#133 - Our Biggest Confessions

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Welcome to Smosh Mouth. I'm Shane. And I'm Amanda. And today with us, our special guest, Spencer. Hey. Hey, Spencer. Dude. Dude, Shane, you're so fucking funny, man. What's up? Okay, we have so much to talk about. Hi, Spencer. Hey, Mike. Funny, too, you didn't say anything about me. Here, Mom. Spencer, you can't just say my mother. You can't. Seriously. You guys, should we talk about something? We have a lot to talk about today. Yes, thank you. It's our, I'm sure you remember two years ago, we did an April Fool's episode where I had a big announcement. Oh. And this year, we're talking big announcements over here. Amanda, you're back. I'm back. I'm back. You're back. I was gone for a while. Thank you. Yeah. I'm back. And lots of changes in my life. Talk about them. I'm feeling, I'm feeling a little bloated today. Bloated of the breasts. Nope. I'm permanently bloated. Spencer. Two cans bloated. It's funny. Okay, so talk to us about the changes in your body. I, since I have been gone, I have been eating so much. You know. Same. Yeah. What are you eating, Spence? I'm trying to visit every single Chili's in North America. No way. I love Chili's. Spence, get closer to the mic. I've been trying to visit every, sorry, I'm not used to being in front of the camera. I've been trying to visit every single Chili's in North America. I love Chili's. On the East Coast, we have Chili's, but it's actually, they actually serve fish. It's Chili's. Chili's, but. It's Chili's, but fish. It's an East Coast. Dude, can you imagine if there was like Chili's and then they set up like a internet bar right next to it so we can like eat Chili's and then go and play. With the internet. With it. And then like have desktops. Honestly. You know what I mean? That would actually be really amazing. Like then I could be like on the internet and with the chicken. Yeah. Like you can play games all day, all night and then go and have some sampler pad platters and then go back and play games. And like 24 hours, that'd be amazing. I would do that with a book. I'm reading Unlearning Gender and Dragons right now. Yeah. Oh my God. Oh my God. That's by that guy who looks like, what's that guy from? Oh no. What's he from? Oh no. We're doing it again. That guy. You know who I'm talking about though. Amanda. You know who I'm talking about. Amanda. Figure it out. Okay. It's seriously, he's the guy. Ed Norton. Yes. Ed Norton. Ed Norton. Ed Norton. Yes. You knew that. You knew that. No, for sure. He's doing, he's making a lot of stuff. He's making it an anime. You're kind of like the Ed Norton of Smosh, Shane. Babe. Babe. Yeah. Stop. You're fucking funny, Shane. You're so funny. And who does that make me? You're so fucking funny, Shane. You guys? You guys, who does that make me? You guys? Maybe sort of like the. Oh, I like a little bit like Winona Ryder. Why would you be Winona? Winona Ryder. I don't know. Someone told me I look like her one time. This season is really good. I just, I just was someone, someone on the, uh, back on the. Okay. East coast. Okay. Welcome to the pod. That was a little just banter between us. Um. We've got a big episode. We have a big episode. I can't get over it. You think you're Winona Ryder? I didn't, I didn't, I didn't say that. I actually can't believe, do you know Stranger Things? I. You watched that? I watched, I watched the first two seasons. Okay. And I, I don't know. I could not keep with it. It's the best show ever. And I just could not, I couldn't keep with it. I couldn't get into it. There was something off about it. What was off about it? I don't. Okay. We're trying to get Amanda to watch TV this year. And, um, I think, I think it's going to be a good journey for you. I think it'll be good for you. Um, Spence, you good? I'm just imagining her watching TV. You, like, I can't imagine you watching TV. You probably have one of those like DVD cassettes. I love DVD cassettes. Of course you do. I had so many DVD. Cause you know what? Actually growing up on the East coast, I had so many DVD cassettes and we would put them in all the time and Sleepless in Seattle. I've never seen that. That's a good one. It is one of my top 15 favorite movies I've ever seen. I bet your favorite movie is You've Got Mail. I love You've Got Mail. Love Actually. Love Actually. Yeah. Okay. But what's your favorite anime? Shane, I, I don't watch. Do you even fucking watch anime? I've actually, I've never seen an anime. I don't know. I don't know. I don't know. It's just not, I've, you know, I've never really tried to get into it, but I don't know. I've just don't think it's my kind of. Do you know Inuyasha? Do I? What? It's a real life. It's a real life story. Stop. You're being mean to me. Stop Shane. You're being mean. We love you Amanda. We love you Amanda. We love you Amanda. Take out the wheel and see all the shit Amanda doesn't know. Five. Do you know five? Like the, like the number? No. Five. Five the game. Gum. Five gum. No. Five the game. Hey Shane, stop. Stop Shane. Stop. But Amanda's not the only one that doesn't know stuff. Amanda's teaching me music, right? What? You're teaching me music? Yes. I'm trying to teach you music. Um. Chappell Roan. It's Chappell Roan. I think that's one of my top four albums of the year. You liked it? Chappell Roan. Chappell Roan. Oh, I don't know who that is. One of my top four of the year. I don't know who that is. Um. What? What's going on? Oh, nothing. What are you doing down there? Nothing. What are you doing? Nothing. Um, let's just keep going. Okay. Um, so we do have a big episode today. We are going to make some predictions. Uh-huh. Uh, yeah. We'll start off with a kind of big announcement from me and you. Yeah. We have a big announcement. Um, just telling the, the pod fam, 2026, me and Amanda have a short film coming out. We've been working on it for, uh, quite a long time. You guys are going to get to see it. And you guys are going to get to see it. It's, it's really, I think it's really a beautiful story and it's one that we really like only us could tell. Yeah. And you guys, yeah, we've been working on it. Shane, you didn't tell me about this. I did, baby. I