#142 - Who Is The Sane One Here? w/ Anna Konkle

insurance isn't one size fits all and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit that's why drivers have enjoyed progressives name your price tool for years with the name your price tool you tell them what you want to pay and they show you options that fit your budget enough hunting for discounts trying to calculate rates and tinkering with coverages maybe you're picking out your very first policy or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family either way they make it simple to see your options no guesswork no surprises ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law there's a fire inside you you can't ignore stand still not a chance you're a lifelong learner who's come this far now we're here to help you keep going further capella university what can't you do visit capella.edu to learn more hi welcome to smosh mouth i'm shane and i'm amanda and we have a really really exciting guest with us today it's anna conkle she is the co-creator of pen15 currently on the new season of hacks and we're talking about her memoir the sane one which we all read and i'm so excited to talk about it hi anna hi thanks for having me of course my mic in the right your mic is we're still adjusting to these as well so maybe mine's in the wrong place no it looks great yeah how's our mics yeah he says they're great scott's like it's chill dude does a kickflip yeah scott's very cool hey scott guy hey talk later yeah wow you did amanda's bit every time we do sound check amanda goes into this long rant where it's like her calling scott after so long we understand each other we understand each other we do we really do and maybe scott too yeah maybe scott anyways how are you um i was gonna say i'm not just randomly touching my book i was gonna say like let's connect later uh how am i i'm good yeah i'm good i'm i'm happy to be here we're so happy to have you when we found out you were gonna be coming on the show i was literally so stoked i i didn't mention this before but uh pen15 truly is like one of my favorite shows really oh recent time like i was obsessed with that show i still am uh it's so funny good and i i i i related to so much of it really i know it was about like pre-teen girls but i was like so much of the experiences i was like wow yeah this hits really hard thank you that's so nice i feel like it's now i'm realizing on tiktok which i'm not on but i'm thinking about it i think about it too yeah we think about it we think about it but a lot of like teenagers or middle schoolers or whatever are coming up to being like i love you on tiktok whoa because wait you're like pen15 are on tiktok they don't know it's a show they don't know it's a tv show they just see it on tiktok and then they're like you you might have to cut this but they're like you're the one that called your mom a cunt no we can keep that and i'm like oh you're 12 oh my god but don't say that like i'm gonna get arrested oh are you kidding me 12 year olds say crazy things i did in real life call my mom that in high school did she i was very angry at that point i know it wasn't good i'm not proud of it though i'm talking about it publicly i'm honestly surprised because i was so afraid i once said f you to my mom and it was like thunder like yeah the grounds lifted yeah no i we were in a huge fight and then i went and i said that from my bedroom of course like she was in the other room and i was like you're a cunt and and i remember feeling like i couldn't get it out like right before i was like you're not gonna do this and i was like doing it and i said it and then everything went silent which was actually the scariest thing that could happen and then it was just stampede like a slow walk and i was like oh no you're like mommy and then she yelled at me okay yeah it wasn't as bad as you'd think oh yeah it wasn't an opening for more okay it was just like can i be i may be honest maybe because the word cunt i don't know it like i feel like for boston that was just how you guys that's just good morning that was just hello i was just like hey what's up mom which we're both from massachusetts we found out yeah situate and i'm from easton oh everybody's from massachusetts everyone makes fun of me because all i do is talk about the east coast but oh same there's not enough about it oh yeah but where are you from yeah where are you from mostly arizona oh arizona military family so uh born in florida moved to virginia moved to arizona but uh military okay phoenix okay cool yeah i live in now my address is i'm just kidding i lived there too for a while i actually went to college and that's where i started going to college before i then switched to online college uh to asu online oh even though i was living out here and a military what what kind of military uh my dad was in the air force he was a lieutenant colonel oh wow yeah and he was a pilot for for southwest southwest amazing yeah does he fly boeing or did he he he's retired now uh i mean whatever southwest planes are wait okay boeing scares me boeing scares me too and i just got killed again but um yeah boeing scares me too for saying that but but but i love your memoir is all about how boeing and boeing is corrupt but my first my first boyfriend in love was from arizona okay greg rough greg changed his name and great to west point oh yeah okay intense love intense love from a hippie family especially yeah it was like oh my dad's not gonna like you oh yeah of course and maybe that's why we date them yeah yeah yeah yeah right for sure boundaries yeah west point so so your your book like give us just maybe like um two log lines about it okay the book that we read the book that i read um tell me what it's about i don't want to give it in my terms no no let's hear your log line um the same one um your dad dies uh your dad does die spoiler alert spoiler alert it's kind of obvious in the beginning though right or no okay in the beginning what was obvious to me is the estrangement yep the haven't met my boyfriend that i've been with that i share a place with so that's an estrangement right right and there i mean i already knew before i read it that that was happening yeah but to me it was like i really love that you gave us the present moment not not fully the present moment but like a scene in the future and then we went backwards yeah yeah yeah and for me because we talked about this earlier is that all my memories are burned into my head because i have sisters and all we do to process life is talk about what happened with mom or what happened with dad and so for me it was like i was locked in on the journey i was like oh here we go the complicated complex relationship with your parent that you're estranged from but i knew that there was going to be a coming together but it wasn't clear to me that actually is the perfect you did it and i didn't and i didn't mean i didn't mean to grill you and then like i'm sorry but i actually love to be grilled wow my mom would grill me all the time on that question about that oh math so good like yeah good schooling i wasn't good at that okay okay wow thank you for that yeah yeah i mean trying to do the log line is something that i'm not great at neither am i no i don't know why i put you in that position no no no i want to i mean i really want to talk about it i i feel like part you know part of being in my 30s was recognizing how much the relationship with my dad had been very transformational over and over and over in very dramatic ways and so you know later in life you know i'm not sure if i'm going to be able to do that but i'm going to we were strange for five years but then back into my early childhood he was like my best friend yeah cool dad angel angel like the thing giving like innocence to childhood of like my mom being freaky and my dad being like let's go to the movies here's twenty dollars like just the safe part yeah and then i think as you get older it's normal to feel like the pedestal the parent falling off the pedestal oh what the breaking of that is super super painful yeah and especially the parent that you're like no but that one's perfect that one's great because we're all we're kind of like us versus mom right guys right right yeah oh and then we get into the patriarchy and that's a whole nother you're kind of taught to not like your mom versus your dad it's i'm going through as a parent also yeah anyway so she's five oh you have a daughter we have yeah um anyway so yeah i think like and then i was able by the end of his life which we thought was going to be he he got a diagnosis we thought it was going to be one to five years and it ended up being two months and you wanted to go to italy and he wanted to go to italy and he didn't get to italy but we brought italy to him in a sense and i got to be his caregiver at the end but i mean as heavy as the spine and the trajectory of my relationship with my dad was he's the funniest person i've ever met my mom you know unintentionally also very very funny and it's really sifting through memories of my childhood of like who was he was he that godlike figure that i remembered or not and that continued to affect my identity it's breaking the script yeah it's like you're figuring yourself out by figuring out who your parents were to you yeah i read this great book when i was like doing my breaking of my relationship with my mom because i was like okay i want this relationship it's called forgiving ourselves forgiving our parents I don't know if you've ever heard of it it was so good and it's not about it's not about like forgiving your parents like going I forgive you yeah but it's like forgiving the memories of who you thought your parents were yeah you know because I know your dad was like oh I read the you know I read the divorce scene and whoa it was different from your eyes and it was like yeah that's how you know relationships with your parents are so it's like I feel like most people do start to go through this I don't know if it happens in their 30s or 20s or 60s yeah of seeing your parent differently than the idealized version the script of it I feel like it's probably different for each person based on like circumstances right like your dad passing away it's like it's a dark thing to think about but it almost like gives you more permission to think about things maybe than people if they're not right passed away if they're still here like um because I feel like I talk to everybody and everybody's journey is so different but everybody kind of goes through it no matter how ideal your relationship with your family is like it's an inevitable thing that people seem to go through I think you like have to go through it but then I don't know if you feel this way but I feel like our parents generation boomers they like never went through it with their parents but then but then when their parents get a little old they they like unpack it they unpack it but in a way that's like so yeah so tight totally whereas we're like yeah I almost think there's I I almost disagree though that I feel like a lot of our parents aren't didn't unpack anything well I don't think a lot of them did maybe I'm speaking personally sure is my mom is definitely unpacking all the years and it she's holding on tight and her parents are her dad passed okay and but her mom is alive and she's her number one caretaker oh wow yeah wow and she also has six siblings now yeah how long has she been the caretaker years wow years but my vava is very like Portuguese Catholic goes to church very wants to be independent so which is complicated because she's like I can drive yeah yeah it's like no you actually shouldn't and can't you actually should be taking away your license forever but she's still driving oh she you did okay sometimes my mom was like I picked her up and I let vava drive home and I'm like don't do that insurance isn't one size fits all and shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit that's why drivers have enjoyed progressives name your price tool for years with the name your price tool you tell them what you want to pay and they show you options that fit your budget enough hunting for discounts trying to calculate rates and tinkering with coverages maybe you're picking out your very first policy or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family either way they make it simple to see your options no guesswork no surprises ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be visit progressive.com and give the name your price tool a try take the stress out of shopping and find coverage that fits your life on your terms progressive casualty insurance company and affiliates price and coverage match limited by state law this is janna kramer from wind down with janna kramer I had this moment the other day where I thought why am I waiting for my next vacation to enjoy life I don't need a week off just a day to rest and recharge would be amazing and so I went to resortpass.com there are hundreds of hotel resort pools spas and private beaches that you can be enjoying today without spending the night I booked a one-day pass at the four seasons hotel in spa nashville and I'm like wow why am I just learning about resort pass I may have only been 15 minutes from home but it felt like a whole different world I found myself settled into a cabana just smiling umbrella drink my favorite book lunch brought right to me and I'm thinking this is exactly what I needed luxury resort day passes start at just 25 it's a great deal go to resortpass.com slash janna and use my code janna to get 20 off when you spend a hundred dollars that's code janna at resortpass.com slash janna there's something about that I think it's funny about death and interesting which is like I it's so much easier to forgive I find afterwards or there's like this softening to the edges of the things that hurt where you're like yeah that was hard but it doesn't sting the same way and I keep trying to even though my mom and I are actually in a really good place now but I keep there are times when I this is morbid where I'll try to apply and go like okay I was in such a bad place with my dad unfortunately we got things back together before he left but you know thinking back on the like there's a softening to the memories of him yeah can I apply that retroactively to my mom who's a lie oh yeah and go like maybe Anna don't be such an asshole when she says something that and I can't the answer is you actually can't you can't you can't change that and also yeah with yeah with my dad and like and and trying to prepare myself earlier for what it would feel like when he died I also was not possible until after I was like oh I would there's nothing I could do to prepare myself it it's just like a removal of a thread that no one asked exactly if they could take and then it's just out of you and gone is it is it that with when someone's alive you you have to have your boundaries whereas when they're not here so there's no boundaries anymore right you're safe to like you're safe you're safe to think about however right whereas like when your parents are alive and I see so much discussion about this online of people who are like should I cut my parents off yeah well it's like a thing now right of like no contact is a hashtag and and the problem is with so many people's parents it's like the line of like oh they are destructive for your life yeah it's such a tough line I know it's such a weird line to me because I know I'm different but like I personally I I couldn't imagine you know getting older and not making those types of amends for me personally okay like meaning like not getting like not figuring it out I don't know because like I'm obsessed with people and the relationships and and like studying relationships and the complexity and I don't know if that's having sisters and like processing a lot but like I couldn't imagine getting older and not finally saying the thing or or having them say the thing even if it is painful I know because I know reading in your book you and your dad had some like pretty raw exposed yeah painful conversations and part of me when I was reading it was like laughing because I was just like oh yeah like I got a chill through me because I was just like yep you know that thing that you want to like expose to them and be like why did you do that that was weird that made me feel weird and that set up my relationships in a weird way but they don't it's not I know it feels like they're at least for me with this with my dad it was like kind of a slow burn of unsettling events you know you know after being super super close when I was young and then uh kind of holding his feet to the fire slowly of being like will you see a therapist will you like this thing made me uncomfortable like and he would get he was just in a different point in his life where or maybe he wasn't and he was the same the whole time I don't know but he was pissed about it like every time and it I pushed the limit to a point where like I wasn't comfortable around him anymore and it was like an explosive you know goodbye I'm never gonna see you again instead of like hey I'm making this I wish that I had had the courage I think earlier to just say like I'm not comfortable with this relationship anymore in these terms so it wasn't so and then and then the like tragedy and like the the death before he actually died was knowing that he was still on earth and that I wasn't talking to him and feeling so guilty that like he would call me and I wouldn't pick up or whatever but I really had to like I couldn't hear myself and my own thoughts and my own needs while we were communicating because you can't change your upbringing in that like I saw him as the authority figure period we all do we're right it's in our DNA I saw him I needed like ultimate approval from him these things that actually some some aspects that aren't his fault do you know what I mean we're just embedded and I had to like get comfortable with the idea of the ultimate disappointment for my own needs and the ultimate disappointing him was not fucking calling him back it killed me oh god but he finally I was lucky in the sense that like I was willing to do it at a time when like we may have never come back together but it was the thing that ultimately led us back together was that he was I was able to hear myself I was able to show up differently I wasn't the same person as I was five years earlier that was like as reactive so I also ended up taking a lot more responsibility for myself and he did too that was the miracle and that's the part that wasn't guaranteed so that's the leap but I don't know it makes me sad online to see the it's such a fractured community of like the no contact of are you on the parent side or the kid side and I'm like I'm always kid side kind of person because I have a child inside me that's alive and well yeah but I also feel for everybody because most people are doing their best yeah and That's sad. I think there's a few points in your book where like you with your dad, you did such a good job of like really detailing out such a complicated relationship and such a like complicated person in your dad. Where like I was reading the book and I, it was weird where I was like, okay, I'm like preparing for this, this episode. And I'm like, I don't know how I feel about your dad. And I was almost like, I was like, I don't know how you want me to feel about your dad. Where I was like, oh, I, and I was almost nervous to talk to you about it. Cause I was like, oh, I'm scared. What if I have this opinion of your dad? But I'm like, but you wrote this and I'm just reading this and this is my take on it. No, I like, that's, I intentionally am not telling, and in pen 15 too, which is like, you know, I don't want to tell people how to feel about something. I really want to like hold up a mirror to what it was to me. And I'm, the problem with me is also, I'm always questioning my, you know, point of view or reality. And it's actually, yeah. So anyway, I, I, whatever you think. And feel is I'm like honored you read it and have. Oh yeah, absolutely. Um, I, I was stoked to read it and, uh, truly like started reading it and I was like, oh my God. And then I was like hooked on it. Like genuinely. Um, what do you think about my dad by the end? I mean, I, I go, I think a lot of layered things about him now in addition to, and also just to lay this groundwork, which I should have said off the bat is like, he had the darkest sense of humor. Yeah. Like, like I, I'm one of his last. Last days on earth, a nurse came in and was like, um, you know, he's like coma E and that's a word, right? Yeah. I mean, it was like, yeah, he can't like move his mouth very well. And the nurse is like, um, are you hot? And he goes, I'd like to think so. What? I was like, he's fucking funny. You know, so he thinks death is funny. Like he's like, so I think that's why I'm comfortable talking about it so much. Cause like, he's like, life is funny. Like the highs and the lows are funny. As it got to like the darkest moments, it always seemed like he was kind of just like not taking it too seriously. And, uh, it's hard. Like, I wish I could hear his voice, like saying so much of it, but, uh, no, I mean, there was things that you address, like, um, things that he, he did. Right. I don't know if I don't want to like, I don't want to like spoil things for the books, but there's like really uncomfortable things that are brought up that you even bring up like, Hey. And, and I'm trying to think if maybe you say it early in the book. Or if later on you kind of surprise us, the reader of like, when you're recollecting, like, Hey, our relationship, our whole life, you, you did this thing and it made me really uncomfortable. And then, but there's, you have some very honest conversations with him. And I think as I'm reading it, I'm kind of like, do I, do I trust him? Yeah. Do I trust that he is, he's saying like, you're right, you're right. And I'm sorry. And I'm like, do I, do I trust him? But that's almost like a thing. That's more of like a societal thing of how many stories we hear. I. I think if you ask the average person, our age, thirties, twenties, like, do they think their parents could change? I think the, I think the average answer would be, no, my parents are never going to change. Right. Right. And I think we've all like, as a generation, so many of us are just like, no, our parents are this way and we can say whatever we want to say our piece, but they're not going to change. I think like, it's interesting. I feel like that's so much of the landscape. I think the political landscape, I think everything is just kind of like, it's this wedge. And that's why I think you see so much of this cutoff idea because it's just like, well, there, if they are hurting me, I do think there's something to be said. I think what you did was so important, which is like, Hey, lay it all out. If you feel safe to do it, like there's obviously levels to this shit. Right. I think. And it took me four or five years of the estrangement of going to therapy and writing letter after letter with a therapist to him that I never sent of going. What is the letter that exists so that I feel better so that I know I said the things that need to be seen that I can sleep at night and that he, if he blamed, because the first letter I wrote wanted something from him was like, I'm saying these things and I'm sweetening this and that. So maybe he'll just apologize and, and we can be better, but in the more holistic version of, of being in a, you know, not being estranged anymore and feeling genuinely comfortable around him. It was a version of writing something where even if he blamed everything on me and said I was crazy and whatever, there was still something that I was gaining