#013 - Alaina Booth - The Death of Fun: Why Your Life Feels So Boring (And How to Come Alive Again)

Alayna Booth, round two for you and I, but round one publicly. Yes. It's a gift to have you on the show. Thank you so much for being here. I am so happy to be here. Yeah. I'm so excited. So excited. So excited. You and me both. I think what's beautiful about the fact that we have previously recorded, and it was not so far in the distant past, is that I get the opportunity to ask you what has shifted about your worldview since the last time you sat in front of me. Three out of the four weeks, I think it's been about four weeks since we've sat down, I've been in New York. Yeah. So I've not really been home, which brought up a lot of funky feelings. I've just been observing the world around me. There's a lot to observe in New York. There's a lot to observe about yourself in New York. I've been having a tougher time lately. Okay. And my head is less bubbly of a place than it normally is. What have you found challenging? Anticipating a season of change coming up, and that has just come on the horizon in the last couple weeks. I feel a call to do bigger things with my career. I feel as though it's just, you know, like you know in your gut when something's about to change, and like the discomfort that comes with that. So I've been. I've been sitting in that discomfort, and in that I've also like not been able to do a lot of the things that I really love and that really fill my cup up as much because I was in New York, I was traveling, I was less creative, I was less in my element. Yesterday I had the privilege of sitting down with a friend, he's starting a new show called like Some of Us, like something for us, something for you. And came to my apartment, I'm stranger maxing to the most. Came to my apartment, made sushi, I don't know this guy. This guy walks into my apartment with a yellow hat on. I'm going somewhere with this, I promise. This guy walks into my apartment, yellow hat on. I'm like, don't know you. Nice to meet you, Vlad. He's making me the best sushi I've ever eaten in my life. And so that was like my friend and Vlad sharing like some of their world. And then I had to share some of my world. Whatever that looks like for me. And I was like, oh, we're going to go on an intuition walk. And we're going to go on the boardwalk in Venice and we're just going to see what happens and we're going to follow our intuition. And yesterday, obviously, like with me feeling like this, it's kind of like everything feels like, oh, like, okay, like I got to kind of hype myself up. And then the second we were like together and eating sushi and going on the boardwalk, I was like, oh, I'm back. I'm back. I'm energized. I get to be around people. Like within five minutes of being in Venice, we had run into three strangers, a DJ set and like a bunch of kids making balloon animals. Come on. Come on. Come on. Come on. What has that reminded you about the thing that makes you feel most alive? It's always people. It's always like being around people and camaraderie and groups. When I was little, I always loved things like New Year's Eve or Black Friday or like things that people kind of gather around and like everybody. There's so much camaraderie. Yeah. I always wanted to be in the middle of the action. I always would tell my mom, like, why can't we move from the middle of the city? It's like way more fun there. So I think that I'm reminded when I'm in the midst of chaos and like I was in Times Square at midnight and like, you know, you watch the guy with the snake and he goes and hits up the guy with the, you know, the big speaker and then they're friends with Spider-Man. And it's just like this beautiful human place. Yeah. You, and I'm not surprised, I've already opened up like five threads that I want to go into. And I've only asked one question. I want to know about an intuition walk. I want to know what stranger maxing is. I want to know all the things that you learn about yourself when being in New York, because you mentioned New York reveals a lot about yourself. But I want to begin with, you mentioned this like shift in maybe culture. I mean, how do you, how do you know that you're not going to have a career path and unchange happening? A mentor of mine once told me that your spirit will always leave the building before your physical body does. And the reason that most people get stuck is because, not because they are unclear, but because they don't have the courage to grieve the season that they're no longer in. And it sounds like what I'm hearing you say is that there's like, it's like almost like your spirit is calling you somewhere else. How do you, how do you know? Like I have always said that I will know. And I think that's how I know, like looking at where I am at my current job, I'm like, I will know when it's time. And there's, there's a, I'm going to bring up Taylor Swift. We talked about Taylor Swift last time, but she has this song called it's time to go. And it's like, you know, in your bones when it's time to go. And I feel like, because I've always, because obviously like I work very chaotic, I work a very chaotic startup job. It's always kind of like, ah, what the hell? Like, you know, like it's always on fire. It's always crazy. And I think that like now, I don't know when the end like truly is, but I'm being called to something honestly, that's like scarier and I'm just ready to go. All in on myself and I, and, and what I have to say and what I want to create and all of those things. And I think, um, yeah, I, I, I feel very excited, but I don't feel, I, I'm nervous. Yeah, of course. You know, there's so many nerves that come with it. And like you said, like you're starting to kind of grieve. What is Elena Booth's thesis? There are so many, um, I love a thesis. First of all, when I was directing, I would always like root back to what's my current thesis that I'm trying to share with the world. Um, right now it's to show people it's two things. It's to show people that the world is a kind, good place to be despite everyone that's telling you it's not. And also that you should try, you should try more. It's not, it, you have to be seen trying. So it's, it's a split of comfort and courage that I find like where I, my magic is. So let's go down the second one. Cause that's a fascinating conversation for me. You should try more. Just take me down that rabbit hole. What does that mean? And why does that feel so pertinent to the core of what you feel here to share? I think sometimes the most powerful messages are actually very simple. Like they're like right, they're like right on the top of the big mountain of thoughts. And it's just like at the top of courage is just trying and being seen trying. And I feel like I have been speaking about that so much and people are treating it like this, it's this revolutionary thing. And I'm like, what? Like, I, I guess it's maybe just the way that I'm thinking about packaging it up, but I feel like I'm so deeply connected to the fact that like my purpose here is to inspire courage and other people and give them tools to find even like looking at the world, like the other part of my thesis, like looking at the world in a new way that takes courage, you changing your perspective, you talking to someone new, you stranger maxing that takes like a lot of courage to pull yourself out of that. Like comfortable. And I think when we, when we talk about courage in a way that's accessible and we say, Hey, it makes me nervous to try to, and like, Hey, it's probably makes you nervous to try because it's just a naturally vulnerable thing. Then I think that people can see, Oh, it's not, it doesn't come natural to people that have tried really, really big things. Like courage