mean, Spence. Did you just call him baby? No, no, no, no. Did you just call him? No. Have you heard of the game? Scott. Scott. Did she, did, did he call him baby? No. No. Scott said yes. Scott said yes. No, it's a game that me and Shane are playing. It's a game made up. It's me and Shane's secret game, right? Scott, no. Shane. You called him baby. Scott, Scott, you watched the game on Sunday? It's a, it's a, it's a game. You watched the game? It's a game, Amanda. My God, those offsides calls. I was like, no. Courtney was like, is there a dying bird in here? And I went, no, babe, it's me crying about offsides. Um, making that short film. And then guys, big deal for the channel. We're hitting 1 million subscribers. And you know what we promised when we hit, um, one, Shane, Shane. I'm so happy. Watch me dance. Oh, that's the, so good. No, no, no. All right, hit the music for one million subscribers. No, no, no, no. No, no, no. Shane, you're the best fucking dancer I've ever seen. I love you, baby. What? Oh, nothing. I was thinking about 10 Things I Hate About You. Of course. Have you guys seen that movie? My favorite movie is. You can say your favorite movie, baby. You can say it. I think we're talking to each other telepathically right now. And that's really cute. What is that? Telepathically? Telepathic? No, you don't do this. You have to know some stuff. I do, I do, I do. East Coast. But wait, you have that. Okay, so we're catching up. Sorry, it's just been crazy. The podcast is kind of just like fall of the fun. So. What we're talking about, we're talking about all the things. One million subscribers is a big deal. Amanda's been gone. You have that song about maternity leave that you wanted to sing. I have been working on a song about maternity leave. I feel like there's not enough songs by pregnant women for pregnant women. And so I've been working on a couple of songs that are focusing on both birth and afterbirth and pre-birth. And Boston, too. And Boston Rob. Boston Rob? Boston Rob. We're going to get him on the bot this year. He's going to. That's one of my predictions. Boston Rob is coming on Smosh Mouth this year. Literally. And Hillary Clinton. No. She's not stooping that low. I'm going to guess. I'm going to guess. She'll be on the show. She'll come on. Okay, sing your song. Sing it. Right now? About maternity leave. I can't sing right now. Is it going to be gross and bloody? No, I mean, childbirth is not easy. Ew! It is not easy and there are parts that no one talks about. Ew! There are parts, yeah, there are parts that no one talks about and one of them has to do with vagina. Ew! And there's a lot of liquids and there's. Where are. Ew! What? Where are. Well, there's actually like, they come all out of you from different parts of your body. There's blood sometimes. What? Blood? No. Blood! Yeah, yeah, there is. Yeah, there is. Wait! Can we get her to stop talking? Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, Selena, are you counting how many times we laughed? Selena, Selena. Sorry, can we stop down for a second? Are you stopping down? We're stopping down for a second. You guys, this is. I think this is going very. Really well. Just stop down for a quick second. I played Fortnite last night. I played Fortnite for six hours last night. Shut up. Seriously, you are being too fucking loud. What are you doing? What are you talking to? Baby Cole's down there and I have to fucking. Your baby? Did you see his name? You brought your baby? Yeah, I couldn't get him to sit here today. Where else is she supposed to put him, Spence? You know I have to bring him to work on Wednesdays. Literally, where else is she supposed to put him? Can I show everyone your baby? Yeah, you can pick him up or whatever. Whoa. Stop, baby Cole. Spencer doesn't know how to hold a baby. Stop. I swear to God, stop it. Be good to Spencer. Stop. Yeah, if you're good to me, I'll put you in a games video. Is this okay? Is that crazy? Give him some water to eat. It's Kickstart, dude. Hey, you want to be in Flip 7? Is that tap water? Was that tap water? You want to be in Flip 7? Spencer, that was Kickstart. Theodore Roosevelt was the 26th president of the United States. Anyway. Okay, are we ready to get back in? You're so fucking smart, sweetheart. Okay, so we have to talk about the things we're promising. Hold on, hold on, hold on, hold on. Put him back down. We're going around the table and we're saying a hot take, things you're promising for 2026, and your hear me out. Okay, I have a hear me out. But then you also have to say what we're going to do for 1 million subscribers. Okay, I actually have a really good. It's a game, it's a game, it's a game. What's the game? So you just say your hot take, say what you'll promise, say a hear me out, and if you laugh, you win. You have to go wash your face. Okay, I'll go first. Okay, wash my face? I don't know. I have like three more episodes of Smosh Mouth today, I can't wash my face in between. Wash my face? I haven't washed my face in three years. That's the truest thing that'll be said today. Okay, what are you promising for a million subscribers? For a million subscribers, I am promising to try. Stop, Shane. You're so mean to me. I am trying to. She always says like that. I'm not a mean nurse, Alina. You are mean to me. I'm not that mean. No, he's not. I don't. He's not mean. He's just drinking water. Just drinking my cup of Gordo beans. Okay, so what do you want to promise? I am promising to ride my bike more. But wait. If we get a million subscribers, I am riding my bike more. Can you do that with like, after having a baby? Yeah. Yeah. It's actually really hard. Because the bike seat, it actually pushes up against my vagina. Does your vagina just eat the entire seat? You guys. It doesn't eat the. It's not gross. It is not gross. Do you have to get like an extra, extra large like seat? It is. Yes, they have post-marriage bicycle seats. Post-marriage? Wait, what if we built you one with like a bike seat? Like a chair like this, and put two wheels? I've been saying we should do that on the channel. Can you. Can you ride a bicycle indoors? Because I don't want to go outside. They have like SoulCycle. Wait, this is the year Spence