing in your pocket Guys, comment down below if we got it No, that needs to be a You He is with Soulja Boy Can I tell you something real quick? Yeah So, you guys filmed Bit City and you filmed Or you filmed Bit City Or you watched, like, the Soulja Boy dance Yeah We didn't get clearance to, like, show that So, Emily asked me to recreate them You had to recreate the Soulja Boy songs? Yeah Can you give us a couple bars of that? No, the dance, the dance Oh Oh, I thought you were going to be like Ding, ding, ding You You You Oh, my God That was tearing up the middle school dance Oh, I loved it Yeah Remember Holiday Inn by Chingy? Yeah, that was crazy Ugh That was crazy That was a crazy moment I loved that I remember at a middle school dance While that song was playing Going outside And there was This girl Who was about to slop this boy Slop? Slap Oh, my God Jesus Christ She was literally about to slop this boy's mouth What? I thought he was Best part of waking up Rock, let's see what you're cooking Okay, go ahead Why has this turned into long form improv? I don't know Okay, so this girl's about to slap this guy Yeah I just remember everyone crying I'm being like, whoa And she was like, you better apologize And he was like, I'm not gonna And then she just fucking slapped him And everyone was like And then she walked in And it was like At the Holiday Inn And everyone was like Did she go in and immediately start dancing? Yeah Ugh And he was outside And I just remember him going Sad, he was upset And he was like, I love her Yeah, he was kind of a troubled kid Oh Oh, that adds layers to it Well, he kind of earned it Whatever he did, probably Do you have good memories from middle school dances? Because I don't I feel like, no They were always so much pressure Oh, they were awful Oh, my God Like, what if I pop a B? If I'm dancing? Yeah You know, that was a concern It's so funny I didn't think about that at all You had a good time at middle school? I had a blast I was like In the middle of the grind line Just living it up I was like Front and back Front and back Full grind day? Oh, yeah I would go in the bathroom And wet my hair and slick it back And I'd come out And I was like Who's up? Very soppy Who's up? No, truly People would tap me on the shoulder And go, you want to dance? And I was like Sure, let's bring him too I would be like I would be like The longest grind line in the world Oh, my God And our dances were always like In the dead of winter So, it would be like So, you had to grind To keep warm Yeah, that's right For survival And bring him to Meanwhile, I'm in Arizona It's hot as a fuck Nobody's near each other And all of our lunch ladies Were like running it We did it at an old veterans club It was called The Knights of Columbus Oh, my God And it was like A war vets hangout And they sold like Candy and soda And it was all of our lunch ladies And we were like Yeah And the lunch ladies were like Get it They were like You were good out there, honey You were looking good out there And oh, my God I loved my school dances I was living it up That's crazy I don't have a single good memory No, come on, guys It's not like I'm saying they were bad They were just not fun They were awkward as hell You guys were worried about like, you know I was just standing off to the side Just like, okay So, you have to like go out there and I tried I would do that I remember dancing like a little bit But me and my friends I remember we were like We were like Obviously into girls We were like super into it Yeah, yeah, okay Also, we're like I remember we had this thing And okay, before we do this Before you judge it Let me tell you what it is But it was called the three-finger rule Easy But it was called three fingers Because you hit You were like Instead of like holding her waist When you were dancing Yeah You only held it with three fingers Why? Like a Martian Not that committed I think it was like So that you're like Actually dancing with them But you're actually like A little bit far away from them So you're not really committing Yeah, yeah It was No, but it was like It was peak like I'm afraid of this But I want to do it Oh, okay, got it Like I'm a little bit distant away from them Three fingers Martian style Eh I remember being like Yeah, man, three fingers That's the rule Oh, God And if a teacher heard that They would be mortified They would think I was talking about something else Yeah, of course Yeah Of course No That's wild I wasn't even thinking that No, I was never that close to a girl In middle school Really? That's so funny You didn't have like a You didn't do a slow dance With a A bae I don't think so Oh, love that I don't think so Love that A bae A bae Zero bae Slow dances Oh, my God Do you remember when you were like Dancing in a full-on grind Like By the way Yeah, yeah You had a different experience than us Did you hear what I just said? No, when you're When you're in the middle And the lunch ladies Are getting in on it, too And everyone's fucking I'm joining in I'm joining in The war vets were there I can't get enough of this All the veterans All the ghosts were there Had some candy And then a slow song came on And you were like I guess I'm gonna dance with you I'm sorry So you didn't dance with anybody? Let's go back to you No No, no, no Don't worry about my paradise Don't let it mess up Don't worry about your paradise. Boo, it's gay. And it's like you in between sandwiched. In between two grind lines. No, meanwhile, I'm over by the wall just like, I don't know. Yeah. No, it's okay. I'm not saying like, oh, I was excluded. Like, a lot of it was self-imposed. I was just too nervous and too anxious. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Like, I just was like, no. And girls did not go up to guys and was like, come here, you're dancing. Like, I'm joking. I was not really doing that. No girl ever talked, like, came up to me. Like, I was friends with people. Like, it was cool. But nobody came up and was like, I want to dance with you. Really? No. And I was very awkward in my body. I mean, I obviously still am. But very much so. You are? You are? Nah. I'm serious. Do you think that you come off as awkward in your body? Yeah, because not at all. I don't feel that way about you at all. Definitely. I've had over 20 years to improve from middle school. What? I've had much training since then. That's right. I've had these, like, ripped-ass muscles, man. Yeah, you're shredded. I literally, well, I hit an age where I was like, I got to work out or something. Wow. How many push- Actually, this was a question I had. Oh, yeah? This is a good question. And I'm really glad we're talking about this. And I'm actually really glad. Me too. So, yesterday, by the way, I don't work out, like, at all. And I wish that was more physically fit. Yeah, your wife told me this. So, she's talking about it. She's talking to you. She's like, god damn. Miles, he cannot work. No. We have a Peloton, and he has not been able to. I went on it yesterday. Oh! Oh, I'll tell her. Sorry. Okay, so you worked out. But the question was, so I was doing push-ups, right? And I'm like, I can't do any fucking push-ups. I did, like- Sure. I did 10 push-ups, and then I tried to do another set of 10, and I got, like, 8. So, I was doing 18. I was like, actually, I feel good about this. You're doing 18? 18. So, my question was, how many push-ups can you do in a row? I don't know. 600? Oh, my god. Probably. Not probably. I don't know if it- I haven't done a lot of push-ups lately. Like, that's not in my workout routine. Not in his routine. I can do a- I can probably- Like, I don't know. If I would do a safe estimate of, like, somewhere between 30 and 40, maybe. Hell, yeah. But it's tough because when I was young, when I was, like, 14, 15, when I first started, like, working out, I could do a ton. Yeah. But I was super light. Oh, right. And what's also probably challenging for you is you're very tall. It's a much longer range of motion. Yeah, you're a heavy set boy, you know? For me, shorter arms, it's not as tough. You're a heavy set boy. You and your friend. You and your friend. You and your friend? It's getting hot in here. Get in here, push-up contest. Come on, have some candy. Jingy. Let's stack on top of each other and do push-ups. But it's also tough, like, as I was working out more and, like, you gain muscle weight. Yeah, right. Then you can't do as many push-ups because you weigh more and that's more weight. So it's kind of not always, but I think if you can do, like, 18 push-ups in a row, that's great. No, totally. And I'm trying to just build on that. But I was, like, it would be so cool to be, like, yeah, I could do 100 push-ups. I bet you actually, I bet you actually, if you were, like, doing push-ups on the regular and pushing yourself to do as much as you can, it wouldn't take you long. A hundred's a crazy amount to do in a row, but you could definitely get up to a big number. I feel like there's an SNL story or something where it was, like, Alec Baldwin asked Pete Davidson what his workout routine was and it was, like, 100 push-ups and 100 sit-ups. And that was not true. And Alec Baldwin was, like, you got it. And then the next time they saw. I thought it said bra. I thought someone was heard back there. No, she killed that. Squeak! But then he started doing, he was, like, yeah, that became his routine. I was, like, that's crazy. That's hilarious. That's the one punch man routine. 