#012 - Blu of Earth - The Disease of Distraction: Why You Can't Hear God (And How to Finally Listen)

One of my favorite songs is by an artist called "Dermot Kennedy." There's a line in his song that says, "Some people spend their life heads down, souls hidden, and you seem to have dedicated your life to being the antithesis of that." "Now, may cry, have you said anything yet?" I could get emotional just watching how you'd be in the world. I have yet to even formulate the question, but what does that mean to you? To live so bare, so free, and so open? Honestly, there is no other way for me. I don't have the choice of sort of hiding and keeping my soul locked in a box for one day, maybe at some point I'll share it out in the world. It's got to be heart-forward for me, otherwise I don't really understand the point of being alive, personally. I think that this is a really confusing dimension to live in as a human, and none of us really came in here with the manual. I look around sometimes to have existential moments, so I'm just like, "Does anyone actually know what's going on?" "Are we good? Are we just pretending like we're not adding on a giant rock, going through space and millions of miles an hour?" "Are we good? Are you okay?" "I don't know if I'm okay." Everyone seems to kind of like, "Have you figured out?" And I'm like, "I don't think we anyone actually has it figured out." And so for me, it's kind of like, "Okay, well, I guess if we're really living in this magical existence, and we've been given this one life in this physical vessel, then the only thing that makes sense for me is to dive into the depth of my soul and pull out the goodness from my gracious challenges that are presented in this life. And I can either resist it and push against it and bury my head in the sounds and become avoidant and not want to face it, but then slow drip pain onto the people that come into my immediate reality." "Yeah." "Oh, I can just face the grief of being human at times and learn how to process it in a way that actually turns it into a gift and something beautiful, because then it helps me make sense of this human experience. So if I'm not turning my challenges into something beautiful, then none of this makes sense to me." So my life is just committed to, I guess the best way you can describe me is like a professional composer, which is just whatever is thrown in my direction as part of the grueling nature of being human at times, to turn it into something beautiful, whether it's through art or creativity or expression of some form, and that helps me to actually make sense of this human experience. So that goes back to what I said, if like, this is the only way that I can make sense of being here, is to turn the most challenging parts into something beautiful. How have you been able to digest the challenges that maybe, or the challenges that maybe life continues to throw at you in a manner in which you've shortened the gap seemingly between the ease of access we have to escape and the ability to take this thing and to be with it so deeply that you turn it into art, like I'm really fascinated to understand how you've been able to like, like, the veil seems so thin between the challenges that get presented to you and the way that you just are able to like digest it. Okay, so I'm going to use something recently as an example, so make it tangible and grounded here in the 3D. Over the past 15 years, I've had a hereditary hearing challenge where I've been slightly hard of hearing, but not really blocked away from people. In August of last year, so about eight months ago, I had an accident where I was exposed to a really loud sound exposure and blew out both my ears overnight and I woke up the next day, I couldn't hear my own voice and I didn't get it back since. So I moved over the threshold of hearing a human in the world for 34 years of my life into being deaf overnight and even just when I arrived here, I'm reading all of your lips, I have no idea what anybody's saying and there's no sound. The only reason why I can have this conversation with you right now is because we have high quality mics that are directional that are going straight into me is and so this is the way that I can communicate. It obviously just wants me podcasting at this point and I can tell you that that going deaf in as 35 year old woman after having my hearing model life was single handedly the most challenging experience of my life and something that I'm still integrating on a daily basis. So you ask, well, how do you do it when you face it entirely without avoiding it? I can't avoid this. This is my reality now. There's no, like, oh, well, eventually if I just ignore it for long enough, it'll go away. It's just not. So I can either become bitter and I can resent the world and I can block everybody out and I can be a victim of this experience, which is very seductive, it's very, very, very, like, you're in power to go in. Yeah. Simultaneously, I'm the only one that has to carry the burden of that choice, no one else. And nobody's really going to want to get close to me if I'm a perpetual victim of the circumstance, therefore perpetuating the blame or resisting and putting it onto the people around me because it's too much of a heavy weight to bear myself. That's an option. And that's my choice or I can trust that the most sacred thing is what is, is what's happening in my life. The most sacred thing is what is in my teacher, what are my friends and my teachers said that to me wants that just really, really, deeply resonate with my soul and has become a mantra in my life the way that I operate. So if the most sacred thing is what is and what is right now is I'm being asked to actually listen beyond my ears. And if I'm not being able to hear then what am I naturally not listening to? Really I truly believe in the foundation of every single thing in our life is the greatest challenge is also a greatest gift and our service to the planet. So if I am actually embodying not just a theory, but what it was that I have been teaching over the past 10 years, then I have an opportunity to actually become the next level of embodiment of everything that I truly believe in the foundation of my life. Even if I stay in front of my old friend and I'm like, "Really, that's not how I told my life going. Are you kidding me?" Yeah. Deaf, but oh god. Yeah. All right. This one's enthaned. This one's going to rock me to my core. But I can't run away from it. And I, by design, if you know anything about astrology, I have five planets in Scorpio. I'm literally designed to eat distortion for breakfast lunch with dinner. Eat distortion. With a side of more distortion, I'm like, "Eat, act, eat." I'm like, "It's just my nature." Yeah. It just has always been that way for me. There is always an opportunity in something that's pushing resistance. Like, if I want to go to the gym and I want to build a muscle, I'm not going to put it on a really light weight. Yeah. Like, that's comfort. Yeah. Comfort is the death of the evolution of the soul. Yes. So, if I want to actually strengthen my muscles, I'm going to put that weight down and I'm going to push. Totally. And I'm building, and I'm like, "It's tiny little tires inside of the muscle that actually is what grows it, but it creates the resistance that actually allows the muscle to grow." Yes. And the same thing with the soul. Yeah. So, if I just want an easy, breezy life and everything super sweet and it's super easy, okay, great, but then no growth. And so, the tougher the challenge, the more opportunity for that muscle to actually grow. Yeah. And therefore, the strength of the soul, the resilience of standing in the storm, because I don't think that strength of a soul comes from meditating in a cave with no external stimulation and just finding that peace in that zen. I think actually sitting inside of a house fire symbolically and being able to find your center, that is the strength of the soul. And so, every single challenge that's presented is just another heavy weight that's added to build the strength of my resilience. And so, literally, it felt like I was in the gym and someone just came over and was like, maybe you could put another hundred pounds on that. I appreciate that you think I'm that strong. That's a heavy weight, but my design and my consciousness is that this is an opportunity. Yeah. Even that language, that poem, the reframe of that language, I appreciate that you think I'm that strong. Almost sounds like that's your declaration to God's source universe. I appreciate that you see me in such strength that even this I can handle. And I heard somebody say I don't know exactly who it was that said it, but they said that the only disability in life is that of a bad attitude. I don't have a disability. I don't. I have meticulously gone into all of the parts of my stories that I create, 60,000 stories that we think every single day, which is really just projecting onto a subjective reality. There's 8 billion realises happening simultaneously because everybody has their own projection that is their you inverse. So we're looking at life and there's four of us in this room, but all four of us having completely different experiences based off of every single story that ever told yourself up until this point that has curated a very meticulous lens, which has then projected out into the reality that then how you process it, the story will tell yourself, which then informs all 30 trillion cells of your body to revibrate it whatever it is that you're saying. So what reality you're projecting onto your subjective experience? So if I was to say this is the worst thing that could have ever happened to me, I don't know why this is happening. I'm a victim of this experience. Okay, yes. So then you wish as much. I command. So you are. And then all I will see in my immediate reality is that to reinforce a belief system that I have installed at my psychic. So this is the responsibility, the ability to respond is to you actually start to create an empowering story around what is happening. And even if I don't understand it, a hundred percent of the time in my life it has worked out up to this point. So who on earth do I think that I am to tell myself that this isn't working out for you. So it just is. It's just what's happening. Okay. So then there's a teaching here for me. Well, what's the teaching? I need to learn how to listen ironically, because I'm not truly listening to something that is asking for my attention. My body is way more intelligent than my stories ever will be. So how can I actually become the student of this? And curiosity is the thing that will lead to the goal. But if I project onto it that this isn't what was supposed to be happening, then I will never really be able to dig deep enough to find the gift. And once the gift reveals itself, then that ultimately becomes your service to other people. I think we can end the podcast therefore. Though I am, I saw you say something on another show about your interpretation of this lesson at the time being that, you know, clearly I wasn't listening. And you just shared it again there. And how I mean, I'm going to use this word again, reconciled the fact that your hearing has been taken away as an attempt to get you to listen. How do you make sense of that? The best way I can make sense of it is that when a sense is dampened through deprivation injury or age or something, then the awareness has to turn