gets on Peloton. Spencer, you've never been on Peloton? That's what's happening this year. I love. It's only been 15 minutes. Holy shit. Spencer, what are you going to do to celebrate SmoshCast for one million subscribers? Uh, probably re-watch Lord of the Rings. Backwards. Uh. I've actually never seen it. What? I know, I know. Probably going to be Chinese. You're going to be Chinese? Yeah. Oh, Spencer! I was. I thought, you know I. I thought we were going to get that. You know, I thought I was Chinese for like seven years of my life. Is that real? Well, that's so interesting because. One of the parts of moving to L.A. is that I discovered Chinese. On the East Coast we do not have Chinese. I grew up on the East Coast, too, and I thought I was the only Chinese person in my school. You did? Where are you from? Uh, D.C. How did I not know this? How did you not know this? Yeah, I'm from D.C. I literally have my. Okay, so my sister. It's just not my entire identity, like, you know. And. And my sister, I actually. Okay, so my sister's husband. Um, he actually went to college. Um, near D.C. in Boston. Uh-huh. And. He told me that he had been to D.C. and there are, like, a lot of. A lot of people are in D.C. Yeah, a lot of people are in D.C. I thought I was the only Chinese person in D.C. Okay, so. So I actually have a very. It's like a. I, like, have a connection. I have, like, a lot of D.C. connections. Yeah. Okay, um. So you're gonna. So you're gonna be more Chinese for one million subscribers? I'm gonna be more Chinese. You're gonna write. Oh, guys! Look. What? I got a voicemail from Courtney. Oh, my God. I'm gonna listen to it. Right now? Yeah. Okay. Hey, Shane. Um, I know you're busy probably filming Reddit stories or recording a ZocDoc ad or some stupid shit like that. Yeah. But I, um. I'm just calling because I think you did that thing again last night where you sleepwalk and take protein powder into the bathroom to eat raw. That's so fucking funny, Shane. with a spoon as you sit on the toilet. Um, I don't understand why we can't work this out with your therapist, but I'm really getting stressed out because now there's protein powder all over the toilet seat. Okay? Please call me back. Please call me back. Thank you. Oh, my God. Dude, dude, dude. Dude, dude. Do you ever just feel like your wife's a bitch? She's not. She's not. She's nagging you for stupid shit. Like, you have to. She made that up, right? She has. Like, I wouldn't do that. No, of course not. You would never do that, Shane. I know. I've, like, known you for so long. And we're going to cut that, right? Because we should be talking about, like, the Smoshcast and stuff and, like, hitting 1 million subscribers. But, like, I would. I. Like. I. Like. Yeah. I don't use protein powder. This is all beans and stuff. Selena. Selena, we're going to cut that. Selena, we're going to cut that, right? Yeah, yeah. We're going to cut that. Okay. We're going to. We're going to cut. And then you know who I'm talking about though. You give me no clues to start from. one it's the it's the second or third one that they made and it's not okay so there's the okay oh my god there's mark ruffalo it's not mark ruffalo it's not mark ruffalo but he's the one before mark ruffalo before in what in what context before in the move in the big movie it's not uh in uh eric banna it's eric banna that's my hear me out of course spence do you have a spence do you have a hear me out yeah easy bunny from zootopia that's a good one or actually honestly i would have guessed shania twain for you i love shania twain i'm just getting into her music i love her i'm just getting into her music really growing up we listened to shania twain all the time yes literally yeah i'm getting into that i'm getting into um itunes itunes that is exciting no it's it's like it's like court's showing me some stuff i love i love itunes showing you some stuff literally yeah and um we had a lot of listeners on our last episode we were talking about um the app uh the news today app yes she's showing me people.com yes the people.com app yes it's crazy okay um is this what you guys do on smash mods just like talk about spencer yes stupid shit okay spencer um what are things letterbox love letterbox i i do love letterbox what movie what movie did you just see recently uh tampopo it's really uh it's and we and you saw yeah it's about a japanese ramen shop ramen have you ever had that i've had ramen um yeah yeah did you have any weird cravings after you oh my god having a baby yes i had so many cauliflower crust it's actually it's actually really good um and it is super low calorie and they say you are supposed to eat it because it helps the babies um it helps their stool be a little more firm and so i was i was eating so much cauliflower crust because i was like i want my baby stool to be firm wait the baby was pooping inside of your stomach yeah the baby actually pooped inside of your stomach no okay wait because we're gonna talk about this ew okay we're gonna spin the wheel and learn about where the baby baby poops six where does the baby poop in your stomach six so it's actually in um a sack inside of me and i am eating and so the baby is actually eating through um the uh nutrients that i eat um through the umbilical cord and the food goes in and i'm eating and i'm eating and i'm eating and then the baby has to shit so maybe um where does it go it goes inside of me so you're just a belly full of shit well i mean spencer that's disgusting it's not just it's actually not disgusting and one of the songs on the album is all about that it is all about um shane dude you're so mean to me you are so mean to me i don't keep saying this year on i mean to you it's crazy i'm not i'm not i'm not shane's the nicest person in the world you'll see it in the short you'll see it in the short okay it's time we play some games just kidding yes finally games yes spence what do you want to do what do i want to do um oh my god should we uh moose master flip seven what do you sorry you even you have two babies there's two there's two there's two baby coals but we just named them both cole whoa that's your big announcement on today's episode you have twins and they're both named