#019 - Jules Horn - You Can't Think Your Way to Peace. Here's How to Actually Find It

It was hon. It's an unbelievable gift to have you on the show. Thank you for being here. Thank you very much friend. You just off air took me through a process of what you called perfect breath. Just for the audience and for the listener what is perfect breath. So it's scientifically proven that between 5.5 to 6 breaths per minute, you get within 90 seconds to 120 seconds out of the sympathetic into the parasympathetic state. So out of fight of flight into the rest of the chest. So perfect breath is 4 in 6 out, which comes down to 10 seconds. So 6 breaths per minute, which goes into the bracket of being the ideal breath time cadence for us to get out of out of fight of flight mode. It takes about 7 to 10 hours in total, depending on the person, to reprogram your breathing pattern. So what I mean by that is that you don't have to lay down and do this for 10 hours three. If someone is really busy and you only have 20 minutes a day, you do this every day till your full of 10 hours. So it's through 30 minutes a day, within 20 days you have 10 hours. So after those 10 hours, generally speaking, the body understands that it's safe and it doesn't have to run away from a tie again anymore. So get out of fight of flight out of the sympathetic into the parasympathetic state. So it's really about remembering, you know, I don't believe you're here to learn. We had to remember what it feels like, feel safe. And in the end of the day, what it feels like to feel unconditioned love. So yeah, that's a breath practice. I learned this from one of my mentors. And it's one of those things, the more you practice it, the better you become. And I would say, if I'm a teacher, I don't like to call myself a teacher, but it's the easiest way to describe it. And I teach the language of self-love and awareness. The breath is really what sets up the foundation for everything, you know. So if someone doesn't, if someone wants to feel self-love or wants to do all the crazy exercises, there's a million things you can do to regulate your body. But if you want to build a house, a skyscraper, you don't have the foundation, right? Which is the breath. The first swim flows and it falls apart like a courthouse. So that's really the number one thing I hyperfocus on for everyone. And I've seen amazing transformations just by breathing alone. Because everything comes from that, right? So it's not any crazy breathing practice. You don't have to lay down and hyperventilate. You know, there's a million different people out there who teach different things. But in the end of the day, for me is like I'm looking at life on general and every person, including myself first. What can I do on a daily basis to actually get stress out of my stress cup, you know? And the simplest and the lowest singing fruit is breath, you know. I see it all the time. I worked with a lot of different people and then I think, oh, I just bought a hyperbaric chamber for $150,000. I feel amazing when I'm in there for an hour or two. But two hours later, I have anxiety again. Yeah, because the person doesn't really focus on what's important. If I focus on the important part of the breath and cultivating that throughout the day, then I will suddenly, if I go into a hyperbaric chamber, I go from really good to exceptional. But if I go in there and start really feeling terrible, they go to a level where I say, okay, you feel fine now, but when you focus on the lowest singing fruit, which is really the breath, then you can feel like this all the time, you know. So what you just felt is, as I said, it's something, it's our birthright to feel this way. And I believe suffering is part of life, but it's certainly not life itself. It shouldn't be life itself. So we have a choice. If I focus a little bit on myself and focus first and foremost on the breath or the sudden from that place, I can actually live a more fulfilling life because I'm more connected to myself. If I'm shallow breathing, you can have all the experiences in the world, but you're never present because the breath is the only thing that connects my body and spirit. Slowly breathing helps you enter the present moment. So what we did, what I told you with focus on the hands, the vibration. That's our body's electric beings, it's vibrating all the time. How often do we recognize it? So when you start paying attention to those things in the present moment, then you purely present, present, and there's nothing, nothing else, you know. And it's like, oh my god, it's such a beautiful feeling. It's happening all the time. It's almost like we're standing outside of ourselves and looking at train pass by all the time, trying to hold on to that feeling. Meanwhile, we don't realize that we actually sit inside of it. Yeah, I'm bathing in what is a beautiful experience right now in my body. An aslents of, I guess, what some would call or define as present. Just to make sure I have this correct, you said six breaths a minute is perfect, but yeah. And practicing that 30 minutes a day over 20 days, I retrain my natural rhythmic breathing. Yeah, so you retrain your body, so your body understands that it's safe and that eventually then you sit in the car or do anything and you always come back to your breath because it's not frightened anymore, you know. Well, understanding that six breaths a minute is perfect breath. What would you guess or maybe you know that most of the world is breathing at what rate? So the average cadence of a human is between 15 to 18 minutes. A minute. So now you can. So disregulated. Not just that, but everyone is like, by your hacking, everyone wants to correct the code for longevity. So the difference between a large turtle, you know, those huge ones who lived till 250 or something or older and a human as a this turtle has four breath a minute. So what if I just focus on breathing, bring my cadence down so I extend my lifespan? So but we live in a hyper focused world on the, everyone is hyper focused on the outside. So the number one thing, the issue, what I see all the time is people take breath for granted and I do this 30 years of my life. I'm like, well, I'm breathing anyways. What are you talking about? I'm just not going to have a problem. I'm just breathing like this. Okay. So but if I start focusing in once you know how good you can feel, you're not going to ever feel that it's like, wait a minute, I can feel like this all the time. Yeah. So you just have to retrain your body a little bit. I did the same with when I was I used to run a lot and I was already on this journey. I was like, you know what, I'm trying to only nasal breathe. So I started doing this and my performance in the beginning, it dipped obviously because you don't have the capacity. But then after six or eight weeks, it went gradually always on an incline. And nasal breathing only. Yeah, because you trained yourself to be able to burn without breathing out of your mouth. Yeah, I did a half marathon in New York, 2024. And I wanted to do it on the 90 minutes nasal breathing only and I was able to do that. You went a half marathon nasal breathing only in the 90 minutes, 87 minutes in New York. And the interesting thing was afterwards. You recover so fast because your body gets enough oxygen. So the lactic acid build up in your muscle gets transported out immediately while you're running already. So your recovery is way faster. And you also don't have a ventilator and over absurd yourself. So the injury rate is way lower. And on top of that, if you know spree, you're way more in the present moment. So if you go on the west at highway in New York or you go on Venice Beach and watch people running 99 out of 99 or 100 people have the mouth wide open. Even like you watch a growth curve, like yeah, yeah, it's different if you have if you're professional athlete and you have a metal to chase or like have to win a match can open your mouth at times, but it shouldn't be the place to breathe through your mouth at all times. So you think professional athletes like a soccer player football player, for example, who's spending 90 minutes plus in a game in zone three to zone five highway. You think you could train himself to play most of that game just in breathing out of his balance. 