inwards. And there's a book called The Radiant Sutras. And this is sutra at verse number 66. And it talks specifically about this that it's no longer available for a lot of destruction. And so the energy spirals inwards and starts to touch the glistening reality of life beyond appearance. And I think as humans, we have become so identified with our five senses that we have stopped listening to our extra-century perception of feeling. And now in life, this is the first time in human consciousness that we cannot actually believe our own eyes because AI is creating such deep fake that it looks identical to what would look like real. So the first time in human consciousness that we actually cannot believe our senses. So we are being trained right now to learn how to listen without gut, and to learn how to listen to our feeling, and to learn to recognize the difference between authentic and synthetic. And we are being inundated with the synthetic noise from every single direction, thinking that it's real living in a whole of illusion. So how do we navigate this time by actually understanding how to hear what is authentic? Well, we need to understand the differentiation between synthetic and authentic, and realize that they have a certain frequency and a certain charge. And synthetic is, it's disjointed, it's dysregulated, and it's not rooted in the earth wisdom, the earth frequency. And then you have authentic, which holds a certain harm, it's like, but you don't hear that with the earth. You feel it with your being, and that's the difference between hearing and feeling or vibration. You can hear vibration or you can feel vibration. And sometimes when we overlay on our hearing, we don't necessarily feel the vibration. But you know when you meet someone that's authentic, you can feel it inside of your body and your being, and it transcends all the anger. And it doesn't matter how, what the words that you say, you can feel it in the breath that you take when you give someone a hug. And you're like, well, there's something different about this person is because they've not got so distracted by the external world, and got so oversaturated by synthetic noise, synthetic foods, synthetic frequencies, synthetic friends, synthetic truths. But they've actually taken enough time to be in the stillness and to put their eyes in with and start to reconcile the narrative that are not empowering within their own psyche that is created in an oric field that holds a certain hum. And this pisses or this pisses all noise and goes straight to truth. And so by understanding that everything in existence is just vibration, this table is vibrating even if it's a solid, it's just vibrating at a certain frequency that it makes it appear that it's a solid. Everything in reality is vibration. And when you understand the laws of vibration, you start to understand actually how to speak truth beyond the distortion and the noise, which I think is essential right now. So I'm starting to understand why I have been asked to stop spending so much time just random social events talking about random stuff. For what? Or I could be sitting in the stillness with my ease and I'm watching a painting come into form that is a communication between me and God. That is way more enriching to my spirit, but I just needed to actually get quiet enough beyond the distractions so that it could start to carve out that vessel. The way I'm hearing you describe it is like the way you've internalized and interpreted what has occurred over the past eight months is what an unbelievable gift for me to be able to now communicate more closely to God. And during that time my creative partner and I Lily Ashwell, we spent three years and in the middle of this process, this is when I went deaf, but we spent three years making a Tyro deck from scratch, 78 original pieces of artwork, 224 pages, a hundred percent human, no AI. It took us three years to complete this project. So what was wild is, eight, I went deaf right when AI came out, like right when it hit mainstream, when chat GBT was everybody's search engine, that was when I lost my hair, like the timing of that. And then simultaneously I was in the middle of a project creating everything by hand and realizing that what used to be exciting going out like social events, there was no longer exciting for me and actually was losing its saturation to the point where it put me into a place of stillness to create everything by hand in a time where our humanity is being full for. So if you look at it from that perspective, why would it not be a gift? You can see how I've just described to you the way that I'm perceiving my reality, even though it is tremendously challenging, on a daily basis, on a minute basis. I sit there and be like, oh my God, this is my reality now for the rest of my life. Like what's really sitting with that, even coming here, I don't know you guys, I've never met you before and I'm deaf, so I don't know how to communicate with you until we put the headphones on. And yet simultaneously just trusting that there is a gift here that can be communicated, sometimes without words. In that moment, that first hug when I hugged you is just like, it's a moment where I can just take a breath with you and be like, hi, and to meet you beyond displaying articulation, I can then create a bridge, but to push us into a realm of being able to communicate with that words, which is also our capacity is to be able to communicate telepathically. Just if you have a brain and you have a beating heart, then you have the capacity to communicate telepathically. We just haven't been taught this stuff, but this is the direction that humanity's moving in because we're evolving. Now we're going to get split between two realities, whether we completely become saturated and becoming almost like hybrid computers at this point or we hold on to our humanity, we'll learn how to slow down, make things by hand to keep that part of our brain active and start to sitting in spaces with other people completely in silence, which is a very underrated form of intimacy that actually can start to sharpen the part of our brain that can start communicating telepathically and the beautiful thing about that is that we don't need to be physically sitting next to someone. You could be in Japan and I could be here and I could communicate with you. Help me understand that when you say I could be in Japan and you could be here and we could be communicating telepathically. Help me understand that. So I'll give you an example, please. In November 2024, I went to the Amazon jungle and I spent 10 days in isolation in a diet and I was in a tree house deep in the Amazon jungle, maybe like an hour hike and then an hour, it was an hourboat ride down the Amazon River and then an hour hike into the Amazon jungle. There was no electricity and I was on my own in the tree house. I love these kind of experiences because I love to do at least once a year something really uncomfortable that's going to break me out of my comfort zone and everything that I know to allow me to meet a deeper part of myself. And while I was in isolation, I think I was on day five, I received a message that said, "If you want to be somebody that bears and holds light in your body, you cannot be encumbered by unresolved conversations or conflicts." It's like, okay. So sit and meditate who are the people that you avoided or needed to finish that conversation or have resentment towards and then just ghosted them or whatever it was. And I was like, "Oh gosh, there's the least five here." So I was like, "Right, their name's down." Okay, now sit every single day and write them a letter. And there were two people specifically that I hadn't spoken to for almost a year, both of them that I had felt a certain way about and kind of just became unavailable. But that was still operating in my field like an open tab at our laptop, where it was leaking my life lost energy because I'd become a void in and I didn't wanna face it. And so it was kind of still present in my field. - Wow. - And so I sat down with both of those people with their energies and I did what's called the Honoponoponopra, which is a Hawaiian prayer, which is a very, very deep lineage and very, very deep practice, but this is really just scratching the surface of it, which is, I love you, I'm sorry, please forgive me, thank you. And saying that on repeat until it actually has felt on a cellular level inside of the body, whether the knot in the belly starts to untangle and it kind of starts to open up and sort of feel their energy shift. And so with these two people specifically, I did a meditation where I was sitting in front of them and I visualized them as if you and I were sitting right here. I saw their face, visual hair, how their hair felt, really, really held the vision and then I placed my hand in their heart and they placed their hand in my heart and I said, I love you. I'm so sorry. Please forgive me. Thank you. On repeat, until I felt it. Once I felt it, really sincerely in my body, then in my meditation, they switched positions and they did the same thing back. I did this with both people for two separate days, then after that I wrote them a letter and I hand wrote it in my journal and then I was like, okay, when I get back to Los Angeles, I'll send it and I put on my calendar when I got back that I was going to send those two letters that day and I woke up that morning, I opened my laptop to send the first letter, right when I opened my laptop, there was an email from one of those people, I haven't spoken to them for a year, apologizing to me. I was like, what? No, I didn't even send the letter. Within an hour, I got a text message from the second person apologizing to me. And the first one could have been a coincidence. I could have written it off, it was like, that's just crazy. There's a coincidence there, but the fact that I received the second one within an hour and I hadn't spoken to either of them for a year, neither had I sent those letters, those letters were sent. I was in Peru in the Amazon jungle. They were on the other side of the planet. Now with these two options, I could have just been a crazy lady in the tree house, just slightly my arms in the air being like, I love your arms, I'm sorry, please don't keep me. That's a very real timeline. I'm okay, if I'm the crazy woman, that's fine. But when it actually had anchored into the physical reality where it then got reflected back to me, so somebody else's body that was not there, nor did they receive the letter. That's not coincident, I don't think it's coincident. And so that is an example of telepathy. Telepathy and prayer are very similar. The technology of prayer is literally putting words to something that's felt deeply and are being, and then echoed out in a vibrational reality, each word we say holds a vibrational current that can only give you more of that you're emanating. So if I'm waking up every morning going, thank you so much for my life. Thank you for my body. Thank you for the fact that I can walk to my bridge and there's actually food in there. Thank you for the fact that I have electricity. Oh my goodness. I was in the Amazon jungle, they live there, I have electricity. That is literally a packaged check that I am sending out through the technology of prayer. Now prayer and telepathy are very similar because if I'm now thinking about the person, I know exactly who I am sending the energy