10 in 10: "Social Awkwardness is our Greatest Fear"

All right, welcome to the 10 and 10 podcast series. I am your host, Arif Alba, I'm a campus minister, Stuart Swain. I'm here with Brian Haybig, Reverend Brian Haybig of downtown Presbyterian Church in Greenville, South Carolina, and also Austin Brasch, Reverend Austin Brasch. Arif campus minister at Ole Miss. Brian Haybig was also an Arif campus minister back in the day, a huge fan of his daughter Betsy, hello, hope you're listening. But today we're going to continue our series and talk about how social awkwardness is the greatest fear. I know that sounds click-bady, kind of is, hopefully, gets you listening. But what we're talking about is something specific to the American South, maybe even specific to certain demographics that are often bleeding into RUFs and into the college environment. So I just want to kick it to Pastor Haybig. Why don't you unpack this? Social awkwardness is the greatest fear. Well, apparently I'm attributed to saying that at some point. And I don't know that it's the greatest fear, but it's definitely a fear. And it definitely drives, I think, why some people are so risk-averse in social interactions or in new friendships or new relationships. And when you first reached out about talking about this, well, at first I thought, "Oh, I'm perfect for this. I've created plenty of social awkwardness, so I'm your man's to it." But it did maybe stop and think about what is it. And I didn't research anything online, but I just tried to put pen to paper for kind of a back of the napkin definition of social awkwardness. So this is not scientific. This is not the last word, but I thought in my experience it would be a social interaction in which someone's behavior. And that might be the other person or it might be you, but someone's behavior and or communication style feels unfamiliar and or difficult to enjoy. So I would just say we're in a cultural moment where we have maximum control over what I'm experiencing in that moment. That feels what I enjoy, what I want to go to. And so a personal face-to-face interaction with a live human being that makes me feel weird. Just almost feels like an attack, you know, or a crisis. So I would say that whatever I was describing, if I did say that comment, you know, whatever in the late 90s or early 2000s, I'd say that the allergic response to social awkwardness is even stronger in 2025. That's start there. Why is that? What have you seen? Because Brash and I are younger, you know, what's what's different about now than why is it stronger? Well, I don't want to launch into a big, you know, back in my day before you had iPhones, but but we are massively affected by the technology in our lives. And you know, you can sort of curate everything now. And in fact, I saw an article a few weeks ago about how we're over optimizing everything. So, you know, like you get to a different town, you just, you don't feel like, let's just try this restaurant, you feel like you've got a research yet and come up with just the perfect, you know, mom and pop spot that only a few people know about that took you 30 minutes of research to find it. But some of the problem is that we're trying to curate a social, a social network that's problem free. And you just can't have it. And it be a real community. And something that I found myself, I don't want to make this, you know, just about local church, although I'm thinking about that a lot as a pastor. But something that I found myself talking to our congregation about more is that a church is a community you would never curate for yourself. They're just going to be, they're going to be people in it that you just don't naturally click with. And you feel it, you know, you feel it in an interaction in the hallway or in an email or a conversation after worship that I'm struggling with this person or I don't, I just, this doesn't feel like talking to my friends in college, you know, or the friends I grew up with, it feels like work or it feels like they kind of speak a different language. You would never, you know, you would just never pick that person to curate into your friend group, but God inserts them into real community. So that's one thing I'm saying to my own congregation right now. Brian, I got to follow up question on that. And this is granted a cynical question, but I think it's a question a lot of skeptics are asking perhaps about the church. Yeah. Because we've faced this in Oxford. I mean, I'm sitting in a church that has grown a lot in the past, you know, 10 years. But I think the skeptics critique of the church is well, I mean, the church may say that it's united on doctrine and belief and shared values or, you know, around the person and work of Jesus. But when I walk into church, it just seems like these people would unite around a country club as well, or might all be a part of the same fraternity or sorority. Like, is what unites us really what is supposed to, what we say is uniting us or is what unites us the fact that we found a group where we fit. It's not awkward. How would you respond to a skeptic that has leverages that criticism on the church? Well, initially, I think my response would be you have put your finger on the magic question because that's always present in the church, at least in, at least in sort of the chrysendum and post-chrysendum places. But man, I mean, everything is so polarized right now. It's