is so. Every single one of us has to have courage every single day. So let's, let's dissect that word then for a moment, because, um, what, what could mean courage to you might mean something else to someone else. So how would you define courage? I would define courage as a moment of decision where you say, I'm going to trust myself and I'm going to try something new. So back to that word, trying, um, the origins of my love for this. Actually come from my time when I was a cheerleader and I remember even like when I was 10, 11 years old, uh, I was a competitive cheerleader. And so I would watch people like do like cheerleading competitions, stunts, tumbling, like very nerve wracking things, especially, you know, you're doing the routine. You can not drop that stunt. Like it's very scary. Um, and there's a really magical moment when someone's doing their routine and you can almost see it in their eyes. where they're looking down or fidgeting, or like looking aside. And like, there's this moment where they just kind of take a deep breath and they go. And it's like, that has always actually just made me tear up. Like watching someone make that decision of saying, I'm no longer choosing to sit in this, I am choosing to move forward. And I will be confident in this like, new path, because I've just decided that I'm going to be courageous. And so that's actually the birth of it for me was like my time cheerleading. And I think that we have those moments every single day in our lives, metaphorically, whether you know, you can physically see that moment, I just remember that being a really powerful one for me. From the brief understanding that I have of you in our last conversation, it sounds like the early seeds of that sort of internal feminine confidence have been instilled in you. By your mom, how do you sort of reflect upon that and what she gave you? My mom is so like steadfast, cool. Like she's so, it never wavers. It she's always just the coolest, most courageous, going to move forward, social butterfly, energetic, like she is everything to me, just to start with. But my mom tells a story that I've never heard before. When she was younger about like, my dad left very early on. And so she was a single mom, like pretty immediately. And she, she would always talk about these experiences that were really traumatic. Now that I'm an adult, and you realize, you know, what your parents go through. You're like, Oh, my gosh, I don't know how you made it through that with a newborn baby. And you were cheated on. You were like, I don't know how you made it through that with a newborn baby. Like, with a baby being like, how am I going to do this? You know? And I remember her telling me, like, so simply, but like, what was I going to do cry about it? It's like, Oh, that's it's that simple. Like, you literally just have to keep going. And I think like that choice in itself was that exact moment that I just described the moment of like, Oh, my gosh, I could sit in this and continue in this or I could just decide. Like, my mom decides really quickly, like, this is no longer for me. And therefore, I need to move forward. And even like, there's been a couple times like later in our life, in our like adult life together, where I've been like, what is up? Like, you normally make decisions really quickly when you're not happy. And I've heard you complain about this thing over and over and over. And there's usually some sort of behind the scenes reason that I don't know. But because I know her as a decisive person, where she says, Nope, this is no longer serving me and my daughter. We're moving on. With love. We're moving on with love. You know, and I watched her make a lot of really amazing decisions. I think at the same time, I watched her make a lot of not amazing decisions because she's a human being. And that has instilled a level of self acceptance for myself. Because I never once saw her be like, I should have done this or I should have done that or I messed up like she always was just kind of like, well, of course, it's like my first time doing all this. Of course, like my first time living. And I really appreciate watching almost like being a kid watching an adult mess up and have grace for themselves is like, not something that a lot of people get. Because now I am an adult and I have so much grace for when I mess up or I don't know. I'm like, oh, duh. It sounds like that that is part of the formula for courage. And what I mean by that is, I remember talking to this guy once, in many ways was a godsend in my life, Juvon Langford. And I was on the precipice of leading my first ever men's workshop at Princeton, Georgetown University. And he asked me, I was on a Zoom call with him. He said, how are you feeling? And I went on this big long rant as to how I was feeling. And at some point in my rant, I must have said, you know, I'm a little nervous because I'm new at this. And he, and I kept going and he said, what was that you just said? And I said, I'm a little nervous because I'm new at this. And he said, say that last part one more time. I'm new at this. And he said, Billy, let yourself be new at this. And I think one of the greatest challenges for people that interrupts their ability to be courageous is that they don't allow themselves to be new at this. Yes. I know where to go with this. Take me. I, this is my, I have a creative career. This is a lot of creative courage and how it actually, how you actually get like reps in as a creative is a willingness to be bad at something, willingness to make a mess, um, willingness to get like too far down a certain rabbit hole and scrap it and start over again. And like, there's one of my rules when we're creating or like I'm sitting down with someone and we're throwing out ideas is like, what's the worst way to say it? What's a bad draft. Give me the worst, the worst way you could possibly say it. And like that, then I'm like, I'm not going to say it. I'm not going to say it. And like, I love creating spaces. That's another space of courage. Like just have the courage to do it bad, have the courage to be a beginner at a specific creative practice in the sense. And that's how you start to get better because eventually we'll synthesize all of the bad. Yes. Yeah. And we'll get there. Yeah. You know, and some times inside the thing that you think is bad is actually the gem that's going to lead to the thing that will be, I was speaking to a friend of mine who used to be an actor. Uh, and I said to him on the phone, it was actually his wife. I said to her on the phone, like, I don't know if I'm going to, I can't figure out how to ask this question. Right. And she said, that's okay. Ask it wrong. It's like, Whoa, I've never heard it like that. Now I have permission to not get stopped because I don't have the words yet. Just, just go and you'll put it together as you go. That's beautiful. It's like giving yourself, I'm giving myself permission to make the wrong decision. I'm, I'm giving myself and I'm giving myself permission to make the wrong decision and therefore like fail as some people might see it. And if I can give myself permission to do that, then wow, how much easier it is to try. Yeah. Powerful. What a beautiful closing of a chapter that is because I want to ask you now to summarize what stranger maxing is. What is that? Stranger maxing. I've been really into like maxing. I know that's a trend, but like life maxing, stranger maxing, whimsy maxing, new one. Whimsy maxing. Okay. Tell me, tell me what, let's start with whimsy maxing. What is whimsy maxing? Whimsy maxing is when you romanticize everything about life. So like, instead of like throwing a dinner party, it's like, Hey, we're throwing a dinner party and you have to dress up like your object, whether that's a Kiwi or I don't know, a tree or maybe a lizard. Like, why would we not do that? You know, why would we not like celebrate life? Being whimsy is treating everything like it's a special occasion because every day is like every day is a new special occasion. So whimsy maxing is stranger maxing. Stranger maxing is exactly what it sounds like. Basically just making the most of. Like when you have surface area to go like meet a new stranger, you make the most of it. And I think that that really involves like being open. Something that I noticed about yesterday, yesterday I went on a walk with some friends and we were on like a stranger maxing walk. Ollie is the king of strangers. Yes. So you, so you, you are familiar. Yes. Um, and I was nervous because, you know, obviously we, we were doing it for their show and I was kind of like, well, I don't really know, like, I don't really plan these things, like these strange interactions. I don't like just like go up to people and they just happen. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And so like in the process of doing that, we like walked out the door and like literally there was like a man standing right at the door who was just like, hi. And I was like, perfect. Like, this is amazing. Um, and I think that being able to stranger max, like literally eye contact and being open and having time, that's it. Like, I think those are the three elements you need to make eye contact because not many people do. You need to be open. Like, even if this person is not quite like, like be open to discovering their energy. I think sometimes like, sometimes I'll get into it and be like, oh, this person is not safe. Oh, or, oh, this person's like safe. They're just different. Or like, oh, this person's like really similar to me. That's a powerful distinction. You know, difference between someone being not safe and just being different. And oftentimes we get those two confused and that might, interrupt the ability for us to connect with people that might, like, I've never heard it put that way. Like that, that there is a difference between someone being not safe and just being different. That's really powerful. I think I, I often try to be the friend that's like, guys, that person's not threatening. Like, you know, in your gut, like we were talking about earlier, when someone is or like this is not a safe situation for me. Um, but then sometimes people are just kind of fun and kooky. My mom would always say like, the world takes all kinds. The world takes all kinds. And yeah, I think that's the, it's being open to someone being different. And then the third one is having time. I think if you're in a rush, you're never going to be able to stranger max because you never have time for other people. Like you perceive that you never have time for other people. Of course, you're going to act accordingly. It's really powerful. Reminds me of, um, I heard Jay Shetty say once that people don't want all of your time. They want all of you in the time that you have. And oftentimes people miss people because like you said, the rush is an energy. It's like you can have one minute and still not be rushed. You can have 10 seconds and still not be rushed. Presence is not about the amount of time you have. It's about bringing all of you to this moment. And that's what I'm hearing you say. So let's, so I just want to make sure I understand this correctly. The formula for stranger maxing. Yeah. Okay. Eye contact, um, being open to like understanding people's energy, being open enough to almost give them a chance. It sounds like, and then the ability to give them time or give it time. Anything else I'm missing that you'd add to, uh, if someone wants. No, I think those three are, those three cover it. Okay. Beautiful. Any other maxing concepts that we're going to go into before we, before we shift gears here? I think, you know, I don't know how we're going to shift gears, but life maxing is often, I think, confused. And, and how I see it, like I see life maxing from, you know, the outside might look like, oh, I want to like live. Live life to the fullest. And I want to have like this bucket list summer. And I like, it's very external, but I think life maxing is allowing experiences to be like, whatever they are to the fullest. So like allowing yourself to be really sad and allowing yourself to feel really fully, that is like such a beautiful thing about life. Like, why would we, why would we skirt that away and avoid that? That's like such a beautiful thing that we can do. Yeah. So I think like life max. Life maxing is often mistaken as an external thing when it's really like, how can you make the most of your own internal experiences, whether they're good or bad. One of the things I've been most inspired by, by you is your ability to keep your childlike spirit alive. And I think we, as just as species are very quick to want to like almost collapse childish, which I think is really important. Childlike. And so we throw it all out. But, um, there's a sense of aliveness to you that I think a lot of, uh, like growing adult people have lost in their life. And so I'm really curious to know what have you done and how do you, how have you been able to keep that childlike spirit? So potent. Great question. Um, I think that I, um, willing to be embarrassed. That's the first thing that comes to mind. Um, or willing to be like not perceived as cool. Um, I think I'm really cool. Like I really do. I genuinely am confident enough to say that I, I really think I'm cool, but I don't know if like everything I do is perceived as cool. And I, I'm thinking about last night we were doing the limbo with these long balloons in front of us. of this dj set that's going on in venice beach and like i feel like you know a lot of people are just kind of passing by observing and i'm like there's the negative thought that's like oh this looks so lame and then there's like the main thought that's like oh this is so fun like this is genuinely so fun and so as long as always that thought is driving that oh this is genuinely so fun like as long as that thought drives i can be as childlike and like perceived as uncool as i want um i do think like it becomes a challenge sometimes because i'm also confident enough to tell you i'm really good at business like i'm really good at my job and i'm really professional and i can be really direct yeah and that's quite a surprise like when i when i get like strategic brain i think that's quite a surprise to some people who only perceive me as the 10 20 percent of my personality that they have boxed me into which is this like bubbly like girl like which is so me that is so me but like also i can be really strategic and really good at business and like a baddie in that way and you called it last time a baddie business a business baddie business three three b you gave it a name last time some b business bad i don't know you decoded it we'll figure it out if we remember anyway keep going i must have yeah i must have brought that up because it's a very it's always been a thing and it's kind of like a fun superpower of like oh you don't take me i can tell when someone doesn't take me seriously like when i meet them and then like watching that discovery of them be like oh oh oh it's like kind of fun for me like the she's legit yeah mm-hmm yeah i don't know what was the question have you been able to keep your child like spirit so alive oh yeah um let's see if there's anything else no willing to be embarrassed willing to be perceived as uncool i think the most important thing that i'm hearing is that beyond the voice that is afraid of being judged or perceived as weird or whatever that narrative might be there is a deeper intuitive knowing as to what's fun and what's not and if you can get