100%. You go to Africa, watch it. Cheetah. Like what do you can learn from those animals? They're not breathing heavy. It's it's all trained where you slow and steady. So the more you control your breath, the control your entire life. And not just that, but you're so much more precise and you present. So any decision you have to make fast in a game like soccer. It comes from your intuition. So that gift, for example, messy in all those great plays, it just gets like quadriples because you actually can can use that gift in the moment and don't have to think about it. Wow. So you know, I don't really work a lot with athletes to be honest because it's just one of those places where there's so much noise and everyone knows it's better. But what I can say is like I work with us, any kind of people I get disappointed. And the second someone actually focuses on the breath of their life, quality and proofs tremendously in all areas of life. Say, okay, if you breathe, you have a high, you're a high profile person, you're always in the eye of a public, you're nervous sometimes over, well, start focusing on your breath. You're not nervous anymore. You know, I used to have stage fright and it was like super anxious to talk in front of people. Say, once you start focusing, and the breathing you realize everything is just the way it's supposed to be. And there's nothing to. I don't have to anything to give away, nothing nobody can take anything away from me if I'm present. It sounds like that's the quickest and 10 most tangible way to tap into what someone would call the God-force or intuition. That's what it is. Like if you cannot listen to your intuition, if you stuck in fight-of-flight mode. So I always say, God is whispering and the ego is yelling. How often are you listening to the wrong voice? We're not able to listen to the whispering because we're not present. So when I focus on my actual nervous system and the state of my being and I'm in the present moment and that's, as I said, it's so simple. All of a sudden I'm like, dang, I know, I knew that before. So I'm listening and then you can do all sorts of things. You can. I started muscle testing. When you actually present, your body tells you, you know everything, you can test your body. Shall I do this? Should I take this supplement? Should I make this decision? Should I meet this person? And your body tells you. And you do that on the spot where you're self? Well, it's super. Yeah, it's very simple. What are you? Yeah, so there's this one. I like the the swaving one the most. What's that? So you stand. And then you just have to look a little bit downwards. And you have to neutralize first. So you would say, my name is, you know, jewels and usually it goes forward. And then whatever you want to ask is the answer. And it's super simple when you use a, for example, the supplement of food, you can hold it onto your sternum and it tells you immediately. You don't have to ask anything. Wow. Yeah, but it only works when you actually are aware. You know it should obviously, with all those muscle testing, shouldn't be anything attached to the ego. So should it bet a thousand bucks on Argentina today or England? It's probably not happening, you know? Yeah. Yeah. So everything has to be pure in a sense with those, with those questions when you do this, ask yourself. Yeah. So I mean, it changed my life. And it continues changing my life. But also, people I meet because it's one of those things. If you have the, if you want, willing to do the work and willing to do the DIY approach, I mean, okay, I'm actually doubling down on this because the return investment is greater than anything in this, in this world, to focus just on your breathing. All of a sudden, like you reverse aging, your hormones go back into level, sleep is better, digestion is better, everything goes back to normal. Yeah. But it's too simple. You know? Yeah. If you were to break down, you just said it changed your life. That's a, that's a big statement. Yeah. The slowing down your breath, coming into tune with the present moment, change your life. And in what ways were you changed before, like before and after? So, you know, I was modeling for over a decade. Yeah. And when I actually started focusing on my breathing, I started questioning what am I actually doing? I was just in this red race, go, go, go, go, do more, more, more shallow breathing for most of my life. So, you slow down. And then, you know, my intuition just started talking to myself. I was like, you know, it's probably not the right thing to do for the rest of your life. If you want to have a family, you know, I spoke for a decade of my life because it's a very consuming industry. And it's also like, so red race, everyone promises you something, nothing's happening. You have nothing in your control. You can do everything right on paper. The casting casting director or this agent doesn't like you on a personal level. What's that like? What's that like when you are living in a world in which you need that sense of validation? What is it like to experience so much rejection? Well, you know, for me, I was I grew up never really feeling loves from my parents. And that's just because they didn't experience love from their parents. So, how are they supposed to give me that love? Yeah. So, I grew up with that lack of love. So, I need anything I did started growing up. I always have to have to be the loudest kid in the room to get that validation. So, the modeling industry kind of sucked me in because it's like, it was all about looks. You look beautiful on a cover. Look at this campaign. It's so beautiful. So, the first couple of years, I felt like I wasn't top of the world. You know, I grew up in a 120 people village in the middle of nowhere. Yeah. Worked as a mechanic till I was 23. I cooked my shop, started traveling. I was 26. I ended up in New York just through like, I can call it destiny, but I just had the right connections at the right time. Yeah. A really big photographer saw me on Instagram. He shot me and then all the agents wanted me in New York. So, I moved to New York, it just lived this life for five and a half years where I'm like, oh my god, I'll never want to do anything different, you know. Why? What were the seductive polls of that industry that for someone maybe was absent of love and starved of it in his early years? What felt so seductive about it? So, it's the materialistic role to begin with because I grew up very, like very poor in a sense. There was not a lot of money at all. And, you know, all of a sudden, I was all around all this glam. People were like, I would take in, been taking out for dinner every night and best restaurants in New York, you know. I would go around trips on all those things. And it's great, and I experienced it all. But in the back of my head, it's not my decision to do that. It's just I'm part of that. It's not me being I'm not able to do fine as all that myself. But it just was going with it and it was sort of like very seductive, as you say. It's like, okay, if I just do a little bit more, if I'm a little bit more successful, maybe I can get to that place. And then eventually, I'll be able to, the big thing as a male model has always been the fragrance campaign. If I book a fragrance campaign, then I financially said that was the big thing. That was the big thing. So, I was chasing that for almost a decade. Wow. Meanwhile, like, yeah, they pay well, but not what you're used to pay. They used to pay like millions of dollars. Now I pay them, maybe like 150, 200,000 dollars. And if you break it down, you chase it for 10 years and then you get a paycheck for 150 grand. That's 15 grand over per year. It's nothing. You know. So. So you spent a decade just chasing to get in a fragrance campaign? Yeah. I've never got it. Never got it. So why? Why fragrance campaigns and not clothing? Why? Why? Because it's sort of like the pinnacle of a male model career is a fragrance. Okay. And then everything else is kind of below there. Wow. So what was your pinnacle? Like in that world, what would you have considered to be your pinnacle? I had a really great career in the beginning. At the beginning, I was in a few covers. I walked to know in Paris with Carl Lagerfeld, you know. But it's all meaningless because it's just you do it and then you want to move on to the next best thing. Yeah. So not really. I never really did I do it? Yes. We're present, most likely now. It was just like, okay, this seeing everything is a stepping stone. Yeah. And then life just passes by. This is really, I mean, this conversation is interesting for me because I grew up in a world in which I was four foot 11 and had cystic acne all over my face as a teenage boy. And so in many ways, the feeling of being wanted evaded me. And so the model in the industry and like the look of that, I was never going to be a model, but it's it. But I still felt that like sense of seduction. Like the there, I would be lying if I said there wasn't a distant hope in me that maybe someone would look at me and like you should model. Yeah. And I'm curious how many young boys and young men who are who maybe feel not attractive or feel absent of love have that desire. One, I'm curious your perspective on that. And two, I'm curious on. I'm going to ask three questions here and then we can unpack them. What for you do you feel was the underlying void that you were looking to be filled in the modeling industry. And then three, like the world gets a very different view of what modeling is to it sounds like those who are privy to the industry behind the curtain, you know. And so what? If we could sort of debunk the method that this is an attractive industry. What would be a case for that? Yeah. So repeat the first question. Oh, the first question was if I could go back to the first question. Oh, yeah, man. Yes. Yeah. Salmon. I'm curious like because that that was a feeling for me. The