from the letter. And that's where my heart breaks a little bit because I'm so, and, but to loop back to what you're saying, but I'm so lucky that the letter back that he wrote, I feel lucky, was reflective. He didn't say you're crazy. Nope. Like he had in the past. He was like, Oh, I made you uncomfortable in this way. So I did that. I didn't know that was wrong. I was, I was shocked. What are you talking about? Yeah. I was shocked when I was reading. I was like, what? That's why, like I said, when I read that, I was like, I don't know if I, yeah, I'm believing this, but I feel like in the next chapter you're about to be like, and then he, yeah, he proves that he doesn't actually, that's fair. I don't know. I, I like, I also, I love the way you wrote because I was able to project my own feelings onto it. I was able to like read it through my childhood, my eyes also, and like trying to relate. And it's funny because. I had that initial feeling of like, okay, who is this guy? I want to talk to him. Yeah, that shouldn't happen. But then what's crazy is when you wrote the letter, I somehow knew he was going to write back to you in this, in this, I'm sorry, I blah, blah. And I don't know if it's because like my mom writes letters when she, she's a very, she cannot, she is not a let's talk it out person. My mom writes letters. I know it makes me emotional. I know. I almost. But like the cool thing about the letter part, sorry, new mom. I know, I know. But the cool thing about the like letters part is that you're able to really like, I think that they are really able to express themselves. And so when you wrote a letter and you did it multiple times with your therapist, you were able to actually present a letter that fulfilled, like replenished your well, replenished like your cup so that you were able to be like, whatever happens, I'm, I'm going to be okay. Yeah. And whatever your response is. And I think that honestly, that that was the right formula for that, for your dad. And like, I don't know your dad, obviously, but I went through all the emotions with him. But there was something that was very connected to my family. And that like, when you laid it out, I'm like, there's only one way that he, could respond if he was if this relationship was ever going to make amends yeah and it was that and when he did that I was like they're going to make amends it was so it was so impactful to me wow well yeah and who knows like and thank you for sharing that who knows if like it was you know after the coming back together after the estrangement we did not have a lot of time together like I and I didn't know that he was gonna you know get sick and so we happened to make amends really soon before he found out and so listen he my dad and I say this in the book was best when he was taken care of so the fact that I became his caregiver it was like the best version of him yeah who knows I mean you know who knows if he had lived five years right would we have gotten another huge fight possibly in Italy would we you would be in Italy he really wanted to go to Italy he never got to Italy spoiler um he wants the server and you're like dad give it one second and he's like don't tell me what to do that's another weird thing when parents are like don't tell me what to do like when you're in his place and you set up the oxygen and he's like why would you and you're like yeah uh-oh he's throwing pillows oh yeah yeah did you wash the strawberries in the vinegar Anna they last longer that way I was like we will leave your condo please stop speaking to me that way um yeah so I don't know like life is life is funny but it is the way that it ended where we got to end in a really beautiful place but it isn't it also isn't a perfect no bow right it's not and that it rarely is I think no and I think I do think um this is very much an internet thing and we do a lot of shows where we talk about a lot of different types of situations and relationships I think um we want so badly to just be able to be able to be like make black and white out of situations yes and it would be so convenient to to do that and I think your book does a great job of exploring like how complicated everything is and that kind of you're never gonna feel like you're doing the right thing ultimately it's always kind of just like well this is what I have to do right and I'm saying there's something uh in your book that's kind of beautiful of like kind of the in-between of like the cutting people off and and not of like you gave yourself some space and you're able to communicate to your dad in a place where you weren't beholden to him you know where you're like okay this is this is true to me yeah and I'm saying this and I'm getting it off my chest um so I think there is almost like to people who are debating on what they want to do with their parents like it's it doesn't have to be forever no but it is okay to also be like hey like if I'm in a complicated relationship with my parent where I can't communicate honestly to them because they're this authority figure and they're looming over me to like if you need to take that time yeah to then communicate I think it's also like what do you want from your parent I felt like it was just like what you were exploring is like what do what do you hope to gain? Because they're not going to come to you and erase all the trauma from the past. But our inner child wants that. We want a softening of memories. We want like a redo because it sucks to go to bed thinking about the memories or thinking about the conversation. You're like, oh my God, those edges are so sharp. Like I want a softness, but like they're not, that's why when people say they're never going to change, I think it's more like they're not going to do that thing that you want them to do. And you're changing because we're growing up, we're going from children to adult. And so our needs change. And I think the best parents, there's a flexibility, even if they're not going to like change deep into their core, they can still pretend. Right. Hey, come on, just, just pretend for a little bit. Don't say that at dinner to my boyfriend this time. You know what I mean? Like for sure. Even with your mom. Yeah. Well, my mom's like a rapid changer. So I was, thinking about when you said that on the other end, we're like, she changed her name when she was 75 from Janet to Jana because the, uh, is more open and it reflects me. Your mom is definitely the funniest, was the funniest to me, but also the most terrifying at times. The blanket, the prayer blanket, the church blanket. You know what I love? I thought my parents were going to like get back together. That was the love story. Your mom can come. Visit. Yeah. After not seeing her for 15 years, I thought like, am I going to, are they going to like kiss right before he dies? It's like a fucked up notebook. You're like holding the button. The most toxic. Yeah. Mom, my mom's the one kiss. There's like a kiss for five, one more mom. Kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss, kiss. I've read the book. That is the darkest joke, but that's what made me laugh the most. Cause like our brains go there to like the darkest place where that's what she wanted. Cause there was this seeking drama from my mom. I'm like, wow, can you feel the deepest of things in your life? And I must see my ex-husband's dying eyes and tell him I love him. Yeah. You know, I'm a nurse. I can help. I can help. And yeah. And then, and I was like, is this going to happen? And then on one of the last days he was, cause I kept asking, can mom come? No. Wow. Okay. That's the pin in that story. To be on your deathbed and say that is pretty. And he was like, he was like, I got the last, cause she divorced him. Yeah. So I think he got the last, like, yeah. I'm divorcing you for life. I'll be honest. That's got to probably hit pretty hard. That's got to feel pretty good. He was like, I'm going into the other life feeling good, man. I'm like, there's a few things when you're like about to die. Like what, what probably feels so awesome. And getting that like last little bit. Yeah. She's like, ha ha ha. I got her and her person left her like that person. They go like, mom. Yeah. Oh, it's awful. But like, but then again, it's funny. It's so funny that it's like the heaviest shit. You're good at capturing the funny of like really dark moments, which is very impressive. I don't know why I like funny and dark. I think things aren't dark. I don't think they're funny. Well, they, is that weird? Tragedy and comedy are like right there. What do you mean by that? Wait, what did you say? I said, I think, I said, I think when things aren't dark, they're not. I agree. Funny. Yeah. Like there's like a darkness to even like, even, I don't know. I don't know if that's true across the board, but that's what I'm the most attracted to. Like strangers with candy, the comeback. Those are things that the characters are like so broken and so desperate and pretending and posing to be fine. Yeah. Like that's a darkness that I'm like, I can never, I want that. Yeah. It's absurdity of just like, what the hell is anyone doing? Your dating show. Yes. That's all I want. Like, it's so dark. It's me scrunching my wig. I loved that wig because it looked like it was half scrunched. So I just kept scrunching it. So good. I mean, I keep adjusting my hair sitting right here. I'm like, if I just put this here, trust me, I do that too. I'm just like, but my favorite, I loved our comedy so much too, because it's, it's so honest. It's the truth of it. If you're just like, Oh my God, me too. Right. It's like, yeah, I want to say that. It's like, I don't, I know a lot of comedians feel this way, but I don't come home after a day of work, you know, doing comedy and put on comedy. Right. I'm like, it better be dark as hell. Intervention. Power on. Yeah. Porters. Whoops. What about you? Porters? I love porters. Porters is maybe that gets, that's, that is the scariest show of all time, but there's something so psychological and therapeutic about it towards the end because that I'm not in it. I'm not there. Well, they pile on all the clothes. Cause they're hiding this shame, this sadness, this like, man, what is this brain does? We are freaky, freaky species. We are freaky, freaky, freaky, freaky. Um, uh, can I, can I ask a bit of a topic change, but I was so fascinated and this is the same with pen 15. You're so good at remembering dialogue from your life, like specific scenes. You have a three page scene between you and two other kids when you're like, Oh, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. I like six, I think where you guys have an argument over whether the cat, the stray cat that your family adopted actually belongs to you or not. And it goes on for so long and you were, it's like line by line of like an agonizing argument between children. And I was like, I, I remember having these types of arguments. I don't remember what was actually said. There's some moments that I, that there's just like a lot of, yeah, I can, it's auditory. Like I can kind of hear it, but there's plenty that are not like we were talking about this before. And like, if I lose my, I never can find my keys, my phone, but there's just like these moments of like, that was a defining moment for me of moving to Massachusetts and like leaving Vermont, which I loved as a kid and my moving into my parents in this idyllic looking house. And the cat had just like the, the neighborhood cat had just moved into our house. And that was like a real comfort, you know? And there are these like two neighbor friends that could be my best friends if I try really hard. And like, what an amazing, I was always in fantasy. So like, what an amazing life to have like these two friends in your garden, our cats running around. So for them to be like, that's actually the neighborhood cat. How dare you bring it into your home? Did