beyond that voice you can hear and the intuition like that intuitive sense is the child in us that knows the way i love that absolutely i think the one thing that i would add to this sense of intuition is like if you don't have room for it it will not happen and so like creating spontaneity and novelty and the space for childlike things to come into your life like for you to be able to dance on the side of the street or um i you know i don't know i don't know if i'm able to dance on the side of the street i want to put on my summer bucket list like i want to go through a car wash in the back of a pickup truck like okay we have to do that you know like we have to be creating bucket lists and infusing that in our lives or else i think that we're gonna get i can feel myself right now like getting too deep into routine and like i've got no area for play no surface area in my life for play and that is a problem use the word novelty and variety last time i think with the words you used it sounds like that is a part of how you feel about yourself and how you feel about yourself and how you feel about this part of you alive like there has to be variety yeah i i think i i described an experience when i was in college where i went through this time where i was incredibly disciplined i looked up to someone who was the most disciplined person that i've ever met like every day wake up 4 a.m working meditating like insane morning routine and i was like that must be the way yeah that must be the way and so i started doing that i was miserable yeah i know i was so miserable and i had now realized like that that's just not for me i have like enough routine obviously to be like a functioning human being but like no no i cannot i cannot box myself into like all of these different steps that actually they actually don't make me feel alive yeah they make me feel terrible yeah we just had a conversation before this with cory richards on the podcast and we were talking about how like in many ways the longevity movement is a scam and the reason that it's not a scam is because he and i share in that sentiment is because so much of it is derived from this perspective that if you can finally get it right you'll be okay to like go out in the world you know like if you can do the morning routine and you can wake up at the exact time and you can do the breath work and then do that it's like you'll finally be okay to live but the underlying narrative that's fueling so much of the movement is that i'm not okay to be myself right now yeah you know yeah and like these morning routines are like an attempt to sort of survive and i'm not okay to be myself right now perfect the image that is us so that we can then go out in the world and be um authentic but i think the ability to be authentic in the absence of all of these mechanisms that we use to get there is a really beautiful thing it's like feeling it's like thinking that you're gonna be healed like i don't think we ever arrive there it's just like an evergreen process of healing and then getting hurt again and like continuing to heal and getting hurt again like that's life yeah we're not going to arrive there it's like thinking that you're gonna get through your to-do list yeah you're just not that's that's awesome what a world i saw someone say one time like i love that we live in a world where people get up every day and they say this is not enough this is not enough i want more i think i can do more i think we can do more as a society like what a amazing thing but where's the line of like being intent that's always the line i'm trying to find and what have you discovered it's really hard um I do think, like, my, where, like, it's not, it's never enough for me. Like, I always, like, am going and striving and wanting more and building the next thing. But at the same time, like, I deeply love my life. Like, and if I can stay grounded in, like, looking out the window and be like, oh, it's literally fine, look out the window. Yeah. Like, also, like, my mom is healthy and, like, I have legs that work. Like, staying grounded in the things that, the very basic things that we overlook and we can be grateful for. It sounds easy, but it's just so effective. Yeah. You know? It's like, it reminds me of that story of the guy. I think I can run a bunch of the story, but this young man goes to the house of this, like, of this sage. And the sage is having a party. And the sage is in the middle of a conversation when the boy gets there, but the boy really wants to meet the sage. And the sage says, it's okay. It's just like, while you're waiting for me. Here's. Here's a spoon with oil on the spoon. And I just want you to go and look at all the paintings in my house and then come back to me. So the boy goes and he takes the spoon with him and he walks around the house. He gets back and he says, wow, I saw. And he describes all these magical paintings. And the sage looks down at him and says, but where's the oil on the spoon? And the oil, he'd forgotten about the spoon and the oil had dripped off. And he says, so go back again and don't forget about the oil. Don't let the oil drop. So he goes all the way around. And he comes back and he says, look, the oil's still on the spoon. And he says, well, did you see this? And he named something. It's like, no, I didn't see it. And he says, the secret of life is to be able to see all the wonders of the world without forgetting about the drops of oil on the spoon. What a crazy story. Yeah. The ability to be present in the pursuit of everything that you're calling in. I think something that makes it easier is. Actually, like a reframe of it's not enough. I'm going to reframe myself here. Like. How fun of a game that I get to play every day and see like this discovery, this experimentation, like. What a privilege it is to have all of these, to have legs that work, to have a mom that's healthy, to where like every day, every day I can just get up and play this like fun game. Yeah. Oh, what's going to happen now? Like. Yeah. That is riveting and fun. Totally. That's such a powerful reframe because, yeah, there is, there is the world of people that would see this narrative of it's not enough as like emanating from a wound. I need more to go. No, no, no. It's not that it's not enough. It's how fun it is that I get to play this game and be really fucking good at it and dominate in this, in this game. Magic. I haven't gotten this out of my head. And. I just have to bring it back up again because it's, it's one of the most fascinating takes I've heard on sort of bringing people together and keeping the nostalgia alive in life. And it's this, this, the honey house analogy. And I just couldn't go through the fullness and the totality of this conversation without asking you to tell me once again about the honey house. Yeah. It was the best time of my life. Like I've, I've yet to find as tight knit of a community. As I did. Um, I was even thinking about it today and I was driving around looking at people sitting in a diner and I was like, I wish I was in a diner with my honey house friends. I feel like it, when you're living with people that close knit, it's like, Hey, I'm going to target want to come and you're in target and then you're making a video and then you're having fun. And then you're like, Oh, and we should go here. And what about that? And like things just unfold because you're in proximity to each other. Yeah. It was a very special time. It was a very special time of connection, especially during COVID. Like those were my only people that I saw pretty much. So the best story is towards the end of our time there. I would, I would really dread looking at like all of our photos on the wall and knowing that I was going to have to take them down soon. So I waited