to. And I'm charging it with a positive force, which makes it very potent. And I'm sending it with, and my attention is not fragmented to scrolling my phone, going to the fridge and eating some snacks, or seeing what's on YouTube. But I'm actually just fully here and not letting my attention fragment and spending an hour, almost in a mantra with this person. As if they're sitting right in front of me, that message will be sent. Now the funny thing with telepathy is also there's going to be the other person that's picking up the phone on the other side because if they're super distracted and completely inundated with static noise, aka have no ability to be in stillness, aka go straight on your phone and first singing you wake up. How on earth are you going to hear your higher intuition if your whole static, how your whole channel is full of static noise? So telepathy is a two-way street, but they picked up the signal, they heard it, and how it can be received on the other side is just an intuitive nut just like, oh, I should probably reach out to her. Oh, please am I filled right now? Well, I'm thinking about who right now. So it feels like an original thought. However, it was picked up in both ways. This is actually how capable we are, but why do you think our attention has been thoughtful for every minute of every day? I mean, I was going to even say like the manner of your conviction that it will be sent, like that message will be sent. That is the piece. If I'm sitting there being like, what am I doing? I watched that podcast at some point and that British woman just said, you should send a telephabetic message and it works, but I don't believe it, but I'm going to try it. Yeah. Well, it's not going to work. Yeah. Your belief is what charges it. And if I'm like, I feel that I am sitting with this person right now, like as if you and I are sitting right now, you know, I'm sitting right in front of you, right? That is what adds the rocket fuel to the telepathic message. But I believe that, and like I said, everything subjective to whatever belief you project onto it, I believe that this is why I have been asked to turn the volume down off my hearing. So they can learn how to tap into the expanded part of the human consciousness in a time of oversaturation of distraction and synthetic noise. Do you think people are lazy in there? Lazy, I'm careful to use that word, but I feel called to use that word based on the story that you've just shared. Like, I am fascinated and in some ways, almost in awe of the manner in which you take time, like give things the time they need. This deck you just spoke about, some of your artwork, like two full days of opponent, one full day with each person and going and going and going and going until I can really feel them. I think maybe vulnerable one of my greatest challenges is like, well, I don't have time. I don't have time to go like, so, but then at the very same time, where's God? Like, like both narratives living inside of me, like, well, why can't I feel God? But I don't have time. So I'll do like a four-minute prayer of I got like, God, I got like four minutes this morning to meditate. And like, I got like six and a half minutes this morning before I got to go into my day like show up, show up. I think from a put just personal reflection, like hearing you speak, it sounds like the dance or the challenge for me is the time that it's required and it brings up this word devotion that I'm just so curious to hear your relationship to and how you reflect on on time as it pertains to maybe connection with this deeper felt sense. Time is a real and we have this calendar that was created by Pope Gregory. There's like Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, we have, but on Monday, you've got to get up and go, we're really hard again. Nature doesn't know, the tree outside doesn't know it's Monday. Yeah. Season's with cyclic humans. We don't operate from this linear time that is actually just so deeply weaving our worth with our productivity to the point where we can't differentiate the two. This is going to make you sick. Yeah. Because we don't know when it's actually time for winter. Oh, we don't know when it's time for spring. We don't know when it's time to plant seeds and when it's time to reap the harvest with cyclic humans. And if you look at a woman's moon cycle or bleeding cycle and we get synched with a new moon or a full moon, we literally are cyclic humans and we have become so disconnected because if this Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, bullshit, bless. But really, what is time? The only moment that we have for the rest of our life is right now. That's it. Forever. And we are conditioned to A, believe how productive I was today is how much, how worthy I am. How much did I turn out online to prove to a bunch of strangers? I've never even met that I'm worthy because I am successful. What the fuck is successful anyway? Sorry, but really, to be successful from my perspective is how much did I laugh today? How much did I? Did I laugh today? Love. For silly things. Cracking some jokes every now and then. Give myself a little wiggle and I have my morning coffee. Really? Yeah. I'm in a constant cosmic joke between me and creator. Always. It's a private joke. I'm just like, hey, there's something I heard you say that I loved and I'm going to take it with me. You said, I think it was, I listened to you with Zach Busch and right before you, you let a prayer, you said something along the lines of my soul intention is to play and pray. So simple, but it seems like it's all uncomfortable. It's all very deeply interlaced into one. I want to finish the point on the time thing because that's kind of like a very deep, like I'm going really deep and kind of deconstructing people's sense of reality, basically, which can be very triggering, I'm sure, and I think it's just important to recognize that it's actually very inefficient to rush over things, as opposed to do things very well with full presence and then you don't have to recap on it. So we actually, I could have gone to the jungle and spent those 10 days in silence in isolation and I could have rushed over everything and seemed to have done much more, but actually not gone very deep and not made that much of an impact or spent more time on something but significantly make a massive impact, which is way more efficient to spend more time and do it well than to do it faster, not very well. So our psyche is split into the point where we're constantly living in the past or in the future and that is where suffering happened. For us to be able to actually return to the present moment to regather our fragmented psyche from our cell phone, which is the number one device that takes you anywhere but the present moment is literally a portal from anywhere but here. So the second we wake up, we wake up for the most part because we get a hit of dopamine that's going to give us enough rise to get out of bed is to look at our notifications on our phone. So in the second we open our eyes, our brains are being inundated with blue light. So it's disrupting our entire system, it's fragmenting our consciousness, it's grabbing our attention, it's shortening our attention with the short form storytelling, short form content and it's not allowing our attention to go deep enough into the present moment to actually receive the gift that's right here. True, long lasting sustained fulfillment comes from regaining our attention into the simplest moments and receiving the beauty in the mundane. But our brains are being trained to not be able to actually see what's right here and we're constantly striving more to fill in a hunger ghost that lives inside of our soul that will never be fulfilled from the outside in, never. So the only way for true lasting fulfillment is actually to be able to renegotiate our relationship with the mundane, which is strengthening our attention span, which is ability to actually go deeper, not wider. And so we are locked into a reality of an over amplification on consumerism. We all have these hunger ghosts inside of us and it's not like, you know, you said the word lazy and you're like, well, I'm not really sure about that word because it does come with a bit of a shame. It's just to acknowledge the system that we are in, that we have all incarnated into. We didn't create this system, but we are here to dismantle it. How do you not dismantle the system? Well, you fragment your attention. So we have so many people on this planet that are suffering, but all of those that have loads of privilege were too distracted to give a shit about it. We're so distracted that we don't actually feed into systemic changes because we're too busy on our phone or worrying what we're going to have for dinner, which seems like it was a plan all along. Exactly. Why? Because it divides us and it stops us from actually creating longstanding solutions. Yeah. So then these massive disruptive changes can happen and we don't even notice. And I'm not coming on this podcast like I've got all of this figured out and then I've got complete grip on my life. I face this every single day where I am realizing that my attention span is being fought for on a daily basis. Yeah. But I think the thing that I am most fascinated about in you is the manner in which you've developed to use your words, a relationship with them on day. So like if you were to decrypt and decode how to even do that, ritual is my life. These are ritual for me whether it's brushing my teeth or making my bed. And my imagination is my ability to bring magic into the mundane moments. And what I mean my magic is like an energy that wouldn't be necessarily related to with making the bed. But for me, my imagination is like, okay, I want to make my bed every day because if I make my bed every day, it's a representation of how attention to detail I will be without the rest of my day. If I obviously quick rush through my bedroom, my bedroom's a mess, it's a representation that my mind is fragmented. I also, I'm not a mother, so I just want to name that. It's very different when you have, yeah, three-year-old, they're like, ah, come make it bad. But this is just, you know, I can only speak from my personal experience. So I'm going to make my bed and I could be like, oh, I could imagine that I am in a game. And this game is that I am being judged between me and this other person. And we're on a TV show, and it's a bed-making competition. And you're judged from two different things, one from how accurately well the bed was made, like how well was it tucked in, how flat was it. And the second is how fast did it, how learned to take you. So I literally project my imagination onto the bed-making and I'm like, all right, how can I do this in a way that I'm going to win this competition? And this other person that I'm in competition with, by the way, it's such a type A person and they're really good. So the stakes are high, okay, so I'm like, and then I have an imaginary buzzer, I have an imaginary red button, that's like, if I press this, the timer starts, so I'm like, and you're doing it, you're acting like, oh yeah, yeah, what a gift to be a fly on the wall, this will be in blues. A blues bed-making competition, absolutely insane. We have a rule in my house that I'm not allowed to scream with joy after 10 before 10am. You're not allowed to scream with joy. Most people's rule is don't scream with anger, yours is