#129: It's fine man, no one will know...

I've come to realize that you don't have to stick to your diet. You don't have to go to the gym. You don't have to be kind to others. You don't have to become collected, stalic. You don't have to be a good person. Because ultimately no one cares. And no one is watching. But you. No one is going to know when you don't show up on the days that you didn't want to, but you. You will know. And if we think about the way we show up in the world, a superpower to have is confidence. And when you show up one way, when people are watching and show up a different way, when they're not, there's a gap there and that gap makes you dissolve all your confidence. You see, I think about the times in my life when I'm most confident. And those times almost always are the times that I'm showing up for me most. I'm getting out of bed on the days I didn't want to. I'm being kind even though when it's easier to be selfish. I am respecting others and caring for others. And showing up in service of others. And when I do that, I start to have a spring in my step. I start to have more confidence. I start to be more proud. And I also start to build momentum and evidence that I can achieve all the things that I set out to achieve. And sometimes I think about this in the sense of why do people not show up for themselves? What is the reason that we quit on ourselves when no one is watching and we need external eyes to show up even though the reason that we should be showing up is for ourselves? I've come to terms with the fact that if someone's not showing up for themselves, that's because the reason to show up isn't deep enough. Perhaps their reason for showing up is to receive external validation, is to receive praise. And that doesn't hold enough weight when it's 4am in the morning and your alarm goes off and then before you set out this plan of what you were going to do in the morning in the dark and in the silence when no one is watching, perhaps this external yearning for validation isn't enough of a motivator to get you out of bed when your tired and your eyes don't want to open. So we need to search deeper. We need to search deeper as to why we're even getting out of bed in the first place. Why are we doing the things that are hard in the short term? Is it to reward ourselves in the long term? Is it to be able to achieve a life that we want, attract the dream partner that we want, drive the car that we want? What is the reason that we're getting out of bed on the days that we don't want to? If that reason isn't deep enough, you're not going to get out of bed. It's happened for me. I've had so many phases in my life where all of a sudden getting out of bed was very hard. And how hard it is to get out of bed is a great indicator of the life that you're living, of the fulfillment that you're having, of the joy that you have within your days. Because if you had so much joy, so much fulfillment in your waking life, why the fuck would you want to keep sleeping? You see, I used to play really high level sports. Australian football for the Americans listening, the amount of times I've had to repeat myself when someone asks what that is. I say, I used to play AFL and they go, "Oh, so like rugby." I go, "No." Australian football, it's a whole other sport in itself. If you look it up, you'll realize it's quite extreme. I was trying to be a professional athlete growing up. I was playing in a team. There's something powerful about playing high level elite team sports as a child. The characteristics that it teaches you, I attribute so much of my success today to the fact that I did that earlier on in my life. Because when you're in a competitive state, we're all trying to become professional. That's, we're trying to make it our career. And we're working as a team. You need to find this beautiful balance of leading people, of not being the weakest link, of showing up on the days that the team aren't there. So that when they are there, you can perform. There's a lot of characteristics that transfer from high level elite team sports into business and into life. And I'm very grateful for that childhood and upbringing in high level sports. Because a lot of the things that I have today that are attractive stemmed from that. Now, they didn't all come from that, but the stem and the initial of it was from that. I had to build from that and do a lot of other things since I left sport when I was 17 years old. But the overarching premise here is, I was very, very grateful to have done that as a child. Now, one of my coaches said this concept. And I think I was probably 14. And this is quite a profound concept that I wish could get pushed out into the mainstream. Because it painted the way I showed up when no one was watching. And it left an imprint in me of the way that I need to be in order to achieve the things that I wanted to achieve. And the concept is called the man in the stand. He always used to reference the man in the stand. And the idea is that you don't know who is watching. Every single time you're showing up on the field and you're training. If you're there by yourself, imagine that there's someone in the stand watching you. Imagine that you're person that you look up to the most. The person that is the leader in your space, the coach, the person that's going to scout you, the investor that you're trying to get on, the person that you want to attract. Imagine that they are sat there in the stand watching you train. How would you show up? What would be the actions that you would take so that you could make them impressed? Be that person