desire to I secretly hope that someone one day says that I'm attractive enough or wants to put me in a modeling campaign. So I'm pretty sure there's a tiny, you know, everyone who grows up not feeling the love. And then maybe not having the look. It's sort of like an industry where I believe this, especially with social media these days, everything is just like a moment everyone shows the nicest moment of the day. There's a lot of, you know, it stems from a lack of self love. So I think it's sort of like a most like a parasite which is spread through the entire world. And that comes back down to another. Knowing that everything is already there, you know. So I wish I would have had someone telling you this earlier, you know, my early twenties or like, okay, if you actually focus on yourself, and you realize that the intuition is your guiding force through life, you can do anything you want with your life, you know, you can build the crazed things, but you have to be present to do that and authentic, you know. So it's sort of like the modeling world or the fashion world, it's all glam and it's like, it looks good and that's what attracts people. So if you do this, you're there and like, you know, look at can or like, go to the fashion shows and, but behind the scenes, it's like, 0.1% out of the models work and make money, you know, and everything else is just like, it's just a, it's just a show. And on top of that, there's a lot of power involved behind the scenes, meaning in a sense, we have like, certain people have run the industry and if you're not on the good side with them for some, for whatever reason, you may not work, you can do everything, you can be the most handsome guy, the most beautiful woman, you know, kind of work, you know. Oh, it's like corrupt. Yeah, it is. I mean, at least that's what I experience. And I'm not like, what side were you on? I had a great time in the beginning and then I met some, not so great decisions, with leaving agents and like burning crutches. Once you do that, like, it just spread around. It's spread around like all for it because at a certain level, especially in New York, you, you know, everyone knows each other or everyone knows about each other at least. So once you do, once you do something that's not really aligned with what most people think, it's kind of like a hard way to get back. And that's kind of what I experienced. Wow. Right before the pandemic I did that and I was like, okay, it is what it is, you know, life. I wouldn't want it any other way. Yeah. Say the way. Do you regret it? Nothing. I don't regret anything. So it's just for the better good, you know. Yeah. Yeah. It seems like you said before stroke of divinity that it led you to New York and maybe there's inevitably led you here to sounds like the beautiful life that you get to experience now. I'm a person. Yeah. I want to ask you about a couple of things. And I want to come back into like, it's interesting because I have three photos here and they seem to represent three different chapters of your life. And I want to sort of understand the story and the sentiment that you have towards each of them. First one of you in the minds, I believe. Yeah. There was in the power plant. Okay. For very. Yeah. And how do you just offer first glance, looking at the boy and young man that you were then. How do you reflect on on him and what he was in search of? So I was in search of again, on a deeper level of love, which I didn't understand picked them. It's just validation. So I did this job because it was the the best paid job that it was possibly get in the in the field I was working in. But I also took me away from home a lot of times. So you know, with my friends and so forth, I wasn't really there, which I regretted a lot of times in that time. But the money basically you used, I was drunk every weekend, like black out truck. Doing the week I would be with my colleagues. I would drink. I was pretty much an alcoholic like borderline. And then I would three, four times a year would go on a really expensive vacation with my friends. But I hated my job. I hated my life. I lived it home. I lived in my children's, a child bedroom. I drove a nice car because I was able to afford that. But it was all a show. I was really miserable within myself. So that was this whole chapter. Then I came and slid into this modeling industry just by a friend of mine. She was like, you should modeling, you should model and try and send out some pictures. Got signed very quickly. Then a year later I was able to quit my job. And before going into the modeling world, had it been reaffirmed to obviously an attractive guy and a good looking guy like, did you did you know that before? Were you receiving a validation in other areas before that experience? You know, I would always been told that. But as I said, I had this whole stigma around me. I was literally the drunkest person in the room. Why? Why? Same thing. I was like, I needed to be the drunkest person in order to get that clap on the shoulder from my buddies. And you know, that went on for a long time, a couple of years. Which then is like, you know, this guy who's, I was known to be the drunkest person in the area. As I said, I grew up in a very small. You were known to be the drunkest person in the area. With my friends. But I was always, like the most recent one. Which is crazy. Yeah. I always, I was joking. I was like, if I would drink one day now, what I drink back then, I would probably die. You'd die? Yeah. We would, I would drink like bottle and a half of vodka. We'd be fine. You know, be drunk. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like something to be proud of. Yeah. But it just sounds like there was a part of you that was in search of love from a family, a family. Yeah. Well, it was also the time my parents got to go as soon as they team. Okay. So it was a big loss on my, my mom moved out. And it broke my heart. And I just like numbed it with partying and just running away from it. You know, which in later on, when I was modeling, just turned into obsession with the body obsession with training, all those things. Yeah. It's just another way to escape. Yeah. We did, we just did Peter Cohn obviously before one of his quotes is that the greatest addiction we have is to the idea of ourself. And it just takes on different forms. Yeah. It doesn't. As I said, it's always the ego just yelling and it turns you into someone else. Yeah. So you realize everything you're looking outside for is already within yourself. Yeah. And everything you're looking for is already looking at you at all times. And once they started understanding that, you know, that's when, as I said, everything's sort of changed with my life. Yeah. Yeah. You know, it was a fast, fast switch for myself because I was like, if I spend another 10 years doing this, I'd be like, not be able to ever have a family or anything like this. Yeah. So it sounds like you went from being the drunken man in the room to the one everyone was looking at in the modeling industry, which in some way is still like, look at me with energy. And that leads me into this next photo, which I'm just like, how do you, how did you reflect on this then? And how do you reflect on it now? Like, what is, what is the story behind that photo? So that's so funny. The story behind this is I, so I walked the Chanel show in Paris. And at the same time, there's this magazine cover came out like maybe a few days after. And I was at dinner was very intimate dinner from car like I felt. And Nicki Minaj was literally sitting next to me. And I just, I, I never felt that I belong in those rooms. It felt always sort of like I felt like a stranger a little bit. Did I enjoy it? Of course, you know, there was a room like anyone, like every single person you'd probably know on this table. But yes, she was just like, two, a couple of days later, this magazine came out and then she posted this picture, which is hysterical, you know. So you were sat next to her. Yeah. And then a few days later, without even mentioning it, you see this. I think they're the owner of the magazine. He kind of like he was also part of this table. He did the, he did the pull to that this gets pulled off on Instagram, basically. Just say, you know, it's all a show. Everything is a show. And I look at this guy, I look at it. So it's all looking back now. You know, I just can love about it because it's really about it. But when it came out at the time, do you remember what you felt? Yeah, I was, I was back in New York. It was freezing cold. There was a snow storm. And this came out like 10 minutes later, my age and coldly. And he was like, oh my god, how many photos did you gain? And it was all about that. It's all about look at me, look at me, look at me. This is the next best thing. You know, it's, this is the next guy. And then you should think this year was like, I had, I almost booked a really huge Roblo and fragrance. But it's all looking back now. It's, it doesn't mean anything. But back then, it was mean everything to me. Yeah. Yeah. Like literally at this moment, it was like, I