running that question through an amplifier. Like, have you found an affinity group or did you come into this group because you believe in the content of the apostles' creed and the nice sync creed and because you've been born again and you've been baptized? I mean, those aren't necessarily the same thing. And because, you know, generally in the United States and in the South, you're in an area where there's church options, the options do play to finding an affinity group, an affinity group of political preference, cultural preference, music style, education choices, even like just kind of education level. So yeah, back to the skeptic's question. I'd say you're asking a great question. And probably the honest answer is I don't know. Yeah, the thing I feel like I hear my students talk about a lot is that they wouldn't talk about, you know, affinity groups or even, you know, political choices is the reason they're choosing what they're choosing. The kind of keyword I feel like I hear our students talk about a lot is vibes. Everything is a vibe. And what that means, I think you're putting words to it is they can curate all of their content to really only hear a feedback loop of the music, the sounds, the culture, the styles, even as they're scrolling on Instagram, they all the styles they want to see, that's the ads that they're getting. They're just always around a vibe that is reinforcing kind of their preconceived notions of normality. And so when they look for groups, they're looking for, they're looking for what the algorithm can give them. Again, that's a cynical take. I don't think that's true. Well, not to your point. One of our staff members, she and her husband lived in New York for about 20 years. And she had heard about a new church, maybe a new church startup in Brooklyn or something like that. And she looked up the website and these are, this is her words. She said, I looked it up and it was so vibey. It just like everything about the website felt like, hey, if I walked in there like in a blazer in khakis, would I be ostracized? And again, you need to, it's great to try to contextualize yourself and meet people halfway. Don't try to be the outlier. But I like to what she put her finger on is, hey, have they just, have they just right out of the gates established a vibe that's so thick that you can't challenge it? Because again, that feels like, you know, we've already curated a cultural feel already. All right, I got a question with this. So for both of you guys, so are you have, you guys are Wizards of this, hey, big, you probably developed the whole philosophy of ministry or changed it in some way, but for those out there in the either there's the Holy Spirit right who is obviously God and Provinentially in control, but are you have talks about there's this tree and there's the roots of the tree There's the trunk of the tree and then there's the fruit that comes from it. So the roots the trunk and the fruit the roots are called the assumptions or the presuppositions and their six home the trunk is the things you see You know the core principles of our uf and then the fruit is what's produced, you know with the roots in the trunk properly in place Would it be fair to say that the roots which are God is at work. I'm doing this on the spot. This is dangerous reform theology Learning process the individual Demographics. What's the six one Austin brush? Yeah, the church. Yes, that's a good one So would you say that those six? Would it be fair to contextualize those the Gen Z and call those RUS vibes or our roots our assumptions our presuppositions are those are vibes Or is that is that off base to call that a vibe? Well, I think back to Austin's question it depends, you know like If if you go to an r uf meeting on a campus and You and you get the vibe that like oh wow like they take teaching seriously, you know and and They just seem to always bring everything back to Jesus no matter what passage you open it just ends up being about somehow Jesus and connecting the dots to him Okay, that that soil, you know that soil and trunk that is where that vibe is coming from But by the same token if you went to an r uf group and you felt like uh Everybody here is Greek or everybody here is like really socially able Or you know just a social aptitude Well, that's a vibe that's not necessarily from That ought not be from our our soil and our trunk But you know as interesting the way you ask that Stewart because I mean, I know that you know, I know that tree Tree image that you're that you're drawn from And I was thinking about the just so we're talking about social awkwardness You know part of her form theology and just for some might have done know that lingo I mean that just means like theology and doctrinal teaching this Identifies with the reformation and really trying to draw out of scripture. What's there? And very high view of God In part of quote reform theology is just thinking about this massive gap and difference between God and man And it's not like you can just take that pill and be changed in five minutes But when that gets deep down in your bones and you think about The gap between you and somebody with more social awkwardness or who has let's say who struggles more socially interpersonal interactions That can really reframe how you see that person if you think about man God Came across this gap in fact took on Took on our humanity For us and