when they're not there. And the thing on top of this is you never know who is watching. You never know what your actions are going to lead to. You never know who this person is going to be that is actually watching. And so whether they're there or whether they're not, if you can build up the habit of showing up the exact same way every single time, that's how you just naturally, a byproduct of showing up in that way, you'll achieve the things that you want. Let's take the football example. I want to get drafted. I want to become a part of the professional team. And we have a preseason training where we need to train five days a week. And we don't have a coach where they're by ourself. It's over Christmas break. There's family around. There's heaps of nice food. The sun's shining. I don't want to train. But I want to get drafted. I want to make the team. And the reason the coach has given us this training on the preseason is so that we can get better while they're not there so that then when they're there, we can perform better and hopefully make the team. There's 200 people in the academy and only 18 people get a spot. So they give you the training so that you can make it into the 18 people and so that they can have a really good team to beat all the other teams. If I looked at it and I was at that field on a sunny day and it was hot and sweaty and I was having a headache and I had all this stuff to do on the plan. And I just thought to myself, ah, no one's here. I'm just going to do three reps instead of four. I'm just going to go a little bit slower because I don't want to overheat myself and pass out and no one's here. I'm just going to excuse excuse excuse excuse excuse excuse to the point where you cut it short, go home, eat some shit, hang out with the fam and call it a day. Now that still might be a great life. Don't get me wrong. You still got to sweat at the session. You got to go and eat some nice food. You got to hang out with the family. You got to be in the sun. It's still going to be a great day. But does that get you closer to the goal that you really want? Too often we chase short term gratification and it sacrifices our long term gratification. The short term wins and the short term dopamine stops us from achieving the long term dopamine that we actually want. The life we want. The people we want to be around. The places we want to go experience. The things we want to have. The body that we want. And the people around us that we want. Often times we need to sacrifice in the short term in order to achieve all the things we want in the long term. And the man in the stand taught me that. Because most of the time the journey's alone. Most of the time no one is watching. But you are. When you're head is the pillow. You know how your day went. You know what you did. You know if you followed through all the things that you said you were going to do. And you also know if you didn't. And so ultimately, it's up to you. How do you want to show up for you? The most important person in your life that you should show up for. The person that you have to spend the most amount of time listening to is yourself. And the more you go against it and you let your mind beat you, how do you think that's going to play on your confidence? How do you think you're going to walk around in the world when you can't even show up for yourself? I've had phases in my life where that's been me. And let me tell you, those phases aren't fun. You never achieve what you want in those phases and you're most certainly not happy. Because you can get praise. You can have people think that you're doing well. But internally, you know you didn't show up. And that's not good. And that's not a good place to be. Now, what I really want to get home here is I don't want this to be some bootleg David Goggins podcast that screams down your throat and says, working to your eyeballs bleed, show up on the days you don't want to be disciplined. Because frankly, I don't resonate with that shit. Like, come on, bro, chill out. But there's some merit in this. There's power in showing up for yourself. And the thing that's important to note here is showing up for yourself is extremely important. But a lot of us will think we're showing up for ourselves. But we're actually not. We're climbing a ladder. That's not one we want to reach the top of. Because we're trying to reach externally, receive external validation, praise from other people that frankly do not even matter. But then we trick ourselves into thinking that we're showing up for ourselves. But really, we're showing up for other people because we're climbing a ladder that we don't even want to reach the top of. And this is when the Goggin stuff can get too much because it's a bit one-sided in the sense where it just says, "Chase, go, go, go, go." But are you chasing the thing that you actually want? Or are you just going to get to the top of that ladder and be like, "Well, I don't even want this." And then you move on to the next. But because you're so ingrained in this ideology of trying to please other people, maybe you start climbing a ladder again that you don't even want to reach the top of. And this is when it's so important that we look within. You know, on those 4 AM mornings when our eyes aren't opening and we're struggling to get out of bed, checking in with ourselves and saying, "Why is this so hard? What am I doing today that I am dreading? Because if I was so excited, I would spring out of bed. When it's the morning of your plane ride to go on your holiday, do you think it's hard to get out of bed? No matter how little