felt, my god, now my, my life is going to change forever. And then all those opportunities came, but nothing came through. I believe God was just protecting me from it. You know, because I probably would be so stuck in there. All the opportunities that I had would have worked out to my, to my better good. I probably would be so model. Yeah. As you think about like the divine, the stroke of the divine that had a handle of life in that time, do you have an example of a story where something was going to pull through and it didn't, and you can't help but feel like that was gone. Yeah, you know, I, I was on this. It was between me and another guy for the really future of Lauren fragrance. And back then, it was 10 years ago, it would have been life changing money, like half a million or something, but not just for this one year, but not just that back then, it was also like, if you do that, like you do so many other things, probably would have kind of come for roles and to go all the clothing and so forth but yeah, I ended up not I didn't get it and of course I was upset it was the first time I shaved my head. You shaved your head thinking you would no no I shaved it after I was like it's not gonna happen you know. So you know it all it all happened the way it's supposed to because again if I would have all done what I could have done I wouldn't be here today yeah every every detour led me to the ride until ride well yeah I want to shift gears here in a second but I'm curious for you know we look at and we seem to as culture glamorize and maybe look to the more attractive humans in the world as those of influence you know I want to almost debunk that on this podcast because I have a lot of young people that listen to this who by nature of the fact that they have not viewed their eyes towards more maybe healthy influences are looking at looks and popularity is is the sign of trust you know and for you who has obviously spent his yields seen and peeked behind the curtain like what do we not what do we not see brats the times when you don't work it's the times when you try so hard and get really frustrated and depressed because you can't do anything it looks good you may look good on a picture and all this stuff people post on instagram it doesn't necessarily need success right and what you don't really see is like the hustle behind the scenes the downfall so when you're so close to the job and eventually it's just like you're floating through life you don't have a gr- there's no grounding because you don't have your life under control you always depend on someone else yeah you know it's a lot of industries like this in the entertainment industry it's like someone has to like you in order to work for you to work and that's it's what it is it sounds like high school all over it is like it is you know and I remember till the till I let all that go I was still nervous going into the agency because I'm like I was afraid that my agent didn't like my hair or whatever it may be it was all wow it's just did you feel like you are monitoring your ways of being in the world constantly as it is all the time it was like hype obsessed about everything the looks what I eat what I do and it became they became a prison for my own you know I became a prison of my own life therefore it's like I would there's no wheel room it has to be this way and it's also because I was so obsessed with it because I knew like the more in my head I was like the harder I try the more I succeed it was it was not good till I met my wife and then my now wife then all that kind of like loosened up and then I was like looking behind what that I was seeing you know yeah were you happy which you have which you have actually reflect on that season where you have I told myself I was happy looking back now I was pretended to be happy I wasn't truly happy what does pretending to be happy look like you know you smile and you do it all and you tell yourself oh this is amazing but it wasn't because I was a sense like a lot of the times you live a life almost like you know ever seen a bird in a golden cage a bird in a golden cage yeah you know it looks beautiful on the outside but the bird inside doesn't feel has freedom and I lived a life like this for a long time because it looked all beautiful on the outside but I was barely able to breathe enough air because it was all so much so condensed for myself and I created it myself you know I'm applying the animal all the industry it's just the way I was operating yeah because it was so seeking so much validation yeah because of the lack of self love what was the darkest moment darkest moment you know there was a few where I've just I hit a wall I'd say every two to three months physically as well as mentally where it's really I would just be burned out and being bed like for two to three days wow every two to three months yeah and I'm like this is that's what life's supposed to be like and then you know it's I had phases where I would tremendously fluctuate in way too because I tried every day on this planet that's what my obsession with health became they've started because I tried everything and not everything works so there was a lot of emotional but I was a physical impact on myself so yeah as I said I wouldn't do it any other way yeah yeah but there was a lot of times where I was like done that's not the right thing that must have made it you know this this sort of trading on edge shells about your ways of being it must have made it really hard when you were began developing an interest in the world of fascia and nervous system and did that was their conflict there as you like I'm I'm almost curious about the overlap between your brand as a model and your introduction into the world of nervous system and how that might have created friction so there was not a lot of overlapping because there was about three years ago and I was at a point where I was like I have to change something in my life and there was when I was running a lot I was already focusing on the breath but in my head it was about the running and I was like I got obsessed with it and I was like if I can do that maybe it can become the best alter run in the world in my head I wanted to start running altruists and then a couple of months into there I was still assigned with agencies and modeling but I didn't barely work and then I had this I ran on a Sunday on the beach and Venice for two and a half hours so and the next day I woke up in a wooden walk for five days my lower back was completely shut and then it was one of those moments where like I have to change so I came across fascia work got myself a lot of pain and then I was like okay if I can help myself with this I can help other people and I always had this desire within myself and it sounds a little bit corny but I always wanted to help people on a deeper level at one point in my life it's as a model I was also a personal training yeah but it never really resonated with me nor in the tuition coaching it was just all surface level yeah and then all of a sudden when I got myself out of pain and I started getting people out of pain I was like oh that's what's what what I'm here for yeah so I got a call from age and few weeks into that she's like if you just so you know if you just keep posting this kind of work you'll never work as a model again I said it's fine with me that's what she said yeah she's like you know doesn't translate into modeling and you post your wife you know you post the spiritual stuff and you post this kind of like work to get help people can't do that as a model I said okay you know wow and I just double down and everything social media and then after a few weeks it just started taking off and you haven't modeled since I think I may have modeled once or so I think once but that's it and would you again you know if the project is right and I have I can do what I want to do there's always a way to I was say that I can always shine some light into a dark place yeah it's just who I am and what I'm doing yeah so to bridge that gap and maybe help some kids in that industry yeah I never say never yeah it's not something like I'm seeking for I'm seeking out yeah but it's not something like oh I can never do that yeah it's sort of like I don't hate it yeah it's more the lifestyle it's just yeah not conducive for me anymore it's interesting to me reflecting on sort of these two worlds you've lived because it sounds to me like your body has been both the lock and the key in the sense that you use your body as a way to avoid yourself for so long as a model and then inevitably when you went into the running space and now you use it as I think I've heard you say it's like the portal to God you know would I be am I co-act in yeah pretty much you know it's like the breath is what connects my body and spirit and then our body you know it's our vehicle on this planet flow so it's a function yeah so when we take care of our body it's also you can be obsessed with your physical body which is there can be a healthy obsession you know yeah I would lie to say oh I don't care what I eat I don't move no I want to