100 push-ups, 100 sit-ups, what, 10 kilometer run or something? That's how he got to be one punch man. And then he became one punch, like, they truly, they're, like, wait, that's all you're doing? Anyways, you should watch, you should watch One Punch Man. I don't know, I haven't even heard of it. It's hilarious. I haven't even heard of it. You actually, you should watch just one season, the first season of it. You would think it's so funny. What is it on? It's on a lot. It might be on, like, Netflix or something. Sorry, we're going to segue to me telling you the premise of One Punch Man really quick. It's pretty good. Because, so basically it's this guy, he's a superhero. Okay. And his name is One Punch Man because he can beat any foe with one punch. Whoa. And he's this guy who lives in Japan. He's a single dude in probably, like, his 30s. And he's the most depressed guy on the planet. Mm-hmm. And he's so bored because all he does is just shows up and just goes like this. And enemies just get annihilated. He's too powerful. And he's truly just so bored and having an existential crisis because he's just like, yeah, I guess I'll just, like, that's it. That's so funny. And he'll introduce new villains and be, like, building up, like, how they're so powerful. And then he'll just kill them with one punch. And he's truly, like, the most jaded, like. That does sound. And he just lives in, like, a tiny studio apartment in Japan. And he's just kind of, like, just doing his thing, not really caring about anything because nothing. Is this animated? Yeah, it's an anime. I wish it was real. It's really, really funny. Wow. Yeah. That's an anime wow. That's the anime wow for our audio listeners. That's right. Anyways. Wow. But no. Yeah, no, middle school was an overall bad experience. To surmise, middle school was bad. It's pretty known among our Smosh fandom, but I was genuinely booed out of a dance circle in middle school. And that. It wasn't, you know, like, horror. It's not like, oh, people were talking about it the next day. But in that dance, it sucked. Oh, people were talking about it. No way. No, I was just doing some dances. I don't know. I think I tried to moonwalk or something. I was, like, not doing great. So I'm not going to try to dance genuinely. You know, I got to do, like, some sort of, like, oh, it's a silly dance. Yeah, I remember. Middle school is just a time for humiliation. Like, I was. Oh, it's. I was in a basketball camp, and I shot the ball into the wrong. I actually did that as well. You own gold yourself? I owned myself. I did that as well. It was humiliating. Very embarrassing. It's really tough. It was like my camp was playing another camp, and then a bleacher full of kids from the other camp laughing. I truly. No, middle school, I was, like, I'm going to. After middle school, I was, like, I need to move on to something easier. So I got into the entertainment industry. Yeah. I skipped high school. I was, like, I can't. No, I can't. So moved on to this shit. Wow. And here we are. Here we are. And what else is in your pants? Because you didn't show us. Take it out. I'm talking. I'm talking about what's in your pockets. What else is in your pants? Take it out. And Miles, as our guest, you got to show us what else is in your pants. No way. I've got a sock in case I need to crank it or whatever Shane said. No. I said in case you lose one of your socks is what I meant to say. Why? What? In what world are you losing a sock? I don't know. There's my wallet, and I got my phone, and then I have AirPods, and that's it. I said AirPods. Yeah, you know, you did. You made fun of me. No, I. Oh, my God. Wow. He. He really took that to heart. You made fun of me. You made fun of me. You made fun of me, man. I said AirPods, and you made fun of me. And I got my Air Peas. Hello. That's all. That's it. There was nothing exciting. This is a segment born out of nothing. But you know what I'll say. You know what? We've done something with it. You know what, though? Before we started, we heard that there might be. I was just going to say. Really good segments. Selena, hit us with a really good segment. Yeah, you said you had conversation starters. She just hits us with, bruh. Bruh. Which one do you want? You want a conversation? You want a segment? Oh, let's get a segment. Let's get a segment. Because basically, we're testing out segments on you. You're a guinea pig. I know. That's what I was told. Or a guinea boar. Or a guinea boar. A squeak. You're good. This one's called. It was originally called Word of Mouth. Oh, I pitched this one, right? Yeah. And then Kiana was like, what about Tongue Tied? So vote below which title you want better. But what's your favorite word or phrase that you're using or overusing currently? Word of mouth, this is Shane's pitch, what's your favorite word right now that you're using? Yeah, or a word that you're using a lot lately, or a word that you love. That was a really inspired. Word of mouth. Amanda really loves this segment. So word of mouth. We're going to try it. We're going to see what happens. What's a word you really love? I'd love you to do a word that you're overusing. Okay. You know, I think I say, what do I say? I probably say like, oh, yeah, beautiful. Nice. I've not once heard you say that. I just told a lie. I like the idea of the guest says it, you just go, I don't think that's true. We just deny. Uh-oh, not true. That's actually not true. I feel like, yeah, I go like, oh, yeah, sounds great. Yeah, beautiful, beautiful, beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful. But