015 - Self-Compassion is Key to Growth

Hello greetings and welcome back to resilience for real, the podcast where we break down live's big challenges, uncover the tools you need to level up and share practical known nonsense strategies to help you thrive. I'm your host Dr. Del Nidu, a psychologist, a coach, a CSD specialist and a devourer of savoury snacks. Get ready to dive deep into mental health, personal growth and maybe even a dad Joker too because well that's just my cringes self. But let's build resilience together. No BS, just real talk and real tools for real life change. Grab your favorite beverage, your notebook or just settle into your favorite cozy spot somewhere and let's explore today's episode. So today we're going to be covering something that you might not even realize that you need. That is until it lands for you and then there's a sense of recognition about this. I'm talking about self compassion not as a fluffy concept but as a powerful tool for emotional resilience. Now let me ask you something, how did you speak to yourself this morning when you messed up slightly? Or perhaps how do you speak to yourself generally when you mess up? Think of those times when you drop the ball when you lose your patience when you fall short. If you're anything like me or most humans we often don't speak kindly. We sometimes even shout loudly internally too. We may say things we would never ever say to someone we love. Well what if just for today you could talk to yourself like you would when you're talking to a close friend. What would change if you went about it that way? So take a moment, let that land. Now we're not talking about toxic positivity here. This is about self honesty with gentleness, with kindness. Let's think about the possibilities of strength without shame. Let that land for you a couple of moments. Strength without the shame. A word-winning author, Brene Brown once said, "Talk to yourself like you would to someone you love." And Brene's right, self compassion isn't indulgent, it's foundational. And here's why. Self-compassion reduces the fear of failure. It reduces the fear of failure because you know that mistakes won't be punished with self-judgment. Self-compassion lowers stress and anxiety by removing the inner tension of perfectionism. It also builds resilience. You bounce back faster when you're not beating yourself down. And finally, self-concept fosters a growth mindset because kindness creates room to learn. Which of these resonate for you? Reducing the fear of failure, lowering the stress and anxiety, building resilience, or perhaps fostering a growth mindset. We tend to think of criticism as something that will push us forward, but more often criticism just wears us out. Let that part sink in. Criticism is not always a motivator. Often it is an energy depleter. Take a deep breath on that thought. Here's a question for you. Can you think of a recent moment when you were hard on yourself? It doesn't have to be something profound, it could even be something little, something that you might think is insignificant. But think about a recent moment when you were difficult, when you were hard on yourself. And now I want you to imagine if a friend had done the same thing, how would you have reacted? What would you have said to them? If you'd like, please take a moment to pause the podcast episode here. Maybe write that down. Or perhaps you have a different kind of thought and observation about this. Write it down. Come back to it a little later on. Now we're going to look at some simple practices to foster a friendly inner environment. Let's get practical about it. You don't need hours of journaling, or a perfect morning routine. Here are three ways to gently shift your inner world. Firstly, let's consider something I call the kind language override. And as the name says, we are overriding our usual tendency with some kind language. I'd like for you to consider catching yourself in a gentle way. But catching and noticing when you are self-critical. It doesn't matter when in the process of self-criticism you catch yourself, but when you do notice it, pause for a moment and gently ask yourself in the softest tone possible, would I say this to a friend? Remember, the tone of voice you're using when you ask yourself this question is also very important because we are learning to meet and greet and treat ourselves with self-compassion. We should ask ourselves these questions in a compassionate manner and tone of voice as well. Would I say this to a friend? And if you can honestly answer that and the answer indicates that you would not say this to a friend or not say it in that way, then please consider a reframe of that statement. An example. And one that I am also guilty of doing, I'm such an idiot for saying that. Or I'm such an idiot for forgetting that, often when I lock my keys in a place where I can't retrieve them easily. A reframe around that would be me trying to say that was a human moment. I am a human. I'm allowed to have moments. Next time, I'll try to slow down and remember my keys. As an experiment, it would be interesting to see if you spoke to yourself in that way how it might go. And remember, experiments are not always successful or perhaps they need to be repeated once or twice more in order to fully trust the results of the experiment. But give it a chance. Invite yourself to recognize your humanity. to treat yourself with some compassion and let's see where that leads. Next, let's consider humour as a pressure valve. So a pressure valve to just release some pressure to unleash