there's a certain way I want to look yeah so what is a healthy obsession let's like to understand that for someone you listen and myself include it what what is a healthy obsession with your body you know I think what I feel truly is we all have a body weight when we deeply go within into ourselves and we know how we feel. And not chasing, I need to have bigger muscles. I need to have X, Y, and C. Our body has a has a level, I believe, where we like to kick. If I move proper, eat right, don't overeat. My body develops itself into the direction. So, but it all starts with you have to do the internal work, you know. And when you take care of the internal environment, meaning if you want to stop chasing a look, wants to stop chasing a diet, wants to stop chasing, doing everything it wants, all of a sudden, I realized that less is so much more, you know. And then the body is always changing anyways, not saying I let myself go by any means. But when you have a calm nervous system and your body stops praising, your body is relaxing and then all of a sudden, you actually feel better and you end up looking better. We live in a hospital culture, you know. Can I ask, would you say that you look better now than when you did as a model? I think I do. Yeah. What in what ways? It's an energy, first and foremost, that we all have, which is our aura. So the oric field expands depending on how, how tight your body is, how tight your fascia is, but also how, how much or how little self if you have, right? How little self love you have, how much or how little self up here. So if all, if my body is bracing on all levels and I feel like I'm living in a tight suit, you see those people, they can't hold eye contact with you for like two seconds. And that's because there's a lack of, you know, they have no self worth. And so, so when you start opening your body physically, but also emotionally, spiritually, and let go of the baggage, it's like, I still have the same pretty much that was looking physically as a model. But my appearance is different, meaning like people perceive me different. Yeah. You know. Yeah. And I, it's one of those things because the grass is always screened. If you hyper obsess about diet, you mean we all, or like about the physical body. Yeah. And I, I'm not saying I have it all figured out, but I'm way better than I used to be in them. Just fully work, completely working on that where I'm like, okay, how I look at everything. And I came up with this recently. I'm like, if I look at everything, like I do in a 12 step program, today, it's one day at a time. It's one breath at a time. If I do today, everything in my capability to be the most present, the most loving husband, the best father, best friend, and the best person for everyone around me, then I've done my job right. And if I do the same thing tomorrow again, then I know my life is on the right path, you know, and it's also the only way I can predict the future. Because if I'm focusing on myself right now, give myself self love, have my ritual in order, breath proper, then I'm pretty sure tomorrow is going to be a great day, you know. But we tend to look into the future, or in a year, if I do this now and in a year, then I have a great life. You know, I grew up like this. I was meant to work as a, as a mechanic, till I'm 68, retire, and then have another 15, 20 years max, and then die, you know, it's the life I was, I was brought up it. But now I'm like, it's really one day at a time. And then it's the same with age. What was aging us? It's stress. It's emotional disconnection. If I focus on myself and fill my cup every day, I can give water to other people, love to other people. But I can't do that if I'm always drowning empty. So, you know, all those, all those things is really, it's all our appearance. It's always changing anyways, like the physical body. And it sounds all corny, and I never really wanted to understand and believe that, but in a sense, if you do something great for yourself today, and you feel good right now, who cares? If you don't look amazing in the mirror right this second, it's all, it's the, the bigger picture is like, how am I feeling? I'd also want to, I also wonder if you're not looking amazing in the mirror right now is actually perception, not reality. It's all perception, because how, every single person, I'm sure you did this before too, you look at old pictures and you go back to picture. Dang, I look good there. What did I do back then? But at that moment, when you took this picture, you were like, I should be, I wish I would be much better. Yeah. I wish I would look even better. Yeah. Yeah. It's always the same. Yeah. So, and also interestingly, the photos that I can reflect on that I feel I look the best in, as I reflect on that moment in my life, I'm actually the most content with myself the moment that photo is topped. Does that make sense? Yeah. Versus photos, I might not look any different physically in the two photos, but like you mentioned about the energy and the aura, how I felt when that was taken. There is a felt difference. And I wonder if other people, if that can be felt through a lens, for example, you can feel that through a lens. It's also one of those things I can, back when I was modeling, I tried so hard and it's an energy of desperation that I was carrying around all the time. It's also a big reason why I ended up not working anymore. It's related to the energy of desperation. Yeah. And it's with everything in life, like any business, anything you do, if you keep chasing it, you push it away. If you let it flow, you don't care. It falls into your lap. If it's meant to be, right? So, definitely can see that through the lens, through a camera or anything. Yeah. It's just, people have to be a little bit aware of that. Yeah. I've also seen a couple of things just in that you've shared in your physical appearance though. Did I see you say something that your eyes have got on bluer? Yeah. So my eyes, they got brighter as well. I told you, it's has a lot to do. I had a big history of drinking. Yeah. So when your physical body is really full of toxins, the first mirror of your internal environment is your eyes and, you know, the white of your eyes and how your eyes are actually the blue or whatever call you have, the iris powered looks. Yeah. I'm not a super expert in this, but there's your y'all is just out there, which told me everything that goes on in life. They were like, yeah, your liver is really on on a lot of stress, you know. So I started cleansing out of my physical body and then the emotional part as well because a lot of the emotions anger and grief, for example, live in your liver. Yeah. So if you hold a lot of that, you may still get physical problems. Can you tell looking at me where I'm holding tension in my body? Not like, you know, we would have to walk a little bit, maybe you tell me a little bit about your story. I can't really tell. Yeah. How long would it take you to be able to dissect where I'm where I'm holding tension? Usually goes really quick, you know. So the fact that you said you had this feeling tells me with breathing, you probably shall breathe most of the time. Yeah, I do. So that probably causes tension in your jaw. So you may grind your teeth to cleanse your jaw, probably of a tight neck. Most tight area of my body. Yeah. Yeah. So it all, it just, and it feels like it creates a sense of puffiness, I think, in my face. It's a feeling of puffiness. Well, it's again, imagine if you cleanse your jaw and you grind your teeth at night, it's the same. If you make a fist eight hours straight, your form's going to swell up because there's a lot of inflammation there to sing with it everywhere in the body. So if you cleanse your cause inflammation, cause inflammation. So it's very easy to describe when it comes to fascia, right? So connective tissue everywhere in the body. It runs everywhere. It looks like a spider web. So this is my fascia network in my body. And this may be my, my, my jaw, right? So if my jaw is tight, see how it alters an entire shirt. So it pulls, wow. So it pulls up from your entire body and it starts in your neck and then the rest. And a lot of that just, again, stems from breathing. Yeah. Cause if you're stuck in fight of light more cello breathing, it's a threat to your body at all times. You start with oxygen. Your body gets tight. It starts bracing. And then the clenching and the the bracing starts even more because your body knows different. But it becomes mental as well. We want to figure out what's going on. Therefore everything becomes even tighter. So what are some practices that I can do to release the tension in my face? So breathing. And then this, you know, jaw release is really good. Just you go in with your fingers and open. I can do it myself. Yeah. So I can go inside my mouth and my fingers. Each finger, you go on the top teeth, on the gums on the top teeth, all the way push up, all the way back. And then you feel tension back there. All the way up here, all the way on the top teeth, all the way back. Oh, wow. I can feel it. So if you push both