you can't scream with joy. Too much joy. Too much joy. Really? It's cultivated, it's a muscle, and I, I pressed this imaginary buzzer, and then I, I'm making the bed, I don't know, pop me up the pillows, and then when I'm done, I hit the buzzer and then I wait for find out who we are, and then I was like, oh, some days I win, and I'm stoked, and other days I don't win, and I'm like, oh, I'll do better tomorrow. How do you know? How do you just eat? I literally want to say, she's just watching me, like, she's just insane, but I love her. But now listen, the universe doesn't speak English, or French, or German, the universe speaks energy, the set, so it's not going to give you what you want, it's not going to give you what you want, the universe isn't going to give you what you want, the universe is going to give you who you are every time. And who I am in that moment is my 12 year old self, that is really fucking exciting, that I just want a bed making competition. Now, imagine that's my first domino for the day. This is the archetype of the magician in the tower, as within so without. So if my energy to start the day at AM is over making the bed, either insane, or delusionally brilliant, but this is between me and creator, this is between me and the vibration or reality that through the law of gravity, if I was to pick this up, I won't drop it, it's going to smash that. Gravity. There's also the law of cause and effect, what you emanate is what you receive. Okay, so my friend said, show me this one, pu, pu, pu, okay, I put one thing out, pu, three fingers come back, one conversation with God. Everything I put out has to come back three phone. So whatever I'm emanating out, so I started my day playing over something super mundane like making the bed, but you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll, you'll enjoy and it's just coming back into my experience, but that's not because I made a million dollars, that's not because I got a promotion, it's not because I sold the painting, it's not because someone complimented me or caught me beautiful, it's because I cultivated that energy from within in something super mundane that most people oversee in the morning. So there is a choice here, but I don't think we've been shown that it's even possible. And we haven't really had any examples. And then we're set up in a reality that's fighting for our attention all the time. So would you call it lazy or would you call it built in a system that we're not actually designed to thrive in? Since we have the awareness that starts to then be placed back into the present moment, we can actually start blasting this from the inside out. And that's our responsibility as human, that's our responsibility. And I think once we find our own version of it, that then becomes our service and that is just by showing up in the room, we invite others into a team of part of self reflection to find your own unique puzzle piece. And I have a different co-op Matthias and he shared with me that, and I really resonate with it, that there's a body of humanity and there are about eight billion people on the planet, say there's eight billion different cells within the body of humanity. You and I for example, two very different people were two cells in a bigger body of humanity Our role may not be the same cell I may be a lung cell and you may be a heart cell Our job on this planet is not meant to look the same So if I was project on to you who you were supposed to be I'm like a little heart cell being like like you're supposed to be more like me Bull shit, no You're supposed to be more like you and then you tap into your authentic Truth You actually become a functioning cell in the body of humanity So when each individual person actually honors their authentic truth It connects to the bigger body if humanity to create a healthy body So when anybody sitting on a pedestal being like you should do x, y, and z to find God run. Yeah Our response to policies to be so much of ourselves Authentically that then we're inviting that authenticity within another person There are millions of people blew their response to that would be I don't even know what I don't even know what that means to be to be be myself Mm-hmm, and we are growing that the the culture of young people that are growing up in this world It is becoming increasingly Easier to be able to outsource your sense of self. I mean people have relationships with these AI platforms now They're using the AI platforms to clarify who they are in the context of the world So like you you use the word responsibility before like how does someone? even Clarify what authenticity is For them like the first thing that's coming up is silence and Solitude Silence over consistent period and I miss period of time is psychedelic like it can actually be incredibly potent Usually when we've drifted so far away from authenticity, we just don't have any silence in our day And I find that even if it's just five minutes carved out or you know being in meditation or Sitting down with a journal and just starting warning pages, which is just writing and just letting Whatever it is move through you just write and at the beginning it's like, I don't know why I'm writing this I feel like an idiot. I've got nothing to say But actually I realized that today I felt this deeper feeling and uh And then I realized that I felt insecure and I think that insecurity is coming from and then you start tapping into the gold I think that we are so there's just too much noise in our field and we are perpetuating what we witnessed in our Mothers or our fathers and that what they witnessed within their mother and their father times seven generations back And we're perpetuating a similar narrative. Why am I afraid of flying? Oh because I watched my mother be afraid of flying my whole life And now I'm in a plane. I'm freaking out and switching but it's not even mine So This time of in solitude or in silence is an opportunity to actually really start to listen to what's going on in deeper ways And for me also there's been different mirror technologies that are super helpful Whether it's the gene keys whether it's astrology tarot has been also very potent in the process of making that But all of these are designed to marry a soul So the technology is to meet you in a deeper way Um, and then outside of that plant medicines In various forms Which has been something that has been potent in my past but ways of just sitting Alone in silence and having opportunity to reflect what it is that's going on in a deeper Deep level can other humans mirror your soul as in the looking at Others who maybe have created something that touches you that you don't really have words for but it's like something in them that is Yeah, well that thus I say that like the worst part about being alive is sometimes the humans and the best part about being alive is the human It's such a paradox. Yeah, and finding the right humans can unlock some really good stuff And with relational beings and a lot of our Pain and our wounding has come through relationships And so a lot of our pain and our wounding is here through relationships and for me I I had now specifically with my hearing I I don't hang out with people very often And I'm really really discerning with who it is that I do hang out with Because I see myself marinating in their frequency. So if somebody is committed to blaming for their experience committed to if you make me feel uncomfortable It's you that made me feel uncomfortable. There's a certain belief system that can actually create a lot more pain And then you're carrying the pain for somebody else is not willing to take responsibility of their life Or being around people that take full responsibility of their emotions and their experience They have the courage to create honesty as opposed to a false sense of comfort And a false sense of how many by not saying anything then builds up unspoken resentment that then sits in the field And then you feel it and because you're an empath you take on more responsibility than you actually supposed to Because you're now processing the stuff that they're not taking responsibility for So who we hang out with is essential to our health, our evolution of consciousness and our well-being And it requires a certain level of self Responsibility, self-awareness, honesty And Yeah, honesty ultimately to to create something that can deeply deeply nourish you to the point where now I see more of myself in the presence of you And that is what one regulated human can do to a room full of people And so we underestimate the potency of becoming a regulated human And to regulate it is, you know, feeling our emotions and entirety And not getting locked in this binary operating system that says there's a right or wrong emotion for me to feel But again to apply that mantra the most sacred thing is what is and what is right now is my tummy's turning I feel angry, I feel upset, I feel hurt, this is just information But when we get caught in this binary feeling I'm like, oh, that's a bad emotion, I shouldn't be feeling this And so I'm now going to just either distract myself or I'm going to gaslight myself out of here or I'm going to attach to love and light Which is actually gaslighting from the depth and the richness of the information that's available for me to send my awareness to it, integrate it from a deeper level of understanding, also known as shadow work, and then from that place shift our narrative into an empowered nature, utilizing all of it and then being able to present ourselves to the present moment People feel that stuff immediately, as soon as you meet them I know when I am sitting in a room and there'll be a hundred people in that room, I'll know who's Who's had the courage to put their eyes inwards as opposed to using their external reality to give them something they're not giving themselves How does it reveal itself to you, like to know, how does that It's in my body, it's immediate, immediately as soon as I meet people, I immediately, I feel it in my body And I don't have the distraction of the words anymore So when someone comes to speak, walks over to me Yeah, I don't have the distraction of the words in Hi, hi, oh my god, good, thank you, the pitch, oh my god, it's fine You're not actually fine, you've been crying all morning, but you're saying you're fine because that's how we're presenting us That's fine, you can hear it It's just certain It's just very transparent when you don't actually hear the words anymore, but only frequency It reveals so much information So what is the subtle, it's not subtle because it's much bigger than subtle, but what is the distinction you'd make between Like that character, oh my god, I'm fine, and the choice to be in joy That you were just like, does that make sense? Like how would we break those two apart? How would we decalapse those two's just for the understanding of the listener here? The choice to be in joy, so you're saying I'm saying I'm fine because I don't want to actually unload with you what it is that I'm going Yes, so that part, they like, oh my god, I'm fine But I know the underneath that I'm not and then the energy that you're choosing to cultivate in the morning when you're making your bed This utmost joy that's like coming from inside How would we decalapse those two for the human that is maybe that misunderstands what it means to Like some of colors like to So go super base level some would