for me and he loves me And he'll even say that really his people And not be embarrassed about that move toward me and love me and close that gap And he's still God. I'm still a creature, but But he came to me That can really reframe How you think about oh every time we I see that person at that Bible study or every time I go to this small group study that person says the weirdest things or they come with the weirdest questions or they do this thing this odd I think I can really reframe how you See that person and appreciate him I feel like our So my my students and i'm gonna Hopefully balance a lot of this with how great my students are How i how i love them and i do But one thing i've had to find myself And part of pastoring my students is pastoring myself. I mean i grew up in Birmingham Upper middle-class world. I was in the Greek system in Alabama. I'm a product of the the assimilation and to a group That trains you how to be socially apt and But I feel like part of The unique uniqueness of the south is that there is one mold there Or maybe a few molds of few scripts, but they're they're small And so we develop our ideas of normal In a very like acute specific sense And so one of the biggest things with students is I always try to ask them like what is your definition of weird Because it because it does expose so much and I feel like what we call weird is often It's just not the way that i'm gonna seek out my own justification going back to the principles Going back to reform like reform theology exposes that You know in our depravity we're always trying to justify ourselves and the unique way that southerners college students try to justify themselves Is our ability to fit the script And to be normal and so we by necessity we have to call out what's weird. We have to distance ourselves From what's weird Because if we're the weird one then we're not justified So what which y'all's interactions with students on how they identify weird I don't know maybe in your own life how you kind of wrestle with that That makes me think of a Conan O'Brien Comment he made it some graduation speech he gave I think maybe to A high school he said I'm gonna give you real life college advice. You know not like shoot for the stars I'm gonna give you real life college advice and his first one was Everybody has a weird freshman roommate and if you don't have a weird freshman roommate You're the weird freshman roommate Which is actually kind of brilliant that uh You you you may lack self-awareness to know the weirdness that you bring yourself you may have assumed that you're normal I'm taking it in a different direction. I'm not a I'm not a big Anyogram ninja. I'm just like barely conversing in it but But I heard a guy talking about the anyogram and he said if nothing else a thing that we can learn from this is that There are at least nine normals And you tend to think your normal Is the normal But the anyogram is a window into there's like nine different Very different styles. I mean how you handle challenges how you handle setbacks how you handle excitement how you communicate what you need from others I mean yeah, just even across those numbers very educated socially able people are probably going to seem weird to each other Just because the variety of human beings Yeah And I feel like reframe that way awkwardness is a gift and if I mean your own awkwardness is obviously a gift to lean on Jesus and To see your need for him and to encounter your fears and to rest and his security that he offers you but also other people's awkwardness is a gift because it helps you realize All your preconceived notions all your arrogance all your pride about what's normal I think that's where campus ministry is so unique. I mean I think Okay, I'm not gonna call it my students again. So unit three letter of fraternity They send their whole pledge class into ruf which Happens maybe the first couple are uf's They all walk in and to be honest they could tell me I could go down the line and just shake all of their hands And it would be like I'm shaking the same person's hand every time I'm like okay. You're a Jake you're John you're Paul But I'm like y'all are all Brothers right not even fraternity like you just all look exactly alike And yet they come into a campus ministry Where I mean at the house they're just not getting that experience of anybody that's unlike them And yet they come in and now they're talking to a guy who's the lead singer of a rock band that played at You name it bar and in the square the other night and he has long flowy hair and he's wearing a a grateful dead t-shirt You're not gonna get that at at the fraternity house. And so I do think campus ministries are strategically Kind of the place where we're either gonna have to feel our need for Jesus as we be awkward, but also see the beauty of Just the diversity of God the image of God as we meet other other strange folks I mean one thing that you that you make me think about is that uh The older I get it strikes me that What's normal to me? me what's not weird to me in a setting like a Sunday worship at a church or a large group Bible study with singing in RUF, what's not weird to me is pretty globally weird. Like globally when God's people get together and they're saying that whether this is a church or just a Christian gathering, we're gathered in the name of Jesus and we're going to open the Bible and we're going to sing. The