until like the very, very last day to do that. And it was like probably the last week before we graduated. We were sitting outside. And the special moment happens where this woman pulls up and she's like driving really slow and we're in bathing suits. So we're like, what are you looking at? Yeah. You know, and, um, she rolls down her window and says like, hi, like I used to live here. Like, I just wanted to drive by and see if girls still live here. It was so special for me and my friends. And we, you know, jump up. We're like, Oh, park the car. Come in, come in, come in. She comes in and it was just a really. It was a really special experience watching her walk through this house that like meant so much to her. Like I, I deeply believe in like spaces and how much they hold for us and how much joy they elicit for us. Like we, we don't, I don't think realize how important our spaces are. And the space that was so important to us obviously was so important to her. She's like, Oh my gosh, like this was Mary's room. And like Aaron was here. And I, I don't even think this existed or they moved this. Is this still here? And as we were walking through the house, like I, I was just so awestruck. I didn't even have words like watching her go through it. And I was like, this is going to be me in 20 years at this house still standing. So she left. She sent us a letter that was like, thank you girls for letting me walk through the house. And I made a video. I made a couple of videos about this experience. I didn't have any traction. I didn't have any audience on TikTok at all. I was just like, this is so cool. Um, and when I put the video, I was like the woman who came and walked through our house, she sent us this letter and it started to go viral. It started to gain traction. And before I knew it, like I had a series of about five videos about the experience and women commenting under being like, I lived there in 2011. Like. I lived there in 98. I lived there like 2002. Like probably about like six different eras of the house had found the video, which I think is so special about the internet. The amount I make a lot of like found, I make a lot of found footage videos. The amount of people that find themselves in my videos and will DM me and be like, oh my gosh, Sorrento last July. I'm like, yes, Sorrento last July. Like it is really, really magical when that happens. And I think that's like the internet's. Pride. That's the internet behaving on its best behavior, you know, and it was just the most magical thing to watch. To watch this woman relive that why it's so important now to have communities like that. I don't know. I think it's my for you page, maybe a little biased, but the only things that are really resonating with me right now are like groups of people. I just like put myself out there maybe like maybe there will be a pocket of community that I could find that makes me feel like this. So I think that's why so many people resonate with the Honey House story. And also, it's just a very it's also a story of change. It's a story of transition. The Honey House was really special because we lived there for two years and two years only. Yeah. If I was still there, it would feel wrong. The number of men that are like in their 40s still trying to be in college. Yeah. Like the season hasn't the season's ended. Yeah. Yeah. Ended. Exactly. Exactly. And it's it's only like really precious to me because it ended. And it's me me having to take down those photos from that wall sobbed. But like those being a memory is why that was so special. Yeah. Because it couldn't last forever. Yeah. Yeah. Things are only precious because they will come to an end. How could you. If you could sort of create a formula for I know kind of connection is so like we might never be able to decode the formula for what true how you got to manufacture connection. But like if you could create a formula for what it takes to really develop a sense of connection to another human being, what would it be? I think this is a great question for me because I spent years directing and interviewing. People and a lot of directing is how do I connect with this person to where they don't realize there's a camera between us? Yes. And so you you almost have to be a little bit formulaic about it. Like you have to think about how to approach. How to approach things very quickly because I don't have a lot of time. We've got a tight shoot schedule, you know. And the biggest, easiest way to connect with someone is just to be vulnerable. It's to laugh at yourself, is to be honest about your strengths, be honest about your weaknesses. I think when you can elicit confidence and assuredness that says, hey, you're safe to be confident and assured as well here. And I made a video about like the most charismatic people in the room. So those people that like people just naturally feel connected to. They're not expecting anything from you. They don't ask you to like be something that you're not. They don't ask you to be something that you're not. Or whatever you bring to them is going to be good enough for them. And I think that is like the secret to connection is like there's a vulnerability on both sides. And some but someone has to initiate that safety. Like someone has to do that. The vulnerable thing first before the other person says, oh, this person is safe. Like, I think one of the ways that I do it so random, but like I cuss. I'll just cuss in front of someone. Yeah, that's it. That's a barrier down. Yeah. Like, yeah. Oh, you feel comfortable around me to say the word fuck. Yeah. Oh, okay, cool. Like, and so I'll cuss. We'll laugh. I'll make a joke. I'll say some sort of like self deprecating comment. And like, all of a sudden, it's safe for you. Yeah. You know? Yeah. Basically, his early upbringing is his sort of journey into rap. And then inevitably, it ends right as he is sort of making his sort of public courageous declaration that this is who I am on stage. And he's in a rap battle. I'm in the final rap battle. It's like improv. So it's him versus the other guy. And the guy says, like, they flip a coin and the guy says, Okay, you go first. And Eminem spends the entire, whatever it is, 90 seconds of the rap battle. Typically, you're like talking shit about the other person. And he spends the entire 90 seconds talking shit about himself. It's like, I am white. I am a fucking bum. I do live in a trailer with my mom. And he goes on this entire rant that's basically like, like, dropping the walls or any possible weapon that that guy could have on him. Mm hmm. Mm hmm. Yeah. And so you almost pick different versions of yourself to present to different people. And now I'm like, actually, as long as I'm just fully myself, they're going to receive it how they're going to receive it. And it's, it usually goes well. Like, I still am able to connect because there's a sureness. There's a sure, sure feeling about like what I'm telling you. Yeah. About myself. Yeah. So it's like, if you don't accept that, then I actually feel like it's kind of on you and a lack of sureness about yourself, you know? And also on the other side, how many people are waiting for you to be who you are as a permission slip for them to be able to express themselves in that way too. And if we deny ourself the ability to be the fullness of that, like, to chameleon yourself is actually denying other people the opportunity to be who they are. Mm hmm. You know? Yeah. When you dance so that others can dance. Yeah. You dance first so that others feel like, oh my gosh, I can dance. Mm hmm. Somebody has to do it first though. Yeah. You know? Sounds like you've been the one to, in your life to, at least more recently to be that person. Well, you just see how many people benefit from it. You see how