then I got worried that people were thinking that I was calling them beautiful. And what would be so wrong with that? Well, if it's somebody I don't know that well. It's really hard. What, a woman? Really casually just be like, oh, nice, nice. You're really fucking hot. Yeah, yeah, sorry. You're beautiful, actually. It's like, oh, weirdo. Like, what's your problem? Wait. Guys. Here we go. People don't say that enough, man. Here we go. Guys. No. People don't say you're beautiful enough. Why is the world afraid to call them women? No, seriously. I'm dead serious. And I know your wife would agree with me. Amanda turns into a Manosphere podcaster. Come on. Take it as a compliment, babe. Just take it as a compliment. If you're saying you're beautiful, take it. And it's awesome. Every time I'm into Cold Stone Creamy, I go. Creamy? I go, you're beautiful. Now can I have a Cold Stone Creamy? Now I would like a Cold Stone Creamy. You're beautiful. When was the last time you got it stone cold? Holy shit. So much dead air. Unbelievable. Sorry. I kind of blinked because I feel like you. You said stone cold. Either someone else asked this or did you ask someone else? I asked someone else this on one of your podcasts. Baby, what is this? It's stone cold. It's cold stone. No, I know. Why did you say it was stone cold? When did you have a stone cold? For fun. Oh, sorry. We're on a podcast. That's why there's. Yeah, we're not going to have fun anymore. That's why there's dead air? Because I thought you made a mistake. I was like, why did you ask it in a fun way? Did you have fun? Why did you ask Cold Stone? We don't do that here. Oh, was it still cold? We don't have fun here. Were you really asking? I haven't been to a Cold Stone creamery in forever. I haven't had it in a long time. I haven't had it since before I moved to L.A. Yeah, me neither. I did. I ordered some pints of ice cream a few weeks ago. What are we talking? You. I ordered a place called Handles. Yes, Handles is so bomb. And I'd never had it before. Spencer talked about it, and I was like, I got to try this. And I ordered, they had a banana cream pie ice cream. Naughty. And a one called Graham Central Station. What? And it was a graham cracker flavored ice cream with bits of graham cracker in it. Or something else. And it was truly? Nasty. Insane. So are you more of a cream pie guy or a station guy? I don't know, man. They were both so good. Honestly, I wish I could have gotten them as a combo. Crazy combo. You could. I know, but, well, I had two different pints. How long did it take you? Because, to be honest, a couple weeks ago you bought this? It takes me a while. I'm good at stopping myself. You're a one and done. Less that I'm like, oh, I could take a pint down in one sitting. It's more that I'm like, I don't want to take the pint down because I want more for tomorrow. So, like, I'm good at, like. Kind of scooping it. He thinks ahead. He's a future man. I get, like, a good four different sittings out of a pint. Yeah. I'm kind of with you. I'm good at it. I'm, like, good at self-restraint for it. Just because I'm like, I want more tomorrow. I don't want to run out of this flavor. So I go, you know, back and forth. So you're a psycho, huh? I'm a psycho. Well, I just am thinking that I'm a professional ice cream eater. Oh, well, we've had this debate of, like, desserts, and ice cream's number one. I'm a professional creamer. And so when I go after it. Trent. What's the sock for, you know? Yeah. That's how I keep a sock on me. And do you think he's got a cream? But wait. I have nowhere to go. I can't go anywhere. He's over there talking about, he's bought the cream pie ice cream. I'm so stuck here. This is bra. Yeah, right. We don't have bra anymore. I know. Yeah, I'll fix it. We ran out of bra. You gotta fix the bra. You go to a cold store, they're like, sorry, we're out of bra. We're all out of bra. Okay, so you're a professional creamer, Miles. And I just eat a lot of ice cream, and I, what I've been doing is, like, if I have a pint, that's probably, like, a two-sitter, or maybe a three. Okay. If I restrain myself. Yeah, yeah, yeah. But one sitting is, that's gonna hurt. I mean, to be honest, I want to see you do two things. Take a whole pint of ice cream to the face, and then do a hundred push-ups. Oh, without throwing up. Me throwing up while doing push-ups. Thank you to Grim, Central Asian. Thank you to Banana Cream Pie Station. Handles. But I just have a lot of ice cream thoughts, and that's one of them. Yeah. That you gotta, I mean, you just gotta enjoy your life, you know? And I'll say that one of the things I've been doing recently is a poor man's affogato. Oh, affogatos are so fucking good. It's like, that's probably, like, the best ice cream thing to have. Yeah, it's crazy. But what I'll do is, you get a little vanilla ice cream. Okay? You get a little vanilla ice cream. Okay. Okay, a little bit of, uh-oh, instant coffee. What? Sprinkle instant coffee. Why is