sing, I mean globally the norm is it's very expressive and it's very physical. It would be normative to raise your hands and to be expressive in a bodily way. What's not what feels right to me is very muted and just very waspish. And so the older I get I've had a few more cross-cultural experiences. It is kind of like oh I've been the weird roommate the whole time. I didn't know that. That's a brilliant. I wasn't raised in the church. I didn't do RUF in college and when I got to RUF Ole Miss my students are just mind blown because I'm because I told them I was like, "Cosby honest, I came in to peristage chapel and we were singing these songs when I was a freshman in college. I would have been toast. Like I would have been gone. It was just not normal. What we are doing is weird and we're we have so much pride that we're the we're the ones doing it right but I love how you put that. Yeah I think that's super interesting. Even Mississippi has a state how the PCA has had a certain power foothold with middle to upper class white folks and how that bleeds institutionally Ole Miss and RUF started at Southern Miss and first press Jackson. All the beautiful and challenging dynamics that come with the reality of being in a culture. The brash we've talked about the difference. Alabama is not that way with the PCA. There's not that PCA is weird in Alabama without that power broker stuff but like you said in Mississippi it's like weird but cool and like socially mainstream within a mono culture but I think you guys hit the nail in the head is like every church is multicultural even if it's just different types of white people and inherently that's the beauty of being theologically driven over sociologically driven and I think the cynic can come in say well all these people are the same you know in a lot of different groups but the reality is even where there are homogenous groups of people undoubtedly which you know is an easy way to gain numbers more quickly as a group group think and God works through that. At the same time there's always in the church because it's wide open there's going to be people who are different or maybe they look that way in the outside but they're different and I think one of the greatest ministries is trying to help like you said brash people who Jake John all the all the same names and the same place they look this and help them to like actually know who they are you know and like what unique ways they've been impacted and yeah like to be able to laugh that themselves and not take themself that seriously and just be like well yeah I am a deak so I am for a mobile and I do love to play golf and I do love hunting and all that stuff but just a laugh at you can to own it and also kind of laugh at it and recognize you live in a world that's bigger than upper upper class mobile seven generations like no shame and that just own it and try to move beyond it and find your identity in Christ and and so but I think one other is going to say the greatest invitation to own it I think is to encounter social awkwardness and to be aware of their own there are this is what Greek students have said okay so I've returned to you guys just know that a lot of you all have said this individually I haven't said this as a group I'm going to say it publicly you all have told me that there is no one more awkward at the University of Alabama than a Greek student apart from their pack and I think that is entirely true when someone in a fraternity and they're not with your pack comes to large group y'all get so awkward so awkward and I just find that really interesting and I think maybe that's a bridge to be like oh that's what a lot of people feel that's what people feel around y'all and maybe you're not that different all right Brian hey big I cut you off sorry about not on the other side I'll cut you off and I'm so glad you finished that that's that's fascinating I was just going to say that this is taking it in a different direction more like local church context but in one example would be that to have like a church member who has Down syndrome or in a you know the sin a family in the church so much of what we think of as being like you know like a cool cultured savvy person is like they kind of mute everything like that maybe they mute how gifted they are they mute how smart they are they mute they mute all their jokes it's very witty and rye and that's fun I like I I enjoy that as much as anybody else but um and there's not just one kind of Down syndrome person but but but sometimes somebody that comes with that with those sensibilities like they don't mute their happiness or mute their celebration of something or their joy about something and when you encounter that you know you can come away if you've grown up in that kind of cool savvy you know thing and think gosh that sounds more like Psalms than I do and that that's sort of a that's a good come-up and it can feel awkward in the moment but like it's it's stretching that maybe I don't need to mute everything joy or sadness I like that phrase muting things we've been talking in a kind of separate group text about how the ideal for a Greek guy the way they describe their ideals to be chill you know like uncompletely unbothered whether that's they're not bothered by good things like their ambitions or you know all the the busyness they have but even unbothered by criticism just unbothered by by by anything if