sleep you had, you spring out of bed. Because you were so excited to make that like your life. And if you're not, check in. Check in as to why that's not your life. Why you not inspired? It's 6 AM here right now or a little bit after. We got up here and it was dark. And the first thing I did straight away was I said to my brother, I said, "Dude, we need to record this pond and we need to release it today." Because the guest that we're supposed to be releasing today messaged me late last night and said that he needs to review it before we release it. And so we can't release it now because he's not going to have enough time to review it. So then I'm sat there last night and I'm going, I need to make a pond tomorrow. And so here I am staying up late last night trying to come up with my thoughts on what I'm going to share with you guys today. And I get down here first thing in the morning and I was tired. Don't get me wrong. But I got up and I started building this set. We have cameras. We have lots of background lights. We've got things everywhere. And for me, this is fulfillment because I can show up for myself, prior to pressing record on that bed back there where I did a breath work. Good show up for myself, have my headphones in and just listen to some quiet writing music as I'm setting all this up. Just so I can get in the zone and show up for me. Then I can record this and hopefully make an impact on someone's life. That's impact. That's fulfillment. And then after I've done all of this, all of a sudden there's a spring in my step that I'm walking through my days, showing up for the people around me in a way that gives them my full undivided attention. And for me, that is a win. That's a life that I really want to live. That's something that that makes me really excited. So when my eyes are barely opening in the morning and I'm struggling to get out of bed, I just hold the mode and I look up and I just think about it for a second. What am I doing today? And why am I getting up this early in the morning? It's dark. It's the middle of the night. I should be sleeping. So why am I getting up? And when I imagine why I'm getting up when I actually get clear on what my day looks like, all of a sudden, that's exciting. So then I get up. I get in the shower. I come downstairs. I have some water. I set up the set. I make myself a coffee and all of a sudden the day has started. What's something in your life that's going to make you get out of bed, even when you don't want to? And when you can tie yourself to something greater, something far beyond just you, something far beyond the people you're trying to please, when you can tie yourself to something far greater, you can show up a whole lot easier. I got this little booklet. And I found this in a Barnes & Noble. And I thought it was so cool because I can fit it in my pocket. It's got a cool little clamp. It's gold. It's shiny. And I write in it not every day, but I write it in a lot of days. And I want to fill this thing up and sell it as a coffee book or a little book of wisdom. I've always loved looking at those little books from the monks where they share these daily wisdoms and these really profound Buddhist teachings and yeah, I'm really inspired to try and create my own version of that in a form like this. And I want to read through a couple of the things that I've been writing recently in here. And their little messages, mantras, and I'm going to read some and I'm going to elaborate them to you. Yeah, I really find joy in this. And I create a lot of a little friction to do so. But sometimes I might spend an hour. Looking at this blank page with nothing or right. And then it comes to me and I write everything in like two minutes. And oftentimes we need the space to create. And this little book is my space that I've been really enjoying creating with and I've been allowing myself to have a lot of time when creating in it. I'm going to read you some stuff in here. February 22nd, 2026. May your mind be freed from the noise blocking your ability to see the good you ought to do. And once gifted this clarity, sharing it is your duty. Only then will you access true fulfillment. May your mind be freed from the noise blocking you from your ability to see the good you ought to do. And once gifted that clarity, sharing it is your duty. And only then will you access true fulfillment. We have so much noise in our head. Blocking our vision and our ability to see the good that we ought to do. And what I mean by this is you have a gift. You don't know what it is yet because your your mind is filled with noise and it's blocking you from being able to see it. But people are screaming for that gift. People want that gift. If you listen to the last solo podcast, you'd hear that I was talking about only being three steps ahead. There are people, three steps behind you that are screaming that are needing what you have the ability to teach them. May your mind be freed from the noise in your head that's blocking your ability to see the good you ought to do. We all are competent. We all have a gift. We all could help people stop getting in your own way, create space so that you can see what you actually can help people with. because once you can switch your front framing from a selfish approach to a service approach and impact led vision. Getting out of bed is so much easier. Showing up on the days you don't want to is so much easier. Your life will be filled with so much more fulfillment when you can lead with impact and service. And this is the thing. There's so much that all of us can teach and there's so much that