that? Over vanilla ice cream. And then, uh, a little bit of sea salt, a little bit of sea salt flakes. And then you've got, basically, you go and you get a little bit of the crunch of the instant coffee thing, but then it immediately becomes sweet and creamy by the ice cream, and then it melts into, like, a poor man's affogato. Because you're adding, you're basically adding instant coffee to the thing, so it does a really good job of making a complex dessert out of something simple. But wait, are you- Whoa! Are you putting hot liquid into the instant coffee to make- Because an affogato has the full, like, liquid espresso. Correct. That's why it's the poor man's. That's why it's the poor man's affogato. So it's like, basically, you just go do the dust, but then in your mouth, it creates the coffee. Interesting. Because, like, an affogato melts it, but then it goes away. Yeah. This is like doing two of them. Kind of the melting, I kind of like it sometimes. It's like a little, like, puffed up part of me. I don't like the melting part. I, funny thing about an affogato, I didn't know what it was. Like, I would see it on, like, cafe, like, I'd be like, oh, an affogato. And I would see, like, you know, uh, ristretto, uh, affogato, americano, whatever. So one time I went to a coffee shop. It's luckily, like, 11 a.m. on, like, a Sunday. And I go, I'll get an affogato. What is, I didn't ask what it was. I didn't care. I was like, I'll get that. Because I'm like, oh, I'll get a cortado or I'll get whatever. And I'm like, I'll get an affogato. And they bring me ice cream with espresso. And I, and Courtney was like, oh, my God. And I was like, well, it's what I'm having. And I truly, we were, like, walking around. I was just like, I got this. This is kind of great. It luckily was the perfect time. I wasn't driving anywhere. We were walking. I was like, this is awesome. Thank God you weren't driving. Oh, yeah. Driving after an affogato? Oh, fool. I'd have, I'd have been in prison. Guys, I've taken a dipped cone to go in my car. What? I haven't. And it's, and it was a hot summer day. And boy, oh, boy, is that thing leaking. That is not. I can't remember the last time I ordered a cone somewhere. Can. I'm crazy. And I love cones. I just hate inconvenience. And I hate stuff getting on my hands. Me too, but I love a cone. This is the thing about a dipped cone is if you get a dipped cone in Los Angeles, you think you're going to be able to eat that thing slow. You're really, when you get one bite in. You got to suck it down. The shell, once the shell cracks, it's like falling apart in front of your eyes. And you've got to, you've got to. And so I remember getting it and being like, this is so nice. Dipped cone, I went, I was in my car and I was like about to go, go, a little bite. And it was like, I have to eat this in the next 30 seconds. You have to eat it so fast. Everything has gone horribly wrong. And so I had to. You're doing crowd control on that thing. Oh, nasty. I worked on that for probably 10 minutes. You were really, you really built that. I really built that. There wasn't a lot of letters. Afar. That's perfect. I wanted it to sound like you were really far away. Is our soundboard working? Soundbird. To go back, I think the word that I am liking lately. Is that the thing we're doing? I forgot we were in word of mouth. By the way. What? We went down an ice cream hole. So glad we talked about so much good stuff. What was your word again? It was beautiful. Beautiful. Oh my God. That was a century ago. Hey, baby. Yeah, my thing has been walking up to random women and going, hey, baby, you're beautiful. Hey, baby, you're beautiful. Stay wonga. Yeah. Stay wonga. Stay wonga, baby. Why don't you come over here? Check out me and my quib. Did you say stay wonga? Hey, stay wonga, baby. I thought you were saying stay wonga, like Willy Wonka. Stay wonga. Willy or Wonka? Or won't he? Wonka edition. Jesus Christ. Crazy. What's a word? What's a word? Do you want to go? I can go. Hey, don't point that gun at me. Okay, so my word. I don't know. It's okay if there's not one. No, there definitely is. You know a word that I'm loving? I've been loving this for the past few months. Sonder. I have not heard you say that literally once. Sonder. I don't say it a lot. There's not many opportunities. There's not many opportunities to say Sonder. Yeah, because what does it mean? So Sonder is the kind of understanding that every person you see, every passerby, when you look at a crowd of all these people, that every single individual has their own life and own experiences and is going through a whole day just like yours. I know that sounds like, oh, everyone's like, yeah, that's obvious. But it's the really contemplating that and understanding that and how deep and intense that is. Did you break that while he was talking? Amanda is currently breaking her mic. By the way, for the first time, you're saying something kind of heartfelt. I'm like, yeah, you know, I'm really kind of opening up