you can be chill you can be the ideal if you can if you can just be muted unaffected then you're then you're good and that's a interesting way to kind of put it it's it's given me words to demonstrate to our Greek students yeah if you're if you're if you're chill you never have to say why are you cast down oh my soul why are you disquieted within me or to say from the rising of the sun to it setting let the name of the Lord be praised you just you can't ever get there either pole if you're chill you can't be with Jesus if you're chill that's the cost no and I you know I've got a friend that uses a funny expression you'll talk about you know emotionally streaking meaning you just kind of take your emotional close off and kind of run around and just over share over you whatever but I'm not so I'm not endorsing emotionally streaking but I just mean feelings aren't a great driver of everything but God put them there and they're part of our humanity and they're there to be part of our sanctification I mean if somebody's listening doesn't know that term just God changing the believer over a lifetime from the inside I mean thinking and feeling and your will and all that changing you to conform you to look like Jesus Christ your feelings participate in that and so maybe that can look like muting when that's self-control of bad things but maybe we need to turn up good sadness you know turn up good joy so I think a lot of people in the circles that we minister to and ourselves included at least I do we think and kind of smuggle in like Jesus is trying to make us more socially well adjusted and there's an element to that of like the attractiveness the salt and light the love of neighbor all kinds whoever it may be and there's also in following Jesus a maladjustedness you know being brought out of the world like what's the Lewis quote of like you are finding you think you're finding your place in this world but really the world is finding its place in you yeah I think that's so apt of like often a lot of times I've won that's me of like oh wow the world's just really found its place in in me and I think one of the costs of that not only is like my deep joy and read it as in Jesus but it's also impacting the way like you said I see and I treat other people the partiality the winners and the losers who I want to spend time with how I want to orient my vibes right like the brand that I want to be and people will probably even look at this podcast and oh it's R.F. Alabama or F.O.L. Miss and Brian Heybick you know I mean you have a tremendous name you know within our in our circles but I think one of the reasons why you have a tremendous name is because you speak the truth in love and so how do you You hold that together, Brian, how do you hold together the reality of like, yeah, God's really given you some favor. Like, you're, when you preach a lot of people listen, obviously some don't, but you've been gifted with it. And I think that's wonderful. And by the way, if you all have never heard of preach, you should really check it out. And I want you to have confidence in that, Brian. That's like a, not a self-promotion. That's a reality. If you point people to Jesus and give good words. How do you hold that intention of just like the reality of stepping into, yeah, like, I've a good amount of favor, but then they are my dad. I have kids and a wife. And I know really who I am in all the ways I need to grow or I don't, and I need other people in my life. And I don't know, just how do you, how do you own being gifted, I guess? Or being seen as gifted? I don't know that I'm ready to concede everything you're saying, but, well, something the Bible talks about a lot that we just don't give a lot of air time to is fear in God. And we've got plenty of fears. We know how to fear, but fear in God is a reordered fear. And it's a life-giving fear. You know, I bet everybody listening to this knows the feeling of anxiety. That's a fear. It's a life-robbing fear. It's a life-robbing meditation. And so, you know, back to that sanctification thing, to be conformed to the image of Christ to learn how to rightly fear God, not a slavish fear, not a life-robbing fear, but this sense of awe and wonder. And he's God, and I'm not. That doesn't give you the magical answer to every social interaction, but it reframes it. It reframes it that you're not better than anybody. And it reframes the main thing I need to accomplish in this interaction with this other person is not to like win the day or be the more interesting person in the room or show them how chill I am. It's to love the person in front of me. That's the mission. Love the person in front of me. You know, in having real friends, and if you're married to have an honest spouse that, you know, not recklessly, but can honestly be a friend to you and even say awkward things to you. Confertation feels awkward, or, you know, having your sense pointed out feels awkward, but everybody needs it and nobody's above it. So I mean that comes to mind. One other thing I'd add to it is just, and again, this is something Jesus said, and we don't really give it a lot of air time, is to be in his kingdom, you have to become like a child. And children are not chill, and they're not cool, and they're not savvy, and they're sure not muted. And again, I'm not equating that with like, let's just all emotionally take our clothes off and run around and say whatever