cole and you're not wearing any shoes amanda's not wearing any shoes amanda's not wearing any shoes after you get back from childbirth your feet are bloated and no one talks about that and you guys it is not gross it is not it is not gross hey so my mom told me that after you give birth um your the mother poop is like really watery for like two months it's true it is mostly water i read that in a book i was yeah water yeah i'm reading this book about coney 2012 oh yeah i'm reading no i'm reading this book about um snapchat and the way it's showing culture like two sides i do not have snapchat you don't like it i do not like snapchat oh my god my phone's buzzing how do you feel about breastfeeding i love breastfeeding i love it can i get a little bit of my mountain dew yes no guys smoshcast is hitting 1 million subscribers and spence is gonna drink amanda's tinny milk this is some weird fans yeah gross i don't know the way you're putting it into the thing i think the fantasy is over is that what this looks like when you is that what it looks like are you huffing into my cup getting jealous shut up oh my god i got another call it's probably courtney apologizing do you mind if i listen to this we'll cut it out damn it smells really sweet hey shane it's courtney calling again um i just want to let you know that i found your stash okay yep i found your secret stash what does that fucking mean this is some freaky shit that you have under our mattress and i i don't even know what to say you know what i will say i'm thinking don't come home don't come home shane top unless you want to fall down the stairs for real this time oh my god shane i want you out of this house i can't do it anymore just come stay with me insufferable get out of my life get out of my house get away from my cats you monster okay fucking crazy person i feel like she's being a bitch right being a fucking bitch she's actually being really mean to you shane and i know you're mean to me but she's being mean we're gonna cut all that out right selena we're cutting uh you know we're gonna cut that right i never i never say this but i'm actually really worried about you okay let's talk about the broncos yes i think the broncos so broncos didn't go to this yeah sorry you're okay let me just like shake it off you're so okay dude your wife is like the witch in fortnite no i love my wife she's amazing what is that the witch it's like you don't know the witch from fortnite it's like this big long pterodactyl like a really long beak and then the talons are so long and it just scratches you and and and the witch is also an alcoholic okay let's talk about the broncos so this year i said i would get a perm if they went to the super bowl they didn't so that's what i'm here to say baby you can still get a perm it would look good on you shane you would actually look really good with a perm really yeah we can look like each other because i got god look at that head of hair under you let's see it holy shit spencer i love your hair stop stop stop it's too much i don't like it you don't like attention that's true i don't like attention at all it's too much um that's one of my favorite things about you spencer really yes what you don't like attention that you are so personable and loving and kind to me and you always know how to lift up my spirits and the hugs you give the long intense hugs you like this kind of hug yes yes i do i love giving side hugs okay let's spin the wheel six so anyway we have another announcement we are going to pride this year i'm probably gonna stay home i've never been i thought about going on the east coast but there are just there's like so many people there already and so i was like i can't i don't know if i can go me and amanda we're going to this year we are going i love i love the lgbtq community i just don't like people in general yeah so i can't be around a lot of people but we're going to pride this year and we are going to pride um i'm nervous because uh there's going to be like a lot of women there and lesbians abs i don't know why i'm nervous because there's going to be like a lot of women what it is but they absolutely love me they absolutely love me and i'm Shane, what was that? No, Shane, stop. Dunk! Shane, you are so mean. But it's kind of funny. Do not dunk on me. I'm not mean. I don't know why we're all saying that. Do not dunk on me. Okay, so update. We're going to Pride. And if this video gets enough likes, we'll go as the Chosen and Sarah Christ. Oh, I'll go as Chosen, yeah. I love being Chosen. Two gay Chosens and one straight Sarah Christ. Yeah. They should really put the S in LGBTQIA+. And what's the S stand for? Straight. Straight girl. So S-G. Straight girl. No, that wouldn't make sense. I like straight girls. Spencer. Are you hitting on me? No. Okay. That'd be crazy. I'm loyal to one woman. One woman only. Spence. Not Olivia's mom. Oh, yeah. You're obsessed with Olivia's mom. Yeah. This year, are you going to talk to her? It's like unrequited love. You know that movie, In the Mood for Love? Yeah. I'm that guy. And Olivia's mom is the female character. That's nice. And we just pass each other by. We don't say anything. It's all about yearning. You know? Yeah. Yeah. I love to yearn. You love to yearn? Yeah, I love to yearn. I'm reading a book right now about yearning and vegetables. It's about how vegetables are the biggest yearners of all. No. Yeah. Is that true? Yeah. God, you're so fucking smart. Dude. And funny. Dude. Check out my new watch. Check out mine. G-Shock. New segment, watch time. Watch time. We're going to talk about our watches. Watch o'clock. Watch o'clock. That is a really nice one, Shane. Where did you get that from? I got it at the farmer's market at like 4 a.m. I love the farmer's market. Yeah. It is one of my favorite places. Truly. I go and there is this woman back on the East Coast. Their farmer markets are a little bit different. They actually sell fruits at the farmer's market. No way. On the East Coast. Yes. I'm pretty sure all farmer's markets sell fruits. Oh, I've never seen one in L.A. But on the East Coast, they have like strawberries and blueberries. We have that. Here. Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm sure the East Coast one is a little bit different because they actually sell them right next to, like, they have like flower stands as well. They have those too, yeah. Oh. No, but the East Coast one is different. So the East Coast farmer's market could be similar to the West Coast? That doesn't mean really anything. I'm pretty sure it's different because it's in a different place. And therefore, it's probably a little bit different because they grow different things and the people are different. They're different there and there's, um, they have different, um. It's okay if they're not different. No, I think it's different because it's on the East Coast. You're getting really defensive. I'm not getting, I'm not, I'm not getting defensive. And this video is going to be really weird if you are like this. The video is also probably going to be like 10 minutes because we have to cut out when you were, like, breastfeeding and all of my, like. Oh, we were recording? Drama. Yeah. Oh. How's Cole? Can I, can I hold him? There's two Coles. Which one do you want? Either one. Cole 1 or Beta Cole. Beta Cole. Beta Cole. This is Cole 1. This is Cole 1? Oh my God. Give me the other Cole. Beta Cole. Get out of here, Beta Cole. Hey, why do you hate that? Out of your old baby. This one's small. That's Beta Cole? Oh, I get it. Dude. Hey, you think I can breastfeed? Oh my God. We hit a million subscribers. Spence is going to breastfeed this year. Spence. Spence. Spence. Spence. Spence, sir. What? You can't. Men cannot breastfeed. I'm pretty sure anyone with nipples can breastfeed. Actually, no. No. What do you mean? Why are you doing that? Only women can lactate. Okay, so why don't you tell us a little bit about your lactating. Ew. So, inside women, there is a chromosome and it creates. Blue. 42. Set, set. It creates estrogen. Drink. And the estrogen actually hyper, what's it called? Hyperstimulates your circulatory system and once it starts going. Where is Baby Cole's fingers? Rest milk. How is he going to play Fortnite if he has no fingers? Which is mostly calcium. And the calcium in your body, if you eat well, it actually reflects what's going on in your body and so then you're able to. It's diaper got on me. Lactate. Baby Cole's playing soccer. He's playing Fortnite. So, it gives the baby the nutrients because the breast milk is. Ready? Preserved. Blue. 42. And once the breast milk is. And a lot of women. Pina. Pina. Control A. Control A. Control B. They started filling bathtubs with the breast milk. Pita. Pina. Jump. Jump. Jump. Jump. And once the breast milk is in the bathtub. You can actually take a breast milk bath. Wait. Coldering the split? Which is really good for you and your baby. Coldering the split? Because your baby is able to. Look, Cole's on a keyboard. Cole's on a keyboard. Absorb the nutrients. The nutrients that you absorb is actually really healthy for you and your baby. It's a bonding experience. And I've heard. Control. Control. That it is really good for your skin. It soothes things out. Remember that livestream where I painted a butt? And so that's basically, thank you for asking, that's basically what breast milk does. What? You want to play Farmville? Okay. Cole wants to play Farmville. This is incredible. Are they annoying you? No, I'm actually. No, we don't play Call of Duty. We don't play Call of Duty. We play Fortnite. I'm actually really hoping. I'm actually. I don't know how to hold babies. Why is your baby being weird? Stop being weird. Stop. I swear to God if you embarrass me at work, I am going to be so mad. I'm going to be. I'm livid. You both are acting terribly. I cannot bring you to work if you are going to act like this. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I'm going to be so mad. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. I can't. Hey! Hey! I'm going to do this one together. Mama would do anything for you. Yeah, I'm down. Ew. What is going on? Selena, we have to cut all this. Shayna and I are going to have this one. We're going to have a baby together. You can have beta col. What's the short film about? Okay, so. You never told me about this short film. So, me and Amanda made it. We're going to release it this year. And we're really excited because it tells the story of like how we met. What? It tells the story of how we met. We're doing it in one shot. Sounds really bad. Shot in one shot. No, it's actually really interesting. It's really because we met. At work. At work. And it's a different way than other people met at work. Pretty sure I put you guys in a video. It was a games video. And so, it's the story of that first game. And it's the story of the first game. Okay, um, just say anything or anyone? No. Specifically, they're, like, in East Coast. You did a sentence. Damn it! $10! Oh, my God. So, a word? Because I had to tell you what steamers are. You said a sentence. You probably. Oh, my God. Here, let me help you up. Shane, your butt. Stop. Your butt is so tight. Yeah, it's good. Shane, your tight little butt. Oh, that's a segment that we're retiring this year. You're talking about my butt. I love it. I love. I honestly love butts. Time for this. Five. Five. Okay, next round of pass is the hard one. Okay. Okay, okay, okay. Wait. Oh, my God. I literally didn't talk about steamers. Okay, so on the East Coast, they're not like mussels. They are kind of like clams. And. You put them in the top of. There's like one of those boiling water things. Hey, this one's crying. And. Oh, yeah, yeah. And there's one of those boiling water things. And so you take the pot with boiling water and you actually salt it. I'll show you this one. Ready? And then you have this colander that goes on top. Oh, shit. And you put these steamers. Oh, that's just a beta one. Which are like these clams in the top of the thing. And so you put the lid on top. Wait, pretend this is a basket. And you start boiling it. I'm the basketball hoop and I put it in here. And what happens is the steam rises. Kobe! Oh! And it opens up these clams. And once the clams open up, they become like really moist and kind of like gooey, which is like so. It's like so nasty. But they actually taste really good. It's like a weight. So you take them out of the