call this like just be in a positive mindset or just Radiate from a high frequency or just Yeah, does that make sense the goal is not to be a high frequency the goal is to be honest with what's most alive I don't I'm not trying to be love and light. That's not it's just not my design I my design is to be honest with whatever is most alive and To be honest with the world around me and through that honesty is actually what we call emotional alchemy Which is turning that into gold is to turning something that was super challenging through an honest process I'm not trying to get to be happy or high vibe My goal is to be at peace with what is So If I'm feeling sad Can I be at peace that today my energy's low and that's okay. There's nothing wrong But this is just really what it's informing me to to maybe slow down Maybe run myself a bath As opposed to trying to strive for happiness and trying to cling to a good time that I'm overriding how I'm actually feeling. For me to get to a place of being at peace with my hearing loss, I had to feel awful for six months. I cried every single day and I woke up the other day crying because I tried to go to a social event and it was a friend's birthday and everybody was laughing and everybody was chatting and I was watching all the couples and they were whispering to each other's ear and I literally wanted the ground to swallow me whole because I was in a room full of people that I loved and I couldn't access them and I was like oh my god please don't cry in the middle of this party. I don't want to be the party pooper here. I'm just like oh but I really am upset and I'm really sad that I can't hear my friends right now and they're sharing their prayers and they're showing their tensions and I'm just crying underneath my blue blocking glasses. It's just like so sad and I ended it. I realized that my car was blocked in and I didn't want everybody to ask to move their car because then it made yeah made it announcement that I was leaving and so I got an Uber and I lashed left and I just made an Irish accent and I left and I went to bed and I cried myself to sleep and I woke up the next morning and I was still crying and I was like okay I'm in a little ceremony right now where I'm feeling some deeper emotion. There's nothing wrong with me. I'm grieving still. I'm grieving my old life. I'm grieving being able to go to my friend's birthday and know what's going on. I'm grieving the fact that ice can be in a room full of people and I feel so alone but not for me to get up and be like I'm supposed to be happy today. I'm grieving and so how can I learn how to die well and how can I actually create a right of passage where when I'm grieving an outdated vision of myself that I create the space to allow myself to go to the tenth degree of that emotion so that I can carve it out because by carving out that space it's also the space where joy fills the cracks. So the deep breath can go into my grief and feel it without wallowing in that space but knowing when it's time to transition out of the grief to carve out the deep roots into the core of my soul so that then when a hummingbird presents itself first thing in the morning right in front of my eyes I can actually see it because the space I carved out with the grief is also my ability to see the joy in the simplest of moments. So when the joy presents itself I'm like thank you for being here because yesterday was tough and now I can cry looking at this hummingbird because I am so grateful for the contrast of night and day. So who am I to say well that emotions bad? It's just the polarity for that day for the light to be able to exist so I'm not hyperfixated on light. I let the night come and do this thing and I let the day come and do this thing but there is a it's it's not to attach or identify with the emotion to allow ourselves to be human HUE human or the colors of the rainbow so that when I can actually be in my joy for making my bed in the morning I earn that. Never heard it put like that human human all the colors of the rainbow. There also seems to be something blue about the manor in which you just take ownership over your experience. Like when you're talking about this this party being out at this party and you're feeling sad and maybe instead of the choice to invite others into that sadness in that moment you just took ownership of the experience and like went in and I think we so often like there's there is this mass sort of culture of like vulnerability that maybe gets can like like it's like a dump emotional dump onto people and that's confused as like healthy vulnerability and connection and we're actually just getting stuck in the over identification with the with the shit does that make sense like the so how do you I'm almost trying to like pull apart the little intricacies of the way that you move through the world here because I'm fascinated by the subtle distinctions as to how it might get confused for people you know. So comes back to the word responsibility right the ability to respond to information. Me feeling sad in the moment it's just information that there's still grief that I'm grieving more would life okay so there's still space here for me to actually feel it. Now in that moment the ego wants to make it everybody else's fault because it's easier in the moment to project it out into the space then have to carry the weight of feeling the sadness because if I have a belief system that says to feel the challenging emotions or the shadow emotions is something bad so I don't want to be bad so I'm going to unload this into the environment around me. But the thing is is when you unload it into the environment around you then there's now another person psyche that needs to clean up the process so it's actually really inefficient it's really inefficient to dump your process on other people because it's going to take you much longer to clean it up. So how to be as efficient as possible while feeling a challenging and most honest to take responsibility of it and to be really careful with the language of like you made me feel it. Because now it's you're making it their responsibility to clean up something that they did not create necessarily down there's many nuances within this until I want to be really careful with that. The way that I speak about my challenge is that I am experiencing X I am experiencing one I am experiencing sadness right now because I can't hear what's going on or I'm sad because you guys are all having a good time and you've left me out right you can hear in the language I know just put that on this person on their birthday what super inefficient to be an asshole really inefficient know they were going to clean it up with me. Wow it's really inefficient to be an asshole. Or I just take responsibility of recognizing I don't I don't want to bring this into the spaces is my friend's birthday and I'm feeling really sad and I'm not going to decompantize this to put this somewhere energetically into my hip to then give me hip pain within a week because I've not processed it and it has to go sit in my body somewhere. Energy's not created no destroyed it only changes in form. So if I'm feeling upset and I swallow it it's just going to change in form into sitting into the fascia of my body in creatinous stagnation and a consistently over a period of time if it's not addressed it crazy on this. I don't want to carry that. So it's just misunderstanding how energy works and every emotion is just energy and information. So it's telling me my body's super intelligent our bodies are so intelligent they are the most advanced technology that exists and we don't even really really understand where it came from. And most of us have this technology our whole lives and we have no idea how to work with it. And we put so much emphasis on the physical form of it we go to the gym we work out but our emotional intelligence is lacking. And so having an understanding of our emotions and the way that it works in a way that doesn't cause more harm while not gas-letting and bypassing our own emotion. So if I'm feeling angry there is a graceful way to feel angry. Grace and anger can actually sit side by side. If I'm feeling angry and I need to let that energy move through me you can let the bonfire burn without forming a weapon with it and stabbing someone else. So if I'm feeling angry I know that this energy needs to come out but not at my partner because now I need to clean up that mess too. So I'm like okay I'm really angry. I'm gonna either jump in the pool and go into the water and scream at the top of my line but it's under water so it's muted but I'm moving that anger out of my body through the screen. Reverend Brianna Lee and she taught me this place to go is breath sound movement touch bullshit mountain breath sound movement touch. You'll feel a some kind of way. So let's pissed you off. You know that anything you're gonna say right now at anybody is going to form a weapon. You have that degree of self-awareness that in the middle of the anger when the lens gets all foggy and everything you're seeing is red but you have a level of self-awareness to not form a weapon with this energy but go move it. Go to Bush it man. Bush it man. Breath to some breath work. We get out of the system. Sound. Go yell in Templar. Go yell under water. Go do a mouse screen. Move it. Go for a run. Go to the jump. Move your body. Do some shaking. Animals in nature if they get attacked. They shake afterwards. They get attacked but they survive. And they shake it out the nervous system and then they move on. Us as humans we don't. We just carry it and then we project on to the next generation and just keep perpetuating the cycle for generations to come. All we have the emotional understanding of how to actually move energy through our system so that it doesn't stagnate and create disease. And then touch. Compact yourself with your own loves and tap it. I'm here. I got my own back. This is one of the symbols that came to me in the jungle in my isolation. It was to sit like this as a representation that I have my own back. I got my own back and I feel that feeling of how it feels. I touch. I'm here. I'm here. I'm with you, I'm with you. You're okay. You're safe. You're safe. You're safe. And then when you're ready, come back to the conversation. And that is how to be angry and graceful at the same time. There's two things that have come in up for me here. The first is one of the first episodes we did was with Brandon Collins Worth. He's a dear friend. He's a dear friend. He's too late. He came to the podcast. He's brave. He's a bundle of wisdom too and just amazing and full of love and he references quote and it's not his, but I can't remember who it was from. It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a mentally sick society. Can you say that one more time? It is no measure of health to be well adjusted to a mentally sick society. And he does that very well. And he does that very well and you in my experience do as well. It is like there almost seems to be no comparison to how well am I doing in the context of how others are doing. And it almost seems like there is a willingness to, I don't even know if this word is in your ether, but like be embarrassed. I want to ask you, what is your relationship to that word? Embarrassment. What a good question. No one's ever asked me that. I think in the past I definitely have, my head had my fair share of embarrassment because I