you steal the cat? Like that? Yeah. That's just alive and well, unfortunately. And that's this brain. Like I remember a lot more than I wish that I did. You could just take it out. I feel like you're thinking with like your imagination fan. Yeah. Yeah. I feel like you're like, Whoa, how beautiful the world could be. And then there are these people coming in and being like, no, Anna. And it's what everybody else's life looks like to me where I'm like, I'm just trying to reach the happiness that other people have. Um, I think it's like a, a, a, like, um, a breaking of your own script of, of just like this. Cause I also relate as like, I, I felt like I was literally in the secret garden. Like I was like, this garden is so beautiful. And I was like, secret and magical and fairies are everywhere. And then my, my mom, like get inside now. And I was like, how dare her. Yeah. It's true. I lived in my head a lot. Yeah. Me too. Did you ever have feelings? I don't, I rarely have this anymore, but especially when I was a kid, especially when there was like intense moments, funny or otherwise of like a zoom out of being able to see yourself. Yes. Oh yeah. It's kind of that, that feeling of like, like you're observing your own life. I wonder if you sat down, and you like, just were like, put yourself there. If you could be like, and he said, you know, you're a dick. Oh yeah. And I said that, like, if you start in a granular way, I wonder if you could like, you could definitely extract it. Maybe. I feel like, I feel like, I think, I think, I think if Shane like told stories, I think, I think, I think you could go, I think how I go there is I tell definitely. Oh, a thousand percent. How often do you think about your childhood? All the time. I'm so jealous of people that don't 30, I think about it all the time. Thoughts, but like there are, there are, it almost scares me where I'm like, there's years, like big, like five, five year chunks of my life where I'm like, I don't know if I remember a single thing from that era. I want to get out. Maybe it's that I don't, maybe it's that I don't think about it enough. Right. I don't think about that. I want to get some hypnotherapy. I want to lock you to a chair. Yeah. What's going on? I'm a certified hypnotherapist. Really? And I, I'm just kidding. I was so excited for a moment. Wait, Anna, look at my finger. I had a therapist try to do hypnotherapy and it didn't really work. Wait, my sister was a hypnotherapist for seven years. Did she like? And she stopped and then moved back to Vermont. Why'd she stop? She couldn't, uh. Do it well? No. She did it in front of me or by accident. She was like, huh? Past life regression? I was what? A buffalo? Um, no. Oh, I want to do that. I did that. What were you? Whoa, whoa, whoa. Whoa. You were a lady from Massachusetts. Mine was very legit. I was just a woman collecting oysters from Massachusetts. It was so weird. No, I was like. Oh, I'm so gullible. No. What kind of oysters? See? Fantasy world. Me too. No, I was like, I did this past life regression with my sister. So at first with our hypno sessions, I was like, her voice, I was like, what are you, what are you doing with your voice? She was like, and you're blah, blah, blah. And then finally, after a few times, I really got there and I was like, oh, this is fun. And my past life regression was, you know, actually pretty legit. I was like part of this community. I don't know what year I have no idea. Were you like the queen of the community? But I, no, I was definitely not the queen. I was like the rejected. Oh. But I didn't want to be a part of the community. Yeah, I was. Your sister's like, in a past life, you were a huge fucking loser. My sister's like, you were covered in shit. Everyone hated you. You were a dirty, dirty idiot. You were not the pretty sister. You were actually kind of ugly, which is so interesting. We should unpack that later. But the main theme of it was, is that I wanted to leave this community and, like, explore. I was like, I loved my community, but I wanted to explore. And when I got back, they drowned me and killed me. No. That's not right. And my sister was like, I think. No, wrong. Not true. No, whatever my sister said was totally true. It's totally healthy to have your sister to your past, like, regression. But I also mean, it was societally wrong. Yeah. Not cool. Not cool to drown. Not cool to drown someone. Guys, to drown in a well is a really tough experience. In a well? Oh, yeah. Okay, I call bullshit because that's their drinking water. Yeah, well, they put me in there. Yeah, that's gross. Look at how the corpse put in the drinking water. They put a corpse and then the community couldn't drink. They're the idiots. Yeah, I should go back. And then they all died. Amanda, there's something sweet about that. You drowned in a past life. Yeah. I drowned as a child. And then we found each other in Smosh Mouth. What do you mean? Look at that. I drowned. I don't remember this. This might be triggering. This is really sad. From mom. From mom. For you, mom. And I also interrupted you earlier when you said that your sister stopped for a certain reason. Hypnotherapy. Oh, no. She just stopped because she just couldn't do it anymore. She wanted to change. Okay. Everything. She's just like so bored with your past lives. Shut up. Okay. No, but this story is crazy. I've told this story many times. No, this is very funny. You're alive. You're here. I'm alive. I'm here, I think. Do you remember it? See this picture? No, I don't. How old were you? I was 18 months old. Oh, no. This was in Florida. We laugh about it. No, we love dark humor here. When I was 18 months old, my parents were on the other side of the house. I was behind a baby gate. I got past it because I'm fucking awesome like that. Bad at that track. Yeah. Did a front flip over it probably. Front flip, of course. And I went out to our pool and I was throwing rocks in the pool. You're probably dropping them in there. How do you know that part? Because there was rocks in the pool. Got it. He did a past life regression. They looked at it like there's rocks in that pool. No, he did a past life regression with his mom. If you don't remember, how do you know that there are rocks in the pool? They assessed that I must have been dropping rocks in the pool, fell in, and then they found me in the pool. I know, I know, I know. I was gray. I wasn't breathing. Oh, my God. I just started throwing up. My dad jumped in. He was wearing his full flight suit, Air Force flight suit, jumped in the pool, got me out, and then my mom started doing CPR, and then when the ambulance came, they took me in. They were like, you know, like she had just got me breathing again, I think, when they showed up. And then the funny thing, I've told this many times, and I think this is really funny, is that they were like, he's alive. We don't know if there's brain damage, and you're not going to really know until kindergarten. And I think back on my memories, and I'm like, man, that's so funny that every time I brought like a drawing or did anything, I was like, check this out. They're like, ha, ha, ha. They're like, ha, ha, is that a tree, or is that us? My dad was like, he was going to be in the Air Force. Now he's going to be a fucking actor or some shit. Rub, podcast, talking into it. Yeah, exactly. Yeah, he's like, he's going to be a podcaster. He said that in 1995. Like, what the hell? Oh, no. No. So I drowned and was brought back to life in Florida, which is a very Florida thing to do. Oh, so this all happened in Florida, not Arizona. Florida. No, this is very Florida behavior. This is Florida behavior. Yeah, throwing rocks in a pool. You know. As a mom, hearing that story now is quite hard to hear. Oh, I think so. And then I remember, it's okay, he's fine, right? I think when I finally had nieces and nephews, and they were 18 months old, I think it hit me then, I'm just like, oh my God, if I had to see one of them, like, not alive for a second, I'd be haunted. My heart is still beating hard. I know. I'm so happy you're here. Another funny thing. Another funny thing is, so my family, I was like, wow, that's like the most haunting moment of their life, probably, that I don't remember. But my brother and my dad, my nickname was Shane. I was a Shane Bobber for so long, and I actually didn't know. And it wasn't until I was like 12 that I connected of like, oh, it's because I was bobbing up and down in the pool. No. That they called me Shane Bobber. Wait, wrong people. Your dad is funny. Is he funny? I don't know if it was my dad or my brother. They're both funny. Okay, so who's funny? Your brother. They're funny. I think your brother's, they're very funny. They're funny. I mean, that's fucked up, but that's funny. It's pretty funny. I don't know how much, how long after. It's really dark. Insurance isn't one size fits all. And shopping for it shouldn't feel like squeezing into something that just doesn't fit. That's why drivers have enjoyed Progressive's Name Your Price tool for years. With the Name Your Price tool, you tell them what you want to pay, and they show you options that fit your budget. Enough hunting for discounts, trying to calculate rates, and tinkering with coverages. Maybe you're picking out your very first policy, or maybe you're just looking for something that works better for you and your family. Either way, they make it simple to see your options. No guesswork, no surprises. Ready to see how easy and fun shopping for car insurance can be? Visit Progressive.com and give the Name Your Price tool a try. 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It's a great deal. Go to ResortPass.com slash Jana and use my code Jana to get $20 off when you spend $100. That's code Jana at ResortPass.com slash Jana. Now we're talking. Now we're talking. Okay, now we're getting in there. Let me just remember that. Let's get to the page. In my memory. Let's play a drinking game where every time I stop at a page, I read it and then we all take a shot. Don't cry. I'm sorry. Mom, don't cry. No, no, no. We're going to stop this game. Okay, come on. Don't bring out the depressing shit. Shane Bobber. Shane Bobber. Yeah. Wow. It's giving me a mental image. That's the problem. Sorry. Do you read a book? No, me too. Do you read a book and you have the whole image in your head? Projecting it. And so then whenever a book is turned into a movie, you're like, uh-oh. Oh, yeah. That's not how I pictured him. Yeah, I don't like that. Ben Affleck wasn't supposed to be in Gone Girl. That's not what's supposed to happen. But I've realized it's also why I could be a better speaker. Let me finish. What? Let me finish. What? Speaking is happening. And that's a perfect point because I feel like I picture everything that's said. So I can write it down. It's nice to see it and then write it down. But when I'm talking, just hit the mic, I get overstimulated. Do you guys feel that? Yeah. You do? I picture everything like a thing. Okay. Another in-joke here at Smosh is that I laugh at all my jokes. I laugh at my own jokes, right? I do, too. I laugh at my jokes, too. But it's because I just want to laugh all the time. No, he really laughs at his own jokes. But here's the thing. People think that I think I'm funny. I don't think I'm funny. In fact, what frustrates me is when I'm saying a joke, I'm picturing this image in my head that's making me laugh. And I never deliver what I'm seeing in my head. Yes. But I'll be like, I'll say a joke, but I'm imagining someone else saying it in my head. I never knew that. And that makes me laugh. So like- Who's saying it? It'll just be- Me. Always. It's huge. It's just me forever. It'll be like anybody else, right? But who? I'll just be picturing some imagery in my head as I'm saying it. I relate to that. It's kind of the same whenever I do an impression. The way I do impressions is I truly just, I'm barely