colander and you strain them. And then you serve them with like butter and oil and oregano. I'm gonna read to my kids. I love reading. Open your eyes. And it's only on the East Coast because they only grow on the East Coast. So like Maryland and Virginia. This is a book about like. Like the origins of understanding. They actually serve them at a couple places here in L.A., but they're all like East Coast-inspired restaurants. So they're not technically L.A. restaurants. More pass. Okay. Second round of pass is a different kind of game called Waterslide Vocabulary. Okay. Family guy. Spencer. Spencer, that's not how you play. That's not how you play. Boobies. Okay. Ah! Pass. What? Pass. I'm passing on boobies. On boobies? I'm passing. You're passing. Okay. My turn? Yeah. Chlorine. Amanda would say some shit like that. It's in the. It's. Chlorine is in the water and it cleans. This is a good one. This is a good one. I'm gonna say. False. I thought it was pass or not pass. It's round two. There's. Vocabulary or waterslide. Okay. So, are you saying false or not pass? False, not pass. False, not pass. False, not pass was correct. Great. That was. This game has no strategy. Good job, Spence. Thank you. Okay. Now, we're gonna move on to predictions. We're gonna predict some stuff that we think is gonna happen. We were making some jokes about it before. But let's actually predict stuff that we're gonna do. That's gonna happen at Smosh this year. I think. Smosh. I think someone is going to watch Smosh from death row. I'm just saying it. I'm just saying it. I have a feeling. I have a feeling. Okay, that's nuts. That's nuts. Selena, did you write that down? That's crazy. I think a pigeon is gonna jack off to an episode of Smosh, Mel. Okay. Shane. Shane. Shane, no. Do pigeons even jack off? Do they even do that? Spence knows. Spence knows. Spence. Is this a joke? Spence. Do you think pigeons jack off? Pigeons for sure jack off with their talons. Predictions for this year at Smosh? I think that probably we're gonna do Smosh summer games inside of Chili's. That's right. You guys, today we are announcing Smosh summer games chain restaurant edition. Yeah. So like the teams are all based on big chains. It's crazy. We got it sponsored. We're pretty excited about it. It's literally crazy. I'm not allowed to say what team I'm on, but you guys are really gonna love it. Are you good? Do you need some coconut water or something? Oh, coconut water. I love coconut water. Yeah, of course. And during pregnancy, they say that drinking coconut water is really good for your babies. Um, you're the mucus in it. I read a book about mucus. Yeah. Okay. And then predictions. Okay. I think, um, I think there is going to be, oh, sorry. He's like sort of interacting and it's kind of been like about you this whole time. Right. So we've been like playing with your babies and stuff and we'll cut this out. Right. Go ahead. My wife. My wife like fucking reamed me. That's what I was going to say. You saw that. It's the false claim she's putting against my name that I bring protein powder to the bathroom every night. When you're sleepwalking, you can't control when you're sleepwalking and you're sleeping respectfully. And I'm not trying to like, I'm not trying to put you under the gun. I am just trying to say what I have seen personally at the workplace. I don't eat protein powder in the bathroom. I don't know what you do with the protein powder in the bathroom, but I do know that you do take it in during lunch. You take in. And what's wrong with that? Amanda. There's nothing. Then there is. And that is not what I'm saying. What is wrong with that? Thank you. What I'm saying is that you are taking protein powder into the bathroom, which is not a normal place. It's not easy being Shane Topp at Smosh. Do you know he's so popular? He can't just be eating powder outside. If you're going to talk about what I do in the bathroom, then why don't you talk about what you do in that pump room? Yeah. Because we all hear the TV in there. You got a TV in there. And you have a slot machine in there. And you have a butler. What is that? Huh? And all I want to do is bring some whey and Gordo beans. I'm like, honestly, just can the episode because honestly, today's been the worst day of my life. Don't do that. I woke up at 2 a.m. I went to the farmer's market. Then I went to the gym. And sure, I took a whole thing of protein powder and I and I fucking downed it while my wife was doing it. It was just being beautiful in the other room. She's not a witch. Shane's life is really hard. I hate witnessing how hard his life is. And if at Smosh we can just help him a little bit, just a little bit to make him feel a little bit better. Have fucking rooms. Not everyone has two babies. I'm sorry. I didn't think about it like that. It is probably really hard to maintain your muscles. And the. Effort that goes into that and I wasn't thinking about it all and all I did was give birth. Yeah, like that's like, how are we going to learn about wine now? And you're talking about going on a bicycle or something literally like what even is that riding bikes? And I'm not thinking about how hard it is to keep up your physique like that is that is so typical Amanda. That it's just like me. It's just it's just like. It's just like. I'm sorry. It's just like, you know, this year's like hard for me already. I'm like trying to get into fashion and I'm trying to get into like, I'm trying to. Yeah, like I'm I'm going to finish reading the encyclopedia by the end of this year and the Bible and I'm trying to like literally I'm on I'm on Instagram fashion pages. I do you see do you see how hot court is? Do you know what I was posting? Yes. Look at courts. Instagram court is literally a baddie. I don't know how to look at that. You don't know how to look at Instagram. What do you know how to open it up? What do you mean? You don't know how to open it? Yeah. I don't really see the home page. I don't really understand. And I have yeah. Amanda was off Instagram for like two years. Do you remember that? Yes. And you're like and and and Amanda was like, I'm not going to be on Instagram for a long time. And then she came back. I think two years later. I'm