many people say like, I actually have been thinking that, or like, I felt that too. Yeah. Or I realized that. I really wanted to do that, but I was like afraid to. Yeah. And then to be able to be that person and then, then you bring others into the dance and then they realize it's not that scary and then they do it for other people. It's just this ripple effect of beautiful confidence and connection that you, like someone has to have the courage to start it. Courage. Courage. Here we are again. Yeah. I was going to ask you this question and I, I don't want to assume the answer because, I mean, we may have already, you may have already answered it and you may say the same thing, but if you had a piece of code that you could download into every human on earth. What would it be? What would that code be? Yeah. If other people can do it, then so can you. If someone else has figured it out before, so can you. If someone else has tried it, why can't you? Like, why not you? I think that, that would be like, if I were to get a tattoo, like it would be either so can I, or like, why not you? Just that piece of encouragement to try and to go or leap. Why does that, those three words in particular feel so pertinent for you? Why not you? I think a lot of this is, a lot of the things I say are pep talks I've had to give myself. Like, that's the, that's the beautiful thing about it is like, it's not natural. I have to say it to myself. Yeah. Like, in any situation where I've been like, I'm not really sure if I can do this. It's like, well, someone else has figured it out in the world. Literally in the whole world, someone else has figured it out. It's like, well, someone else has figured it out. So why can't you? You're just as capable. Everybody is like, no one is like that special. You can figure it out. And so I think like, it's a, it's a encouragement that I've had to come back to. Because, again, courage is not natural. It's. Yeah, I was gonna, I want to go there. Like, was there ever a time in which you have, obviously the world. or to not be okay with myself being different that was like i would put on an outfit i remember like that i liked and i would bring a sweatshirt to school just in case you know and i would wear the sweatshirt all day because i was just like i just don't i feel like this is like too different or whatever and um I think that over time I just flipped the script on like what's cool and instead of blending in or being accepted I found that like actually just being a nice awesome person like who you were is actually like the cool thing to do I looked up to Kate Middleton a ton like when I was in like middle and high school of being like oh she's so cool like she is so giving and kind and open like versus you think like royalty when you're growing up as a child you're like you know stuck up and the queen and whatever and I was like that was an interesting flip on its head because I was like oh if that's what's actually cool and so it doesn't really matter like what anybody thinks is cool in like middle school or high school like I I do think I have the gift of always knowing like always seeing the long term and knowing like oh this is just middle school oh this is just like everybody being in high school and prioritizing these specific traits about being cool but like long term what's going to be the cool thing is like being a sick person you know like in like in like a good way like being a dope ass person you know long term what is gonna be the thing is to be a dope person yeah sick person yeah and so like how can I just like develop myself as a person spend less time like I want the last thing like how I look how I dress is like the least interesting thing about me the about all of us like I think we get it twisted sometimes though especially here in LA it's hard to remember that yeah it's hard to remember like oh my gosh okay like it's not about being hot it's about who you are you know so but yeah I I do think I love I love becoming by Michelle Obama so much I brought it up yesterday with Orly because at every single inflection point in her life and and between every transition she would have to ask herself like am I enough for this hmm and you see this like super poised well-spoken funny personable woman and you're like must be just so effortless for you yeah nope has had to build the bricks of that over years of every single point being like I got this I'm enough I'm gonna I'm gonna show up anyway yeah yeah and that encourages me so much yeah there's something that you shared and we touched on briefly last time two things that I've thought about a lot and the first was you said something that is not controversial but was deemed quite controversial and that is something along the lines of humanity being good yeah why why was that taken so controversially do you think I back in February I made a video and the caption was but what if most people are good and I did not I did not expect it to be controversial but in the comments have become just a cat fight of well haven't you seen the world and or like yeah most people are good but the billionaires suck and like um like this is so insensitive like there are people that are hurting there are people that are dying like I get probably a comment every single day that's like that and so I do think that you know it comes down to the fact that my content is a mirror for how someone sees the world yeah so how that piece of content is going to meet you is a direct reflection of your experiences your worldview like the things that maybe religion has taught you or whatever you're consuming is teaching you yeah so it's either a moment of relief or a moment of outrage when that video comes up on on the page yeah and I think just going through some of the comments and realizing like how hurt people are it's so sad and at the same time some people will leave comments that are like how dare you make this knowing what's going on in the world and I recently responded to one I don't normally respond to all of them um but I responded to this one because it was a very thoughtful like it was very it was not hatred it was very thoughtful and I said what did it say what did the comment say it was like I hear you but I can't see the world like this because of everything going on in Gaza and the war and Iran and our president and the country and I said you know like I hear you and I experience like that pain too I'm also a citizen of this country watching what's going down in the world but none of that is in my control like none of that I have really any power over I can't no matter how hard I try I can't get Donald Trump out of office no matter how hard I try I can't fix the crises that are going on in the world what what is in my control is I can make one piece of content that maybe gives you a little bit of hope or I can host a dinner with my friends or I can host a community group like I live by the saying like maybe this is my code maybe like this is another piece of my code is like there's no amount of good energy there's no amount of good energy there's no amount of good energy there's no that is ever wasted ever when you put something good out into the world that is clocked immediately by the world and it will never ever ever ever be a waste of time or energy no matter who sees it no matter if anything like external actually comes from that and I feel strongly about my page being a reflection of that thought it does not matter if it gets one view it does not matter if it pisses some people off I know when I'm putting out goodness and I know when I'm putting that is never a wasted effort so I wish more people had would see that the world is like you know what I can't solve everything but I can make a one percent impact on how people see it there's no amount