for the first time in this episode. Yeah, it's really nice. Break it. Yeah, so anyways, that's probably the word that I think about a lot lately. Is this supposed to be you? Yeah, that was back when I had a mullet and mustache. I was going to say, bold to have that be the graphic. No, that's just Curtis Conner. Look. We just had to put a Curtis on there. Yeah, we just put Curtis Conner on there. That's me. That's you. Yeah. I like these. Yeah. Curtis Conner. Curtis Conner and Jenny Nicholson. Now, that's if I guessed how it was. Yeah, honestly. Yeah, yeah. No, no. But we got us. Amanda. Okay, Sonder. Very nice. I liked that story. Mine is so lame. No, I really mean it. That was, yeah, brutal. Back in middle school. Yeah, dang. Stop. I meant it. Yeah, I thought that story was awesome. You, you. You in the front and you behind. You in behind. Lunch lady. It's Sloppy Joe time. Lunch ladies. And you know what to do. Let's get sloppy. Lunch ladies. Let's get it. I hope you like them sloppy. I made them extra sloppy for you. You just did see the lunch ladies with a whole school watching. No, literally. And they're just like. One kid throws up. He's like. I want to go home. Mom, pick me up. And I'm just like. They have an assembly about the next day. Grind. They're like, I'm sure a lot of you have a lot of questions. So the incident. About what was going on. The grind line that should have never happened. I'm sitting there with the principal like. Amanda had been. They asked for it. In school suspended. You are suspended. Somehow a student gets in trouble. We thought the lunch ladies were going to chaperone, but they had every intention. To grind. Yeah. They needed help. Holy shit. The grind line. needed to be longer than it was it was too short anyways what's my word um sick that's sick not yeah i've heard you say that a lot i do say that's sick i'm like sick yeah heck dude dude sick is it facetious or do you actually think stuff is i actually mean that it's sick yeah yeah cool do you sometimes say it facetiously facetiously you know what i facetiously say sick sometimes i actually do i actually do i'll be like sick that's a joke but i mean sick usually cool but i don't text it because when i text it it looks really dumb really that's sick i text sick you would yeah i feel like when someone's like oh yeah it's nice you go i do nice a lot yeah nice and i have to really tell myself that you're saying like nice yeah like nice you yeah well yeah sometimes i'll be like yeah nice you look like you've been sobbing i have sick yeah i was thinking i was you know i said saundered i was contemplating the lives of everyone yeah and that's when you so it's basically like you're a part of a world where there's many different stories it's just like oh my god like to think like wow like you drive fast you just see like a person walking down the street and you're just like that person's like going through a whole day and has a whole life and a whole complicated story that's beautiful and it's really like it's hard to it's we all have empathy but like it's hard to actually contemplate that it's like well like eight billion lives are being lived and i've been having this feeling where like so we've been making this like late night food thing yeah i so basically i interact with people at a restaurant like after hours and it's really open we interview them like people that are eating late at night and when i do that it has opened up my vision of like restaurants and also just late night culture to be like oh every single person has something very interesting about them i just have to ask yeah and you're like you look at a crowd of people and you're like actually like i was originally not going to talk to this person but then i talked to them and they were like just went through a breakup and they actually yeah or have all these hopes and goals and aspirations and it's been so rewarding in a song exactly exactly no your show is fantastic oh thank you that's very nice uh how many diners have you done now so we've done uh four or no so we've done eight episodes and then a couple of them are maybe still releasing when this comes out uh diners i think we've done three diners oh so but it's just 24 7 places it's 24 7 so we've done a couple donut shops we did tommy's burgers which is like an outside uh we did one in san francisco we just went up there and did that was like this cool restaurant of the castro are you walking up to these people and being like hey can i talk to you for a second yeah so usually we'll get now that we've been doing for a little bit we like get the restaurant to be on board and because we're usually inside yeah we did like a donut shop that was outside so it was like kind of it was fine for all but now it's like we'll get the restaurant to be on board we'll interview their staff and their owners if those people are interested and then i go up to the people they're eating and i usually say like hey how's it going like we're shooting a show called graveyard