013 Lessons from the Loop Part 3: When the Loop Lets Go

Greetings and welcome back to the Resilience for Real Podcast where we break down life's big challenges and uncover the tools you need to level up while sharing some practical known nonsense strategies to help you thrive. I'm your host Dr. Del Nidu, psychologist, coach, surfer specialist and gobbler of snacky delights. Get ready to dive deep into mental health, personal growth and perhaps even a dare joke or two if I can think of any. But let's build resilience together. No BS, just real talk, real tools for the real life change that makes a difference. So grab your favourite beverage, get yourself comfortable and find your favourite cosy spot. And let's explore today's episode. So welcome back to Lessons from the Loop. This is the final episode of the three part series called Lessons from the Loop. If you're dropping in on this episode, it's totally cool to listen to this as a standalone episode. It's all good friend. Go up when you can, where you are and however you are able to. In episode one we recognised the pattern, those familiar feelings and life situations that seem to sometimes repeat themselves. In episode two we decoded the deeper message. What is the discomfort and what is really going on? What is really trying to make itself a herd in the lesson? Today the third episode, we arrive at something even quieter but more profound. This is the moment where the loop finally releases you. You notice it when you are able to respond differently, when you feel peace where they used to be panic. It's not necessarily an ending but it is a shift. And let's talk about how it feels when you are finally free from the script that you didn't even know you were still acting out. Let's take a breath. Sometimes it always repeats but it doesn't always feel like a breakthrough. So let's start here. When people imagine growth or breakthrough, they picture something big, they picture tears, maybe fireworks, perhaps applause, a huge decision, a dramatic exit, a perfect boundary assertion. But when a pattern really lets go, it often feels a little bit small. Just quiet, maybe even a little uneventful, what an anticlimax. You just don't react the same way anymore and that perhaps is the loop releasing. You just don't react the same way anymore. No panic, no over explanation, no justification, no spiral, just a pause, perhaps a breath, a subtle yet different choice. These are all signs that the loop is releasing, not because you forced it, but because you stopped feeding it perhaps. And here's the perfect toy story example of that quiet shift. In toy story 2, Woody gets offered the dream deal. A forever spot in a museum where he'll be admired, preserved and never forgotten. It perhaps it sounds safe, predictable and gives Woody the opportunity for no more abandonment. He almost says yes. Perhaps he says yes or considers saying yes because the fear of being discarded of no longer being chosen is running the show that's playing in his mind. But then he remembers Andy, that imperfect kid who played with him, that kid who loved him and in that moment Woody lets go of the panic loop, the fear, let's go of the control and the need to guarantee his safety and he chooses connection instead. He doesn't throw a tantrum, doesn't make a grand speech, he just turns around and goes home. And that my friends, that's the shift. That's the shift that he notices. There's no grand gestures, just a different response that he chooses to have. A nervous system, if he had one, that would finally say something like, "I'm safe being a real, perhaps uncertain but a real person." Now that's of course if Woody was a real person. But sometimes we don't even realize it in the moment. We just think, "Huh, I didn't fall into that pattern this time." That my friend is the work being done. That's the win. That is the lesson letting you out of the loop. Here are a few gentle signs that show you you've left the loop. Even if you are not sure that you've actually done the healing, whatever that means. Firstly the emotional charge is gone. You might notice it as the trigger showing up but it doesn't grip you in the same way. Secondly you might notice that the pattern is actually happening before you act it out. This space, perhaps a gentle awareness, a beat between feeling and reacting. Thirdly you might notice that you choose differently. You don't chase, you don't prove, you don't collapse. You stay in your body, you stay with yourself. And you choose differently. Finally you might think you might feel, you might notice that there is no need to win at the moment. You're okay if things are unresolved. You're okay with letting them be. And this might be because you're more resolved. And that is the lesson loosening, breaking the loop. Now here's the thing, freedom isn't loud. Freedom is spacious. It's not always a moment of victory. Sometimes it's just a quiet refusal to avoid the pain, a quiet refusal to reenact the pain. Now take a moment, take a breath. Settle into this thought. Have you had a moment like this recently? Have you noticed a pause, a softness, a new script? Perhaps a different reaction? You might actually be further along than you realise. Now in this part of the podcast, we're going to bust a myth. You don't actually