know myself from the outside out. So what I mean by that is that my self worth is dependent on how you perceive me. So if you don't like what you see, then I'm super embarrassed because obviously I'm not worthy. Which is a really slippery slope because everybody's only going to see how they are. That's it. Yeah. So actually your opinion of me has got nothing to do with me and everything to do with you. And yeah, there's healthy feedback, of course, and to ways that we can grow through relationship and through honesty, compassionate honesty to align ourselves with what we may have been out of alignment. Embarrassment doesn't exist when you live from the inside out because you're just being authentic. And I actually, yeah, heart-centeredly authentic. If I was like, well, it's just authentic to me because actually I really don't like what you said. And I really don't like your energy, but that's what's authentic to me. I don't know. It could be some room for embarrassment there purely because it's actually the ego when it's not authentic. Yes, exactly. The ego has hijacked the heart, but if I'm living from my heart, and I'm genuinely being real with you, and sometimes it's uncomfortable to say what it is that I'm really truly feeling as long as it's from a place of compassion, there is no room for embarrassment. And so I don't feel embarrassed. I have given talks where I have completely blanked on stage, and it's probably worse case snoring. The reason why I get nervous before every time I give a talk, or there's been moments where recently actually somebody asked me to do a transmission on Genki number 15. And they handed me a mic and everybody got their journals out and they were going to take notes around what I said. And I went to pull on my channel and it was just not available. And I was like, I'm banking, and this is an app very often. And I was like, oh wow, and then I was just saying words from memory, but we don't need more words. It's just just for the sake of speaking word. So I, I stopped myself and I was like, actually, I'm going to be really honest with you guys. The channels are open right now, and I don't want to force it. And I don't want to do a designer into the space for just speaking words, for the sake of speaking words. But I only want to speak unless it improves the silence, and right now what I'm saying is not improving the silence. So I'm going to stop. And I handed the mic back and immediately I could feel that there was some embarrassment because I'm known as a public speaker. And this is what I do for a lover and all of a sudden it wasn't available. But it was actually if I just went a little bit deeper than the embarrassment, which is because I'm perceiving how everybody's perceiving me. To actually realize that it was just information that my channel isn't something that it can just pull on whenever I want to, it's actually only speak of it unless it's embodied. The way I shut up ultimately, so it was just information. And when you see everything from just information, then there's an opportunity to grow from that. But embarrassment would tell me that I believe in failure and I don't. Yeah. Yeah, because there is a really sort of trendy quote going around that is that embarrassment is an undue explored emotion, go make a fool of yourself. But it almost seems like there is something to be said about what it takes to even transcend that. Embarrassment is not something that's felt when you feel so comfortable with yourself. And when you also realize that failure isn't real, or there is as opportunities to grow. So if there's embarrassment there, there's also an opportunity for me to have a deeper level of self-awareness around that specific area. And then next time something presents to me to bring that same energy forward, I'm coming with a little bit more self-awareness. So it's why would I be embarrassed when I trust that that was also an opportunity for me to become more of who I am. It also feels like it's to be embarrassed requires some even if it's subtle, sort of care about the perception of somebody else. There's a quote that I want to, there's a quote that I love that I want to find quickly if that's okay. Just think it's so powerful and I want to hear your perspective on it. So quote by Nicola Tesla, he says, "When you understand every opinion is a vision loaded with personal history, you will start to understand that all judgment is a confession." Bingo. Beautiful quote. "All judgment is a confession." Wow. Yes. 100 a son. What does that mean to you? Oh, it's everything. If I'm judging somebody else, which I do. I'm not going to put myself as a pedestal and be like, "Oh, I don't judge." I really do my best to recognize that judgment and discernment sit on the same spectrum and I really do my best to shift it into discernment and not that I'm better than somebody else. Yes. Therefore that's judgment because it creates a hierarchical energy. But discernment is just like, just not, it doesn't resonate with me, but that doesn't make them less. Oh, that's a subtle thread. It's a very subtle thread. The difference in judgment discernment. Very close. Very fine line. Yeah. But when I'm judging somebody, it's really just an opportunity for me to recognize that there's something unintegrated inside of myself and that person is shining a light on it. So for example, jealousy. It would be a judgment. Oh, I don't like that one. I don't like how it feels. But if I was to actually go deeper than the jealousy or the blanket statement of jealousy and go into a deeper understanding of jealousy, that woman is just highlighting a roadmap of all the areas that I want to integrate deeper into my life. So just a confession. I'm like, I don't like that woman around my partner. Okay. Why? Well, it's because she's giving off this energy that sucks it. Yeah, but what's deeper than that? Well, she's actually really embodying and she practices yoga every morning. Yeah. Okay. So why is that bothering you? Because I haven't worked out for three weeks. Great. So she literally just showed you to get back into your body and maybe take a yoga class. See how you feel after that? Still judging? Maybe stick to it for six months. See how your body's changed. Still judging? Still jealous? Nah, she's my teacher. I feel amazing. Okay. That was a confession. Well, judgment is a confession. You judge what we don't understand first and foremost. So we have a lack of awareness in that area. And we're putting somebody else down, which is a perfect fractal, fractal of God in their own unique form. And we don't like how they're making us feel. And maybe we stagnant in that area of life that they're actually deeply embodied in. And they came into the house and they were lovely and sweet and kind. And then they left the house and we judge them. Why? Because I feel disconnected to my purpose. It's a confession. That is what it means to take responsibility of your life. So when somebody is judging someone and the person, when I'm around them, it just says more about them than it does about the person they're talking about. It's obvious. I mean, that might be blue like, I've been on what feels like a red hot pursuit for like what is the core of our modern dysfunction? And there's, I mean, there's a few different things, but this seems like it's like dancing around it. It's like the inability to be in relationship with others and see how what they're reflecting back is ours, not theirs. And use the ability to then use that as our own spiritual evolution. Are we creating more harm with our lives? Or are we creating healing everywhere we go? What's our responsibility? And every single decision we ever make holds a vibrational charge that is echoed out into what's called the neurosphere. And the neurosphere is every single thought would indeed that has created from every single person on this planet that emanates out into almost like a cloud, like an eye cloud, that then just reflects back to us and what we see on the world stage. So if you don't like what is happening on the planet, where are you not in integrity with your closest relationships? If you don't like to see what is happening on the cloaked scale, then where are you not being honest with your partner? Where are you not being honest with your friends? Where are you not being honest with yourself? Where are you waking up every single morning and looking in the mirror and heating what you say and looking nitpicking at everything? that you have in your body. Or I don't like my waist, I don't like my face, I don't like my hair. You're at war with yourself and you're on thinking that the wars on the planet are going to end. We have our responsibility, but we're so committed to being in a stagnant, destructive, fragmented, over synthetic reality and then blaming what's happening on the world's stage for why I am the way that I am. So does empowering and just continue to perpetuate suffering, self-infused suffering, for the most part. What is the importance to you of creativity in both healing and in maybe having a sense of intimacy with the world? Creativity is the most important thing for me in my life. Everything else comes from that energy for me. The way that I am a lover with my partner, the way that I am a friend, the way that I show up to this podcast. If I am disconnected from my creativity, you're going to get a very dull version of me. So for me, tapping into a timeless space where I don't know what's going to come out of me, but I trust implicitly and I am just in this flow and I'm watching something that was just a blank canvas turn into a piece of art right in front of my eyes that I didn't even know where it was going to go and it blew my own mind in the process. That for me, I live for that energy. That for me is like, like if I'm in Avatar and I pluck my hair in, I'm like, wow, within you, that is me. I feel alive and I read once in the Creative Act by Rick Rubin. He said something along the lines of, I'm going to butcher this quote. Please forgive me. The goal is not to make art. The goal is to set up a life and an environment where making art is inevitable. And so when I feel stagnant, when I feel disconnected, when I feel destructive, when I've spent far too much time scrolling, if I'm consuming more than I'm creating, I've lost my way. And I know that I need to then go and create a sacred space. And we set my altar, get some fresh flowers, make some offerings to the land, be in prayer, smudge the space, get out of blank canvas and listen. And in those moments, I could do the yesterday like before I came here on this podcast last night. I could feel that I was moving into a bit more of a slump. And I could feel that there was the best way to describe it in the jinkies as an energy for entropy, which is just kind of like a numbness. And it usually happens when I'm spending too much time on screens. It was a guy, no, I need to paint. And right now my energy doesn't want to. But I'm going to go set up a space where painting is inevitable. So I went to my studio and I got out the canvas, they're onto the floor and I and I burnt incense and I lit candles and I started singing to the walls because the walls just hold the charge and they received the vibration and then echoes it back. So how I see walls anyway. I see walls. That's where we're going next. Let's forget creativity and talk about walls for a minute. They're either walls or they are sponges. Honestly, the first thing I do, if I was