happy you were here, Spence, because I think this is the last episode. Yeah. What? Yeah. More room for games. No, it's what are you talking? I'm not going to. I'm not. If you're going to do this to me, I'm not going to do this to Shane. I'm literally not. I'm just trying. I'm just trying to. I'm just trying to tell you what I experienced. You've changed, Amanda, ever since you had a baby, you just changed. Like, it's not my fault. You just, like, started pumping into my cup. I didn't even want it. That was so inappropriate. That was we're all sitting here and you made us all uncomfortable and we didn't know what to do. I'm like, don't do this is like my I thought you were supposed to explain what I asked for that. No, no, we didn't ask about it. And I'm sorry. I guess I guess I just like I don't know. I just needed to release. OK, I don't know what game you're trying to play. Amanda spin, just spin, just spin. Jane, just spin. Nina, just spin five again. So I guess I talk about where the baby shits. No, no, no, no, no. So the baby is born. It shifts into its fucking diaper, I guess. I'm I'm hoping to see the Broncos play once this year. That's a prediction. Dude, you see those videos. of the viral videos of people going to Chile and they order the mozzarella stick and there's that long cheese pull. Yeah. I watched that for 50 hours straight. Finally, we're talking about something that matters. Jesus, that's amazing. What'd you do? You watched it for 50 hours? Jerk off to it. We didn't get that. Spencer, Spencer. I actually did see one of those videos on my Facebook wall and I was scrolling through. You have to get off Facebook wall. You have to, dude. I was scrolling through. I'm addicted. I'm sorry, the videos are funny. They are funny. They are funny. I was scrolling through and you know how I am on my Facebook. No, I don't know. I am so addicted. I cannot get off of there. Yeah, tell us about your Facebook wall. Something that I saw the other day on a Facebook wall, I saw this video and I cannot tell if it is AI or not. I was putting on my glasses and I was like, what is this? It was like this dog. And it looked like it was kind of dancing in a way. And it was, but I was like, dogs can't dance like that. Like dogs are not like on two legs. And so I was like, so is this real or is this not real? I'm so tired. That's the first physical activity I've ever done. Stop talking, Amanda. I'm sorry. I'm so tired. Jesus. I'm sorry. Okay. This is the segment where, I guess. Okay, I look at my Facebook. Which, by the way, I'm going to say it. It's all rigged. I know exactly what's going on. I know exactly what's happening. I read all the lists. Okay. I'm going to look at my Facebook and you have to guess if it's on my wall or not. Okay. That's not Facebook. Does she know what she's doing? Amanda's on Instagram Reels because she can't tell the difference between Facebook and Instagram Reels. It says Meta. Oh my God. I thought Meta was Facebook. I'm going to guess one's about true crime. One's about an article of celebrities. And the other one is about making jello shots. Or the other one's going to be about how scary our climate is right now. Do you guys want to talk about that? I actually can't get to it because I have Cricket. You have Cricket Wireless? Yes, so I have no service there. Honestly? Honestly, Amanda? Respect. Respect. Crazy. Okay. Okay, guess what's on my. If I had a Facebook wall, guess what would be on my Facebook wall? Okay. Whoever guesses right, I'm going to give them a kiss. I have to guess right. Okay, let me guess. Okay, um. Okay, okay. A picture of Stewie on Shamu. Hell yeah. Kiss me in front of Cole. The camera won't see. I can't call. Sorry about the tongue. Okay, okay, I have a guess. I have a guess. I have a guess. Spencer, for what might be on your wall. Okay. Um. It's going to take a long time. Like. I don't know. The K-pop Demon Hunters, but all three of them are pregnant. What about that? Dude. That's accurate. Nice! That's awesome. Yeah. Um, thank you for that, by the way. That was really nice. Thank you for what? Spencer. Just don't worry about it. I just feel like this year we're getting closer. Yeah. Aw. Than last year and the year before. I feel like we're getting closer. Last year, remember when you sent me that. I think I'm also getting. Remember when you sent me that voicemail? I think. Well, if we. I have a voicemail from Spencer that's pretty. But did you guys see the movie. Amanda, shut the fuck up! Sorry, I thought I'm. I thought it was my turn. Shut the fuck up! Yeah, I mean. Shut up, Amanda. I have that voicemail you sent me last year that I keep. Every day. You have a voicemail that you keep every day? Yeah! You have to save it every day. Hey, Shane. It's Spence. Just, you know, driving into work, seeing how you're doing. You remember this? I was worried about you. Yeah. Last night was great. I had a lot of fun. But, you know, I've been thinking a lot about what you said when I was leaving. And I think I'm ready. Yeah. Yeah, so just, you know, whenever. Yeah, I think I'm ready. So, you know, just. You don't have to call back, but, you know, if you want to text or anything, you know. Yeah. All right. Love you. What are you ready for? I'm ready. I've been ready this whole time. What are you guys ready for? I want to. I'll book us the tickets. If you. Where are you guys going? Are you going to the East Coast? Amanda! Shut the fuck up! We're not talking about Boston! We're not fucking talking about Dunkin' Donuts! We're just not. Or Boston! We're not. Or your fucking. Titties! Yeah, titty milk. We're not. So if you need to take a fucking walk, then do it! Don't make that noise you make when you're pissed off! Why don't you just, like, go listen to some, like, Mel Robbins or something? No, she's doing that noise again. Ready? Because she ruins all the audio with the noise. Sabotage. You can't make. No. Scott can't get that audio out when you're making that weird woman hum. No, stop doing that. Stop doing that. No! No, no, no. Selena! Selena! I'm not trying to make the woman hum. It just happens after childbirth. Oh my god. It's a very normal part. And that's one of the songs on my album. So how long do you have to wait