shift it's about people that are eating out uh after midnight at 24-hour restaurants um we're interviewing some of the patrons like would you be interested in asking you know and what time typically are you getting there and like how long we arrive at around 11 30. okay damn we get set up we meet the staff to make sure they're comfortable then we get the intro shot outside and then uh or we'll do b-roll first or something so then we just get it out of the way because basically the thing is how can we sustain the latest thing we shoot we kind of want to be the food because that's like me alone and then i want to shoot the interviews around one to two because it's like i want to be the most you know awake sorry phone is blowing up under me uh and then it's i mean it's totally brutal and then i have young kids so usually i was gonna say waking up and my lovely wife is covering for me in the morning uh the next morning because i will usually get home at three three and then probably won't go to bed till like 3 30 because i just am wired and i've been having caffeine i've been drinking coffee i mean how are you you're probably how are you going to bed at 3 30 i would think like four or five yeah sometimes it's four i mean it's like it depends on how long it takes me to get sleep sometimes i'm too wired and i can't get down till four yeah but it's such a it's a show that i was talking to a friend of mine he was like i really like it but i think that you're immediately going to start being like why the fuck did i choose to do a show at midnight like yes but it's such a great premise yeah i mean that's the problem it's so fun uh do you have a um okay so out of all those is there one that you like the food was your favorite oh god there's i mean so much good food we did uh i love astro diner it's like a one of my favorites oh yes i love astro in echo or no it's it's in silver lake in silver lake um and uh it's just this really iconic like kind of dreamy looking diner it's one of those things like living in la and i mean it's the case for a lot of states but like being like man i want to go to more diners astro but sometimes you go to diners and you're like this fucking sucks i know and they're really hit or miss the thing about the 24 hour ones is that usually they've got it pretty dialed because they can afford to keep staff through the night that's what i was thinking the food is better there because they're like this is down to a hard science we know you know how to make this we know how to like all the systems are kind of engineered really perfectly we also did uh sun nangdan in koreatown which is like soup and beef and stuff there's one dish they set fire to wait i think i've been there it's great it's yeah i've been there and then our finale i mean spoiler but is uh at orphan andy's in san francisco we went up and it was like this like really cool diner where uh not even dining just cool restaurant where there's like christmas lights all everywhere and it's because the two owners are this couple and they were like yeah we put christmas lights up for christmas and we take them down then we just decided to stop taking them down so it's like really vibey and like oh i love that and it's yeah what's the food what's the type of food that you're eating it's like americana at that place like that like you know great wings great like burgers great fries are you ever doing like sweets like pancakes oh yeah we do i usually do like breakfast lunch dessert as well are you sitting with man you got to feel pretty good i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna do that i'm not gonna be fucked up i mean that one yeah we were also like we flew up for the day and then we shot it and then flew the next morning it was like a brutal yeah but it's kind of epic it's kind of romantic it's become so addictive too because like it's so fun and then i get to eat all this delicious food of course we like the question mark of who will we happen upon is always so great like we'll meet people that are just totally interesting and that will become a fabric of that episode yeah and we can repeat it as many times we can go to new 24-hour restaurants what's the most fascinating thing like or story that someone has told you in a nutshell like in all of your these episodes we just did one that uh comes out probably by the time this is out that'll be out uh at norm's restaurant and uh there were two servers who had been off shift from another restaurant and they came there because they didn't want to go to sleep yet yeah of course and we were talking to them and uh one of them was just like yeah i just like went through a big breakup and i was like i'm gonna go to a and she was just being really vulnerable she's like i moved here to be an actor and like i don't know how i'm gonna make it work and like i just feel like love is so hard and it was like it's not the most interesting but no but it's like so hard real people are really open at that hour like i think it's partially