seeing what's in front of me. I'm thinking of the person in my head, and I'm just having them act it out. And it's almost like I'm- To me, that's so interesting. Wait, do you not see like a face? I see a face. Okay, okay. No, I like- Who's the person? Well, no. It'll be- It'll be different every time. Okay, okay, okay. So I'll be saying a joke of like, oh, it's like as if this person was saying this. I don't know. It's hard to describe it. Yeah, yeah. I relate to that. Yeah, but I'm imagining someone else saying it usually. But it is a funny idea that all of your jokes are someone else, like one specific person in your head saying it. I didn't know that. Yeah, I'm usually trying to like- Like Santa, you know? It's always going to be Santa. You're like, it's always Santa. But Mrs. Claus gets one joke, one joke a year. What is going on with Mrs. Claus? Why do I- What does she think is funny? I think about her a lot. We think about Mrs. Claus all the time. Do you guys? No. I think about her all the time. What about her? What? I just want to know what she's doing with her time for the rest of the year. She's relaxing. She's probably the one building all the things and wrapping it. No, those are the elves. No, the elves, they're barely doing anything. I will not take elf slander on this podcast. Mrs. Claus is doing probably almost everything. She's doing the books. She's doing the budget. She's doing the financial budget. She's working with QuickBooks. Let's all be- She's managing all the elves. The elves show up late. They leave early. They're wasted. They love the water slide. They're always looking for- Yeah. Drinking rum. And she's wearing jeans most of the time. She is wearing jeans. She's not wearing like velvet red. Yeah, she's wearing jeans. She's with it. She's with it. I don't know why I'm thinking about that. But talking about impressions. She wears thongs. Oh, she wears. And high thongs. Thongs that like reach the midway where when you see her in the thong, you're like, whoa, very sexy. You know, like 80s thongs? Yes. Yeah. And they've been asking for human resources and they don't have it. But it's awkward because whenever she bends over, you see like this sort of thong. And they're not allowed to say anything about it. Santa elves are like mostly offended. She chooses their steps. Except for Howard who's turned on, but he's too young and it's awkward and she's seeing Santa. He's way too young. And he's talked to Santa about it. He's like, how long are you and Mrs. Claus going to be together? And he's like, why are you asking me these questions, son, brother. Son. Because all the elves are his sons. Children. Yeah. They be fucking. Yeah. They all be fucking. That's the thing. And it's kind of weird because Santa and Mrs. Claus are humans. Santa and Mrs. Claus. Santa and Mrs. Claus. But their children are elves. Well, they have a genetic. It's a weird thing. Yeah. It's like when you put the genetics together. It's like recessive genes. It's like we're not elves, but our children are elves. Yeah. Yeah. It's like when it's like two people with brown eyes have a child with blue eyes. It's like, how does that happen? And every birth is a litter. Yeah. We're turning Mrs. Claus into some sort of eldritch terror. There's some runts. That's the North Pole, guys, in case you needed to know. That's also in your book. So I love the chapter where you talk about the North Pole. The epilogue is actually about Mrs. Claus. It's a metaphor. And the thong is about being oppressed by the patriarchy and not realizing that you're just trying to please the patriarchy. You're just trying to please the patriarchy. Santa, whatever. And let me tell you, everyone looks good in an 80s thong. Really? Oh, yeah. I'm really trying not to do thongs anymore. Larry the Cable Guy? Yeah, a little bit. You pulled up your thong and you were like. Yeah, a little in the mirror. No? No. Or you're talking about just like out in life. No, no, no. Just like. That's a whole episode of Pen15. Out with a couple friends. Yeah, that's a pen. Yeah, the thong episode. And I know that. Yeah. Yeah, honey. I know that. I'm winning the host award, right? Wait, wait, wait. No, hold on, hold on. Hold on. Pen15. You better cook something up. Bowl, Amanda. Bowl cut. Bowl cut. Oh, you got the whole. Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding. Red station wagon. Was it red? We read your whole book, so Mrs. Claus. My dad's station wagon? Which station wagon? Yes, let's say ding, ding, ding, ding. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm sure there's a red station wagon in there. But I'm winning. No, you're winning. You're both winning. I'm winning at life. Okay. That's true. And I love that you therapized your life through Pen15. That's true. And I have to ask a question. Yeah. I know your dad had a response about reading it. Yes. But what was your mom's response? Because I know you wrote your parents. To reading this. No. Pen15. Oh, on Pen15. They were both pretty supportive. My mom would always go like, it's fine. I'll move out of the universe. Just move out of the universe. That's a joke. Of course. But then, for example, like, I did Jimmy Fallon one night. Hey, honey. Okay. I mean, that's not a big deal. But, um, and she accidentally, because, you know, all the conversations are mostly pre-planned, obviously, blah, blah, blah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. What? Not here, guys. Let me just give you the end. This is all improvised. Jimmy Fallon is my Santa Claus. I'm like, it's all real, right? I didn't really know until the first time. I was like, surprised. I know. I'm such an idiot. Sad. No. I'm saying I'm sad by that. Oh, yeah? See, I was like, I'm sad. I was sad, too. I mean, there is. I think they all do it a little differently, right? Every late night host does it a little differently. But Jimmy Fallon pre-plans it. Or Jimmy, sorry, not Jimmy Fallon. Jimmy Kimmel. Well, Jimmy Fallon, too. All of them. I'm really bad with names. Jimmy Fallon I used to wait on when I waited tables. How was that? I loved Mimosa Brunch. Oh, I've heard. Craft Bar in New York City. Oh, I've heard. Interesting. You mean that? Jimmy Kimmel, we started talking about. We started talking about my mom, and that was, it took a turn. And I talked about her changing her name. And I thought she was going to be really mad at me afterwards. She wasn't. She wasn't. She was like my friend Jimmy. Oh, see, she's probably loved that. She did. But with this book, you were saying that your mom was, read the whole book. Well, so I thought, yeah. So, yeah, she read it. I sent it to her a while ago before it was finished, finished, and was like, what? Because I want to give everybody a chance to read. She didn't be like, this is my memory, or this isn't fair, blah, blah, blah. And obviously, like, it's not the moments that she intended to let be public. Sure. And she was so incredible while she was reading it, honestly. And she was, like, writing me apologies and just, like, and also explaining things that I included, too, of, like, I was working three jobs. And I was like, when your dad got fired, I kept, you know, whatever. And then, you know, a week. Or two before this was going to be final, final. I was like, I think I'm going to change this one other thing, someone's name. And she was like, I have no idea what you're talking about. And I was like, but you read, you read it. And she was like, I scanned it. But that's her. That is who she, honestly, it was validation that, like, who she is. Yep. She's like, I'm a vegetarian. And you're like, you're eating a steak. And she's like, just Tuesday. Yeah. I don't usually eat steaks. And then she goes, and she's like, is that bacon? I'll have a little. That almost, that almost, like, juxtaposed, but fits in, like, you were talking about how, like, you live in, like, a fantasy or, like, whatever. And she's really living in a fantasy. This is very. She is the idea of herself, in a way. Absolutely. Absolutely. She's like, I am this person. And that's so many people's parents. Yeah. Because the way people talk about their parents is just like, oh, I am whatever I say I am. Is that just what happens to humans? Like, will we all be like, like, are we like that now? Are we going to be like that? And we'll continue to be like that, where it's like, because there's things people say to me where I'm like. Wait, that's how I am? That does happen to us sometimes. Same. A thought that I have a lot, because I don't think about my childhood. I'm having these other thoughts. We're going to get in there. Don't worry about it. Having a time machine and going back to seeing your parents when they're the same age as you. To be like. Because then you can be like, okay, were you just like me? How similar are we? My mom's just a huge bully. And then you go back and be like, were you like you are now then? But I'm just remembering differently. To understand if they're a mirror of you or not. Now, or if you can see them. Just all sorts of things, right? Kind of everything. When I was a teenager, I thought about it a lot. I'm just like, I wonder what my parents were like when they were teenagers. I never think about that. And would we have even liked each other if we were just. That's very back to the future. Well, that's what you spend your time thinking about. Sure. Doesn't he fall in love with his mom? Well, his mom's kind of weird to him. Yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. Not that. I'm not talking. No contact. Write a letter. What I would really want is to go back in a bubble, invisible bubble. They can't see me, but I just get to observe like them and just be like. What were you like? And then especially when it's like, you know, when they're the age that they, you were born. Yeah. It's like, what were you like? Oh, my parents were cuckoo. I don't want to know. I mean, we had like video camera footage and my mom was very much like, she was in her power all the time. Every time the camera went to her, she was like, what are you doing? And I'm like. That's kind of cute. I hardly have any video. That's cute. It was really cute. I hardly have any video of my parents. Of childhood videos. There's not much. Oh, I got a video camera and I kept filming them and I would zoom in on my mom. What are you doing? And I would zoom in on my dad. He'd be like, get that camera out of my face, Amanda. Like, so I learned a lot. And then I was like, oh, but they're, they're, they're kind of different. Like my, you know, so I don't know if I'd want to see them at that age. I guess I saw them there, but they knew I was filming them. So what would they be like if they didn't know I was there? But it is the thing. Cause people think. Like, oh, am I going to become just like them? Like how much do we change over time and how much is generational? Yeah. Like how much is, how, what were baby boomers like when they were in their thirties? Yes. And then how much do we become like that? But I. I definitely think a part of us is like them and that's what makes us frustrated about them. Sure. Yes. All the time. Well, I also heard this. I can't remember where, can't remember what. Could have been a reality show. I heard about a study that I meant to look up. It's fine. About mice that I want to say they were shown the color orange and then they were, and then there was a loud sound and they would like jump or something like that. I'm butchering this, but it was like four generations of my, and then they stopped doing it. It was four generations of mice later when they saw the color. I know I cried when I heard it yet. I can't remember it exactly. They saw the color orange and they, there was still a reaction compared to other mice. Huh? That is. So we're fucked because of our great. We're so fucked. Great, great, great grandmother's issue. We're so fucked. I can't wait for you to do a past life regression one