some of the pressure that's building up. So this is predicated on a thought that mistakes happen. And if mistakes happen, can you laugh just a little at the fact that a mistake happened? For example, you dropped your smoothie or you forgot your login again. These are classic human errors. A light chuckle can melt the shame faster than logic. Yeah, you might have made a mess with that smoothie that's dropped. But taking a moment or a few moments just to clear it up, might restore things. Yeah, you wouldn't have your smoothie anymore. Or you might not have the full smoothie, but mistakes happen because we are human. The third point in this practical section to consider is something that might seem a little bit paradoxical, a little bit strange. But I want to introduce it nonetheless. And I want to invite you to consider a micro gratitude. So a gratitude that is so small, we could call it a micro gratitude. And here I'm inviting you to notice the small wins. For those of you who know me personally or who have attended a section with me, I might have once introduced an acronym, TTFW, which is take the F win. Here I'm inviting you to take the win. Notice the small wins. And it doesn't have to be something big. If you're someone who often drops a smoothie, then the fact that you didn't drop a smoothie today is probably a micro win. You got out of bed today on a difficult day. That counts as a small win. You've been avoiding an email, but you finally clicked send on that. That's courage. That's a micro win as well, a micro gratitude. Every little step deserves some form of recognition. And this recognition counts towards self-compassion. Every step deserves recognition. So let's take this a little bit deeper. Let's practice self-compassion together, even if you're walking, multitasking, or in a loud kitchen. You don't need silence or stillness for this. This is a meditation about self-compassion. And you don't have to stop what you're doing in order to do this. This moment right now is enough. Let's begin. Breathe in gently, calmly, and slowly. In through the nostrils, if you can. And gently out through the mouth or the nostrils, whatever's most comfortable for you. Take a second breath in through the nostrils, out as is comfortable for you. And as you breathe, just settle, even if you're busy, multitasking, just settle as you are. There's no need to force anything. So well, with your mind, gently scan your body. Look out for any points of tension or tightness. You don't have to go into minute detail, but a gentle, yet efficient and quick scan. Notice the points where tension might normally be held. Perhaps the shoulders, the jaw, your hands. There's no need to fix it. All we're doing is just noticing. And now, once you've completed the scan, a thought. I am allowed to be human today. I don't need to be perfect to be worthy. I am worthy just as I am. Let those words echo. With the effect of these words, I want you to imagine keeping your eyes open and if they need to be open, just imagine that you are sending compassion to one point of tension in your body right now. However, you decide to send compassion, just meet or send or reflect or shine compassion onto that part of your body. And offer yourself a small kindness, a breath, a pause, a smile. Perhaps a nod of recognition that quietly says, "Hey, I see you. You're doing your best." Even in motion, you can soften. Even in the chaos, you can still find one quiet spot inside. You're doing enough. You are enough. And you are worthy. My invitation to you is to carry this gentleness into the rest of your day. Take a deep breath in through the nose as comfortable as possible, as deep as possible, and gently, slowly, carefully out through the mouth. And continue with the rest of your activities for today, but carry the gentleness and compassion with you as you make your way through the rest of your day. So, now that the meditation's over, do you feel ready to put this into practice? If so, here's your challenge for the week. Every day, take a moment to notice one time when there is some self-criticism in your day. Give yourself a chance to swap it out for a kind, supportive reframe. Write it down, say it out loud, or just breathe gently through it. And if you're up for it, share your favourite self-compassion statement with someone close to you. We're in this together, and you never know when your words can make a difference for someone else. Now, if this episode spoke to something inside of you, maybe the part that's tired of the pressure, or the part that craves some softness, I hope that you'll carry this forward. If you can, please subscribe, maybe leave a review if you feel cold, and above all, be kind to yourself. Love when you can, and celebrate every single moment. step forward, even the wobbly ones. You don't need to earn rest, you don't need to earn love, you already deserve both because you are worthy. Thanks for being here and until the next time, take good care. I hope you enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did putting it together and remember that building resiliences a journey not a destination. It's about finding what works for you, celebrating the small wins and learning from the inevitable setbacks. If you enjoyed today's episode, please consider subscribing, sharing it with a friend and leaving a review. Your support means the world to me and as always, you can find resources and links on my website. Stay well, keep going and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. I'll catch you next time. May you continue to be resilient.