to come into an Airbnb and their energies off, I would sing to the walls. You'd sing to the walls? Yeah, because I absorbed the energy if whoever was in their last. And if there was two strained people in a relationship, they'd be yelling at the walls now. Especially if it's a competition between you and someone else who can sing better to the walls and so they're good. If someone comes and rents my house and they're like, "Something's up with this room." It feels like a beg making competition feels like a pet making competition. We must reprogram the walls. Yeah, it feels really competitive in here. It feels like all she's been doing is competing against an imaginary figure and judging herself. The walls that I'm insane. The bad thing something who's psychotic. That is really tight. You can bounce a quarter after she's. If you haven't already called the theme, I can pull it up with anything. I mean, it should just like even just like looking at a wall, my imagination is actually understanding that there is information from whoever is previously in here. And I reset the space. So I go in the studio, reset the space and like my alter. My alter is a representation also of how present I am. If there's dead flowers on my alter, if there's dust on my alter, there's random objects on my alter, my mind is fragmented. My alter is a representation of my life. So if my alter is tended to and it's clean and it's shared and it's organised and it's updated and all my offerings are still full on their little cups and I make offerings from a physical thing and turns into smoke. So if I have cedar, it's for forgiveness. And then I sit there and like, okay, please forgive me for becoming a human slug and watching so many shows on Netflix. I'm so deep in game of the rose. Please forgive me. Please make my cedar. I make my cedar offering. It turns into smoke. It goes up into the ethos once a physical thing, turn into a non-physical thing. That's a beautiful power of prayer and smoke. I make my offering and then I set the space and I put out all of my paint brushes and I put out all of the paints and I sit in front of the painting and then I pass on, I pray over it and all of a sudden income fresh energy. And I'm like, oh, I know what to do. I'm going to make it clouds and then I'm going to bring some light down the sides and so I just stop playing with it. And so I created the space where making art is inevitable. Thank you, Rick Rubin. And then tapping into that pocket for me and I timelapse it because I know that my phone is my distraction. So if I just have a timelapse on, I get beautiful content of this painting unfolding. My phone is away so I'm not distracted by it. And then I stay in what I call the God pocket for four hours and then I go, here comes Jesus and as much Jesus painting. I saw it, by the way, amazing. Very, very beautiful. I want to know some people who may be familiar with your work. Obviously, you are a very gifted painter, very gifted creative. Someone might watch this and be like, well, easy for you. You can just pull this thing out of the ether and paint Jesus, you know, but I'm not as gifted or I'm not as I don't have that creative talent. So like if I sit in front of the camera, like, that's not coming out of me. What do you say to them? I didn't just pull Jesus out the ether. I spent 15 years refining my craft from watching videos on YouTube. Yes. No one taught me how to paint. And I can tell you right now, my first painting is a horse shit. They really work. One, I don't paint for the outcome. I paint for the process. So even if it look, I laugh to myself sometimes, you know, when you do like painting reveals and you turn the canvas around, you're like, here's what I made. Oh, yeah. And then you slowly turn around and it's just like, the oldest function. Like, oh, oh, like the audience. Oh, it's such a slow reveal. For me, I'm like, you done it though. You spent the time painting and how good did it feel for you? So it's really not about the outcome. Yeah. And I don't paint these paintings to sell them or to make money. I have my income from other places. I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket. So for me, if I'm either scrolling in the evening on my phone for an hour, I have time to paint. There is time. There is time. I was like, I don't have time. I'm like, how many hours did your phone clock that you run your screen today? Yesterday, I got a notification that I was on my phone for five hours throughout the day. One minute and five was like cultivating that into my craft. Yeah. Like, I do have time. We do have time. We do have time. And so I put emphasis on if I am creating, it's not about the outcome. And there is imposter syndrome that comes up every time. Yeah. Secondly, I have invested into my craft for 15 years. Really, shown up, even if it's not that good, you have to be okay with not being good to get good. I didn't come on my mum's womb with a paintbrush in my hands like Picasso. Look at your time. I have to be okay with not being very good. Yeah. And over time, I just countless hours. Because for me, that feeling is just irresistible. It's a feeling of like, I just love painting. Yeah. I was going to say it also sounds like there is a complete dissolving of the outcome altogether. Just like I just love doing nothing. I got really excited and I decided to branch out into doing oil. And oil is a whole different piece from acrylic. And I don't know how to use oil. And I watched a couple of YouTube videos. And I felt really confident. And I ended up painting this mother Mary and she literally like a demon. I was like, oh, this has gone to hell. Like, I look at her and I'm like, like she's I'm like, she's just looking at me and I think she's like, She's like evil, and I'm like, mother Mary is supposed to be the embodiment of the drive partner. No, I'm like, she literally looks like she's going to eat mass food. Was that a fail though, or did I, am I learning how to use oil? Hey, you know, so to go back to your question, if someone being like, "Well, that's easy for you," is you just pulled it from the ether and you have these skills? Yes, I am an artist, yes, and I make food the way I'm paying to painting. I make it in a way that the colors and the way that it's cooked and the way that it's presented and the balls that I use and the way that I smudge the space and I sing when I'm making my food. And I never make food when I'm angry because I'm just infusing the food and then it's going to make my tummy hurt when I eat it. But artistry is, and ritual is in every single thing, whether it's making my bed, whether it's brushing my teeth, whether it's fasting, whether it's painting, whether I'm making food. There's that art of ritual that is applied to every single, that every single intentional act is a magical act. Thank you, Richard, for that quote. So can I bring ritual to the painting and to the point, if I still have a demonic mother Mary, I still was successful because I tried oil today. And then, "Well, hide that canvas!" And then I'll hide the canvas. I give a short time, either when people come over to the house. It's not on this way. But was it fail? No, because I step on to step closer to being good at oil. So I didn't just wake up and was good at this stuff. But everything that is done behind closed doors on no one's watching is what then is presented out to the world. So it's so easy to look at me and be like, "Oh, well, you're just a good artist." No, I earned that. Yeah, and it also sounds like that it wouldn't have been sustainable in the absence of love. Say that again. It sounds like it wouldn't have been sustainable in the absence of love. Like, it reminds me of just a really simple but profound quote from Steve Jobs, in which he says that it's impossible to create anything great if you don't love what you do. Like, really great. Browne comes out with so many good ones, so I keep referencing it. She said that your job is your joy of being, to do your job being your joy of being, because people can pay people to manage cameras, but they can't pay them to love what they do. But for me, the thing that is the lasting impression is not their skillset in pressing record, even though you all did some heavy lifting with changes in the beginning. Is the smile, is the warmth, is the eye contact, is the care, is the patience? That's the thing that leaves the lasting impression on me. So if you want to actually quickly evolve through your skillset, it depends on who you're being, what you're doing. It's not about how good you are at your skillset. It's not enough. Like, to love what you do, even if you're a coffee barista. Like, I go to the gym every morning, and when I come out of the gym, there's this guy that works there, at the smoothie, the protein smoothie spot. And he's just making smoothies every day. But he always remembers my name. Hi, blow, welcome back, and he does it with every single person. And he remembers my orders, and he remembers my friends' orders, and he remembers everybody's orders. And every time I go to there, I wish, I hope that he's working, because he really plants a seed of somebody that loves their job, no matter what it is that they're doing, which creates him to be a magnetic person that I want to be around. So while you love what you do, no matter what it is, you can be working in retail. But you bring 100% of it. The next step will reveal itself, because it will open so many doors and opportunities, because of who you be while you do what you do. Again, it's really inefficient to be an asshole. It just takes so much longer to do everything. Yeah, it does. Yeah. Oh, okay. How, if I wake up in the morning and say, "How many lives can I positively impact by being a heart-centred present human?" And it can be the Airbnb that you stay at, and you just take the time to write a really good review, or write them a message, but I just want to say that I really appreciate we did this, this, and this, and this, and this. It took me five minutes to write that, but I genuinely felt it. I loved how comfortable the bed was, thank you for making an extra effort. Then that person then registers in their mind that this person is somebody I really enjoy having here. And now, whenever you're in town, you have a direct access to able to stay at that Airbnb, because you took five minutes extra to acknowledge the beauty that you received from that experience. As opposed to being too busy, because you don't have enough time. Which is actually what I'm hearing from you in efficient. It's kind of efficient. This is fascinating for me in blue, because all the sort of excuses that I maybe have and other people might put in the way of their ability to be in tune with nature and God, you've basically debunked them by this argument that is, and the justification that is, it's actually inefficient to be rushed. It's inefficient. It's inefficient. To be an asshole. It's actually, it's, it's actually inefficient. It's inefficient to rush everything. It's inefficient. You think you're going to get there faster, but you're actually probably going to have to redo the thing because you rushed over it, so you have to circle back in on the thing clean it up, or it's inefficient that you rush over having that conversation to actually clear the energy because you don't want you want to deal with it, but then all of a sudden now that friendship strained and it gets more and more and more, because what you avoid