like the fun of the show is that that late at night it kind of feels magical yeah because everyone's asleep and it's kind of like these are secrets i was gonna say also there's something uh i know it's such sad like that's such rough but there is a i don't know how people are gonna take this but like there is a beauty to heartbreak totally especially at a diner at 2 a.m it's just like oh there's something like poetic and and it's so lovely like yeah i don't know like i also think it's necessary i think it's important to experience heartbreak you you kind of have to go through it and i i think what's so cool about a late night thing is that it almost feels like they're no one knows about it like everyone's asleep no one's around so it's kind of like a little moment in time that is so like sweet and precious and nobody knows what's happening okay okay that's so sweet and precious anyways our our our serious uh podcast quota we've we've hit it so anyways back to the fucking grind i can wait so what what is this show called again graveyard shift graveyard shift and we did yeah there's there should be somewhere between four and eight episodes i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know i don't know and is it on your stuff yeah is it on your youtube uh yeah it's on my youtube channel okay cool you have perfect person then you have your youtube channel yeah there's two yeah perfect person is the podcast and then my youtube channel we do like different right now this year we've tried to do like what are different shows we can do and do like episodes that you did justice miles we did do it oh that was so good it was a treasure oh dude you put you also had your wife and my lovely wife yes my lovely wife killed it you had damien and damien and then you had uh anna yeah anna yeah anna was in that will and yeah but we it was we hit uh real people we cast real people with disagreements with each other and then we give them comedian lawyers to represent their cases in a courtroom and then i am the judge so it was like you know you put damien in the perfect position so funny he is dude he he just can be on fire yeah he was incredible i mean yeah and he just put on his he had like he looked like the devil in a like oh yeah like a red shirt and yes it was perfect yeah so good yeah hopefully we'll make more of those before the end of the year too because that was also like super well and i was like oh wow like this is also a really repeatable format yeah um yeah get real people in there i think also in the next season i want to have a jury of real people because i was like yes what people were missing they were like we want an audience to this chaos oh yeah having like six real people like a really old woman and like a gen z teen and they get to decide who If the case goes either way. Old woman's just like this the whole time? Yeah, she's like, have a sleep. And we have the jury deliberate and, you know. I love it. That's too funny. So good. Just having fun over there, man. Yeah. Trying to have fun. Man. I wish we were having fun, you know? I wish we. We really are having a bad time. No, we really are. We're doing a horrible time. Two toucans? We got a toucan right here. There was one over here, but I think you knocked it on its ass. Oh, and then there's one up over there. And is the toucan. Is the toucan. Is that. What's thematically. So, it started. It was Spencer who actually came up with this. Amanda was wearing a sweater that had two toucans on it. And then Spencer said, get your toucans out. And then. And I did. And we cut all of it. No way. Yes. Release the toucan cut. I released them, and boy, did it feel good. What a weight off my back. And we just cut to commercial. And so, the fans have just. Latched onto that. Yeah, they love it. So, now we have a lot of cute little toucans. You never know what the fans are going to like. That's the new phrase. Yeah. You never know. Never know. The latch in there. Oh, yeah. They really take it on. It's pretty sick. Well, it's similar. I mean, we've got Harambe. Oh, yeah. He's always looking at me. He knows I would fight for him. Yeah. Oh, God. Anyways. Well. Ooh, nasty. What a good episode. I really love Miles. This has been fully a fever dream. You're incredible. I can't wait to have you back, maybe on Maine again, where we could play ridiculous characters. Oh, yeah. Or any time. Happy to come back for anything. You guys are the best. And thank you for having me on the show. That's so fun. Of course. Of course. You guys rock. That one is dwindling. Selena is getting tired. The fair horn is on its deathbed. Selena is done. And that's fine. Anyways. Okay. All right. Well, Miles, thank you so much for joining us. Yeah. Check out Miles. Miles, YouTube, and, um. Miles, YouTube. Mr. YouTube. Miles, YouTube. Just search Miles. Just search Miles, YouTube, and smell what the rock is cooking. You know what? We'll link it below, so shut up. All right. Bye, guys. Sonder off. Goodbye. Bye, guys. Love you. Love you.