to. It's a woman hum. How long do you have to wait to have sex after birth? You can have sex the whole time that you're pregnant. No, I mean, like, after. After. After, any time. You had sex right after you had a baby? Right after, right before. and does it like is it painful or you like it more it actually is like really it's a really great experience it was a good way to experience life yes i'm so good at it oh my god i'm so good at it i'm so good at it i'm so good at it i'm so good at it thanks hey i'm sorry about that back there i screamed at you i i've never even raised my voice like that you've never done that before and i'm sorry and i knew that you were going through something and i was like let let him have his moment you know like do not yeah no i'm sorry yeah i think what you do is really brave what comedy yeah it's no not hard no like being like being a mom one of the hard things about being a mom is getting into the character it's because like you really have to no i mean step into their spray bottle i mean really embodying like it's not only just like are the thoughts shut the fuck up the more you do that she's gonna make the woman sounds no no no no no stop the woman sounds get some lip gloss and cut your bangs think about eric banna eric banna is is waiting for you outside and pick you up take you to target literally get whatever you want from target put down my baby whoa whoa with your meaty hands got you now who's getting roasted you big you big fucking big muscly man that's right that's a compliment like your muscles are so freaking big like yeah okay thank you i'm and your hair is so fucking it's it's it's like luscious selena is it okay to uh comment on your uh co-workers physique like yeah it feels like a little inappropriate it's like we need to talk literally what i literally wasn't i was just saying like you're like you're talking about my body and that feels inappropriate we haven't talked about your body once today yeah like getting kind of uncomfortable yeah what what do you want to say about me i spencer i like hate your like beautifully wavy hair and i hate your glasses and the way they frame your face and i hate the way you speak to me like we've known each other forever and we could continue to know each other in ways that other people can't imagine and i don't know something about your grip when we shake hands it's it's so stupid yo wildly inappropriate i have to feel a book this year smosh mouth is going to be bigger and better than ever it's truly going to be one of the best years um we're probably tanking this episode but um i thought this was a really good one this was one of my friends spencer you you have been like i think you were fucking funny in this you were really really funny spencer like i was like laughing and i'm like i don't usually like laugh but spencer you were making me laugh okay guys i have a five gum meeting very soon oh my god i forgot we're doing that partnership with five gum yeah so but uh next week we're gonna try to eat an entire lasagna while um while ranking every movie we've seen and one of my favorite not one laugh i was laughing shane shane i was laughing i'm sorry i screamed at you today no me too oh my god i literally didn't even hear it your wife's not a witch i'm just really jealous because i'm in love with you and i'm in love with you and i my my dream is to go to tokyo with you and drive those mario karts on the street with you and you know if you bought the ticket i'll be there i know if you guys want to this summer i'm don't say it i'm going don't say it do not say it i'm going to don't if you say it just let her say it because just let her say it she's been a mom and i'm going to the east jesus christ amanda you know what i apologized but you did it again you got the east coast shane what are you mad at me why are you mad at me she would do with a lot you see what i deal with yeah i know it's a lot it's a lot shane that's why you're so strong we're gonna roll this pinwheel okay and if it lands on anything higher than five we stopped the podcast forever spencer do you agree sure selena do you agree that's a no from selena here we go you better fucking wish your lucky stars i really have to go to this pre-production meeting oh that doesn't have a number oh oh it's one okay so what did i say if it was lower than six or something what did i say if it's higher than a five oh we stopped the okay so we're doing the podcast oh good all right next week um we're gonna show amanda um a reddit about books i've never read them you guys what do you guys what do you guys think about uh playing flip seven in guantanamo that would be so much fun do they have farmers markets there yeah i have a call with the marketing team over there i'm down my favorite movie is actually in it's let me guess let me guess let me guess dodgeball aaron brockovich which one aaron brockovich or dodgeball both no and um what's that movie oh god i knew i had it on the tip of my tongue um it has the guy in it i keep trying to bring us to a natural climax and you keep fucking it it's the guy um he's in that movie and there are there's like planes and there's like pullman no it's not bill pullman he looks like he looks at that other guy from the rom-com with julia roberts oh eric roberts no not eric roberts and he has like get off driving and he has like on those little he has like he's kind of bigger i wouldn't say he's italian he's kind of a silver fox and he has like a little bit of a gray gray hairs on the top of his head but not on the not on the sides so it's just like kind of like a faux hawk thing going on yeah what is his name i literally just had it i literally he's in that movie with dance i can't remember if it's scarlett johansson or if it's emma emma roberts i haven't moved my body in 30 years and they both they both like oh my god it's american sniper it's american sniper that's the movie okay so the guy's name this is jill schlesinger from money moves you started a business to follow your passion not to get buried in financial details zero makes managing your numbers simple by bringing accounting payments payroll and analytics together in one place 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