of good energy what's the quote there's no amount of good energy that is wasted that is wasted break that down even further for me like what does that what does that mean who who you are and like how you see the world is like an in it's an internal building it's an internal process and so like the more you put deposits into the good energy bucket like that is a help that's a very holistic approach to the world so it's like if I decide to stack this is like this is like a small example if I decide okay everybody at the TSA line you know it's everybody's like first day living in the airport and they don't know that they're supposed to stack their TSA bin but if I just like take the extra mile I'm not doing anything I'm just like I'm just like I'm just I don't have my phone with me I've got nothing to do I'm just gonna stack the bins like that's not wasted effort I have done something good in the world maybe someone saw me do good in the world maybe they were then encouraged to go pass that on maybe like everything is like a ripple effect and you you won't usually get to see though the ripple effects that are actually coming from the goodness that you're doing but you can't stop doing it you have to just know that they exist that's a really powerful philosophy I really love that philosophy no amount of good energy is wasted yeah I don't feel like I explained it super well keep going I just if you have more you want to say I think that's a really deeply powerful philosophy I mean the number of times I just like in the TSA example that I go to the TSA and I see the bins everywhere and I just walk past the bins because I don't have time yeah no amount of good energy is wasted yeah it's really powerful I think that also that's a really powerful philosophy I think that's a really powerful philosophy that speaks to integrity which is like one I would say my top value like I I don't want to I really I'm not going to be perfect in my life but I don't want to walk away from this life even sacrificing one percent if it's a choice like I don't want to be like oh 99 of integrity like I want to be a hundred percent so what yeah what is define integrity integrity for you knowing knowing that you made the right decision even if it was very tough knowing that you always did the right thing even if it was very tough right by people you always you always did the right thing and in your gut you know what the right thing to do is I'm even like I'm in like a little bit of a situation right now where I I like know what the right thing is even if it's like not good for business I think a lot of us like you know in jobs have to deal with that and it's like this is not great for business but this is deeply the right thing to do and by this person and I just like don't I want to like sit on my deathbed and be like at every single inflection point I always chose to do the right thing yeah it's powerful but also foresee like that is that is a that is the precursor to massive amounts of self-trust and self-love to recognize that you did not choose the outcome over like you did not choose the outcome over the outcome over the compromise your value system to do what you thought was gonna move you forward in some area that's really yeah i think that might be one of the hardest choices that we as humans have to make is like when our value system comes into conflict with external accolade you know and what we do in the face of that i think defines the character that is us and it also like you can lie to the world but you can't you can't lie to your own spirit like there is a subtle eroding self-trust that i think happens every time you compromise your own value system despite what it's bringing you you know and that's why that's why i like the long term so powerful the long-term thinking is always like oh i don't have to sacrifice on this decision because i know where i'm going i feel so confident in where i'm going so me not necessarily being shiny right now or like other people winning i can clap for them really loudly because one day i will be in the place where people are clapping for me and i would hope that they're clapping for me and i'm gonna do it my way i'm gonna do it the right way yeah and and that's the that's the long-term thinking that comes into play yeah in like everything that i do in like the way that i try to live um we're decoding sort of like a elena booth 10 commandments on living we are kind of your people like never compromise your values let's let's just decode can we if we were to create like a a 10 commandments yeah outlines elena booth's philosophy on life yeah if someone was to print this out and put it on their wall yeah what would it be i feel like we've gone through a lot of them okay let's label some of them that feel pertinent to you okay i mean if other people can do it so can you the world is a good safe place to be no amount of good energy is ever wasted i'd rather arrive at the top as me than sacrificing any of myself in the process the easy way to do that is to sacrifice yourself and sacrifice yourself easiest way to connect with someone is to expect nothing from them bang commandment let's go back to the one before you you said it but you said it in sentence form so i want to break it down into a few words you said uh i would rather arrive to the top of the mountain as myself than compromise who i am along the way yeah okay commandment form never compromise who you are to get closer to the top of the mountain amazing okay that's five six we got five more you're pushing me this is crazy um oh you've got to keep joy visible joy has to be visible okay i'm gonna put i'm gonna i'm gonna put that one on the shelf and come back to that one because i want to dissect that with you that's six got to keep joy visible seven now i'm anxious i'm gonna forget them like i'm gonna go home be like oh this one oh how you do you can submit a bonus or put it in the show notes if you if you find any bonuses when you leave um okay check the show notes in case i had a bonus um very in relation to the others that i've said but how you do anything is how you do everything powerful that's one of my that would be number one in my commandments how you do one thing is how you do everything okay eight life is not meant to be a punishment it should be fun boom nine oh gosh you're pushing me um great be graceful with yourself when you change your mind nine now we have the last one ten no no pressure on the ten well you can do ten and a bonus you could bring a bonus in actually it comes down to the quote that i shared with you before this it's like pay attention be astonished and tell about it it's a mary oliver quote and i've been thinking i cannot get it out of my head right now and i feel as though you we are not doing any of those enough as a society we are not paying attention enough we are not allowing ourselves to be astonished enough and we are not telling enough people when we are astonished so that i'm gonna add that one close it up with a big red bow that's amazing pay attention be astonished tell about it what does that mean to you it means three parts the first part pay attention i think i often get comments from people that are like how do you run into these people that you make these videos of because i often will just kind of be a fly on the wall see a beautiful moment happening and i'll just film it and everybody is always like how do you run into these people i'm like you are running into these people too you're just not paying attention or you're not allowing your heart to be like tugged by that yeah like i i do have the privilege of my job being observe observe humanity and capture it i was a videographer for seven years so like naturally i'm always looking for like the emotion to happen um but i don't