fingers at the same time, it's left and right. Are you pushing back in a rotate inward? Inwards. and so breathing. Oh my God. And each exhale you push a little bit more. See how your breath is so shallow on the exhale? Try to prolong it yet, exhale. I hear like I want to cry. Yeah. So what do you explain to me with your in your childhood when you were 4/11? All that, there's a lot of unspoken words, there's a lot of emotion you stuck down because you still a boy and you don't express yourself. So with all that, there's a seeking for, as you said, you know, validation and love and like being hopefully I am going to be a model at one point the seeking. Yeah. So it's still somewhere there in the body. And I always explain it in a way every, so I know by now and I learn this from many mentors, every emotion in the body eventually suppress the motion causes a problem. Whether that may be physical, at first it's pain, it becomes a pain teacher. So if I listen, so for you right now, right, oh my jaw is tight, my neck hurts all the time. It's a pain teacher. What can I learn from that? It's not like how can I get rid of it? What does it tell me? So when you pay attention and you go to the root cause, what's the root cause of my jaw is super locked up. So you open the jaw, the neck is going to release a little bit and then why is my jaw tight? Shallow breathing and I'm not listening to my emotions. Maybe I'm not expressing myself with my words as I suppose to. Maybe I'm not telling the truth what I feel in my heart. Yeah. And then all those things, it's just you bury it down, bury it down and eventually it's just going to show up in the body. Is the jaw a common place that you see people holding attention? 99.9% of the people I meet. That's where it is. The jaw is the first place. What emotions is the jaw typically called? Well, it's sort of like, it's a place of tension, like bracing, not feeling good enough, but it's more the jaw itself is people clench as a reaction for feeling stress, anxiety, lack of self-worth. So you clench here and then this becomes super tight. And then the tongue is tight as well, which is all the unspoken words and so forth. So when you release here, your entire body sets it for different. And then it goes super fast. It goes really fast. But it's the same with breathing. Nobody does it. But you have to, whenever you do any work on yourself or like this kind of work, you have to breathe slower. So what do you did in hell? And your shallow exhale. So that keeps you stuck in fight of flight mode. And this action itself causes more stress to the body than you had before. So yeah, if I then release, I feel better because I just pushed into something that's really tight, but you don't release it. So you have to be in a state of calmness and trust and having letting your body allow to open. And that's really, that's a container I try to create with when I work with you. Yeah, I was going to ask is that what you're inevitably doing in your emotions with people is helping them identify where they're holding tension in their body and then working with them to release the tension. Yeah, it's just when I work with people in person or to group sessions or anything like this is it's the breath is everything really. You can release a lot of emotions by just breathing. By slowly breathing. But the problem is people don't want to feel it and go there because it's painful. Emotion, it's painful. And then you go there and of a sudden, oh no, I don't want to deal with it, but I don't want to hear that. I don't want to see that. So you push it further down. It's like the analogy I always use is like the negative emotion or like the trauma we all carry. If you look at it like a monster, right, which sits across from the table of you and eats your food all the time, you get really upset why is it still there till you ask it why you're there. And then it doesn't have an ounce and it leaves. So by that of what I mean is let's stay there. That's really interesting. The monster stays there until you ask it why it's there. Yeah, because in emotion, so any emotion, any trauma we experience in our life happened in the past. What we're doing as humans, because we addicted to figuring things out, we're bringing all that old stuff into present moment. And then we replay it in our head whether it's childhood abuse, whether it's the loss of someone, whether it's someone breaking out, like it doesn't really matter what that is. On a car accident, or something like this, you bring into this present moment and it feels real again. So the pain never leaves. Hence the monster is still there. And then you hear those stories. I hear it all the time. Oh, I went to India for two weeks to the repassana retreat or the meditation retreat for two weeks. I felt amazing. The best ever felt when they come back to LA, the first person cuts them off on the street, everything comes back. And worse, because what happens is like you can ignore it with emotional pain and the trauma, but the monster is not going to go away. It's going to be in the corner doing push-ups, getting stronger and just the way it's to come back and eat the food again. So it's really to still in a calm and present state. Hence when you stew the breathing practice that I said in the beginning, you can go into your own past, into your emotions while breathing slow and deep. And then replaying that in your head, but your body understands it's safe. So in that place, you're physical and your subconscious mind understand that's not a threat anymore. This monster is just an imagination of myself. So I can let it go. And it's practice, right? I had a lot of anger and rage within myself and I tell this everyone because I'm that someone especially by any means. My dad was born with post-World War II. His younger brother died when my dad was two, the house burned down. So there was survival guilt. My dad carried with him. He never worked through all this rage from the World War II. He never worked through. He all passed on to me. So I grew up with this and then I had so much anger and rage within myself when someone pisses me off. Like back then. First of all, when I was drunk, I would get in terrible fights all the time because the truth comes out when you're drunk. And then later on when I wasn't drinking anymore and someone pisses me off, and I was always thinking like I could have ripped this person's head off. I was so angry. Obviously I never did anything like this, but I was aware, right? You used to imagine yourself breathing something. Yeah, I was just like really angry. So once I started doing this kind of work and understanding what's happening, I was like, wait a minute, I have this energy and this power within myself. How is it not possible to turn this into something beautiful? So I was working on this and it's just like looking it in the eyes and realizing it's just imagination. Therefore, I was able to turn through the self, the alkeny of self-love, you can turn any negative emotion into positive. How? So it's just like believing in God, believing in God, bring God in the center and then okay, I don't have to feel this way anymore. But it's a conscious decision and you have to practice it a little bit and then all of a sudden you're like okay, I have this anger, but it's not part of me anymore. Thank you God for letting it go and turning into something beautiful. So this we create space and then I fill that with self-love and then from that place, first of all, I feel emotion is much lighter but I also can use the self-love of half and eventually give it away to other people. And then that's when you find your gift and then you give it away and that's what Ram Dasa always said, we all just walk each other home. I believe that the purpose of life in general speaking is fuel and condition love. What I learned is the soul only knows two emotions, which is fear and love. How come when does fear arise? We live in a fear-based world. Everyone is worrying everything is driven by fear. Fear only arises when we don't feel love. The fear comes because of a lack of love. I'm fearful because I don't feel love. So maybe I never feel the love again. So I start worrying. And with a worry in that fear comes anger, with that anger comes rage and then you look at the world where we are. Everyone is fighting over everything. So what about our focus on the root of everything which is the start of everything is love? We here to experience unconditional love. We are unconditional love. If I know that God is Almighty and God knows everything and I know and I believe that every human is a reflection of God and human flesh. It's not separate. God is not separate from us. I and the Father are one. It's always been like this. But it's a belief system and when you start believing that in feeling it, then you're like, okay, everything is exactly the way it's supposed to be. As I said, I'm not saying I would figure it out, but that's how I lay it out and how I try to do it every single day. And when I stick to my 12th step program of being the best, region of myself in that sense, everything falls into place. And