all of us can learn from everyone. Everyone is just a beautiful mirror to ourselves and the way that we feel about someone reminds us about how we feel about ourselves. And you have a beautiful gift that you can share to people but you are just getting in your own way. You see when I think about fulfillment, it's such a fluff term. I get messages all the time from people and they say, Chris, there's so many people that are far better than me. Why would I share my content? There's so many experts who's going to listen to me. I ask you the expert is so far out of reach. I'm in the trenches right now. You think I'm going to look at someone on a yacht that's been not in the trenches for 20 years and think that he can help me. He has no idea about me. But if someone was nearly in reach, if someone has just been where I am not too long ago and then they come and share something to me, I can feel that. I can connect with that. Get out of your own way. You've got good. You've got a gift for the world. And the only person stopping you from giving that gift to the world or from you even being able to identify the gift that you have for the world is you. Create space, remove the noise and see what comes up. And when that comes up, your ability to have courage to act on it will be the difference between if you live a life that's fulfilling or not. 8 March 2026 Just good enough will chew you up and spit you out more than most things. Make the good great or get up and leave. Living a subpar version of the life you dream is a coward act. Chris Williams and talks about that region beta paradox. Words not too bad, but not too good. So you don't really have the desire to change. Just good enough is a horrible place to be. Living in just good enough shows that you know there's something better. But you ain't got to act. That is horrifying having dreams without action is worse than having no dreams at all because you have dreams without action you know there's more out there. But you don't have to courage to act on it. So you're constantly going to be thinking about that dream life. I'd rather you just not even have dreams. I'd rather you just be able to go through life without dreaming or desiring anymore because at least when you're head is the pillow at night. You're not going to be thinking about how much better your life could be. Just good enough will chew you up and spit you out quicker than most things. It's going to be an unfulfilling ride. And this rings home for every area of your life. And a big area is relationships. So many people are stuck in relationships that are just good enough. And the thought of having to leave that be single and find someone new is a horrifying thought. I felt it. And so then you have this thought of just like tricking yourself into thinking that this person is the right person for you but but they're not. You have something that you want. You've got something that is aspects of what you want. But the thought of being alone and trying to find someone that you don't even know exists is a very scary thought. So instead we trick ourselves into thinking that the relationship that we are in is one that we want when it's not. It's just good enough. And I get it. I have a lot of sympathy for people that are stuck in relationships that are hard. That are not great. That don't excite you. I feel for them because I've experienced an aspect of it where things are so great. But it's still not quite it. So then having to realize that when you leave them you're losing all of the great. You're losing the best friend that you've built up in your life. You're losing the person that you once thought you would spend the rest of your life with. It's a very hard thing to wrestle with. But at the same time the courage to act and to know that you want more. I know that to unlock a true fulfillment and a deep love wholeheartedly with the person in your life. And to be able to achieve that and you know you need to find someone else. You need to have the courage to be able to do that. And it's very, very hard. It's possibly got to be one of the most challenging spots to be in. It's the most consuming place to be in. It's a very hard thing to navigate. But I think it needs to be done for your own sake. Because everyone knows that when you've got someone in your life that's struggling with a relationship. They aren't showing up like themselves. They never are. It's a thing that strips away your peace. It strips away your joy. You just start to feel numb when you're with someone that's not right. It starts to become a chore. Everything becomes hard. You start complaining more than laughing. You go on this massive roller coaster. Knowing that she's not the right one or knowing that that person is not the right one. But still staying in it. And as hard as this may be to hear. That's a cow adact. That's living a subpar version of the life that you dream. And we only have one of these things called life. So what's the point of doing it in a subpar way? What's the point of trying to settle in life? What's the point of trying to sacrifice in life? Have a dream. Have it bold. Have it big and loud and clear. And don't settle. Now, you can take this too far like everything in life. There's extremes. And one extreme here, which is a problem, is living in a lens of the grass is always greener. Constantly thinking that there's better out there. And this specifically comes into men as well. Men and women, but a lot of men, we feel this way of the grass is always greener. And commitment is very hard. Surrendering is very hard. And living in this grass is always