i don't think that we are really primed to pay attention right now everything wants our attention i don't blame anybody like there's an ad here there's noise here there's your phone there's like everything you have to do like there's so much noise but like how how can we increasingly like i am not an expert at this like this is it's very hard to like put the noise aside and be like let me lean into this moment there's something special happening here yeah so paying attention being astonished i think that's where like the child like wonder comes in is like you can be astonished about anything and everything you can be astonished that there is somehow running water coming up to this house where did that come from yeah like how is the fridge being connected to the electricity yeah you can be astonished about anything it's just like actually how much you train your brain to pick up on the astonishing things in the world and then tell about it i don't think that we are sharing enough of the good we are often quick to complain or be negative or what's wrong with our life or you know the news all of the things that i was talking about earlier in the comments of you know life-sucking yeah and i wish we would tell more about the good stuff and before you were here we had i shared this with you but we had cory richards on the show he was a he photographed for national geographic for the better part of a decade plus and we got into this concept of because i was asking him i read his book called the color of everything and it's a really poetic beautiful read i recommend it to anyone like one of the most like beautiful reads i've i've had in a long time we got into this concept of like what it takes today to really be connected is to build an intimate relationship with reality oh build an intimate relationship with reality and it sounds like all these people that you're describing that are wondering how you find these moments you just have an intimate relationship with reality and you're going around looking for moments that reflect that back to you like reality is always there yeah just are you intimate enough with it yeah i think that's it's actually funny that you bring up this relationship with reality because it's something i've been accepting about myself lately is as a creative person and a director i'm actually not that imaginative like i i do not i'm not very like fantastic with my like creativity in where i'm thinking about like this new world or like i i'm not drawn to like fiction or game of thrones or like like those kind of like fantasy things i'm very drawn to what's actually happening i love biographies i love documentaries i like documentaries about i love documentaries about cults i have no idea how that happens and like the power dynamics that happen and i'm like i don't know how that happens and like just random things like that are people's real lives yeah and i've realized a lot of my creativity is actually very observational and synthesizing but to say that to people when you're like i'm a director and i want to be a founder like that's what i want to do they're like not gonna be able to do that if you're not imaginative and i'm kind of like okay don't listen okay don't listen like i know that what i have is super magical and it's because i'm so inspired by the real world like i i'm so inspired by the real things that happen i don't need to make up new worlds that's so good when you're when you're so inspired by the real world you don't have to make up new worlds that's yeah that's like very scary to admit as a creative person though because then everybody's kind of like oh so you must not be good yeah but also on the other side of it is like or maybe they don't have their eyes open enough to experience what's already here true and you do and then the magic is your ability to take what's already here and to just bring it to the ether and be like excuse me like you're missing this you're missing you're missing this don't miss it there's been other times in my life too where people have been like oh you can't you're not going to be able to do that if you're like this and like it's never it's never been true it's never held me back or maybe be like oh why shouldn't do that then yeah you know yeah tell me what it means to keep joy close keeping joy close keeping joy visible really is like the main thing um i think that we in our mad rush of life are always like well i'm i'm always traveling or i'm always moving around like there's no point in actually cultivating things in my physical environment that remind me of joy like it feels especially when you live in like a transient city kind of like new york or la everybody's kind of like well i just travel and i move all the time so i'm not going to make my physical space something that's like really inspiring to me and you know i i feel like we've been spending a lot of time and like not talking about like physical object we've been like in idea world right now but like i want to talk about how important it is to be able to be able to be able to be able to be able to literally look at where you are living and how much joy you are putting in the space like i keep quotes that inspire me everywhere they ground me they remind me what's important they remind me what i'm working towards they remind me what i'm working on as a person um i keep photos everywhere because i might have a really bad day i'm walking into my apartment i have a shitty day at work i can look at the wall and say oh but look i've had good days before it is like the most the simplest most primal like oh yeah wait i've experienced joy before oh wait i have people that love me oh i've been to these cool places right that's my identity like it it's an it's immediate reset when you can keep things at the forefront of oh right i've experienced joy before i have people that love me this will come back to me once again that's what it means to me to keep joy at the forefront i don't think there's any better way to close it out than keeping joy at the front of our lives in a world that maybe is largely stripped of it you didn't have to do this again we lost the footage and the drive got corrupted and i know that you are a very busy woman and you i'm sure take your like your time matters and you chose to you chose to do this again with us why i really believe in what you guys are doing and the way that you're conducting conversations feels incredible thank you the final thing where for the people who've listened to this and are deeply interested in this is that you're not the only person who's listening to this and you're not the only one who's listening to this and you're not the only one who's listening to this and you're not the only one who's listening final thing where for the people who've listened to this and are deeply inspired by you and what you're putting out in the world um where can people find you and what's on the horizon people can find me on my instagram it's at lena booth and my sub stack i've been writing more on sub stack i haven't written in a little bit but forgive me it's coming um it's just my name and i talk a lot about my instagram is my bold the bold side of my personality my sub stack is kind of the softer side of my personality um so community friendship all that yeah i'm not very quick to want to recommend that you go and follow people and spend more time on the social media channels but if you are gonna follow somebody elena's platform is a testament to what it looks like to use these platforms to promote joy and courage and optimism and and just uh advocating for an overall more connected planet in a world that's maybe largely stripped of it so do go over there and take that invitation seriously thank you elena thank you so much thank you that was so fun again