you know, with all the emotions and everything we carry, it's sort of like you have to keep, you have to clean it up every day, meaning we're human, there's an ego. Yeah. So we've been taught certain things. Someone say something, it triggers me. So I have to remove that every single day and that's a practice. Yeah. Can I ask you, you said, you said a couple of things. One was off there and then you've hinted at it here. And the first was you grew up as a Catholic altar boy. And it seems as though your experience is that you maybe your relationship with God was non-existent for some time. Yeah. And then it sounds like you said in the past three years that you've rediscovered your relationship with God. And that seems like it's coincided with your removal from the modeling industry. Yeah. I can't help but see that those two feel intertwined. So I'm curious, your relationship with God in your childhood, what led to sort of the collapse of that relationship. And how have you, what is this, what is the art of the journey been like for you to return to this relationship with God? And how do you seek God now? So as I said, I grew up as a Catholic altar boy. And again, with, I have nothing against organized religion, anything like this because, but how I grew up is just like, this is what you do. If you don't do it, you're not a good, good kid. So I started, I have to go to church. And then obviously once I got a certain age, 16, I was like, this is not for me. Yeah. There was no connection, like emotionally with it. It was just the thing you have to do that to check it out with God. Yeah. So I turned away from God for a very long time, you know, and, but I always had this feeling within myself where I'm like, what's my purpose? Why am I here? And I asked it. I asked my mom that the first time I was about five years old. I never forget that. And I said this all the time. I sat next to her and I was like, mom, why am I in this body? What's my purpose? And she couldn't answer that. How old did you say four or five years old? You asked your mom at four or five years old how, why am I in this body? What's the, why am I in this body? What's my purpose? And then fast forward to now, you know, I know why, but it took me a very long time. And once I saw met my wife and her family's very religious. And this is sort of like when I doubled into believing in God again. But I was like, I don't want to be part of anything extreme again because I know myself. If it has to be only, you have to go to church, X, Y and C. However, I very often a week. I said, I don't believe that it's a way to do that for myself. Because I'm like, I see so many people going to church twice a week and the rest of the week, they terrible people to everyone around here. Yeah. Yeah. So it took me some time to rediscover all that. But once I started praying daily, and then make everything a worship, if I want to, if you want to say that, meaning I can bring God in the center everywhere. Because I talk about it. I talk about God and I know He's real. And it's a, I'm a testimony for that. I tell you this. The second I started doing this, everything started to take off. What catalyzed your desire to begin doing is you haven't had gotten your life for however long. And now all of a sudden you decide to start praying again. Was there a moment when which you felt like, wow, I really, this is something I'm going to try? It's a, it was a moments of just feeling completely lost by myself. And I had people around me, but it, it wasn't, I never felt safe. Yeah. And I'm like, started reading the Bible a little bit. And it just went inward. You know, when you squire the mind and you start listening, it was, it may have actually been, now that you asked me, I did a mushroom ceremony in a long time, like three years ago, maybe about it. And in that moment, just God also talked to me a little bit. And I'm like, wait a minute. What if I just bring him into the center, right? And we just, can we go into that moment? Yeah. When you say in that moment, God talked to you, how did you know? It's just a voice, which is not a different, much a different voice that I always had in myself as a child growing up when I was connected or when I was listening. It's just, it's not a, it's annoying. It's nothing any different. It's annoying. It's like, this is, this is it. Yeah. I've had a couple of psychedelic experiences or journeys myself and it feels similar to that. It's like, it feels, my experience of it is, yeah, it's indescribable, but there is a sense of absolute assuredness that what's being given to me in this moment is ultimate truth. Yeah. That's true. And then I was just putting everything towards him, start praying more, doing everything and all of a sudden, I'm like, okay, if I know that he lives within me, he lives within you, there's no separation. And I also don't have to ask for anything because it's already there. So I have to change him, pray a little bit, keen off having his already within everything I see is already here. Just have to acknowledge that it's here. And then eventually in its own time, it's going to appear. Yeah. So what are your practices then to tap into the kingdom of heaven on a consistent basis? It's prayer. It's breathing and prayer together, but also when I, if I want to, I can like, tap into it so fast, like really feel the Holy Ghost, meaning get goosebumps everywhere, especially I listen to worship a lot, worship music, worship music, and then it just like start, yeah, start singing with it and I feel it. Wow. And when you say prayer and breath together, what does that look like? Like, what are you praying to and how are you praying? I have a long prayer at home. It's more of a recognition of God. It's not that I don't pray anymore. It's a God, please, do X, Y, Z. It's like, I know it's already there. Thank you, Father, for giving me that life I had. Thank you, Father, for providing me with what I have. That reminds me of conversations with God, the book, give me a bit of a conversation with God. There's a, there's a line in that that says, the prayer is therefore not a prayer of supplication, but a prayer of gratitude, except for whatever it is. But if you look at organized religion a lot of times, everyone is like, please ask through this. So you become a beggar. So you're begging God. Wow. So most many people's version of praying is actually begging. Well, it is. And then you look at if I know the Father and I are one, right? Why am I asking someone on the outside to get something? If I know it's already here, you know, and this is it's again, it's we have to believe in it, we have to practice it, and we have to trust. And all those three things take time, you know, and a willingness to do it on a daily basis. But if you do that, everything is falling into place, and it's come from the right place. Yeah. It's really interesting to use that language that a lot of people's version of praying is begging because you also use, you described a lot of your ways of being in the modeling world as desperation, which is in a sense begging. Same thing. And at the same time, sounds like that was the moment you were the most disconnected from God. 100% because it's all based on the outside, right? Doesn't mean we shouldn't have nice things. I like nice things too. It's more, where does it come from? Yeah. Am I doing this because I appreciate that? Or do we need that to prove something to someone else? And then all those things just shift because it eventually, when you truly know, as I said, it's annoying that God is within other self. And then from that place, you don't ever have to worry. Because if I know that, why I'm a, why I'm a worry, why I'm a fearing, that's the number one thing I tell everyone all the time, say, why do you worry? You worry about everything. Everyone is worrying about everything. That takes you further away from the truth. So if I just sit with it, why we take you further away from the truth? Yeah. Because if you worry, if the truth is that the kingdom of heaven is within, and I worry about the things I don't have, the things I want, or what could happen. And I grew up in the country, Germany, where it's all based around worry. Everyone is, when I started working at seven insurances, I had seven different insurances for whatever reason. But everything is all insure, everything is, I'm not saying nobody should have an insurance, but all this whole mindset around that is all worry. If I trust, you bring, it's an energy. If I have a positive outlook to life, and I trust in God, and I believe that everything works out to the better good. And I fully know that. The energy I put out, only attracts positive things. And you'll become hyped to focus on negative energy, hence people. I don't want to hang out with like too many people anymore. nor do I want to ever spend any time with people from that are used to hang out with them, the mulling and so on. - Yeah. - It's just a different energy. - A different feeling, yeah. - It's just like stepping over each other to get to the next best place. But once you start walking on this path, I always say this to everyone I work with always. It's like, it may be overwhelming at first because you feel pain, you feel the emotions, you feel everything. And then the path gets a little bit more narrow, you may lose people, left and right. And then the longer you're on it, the more narrow it becomes. Eventually, it's going to disappear and then you realize there's never been a path to begin with because it's all just here and now. So there's nowhere to go. There's nothing to be found because it's already here. There's nothing to be seen either. Like, what are you looking for? It's already looking at you at all times. - Wow. - And it's that simple, yeah. And again, it starts with the breath. And yet everyone is like, I do whim off practice. I do X, Y and T, yeah, it makes you feel a certain way, but it doesn't, it just adds more oil to the fire. - And it also, and I've been victim of this too, in many ways, like that form of breath in moments is an attempt to escape the air. - So escape. 