day. Yeah. One day. I also am dying to know what you were like in middle school and get into your childhood memories. I do remember things. I, I have a character that I play, um, here in Smosh called the chosen and he's just that he's just like this guy who thinks he's like an action hero guy. Right. And I, he is largely based on like in my head, what I like, what I would think all the time was like. You know, just that I'm like deep down, I'm like, what if I'm actually super bad-ass, but I'm just like, not at all. Were you popular? Like, were you that bad-ass action? Were you the funny kid? Were you, did you stay in your own corner? Was becoming a class clown when I was in, I think I was in fourth or fifth grade when there was this kid who like would just interrupt class and say crazy shit and it would get a laugh sometimes. And you were like, I could do that better. I was like, that's fuck. No, I was like, that's fucking awesome. I was like, I need to start doing this. - Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa! And I started, like, being like, oh, wow. Because I was, when I was a little kid, super, dead quiet, never spoke, just kind of, like, in the corner. And then, like, for some reason, like, I saw that and it was like, okay, like, whoa, attention. What is that? Wow. Because I was, like, the youngest by a lot. My brothers were 8 and 11. So, actually, I felt kind of, not in a bad way, if my mom watches this, like, invisible in a way of just, like, yeah, I'm just kind of, like, here while the world is changing. The world happens around me a little bit. And then you do things where it's, like, whoa, like, and I think I equated attention with, like, I'm real. And then. I'm a real boy. Like, oh, I'm a real, I'm a real person. Yeah, wow. And it's kind of addictive. And then I was 12 when, in fifth grade, we did a classroom play. And I had never done any theater, any performing, or any getting up in front of people at all. And I just got hooked on it and I played Willy Wonka. I was the only one who auditioned for that role. The only kid who auditioned. No, you own it. No, honey, you got it because of your talent. Yeah. But I did it. And it was, like, an immediate response from everybody, including my parents, of, like, oh, my God. Like, whoa, you should do this. This is amazing. So, it went from, like, zero to, like, a hundred of, like. Zero to hero. Holy shit. And then, so then, within two years, I was in auditioning for shit and going out to pilot season and stuff. So, it was, like. Going out for pilot season. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. He did that. It happened quick. Oh, my God. That was my dream. That was your dream. Yeah. And it was cool. But then it was also this, like, oh, childhood over there. Like, I now, this is my life. Wow. And this is my career. Wow, that's very unique. So, that kind of also shifted. Because I didn't have then, like, the regular high school experience. And it was just into what I'm still in now. Which is wild. Which is, like, the entertainment industry. Did you, did, you said that was your dream. Did you know early on that you wanted to, like, go to Hollywood and. I didn't think Hollywood. But I. It was, like, I loved, I loved, like, doing community theater in my town. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. I loved singing. There was a lot of just, like, pretend in the mirror. Yep. Of, like, really adult situations. Of course. Crying. Like, being like, no, Edward. I relate to that so hard. I remember being in the. Like, Jennifer, where are you? I'll never find him. Go home in time. What is, what? I remember being in the bathtub and the, um, the soap container. There's, like, you know, mold between the tiles. And whatever. And the, in my mind, the soap container was, like, the intercom for my butler. And there was always a break-in. And I'd be, like, like, really, like, Oscar, not, like, trying to be Meryl Streep. Like, no, nothing irony about it. Like, how real could I cry? How real could I. How fast could I cry? I don't ever remember, by the way, my parents being like, you good? No, me neither. I don't think my parents ever. They just must have heard us sobbing in the, in the bathtub. They were like, that's life. So your butler, did he come and save the day? Jeremy, there's someone in here! Did the butler ever, um, in your mind? Did he ever save me? He didn't really. No, of course not. No, he tried. You had to save yourself. He was busy. Oh, that's kind of. I love that. I feel like my version of this was every, and this was going on for a long time. Maybe still sometimes. Yeah, I pretend sometimes. Where I'll be in the shower, and, and, like, as I turn off the shower, I'm like, what if there was an intruder, like, in my house now, and I'm, I'm butting it, what would I have to do? What would you do? I, I, well, I envision in my head the badass version where I'm like, where I, like, whip open the curtain and, like, fight, and then I'm like, no, real version, I don't know what the fuck I'm doing. You, you, like, version of me slipping in soap. You fall, pull the whole curtain down with your ass naked. Real version, I open up the curtain, I piss and shit and spin. No! You hit your head on the faucet. What can you do if I'm doing that, huh? 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We're all doing bathroom play, so we're all having a fun time. Oh. We're all doing bathroom play. Thank you. No, I think we all still imagine things. We're like, "What if this scenario. " I don't know about you, but sometimes I drive and listen to a song, and I'm like, "I am at the end of an indie film, and I am driving, and this is my moment." Driving off into the sunset. And the camera is right here, and I'm just driving. So sometimes I'll get home full tears, and they're not because of my life. No. They're because of your inner life. They're because of the indie film. This is the last shot where the camera's right on me. Yes. At one point, I remember being in the car as a kid, and getting a fight with one of my parents in the car, and tears streaming down my face, and looking out the window, and the images are blurring, and then looking at myself in the side mirror, and I was just staring at the crowd. Of course. Of course. And you were just like. And I'm like, "I'm gorgeous." Yeah. You're like. And you turn around, and you're like. and then you catch your parents' eye in the fricking mirror, and you're like. Don't look at me. What? Mom, stop. Stop. Nothing. Can we stop at McDonald's? Oh, I'm fine. Yeah. I'm fine. Leave me alone. What are you listening to? Nothing? Just the same song on repeat? Because I have to get the music video right in my head. Yeah. I'm thinking about math. Yeah, exactly. Doing math. God. Oh my God. I relate to this so hard. You do? Yes. Everything is that. And then speaking of Boston, I would go in. I was in some community theater, and Mora Tai, who owned. I don't know if she's a fan of the show, but she was a fan of the show. She was a fan of the show. I was in some community theater, and Mora Tai, who owned Tai Casting, she, after a performance, came up to me and my parents and was like, "Would she be interested in coming into commercials?" And I was like, "Absolutely she would. What time do you need me?" Absolutely. And then my dad was like, "And I am as well free to audition." He really wanted to. Yeah. Because you guys have an audition in the book. Yeah. Yeah. And in his. I remember in the '70s, I'm now in LA, and he calls me and he's like, "I was scouted for a commercial, and they said I'd be perfect for Walmart." They said I have Walmart face. And you're like, "Dad, nothing more." He was like, "They're asking for $8,000." I was like. Whoa. He was like, "Because, you know, headshots are expensive." And I was like, "Run." No. No. But yeah, so I started going to audition for commercials, which I was thrilled about. Of course. And it never worked out. Well, senior year. I relate. Senior year, I finally got an industrial, an anti-drug. Good. An anti-drug. It's a good one. It's a good one. That's really good. That's good. Yeah. I remember the line was, "Are you stressed out?" I don't believe you. Everyone gets stressed out. Ooh. the person in the commercial like giving someone drugs no i was saying like we don't do don't do that it was like dare but for like adults kind of teens it was like a cool teen website it was like i know you want to smoke because we all get stressed out we all get we can't but don't do that but don't do it right oh my god i went to dare camp oh yeah how much how much drugs did you do oh it was run by police officers and i was having the best time of my life wait i'm not even kidding dare officer officer dom was our dance dj officer dom so he would he would run jesus christ officer dom he comes he's like oh officer dom was in the magic mic show yeah and he's like eight ways to say he was arrested he's in jail actually right now with his song on okay so i had a bunch of dare officers running this i don't know what we did but we it was a normal camp it was a normal camp it was down the street from my house i don't think it was a dare and it was we always had the briefcase conversation remember they opened the briefcase and it's all different drugs oh yeah and we would act out scenes we would act out scenes like if you got offered drugs and it'd be like and i was like here is my fucking chance i'd be like all right i don't want drugs we're gonna play out this scene i don't know what was wrong with me my whole time that's i mean what's wrong with you is wrong with me sister because we're talking this can we take that again give us more and i'm like give us a little bit more drugs right now but my favorite was i was so into like maryland everyone wanted me to do maryland monroe don't ask me why well because you're in your drug scenes yeah i would be like miss happy birthday so i i equated that wait i was like there's one character and that's her in the drug scenes so like i don't want that so you were like sexy hot girl yeah that doesn't want i was like 10 i was just like god this is a weird world i know but my keep going yeah exactly take that again you don't want drugs and you're here lynn monroe and you don't want drugs let's take it again let's do a little more improv uh take this wherever you want to take it yeah take it wherever you want you're in hollywood you take the drug this time take a little bit of cocaine and see how far where are we going it's like okay a helicopter's coming in you're open to anything okay didn't he get proven that dare caused more people to do drugs yeah that's why it doesn't exist anymore right yeah more people did drugs does it exist man i put my heart and soul into that company your performances were so good that people did drugs they were so good i'm sorry amanda it's actually your fault that the drug wars got worse you know what i think is hard is that every every camp i went to my older sisters were there so they were just like oh that sucks what are you doing you're so lucky though because i would do that i miss your older sisters being like come on and then you got cooler you did get me i didn't and so i would do it and i'd be like that was awesome and people would be like we're gonna sit over there and you're like okay i'll meet i'll meet up with you in a little bit and it would take me months to realize what was happening yeah amanda you have no idea what it's like your sisters really feel i know they filter you they also they tell you they're like don't ever date this person but they also filter you my brother's 11 years older and he was like put your sunscreen on yeah like he was like an adult yeah my brothers are 11 and 8 years older they were like out of the house by the time yeah and that's what you wrote that you didn't have anyone to like bounce ideas off of to be like wait am i crazy or is mom crazy well and we didn't talk about