#006 The power of "no"

Welcome to the Stove Podcast. Five minutes to a healthier and happier you. In each episode we'll provide you with practical and evidence-based advice to lead a healthier and happier life, all in the same time it takes to make a cup of tea. In today's episode, we'll cover some thoughts shared by Gabby Florence on the difficulty of saying no, and the various reasons why people struggle with it. We'll also discuss the benefits of setting boundaries and prioritising needs and some techniques for assertively but respectfully saying no. Let's go. So let's talk about saying no. It may seem simple just two letters and one syllable, but actually saying it can be quite difficult. We've all been in situations where someone asked us to do something we really didn't want to do or couldn't handle, and instead of politely declining, we hear ourselves saying, "Yeah, sure no problem." But the truth is, you're not alone, delivering or receiving a no can bring up a mix of emotions like awkwardness, guilt, rejection or disappointment. It's like a rollercoaster ride for our feelings. And that's why many of us end up agreeing to things we don't really want to do. Why do we do this? Well, there are a few reasons. For some of us, we agree to please others. We want to be seen as helpful or accommodating, even if it means sacrificing our own needs. And in some cases, we fear confrontation. Saying no can be seen as going against the flow, and we worry about what others might think of us. Then there's the fear of missing out, commonly known as FOMO. We worry that if we say no, we'll be left out of exciting opportunities or experiences. We don't want to feel like we're sitting on the sidelines while everyone else is having a great time. But here's the thing. Saying no is actually an important skill to master. It's about setting boundaries and being true to ourselves. When we say no to something we don't want or can't do, we're valuing ourselves our time and our own well-being. It's a way of prioritizing our own energy and mental health. Saying no can help minimize work-related stress and prevent eventual burnout. By being selective about the tasks and commitments you take on, you can focus on one thing at a time and produce higher quality work. This allows you to be more present and dedicated to the task at hand without feeling overwhelmed or spread too thin. By learning to say no, you can establish healthy boundaries with friends, family and colleagues. It allows you to prioritize your own needs and wants, ensuring that you have the space and time each day to do what is important to you. So how can we get better at saying no? Well, it takes practice and a shift in mindset. First, we need to remember that it's okay to put ourselves first. Sometimes saying no doesn't make us selfish or uncaring. It's simply a way of taking care of ourselves next. It's important to be honest and direct when declining a request. You don't need to make up excuses or apologise excessively. Just be clear and respectful in your response. And remember, you don't owe anyone a detailed explanation for why you're saying no. Lastly, practice self-compassion. It's natural to feel a twinge of guilt or fear when saying no, but remind yourself that it's necessary for your own well-being. Be kind to yourself and acknowledge that your feelings are valid. So the next time someone asks you to do something you really don't want to do, take a deep breath and remember that saying no is not a bad thing. It's a way of honoring yourself and your own needs. Trust me, the more you practice the easier it gets. And who knows, saying no might just open up space for more things that truly bring you joy and fulfillment. When you find yourself in a situation where you want to say no but feel reluctant to do so, here are a few suggestions that might help. First, try starting and ending your response with something positive while placing the actual rejection in the middle. Try to begin by expressing gratitude for the invitation or the opportunity. Then gently introduce your refusal. Finally, wrap up by suggesting an alternative date or proposing a solution to the request. This way, you're acknowledging the positive aspects but still making it clear that you cannot accommodate the request at the moment. Next, take a moment to reflect on why you want to decline. It's okay to be honest about your reasons. If you would rather skip social plans and have a personal day to yourself or if you're already overwhelmed with work tasks and don't have the capacity for anything extra, don't be afraid to share this reasoning by explaining why you're saying no, the person making the request will likely understand and appreciate your honesty. It also helps them to better grasp the situation and realize that it's not personal. When communicating your decision, it's important to be clear and assertive. Hezotating or waffling may leave room for persuasion and you might find yourself giving into the request even though you don't want to. Instead, be firm in your response but also remain respectful. You don't have to apologize excessively or provide lengthy explanations, simply state your decision and stick to it. Saying no doesn't make you a bad person and it's important to take care of yourself and manage your own well-being. By being assertive, respectful and honest about your reasons, you can navigate these situations with confidence and maintain healthy relationships with others. So the next time you're faced with a dilemma of wanting to decline, give these suggestions a try and see how they work for you. You know what they say? You're the captain of your own ship. Yep, it's all about you and the choices you make in life. So here's a friendly reminder to use that power of yours wisely. After all, who knows you better than well, you take care of yourself first because you can't pour from an empty cup. You see, if you neglect yourself and your well-being, how can you possibly take care of others or tackle life's challenges with gusto? In this episode, we discussed the importance of saying no and how it can improve your life by setting boundaries, reducing stress and prioritising your needs. Ultimately, empowering you to perform better in the tasks you do take on. If you learnt something useful, why not subscribe and give us a five-star review? It helps us reach a wider audience. And if you'd like to see how strove can boost health and well-being in your own workplace, book an intro call on our website at stroveapp.com. Until next time, Strovan.