greener state can leave you stuck alone for a very long time when it comes to relationships. Because you get in one that's so great. And then once that honeymoon wears off, you think there's better out there. And then you leave it. And you get into another one that you think is so great. And then the grass is always greener. So then you leave that and then find someone better. And it keeps going into the point where you get 10, 15, 20 years down the line. And guess what? You're still single. You're still alone. Because you're so caught living in the state that the grass is always greener. And so this is where we need to remind ourselves of the life that we want to live. And get crystal clear on that. And imagine. that life with the person that you're seeing and ask yourself after a move all of this constant desire for more, ask yourself, could I imagine this person in that life? And would that be a great life? Would I get to my deathbed and go, wow, I really mastered this thing called life? Would that partner be the best mother to your children? Can you imagine her holding the kids hands as they're walking into school? But then equally, can you imagine her sitting on the side of the bed after getting out of the shower and you just want to rip her towel off and make love with her at the same time? Can you imagine that she's dropped dead gorgeous to the point where you are so physically attracted to her? But then equally she's respectful, calm, a great mom and loves you the way that you want to be loved. Can you imagine all of that within this person? Does she support your mission? Does she want to work as a team? Does he want to work as a team? Is he being respectful for you? Is he giving you the life that you want? When you can imagine that person that you're seeing or that you desire and then you imagine the life that you truly want to live and they're aligned, when those thoughts come into your mind about the grass as greener, go out and touch some grass, take some deep breaths and realize that what you have is pretty damn special. But equally, if you feel like something's missing there, not acting on change and not having the courage to put yourself in that vulnerable state of being alone and having to find someone new is a coward act. You must act and if you don't, that problem's going to keep arising. We're going to do one more of these, the 19th of Feb, 2026. You can control how people react, but you can control how you act. And if your actions lack malice, may your heart beat, stay steady and your mind unfazed because you, my friend, do no wrong. You can't control how people react. You can control how you act. If your morals are on check and you've got a good moral compass where you have no malicious intent, if you act on that soul-led version of you that has no malicious intent that leads with love and someone doesn't like it, that's okay. You can't control how they react. You, my friend, have not done anything wrong. See, I wrote this because I don't like hurting people and I also don't like when people will get rubbed the wrong way. But at the same time, I don't feel for them because if I'm leading with the soul-led version of me and I'm leading with love and I'm leading with no malicious intent, if your actions lack malice, may your heart beat, stay steady and your mind unfazed. If they lack malice and you're leading with love and someone's mad about it, that's not a you problem. That's got nothing to do with you. You've just been some beautiful mirror in their life that's telling them a little bit more about themselves and it's up to them if they want to listen. It's not about listening to you, it's about how you reflect them to them. If someone gets mad, it's not got anything to do with you. As long as you're leading with no malice, if you're trying to hurt people, then fuck you. But if you're being kind and if you're leading with love, then it's not got anything to do with you. Now, let's tie this into these people in our life that do start to get mad and do start to react in the wrong way. It's okay if someone in our life reacts in the wrong way. Once, twice, every now and then. But when it's a regular thing, that's saying one thing about them, that they're a victim and they're not looking within. They don't see their reaction to you as their problem. They're blaming the mirror for what they see in it. You're the mirror. You reflect them when they get mad. They blame the mirror. But they just stood in front of the mirror. Why are they getting mad? No, they should be getting mad at themselves because they look in it and go, "Oh, I don't like that." So if they acted in that way and got mad and they just said, "Hang on a second." Why did that rub me the wrong way? And then they unpacked that and they realized that, "Well, let's be real here. He's doing something that I've always wanted to do." And he's gone and done it. And I have it. So maybe I'm getting mad that maybe when I tell him that I'm getting mad because he didn't invite me on that thing or he didn't tell me that he was going to do that thing. And I'm getting mad because he wasn't being honest or open with me. But maybe I'm actually getting mad because I've always wanted to do that thing and I've never had the courage to act on it. Two different framings here. One's pointing the finger there. When you point the finger here, it's up to you to change. And that's quite freeing. And even if you reply this to a relationship of two different people, when someone looks within and grows and the other person sees that, you know what it makes them do? Want to look within and grow. Pointing