have to master the lesson. Surprise, surprise, this isn't school and there's no final exam. What you're looking for is integration. When your insight start living in your nervous system and not just your therapy notebook, that's integration. It might sound a little bit like a message that you tell yourself or something that you notice. For example, I'm still uncomfortable but I don't feel unsafe or perhaps this is hard but I don't think any less of myself. It might be something as simple as I feel sadness but not shame. That is integration. It doesn't erase the feeling. It changes your relationship with it. So perhaps don't wait for the perfect moment to prove that you're healed. Start noticing that healing means you're no longer scared of your own growth. In this part of the episode let's take a moment. It's a moment to meditate and you don't need silence or stillness. You just need you. Wherever you are, whatever you're doing, just take a moment to breathe in and gently breathe out. No special ways to control the spread. Just breathe in and out as simple and as natural as it is. Allow your mind to settle a little and when it does achieve an amount of settling that you feel comfortable with, allow it to float around and bring to mind a moment in your life. Maybe recent or maybe distant but a moment when you chose differently. When you decided, when you didn't know, when you understood that you chose differently. Maybe it was tiny, maybe no one else noticed. Maybe you paused before sending a message. Perhaps you might have said no but you didn't stop to explain. It was a no full stop. Maybe there was a moment where you felt triggered but you didn't abandon yourself. There was no meltdown. The trigger was felt but there was no meltdown. Perhaps you have an experience that you've already thought of that's a little bit different. Fill into that. Sit with that for a moment. Have you noticed that this was you stepping out of the loop? You weren't waiting for permission or mastery of the lesson. You weren't chasing safety outside of yourself. You were there with you and that's not a small thing. That's everything. Let this be your proof. This is your milestone. Not perfection but presence. If you feel like it's something that you would like to do, offer yourself a quiet affirmation. I don't need to repeat what I've already outgrown. My peace is proof that the pattern has shifted. After you've repeated that silently or out loud to yourself, I would like for you to have a moment to let that affirmation land for you. Let it settle and then greet yourself in appreciation for these moments of meditation that you've allowed yourself. Take yourself for this opportunity to meditate. Take a deep breath in and out and gently merge from the meditation and continue with your day. Right. This is an opportunity for you to keep growing but not necessarily look over your shoulder. Sometimes when the loop ends, we don't trust it. We might think, "Is this really gone?" Or "Is this the calm before the next version of the storm?" I'd like to tell you that's pretty normal. It's quite normal to have those doubts but in those moments of doubt I invite you to remember the following. You don't have to be on guard anymore. You can notice the quiet. You can notice the peace. You can let it be easy. You can keep growing but not have the rehearsal for the next emotional emergency. You've earned this ease. Now it's time to let yourself feel it. This week your reflection invitation is simple. Please will you notice one moment where you respond with peace instead of panic? It doesn't have to be a grand peace. It just has to be real. And when this happens, smile at it, mark it, name it, notice it. And you might want to tell yourself, "That was it. That was the loop letting go." So let's step back for a moment in honour where you've been. In episode 1 of Lessons From The Loop, you've noticed the pattern. In episode 2 you listened to the patterns meaning. And today in episode 3 you felt the release. You noticed the shift. Not as a performance, not as a final test. Would you notice this release as proof that something within you has softened, has strengthened and has steadied? If this series meant something for you, if something resonated, I would be so grateful if you left a review or shared it with someone who might be caught in their own loop. And whenever life meets you with a loop, may you move forward with kindness, with presence and peace. May you move forward with the quiet knowledge that you are no longer stuck and you know how to let yourself out of the loop. Thank you for walking the spiral staircase with me and until next time take care, you're doing this beautifully. I hope that you enjoyed today's conversation as much as I did putting it together and remember that building resilience is a journey, not a destination. It's about finding what works for you and celebrating the small wins while learning from the inevitable setbacks. If you enjoyed today's episode, please consider subscribing, sharing it with a friend and possibly leaving a review. Your support means the world to me and as always you can get in touch with me if you like. Stay well, keep going and remember to be kind to yourself along the way. I'll catch you next time and may you continue to be resilient.