'Cause if I, as soon as I run on a adrenaline and cortisol, I'm not present, just chasing again. Okay, now I feel better because I just got chased by two tigers instead of one. So run a little bit faster and I don't feel pain anymore. - Oh wow. - So, you know, for me, it's like, what can I do to be with myself at all times? - Yeah. - And add more love into the cup so I can give it a way to others. - Speaking of adding more love into the cup, it's my final question for you. What has, becoming a father done for love in the cup, and also a relationship with God? - So, when I experience becoming a dad, and it's very interesting because every single person, I talk, early father, I talk to him, said the same thing. It rips your heart open and you experience love that you'll never experience before and it's 100% the truth. And then at the same time, like, he's a reflection of God, right? This little guy and not just that, but also my dad passed away, 2021, and I, so many times I would see my dad in this little boy. And then all of that, it's just like, all the things we talked about, meaning like the external validation, all that just completely fell away. I don't feel like I have to prove anything anymore too much. All I care is that this little guy's been taking care of, you know? And I don't think there's still parts of my ego that sometimes come in the way, but the more I focus on taking care of my family and just pouring love into his cup, my wife's cup, and my cup, everything is just like falling really into place. And then you realize also time flies so fast. 'Cause like, he's already, he's about to be eight weeks. And eight weeks go fast and then you see him grow. Like, he put on like six pounds already. It's amazing, you know? So being a father, I always wanted to be a dad and it's been the greatest gift of my life. And not just that, but also we did a home birth. Okay. Seeing my wife go through the whole, not just the pregnancy was amazing, but then giving birth at home. And the way she did it, it's just like, it takes, like, we as men haven't, like, we should bow down to the woman 'cause the super powers they have, we can, no man goes even close to that. Giving birth to a exiled child, pushing through the pain and all that, it's pretty amazing, you know? And I just, there grew a different respect for my wife within myself, which I always respected, I don't get me wrong, but the respect I have for her now, for what she did and the love that came with it even more is pretty amazing. You can't really take that away from anyone. It's also, at the same time it was a big, the breath was a big part in this whole situation in the whole labor. So it was a 24 hour labor. And I was just-- - 24 hours in labor. - And she was in a lot of pain until she, she was able to put it into position where she was able to listen and starts, I've been, we've been together for five years and I was trying to teach her the breathing part. For five years, but, you know, there's a saying, you can't be a prophet in your own village. So, so hard is to be tell people that are dear to your heart what to do because they don't want to listen. And they don't do it, she didn't do it on purpose. It's just what it is. So she was able to listen and then all of a sudden it became like a breeze, you know? So it was beautiful because it's also, it was a testimony for myself that I do the right things in my life. And again, coming back to the breath, if a woman can go from tremendous amount of pain doing pregnancy or doing labor to getting into a flow state and just writing those contractions like a wave because of the breath, it just can imagine what it does if you focus on a daily base on it. - Yeah, it's really cool. - Yeah. It sounds like I'm gonna continue and just see it. Your eyes get a little glassy talking about your boy and also it sounds like just that experience of watching your partner give birth in that way, give you a new level of understanding of the feminine and their power. - Yeah, 100%. And it's just, that's really, you know, I said the purpose is to give, find our gift and give it a way, but I so believe that bringing life into this world, if it's all supposed to be happy and if all everything aligns and we live in our truth, it's one of the greatest gifts we can give ourselves. And obviously, like having a boy, or having a child, this, I don't know, it's just a complete different side of myself as well, 'cause I'm not like reactive pain. It means, you know, he, I don't know how many doctors I changed, maybe a thousand at this point, but it's just like every day is a new day. You know, it's what I said with the 12th program, it's also, if I take care of him right now, 'cause a lot of the things with newborns and especially with kids, with babies and when they get toddled, there's so many first times. - Yes. - You know, so I have, I wanna be as present as I can at all times to experience it with them, you know? And it's really the greatest gift we can give to our children is really our present. And that starts with a breath. I can be present if I'm shallow breathing. So if I wanna give the greatest gift to my children which is pure present, then I have to be present with myself and love myself first. 'Cause otherwise, you know, there's a lot of people, or once I have a child, then I feel loved, once I have a child, our marriage is gonna be great. It causes a lot of problems, because there's not no such thing then transactional. Love, it's not real. There's always a way to be to fill first. Now I always say that to people, it's like, if everyone would fill their own cups first, people would attract each other who would have two filled cups because it's energy. But if I run empty and I always look on the, for love on the outside because of that void, I attract a person or partner, who most likely does the same thing. And then after the honeymoon phase is over and the real life begins, most don't make it through that unless you start working on yourself. And that's what my wife and I did, you know? But it's not selfishness, it's self love. So taking yourself first. Sometimes we get that confused. A lot of times, you know, that's why it's really important to cultivate a practice, a ritual for yourself, on a daily basis that fills your cup, you know. That's super important for me. That's why I get up like at five o'clock. I have to have the first hour and a half to hours for myself. Now it's like, of course, if he's crying or something, my wife needs to help. I do that opposite. But I always find time for myself to fill my own cup. - I think that's beautiful in a manner in which it set us up for hopefully around two at some point in which we can dive more deeply into fatherhood as your boy continues to grow in relationship dynamics as well. And, yeah, Jules, I can't thank you enough for your level of compassion. Obviously, of course, you're wisdom. And, but there's a deep sort of spiritual embodied wisdom inside of you that is a gift for me to be in your presence because in the level in which without even any practice, but just your presence, I can feel my own nervous system calming down and that is a magical gift. I think it's the greatest gift that any human can give is the ability to calm someone else through their own way of being. So, thank you. Thank you so much. - Thank you for letting me be here. - Yeah. As we close this out, just where can people find you and what do you have on the horizon? - You can find me on all social media channels. most of its tools on this cohort. I have a website to MindfulMovement with the "D" at the end, ".com" and so I just came out, I told you, with this essential oil. Yes. So it's under MindfulVessel.com which is also a hard project because it's two cents from biblical times, from your own frankincense, I've just been using that on myself and everyone I work with. Yeah. It's about how it makes people feel. Yeah. Yeah. And now that I take it one day at a time, keep this boy happy and happy. It's healthy, take care of my wife and everyone I meet and the rest will find a place here. Cheers. Thank you so much. Thank you, my friend.