that stuff at all until my late 20s during the estrangement with my dad where i was like because then i realized that my brother hadn't spoken to him in 15 years and was like and then he became a parent well a stepdad yeah and then he was like oh really like yeah i dug in oh nobody i know selena legitimately yeah fucking wrote a book report on your if you want that actually i would love to see it and if you have any ideas for me more succinctly talking about the book i would absolutely take it wait i know we talked before you came on the pod yeah you're killing it i know you said like it was hard for you to talk about the book but like so sweet you're you're killing it i think no maybe it's because you're talking to other actors no hey you're killing it hey you're killing it no put that i'm done no no hey hey you know how hard it was to put these on oh my god i regret the last throwing it i'm i'm wait you have no idea we fuck shit up you do what do you do oh my god oh we do insane what if i just knock that down we literally are the last one we recorded we were drinking wine can we do that next time yes you want to come back and we'll drink wine that's our new bit you know what i've been wanting every episode do you really that's no we did it for one it's 8 a.m i wish it's so early you guys start this so early thank you for being here well we're filming a ton of other stuff after you got fucking shit to do four podcast episodes your teams better appreciate you because you guys are fucking working and i'm gonna guess you're killing it that they don't have to do much they yeah again you really did a lot here let me point out how much selena did you're just doing everything yourself you're just doing everything yourself you're just doing everything yourself but also like i don't know you just kind of get used to the flow of it but also like we're coming in we're improvising we're like being personality where it's like when you when you were going through the stuff with your dad you were writing a show you were going in you were you were hard were you filming also we were filming and it was when my dad got sick it was the end of the writer's room for pen 15 we were in pre-production and we had insisted it's our fault on show running everything wow you know and and so we really didn't have a break because we're going from editing to promoting it yeah jimmy fallon jimmy kimmel whoever jimmy whatever jimmy was jimmy's and then going into the writer's room not enough time no one has enough time and then we're like about to go into yeah we're about we're going to pre-production and then he told me that he was sick and we had mended things at that point a little bit and then ended up going to see him in florida that weekend and then it was yeah yeah just being there and then cockroach city how crazy is that made my i mean living in la sorry to say but half the places in la are covered in cockroaches i mean and i was just like who knew that cockroach eggs look like a bead small perfect little beads and there were there was a lamp of my dad's he was ocd clean he was at the hospital he stayed overnight and alex and i after just getting off the plane ending up at the hospital alex is my partner got home and he was like oh my god he sees these two little i see two beads on a lamp the edge of this white lamp and i was like that is a weird place for two beads oh and i was like are those beads and i was like yeah they're beads why are you saying why are they beads and we both started to panic and we realized yeah they were cockroach eggs yep that freaked that freaked me out it's freaky the cockroaches did not we put the yeah we put the compost disposal you really i'm like so honored i i'm so honored oh yeah i went in deep i've not had many cockroaches actually sorry i'm lying i've had multiple and my dad said stop get the cockroaches you bastard no i forgot you have a time out who will be with those cockroaches i was gonna say here living in la for all that i've lived here i've not had many cockroach experiences but i've had two distinct ones what were they when i was living in a house in east hollywood this old like 100 year old house and there was a cockroach they party there i i was in the back like attached to the garage house so i would see cockroaches all the time just on the driveway in between my fucking so my sliding glass from my bedroom to the the house and so i would just see cockroaches and i'm just like all right hope they don't come into my room and then there was one time where there was one um in the bathroom and i think i saw it go down the drain and i was like oh my god and i was like all right it's down there so i can't i don't know what to do about that and then my roommate my roommate i hear my i hear my roommate and maybe it's my fault for not doing something about it but i was like what do i do it's gone um and then my roommate i heard her later was like was like oh my god it's like come out of the drain no no and i was like oh shit no sorry i should have told you that he's there um and then uh dude years later this is a few years ago do you kill it did she kill it i think she killed it i think she killed it i think she killed it i think she killed it you just put it back down the drain she's like go back go back go back to shane but uh i after that years later uh i'm living with my my now wife uh courtney and we were uh she's also on the channel yeah okay we're together for a long time it's crazy we have to split the whole thing you didn't do it like a televised marriage no you could still do it okay you are so reality show and i love it like bachelorette vibes or bachelor yeah you could no we didn't tell anybody we didn't tell anybody until they actually didn't tell anybody and we posted on april the fans had no idea it's our proud did you know yeah no we didn't know yes i did we lived on a fifth story apartment and uh never had bugs no bugs ever and we have two cats and just never saw bugs and then one day i see our cat kind of like oh no no doing some stuff and i was like what is she looking at okay and i go over we had a cardboard box filled with records next to a record player and i i look over and - Massive cockroach, just chillin' there. You hate them? I hate them. I hate them. I'm struggling over here. I've gone without seeing any bugs, and then all of a sudden there's a big old cockroach in there. Okay, you said this, and now you just said this. What is happening? It was like this big. No. Sorry. Cockroaches are huge. This big? Yes. That means it's 100 years old, and it's been in your house since the 70s. Well, they can squeeze down to the size of a flat nickel. They live to 60 years old. I'm so grossed out. Why did I bring this up? They're like turtles. They live forever. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, so, of course, now it starts crawling around really fast, and our cats aren't taking care of business like they should. They're just kind of hitting it. I'm proud of this, because I don't like to kill things. I grab our vacuum, our Dyson. What the hell? It's worse? High technology. This is so much worse. I suck it up into it, and I see it inside the canister crawling around. And it's going like, no. It's going, where am I? It's 60. It's like, what? I take it to our trash chute. No, I gave this thing a great life, because I open up our trash chute. I, like, open it up. How is this a great life? And it flies, and I watch it fly down the trash chute. To another person's unit? No, to the trash. And I was like, I sent it. Where's the trash chute going? It goes down to the dumpster. A woman's home. What is this, the 50s? This is so cool. The trash chute goes down to the dumpster. I've never had a trash chute go directly to a dumpster. Is this real? Where do you think trash chutes go? What do you mean? Not to a dumpster. Yeah. Who has a trash chute? What about a laundry chute? This isn't a, no, no. That's where horror movies are made. I leave my apartment to the hallway of the apartment complex, where there's a trash chute room. This is shocking. And you open up a thing, and you, like, open it. And I open up the vacuum, and it flies down into a dumpster down in the parking garage. Got it. And I sent it to Cockroach Heaven, which is a dumpster. That's a woman's home. She said, you can put the chute in my apartment. And then the cockroach just landed. And she went, oh, hello, little friend. And now they're having tea together. That's what actually happened. That grossed you out. But me talking about the cockroach earlier grosses you out. Yes, because you said this, and then you said this. Maybe that's real, and one's a fantasy. OK. The fantasy cockroach has a top hat. I can handle that. Anyways. Well, speaking of, actually, can I just tell another cockroach story? Yeah, please. Hey, thank you. So the night before we found the beads, so this is part of Alex's horror of seeing the beads, he had just come. And Alex is from Malibu. So I was a little bit. He's like, whoa. What the hell is happening here? And he surfs away. Whoa. Whoa. That's how I felt. Brother? Very. He's not like, you know. But he grew up in Malibu around like. I'm like, have you seen cockroaches? He's like, no. Dolphins, yes. Cockroaches, yes. What's a cock? A cock? I only know Nobu. That's all I know. I know Nobu. Do you mean shrimp? Your partner is Raphael from the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. Sand? And surfers. And baits. That's all I know. That's all I know, bro. Baits. Cockroaches. I know about cocks. Whoa. What? And roaches. So many of those in Malibu. Yeah, that's what he said. That's your partner. We have determined. It's a good snapshot. So yeah, he's from Malibu. He was like, cocks and stuff. And so I was like, OK, so you're coming down outside of Tampa. It's a little, you know, it's rough around the edges, huh? Yeah, there we go. And we were, so first we saw a couple of really baby, tiny cockroaches in the tub. Sorry, but you have to hear this. No, I do. And then at night we turned the light off and he had his computer on in bed. Oh. And we heard something fall. No. And it fell. To his computer. And he said, we turned, it was, and then it was like looking at him like WALL-E. Yeah. Like, it was just, it was just like, he was like, he turned and he was like, it's kind of cute. They're kind of, they're kind of cute. Are you kidding? Yeah. They're kind of cute. But then he told me a story of his friend in college. And then I'll wrap up the cockroach stuff. Sleeping with his mouth open. What are you saying? That's all I'll tell you. What are you saying? What are you saying? It fell in his mouth while he was sleeping. And that sucks, but, but luckily he'll swallow, he'll swallow seven spiders throughout the year and they'll take care of it. I'm going to tape my mouth shut tonight. I know. That's really scary. I'm going to be like, full tape around my mouth and just, that's how I'm going to sleep tonight. And then when, and then when the cockroach lands on you, you can't scream. It is really gross. And he just goes. Yeah. He gets his top hat on. Yeah, he gets his top hat on and that's how I can handle it. And he has a cane. That means he's old and he's not doing super well, but he likes to have it for dance. You can handle that. You slum out and you let him do a little dance. You have the most stereotypical like phobias because it's this and rats. Oh, you don't like rats and I rats, I have zero problem with about ratatouille. She said she had a hard time watching it. I don't want to see a rat near food. Why would I want a rat cooking my food? I don't care. Yeah. No, it's a problem. He's so sweet. Yeah. He's about mice. Fine. Cute hamsters. I had a hamster. Me too. Guinea pigs. Okay. Did your hamster ever get loose and go through the walls of your house? Absolutely. Oh my God. Chucky twinkle. Okay. Chewed through the plastic cage. Yes. Got out, was lost for three