fingers never makes anyone grow. The most profound thing is being able to point the blame finger at yourself at all costs and seek answers on how you can improve as a person. And the right people in your life will see you doing that and want to do the same for them. I had this girl who taught me this amazing thing around handling conflict in relationships. And what she was saying was she was saying that when she feels bad from something that her partner had done, she'll say something like this. So let's play this out as an example. So she gets rubbed the wrong way because of something that her partner was doing or something that her partner said she gets she feels a bit rubbed off the wrong way about something that her partner said. She then goes to the partner and goes, Hey babe, I just thought I'd let you know that I was rubbed a little bit in the wrong way from what you just said. It's got nothing to do with you. It's me problem. I'm working on it, but I just wanted to let you know that I did get rubbed off in that way. And I just want to unpack a bit more about why I did, but I didn't really like the way I felt after what you said, but it's on me. The partner thing goes, Oh, sorry, babe, like I didn't want that to happen. I didn't mean that to happen. And then she goes, Oh, that's okay. That's okay. It's not got anything to do with you. I just wanted to let you know that I felt a bit bit off there. And I want to work on this and just understand why I was rubbed that way. She then goes away and works on it. Then the guy then goes, Huh. So I did something and she's saying it's her fault. But I don't want her to feel that way. So I don't want to say something like that again that makes her feel that way. So while she's off reflecting on how she can grow in that moment and maybe how I just mirrored something in her that made her feel bad, I want to look within right now so that I don't do that again because I love her and I don't want her to feel bad. So then I then look within and realize that, Hey, I was actually saying that and I was a bit, the tonality had a bit of, there was a bit of a degrading tone to the tonality of the way that I delivered that message to her. I'm going to make sure I don't do that again. Then they come back. No ones in fault except themselves, but then they both had each other's love at the forefront and they've gone, I love you, I love you. What you just did? just then I didn't like, but it's got nothing to do with you. It's all got everything to do with me. And then they both act in that way. Then they both grow. Then he doesn't say the things that affect her in that way anymore. And she realizes why she was affected and actually nothing to do with him. It was has something to do with her last relationship and how that rubbed off on her and why it's showed up in that way. They've both grown, come together and then by doing so, they grow together. The bond is closer. Conflict handled in a very mature way, removing the emotion, realizing that the problem was stemmed from emotion, but they didn't project it on the other people. They resolved it collectively, but internally alone. And I think that's a really powerful frame to realize when we have people in our life that are rubbing us in the wrong way. And equally, people that are reacting to things that we're doing in a negative way. And that are pointing at us that were the problem. If everyone just takes ownership of their life, everyone will grow together. There is no growth in pointing fingers. There's only growth when the finger is being pointed at you. So just to recap, we spoke about a lot today. I didn't really have too much of a plan. I'm glad you guys got to see a little scope in here, but remembering on the days that you don't want to get out of bed, reminding yourself of why you're getting out of bed is really important. And if the weight of the reason you're getting out of bed is not heavy enough, you're probably not going to get out of bed. And so while it's so important to show up for you and remember that there's always a man in the stand. You never know who's watching. So you may as well show up in a way like the person that you admire the most is looking over your shoulder. If you show up in that way, even on the days you don't want to and you stack enough of those days, you will win. The life that you will live will be one that's filled with joy, filled with peace, filled with fulfillment because you know that you're showing up for you, even on the days that you don't want to. You're showing up for the life that you want to live. You're tying yourself to something far greater than you. And when you can do that, that's where all the things will unlock in your life. That's where you'll radiate this energy that people want to be a part of. And that's what it's all about. So hopefully this was helpful. If you've made it this far into a solo pod, thank you so much. If you can leave us a five star review on Spotify, that will really help the show grow and heaps and it helps keep us. It keeps me losing my words. It helps us keep getting awesome guests on the show and helps me understand what you like about the part and what you don't. And so to tie on top of that, leave us a comment on YouTube or Spotify to share your thoughts on your takeaways and what you liked and what you also want to see more of. And I'll be sure to accommodate for that. We have some exciting guests coming out and we have some more solo pods that I'll keep on recording as I'm learning new lessons, but we're going to sign out for this episode and I'll see you very soon. Bye bye.