comes to mind. I'm not saying that because we're to walk in wisdom. But to become like a child means that you can move towards somebody that's very different from you. They don't have to like all the same things. You can ask for help. I'm going to be, you know, veiled here, but someone in our church told me not long ago that he's like, he said, I'm just basically either autistic or almost autistic. And he said, I don't pick up on social cues. I need you to like explain them to me. And I followed up and asked him, can I really do that? Can I say, hey, here's how that came across? He said, please do that. That was very humble. It was a very childlike. A lot of people who become preachers and teachers are not childlike. Beautiful. I'm not saying I'm the gold standard, but I want to be childlike in the right way, in a kingdom way. Yeah. I think that's it. Being human is becoming like a child. You get your childhood back. You learn how to play in the sandbox. God's given and enjoy things for what they are, rather than accomplishment or need or perceived approval. That is exactly like when I want to see God bird, then my students is like, they know how to have fun in their affinity groups. But they really struggle to have fun with each other and RUF as a whole right now. They get really serious. You know when they come to RUF stuff and they're proud of the music we're saying or don't sing. And I think what they are thinking that I want from them is totally different than what I want from them. And I want to be a place where we can not take ourselves out seriously and take some very seriously and see that as growth in the wisdom and maturity. It's pray and play. You know, it's the balance of these things. And I think the temptation for a ministry is either to be overly spiritual, pray, pray, pray, or overly childish. Play, play, play, you know, kind of like a caricature of a bad youth group. Brash? I'm thinking about that question that you guys are trying to just like giftedness and how you relate to it. Because I do think, especially, I mean, I walk in the room at RUF at all this and I'm just kind of astounded by how gifted everyone is. It's incredibly intimidating. Whether that's their beautiful for they're just socially savvy, they're brilliant. And they're connected and so that they're able to network and have all the opportunities in the world. And I do think it's part of sanctification for those students for myself, which I'm a product of that again. So I identify with a lot of that is like sanctification is realizing you're gifted but not not finding comfort in those gifts or not finding again, like your justification and those gifts. And so I think so for me youth ministry is part of my story. I was I was a scared little boy until I was about 26 years old. And so I was just operating out of insecurities and most everybody around me probably would have just said like no, he's just like cool and chill and self self assured. But what was so great about youth ministry was that I was handed a group. I didn't get to form a group. I was handed a group to pastor to care for. And that meant necessarily I had to hang out with people that didn't really jive with my gifts or my gifts and my my strengths weren't the things that they really loved about me, which is another gift of children to like myself and dog or don't care about my preaching. Right. They just don't. And I think it helps you disassociate with what is good about you, but is not ultimate about you or even eternal about you to where you can then relate with it so well of like okay, like yeah, I do relate to guys and guy ministry really well. I know how to influence them, but I can also use that for evil. I could build a guy ministry and go and be, you know, mark, risk or whatever. But at the same time, like I need more than just that. I need to I need the church as much as the church needs me. And so making time for awkward students, making time for students that are different from you that won't just like reflect back to you, your giftedness and just celebrate it and encourage it is so great. And it's part of the joy of either student ministry or campus ministry and I'm sure the church, there's people walk in that they don't like you, but they stay. Yeah. It's a wonderful thing to try to love them and even learn. Like why don't you love the things everybody else loves about me. It's a frustrating process. But I humblin. That's that's beautiful. I mean, that's really well said. And hopefully in this conversation, everyone in some way feels like you've been given some words or feel like maybe some words have been given for you or some thoughts to to think about. But I think what we're trying to hit out by even talking about this is just humanity and being human. What does it mean to be human is so important, right? And the kingdom of God. And so worth pontificating and thinking about. and even the over-spiritualization, right? Like kind of examples that escape your humanity. I think can be attractive to certain people and at downplays and creates a hierarchy where, oh, these things don't matter. All that matters is the spirit. You know, and you get a lot of weird stuff that happens in there and we're all trying to figure it out and all in in process. And so how can our church, churches, or ministries truly be a more welcoming place to all types of people on campus and in our cities and how do we have dialogue