just amplifies. And so then you actually have to circle back on it, and now you've got a bigger thing to unpack and it takes much longer because you also have to circle back on it. It's inefficient. It's going to take you more time. So in the moment, yes, maybe quick. But think about, if you clean your house every single day, then when you come to move out the house, you don't have a bunch of random shit and loads of drawers that you have to unpack and go through and it takes three days extra time, or you pack everything up because everything has a place and you know where everything is because in every moment, you treat it everything like a ritual. We cleaned up and now it's efficient. So it's just enough, it's just inefficient to think that we don't have enough time when time isn't even real. It's literally plugging into an illusion. It's just now. And then we're in cycles. So we're moving in cycle, cycle, experience. So you know, there has been, it has been said that time originated from the hormones first bleed and from the moon cycle and from the moon phases. And so in a new moon, we plant this seed on a full moon, we root the harvest and we have just become so disconnected from nature, so disconnected from ourselves, so plugged into something that's not even real, woven our worth within our productivity. Now with AI, there's a amount of content that's being churned out that has absolutely no soul inside of it and it's just so much synthetic noise. And because everything's much faster, we now have even created even more, we're running ourselves dry, getting ourselves sick and wondering why we can't hate God. It was a beautiful moment between me and Kat, my partner last week, I hope you're okay with me sharing just, she got a little bit emotional because she was like, I just want to be connected in nature, I just, I don't think I've ever understood the importance of that until meeting her, you know, someone who's been so grown up, so connected to, again, maybe similar to my introduction with you, like it goes beyond words, what she has helped me understand matters most in the context of the world, like it's really like just going to touch a tree, like going, going hug a tree, going to the ocean, like, get off your fucking phone and for her to be so in tune with when that connection is not there has taught me an unbelievable amount about what it means to really, like, to really live a meaningful life. And I'm sharing that because I want to know if you could sort of sum up a thesis on what it means to live a meaningful life. Where would you take me? Well, before I go there, this is a beautiful example, a beautiful partner, she is a portal from one dimension to the next, she holds a worm. Every single person on this planet came through a moving space, literally women holds a portal from one dimension to the next. And we also have a bleed linked up to the moon. If we become disconnected from nature, we become disconnected from our rhythms, we actually don't know where our center is when chaos is happening for a place to return to. For us as humans, it is so important to be connected to nature, to be barefoot, to be able to breathe first thing in the morning and to hear the coherence of the human resonance of the earth. And if we feel severed from that, the first thing that we need to do is go to be silent in nature for a good amount of time. And from that place, then we can offer that energy into our partnership and our relationship and find a center so that she can be oracle because she has a portal from one dimension. to the next. And so that is just so important. And specifically in partnership, supporting that so that she can be in her oracle so she can support you with a hand on your spine from a regulated play. And then a synthesis or to sum it all up, what it means to be human. Like, if you could give me a thesis, your thesis on what it means to live a meaningful life. I'm meaningful life. Now my angel is very famous quote of people who don't remember what you said or what you did or what you wore, but they'll remember how you made them feel. I think what we realized how powerful we are with our ability to see the beauty and other person to reflect the beauty that we see in them and to truly, truly support others for feel seeing and because we've allowed ourselves to see ourselves. Therefore, we have the capacity to see another person. We realize how powerful we are with our presence and our loving awareness. Even just some of you well chosen words can change the entire course of summer's day. That's the trajectory of their life. And I believe to leave every space more beautiful than we found it. And to find beauty in the most mundane moments. And to create and share, vulnerably, authentically, even when it's not perfect. It's never been more perfect to be imperfect now. You scroll through Instagram, everybody's captions written by chat, GBT's got the same cadence and it's like, it seems to be profound, but it's lacking soul. So actually, when I see a typo and someone's writing, I know that it's written by them and I feel they're human and I love their imperfection. I love their humanity. I'm crave it. And so, allowing ourselves to be the human, HUE, the massie, the wild, the raw, the sacred, the confused, everything. And to constantly have the perspective of being curious enough to stay with the discomfort, long enough for it to reveal a gift. And then to recognize that the only thing from that point is my responsibilities to share that gift. By being honest, by being authentic and by being courageous, even when my voice shakes, even if I'm so afraid, but to do it anyway. And you'll be amazed at how many lives you're positively impact. So the day that you choose to cross the rainbow bridge and become an ancestor and leave the circle plain. The thing that you leave here is more open hearts and generation that believe in themselves that come after you with the shoes that you planted that in your life may never see the actual fruit of it, but two generations deep, because they're sitting into the shade of the oak tree of the seed that you planted. And they're receiving more beauty, more freedom and more abundance with their life because you exist it. I think that's what it really means to be a life. And I'm so down for the mission. But I seem to be dancing this little two voices in my head, the one that feels like it wants to just speak to you all day, just like keep going. And the other one that knows that we get to wrap this up at some point. But that pull is so strong to just like I could sit and just I have so many questions, so many questions. And I seem to be lost for words at the end just as I was at the beginning. And I don't have much more to say than just like thank you for being such an inspiring reflection of what it means to be a real whole fucking human in a world in which that has never been more rare. And like human in the absence of any like depiction of what perfection might be just like this is it, this is me. And that's been so beautiful for you to see you just like be as like profound as you are just personal and and deeply deeply like just as your genius is so evident and also the ability for you to tell me how you painted the demon out of mother. And maybe those two can't exist without each other, you know, maybe that's what real genius is is that they can't exist without the ability to to go there too. And that has been just an unbelievable gift for me. And there's so many words you use that I will like I don't often go back through my own podcast and like really like watch it three or four times, but I can't wait to just watch this three or four times. And for the words, but I'm sharing that to say that like even bigger than that like I just want to spend time out here like this is fucking this is it. This is it. This is what it means to to like if I was to answer the question just just here being with you like what does it mean to to live a meaningful life. I don't have words. It's just that like that energy of acceptance of humanity and your humanity. And then maybe just like unplugging from to use your word the synthetic so that we can find who we are. This was an unbelievable gift to me. So thank you. I'm really I'm really great genuinely really grateful to receive your reflection in your words, you know, like I said 40 hours ago, I woke up like weeping thinking that there's something broken about me. Right. And I think that's also what keeps me humble and here in through the suffering and through the pain of the human experience and it also then because I was crying the other morning expanded my heart to receive your words in this moment as opposed to like, oh that's cute thanks. And so it's all it's all a part of this, you know, the pain and the challenges and what the heck is it's all a part of the ability to also to receive these kind of moments and the beauty. And in these moments and I am reminded that there isn't anything broken about my hearing and over there'll be a moment where we close this podcast. I take the headphones off and then I don't know what's going on again. And it's the moments of purpose that starts to really pull through that that creates reason for everything and existence and continues to feed the trust and the faith and continues to strengthen the channel and continues to support the evolution of the heart. I think that's just what the world needs is. It's just more heart. So much more heart and it starts for this. So thank you so much for having me. Where just for people who listen to this and they're like, where can I just immerse myself in the world of blue? Where can you send people and what's on her eyes and for you? So like I said, I'm Lily Ashwell, my creative partner and best friend and I have spent three and a half years creating this tarot deck and it comes out in two weeks, which I'm sure will probably be same round with this podcast. So this specific deck is three years of handcrafted work as well as we have traveled all around the world to create this piece, this body of work from the River Nile in Egypt to our Tunday diet in Peru to the Glastonbury tour to the white springs of the Glastonbury and and and then here in the Tampenga Hills, we have crafted the prayers and the writings and the artwork from our lived experience from these sacred sites and from deafness and the challenge and the process around that and created this body of work that is now going to be out into the world. And so my heart and soul and Lily's heart and soul is in this box, so if you want to have my soul at home. Why wouldn't you? Come on. Then you can get the deck at www.weareheavenlybodies.com and then if you want to follow me, I'm we launching my podcast at the moment. So for the day, I'll be podcast and I'm also blue of earth BLU of earth on Instagram, which I'm pretty active on there. I have a Lee A Moon. So I'm like, I just like storytelling. Yeah, amazing. We'll put the the link in the show notes for the deck and there aren't many creatives that I tell people to go and follow, but yeah, really like take out words and her platform to heart. If there is somewhere that you're going to go to be online and to go and discover what it means to really be a creative sort of vessel of infusing goodness into the context of the world, really like it's not an Instagram page. It's like it is a yeah, it's just a well of inspiration. So take that to heart. Blue, thank you so much. Thanks very much.