weeks and I was like twinkle and he was through the house the whole time. And when he decided to come out, my older sister and her cool ass friend, they were in like dyeing their hair phase, like listening to like metal and they were out by the toaster and fricking twinkle comes out, scurries on her bare ass foot. Oh, okay. I thought you were going to say it got toasted. No, no. Oh no. Hamsters have a way of dying in crazy ways. Well, no. Like mine. No. I'm so sorry. He just got sick. And that was fine. Oh, okay. Yeah. No, it was fine. And then I was like, oh my God, twinkle. And the friend was mortified. Oh my, because it was just on. It was just on her, but they're cute. My hamster got out many, many times, but this time, um, I woke up to my mom screaming downstairs, crying and screaming. No, no, no. And, and then I just remember going halfway down the stairs and going, mom, I can't believe this isn't in the book. And, um, and she was trying to get through. She was trying to get the hamster away from my cat. Oh. Which she didn't. She didn't. Wait. It's really sad. Wait, wait. She didn't? And she went to sleep crying. And I remember going to sleep going like, it's okay, mommy. Oh, you taking care of her. Yeah. That was really sad. Wait, Chucky, the cat got Chucky? Yeah. Mo, Mohamed Midnight Tweet of Conkle got, got Chucky. Yeah. As they do. Yeah. It wasn't. No, not as they do. That's so sad. Cats are. Cats are. That's why I was like, oh, it was toasted. Yeah. Right. Of course. And I was like, whoa, no, it just, it just had a party on my sister's friend's foot. And I was like, oh, weird. I'm like, oh, so like. Oh, that sucks for you. Oh, shoot. Is that not their closet? Oh, so that's really hard. It's just flashing to letting my hamster crawl up my sleeve. Uh-huh. Did you ever do that? Uh-huh. Oh, yeah. And my mom was like, any memories of that? No, I never, never had hamsters. And I'll be at the pet store sometimes and I'll look at the hamsters and guinea pigs. I'm like, so sweet. I'm like. You can't. I can't. I do not want to see my cats become the demons that I know they are. And I like pretending that they're sweet. Well, they sound a little soft with the, with the cockroach stuff. Sometimes with bugs, they've disappointed me. We had a praying mantis once and I, it was in our bathroom. It was a big old. Those are lucky. They're sweet. I just want them to. Big old praying mantis. Wait, they're lucky. Yeah, they're lucky. But I was like, it's, what are you going to do about it? It's because they kill men. The women, women praying mantis kill the men. And so you're like, get rid of that. But I literally throw my cat in the bathroom, shut the door. I'm like, take care of business. And then I open it up to seeing the, the praying mantis was on a hairspray bottle. My cat was on the other side and they're trading jabs, like truly like trading jabs at one another. They were, they were having fun. They're just having fun. We're communicating. Yeah. Your cat was like, don't use me. I also love this idea of like, you don't like to kill things. I don't. I do whatever I can. But then there's like a beautiful praying mantis. Well, yes, it's a beautiful praying mantis. Right? But when you were like, go. Go, get it. That thing was huge. And it was in our bathroom. I was like, I, I have like. But do we not feel like they're like the karate kid vibes? I love praying mantis. When I see them outside. I feel like praying mantises are like. When I see them outside, I love them. But that thing actually did scare me because I, at one point, opened up the bathroom and it was on one of the light bulbs. Smoking a cigarette. Yeah. Smoking a cigarette. Shane. Talk about your childhood. They'll look at you. Most bugs don't look at you. But that thing literally, it like, I open up, I see its silhouette and I see it just go like this. And I was like, you're freaky as hell. I got to do something about this. See, if I saw that, I would have been like, oh my God, it's a sign. What is going on in the universe that I need to listen to? This is a sacred sign. They don't bring you signs. They don't bring me signs. Cockroaches can bring you signs. No. Cockroaches are like. Cockroaches live for 60 years. They're like in the mummy when they open the book and it's like, do not read from the book. That's what a cockroach feels like. When the locusts come and the devil. Have you watched the mummy recently? Completely different. Completely different bugs. One of my favorite movies. Anyways, do you think Brendan Fraser's hot? Yeah. Okay. Anyways. I like Anna. Do you? I do. Okay, but. At times, no. Growing up. Growing up hot. Are you kidding me? Hot, hot, hot. I love him now. I was on and off of him, so to speak. Okay. Oh, nice. Cute. You're talking about this like it's dare. Which I chose a different sentence. Yeah. On and off. No, we know. I got it. Yeah. Yeah. Mentally. Mentally. Mentally. You were on and off of Brendan Fraser. Totally. I got it. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Yeah. No, we got it. That's really all. Yeah. Good, good, good. Good, good. I would have loved to have been on for a while and then there was an off point and I was like, I'm off, you know, and then I came back on, came back on. Okay. So we have. another segment that we're going to do. Oh, I was going to read. Oh, yeah. Selena wrote down some questions, and I feel like. To end the pod, although I feel like I could talk to you for days. We have five minutes, so pick a. Okay, okay. Oh, well. Right. Okay, so since you shared. I feel like we talked about. Should we read one? Someone said, I clicked on the wrong contact on Google Chat and sent a cutesy message intended for my then-girlfriend to a former high school classmate who I was not close with and had not spoken to in several years. After realizing my mistake, I quickly blocked him and haven't spoken to him since. This reminds me of Reddit. They wrote it like Reddit. That's amazing. That's like a Wednesday for me. Someone said, I peed myself at my high school grad night in Six Flags. My friend is really scared of roller coasters, so we rode a kiddie ride, and when we were on it, she was screaming since she thought there would be a big drop, LOL. I was laughing really hard that I peed, and then we got off the ride. My friend was laughing at me and took a pic of my wet pants and made it her lock screen. My friends will never, let me live it down. I don't think those are friends. Okay, okay, okay. Also a Wednesday. This is actually reminding me of one moment that I had that was so embarrassing. I hated it. It was like sixth grade. I was like coming into myself, like getting taller, like getting some boobs, so I was feeling a little bit like insecure, and I'll never forget this. We were all in class. This is awful. Our chairs are like, we pushed our chairs lined up. We were watching the teacher, and I'm in the front row, and my legs were really long as they are right now. Okay? Okay. Okay, this is not a cute story. So I don't know why I decided it would be so fun to see if this foot could go around this foot and hook on the other side. Like this? Yeah, exactly. But it like wasn't happening for me, so I was bending over and trying to hook this one around this foot. I was like full. Did people know what you were doing, or this was just a private moment where you were like, this would be cute? I was front row, so people were probably watching me. This could be an episode of Penn. Just that. No, exactly. That's why I watch Penn, and I was like, exactly. So they're doing the whole thing. Students are like watching the teacher, and I'm just like bent over, just fully trying to put this foot behind this foot, and I'm like fully bent over, and I'm just like doing that, and then I did the loudest fart. You unlocked something. Oh. And it wasn't like, uh-oh, it's coming. I should probably, I hope it's silent. When it scares you, bop! And this is what's awful, and this is something that I have to really look at personally about myself, is I go immediately, I go into survival mode, and I just go. That is quintessential middle school. Yep, and I turn around, I go, who did that? You have to gaslight everybody around you. And you find the one who possibly, the boy in your class who looks the stinkiest, who probably isn't, and he's actually the sweetest, and he definitely didn't fart, but I straight up went. And you just go. I pointed right to him. Of course he did. And I wish I could find him to this day and apologize. I won't say his name. Did you convince a lot of people? Everybody thought it was him. No way. And he looked at me like, I didn't fart. I did not. And he knew that I was lying to cover up my. You think? You crucible-ed him. You know what, I don't know. You think he knew? I bet he didn't know. You know why I can say that with confidence? Because I was the blamed to fart person. Yeah. Wow. So in a way, we could move forward. So in a way, I did it to you. Well, in a way, and we could do some processing to move forward on both our ends. Ouch. Yeah, my friend Corey did that to me at a Girl Scout camp. It was silent, and we were doing luminaire, and she farted. But you can't make that face when you did it. But that must have been, that must have been so, that must have been so hard. So you fought for your life. I'm sure you receive it, and you pass it on. Yeah. Kind of like the ring. Yeah, you later do the fart. Well, you know what? To that boy, you know, I'm very sorry because even though you looked the most stinkiest, you were the sweetest person, and you probably weren't even stinky. No, the stinkiest, sweetest end up being the best adults. The best person. It's me who's the nightmare, and I have to face that. But it sounds like I faced it with you. Yeah, and I faced it with you. And now you have a podcast, and a lot of other great shit going on. And this means the, Miss, wow. Just. We've all been this person and done this to someone. We've all done it in one way or another. Man. Am I right? It would have been so much cooler if I can't remember. Oh, he can't remember anything. Okay, I have a mission now. I'm going to like dig into Shane's memories and see what I find. Love this. Next up on our podcast episode. I've told, I have told childhood memories on this show. I have. Gotta be more. We're out of time, so I can't tell mine. It was such an absolute honor. I felt like I'd be on you my whole life. Same. Do you want to hang out? Yeah. Yeah. Okay. I do. You remind me of a friend also that you'd really like. Who's stinky. You know what? And I'll take it. I'll take it. We're going to pass it on. I'm the stinky one now. I'm stinky, and I'm Amanda, and I'm proud of it. And I'm stinky too. I'm Anna. Yeah. And I'm not stinky, but I'm glad to be here with you guys. One day you'll find out what a stinkiness is. Yeah, you'll know what it is. It's real life. We're touching the truth here. And let's just do this to go out. It's so easy. I just shit the couch. You shit yourself really hard. I just shit the couch, and I'm like. We don't even promote the book after that. We're just like, done. Get out of here. We do a slam cut edit. Just like, boom. The same one. Okay, guys. Anna Konkle, your book, The Sane One. It comes out tomorrow. Oh, it comes out May 5th. May 5th. Oh, tomorrow. This is airing May 4th. Media savvy. No, I'm kidding. Honey, you're good. Tomorrow, guys, and your audio book that you recorded in your own voice. I watched clips of you on your Instagram. It sounded amazing. Thank you. That also comes out tomorrow as well. Maybe. Tomorrow. May 5th. May 5th. So get The Sane One, book or audio. It is amazing. So good. Thank you. Thank you for having me. Thanks for being here. For joining us. This was awesome. This was awesome. You were amazing. Thank you. Okay, bye. And I'm like, wow, why am I just learning about resorting? Luxury resort day passes start at just $25. It's a great deal. Janna.