with that and give and take with that? It's awkward. It's messy, it's risky. And if it really is our greatest fear, we're going to be missing out on becoming truly human, the love of God, the love of neighbor, we're going to miss out on Jesus. If we keep a distance and say, well, I'm not going to associate with that. You're also keeping a distance from Jesus and your prayer requests to, well, I want to feel closer or I want this or why don't I have like, you know, getting curious about, well, maybe that is fruit, you know, that comes, you know, from the reality of distancing ourselves from God's image bears. You know, we're God dwells in eyes and hands and feet, not ours, right? And so I think we're elevating of like a theology of humankind lifts us to an almost idolatrous, like it gets us to language is so close, right? We're a little bit lower than the angels, right? But I think that feels right, right? Of like that soul, eight reality of, or that the crescendo of end of Genesis 1, very good, all of it, you know, very good with the image of God, male and female, he created them. There really is some inherent power like CS Lewis, right? The quote of, if you were to see today, the glorified state, you'd either be shocked and horror, or you would fall down in worship. You know, and that includes a different way of seeing, right? And so just to land the plane, what are some concluding kind of practical thoughts that you guys would have for college students in particular, or college ministers? What are you, and just some quick hitting, hey, what do you want to see happen? How do you think people change the way they see, et cetera, et cetera? I've got some quick hitters, and then I'll let Brian land the plane. Sound good? Sure. Great. So, get better role models. I was talking to a girl the other day, and she is a freshman. She has a senior that she was telling me she looks up to. And the reason that she looks up to her was not because she was perfect. It was because she was free. She was free to be herself in Christ, pursuing righteousness and holiness, but also in her unique personality. And it just may get better role models. One of my role models, Sandy Wilson, the reason Sandy Wilson, who's. You all keep talking. And I'll be back in a second. Don't be distracted by my apps. Yeah, he passed her to Memphis for years. And he took over a church I was working at, just to enter them. And we had a youth ministry skit, and we asked him to do it. And he ended up doing it. It was like the car ride, karaoke skit. And he started singing. He put on a wig and started singing Justin Bieber in the car. And I was like, "Oh, wait. This is the type of pastor I want to be. Just one that is really gifted and uses his gifts for the kingdom, but also just doesn't take himself so seriously. So get better role models. And then your false self is not a gift to others. It's a curse. And so, you're thinking that what others need you to be is cool and chill. And everything that is going to reflect back to them, that you're not awkward. And if you follow Jesus, you can be cool. Like, that's not a gift that enslaves them. It makes them say that, "Oh, I don't fit here if I'm not like that." And so what that means is your quirk is your ministry. So I think you can kind of lean into you. Maybe a conclusion all that is, just lean into your hobbies. Get into things. Be specific. Which I think Stuart Swain has been really great at Alabama if he was here to listen. Your quirk is your ministry is like what I'm hanging on to. I mean, that's my, please Lord, let that be the case. Now, that's, I love that. Just some scattergun thoughts. One would be, if you encounter someone who's socially awkward and, you know, you're pretty clear that you're more socially able than they are and they make you feel uncomfortable, it's just to get clear that it's not your job to fix them. It's your job to love them. And, you know, I've heard that passage from 1 Corinthians 13 that even, you know, somebody's listening and doesn't have a lot of Bible background. They've heard it read at weddings, but it's the one about love as patient, love as kind. But, man, when you're patient and kind and you don't boast and you're not arrogant or rude, you are like a harbor for someone to pull their little boat into. You're like a harbor for someone to fix them. And moving toward that person and being a harbor for that kind of person, let's decouple that from, well, that's how I was brought up. And let's hook it up with, this is how Jesus dealt with me. This is how Jesus deals present tense with me. I want to reflect what he's like. I like this down to do it. I'm going to read this just because I thought there may be somebody listening that's never heard this, but this is actually from the chapter right before that love chapter, love as patient, love as kind. But you were talking about Christians being the body, you know, the body of Jesus. And I thought about this passage thinking about, if you meet a fellow Christian that socially awkward, Paul writes that the parts of the body, that Jesus, the parts of the body that seem to be weaker are indispensable. And on those parts that we think less honorable, we bestow the greater honor. And so he seems to be saying, when you meet someone and you feel socially off-kilter, what we're after is not just to endure them, but to honor them. It's so good. Yeah, amen. Amen. That is our end.